Hi, if you are a male
over the age of twelve
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years old I'm
betting that you've noticed
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how different
females are, and vise versa.
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We know that men
and women are different,
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that's why the
book Men are from Mars,
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Women are from
Venus was so popular.
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But did God create us to be this
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way and why?
Please join us today
00:00:20.04\00:00:22.25
on Issues And
Answers as we discuss
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the differences
between men and women.
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Hi, I'm Shelley Quinn
and today on Issues And
00:00:52.04\00:00:54.57
Answers we're
talking about the differences
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between men and women.
Let me read a scripture
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to you and this comes
from Genesis chapter 2,
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you might already
know where I'm going.
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When God created
Adam after His own image
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then He put him into a
deep sleep removed a rib
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and He created
woman. And this is what He
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says in Genesis
2:24, therefore a man shall
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leave his father and
his mother and shall become
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united and cleave to his wife,
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and they shall become one flesh.
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Well, today we're
gonna talk about the unity
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of two very different,
I start to say species
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but two different genders here.
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Let me introduce to
you our very special guest
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Jennifer Jill
Schwirzer. Jennifer,
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thank you so much
for coming back to 3ABN.
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Good to be
here. You've been here
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a number of times in
the past and then we're
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doing a number of
programs with you right now.
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Now you have your
Masters in Human Services.
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Mental Health
Counseling. Mental Health
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Counseling. So
you are a certified,
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a nationally
certified counselor,
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a Christian
counselor. What's the difference
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between being a
Christian counselor and a
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secular counselor?
Well, I'm not certified
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as a Christian
counselor but I use a Christian
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what we might called
modality in counseling,
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so the difference would be that,
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well the central
difference is that you
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bring God into the
therapeutic process which
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makes to me all the
difference in the world.
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Amen. Amen. So
you know I have this,
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in the tease to this
open I have talked about
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this book Men are from Mars,
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Women are from
Venus. Very popular book.
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Why do you think
that book was so popular?
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Because, I really
don't think it was,
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because the book was
so well written or because
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it presented such
revolutionary information.
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I think it was
just the subject matter,
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it's very
intriguing. And what I find,
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when I do presentations
on this topic is that
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it draws a laugh,
there's a certain a
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stimulation to
the topic, it just,
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it just gets people going.
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The book was a blockbuster,
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there were 16 spin
offs. First of all it sold
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40 million
copies in 45 languages,
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then there were like
16 different spin offs
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you know when
someone has a successful book
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then they publish sort
of a clone of that book,
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so the spin offs
were things like,
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you know Mars and Venus in love,
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and Mars and Venus on a date.
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And the Mars and
Venus exercise solutions,
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so it's one thing
after another the sort of
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a cloned out of Mars and Venus.
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And the book was
called by USA Today the number
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one relationship
book of all time;
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it was just a
very, very popular book.
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And I think, it's mainly because
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of the subject
matter. And you know,
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of course, there's biological
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differences but I recently read,
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and we know there's
emotional differences,
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there's, the way our
brain processes information
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is different. Oh,
yeah. And I read something
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recently talking about
even the difference the
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way men and women
listen. Women listen with both
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spheres of their
brain, where as men only
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listen with one.
And when I read that
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I thought well,
I could have told
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you that, you know, but there's.
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And that's what
funny thing is a lot of
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the research, they go to the
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great lengths to, you know sort
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of draw out these
different features of men
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versus women. And
I remember reading
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one study when on
and on with all this
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methodology and
it was longitudinal
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cross-sectional and
you know they put all this
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money and effort into
it and the bottom line the
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conclusion was
that women are wired for
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relationship and
men aren't so relational
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as women are.
And I just thought,
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well I could have
told you that without
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all that trouble, you know,
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some things are
obvious. And I think sometimes
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I remember of my
husband, when we first
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got married, he kept telling me,
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"I'm not good at relationships,
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I'm not good at relationships.
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And now he's probably, you know,
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he's very relational.
He is very relational,
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and he just took,
I think sometimes,
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it's just
modeling it or being in a
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good relationship,
sometimes it's just
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experiential activity
that develops those things.
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Well. I wanna make a
really important point
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before we get into
this, through the body of this
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presentation and that is that,
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we need to be very
careful when we're citing
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generalities whether
it's an ethnic group or
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whether we're
talking about gender,
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no matter what we
are talking about when we
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start talking
about generalities,
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it's a very important
that we don't degenerate
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into
stereotyping. So we are talking,
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when we are talking
about the differences
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between men and women,
we're talking about trends
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on the whole men are
more this way and women
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are more this
way, however there are
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always exceptions to the rule.
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And the way I would
like to conceptualize
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is this, there are,
is like a bell shaped
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curve for instance that shows,
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you know the
spectrum of heights of men
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versus women, okay,
and so women are on the
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whole going to
be shorter than men.
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On the whole. I'm the exception.
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And you're the
exception the average woman is
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going to be, you
know, the mean of woman's
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heights is going to
be shorter than the mean
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of men's height but
in two bell shaped curves
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there's gonna be overlapped,
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so they are gonna be
women that are taller,
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that many women
that are taller than men,
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and men that are
shorter than women.
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And so there are
exceptions to the rule.
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Yes as a woman,
it's becoming more,
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I think when I
was younger it was
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very exceptional,
I'm nearly 6 feet tall.
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And so when I was
younger it was more
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exceptional but I
find, and it depends on the
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area of the country you're in,
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like in Oklahoma,
there's a whole lot of
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6 feet tall women.
Texas there's a number,
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a good number,
California there's a lot.
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Yeah. Now moved to Illinois,
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and I run into
woman in the store,
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it just seems that everybody had
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worked with here
there's lot of shorter people
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and shorter men it
seems like to me but.
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But you got the point
that we have to be very
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careful not to over generalize,
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not to stereotype and that's,
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you know it's a
sensitive issue for me because
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there are some ways
in which each one of us
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women are maybe
more like a man than some
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men are and we don't
want to be forced into a
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pigeonholed into a
roll or into a certain
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way of
functioning just because we're
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biologically
women, we wanna be able
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to kind of spread our wings.
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Hey you know what I'm saying?
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You know, when I was
reading the scripture
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to begin with I have
this theory and this is
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the theory
according to Shelley Quinn,
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I'm gonna say it's,
it's necessary Biblical,
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but I believe
when God created Adam,
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He put, He was
created in His image that
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He put all of his
characteristics in Adam,
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and then I
think, when He removed
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the rib and He
created the woman,
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I think that some
of the attributes,
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characteristics of the women,
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that we label feminine,
are qualities of God that
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He put a few more
of maybe the nurturing
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qualities of this in
a woman because He had
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a role for her,
and the man He gave
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more of that fights
type protective mechanisms.
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And I think that all
attributes of God that
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as we pull them
together then it becomes
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that image once again.
Oh, I think of metaphors
00:08:02.97\00:08:06.08
that various Bible writers used,
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Jesus Himself said
that He longed to gather
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Jerusalem together like
a hen gather for chicks,
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and Paul said he was
like a nursing mother
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to His people, so these men were
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not afraid to
present their own, you know,
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feminine side so to
speak. Right. So obviously
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that is also a
reflection of God. Amen.
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The part of
God. Let's talk about
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the
differences. Let's talk about
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the differences.
Yeah. Let's talk with the
00:08:27.98\00:08:28.95
biological and I
don't wanna go into all the
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biological
differences because we know,
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we are just talking
about too much information,
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but what about the
biological differences
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that affect the
brain for instance?
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Probably one of the
most important differences is
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the size of the Corpus Callosum.
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The Corpus Callosum is
an organ that transmits
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messages back and
forth between the right and
00:08:47.35\00:08:50.00
left hemispheres of the brain.
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Now, neuroscientist
have discovered that the
00:08:51.38\00:08:54.49
hemispheres of the
brain whether the right or the
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left have very
specific functions,
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and this is hard for
some people to remember,
00:08:59.48\00:09:01.72
my husband always
forgets which is which,
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and so he hates
it when I say, oh,
00:09:03.39\00:09:05.25
so and so is
right brain you know,
00:09:05.26\00:09:06.87
he hates that
because he can never remember
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which is which,
but I'll just summarize
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here and then you
can forget what I said,
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after I say it.
The right side of
00:09:13.21\00:09:15.02
the brain is the side
of the brain that deals
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with the big
picture. The right side of the
00:09:17.35\00:09:20.65
brain deals with creativity,
00:09:20.66\00:09:22.23
it deals with the experience,
00:09:22.24\00:09:24.21
feeling music not the
technical part of music
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but the artistic
creative side of the music.
00:09:26.47\00:09:28.90
The left side of the
brain is the part of the
00:09:29.64\00:09:31.83
brain that deals
with verbalization;
00:09:31.84\00:09:33.51
it deals with categorization,
00:09:34.09\00:09:35.68
organization,
judgment, so they compliment
00:09:35.69\00:09:39.64
one another. So there's an organ
00:09:39.65\00:09:42.37
called Corpus
Callosum which is in the center
00:09:42.38\00:09:44.63
between those two
hemispheres that conducts
00:09:45.02\00:09:47.11
messages back and
forth between the two so that
00:09:47.12\00:09:49.09
we can function as
human beings in fact,
00:09:49.10\00:09:51.21
in some studies where
people had their Corpus
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Callosum severed
because they were doing that
00:09:54.54\00:09:56.47
for a while to treat epilepsy,
00:09:56.48\00:09:57.87
they found that
people had problems as a
00:09:58.46\00:10:00.15
result of that. So
it's an important organ
00:10:00.16\00:10:03.62
and it enables us to
communicate between the
00:10:04.72\00:10:06.44
two hemispheres of the brain.
00:10:06.45\00:10:07.80
So the right side
of the brain can talk
00:10:08.37\00:10:10.04
to the left,
left can talk to the
00:10:10.05\00:10:11.43
right because of
the Corpus Callosum.
00:10:11.44\00:10:13.92
Women's Corpus
Callosum on the whole is visibly
00:10:14.23\00:10:17.36
larger to the
naked eye than a male
00:10:17.37\00:10:19.72
Corpus Callosum,
isn't that amazing?
00:10:19.73\00:10:21.78
That doesn't
surprise me though because we,
00:10:22.10\00:10:24.09
I mean we just see
that exhibited more and
00:10:24.10\00:10:26.34
manifested more
in a woman's life.
00:10:26.35\00:10:27.94
Well, and I think
one of the ways that it's
00:10:27.95\00:10:29.87
manifested is women can take big
00:10:29.88\00:10:31.68
picture information,
and they can move very
00:10:31.69\00:10:34.80
quickly into the left
side of the brain which
00:10:34.81\00:10:36.85
is the
articulating side of the brain,
00:10:36.86\00:10:38.87
they can articulate
that big picture information.
00:10:39.21\00:10:41.68
And so they can talk
very freely about relational
00:10:42.05\00:10:44.80
dynamics about,
you know these settled
00:10:44.81\00:10:47.25
things that go on
that are kind right
00:10:47.26\00:10:48.88
brain things,
that are real crisp
00:10:48.89\00:10:50.62
and clear and
factual, they can take
00:10:50.63\00:10:53.40
these dynamics, these sort of,
00:10:53.41\00:10:54.79
you know, difficult to quantify
00:10:55.29\00:10:57.69
pieces of information,
intuitive information
00:10:57.70\00:11:00.12
and they can articulate it well.
00:11:00.13\00:11:02.16
But what you find
is that men tend to
00:11:02.79\00:11:04.56
be more lateral,
they can't move back
00:11:04.57\00:11:06.58
and forth between
the two hemispheres,
00:11:06.59\00:11:08.30
as easily as quickly
and so they don't tend
00:11:08.64\00:11:11.39
to be able to do that as well.
00:11:11.40\00:11:12.68
So that's why
women love to talk about
00:11:13.27\00:11:14.77
relationships on the whole.
00:11:14.78\00:11:16.57
And why men hate it
when a woman says to them,
00:11:16.58\00:11:19.23
honey can we talk? On the whole.
00:11:19.24\00:11:22.38
On the whole, on
the whole, yes. Okay.
00:11:22.39\00:11:24.82
Yeah, so we have the
larger Corpus Callosum
00:11:24.83\00:11:28.16
in women, we have hormonal
00:11:28.17\00:11:30.10
differences
obviously, testosterone does
00:11:30.11\00:11:32.67
certain things to the
brain and to the behavior
00:11:32.68\00:11:34.58
and estrogen does
other things and obviously
00:11:34.59\00:11:37.34
estrogen is in
dominance in women and
00:11:37.35\00:11:39.39
testosterone in
men. So those are just
00:11:39.40\00:11:41.50
some basic
biological differences,
00:11:41.51\00:11:43.08
there are many
more, I'm just touching on
00:11:43.09\00:11:44.70
things here, we don't really
00:11:44.71\00:11:45.76
have time to go
into great detail.
00:11:45.77\00:11:47.23
Well, let's talk
about the intellectual
00:11:47.64\00:11:49.31
differences which
are related to these
00:11:49.32\00:11:51.55
biological
differences, the preponderance
00:11:51.56\00:11:55.53
of research is
that women are wired
00:11:55.54\00:11:57.64
for people and men
are wired for system.
00:11:57.65\00:12:01.49
Women tend to be
more natural at empathy,
00:12:01.59\00:12:03.74
I mentioned a
moment ago nurturing,
00:12:03.75\00:12:05.45
that's seems to
come naturally to women,
00:12:06.06\00:12:07.95
men on the other hand
tend to look at the big
00:12:08.37\00:12:10.25
picture and organize
the troops so to speak.
00:12:10.26\00:12:12.78
So what I think of,
when I read research
00:12:13.07\00:12:15.41
like that is, when we
used to pack the car to
00:12:15.42\00:12:17.63
go to Florida, my
dad always had to be
00:12:17.64\00:12:20.22
in-charge of the
packing, because he
00:12:20.23\00:12:21.89
was you know taking
control of the system
00:12:21.90\00:12:24.07
and how the system
was all gonna work.
00:12:24.08\00:12:25.52
It's not that he
didn't care about the
00:12:25.88\00:12:27.31
individuals that were
part of the systems but
00:12:27.32\00:12:29.60
he needed to
keep the whole system
00:12:29.61\00:12:31.09
functioning in order
to keep the individuals
00:12:31.10\00:12:33.33
safe and
successfully transport them from
00:12:33.34\00:12:36.32
where we lived
in Ohio to Florida.
00:12:36.82\00:12:38.94
My mother on the
other hand was the one that
00:12:39.32\00:12:41.03
you know reminded
everybody to their bring
00:12:41.38\00:12:43.53
their toothbrush and
made sure that we didn't
00:12:43.54\00:12:45.59
bring six bathing
suits and made sure that we
00:12:45.60\00:12:47.39
brought you know
enough clothes in case
00:12:47.40\00:12:48.85
it got cold and stuff
like that, you know she was
00:12:48.86\00:12:50.84
dealing directly
with the individuals.
00:12:50.85\00:12:52.87
So that just gives you
an idea of one scenario
00:12:53.31\00:12:55.48
in which the man is
looking at the system
00:12:55.49\00:12:57.24
and the woman is
more connected to the
00:12:57.25\00:12:58.90
individual people. And
that is how we're wired.
00:12:58.91\00:13:01.42
You know, I don't
meant it, not let your
00:13:01.84\00:13:03.98
talk here but. Go
ahead. I think the physical is
00:13:03.99\00:13:06.56
the metaphor of the
spiritual, and women
00:13:06.57\00:13:09.49
are physically constructed
in such a way that they
00:13:09.50\00:13:12.32
can nourish babies,
and so they're better fit
00:13:12.33\00:13:15.87
physically to be
mothers particularly
00:13:15.88\00:13:17.79
of very young children.
I'm not against stay at
00:13:18.13\00:13:21.37
home dads and the women working,
00:13:21.38\00:13:23.42
they can work I'm
not being you know
00:13:23.80\00:13:25.54
dogmatic about this
but on the whole, it's just
00:13:25.55\00:13:28.54
women function
better in that home
00:13:28.55\00:13:30.67
environment
especially with small children.
00:13:30.68\00:13:32.86
So that physical
ability to nourish children,
00:13:33.30\00:13:35.91
I think is a
metaphor of how women are
00:13:35.92\00:13:38.45
constructed to
emotionally nourish people.
00:13:38.46\00:13:40.72
Yes. So God, you
know God has created the
00:13:40.99\00:13:43.47
family, so that we have
the role distinction but
00:13:43.48\00:13:46.42
that we shine within
our respective roles.
00:13:46.43\00:13:48.79
I'm not being
dogmatic about that and I don't
00:13:48.80\00:13:50.40
want you know women
that work to feel like
00:13:50.41\00:13:52.36
I'm, you know, you know because,
00:13:52.37\00:13:53.56
condemning them,
I'm not at all you know.
00:13:53.57\00:13:55.29
You know I have a
very close friend who says
00:13:55.30\00:13:59.24
readily that her
husband was the one who was
00:13:59.80\00:14:02.94
the nurturer of their
family, she said if my
00:14:02.95\00:14:04.87
children got sick, I
just tell them suck it up,
00:14:04.88\00:14:08.02
will you step up by the boot
00:14:08.03\00:14:09.25
straps and get out
there. She said it was her
00:14:09.26\00:14:10.97
husband who was the nurturer.
00:14:10.98\00:14:12.25
So as we said these
are generalities or trends
00:14:12.69\00:14:16.93
it's not always. It's
not always the case and we
00:14:16.94\00:14:19.84
need to not deny
the differences between
00:14:19.85\00:14:22.17
men and women but we need to not
00:14:22.18\00:14:24.49
over-accentuate them either.
00:14:24.50\00:14:26.13
You know we need
to not pigeonholed men
00:14:26.52\00:14:28.68
and women to
certain circumscribed
00:14:28.69\00:14:30.44
behaviors, yeah,
because you know they
00:14:30.45\00:14:32.75
are men or they are
women, we need to let
00:14:32.76\00:14:34.46
them be who they are,
and there is a spectrum,
00:14:34.47\00:14:36.40
so there are
exceptions to the rule.
00:14:36.41\00:14:38.56
Another
difference between men and
00:14:39.57\00:14:41.91
women in terms of
intellectual functioning
00:14:41.92\00:14:43.98
is, we have this big
spike, an incidence of
00:14:43.99\00:14:46.97
Autism Spectrum
Disorders. There are, you know
00:14:46.98\00:14:50.61
twenty years ago
was far less autism than
00:14:50.62\00:14:53.64
there is today,
something like I don't
00:14:53.65\00:14:55.89
want to site any
incorrect statistics but
00:14:55.90\00:14:57.77
very high levels
of autism approaching,
00:14:57.78\00:15:01.11
you know, the level
of one in hundred or even
00:15:01.54\00:15:04.56
beyond that today and
it was not so 50 years ago.
00:15:04.57\00:15:07.81
More autism, more and
more so and people are
00:15:08.51\00:15:10.22
wrestling with
this but men more often
00:15:10.23\00:15:13.49
suffered from
Autism Spectrum Disorders.
00:15:13.50\00:15:15.56
In fact, this is
gonna, perhaps offend
00:15:17.23\00:15:19.60
someone, please don't
get offended but autism
00:15:19.61\00:15:22.80
is sometimes called
the extreme male brain.
00:15:22.81\00:15:25.68
And the reason it's
called that is because
00:15:26.18\00:15:28.06
the part of the brain
that is affected in autism is
00:15:28.07\00:15:30.85
the part that deals
with communication and
00:15:30.86\00:15:34.05
particularly face to
face communication which
00:15:34.06\00:15:36.37
is tends to be very
difficult for autistic
00:15:36.38\00:15:38.73
people, and also the relational
00:15:38.74\00:15:41.00
part of the brain.
The part of our brain
00:15:41.01\00:15:42.92
that interprets
social cues that can sort of
00:15:42.93\00:15:46.56
intuit one's way
through social interactions that
00:15:46.57\00:15:49.96
comes very
naturally to us, it comes very
00:15:49.97\00:15:52.03
difficult to an
autistic person or a person with
00:15:52.04\00:15:54.99
autism I should
say. So men are more
00:15:55.00\00:15:57.81
often prone to those
Autism Spectrum Disorders.
00:15:57.82\00:16:00.64
And you know it seems
like imparts the way the
00:16:01.01\00:16:04.14
male brain works is
that there is kind of like,
00:16:04.15\00:16:07.54
my husband calls it
in the zone, but they're
00:16:09.15\00:16:12.69
kind of bucks things
off and if they are watching
00:16:12.70\00:16:15.46
sports, for example this
is not the time to talk to
00:16:15.47\00:16:18.13
them about a
relationship problem
00:16:18.14\00:16:20.37
because a man has
tendency to at least
00:16:20.38\00:16:24.36
would seem to me to he
is addressing one thing
00:16:24.37\00:16:27.22
at a time, would you
agree with that? Yes,
00:16:27.23\00:16:29.20
men tend to be more
compartmentalized in
00:16:29.21\00:16:32.86
their thinking;
they have a harder time
00:16:33.05\00:16:34.99
coming out of
whatever zone they're in and
00:16:35.00\00:16:37.43
getting into another
zone. So yeah, I would agree
00:16:37.44\00:16:39.50
with that, I think
it's overall more difficult
00:16:39.51\00:16:41.68
for a man but again
this is just a trend,
00:16:42.24\00:16:44.07
just as a trend, and
not a stereotype. Okay.
00:16:44.08\00:16:45.91
So interestingly
women are better at reading
00:16:46.39\00:16:50.49
facial expressions
and this is research where
00:16:50.96\00:16:52.94
they put faces in
front of both men and
00:16:52.95\00:16:55.65
women, and then
you're to interpret what you
00:16:55.66\00:16:57.54
think that facial
expression means and
00:16:57.55\00:16:59.34
women are
accurate more of the times.
00:16:59.35\00:17:01.75
So we're just more
intuitive in a social
00:17:01.76\00:17:04.06
situation and this is
why you sometimes have
00:17:04.45\00:17:06.68
you know women
asking their husbands,
00:17:07.03\00:17:08.75
for instance you know,
did you see the way that
00:17:08.76\00:17:10.97
person looked at you
and he is pretty much
00:17:10.98\00:17:12.72
oblivious to what
that face was saying to him
00:17:12.73\00:17:16.07
but she recognized
what that face was saying.
00:17:16.08\00:17:18.31
And so there is a lot of
talk after the party that
00:17:18.32\00:17:21.01
goes down between
the man and the woman,
00:17:21.02\00:17:22.63
and so they are
trying to sort through
00:17:22.86\00:17:23.98
some of those things.
This is very interesting
00:17:23.99\00:17:26.67
to me, men have better,
this is small differences,
00:17:26.68\00:17:30.72
these are not large differences,
00:17:30.73\00:17:32.32
but on the whole
men have better concept
00:17:32.82\00:17:35.69
memory and women have
better factual memory.
00:17:35.70\00:17:39.15
That's interesting.
Isn't that interesting?
00:17:39.63\00:17:41.18
So I think of a man
and a woman and many
00:17:41.19\00:17:44.25
of times I've been
in this situation where
00:17:44.26\00:17:45.96
a man and a women
together are trying to
00:17:45.97\00:17:47.71
tell me how to get
to a certain place,
00:17:47.72\00:17:49.29
and it seems like or
they're trying to relate
00:17:49.82\00:17:51.61
maybe an event,
okay, for instance.
00:17:51.62\00:17:53.56
And it seems like
the woman will be very
00:17:54.07\00:17:57.33
accurate with her
facts, you know she will say
00:17:57.34\00:17:59.19
no it was before we
are married dear or no
00:17:59.20\00:18:01.70
it was Sheryl you know,
and she'll be correcting his
00:18:03.54\00:18:07.27
facts, and he will
just wanna get to the point,
00:18:07.28\00:18:09.37
the point is this,
because he's really tied
00:18:09.38\00:18:12.40
with the concept and
she is more tied to the
00:18:12.41\00:18:14.52
factual information
so. I could relate to that?
00:18:14.53\00:18:17.67
As a whole you know, I
don't want to be overly
00:18:17.68\00:18:19.89
stereotypical
here. By the way men have
00:18:20.27\00:18:22.64
greater IQ variants,
isn't that interesting?
00:18:22.65\00:18:25.08
Men, you know have
a wider spectrum of
00:18:26.36\00:18:29.52
intelligence levels than women.
00:18:29.53\00:18:31.25
Women tend to
collect more in the mean
00:18:31.26\00:18:33.94
of the spectrum,
so I thought that
00:18:33.95\00:18:35.99
was interesting.
Yes. I don't know what
00:18:36.00\00:18:37.12
to make of that but.
But it does seem like
00:18:37.13\00:18:40.15
the male brain is
more susceptible to things
00:18:40.16\00:18:44.23
going wrong, don't
take that the wrong way
00:18:44.24\00:18:48.62
please, but it just
seems like it takes a lot to
00:18:48.63\00:18:52.20
produce a male on
the whole, for instance,
00:18:52.21\00:18:54.67
with every subsequent
male, the male will tend
00:18:55.09\00:19:01.27
to be two inches
shorter, so it seems like
00:19:01.28\00:19:03.98
a male. Okay, every
time a woman bears a
00:19:03.99\00:19:06.92
male child, he will on the whole
00:19:06.93\00:19:09.35
be two inches
shorter. So if a woman has had
00:19:09.36\00:19:12.86
three children then the
third son or three sons,
00:19:12.99\00:19:15.91
the third son
could be four inches
00:19:15.92\00:19:17.69
shorter than the
first. Yeah, and it isn't
00:19:17.70\00:19:20.01
always the case.
Interesting. But the
00:19:20.02\00:19:21.35
trend is that the male
child gets shorter with
00:19:21.36\00:19:23.75
each subsequent male.
So my point is that it
00:19:23.76\00:19:27.17
takes a lot to make a
male, and to make it right.
00:19:27.18\00:19:29.45
It seems like the
womb becomes kind of
00:19:29.46\00:19:31.40
exhausted by the
creation of a male,
00:19:31.41\00:19:34.29
it's more demanding
out of a woman's womb to
00:19:34.30\00:19:37.39
make a male than a
female and so that to
00:19:37.40\00:19:39.99
me is why perhaps
things tend to go more
00:19:40.00\00:19:42.54
a rye with the
building of a male brain,
00:19:42.87\00:19:44.95
just a thought I'm
no scientist here but
00:19:44.96\00:19:48.35
I think, that that
might be part of what's going
00:19:48.36\00:19:50.19
on, takes a lot out
of woman to have a man.
00:19:50.20\00:19:52.32
That's fascinating.
So, let's talk about
00:19:52.33\00:19:54.31
emotional differences,
not surprisingly because
00:19:54.32\00:19:57.99
of testosterone, men
are more prone to physical
00:19:58.00\00:20:01.74
aggression that
doesn't surprise you.
00:20:01.75\00:20:04.06
But, doesn't
surprise you that women are
00:20:04.35\00:20:06.13
more prone to
verbal aggression. Really?
00:20:06.14\00:20:08.71
That's right. It
does surprise me.
00:20:08.72\00:20:09.86
Yeah, does that
surprise you? It does.
00:20:09.87\00:20:11.54
They are, isn't that sad, yeah.
00:20:11.55\00:20:13.67
Yes, well it's
interesting. Yeah.
00:20:13.68\00:20:15.03
But estrogen where as
testosterone is, makes
00:20:15.50\00:20:19.29
you know even women
who have a high level
00:20:20.39\00:20:23.08
of testosterone
can be very aggressive,
00:20:23.09\00:20:25.48
so it's hormonally
related but the estrogen
00:20:25.49\00:20:29.14
is making you, that's
the emotional swings with
00:20:29.15\00:20:34.26
the estrogen, so women
then if they are having
00:20:34.27\00:20:37.61
these estrogen
swings can become very
00:20:37.62\00:20:39.48
verbally aggressive,
is what you're saying.
00:20:39.49\00:20:41.23
Yeah. It's
interesting. So the mood of the,
00:20:41.72\00:20:43.49
you know women
can have like labile,
00:20:43.50\00:20:45.65
we call labile
mood, up and down mood
00:20:45.66\00:20:47.95
and you are saying
that, that can lead them to
00:20:48.32\00:20:50.39
to verbal aggressions
sometimes if they get
00:20:50.40\00:20:52.21
frustrated enough.
That's interesting.
00:20:52.22\00:20:53.97
Yeah my husband
would agree with that.
00:20:53.98\00:20:55.26
But I tried to be
really nice to him and I'm
00:20:56.48\00:20:58.34
most of the time, and
I've learned when I feel
00:20:58.35\00:21:00.92
like getting not
so nice to him to just
00:21:00.93\00:21:02.52
walk out of the
house. Take like a twenty
00:21:02.53\00:21:04.38
minute walk, and sometimes just
00:21:04.39\00:21:06.42
oxygenating your
brain and getting sometime
00:21:06.43\00:21:09.11
alone with Jesus
can just keep you from
00:21:09.12\00:21:11.87
taking off, so we
need to learn as women how
00:21:11.88\00:21:15.26
to use our words.
How much of that is
00:21:15.27\00:21:18.43
governed by
temperament though because there
00:21:18.44\00:21:20.23
are different temperaments.
00:21:20.24\00:21:21.51
That's right.
For example I mean,
00:21:21.52\00:21:23.14
I'm, one thing that
JD always says about me,
00:21:23.15\00:21:25.44
is that I'm extremely
even tempered. Really?
00:21:25.45\00:21:29.11
In my life time, I
think, I could count on one
00:21:29.55\00:21:32.54
hand how many times
I've lost my temper.
00:21:32.55\00:21:34.53
Really? So I'm
very even tempered.
00:21:34.79\00:21:36.77
But that has to do more
with, I mean, is it brain
00:21:37.27\00:21:41.42
or the temperament or
what does the brain and
00:21:41.43\00:21:43.83
the temperament have to
do with one and another?
00:21:43.84\00:21:45.62
There's a lot of, you
know factors that sort
00:21:45.80\00:21:48.61
of flow together
in the human being,
00:21:48.62\00:21:51.28
you know, there's
environment, there's
00:21:51.29\00:21:52.80
the way you grew up.
If you grew up in a home
00:21:52.81\00:21:55.88
where, that even temperament
00:21:55.89\00:21:58.06
was modeled by your parents
00:21:58.07\00:21:59.97
and by your
family. Heavenly days you
00:21:59.98\00:22:00.95
know. With the opposite, really.
00:22:00.96\00:22:02.95
Totally the
opposite. Totally the opposite,
00:22:02.96\00:22:04.74
isn't that interesting?
00:22:04.75\00:22:05.72
Maybe I was overcompensating.
00:22:05.73\00:22:06.84
Or the other, yeah you could be
00:22:06.85\00:22:07.82
overcompensating, or
you could be a defense
00:22:07.83\00:22:09.60
mechanism that you're
afraid to be emotional
00:22:09.61\00:22:11.90
or it could be
that you just have the
00:22:11.91\00:22:13.93
genetics of a calmer person.
00:22:13.94\00:22:15.39
You know, human
beings are very complex.
00:22:16.13\00:22:18.44
You know, I have
people that I've had you
00:22:18.78\00:22:20.28
know, 40 and 50 hour
long sessions with and
00:22:20.29\00:22:23.81
I still don't have them
figured out and I'm still
00:22:23.82\00:22:26.39
learning things
about them everyday, I mean
00:22:26.40\00:22:27.89
people are so complex, very,
00:22:27.90\00:22:29.42
very interesting
stuff. Not surprisingly well,
00:22:30.10\00:22:33.03
maybe surprisingly
but men are more prone to
00:22:33.26\00:22:36.03
psychotic
disorders, women are on the
00:22:36.04\00:22:39.39
whole more prone
to what we might call
00:22:39.40\00:22:41.33
neurotic
disorders. What I mean by
00:22:41.34\00:22:44.09
neurotic disorders are
disorders that effect the
00:22:44.10\00:22:47.31
mood for instance,
depression, anxiety,
00:22:47.32\00:22:49.75
women are much more
prone to develop for
00:22:49.76\00:22:52.39
instance major
depressive disorder,
00:22:52.40\00:22:53.96
of course that
happens to both, but women are
00:22:54.11\00:22:56.21
more prone and they
have a higher rate of that.
00:22:56.22\00:22:58.49
Men on the other
hand have a more apt to
00:22:59.30\00:23:01.07
developed disorders
that have to do with
00:23:01.08\00:23:02.77
erratic or even
aggressive behavior like
00:23:03.21\00:23:06.17
antisocial personality
disorder where there is
00:23:06.18\00:23:08.54
you know violent
behavior manifested or
00:23:08.55\00:23:11.87
oppositional defiant or
other types of disorders
00:23:12.32\00:23:14.86
that involve
aggression or psychotic episodes
00:23:14.87\00:23:18.39
where men you know,
where individuals will
00:23:18.40\00:23:20.33
lose their reasons so to speak.
00:23:20.34\00:23:22.93
See and this sounds
to me very hormonally
00:23:22.94\00:23:25.08
driven, I heard that
actions of the hormones
00:23:25.09\00:23:27.15
on the brain. You
know, I can't believe
00:23:27.16\00:23:29.46
this but we are
down just to a couple of
00:23:29.47\00:23:31.01
minutes here. Oh,
no. And I would really
00:23:31.02\00:23:33.20
like to ask you to
kind of start putting this
00:23:33.21\00:23:37.57
together as far as
we're very well aware that
00:23:37.58\00:23:42.58
men and women are
quite different and even
00:23:42.59\00:23:44.76
we might say we
celebrate those differences,
00:23:44.77\00:23:47.22
Viva La
Difference. Amen. But, the Lord
00:23:47.23\00:23:50.02
did say that when
He put us together,
00:23:50.90\00:23:53.58
He said the two shall
become one, let's talk
00:23:54.03\00:23:56.96
about from the
Biblical perspective.
00:23:56.97\00:23:58.75
Yeah, I really love
what Genesis 1:27 says that,
00:23:58.76\00:24:03.30
God made man in
His own image, male
00:24:03.31\00:24:06.24
and female created
He them that word image
00:24:06.25\00:24:09.02
is tzelem in the
Hebrew and it means
00:24:09.03\00:24:11.78
a representative
figure, so when God got ready
00:24:11.79\00:24:15.21
to represent Himself
through the human race,
00:24:15.22\00:24:17.98
we were created for His
glory, Isaiah 43 says we
00:24:17.99\00:24:20.90
are created to be
like Him in character to
00:24:20.91\00:24:23.42
represent Him to the
universe, He wanted to
00:24:23.43\00:24:26.17
create an order of
being that was so much like
00:24:26.18\00:24:28.79
Him that He could
point to us and say look at
00:24:29.12\00:24:31.57
them and you will
see Me, that's why He
00:24:31.58\00:24:33.51
created us, that's
the purpose for which we
00:24:33.52\00:24:35.59
are created, do
you agree with that?
00:24:35.60\00:24:36.80
Absolutely. Amen.
And so when He got ready
00:24:36.81\00:24:39.11
to do that, He made
the male and female, and so
00:24:39.12\00:24:43.09
it's male and female together
00:24:43.10\00:24:44.98
that represent
God. Male alone is not a
00:24:44.99\00:24:48.28
complete representation
of God, female alone is
00:24:48.29\00:24:51.33
not a complete
representation of God,
00:24:51.34\00:24:53.69
we need to come
together, work together
00:24:54.09\00:24:55.96
in spite of our
differences whether it
00:24:55.97\00:24:57.50
be in the context of
a marriage or whether it
00:24:57.51\00:25:00.17
would be in the
context of the church, whether
00:25:00.18\00:25:02.91
it be in the context
of a ministry, we need to
00:25:02.92\00:25:05.13
work together and
complement one and
00:25:05.14\00:25:08.06
another, celebrate
our differences without
00:25:08.07\00:25:11.24
being overly stereotypical,
enjoying you know the
00:25:11.25\00:25:14.54
differences
between men and women,
00:25:14.55\00:25:15.96
and not be shocked
by them but on the other
00:25:15.97\00:25:18.25
hand not to be shocked
when the rules are broken.
00:25:18.26\00:25:20.08
And I think because of
the differences between
00:25:20.68\00:25:23.58
men and women, the
communications is so
00:25:23.59\00:25:26.98
different among
the men and women, yes,
00:25:26.99\00:25:28.41
you know I always
tell women, when I grow
00:25:28.42\00:25:30.65
out, I'll say if I am
just speaking to women
00:25:30.66\00:25:32.74
only, yeah, please
learn when you are talking to
00:25:32.75\00:25:35.48
your husband to give
him the bullet points
00:25:35.49\00:25:38.51
just give him.
Exactly. You know, all he wants
00:25:38.52\00:25:41.25
is the bottom line.
He doesn't wanna know
00:25:41.26\00:25:44.13
if you went to the baby
shower, all the presents
00:25:44.58\00:25:46.52
she got, the name of
everybody who is there
00:25:46.53\00:25:48.40
and how the
gifts were wrapped etc,
00:25:48.41\00:25:50.20
but he's just asking
if you had a good time,
00:25:50.85\00:25:52.98
now if he ask for more
details provide him but
00:25:52.99\00:25:55.11
that's a rare occasion.
That's right. And so we
00:25:55.12\00:25:58.59
need to learn how
to be happy with the
00:25:58.60\00:26:03.00
differences, and
not to expect, you know,
00:26:03.01\00:26:05.47
a woman can't expect
her husband to talk to
00:26:05.93\00:26:09.14
her the same way
that she might talk with
00:26:09.15\00:26:11.18
her best friend. Do
I have time for just
00:26:11.19\00:26:12.82
a quick illustration?
Quick. Women tend to
00:26:12.83\00:26:15.13
say, aha, aha, when
they're listening to one
00:26:15.14\00:26:17.11
and other more and
they do more face to face
00:26:17.12\00:26:19.01
communication than
men, men tend to look
00:26:19.02\00:26:20.81
away and talk like,
while they're looking
00:26:20.82\00:26:22.85
away or
something, women look at each
00:26:22.86\00:26:24.71
other and they
make more sounds to
00:26:24.72\00:26:26.75
encourage one and another.
00:26:26.76\00:26:27.73
Used to be really
hard for me to talk to guys
00:26:28.16\00:26:29.83
because they wouldn't
do that and I would feel
00:26:29.84\00:26:31.56
like they were stonewalling me,
00:26:31.57\00:26:32.76
but they are not,
they are just different.
00:26:33.13\00:26:34.71
They are just different.
That's right. Jennifer,
00:26:34.72\00:26:36.80
it has been wonderful
to have you back again
00:26:36.81\00:26:39.24
and I just
thank you for bringing
00:26:39.87\00:26:42.00
this delightful topic.
It's lot of fun, isn't it?
00:26:42.01\00:26:44.18
It is fun, and it's
just good to know that it's
00:26:44.19\00:26:47.13
okay to be
different, we can't expect our
00:26:47.14\00:26:49.01
husbands to be like
us and, that's right.
00:26:49.02\00:26:50.83
Men you know that we
are not gonna be like you.
00:26:50.84\00:26:52.62
Well thank you so
much again for joining
00:26:53.65\00:26:55.24
us and we just want
to thank each one of you
00:26:55.25\00:26:57.95
at home for joining
us, hope you have enjoyed
00:26:57.96\00:27:00.27
today and hope that
you will celebrate the
00:27:00.28\00:27:02.76
difference of your
spouse, your friend,
00:27:02.77\00:27:05.56
whoever it is that God
has made to be so special.
00:27:05.96\00:27:09.28