Participants: Shelley Quinn (Host), Douglas Weiss
Series Code: IAA
Program Code: IAA000346
|
00:30 Hello, I'm Shelly Quinn
00:31 and welcome again to "Issues and Answers." 00:33 This is a program where we talk about 00:35 issues that affect the Christian families 00:37 and Christian individuals 00:39 and come up with biblical solutions. 00:42 You know, when Moses wrote the Book of Genesis 00:46 he records what happened in the Garden of Eden 00:50 when Adam was introduced to Eve. 00:53 And although the Bible doesn't say 00:54 well, I think Adam probably went wow 00:56 when God first showed him Eve. 00:58 But he says in Genesis 2 beginning in verse 23. 01:02 Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones 01:05 and flesh of my flesh. 01:06 She shall be called woman 01:08 because she was taken of a man. 01:10 Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother 01:14 and shall become united and cleave to his wife. 01:19 And they shall become one flesh." 01:22 It's interesting. 01:24 The Bible shows that man and woman are a uni-plural unit 01:30 and but they're considered as one. 01:33 The Bible also tells us in 1 Corinthians 6:17 that 01:36 when we are in Christ united in Christ 01:39 we are one in spirit with him. 01:41 What does all of this mean? 01:43 It's all talking about intimacy between a husband and a wife 01:46 and intimacy in our relationship with the Lord. 01:49 And that is our topic today we're very excited. 01:52 This is a topic that's 01:53 sometimes considered a little challenging 01:56 but it's nothing to be fearful of. 01:58 And to introduce us 02:00 to some really good scriptural knowledge of this today 02:04 our very special guests is Dr. Douglas Weiss. 02:07 Douglas, we're so glad to have to back. 02:08 Oh, it's good to be here, Shelly. 02:09 And you have been-- you're returning to 3ABN. 02:12 You've been on Celebrating Life 02:13 and Recovery with Sherry Peters. Yes, ma'am. 02:15 And that's a very popular program as well. 02:18 You know, when were there 02:19 we got a lot of excellent responses 02:21 so we wanted to have you comeback 02:24 and talk to us about-- 02:26 actually this is a topic you've written a book on. 02:29 And the book is "Intimacy a Hundred Day Guide 02:32 to Lasting Relationships." 02:34 How many books total have you written? 02:36 Twenty. Twenty books. 02:37 Yes, ma'am. 02:38 You are a Christian psychologists. 02:40 Yes, ma'am. 02:41 Its one of them, tell me your other degrees. 02:43 Well I have got, you know, two Bible degrees, 02:44 two counseling degrees so imbalanced, you know. Okay. 02:46 You got be too messed up if that way. Praise God. 02:50 You come to us from Colorado Springs, 02:52 Colorado and your ministry 02:54 or your business its Heart to Heart Counseling Center. 02:57 Yes, in Colorado Springs and we love it there. Wonderful. 03:00 So let's just jump right into this topic 03:02 because this is something that-- 03:04 I remember once I was talking about 03:06 intimacy on another network that used to air on 03:09 and a woman wrote me the most terrible letter 03:13 when I was talking about intimacy with the Lord. 03:16 Like that was something that 03:18 was a word that had a sexual connotation to it 03:22 and I shouldn't be using it 03:23 when talking about my relationship with God. 03:26 So we want to get right to the definition, 03:29 what is intimacy? 03:31 Oh, intimacy is the ability to get my heart to your heart. 03:34 And so intimacy with the Father 03:35 is our ability to get our heart to Him 03:37 and His heart to us. It's good. 03:39 And what's interesting is, it's the same set as skills. 03:42 The same set of skills 03:43 it takes to be intimate with the husband and wife. 03:44 The same set of skills that take to be intimate with God. 03:47 Now there are some people who are religious 03:48 and they think to be intimate with God 03:50 and treat their spouse very poorly. 03:51 That isn't intimacy, that's religion. Okay. 03:53 Okay intimacy is my ability to connect to Him, 03:56 my ability to connect to you and you to connect to me. 03:59 Now there is no place 04:01 in western society we get train to do this. 04:03 I got four degrees and none of them taught me 04:05 how to be intimate. 04:06 None of them taught me how to share my heart. 04:08 Two in Bible, two in counseling 04:09 and none of them showed me how to actually do it. 04:12 Was it modeled for you as a child? 04:14 No, no I was conceived in adultery, ban and abuse, 04:16 neglected foster homes all that kind of stuff. 04:18 My background was no place to learn this. 04:22 This is something that God had to show me. 04:23 Because, I was going to school as counselor 04:25 and I said God, if you're gonna-- 04:27 if you're gonna put me in counseling 04:28 I got to learn how to do this myself, 04:31 because if I don't have to do this I can't teach somebody. 04:34 And so actually the skills are in intimacy 04:36 are skills that I use for myself 04:38 to develop intimacy with my wife and with my God. 04:42 Amen, now before we unpack your skill set 04:45 and talk about how we actually get to intimacy. 04:48 Let's talk about what intimacy is not. 04:52 Oh, intimacy is not Shelly some allusive thing 04:54 that God does not want us to have. 04:56 And it is also is not culturally for the rich, 04:58 the famous, the beautiful. 04:59 You just have to look at any newspaper 05:01 to realize they don't have it. 05:02 They're cheating, they're lying, 05:03 and they're hurting each other and all that kind of stuff. 05:05 Intimacy actually is something that almost anybody can have 05:10 if they're willing to work for it. 05:12 Intimacy is the set of skills on a consistent basis 05:15 that gives you consistent result. Okay. 05:17 Let me give you an example. 05:19 Poor health okay, if you eat good 05:22 your exercise regularly and sleep well. 05:25 You're going to have really good health most of your life. 05:27 You know, limited to your gene pool, okay. 05:30 If you want to be wealthy, 05:32 simple concept first tithe. Always tithe. Amen. 05:35 Tithe, save invest and over 30-40 years 05:38 you're going to be wealthy. Okay. 05:39 You know don't get into a lot of debts simple principles. 05:42 Intimacy is the set of principles 05:43 you actually do everyday or almost everyday 05:47 so you get the result kind of like the result is. 05:50 Health if you follow those principles, 05:52 wealth if you follow the wealth principles 05:54 and intimacy if you follow intimacy principles. 05:56 So health, wealth and intimacy 05:58 are all processor you are saying-- 06:00 Its work. Its work, okay. 06:02 Do the work. 06:04 And sometimes people don't want to work. 06:06 I know that's why some of us are weigh over weight 06:08 and someone's are broke even though we love Jesus. 06:10 And some of us-- 06:12 and some of us are pew warmers or church goers 06:14 who don't have that true 06:16 one on one personal relationships with the Lord. 06:17 That's another way doing 06:18 yeah the intimacy with Him to work as well. 06:20 Some of us are having been married for years 06:23 and our relationships were more like roommates. Yes. 06:26 Then being that enjoying that true intimacy. Absolutely. 06:30 And sometimes people confuse 06:32 as I mentioned that women who wrote me this word. 06:35 The letter she was confusing the word intimacy with sex. 06:40 But sexual--there is a physical intimacy. Yes. 06:43 That God intent for us to enjoy. 06:45 But within the confines of marriage we'll get there. 06:47 Only marriage. 06:49 But intimacy is as you said sharing one heart-- 06:53 It's heart to heart. With another. 06:55 Heart to heart, deep calling into deep. 06:57 All right, exactly, and that could be friends 06:59 that definitely when you want that to be in your marriage 07:01 and that definitely should be with the Lord. 07:02 The Lord is not interested in a religious performance 07:05 He is interested in knowing our hearts. 07:06 He creates us to be known. 07:08 Amen. He created us for intimacy. 07:10 Yeah, and so that's really important. 07:12 So how we are with our husbands 07:14 and wives is really, really critical 07:16 because if these disciplines usually in place for dating, 07:19 quality time, praying together, 07:20 sharing your heart, sharing your dreams. 07:22 Because we don't have any money 07:23 so we're got to share our dreams, right. 07:24 And so what happens though 07:25 as we move from relationship often 07:27 into the dating process to after marriage 07:29 we start to moving into function ship. 07:31 Okay we drop the dating we drop its quality time, 07:34 we dropped sharing our hearts. 07:35 And now all of sudden we're functioning 07:36 with kids and dogs and mortgage payments 07:38 and insurance payments 07:40 and we start moving in the function ship 07:41 and the fire whines 07:43 because the real intimacy skills are being left behind. 07:47 And so we're actually getting lazy in the intimacy 07:50 and wondering why we don't have that 07:51 same passion that we have. 07:52 We're investing so many hours together. 07:54 Okay so how does one first-- 07:57 let's talk about this emotional and mental intimacy. 08:01 Do you believe Doug, that anyone can truly enjoy 08:05 intimacy as a husband and wife if the don't understand 08:08 how to have intimacy with God. 08:09 Well, they could have a limited level of intimacy. Okay. 08:12 I mean you could have two cells burning 08:13 right rather to have all three 08:14 its spirit, soul and body. Right. 08:16 I had rather they all three to be burning. Okay. 08:18 Do you know what I'm saying with my wife? 08:20 I want to be spiritually connected, 08:21 emotionally connected, and physically connected. Amen. 08:23 You know what I'm saying that you can have two out of three. 08:25 You can have one out of three. But I'm going for the goal. 08:28 And people-- and you know some people-- 08:29 You got to have bronze marriage 08:30 if you want to but kind of boring to me, man. 08:34 Let's bring in this three letter word that some people 08:38 just have such a difficult time in discussing. 08:41 And that's S-E-X. Sex. Sure. 08:44 There are people who have and within their marriage-- 08:48 a husband and wife who have a very active physical life 08:53 but have no intimacy. Yeah. 08:55 Isn't that true? Yes, absolutely. 08:58 And see intimacy is something that it is-- 09:01 it's something to me maintained. 09:02 Let me go scripture for a minute. Okay, please. 09:05 Because there're the lot of guys 09:06 who are watching the show, Shelly. Yes. 09:07 Okay and I think, you know, guys 09:08 we're talking about like the girl thing. 09:10 No, no, no see intimacy is something 09:12 that your wife is gonna crave 09:13 whether you give it to her or not. 09:14 So if you give to her then she really desires you. 09:17 So you really want to pay attention. 09:19 Guys, okay scripture talks about 09:21 love your wife as Christ love the church. 09:22 All guys really don't like that scriptures 09:24 as when was Paul were like taking the rest on, okay. 09:26 Okay because we're compared to Jesus, all right. 09:29 But right after that he tells us exactly how to do it. 09:32 He says, what man doesn't wash his body? 09:34 What man doesn't feed his body? 09:36 Now I'm a guy, you know, 09:38 and when I go into the shower 09:39 I don't complaining to Jesus 09:40 why did you set up such a system 09:41 I got to spend you know 30-40 minutes daily 09:43 taking to shower and do hair all kind of stuff. 09:45 And then eating, eating takes up at least two hours a day. 09:48 You know, between making it, eating it, 09:49 cleaning up and all kind of stuff. 09:51 So here I'm spending almost 3 hours on myself everyday 09:53 without one complaint about my maintenance. 09:56 Okay, and when you get married a woman is maintenance, 09:59 a marriage is maintenance, a man is maintenance. 10:01 And in that scripture he says listen, 10:03 if you can accept the daily maintenance of your body 10:06 you could accept the daily maintenance of a woman. 10:09 And if you could accept the daily maintenance of her 10:12 you will be loving your wife as Christ loves the church. 10:15 And I never looked at that scripture that way. 10:17 That's because you're girl, all right. 10:18 That's Ephesians 5, that's Ephesians 5-- 10:19 You know, well see we get this. 10:20 It says, well, man doesn't wash his body 10:22 or man doesn't cloth his-- 10:23 what man doesn't feed his body, right. Amen. 10:26 And so we do that without complaint. 10:29 Ephesians 5 for anyone 10:30 that's wondering where scripture might be. 10:31 Shelly, we change oil in our car without complaint. 10:36 Well, some of us. You know, what I'm saying. 10:37 For the men that's a maintenance issue. 10:39 Marriage is a maintenance issue. 10:41 If God gives you the gift of a woman in his own image 10:44 she needs to be maintained. Why was man made? 10:47 To maintain the garden. We are maintainers, okay. 10:51 But see what happens is girls don't come on with rules. 10:53 And so we have to like figure this out. 10:56 And what we are talking about is intimacy is a set of skills 10:58 and they're in the book and we can talk about 10:59 a few of these in a moment. 11:01 If you do these skills 11:02 you feed her spiritually and emotionally 11:04 she is gonna run just fine. 11:06 You're not going to be sleeping on the sofa near as much 11:08 or fighting near as much 11:10 or and you get to have better physical relationship 11:12 because if you're intimate outside the bedroom 11:14 then intimacy brought into the physical relationship 11:17 was God's design. Amen. 11:19 Now, its not just women who crave intimacy 11:23 but we all are designed for intimacy, are we not. 11:26 Yeah, but guys-- intimacy to guys 11:28 could be sitting around having a piece of piece 11:29 and watching the game. You know quality time. 11:31 So that's useless. That's useless. 11:33 Hey, we have a good time, man. Okay. 11:35 But the intimacy with the woman is more demanding 11:38 than intimacy with the man. Okay. 11:39 It is, you know, because you process differently. 11:42 You know, you use more words. 11:44 You know, you think differently like, 11:46 you know, women tend to think about 11:47 their whole world at one time. 11:48 We talk to think a slice at a time. 11:51 You know what I'm saying? Hey, we're on the slice. 11:53 The slice is good to my life, its good. Okay. 11:55 We don't' worry the things that, 11:56 you know, IRS or other things 11:57 that are going on our life. My slice is good. 11:59 If the super bowl is on then that's the slice you're taking. 12:01 Right, that's really so. 12:03 So, you know, there is a difference 12:04 and God made it so that we would 12:06 have to become like Him to be able to love you. Okay. 12:09 And you have to become 12:10 a little bit more like Him to love us. 12:12 All right, I will accept that. 12:13 You know, what I'm saying, your patience, goodness, 12:15 kindness all of those things. 12:17 Patience a lot. Yes, yes and it's good. 12:20 But now intimacy, when you say that 12:22 a man is spending so much time in-- 12:26 Eating and showering. Eating and showering. 12:28 You know, saying he is has to spend 12:29 an equal amount of time in other three hours of this way. 12:31 This takes about 10-15 minutes a day. 12:33 The basic vitamin of intimacy is 10 to 15 minutes a day, 12:35 guys, 10 to 15 minutes a day. 12:37 We all have that. 12:38 But now there is one another thing 12:39 that I want to bring in and you tell me if I'm wrong 12:41 because you're the psychologist here. 12:43 When I'm teaching say at a women's retreat. Yes. 12:46 I always tell women you cannot expect-- 12:50 men and women communicate differently. 12:52 You cannot expect your husband 12:55 to fulfill the need that you have. 12:57 And he is never gonna be a girl. 12:58 The relationship of your best girlfriend. 13:00 We can't--I tell women learn how to talk in bullet points. 13:04 Kind of bottom line it for a man. 13:06 If he wants the no more he will ask 13:08 but they're really not all that interested in 13:10 if the baby shower, what the color scheme was, 13:12 every present that she opened, who was there. 13:14 That would be a long bang. All right. 13:16 So the difference is. I'm glad you had a good time. 13:21 So basically the one I'm setting up here is that 13:25 what are realistic expectations of intimacy? 13:28 What when a women you say that 13:30 a women needs to be maintained, 13:32 it doesn't mean that her husband has to sit there 13:34 and say oh, do I have to listen to all of them. 13:36 Now, this is about 10 to 15 minutes investment, okay. 13:39 And you work together on this. 13:41 Okay, those exercises we outlined. 13:42 But one of them is praying together. 13:44 Now that's simple. Okay. 13:45 Take a covenants day to pray together 13:48 before the Lord and, you know, 13:49 I don't know how the Lord feels about a man 13:51 who honestly takes the pride from God 13:54 and then doesn't bring bride back to God on a regular basis. 13:57 I think He feels insulted. Good point. 13:59 You know, because God is not just our Father, 14:01 He's your father-in-law. 14:03 And I've have never thought of that either, Doug. 14:05 We could have a lot, you have a lot of Revelations 14:06 We're gonna have, that's really interesting. 14:08 Lights are coming on, yeah. 14:09 And so God is your father-in-law 14:11 and sometimes He relates to a man from that position. 14:13 And there is lot of man who are not blessed 14:14 because they're not treating 14:15 their wives well that Malachi 2. 14:16 So He is you father, J.D. 14:18 God is not only His father but he is father-in-law in that 14:21 God gave me His daughter to J.D. 14:25 And so sometimes God looks at J.D. and goes, 14:26 okay, how you're doing son with my daughter. 14:31 And now that's My favorite daughter 14:32 and--you see what I am saying. Yes, okay. 14:34 And if you ever had a little girl guys know 14:36 how feel about little girl. 14:38 There is something special she has in your heart. 14:41 And every wife is that special place in God's heart. 14:44 So you better be really nice 14:46 to her is kind of the way that goes. 14:47 So as a father-in-law what you're saying is that 14:49 if a man married your daughter and he is not treating her right 14:53 you're going to be a little upset with him. 14:54 No I might have him killed. 14:56 Okay, that's your little-- Yeah, yeah. 14:57 Now I'm being silly. You know that. 15:00 But what I'm saying that's man want to protect woman 15:03 that's what I'm saying. That's okay. 15:04 Okay, and so yeah, that man won't have my favorite. 15:08 If he treats her really good you'll have my favorite. 15:10 And see there is lot of man who don't have some of the favor 15:14 because of the way they treat their wives. 15:17 So let's get back to the start. 15:18 Let's go to start and I want to dig 15:19 into this praying together a little bit further 15:22 because there are some-- 15:26 I hate to use that what control freak. 15:28 But there are some people in relationships 15:31 that when they pray together 15:33 that there women are guilty of doing this, 15:36 men are guilty of doing this. 15:38 As they pray they're actually preaching sermon in the prayer. 15:42 Preaching that. Don't do that. 15:43 Jesus never did that. You know, He never did that. 15:46 And that's not loving your wife. 15:48 If you want to bless her, bless her. 15:50 You know, Lord Jesus, bless my wife. 15:51 Encourage her strengthened use me to serve her. 15:54 Those be great prayers. 15:55 Don't be preaching in you know stuff at her. 15:58 Because you want her to be-- Help her to lose weight. 15:59 You know, one of the things, 16:00 one of the biggest sins in marriage, 16:02 in Christian's marriage is adulatory. 16:04 I want you to look like me. 16:06 Wow. That's adulatory. 16:08 God didn't create her to be in my image 16:10 He created her to be in His image. 16:11 If I want her to look like me 16:12 then I more should be me too much. 16:14 Amen.i And that's sin. 16:17 So then if make start making her like me 16:18 now the Holy Spirits are gonna kill her too. 16:21 Wow, that's good. 16:22 So in this 10 to 15 minutes time of investment 16:26 everyday you're saying this is time 16:28 where you all can share heart to heart. 16:30 Right exactly. Prayer is one way. 16:32 Prayer is one. We do two feelings a day. 16:35 Now there is no place where you are trained how to do emotions. 16:36 This is a real limitation western culture 16:39 and cultures in general. 16:40 So the book actually walks you through an exercise 16:42 I developed for myself to learn how to identify 16:45 and communicate feelings. 16:46 Within about a month or so you can go 16:48 from emotional ill literacy to literacy 16:50 in about two months you can become emotional blackmail 16:53 where guys can share feelings just as fast as girls. 16:55 It's a skill. It's just a set of skills. 16:56 I have to tell you. Yes. 16:59 When we're talking about men sharing intimacies 17:01 some men cannot own their own feelings. 17:03 I mean they don't even recognize what their own feelings are. 17:05 That's a lack of skill. 17:07 That's not a lack of intelligence 17:08 and its not about them being man. 17:10 Woman can be just be bad at that. 17:11 Is it also a part of men 17:13 who are fearful of being labeled effeminate 17:16 if they're able to share their feelings 17:18 or there seems to be a block, 17:20 especially in I mean we have got a worldwide audience 17:23 and don't know where you're watching. 17:25 Which you're country you're watching. 17:26 But there seems to be in the western culture 17:29 particularly this mental block about you 17:32 asking a man how their feeling and its like, I don't know. 17:38 I don't know I feel about this. 17:40 Have you recognized this? Well, again it's like a skill. 17:42 I have taught tens of thousands of man 17:44 how identify communicate feelings. 17:46 And what happens is they feel closer to a woman, 17:50 understood what I'am saying because there was a place 17:52 a woman is generally a safe person. 17:53 Now there are some woman they are not safe. 17:54 But generally they're safe 17:55 and you can share your heart with them. 17:57 And there are some guidelines. 17:58 Like you can't give feedback you can't ask questions. 18:00 So in the exercise the guys sharing to feelings 18:02 but she can't do anything with them. 18:04 So give us an example on this. 18:05 She can't say, you can't feel that way. 18:07 She can't say well, tell me more. 18:08 She can't do any thing. 18:09 It's just like, okay, we pick a feeling-- 18:11 you know we point it, same we say okay, calm. 18:14 I feel calm when I am-- 18:16 I feel calm actually in my house 18:17 and watching the stars its amazing, there where I live. 18:19 And I first remember feeling calm 18:21 which is gonna be under the age of 18 18:22 when I was with my sister. 18:23 We were on farms where, you know look at the clouds 18:26 and making shapes and I felt it very calm. 18:28 Cool grass, blue sky it was beautiful, okay. 18:30 So they are just identifying communicative feeling. 18:34 Okay, now as the wife though you can't give me any feedback, 18:37 see this is where it gets jammed up. 18:39 A guy shares his heart 18:40 and the girl wants to go in there and pick around it. 18:43 So-- That was unsafe. 18:45 All right, so say that a man said, 18:47 I feel calm when I'm sitting in my easy chair watching 18:51 what ever program it is-- 18:52 he is watching a golf tournament. 18:54 So the wife can't sit and say, you got to be kidding 18:57 if you feel calm like that or that or that. 18:59 She can't give any feedback. She can't give any feedback. 19:00 Now see this is a safe zone. 19:02 See if you want a man to share he has to be safe 19:05 and some women sabotage that. 19:07 Because when he shares its any thing 19:09 but safe all of a sudden they become the mom, 19:12 they become the expert, they become the critic, 19:14 they become this, he is like it is not safe out there. 19:17 All right, you are bringing up something I know-- 19:19 So there is two dynamics here. 19:21 The man he can share where as do it in safety 19:24 and no one has to hear with out trying to do anything with it. 19:27 So communicating feelings, I talk with a lot of women 19:30 who say that they feel that they repress some of their feelings 19:34 because if they express a feeling to their husband 19:38 he thinks that he got to come in and fix it. 19:41 Feelings-- I like that you said in this book. 19:43 He can't say anything either. All right. 19:45 She is sharing her feelings and he can't say anything. 19:46 I liked what you said in this book. 19:48 In this--your book Intimacy. 19:50 A 100-Day Guide to Lasting Relationships. 19:53 You said that feeling aren't always truth. 19:56 We all have feelings 19:57 and feelings change from day to day. 20:00 I was talking with some one day before yesterday who said, 20:04 I just wish Jesus would take me home. 20:06 I am tired of living in it and I just read this. 20:10 And so rather than jumping in and trying to fix it 20:12 I just let them express that feeling you will be safe. 20:16 You know, the interesting thing was next they called back 20:19 and said because a tornado came through their town 20:21 and next day they called back and said 20:22 well, I was sure was repenting of those words. 20:25 So feelings do change, they have nothing to do with truth 20:29 but is it not true that more men than women are fixers 20:34 that when you share a feeling. 20:35 A man jumps in and thinks he is gonna fix it. 20:37 Well, I think generally if a woman doesn't prefers 20:40 for communication with what I need is you just to hear me, 20:43 I don't need a solution she is gonna usually get one, 20:46 okay, because that's what he thinks-- 20:48 because if a man ask man a question 20:49 he is asking the other man to help him with something 20:51 and fixing to get more information or something. 20:53 So if a woman asks a question he assumes that she wants 20:55 the same genius information he could offer. 20:59 But if she is wanting to share heart its different. 21:00 She needs to say listen, I need to talk with you, 21:03 but it really don't need any feedback. 21:04 I just want to process, I just want to share. 21:06 Okay, well, then he knows his role. 21:08 What happens is she because see Eve hung out with God first, 21:12 it totally messed her up. 21:14 If she would have just met Adam first that be fine. 21:16 Okay, but she met God first and He knows everything 21:19 and read her mind and He was able to tell her 21:21 what she was feeling and thinking 21:22 before she could think it, totally messed her up 21:24 for relating to man because she thinks 21:26 He is God liking well totally not. 21:29 I am the cool that you are thinking. 21:30 You have to actually share with me 21:32 and if I don't know what you need 21:33 you have to let me know 21:34 so I kind of go in the right place for you. 21:36 You know what I am saying? Yes. 21:37 Some of the work has to do on her side, 21:39 someone has to watch and go I don't like that okay, it's both. 21:43 We will have to work a better communication. 21:45 And then the other exercise we will go to all three 21:48 okay, that's something you do everyday 21:49 its two or three statements. 21:50 I'll give you two compliments a day, 21:52 you give me two compliments. 21:54 I say, I love appreciate that that about you, 21:56 you say thank you. 21:57 So let it into your heart. 21:58 There is a receipt there are some people 22:00 who won't go to let it in, and then you give me one. 22:04 And then I give you the other one 22:05 is through these two feelings. 22:06 So the there is three is to thank you. 22:08 Two praise us and praises, I am in prayer. 22:10 Yes, well, know I say, you know, 22:12 I think you are an amazing industrious woman. 22:14 Suppose I was your husband and you go and you let in here, 22:17 you go thank you from here. Thank you. 22:20 So that you actually letting it in, its what I am saying. 22:23 But someone may not really gonna giving it 22:24 but not good at receive it. 22:25 I am terrible at receiving compliment. 22:27 Next time I see you I expect that to be better. 22:30 Yes. Okay. 22:31 I find an excuse to tell you why it isn't so. 22:34 Okay, but yet you let it in 22:35 because see the Father see these skills 22:38 transformed to the Father, okay. 22:40 If you can share your feeling with God He is a person, 22:44 He has feelings too, His feelings will blow you away 22:46 if can hear them. You know, what I'm saying. 22:49 Yeah, that's why I love to study the Bible. 22:52 Yeah, but He is a person, He is a person 22:54 He is not a yet, He is not a thing, 22:56 We are in His image, He is a person. 22:59 He has feelings about how things are in Heaven, 23:01 how things are in earth, 23:02 how things are happening with us. Amen. 23:06 If you seek the hearty God you always know His mind. 23:09 You know what I am saying. 23:10 That's why you go in his heart. 23:12 and He loves to be complimented. 23:14 He loves praise. Absolutely. 23:16 You know what I am saying, and He loves to give it 23:18 if you listen He will tell you what 23:20 you are My favorite person. 23:21 I love you, you are precious, you are amazing. 23:25 I have called you by your name, you are mine. 23:26 Yeah, I am saying. 23:27 Yes, He is a lover in that sense 23:30 He wants to communicate loving things to our heart. 23:33 Amen, so-- So these skills transfers. 23:36 What's the third process? Oh, that is the priority on. 23:39 Two feelings, two and a nurturing thing is three. 23:42 That's three a day, you do those three things everyday. 23:45 And what you are saying is 23:46 if a man and a woman who will sit down 23:49 and agree to do this process, 23:52 that it will actually increase their intimacy. Tremendously. 23:55 I think couples who were in physically intimated 23:57 for over a decade do these exercise 23:59 and with in six weeks, that was mended. 24:01 Because they start to connect intimately 24:04 with out the physical and then that created a desire 24:07 and hunger for the physical. 24:09 You see what I'm saying. All right. 24:10 And so intimacy is something 24:12 that is a result of a discipline. 24:14 If you are falling out of love, you are not falling out of love. 24:16 I am a councilor, I heard some people say, I am falling. 24:19 You are not falling. Let we follow our discipline. 24:21 Your's lazy, you are not out of love. 24:23 Okay, when get to work 24:24 and you are on to work for a month 24:26 so you could fall back in love. 24:27 You know, something tells me, 24:28 Doug, that those men out here who can be say, is that simple? 24:31 All I have to do is take 15 minutes a day 24:33 and do these process. Yes, it's that simple. 24:34 You see what happens is these things actually soak in 24:38 to who you become. 24:40 Okay, you become more encouraging 24:41 through out the day because you use to 24:42 encourage you every day. 24:44 You become more open because you practice being open. 24:47 So something kind of hits your work, 24:48 you say man, you know 24:50 I really feel totally unacknowledged today 24:55 because my boss, you know, I actually wrote the concept 24:58 but some other guy got credit for following notes. 25:01 Well, see that's what she wants to know. 25:03 She wants to know your heart that day. 25:05 She doesn't care about the information 25:06 she wants to know where your heart was. 25:08 Why was it hurt, why was it strength, 25:09 why was it encouraged. 25:11 And she knows that and she is with you. 25:13 Well you are saying that men really don't care about 25:15 knowing these things that it's really woman that-- 25:17 No, no we care about knowing these things 25:19 but again we want to know so much 25:22 I mean, you know, we don't want-- 25:23 we don't want three feelings in one minute. We can't do that. 25:27 Okay, but we can if we-- 25:29 but it also happens if you get greatest joy in your feelings 25:31 and you know its going to happen, 25:32 you know, you can even share that feeling 25:33 later with him today in that context 25:35 and he is gonna really hear you 25:36 because he can't give you any feedback. 25:37 And I also love the fact that 25:39 this same to discipline can be used with God. 25:41 I mean its just time of coming to the Lord 25:44 not to seek intimacy is not prayer, 25:46 seeking God's hand always the list it's seeking His heart. 25:51 I don't want to know, I know-- 25:52 you know, for me my prayers always been, 25:54 I want Your heart God. Amen. 25:56 If I have Your heart I have Your mind. 25:58 As the deer pants for the water. 26:00 If I have Your heart God, 26:02 I will have Your mind. 26:04 That's good. You know what I'm saying. 26:05 And so many Christians they want to-- 26:06 they want to know the mind of God. 26:08 They want to read the information. 26:09 They want to be the news picker about Him 26:11 instead of knowing to go through article. All right. 26:13 And it's all about seeking the heart of God. 26:16 Yes, and the heart of your spouse. 26:18 Woman don't marry men because they are good looking, 26:20 they marry because they want they saw 26:21 something in their heart they really liked. 26:22 But you know this affirmation in praise 26:25 I believe as you said, God wants to hear our praise. 26:28 I mean we are instructed to praise Him. 26:31 Its not that it changes Him 26:33 but it changes our attitude, it changes us. 26:37 So that's why it's dealing with your husband in carelessness. 26:39 He wants to hear his praise of you. 26:43 He wants you to hear his praise of you. 26:45 I am proud of You. I love You. 26:48 I love listening to you. I love watching you sleep. 26:50 I love watching you get up. 26:51 I love the way you play with your kids. 26:54 He wants you to be able to hear his praise. 26:56 Either when you do that's satisfies your soul 27:01 because I've pleased the Father. Amen, Amen. 27:06 Doug, this time has gone by so fast. 27:08 I am feeling like we just begin to scratch the surface 27:11 so, we are inviting you come back. Great. 27:13 I'm glad that you are going to. 27:15 Thank you, so much for being with us today. Thank you. 27:18 You know, I so much I can identify with what he says 27:21 and part of the knowing how God feels about us. 27:25 I love to take his promises 27:28 and just as I am reading his promises its 27:30 I hear the voice of the Lord I know the heart of the Father 27:34 and I know this is a way it says 27:35 I am in Christ and I think that's a wonderful way 27:37 to help us increase our intimacy 27:40 in knowing the heart of the Father 27:42 is to know how special you are to Him. 27:44 Please don't forget that God has a plan for your life 27:47 and its better than the one your living, 27:49 it's better to one I am living here. 27:51 So seek God's heart and love His way. |
Revised 2014-12-17