Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn and I just want to welcome all 00:00:31.62\00:00:34.01 of you from all around the world wherever you're tuning in from. 00:00:34.05\00:00:37.81 We're so glad that you could join us today. If you are a 00:00:37.85\00:00:41.25 member of a church then you need to hear this program. 00:00:41.29\00:00:44.63 We're going to be talking today about the struggles, the issues 00:00:44.66\00:00:49.50 that pastors have to face with church members and the top five 00:00:49.53\00:00:53.84 problems that pastors have with their churches. You know, it 00:00:53.88\00:00:57.64 shouldn't be this way. Let me read a scripture to you that 00:00:57.67\00:01:01.78 comes from Ephesians chapter 4 and I'm going to actually begin 00:01:01.81\00:01:06.38 with verse 2. Here's what Paul writes to the church at Ephesus: 00:01:06.41\00:01:10.94 Live as becomes you with complete humility and 00:01:10.98\00:01:15.45 unselfishness, with patience bearing with one another making 00:01:15.49\00:01:20.48 allowances because you love one another. Be eager and strive 00:01:20.52\00:01:26.25 earnestly to guard and keep the oneness of the Spirit in the 00:01:26.28\00:01:31.50 binding power of peace. You know God is not the author of 00:01:31.53\00:01:36.89 confusion. He's the author of order and peace. He is the God 00:01:36.92\00:01:42.10 of peace. Here to talk to us today about this topic is a 00:01:42.14\00:01:47.24 returning guest and his name is Martin Weber. Martin, we're so 00:01:47.28\00:01:51.59 gland that you could join us again. Oh thanks. 00:01:51.63\00:01:53.90 Now we established before that you have been a pastor, you have 00:01:53.93\00:01:58.98 been a chaplain for law enforcement. You just finished 00:01:59.02\00:02:03.53 your doctoral studies in divinity and you also are the 00:02:03.56\00:02:07.71 editor for Outlook magazine. Tell me about Outlook. 00:02:07.74\00:02:11.82 Yeah. Outlook goes to 60,000 Seventh-day Adventists in the 00:02:11.86\00:02:15.45 Mid-America region and some people not of our church as well 00:02:15.48\00:02:18.92 So we communicate news and inspiration and it's a lot of 00:02:18.96\00:02:22.36 fun. That's interesting because also 00:02:22.39\00:02:25.08 you've got a lot of titles, Martin. You're also the 00:02:25.11\00:02:29.38 communications director for the Mid-American Region of Seventh- 00:02:29.42\00:02:32.66 day Adventist churches. Yeah. I enjoy that all so much. 00:02:32.70\00:02:35.97 That's wonderful. Well, you've had a life of good service to 00:02:36.01\00:02:39.84 the Lord. Now it's interesting. Today is an interesting topic 00:02:39.87\00:02:43.67 because we are going to be talking about the top five 00:02:43.70\00:02:46.95 problems that pastors have with their churches. Now is this 00:02:46.99\00:02:50.66 going to be the voice of experience talking? 00:02:50.70\00:02:53.72 Yeah, I'm afraid so. Lots of experience, lots of pain. But 00:02:53.76\00:02:58.63 actually the five problems were raised by the software I used. 00:02:58.67\00:03:02.47 So if anybody doesn't like what these problems are, they can 00:03:02.50\00:03:06.27 blame my software. So this is a survey that you did 00:03:06.30\00:03:10.12 and you were gathering this statistical data and so you 00:03:10.15\00:03:13.90 identified how many factors that really churches get upset with 00:03:13.93\00:03:17.72 their pastors and churches and pastors fight about. 00:03:17.76\00:03:20.11 Yeah. Well from these 113 clergy active and retired, with their 00:03:20.14\00:03:25.96 21,000 data points in the soft ware, there are 39 problems 00:03:26.00\00:03:30.99 that churches fight about, 39. 00:03:31.03\00:03:33.89 All right, and the top five are? Just give us the list and then 00:03:33.92\00:03:37.33 we'll go in and break them down. 00:03:37.36\00:03:38.73 Number one: Power struggles among members. Number two: 00:03:38.76\00:03:43.14 Pastors' problems with lay leaders, elders, deacons and 00:03:43.18\00:03:48.04 such. Number three: Worship music debates. Number four: 00:03:48.08\00:03:53.07 Would be life style issues. Number five: General church 00:03:53.11\00:03:58.07 gossip. And that's something that oh 00:03:58.11\00:04:01.18 Lord deliver us all. Put a guard at the doorpost of our mouth. 00:04:01.22\00:04:04.81 Exactly. So that's numbers one through five in order. 00:04:04.84\00:04:08.11 Okay. Let's look at each one of those because these are things 00:04:08.15\00:04:12.01 that we like to address these problems and expose these 00:04:12.04\00:04:14.94 problems so it's something that we can pray about and it's 00:04:14.97\00:04:18.65 something that we can see if we will surrender to the Lord, 00:04:18.68\00:04:22.91 yield to him and let him change. So let's look then at what the 00:04:22.95\00:04:27.14 number one is and that's power struggles with members. 00:04:27.18\00:04:29.77 Yeah. Nothing new of course. Now Jesus had a major issues with 00:04:29.81\00:04:34.17 his disciples on power struggles and of course in the church is 00:04:34.21\00:04:38.54 in a way kind of like a zoo with all kinds of different 00:04:38.57\00:04:41.44 personalities and different people from all different 00:04:41.48\00:04:44.31 backgrounds. I've heard it called a hospital 00:04:44.35\00:04:47.94 for sinners, I've heard it called all things but a zoo, 00:04:47.98\00:04:51.37 I've never really heard. No, now that word is not in the 00:04:51.41\00:04:55.37 Bible but you know it kind of is a picture that comes up and 00:04:55.40\00:04:59.33 same Lord that had the audacity to call Simon the 00:04:59.37\00:05:03.95 Zealot as a disciple, to keep company with Matthew the tax 00:05:03.99\00:05:08.46 collector and expect those two guys to get along with the 00:05:08.50\00:05:12.91 others. He calls us together, not because we all like the same 00:05:12.94\00:05:17.52 football team or we all have the same hobby or personality, 00:05:17.56\00:05:21.55 but people of all different ages and backgrounds get together 00:05:21.58\00:05:26.49 and love each other as he has loved us. But power struggles; 00:05:26.52\00:05:30.47 its' kind of like the picture I get going back to the animal 00:05:30.51\00:05:34.79 metaphor. You know, a kennel; put another dog in a kennel and 00:05:34.83\00:05:39.09 there's the alpha. Territorial fights. Yes, yes, that's right. 00:05:39.12\00:05:43.35 So what are some common power struggles among members? 00:05:43.38\00:05:46.71 Well you know, who's the alpha character. Often it's the person 00:05:46.74\00:05:52.24 with the money. Now in the book of Acts the people took the 00:05:52.28\00:05:56.86 money and they laid it at the apostles feet for the church 00:05:56.89\00:06:02.12 leaders to discuss and talk about. But so often people with 00:06:02.15\00:06:06.40 money think that they own the church, they pull the strings 00:06:06.43\00:06:10.64 and they vote with their dollars and yeah. 00:06:10.68\00:06:13.93 What are some other common struggles. I've seen at church, 00:06:13.97\00:06:20.50 for example, like who's going to be on the platform, who's going 00:06:20.53\00:06:25.34 to maybe lead in worship, who's going to play the piano. 00:06:25.38\00:06:30.77 You see people, and especially when you see someone new and 00:06:30.80\00:06:35.82 talented move into the church and it's like wait, I've always 00:06:35.85\00:06:40.83 been the women's ministry leader; what do you mean, you 00:06:40.86\00:06:43.34 know, I've got to give this up. So there's always these little 00:06:43.38\00:06:46.33 things that are going on that are just purely human isn't it? 00:06:46.37\00:06:49.29 Yes, yeah, yeah. There's the extrinsic desire to have a 00:06:49.33\00:06:52.84 position versus the intrinsic, the service for its own sake. 00:06:52.88\00:06:58.15 And just the alpha stuff that goes one; these constant power 00:06:58.18\00:07:03.89 struggles. Now Jesus back then solved the problem the night 00:07:03.93\00:07:08.68 before he died by washing the feet of the disciples and of 00:07:08.72\00:07:12.89 course a number of Christians, Seventh-day Adventists among 00:07:12.92\00:07:17.66 them, still do foot washing, a few Christians, and that is 00:07:17.69\00:07:21.58 supposed to... if you've got issues with somebody in the 00:07:21.62\00:07:25.64 church, every time there's a communion service with the foot 00:07:25.67\00:07:30.35 washing, you can go to that person and just have that foot 00:07:30.38\00:07:34.74 washing service and humble one's self. Of course, at a prayer 00:07:34.78\00:07:38.93 meeting as well. But too many times people skip the prayer 00:07:38.97\00:07:42.25 meeting to go to the board meeting. They'll fight at the 00:07:42.29\00:07:46.86 board meeting. I have seen people wait outside in the 00:07:46.89\00:07:51.39 hallway during an agape love feast and come in for a business 00:07:51.43\00:07:58.84 meeting, I've seen that happen, where they've got their 00:07:58.87\00:08:02.80 statistics and facts and figures and while the rest of the church 00:08:02.84\00:08:07.62 is having this love feast and communion service they're out 00:08:07.65\00:08:12.23 there and then when they transition into the business 00:08:12.27\00:08:14.61 meeting then they come in and start a fight. 00:08:14.64\00:08:18.10 You know, when you mentioned about Jesus washing the 00:08:18.14\00:08:22.61 disciples' feet, there were two things as you were talking about 00:08:22.64\00:08:26.31 this alpha struggle, if you will. Number one what came to 00:08:26.34\00:08:31.72 my mind is when we are instructed to humble ourselves 00:08:31.75\00:08:37.06 before God and in due time he will exalt us. But the second 00:08:37.09\00:08:41.48 thing was the washing of the feet. That was an attitude of 00:08:41.51\00:08:45.86 servitude. I mean, this was showing our creator, our 00:08:45.90\00:08:50.77 Messiah, who would stoop so low as to wash dirty feet and this 00:08:50.81\00:08:56.17 is something that... I think what we're describing here, the 00:08:56.21\00:09:00.73 people who are these problem makers that have this power 00:09:00.77\00:09:05.23 struggle, church is for them a community of, how do I want to 00:09:05.26\00:09:12.59 say this? Church is for them a cultural thing and so it's not 00:09:12.63\00:09:18.20 really about a relationship with the Lord and they're not walking 00:09:18.24\00:09:23.78 in surrender to God. So that's the problem. 00:09:23.82\00:09:27.46 You know, we all have our insecurities, but in Christ 00:09:27.49\00:09:32.89 we're healed of these things. But so often we're not thinking 00:09:32.92\00:09:38.47 in Christ and so we feel we have turf to defend and such. But 00:09:38.51\00:09:42.91 that is a major, in fact the number one issues that pastors 00:09:42.94\00:09:47.31 report, power struggles among members. 00:09:47.35\00:09:49.76 How does the pastor deal with that? 00:09:49.79\00:09:52.13 I think a pastor prays a lot, cries a lot, talks it over with 00:09:52.17\00:09:57.53 the kids, talks it over with the members and ironically the more 00:09:57.56\00:10:02.24 money there is floating around often the more... I've traveled 00:10:02.28\00:10:06.22 in parts of the world, I'm sure you have as well, where there's 00:10:06.25\00:10:10.16 not so much to fight about and so they pray a lot more. 00:10:10.19\00:10:14.11 And it is true and sad. Not all wealthy people are like this 00:10:14.15\00:10:18.99 but it is true that there are wealthy members who think 00:10:19.03\00:10:24.68 because their tithe or their offerings are covering a big 00:10:24.71\00:10:30.29 portion of the church budget or because they have dedicated the 00:10:30.33\00:10:33.57 money to build the church or whatever 00:10:33.61\00:10:35.13 that they should have more influence 00:10:35.16\00:10:36.62 and that's a sad thing. Yeah and every pastor is so 00:10:36.65\00:10:40.28 grateful for the people who have some means, that are humble 00:10:40.32\00:10:44.13 about it that don't flaunt it and, God bless, I've had a 00:10:44.17\00:10:47.52 number of those wonderful people there that are just there. 00:10:47.55\00:10:50.86 They're ready for the phone call to come and say we've got a 00:10:50.89\00:10:53.97 special need here, could you help with that? But they don't 00:10:54.00\00:10:57.46 try to push their way around. They realize that this is a 00:10:57.49\00:11:01.08 spiritual give, the ability to make these funds, the gift of 00:11:01.12\00:11:04.46 giving is a spiritual gift like any other gift and they see 00:11:04.50\00:11:08.07 it as something from God rather than something to fight about. 00:11:08.11\00:11:11.65 Amen. Okay. So the second problem you reported, your 00:11:11.69\00:11:16.07 statistical data showed, was the problems with lay leaders. 00:11:16.10\00:11:21.11 Now explain that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Often the 00:11:21.14\00:11:26.01 pastor is told, you know pastors come and go, we were here 00:11:26.05\00:11:30.65 before you, we'll be here after you leave and so the lack of... 00:11:30.68\00:11:36.67 It's actually kind of from the 60s, questioning authority. 00:11:36.70\00:11:42.27 Pastors have huge issues with members who are not willing to 00:11:42.30\00:11:47.83 look to them for leadership. 00:11:47.87\00:11:49.24 When we say the lay leaders are we talking about the elders of 00:11:49.27\00:11:53.02 the church, the deacons and deaconesses. So these are the 00:11:53.06\00:11:56.53 people who feel an ownership in the church. Maybe they've 00:11:56.57\00:11:59.98 been in the church for 20 or 30 years and here you have a brand 00:12:00.01\00:12:04.77 new pastor coming in and they are challenging his authority. 00:12:04.81\00:12:09.53 Yeah. Way down the list is pastors having problems with 00:12:09.57\00:12:13.34 other members of the church who are not leaders, but the leaders 00:12:13.37\00:12:17.39 in the church, that's where the problems are. I'm not blaming. 00:12:17.43\00:12:21.42 With a pastoral background it sounds like I'm blaming the 00:12:21.45\00:12:26.63 lay leaders. No, God bless the lay leaders, but the pastor/ 00:12:26.67\00:12:32.83 lay leader relationship causes a lot of conflict in local 00:12:32.87\00:12:38.99 churches. Okay, and how does a pastor deal 00:12:39.03\00:12:42.41 with this? I think a pastor has to have a 00:12:42.44\00:12:45.75 combination, just like Jesus. Jesus didn't get pushed around 00:12:45.78\00:12:49.73 until the last night of his life. A lot of people have this 00:12:49.76\00:12:55.32 picture that Jesus was this kind of like a loose, namby 00:12:55.35\00:13:00.84 pamby, just kind of got pushed around. No, no, Jesus stood up 00:13:00.87\00:13:04.34 for his purpose. He was here on this earth for a purpose. 00:13:04.38\00:13:07.78 God put him there for a purpose and he stood up for that and he 00:13:07.82\00:13:11.59 dialogued with those who challenged him. I think pastors 00:13:11.62\00:13:14.90 need to do the same thing. They need to stand up and dialogue 00:13:14.93\00:13:18.79 but at the same time realize that God 00:13:18.82\00:13:20.80 has give us all two ears and 00:13:20.83\00:13:22.55 one mouth to be willing to listen as well as speak, not 00:13:23.86\00:13:28.45 get pushed around but neither push other people around. 00:13:28.48\00:13:34.09 Now in my particular faith community the personality 00:13:34.12\00:13:39.66 profile of the pastors, they are not generally the pushy type of 00:13:39.69\00:13:45.82 person. They are more the introverted more meek type, 00:13:45.86\00:13:50.28 servant oriented people. So most Adventist pastors are not by 00:13:50.31\00:13:57.67 personality bullies; they're not. They have much more of a 00:13:57.71\00:14:04.99 problem being bullied than being bullies themselves. Of course, 00:14:05.03\00:14:07.63 there are exceptions to that but by and large that's how it is. 00:14:07.67\00:14:10.24 Well, as you said though, a pastor has to remember that... 00:14:10.28\00:14:14.47 I've believed that authority follows responsibility and if 00:14:14.50\00:14:20.16 the church is his responsibility then ultimately he has that 00:14:20.19\00:14:25.14 authority and accountability. Accountability follows authority 00:14:25.17\00:14:29.50 If you've got authority, you're accountable to God. But I guess 00:14:29.53\00:14:33.82 a wise pastor if you're coming in you see there are some 00:14:33.85\00:14:36.91 changes that would be beneficial to the church, you can't just 00:14:36.94\00:14:40.43 come in and change it overnight though. You have to do things 00:14:40.46\00:14:43.91 in steps and stages and let people get used to you. 00:14:43.95\00:14:47.51 There has to be a respect for the heritage of the church; 00:14:47.54\00:14:50.61 there has to be that. Otherwise it's just arrogance coming in 00:14:50.64\00:14:55.93 and change is always rooted in the mission of the church which 00:14:55.97\00:15:01.91 doesn't change with time. Vision does. Vision changes with 00:15:01.95\00:15:06.52 technology, with opportunities, with demographics. Vision 00:15:06.55\00:15:11.33 changes. The vision is how we see ourselves fulfilling our 00:15:11.37\00:15:15.14 purpose which is our mission. Our mission was established 00:15:15.17\00:15:18.94 2000 years ago when the Lord said go into all the world and 00:15:18.98\00:15:22.72 make disciples. That mission hasn't changed. 00:15:22.75\00:15:27.02 Amen. Now one of the things that I've run into with a number 00:15:27.05\00:15:30.51 of pastors that I've had this conversation with, and it's 00:15:30.55\00:15:33.43 interesting because you said this was number three that 00:15:33.47\00:15:36.80 showed up in your statistical data, that pastors are having 00:15:36.84\00:15:40.14 problems and conflicts with their church congregation and 00:15:40.18\00:15:45.65 that is music debate, the worship style. A lot of pastors 00:15:45.69\00:15:50.49 have told me that this is a very difficult situation and 00:15:50.52\00:15:54.57 when they move into a church, I've talked with some pastors 00:15:54.60\00:15:59.12 who are trying to bring them into a little more open style 00:15:59.16\00:16:03.06 and I've talked with pastors who are saying whoa these people 00:16:03.10\00:16:07.13 have gone outside the boundaries of reverence and now they're 00:16:07.16\00:16:11.25 trying to bring them down. So how big is this musical issue? 00:16:11.29\00:16:15.98 Yes. It's huge and it so paradoxical because music is to 00:16:16.01\00:16:20.99 soothe us and music is to help us experience peace and 00:16:21.02\00:16:25.93 experience God and worship and they fight about it worship? 00:16:25.97\00:16:32.00 You know that's so paradoxical. Studies show that the worship 00:16:32.03\00:16:37.35 music wars are actually about deeper issues. It's kind of like 00:16:37.38\00:16:42.66 when a married couple fights about sex. There are deeper 00:16:42.69\00:16:46.75 issues there. It's a barometer of deeper problems in the 00:16:46.78\00:16:50.77 relationship and so worship wars are as a barometer of deeper 00:16:50.81\00:16:56.89 issues. How is it that a church cannot sit together and discuss 00:16:56.93\00:17:04.60 what kind of music inspires us? Am I willing to let music that 00:17:04.63\00:17:10.21 inspires you, it may not touch my heart, but it touches your 00:17:10.25\00:17:14.71 heart, can we make room for that? Or is it because I'm the 00:17:14.74\00:17:19.36 worship leader or I'm the organist or the guitarist or 00:17:19.39\00:17:23.97 whatever, it's got to be my way. 00:17:24.01\00:17:26.06 You know, in my mind I've got what I would think is a great 00:17:26.09\00:17:31.82 model and that would be if we look to the sanctuary where we 00:17:31.85\00:17:36.05 you know... If I were going to run the perfect church service 00:17:36.09\00:17:39.92 in my mind, I'd get all of the announcement out in the front 00:17:39.95\00:17:44.04 so that once you started the worship in music you'd be ready 00:17:44.07\00:17:48.05 to move into the worship in the word without any break but I 00:17:48.09\00:17:51.31 would have it where you're entering the gates with praise, 00:17:51.35\00:17:55.33 praise songs that you're singing about the Lord and then move 00:17:55.37\00:17:59.58 right into what I think of as worship songs are those songs 00:17:59.62\00:18:03.56 that are set to music like Amazing Grace or How Great Thou 00:18:03.60\00:18:07.34 Art is a good one. Because you're singing that directly to 00:18:07.37\00:18:11.16 the Lord and it's supposed to transition you from the outer 00:18:11.19\00:18:15.36 court to the inner court to the Holy Place and then into the 00:18:15.40\00:18:19.89 Holy of Holies as we let the Lord open the Word and let the 00:18:19.93\00:18:24.41 Lord speak to our hearts. So that would be my preference. 00:18:24.44\00:18:28.89 And I think it would be scriptural. 00:18:28.92\00:18:31.28 Yeah definitely. God has made us people of emotion. Jesus said to 00:18:31.31\00:18:38.54 worship his without minds and we do that of course when we 00:18:38.57\00:18:42.16 study the word, but also with our hearts and music touches to 00:18:42.20\00:18:46.97 the heart and to have music that is unabashedly joyous. You know, 00:18:47.01\00:18:51.75 whether it's contemporary or traditional there are joyous 00:18:51.78\00:18:54.60 songs. But then to have the more quiet as well. Now I personally 00:18:54.64\00:19:02.40 define reverence as both. Reverence is respect for the 00:19:02.44\00:19:06.10 presence of God and sometimes that's expressed joyously and 00:19:06.13\00:19:10.45 sometimes more quietly, but it's all reverence. 00:19:10.48\00:19:13.16 Now that's an excellent point. Getting back to your research, 00:19:13.20\00:19:18.22 you found as you analyzed the statistical data that lifestyle 00:19:18.26\00:19:23.25 standards was the fourth greatest problem that pastors 00:19:23.29\00:19:26.44 have with their churches. Now what do you mean by that? 00:19:26.47\00:19:30.21 That's where people are trying to police each other. 00:19:30.24\00:19:33.90 You know, what you eat, what you dress like and everything else. 00:19:33.94\00:19:40.38 Instead of realizing that there isn't a rule for everything you 00:19:40.41\00:19:46.82 do, there are basic principles and church teachings. Every 00:19:46.85\00:19:51.25 church has its own teaching from the Bible that they go to. 00:19:51.29\00:19:55.43 But to try to inflict that upon others and to do it in kind of a 00:19:55.47\00:19:59.58 heartless way where you care more about what people are 00:19:59.61\00:20:02.80 eating than whether they have enough food to eat and what 00:20:02.83\00:20:05.55 they're wearing than whether they have enough to keep them 00:20:05.59\00:20:08.27 warm in the winter. Isn't that a sad situation? 00:20:08.31\00:20:12.29 I tell people that Jesus called us to be fishers of men not to 00:20:12.32\00:20:16.58 be cleaners of the fish. So when they're coming to church, if 00:20:16.61\00:20:20.83 you think that there's something... Of course, we are 00:20:20.87\00:20:23.00 to instruct and according to his teachings show them in the 00:20:23.03\00:20:27.18 word of God in this gentle, loving way in an instructive 00:20:27.21\00:20:31.29 teaching way, but not to single someone out and come and point 00:20:31.32\00:20:34.64 them and say "Here's what the Bible says and you're doing this 00:20:34.68\00:20:37.90 wrong. " We just have got to pray for them and let the Holy 00:20:37.94\00:20:41.13 Spirit lead them into these things, right? 00:20:41.16\00:20:42.53 Yeah, I realize that what is important to us as individuals 00:20:42.56\00:20:47.95 may be a lot because of our own perspective of what the Bible 00:20:47.99\00:20:52.21 is saying. There is some room for interpretation. Take the 00:20:52.25\00:20:55.88 principle of modesty. Obviously there are some nonnegotiables 00:20:55.91\00:20:59.50 around the world, but Godly people in different cultures 00:20:59.54\00:21:03.87 interpret modesty in different ways. You know, some will even 00:21:03.91\00:21:07.55 cover up their ankles all the time while leaving their midriff 00:21:07.58\00:21:11.72 exposed or whatever, different things like that. But to realize 00:21:11.76\00:21:16.63 that one can love the Lord just as much but see life just a 00:21:16.66\00:21:21.02 little bit differently and instead of just trying to police 00:21:21.06\00:21:24.78 the church so that everybody does exactly what I believe 00:21:24.82\00:21:30.48 God wants me to do, just step back in humility and love and 00:21:30.51\00:21:36.42 let other people including our own kids have some freedom 00:21:36.45\00:21:42.33 in some of these lifestyle issues. 00:21:42.36\00:21:44.88 That's an interesting point. All right, let's move on because 00:21:44.92\00:21:47.89 we're running out of time. General church gossip. 00:21:47.93\00:21:50.63 Oh yeah. Have you heard about what sister so and so said? 00:21:50.66\00:21:53.96 Let's pray. Yeah she needs prayer and here's what she needs 00:21:53.99\00:21:56.97 prayer about, you know, she doesn't agree with me. Yeah. 00:21:57.00\00:21:59.90 Oh that is huge. Society now... It used to be back in the 50s 00:21:59.94\00:22:06.61 that people got very upset about someone doing the wrong thing. 00:22:06.64\00:22:12.16 Now society is much more in the younger generation much more 00:22:12.19\00:22:16.27 concerned about whether or not they're honest about what 00:22:16.31\00:22:20.32 they're doing. There's a little more tolerance in there. Now we 00:22:20.36\00:22:24.10 can argue whether I think there's too much tolerance, but 00:22:24.14\00:22:30.36 I think it's swung too far the other direction, but these days 00:22:30.40\00:22:34.71 and with our kids it's much more important to be honest than to 00:22:34.74\00:22:39.02 be perfect. Okay. So when you're talking 00:22:39.06\00:22:42.26 about gossip though how does that tie in? 00:22:42.30\00:22:45.43 Gossip is in the church when people see somebody and they 00:22:45.47\00:22:51.26 put their own interpretation. Okay, let's make it childish 00:22:51.29\00:22:55.83 because it is childish, okay. I saw Sammy hit Johnny on 00:22:55.86\00:23:00.32 purpose, okay. Now I saw Sammy hit Johnny; okay, that's a fact. 00:23:00.36\00:23:04.71 You can video tape that, it's a fact. But on purpose, that's 00:23:04.75\00:23:09.13 a judgment of motive and that's gossip when we're trying to 00:23:09.16\00:23:13.96 assess other people's motives and announcing it and putting 00:23:14.00\00:23:18.12 their own value judgment on what we think they're meaning or 00:23:18.15\00:23:22.24 saying or doing. That's a form of gossip because 00:23:22.27\00:23:24.81 that's judgmental gossip. But there's also the talebearers who 00:23:24.85\00:23:29.80 may be repeating something that's true but they're just 00:23:29.83\00:23:32.94 talebearers. They're going and whispering about everybody's 00:23:32.97\00:23:36.01 problems as well. I know this is something that we all... I think 00:23:36.04\00:23:43.22 that's breaking the ninth commandment personally and 00:23:43.25\00:23:45.59 that's something that I think we're probably more guilty of 00:23:45.63\00:23:48.16 in the church than any other commandment being broken is 00:23:48.20\00:23:50.70 breaking that ninth one. 00:23:50.73\00:23:52.10 Sure in my low moments I mean I can enjoy gossip as much as 00:23:52.13\00:23:54.93 anything else. I think it's a very human thing. 00:23:54.96\00:23:58.32 I hope the Lord catches me on that point very quickly. But to 00:23:58.35\00:24:04.63 be... it's kind of a self righteousness where I have moral 00:24:04.66\00:24:09.90 high ground on you or on somebody else but I can shoot 00:24:09.93\00:24:16.35 down at you. Kids hate this. It ravages a church and it 00:24:16.38\00:24:22.73 destroys the kids. Because like I say, this generation, this 00:24:22.76\00:24:27.00 younger generation has no tolerance for intolerance. 00:24:27.04\00:24:31.04 And you know, this is something that we really haven't made 00:24:31.07\00:24:33.48 clear in this program is that all these issues that we're 00:24:33.52\00:24:35.86 discussing right now have to do when there's these problems in 00:24:35.90\00:24:40.94 the church these are issues that actually drive our children away 00:24:40.98\00:24:45.56 from church as they grow older. If they grow up in a church that 00:24:45.59\00:24:50.14 has this type of bickering and arguing going on this is 00:24:50.17\00:24:53.89 something that affects children, particularly PKs, pastor's kids. 00:24:53.93\00:24:58.65 And of these problems, we talked about 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 in 00:24:58.68\00:25:03.41 terms of attrition affecting the kids. Criticism of mom, 00:25:03.45\00:25:08.11 criticism of spouse and the kids that is the most devastating 00:25:08.14\00:25:12.66 type of gossip for attrition. 00:25:12.69\00:25:17.10 Then what are some of the other issues beyond the top five? 00:25:17.13\00:25:22.40 Well my data didn't ask for that so I would just be speculating, 00:25:22.44\00:25:27.38 but from my own history just well I saw somebody doing so and 00:25:27.41\00:25:32.12 such on the Lord's day. I saw them doing that and I saw so and 00:25:32.15\00:25:36.82 so with another person. 00:25:36.85\00:25:38.51 Oh I meant what are some of the other, the thirty-three factors? 00:25:38.55\00:25:42.07 Oh, oh, oh. Something that surprised me is church finances 00:25:42.10\00:25:46.67 which is a huge issue in any church that I've ever been a 00:25:46.71\00:25:51.55 part of or led. It was number 14 which is a measure of how 00:25:51.59\00:25:55.85 huge these other things are. As important as finances are, 00:25:55.88\00:26:00.11 it's number 14. All these other things are bigger. 00:26:00.14\00:26:03.52 So these are problems that the pastor has with the church but 00:26:03.56\00:26:07.63 it's also problems that affect the children staying in the 00:26:07.66\00:26:11.69 church. Yes, and you understand, of 00:26:11.73\00:26:13.32 course, I'm not blaming the churches. Many times the pastor 00:26:13.35\00:26:17.25 is more to blame than anybody else, but these are the issues. 00:26:17.29\00:26:21.15 Okay, here's one on the list that was interesting to me, 00:26:21.19\00:26:25.51 reluctance to discipline immoral members. This had a very 00:26:25.55\00:26:29.02 negative affect, I mean this is one of the problems that 00:26:29.06\00:26:33.13 pastors have in their church but if they are reluctant to 00:26:33.17\00:26:37.17 discipline immoral members, this had a big effect on the children 00:26:37.21\00:26:41.31 You've got to practice what you preach and kids know that there 00:26:41.34\00:26:45.41 is such a thing as discipline. They experience it and when 00:26:45.44\00:26:48.72 there is no discipline in the church, that's an issue that 00:26:48.76\00:26:52.00 comes up. Okay. Well we are already out of 00:26:52.04\00:26:56.43 time but I want to thank you so much. You know Martin has 00:26:56.46\00:27:00.28 just finished his doctoral studies and so this is some 00:27:00.32\00:27:03.84 very interesting research and some things that we should 00:27:03.88\00:27:07.27 think about. Martin, thank you so much for coming again. 00:27:07.30\00:27:10.62 For those of you at home, let's purpose in our hearts to do what 00:27:10.66\00:27:16.15 Ephesians chapter 4 verse 3 says to be eager to strive with 00:27:16.18\00:27:21.86 one another and to live at peace with one another and to 00:27:21.90\00:27:26.66 have that unity of the Spirit so that we don't have power 00:27:26.69\00:27:31.42 struggles among members, conflict with lay leaders, 00:27:31.45\00:27:34.46 worship music debates, lifestyle standards that we're trying to 00:27:34.49\00:27:38.96 inflict upon one another, general church gossip and just 00:27:39.00\00:27:43.05 these other problems that so many churches have. We need to 00:27:43.09\00:27:47.11 one in Jesus Christ. May the Lord richly bless you 00:27:47.15\00:27:50.49 till we meet again. 00:27:50.53\00:27:53.75