Hi, I'm Shelley Quinn.
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Are you one of those
people who looks at the glasses
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being half empty
rather than half full.
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May be instead of
looking at the world
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through rose-tinted
glasses you're looking
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to the world
through grim tinted glasses.
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Let me tell you something,
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did you know that
unhappiness and misery
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can be a habit.
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Well, join us today
on "Issues & Answers,
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because we're going to show you
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that healing is
available, there is a way out.
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Hi, welcome to
"Issues & Answers."
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Today we're
gonna be talking about
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"hooked on
unhappiness" and how to break
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this chronic misery habit cycle.
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And I want to first read to you
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a scripture from
Philippians Chapter 4,
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its verses 6 and 7 actually.
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Here's what Paul had
derived to the Philippians.
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"Be anxious for
nothing, but in everything
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by prayer and
supplication with thanksgiving.
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Let your requests
be made known to God.
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And the peace of
God, which surpasses
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all
understanding, will guard your
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heart and minds
through Christ Jesus."
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You know, that sounds good,
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but how do you do it?
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Well, here with us today
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is our very
special guest Carol Cannon.
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And Carol is from
Bowling Green, Kentucky
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or Birmingham,
Alabama or both? Both.
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Both, so you're
kind of in transition
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moving to a second home.
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And Carol you are a
certified alcoholic,
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or certified alcohol.
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You are a certified alcohol
and drug abuse counselor.
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Yes, I am.
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And you also what is your--
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you had your masters
in education--. Education.
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And you had something
else an undergraduate--
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Undergraduate
degree in religion.
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In religion. Yes.
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Now your husband is a pastor.
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And Paul pastored
for many years. Yes.
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But you've also done
something very special
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for the last, what 40?
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Thirty five years.
Thirty five years--
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Yes. That you've run a
place called The Bridge.
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Tell us a little bit about that?
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Well, in 1974,
Paul and I became aware
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while he was
teaching at Andrews University
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in the undergraduate
religion department.
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We became aware
that there were a lot of
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young people orbiting around
the fringes of their families,
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the church, the
Christian institution
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who were disillusioned
that they were having problems
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actually with drugs and alcohol.
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Even though they had been weird
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in a prohibitive environment,
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in other words an environment
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that treats alcohol and drug use
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as a sin punishable by death,
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perhaps it was the guilt factor.
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We're not
entirely sure what it was
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but we just were seeing
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so many young people suffering
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in this way that we
decided to start a special place
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where they could come
for guidance and direction
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and for the kind of
support that is needed
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and being able to find their way
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out of the traps
that they were in. Amen.
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And so you've
spent a lot of years
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then working with people
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who have had these
addictive behaviors.
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And they were
actually not gonna be talking
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about addiction to
chemical dependency,
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but rather an
addiction that some people
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may not even see as
an addiction. Right.
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And that is the chronic
habit of being miserable.
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Ooh. Is that right?
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Well, you know,
a few minutes ago
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when you started to say
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that I was a
certified alcoholic,
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I thought, well, I am a
certified workaholic. Yes.
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And a certified
recovering misery addict.
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You are, you said. Absolutely.
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Now, you wrote a wonderful book
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and that book is entitled,
"Hooked on Unhappiness,
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"What's the subtitle?
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"Breaking the
Cycle of Discontent."
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"Breaking the
Cycle of Discontent."
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You say that you
yourself were there. Yes.
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Tell us a little bit
about what brought you there.
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Were you born in that
way or was it something
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that happened in your family?
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That's a wonderful question.
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I along with others
who are far more educated
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in this field, happen
to be one who believed
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that misery
addiction or misery addicts
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I should say, were
born, I'm sorry made not born.
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I say that backwards.
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Misery addicts
were made not born,
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in other words, it was
environmental influences
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that created the habit
of negaholism and I still--
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Nega, do you coined
that negaholism? Yes.
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Okay, So that's being
addicted to negativity.
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That's right, I'm sure
that's not original with me.
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All right. But
it sits fairly well.
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And I did believe
for many, many years
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that it was a habit that evolved
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out of the culture
and the environment
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of the individual. Now we know
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that misery addiction,
negativity in general,
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is also a
product of our heredity
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that some people are born
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and several experts in
the neuroscience believe this
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So I come with pretty,
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they come with great credentials
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that some people are born,
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if you will, with more
anxiety and depression genes
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than others are with the brain
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that is literally hardwired
to experience negativity
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and dwell on it more
than other people do.
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So it's not
just a character flaw
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or a spiritual lapse or
some kind of a failure of faith
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if a person is
highly negative and finds
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that extremely difficult
to get out of that rut.
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And it's something to do
with the personality type.
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You know, I have always
been accused to be a pollyanna.
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So I was born
with the personality
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that always looked
to the positive side.
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And I can say
that quite adamantly
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because I grew
up in an environment
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of negative people. Right.
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And so I know I wasn't
becoming what I beheld,
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but that was my personality.
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Now I have a sister who was born
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with a personality
that leans a little more
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toward a depressive side.
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And then was
surrounded by that as well.
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But so it can be either
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or let's talk about
what is the definition.
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Give us a definition of
being addicted to misery.
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Well, I think that
negaholism is habitually
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pessimistic frame of reference,
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whereby everything I
see and do and experience,
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I look at through
grim-tinted glasses.
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I have a negative
perspective, if you will,
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and in general
the response I offered
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to almost anything is
going to be a negative one.
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I'm going to see the
bleak side, unlike Eeyore.
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And it interests me
of your bland personality
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because it was a
friend, a dear friend,
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very much like you
who first confronted me
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with the fact that
I was so pessimistic.
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She told me one
day that I was the most
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negative person she'd never met.
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And I was
shocked because I thought
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I was just being realistic.
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That that my
databases were normal,
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was that kind of
damning the mouth,
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dispirited a
pastor, and I had no idea.
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You know, I
couldn't imagine how anybody
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could be joyful and optimistic
when there were floods
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and earthquakes and, you know,
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30,000 people dying there
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and 300 people dying over there
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and the water was
coming up around us
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and the sky was
falling in on us and, you know,
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how could you be happy
in the midst of all that?
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You needed to be burdened. Yes.
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You needed to be
burdened for the lost souls
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of the universe, you
know, God needed your help,
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you need to be busy, busy, busy.
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And so you
yourself, did you find--
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if you're addicted to misery,
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not sure I let you
finish that definition,
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but if you're
addicted to misery,
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you're attaching
yourself to the negative things
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like you--some people
can watch the news at night.
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And when they
finish watching the news,
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they've got to call
somebody and tell them
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everything negative
that's happening on the news
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and how bad it is and it's--
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and I'm not
certainly trying to negate
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the negative things that go off
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and negate the
negative to down play
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the sadness in the world.
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But, you know, the way I look
at it is that, I can't be God.
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I pray about those things,
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but I have to
turn it over to Him.
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But a truly negative person
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will let this upset their day.
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Upset their whole
expectancy of life,
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is that true? Yes. Yeah.
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So were you personally,
were you one who wined
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and complained and just
mumbled and grumbled a lot?
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I did some of that
certainly unconsciously. Okay.
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But the avenue that
I used for expressing
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my misery martyred tendencies
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was that I just tried,
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I thought it was my
job to fix everything,
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you know, I would see
the dark side of everything
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and then I would
grab the football
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and try to run with it.
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I needed to fix you
or I needed to fix them
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or I needed to
repair that circumstance
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or make that it
didn't happen again.
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So I literally became a
workaholic, very worked,
00:10:06.52\00:10:10.26
who was driven to, try
to manage people places
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and things to
control circumstances and to,
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you know, to do
God's job for Him.
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OKay, so that's what I just said
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is that the difference is,
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that's
interesting, you said that
00:10:24.88\00:10:26.22
because what I
look at it is that
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what our responsibility when
we see these things is to pray
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and give it to
God and do what we can
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and what we can't. Right.
00:10:35.41\00:10:36.98
We just have to intercede
and pray God will send workers
00:10:36.99\00:10:41.30
because we can't beat
all things to all people.
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But you saw almost like
a personal responsibility.
00:10:43.69\00:10:47.33
Exactly. And that's
where there is a dividing line.
00:10:47.34\00:10:50.70
What is some of the
other characteristics of people
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who are hooked on unhappiness?
00:10:54.78\00:10:57.73
This was more my mode.
00:10:57.74\00:10:59.64
And it is what I considered
00:10:59.65\00:11:01.48
to be the first and
primary characteristic is that
00:11:01.49\00:11:04.55
misery addicts and I use
a term murdering also. Yes.
00:11:04.56\00:11:08.54
You know, there is a
noble calling in some cases
00:11:08.55\00:11:13.08
to murder oneself
but I do believe that,
00:11:13.09\00:11:16.15
that, more people
are driven to murdering
00:11:16.16\00:11:19.66
than are called. Okay.
00:11:19.67\00:11:21.66
Yeah, so--
00:11:21.67\00:11:22.64
And let's explain for
someone who may not know
00:11:22.65\00:11:23.96
what we're talking
about and when say murdering.
00:11:23.97\00:11:25.81
Sacrificing
oneself unduly for a cause
00:11:25.82\00:11:28.63
that they believe
requires them to do this.
00:11:28.64\00:11:31.96
And that was the mode
that I got myself into.
00:11:31.97\00:11:34.13
So my, rather than
whining and complaining
00:11:34.14\00:11:36.67
I would suffer in silence.
00:11:36.68\00:11:38.36
Ah, okay. Yeah, and so--
00:11:38.37\00:11:41.44
So your smile using,
probably it was a grimace
00:11:41.45\00:11:44.34
rather than a true smile--
00:11:44.35\00:11:45.87
Yes, and I'm sure my
shoulders were stooped
00:11:45.88\00:11:48.18
and my brow was
furrowed and you know, I was,
00:11:48.19\00:11:52.58
in other words
through body language
00:11:52.59\00:11:54.31
I exuded my burdensome life.
00:11:54.32\00:11:59.98
But I didn't have to
complain my whole body,
00:11:59.99\00:12:02.64
you know, emanated it. Okay.
00:12:02.65\00:12:06.00
So that yours was, you
wore all of these things,
00:12:06.01\00:12:09.66
you wore your feelings on
your shoulders if you will.
00:12:09.67\00:12:12.00
Right, on my sleeve, yeah.
00:12:12.01\00:12:12.98
On your sleeve. Thank you.
00:12:12.99\00:12:13.96
And that, I call that
00:12:13.97\00:12:15.71
unconsciously
soliciting sympathy.
00:12:15.72\00:12:17.87
Okay. Yeah.
00:12:17.88\00:12:19.31
Yes, and we've all known people
00:12:19.32\00:12:21.89
and perhaps you are one
00:12:21.90\00:12:23.79
that you know, that's
it's something you feed
00:12:23.80\00:12:27.58
on the sympathy of others. Sure.
00:12:27.59\00:12:29.67
And for someone who
is not a negative person,
00:12:29.68\00:12:34.14
you really don't know
what to do. That's right.
00:12:34.15\00:12:36.13
Because if you act
sympathetic sometimes
00:12:36.14\00:12:40.13
it's like you're
feeding the beast--
00:12:40.14\00:12:41.82
feeding the beast, that's right.
00:12:41.83\00:12:43.04
And it's just as a cycle
that they need more and more
00:12:43.05\00:12:45.92
and they become, you know,
00:12:45.93\00:12:49.19
more or they're
drawing on you for this
00:12:49.20\00:12:51.81
and they come to
you constantly for that.
00:12:51.82\00:12:54.25
You don't want
to be unsympathetic.
00:12:54.26\00:12:57.03
So it's a difficult
thing and we're gonna get into
00:12:57.04\00:12:59.52
some answers you know
what I mean. It is, it is.
00:12:59.53\00:13:00.50
You know, a fellow
recovering misery addict
00:13:00.51\00:13:03.38
made a remark to me one
time that I really identified
00:13:03.39\00:13:06.06
with she said I
had to constantly
00:13:06.07\00:13:07.94
be thinking how
to arrange my face,
00:13:07.95\00:13:10.96
so that people would
see how unhappy I was
00:13:10.97\00:13:13.20
and ask me what was wrong.
00:13:13.21\00:13:14.76
Oh, mercy. Yeah.
00:13:14.77\00:13:16.39
So there's that unconsciously
soliciting sympathy
00:13:16.40\00:13:19.88
Now my particular
brand of my combination
00:13:19.89\00:13:24.36
of symptoms shall we say
led me to overdo everything.
00:13:24.37\00:13:28.81
And over-exhaust myself
in my attempt to help God
00:13:28.82\00:13:31.75
do His job. Yes.
00:13:31.76\00:13:33.45
And in the process of
that then I did indeed
00:13:33.46\00:13:36.28
wear my weariness on my
sleeve like a badge of nonor.
00:13:36.29\00:13:40.11
Yes. Yes.
00:13:40.12\00:13:41.24
So I thought there
was a virtue in this.
00:13:41.25\00:13:44.28
I bet you there
are lot of people
00:13:44.29\00:13:46.14
who are
identifying with you right now.
00:13:46.15\00:13:49.52
Yeah. Okay.
00:13:49.53\00:13:50.57
So if you are a
person, I'm thinking of
00:13:50.58\00:13:56.02
several individuals
actually that I know personally,
00:13:56.03\00:13:59.93
and sometimes
they collect grievances
00:13:59.94\00:14:02.97
and they live--they
can't let go of things
00:14:02.98\00:14:09.32
that happened in the past.
00:14:09.33\00:14:11.54
Is that typical for
somebody who still--
00:14:11.55\00:14:14.79
Absolutely and the
interesting thing is
00:14:14.80\00:14:18.39
that, that is
associated with the way
00:14:18.40\00:14:20.55
our brains are created.
00:14:20.56\00:14:23.41
Our brains do
have a bad news by us.
00:14:23.42\00:14:27.10
Oh, that's why I
think the news networks--
00:14:27.11\00:14:30.35
Right. You know, why do they
run so many so much bad news--
00:14:30.36\00:14:33.33
Because that's what
people want to hear.
00:14:33.34\00:14:34.92
And the more traumatic
something is in ones life,
00:14:34.93\00:14:38.03
the more it will lock
itself into the brain.
00:14:38.04\00:14:43.71
Normal people
have positive thoughts
00:14:43.72\00:14:47.32
about two to one, you
know, two positive thoughts
00:14:47.33\00:14:51.63
for every negative
one, but negative people
00:14:51.64\00:14:53.53
are probably the
other way around.
00:14:53.54\00:14:55.52
And so there are
many negative individuals
00:14:55.53\00:14:58.77
never forget an insult.
00:14:58.78\00:15:00.87
And they could tell
you 15 years after the fact
00:15:00.88\00:15:02.94
what happened. What you said?
00:15:02.95\00:15:04.58
What you were wearing?
00:15:04.59\00:15:06.40
Where you were
standing in the room?
00:15:06.41\00:15:08.39
Because it impacted
them in the same way
00:15:08.40\00:15:11.85
that you or I or the
average American shall we say
00:15:11.86\00:15:14.84
would be impacted
by the shooting of--
00:15:14.85\00:15:19.62
the assignation
of President Kennedy
00:15:19.63\00:15:21.97
or Elvis Presley's death
or Michael Jackson's death,
00:15:21.98\00:15:26.47
you know, people remember.
00:15:26.48\00:15:28.98
Another example would be 9/11.
00:15:28.99\00:15:30.99
We remember, most of
us remember where we were
00:15:31.00\00:15:33.38
and what we were
doing and, you know,
00:15:33.39\00:15:37.70
what was going on around us
00:15:37.71\00:15:39.49
on the day that happened.
00:15:39.50\00:15:40.89
That is indelibly
imprinted on our brain.
00:15:40.90\00:15:43.77
Well, negaholics will collect
00:15:43.78\00:15:46.60
what we would
consider to be lesser traumas
00:15:46.61\00:15:49.05
but there may be very
great traumas to them.
00:15:49.06\00:15:51.78
You might say
something thoughtless to me,
00:15:51.79\00:15:54.74
you might have said
something thoughtless to me
00:15:54.75\00:15:56.35
15 years ago and
I can't let it go.
00:15:56.36\00:15:59.72
And it's not
that I don't want to.
00:15:59.73\00:16:01.89
I really like to
emphasis with people.
00:16:01.90\00:16:04.12
I don't believe
that any misery addict
00:16:04.13\00:16:06.54
or negaholic collects grievances
00:16:06.55\00:16:08.85
and accept these other
symptoms because they want to.
00:16:08.86\00:16:12.87
They just can't help themselves.
00:16:12.88\00:16:13.91
They can't stop. Okay.
00:16:13.92\00:16:16.72
Now, you know, I
have to interject this
00:16:16.73\00:16:19.07
because I think that
there may be a husband out there
00:16:19.08\00:16:22.09
who is looking at his wife
right about now and saying,
00:16:22.10\00:16:25.46
you know, honey this is you.
00:16:25.47\00:16:26.94
You know, because
you can--it seems to me
00:16:26.95\00:16:29.47
would you agree
women and there's things
00:16:29.48\00:16:33.33
I am always trying when
I am interviewing a guest,
00:16:33.34\00:16:35.99
I am always trying to see
does this apply to me in anyway
00:16:36.00\00:16:38.76
you know, because you wanna self
00:16:38.77\00:16:40.18
or to correct not
necessarily self-correct
00:16:40.19\00:16:42.87
but you want to make
the corrections if it does.
00:16:42.88\00:16:45.73
There are times that
my husband is shocked.
00:16:45.74\00:16:50.13
Women seem to be able
to remember conversations
00:16:50.14\00:16:54.15
from the past and things said.
00:16:54.16\00:16:56.54
Now and there is
times that I can remember
00:16:56.55\00:16:58.64
something that was
said that may be wounded me
00:16:58.65\00:17:00.81
but it's not even in
that memory recollection.
00:17:00.82\00:17:05.17
It's nothing that wounds me now.
00:17:05.18\00:17:07.01
It's nothing that upsets me now.
00:17:07.02\00:17:09.51
It's something I
look back on humorously.
00:17:09.52\00:17:12.64
You know, and I can tell
him what he said way back when.
00:17:12.65\00:17:15.88
You know, we laugh about it.
00:17:15.89\00:17:17.54
But if somebody is-- so
just because you recall that
00:17:17.55\00:17:22.70
doesn't
necessarily mean that you are
00:17:22.71\00:17:24.79
hooked on unhappiness
it's something made an impact.
00:17:24.80\00:17:27.14
You know, I think
it's the rehearsing
00:17:27.15\00:17:28.19
and the
re-rehearsing of it. Okay.
00:17:28.20\00:17:29.95
That's the word
that I use all the time,
00:17:29.96\00:17:32.52
is that there are
people who rehearse
00:17:32.53\00:17:36.58
and rehearse negative things
00:17:36.59\00:17:38.50
that have happened in the past
00:17:38.51\00:17:40.16
and it's just as painful to them
00:17:40.17\00:17:43.41
as if they were experiencing
it at the moment. Right.
00:17:43.42\00:17:47.80
You know, again
though I would say that
00:17:47.81\00:17:49.33
for some
individuals that behavior
00:17:49.34\00:17:52.88
is an issue of unmanageability.
00:17:52.89\00:17:57.34
It's something
that they continue to do
00:17:57.35\00:17:59.34
even though they don't want
to do it like the Apostle Paul
00:17:59.35\00:18:03.22
doing what they don't to do.
00:18:03.23\00:18:05.08
They may even, they may be aware
00:18:05.09\00:18:07.14
all that they are doing it,
00:18:07.15\00:18:08.55
and they make promises to
themselves that they will,
00:18:08.56\00:18:11.49
that would abstain from
that or refrain from that.
00:18:11.50\00:18:14.58
But like the
alcoholic they find themselves
00:18:14.59\00:18:17.24
going back to that behavior
00:18:17.25\00:18:19.14
in spite of
their best intentions.
00:18:19.15\00:18:21.10
And that's why I
believe that this is or can be
00:18:21.11\00:18:24.88
considered an addictive cycle.
00:18:24.89\00:18:29.54
So these people in your
reference to the Apostle Paul
00:18:29.55\00:18:33.32
was Romans Chapter 7
where he talks about,
00:18:33.33\00:18:36.46
you know, "what was me,
what I know I should do,
00:18:36.47\00:18:39.99
I don't do What I
know I shouldn't do
00:18:40.00\00:18:41.94
I do who will help me"
00:18:41.95\00:18:43.20
and He finally
comes around Romans 8
00:18:43.21\00:18:45.52
where he is saying praise God
he will, through Christ Jesus.
00:18:45.53\00:18:49.51
There is
therefore no condemnation
00:18:49.52\00:18:51.27
for those in Christ.
00:18:51.28\00:18:53.10
But the people who
are hooked on unhappiness
00:18:53.11\00:18:58.21
these are folks that,
at least the one's I know
00:18:58.22\00:19:02.17
it seems that they
put themselves down a lot.
00:19:02.18\00:19:04.55
They compare themselves
to others and if they do
00:19:04.56\00:19:08.50
make a mistake they beat
themselves self over it--
00:19:08.51\00:19:11.37
Absolutely dwell
on it. Dwell on it.
00:19:11.38\00:19:14.35
Okay, now those are
all characteristics.
00:19:14.36\00:19:18.18
But now that we've semi-defined,
00:19:18.19\00:19:21.00
I know you said you've teach
in seminars on this for hours
00:19:21.01\00:19:24.27
upon hours so
we are just getting
00:19:24.28\00:19:26.92
the tip of the iceberg here.
00:19:26.93\00:19:28.86
But those are some
of the characteristics
00:19:28.87\00:19:31.11
now how does one
recognize, I mean,
00:19:31.12\00:19:37.48
I would imagine for
you it someone saying
00:19:37.49\00:19:40.22
you are the most negative person
00:19:40.23\00:19:41.31
I've never met in my life. Yes.
00:19:41.32\00:19:43.19
But how, you had
lived that way obviously
00:19:43.20\00:19:46.04
many years before
someone said that to you
00:19:46.05\00:19:48.14
and you said it shocked you,
00:19:48.15\00:19:50.25
how is someone out here
00:19:50.26\00:19:51.75
who maybe we are
talking to who is saying am I?
00:19:51.76\00:19:55.00
How can they really tell?
00:19:55.01\00:19:57.12
Is there is
self-test what you would do?
00:19:57.13\00:19:58.77
When we are confronted
with this possibility,
00:19:58.78\00:20:01.57
the most natural thing in the
world to do is to try to stop.
00:20:01.58\00:20:05.74
Or deny it. You
will that too. Yeah.
00:20:05.75\00:20:10.93
But, you know, there
comes a moment when it,
00:20:10.94\00:20:13.21
when it, when
the-- awakening occurs,
00:20:13.22\00:20:18.18
when you just--when
you finally recognized,
00:20:18.19\00:20:21.63
you know, in addictive language
00:20:21.64\00:20:24.21
we would say you hit bottom.
00:20:24.22\00:20:26.12
And, so
generally that occurs when,
00:20:26.13\00:20:29.34
for the misery
addict, when we can see people
00:20:29.35\00:20:31.71
disappearing from our lives.
00:20:31.72\00:20:34.01
When for example, someone says,
00:20:34.02\00:20:37.30
I don't have any
friends and I don't know why
00:20:37.31\00:20:39.88
people just don't
want to be around me.
00:20:39.89\00:20:41.56
I call them. They
don't want to talk me
00:20:41.57\00:20:43.25
on the phone is
because people don't know
00:20:43.26\00:20:46.26
how to relate to misery addicts.
00:20:46.27\00:20:48.81
Well, we misery
addicts wear people out. Yes.
00:20:48.82\00:20:52.59
Either, either not
necessarily through
00:20:52.60\00:20:54.61
what we say, often times
it's through our actions.
00:20:54.62\00:20:58.22
Okay, we wear them
out with it, you know,
00:20:58.23\00:21:00.69
I remember one time far
in the distant past well
00:21:00.70\00:21:03.21
long before I
realized I was a misery addict,
00:21:03.22\00:21:05.83
I saw a gentleman
approaching our house
00:21:05.84\00:21:08.54
and this gentleman
was, I knew him to be
00:21:08.55\00:21:13.58
so negative and so unhappy--
00:21:13.59\00:21:15.41
He was more
miserable than you. Absolutely.
00:21:15.42\00:21:18.23
I literally wanted to
run out the back door. Okay.
00:21:18.24\00:21:20.84
You see, and so
we wear people out.
00:21:20.85\00:21:23.89
And when we see
people disappearing
00:21:23.90\00:21:25.42
from our lives we
finally have to face
00:21:25.43\00:21:28.40
the fact that there is something
00:21:28.41\00:21:30.21
going on here that
needs to be addressed.
00:21:30.22\00:21:32.48
Now, so let's say
they would pass the denial.
00:21:32.49\00:21:35.11
Now we want to do something
00:21:35.12\00:21:36.40
the most natural
things in the world to do
00:21:36.41\00:21:38.69
is to try through grit
and determination to quit.
00:21:38.70\00:21:42.66
That doesn't work.
00:21:42.67\00:21:43.82
Well, it works if you're
not addicted to misery. Okay.
00:21:43.83\00:21:47.39
You know, it's
like people who drink,
00:21:47.40\00:21:49.71
who are not alcoholic
can quit drinking. Okay.
00:21:49.72\00:21:53.06
But if they're
alcoholic they find themselves
00:21:53.07\00:21:56.13
returning to the behavior.
00:21:56.14\00:21:58.54
And the same thing is
true for a misery addict.
00:21:58.55\00:22:00.36
Try as I might in
spite of my best intentions,
00:22:00.37\00:22:03.51
in fact, even if I
pray hard about it,
00:22:03.52\00:22:07.81
even if I claim
promises, you know,
00:22:07.82\00:22:10.34
I'm not negating the
power of prayer promises
00:22:10.35\00:22:12.48
because I believed that
in that with all my heart.
00:22:12.49\00:22:14.84
But for some of us
who have a brain problem
00:22:14.85\00:22:20.33
its more, it
takes more than that.
00:22:20.34\00:22:23.55
And sometimes,
it takes, you know,
00:22:23.56\00:22:26.78
I want to go on
record saying what I believe
00:22:26.79\00:22:29.68
and let me see if you agree.
00:22:29.69\00:22:31.86
Sometimes it takes,
your serotonin levels so low,
00:22:31.87\00:22:36.24
yes, that it does
take a prescription drug
00:22:36.25\00:22:40.86
under the auspices or
the umbrella in the care of
00:22:40.87\00:22:45.17
a doctor to bring
you out of these things.
00:22:45.18\00:22:48.89
And there is-- in
my opinion there is
00:22:48.90\00:22:50.96
absolutely nothing
wrong with a Christian,
00:22:50.97\00:22:53.61
we would take insulin
if we were a diabetic.
00:22:53.62\00:22:55.81
That's right, that's right.
00:22:55.82\00:22:56.79
So, if you need
in antidepressants,
00:22:56.80\00:22:59.20
if you need
something for a period of time
00:22:59.21\00:23:02.22
I don't believe there
is anything wrong with it.
00:23:02.23\00:23:03.94
How do you feel about that?
00:23:03.95\00:23:04.92
I do not believe there
is anything wrong with it.
00:23:04.93\00:23:06.31
In fact, I think that
it's our responsibility
00:23:06.32\00:23:08.81
to use the best that science
can make available to us.
00:23:08.82\00:23:11.56
Absolutely. That's the
gift of our power as I see it.
00:23:11.57\00:23:15.06
I think that in addition
to that availing ourselves
00:23:15.07\00:23:18.47
of appropriate support groups,
00:23:18.48\00:23:22.09
I believe that 12 step
programs or medial program
00:23:22.10\00:23:25.01
of identity and
character development.
00:23:25.02\00:23:27.64
And so many people
who are addicted to misery
00:23:27.65\00:23:30.17
have underlying
issues of immaturity
00:23:30.18\00:23:32.14
and insecurity, and
they can be mentored
00:23:32.15\00:23:34.91
and literally parented
through a healing process
00:23:34.92\00:23:39.57
in a 12-step program
where the other people
00:23:39.58\00:23:42.54
that are in that
group are not obsessed
00:23:42.55\00:23:46.81
with getting them fixed,
00:23:46.82\00:23:48.74
but they are rather
focusing on their own recovery
00:23:48.75\00:23:51.81
and yet at the same
time willing to share
00:23:51.82\00:23:54.64
personal experience, strength,
and hope in a positive way,
00:23:54.65\00:23:59.12
in non-condemning way.
00:23:59.13\00:24:01.56
Yeah, if--how do
we, if we know someone
00:24:01.57\00:24:07.64
in our life, or maybe
at a church or someone
00:24:07.65\00:24:11.46
we work with, who
know is hooked on misery.
00:24:11.47\00:24:15.11
How do we relate to that person?
00:24:15.12\00:24:16.62
How can we,
let's say that someone
00:24:16.63\00:24:19.56
won't accept it
first, how do we should
00:24:19.57\00:24:21.43
be relate to that person?
00:24:21.44\00:24:23.05
Well, you know, initially
I would say do everything
00:24:23.06\00:24:28.13
you cannot to
re-enforce the behavior.
00:24:28.14\00:24:30.73
In other words, it's
okay to leave the scene
00:24:30.74\00:24:34.76
as quickly as you desire
00:24:34.77\00:24:37.53
if someone is being
very, very negative.
00:24:37.54\00:24:39.46
Without been
rude. Without been rude.
00:24:39.47\00:24:42.38
It's very important not to
buy into their complaining,
00:24:42.39\00:24:48.48
and try to grab the football
00:24:48.49\00:24:52.67
and overly
sympathized or even try to fix
00:24:52.68\00:24:55.71
their problems because a
lot of the over-complaining
00:24:55.72\00:24:59.04
murderers do is an
effort to draw people
00:24:59.05\00:25:01.77
into the black
hole of their misery
00:25:01.78\00:25:03.72
and get those people them to
solve their problems for them,
00:25:03.73\00:25:07.31
and thus they don't
learn nor experience
00:25:07.32\00:25:10.13
the genuine self-respect
that comes from solving
00:25:10.14\00:25:14.97
your own problems.
00:25:14.98\00:25:15.95
So it's important
not to grab the football
00:25:15.96\00:25:18.01
and run with it and take
care of everything for them,
00:25:18.02\00:25:20.77
because positively
reinforces what they are doing.
00:25:20.78\00:25:24.32
And if you do grab the
football and run with it
00:25:24.33\00:25:26.60
you maybe a
misery addict yourself.
00:25:26.61\00:25:28.37
That's right. Or
wear yourself again.
00:25:28.38\00:25:31.22
That's right.
Because you said that,
00:25:31.23\00:25:32.71
that was what you
were always doing.
00:25:32.72\00:25:34.53
Yeah, that's
right. That's for sure.
00:25:34.54\00:25:36.24
So, it's it one of these things
00:25:36.25\00:25:38.35
that how dangerous is
it to confront someone?
00:25:38.36\00:25:44.47
No, I'm glad you said
that because my next thought
00:25:44.48\00:25:47.36
was there is a point
where it's appropriate
00:25:47.37\00:25:50.61
to do a compassionate
intervention. Okay.
00:25:50.62\00:25:54.03
What capital to
see on compassion?
00:25:54.04\00:25:55.86
Okay. Yes, yes.
00:25:55.87\00:25:57.55
And we need to have a
little bit of credible
00:25:57.56\00:25:59.42
knowledge about
this, about this issue,
00:25:59.43\00:26:02.63
so that we don't come
across as if we were accusing
00:26:02.64\00:26:05.05
the person of lack of faith
00:26:05.06\00:26:07.10
or that they are not
good enough Christians
00:26:07.11\00:26:10.96
or church members
because they've become
00:26:10.97\00:26:14.93
depressed and anxious, you know,
00:26:14.94\00:26:16.36
we don't wanna a
give that massage to them
00:26:16.37\00:26:18.21
but I think it's
the loving thing to do,
00:26:18.22\00:26:20.45
to do an intervention
whereby we are willing
00:26:20.46\00:26:22.44
to say to that
person, you're the most
00:26:22.45\00:26:25.78
negative individual I know.
00:26:25.79\00:26:27.65
You know, we're
willing to confront them
00:26:27.66\00:26:30.01
with a reality of
how we are effected
00:26:30.02\00:26:32.83
by their behavior, sharing
obviously on a feeling level,
00:26:32.84\00:26:38.31
and then encouraging them
00:26:38.32\00:26:39.50
and giving them
all the support we can
00:26:39.51\00:26:41.28
for getting a medical exam,
00:26:41.29\00:26:45.82
getting a psychiatric
exam perhaps seeing--
00:26:45.83\00:26:49.18
As soon as you say
psychiatric there people
00:26:49.19\00:26:51.40
out there going to
go, oh, I don't want to go
00:26:51.41\00:26:53.71
to a
psychiatrist because somebody
00:26:53.72\00:26:54.86
is gonna think I'm crazy.
00:26:54.87\00:26:56.22
But a psychology
or psychiatric exam,
00:26:56.23\00:26:59.21
we're talking about
psychiatric exam just to see
00:26:59.22\00:27:01.69
if there is a
chemical imbalance.
00:27:01.70\00:27:03.91
Well, in addition to that,
Shelley there are extreme cases
00:27:03.92\00:27:07.66
where brain scan
would be in order.
00:27:07.67\00:27:10.67
Really? Absolutely.
00:27:10.68\00:27:12.23
Really! Wow.
00:27:12.24\00:27:14.59
Dr. Daniel Amen
writes about this credibility
00:27:14.60\00:27:18.05
and Dr. Ron Hansen
about how often time's
00:27:18.06\00:27:21.03
they can
literally see brain issues
00:27:21.04\00:27:24.60
that will direct them
in the medical intervention
00:27:24.61\00:27:28.37
that they need to
make. That's amazing.
00:27:28.38\00:27:30.04
And so, for people who
are interactively unhappy
00:27:30.05\00:27:32.51
especially if they are
acting it out through anger
00:27:32.52\00:27:36.33
that a brain scan
is appropriate. Wow.
00:27:36.34\00:27:39.30
You know, I feel like we
just barely touched on this
00:27:39.31\00:27:41.89
and I just looked at
the clock I can't believe
00:27:41.90\00:27:43.80
that our time
is almost all gone.
00:27:43.81\00:27:45.90
Carol, this is
something it's very important
00:27:45.91\00:27:48.47
and I just want to encourage
people to get your book,
00:27:48.48\00:27:50.77
"Hooked on Unhappiness."
00:27:50.78\00:27:52.43
We thank you so much
for being with us today.
00:27:52.44\00:27:55.36
We do want you to know that,
00:27:55.37\00:27:57.58
even though we didn't
get to all of the answers
00:27:57.59\00:27:59.90
there are answers.
I believe God provides
00:27:59.91\00:28:02.32
the answers and it doesn't mean
00:28:02.33\00:28:05.44
we want to look to the word
00:28:05.45\00:28:07.09
but we also want to
look to support groups
00:28:07.10\00:28:09.79
and others to help us.
00:28:09.80\00:28:11.37
So, thank you for joining us.
00:28:11.38\00:28:13.43