Welcome to "Issue and Answers."
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My name is J.D. Quinn.
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Glad that you're
here to join us today.
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We've got a
wonderful topic today,
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we're talking
about relationships.
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But before I start there I
want to go to Proverbs 16:3
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"Commit your works to the Lord,
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and your thoughts
will be established." Amen.
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What inspiration, you know,
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that we have
received from our holy Bible.
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I've got two wonderful
guest here today with me.
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Dr. Tim Riesenberger.
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Thank you. And Racna Ewing.
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And first of all,
ladies and gentlemen,
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they are not a
couple, they like each other,
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they communicate well together,
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but they are coming from
different directions I guess.
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One comes from a stable home,
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one comes from a
home that has been broken.
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And so I would
just like for us to,
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first of all learn a
little bit about you.
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Dr. Tim, tell us
about yourself? Sure.
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I work as an
Emergency Medicine Physician.
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For many of you that
means, I work in the ER,
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so I take care of men,
women, and children, 24/7
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whenever there is a problem.
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And my interest in relationships
as you mentioned comes from
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not wanting to
make the same mistake.
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My parents are
divorced and both remarried
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and I want to establish
my relationship on God.
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I don't want to
make the same mistakes.
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And my interest also
comes from studying this issue.
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I became a
Christian later in life
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when I was a junior in college.
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And so I got a hold of anything
I could about relationships,
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about being a good
father, being a good husband,
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approaching relationships
from a Godly standpoint.
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And then as I began doing that
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people were
interested in my sharing,
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perhaps for
churches or youth groups.
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And as I began sharing,
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more and more of
that interest grew
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as I began asking other people
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what they were
looking for in relationships.
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What they found to be the
problems and the successes
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that they were having,
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as they strove to have
Godly relationships. Amen.
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Racna?
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Well, I'm an accountant
and over this past year
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I've been taking different
portions of the CPA test. Yes.
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I passed three of them
and just took my last one
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just a few days ago and
so I'm hoping and praying
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and maybe you can
join me in praying
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that I did all
right on that one. Amen.
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Looking forward to pursuing
a career as the CPA and-- Yes.
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And my interest in
relationships was sparked
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a lot during my time at
college when I spent time,
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you know, watching my friends
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going in and out
of relationships.
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And also inspired by the fact
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that my parents
have a great relationship
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and watching their love
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made me want
something more like that. Amen.
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So we know you know
what you're looking for
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because you have
a good role models.
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You know what you're looking for
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because you don't want to get
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caught up in the same
situation. That's right.
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And, you know,
they're both very valid
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and I have no doubt
that people in our audience
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can identify
with one or the other.
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Absolutely. So consequently--
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Let's start off you're
both professional people,
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certainly both educated,
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very handsome,
very pretty. Thank you.
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And so you work with people
all the time. That's right.
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So tell me about
relationships in your workplace?
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Who would like to
jump in first on that?
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Well, I can definitely--
We're looking at you, Racna.
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Definitely say this past year
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I did a lot of tax
returns for people.
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And couples would
come into my office
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that had just split out
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but were going
through a divorce.
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And they'd come in
and the question was
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who was going to
deduct the child.
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How are they
gonna split things up
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and, you know, one
parent would be crying,
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the kids would be
crying, everybody was upset
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and I was suddenly the
mediator for a situation
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that was very sad
and it really hit me
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after spending time
with so many couples.
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That was something
that I never ever wanted
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to experience, was
a divorce. Amen, amen.
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That's real life out
there on the frontline.
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Definitely. Yes. Tim.
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Well, my job as a physician
is often very fast paced.
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I see close to 20 to
40 patients every day.
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And so I've been a physician now
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for almost 8 years, did
several thousand people.
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Amazingly enough you would
think that people want to know,
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"what's wrong?" when
they come into the ER.
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But I can tell you there
is a big percentage of people,
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after I'm done examining
them, they want to know well,
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Doc is every thing
okay, is everything normal,
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that's what they want to know.
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And that's a
very common question.
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Is that people will be concerned
that things are not normal,
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but it's not just for the
complaint that they came in,
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they will always think
well, this seems too big,
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this seems too
small, this is too tall,
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this is too
short, this is too round,
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this is too flat.
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They'll have all
of these question
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and honestly 99.9% of the time
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all I end up saying
to these patients is,
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"yes, that's normal,
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yeah, that's fine,
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yeah, that's small
enough, yeah, that's big enough,
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oh, yes, seen lot's of those."
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What I end up doing is
I give people reassurance
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that they are normal.
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Now my interest in this
is it why so many people ask.
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Why we're all
thinking that we're not normal.
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And I will start with myself.
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When I was very
young I had an experience
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that really made me think
that perhaps I wasn't normal.
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Many people ask me
about my last name,
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Riesenberger doesn't quite fit
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with my facial
features, does it?
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People will call and then
say well, are you adopted?
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And no I'm not adopted, my
father is of German descent
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and that's where the last
name Riesenberger comes from.
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My mother is
Chinese of, Asian descent
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and I tend to
take after my mother.
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Now the other problem is that
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some of my facial
features are Caucasian,
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some are Asian.
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Some of you may have noticed
that eyelids are different
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between people that are Asian
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and people that are Caucasian.
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In fact some people in
Korea are so much wanting
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the western
eyelid is a girl will get
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what's called a blepharoplasty.
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Or a fold placed in her
eyelid when she is a teenager,
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so she can have
the western eyelid.
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Now the difficulty is with
me is it I actually have both.
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If you look closely
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one of my eyes has a
fold in it and one doesn't.
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Now that is just a
part of my unique heritage
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and I've coming
to be proud of it.
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However when I was young
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my parents didn't
always think of it that way.
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One of my
parents God bless them,
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in an effort to try to
make one look like the other
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would take a clear
piece of scotch tape
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and scotch tape of
fold in one of the eyes.
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Now this is when I
was five, six, seven,
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so in their efforts
to make me look better
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what do you think I
began thinking about my eyes.
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There was
something wrong with them.
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And so if those kind of
experiences happen to us
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when we're young, we
end up growing up thinking
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we're not
attractive and I can tell you
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that is how I
felt for many years.
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I felt that something was wrong.
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And of course even when
I was about seven or eight
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and I took off that tape saying
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I'm not wearing this
anymore, that's silly.
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The message still
remains in our minds
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that we are not
normal, we are not up to snuff.
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And I'd say that that message
is reiterated by the media.
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The problem is, is
it starts very early.
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Let's give an example.
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You women, they
play with dolls, right.
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Many do and the most
popular doll is Barbie, exactly.
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Now if you look at Barbie
just from a medical standpoint
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and anatomical
standpoint 1 out of 1,000 women
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even has the chance
genetically to look like Barbie
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where as 999 women no
matter how much they diet,
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no matter how
much they exercise,
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no matter how much
surgery they going to get,
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they're not going
to achieve Barbie.
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And so we end up
feeling that we are inadequate.
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We end up feeling
like we're not normal
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where as in societies
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where we are not
exposed to the media
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it's a totally different story.
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I can give you an
example from the Vietnam War.
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The Vietnam War
was in Southeast Asia
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and so the GIs would
come there from our country,
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but they would
bring with them magazines,
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pictures, media of women
that were considered attractive.
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Now before this time
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in Vietnam plastic
surgery was almost unheard of,
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but after this
war, the women of course
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start to get a hold
of some of this media
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and think that
they were not adequate.
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Plastic surgery boomed
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just as a result
of people feeling,
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they weren't
attractive or were not normal.
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I'd say that
this comes into play
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in a very serious
fashion in my job.
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Let's say I'll see
a girl who is 14, 15.
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She comes in
because her mom is worried,
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she's so weak,
she's losing weight,
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she seems to be
losing control of her life,
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her studies are going poorly
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and you ask the
girl what's wrong
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and she is kind of
evasive in the answers.
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Well, I've been
vomiting a little bit.
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Maybe I have felt a little sick
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and all of your tests
are not giving any answers.
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I can tell you, I watch
very carefully to this girl
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and I see the
enamel is worn off,
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off her teeth and
you could say that
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well, that's maybe just from
the vomiting that she's having.
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But then I watch
these two fingers,
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there will be a little
discoloration on the nails
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and I'll know what
this girl is doing.
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She is actually
forcing herself to vomit,
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because she feels
that she's too fat.
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Society has told her
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that her body is not acceptable.
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This is so common,
not just among women,
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but even among men
and why do they do it?
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The media, the
messages they have
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when they're growing up.
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They feel like
they're not adequate,
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they're not normal, or
they're not attractive.
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And so I'm dealing with
life threatening abnormalities
00:11:07.36\00:11:10.87
in the electrolytes
of these young people
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where their hearts can stop
as a result of all this vomiting
00:11:12.98\00:11:17.23
that they are doing.
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So I see a problem
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where people don't
feel that they are normal
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and that is what sets us up
for disaster in relationships,
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because if we don't
feel we're beautiful,
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if we don't feel we're
normal, we're always insecure.
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We're always
looking for a reason
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for that person to
leave me or reject me
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and of course if
we think that way
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it becomes a
self-fulfilling prophecy. Amen.
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That off, all too
often becomes true. Yeah.
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And we certainly know
that the power of life
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and death is in the
tongue. That's right.
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And so, you
know, what we believe
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in everything
sometimes and takes over
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and then we're
speaking things over our life
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that really we
didn't mean to do,
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but we get caught up
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and what you're
talking about here.
00:12:00.44\00:12:02.78
Well, let me just ask
you a very simple question.
00:12:02.81\00:12:05.34
Now, you're an adult,
how do you see yourself?
00:12:05.37\00:12:09.87
Are you still hung up
on the eyelid situation?
00:12:09.90\00:12:14.03
Do you see yourself as
having a wonderful smile?
00:12:14.06\00:12:17.45
What, where do you fit in now?
00:12:17.48\00:12:19.44
Well, I can tell you
00:12:19.47\00:12:20.88
that I feel much
better about myself now.
00:12:20.91\00:12:24.02
But again, that has
come from a long time
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of reading what is true,
00:12:27.63\00:12:29.32
of understanding,
why I felt the way I did.
00:12:29.35\00:12:33.46
That's taken time and a
lot of people telling me,
00:12:33.49\00:12:38.18
that I look okay.
00:12:38.21\00:12:39.82
But that is not going to change
what's really in the heart.
00:12:39.85\00:12:43.14
The problem is, is that
00:12:43.17\00:12:45.09
we find that the
lessons children learn,
00:12:45.12\00:12:47.82
when they are very young
00:12:47.85\00:12:49.22
are almost
impossible to unlearn.
00:12:49.25\00:12:51.90
Have you ever heard of
someone refuse a compliment?
00:12:51.93\00:12:55.62
No matter how many
times you try to tell them,
00:12:55.65\00:12:57.93
"they look good"
they continually tell you,
00:12:57.96\00:12:59.87
"Oh, I'm no good."
00:12:59.90\00:13:01.27
Or you play that wonderfully,
00:13:01.30\00:13:02.67
"Oh no that was the
worst thing I've ever done."
00:13:02.70\00:13:05.08
There are some
people that no matter
00:13:05.11\00:13:06.53
what you say to them,
nothing will ever change.
00:13:06.56\00:13:09.26
And I believe with all my heart,
00:13:09.29\00:13:10.82
the only reason why I can say
00:13:10.85\00:13:12.73
that I am someone
who is attractive, worthy
00:13:12.76\00:13:16.64
is because I was
created by God. Amen.
00:13:16.67\00:13:18.88
He creates what
is beautiful. Amen.
00:13:18.91\00:13:20.85
Not what is ugly. Amen.
00:13:20.88\00:13:22.98
So how do you think that
God looks at relationships?
00:13:23.01\00:13:27.54
Well, I think God
has a very special plan
00:13:27.57\00:13:29.89
for our
relationships in our lives,
00:13:29.92\00:13:31.93
because our lives affect,
00:13:31.96\00:13:33.85
our relationships
affect our lives for eternity.
00:13:33.88\00:13:36.77
So I think that He wants us
00:13:36.80\00:13:38.17
to have a
relationship here on this earth,
00:13:38.20\00:13:40.32
that is healthy, that
will lift us up spiritually
00:13:40.35\00:13:44.60
and will make us
happy. Amen. Amen.
00:13:44.63\00:13:47.03
So this kind of segues in.
00:13:47.06\00:13:49.21
Let's say that we've
got two people over here
00:13:49.24\00:13:51.81
that really are not
attracted to each other,
00:13:51.84\00:13:54.23
but for some reason
they are put together
00:13:54.26\00:13:57.85
and so, how do a
relationship flourishes.
00:13:57.88\00:14:02.58
Is there a chance for
this relationship to work?
00:14:02.61\00:14:05.18
Absolutely.
00:14:05.21\00:14:06.58
I don't think it
takes initial attraction
00:14:06.61\00:14:08.63
to make relationship work.
00:14:08.66\00:14:10.56
Love is a choice
00:14:10.59\00:14:11.98
and the beauty of
a person is really
00:14:12.01\00:14:14.91
what's on the inside,
not what's on the outside.
00:14:14.94\00:14:17.10
It's the
character that counts. Amen.
00:14:17.13\00:14:20.48
That's the
age-old question isn't it?
00:14:20.51\00:14:22.99
Can there be love?
00:14:23.02\00:14:24.87
Can there be a
lasting relationship
00:14:24.90\00:14:27.09
when there is no
initial spark. Yeah.
00:14:27.12\00:14:29.27
When there is no
initial attraction,
00:14:29.30\00:14:31.33
where there's not
that love at first sight
00:14:31.36\00:14:34.03
that the media
tells us has to be there.
00:14:34.06\00:14:36.48
You know I even
had my friends of mine
00:14:36.51\00:14:38.22
and I've tried
to reason with them
00:14:38.25\00:14:39.62
and I said" Well guys,
00:14:39.65\00:14:41.08
don't you think
girl is worthwhile?"
00:14:41.11\00:14:43.53
Oh, Tim but there
is just no chemistry.
00:14:43.56\00:14:46.61
Oh, come on have
you heard the song,
00:14:46.64\00:14:48.18
"It only takes a spark."
00:14:48.21\00:14:49.58
And I said,"
Well, wait a minute,
00:14:49.61\00:14:50.98
that's a song and I don't think
00:14:51.01\00:14:52.38
we should live
our lives by a song.
00:14:52.41\00:14:54.28
But what I tell people is
that there's an illustration
00:14:54.31\00:14:57.32
that can be used,
00:14:57.35\00:14:58.77
that will convince
Christians, non-Christians,
00:14:58.80\00:15:01.82
believers, non-believers
00:15:01.85\00:15:03.46
that you can fall
madly in love with someone
00:15:03.49\00:15:07.32
who you are not initially
attracted to and here's a story.
00:15:07.35\00:15:11.37
The highest grossing movie
of all time was the Titanic.
00:15:11.40\00:15:16.63
It has earned more money
00:15:16.66\00:15:18.44
than any other movie
in the history of time.
00:15:18.47\00:15:21.43
I can tell you that, that
common scenario will help us,
00:15:21.46\00:15:25.00
can be convinced that this
truth is exactly what it says.
00:15:25.03\00:15:28.76
A ship goes down.
00:15:28.79\00:15:30.45
Let say there's
only two survivors,
00:15:30.48\00:15:32.99
a man and a woman.
00:15:33.02\00:15:34.69
They are struggling
on a piece of drift wood
00:15:34.72\00:15:37.19
and they wash
ashore on a deserted,
00:15:37.22\00:15:39.80
desert island, typical story,
00:15:39.83\00:15:42.22
typical story line
for any movie or book.
00:15:42.25\00:15:45.55
They are
sputtering, they're coughing,
00:15:45.58\00:15:46.98
they're arguing, they're saying,
00:15:47.01\00:15:48.38
"Oh, you forgot
to bring the food,
00:15:48.41\00:15:49.79
we're going to die.
00:15:49.82\00:15:51.19
Oh, why didn't you do this?"
00:15:51.22\00:15:52.59
they're arguing and they maybe
00:15:52.62\00:15:53.99
getting so upset
with one another,
00:15:54.02\00:15:55.58
that they choose
both ends of the island
00:15:55.61\00:15:57.97
and they are separated
00:15:58.00\00:15:59.37
because they don't want to
talk to each other anymore.
00:15:59.40\00:16:01.86
Now you and I both know
00:16:01.89\00:16:03.59
what's going to happen
at the end of the movie,
00:16:03.62\00:16:05.48
no matter how much they
initially disliked each other,
00:16:05.51\00:16:08.42
they're going to be together
at the end of that movie.
00:16:08.45\00:16:12.28
Because we all in
our hearts know that
00:16:12.31\00:16:14.26
if we spend
enough time with someone,
00:16:14.29\00:16:16.87
especially time alone,
it's only a matter of time
00:16:16.90\00:16:21.61
before you are
attracted to that person.
00:16:21.64\00:16:23.97
And that can work
to your advantage.
00:16:24.00\00:16:25.86
If you have someone
who is truly virtuous,
00:16:25.89\00:16:28.59
truly godly, who
fits in every way
00:16:28.62\00:16:31.64
with God's plan for
your life and theirs,
00:16:31.67\00:16:34.52
but there is just
not that attraction.
00:16:34.55\00:16:36.62
Give it some time.
00:16:36.65\00:16:38.19
It'll only be a little while
00:16:38.22\00:16:40.03
before you start to see
that person with new eyes,
00:16:40.06\00:16:43.70
but the opposite is also true.
00:16:43.73\00:16:46.03
We hang out with
someone that our parents say,
00:16:46.06\00:16:48.10
Oh, I don't want you
calling that person anymore,
00:16:48.13\00:16:50.64
that person is
taking you away from church,
00:16:50.67\00:16:52.82
away from God, away from school.
00:16:52.85\00:16:55.63
But the longer we
hang out with them,
00:16:55.66\00:16:57.63
the better they
appear in our own lives
00:16:57.66\00:17:00.03
and eventually we
believe and we are convinced
00:17:00.06\00:17:02.38
that we won't be happy
any less with that person.
00:17:02.41\00:17:05.37
So the answer to the
age-old question is very simple.
00:17:05.40\00:17:08.97
Spend enough time with them
00:17:09.00\00:17:10.46
and any one will become
attractive to you. Amen.
00:17:10.49\00:17:13.14
I know that when
I was growing up,
00:17:13.17\00:17:14.75
my mother was emphatic to us,
00:17:14.78\00:17:16.39
with I have a
brother and a sister also,
00:17:16.42\00:17:18.77
that be careful who you date,
00:17:18.80\00:17:21.06
because you
will create memories,
00:17:21.09\00:17:23.40
you will create
a history together
00:17:23.43\00:17:25.00
and then you'll wake up
one day with this person
00:17:25.03\00:17:27.00
that you won't
even attracted to,
00:17:27.03\00:17:28.44
but you were hanging out with,
00:17:28.47\00:17:30.86
that something
happens and then you found out
00:17:30.89\00:17:34.38
that that you're
a couple then you--
00:17:34.41\00:17:36.15
but I don't even
like that person.
00:17:36.18\00:17:38.15
You know, so you
have to be careful--
00:17:38.18\00:17:40.49
and following that Racna
00:17:40.52\00:17:42.13
you were brought up
in Christ-centered home.
00:17:42.16\00:17:44.30
Do you listen to
your parents? Definitely.
00:17:44.33\00:17:46.38
I mean if they are certain--
00:17:46.41\00:17:47.89
if you find someone
that you're attracted to
00:17:47.92\00:17:49.96
and you bring it
up to their attention
00:17:49.99\00:17:51.36
and they say "oh,
Racna, that's not affair?
00:17:51.39\00:17:53.60
How do you handle that?
00:17:53.63\00:17:55.21
Well, I always
talk to my parents
00:17:55.24\00:17:57.48
about the
relationships that I've been in
00:17:57.51\00:17:59.65
and they always
give me their advice.
00:17:59.68\00:18:01.93
And sometimes it hasn't
been what I wanted to hear,
00:18:01.96\00:18:05.41
but I have always
listened in the past to them
00:18:05.44\00:18:08.32
and in the end it's always
something that I am happy with,
00:18:08.35\00:18:11.67
you know I can look back
and see their wisdom now,
00:18:11.70\00:18:14.04
whereas at the time I
really didn't see in it,
00:18:14.07\00:18:16.30
it didn't seem like
something that I wanted to obey.
00:18:16.33\00:18:19.75
And I think probably
the benefit of that is that
00:18:19.78\00:18:22.15
whenever you find Mr.
Right, and you settle down
00:18:22.18\00:18:25.57
and you have children,
00:18:25.60\00:18:27.14
you have a good
role model to draw on.
00:18:27.17\00:18:30.00
I do, definitely.
00:18:30.03\00:18:31.70
And it's about how much
you are willing to give,
00:18:31.73\00:18:33.43
you know growing up
I watched my mom a lot.
00:18:33.46\00:18:36.50
And in my parent's relationship,
00:18:36.53\00:18:38.21
my mom didn't give 50%,
my mom gave a 100%. Amen.
00:18:38.24\00:18:41.93
And I think that's
what its all about is,
00:18:41.96\00:18:44.46
are you willing
to give your all.
00:18:44.49\00:18:46.81
The other person that they
may not be able to give as much,
00:18:46.84\00:18:49.63
but if you can give more
that's what really counts. Amen.
00:18:49.66\00:18:53.03
Is there wisdom
in that, Dr. Tim?
00:18:53.06\00:18:54.93
I think that
ultimately when the music stops,
00:18:54.96\00:18:58.93
and the party is over
00:18:58.96\00:19:00.53
and you have been married
to someone for a along time,
00:19:00.56\00:19:03.00
it is just those things
00:19:03.03\00:19:04.87
that are going
to keep you going.
00:19:04.90\00:19:06.52
And I'd like to
actually read a statement
00:19:06.55\00:19:08.52
from the book "Steps to Christ"
00:19:08.55\00:19:10.09
that I think illustrates
00:19:10.12\00:19:11.63
what is most
important in relationships,
00:19:11.66\00:19:13.81
it's a perfect
balance, this is on page 97,
00:19:13.84\00:19:16.62
it says that God is a
lover of the beautiful.
00:19:16.65\00:19:20.44
God does not ignore that
physical attraction, does He?
00:19:20.47\00:19:23.95
He creates beautiful beings.
00:19:23.98\00:19:26.12
Now watch this "He is
a lover of the beautiful
00:19:26.15\00:19:29.03
and above all of that
is outwardly attractive,
00:19:29.06\00:19:31.90
he loves beauty
of character. Amen.
00:19:31.93\00:19:35.40
It's not that God
ignores the outside,
00:19:35.43\00:19:37.85
but He wants us to
place the emphasis where,
00:19:37.88\00:19:41.42
where it's most
important, what's going to last.
00:19:41.45\00:19:44.25
This devotion that
Racna's mom has to her father,
00:19:44.28\00:19:47.36
the character is
what's going to endure
00:19:47.39\00:19:50.11
when the
outside has faded away.i
00:19:50.14\00:19:52.67
So let me ask you this,
00:19:52.70\00:19:54.58
and following this
particular thought process.
00:19:54.61\00:19:58.83
Do you think that
being pure is important?
00:19:58.86\00:20:02.62
Absolutely.
00:20:02.65\00:20:05.28
I think that God has a
plan for each one of us
00:20:05.31\00:20:08.03
and He wants us to remain pure,
00:20:08.06\00:20:11.76
so that we are able
to stay close to Him
00:20:11.79\00:20:17.24
and not have a fall
relationships along the way.
00:20:17.27\00:20:22.42
I think about this
all the time in my job.
00:20:22.45\00:20:25.28
Because the common question
that we'll ask the patient,
00:20:25.31\00:20:27.99
especially when they're dealing
00:20:28.02\00:20:29.73
with more private issues
is "Are they sexually active."
00:20:29.76\00:20:33.54
And I have had physicians
actually laugh at patients,
00:20:33.57\00:20:37.28
if they'll say that
they have been sexually pure.
00:20:37.31\00:20:39.91
They'll say "Huh, you're in
your 20s, okay, that's fine."
00:20:39.94\00:20:43.72
It's become so
common that we just assume
00:20:43.75\00:20:47.41
that people are
not sexually pure.
00:20:47.44\00:20:49.73
Why is that?
00:20:49.76\00:20:51.13
Well, it's actually
becoming embarrassing
00:20:51.16\00:20:53.49
to be sexually pure.
00:20:53.52\00:20:55.30
The media
promotes that we should,
00:20:55.33\00:20:57.71
you know, not be that way,
experiment, try things out.
00:20:57.74\00:21:02.09
Why are these things
harmful? It is so obvious.
00:21:02.12\00:21:05.86
If you think about, from
the standpoint of men per se.
00:21:05.89\00:21:09.13
I'll give you an example,
I was asked at a church,
00:21:09.16\00:21:11.96
one time to talk
about the Ten Commandments
00:21:11.99\00:21:14.84
and they've asked me,
00:21:14.87\00:21:16.24
a single guy to talk
about the Seventh commandment,
00:21:16.27\00:21:19.74
"Thou shalt not
commit adultery."
00:21:19.77\00:21:22.39
And initially I thought,
well, why would you ask me?
00:21:22.42\00:21:25.52
I am a single guy, that
has nothing to do with me.
00:21:25.55\00:21:28.52
But as I prayed
about it, God impressed me.
00:21:28.55\00:21:31.36
This has everything to
do with you as a single guy.
00:21:31.39\00:21:35.15
Because the problem
is, is that single men
00:21:35.18\00:21:37.76
have battles for their purity,
00:21:37.79\00:21:40.76
just as much as
married couples would.
00:21:40.79\00:21:43.41
A single guy is
struggling with the media
00:21:43.44\00:21:45.84
that is clamoring
for his attention.
00:21:45.87\00:21:48.76
And I would venture to say
00:21:48.79\00:21:50.51
that this is the
reason why it's so dangerous.
00:21:50.54\00:21:53.04
The media portrays all of
these magazines and movies,
00:21:53.07\00:21:56.83
where a guy is looking
and lusting after these women.
00:21:56.86\00:22:01.04
Now the problem is,
is that we don't realize
00:22:01.07\00:22:04.40
all those pictures, all
those movies are airbrushed.
00:22:04.43\00:22:08.28
People with plastic surgery,
the camera angles are changed.
00:22:08.31\00:22:12.31
Those people don't even
look like that in real life.
00:22:12.34\00:22:15.72
And so what are we building?
00:22:15.75\00:22:17.12
We're building an attraction
00:22:17.15\00:22:18.65
to something that
doesn't exist. Amen.
00:22:18.68\00:22:21.66
We are setting
ourselves up to be dissatisfied,
00:22:21.69\00:22:25.18
because we have
fallen in love with a shadow,
00:22:25.21\00:22:28.56
and that is why this
media is so devastating.
00:22:28.59\00:22:32.52
Why guys who are hooked
on these types of things
00:22:32.55\00:22:35.72
will destroy
their relationships.
00:22:35.75\00:22:37.73
The other reason is,
is it who are you with
00:22:37.76\00:22:41.43
when you are
indulging in these fantasies.
00:22:41.46\00:22:43.88
You are with just one
person, and that's you.
00:22:43.91\00:22:46.97
And so you are
focusing in pleasing yourself,
00:22:47.00\00:22:51.28
whereas God
designs in 1 Corinthians 7,
00:22:51.31\00:22:55.41
it says that the husband's
body belongs to the wife.
00:22:55.44\00:22:59.05
And the wife's body
belongs to the husband.
00:22:59.08\00:23:01.42
God's design is that
we are other focused,
00:23:01.45\00:23:04.66
and so if you begin to
build these experiences
00:23:04.69\00:23:08.18
based on pleasing yourself,
00:23:08.21\00:23:10.12
you begin to have a
selfish output to love.
00:23:10.15\00:23:14.07
There is
nothing more devastating
00:23:14.10\00:23:16.74
a man can do to
ruin his future marriage
00:23:16.77\00:23:19.71
than sexual impurity
before marriage. Amen.
00:23:19.74\00:23:23.06
Proverb 23: 7 gives a
very clear insight with this.
00:23:23.09\00:23:29.16
It says that, as a
man thinks in his heart,
00:23:29.19\00:23:32.95
so is he our
thoughts, what we see,
00:23:32.98\00:23:36.88
what we think about is
going to make us changed
00:23:36.91\00:23:40.49
into whatever we are beholding.
00:23:40.52\00:23:42.65
Jesus also
reminds us in Mathew 5,
00:23:42.68\00:23:46.50
that to look at a
woman, to lust for her,
00:23:46.53\00:23:49.77
is to commit adultery.
00:23:49.80\00:23:51.39
We don't even actually
have to commit the act,
00:23:51.42\00:23:54.08
but we are committing
sin and marring our souls
00:23:54.11\00:23:57.76
just by the thought.
00:23:57.79\00:24:00.45
I would approach this from
a woman's perspective as well,
00:24:00.48\00:24:03.96
and I will use this with a
very common problem in medicine.
00:24:03.99\00:24:09.07
In California
where I used to practice,
00:24:09.10\00:24:11.92
did you know that if you took
00:24:11.95\00:24:13.32
a patient out
for a cup of coffee,
00:24:13.35\00:24:15.36
you could lose your license?
00:24:15.39\00:24:17.14
It is so strict
because the problem is
00:24:17.17\00:24:20.46
is there are physicians
00:24:20.49\00:24:22.16
who'll have
inappropriate relationships
00:24:22.19\00:24:24.73
with their patients.
00:24:24.76\00:24:26.13
And I ask people, think of
all the medical specialties,
00:24:26.16\00:24:29.85
think of your regular
doctor, think of a specialist,
00:24:29.88\00:24:33.07
what specialty would you say
is the most sexual misconduct,
00:24:33.10\00:24:38.27
is it perhaps family practice
where a woman trusts a guy,
00:24:38.30\00:24:43.20
where they have a relationship
00:24:43.23\00:24:44.60
over a long
period of time, it's not.
00:24:44.63\00:24:47.31
Is it may be OB/GYN,
where a doctor is doing
00:24:47.34\00:24:50.28
very intimate types
of exams on someone.
00:24:50.31\00:24:53.10
No, it's not.
00:24:53.13\00:24:54.51
The highest incidents of
inappropriate relationships
00:24:54.54\00:24:57.45
between a physician
and patient is psychiatry.
00:24:57.48\00:25:00.43
And that gives us insight
00:25:00.46\00:25:02.39
where a woman need to
focus on their purity,
00:25:02.42\00:25:05.18
because what does
a psychiatrist do,
00:25:05.21\00:25:07.39
he or she-- That's
right they're listening.
00:25:07.42\00:25:10.48
They're paying attention to you.
00:25:10.51\00:25:12.39
They are talking about
deep and personal issues,
00:25:12.42\00:25:16.27
and that's where a woman
is going to get hooked in,
00:25:16.30\00:25:18.97
and that is where young ladies
need to guard their purity.
00:25:19.00\00:25:22.12
Obviously need to guard
the sexual purity as well.
00:25:22.15\00:25:24.97
But I think the Achilles' heel,
the weakness from most women,
00:25:25.00\00:25:29.18
it's not
necessarily what they see,
00:25:29.21\00:25:31.33
but they what they
hear and what they read.
00:25:31.36\00:25:35.08
We're all very familiar
with internet dating now.
00:25:35.11\00:25:38.00
And I can tell you,
I have known friends
00:25:38.03\00:25:41.17
who have gotten
letters back and forth,
00:25:41.20\00:25:43.34
they've chatted on the phone,
00:25:43.37\00:25:45.31
and they're so close to
this guy over the internet,
00:25:45.34\00:25:49.00
they haven't even met him
00:25:49.03\00:25:50.40
but they're
ready to get married,
00:25:50.43\00:25:53.25
just from what they've
read and what they've heard.
00:25:53.28\00:25:55.90
This is very common.
00:25:55.93\00:25:57.30
There is a very interesting
historical perspective,
00:25:57.33\00:26:00.81
the story of
"Cyrano De Bergerac."
00:26:00.84\00:26:03.05
There was a man who was
courting a young fair maiden,
00:26:03.08\00:26:06.51
but he was very
nervous, he had no words,
00:26:06.54\00:26:09.99
he was not clear in the
way he could communicate,
00:26:10.02\00:26:13.32
so Cyrano would
hand him these poems
00:26:13.35\00:26:16.17
and he would give
him the lines to speak.
00:26:16.20\00:26:19.31
And now this young
woman fell in love,
00:26:19.34\00:26:21.25
but she didn't fall in
love with the good looking hunk,
00:26:21.28\00:26:23.36
she fell in love with Cyrano,
because of what she heard
00:26:23.39\00:26:27.40
and what she felt,
00:26:27.43\00:26:28.91
as long as her emotions
were being drawn out. Yes.
00:26:28.94\00:26:31.80
So the answer is yes,
00:26:31.83\00:26:33.24
both men and women
need to guard that purity,
00:26:33.27\00:26:36.35
because if you don't,
00:26:36.38\00:26:37.75
you are going to
have expectations
00:26:37.78\00:26:39.55
in a relationship that
just aren't real. Yeah.
00:26:39.58\00:26:43.42
My goodness I can't
believe how fast time goes by.
00:26:43.45\00:26:45.92
We haven't even got started out,
00:26:45.95\00:26:47.32
I was going to ask what
you both are looking for
00:26:47.35\00:26:49.30
in a relationship,
00:26:49.33\00:26:50.70
but we are not going
to have time to do that.
00:26:50.73\00:26:53.74
In 20 seconds, 30 seconds,
00:26:53.77\00:26:56.30
sum up what you
think is important today.
00:26:56.33\00:26:59.68
I think it is very important
00:26:59.71\00:27:01.10
that we approach
our relationships
00:27:01.13\00:27:02.66
by becoming the right person,
00:27:02.69\00:27:04.85
by seeking what we can
put into the relationships,
00:27:04.88\00:27:07.87
by avoiding the negative things,
00:27:07.90\00:27:10.11
that the media has for
us and embracing God's idea,
00:27:10.14\00:27:13.48
because as bad as the odd seem,
00:27:13.51\00:27:15.92
this is what we have.
00:27:15.95\00:27:18.06
I'll read a quote here
from Adventist home, page 112--
00:27:18.09\00:27:21.62
We got 30seconds.
00:27:21.65\00:27:24.01
"When you reach the condition
that God desires you to reach,
00:27:24.04\00:27:27.56
you will find heaven below
and God in your life." Amen.
00:27:27.59\00:27:32.31
We can have heaven on earth
if we follow God's plan. Amen.
00:27:32.34\00:27:35.47
I want to thank both of
you for being here today.
00:27:35.50\00:27:37.98
This is just, this
has been wonderful.
00:27:38.01\00:27:40.37
It's our pleasure.
00:27:40.40\00:27:41.77
I want you to come
back again, okay. Thank you.
00:27:41.80\00:27:43.68
We got so much
more to talk about.
00:27:43.71\00:27:46.34
Just want to thank
each one of you out there
00:27:46.37\00:27:48.09
for being with us today
on "Issues and Answers."
00:27:48.12\00:27:51.13
We love you, God loves you.
00:27:51.16\00:27:53.22
We only wish you the very
best that He has to offer.
00:27:53.25\00:27:55.71