Participants: Shelley Quinn (Host), Carol Cannon
Series Code: IAA
Program Code: IAA000401
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00:01 Hi, I'm Shelley Quinn.
00:03 Have you ever had a problem saying, no? 00:05 It took me a lot of years to learn how to use that word. 00:09 Please join us today on "Issues and Answers," 00:12 because we're going to be talking 00:13 about how to set boundaries. 00:37 Hi. Welcome to "Issues and Answers." 00:39 We have a very special guest returning with us today. 00:42 But first let me share a scripture with you. 00:45 And you'll see our topic today is going to be on boundaries 00:48 and I think this is a perfect example of setting a boundary. 00:52 This comes from Joshua, in Joshua 24 and verse 15. 00:56 And he says, "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord." 01:00 Sometimes, we don't know how to protect 01:05 ourselves without seeming selfish. 01:08 But boundaries and setting boundaries 01:10 are a very healthy thing. 01:12 So returning with us today is Carol Cannon, 01:15 and Carol we're so glad you're back with us. 01:17 Thank you. Now you are a certified 01:20 Alcohol and Drug Abuse counselor 01:21 with a masters in education 01:23 and an undergraduate degree in Religion. 01:25 Oh, yes. Married to a pastor, but you are also, 01:30 you and your husband ran for 35 years 01:33 a program called "Bridge" 01:35 and that was in Kentucky, is that correct? 01:38 Yes, yes, it is. Bowling Green. 01:39 Bowling Green. Now when you are working with people 01:44 who have addictions, I'm quiet certain either, 01:49 I shouldn't say I'm quiet certain. 01:50 I'm not quiet certain of anything 01:52 but I would suspect that either people 01:57 who have gone off into those kind of addictions 02:02 either did not have boundaries set for them 02:04 or they didn't know how to set boundaries. 02:07 And you've written on this quiet extensively. 02:10 You've authored a couple of books. 02:12 Now boundaries is a very special topic 02:16 because we don't talk about it often enough. 02:18 Right. So if you will please, 02:21 define for me what the definition of boundaries is. 02:26 Well, a boundary is an invisible barrier 02:29 between myself and another individual. 02:32 That allows me to protect myself 02:36 and act in my own best interest. 02:40 Well, at the same time expecting other person 02:43 and showing concern for their well-being. 02:45 Okay. It involves adjusting and re-adjusting 02:49 what I want to need and what you want to need, 02:53 and being able to have respect on both sides. 02:59 Okay. It's about standing up and speaking up 03:01 in my own behalf, showing people 03:04 where I stand, like Joshua did 03:05 in the scripture you just read. 03:07 Letting people know where I stand. 03:08 I don't know if you've ever had a relationship 03:11 where you work quiet sure where you stood 03:13 or where the other person stood, 03:15 but that's common and it's very uncomfortable. 03:18 I would much rather know where I stand 03:20 and where the other person stands 03:22 because then I don't have to guess anymore. 03:24 Amen, amen. So I would say that, 03:29 it's, it's, there are external boundaries like-- 03:32 Yes. There is what I call personal space. 03:34 Yes. And you will, sometimes I'm a hugger. 03:37 You know, I'm just one of those Labrador puppies 03:40 that are gonna come up and hug people. 03:41 But there is times that you approach someone 03:44 that you know they got their hand out there 03:47 and they've got a personal space. 03:49 They don't want that. 03:50 So I will, and I'll always ask, 03:52 "Are you a hugger before I hug?" 03:54 Now--so there is external boundaries, 04:00 maybe sexual boundaries and physical boundaries 04:03 I should say. Now there are also internal boundaries 04:07 like when people are maybe prying 04:09 into your business too much or overly demanding. 04:14 And I'll give you an example 04:16 and see tell me if this is a boundary. 04:18 For example, at church it seems that most churches, 04:21 20% of the people do 80% of the work. Yes. 04:25 Sometimes it's 5% of the people doing 95% of the work. 04:28 Okay. But at church, there are times 04:32 that I've had to say no to my local church 04:35 because I have a ministry that I do on the weekends, 04:39 my husband and I. And have such 04:41 responsibilities here at 3ABN. 04:44 And there are times that I'd love to be able to step-in 04:46 and fill every office that they ask me to 04:48 but sometimes you have to say, "I'm sorry, I can't." 04:52 That's a boundary, right? 04:53 Yes, sure. Yeah sure. Yeah. That's a--yeah. 04:54 So-- It's about setting limits. 04:56 It's about recognizing your limitations 04:58 and then setting those limits 05:01 and not exceeding your boundaries 05:03 because you're gonna hurt yourself 05:04 if you exceed your boundaries. 05:06 So what are, what is, 05:08 let's just define what is boundaries setting 05:11 and what is not boundary setting? 05:14 Well. I think the one of the most important issues 05:17 that can be confusing for people about boundaries 05:20 is it somehow a boundary might feel like a barrier. 05:23 Okay. Or an active selfishness. 05:28 And, of course, as Christians 05:29 we certainly don't want to be selfish. 05:32 So I find it important to share with people 05:36 that Boundary Setting is not an active selfishness, 05:38 just an active healthy self care. 05:40 Another big concern that Christians have, 05:44 probably anyone who is human has, 05:46 is that we don't want to be controlled by another person. 05:50 We don't want to be controlling. 05:52 And there is something about Boundary Setting 05:53 that smacks off control. 05:56 And so the way I look at it is that Boundary Setting 05:59 isn't about control it's about clarity and it's about choice. 06:04 It's about making my preferences known 06:06 to other person so that they can make choices 06:09 about whether or not they want to be 06:11 in a relationship with me or want to be in my presence, 06:17 by being open and honest with them. 06:18 So that they know again kind of what the rules are. 06:21 Okay. And then listening that same information from them, 06:25 so I know what their preferences are, 06:27 their needs are, and what their rules are. 06:29 So Boundary Setting again is about negotiating 06:31 my needs and wants with what their needs and wants are 06:35 and coming up with something that works for both of us. 06:37 Or if we can't find something 06:39 that works for both of us we may step back 06:42 from the relationship and that would be 06:44 a Boundary Setting measure. 06:47 I hadn't really thought about that so much Boundary Setting. 06:50 I mean, boy for people who are dating 06:53 they certainly need to learn Boundary Setting. 06:55 Yes, yes. But-- and for married couples 06:58 I think this is something maybe we don't always 07:01 we didn't realized we were defining these boundaries. 07:04 But every married couple goes through that 07:06 in the adjustment period and there are some things 07:09 that you should discuss before 07:11 and there are something that you forget to discuss before 07:13 but you make certain boundaries. 07:15 For parents, you know, some parents are, 07:19 I talked with a lot of children who come from homes 07:23 that they wish their parents had set boundaries. 07:27 Kids feel more comfortable when there are boundaries. 07:30 They feel their parents are more caring 07:32 when there are boundaries. Right. 07:34 But sometimes parents feel like they're being, 07:38 you know, their kids aren't gonna say they like it, 07:40 you know, when you set a boundary. 07:42 But Boundary Setting is healthy is the bottom-line. 07:44 It's healthy, it's healthy in home. 07:46 It's healthy. It's healthy for a parent. 07:48 I'm sorry, it's healthy for a child 07:50 to see or her parent set boundaries 07:53 in his own self interest, in behalf of himself. 07:56 In other words, for the parents to model 07:59 healthy self care to the child. 08:01 So the child will then have permission 08:04 to act in his own best interest. 08:07 So both modeling boundaries to children 08:10 and setting boundaries with them 08:12 and teaching them to respect the boundaries 08:14 of other people of their peers, 08:18 because that's really, speaking of bottom-line, 08:21 that's the bottom-line. 08:22 Boundary Setting is about respect. Okay. 08:25 It's about respecting another person's integrity 08:28 as unique separate individual for me 08:32 and the fact that they have different approaches to life 08:36 and different ways of doing things and that's okay. 08:40 Okay. I'm kind of a bottom-line person. 08:42 So let's get specific. 08:44 In my understanding you'd say that we need just to learn 08:46 when to say, how to say, that a yes, be yes and no, be no. 08:50 Correct, yes. 08:51 So let's get into some examples 08:55 of external boundaries and internal boundaries. 08:59 Okay. The external boundary involves 09:02 both protecting myself and containing myself 09:06 within my rightful space, physically and sexually. 09:11 Okay. So about arms length 09:14 there is that average amount of space that people need 09:18 and so I will both protect myself 09:22 and contain myself within my rightful space. 09:25 I will recognize that I don't have the right 09:29 to go outside that space and touch another person 09:32 without their permission. 09:34 And I will reserve the right to either withhold 09:37 or grant permission to another person 09:40 who wants to come inside my space 09:42 and touch me either physically or sexually. 09:45 And you know, boy, we can all relate to this. 09:49 I worked with someone and as I said I'm kind of touchy, 09:53 feely person, a huggy person. 09:55 Right. But I worked with someone, 09:58 a quick hug is one thing, 10:00 if someone steps up and it talks to you 10:03 where they're too close in your face 10:05 and you keep, you back up and she kept coming closer 10:08 and you back up and she kept coming closer, 10:10 and it was so uncomfortable you just want to push. 10:14 Right, right. 10:15 So there is, we need to respect that boundary 10:19 and recognize that, that's pretty much 10:22 for all people I think. 10:23 I've seen someone practically 10:25 back someone off a porch, Shelley, 10:27 because they kept advancing when our bodies 10:30 seem to have a way of naturally adjusting, 10:33 the distance between ourselves and another person. 10:36 Based on how we feel about them or whether or not 10:39 we feel threatened by them or whether, 10:41 you know, and so, if we're attuned, 10:45 if we're attuned to our own feelings and needs 10:48 and sensitive to the feelings and needs of others 10:51 we will make those adjustments automatically. 10:53 But sometimes we need to speak up 10:54 with in our own behalf. 10:55 We need to say, "I'm not comfortable having you 10:58 in my face right now or I'm not comfortable 11:01 with the proximity between us right now." 11:03 I mean, if I think somebody is angry at me, 11:06 I'd rather have a little greater distance from them. 11:09 Okay. And how does, how about a parent, 11:12 it strikes me a parent who is scolding a child 11:17 often you will see a parent get right to the child's face, 11:20 Yes, yes. so the child is feeling-- 11:24 Very disempowered. Okay. Very disempowered. 11:28 And probably quiet terrified and yet, 11:32 more terrified to act in his own behalf 11:35 than he would otherwise be. 11:36 I've seen little three year olds 11:38 with a parent in their face. 11:39 Eyes brimming with tears, but yet the child, 11:42 you know, endured the tongue lashing, 11:47 I think because she knew 11:48 that the alternative would be worse. 11:50 And I thought it was really sad that a three-year-old 11:52 would have to have that that knowledge. 11:56 So this is something that I think 11:58 a lot of parents probably, even wonderful good parents 12:01 just don't think about that their child has a little needs 12:04 and little boundary space there as well, 12:07 and they should respect that. 12:08 So if you're scolding your child 12:10 it's better to sit down with them or if that's impossible, 12:14 it's easy for me to talk 'cause I don't have children. 12:16 But if that's impossible then at least hold their hand 12:19 and talk to them at a distance. 12:21 Not tower over them, not tower over them, 12:23 not you know, terrify them. Okay, okay. 12:28 So now other boundaries external. 12:31 Let's talk about a dating relationship, 12:33 external relation. All right, all right. 12:35 In a dating relationship, 12:38 what I do if I have boundaries is I make it known to you. 12:41 If I have certain preferences about the activities 12:44 that we engage in socially with other people, 12:47 the places we go, the individuals 12:50 we spend our time with and certainly the things we do 12:53 with one another on a physical, 12:56 pre-sexual level so to speak, 12:58 what kinds of affectionate activities 13:02 we're kind of engage in, is it okay with me to-- 13:08 Hold hands. Hold hands or embrace or kiss 13:12 or engage in other liberties at what point. 13:19 Being able to say to another person whatever the situation, 13:22 whether it's physical or sexual or, 13:24 or a social or otherwise, I'm not comfortable with this. 13:27 This isn't okay with me. I'd rather not do this. 13:29 I hope you won't be offended 13:30 but I prefer not to do the following, you know. 13:33 And being able to have that on the tip of my tongue 13:36 and know that it's okay to share that, 13:39 and if the other person is hurt, 13:41 you know, the idea of Boundary Setting is that 13:43 I allow other people know how I wanna be treated. 13:45 And I attempt to do so without offending them. 13:48 But there is a difference between 13:49 offending someone and them taking offense. 13:51 Right. And so as long as I know I've stayed 13:54 within my own rightful space 13:55 and stated my position in a respectful way, 13:59 then I don't have to be afraid that I've violated 14:04 any of the rules about Boundary Setting. 14:06 I will, you know, I'm willing to take 14:09 the risk of telling you my truth, 14:13 and know that I've a right to do that. 14:15 And if you take offense, 14:16 I won't try to talk you out of it. 14:19 That would be an exceeding of your boundaries. 14:21 If I can see that you're upset with me, 14:23 oh, please don't be mad and then I over-explain 14:26 why I did, what I did, or why I said what he did, 14:28 you know, try to reason with you to talk to you 14:31 out of feeling the way if you, that is a boundary violation. 14:34 So now that kind of sounds like 14:36 we're getting into internal boundaries. 14:37 Is that not? 'Cause all of the sudden we are-- 14:42 We're concerned about the other person's feelings. 14:43 Okay. So let's talk about internal boundaries. 14:46 So, you see, external boundaries 14:47 are about our physical sexual space. 14:49 Internal boundaries are about what goes on within us. 14:53 So the internal boundary kind of sticks to our skin 14:55 or it's just inside our skin. 14:57 And it's how we evaluate situations. 15:05 In such a way that, for instance, 15:07 if you make a statement to me about what I wore to church 15:11 or mistake I made when I was doing a presentation 15:15 or something like that. 15:16 You make a statement to me about that 15:18 and you do it in perhaps a judgmental or harsh way. 15:21 I'm able to stay within my, use my internal boundary 15:26 and I will think something like this. 15:28 I won't say it aloud, but I'll be thinking is 15:31 what Shelley is saying and doing right now 15:33 is it much or more about her and her history, 15:36 All right. As it is about me. 15:39 So I contempt my reaction to you 15:41 because I have a little perspective on it. 15:43 I don't automatically take it all in 15:46 and then start over-reacting to it. 15:48 Okay, that's good. 15:49 So I can give myself 15:51 that little bit of vigor room if you will. 15:54 And not, of course if I'm a good misery addict and murder, 15:58 I'll take it all and really make myself upset about it. 16:01 And at the same time I'm sensitive to the concern 16:05 that I might exceed your boundaries, 16:07 if--you were mentoring a few minutes ago 16:09 about a church situation. 16:12 If you were on the nominating committee of the church, 16:16 and you were to come to me with the invitation 16:19 that I hold a church office working with the young people 16:22 or something like that. 16:23 And I have a busy schedule and I decide that 16:26 I'm not that I'm not going to exceed my limits. 16:31 So I say no, Shelley, I really can't do that. 16:33 If you come back to me with this guilting statement like, 16:37 well, Carol if you don't do that 16:39 the young people wont' be adequately cared for. 16:42 You know, or we won't be able to have a department 16:45 where the young people needs are met. 16:47 And you guilt me a little bit for it 16:49 then you are invading my emotional 16:52 and spiritual boundary. Okay. 16:55 So I need to be able again to say, 16:57 I understand that Shelley, 16:59 in my mind I'm not gonna state this to you, 17:01 that Shelley has issues of concern 17:03 because she might have loved once 17:06 who would, you know, 17:07 she would want me to be working with. 17:11 But that's about her and her history. 17:12 That's not about me and God will provide 17:15 someone to take care of that position. 17:17 I don't have to do it. 17:18 So I don't have to upset myself unduly 17:21 or take on the job with helping you find someone 17:23 because that's your job. 17:25 And you know there is, 17:26 I think when you are talking right now 17:29 as you are speaking with all probably 17:32 across someone else's boundary. 17:33 Oh! Indeed. 17:34 And so Setting boundaries is one of the thing, 17:37 learning how to set boundaries 17:38 and I thought that would probably 17:40 be the most difficult thing because as I said 17:42 I had such a difficult time in learning to say no. 17:45 People could guilt me into anything just about. 17:49 But there comes a time when your health, 17:51 you know, I nearly ran my health into the ground 17:54 and I'm complaining and saying 17:56 Lord I'm so overbooked, and I'm doing this and this 17:58 and He was like I'm not setting 18:00 your schedule, you are. Right, right. 18:02 You know and so I had to learn to put limitations. 18:06 But as you are speaking now, it occurs to me 18:10 that it maybe more difficult to break the habit 18:14 of overriding someone else's boundaries. 18:18 We've to learn how to accept the no 18:21 from another person. Yes. 18:22 Without arguing, without manipulating-- 18:25 And jelling. Without trying to talk 18:27 them out of it. You know, 18:29 if another, my brain isn't in your head 18:31 and your brain isn't in my head. 18:33 So we don't think alike. 18:35 Therefore, if you have thoughts 18:36 that are different than mine 18:37 or if you experience the situation 18:39 differently than I did, and you describe it 18:42 differently than I would, I don't have to correct you. 18:46 It's kind of funny how we can so hung up on tiny details. 18:50 When someone else is telling a story, 18:51 and we have to amend the details of their story 18:55 because it didn't happen Monday, 18:56 it happened Tuesday, as if it matters, you know, but-- 19:01 Have you ever watched Husbands and Wives? 19:03 I mean, we, all do that, right? 19:05 Yes. We all see it differently and we all are-- 19:07 And nobody cares what interstate highway we were on. 19:11 If the listener who is hearing the story doesn't care 19:14 what day it happened, Yes. 19:16 and yet we have to correct our partners over 19:18 minute details like that and nobody cares about. 19:21 So that's invading. 19:22 That is invading another person's boundary. 19:24 Okay. You get to tell your story in your own way. 19:28 And if I sit here and I'm disagreeing 19:30 with what you are saying I hold my peace, 19:33 that self containment. 19:35 And that's when I need to learn a little bit better, 19:37 I'll confess. 19:40 So what are some of the boundaries say 19:44 between husbands and wives? 19:45 That's a good one right there I would say. 19:47 Hmm-- I think household duties, 19:50 finances, child rearing practices, 19:54 even religious beliefs and practices. 19:57 So when we say boundaries sometimes another way to say 20:00 is that these are expect we're letting someone know 20:04 our expectations and have to be realistic 20:07 and acceptable by that person, 20:08 not always so on a boundary. 20:10 But in a husband and wife relationship there is usually, 20:14 you know, some type of expectation 20:18 from the other. Sure. 20:19 Now give us some more specific examples of marriage. 20:23 I think that boundaries can serve 20:24 a couple extremely well. 20:26 They can restore the respect between two people. 20:29 Again remembering that my partner 20:33 is an individual separate and apart from me 20:36 with different ways of doing things, 20:37 different ways of seeing things, 20:39 and then respecting their right to be different, 20:43 even respecting their right to be wrong. Okay. 20:46 I want people to expect my right to be wrong. 20:49 You know, I often say there is more than one way 20:51 to slice a banana. Okay. 20:53 Explain that because when somebody is gonna sit out 20:55 and say what do you mean expecting 20:58 or respecting my right to be wrong. 21:00 Give me an example. 21:01 Oh, if I quote a text 21:04 and I give the wrong reference, 21:08 you know-- I don't have to. 21:12 You don't have to correct me on the spot. 21:16 I had a potentially embracing situation 21:19 where I had a friend 21:21 who mispronounced a particular word. 21:24 And she was very well educated person, 21:26 better educated than I. 21:27 She had a PhD or two. 21:29 And I thought she was mispronouncing this word 21:32 but somehow I managed to keep my mouth shut, 21:35 which wasn't, didn't come naturally to me. 21:37 I never said anything to her. 21:39 And years after I noticed the way 21:41 she mispronounced that word I was reading a-- 21:44 looking into the dictionary and I came across that word 21:46 and I discovered that the way she pronounced 21:48 was the second pronunciation in the dictionary. 21:52 What a fool I would made of myself 21:54 if I had done what came naturally 21:56 and tried to correct the way she pronounced that word. 21:59 You see. Yeah. 22:01 So let's talk about 22:02 the related concepts to boundaries. 22:06 I think you, in your book 22:08 identified four related concepts to boundaries. 22:11 Okay. Okay. 22:14 Okay, we each have the right to determine physical distance 22:19 and touch between ourselves and another person. 22:23 You know, I mentioned that I'm a huggy, 22:25 touchy type person. 22:26 And I do ask are you a hugger 22:27 if I'm getting ready to hug a woman. 22:29 Now one thing with a man, 22:30 I'm usually a little more careful 22:32 and if a man is coming towards me to, 22:35 who is a hugger 22:37 and I don't feel comfortable with him, 22:38 I put my hand out right away 22:40 and it's like saying to him that's my boundary. 22:43 Occasionally I've met men who want to hug-up close 22:47 because I 'm tall. 22:48 This is a benefit that I kind of will touch 22:52 a man's face and put my arm between us 22:55 so that no one can hug me too tight. 22:58 You know, there is the A-frame hug, 23:00 the side hug, but what is a good way to establish. 23:06 There used to be a gentleman who was in ministry. 23:09 And he just was a close hugger. 23:10 And I was very uncomfortable with that. 23:12 That's when I learnt to touch his face 23:14 and put my hand in between. 23:16 How do you establish that and not be awkward? 23:21 You've identified the best way. 23:23 it is usually about body language. Okay. 23:26 Or if someone if you know that 23:28 someone tends to clinch too tightly 23:31 when they hug you, you get to them first 23:33 and give them that sideways hug if you prefer. 23:37 Sometimes you've to straight arms somebody 23:39 in extreme cases or even say something verbally 23:42 and it's legitimate to do that. 23:43 The important thing is that we know in our minds 23:46 and in our hearts that it's okay for us 23:49 to determine how close 23:52 we want to come to another person. 23:54 No one has the right to touch us without our permission. 23:57 And so the--and nor do we have the right to touch them 24:01 without their permission. 24:02 One of the ways also that you can teach other people 24:04 how do you wanna be treated in that 24:05 regard is to treat them that way. 24:08 Ask them if it's okay for you to give them a hug. 24:10 I think we should do that with our own children 24:12 and own spouses. 24:14 Even though it's implicit in the relationship that is okay, 24:18 I usually ask my grandchildren 24:20 if I can give them a hug because I want them to know 24:23 that I respect their need for space and distance. 24:27 And there are times when someone is upset 24:29 or something is going on 24:31 they may not want to hug and you know so. 24:34 Right. Okay. 24:35 So that's the physicality. 24:37 Now we've talked enough about the sexuality earlier 24:40 I believe in the program. 24:41 Let's talk about feelings some more. 24:44 The third concept that we based our boundary 24:47 setting on is that we as individuals are responsible 24:52 for how we feel and for sharing how we feel. 24:57 And we are not responsible for how anyone else feels, 25:00 assuming, of course, that we have an overtly, 25:04 directly violated them. 25:06 So essentially I don't get to blame you 25:11 for how you are feeling in any given moment 25:13 and you don't get to blame me or hold me responsible. 25:15 So I'm not going to say 25:16 you made me feel such and such. Okay. 25:19 I'm going to say when such and such happened 25:20 I felt so and so. 25:22 And I'm gonna recognize that my feelings are about me. 25:25 They're not about you. 25:26 I'm not going to try to make them about you. 25:29 Unless you've directly offended me 25:31 in which case I will simply say to you when that happened 25:34 I felt so and so and I need to ask you not to do that again. 25:37 Yes. So I don't get to blame you 25:40 for how I feel or hold you responsible. 25:42 And I don't have to make myself 25:43 responsible for anyone else. 25:46 And that's, you know, that's a good thing 25:48 because so many of us people will come up 25:50 and they try to make us responsible 25:53 and we feel guilt and shame and we don't know 25:56 how to do something differently. 25:58 But that's an excellent point. 25:59 Okay. So then how do we take in, 26:04 I mean, how do you we get the information? 26:06 You are talking about the intellectual boundary. 26:09 You are looking at the intellectual boundary. 26:10 Again we have physical boundaries, 26:12 sexual boundaries, emotional boundaries 26:14 and intellectual boundaries. 26:15 And intellectual boundary allows me to hear 26:18 what you say or read something out of a book. 26:21 See it, hear it, listen, assess, and decide for myself 26:25 what I will think, knowing that I'm responsible 26:27 for the outcome of my thinking, you know. 26:30 So I accept that responsibility. 26:32 But you can say something to me. 26:33 If I lack in intellectual boundary, 26:36 I will let whatever you say or think 26:38 determine what I believe. 26:41 This is kind of what Paul was talking about 26:43 people who are like every wind of doctrine 26:46 that comes along that they change. Right. 26:49 So I mean that is very serious 26:52 and sincere as far as Christians are concerned. 26:55 You know, I bring everything. 26:56 I read books of many different authors 26:58 and they are not all Adventist authors. 27:00 But then I always look back to the Bible. 27:04 So that's kind of my boundary is the Bible 27:06 when I'm reading other Christian works. 27:08 If it doesn't line up with the Bible, 27:10 I don't both take it in. Right. 27:12 But you are also saying this is about all information. 27:16 For example you go to a public university 27:19 and you taught Evolution as a fact. 27:21 And we know that we believe in creation. 27:25 So we can learn about the theory of Evolution, 27:30 but that's my boundary is I still see it as a theory. 27:34 But I don't have to refuse to read something 27:36 just because I believe the author said something 27:38 I don't agree with. 27:39 I can use my intellectual boundary 27:41 and still get the good from what they have to teach me. 27:44 That's wonderful. 27:45 You know we've again just touched 27:47 on the tip of the iceberg here, 27:49 but Carol thank you because this has been 27:51 very thought-provoking. 27:53 Thanks so much for being with us today. 27:55 You know our time just flies by. 27:57 We need to keep a better eye on the clock. 27:59 But I want to encourage you be like Joshua 28:03 and set that boundary and say, 28:05 "For me and my house, I will serve the Lord." 28:08 Thanks for joining us. |
Revised 2014-12-17