Participants: Shelley Quinn (Host), Duane Anderson, Nancy Anderson
Series Code: IAA
Program Code: IAA000371
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00:29 Hello I'm Shelly Quinn
00:31 and welcome again to Issues and Answers. 00:33 We're so glad that you've tuned in no matter 00:35 where you are watching from around the world. 00:37 And we have a very special topic today with some special guests. 00:40 I think it's a very important topic. 00:43 We will be discussing communication skills. 00:46 You know, I believe as Christians 00:48 it is very important for us to learn 00:51 how to exercise good communication skills 00:54 and it is something that's learned. 00:56 Now the Bible tells us in Romans 12:18. 00:59 Listen to this scripture. 01:00 "If possible, as far as it depends on you, 01:03 live at peace with everyone." 01:06 The very fact that it starts with if possible 01:08 shows that sometimes 01:09 it's a very difficult thing to live at peace with people. 01:13 But I personally believe that 01:14 if we want to have good relationships with people 01:18 we need to learn good communication skills 01:21 and this is something that is a learned science. 01:24 Here to speak with us today 01:26 are Duane and Nancy Anderson from Mesa Arizona. 01:29 Thank you all so much for coming. 01:32 Now you are the cofounders of C.A.R.E Consultants 01:35 that's an acronym for? 01:37 Care and Renewal Education. 01:39 Okay, C-A-R-E Consultants, Care and Renewal Education. 01:44 And before we-- you had an interesting path 01:48 to come into this ministry that you are doing now 01:52 teaching people a variety of things. 01:55 But let me get a little history on you, 01:58 because I know our viewers would be interested. 02:00 Duane, you grew up the son of the pastor? Right. 02:04 And then you pastored for how many years? 02:07 Well, I worked for 37 years altogether 02:10 and just recently retired. 02:11 All right, and what did you do in that 37 years of period? 02:15 Combination of things. 02:16 I actually thought originally 02:18 I was gonna go straight into business 02:19 so I took an undergraduate business administration 02:22 then I realized the need 02:24 so many young people around my age 02:26 at that time are going through real problems. 02:29 So I decided to take masters in guidance counseling. 02:31 Okay. 02:32 So then I had a combination of-- 02:35 well, I went in the pastoring a little later on 02:38 and did guidance counseling within the school system 02:40 kind of a combination of education and pastoring. 02:43 All right, I know you're also a school principal, 02:45 but we'll get back to that in just a moment. 02:47 Now Nancy, you are a nurse is that correct. Yes. 02:50 And did you grow up in the church? 02:53 Yes, my parents were Adventist. 02:54 I was born in an Adventist family 02:56 and went through our educational system 02:58 from church school right on up through 03:01 Hinsdale I've took my diploma nursing there 03:04 and then at Andrews I got my bachelor's degree at Andrews 03:07 and have stayed in the nursing field 03:10 pretty active ever since I graduated. 03:12 Now when you marry Duane had he already taken his masters 03:16 or gotten his masters in guidance counseling? 03:18 Well, we met actually in the library at Andrews 03:21 and he was working on his masters then 03:24 and I was finishing my bachelor's degree at that time. 03:27 Because the question that's burning in my mind is 03:30 you marry someone who is going into guidance counseling 03:35 and sometimes, you know, you think that 03:37 you're marrying this person that's gonna be just this 03:40 wonderful communicator and got it all together 03:42 that's not often the case. No. No. 03:45 Was it the case in you? 03:46 No it wasn't. No it wasn't. 03:48 So what got you interested in our topic today 03:52 about communication? 03:54 Well, of course having taken guidance counseling 03:56 I found I was pretty good at it but I really wasn't, 03:58 because I had never even though I took guidance counseling 04:01 I never really dealt with my own issues. 04:03 And so for the first 15 years of our marriage 04:07 were really rough, I mean, we stuck it out 04:08 we were committed to sticking it out. 04:10 But it wasn't until after that first 15 years that 04:13 I got an opportunity to take these skills 04:17 and actually get counseling for myself 04:19 that I was able to see the importance of it 04:21 because what I did for me it was fantastic. 04:24 Why our communication skills so important? 04:27 Well, so often we just talk from the head level 04:30 and we don't get down to the heart level 04:31 where things really exist, where you life really exist. 04:36 And I had never really had that happen to me 04:38 to get to the real deeper areas. 04:41 And once I got down there and those things started 04:44 coming out and I got the healing that I needed. 04:47 Then when I went back into the ministry instead of just, 04:50 you know, like a band aid ministry 04:51 a little text here and there and, 04:53 you know, God blessing a prayer 04:55 I could actually help the person go deep down into 04:58 where they were hurting and then bring God to that spot 05:01 and get them the healing. 05:03 Do you believe, you know, 05:05 I do think that there is a difference 05:08 in the way men and women communicate? 05:10 Wouldn't you agree with that, Nancy? Definitely. 05:12 And it seems to me that men don't appreciate 05:17 quite as much as women do. 05:19 How their beauty talking can be 05:23 seems that women understand that a little bit more. Yeah. 05:26 But what is when we're looking at this how can talking-- 05:31 why does talking make the situation better? 05:34 Well, when you are talking a specific way, 05:36 I mean, so often we just talk, talk, talk 05:38 and the men like you say approach from a different angel 05:41 where they would just want to solve the problem like that 05:44 and of course men have been' warned, you know, 05:45 don't try to solve the problem just listen. 05:49 And there is two different types of listening. 05:51 I mean, there is passive listening 05:53 and there is act listening 05:54 and what we're talking about today is act of listening. 05:58 So a person instead of just saying um-hum, oh, yeah, 06:01 they say like, okay, let me see if I understood you correctly. 06:04 You were saying this, this, this is that correct? 06:07 So they actually check with the person 06:10 and you can see how focus that is and how caring that is 06:15 and how unselfish it is to actually leave my agenda 06:19 and focus on your agenda and what you are going through. 06:22 You know, I believe and I teach that 06:25 when we think about communication skills 06:28 quite frequently we think that if you are a eloquent speaker, 06:31 if you are articulate you have good communication skills. 06:34 Really communication the most important skill 06:37 of communication is listening 06:39 and that is something we all 06:42 as you just said need to learn to do better, 06:44 because we approach things off and we've got our agenda, 06:48 someone else and it's not just men that do this although. 06:51 Have you heard the studies on recent 06:55 psychology studies and brain studies that they've done 06:58 not psychology but brain studies that show 07:01 and had proven that men only listen 07:05 with one side of the brain where as women listen with both. 07:09 So I think that men tend to be 07:13 just by there own wiring more of a passive listener. 07:17 Oh absolutely. 07:18 It takes much more work for a man to get in there 07:21 and really actively listen all right. 07:23 All right, so we're gonna come back to the passive and active. 07:26 Active listening is let me see if I'm saying this correctly. 07:30 Active listening is when you are removing your own agenda 07:35 you're listening for the more than just the content 07:39 but emotion of what someone is saying. 07:41 Oh, yes, absolutely. You really getting down to the-- 07:43 Yeah, I mean, you want to make sure you understand 07:44 what the person is saying and that's why I say focus in 07:47 on the key words and repeat those back not parade it, 07:51 because obviously then the person just gets annoyed 07:54 if you just parading back to them what they said. 07:57 But to say, you know, let me see 07:59 if I understand you correctly. 08:01 So again it's tentative language, 08:02 it's not oh you said that. 08:04 You know, and it's you tone too, 08:07 because you've got your body language, 08:09 you've got your tone and then you've got your words. 08:12 And mostly what people believe is your body language 08:16 and your tone. 08:17 So are you saying that if I'm telling you yes, 08:22 I'm listening and my body language is like this 08:27 you've got my attention 08:29 I'm almost like cutting somebody off right there. 08:32 Exactly. Exactly, sure. 08:34 But you said something interesting you said that 08:37 you want to repeat the main content. 08:42 So can you give us an example of that-- 08:45 how to just start that? 08:47 Do I understand you correctly? 08:49 Right, yeah you want to start with some type of stem 08:52 you might call it. 08:53 Some beginning that is tentative type language like 08:59 okay, I'm wondering if I understood you correctly. 09:02 Like, are you saying this, this and this. 09:05 I can just give you an example. 09:07 When I was a principal of the Indian school in Holbrook 09:11 the local rotary club came up to visit me 09:13 because they wanted me to become a member. 09:16 And the fellow that came to visit me I was surprised that 09:18 he knew how to communicate. 09:21 Because he said okay, Duane, 09:23 let me see I've understand you correctly. 09:24 You are saying that you are too busy right now 09:27 and you probably wouldn't be able to join right now, 09:30 but perhaps sometime in the future, is that correct? 09:32 And it felt so good that he actually heard me. 09:36 You know, so often we're used to somebody coming in with 09:38 a guilt trip or a twisting your arm or 09:42 trying to put pressure on you for something, 09:44 but he actually let me be my own person. 09:47 Free to share what was really on my heart 09:50 where I was really at and he understood it 09:52 because he could repeat it back the key points 09:55 not word for word, but the main key points. 09:58 So I knew that he understood what I was talking about. 10:01 All right and that is part of active listening as where 10:03 that you really know you've heard what the person is saying 10:06 and we'll talk about the emotional part 10:09 in just a moment. 10:10 But, Nancy, since you are both trained in these skills 10:14 when you started to talking to your husband Duane 10:17 and he turns to you it says 10:19 let me see if I understand correctly, do you ever just go, 10:23 quit practicing that on me. 10:25 You ever feel that way? 10:27 You know, it's really amazing, 10:28 you don't really feel that way 10:30 because I know that he is really 10:32 wanting to hear what I have to say. 10:34 He is not-- he is using those skills to facilitate 10:38 what I'm trying to say. 10:39 Communication is two way, it's what your speaking, 10:43 what you are trying to get out or hide 10:46 and it's what the other person is hearing. 10:48 And... 10:50 And we've been involved in a lot more. 10:52 I mean, there are people that said that to us especially 10:54 when we first learned it, right? 10:55 Oh yes, there are people that can say that and that 10:59 it feels when you are learning these skills 11:01 that really does feel awkward. 11:03 It feels like you are being fake, 11:04 like, let me say if I understand you correctly. 11:07 You know, it's like the-- 11:09 but you can make it your own stem. 11:11 You can make it, you know, did I hear you say or 11:14 did I get that right I just want to make sure 11:15 I get it right, you know. 11:16 Did you say that and it just-- it facilitate, 11:20 it opens the door and people will just-- 11:24 they will just gives you that opportunity to share more. 11:28 Have you ever experience something that were 11:30 it doesn't really facilitate. 11:31 I'm thinking specifically there are times when-- 11:34 I first met my husband, he is from Taxes 11:37 and I used to tease him and say 11:39 if you spoke English you'd bilingual 11:41 because Taxes have their own little way of communication. 11:45 But there are times that he'll say something to me 11:47 and I'll say now honey, is this what you are saying? 11:50 And he'll say, no. 11:51 And he repeats it and we talk sometimes on a different, 11:57 we just express ourselves so differently 12:00 that there sometimes it takes me two or three 12:03 really tries to understand where he is explaining it 12:07 in the way that I'm getting what he is saying. 12:09 And sometimes he gets frustrated when I do that. 12:12 If it's a sensitively area that you got 12:15 in your relationship then yeah, it's a matter of finding skills, 12:19 you got a tool box and you've got lots of skills in there 12:22 and you want to pick the one out 12:24 that is gonna work the best for this person. 12:26 So it takes a lot of practice and, you know, 12:30 especially if you are just met a person 12:33 you wouldn't come along with a deep feeling skill. 12:37 For an example like saying, you know, 12:39 sure sounds like you are very angry. 12:41 You know, if you don't know this person very well 12:44 you'd want to come along with just. 12:45 I'm wondering if you are little upset about that. 12:47 They'll tell you if they are very angry. 12:50 So yeah, whether it's in a close relationship 12:52 and you've got a sensitive area 12:54 and you need to find the way to work around that 12:56 so they don't get you irritated about that 12:58 or I mean, you can also focus in on that if you want. 13:01 See, I noticed you got little irritated 13:03 when I used my communication skills on that areas. 13:08 The problem there of course you probably 13:10 already know what it is. 13:11 Well, you know, Shelley, they also say 13:13 I'm not trying to be difficult, 13:17 but I am having difficulty understand just 13:19 where you are coming from. 13:21 So I want to you can disclose where you are coming from 13:24 and profess it with the little statement, you know, 13:26 that you are not trying to be 13:28 stubborn or difficult or whatever 13:31 and but I really-- I do want to understand 13:33 and I am having some trouble here so tell me again 13:37 or let me ask it this way or say it a different way. 13:42 I think sometimes it's very hard for us 13:46 and some people have great difficulty expressing 13:50 what they're really meaning 13:52 and sometimes we don't even know 13:54 what we're really meaning. 13:58 It's the emotional content 14:00 and then we'll address that later as you said, 14:02 but that is that emotional content 14:04 that drives many times our behavior 14:07 and so we aren't even connected always 14:09 with what's going on and so it's hard to express it then. 14:14 So I liked what you said just there 14:16 and I'm not sure that I can even paraphrase 14:18 but I liked the stem question 14:22 that's what we calling these to stem questions. 14:24 And let me see if we can kind of summarize 14:26 what we've talked about so far. 14:28 It's basically when someone comes to you 14:31 if you want to be actively involved in listening 14:34 and they are saying something instead of, 14:36 which we all do instead of just kind of blocking it out 14:41 and continue on reading the paper 14:43 or working at the computer or whatever you're doing 14:46 if you really want to understand someone 14:48 you want to turn back to them and say okay, 14:51 now if I understand you correctly this is what you said 14:54 or I'm wondering if this is what you are saying is, 14:56 this what you're saying I don't remember 14:58 your stem questions you just did. 15:00 Did I get this right? 15:01 Did I get this right? 15:03 I want to understand you. I'm not trying to be difficult. 15:05 I'm just wanted to understand. 15:09 So this is something that and it's not just, 15:12 you know, sometimes it's just regular everyday 15:14 talk between people 15:15 that people just misfire when they communicate. 15:18 Exactly, exactly. 15:20 But now there is something that 15:22 we all do to some extent that shows 15:27 we're not active listening 15:28 and that is we try as you're listening to someone 15:33 we're all we try to figure out 15:34 what that person is trying to say. 15:36 Right, right. 15:37 And we have a tendency sometimes to shut him down. 15:41 Well, I think you call them blocking statements. 15:44 Yes, blocking statements and also it's your lag time 15:48 between what the person is saying 15:50 and when you're going to start talking. 15:52 You've got a lag time in there. 15:53 Are you just thinking about what you're going to say back 15:56 or are you picking a good appropriate way 16:00 to listen to them. 16:02 Yes, if I just came up with a blocking statement. 16:05 Well, you know, you say as well, 16:08 I'm having a little trouble on my job. 16:09 And they say oh well, yeah, I've trouble my job too. 16:12 And that's a way it goes what can you do? 16:14 Or he can say oh what is it about your job 16:16 that you are having trouble with. 16:17 Because if a person says I'm having trouble on my job 16:20 they've left a lot. 16:21 I mean, the natural question that would come to your mind is, 16:24 what is it about your job 16:25 that you're having trouble with. 16:26 But if you don't have time to talk to him at that point. 16:29 Yeah. 16:30 Or if you work with a man 16:32 and you think it's about their boss 16:33 and you don't want to get involved 16:35 or for whatever reason or you just clueless. 16:38 You want to share your story 16:39 and that's many times what we want to do. 16:40 We want to share our experience and in fact many times 16:45 we are intending to make them feel better 16:49 and communicate our care to them 16:51 by relating a similar experience. 16:54 But it really backfires, 16:56 because it really serves as a blocking statement 17:00 and shuts them off from being able to, to share. 17:03 So here we are trying to be helpful and caring people 17:06 and we're cutting off the communication process. 17:08 You know, Jim Gilley and I have this 17:10 little standing joke that in Taxes 17:13 somebody tells the story and the next thing is I mean, 17:16 that's part of the excepting communication 17:18 is then you tell your story 17:20 and sometimes you can seem on feeling 17:22 if you hear someone story 17:24 and then suddenly you lunge into a story 17:26 or like it's one-upmanship 17:27 where it's just kind of an excepted thing from Taxes. 17:31 But if I am using a blocking statement for example 17:36 let me see if I'm understanding correctly. 17:38 Someone says to me I've just found 17:42 that I had a lump in my breast 17:43 and I say oh don't worry I had one in mine and well. 17:45 They took it out and it wasn't malignant. 17:48 That's kind of blocking I just stop them from talking. 17:51 Right. 17:52 So how do we-- 17:53 it is a natural tendency 17:55 we think we're making feel better. 17:56 How do we avoid that? 17:59 I mean, the first thing you do is to-- 18:01 if he can't think of what to do 18:03 and this is what I usually do 18:05 I again paraphrase what they've said. 18:07 Okay, let me see if I understand you correctly. 18:09 So you found or you had a medical checkup and you found 18:13 that there was some kind of a lump in your breast, 18:15 is there anything else you'd like to talk about with that. 18:19 And, you know, give them an opportunity 18:21 to be able to continue if they want to. 18:24 Again they take the lead, we don't take the lead, 18:27 we just open it up, give them an opportunity. 18:29 We're ready to listen if you want to talk. 18:32 The next skill that goes with that paraphrase 18:35 which is very closely related would be 18:38 and that would be my response to her being, 18:40 you know, if it was a woman to woman would be 18:43 oh, how did you feel when you've heard that news? 18:46 You know, how did you feel about that 18:48 because the next one is like a perception check 18:51 or you're moving from content to, 18:55 you know, their feelings 18:57 or the emotions behind the content. 19:00 And very often the statement is cry for help. 19:05 Yes. 19:06 You know, the person is putting that out there 19:08 to see if anybody is gonna pick up on him. 19:11 And that something that as we use our listening skills 19:18 and I think we probably not have time in this program 19:20 really to get into all the emotional part. 19:23 Well, we'd like for you to come back and do that. 19:25 But as we use our listening skills 19:27 then we can see if they're wanting to talk but, 19:31 Nancy, let's say that we'll use this issue here. 19:34 If you say, how did you feel? 19:36 And someone says 19:37 well, I really don't want to discuss this. 19:40 Then we shouldn't keep blind that's not good communication. 19:45 That's they're telling us 19:46 we're giving them the opportunity 19:48 and for whatever reason they are not able to, 19:52 chose not to whatever we respect that. 19:54 Sure we could say that's understandable. 19:56 Okay. 19:57 You know, appreciated. 19:58 We could also leave the door open. 20:00 We could say, you know, if there is a time in the future 20:02 that you'd like to talk about that I'm here for you. 20:04 That's good. Right. That excellent. 20:06 Very pastoral, very pastoral. 20:09 But that's something that we need to be-- 20:11 Yeah, because it's fantastic to be caring 20:14 and loving about with another person 20:16 when you really get into this, it's really rewarding. 20:19 How about when a situation is very emotionally charged, 20:25 how do these listening skills defuse that situation? 20:30 Well, yeah, okay, you are talking like, 20:33 more like an angry thing rather than a grief thing? 20:36 Yes we're saying, yes, yes. 20:37 Like emotionally charged in an anger type of thing? Yes. 20:39 Okay, first of all, I mean, 20:43 I would want to again paraphrase what they were saying 20:46 then I would want to checking on their feeling, 20:50 you know, let say, let me see 20:51 if I've understand you correctly this and this is happening 20:53 and it seems to me like this is really frustrating 20:56 for you is that correct. 20:58 And very often when they are talking 21:00 you'll start getting a feeling inside yourself 21:02 of what that person is going through 21:05 and try that feeling. 21:06 Okay, if I get a feeling of anxiety 21:10 then I'm gonna say I'm wondering 21:11 if you are feeling a little anxious about this. 21:12 Am I right? 21:14 What if I come at you and say, 21:16 Duane, you are crazy and I hate it 21:19 when you're using these skills on me, 21:22 you know, I'm mad at you-- 21:23 all right, I don't say I'm mad at you, 21:24 but I'm this, this and this. 21:26 If I tell you, you are crazy how do you defuse that? 21:29 Well, that's true. I do come across this crazy. 21:32 So you'd actually say something on that. 21:33 I would agree to, you know, 21:35 anything I could in there because, 21:37 you know, it's like blowing up a big balloon 21:39 and so even popping on you, 21:41 I want to let some air out of it. 21:43 So I'm going to say it's true 21:44 I come across it's crazy sometimes and I know, 21:47 it's not the first time I've been accused of that, 21:49 I do get accused of using the skills that way 21:51 but I do want to hear what you have to say 21:54 so if it's all right would you continue. 21:57 That skill is kind of like fogging or it's defusing 22:02 that was a good word that you used defusing, 22:05 because when somebody is firing 22:07 things that you are whether-- 22:09 it's about them and it's hard to remember 22:11 that when you are directly under attack, 22:13 but it is about them they are not, 22:16 you know, they are full of emotion and full of anger 22:19 and so they are-- 22:21 but it's about them, it's not about you. 22:23 And so when you can say 22:25 yeah, you know, sometimes I do speak out of turn or yeah, 22:30 I'm not really always right, 22:33 you know, as caring as I should be, 22:35 I mean, because truly we're not we're human beings, 22:37 so we're not perfect in our response and reaction. 22:41 Nancy, that is an excellent point that it's about them. 22:44 When someone is attacking us 22:47 we take it so personally that we react rather than act. 22:51 So basically what you're saying is, 22:55 that what we should do is take time to act rather than react. 23:01 And recognize that's all about them. 23:03 And let them, let them vent, 23:05 let them be facilitating and is there, 23:09 in fact is there anything else about 23:12 what I do or is there anything about disorganization 23:15 or is there anything else about your neighbor 23:17 or whatever the topic is you know 23:19 that is bothering you. 23:20 And just allow them to get it all out, 23:22 because when you're dealing with someone 23:24 who is so angry it's like dealing with someone 23:27 under the influence of substances. 23:29 You know, they are not rationally thinking, 23:32 they can't make decisions clearly, 23:34 they just are feeling bad and trying to get it out. 23:37 And so you can facilitate them, getting it down, 23:40 getting it out, getting all that poison out as it were 23:43 and then you can talk about the actual issues 23:46 or the problem or what needs to take place. 23:49 Okay, now if we're using these stemming questions trying to-- 23:54 and the stemming questions let me understand if-- 23:58 let me see if I'm understanding you correctly 24:02 but and then we are avoiding the blocking statements 24:06 of just saying you're mad at me I can be whatever. 24:11 But we avoid the blocking statements, 24:13 but then using these skills 24:16 can they ever be dangerous like you're saying, 24:20 you kind of agree to them to a point 24:23 on what you confine to agree, but do we have to be careful 24:27 how we use these skills? Oh definitely, definitely. 24:29 They are very powerful skills 24:31 and if they are using a wrong way 24:32 they can backfire on you. 24:34 So matter of fact, I was teaching some academy kids 24:35 one time on how to do these skills 24:38 and they went to a sibling and using the wrong tone 24:42 and saying things in rather it's not we're using the skill. 24:46 I'm wondering if you are angry. 24:48 Boom you got punched on nose. 24:49 So you know, yeah, you've got to be careful. 24:52 The tone you use and how you go about them 24:55 and that's why when we teach these skills 24:58 we have a lot of practice, a lot of practice, 25:01 'cause it takes a lot of practice 25:02 to get really good at this and of course 25:04 with Christ dwelling in your heart, I mean, 25:06 you will have that love and if you approach it 25:08 from their view point that you are there to care 25:11 about the person. 25:12 Certainly with these young people the sibling rivalry 25:15 between them was so tough 25:17 already it was easy for something to flare-up 25:18 and that's what happened in that case. 25:21 But you know, again it's a good point 25:24 when you're a parent talking to your child. 25:27 So many times parents, 25:29 kids will come home and say, oh, I hate my teacher. 25:32 You-- they made us stay in for five minutes from recess 25:35 because Johnny was doing such and such, you know. 25:38 We all had to lose our recess time. 25:42 And most parents will, 25:44 you know, want to affirm the teacher 25:46 and recognize that there is misunderstanding or whatever. 25:49 But if you focus on the child's need 25:52 and feelings and try to draw them out 25:55 and help to listen to them 25:56 that shows that you respect them, 25:58 they can get those feelings out and, 26:01 you know, we really do inside half 26:05 a lot of knowledge about how to resolve an issue 26:10 or it takes care of itself 26:11 if we just allow the person to speak it out. 26:15 I think what you just said Nancy is that 26:17 some of this probably try 26:19 to turn the tide of a conversation 26:21 and change someone's mind before we understand 26:25 what's really going on in their heart. 26:26 Exactly, yeah. 26:27 You know, our time has already gone. 26:28 And this was flown by. 26:30 But I want to thank you so much 26:33 and if you can just take about 30 seconds 26:36 and let's just summarize 26:38 what we've talked about today. 26:40 Basically, you know, when Christ said 26:42 to love one another as I have loved you. 26:45 That's was a new commandment for them, 26:46 because they weren't really caring, loving like He was. 26:49 I mean, He was just totally focused on the people 26:53 He was ministering to. 26:54 And that's probably going to be our biggest battle 26:56 is to get over just, 26:57 you know, me and my things and I want to talk about myself. 27:00 And just really focus on that other person 27:02 and let me see if I understand you correctly. 27:05 Are you saying this and I'm wondering 27:07 if you're feeling a little bit. 27:08 Just really focus on that person. 27:10 Yes, so use those stem questions to try to find out 27:15 if you are understanding 27:16 and that's basically paraphrasing the main content, 27:20 avoid blocking statements and be sensitive. 27:24 Be sensitive exactly. 27:26 Okay, thank you so much for being here 27:29 and we're so glad that you're gonna be coming back. 27:31 Duane and Nancy will be returning. 27:34 And we are thrill that they'll be returning, 27:36 because we cannot impress enough on you 27:39 how important it is to learn good communication skills 27:42 and this takes a lot of practice as you said. 27:46 But remember the Lord loves you, 27:49 He is always listening to you 27:50 and He want you to hear His voice. 27:52 So come back and see us again, thank you. |
Revised 2014-12-17