Hello, my name is Shelly Quinn.
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And welcome again to
"Issues and Answers."
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It's always a joy
to have you tune in.
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We appreciate your
emails and your letters.
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And we're just so
glad that you've joined us.
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And you're going to be
glad that you've joined us today
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because we are
going to be talking about
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'How to get off that
road to self defeat?'
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You know, the Bible
says in Proverbs 14:12,
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"There is a way that
seems right unto a man,
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but in the end, in
thereof is the way of death."
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Sometimes we are just so blinded
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by our own
circumstances and I'm going to
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even say darkness of our hearts
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because we don't
understand what we're doing.
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That we're going down a
road that's such a wrong road
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and the Lord is trying to
get our attention and say,
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"Life doesn't
have to be this way."
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Help me to welcome back,
please our very special guest
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Drs. Nancy and Ron Rockey.
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We're so glad that
you're back with us again.
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Thank you. Glad to be with you.
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Now you all are the founders
of the Life Renewal Institute.
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Tell me what that is, Ron?
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It is where we help
people to renew their life.
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That's a good name
for it Life Renewal.
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And you do that, how?
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Not by changing
and giving them tools
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to change behaviors,
but to giving them tools
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and understanding, so they
can change the character defect,
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their thoughts and feelings.
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When you change
the character defect
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the behaviors will follow.
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That's good. That's good.
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Now you both are family life
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and health educators not health.
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Help me say that right?
Emotional health and life.
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Emotional health,
okay, that's good.
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And you both
have master's degrees
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in family counseling and
doctoral degrees in Psychology.
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So what we are going
to be talking about today
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is that road to self defeat.
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And kind of, set us up for this.
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How do we get on
the road to self defeat?
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Give us just a little synopsis.
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We get there because
it's a gender for us.
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He wants us there.
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He wants us to be
on the road that seems
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like it's the right
road like Scriptures say,
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"There is a way
that seems right."
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Because that's the only thing
we've ever known or ever seen.
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Right. So it's
seems right to us.
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Seems natural. It
seems normal. Natural, yeah.
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The truth is when
we are wounded early on
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by rejection-- sexual, physical,
emotional abuse or by neglect.
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Or even an early on disease
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where the child
is in the hospital
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for extended periods of time.
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Okay. Same thing.
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And has to be separated from--
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The parents.
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Primary
caregivers mummy and daddy.
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When these wounds happen to us,
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we live through them as though
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they were filters
for the rest of our life.
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Unless, we are given
the help and the assistance
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that we need to
get beyond the wound,
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so that we look
toward the road to victory
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instead of, the
road to self defeat.
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We stay on that self defeat road
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because we think we have to.
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We're driven there
in order to survive.
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Because what
happens is those wounds
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out of those
wounds we draw conclusions
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and those
conclusions are about our life,
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are what seems right to us.
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Right. So let me see if I'm
even beginning to grasp this.
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Let's say that someone
has been emotionally abandoned
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as a child, maybe their
parents were always there.
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They had plenty to eat,
you know, roof over their head,
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but they didn't have
that emotional nourishing
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that they should have.
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Their parents were just
absent, if you are awakened.
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So are you saying that because
they grew up this way then,
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they feel like well, this
is normal, this is natural.
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I am not worthy of
this, so they actually set up
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circumstances in their life.
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They choose this road in
which they will walk this path
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and they set up circumstances
in their life to keep
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this in perpetuity,
this emotional abandonment.
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That's exactly
correct. That is correct.
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All right.
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And sad but true, sad but true.
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We are afraid that
if we don't take charge,
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then we're going
to be wounded again.
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And so we live in fear
and fear that slippery slope
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that sends us on the
road to self destruction.
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And so fear then drives
us to developing techniques
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in order to try to feel
safe or to numb our pain.
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So they can be
addictions of all kinds.
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They can be
anger or worthlessness,
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and so I will
withdraw from people
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and from society,
poor relationships.
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These are all
techniques that we develop
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in an attempt to survive.
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And I know for me
early on in my life
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what I did was, I
had a defensive wall
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that I would keep,
you know, I kind of,
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kept my distance from
people because of pain level
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and as long as I
didn't let you get
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beyond that point emotionally,
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then you really
couldn't hurt me.
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That's right.
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And it took me a while
to learn how to let down
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that wall and be vulnerable.
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That's the way it
was in our marriage.
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When we got married,
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Nancy used to say
to me, "Do you love?"
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And I say, "I haven't left yet."
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And for two years it
was this-- drove me nuts.
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She said, "Do you love me?
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Do you love me?"
Well, sure I love you.
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Well, why don't you say so?
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Why do I have to
say it, I said it once.
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And why do you
have to keep coming
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around the same old mountain.
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But what really
the issue was that,
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I didn't experience her love.
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Yeah. How could I?
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With my early
beginnings of severe damage
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and severe rejection,
I really wanted somebody
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to love me, and to
hold me and to say that,
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that you're special and
all those kinds of things.
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And when she did say that to me
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it wasn't
computing, it was abuses to me.
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So he actually,
even on our honeymoon,
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on the 5th day of our marriage,
he pushed me away and he said,
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"Will you leave me alone?
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What did I do, marry a slut?
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Oh, mercy. Yeah.
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So when I-- Now she rejects me--
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After that little
comment, she rejects me.
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Now I feel loved.
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Oh, mercy. Okay, so...
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And I thought to
myself when he said it.
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And what a convoluted
mess we have going on here.
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Oh, absolutely.
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So basically, you push
her way, your rejection to her
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is making you
because of your background,
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you've totally devastated--
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So she draws away and
because she is withdrawn,
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you feel like this
is normal and natural
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because of this rejection.
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It's seems right unto a
man. Because I feel rejected.
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Oh, mercy. And the
end thereof is death.
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Oh, mercy.
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And it would have been
definite death to our marriage
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and nearly was.
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We used to say, we
thought our marriage
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was a match made in
heaven, but actually
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on our wedding day
that match lit an inferno,
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that nearly
destroyed us and our children.
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And you know
what, it's not unusual
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and it's not just
the non-Christians
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that get into this mess.
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Because Satan has--
Christ Himself felt rejected.
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And Satan has an agenda. Yeah.
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And isn't he going to
come after the Christians?
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Absolutely. You know...
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I have to say
something though when you said
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that Christ
experienced rejection.
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But, you know, he
didn't take offence like we do.
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No, because He was
connected with the Father.
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He went beyond His
dysfunctions and I don't like
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that word, but
He was brought up--
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He went beyond
his wounds. His wound.
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Yes, he went beyond His wound.
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Why, because he
had no sort source,
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except for the Father.
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That's wonderful.
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And you know the other
thing is too that God taught me,
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is that...what was the
word that we were using offence,
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a spirit of offence.
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He said it's
the spirit of pride.
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You bet.
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And if you...
Christ had no pride,
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so that's why He
couldn't be offended.
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But anyway, on to our
thing, so here we've got
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these little
techniques that we're using,
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but the result of this,
the destructive result of this
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Is that we pay a
price for every technique
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that we develop.
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The alcoholic may lose
his job, his relationship
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and certainly his finances.
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The rager, what
happens to the rager.
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Well, who wants to
live with the rager,
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who wants to be around them?
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And so they
definitely lose relationships
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and of course, they're going
to lose their jobs too because
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As well as their health.
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No, employer wants
somebody like that.
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And, yes, they're
going to lose their health.
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We know that anger
causes major physical illness.
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So people then end
up going down this path
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that seems right to them
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because it's the only
thing that they've ever known.
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And it's just absolutely
in the opposite direction
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that what God
would have them, go down.
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But they get so
upset that they end up
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leaving
relationships, leaving church--
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Leaving everything.
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And they say, well, we're
not paying such a bad price.
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They minimize.
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After they realize
there are paying a price,
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they try and deny that they are.
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And then they start
blaming the universe
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for all of their issues.
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If I had a better
wife, wasn't there the fellow
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who said to you, "I'm so glad
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and will be so
glad when the Lord
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finally comes,
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because I won't have
to live with her anymore."
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And he pointed to his wife.
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And I said,
"Sir, you're correct.
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You'll not have to
live with her anymore."
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He says, "Glad to here that."
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I said, "You know why?"
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He says, "No,
because you won't be there."
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Yeah.
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You're not given up to
that first resurrection.
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Sir.
00:10:54.24\00:10:55.61
With that kind of attitude.
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And so we blame the
universe if I had a better wife,
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if I had better parents.
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If, if, if, if, if, if.
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Did I didn't really
blame you though, did I?
00:11:03.81\00:11:06.23
Sweet heart, for everything.
00:11:06.26\00:11:08.87
Absolutely,
everything. Oh, that's true.
00:11:08.90\00:11:10.89
Well, I did blame you
for your sneezing habits.
00:11:10.92\00:11:13.56
And everything else.
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You know, she used to
just sneezes in threes.
00:11:15.56\00:11:18.33
I'm telling you what.
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The more I get to know
you, I never sneeze just once,
00:11:19.76\00:11:23.24
so you're not a
just too much a lot.
00:11:23.27\00:11:24.72
Too much a lot.
00:11:24.75\00:11:26.12
I sneeze once
and get it over with.
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You don't sneeze in threes.
00:11:27.55\00:11:30.01
And then we finally
develop as close to death
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as we're going to
get which is denial.
00:11:34.75\00:11:38.25
And we jokingly say,
"Well, The Nile is not just
00:11:38.28\00:11:41.25
a river in Egypt."
00:11:41.28\00:11:43.30
Denial in fact, is
the anesthesia that Satan
00:11:43.33\00:11:47.27
uses when he wants
to rip your heart out.
00:11:47.30\00:11:51.03
Because this makes us
apathetic about the situation
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we're not going to do anything.
00:11:55.21\00:11:56.86
And on the emotional tone scale,
00:11:56.89\00:11:59.54
apathy is the step
just before death--
00:11:59.57\00:12:04.90
Wow. And apathy is a Laodicea.
00:12:04.93\00:12:08.46
I have need of nothing.
00:12:08.49\00:12:11.56
There is nothing wrong with me.
00:12:11.59\00:12:14.36
Everything I have
come from a perfect home
00:12:14.39\00:12:16.43
and a perfect background.
00:12:16.46\00:12:18.34
There's nothing wrong with me.
00:12:18.37\00:12:20.13
I had one
gentleman at our seminar,
00:12:20.16\00:12:22.02
say "My parents are
perfect and I had a perfect life
00:12:22.05\00:12:25.98
and my marriage is perfect."
00:12:26.01\00:12:27.64
I grab the hold of
his sleeve and he says,
00:12:27.67\00:12:29.34
"What are you doing?"
00:12:29.37\00:12:30.74
I said, "Tell me
more about your parents
00:12:30.77\00:12:32.14
and your
background and your marriage."
00:12:32.17\00:12:33.54
He's going on,
"What are you doing?"
00:12:33.57\00:12:34.94
I said, "Don't worry
about that, tell me some more."
00:12:34.97\00:12:36.67
He goes on and on and on
00:12:36.70\00:12:38.19
and he finally got a
little ticked off, he says,
00:12:38.22\00:12:40.39
"What are you
doing holding my sleeve?"
00:12:40.42\00:12:43.15
I said, "I'm holding
on, you're going to ascend
00:12:43.18\00:12:45.28
any minute and I'm
going to go with you."
00:12:45.31\00:12:48.87
If we're walking
the face of the earth
00:12:48.90\00:12:50.74
or our parents are
walking the face of the earth
00:12:50.77\00:12:53.55
or they're buried in it.
00:12:53.58\00:12:55.55
They had major issues.
00:12:55.58\00:12:56.95
It's called
sin. All have sinned.
00:12:56.98\00:12:59.81
All have sinned and fallen.
00:12:59.84\00:13:01.63
And our falling
short of the glory of God.
00:13:01.66\00:13:04.54
That's a linear verb.
00:13:04.57\00:13:06.32
Let me ask you this
because what you're just saying
00:13:06.35\00:13:09.30
is you recognize
the reason you had,
00:13:09.33\00:13:12.08
I mean, you're
doing that telling him,
00:13:12.11\00:13:13.86
he's acting like, he's
getting rid of the sin,
00:13:13.89\00:13:15.44
but you
recognize this is denial.
00:13:15.47\00:13:18.57
Absolutely. That means that--
00:13:18.60\00:13:21.02
You know, in
growing up in my home,
00:13:21.05\00:13:24.25
I think, I've
shared this before,
00:13:24.28\00:13:25.67
but very dysfunctional
home and I would not speak
00:13:25.70\00:13:30.66
of it outside of the home.
00:13:30.69\00:13:32.43
I told everyone
how perfect it was.
00:13:32.46\00:13:34.63
I mean, I did this
purposely was too mask
00:13:34.66\00:13:39.23
what was going
on, but you actually
00:13:39.26\00:13:42.27
almost start buying
into this little lie,
00:13:42.30\00:13:48.80
is a good word for it,
because that's what is it.
00:13:48.83\00:13:51.56
It seems right so it's
kind of like, it's perfect,
00:13:51.59\00:13:54.19
it's perfect, it's perfect,
it's perfect and you never
00:13:54.22\00:13:56.33
deal with the
roots of the problem.
00:13:56.36\00:13:58.48
Till one day you wake up and go,
00:13:58.51\00:14:01.40
there wasn't perfect about it.
00:14:01.43\00:14:03.67
And then suddenly
God can start healing.
00:14:03.70\00:14:06.60
Absolutely.
00:14:06.63\00:14:08.00
Living a lie is
destroying yourself.
00:14:08.03\00:14:11.53
There is no question about it.
00:14:11.56\00:14:14.29
Okay, if apathy is on
the emotional tone of scale,
00:14:14.32\00:14:20.64
if apathy is just one
step before emotional death.
00:14:20.67\00:14:26.07
If you look at the
opposite end of the scale,
00:14:26.10\00:14:28.05
what is the step
before emotional healing?
00:14:28.08\00:14:32.39
Anger.
00:14:32.42\00:14:33.79
Anger.
00:14:33.82\00:14:35.19
Because anger at least
says, something is wrong
00:14:35.22\00:14:40.03
and I have a reason there
is a cause, for me to be angry.
00:14:40.06\00:14:46.57
It's close to the top. Okay.
00:14:46.60\00:14:48.80
And as I finally
tell myself the truth
00:14:48.83\00:14:52.41
and look at the
reason for my anger.
00:14:52.44\00:14:56.13
Now I can move forward.
00:14:56.16\00:14:58.77
I can deal with that reason.
00:14:58.80\00:15:02.69
You know, there's
some little Christian girl
00:15:02.72\00:15:04.47
out there like me
that's saying, "Ooh, wait.
00:15:04.50\00:15:07.36
We're taught we are
not supposed to be angry."
00:15:07.39\00:15:09.87
But there is such a
thing as appropriate anger
00:15:09.90\00:15:12.92
because Jesus
expressed appropriate anger.
00:15:12.95\00:15:16.95
The Bible says-- it
doesn't say, "Don't be angry."
00:15:16.98\00:15:19.33
It says, "In your
anger do not sin."
00:15:19.36\00:15:21.43
Correct.
00:15:21.46\00:15:22.83
So you're talking
about the kind of anger
00:15:22.86\00:15:26.61
you had was not a healthy anger.
00:15:26.64\00:15:29.24
No, it was self
justification anger.
00:15:29.27\00:15:31.12
That's where the key is at.
00:15:31.15\00:15:32.52
Okay. Yours was the
self justification anger.
00:15:32.55\00:15:33.93
Absolutely.
00:15:33.96\00:15:35.33
The anger we're talking about
right now is in stepping back
00:15:35.36\00:15:38.59
and once you recognize
and saying, "Man, this was
00:15:38.62\00:15:41.88
messed up and it shouldn't
have happened this way.
00:15:41.91\00:15:46.13
And I've got to..." I
can do something about it.
00:15:46.16\00:15:50.48
You see, because God tells me
that forgiveness is necessary.
00:15:50.51\00:15:55.50
But the angry person
says, "I don't want to forgive.
00:15:55.53\00:16:02.11
I'm still seething
about what was done."
00:16:02.14\00:16:06.04
Okay.
00:16:06.07\00:16:07.56
And so we tell people to do
what David did in the Bible.
00:16:07.59\00:16:11.98
What did David do?
00:16:12.01\00:16:13.68
He wrote.
00:16:13.71\00:16:15.34
And he wrote many Psalms.
00:16:15.37\00:16:17.71
Even being angry at
God h rather wrote it down.
00:16:17.74\00:16:20.16
Why are you not defending me?
00:16:20.19\00:16:22.61
Why are all my enemies?
00:16:22.64\00:16:24.16
And he's railing on.
00:16:24.19\00:16:26.43
But notice, at
the end of the Psalm,
00:16:26.46\00:16:29.64
after getting rid of the anger.
00:16:29.67\00:16:33.13
Confession.
00:16:33.16\00:16:34.53
He comes to...I really know
you've been there all along,
00:16:34.56\00:16:37.83
God.
00:16:37.86\00:16:39.57
You are my rock and my fortress.
00:16:39.60\00:16:43.64
And when we tell individuals,
"Okay, so your daddy
00:16:43.67\00:16:47.84
mistreated you.
00:16:47.87\00:16:49.35
He beat you on a regular basis.
00:16:49.38\00:16:51.01
He called you terrible names.
00:16:51.04\00:16:54.38
Get out with your
pen. And start a letter."
00:16:54.41\00:16:58.65
Dear Dad.
00:16:58.68\00:17:01.21
Doesn't have to be sent.
00:17:01.24\00:17:02.61
No, this is not a
letter for revenge.
00:17:02.64\00:17:05.26
This is a letter to
empty the junk that you've been
00:17:05.29\00:17:07.92
carrying around
for years and years.
00:17:07.95\00:17:10.13
God says, give me your burden.
00:17:10.16\00:17:11.53
Why are you carrying this junk?
00:17:11.56\00:17:13.93
But my issue is not with God.
00:17:13.96\00:17:15.56
My issue is with dad.
00:17:15.59\00:17:18.99
So you write out the letter.
00:17:19.02\00:17:21.90
And then we tell,
folks, take that letter
00:17:21.93\00:17:26.11
to someone you trust,
a pastor, a counselor,
00:17:26.14\00:17:31.91
maybe your
spouse and read out loud
00:17:31.94\00:17:35.56
what your hand has written.
00:17:35.59\00:17:37.42
Why?
00:17:37.45\00:17:39.00
It's called confession.
00:17:39.03\00:17:42.72
And that's what we need
to do to empty the junk.
00:17:42.75\00:17:47.92
There's something about writing.
00:17:47.95\00:17:50.55
It's cathartic. Yeah.
00:17:50.58\00:17:52.20
The hand will write
what the mouth cannot speak.
00:17:52.23\00:17:56.61
It's incredible, what
you'll discover you've written.
00:17:56.64\00:18:00.42
And part of that I think is
that when you sit down to write
00:18:00.45\00:18:04.19
you have to put
some thought into it
00:18:04.22\00:18:06.96
'cause we all pretty good
at denying what we're feeling.
00:18:06.99\00:18:10.16
So basically that's a
technique that you use.
00:18:10.19\00:18:13.27
You know, I always
use David's example of--
00:18:13.30\00:18:17.76
I call it his prayer journal,
Psalms or his prayer journal.
00:18:17.79\00:18:21.10
And I do journal my
prayers and I teach that even.
00:18:21.13\00:18:24.85
Not for everybody.
00:18:24.88\00:18:26.25
If my husband J.D. thought
he had to journal his prayers,
00:18:26.28\00:18:28.45
he'd probably never pray again,
00:18:28.48\00:18:29.97
but it doesn't
work for everybody.
00:18:30.00\00:18:32.29
But it really works well for me
00:18:32.32\00:18:33.85
because you know I used to
think how can I pray an hour
00:18:33.88\00:18:38.44
when the Lord asked
me to pray, an hour?
00:18:38.47\00:18:41.05
And I thought, how?
00:18:41.08\00:18:42.65
And I started
drilling my prayers
00:18:42.68\00:18:44.05
and I found I could
pray two or three hours
00:18:44.08\00:18:45.90
because you don't
know what's in you,
00:18:45.93\00:18:47.67
but your mind
really does kick up a level
00:18:47.70\00:18:50.48
and these things come
00:18:50.51\00:18:53.11
and He brings
to your remembrance
00:18:53.14\00:18:55.28
all these various things.
00:18:55.31\00:18:56.68
So this is
something that's one way
00:18:56.71\00:19:02.01
that you teach that
people identify their anger.
00:19:02.04\00:19:07.63
They get it out here.
00:19:07.66\00:19:09.37
They let their mouth
speak it in front of someone.
00:19:09.40\00:19:11.83
Their eyes see it,
their ears hear it,
00:19:11.86\00:19:13.43
their mouth speak the words.
00:19:13.46\00:19:15.11
Through all their senses,
00:19:15.14\00:19:16.84
they are giving
back to their mind
00:19:16.87\00:19:19.28
I've taken care of this.
00:19:19.31\00:19:20.68
This is really
fascinating. What--
00:19:23.43\00:19:24.80
Does that mean it
goes away after that?
00:19:24.83\00:19:27.12
No, but you know
you've taken care of it.
00:19:27.15\00:19:29.46
Your mind knows
you've taken care of it.
00:19:29.49\00:19:31.77
And then when it
comes back again,
00:19:31.80\00:19:33.17
so you know Lord, thank You
for letting that all go away.
00:19:33.20\00:19:37.32
Okay, so basically it's not
just writing out the wrongs.
00:19:37.35\00:19:41.52
It's writing out these
feelings that are in you
00:19:41.55\00:19:44.63
and getting to that place
that you are ready for forgive.
00:19:44.66\00:19:48.92
And that's what happens
you see in the recovery process
00:19:48.95\00:19:51.83
that Ron and I've
created called the journey.
00:19:51.86\00:19:55.42
It is a process of
writing out our pain,
00:19:55.45\00:20:00.87
but first getting
knowledge and understanding.
00:20:00.90\00:20:04.70
Writing out our pain,
confessing it in a small group
00:20:04.73\00:20:09.68
that has become
supportive and safe.
00:20:09.71\00:20:13.24
That counsel of many that
God says, "There is wisdom at."
00:20:13.27\00:20:18.58
What about is it Isaiah
48:17? I'd have to look that up.
00:20:18.61\00:20:22.81
Where the Lord says,
"Do not dwell on the past"
00:20:22.84\00:20:27.08
because He says, "I am
doing a new thing in you."
00:20:27.11\00:20:31.11
And do you not perceive it,
00:20:31.14\00:20:33.00
suddenly it
will spring forward--
00:20:33.03\00:20:34.40
The key there is
dwelling. Okay. So--
00:20:34.43\00:20:36.59
We don't sit in it. All right.
00:20:36.62\00:20:38.15
That's where I
am trying to get to.
00:20:38.18\00:20:39.80
Acquire the knowledge,
00:20:39.83\00:20:41.20
deal with it, and
go on with your life.
00:20:41.23\00:20:42.60
All right because
you don't want somebody
00:20:42.63\00:20:44.46
wallowing around in this.
00:20:44.49\00:20:46.19
This isn't an exercise
that they are going to spend
00:20:46.22\00:20:48.45
weeks and months
writing out stuff.
00:20:48.48\00:20:50.56
No, it is not-- and letting it--
00:20:50.59\00:20:51.96
This is something that they
sit down, they deal with it.
00:20:51.99\00:20:53.93
Taking personal responsibility
and go on with your life.
00:20:53.96\00:20:56.40
And then you
know, we tell, folks,
00:20:56.43\00:20:58.17
some people burn
what they've written.
00:20:58.20\00:21:02.69
Some people tear
it up into tiny shreds
00:21:02.72\00:21:05.07
and stuff it in a
balloon and let it go.
00:21:05.10\00:21:07.50
It's just a matter of saying,
00:21:07.53\00:21:09.26
"Okay, I am
letting this go, God."
00:21:09.29\00:21:12.63
I am doing what you've
said, get rid of bitterness,
00:21:12.66\00:21:17.92
anger, malice, resentment,
00:21:17.95\00:21:20.28
all of those
things in Ephesians 4:30.
00:21:20.31\00:21:23.27
Get rid of it.
00:21:23.30\00:21:25.98
And, you know, I have to
tell you this little story.
00:21:26.01\00:21:30.11
I had many concerns
and issues with my father.
00:21:30.14\00:21:34.27
He said many things that
were extremely hurtful to me.
00:21:34.30\00:21:37.69
Again, that's not
that he was evil or bad.
00:21:37.72\00:21:40.16
He just didn't know
how to say the right thing.
00:21:40.19\00:21:42.84
It was the result of
his wounds. And I know that.
00:21:42.87\00:21:45.98
And, you know, I
can take that back
00:21:46.01\00:21:47.90
four generations in my family
00:21:47.93\00:21:49.99
and see how the
sins of the fathers.
00:21:50.02\00:21:51.39
We become what we behold.
00:21:51.42\00:21:53.74
And, oh, sometime went by
and I noticed my relationship
00:21:53.77\00:21:58.81
with Ron was
improving quite a bit
00:21:58.84\00:22:02.50
because I was no
longer assigning to my husband
00:22:02.53\00:22:06.53
the resentment I
had to my father,
00:22:06.56\00:22:09.64
which by the way is a
normal this for us to do.
00:22:09.67\00:22:14.00
Wow. Sad but true.
00:22:14.03\00:22:16.17
So one day we were sitting
down watching a Gaither video
00:22:16.20\00:22:20.10
and there is a pianist that
is now deceased unfortunately,
00:22:20.13\00:22:24.15
but used to play for Gaither.
00:22:24.18\00:22:25.81
His name was Anthony Burger.
00:22:25.84\00:22:27.85
And Anthony told a little story
00:22:27.88\00:22:30.39
and then a song began
to play by the orchestra
00:22:30.42\00:22:35.54
and it was a song I
loved and used to sing,
00:22:35.57\00:22:39.23
"We shall behold Him."
00:22:39.26\00:22:41.96
And Anthony went to the piano
and he sat down at the piano
00:22:41.99\00:22:46.63
when the camera
came around behind him.
00:22:46.66\00:22:49.85
And it shown down on his figures
00:22:49.88\00:22:52.74
and I'll tell you I
had to do a double take
00:22:52.77\00:22:56.14
because those were
not Anthony's hands,
00:22:56.17\00:22:58.27
they were my father's.
00:22:58.30\00:23:00.37
My father played
just like Anthony Burger.
00:23:00.40\00:23:04.74
And I knew they
were my dad's hands
00:23:04.77\00:23:06.52
because you see he'd
cut off this finger here
00:23:06.55\00:23:09.93
and this finger and this
finger in a circular saw,
00:23:09.96\00:23:13.76
but my father never
missed a beat on the piano.
00:23:13.79\00:23:16.70
I saw my father's
hand and the tears poured
00:23:16.73\00:23:21.35
and my thought was "Yes,
daddy, I will behold you.
00:23:21.38\00:23:27.14
And I will run to you."
00:23:27.17\00:23:30.94
Because I know
know you rejected me,
00:23:30.97\00:23:35.98
but I also rejected you,
00:23:36.01\00:23:40.58
because of your rejection of me.
00:23:40.61\00:23:44.98
So now when I speak of my father
00:23:45.01\00:23:47.10
it's with great
love and admiration
00:23:47.13\00:23:50.55
recognizing he did the
best he could with what he had.
00:23:50.58\00:23:53.91
That's healing. That's recovery.
00:23:53.94\00:23:56.96
And that's what God
wants for every one of us.
00:23:56.99\00:23:58.86
We need to
remember where our parents,
00:23:58.89\00:24:00.94
our great grandparents,
00:24:00.97\00:24:02.34
and our great, great
grandparents came from.
00:24:02.37\00:24:04.60
A hundred years
ago was the primary
00:24:04.63\00:24:07.10
the father and mother survival.
00:24:07.13\00:24:10.74
Sixty years ago, World
War II was the primary thought
00:24:10.77\00:24:13.43
of a mother and
father, survival.
00:24:13.46\00:24:16.40
And then the 50's hit
00:24:16.43\00:24:17.80
and we go into
connecting and bonding.
00:24:17.83\00:24:20.78
And all these issues and
none of us know anything about--
00:24:20.81\00:24:23.63
Don't know how to do it.
00:24:23.66\00:24:25.03
So we've gone out from a
survival age to relational age
00:24:25.06\00:24:27.64
and nobody has
taught us how to do it.
00:24:27.67\00:24:29.47
Nobody's taught our
parents, our grandparent
00:24:29.50\00:24:31.82
nor did they teach us.
00:24:31.85\00:24:33.22
It's about time we learn.
00:24:33.25\00:24:34.92
God has got a way
out of this. Amen.
00:24:34.95\00:24:37.09
All along He's saying,
"I love you, I accept you."
00:24:37.12\00:24:40.68
But our wounds
prevent us from hearing it
00:24:40.71\00:24:44.12
and feeling it with our hearts.
00:24:44.15\00:24:46.58
And till we let go,
it's hard to receive from God
00:24:46.61\00:24:50.87
when we are filled with junk.
00:24:50.90\00:24:52.46
Tell about your elbow
macaroni, we just have a minute.
00:24:52.49\00:24:55.70
Ron dreamt this up one
day and he said in a seminar,
00:24:55.73\00:24:59.70
we ought to be like a
piece of elbow macaroni.
00:24:59.73\00:25:02.45
Wow, did I do a double take?
What in a world is he saying?
00:25:02.48\00:25:06.06
He said, "You
know, the Holy Spirit
00:25:06.09\00:25:07.75
is being poured
on us at all times,
00:25:07.78\00:25:10.03
but we are like macaroni
00:25:10.06\00:25:11.67
that sits in
macaroni and cheese.
00:25:11.70\00:25:14.18
Cheese is clogging
up that passage way
00:25:14.21\00:25:17.07
through the elbow macaroni
00:25:17.10\00:25:18.69
and the cheese is our wounds
00:25:18.72\00:25:20.67
and we hold on to
them for dear life,
00:25:20.70\00:25:23.54
so the Holy Spirit
doesn't flow through us
00:25:23.57\00:25:26.73
and out, to benefit others.
00:25:26.76\00:25:29.41
And when wounds come to us
they get stuck in our cheese
00:25:29.44\00:25:32.94
and we say, we have
a right to be angry,
00:25:32.97\00:25:35.47
we have a right to resent."
00:25:35.50\00:25:37.01
So it does a
wound screaming. Yeah.
00:25:37.04\00:25:41.06
He says give me your burdens.
00:25:41.09\00:25:42.92
Let me take them. Let
me carry them for you.
00:25:42.95\00:25:44.96
Amen. But we don't.
00:25:44.99\00:25:47.28
Got to hold on, got to
hold on, and got to hold on.
00:25:47.31\00:25:50.16
I have got to be right.
00:25:50.19\00:25:51.78
I want to get
even with them people.
00:25:51.81\00:25:54.26
So basically, I mean, our
time again is just rushing away,
00:25:54.29\00:25:59.69
but what we were
saying here is that
00:25:59.72\00:26:02.07
if you are on the
road to self defeat.
00:26:02.10\00:26:04.95
You've got to-- see if I am
giving this the right wrap here,
00:26:04.98\00:26:09.67
what you've got
to do is recognize
00:26:09.70\00:26:12.60
you are on the wrong road.
00:26:12.63\00:26:14.45
And that's what you are
doing when you sit down and say,
00:26:14.48\00:26:16.61
"Okay, I am writing
all of this stuff out
00:26:16.64\00:26:19.12
and saying, you know,
00:26:19.15\00:26:21.08
now I am going to confess this,
I need to forgive somebody,
00:26:21.11\00:26:23.88
I recognize my own wounds."
00:26:23.91\00:26:25.66
And then that's when
you have that forgiveness
00:26:25.69\00:26:30.73
that's going on
that you can turn around
00:26:30.76\00:26:33.84
and get on the right path
and begin the renewal process.
00:26:33.87\00:26:36.88
That's just the
beginning. That's right.
00:26:36.91\00:26:38.91
But that's what it's all about.
00:26:38.94\00:26:40.31
In fact, they
can go to our website
00:26:40.34\00:26:41.71
and find the 3ABN
little tag up there
00:26:41.74\00:26:44.93
and they can download
several pages of this concept.
00:26:44.96\00:26:49.57
Do this real quickly because
we're running out of time.
00:26:49.60\00:26:51.40
www.yourlri.com,
www.yourlri.com.
00:26:51.43\00:26:59.40
Thank you so
much, Nancy and Ron.
00:27:02.94\00:27:05.91
We just really
appreciate you coming
00:27:05.94\00:27:07.89
and sharing your
life's experience
00:27:07.92\00:27:10.09
and by education and
by personal experience.
00:27:10.12\00:27:14.91
I hope for those of you at home
00:27:14.94\00:27:16.69
that if you are on a
path that seems right to you
00:27:16.72\00:27:19.90
and others are
saying, "Hey, wait a minute.
00:27:19.93\00:27:21.77
This isn't the
way it should be."
00:27:21.80\00:27:23.88
That you'll wake up and realize
00:27:23.91\00:27:25.88
that you don't
have to keep going down
00:27:25.91\00:27:28.17
that self defeating path.
00:27:28.20\00:27:30.34
There is a way out.
00:27:30.37\00:27:32.29
God tells you that He's
got a plan for your life.
00:27:32.32\00:27:35.18
It's better than the
one that you're living
00:27:35.21\00:27:37.49
and it's a plan to prosper you
00:27:37.52\00:27:39.36
and to give you some
good things and abundant life.
00:27:39.39\00:27:43.45
So we encourage you to
look to Him for some answers.
00:27:43.48\00:27:47.60
Now may the grace of
our Lord Jesus Christ,
00:27:47.63\00:27:49.63
the love of the Father
00:27:49.66\00:27:51.03
and the
fellowship of the Holy Spirit
00:27:51.06\00:27:52.71
be with you today and
for the rest of your life.
00:27:52.74\00:27:55.73
Thank you.
00:27:55.76\00:27:57.13