Hello, I am Shelley Quinn
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and welcome again to
"Issues and Answers."
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No matter where you're tuning in
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from around the world
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we are happy that
you are with us today.
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We are going to be talking
about something that is--
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I am not go to say
a dirty little secret
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but its something that there
is some what of a cover up,
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its in the closet
inside the body of Christ
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and that is domestic violence
that happens even in the church.
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It's hard to
believe but yes it does.
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We have to remember that
the church is a microcosm
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it's built of people
who have many problems.
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They come to church to be healed
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and sometimes they bring
this, this baggage with them
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for which they
are ashamed to admit
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what's going on
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and we have got to
learn as the body of Christ
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how to recognize what's going on
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and how to minister to
people who are hurting.
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In 2 Samuel Chapter 22,
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this is what is
written verse 6 and 7.
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"The cords of
Sheol were entangled me,
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I encountered
the snares of death."
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This is very much
how the victim is feeling
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if they are victim
of domestic violence.
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"In my distress I
called upon the Lord,
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I cried to my God and He
heard my voice from His temple,
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my cry came into His ears."
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As the Lord responds to the
cry of those who are hurting
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who does He use for
His hands and His feet?
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He uses us in
the body of Christ.
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So the church needs to wake up
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and really be
educated on this topic
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and learn what we can do.
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With us today
we are very pleased
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to introduce you to
Liz Harrison coming to us
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from St. Louis, Missouri.
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And Liz, you are the director
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for Harrison's
Referral Services.
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Tell us a little
bit about that ministry.
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Well by the grace of
God He has allowed me
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to start a ministry
on domestic violence.
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I was a victim
of domestic violence
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and I decided to turn my
pain into power. Praise God.
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I decided to help other women
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that were dealing
with domestic violence
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by reaching out to them
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or helping them to
get into safe havens
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also helping
with food and clothing
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and spiritual counseling.
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Now you were-- your's
was mostly the verbal,
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mental, emotional abuse
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but it escalated to the physical
abuse in your relationship.
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Yes, that's correct. Yes.
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And we are going
to talk with you about
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that bonds some other programs,
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but today we are gonna focus in
on the churches responsibility
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it is something that is still
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kind of in the
closet in the church.
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Is it not? Yes,
that's correct. Yes.
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So now, if we are going
to address domestic violence
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how do you see
pastors, elders, deacons
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and people becoming involved
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what can the
church do to recognize
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and address this problem.
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Well, I will think that
would be more supportive
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to victims of domestic violence
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or family abuse or whatever
is going on in the situation.
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I think the church can
really be a helping hand
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to victims of domestic violence
by reaching out to them,
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having more support
groups, having more counseling,
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more seminars and
workshops on domestic violence.
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I do believe that
by having ministries
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on the inside of the churches
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or may be you
having outside contacts
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for the victims
would be very help to them.
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I think the counseling
would be good from the pastors
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if they are able to counsel
victims of domestic violence
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or even when they do
a marriage counseling
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if they would
talk to the couples
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about domestic violence as well.
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Okay, so you are
heading on something now
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that you are
going to get me going
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because the way
the best way to prevent
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domestic violence is
education. Yes, that's correct.
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And if we are
working with couples
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who are even young people,
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teenagers you
need recognize this
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because we are
hearing a lot about
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abusive
relationships between teens.
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And so I think
that part of the reason
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the church is
afraid to become involved,
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many are
uneducated but if the pastor,
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the elder or if they
have church counselor
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or someone who is
working with young adults
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you are saying, get out there
teach them the warning signs,
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teach them what the
biblical prospective is on this,
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that it is not acceptable to
be in a abusive relationship,
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to be abuser and
teach them in advance
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and even if they are coming in
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from marriage
counseling share this
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so that when women or
men go into a marriage
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they recognize that
got some foundational rules
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right from the beginning.
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Exactly, I think that would
be awesome for them to have that
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because a lot of times we don't
talk about domestic violence
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we just talk
about the relationship
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and yourself and what marriage
really means to a couple.
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And, you know, they talk about
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how we need to treat one another
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but nobody really talks about
domestic violence or abuse.
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Well, if the abuse
starts were do we go from here?
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How can the church help
us with domestic violence?
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What does the
church do about the abuser?
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What more can we do to
be a more of a support?
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We are here to
support the abusers as well.
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We don't want to
exout the abusers
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or anything of that sort.
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We want to be
able to bring them in,
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to work with them, to
get them in the counseling
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and help that they need if
that's what they want to do.
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And I just think that will be
more helpful as a body of Christ
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and its all
about responsibility,
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not just a pastor it's
everyone's responsibility.
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Even the members we
shall look after one another,
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we shall listen
to each other more.
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Pay attention to what each other
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is going through
on a daily bases.
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And I just think we
happen to be more help
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if we just reach out
more and just have a open mind
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to domestic violence
sort of a close mind.
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Okay, now you when you
were in your relationship
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in your marriage you
had three children. Yes.
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And how old were your
children when you divorced?
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Oh, my son he is two
years old at the time,
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he is eight years old now.
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And my two
daughters are 16 and 17
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at the time they were 11 and 12.
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But you were in
the church at the time?
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No, I was not in the church.
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So how was it for
you-- how did you reach out?
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Did you find it
difficult to lead
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that abusive relationship?
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Actually, I did.
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You know, I felt that I
could make it on my own.
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I felt that I couldn't
take care of my children.
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I was so used to both of
the incomes in the house.
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I was a working mom, I
worked two jobs actually
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and at the time my husband
he worked a really good job
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and ever thing
but I just felt that
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I couldn't leave
because I didn't think
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I could take care of
my children on my own.
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I didn't think I will survive
and my abuser actually told me
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I wouldn't make you without him,
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I wouldn't survive without him.
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And I just thank God
that that was not true
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and I just steeped out on faith.
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And you did finally, so
you had that belief in the Lord
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but you just weren't in
the church at that time.
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Exactly I knew
that God loved me.
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I knew that there was a way out.
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I just had to, you know, to
get the connection with Christ
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and to, you know, just
to really talk with Him
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and speak with Him
and ask Him to guide
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and to lead me because I
want to do the right thing.
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I had children they were there
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I want to be a good
example to my children.
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I didn't want more
violence to be escalated
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out of the
separation or whatever
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and I spoke with my
children about the abuse
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but then never
really understood the abuse
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but I just thank God
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that I was able to be
strong in Christ Jesus
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and was able to
escape domestic violence.
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When people in the
Church why do you think that
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this is such a
dirty little secret
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in the church out of that?
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Why are people so afraid?
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Why are women and
its not always the women
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who are the victims
sometimes men are the victims.
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Yes, very much so.
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And that's a
very difficult thing,
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because a man I think he
is particularly embarrassed
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if he is-- if he is the victim.
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But why is this something
that there is such a cover up?
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Well, in my opinion I
would say that a lot of times,
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you know, we are couples
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or we are in the
church we seem to be happy.
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Have the excellent
marriages and everything
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it's an-- its an embracement.
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Because, you know, we show this
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we wear this mask on the outside
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and we pretend that
everything is all right
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and, you know, the
relationship is just really,
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really flowing and so happy.
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But all along it's a
secret that you cover up
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that you don't
want anybody to know
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that you are been
abused a lot of times.
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You might not see the
physical bruises on the outside
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but the mental
and emotional abuses
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and physiological abuse is
of course that you can't see.
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But if some body reactions
and things of this sort
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but it's just a hidden secret
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because nobody
wants to talk about it.
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About the shame factor is
that what it is? Yes. Yes.
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And nobody wants to talk about
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to really
actually open up to say
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the domestic
violence actually exist
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in the body of
Christ, but it does.
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It's just a secret it
is hidden a so deep secret
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that is hidden it's a suicidal
secret is I will call it.
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What do you mean?
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I mean that when you have it
bottled up in you for so long
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and you don't
really know who to talk to.
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A lot of times, you know,
there is gossip in the church
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you really don't
know who to talk to.
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You really don't know
who to tell your secret to.
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And also to if the person
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or to the
leadership in the church
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or anything of that sort
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you really don't
want to expose that person
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because everybody has this image
of this person is so loving
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and so kind and so respectable
so you keep that image.
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You know, because
it's just something
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that you just don't tell.
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You know, I interviewed
a pastor and his wife
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and he had been
abuser mostly verbal,
00:10:14.04\00:10:17.12
physiological, mental, emotional
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whatever you term you want to--
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it had really
escalated to physical violence
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but it wasn't
incredibly abusive situation
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and he said that
he kept telling her
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you can't talk to
anybody about this
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because if you do
I will lose my job.
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And so there was so
the abuser frequently
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will use that type
of a controlling factor.
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It's kind of like, you know,
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whether you are
a doctor in abuse--
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let me finish one topic
then I go with the second.
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Whether you are a doctor
or if you are the genitor
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or who ever, whatever
your position is in life
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its something
that people don't want
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others in the church to know,
00:11:03.15\00:11:04.70
because everybody seems
00:11:04.73\00:11:05.84
so loving and
friendly in the church.
00:11:05.87\00:11:07.89
They are ashamed
of this little secret
00:11:07.92\00:11:09.92
that's going on at
home. Yes, that's correct.
00:11:09.95\00:11:11.75
But what it does cause
all social economic classes
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abuse happens just as much
in the very well to do homes,
00:11:18.66\00:11:22.37
as it does in the
poverty striking home,
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it doesn't
matter what education.
00:11:24.53\00:11:26.67
So what are some of the signs
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and I know we are
going to do a program later
00:11:30.80\00:11:32.58
and talk about the warning signs
00:11:32.61\00:11:34.45
but for a church
00:11:34.48\00:11:36.42
what are some of the
signs that you might notice
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if a person is being
abused in their marriage?
00:11:39.46\00:11:43.21
How would you--
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if some is not coming
forward to talk about it,
00:11:44.30\00:11:47.78
how would you recognize
00:11:47.81\00:11:48.84
that they are
being abused by possibly.
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I will say that if our eyes
were opened more a lot of times
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when we come to
church sometimes,
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we have our eyes
focus on ourselves sometimes
00:11:56.08\00:12:00.18
and what we came
for and what's going on
00:12:00.21\00:12:02.50
we really don't look at the
body language and the reaction
00:12:02.53\00:12:06.91
and the different appearance
of our sisters and brothers.
00:12:06.94\00:12:09.08
A lot of times
if you notice that
00:12:09.11\00:12:11.07
this sister or
brother is distinct
00:12:11.10\00:12:13.20
don't give you eye
contact a whole lot.
00:12:13.23\00:12:16.87
You know, tries
to escape the same
00:12:16.90\00:12:18.79
when you are
trying to bond with them
00:12:18.82\00:12:21.25
or whatever a lot of them,
00:12:21.28\00:12:22.96
you can just see the
stress in their bodies.
00:12:22.99\00:12:25.39
I think if we just
pay more attention,
00:12:25.42\00:12:27.51
excuse me to the
individuals in our churches,
00:12:27.54\00:12:31.09
we sit next to them
00:12:31.12\00:12:32.57
and just really pay
attention to the atmosphere
00:12:32.60\00:12:35.86
how they interact with
you, how they react with you,
00:12:35.89\00:12:38.19
do they hold the
conversation or they distance.
00:12:38.22\00:12:41.14
A lot of times if the
ladies are wearing more make up
00:12:41.17\00:12:43.40
or won't
make-up actually at all,
00:12:43.43\00:12:45.97
they are wearing more
than they usually wear
00:12:46.00\00:12:48.11
if you see if the
brother who stand off
00:12:48.14\00:12:49.75
and he is very
quite and distant.
00:12:49.78\00:12:52.14
You know, a lot of times
00:12:52.17\00:12:53.67
it doesn't mean that
its always abusive going on
00:12:53.70\00:12:56.36
but there is most
likely something going on there
00:12:56.39\00:12:59.47
that they don't
really want to talk about it.
00:12:59.50\00:13:01.40
So like you said
its just a secret
00:13:01.43\00:13:02.92
that you just don't tell.
00:13:02.95\00:13:04.64
The abuser puts that
guilt trip burden on you
00:13:04.67\00:13:08.91
to make you think if you
tell not I only would be exposed
00:13:08.94\00:13:12.72
but you would be exposed
00:13:12.75\00:13:14.55
and then you gonna make us
look bad in front of everybody
00:13:14.58\00:13:17.40
and they put the guilt
trip on the individual.
00:13:17.43\00:13:19.76
Even though the
victim wants to speak out
00:13:19.79\00:13:22.70
she or he cannot speak out
because it's exposing the family
00:13:22.73\00:13:27.11
and you don't put
the families business
00:13:27.14\00:13:28.78
out in the open, you know.
00:13:28.81\00:13:30.35
But sometimes we have to do that
00:13:30.38\00:13:32.15
in order for to heal
and to have survival.
00:13:32.18\00:13:35.04
You know, it's so amazing
00:13:35.07\00:13:36.48
how dysfunction
in a family its like,
00:13:36.51\00:13:40.96
I use this
terminology about alcoholism.
00:13:40.99\00:13:44.16
Quite frequently there is this
00:13:44.19\00:13:46.33
white elephant
in the living room
00:13:46.36\00:13:48.75
and you are living
with this white elephant
00:13:48.78\00:13:50.82
but you can't go out and
talk about this white elephant
00:13:50.85\00:13:53.45
that's in your
home, you know. Exactly.
00:13:53.48\00:13:55.13
Its something that
there is always it's cloaked
00:13:55.16\00:13:57.36
and sealed often dysfunction
is cloaked in secrecy.
00:13:57.39\00:14:01.80
It's something
that you can't go out
00:14:01.83\00:14:03.63
and talk about, as
you told that. Yes.
00:14:03.66\00:14:05.92
But until you reach out for help
00:14:05.95\00:14:08.48
then you are not going
to get help. It's true.
00:14:08.51\00:14:10.71
So now what happens
though in the church
00:14:10.74\00:14:15.51
if someone does
come to the pastor
00:14:15.54\00:14:17.45
and the pastor hasn't
been trained as a councilor,
00:14:17.48\00:14:20.50
I've heard from many
different denominations
00:14:20.53\00:14:23.01
as I am gone out
ministry that woman
00:14:23.04\00:14:26.17
who have approached
their pastor has just said,
00:14:26.20\00:14:29.31
well, I'll pray for you
or I will you the scripture
00:14:29.34\00:14:32.47
I don't know what to do.
00:14:32.50\00:14:33.88
So how does a church go about
equipping them self to do this.
00:14:33.91\00:14:40.86
How do they get trained
you are saying hold seminars,
00:14:40.89\00:14:43.33
or workshops just bring it up.
00:14:43.36\00:14:45.77
How do you go about
finding the information?
00:14:45.80\00:14:49.14
How did you start your business?
00:14:49.17\00:14:51.35
Actually I started from scratch
00:14:51.38\00:14:52.67
I started from not this,
I started from not knowing
00:14:52.70\00:14:56.06
and the Lord said if we
ask, you know, we shall receive,
00:14:56.09\00:14:58.70
if we knock, you
know, the door be open.
00:14:58.73\00:15:01.16
And what I did was
just started calling number
00:15:01.19\00:15:03.82
and getting in the phonebooks
and things of this sort.
00:15:03.85\00:15:06.38
Just reaching out for help,
00:15:06.41\00:15:07.44
finding who I can
talk to where I can go
00:15:07.47\00:15:10.11
and I started from
there forced to the church
00:15:10.14\00:15:14.39
just like we have
workshops on stewardship
00:15:14.42\00:15:16.64
and better marriages,
00:15:16.67\00:15:18.43
better family,
things of this sort.
00:15:18.46\00:15:20.58
We can also have educational
programs on domestic violence.
00:15:20.61\00:15:24.25
The pastors can be
trained on how to be
00:15:24.28\00:15:27.44
a better leaders
in domestic violence
00:15:27.47\00:15:29.95
just like when they get
training for pastoralship,
00:15:29.98\00:15:33.00
they can also get
training on domestic violence
00:15:33.03\00:15:35.06
and most of our pastors
00:15:35.09\00:15:36.39
or most of majority of
them any way are counselors,
00:15:36.42\00:15:39.38
marriage counselors.
00:15:39.41\00:15:40.63
And I think that they
could be part of counseling,
00:15:40.66\00:15:42.62
they can get training on how
to council on domestic violence.
00:15:42.65\00:15:47.10
Or perhaps find
someone in your church like you
00:15:47.13\00:15:50.60
who has a real
passion for this ministry,
00:15:50.63\00:15:53.60
to some one to stand up
and take at the lead in--
00:15:53.63\00:15:57.57
in organizing and
focusing on such things. Yes.
00:15:57.60\00:16:00.90
What happens in the church
00:16:00.93\00:16:04.84
when it is an elder or a deacon
00:16:04.87\00:16:07.62
or even the
pastor of the church,
00:16:07.65\00:16:09.14
how should the
church be dealing?
00:16:09.17\00:16:10.64
Let's say that the
pastor has a good marriage
00:16:10.67\00:16:13.46
but he finds that an
elder or a deacon has a problem,
00:16:13.49\00:16:19.71
what do you believe
the Bible says about that?
00:16:19.74\00:16:22.23
Well, I believe
that the Bible say that
00:16:22.26\00:16:23.74
we should be the
head and not the tail
00:16:23.77\00:16:27.01
also to that the Lord
00:16:27.04\00:16:28.14
puts the pastor
into out of his flaw.
00:16:28.17\00:16:31.13
And that means that we should--
00:16:31.16\00:16:32.62
the pastor should counsel
and to lead and to guide.
00:16:32.65\00:16:36.45
In my opinion if
there is a pastor or deacon
00:16:36.48\00:16:39.18
or elder that's in
leadership in the church
00:16:39.21\00:16:41.75
and they are
abusive to their spouse
00:16:41.78\00:16:43.61
or the children or
whether its male of female,
00:16:43.64\00:16:47.02
it think that
they shouldn't hold
00:16:47.05\00:16:48.08
a leadership position in church.
00:16:48.11\00:16:49.47
They should not be allowed
00:16:49.50\00:16:51.80
to stand in front
of the congregation
00:16:51.83\00:16:53.34
they shouldn't be
allowed to minister
00:16:53.37\00:16:55.34
when they are abusing.
00:16:55.37\00:16:57.44
I don't think
the God allows that.
00:16:57.47\00:16:59.87
I know he doesn't allow that.
00:16:59.90\00:17:02.23
God ordains his children
to be pastors and elders.
00:17:02.26\00:17:06.39
So when you
ordained by Christ Jesus
00:17:06.42\00:17:08.41
you will not abuse, you
will not allow abuse to go on.
00:17:08.44\00:17:12.17
Abuse shouldn't be
anything that the pastors
00:17:12.20\00:17:14.05
or the any one
should close their eyes to.
00:17:14.08\00:17:16.07
I just think that if
anyone that's in leadership,
00:17:16.10\00:17:18.59
any church, any denomination
that is known to be an abuser
00:17:18.62\00:17:23.59
shouldn't be able to
hold leadership position.
00:17:23.62\00:17:26.29
No I am not saying them
they can't back to that position
00:17:26.32\00:17:29.63
if the abusers are
willing to get the help.
00:17:29.66\00:17:31.77
But to get counseling
and support of that sort
00:17:31.80\00:17:34.52
because God is
healing in Christ Jesus
00:17:34.55\00:17:36.42
and He can heal
us from all things.
00:17:36.45\00:17:38.34
But if the abuser is not
willing to get counseling
00:17:38.37\00:17:40.97
or help then they shouldn't
be allow back in leadership.
00:17:41.00\00:17:44.02
I just don't
think its godly at all
00:17:44.05\00:17:45.62
and it shouldn't be allowed.
00:17:45.65\00:17:46.95
Well, I think the Apostle
Paul would agree with you 100%
00:17:46.98\00:17:49.67
because he gives very
distinct qualifications
00:17:49.70\00:17:53.47
for elders and
for deacons-- Exactly.
00:17:53.50\00:17:55.85
And they are not to be--
00:17:55.88\00:17:57.63
they are to be up right
Christians. That's right.
00:17:57.66\00:18:00.92
And so they
should be serving Christ
00:18:00.95\00:18:02.60
and anyone who is serving Christ
00:18:02.63\00:18:04.40
and living for Christ
trying to be Christ like
00:18:04.43\00:18:08.45
any person who loves his,
00:18:08.48\00:18:10.91
his wife as
Christ love the church
00:18:10.94\00:18:13.10
would not be
doing this. Exactly.
00:18:13.13\00:18:14.32
So if they are-- its
an unchristian activity
00:18:14.35\00:18:17.45
so they certainly shouldn't
be in leadership position. No.
00:18:17.48\00:18:21.04
And for some reason I
feel compelled right now to say
00:18:21.07\00:18:24.32
if you find yourself
falling into this category,
00:18:24.35\00:18:27.62
if you are a pastor
or a deacon or elder
00:18:27.65\00:18:31.08
or Sabbath
school superintendent,
00:18:31.11\00:18:33.61
whatever church you belong to
00:18:33.64\00:18:35.57
if you are in this category
00:18:35.60\00:18:37.82
you should go
and talk to someone
00:18:37.85\00:18:40.96
and say I need to
step down for a while
00:18:40.99\00:18:43.54
because I am not
qualified to be in leadership
00:18:43.57\00:18:45.96
because I am
following the Lord Jesus.
00:18:45.99\00:18:47.91
I need healing.
00:18:47.94\00:18:49.17
I need someone
to counsel with me,
00:18:49.20\00:18:51.54
help me to get
over my anger issues,
00:18:51.57\00:18:53.61
help me to get over
this rage, this rages.
00:18:53.64\00:18:56.82
Help me to get beyond
00:18:56.85\00:18:59.44
whatever it is
that is causing me
00:18:59.47\00:19:01.70
to act out in such a way.
00:19:01.73\00:19:03.76
And that takes us to
what you are saying is that
00:19:03.79\00:19:07.36
we are not trying to say,
00:19:07.39\00:19:09.25
ha, we are gonna
label you as an abuser
00:19:09.28\00:19:11.57
out the door with you.
00:19:11.60\00:19:13.48
We are going to recognize
00:19:13.51\00:19:15.77
you are asking
the church to stand up
00:19:15.80\00:19:17.36
and recognize give help
to the person-- Exactly.
00:19:17.39\00:19:20.29
Who needs to the victims
00:19:20.32\00:19:22.90
but also to help the
abuser? That's correct.
00:19:22.93\00:19:26.00
So the church then if
they are not qualified
00:19:26.03\00:19:29.92
to counsel with
that they should what
00:19:29.95\00:19:32.67
seek outside council
00:19:32.70\00:19:33.92
find Christian
councils to work with them.
00:19:33.95\00:19:34.98
Yes, we do have
a lot of agencies
00:19:35.01\00:19:37.05
that's available
for outside counseling
00:19:37.08\00:19:40.34
that we can refer,
you know, abusers to.
00:19:40.37\00:19:43.10
You have so many different ones
00:19:43.13\00:19:44.35
that we can do to send them to
00:19:44.38\00:19:46.47
and they are very
excellent. They are out there.
00:19:46.50\00:19:49.16
I have spoken with them,
00:19:49.19\00:19:50.52
I have worked with
them they are very good.
00:19:50.55\00:19:53.12
There's always a solution
00:19:53.15\00:19:55.11
for anything that
we are going through.
00:19:55.14\00:19:56.38
Especially when we recognize
that we have a sickness,
00:19:56.41\00:19:58.50
recognize that we have a illness
00:19:58.53\00:19:59.95
and recognize that we do have
a problem that we are abusive.
00:19:59.98\00:20:04.12
And you know abuse can extend
00:20:04.15\00:20:06.13
not just in a personal
relationship over the marriage
00:20:06.16\00:20:08.32
it can extend to
leadership towards one another.
00:20:08.35\00:20:12.88
It can also be a part
of members of the charity
00:20:12.91\00:20:16.57
or the body of
Christ abusing one another.
00:20:16.60\00:20:19.55
It can also instant to
abusive to children of any sort.
00:20:19.58\00:20:24.04
But in this particular case,
00:20:24.07\00:20:25.56
you know, we are
taking leadership.
00:20:25.59\00:20:27.19
You know leadership
is supposed to the head
00:20:27.22\00:20:29.81
and not the tail.
00:20:29.84\00:20:30.87
We are suppose to be the example
00:20:30.90\00:20:32.36
of what the body
of Christ represents
00:20:32.39\00:20:34.75
and I think that we
should keep that on point
00:20:34.78\00:20:37.82
and stay focus on all times.
00:20:37.85\00:20:39.87
Not I would say
defiling the leadership position
00:20:39.90\00:20:44.90
that God has
ordained for you to have.
00:20:44.93\00:20:47.23
Now, some people
take the physician that
00:20:47.26\00:20:51.05
if a couple are married
00:20:51.08\00:20:52.93
and there is an
abusive thing that
00:20:52.96\00:20:54.72
as just pray this through
you don't need to separate,
00:20:54.75\00:20:58.06
you know because that's--
00:20:58.09\00:20:59.12
they will say that's
not really scriptural.
00:20:59.15\00:21:01.16
You know, God doesn't
give you permission to do that
00:21:01.19\00:21:03.80
but I know that for our
church we recognize that
00:21:03.83\00:21:07.69
if its any dangerous situation
00:21:07.72\00:21:09.21
if someone is in
danger that really
00:21:09.24\00:21:11.68
we almost not almost
but we are responsible
00:21:11.71\00:21:15.58
and held accountable
00:21:15.61\00:21:16.69
before God to
step in-- Yes we are.
00:21:16.72\00:21:19.73
And give that
protection to that person.
00:21:19.76\00:21:22.30
So what I am trying
to set up here is Liz,
00:21:22.33\00:21:25.06
is if some one is if there
is a woman watching right now,
00:21:25.09\00:21:30.56
who is in that abusive situation
00:21:30.59\00:21:32.88
and she goes to the church
00:21:32.91\00:21:34.59
and says I have, you know,
I am been physically abused.
00:21:34.62\00:21:38.60
I am worried about my children.
00:21:38.63\00:21:41.37
How do you recommend that
00:21:41.40\00:21:42.51
the church helps her
to get to a safe place?
00:21:42.54\00:21:47.08
What do they do?
00:21:47.11\00:21:48.21
Well, what they can do is
00:21:48.24\00:21:49.69
first of all
prayer is always good.
00:21:49.72\00:21:51.36
We got to have prayer first.
00:21:51.39\00:21:53.10
And it's a blessing to be
want to recognize the victim,
00:21:53.13\00:21:55.93
to let her know or him know that
00:21:55.96\00:21:58.13
they are already victorious
with what they are dealing with
00:21:58.16\00:22:00.57
because they was able
to open up their mouth
00:22:00.60\00:22:02.57
and to say that
they are been abused.
00:22:02.60\00:22:04.97
So when the silence is broken
00:22:05.00\00:22:07.32
that actually opens
up the door for healing.
00:22:07.35\00:22:10.00
So what they can do is
when they talk to the pastor
00:22:10.03\00:22:12.34
or leadership about
that they are going through
00:22:12.37\00:22:13.79
a domestic
violence relationship.
00:22:13.82\00:22:15.87
The church should pray for them.
00:22:15.90\00:22:17.28
They should be always first,
prayer first and prayer last.
00:22:17.31\00:22:20.48
But we don't
want to send them back
00:22:20.51\00:22:21.92
into the abusive
relationship to say
00:22:21.95\00:22:23.64
well, we will just pray for you
00:22:23.67\00:22:25.14
and let the Lord deal with it.
00:22:25.17\00:22:26.38
No, we recognize the
situation and what's going on
00:22:26.41\00:22:29.63
and what we do is
to lead and guide.
00:22:29.66\00:22:31.38
We want to ask the
victim what do you want to do.
00:22:31.41\00:22:34.48
Because we don't
want to tell them
00:22:34.51\00:22:35.73
what they should do.
00:22:35.76\00:22:37.17
Because a lot of
times they already know
00:22:37.20\00:22:38.44
what they should do
they don't want to hear that.
00:22:38.47\00:22:40.39
You want to
tell them what they--
00:22:40.42\00:22:42.21
what you suggest
that they would do.
00:22:42.24\00:22:44.30
And what we can
do is to find out
00:22:44.33\00:22:46.63
do they need to
get into a shelter,
00:22:46.66\00:22:48.70
do they need to
separate themselves
00:22:48.73\00:22:50.46
from the abuser which
will be an excellent idea
00:22:50.49\00:22:53.87
for them to do that.
00:22:53.90\00:22:54.94
Especially if he
is physical abuse
00:22:54.97\00:22:56.32
as their life is on the line.
00:22:56.35\00:22:58.27
What we will do
is call a shelter
00:22:58.30\00:23:00.17
and get them into a safe haven
00:23:00.20\00:23:01.48
where they-- in
a safe environment
00:23:01.51\00:23:04.67
where they can
get constant healing,
00:23:04.70\00:23:06.71
constant prayer
00:23:06.74\00:23:08.10
and they can start
to clear their mind
00:23:08.13\00:23:10.02
on what they need to do
00:23:10.05\00:23:11.08
in the direction that
they need to go for healing.
00:23:11.11\00:23:13.35
Well, let me ask you this
00:23:13.38\00:23:14.59
if I know that we
will talk some more
00:23:14.62\00:23:17.57
but my sister
00:23:17.60\00:23:20.10
was in an abusive
relationship her first husband.
00:23:20.13\00:23:23.38
And if you would have asked her
00:23:23.41\00:23:25.62
what does she want to do?
00:23:25.65\00:23:27.02
She was truly had the
battered like syndrome. Yes.
00:23:27.05\00:23:30.57
If I had to ask her
what do you want to do,
00:23:30.60\00:23:33.44
she would have
said tell my fault
00:23:33.47\00:23:35.55
and I need to stay in.
00:23:35.58\00:23:36.87
And I mean, she
was been hospitalized.
00:23:36.90\00:23:38.57
He was so physically abuse.
00:23:38.60\00:23:41.60
Is there that time that
it's okay to stand forth
00:23:41.63\00:23:44.21
and say, you know, you are
not recognizing the danger?
00:23:44.24\00:23:47.73
If you see and feel
that some ones life,
00:23:47.76\00:23:50.93
at least my
practice is I will say,
00:23:50.96\00:23:52.81
are you afraid for your
life? Yes, that's correct.
00:23:52.84\00:23:54.82
And if they say, yes,
00:23:54.85\00:23:56.38
I am going to tell them that
00:23:56.41\00:23:58.57
let me find you a place to stay
00:23:58.60\00:24:00.37
until your husband
and you can get counseling
00:24:00.40\00:24:02.72
and I am going to do everything
00:24:02.75\00:24:03.98
I can to get them
out of that situation
00:24:04.01\00:24:05.87
with out leaving it up to them.
00:24:05.90\00:24:08.35
Would you agree with that?
00:24:08.38\00:24:09.53
Yes, it's not really
leaving it up to them,
00:24:09.56\00:24:12.01
you first want
to give the respect
00:24:12.04\00:24:14.20
to the victim to ask them
00:24:14.23\00:24:16.03
what they would like to do.
00:24:16.06\00:24:17.57
And they will let you know
00:24:17.60\00:24:18.65
what they will like
to do then you just,
00:24:18.68\00:24:21.73
you know, suggest
what would be best.
00:24:21.76\00:24:24.49
So that way it keeps
you from telling them
00:24:24.52\00:24:27.96
exactly what they should
do and if they go and do it
00:24:27.99\00:24:31.10
and it doesn't work
out who gets blamed,
00:24:31.13\00:24:33.48
the individual that
say, what you should do.
00:24:33.51\00:24:35.93
We are there to lead
and to guide and to nourish.
00:24:35.96\00:24:38.61
Even though we know
what the best route is,
00:24:38.64\00:24:41.57
it's just out of
respect to ask them
00:24:41.60\00:24:43.16
what do they want to do.
00:24:43.19\00:24:44.25
And they want you
to listen to that,
00:24:44.28\00:24:45.45
because you won't let them
know that they are in charge.
00:24:45.48\00:24:47.98
You don't want to take over
00:24:48.01\00:24:50.72
like the abuser has already
taken over the conversation.
00:24:50.75\00:24:53.29
Doesn't allow them to speak,
doesn't give them opinion,
00:24:53.32\00:24:56.31
don't give them
freedom of speech.
00:24:56.34\00:24:58.20
So what we do is to make sure
the setting is not controlling.
00:24:58.23\00:25:02.12
We ask them what they want to do
00:25:02.15\00:25:03.55
which the abuser never asks
them to what they want to do.
00:25:03.58\00:25:05.54
It's all about
what the abuser wants.
00:25:05.57\00:25:07.60
So once we open
that door to say,
00:25:07.63\00:25:09.15
what do you want
00:25:09.18\00:25:10.39
and we listen to what they want
00:25:10.42\00:25:11.78
and there we suggest
what will be the best route.
00:25:11.81\00:25:15.25
And use the intertwines
where what they want to do
00:25:15.28\00:25:18.27
and we come out
with the best solution
00:25:18.30\00:25:19.66
which is you know is
healthy the healthy solution
00:25:19.69\00:25:22.48
which is getting
out of relationships
00:25:22.51\00:25:24.84
separating from the
abusive home, yes. Amen.
00:25:24.87\00:25:27.80
You know, our time
has gone so quickly
00:25:27.83\00:25:29.28
and we are almost there
00:25:29.31\00:25:31.59
but at least this is
like a little eye opener
00:25:31.62\00:25:34.60
if you will that
for people in the church
00:25:34.63\00:25:38.48
to recognize this is a problem
00:25:38.51\00:25:41.10
going on in the body of Christ
00:25:41.13\00:25:43.17
across those all denominations.
00:25:43.20\00:25:44.31
Yes it does.
00:25:44.34\00:25:45.53
And it's more--
it probably happens
00:25:45.56\00:25:48.14
with greater
frequency than we might dare to
00:25:48.17\00:25:51.76
allow ourself to
think. That's correct.
00:25:51.79\00:25:53.77
So the bottom line
00:25:53.80\00:25:55.50
if we were gonna
sum up this program
00:25:55.53\00:25:57.76
is you're making a
call to churches to wake up
00:25:57.79\00:26:02.11
and even though
you might not think
00:26:02.14\00:26:03.47
it's going on you
may just not be educated.
00:26:03.50\00:26:06.05
So you're basically
telling every church
00:26:06.08\00:26:08.84
they are to have
some type of program
00:26:08.87\00:26:12.17
to do this, right? Yes.
00:26:12.20\00:26:13.81
A work shop or program
and we want to keep it going.
00:26:13.84\00:26:16.64
We don't want to
be a one time thing
00:26:16.67\00:26:18.21
but we want to be keep it going
00:26:18.24\00:26:19.36
to recognize domestic violence
00:26:19.39\00:26:21.65
and let the victims
know that we do care for them
00:26:21.68\00:26:23.64
and the church is
available to support them.
00:26:23.67\00:26:26.66
Oh, I am so thank
full that you come today.
00:26:26.69\00:26:28.53
Thank you, so much.
00:26:28.56\00:26:29.73
And I just help
that there is many
00:26:29.76\00:26:31.24
who are missing they
will get these wake up call
00:26:31.27\00:26:33.24
because it is a problem
that seems to be escalating.
00:26:33.27\00:26:36.40
Yes. Thank you.
00:26:36.43\00:26:37.80
You know, for those of you
at home in this world today
00:26:37.83\00:26:41.65
I heard a report
just last week that said
00:26:41.68\00:26:45.78
Americans are the
loneliest people in the world.
00:26:45.81\00:26:50.30
I know I am talking to
people around the world
00:26:50.33\00:26:52.29
but I am going to just talk
00:26:52.32\00:26:53.35
to my Americans
brothers and sisters right now.
00:26:53.38\00:26:56.71
I think what we
are seeing is that
00:26:56.74\00:26:58.54
we are so artificially connected
00:26:58.57\00:27:01.89
through the web, through I pods,
00:27:01.92\00:27:05.34
people are becoming
a little more isolated
00:27:05.37\00:27:07.93
and its actually
creeping into the church
00:27:07.96\00:27:10.43
this kind of social isolation
00:27:10.46\00:27:13.23
and what the
Lord would have us do
00:27:13.26\00:27:14.83
as brothers and
sisters in Christ
00:27:14.86\00:27:17.09
is to start
bonding in a very deep way
00:27:17.12\00:27:21.00
with our brothers and sisters
00:27:21.03\00:27:22.46
who come to our church
00:27:22.49\00:27:23.89
and to learn to watch
for these kind of changes.
00:27:23.92\00:27:26.92
And I want to
recommend to every church that
00:27:26.95\00:27:30.49
no matter where you are
00:27:30.52\00:27:31.81
you should start
a program like this.
00:27:31.84\00:27:33.83
Educate your youth
00:27:33.86\00:27:35.27
so that they don't get
into abusive relationships.
00:27:35.30\00:27:38.14
Educate young couples
00:27:38.17\00:27:39.91
who are going
through marriage counseling's
00:27:39.94\00:27:41.68
so that they don't get into this
00:27:41.71\00:27:43.67
and have a solution
for someone in your church
00:27:43.70\00:27:46.52
that may be
suffering this problem.
00:27:46.55\00:27:48.85
I pray that God will multiply
00:27:48.88\00:27:51.04
His mercy, love
and grace to you.
00:27:51.07\00:27:52.92
Thanks, for joining us.
00:27:52.95\00:27:54.27