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Hello, I'm Shelley
Quinn. Welcome again to
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Issues and Answers. I
think you're going to be glad
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you tuned in today. We are
talking about the importance and
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significance of communication
skills. This set we have a
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couple returning. We've been
discussing this for a couple of
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programs here. But I wanted to
read something to you from Luke
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chapter 4 and I think that
you'll see as Christians how
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important this is for us. This
is Jesus speaking and he said:
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The Spirit of the Lord is upon
me because he has anointed me to
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preach the good news, the gospel
to the poor, he has sent me to
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announce release to the captives
and recovery of sight to the
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blind, to send forth delivered
those who are oppressed, to
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proclaim the acceptable year
of the Lord. You know sometimes
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people are oppressed around us.
Many times people's hearts are
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breaking and we don't know.
I remember once hearing treat
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everyone as if their heart is
breaking because it probably is.
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But if we will learn how to
employ good communication skills
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we can reach people at
their need. Let me introduce our
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special guests today. We
have returning Duane and Nancy
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Andersen from Mesa, Arizona.
Thanks for coming back again.
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Thank you. Now
Nancy tell me about your
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ministry CARE.
Care stands for Care and
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Renewal Education and for
quite a few years we have been
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providing seminars for friends,
family, church members, anyone
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that's interested in various
topics: Grief and loss, marriage
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enrichment and communication
skills, things like that. And
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the communication skills seems
to be a pretty basic need and
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well received and a lot of
people like to have that ability
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to feel comfortable when they're
talking to strangers or talking
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to family members and it's very
compatible with the grief and
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loss work that we have done
as well. Because a lot of times
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when you're talking to someone
who is grieving and as you said
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you heart is breaking inside,
it will spill out. It will spill
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out in emotions or it will spill
out in little conversation and
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if you are comfortable and
secure in your communication
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skills you can invite them
to share more of what's on their
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heart which can be very
healing and very therapeutic.
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Now Duane you received
your masters in counseling and
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guidance. You were a pastor
and educator. Right. Counselor.
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When I opened with that
scripture, I know you love that
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scripture, how do you
feel that the significance of
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communication skills that we can
really help release the captive?
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Why do you feel that that
scripture is so important?
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Yes, it was interesting in
my own experience I'm going to
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share that you know when
I really became a born-again
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Christian at age 22, I
experienced a real close walk
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with the Lord but didn't
realize that that didn't just
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solve all my problems.
There were a lot of hurtful
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experiences I'd gone through in
the past which were weighing me
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down. I mean, I needed to be
released. I was a captive to my
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own hurts and pain of the
past and I didn't even realize,
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didn't know, at the time
that this could be taken care of
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quite easily simply by finding
somebody to go and talk to, to
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go over these issues and
get them resolved, have the Lord
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give me the healing that I
needed. So I just kept pushing
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on until I was at midlife and
just ran out of energy and it
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was only then that I was able
to go to a counselor and get the
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help because I
really felt the need.
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You said you ran out of energy.
You were pastoring. Was this
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kind of really a burnout?
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Oh yes. I mean I was exhausted
and a lot of times people might
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not realize it but when they say
they've burned out it's because
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there's things that are taking
the energy that finally by mid
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life I just didn't have any left
and I thought I was all over.
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I thought how can I ever go back
to work? I just don't have the
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energy to work. You lose all
kind of desire, no interest in
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work anymore. All
right so in James 5:16 when
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he says confess your faults
one to another and pray for one
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another that you may be healed.
How do you feel that this
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relates to what
we're discussing today?
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I had some situations happen
in my life that ended up being a
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fault in me, you know. Some type
of a thing that weighed me down
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that kept me back from my
true potential and it affected
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everything. It affected my
marriage, it affected my career,
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it affected my relationship with
my children and if I had have
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got these things taken care of
sooner, I mean the Lord wants to
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give us the healing, but so
often, especially males, it's
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private, it holds us
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back. I wanted to be the tough
guy, to be able to handle all of
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this and I'm just
going to push it through.
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You wanted to be the pastor
that's giving all the good
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counseling and not admit
that you've got any problems.
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Yes. And of course the
counseling was not as effective
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as it could have been because I
wasn't going to a deeper level.
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OK. So people were not getting
the relief that they needed
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because I needed to get the
relief in order to help somebody
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else to get the relief.
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Had you not had any problems,
what you needed to learn was
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Let me say this in a different
way. You did have problems
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you learned how
to release them and
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how to communicate which made
it more effective for you, but
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even if someone did not have
those problems, if they haven't
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learned these communication
skills they still may not be
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giving good counsel because
they put a band aid on it rather
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than lancing the
wound and letting it out.
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Exactly. I mean we all go
through experiences in life that
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are painful, that are hurtful.
We live in this world how can
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you avoid it? If we don't have
somebody who can really tune in
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to us, who can really understand
us, who can really walk through
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that as we mentioned in the
scriptures, rejoice with those
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who rejoice and weep with those
who weep. That's the only way
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that I know of that you can
effectively do this. I mean,
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true you can be there for the
person and not even say anything
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and that's a big help and
sometimes that's the best thing
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to do. So for
example, let me give you
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an example then: When there's
a death in the family that's
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when many people feel that you
don't know what to say. Right
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exactly. How do you deal with
someone. Sometimes it is best
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just to be there and not ask
a bunch of questions that are
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stupid. But let's say that
someone comes to you and they're
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talking about a death in
the family. How do you relate to
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someone like that to
get to a deeper level?
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Actually I've felt most rewarded
when working with people who
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are going through grief and loss
not that it's a selfish thing
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to reward me, but to help them
walk through, go through their
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grief with them and they like
to talk about different things.
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They might not want to say
anything for a while or, you
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know you let them take the lead.
They might want to talk about a
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humorous thing that happened.
Let's say it's a spouse you know
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When my spouse did this it was
always so funny and of course if
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I knew them I would share a
little bit too that this is what
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I enjoyed and appreciated about
them. They want to talk about
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that person. By having the
listening skills you don't worry
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so much about what am I going
to say because that used to be a
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that worried me the most.
What am I going to say to these
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people. Like going into a
hospital where a man just lost
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both of his legs, one above
the knee and one below the knee.
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What are you going to say
to him? You don't have to say
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anything to start with. Just
listen to him. What's he going
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through? Be there for him
and walk through it with him.
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Give me an example, I mean, when
you said walking into a hospital
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room where someone is a double
amputee. How do you even start
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the conversation
to listen to them?
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You know at that time I was
really floored because I did not
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know. I hadn't taken this course
and I did not know what to do.
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Now the man kept saying it's
hard to get a good man down,
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it's hard to get a good man
down He kept saying this and I
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thought well what is he talking
about? Well inside of six months
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or so he got his legs healed up,
he got prosthetics and he was
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back on the job. I don't know
how long it was for sure, six
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months, a year, whatever.
But that was something that he
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inside of his heart had made his
mind up, a very determined man,
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to not let anything like this
get him down. And of course if
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I had more of the listening
skills I wouldn't have been so
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helpless, you know. What do
you do in a situation like this?
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What do you say to man who
just lost his legs? I mean.
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So what would you say now
with those listening skills?
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Yeah, I would have said so
you're saying that this is not
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going to get you down. No it's
not going to get me down, it's
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not going to get me down.
And you know sometimes, if I can
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just tell a little experience
here, going back to a child who
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was four years old when his
mother who had had an operation
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back about four weeks earlier
and died in the home and he was
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with his mother while she
was dead all that day before
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somebody came and found them.
Well of course with his mom not
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being able to speak to him and
him wondering what was going on
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and everything, he felt very
abandoned. At school he didn't
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know that his grandma was ever
going to come back and get him
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when she dropped him off on
Mondays, so he would just go
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into shock. And he would just
Nana, Nana, Nana and he would
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be brought into my office just
shaking. And what was I going to
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do with him, you know. You give
him a hug and he's just stiff as
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a board and just shaking,
Nana, Nana. So you tune in to
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whatever the situation is. He's
saying Nana and I said OK Nana.
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So you miss your Nana, is
that what you miss, your Nana?
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And I mean I'm thinking fast
too. You know, where do I go
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from here. But then I thought
here come over to the computer
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and I typed in Nana and said is
this how you spell Nana. Typed
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in Nana. I says you must really
love your Nana. Tune in to where
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he's at and focus on that. And
believe it or not, he started
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quieting down a little bit at
a time, a little bit at a time.
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And I said hey let's print this
name out, Nana. Let's see how
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many different ways we can print
this name. Different fonts and
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and so forth and finally he
was making Nana out of clay. We
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brought some clay out and he was
making... And he quieted down
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and over time he stayed with me
for the day because he needed to
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but little bit by little bit he
was able to get away from that
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and he didn't have that shock
and trauma anymore that he had
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before. You know a
four-year-old may not
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be able to express himself
but Nancy my experience has been
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that quite often when you're
talking with people they leave
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out information don't they?
So tell me if you're talking to
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somebody, say that there's been
a death in the family, and you
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know they're leaving out
information, how do you get them
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going? Well I
think it's very helpful
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to in reviewing the skills that
we've already talked about, you
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can ask appropriate questions,
but more open-ended questions.
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When they'll say something, well
tell me a little more about that
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Tell me what was it like when
they did such and such. Or you
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can also use the paraphrase and
the perception checks to check
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to check on the content
of what they are saying.
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Paraphrase is when someone
is speaking to you and basically
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you don't want to parrot back
word for word but that's when
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you're saying, you know,
let me see if I understand what
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you're saying and you're giving
the main content or the point,
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kind of putting it in your own
words to make sure you're on the
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same page. Now what
is the perception check?
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The perception check is then
once you're sure that you have
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the content of what they're
saying correct, you have the
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facts and all that. Then
you ask about the feelings.
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The perception check is their
feeling level. Perceiving, you
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know, that must have made you
feel really funny or you were
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scared. I'm wondering if that's
correct. Did you feel tense or
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did that make you feel
angry when that happened?
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I'm wondering if that's maybe
what was happening. It allows
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them to go to the next little
level of sharing the emotional
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component of what was going
on. When you're asking those
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tentative statements
you're using those little stem
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questions. Am I right, or could
it be that you're feeling this
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way. You're not confronting
them or accusing them or putting
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words in their mouth, but
they then feel free to say well
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actually yeah I was really
scared, I was panicked. I was
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really panicked about that time.
00:14:07.68\00:14:09.01
Or maybe no, you're not right,
what I'm feeling is anger,
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whatever. So what you're saying
then is that questions are a
00:14:13.28\00:14:18.19
good part of
communication, is that correct?
00:14:18.22\00:14:20.16
Yeah, if they're creative in the
sense that they're facilitating
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to lead to a deeper level. You
certainly don't want to get into
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the interrogation type of thing.
Right. Yeah, yeah, if you're
00:14:26.70\00:14:30.03
just hammering them with
question after question after
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question. No. I mean that's for
the police to do and their job
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over there. But when somebody's
hurting and grieving just little
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leading questions that will lead
to a deeper level, facilitate,
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them to go to a deeper
level. OK. Certainly in a grief
00:14:45.25\00:14:49.92
situation I would want to know
how they're feeling right now.
00:14:49.98\00:14:55.12
Very often what were you doing
when you got the news. Were you
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there by their bedside or was it
a situation where they were at
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home and they got a phone call?
It takes them right back to that
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time and you're there for them
to walk them through it. There
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might not have been anybody
there when they got that call
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and they've been in shock
ever since and that gives you an
00:15:17.25\00:15:20.95
opportunity to have them share
what their feelings were back
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then and go through that because
we were never created to go
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through these kinds of things so
it's very, very hurtful on our
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systems but again that's where
our text comes in where the Lord
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comes and gives the
healing that we need.
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Have you worked with anyone
who's been abused, say sexually
00:15:38.73\00:15:44.17
abused. A lot of times it seems
that not only are they leaving
00:15:44.21\00:15:49.01
out information but there's a
shame or a cover-up. How do you
00:15:49.04\00:15:53.85
reach someone like that?
00:15:53.88\00:15:55.25
Again, it's not the actions that
actually took place because they
00:15:55.28\00:16:00.89
don't need to tell the counselor
details of what took place but
00:16:00.96\00:16:06.53
how did they feel
about it, like you say.
00:16:06.56\00:16:08.40
Now you said counselor. What
if I'm just a friend. What if I
00:16:08.43\00:16:11.67
have a friend. Just a
friend? Yeah. Yeah, if
00:16:11.73\00:16:14.90
it's female to female, like that
kind of a situation and they
00:16:14.94\00:16:18.44
want to include
some details of course.
00:16:18.47\00:16:20.61
But even say we don't want
to take them back to that spot.
00:16:20.68\00:16:24.31
Let's just say that I have a
friend who's really suffering
00:16:24.35\00:16:27.62
and maybe it's been something
like that abuse. How can I reach
00:16:27.68\00:16:30.92
that person to get them to
a deeper level? What kind of
00:16:30.95\00:16:34.26
questions should I ask?
00:16:34.32\00:16:35.79
Again, circumstances surrounding
the situation, you know. Take
00:16:35.82\00:16:40.93
them back in their mind. OK you
said this took place when you
00:16:40.96\00:16:46.07
were like nine years old and you
were living where and this...
00:16:46.10\00:16:50.37
You felt violated. Not you must
have. I guess that would be the
00:16:50.41\00:16:54.64
wrong way to do that.
00:16:54.68\00:16:56.01
Well it's a tentative thing.
It's OK in the sense that you
00:16:56.04\00:16:58.75
don't want to say you know
how they felt. You now a lot of
00:16:58.78\00:17:01.95
people will say I
understand how you feel.
00:17:01.98\00:17:04.19
Even in grief and
it's not the same.
00:17:04.22\00:17:07.89
Yeah, that's not really helpful
to the person. As a matter of
00:17:07.92\00:17:10.49
fact they can feel kind of like
no you don't know how I feel.
00:17:10.53\00:17:14.26
They'll come back with that. So
we're trying to understand how
00:17:14.30\00:17:18.00
they feel. You know
Shelley I think that is
00:17:18.03\00:17:20.60
an excellent when you bring that
up. If that happens to someone
00:17:20.64\00:17:24.77
you know I think to facilitate
them, encouraging them and
00:17:24.81\00:17:31.15
supporting them, have they ever
actually talked to a counselor
00:17:31.18\00:17:35.22
about that. There are people who
are truly prepared to deal with
00:17:35.25\00:17:38.95
the tremendous emotional trauma
that people have gone through
00:17:38.99\00:17:41.32
when they've been through abuse.
Just your average counselor I
00:17:41.36\00:17:46.16
don't feel adequate to talk to
someone who has... You know I'm
00:17:46.19\00:17:50.73
not a trained counselor in
my background so that I wouldn't
00:17:50.77\00:17:55.77
feel comfortable in talking to
the depth or to the degree that
00:17:55.80\00:17:59.81
they may need. They may need
professional counseling to help
00:17:59.84\00:18:03.81
them... You know
that's excellent. I'm
00:18:03.85\00:18:06.21
so glad you said that
because we've been talking about
00:18:06.25\00:18:09.55
increasing our communication
skills. We've talked about
00:18:09.58\00:18:13.89
things like learning to be
an active listener where you are
00:18:13.92\00:18:18.16
taking someone and once they've
stated their case and made their
00:18:18.19\00:18:24.37
comments you're saying now
let me see if I understand you
00:18:24.40\00:18:26.53
correctly or I think I heard you
say such and such and you are
00:18:26.57\00:18:30.64
basically paraphrasing the main
points to make sure that you are
00:18:30.67\00:18:34.74
really connecting with
one another. You want to pay
00:18:34.78\00:18:38.58
attention to the, what'd you
call that, a perspective check?
00:18:38.61\00:18:42.45
Perception check.
Perception check and you're
00:18:42.48\00:18:45.35
looking at body language
and things. You want to ask
00:18:45.42\00:18:48.26
questions but you don't want
to seem prying. You also have
00:18:48.29\00:18:52.46
to be careful. You know some
people are naturally abrupt.
00:18:52.49\00:18:56.60
They just kind of have a way
of answering. You may be one of
00:18:56.63\00:19:01.44
those. So if you start delving
into a situation though where
00:19:01.47\00:19:06.17
you're getting into some serious
emotional issues we aren't
00:19:06.21\00:19:10.45
always the one. We might uncover
and open up Pandora's box and
00:19:10.51\00:19:13.92
not know what to do with it.
Right, exactly. So at that point
00:19:13.95\00:19:17.65
it's time to go see your pastor
or see a counselor, somebody
00:19:17.69\00:19:21.39
trained in counseling. For sure.
00:19:21.42\00:19:22.76
The other thing too is if you're
dealing... a lot of times when
00:19:22.79\00:19:25.86
you're dealing with individuals
who have tremendous anger issues
00:19:25.89\00:19:29.60
and are explosive, they may
also have mental health issues.
00:19:29.63\00:19:34.84
Your communication skills may
not be as effective with them
00:19:34.87\00:19:42.84
because their reality isn't
based on your reality and they
00:19:42.88\00:19:50.82
have additional
deeper, more significant needs.
00:19:50.85\00:19:53.36
The communications skills
can help you cope with those
00:19:53.42\00:19:56.26
situations but you may not be
as therapeutic as you would be
00:19:56.29\00:20:00.86
in normal conversations or in
caring for people that have more
00:20:00.90\00:20:06.27
of a normal range of experiences
in grief or in joy or whatever.
00:20:06.30\00:20:11.64
So you know you don't ever
ant to get in over your head...
00:20:11.67\00:20:17.61
Don't ever hesitate to encourage
them to seek professional
00:20:17.65\00:20:22.35
counseling, you know, when
you see that their needs are...
00:20:22.38\00:20:26.29
When we talking about setting
the captives free we're not
00:20:26.32\00:20:30.19
trying to make people
professionals here but we're
00:20:30.23\00:20:32.73
talking about just learning how
to communicate with one another
00:20:32.76\00:20:36.60
on a deeper level
because everybody has a story.
00:20:36.63\00:20:39.73
Exactly, exactly they do.
00:20:39.77\00:20:41.47
And everybody wants to tell
their story but so few of us
00:20:41.50\00:20:47.21
listen. Exactly. If you are
meeting say someone at church
00:20:47.24\00:20:52.55
someone new coming to church,
how's the best way to connect
00:20:52.58\00:20:57.85
with somebody that
you're just meeting?
00:20:57.89\00:21:00.26
For the first
time, you just met them?
00:21:00.29\00:21:02.62
To make them feel welcome.
00:21:02.66\00:21:03.99
Well I mean I always like
to make sure I get their name,
00:21:04.03\00:21:06.90
understand their name and see
if there are any connections and
00:21:06.93\00:21:10.40
if they're from the area and how
long they've been living there.
00:21:10.43\00:21:14.07
Kind of more of the superficial
things, getting to know each
00:21:14.10\00:21:17.44
other at the top. I mean you
don't swing down to some deep
00:21:17.47\00:21:21.64
level straight away. No.
And make people think whoa, OK.
00:21:21.68\00:21:25.75
Right exactly. So you do that
chit chat, I mean that's normal.
00:21:25.78\00:21:29.58
You know if the Lord opens
an opportunity and the person
00:21:29.62\00:21:33.62
really does want to... They came
to church specifically to talk
00:21:33.66\00:21:36.79
to somebody about something.
Well then, that's a different
00:21:36.83\00:21:39.89
situation. But yes, normally
it's the chit chat things and
00:21:39.93\00:21:42.96
the as the friendship
develops and deepens you have
00:21:43.00\00:21:45.53
opportunities to
00:21:45.57\00:21:46.90
listen and facilitate them to
go to a deeper level, if they so
00:21:46.94\00:21:50.74
choose. Again, it's completely
up to them. I mean, we don't
00:21:50.77\00:21:53.78
have an agenda, well we're going
to get these people to go to a
00:21:53.81\00:21:57.55
deeper level. No, no. If these
people though would like to talk
00:21:57.58\00:22:02.15
more about something and we just
keep giving permission and they
00:22:02.18\00:22:06.12
do keep going to a deeper level
that's just totally up to them
00:22:06.15\00:22:10.09
and that's rewarding for
them because they need it.
00:22:10.13\00:22:14.20
You know, my husband has
exceptional people skills and
00:22:14.23\00:22:18.23
he always takes time, and I tell
him it really takes a lot of
00:22:18.30\00:22:25.94
time to be nice. I would
say I have decent to good people
00:22:25.97\00:22:31.38
skills and I am very involved
in people's lives and I like to
00:22:31.41\00:22:36.62
listen, but I'm a mission person
I'm mission driven and it's
00:22:36.65\00:22:41.82
like you know I've got the
agenda for the day and it's
00:22:41.86\00:22:45.49
this jam packed so I don't
always take the time to listen
00:22:45.53\00:22:49.76
whereas he will no matter how
busy he is. So it's something
00:22:49.80\00:22:55.50
that learning to communicate
well and set those captives free
00:22:55.54\00:23:00.01
there's a little discernment
that you have to develop when
00:23:00.08\00:23:04.55
you see people you work with.
If you notice something that's
00:23:04.58\00:23:08.62
just really different about
somebody, that's when you have
00:23:08.65\00:23:12.62
to press the pause button and go
to them and see what's going on.
00:23:12.65\00:23:18.49
Many of our viewers
have probably seen this where
00:23:18.53\00:23:27.90
something's going on at work
and you know someone's different
00:23:27.94\00:23:31.97
how would you open up or get
that person to open up to you?
00:23:32.01\00:23:36.01
If you're on a break or
something like that because
00:23:36.04\00:23:39.78
sometimes if you ask some
questions that would give them
00:23:39.81\00:23:42.55
permission to open up, they may
not have the time right there
00:23:42.58\00:23:47.19
to share anything. But I find if
they're looking... you pick up
00:23:47.26\00:23:51.83
on the body language as we
talked about. You know, let's
00:23:51.86\00:23:54.63
say they're looking kind of
stressed or kind of tense or
00:23:54.66\00:23:57.33
something like that. Instead of
saying oh you're looking tense
00:23:57.37\00:24:02.00
just say I noticed you seemed
to be walking quickly today and
00:24:02.04\00:24:06.61
I was wondering, is there
anything that is going on that
00:24:06.64\00:24:10.98
you want to talk about. I mean
if I know this person already
00:24:11.01\00:24:15.25
anyway. If they say Naa. Or they
might say well yeah, I'm going
00:24:15.28\00:24:19.95
through a tough time with my
spouse but I just can't get into
00:24:19.99\00:24:23.73
it right now. Well, you know, if
you would like to some time, let
00:24:23.79\00:24:27.50
me know because you know I'll
be there for you if you'd like
00:24:27.53\00:24:30.67
to talk about it. I mean in that
sense we're not putting it off
00:24:30.70\00:24:33.97
because we're at work. But you
know if it somebody that sure
00:24:34.00\00:24:37.27
you meet them on a weekend
or something like that and you
00:24:37.31\00:24:39.97
recognized at work that there
was some kind of a situation
00:24:40.01\00:24:42.64
like that, you can even make an
appointment to sit down and talk
00:24:42.68\00:24:45.75
about it. You
know, we've been talking
00:24:45.78\00:24:47.85
about some wonderful
communication skills. I'm going
00:24:47.88\00:24:50.75
throw you a loop here because
you just tagged something when
00:24:50.79\00:24:54.52
you said, if you at work. What
do you do with a person that
00:24:54.56\00:24:58.23
at work who always has an issue
always wearing their feelings on
00:24:58.26\00:25:04.50
their sleeves. You see them
coming and you know you can't
00:25:04.53\00:25:09.77
take... You can't afford to take
this time, how do you make them
00:25:09.80\00:25:13.64
feel loved and accepted and at
the same time think will I don't
00:25:13.68\00:25:17.48
have time to listen to a
20- minute diatribe. How can you
00:25:17.51\00:25:20.65
make that person
feel loved and accepted?
00:25:20.68\00:25:23.45
You know thanks for sharing. I
appreciate that and I've got to
00:25:23.49\00:25:28.96
head out right now but again if
you pay them a complement, thank
00:25:28.99\00:25:33.53
them for sharing. They've shared
a little bit, they may get the
00:25:33.56\00:25:38.07
sense that hey this person
does care about me because most
00:25:38.10\00:25:41.20
people are just saying oh man
that's too bad, sorry about that
00:25:41.24\00:25:45.97
whoof, bye. If we can at least
give them a little crumb that we
00:25:46.01\00:25:49.84
care about them. We've busy, we
can't take the time right then
00:25:49.88\00:25:54.02
to just stop and go into a
big type of a thing. And also as
00:25:54.08\00:25:57.95
we've mentioned earlier if it's
a situation where we feel they
00:25:57.99\00:26:01.82
could benefit from a counselor
we might say we know of an
00:26:01.86\00:26:05.86
individual you know. They might
take it as a criticism if we say
00:26:05.89\00:26:09.70
you know you need to go
to a counselor. We know of an
00:26:09.73\00:26:12.83
individual who would really
be helpful in listening to what
00:26:12.87\00:26:17.84
you're going through. I mean
we're kind of busy here at work.
00:26:17.87\00:26:22.11
You know we can't always take
the time but unless you want to
00:26:22.14\00:26:26.35
talk on the weekend.
00:26:26.38\00:26:27.72
That's good, that's good. So
communicating all three of us
00:26:27.75\00:26:32.25
will agree, as we've discussed,
that listening is the greatest
00:26:32.29\00:26:37.39
communication skill. But
there is such a thing as active
00:26:37.43\00:26:40.90
listening and that's where
questions are a good part of
00:26:40.93\00:26:44.30
active listening to get someone
down to that deeper level and
00:26:44.33\00:26:48.90
perhaps release them from
feeling trapped or feeling
00:26:48.94\00:26:54.61
just numb. And we use
questions like I think, if I'm
00:26:54.64\00:27:00.25
understanding correctly, is
this what you're saying? Did I
00:27:00.28\00:27:03.59
understand you to say this, kind
of paraphrasing what they've
00:27:03.62\00:27:06.59
said, watching for the body
language. We're going to have
00:27:06.62\00:27:09.56
to do a program on
body language I think. Yes.
00:27:09.59\00:27:13.23
Anyway, I appreciate so
much your ministry, I appreciate
00:27:13.26\00:27:17.90
y'all being here. Can't believe
the time's already gone but it
00:27:17.93\00:27:20.90
is. So thank you
so much for coming.
00:27:20.94\00:27:24.21
Thank you. For those
of you at home, I hope
00:27:24.24\00:27:27.78
that this is stirring something
in you even to say we all
00:27:27.81\00:27:31.91
need to learn how to communicate
better. Sometimes we just get so
00:27:31.95\00:27:36.45
busy in our own little world we
don't think about that a lot of
00:27:36.48\00:27:40.32
problems probably are our own
fault because we're not taking
00:27:40.36\00:27:44.39
the time in a relationship
to listen to someone else. So we
00:27:44.43\00:27:48.36
need to learn to be not selfish,
not exercising in our own agenda
00:27:48.40\00:27:53.94
and listening, especially
to the voice of the Lord.
00:27:53.97\00:27:57.17
Thank you.
00:27:57.21\00:28:01.64