Participants: Shelley Quinn (Host), Duane Anderson, Nancy Anderson
Series Code: IAA
Program Code: IAA000372
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00:30 Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn
00:32 and welcome again to Issues and Answers. 00:34 Today we are going to be discussing communication skills, 00:38 talking about how to get to a deeper level with people. 00:42 I believe that there's something fundamental 00:45 about each one of us, a fundamental need 00:48 we want to be understood 00:49 and although no two human beings 00:52 totally understand each other. 00:53 I mean, really I believe the only one 00:55 who understands us is the Lord. 00:58 But yet we as humans and as particularly 01:01 as Christians want to learn how to allow, 01:06 give someone permission to share on a deeper level 01:10 and most of us block that in someway. 01:13 You know, Jesus said in Matthew 5:7 01:16 in the Sermon on the Mount. 01:18 He said, "Blessed are the merciful 01:20 for they shall receive mercy." 01:23 In other Bible counsels it says, 01:25 "that we are to weep with those who weep 01:27 and rejoice with those rejoice." 01:30 The only way we can do that is if we really 01:34 give people permission to share on a deeper level. 01:38 Now sometimes that sounds a little frightening, 01:41 some of us are kind of off, it's off putting if you will. 01:45 But today returning to share with us today 01:49 our two counselors who know a little bit about this topic 01:53 and let me introduce our special guest 01:55 we have Duane and Nancy Andersen coming to us, 01:58 returning again from Mesa, Arizona. 02:01 Thank you, all so much for being here. 02:02 Thank you. Thank you, too. 02:04 Now your ministry is CARE 02:06 that's an acronym C-A-R-E, C.A.R.E. Consultants. 02:10 Please tell us about that ministry. 02:12 Care and Renewal Education, 02:14 I mean we have a lot of seminars where it includes 02:18 educating a person how to-- 02:20 for an example in this case, communicate. 02:23 All right and you have-- you come with the background of 02:27 you've been a pastor and educator, 02:30 you have been-- you've got your master's degree in counseling. 02:34 So you've been doing counseling and Nancy, 02:36 as we discussed last time, your background is nursing 02:40 and also counseling. 02:42 So what we want to talk about today and let's just-- 02:46 let me frame this up by saying, 02:49 why are communication skills so important? 02:54 There are the only to really build a deep relationship. 02:59 And if there's anything we really want in life it's a, 03:02 it's a real deep relationship with another person. 03:05 I mean, we can have a, a deep relationship with God 03:08 but it's not really as deep with God even 03:11 until we have another deep relationship with the person. 03:15 There just seems to be that dynamic 03:19 and just like there is a first four commandment 03:21 in relation to God and the, 03:22 the last one relation to, to humans. 03:24 Us humans. Yeah. 03:26 So that's kind of the missing link you might say. 03:30 Okay, so people are wanting to be loved, 03:34 accepted, to feel precious to someone. 03:38 And we're talking today about communicating on a deeper level. 03:43 What do we mean by a deeper level? 03:46 Well, we have a tendency talk from the head 03:49 rather than the heart. 03:51 And so often people want to talk from the heart 03:53 but other people don't know how to listen to the heart talk. 03:57 And particularly what puts people laugh, 03:59 if somebody starts talking from heart and starts crying, 04:02 "oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry." 04:05 Or the other person will apologize for crying 04:07 and say, "oh, I shouldn't be crying, you know." 04:09 And so we're not used to going down to these deep levels 04:13 because so often it kicks us into our own pain 04:17 that we many times have not really work through 04:21 and it brings the stuff up and we become uncomfortable. 04:23 So then we do the blocking statements. 04:27 You know, change the subject, try to get out of this thing 04:30 because we start feeling a little uncomfortable with it 04:33 going to that deep level, 04:34 yet that's really what our hearts crave. 04:36 Okay, so give me an example of moving someone from just that 04:40 verbal superficiality if you will to a deeper level. 04:45 Right, you know when I first took some training 04:48 in the listening skills I found it interesting in the ministry. 04:52 At first I thought there were just survival skills you know, 04:55 they would just gonna teach us how to survive rough situations 04:58 but then once I found out that you know, 05:02 well as you start using them the people just love to, 05:05 to be heard. 05:06 I would say something like "okay, let me see, 05:08 if I understand you correctly." 05:09 So you're saying this and this and this, "is that right?" 05:12 And they'll say, "That's right, that's what I'm saying." 05:14 Or if it wasn't right, give me an opportunity to correct me. 05:18 And so then we just go on from there. 05:20 And then I would usually get some kind of a feeling 05:25 of that they might be feeling. 05:27 And then I would check to see of that was, was correct. 05:30 I'd say you something like I'm wondering 05:32 if you're feeling a little anxious. 05:34 You know if that's what I was feeling 05:35 as they were talking to me 05:37 I'm wondering if you're feeling a little anxious about that, 05:39 is that correct? 05:41 And may be one time I was visiting this young woman 05:44 who haven't been to church for years and years and years 05:47 and mother was very concerned about her. 05:50 And when I went over there and talked to her 05:53 and was able to identify exactly how she was feeling 05:57 I was saying after we've talked for quite a while, 06:00 I'm wondering if you're feeling a little trapped, 06:03 is that correct? 06:04 And she just burst into tears and then was crying 06:07 and she says "you know, 06:09 I thought you are coming over here 06:10 to kick me out of the church." 06:12 And so when I was so rewarded to be able to, you know, 06:18 meet her at the deeper level where she was really hurting 06:20 because she had her husband pulling one way 06:22 and she wanted to go the other way 06:25 and then her mother was another way. 06:27 And she just felt trapped and just to know that 06:31 somebody else understood that, 06:33 like you're saying to be understood 06:35 it meant so much to her and she started coming back to church. 06:38 Praise the Lord. Yeah. 06:40 So, Duane, you employed those skills of active listening 06:45 paraphrasing back to her 06:47 until you actually got her to go to a deeper level, 06:51 is that correct? Exactly, yes. 06:53 And you know in that sense I think, 06:56 we came to the place where, where you might say the, 07:00 the bottom feeling that she was having. 07:02 Yes. 07:03 And when we could unlock that 07:06 she thought such a sense of relief. 07:08 And of course so often we end up feeling same thing. 07:12 I mean, if that person is feeling tensed 07:15 like I'd say we tend to, to say, 07:18 well I'm wondering if you're feeling tensed. 07:19 But then when we take a guess I'm wondering 07:22 if you're feeling trapped because that's was what 07:24 I was beginning to sense that she must be feeling trapped 07:28 between her mother, between her husband 07:30 and here she was in the middle 07:32 and she didn't know which way to go. 07:34 Should I go to church 07:35 or the stay home because my of husband. 07:37 And when we hit that 07:38 I'm wondering if you're feeling trapped 07:40 and she just I mean that hit her 07:42 because she just burst into tears. 07:43 Yes, and it wasn't something that I had to be afraid for. 07:46 It was, it was a blessing that 07:49 she was able to relieve that tension and once that was gone 07:52 and she felt free to come back to church. 07:55 You know, so many times that people will say something. 07:57 I mean when the Bible says, weep with those who weep 08:00 and rejoice with those who rejoice. 08:02 Sometimes people can't even put a finger on their own emotions. 08:05 They'd just, they're all bottled up they may feel numbed, 08:08 they may feel overwhelmed. Yeah. 08:10 But in being able to employee good communication skills 08:14 when you start asking stem questions like, 08:17 "I'm wondering if this is what you're feeling or 08:19 is this what you're saying." 08:20 And you start going that direction that makes sense. 08:23 Now there are times that people will say something 08:29 and their body language is saying something else. 08:32 I mean you hear the words coming out verbally, 08:34 you've probably gone through this experience yourself 08:36 where someone says something to you 08:38 and you look at them in their tone 08:40 or their body language is completely different. 08:42 Right. 08:43 What do you do when that happens and you just sense that 08:47 what someone is saying, you know, "are you all right?" 08:50 "I'm fine." You know, you sense. 08:52 How do you communicate listening 08:56 using that great listening skill with body language, Nancy? 09:00 Well, you can ask, you can just share your 09:04 observation with them. 09:05 I noticed that when you were telling me about 09:09 this time when your, your grandmother was dying 09:12 and you had to go this funeral and you were laughing. 09:17 You know, I don't understand that. 09:18 What, what was you know, what was going on there 09:21 because the-- it's confusing for you. 09:25 They're telling you about a time when normally you'd have sorrow, 09:29 you'd have tears and they're laughing. 09:32 And so it gives a disconnect and so 09:38 when you confront them with that 09:40 and not in a harsh way but you just verbalize. 09:43 Well, I noticed you're telling me about the funeral 09:44 which would be as-- you know, you'd be sorry about that but 09:47 you're laughing about that, what's behind the-- 09:50 what's behind your feeling, what are you feeling? 09:51 And then sometimes people will use humor to mask 09:56 you know sorrow and sadness. 09:58 And they condemn began to have the confidence 10:02 that you're willing to listen 10:03 and maybe they'll be brave enough to share. 10:06 Well, you know they were really close to their grandmother 10:08 or they had special feelings and so 10:12 but they've never been able to cry 10:14 or they've had to be strong in their family 10:16 or whatever and so they've never 10:17 had anyone actually acknowledged. 10:20 They have emotions and that they're valid 10:22 and they need to be able to share those freely. 10:24 And so when you give them that permission 10:27 they can choose to, to share or not to share. 10:29 Okay. 10:30 Now what if someone is talking to you 10:32 and one of those you know like well 10:36 I'm fine but their body language you-- the tone, 10:42 you know they're anything but fine. 10:44 How do you get, if you, if you see anger in someone 10:48 do you want to come right out and say "are you angry?" 10:52 Well, it depends on how well you know the person. 10:54 If you know them real well you might say that 10:56 but if you don't you just say something like, you know, 10:59 you seemed rather tensed when you said that. 11:02 I was wondering if there was anything behind that 11:05 that you like to share. 11:06 Just give them again an opportunity to share 11:08 if they would want to. 11:10 And sometimes like Jesus who talked to Peter three times, 11:15 "Peter, do you love Me?" 11:16 You know, it took three times to really to get this to soak in 11:19 and there is little key there. 11:21 Sometimes, sometimes we give up too easy, you know, 11:24 or we're worried that we're gonna get on the hot seat here. 11:27 It's gonna affect us negatively and so we want to jump out. 11:32 But you know if, if sometimes we might have to comeback 11:35 and just gently comeback two or three times, you know, 11:38 I mean, sure you don't want push to the point 11:42 if the person is just, its escalating 11:44 it's getting worse and you don't see anyway out of it. 11:47 You know, you can just leave it with something like, 11:49 "okay, well if you do I want to talk about it sometime 11:51 I'm open for it." 11:53 But very often the person does. 11:55 You know, Herod studied that out in the Greek 11:57 where Jesus was talking to Peter it's really interesting, 12:00 because what Jesus is actually ask Him is, 12:02 "do you agape Me? 12:03 Do you love Me unconditionally? 12:06 And Peter said, "I phileo." Right. 12:08 "I love you like a brother." 12:09 And then He said "do you agape, 12:11 do you love Me unconditionally?" "No, phileo." 12:13 And finally he says "do you phileo?" 12:16 The three times, exactly. You know, so it was interesting, 12:18 how Jesus changed in His communication 12:21 and brought it down to Peter's level-- 12:23 Precisely. Correctly because it's comfortable. 12:25 He was the ultimate communicator. 12:28 So it's not we've talked about how to approach 12:32 someone that has anger 12:33 and we want to be careful in using these skills 12:35 because you don't want get punched in the nose. 12:37 You want to make sure it's not your body language. 12:40 Yeah. That's off putting to someone. 12:42 But what, what happens when you have someone 12:46 who's yelling at you, shouting at you 12:50 and you just assume yell back at them? 12:55 How do you defuse this one? 12:57 Right, you have those kind of situations 12:59 where you're feelings are building in a negative way, 13:01 you know and you don't want to make a situation worse. 13:05 So you can't do what's called, 13:07 directly express how you're feeling but doing in a way 13:10 that's going to make the situation 13:14 to facilitate to continue to go on. 13:16 So you might say well, I'm-- I'm feeling kind of uptight 13:19 myself right now but I do want to hear 13:21 what you have to say please go on. 13:24 And that facilitates them to go on and again, if they're-- 13:29 Well, may ask you would you say, 13:31 "you're making me feel uptight or would you just say I'm." 13:34 So you're owning it instead of putting the blame on them, 13:37 Yeah, because as soon as you start some kind of communication 13:39 like that putting the blame on them or something like that 13:41 you get into this defensive thing 13:44 and justifying and whatever you know. 13:47 And so it's, it's kind of little skill 13:49 that I've learned just to, you know when, 13:52 when you're caring for a person and loving a person, 13:54 remain neutral yourself because your job 13:57 is to minister to that person, to help that person and, 14:02 and don't get involved in it yourself. 14:04 I mean they might even come out and say 14:07 "well, you wouldn't like that, would you?" 14:09 They well, you know it's, it's not important right now 14:12 what I feel about this, 14:13 I want to hear how you feel about this. 14:15 Because that can be a little way to switch the thing over to you 14:20 and you, you can get caught in things like that. 14:22 Let's make this really practical 14:24 because I know that in our audience 14:27 there is real world problems, 14:29 let's bring this into a husband and wife situation. 14:34 Where there is a lot of shouting going on, 14:37 and there's not a lot of agreement going on. 14:39 If you are the spouse 14:41 who is watching this program today saying, 14:43 "I want to change the way I communicate with my spouse. 14:47 And you know, I'm sick and tired to being yelled at 14:51 and my way of reacting is just to yell back and nothing gets, 14:57 you know it just keeps escalating." 14:59 How-- how can you tell a wife say, 15:04 that maybe has a husband 15:05 that likes to shout the scream 15:07 to approach this man, in a situation like that. 15:10 How can she contain her own negative feelings? 15:14 Is this something you have to practice in advance 15:17 because if somebody is yelling at you and shouting at you 15:20 and there is been history there for many years 15:23 what would you counsel with the women there? 15:25 Well, I have found out that believe or not in individuals 15:29 who have a history of going on and on like this 15:32 and so often the way people have reacted to them 15:35 to trying you know, shut them down. 15:37 That when I gave them an opportunity to keep going, 15:40 keep going, keep going within ten minutes 15:43 it's off the problem because-- 15:46 Oh, wait a minute, now okay, stop right there. 15:48 So would you say shutdown. Yeah. 15:50 You're saying that the person who's doing all of the shouting. 15:53 Yeah. 15:54 That if you get them instead of shouting back 15:56 and trying to shut them up, 15:58 if you get them in the opportunity 16:00 to totally express themselves 16:02 let that deeper level come out it totally-- 16:06 the anger is just kind of, 16:07 it's like steaminess had been blown off. 16:10 Precisely, precisely 16:12 and when I first started on this I thought, 16:14 oh we're gonna be sitting here for a week or so. 16:15 This person just going on and on and on 16:19 when it's gonna end. Okay. 16:21 And I was surprised that you know after like ten minutes 16:24 I just stopped because everybody else had been, 16:28 you know, kind of coming back at them 16:30 or just changing the subject 16:32 or trying to get out of there as quick as they can. 16:34 Okay. 16:35 Or in the case of a spouse they might burst into tears 16:38 or they might run out of the room. 16:39 You know, instead of really giving 16:41 the person a chance to unload. 16:43 So I was talking with someone on the phone the other day 16:46 who said that, their spouse 16:48 and they evidently had quite the history of this 16:51 but he was shouting and screaming so much 16:52 that she finally took her glasses off 16:54 and got on his face and said, 16:56 if you want to hit me go on and hit me, 16:57 and I'm thinking, whoo. 16:59 Yeah, yeah. You're really opening that. 17:01 That, that tends to be a challenging saying like that. 17:03 So but don't you, would you agree 17:05 that in especially, what if the husbands really abuse you. 17:08 I mean-- 17:09 You know, let me put that as a school nurse 17:12 we see the results of, a lot of times with children 17:15 that are in families with, with the lot of abuse 17:17 and they act out what they see at home. 17:20 Okay. 17:21 And when you are in the presence of someone 17:23 who's ragging or seriously in anger, 17:27 if you try and use these skills 17:28 it maybe very dangerous and backfire on you. 17:30 Okay. 17:32 Sometimes you can use the fogging, 17:34 that fogging strategy that we talked about where you, 17:37 you're not escalating-- 17:38 Yeah we've talked about that in last program, 17:39 so let's explain that. 17:40 Oh, okay, the fogging is, 17:42 where you just say yes, sometimes I you know, 17:45 I am late with getting the meals on a table or yes, 17:48 sometimes I'm not caring as I should be 17:50 or yeah, I do things you know, 17:53 I don't keep the house as cleans as, as I'd like to. 17:57 You agree with some of these statements 17:59 that they're accusing you off because it helps to deescalate. 18:02 The energy, right then and we are, 18:05 it's, its most of the time it's really true. 18:08 Now you know, if they are accusing you 18:10 of some really bad thing that is definitely not true 18:14 then you know, you can-- 18:15 you don't take responsibility for something 18:18 that is absolutely a blatant lie. 18:20 But for those things that, 18:22 that you can assume some responsibility 18:24 you can agree to that 18:26 because it does help to escalate. 18:28 But when you're in, in the presence of someone 18:30 who is ragging or under the influence 18:32 of alcohol or drugs. 18:36 Probably using fogging skills are very helpful 18:38 because you can't reason with them. 18:40 And using the skills like let me say 18:42 if I understand you correctly it can actually escalate 18:46 their, their intense anger. 18:48 They are not interested in communicating. 18:50 It's a power issue. 18:51 And again it's more about them. 18:53 It's the issue, is about their anger 18:55 and they're using this is as a control over you 18:58 to dominate you or something like that. 19:00 And so the communication skills in that respect 19:03 probably fogging and trying to deescalate 19:06 or your safer outlets then to try to understand correctly. 19:10 So for child, if a spouse in that situation 19:14 you just try to defuse the situation 19:17 and agreeing with something that's reasonable 19:19 if, if it is true, what about a child, Nancy? 19:23 I mean, you know, for a child how does a mother teach a child 19:28 who as a parent. 19:30 You know, we see and I'm sure you've seen this. 19:33 You see children who come from these types of homes 19:36 and they either act out 19:38 or their mechanism is that a defense mechanism 19:43 is that they completely retreat they wall off. 19:47 You know, I had my tendency 19:49 going up in a very dysfunctional home was to retreat. 19:53 You know, I was the peace maker in my home but, 19:56 but if things got really bad what I did was closed off 19:59 all my emotions and retreat and not talk about it to anyone. 20:03 So how do you, how do you instruct a younger person 20:07 who is going through this kind of a situation at home 20:11 where there are no community, 20:12 you know they've parents that are shouting back and forth 20:15 what's good advice for child? 20:18 You know, when I was working with children in the school 20:21 and I worked with them for kindergarten 20:23 right on up through college 20:26 a lot of times I would help them. 20:28 First of all and, and even it would be an example 20:31 of as I was helping them how, 20:34 you know, they would even need to, 20:36 to deal with their parents. 20:37 I mean, you know, 20:38 you don't think of a child parenting a parent 20:42 but sometimes the children can actually 20:46 learn some of these skills 20:47 that can help to defuse the situation. 20:50 And a lot of times they're usually filled up tension 20:53 so forth just helping them get rid of some of that, 20:55 would make it easier for them to put up or some of the, 20:59 the yelling that they had to 21:00 or go through when they were at home. 21:02 I think too that, if a parent after the incident the, 21:06 you know the anger incident whatever 21:08 if the parent would go to that child 21:09 and will talk about what happened 21:11 if the child was observing this or whatever. 21:13 Give the child the opportunity to share 21:16 what they heard or what they felt or you know 21:19 and recognize their feelings if they were scared 21:22 or if they were crying or whatever acknowledge that, 21:25 this was a scary time for them. 21:27 And reassure them and that you're gonna you know, 21:32 protect them that they can be you know, 21:34 feeling comfortable. 21:35 But allow them you're, you're respecting them 21:37 and you want to show that you're approachable that you-- 21:42 you're acknowledging that the world 21:44 is pretty shaken up like this and that they have 21:46 that opportunity to share that with you. 21:48 So if someone is watching 21:50 and we're talking about going to a deeper level 21:54 what would you say is the purpose 21:56 of going to the deeper level? 21:59 There is probably a couple of purposes here 22:02 that are really important. 22:04 I mean, one just to develop the deeper bond 22:06 or the deeper relationship 22:08 and another one is there is the things 22:10 that are buried down deep inside that 22:12 we've never had a chance to talk to anybody 22:15 with who would listen to us in a caring way. 22:18 I had a situation that came up 22:22 when I was around 50-years-old 22:24 and it had happened when I was little kid 22:27 and I didn't even know about it. 22:29 But my mother knew about it 22:30 cause I went back and I asked her 22:31 but I had come into and office of an individual 22:35 who tented to be a little over bearing 22:37 and all of a sudden I just saw in my mind just like a flash 22:41 and it seems like the Lord doesn't revealed 22:42 some of these things to you until you're ready for them. 22:44 So I guess I wasn't ready for this one 22:46 until I was like 50-years-old. 22:48 And I saw this flash in my mind 22:50 where I was standing just stiffly rigged like that 22:53 and they were two individuals holding something big 22:56 over my head well another smaller individual in the middle 23:00 was hitting over the head with something 23:02 and I didn't know what that was. 23:04 So I thought I bet my mom knows what that is. 23:07 So when I went back home and I asker what was that? 23:10 Well, I was playing safely in my yard 23:13 under the guardianship of my mother, 23:15 she was right, right there in the, in the house. 23:18 And some boys came over from next door 23:21 with their little bother the older boys 23:23 held big too my force over my head, 23:26 well they told the little boy to hit me 23:27 over the head with one f these coal shovels 23:29 which is about like that. 23:31 And that was buried in my subconscious 23:36 and you know, you carry around 23:38 this weight and you don't really realize how much of it, 23:41 it's sapping your energy and, and eating it up. 23:44 So the release of getting some of these things out 23:47 as the Lord brings them to your mind, 23:49 He's not gonna bring too much at a time 23:51 that'll be overwhelming 23:53 but if you have a situation with somebody listen to you 23:55 in a caring way, 23:57 you'll see that these things will start coming up 23:59 and you can have a chance to talk these things 24:01 through, process them, have God give you the healing 24:04 take away the anger the bitterness the resume 24:07 and any other types of things that would be in there the fears 24:10 then you're able to coup much better 24:11 with everyday life experiences. 24:13 So you know they are, sometimes in counseling 24:17 I'm sure that you have run into this 24:19 where they are people who have just never felt like 24:22 they've been heard anytime during their life. 24:26 What kinds of problems does that-- 24:30 emotional problems does that create in someone 24:32 when they feel like no one really cares, 24:34 no one has really listened to them? 24:37 Oh, they can come across in that anger, 24:39 bitterness, resentment, hostility, 24:42 I remember visiting at one home 24:43 when I was early in the ministry 24:45 before I had taken some training in these listening skills. 24:50 And I, when I left that house I was just beat down 24:54 because I was taking it personally you know, 24:55 I didn't know how to throw these types of things off 24:58 but the people had gone through so much pain in their life 25:02 and so hurt and that the bitterness 25:04 that when I came there I represented 25:07 God in that sense of visiting with them 25:10 and they just poured out their heart 25:11 with all these bitter horrible things 25:13 and accusations of me and the church, 25:16 and the, the local headquarters and the next headquarters up 25:20 and they just went on and on and on. 25:22 And so it comes across very negative at first 25:26 but see if, if a person knows 25:28 how to help them unload these things. 25:31 If I only had the skills then I could have helped these people 25:34 unload this bitterness, they would just filled with it. 25:38 So in using our communication skills was kind of go back 25:42 and recap that what we want to do is, 25:47 first learn to be active listeners 25:50 that we can paraphrase back to someone and saying, 25:53 is this what you're saying. Right. 25:55 The second is, and, 25:57 and we called the stem questions, right? 25:59 You're clarifying content. Clarifying content, okay. 26:01 You're clarifying just the superficial 26:04 initial part of the communication, 26:06 clarifying the content of what they're saying, 26:07 you want to make sure you're at the fact straight. 26:09 That you've heard them correctly. 26:11 And that's when you use the stem questions. 26:12 All right, now and then to really get involved 26:15 in active listening now you're trying to read body language, 26:19 to see if someone is closed off, 26:22 I mean this is where we're getting to that deeper level. 26:24 And this is a part of active, 26:26 active listening is getting to that deeper level. 26:29 And then give somebody the opportunity 26:32 because most of us are at least I'm like a man, I'm a fixer. 26:37 You know if somebody is telling me something, 26:38 I want to help them and I want to help fix this. 26:41 And so we want to give people the opportunity 26:44 you keep asking questions 26:45 give them the opportunity to be heard. 26:48 Right. Is that right? 26:49 Exactly, yeah. 26:50 Again each one of these listening skills, 26:54 is a way to facilitate them to keep going, 26:57 to keep going and they naturally do tend to go a deeper level. 27:01 I mean more you practice this, 27:03 the better you're going to be able to get 27:04 at which skill to use next, 27:06 but again we can't go wrong with the skills. 27:09 I mean, it's true a little bit of knowledge can be dangerous 27:11 but once we've learned the skills and we practice 27:14 and practice and practice 27:16 then we're bound to do better than we did before 27:19 because before we're doing so much blocking statements 27:22 or just walking away or just changing the subject 27:24 or something like that, 27:26 we're not facilitating things to get better. 27:28 Blessed are the merciful for they shall receive the mercy 27:31 and it is merciful to sit and listen to someone. 27:34 Sometimes we feel like 27:35 we're suffering through ourselves when we're listening 27:37 but if we really learn to hear a person's heart 27:41 we'll get closer to them. 27:42 Thank you so much for joining us today, 27:44 it has gone so quickly and I believe 27:47 that we're touching on something very important. 27:50 For those of you, you at home 27:51 and may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, 27:53 love of the Father, 27:54 and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, 27:55 be with you always. |
Revised 2014-12-17