Hello, I am Shelly Quinn
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and welcome again to
"Issues and Answers."
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We are so glad that
you could join us today
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and we just want to
welcome those of you
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who are tuning in
from China and Japan
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and New Zealand and
Australia and Europe.
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It's so exciting
and especially for those
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that are tuning
in from Saudi Arabia.
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We are so glad
that you are joining us.
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You know we are
going to talk today
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about how to get
on the right road?
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How to get off that path
that's leading to destruction
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emotionally and to get
back on a healthy path?
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And it makes me
think of the Scripture
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and I kind of wear
this Scripture out.
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I love it.
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It's Acts 26:18 and
Paul is sharing the story
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of what Jesus said to
him on the road to Damascus.
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And here's what Jesus
said, he said to Paul,
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"I am sending you
to open blind eyes,
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to turn them from
darkness to light,
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from the power of
Satan to the power of God
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that they may
receive an inheritance
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among those who are
sanctified by faith in Me."
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Isn't that wonderful?
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That's what God wants to
do, is open our blind eyes,
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help us to recognize
what's really going on
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and turn us around, bring
us out of darkness into light.
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Well, we have returning
today, Nancy and Ron Rockey.
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And I am surprised,
Rockey is a German name.
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Yes, it is. Huh, okay.
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And you guys are both doctors.
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You have your
doctoral degree in Psychology.
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You are the founders of
the Life Renewal Institute.
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Right. I am going to get that.
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And I am so glad that
you've joined us again today
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because we are going to be
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talking about a
very needed topic,
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how to change the
way we react to our past,
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how to instead
of react, respond.
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Is that right? That's right.
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I like to look at it
from a different point of view
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rather than react
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to the
circumstances of life, we act.
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In another words we
have got the ability
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to make a choice. Amen.
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Without the information
we are stuck on self defeat
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because we are on that road
that seems right unto a man,
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but when you have the
right information we can act
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and make a decision to go
out in a different direction.
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So, Ron, you
were saying something
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before the program
began that I really liked
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and you said that
when we are wounded
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we come to the wrong conclusions
and then what happens. Yeah.
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When we are wounded we
come to some wrong conclusions.
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Distorted.
Distorted conclusions.
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and when signs are shown that--
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in fact, you can even see
it by Paul's writings as well
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that when we are
wounded in childhood
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we are emotionally stunted.
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We are dwarfed at
the age of the damage.
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So we become infants or
we are fully grown adults,
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but we act in interrelationships
like child, like being childish.
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Board meetings,
church board meetings,
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husband and wife, they
bicker over little things.
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All this nitpicking
nonsense. I want it my way.
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And what we haven't understood
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is that when we were
growing up we are supposed to--
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the natural process is
going from self-centeredness,
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a child must be
self-centered when as an infant.
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That's survival.
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That's survival
to get his needs met.
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When we are wounded
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and there's a
long list of things
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that would cause the wound.
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It could be a difficult birth,
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it could be abuses,
it could be anything.
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Well, when we were wounded
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we are emotionally
dwarfed at that age.
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And rather than
being other-centered,
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when we start hitting puberty
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we wind up finding
that we are losing control
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when we are other-centered
and thinking about others.
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So we turn back to
what is norm for us
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and we become and stay in
a self-centered, selfish mode
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and we continue
that for a life time.
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And the purpose of the gospel
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is to move us from selfish
modality to other modality.
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So I have heard and
read scientific studies
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that have said that when
someone starts taking drugs,
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say if they start drug-use
at the age of 13 or 16 or 18
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then at that point that
they become addicted to drugs
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that is where
they stop emotionally.
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That's the stop of
their emotional growth,
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but you are actually saying
before that it's even more,
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it's where-- it
doesn't just have to--
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What is the reason for
wanting to take the drugs?
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It's the wound.
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That's just the
loss of control. Okay.
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It's the wound that sets us up.
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So this, I have
got control over.
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Do you think
everybody does that?
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I mean, that's on drugs.
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Do you think
that's just a control--
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No, people do it with
religion as well. Okay.
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They become
addicted to religion.
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See, if I pray enough,
if I read the Bible enough.
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I am stepping on the toes now.
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But when we are
doing it in order to get,
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we'll never get. Okay.
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It has got to come from
Him living within. Absolutely.
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And that is not
a matter of getting
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or trying to be,
it is because, I am.
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You know what, that reminds
me some dear soul called 3ABN
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and I have been
talking on a program
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about praying for an
hour or two hours a day.
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And they called and they said,
"What are you trying to do?
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Look so self righteous
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and make us all
feel guilty out here?"
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And I thought, hah.
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You know I was
trying to be very careful
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and say, "I know, I
felt God called me to this
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and it's not that
everybody needs to do that,
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but it sure wouldn't hurt,
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but I am not doing
it to earn anything
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or out of a
feeling that I have to.
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Why I do that it's because
I have just enjoyed learning
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how to press into His presence
and receive from Him." So--
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You know when two
people love each other--
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They want to spend time.
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They wanted to be together.
They want to communicate.
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Ron and I like nothing more
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than the privilege of
nothing in front of us,
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but empty time to be together,
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to talk, to
share, to laugh, to cry,
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to pray, to sing together.
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And how many years
have you been together?
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42 years we love the
idea sitting on our porches
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holding each other's
hand and saying nothing.
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Oh, that's wonderful.
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That's contentment--
That's been real contentment.
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Yes, it is. It's
just, it's awesome.
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But it wasn't
always that way. Oh, no.
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It was the 12 years of on
the road to hell, if you will
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and then something
happened and you woke up.
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Let's talk about that process.
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Knowledge came our way.
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You know, Hosea 4:6 says,
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"My people die for
lack of knowledge."
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It's what we don't know
about ourselves personally.
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What we spend for some
of us a lifetime denying.
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That does ascend.
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When we finally
tell ourselves the truth,
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when we say, I have a
need, I have a problem.
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I don't feel
like I am worth much.
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We go back to
see how we got there.
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We change the view
that we have of ourselves
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instead of what
worth and value we got
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from mom or dad or
the person who wounded us,
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the old man across the
street who sexually abused us
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or whatever,
whatever, instead of that view
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we hear God
saying, "You are mine.
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I call you by a pet
name I have for you.
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You are my cherished
possession, my priceless pearl."
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We begin to see our innate,
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inborn worth and
value, not self esteem.
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That's thinking of ourselves
more highly than we ought. Okay.
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But our worth and it
comes from only one place,
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from God. Amen.
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So when we begin to
change that conclusion
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that we are worthless to we have
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infinite worth and
value in God's sight. Wow.
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Then we start
acquiring more knowledge.
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And our fear-- remember,
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we talked about
how slippery fear is.
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It creates so
many negative feelings.
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Our fear turns
to hope and to love.
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And all of a sudden
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we are not driven on
the road to self-defeat.
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For the first time in
our lives we have a choice.
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We see that there's two roads.
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The Bible says it,
"There's a way that seems right,
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but the end thereof
is the way of death,
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but My way is the way of life."
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Mmm, I don't have
to take the old road.
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I can try the new road.
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So all of a sudden we start
developing techniques, again.
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But this time they
are positive techniques.
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We spend time with God.
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Our techniques are changed.
Very positive technique.Yes.
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Instead of making ourselves
feel better by taking drugs
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or drinking we feel better
by relishing in the warmth
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and the love and the affection
that God, the father has for us.
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And instead of paying a price
for those terrible techniques
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all of a sudden we
are reaping benefits now
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because of our new techniques.
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Let me tell you one of
the benefits that I received.
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With my
background being rejected
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and not really connected with
females in my early childhood,
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do I know anything about love?
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Now that's, very little.
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No, zero. Zero, okay.
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The only love I knew
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is what I could get
from other people for myself.
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Okay. That's the
only love I knew.
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So how do I love this woman?
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So you are seeking love,
you don't know how to give love
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because you don't
understand what the love is.
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Anything I give is
only in order to get. Okay.
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Self-centered. Self-centered.
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That's what wounds do to us.
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They make us need to survive
so we become centered on self.
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Okay. So how do
I love this woman?
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You can't. Can't.
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Thank you. To this day, I can't.
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So what happens is this,
I used to ask her what do--
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you keep saying,
"Do you love me?"
00:11:01.56\00:11:04.42
What do you
need from me to know,
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so you'll know that I love you?
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She says, "Pick
up your underwear."
00:11:09.88\00:11:12.30
Oh, is that it? All right.
00:11:12.33\00:11:13.80
So I picked up my underwear.
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But that didn't
mean you loved her.
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That's exactly what
she said, two days later.
00:11:16.63\00:11:19.13
I have been keep
picking up my underwear,
00:11:19.16\00:11:20.56
do you know I loved
her. For two whole days.
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Do you get it
now? Do you get it now?
00:11:22.16\00:11:23.53
No, that was then.
It's different today.
00:11:23.56\00:11:25.94
That's the whole point.
00:11:25.97\00:11:27.75
Our idea, the concept is
love changes consistently.
00:11:27.78\00:11:31.99
So this idea that
doing the right thing,
00:11:32.02\00:11:34.19
bringing a rose,
saying I love you,
00:11:34.22\00:11:36.40
all these things,
yes, they are important
00:11:36.43\00:11:38.97
but if it's not coming
from within it means nothing.
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If its coming from
emptiness in order to get back.
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Now watch what
happens. So how do I get there?
00:11:46.99\00:11:51.05
Is emptying the
cheese out of my macaroni,
00:11:51.08\00:11:53.80
emptying the pain
out of my own life,
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so when He lives
in me, I ask Him,
00:11:56.23\00:11:59.57
Lord, I don't know
how to love this woman.
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I don't know that, but you do.
00:12:04.44\00:12:07.07
You are the
source of love. Amen.
00:12:07.10\00:12:09.35
Give me, lead me in the
paths of your right being.
00:12:09.38\00:12:13.37
And I know all of a sudden
wind up doing things for her
00:12:13.40\00:12:15.98
it blows her and
me out of the water.
00:12:16.01\00:12:18.87
You know this is interesting
because first of all,
00:12:18.90\00:12:20.97
I want to explain the
cheese and the macaroni
00:12:21.00\00:12:22.84
because we talked about
that on the previous program.
00:12:22.87\00:12:25.29
And the cheese,
the macaroni is that
00:12:25.32\00:12:27.06
Ron's got this little
analogy and it says that
00:12:27.09\00:12:30.15
you know, if you got macaroni
swimming around in the cheese
00:12:30.18\00:12:33.55
and it gets all
filled up with cheese,
00:12:33.58\00:12:35.66
then you can try to pour
something else on it and over it
00:12:35.69\00:12:39.54
nothing is going to
get that cheese out.
00:12:39.57\00:12:42.97
The Holy Spirit is like that.
00:12:43.00\00:12:44.69
He's been poured on us
00:12:44.72\00:12:46.09
and as long as we
get this cheese in us,
00:12:46.12\00:12:47.49
all this negative stuff
00:12:47.52\00:12:49.36
then He can't
really get inside of us.
00:12:49.39\00:12:51.16
He's first got
to wash it out of us
00:12:51.19\00:12:53.17
and we have got to surrender
that to the Lord. That's right.
00:12:53.20\00:12:55.78
That what you were just saying
00:12:55.82\00:12:57.52
is I use Romans
5:5 to teach that,
00:12:57.55\00:13:00.73
you know, 1 John 4:16
says that "God is love."
00:13:00.76\00:13:04.52
Romans 5:5 tells
us how we can love
00:13:04.55\00:13:07.78
is that God pours
His love into our heart
00:13:07.81\00:13:11.94
by His Holy Spirit. Absolutely.
00:13:11.97\00:13:14.28
So when He asks us to love
Him with all of our heart, soul,
00:13:14.31\00:13:17.35
mind and strength or
love our neighbor as yourself.
00:13:17.38\00:13:19.48
We can't. No.
00:13:19.51\00:13:20.99
We have to go to Him,
00:13:21.02\00:13:22.39
but even for a love
between husband and wife,
00:13:22.42\00:13:25.56
it's got to be that.
00:13:25.59\00:13:27.19
She was wanting a
self-sacrificing love.
00:13:27.22\00:13:29.73
You were not feeling valued
00:13:29.76\00:13:31.13
because he left everything
for you to pick up, right?
00:13:31.16\00:13:33.22
That's correct.
00:13:33.25\00:13:34.62
So, now, so far what we were
talking about it's really good,
00:13:34.65\00:13:37.95
but I don't want it to come
across as theory to our viewers.
00:13:37.98\00:13:40.80
Oh, no, its not theory.
So I want to back this up.
00:13:40.83\00:13:43.28
You're saying
that when we recognize
00:13:43.31\00:13:46.76
we have been wounded, we
have had distorted thinking
00:13:46.79\00:13:51.43
and somehow we gain knowledge
to say I recognize this.
00:13:51.46\00:13:56.26
It's time to do
something about it.
00:13:56.29\00:13:58.63
How did that happen for you?
00:13:58.66\00:14:00.19
You were a pastor
00:14:00.22\00:14:02.56
and you really weren't
connected with the Lord.
00:14:02.59\00:14:04.90
You weren't filled
with the Holy Spirit,
00:14:04.93\00:14:07.08
you're filled with rage,
you're filled with rejection.
00:14:07.11\00:14:10.77
Tell me how it
happened for you specifically
00:14:10.80\00:14:13.93
that God got your
attention because we can say,
00:14:13.96\00:14:16.46
okay, you get new knowledge
and you start new techniques.
00:14:16.49\00:14:19.14
How do you make that turnaround?
00:14:19.17\00:14:21.48
That turnaround
happened after I had a PhD.
00:14:21.51\00:14:24.27
Okay. We were--
00:14:24.30\00:14:26.58
So everybody's got
to go and get a PhD.
00:14:26.61\00:14:28.17
No, the PhD
didn't do it. Trust us.
00:14:28.20\00:14:30.69
Didn't do nothing
00:14:30.72\00:14:32.09
and I was a
pastor for many years
00:14:32.12\00:14:33.73
and I was in the parsonage
00:14:33.76\00:14:35.21
and Nancy and I were having
a knock-down, blow-out battle.
00:14:35.24\00:14:40.24
Screaming and
hollering and carrying
00:14:40.27\00:14:42.00
are one of those bad
days and the door bell rang.
00:14:42.03\00:14:45.43
And I who was blasting
her all the way to the door
00:14:45.46\00:14:48.78
and I opened up the door
00:14:48.81\00:14:50.89
and he says, "Are
you Pastor Rockey?"
00:14:50.92\00:14:52.40
I said, "Yes."
"Glad to meet you."
00:14:52.43\00:14:55.70
I went from a raging
nut case just by a decision,
00:14:55.73\00:15:00.02
bang, I was fine
and all that stuff,
00:15:00.05\00:15:02.62
now wait a minute if I
can do that for a stranger,
00:15:02.65\00:15:06.36
why I can't do that to my wife?
00:15:06.39\00:15:08.09
Yeah. Wow.
00:15:08.12\00:15:11.05
And it took for us to then
00:15:11.08\00:15:14.64
begin to get the
answer to that question,
00:15:14.67\00:15:18.26
why can't I do that?
00:15:18.29\00:15:20.08
And he couldn't
because his resentment,
00:15:20.11\00:15:23.68
his greater resentment
was toward his mother.
00:15:23.71\00:15:27.73
And when a couple marry
00:15:27.76\00:15:30.49
the husband takes
out his resentment
00:15:30.52\00:15:32.76
toward his mother on the wife,
00:15:32.79\00:15:35.38
and the wife
takes out her resentment
00:15:35.41\00:15:37.50
to her father on the husband.
00:15:37.53\00:15:39.48
So why did I have so
much animosity toward her?
00:15:39.51\00:15:44.20
Because my
mother didn't want me.
00:15:44.23\00:15:47.65
Does that means
she didn't want me, me?
00:15:47.68\00:15:49.86
No, they couldn't
afford anymore children
00:15:49.89\00:15:52.82
and she was in such denial
00:15:52.85\00:15:54.30
and then she couldn't take
care of me in their early years.
00:15:54.33\00:15:57.06
My sister
couldn't take care of me
00:15:57.09\00:15:58.50
and it was on and on and on,
00:15:58.53\00:16:00.40
so I built up a
tremendous resentment
00:16:00.43\00:16:03.03
toward women in an
intimate relationship.
00:16:03.06\00:16:06.53
I have to
interject this thought.
00:16:06.56\00:16:08.70
My mother gave
me some good advice.
00:16:08.73\00:16:10.44
She said, "Marry a man
00:16:10.47\00:16:12.48
who's got a good
relationship with his mother."
00:16:12.51\00:16:14.86
And I did and it
really does show.
00:16:14.89\00:16:16.89
I know that there's
something in there because--
00:16:16.92\00:16:19.16
I am glad you said
the word good. Yes.
00:16:19.19\00:16:21.67
Because there can be
too good of a relationship
00:16:21.70\00:16:24.84
with mother then
the wife suffers.
00:16:24.87\00:16:27.51
I agree there too but
that's not a good relationship.
00:16:27.54\00:16:29.68
No, it isn't.
00:16:29.71\00:16:31.53
I mean, you go over in a way.
00:16:31.56\00:16:35.16
And with that
kind of background,
00:16:35.19\00:16:37.33
I mean, she just drove me crazy
00:16:37.36\00:16:39.61
every time I turned around.
00:16:39.64\00:16:41.01
That wasn't her
that was doing it.
00:16:41.04\00:16:42.41
But that was your
moment of epiphany,
00:16:42.44\00:16:43.81
when you shook your
hand out and realized,
00:16:43.84\00:16:45.21
hey, there's something
that I chose to do here.
00:16:45.24\00:16:47.45
But what are
some practical steps,
00:16:47.48\00:16:49.54
you know, once you recognize
and you are on the right road,
00:16:49.57\00:16:52.16
you said you are
doing new techniques,
00:16:52.19\00:16:53.60
but how do you
make that turnaround
00:16:53.63\00:16:55.50
because there's people
out here who are saying,
00:16:55.53\00:16:57.49
"Yeah, I would like to be
spending time with the Lord,
00:16:57.52\00:16:59.92
I would like to be doing
the right things, but I just--
00:16:59.95\00:17:01.64
You have to seek help. Okay.
00:17:01.67\00:17:03.74
You have to seek help.
00:17:03.77\00:17:05.89
The good book
says there is wisdom
00:17:05.92\00:17:08.25
in the counsel of
many and that's why--
00:17:08.28\00:17:14.04
oh my, many years
ago, now 15 years ago,
00:17:14.07\00:17:17.22
Ron and I wrote the
first program of recovery.
00:17:17.25\00:17:20.80
How do you do it?
Here's the process.
00:17:20.83\00:17:23.64
You start here and
it ends up recovery.
00:17:23.67\00:17:27.90
People tell us, I
am nothing like I was.
00:17:27.93\00:17:31.82
Praise God.
00:17:31.85\00:17:33.22
Someone here this morning
at the office said to me,
00:17:33.25\00:17:36.84
went to one of your seminars,
quite a few years ago now.
00:17:36.87\00:17:41.18
And then I came to you
and I asked you a question,
00:17:41.21\00:17:45.04
you gave me a
couple of little pointers
00:17:45.07\00:17:47.71
and it began my turnaround,
00:17:47.74\00:17:50.57
my whole life
turned right around
00:17:50.60\00:17:53.87
because I was determined
00:17:53.90\00:17:57.51
that I would have a good
relationship with my partner,
00:17:57.54\00:18:02.72
with my
children, and with my God.
00:18:02.75\00:18:05.11
If we are
teachable, we are flexible.
00:18:05.14\00:18:06.51
But we have to say we
need the help and go get it.
00:18:06.54\00:18:11.92
So that's why Ron
and I wrote the program
00:18:11.95\00:18:14.35
called 'Binding the Wounds'
00:18:14.38\00:18:16.14
and the program
called 'The Journey.'
00:18:16.17\00:18:18.34
And, you know, I am
going to agree with you.
00:18:18.37\00:18:20.63
I believe that people need help.
00:18:20.66\00:18:22.21
I believe that they
need good counseling.
00:18:22.24\00:18:24.57
For myself, I
didn't go that route
00:18:24.60\00:18:26.93
in seeking outside counseling.
00:18:26.96\00:18:29.02
I just got into the
Word and I wanted to know.
00:18:29.05\00:18:34.23
God just woke me up one day,
00:18:34.26\00:18:35.77
I think it was
2 Corinthians 1:20
00:18:35.80\00:18:37.60
that all of His promises remind
00:18:37.63\00:18:40.08
and I realized I
wasn't living in them.
00:18:40.11\00:18:42.78
That happens for
some. And not for all.
00:18:42.81\00:18:46.59
Actually, for very few
00:18:46.62\00:18:49.88
because the human heart
needs to know its being heard
00:18:49.91\00:18:54.79
and many people
need to speak their truth
00:18:54.82\00:18:59.47
and speak their story
and know that someone,
00:18:59.50\00:19:04.00
other than the God that
they can't see is hearing them
00:19:04.03\00:19:10.05
and accepting what
they say at face value.
00:19:10.08\00:19:15.01
And that key point
too we talked about.
00:19:15.04\00:19:18.86
In a previous program,
we actually talked about
00:19:18.89\00:19:21.25
when you get to that
point of recognition, you know,
00:19:21.28\00:19:25.96
my people die for
lack of knowledge.
00:19:25.99\00:19:27.80
Recognition of what's going on?
00:19:27.83\00:19:29.86
You mentioned the idea
of writing out a letter
00:19:29.89\00:19:33.79
and say if it was your father
that had wounded you so badly,
00:19:33.82\00:19:37.67
but now for you, you
didn't go that route.
00:19:37.70\00:19:39.80
You went directly to your
mother and talked with her.
00:19:39.83\00:19:42.56
Yeah, primarily because I have
great difficulty with writing.
00:19:42.59\00:19:45.36
Okay. Hand writing things out.
00:19:45.39\00:19:47.68
How did that go
that when you went to--
00:19:47.71\00:19:49.24
I mean, certainly
what the Bible says
00:19:49.27\00:19:52.26
if you have got odd with
any brother-- That's right.
00:19:52.29\00:19:54.25
That's what we
miss in the church
00:19:54.28\00:19:55.83
and we miss in humanity period.
00:19:55.86\00:19:58.53
You got and odd
with your brother,
00:19:58.56\00:19:59.93
you got a need to go him.
00:19:59.96\00:20:01.33
And it ought being if you--
00:20:01.36\00:20:02.73
Resentment,
bitterness, anger, malice
00:20:02.76\00:20:04.52
Or if you know that your--
00:20:04.55\00:20:06.61
somebody else got a
resentment toward you,
00:20:06.64\00:20:09.07
you had to go
to both directions.
00:20:09.10\00:20:11.61
I went to my mother and
one evening I told Nancy,
00:20:11.64\00:20:14.47
I just-- I want to
talk to mom for a minute
00:20:14.50\00:20:16.18
and I said, "Ma, are
you feeling all right?
00:20:16.21\00:20:17.77
Yeah, you feel good. Tired, no.
00:20:17.80\00:20:20.57
And neither do I.
00:20:20.60\00:20:21.97
I would like to talk to
you a couple of minutes."
00:20:22.00\00:20:23.37
And she said, "Is
that all right? Yeah.
00:20:23.40\00:20:24.77
And she says, "I
am going to bed."
00:20:24.80\00:20:26.47
I knew what was coming up.
00:20:26.50\00:20:27.87
And I didn't
fear I belonged there,
00:20:27.90\00:20:29.82
that was
between him and his mom.
00:20:29.85\00:20:31.39
And when I went
is a history lesson.
00:20:31.42\00:20:33.83
I wasn't out to get you
know, skeletons in the closet.
00:20:33.86\00:20:37.26
Or to accuse and blame.
00:20:37.29\00:20:38.66
Or to accuse and blame
00:20:38.69\00:20:40.06
because it's not
about accusing and blaming.
00:20:40.09\00:20:41.46
No. It's understanding.
00:20:41.49\00:20:43.21
And I said, when
I was around three,
00:20:43.24\00:20:44.90
there's a little farthest
back that I can remember.
00:20:44.93\00:20:47.66
We used to live in a
house there was a train going by
00:20:47.69\00:20:49.89
about 50 feet from the house.
00:20:49.92\00:20:51.57
Then she smiles says,
"No, about 150 yards."
00:20:51.60\00:20:54.67
But with three-year-old we have,
00:20:54.70\00:20:56.52
worked
conceptions and perceptions.
00:20:56.55\00:20:59.43
And I said, "Oh, so I asked
her for few things about that
00:20:59.46\00:21:02.40
and the fire that
happened in that house.
00:21:02.43\00:21:04.15
Then I went to
another little thing that,
00:21:04.18\00:21:06.36
you know, that I remember.
00:21:06.39\00:21:07.76
Then I came to the big one.
00:21:07.79\00:21:09.16
The first one that I resented
to her desperately about,
00:21:09.19\00:21:12.41
you remember, when I
won that rabbit that time,
00:21:12.44\00:21:15.92
you know, I brought it home
00:21:15.95\00:21:17.54
and I built this
little cage for it. Yeah.
00:21:17.57\00:21:19.81
I told you to watch
it because I was going
00:21:19.84\00:21:21.26
to spend overnight at
my friend's house. Yeah.
00:21:21.29\00:21:24.02
And I came home and
that rabbit was dead.
00:21:24.05\00:21:27.81
She says,
"Yeah." And I went quiet.
00:21:27.84\00:21:33.34
And I was trying to
pick the right words.
00:21:33.37\00:21:35.96
I said, "I have hated
you all my life for that,
00:21:35.99\00:21:39.21
can you forgive me?"
00:21:39.24\00:21:40.89
Did I accuse her? No.
00:21:44.74\00:21:47.32
She says, "Well,
sure I forgive you.
00:21:47.35\00:21:49.45
Can, I remember--
00:21:49.48\00:21:52.06
Something remember I
went out there with you
00:21:52.09\00:21:53.55
and turned the rabbit over
00:21:53.58\00:21:55.47
and there was two
red marks on his throat.
00:21:55.50\00:21:58.22
I said a weasel got
in there and killed it?"
00:21:58.25\00:22:00.92
"Yeah." It all came back to me.
00:22:00.95\00:22:04.43
So you didn't sit with
your mother all your life.
00:22:04.46\00:22:07.25
Oh, I hated her
for it. Oh, mercy.
00:22:07.28\00:22:09.72
And she didn't even know
it. And she didn't even know it.
00:22:09.75\00:22:12.17
This is a good application
of the Bible scripture,
00:22:12.20\00:22:15.53
if you got something
against brother go talk to him
00:22:15.56\00:22:17.47
because as you said it's
not just when you are child
00:22:17.50\00:22:20.89
but when you are
child things get warped.
00:22:20.92\00:22:22.68
See, I could, I
could-- And you know what--
00:22:22.71\00:22:24.08
I have to interject here, honey,
00:22:24.11\00:22:25.62
it's not just that one incident
with the rabbit. No, no.
00:22:25.65\00:22:29.84
When a child has
several incidents,
00:22:29.87\00:22:34.10
instances that occur,
00:22:34.13\00:22:35.93
repeated
instances of the same kind.
00:22:35.96\00:22:39.95
Distrust which
happened in birth.
00:22:39.98\00:22:42.85
The distrust sets in and
in Ron's case he had a cat.
00:22:42.88\00:22:48.63
The cat, notoriously,
00:22:48.66\00:22:51.20
like most cats
do became pregnant
00:22:51.23\00:22:54.19
and delivered 12 kittens.
00:22:54.22\00:22:56.46
One day his
parents give him a quarter,
00:22:56.49\00:22:58.61
sent him to the
movie, he came home
00:22:58.64\00:23:00.26
and the cat had been drowned
with the all 12 of her kittens.
00:23:00.29\00:23:04.25
He had a Labrador retriever.
00:23:04.28\00:23:06.10
The Labrador retriever bit
down on a hot electrical cord
00:23:06.13\00:23:11.61
and it did something to
the lab's brain. Mentally.
00:23:11.64\00:23:15.39
So that the lab only
would allow Ron anywhere near
00:23:15.42\00:23:19.74
and everybody else he
wanted to bite and keep away.
00:23:19.77\00:23:23.52
So they gave him a
quarter, sent him to the movies
00:23:23.55\00:23:26.07
and when he came home
the black lab was gone.
00:23:26.10\00:23:29.58
So you see several of
these instances taught him--
00:23:29.61\00:23:34.51
you can't trust a woman,
00:23:34.54\00:23:35.92
she will take the thing
00:23:35.95\00:23:37.32
that is nearest and dearest
to your heart and do it in.
00:23:37.35\00:23:40.81
And so I went through
the whole process of all that
00:23:40.84\00:23:42.82
never accusing her of anything,
00:23:42.85\00:23:44.80
taking the responsibility for
the feelings I had toward her.
00:23:44.83\00:23:48.63
You took responsibilities.
I took responsibility.
00:23:48.66\00:23:51.33
So it opened her up to confess
back if she wanted to. Okay.
00:23:51.36\00:23:55.71
It was about me
releasing my pain
00:23:55.74\00:23:57.98
and the feelings
that I had toward her,
00:23:58.01\00:24:00.90
not to accuse her of anything.
00:24:00.93\00:24:02.62
And you see that's the same way
00:24:02.65\00:24:04.03
if you do it
with the handwriting,
00:24:04.06\00:24:06.91
you are not accusing.
00:24:06.94\00:24:08.63
You are talking
about how you felt
00:24:08.66\00:24:11.53
when these things happened
00:24:11.56\00:24:13.03
and as a result my
behaviors have been,
00:24:13.06\00:24:17.99
and you list them. Okay.
00:24:18.02\00:24:20.55
So there's this turning point
00:24:20.58\00:24:23.47
and that turned
out well with your mom.
00:24:23.50\00:24:25.16
Very well, as a matter of fact
what the side effect was that,
00:24:25.19\00:24:28.28
was that I, two months later,
00:24:28.31\00:24:30.89
because after I
cleaned it up with my mother
00:24:30.92\00:24:32.88
I found that I was treating
my daughter differently.
00:24:32.91\00:24:35.10
The young girl that
reminded me of my mother,
00:24:35.13\00:24:39.41
I was keeping her at a distance.
00:24:39.44\00:24:41.40
Really. And I
didn't even know it.
00:24:41.43\00:24:44.27
So now I got some work
to do with my daughter--
00:24:44.30\00:24:45.96
When you keep saying that
this is what I love about you,
00:24:45.99\00:24:48.35
is I am learning something here
00:24:48.38\00:24:50.41
because you would
think that when you said that
00:24:50.44\00:24:53.25
how controlling you
were in your early marriage
00:24:53.28\00:24:55.65
and then when you were
listing all these things
00:24:55.68\00:24:57.78
and talking to me
about then you said,
00:24:57.81\00:24:59.62
"But I didn't even know it."
00:24:59.65\00:25:01.14
Right now you are talking about,
00:25:01.17\00:25:02.54
you keeping your
daughter at distance,
00:25:02.57\00:25:04.60
but you didn't even know it.
00:25:04.63\00:25:06.02
Until they did, you see
00:25:06.05\00:25:07.42
and that's the
Lord's job, He reveals that.
00:25:07.45\00:25:09.11
That's it. That's right.
00:25:09.14\00:25:10.51
He said, "He will lead us
in the paths of right being,
00:25:10.54\00:25:12.19
righteousness for
His namesake." Right.
00:25:12.22\00:25:17.33
"If you acknowledge
Him in all your ways."
00:25:17.36\00:25:19.91
Absolutely. Absolutely.
00:25:19.94\00:25:21.41
Okay, so once you
have made the turnaround
00:25:21.44\00:25:24.43
and as we are saying if
you have to go get help--
00:25:24.46\00:25:26.95
we have only got
like a minute and half.
00:25:26.98\00:25:29.03
Tell me some of
the new techniques
00:25:29.06\00:25:31.08
when you are on this
new road to recovery.
00:25:31.11\00:25:34.55
Well, I want to tell you
00:25:34.58\00:25:36.23
one of the side
effects for sure. Okay.
00:25:36.26\00:25:38.61
People start
noticing your changes.
00:25:38.64\00:25:41.80
All right. Big-time.
00:25:41.83\00:25:43.58
And our changes
then become a blessing
00:25:43.61\00:25:48.56
to other people who are hurting.
00:25:48.59\00:25:51.70
They see, wow, you
must be doing something.
00:25:51.73\00:25:55.53
What are you doing because
you're becoming quite different?
00:25:55.56\00:26:00.95
And so our healing, our recovery
00:26:00.98\00:26:04.02
becomes impetus for
them to do the same.
00:26:04.05\00:26:08.01
You are sharing that
experience. Now, yes.
00:26:08.04\00:26:10.24
And now we are
becoming "Ministers,"
00:26:10.27\00:26:13.59
we are ministering to others
without ever preaching a word.
00:26:13.62\00:26:18.21
2 Corinthians 3:3, isn't it?
00:26:18.24\00:26:19.80
That you're a letter
written on the heart."
00:26:19.83\00:26:21.33
Exactly. Absolutely.
00:26:21.36\00:26:22.73
As well as they will
see your good works. Yeah.
00:26:22.76\00:26:26.24
And so you then are
able to share with them.
00:26:26.27\00:26:29.49
Well, I have been doing
some real in depth looking at me
00:26:29.52\00:26:35.30
and I have been counting on God
to heal a lot of wounds I had.
00:26:35.33\00:26:42.03
And I like what
you said about owning
00:26:42.06\00:26:45.05
your own thoughts about this
00:26:45.08\00:26:48.54
and instead of
reacting to someone else
00:26:48.57\00:26:51.02
you are acting upon this.
00:26:51.05\00:26:52.42
It's like this is
what I did, you know,
00:26:52.45\00:26:54.33
here's how I felt
rejected, this is how I felt,
00:26:54.36\00:26:57.20
you know, anger,
bitterness toward you. Right.
00:26:57.23\00:26:59.66
Forgive me, you
are owning that--
00:26:59.69\00:27:01.42
Exactly. Okay.
00:27:01.45\00:27:02.98
So instead of blaming
others you are owning your part.
00:27:03.01\00:27:06.54
That's good.
Your responsibility.
00:27:06.57\00:27:08.04
And in giving it up to
Him to take with. Amen.
00:27:08.07\00:27:10.53
I just took a peek at
the clock, it's all gone.
00:27:10.56\00:27:12.60
Oh. Again.
00:27:12.63\00:27:14.02
Thank you all
so much for coming.
00:27:14.05\00:27:16.03
We really do
appreciate both of you
00:27:16.06\00:27:17.77
and the ministry that you.
00:27:17.80\00:27:19.17
Do remind folks
to click the button.
00:27:19.20\00:27:21.58
Yes, their website
is www.yourlri.com.
00:27:21.61\00:27:29.55
That's www.yourlri.com
00:27:29.58\00:27:34.54
and there's a button
on there for 3ABN viewers,
00:27:34.57\00:27:36.84
you can just push on that button
00:27:36.87\00:27:38.24
and download all the information
00:27:38.27\00:27:40.11
that we have been discussing
in this series with the Rockeys.
00:27:40.14\00:27:43.45
We want to thank you
so much for joining us
00:27:43.48\00:27:45.85
and hope that you
have learned something
00:27:45.88\00:27:48.09
that you can really put
into practice from this series.
00:27:48.12\00:27:51.53
And right now we just want God
00:27:51.56\00:27:53.86
to bless you abundantly
and enjoy His blessings.
00:27:53.89\00:27:57.20