Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn
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and welcome again to
"Issues and Answers".
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You know, if you are
in an abusive relationship
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or if you know someone who
is in abusive relationship,
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we want you to stay tuned today
because this is the program
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where we're going to talk about
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the way out of the
abusive relationship.
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And the scripture
that came to my mind
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is one of my favorites,
it's from Psalm 129:4 that says,
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"The Lord is righteous.
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He has cut me
free from the cords
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of the wicked that bound me."
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You know, there is
a bond in galliard.
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You may fell trapped
by your circumstances
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but God is the answer.
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And God has provided people like
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our guest today Liz Harrison
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who are out
there to be a support,
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to help you find
solutions for the way out.
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Liz, we're so thankful that
you are coming back to us today.
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Now your ministry is
Harrison Referral Services
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and you work with
abused, the victims and abusers.
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Tell us a little
bit about what you do.
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Well, what we do is,
we just offer support
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and referrals to
women and children
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and also men that are
going through domestic violence
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or displaced due to the abuse.
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We just help supply toiletries
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and we help with our
referral services to shelters.
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We also help with toiletries,
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food and clothing
and spiritual counseling.
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Now, you know, my
husband had been counseling
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or actually praying with a woman
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for quite some
time who was counseling
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with a woman who is in abuse.
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And he referred her
to you in St. Louis.
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Yes, that's correct.
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And he said, man,
that Liz gets things done.
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She took care of
things in a hurry.
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But the
encouragement about that--
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I know your hearts dream
is to have a sinner--shelter.
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Yes, that's correct, yes.
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But right now
Harrison Referral Services out
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in St. Louis, Missouri,
you're taking advantage,
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you were an abused spouse
and from your own experience
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you learned where
there are some help
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and you have come and
put this ministry together
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to help other women and just use
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what's available
to them out there.
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Because sometimes when
someone is going through this
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whether it's man or woman
they don't know where to turn.
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But let's talk about
what kinds of support
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and solutions there
are because trust me
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as vast is our
viewing and listening audience
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you're gonna be
ministering to someone today
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whose is in that situation.
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What types of solutions
are available to people
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who are trapped?
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Well, I would
suggest to let them know
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that there are different
organizations out there
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that's available including
Harrison Referral Services
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that help assist
with domestic violence.
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They can get
support and referrals
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by calling hotline numbers.
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Let them know what
their situation is and--
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And what are
the hotline numbers?
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I mean, how-- what
if somebody saying,
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what hotline?
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How do they go about
in the very beginning?
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Let's say that I'm being abused
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and I've been cut off and, I'm
in a very controlled situation.
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How do I even know
where to turn first?
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Do I call the
police for hotline number?
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What do I do to even
find out the hotline number?
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Well, there's many ways you can.
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You can call the police and they
will give you hotline numbers.
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If you have access to the
internet you can go online
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and put in hotline
numbers for domestic violence.
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You can also go into phonebook.
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You can actually
look into phonebook
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for hotline numbers as well.
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There's also a 211
number that you can dial
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for community services
where they will hook you up--
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you know, refer you to
other domestic violence shelters
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and help as well.
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And I'm sure that
wherever people are watching
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from around the world
there's something somewhere
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that these various organizations
that exist to help and assist,
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provide solutions for
people in these problems.
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Yes, that's correct. Okay.
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Now kind of
support is available?
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Well, the support that's
available that, you know,
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when you call the hotline number
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and they bring you in they help,
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you know, find out what
your situation is to help,
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you know, you start to rebuild
and to restore from there.
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They will help
with your children
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if you're flaying domestic
violence with your children.
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They will bring the children
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and counsel the
children, counsel you.
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They will help you in getting
restored back in a new home.
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They also help
with job placement,
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any type of skills
that you need of that sort.
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Some training? Yes.
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It's wonderful.
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And it should be that
and I know one of your--
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the things that
you do when you go out
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and give
conferences and seminars
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is that you're
trying to teach the churches
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to have this kind
of information on hand
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and be prepared to
be part of that solution
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to have those numbers
that they can refer them to.
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So if someone doesn't
want to call the police
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because they are afraid
that if the police got involved
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that they might
come out to their home
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then we could recommend
that they would call a church?
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Yes, that's true.
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We're really trying to
get the church more educated
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on domestic violence to be more
of a support system for victims.
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Because we have people
that just come off the street
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and walk inside your
church and we've had it done
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in our churches as
well, they needed help
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with domestic violence
and the pastors were able
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to call me to help the woman get
into safe havens and shelters.
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But we do want to make
sure that we're able to help
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in the church with
having those--the information
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on hand to help the
people with domestic violence.
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Yes, we want to make sure
we have lot's of resources
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for them,
nourishments, spiritual guidance
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and to transfer
them to where they are at
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and to a safe
location so that send them back
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into the abusive home.
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Now suppose that
we've got people probably
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watching--there's
all levels of violence,
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there's all levels of
abuse I should have said
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that maybe hasn't
escalated into true violence
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but they have recognized
some of the warning signs
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and they are fearful.
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What are their options if they
are not calling for shelter?
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If you call the hotlines
or if you go to someone--
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what are the options--
who can we turn to for help
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if we might say, you know,
I'm not being physical abused
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but the verbal
abuse, the mental abuse
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is getting really
bad and I recognize it
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and I know it's not
healthy for me or my children.
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Where do they turn?
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Well, they have a family
counseling that's available
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out where you can
call the counselor
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if you're not really trying
to get into shelter or anything.
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We do have services
where you can get referrals
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and help for counseling
for you and the children.
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Just to kind of
see where you're at
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and what you want to do in
a situation that you're in.
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They will help you
recognize something's
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that you might not
see in a relationship
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or the marriage and
then they work with to see
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what they can do to
help to get you move
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in towards a better direction,
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more healthier
direction in a relationship.
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There are counseling
agencies that's available
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for the family as well.
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Liz, when you
were in your marriage
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your husband was
first verbally abusive
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then emotionally,
mentally abusive to you
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and it escalated to
the domestic violence
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where he really
became physically abusive.
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What steps did you
take to get yourself out?
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Well, to be honest
with you it was so strange
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because we get these
South Side Journal newspapers
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that they throw out every week.
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They're free newspapers
and one day I just happened
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pickup one and I look then
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and they have
resource section in there
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and it just say, women support.
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So I just thought
I'll call the number.
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I didn't know it was
for domestic violence.
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I was just looking
for sometime of help
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to someone to talk
to about my situation.
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And when I called the
number they were actually
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a domestic
violence support center.
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I checked myself in
there for counseling.
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I checked my children there
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and so me and my
children were going together
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on a weekly basis.
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And they helped me and my family
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to start the
transaction of moving towards
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a more healthier lifestyle
and more healthier situation
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to get out of
the abusive marriage.
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We really needed the counseling.
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My children--I have learned
so much from the counseling
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and still to this
day it still affects them
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but they are doing pretty good.
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That's wonderful.
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Because I'm just
thinking that they are people
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maybe that our church members
and we know that, you know,
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this is a problem
that exists far beyond.
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I mean, it's
not-- once you're inside
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the church walls it
doesn't keep that problem out,
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maybe it's masked
as we've discussed
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before that it's something that
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is always
brought out to the open.
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But there are people who say,
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who do I turn to in the church?
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What would you recommend there?
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I mean, you want to just
talk to anyone about this.
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That's true, you just
don't want to talk to anyone
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because that's not healthy.
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That 'cause a lot of
times when you get to talk
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to anyone those individuals
might be close friends
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or family
members with the abuser
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that you might not
know anything about.
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So it's best to take
it to the pastor first
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or the pastors wife
or both of them together
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and let them
know what's going on.
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And the pastor might
know someone in the church
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that might be able to
help and assist in that area.
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And the church--
the pastor will lead
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and guide
wherever they are able to
00:09:59.87\00:10:03.12
but they are also will
connect you with someone
00:10:03.15\00:10:05.82
that's in the church that might
be a more better of support
00:10:05.85\00:10:08.60
and they will work
together as a team to make sure
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that the
situation is worked on to--
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you know, get
forced to resolving it so.
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You know, they can do that.
00:10:16.57\00:10:17.79
It will be somebody inside
the church we're hoping that.
00:10:17.82\00:10:20.55
That's why we're
trying to get the church to be
00:10:20.58\00:10:22.79
more educated on
domestic violence,
00:10:22.82\00:10:24.75
to try to get
someone in each church
00:10:24.78\00:10:27.16
that are educated
on domestic violence
00:10:27.19\00:10:28.68
so when those
issues come up the pastor
00:10:28.71\00:10:30.87
and his wife will not
just alone in the situation,
00:10:30.90\00:10:33.76
they lead and guide them
to someone else in the church
00:10:33.79\00:10:36.24
so that they can have support.
00:10:36.27\00:10:37.64
Let's say that someone's
watching and their spouse
00:10:37.67\00:10:42.16
has real anger management issues
00:10:42.19\00:10:45.90
and they--that's
the way they control.
00:10:45.93\00:10:49.47
In other words, if
they get really angry,
00:10:49.50\00:10:51.98
I mean, if anything obsessive
00:10:52.01\00:10:54.21
they are just going
to go fly into a rage
00:10:54.24\00:10:56.31
and that is a type
of control mechanism.
00:10:56.34\00:11:00.13
So sometimes it's
just better if you're not--
00:11:00.16\00:11:05.73
would it be better and I
should frame this as a question.
00:11:05.76\00:11:08.66
If I know this person is
being controlling my behavior
00:11:08.69\00:11:11.86
because of rage, would
it be best to say okay?
00:11:11.89\00:11:16.94
He's not really
physically abusing me
00:11:16.97\00:11:20.64
or mentally abusing me,
well, that's mental abuse.
00:11:20.67\00:11:23.24
Let's say, he's not
physically abuse me.
00:11:23.27\00:11:26.70
Should I just try
to get my spouse help
00:11:26.73\00:11:30.70
to get them
into rage management?
00:11:30.73\00:11:33.01
How do you or anger management,
00:11:33.04\00:11:35.56
how do you draw the boundaries?
00:11:35.59\00:11:37.45
I guess that's what
I'm trying to ask you.
00:11:37.48\00:11:39.95
You know, 'cause
it recurs me that,
00:11:39.98\00:11:41.38
there's so many dysfunctional
marriages out there
00:11:41.41\00:11:44.25
and there's people who
probably see warning signs
00:11:44.28\00:11:48.20
but how do you
best set boundaries
00:11:48.23\00:11:53.15
to where you say to your
spouse be it male or female
00:11:53.18\00:11:57.61
this is not acceptable behavior.
00:11:57.64\00:12:01.28
You've got to get help for this.
00:12:01.31\00:12:04.32
What do you suggest their?
00:12:04.35\00:12:06.55
Well, I would suggest
that you would speak with them
00:12:06.58\00:12:10.82
and to let them know
that you love them enough
00:12:10.85\00:12:12.81
to come to them
and let them know that,
00:12:12.84\00:12:14.94
that it is
unacceptable behavior.
00:12:14.97\00:12:18.08
And no one shall accept
domestic violence or abuse.
00:12:18.11\00:12:21.31
And we shall try to help guide
them into getting the help.
00:12:21.34\00:12:24.62
It's okay to find the numbers
00:12:24.65\00:12:26.59
and call the
agencies to get the support
00:12:26.62\00:12:28.37
but it's gonna
be up to the abuser
00:12:28.40\00:12:30.59
him or herself to get themselves
00:12:30.62\00:12:33.08
checked into the
anger management class.
00:12:33.11\00:12:36.43
We can suggest,
we can open doors,
00:12:36.46\00:12:38.16
we can make phone calls
but the abuser him or herself
00:12:38.19\00:12:41.11
is the one that's gonna
really have to make the call,
00:12:41.14\00:12:43.38
really have to get
themselves checked in.
00:12:43.41\00:12:45.52
But first of all this is
like if you're drug addict
00:12:45.55\00:12:48.59
or alcoholic you
have to first recognize
00:12:48.62\00:12:50.38
that you do have a problem
that you're an alcoholic,
00:12:50.41\00:12:52.79
that you're a drug
addict and once you can do that
00:12:52.82\00:12:55.44
then you're able
to seek the help.
00:12:55.47\00:12:57.74
But you're in
denial and live in a denial
00:12:57.77\00:13:00.35
that you're abusive
than it won't do any good.
00:13:00.38\00:13:02.89
But we can help to
suggest and to lead
00:13:02.92\00:13:05.78
and guide to help support.
00:13:05.81\00:13:07.54
We're getting them into--get
them the anger management
00:13:07.57\00:13:09.43
help that they need.
00:13:09.46\00:13:11.06
You know, it just occurred to me
you're not a licensed counselor.
00:13:11.09\00:13:14.34
You know, that wasn't
your educational background
00:13:14.37\00:13:19.24
but you learned
through experience
00:13:19.27\00:13:21.85
and experience can be--
00:13:21.88\00:13:24.31
The best education. The
best education, definitely.
00:13:24.34\00:13:27.77
One thing we
know is you do learn
00:13:27.80\00:13:29.87
when you go through it.
00:13:29.90\00:13:31.18
It can be a hard
lesson but you learned.
00:13:31.21\00:13:33.75
So what if someone
else has gone through this
00:13:33.78\00:13:37.74
or they just have a
tender spot because maybe
00:13:37.77\00:13:40.99
their brother or sister
or maybe even their parent
00:13:41.02\00:13:44.51
has gone through this.
00:13:44.54\00:13:46.15
How can we as a
church body or people
00:13:46.18\00:13:49.98
who are watching can
we be a support to someone
00:13:50.01\00:13:52.81
who is going through this?
00:13:52.84\00:13:54.85
Yes, we can. We can
be a big support to them.
00:13:54.88\00:13:58.82
We can be nourishment for them.
We can be a lifeline for them.
00:13:58.85\00:14:03.78
In my opinion I
think its best not to scorn
00:14:03.81\00:14:08.24
or not to say, well,
you know, you should do this
00:14:08.27\00:14:10.58
or you should get
out of this relationship.
00:14:10.61\00:14:12.20
I told you not to marry
that that no good person.
00:14:12.23\00:14:13.26
Yes, exactly.
00:14:13.29\00:14:15.69
They don't want to
hear I told you so,
00:14:15.72\00:14:17.21
is because they
already know this.
00:14:17.24\00:14:19.35
They are looking for a lifeline.
00:14:19.38\00:14:20.76
It's looking for
someone not to judge them,
00:14:20.79\00:14:22.86
someone just to support them.
00:14:22.89\00:14:24.86
And a lot of times
they don't leave right away
00:14:24.89\00:14:26.80
but that doesn't mean
that we walk out on them
00:14:26.83\00:14:28.61
and that we leave them.
00:14:28.64\00:14:29.67
We stay there to
be their support.
00:14:29.70\00:14:31.46
So when they do get
this strength restrain
00:14:31.49\00:14:32.72
to finally walk away and leave.
00:14:32.75\00:14:34.49
You still want to
be there for them.
00:14:34.52\00:14:36.08
Because if we walk
away and leave them
00:14:36.11\00:14:38.19
because they are
moving the way we think
00:14:38.22\00:14:40.10
that they should or
they are not reacting
00:14:40.13\00:14:42.23
as fast as we think they should.
00:14:42.26\00:14:43.53
A lot of times they
will stay with the abuser
00:14:43.56\00:14:45.61
because they feel that
they have no one else anyway.
00:14:45.64\00:14:49.02
And we could be a very
much support just by listening,
00:14:49.05\00:14:54.45
just by prayer,
just by hugging them
00:14:54.48\00:14:57.33
and supporting
them and you know,
00:14:57.36\00:14:59.32
trying to actually look
for help for them as well.
00:14:59.35\00:15:01.74
Just be a support system
for them, not to judge them,
00:15:01.77\00:15:04.71
not to say I told
you so, not to say,
00:15:04.74\00:15:07.28
you know, if you would have did
00:15:07.31\00:15:08.34
what I told you do
this wouldn't have happened.
00:15:08.37\00:15:10.45
Because you know, we
have to let people walk
00:15:10.48\00:15:13.71
their own road in life and even
in their relationships as well.
00:15:13.74\00:15:16.86
Boy, this is
such a difficult thing
00:15:16.89\00:15:18.17
because I'm sitting here,
00:15:18.20\00:15:19.23
there's so many
thoughts going through my mind
00:15:19.26\00:15:20.91
if I can articulate them but.
00:15:20.94\00:15:23.08
Let's say that
someone's in the situation
00:15:23.11\00:15:26.76
and I'm trying to be a support,
I've to really be careful
00:15:26.79\00:15:29.69
how I support them because
I could actually do something
00:15:29.72\00:15:32.43
that may give them advice
00:15:32.46\00:15:34.13
that would
endanger them is that true?
00:15:34.16\00:15:36.00
Yes, we want to make
sure that first we pray
00:15:36.03\00:15:39.67
and that we make
sure that before we speak
00:15:39.70\00:15:41.63
we're giving the
right healthy, spiritual,
00:15:41.66\00:15:44.56
safe information as possible.
00:15:44.59\00:15:47.44
We don't want to
say, well, you know,
00:15:47.47\00:15:48.67
just pack up and leave,
00:15:48.70\00:15:49.81
but there's ways
to pack and leave.
00:15:49.84\00:15:51.18
There's a safe way
to pack up and leave
00:15:51.21\00:15:53.13
and there's a dangerous
way to pack up and leave.
00:15:53.16\00:15:55.16
You want to give them
healthy information to say,
00:15:55.19\00:15:57.86
you know, well,
if you need to get
00:15:57.89\00:15:59.64
all your information together,
00:15:59.67\00:16:01.11
you know, you can meet me here
00:16:01.14\00:16:02.50
or I'll help you get
to your next destination.
00:16:02.53\00:16:04.10
You want to make sure
when you giving them advice
00:16:04.13\00:16:06.28
that is healthy
advice, its safe advice,
00:16:06.31\00:16:09.84
not what you
would just suggested
00:16:09.87\00:16:11.38
and you think they would do it.
00:16:11.41\00:16:12.44
It's not that easy to
just walk out and leave.
00:16:12.47\00:16:15.23
You can't tell the
abuser that you're leaving
00:16:15.26\00:16:16.63
because they could kill
you, take your life there,
00:16:16.66\00:16:19.98
you have to plan a
safe way of escape.
00:16:20.01\00:16:22.05
So before we want
to talk to someone else
00:16:22.08\00:16:24.71
about getting him out of there
00:16:24.74\00:16:26.15
we need to make sure we pray
00:16:26.18\00:16:27.34
and make sure that we
have some good information
00:16:27.37\00:16:29.70
on how to plan a safe escape.
00:16:29.73\00:16:31.78
So basically
then it would be good
00:16:31.81\00:16:33.55
if you're trying
to be a support system
00:16:33.58\00:16:35.36
to someone to educate yourself.
00:16:35.39\00:16:37.58
To call the
hotline yourself and say,
00:16:37.61\00:16:39.60
I've a friend or
sister or brother--
00:16:39.63\00:16:42.45
so I need to know
what's the best type of advice
00:16:42.48\00:16:45.78
to give them, right.
00:16:45.81\00:16:46.84
Now let me ask
you another question
00:16:46.87\00:16:48.31
because when we're
talking about being a support
00:16:48.34\00:16:50.37
I know that doctors in hospitals
if they suspect child abuse
00:16:50.40\00:16:55.43
they are required
by law to report that.
00:16:55.46\00:16:58.53
What do you do
when you're in a church
00:16:58.56\00:17:02.39
or in a situation
where you really suspect
00:17:02.42\00:17:06.04
that children are being abused
but you may recognize that--
00:17:06.07\00:17:09.24
let's say in
this case its the wife
00:17:09.27\00:17:10.96
that's maybe a battered wife
00:17:10.99\00:17:12.60
and she's got that
battered wife syndrome
00:17:12.63\00:17:15.07
and she's not recognizing it
or she's not in a mental state
00:17:15.10\00:17:20.60
to be able to
take the next move,
00:17:20.63\00:17:23.53
I mean, she's so beaten down
00:17:23.56\00:17:26.14
that she
doesn't know what to do.
00:17:26.17\00:17:28.06
If you suspect child
abuse what should you do?
00:17:28.09\00:17:31.46
Well, I would
suggest not that just go out
00:17:31.49\00:17:33.90
and just you
know, just report it
00:17:33.93\00:17:37.16
without talking to
the individual first.
00:17:37.19\00:17:39.79
I mean, we can do that
00:17:39.82\00:17:41.69
but then also to
we have to understand
00:17:41.72\00:17:43.39
what the victim
going through as well.
00:17:43.42\00:17:46.12
The mother if
that's the victim--
00:17:46.15\00:17:50.12
we don't know what's
going on in the home.
00:17:50.15\00:17:51.85
We don't know how
serious the abuse is.
00:17:51.88\00:17:55.73
You know, the police can come by
00:17:55.76\00:17:57.17
or the family service come
by and they take off the abuser
00:17:57.20\00:18:00.38
and automatically take her life
00:18:00.41\00:18:01.79
and the children
for calling someone.
00:18:01.82\00:18:04.27
And lot of times the
victim might not have
00:18:04.30\00:18:06.59
known anything about the call.
00:18:06.62\00:18:09.32
So we have to make
sure that we're doing that--
00:18:09.35\00:18:12.01
that has a lot to
do with health as well.
00:18:12.04\00:18:13.60
We have to make sure
that we let them know
00:18:13.63\00:18:15.65
that we
recognize what's going on
00:18:15.68\00:18:17.91
and to try to help
them get out of it.
00:18:17.94\00:18:19.68
But we let them know
that we will report it
00:18:19.71\00:18:22.48
but you have to make
sure to that the abuser
00:18:22.51\00:18:24.89
is not aware of what's going on
00:18:24.92\00:18:26.66
because if you do
you can actually call us.
00:18:26.69\00:18:29.36
By helping you can also
hinder at the same time.
00:18:29.39\00:18:32.88
So we really have to make sure
00:18:32.91\00:18:34.29
what we're doing is
safe for the individual.
00:18:34.32\00:18:37.53
And lot of times
we're doing a good deed
00:18:37.56\00:18:40.29
but at the same time it
can cost someone their lives.
00:18:40.32\00:18:42.30
So in your training
you have been taught
00:18:42.33\00:18:43.89
that if someone
really suspects child abuse
00:18:43.92\00:18:46.45
rather than just calling
child protective services
00:18:46.48\00:18:49.74
that you go talk with the victim
00:18:49.77\00:18:52.76
and either the
children or--endure the mother
00:18:52.79\00:18:55.29
first before you call them in.
00:18:55.32\00:18:58.27
Yes, and a lot of times
00:18:58.30\00:18:59.99
and we're not saying that
that's the only way to do it
00:19:00.02\00:19:02.43
because sometimes we
do just have to step in.
00:19:02.46\00:19:04.53
We do have to
bypass all of that.
00:19:04.56\00:19:06.57
But if we know that
there's not any abuse going on
00:19:06.60\00:19:08.93
we could kind of talk
to the parent to find out.
00:19:08.96\00:19:12.20
You know, you can get
around find if there's any abuse
00:19:12.23\00:19:14.42
or any thing
going on in a house.
00:19:14.45\00:19:16.20
And you would know
okay, I can call the hotline
00:19:16.23\00:19:18.44
and let them take care.
00:19:18.47\00:19:19.50
But if you know that
there's domestic violence
00:19:19.53\00:19:21.03
and abuse going on you might
want to take a different route
00:19:21.06\00:19:24.12
because the abusive can snap
00:19:24.15\00:19:25.55
and actually take
the lives of the family.
00:19:25.58\00:19:28.56
It sounds so frightening.
00:19:28.59\00:19:29.99
But then the main
point is for today
00:19:30.02\00:19:32.40
is that there are
solutions out there.
00:19:32.43\00:19:35.22
There's plenty of
government agencies,
00:19:35.25\00:19:37.01
there's church agencies,
turn to a trusted friend
00:19:37.04\00:19:40.59
or mentor or some
maybe even somebody at work
00:19:40.62\00:19:43.42
that you really trust.
00:19:43.45\00:19:45.16
Now we do want
to emphasize again,
00:19:45.19\00:19:47.47
don't just turn to
anybody and everybody--
00:19:47.50\00:19:50.14
maybe at church
somebody that could be
00:19:50.17\00:19:51.95
or in your personal
circle because someone,
00:19:51.98\00:19:55.97
if they don't know want to do,
00:19:56.00\00:19:57.20
if they don't have any
kind of training themselves
00:19:57.23\00:19:59.45
they may just go tell
someone else to someone else
00:19:59.48\00:20:01.98
that he gets back to the abuser
00:20:02.01\00:20:04.34
and then you
find yourself in a--
00:20:04.37\00:20:06.03
Yeah, what we wan to do is--
00:20:06.06\00:20:07.78
that's why I'm encouraging
00:20:07.81\00:20:09.59
that the pastors of all
denomination of churches,
00:20:09.62\00:20:12.56
start having
workshops and seminars
00:20:12.59\00:20:15.81
and educational
programs on domestic violence.
00:20:15.84\00:20:19.23
So that we know the
best way to go about dealing
00:20:19.26\00:20:21.84
with the situation.
00:20:21.87\00:20:23.24
And that's why I'm
looking to travel more
00:20:23.27\00:20:26.60
to get around,
to do more workshops
00:20:26.63\00:20:28.85
and more seminars
and things of that sort.
00:20:28.88\00:20:31.23
We teach on teen
dating and domestic violence
00:20:31.26\00:20:33.64
and things of that sort.
00:20:33.67\00:20:34.93
So we're really
trying to get in the church
00:20:34.96\00:20:36.41
as to educate
them on how to do it.
00:20:36.44\00:20:38.10
They could find
someone in the church
00:20:38.13\00:20:39.73
that will love to etake
on that leadership position
00:20:39.76\00:20:42.98
on domestic violence to
help with that certain issues.
00:20:43.01\00:20:45.34
So we want to educate first
00:20:45.37\00:20:47.41
because you just
can't just do it.
00:20:47.44\00:20:49.37
You have to be
educated on the safe way
00:20:49.40\00:20:52.35
and then there's you
know, unsafe way of happening.
00:20:52.38\00:20:56.62
So we want to make
sure we're doing everything
00:20:56.65\00:20:58.19
the safe way and put
the victim and the family
00:20:58.22\00:21:01.45
in the best interest of
making sure they are safe.
00:21:01.48\00:21:03.83
You know, I can see why
you said you want to start
00:21:03.86\00:21:05.84
with prayer because it takes
a lot of wisdom and discernment.
00:21:05.87\00:21:08.91
But I also want
to encourage anyone
00:21:08.94\00:21:11.60
who is in the situation.
00:21:11.63\00:21:13.63
If you start with prayer
00:21:13.66\00:21:14.74
and ask God to
help provide a solution
00:21:14.77\00:21:16.82
'cause He will
provide the way out,
00:21:16.85\00:21:19.00
that's
something that He promises
00:21:19.03\00:21:21.18
and He will show you to whom
00:21:21.21\00:21:22.99
you might turn to
find that kind of help.
00:21:23.02\00:21:26.49
And you know, we
want to talk about support
00:21:26.52\00:21:29.51
for the abuser as
well because we don't,
00:21:29.54\00:21:32.93
you know, again with
the audience this size,
00:21:32.96\00:21:36.67
there maybe
someone hearing you know
00:21:36.70\00:21:38.62
that you're doing things wrong
00:21:38.65\00:21:40.42
and there is
support for the abuser.
00:21:40.45\00:21:43.20
We need to get
them into some type of
00:21:43.23\00:21:46.09
whether it's anger management
or just getting counseling,
00:21:46.12\00:21:49.00
family counseling,
maybe they have got wounds
00:21:49.03\00:21:53.47
from their past
that haven't been healed
00:21:53.50\00:21:56.41
and they just need to go
and have good counseling,
00:21:56.44\00:21:58.74
good Christian
counseling and come to the Lord.
00:21:58.77\00:22:01.79
We want to make
sure that the abuser know
00:22:01.82\00:22:04.16
that we--we're not
just here for the victim
00:22:04.19\00:22:06.83
we also want to help the abuser.
00:22:06.86\00:22:08.86
And if the abuser
wants to be helped
00:22:08.89\00:22:10.65
there has to be
another thing to.
00:22:10.68\00:22:11.96
The abuser has to want the help,
00:22:11.99\00:22:14.15
want to help, you know.
00:22:14.18\00:22:16.41
We will help the abuser
get into anger management.
00:22:16.44\00:22:19.26
We will help
them with counseling
00:22:19.29\00:22:20.95
and we want to make
sure as a church, as a body,
00:22:20.98\00:22:22.86
and as a whole that
we start the--counseling
00:22:22.89\00:22:25.09
in the house of the
Lord as well as extending out
00:22:25.12\00:22:27.69
to different organizations.
00:22:27.72\00:22:29.12
We want to bond with the abuser
00:22:29.15\00:22:30.51
to let him or her
know that we love you,
00:22:30.54\00:22:32.60
we are just
really concerned about
00:22:32.63\00:22:33.99
how you are treating
your sister or brother
00:22:34.02\00:22:36.87
that we all are
the body of Christ
00:22:36.90\00:22:38.50
and that we should love
one another and not harm
00:22:38.53\00:22:40.72
and to hurt one another.
00:22:40.75\00:22:42.08
And that we are
not just putting a,
00:22:42.11\00:22:44.46
you know, putting
our foots or I could say
00:22:44.49\00:22:46.39
our phone or net
basically saying that,
00:22:46.42\00:22:48.06
you know, we
don't care about you
00:22:48.09\00:22:50.47
we really care about the victim.
00:22:50.50\00:22:51.63
We do care about
the abuser as well.
00:22:51.66\00:22:54.20
You know, we want to give
them the help and you know,
00:22:54.23\00:22:56.45
its--it's a lot of men
and women or victims of abuse
00:22:56.48\00:23:01.03
and they are abusers themselves.
00:23:01.06\00:23:02.90
They have gotten
counseling in anger management
00:23:02.93\00:23:05.37
and come to terms
with that they aren't abuse
00:23:05.40\00:23:07.71
and they do need to help
00:23:07.74\00:23:08.84
and they have them changed
in Christ Jesus and you know.
00:23:08.87\00:23:11.58
And I think that's--
that's the big secret there
00:23:11.61\00:23:14.14
is that some, many times any one
00:23:14.17\00:23:16.61
who is doing this just doesn't
have a personal relationship
00:23:16.64\00:23:20.09
with the Lord Jesus Christ.
00:23:20.12\00:23:21.15
Yes, you have to have
a personal relationship.
00:23:21.18\00:23:22.22
They haven't
surrender control to Him yet.
00:23:22.25\00:23:26.26
And they don't know
that you know that--
00:23:26.29\00:23:29.48
that's such a
dichotomy in this next statement
00:23:29.51\00:23:32.29
that I am going to say that
there is power in surrender,
00:23:32.32\00:23:36.46
because when we
surrender control
00:23:36.49\00:23:38.79
of our lives to the Lord,
00:23:38.82\00:23:41.61
He exchanges His
strength for ours.
00:23:41.64\00:23:43.94
He, you know, as He
said in 2 Corinthians 12:9
00:23:43.97\00:23:47.55
Jesus said "My grace
is sufficient for you,
00:23:47.58\00:23:50.52
for my power is made
perfect in weakness."
00:23:50.55\00:23:54.14
And He promises to make us
new creations in Christ Jesus.
00:23:54.17\00:23:59.32
And that's the beauty.
00:23:59.35\00:24:00.63
And, you know, it doesn't matter
00:24:00.66\00:24:02.48
who you are or
how bad it might be
00:24:02.51\00:24:04.88
and you may be
in this case the one
00:24:04.91\00:24:06.78
who is the abuser
but remember this.
00:24:06.81\00:24:11.42
Romans 5:8 says that,
God manifested His love,
00:24:11.45\00:24:16.10
demonstrated His
love in this way that
00:24:16.13\00:24:19.01
"While we were yet
sinners, Christ died for us."
00:24:19.04\00:24:22.74
And if he could send His
Son to die for us as sinners
00:24:22.77\00:24:26.61
how much more will He do once
we accepted Him as our Savior.
00:24:26.64\00:24:30.04
Yes, that is true.
00:24:30.07\00:24:31.10
So that's the
greatest hope I guess
00:24:31.13\00:24:33.61
that we want to
leave for the one
00:24:33.64\00:24:35.96
who is being the abuser himself
00:24:35.99\00:24:39.51
is that God is the
God of new beginning.
00:24:39.54\00:24:42.86
Yes, He is.
00:24:42.89\00:24:43.92
And His mercies
are new every morning.
00:24:43.95\00:24:46.84
So what is in your
personal experience--
00:24:46.87\00:24:49.75
we have just a
couple of minutes left.
00:24:49.78\00:24:51.80
What's probably been
the most difficult thing
00:24:51.83\00:24:54.24
that you have to deal
with Harrison Referral Services
00:24:54.27\00:24:57.69
that you are
working there in St. Louis?
00:24:57.72\00:25:00.70
Well we had a--to
make longer story short
00:25:00.73\00:25:03.37
we had a young lady that
was actually shot by her abuser.
00:25:03.40\00:25:07.19
She actually married
him a couple of weeks later.
00:25:07.22\00:25:10.65
After she was shot?
Yes, after she was shot.
00:25:10.68\00:25:12.91
I visited her in a hospital
and to watch her go back,
00:25:12.94\00:25:16.44
she actually married him.
00:25:16.47\00:25:18.58
And to this day it's just
really was hard to connect
00:25:18.61\00:25:22.68
with her from there.
00:25:22.71\00:25:23.74
It was like
when she married him,
00:25:23.77\00:25:25.00
he is like she
shed everybody out.
00:25:25.03\00:25:27.54
Another young lady
also too she is been abused
00:25:27.57\00:25:30.64
on a daily basis
and she just was release
00:25:30.67\00:25:33.71
from the hospital few weeks ago
00:25:33.74\00:25:35.16
and she is right
back with abuser again
00:25:35.19\00:25:39.18
and that's the hard thing
Harrison Referral Services
00:25:39.21\00:25:41.30
is just seeing the
woman that you have counseled,
00:25:41.33\00:25:43.64
the woman that you supported
and to watch them go back.
00:25:43.67\00:25:46.74
It doesn't mean that all
of them are gonna stay out
00:25:46.77\00:25:50.76
of their abusive relationship,
but the hard part is
00:25:50.79\00:25:52.96
watching them go back.
00:25:52.99\00:25:54.07
You know, you said
something and all have--
00:25:54.10\00:25:55.85
if you can tell
me this in a minute.
00:25:55.88\00:25:57.27
You made a
comment as we were talking
00:25:57.30\00:25:59.47
before the program
00:25:59.50\00:26:00.72
that when you left
the abusive relationship
00:26:00.75\00:26:04.51
the most difficult thing
you thought you fell like
00:26:04.54\00:26:06.52
you could
forgive your ex-husband
00:26:06.55\00:26:08.66
but you had a difficult
time for giving yourself.
00:26:08.69\00:26:11.37
Yes, first I had to
forgive myself first
00:26:11.40\00:26:14.39
before I can forgive the abuser.
00:26:14.42\00:26:16.31
Because if you don't
you are gonna be bitter
00:26:16.34\00:26:18.38
and I found out that
it calls to be bitter
00:26:18.41\00:26:21.17
and I had to
recognize through Christ
00:26:21.20\00:26:22.87
that He let me know there first
I Have forgiven you already
00:26:22.90\00:26:26.87
and you have to forgive yourself
00:26:26.90\00:26:28.65
before you could
forgive the abuser.
00:26:28.68\00:26:30.01
So the Lord let you
know, that He had forgiven you.
00:26:30.04\00:26:33.64
It's interesting because,
you know, I wouldn't think
00:26:33.67\00:26:35.64
of the victim thinking
that I need to forgive myself
00:26:35.67\00:26:38.52
so you had to forgive
yourself because you stayed.
00:26:38.55\00:26:41.06
Because I have stayed
in abusive relationship
00:26:41.09\00:26:42.58
for so long and
do it for so long.
00:26:42.61\00:26:44.59
And that you
exposed your children.
00:26:44.62\00:26:46.18
Yes, exactly
00:26:46.21\00:26:47.66
And you know
that's-- that's very important
00:26:47.69\00:26:50.56
because 2 Corinthians 3:18
00:26:50.59\00:26:53.52
essentially to
paraphrase it says,
00:26:53.55\00:26:55.29
we become who we behold
and if you allow your children
00:26:55.32\00:26:58.83
to grow up in an
abusive relationship
00:26:58.86\00:27:00.65
in seeing this guess what?
00:27:00.68\00:27:02.84
They will become
abusers themselves.
00:27:02.87\00:27:04.15
Yes, that's correct.
00:27:04.18\00:27:05.21
That's what happens
so often not at all--
00:27:05.24\00:27:07.59
I mean we can't
say that's for certain,
00:27:07.62\00:27:08.96
but that's they will either
become a victim or a abuser.
00:27:08.99\00:27:14.78
Liz Harrison, thank you
so much for joining us again.
00:27:14.81\00:27:17.47
We have
appreciated these programs.
00:27:17.50\00:27:19.48
Thank you so much.
00:27:19.51\00:27:20.60
And I really believe
that some one out there
00:27:20.63\00:27:24.22
this program has
touched your heart,
00:27:24.25\00:27:25.96
you know that you
even need to stand up
00:27:25.99\00:27:27.76
and be part of the
solution in your church
00:27:27.79\00:27:30.62
to reach out into your community
00:27:30.65\00:27:32.40
or may be your are someone
that's looking for that support.
00:27:32.43\00:27:35.11
There is support, reach out
00:27:35.14\00:27:36.92
because the Lord doesn't
want you to live like this.
00:27:36.95\00:27:40.59
He wants you He is
the God of all peace
00:27:40.62\00:27:43.45
and He is a God of hope.
00:27:43.48\00:27:44.92
And Romans 15:13 says that,
00:27:44.95\00:27:47.68
"He will fill you to
overflowing with hope
00:27:47.71\00:27:50.86
by the power of
His Holy Spirit".
00:27:50.89\00:27:52.84
Thanks for joining us.
00:27:52.87\00:27:53.92