Welcome to "Issues and Answers".
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My name is J.D. Quinn.
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We have a wonderful
program today on relationships.
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But first I would
like to go the Bible
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and I would like
to read a scripture.
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I always like
starting off with a scripture
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to bring God
into our program here.
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I'm taking this
from Isaiah 26:3,
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"You will keep
him in perfect peace,
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whose mind is stayed on
You, because he trusts in You."
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Amen. Thank you, Jesus,
for these wonderful words.
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I would like to introduce you
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to Dr.Tim
Riesenberger and Raena Ewing.
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Now before everybody gets
excited this is not a couple,
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they're friends, is that right?
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That's right.
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And we're going to be
talking about relationships.
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Before we start, I'd
like to say a short prayer,
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just to invite
the Lord in, okay.
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Father I just want to thank you
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for this wonderful
day that you've created.
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Dear Father, and
I just ask you Lord
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as we talk about relationships
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we know that they start with you
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and dear Father that it
trickles down to each one of us
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and the people that we date
and the people that we marry
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and the people that
we just associate with.
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So we thank you for what
you're doing in our lives
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and we turn
this time over to you
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with thanksgiving in our hearts.
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We love you in the
name of your Son, Jesus.
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Amen. Amen.
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Dr Tim. Yes.
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Tell me something about yourself
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and then I would like to
hear something about Raena
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and who the two of you are?
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And then we'll
get into our subject.
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My name is Tim Riesenberger.
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I'm a physician from Seattle.
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I practice emergency medicine
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or, I mean, the ER, as
many of you might think.
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I became a Christian,
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when I was a junior in college
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and my interest in
relationships honestly stemmed
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from wanting to get
married, right away.
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But of course, I
didn't know anything
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about godly relationships.
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So I began to study about
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what is God's
design for relationships.
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I began to read books,
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attend seminars
and then eventually
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I began to give
seminars on relationships.
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And something that I always do
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is I'll handout
cards to every participant
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and I will ask
them to write down
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what their ideal mate is.
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Now they only get 30
seconds because I want to know
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what they're really thinking.
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Now the joy for me is,
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is that I get to
keep all these cards
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and so I get to learn
every time I do a presentation,
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on what people are looking for
and not only understand that,
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but compare that with the Bible
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and God's
principles for relationships.
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Amen.
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So I can imagine as time goes by
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you have quite a
database, you know.
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Yes, several hundreds
from kids as young as teenagers
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in academies, high schools
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to those who have been
married for many years.
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Amen. Raena Ewing?
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Yes. You are a
precious young lady.
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I know your father
and your mother very well.
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Larry and Loy,
they work at 3ABN.
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I absolutely love them.
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I know that they
are a loving couple.
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They are. They are, definitely.
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Tell us about you.
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Well, I'm an accountant. Amen.
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I actually just
finished studying,
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some of the tests for the CPA.
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Yes.
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I'm working actually on
my-- finished my last test. Yes.
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So, I'm waiting
on pins and needles
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to get the
results from that test.
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Yes. So you can all
keep me in your prayers.
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Amen.
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And my interest in
relationships kind of,
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was heightened during my
time spent at university,
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just watching my friends
and some of the relationships
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that they were experiencing
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and of course, an
inspiration for my interest
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in having a great
relationship was my parents.
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Amen. Who have been
married for over 30 years.
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Amen.
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And just watching them
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and the love that
they share made me
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want something more like that.
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Yes.
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And this kind of
starts us all off
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because we're coming from
two different spectrums here.
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Dr.Tim came from a broken home.
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That's right. You
came from a loving home.
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Yes. And so this brings a
separate dynamic in itself
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in here of what you
have might be looking for.
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Dr.Tim was looking for
something that he didn't have.
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You're looking for
something that you did have.
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That's right. Now is this right?
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That's right.
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Okay, you have
briefly introduced us
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into why you got
interested in relationships.
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Let's just pick it
up from there, Dr. Tim,
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and just kind of
take a step further.
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As you mentioned, my
family was not ideal.
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None of us were
Christians initially.
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And my parents were
divorced when I was 12.
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My father remarried.
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My mother remarried, divorced
again then remarried again.
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So I've had several
opportunities to see
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some problems with relationships
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and to think about
why they don't succeed.
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So for me that was not something
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I wanted to repeat in any way,
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but not coming from
a Christian background,
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I didn't have any principles
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as to what I
would do differently.
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So I began to think
very carefully and say,
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well, what I'm I
going to do from here.
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You know, am I going
to make the same mistake
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as my parents or am I going try
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to do something
lasting, something different.
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Amen. Something that
God would approve off.
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Amen.
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And, Raena, I imagine
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as we've kind of
have touched down
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you, kind of came from
a clever family, you know.
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That's correct.
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You know, father knows best
absolutely a fantastic home,
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so you knew what
you wanted to build on,
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but I'm assuming that
just because you say something
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that you would like to
have, doesn't make it automatic?
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It doesn't make it automatic.
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It takes lots and lots of
work to find that right person
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and that's why we're here today.
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Where would we start on this?
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I'm assuming that
you've got an ideal in mind.
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Definitely.
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We know that Dr. Tim, I
know what I don't want to do.
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I know hat I do want.
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Now, Tim, what you
have found in everything
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and doing these
different studies
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and doing the different
counseling with people,
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what have you found dealing
with the parameters of people,
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when would be a good
time too start dating?
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Well, that's a
great question, J.D.
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And the problem is
you've probably heard people say
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"How kids grow up
just so quickly today?
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And they're already
just pairing off right away.
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And we wonder why that is.
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But if we go back just
about 150 years to the 1800s,
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we find a very
different society.
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When we grew up, it
was typically the man
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that was working in
some sort of industry
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and the son would be helping
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his father out,
as an apprentice.
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Now that boy was ready
to take over the business,
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probably at about 15 maybe 16.
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Likewise, a young woman
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would be helping her mother out,
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caring for the younger children,
doing the household duties,
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and she about the same
time was ready to take over
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the entire
household, maybe 14, 15.
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And we think about that.
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Whereas now, where are we?
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What can we do at about 14, 15?
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We're still in high school.
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We haven't even
finished our education,
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whereas the people
back then in the 1800s
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had finished all
the formal education
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they were going to use,
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for the rest of their life.
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But there's
something even more than
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that I would like to zero-in on
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is that back then
people married very young,
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maybe 17, 18 perhaps 19.
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You were considered old,
if you waited till your 20s.
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But there was a reason for that,
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back then in the
1800s surprisingly enough,
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when kids physically matured
was about 17, maybe even 18.
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Now-a-days it's a
very different story.
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Kids are physically
matured at 11, 10 maybe even 9.
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And that explains why many of us
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as young people
are just chomping
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at the bit for a relationship,
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when we're really not ready.
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Not just because we're
not done with our education,
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but just because our
minds haven't matured,
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whereas if you look at
places that are perhaps
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a little bit the same
as it was in the 1850s,
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a very simple lifestyle.
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And I would even venture
to say, a very simple diet.
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Yes. They matured a lot slower.
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Perhaps you look at rural China,
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studies that
have been done there,
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show that kids mature physically
at about 15 to 18 still,
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now what's the difference.
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Well, as a physician,
I've looked at the changes
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that have
occurred from 1850 to now.
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And what you find
is very surprising.
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We, as Americans are
eating a lot more protein.
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We're ingesting a lot
more hormones and antibiotics.
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And we know this when
we're looking at dairy cows,
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from looking at chickens
that they will mature faster.
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If you feed them
more animal proteins,
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the same works with humans.
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We physically
mature too rapidly now
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and that's why we feel like
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we're ready to
date in our early teens.
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When honestly our
education, our economic status,
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our minds are not even
going to be ready until our 20s.
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Something I think
is very fascinating.
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We're all worried about divorce,
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when we think of relationships.
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The divorce rate has
now climbed above 50% inside
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and outside the church.
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Now the reason for that is many.
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I think as I
have mentioned before,
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we start too early
in our relationships.
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We're physically mature
before our minds are caught up,
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but I think it's something else.
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If you look at a
man for instance,
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when is the lowest rate of
divorce he's going to ever have?
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Studies have shown
when he's 28 or older.
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Now that's seems like a
very old age to many of us
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but it's because our brains
are not finished developing
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until about that age.
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Now of course if people
have already had one divorce,
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one might be tempted to think,
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well, they have
learned their lesson,
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so the divorce
rate would be lower.
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Wrong again. It is
higher than any other time.
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One divorce creates an
easier out for the next one.
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So in answer to your question,
when are we ready to date?
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When we're not only physically
prepared, but mentally.
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We're finished with
most of our schooling.
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What we're going to do
for the rest of our lives.
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We have the ability to
stand on our own two feet
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without
depending on our parents,
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without staying at home.
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Economically, we can
manage our own affairs,
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because dating of
course leads to marriage
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and if you're not prepared
to take care of yourself,
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how can you take
care of a home. Amen.
00:11:00.82\00:11:02.84
And before we get into marriage,
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let's talk about the media.
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What is the media?
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I mean, my goodness, I
mean, we're just looking
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all the same, all kind of stuff
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and I guess that
monkey see monkey do.
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So consequently we buy into it,
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because we want to be
as handsome or as pretty
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or built as well, you know
as this person or that person.
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Where does all this fit in?
00:11:23.49\00:11:25.75
Well, I believe the
media starts very early.
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In fact, I will
give you a small sample.
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Let's say, Disney,
something that's viewed
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as very wholesome by many,
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something that's viewed
as what our kids could watch.
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I will give you a
song from a Disney movie.
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It says, "Tell me princess
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when did you last
let your heart decide."
00:11:45.90\00:11:50.54
There's a lot of
programming going on there
00:11:50.57\00:11:52.65
and these are kids
that are 6, 7 maybe 8
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that are hearing
this message that
00:11:56.43\00:11:58.00
in choosing relationships
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they need to let
their heart decide
00:11:59.97\00:12:03.16
but what does
God's Word tell us?
00:12:03.19\00:12:05.26
In Proverbs 28:26, it says that
00:12:05.29\00:12:08.77
"He who trusted his
own heart is a fool."
00:12:08.80\00:12:13.17
Sometimes the media
is giving us messages
00:12:13.20\00:12:15.45
that are really just
the opposite of God's Word.
00:12:15.48\00:12:18.75
And speaking of
opposites, here's another song
00:12:18.78\00:12:21.60
from a very popular
artist on a TV show.
00:12:21.63\00:12:25.99
"We come together
because opposites attract",
00:12:26.02\00:12:31.43
and we've all heard that.
00:12:31.46\00:12:32.87
Now is that true,
00:12:32.90\00:12:34.83
well, I would like to
read a little statement
00:12:34.86\00:12:37.12
from God's inspired word,
00:12:37.15\00:12:39.21
it's in the book
"Patriarchs and Prophets."
00:12:39.24\00:12:42.31
It tells us
something very different,
00:12:42.34\00:12:46.04
"Like attracts like,
like appreciates like,
00:12:46.07\00:12:50.35
let the love
for truth and purity
00:12:50.38\00:12:53.06
and goodness be
early implanted in the soul
00:12:53.09\00:12:56.79
and the youth
will seek the society
00:12:56.82\00:12:59.47
of those who posses
these characteristics."
00:12:59.50\00:13:02.42
Amen. I'd say like appreciates
like and attracts like,
00:13:02.45\00:13:06.52
it's a little different
than what we're hearing.
00:13:06.55\00:13:09.17
Now of course there is
some truth to that opposite,
00:13:09.20\00:13:12.25
because in 1 Corinthians 12,
00:13:12.28\00:13:14.31
the church is
talked about as a body.
00:13:14.34\00:13:17.88
A body compliments itself
00:13:17.91\00:13:21.22
and so
certainly God will want us
00:13:21.25\00:13:22.88
to find someone
who compliments us
00:13:22.91\00:13:25.48
but to say that someone
00:13:25.51\00:13:26.94
who is opposite in
principle, in morals,
00:13:26.97\00:13:30.69
in views of life that would
be this recipe for disaster.
00:13:30.72\00:13:34.92
Yes. Come off with us.
00:13:34.95\00:13:36.32
I know and we're
going to pick this
00:13:36.35\00:13:37.72
back up here in a few minutes.
00:13:37.75\00:13:39.39
I know that at 3ABN
when we're talking to people,
00:13:39.42\00:13:44.41
like, lots of times will call in
00:13:44.44\00:13:47.34
and they are very
concerned about their life
00:13:47.37\00:13:50.04
as it is now because
they were unequally yoked,
00:13:50.07\00:13:53.41
whenever they got married.
00:13:53.44\00:13:55.34
You know, because they thought,
00:13:55.37\00:13:56.84
well, if I marry this
person that I've been dating,
00:13:56.87\00:14:01.47
well then the
Holy Spirit or myself
00:14:01.50\00:14:04.96
can convert over to
my type of thinking.
00:14:04.99\00:14:07.69
And it just
doesn't work out like that.
00:14:07.72\00:14:10.03
In following, you know,
00:14:10.06\00:14:11.43
Raena, you came up in
a Christian home, so--
00:14:11.46\00:14:14.40
I can imagine that
your parents have--
00:14:14.43\00:14:18.98
not going to use
the word preach at you,
00:14:19.01\00:14:21.62
but they have tried to
lead you in the direction,
00:14:21.65\00:14:24.53
listen, honey,
its very important
00:14:24.56\00:14:26.14
who you have a
relationship with.
00:14:26.17\00:14:28.23
It's very
important who you even date
00:14:28.26\00:14:30.76
because sometimes though,
the affairs of the heart,
00:14:30.79\00:14:33.54
get a little bit out of whack
00:14:33.57\00:14:35.42
and just because we're dating
someone we don't really like,
00:14:35.45\00:14:38.72
then the
relationship starts taking place
00:14:38.75\00:14:41.08
and before long
then we're fantasizing
00:14:41.11\00:14:43.89
about what could happen.
00:14:43.92\00:14:45.76
Now is this kind of
what happened in your home,
00:14:45.79\00:14:48.17
I mean-- Definitely.
00:14:48.20\00:14:49.57
And for me something
that's very important
00:14:49.60\00:14:51.07
is what my parents
think of my relationships
00:14:51.10\00:14:53.84
and I know there have been,
00:14:53.87\00:14:55.24
you know, a number of people
00:14:55.27\00:14:56.64
that they have given me
their opinion and I've listened,
00:14:56.67\00:14:59.99
but at the time I
didn't see the wisdom in it.
00:15:00.02\00:15:02.64
Amen. And down the road
I have been very grateful,
00:15:02.67\00:15:05.65
so that's
something that I have always,
00:15:05.68\00:15:07.75
always appreciated in my parents
00:15:07.78\00:15:10.15
is the fact that
we can talk about it
00:15:10.18\00:15:11.87
and they'll give me their input.
00:15:11.90\00:15:13.62
So here we've got
the parents input,
00:15:13.65\00:15:15.69
we've got the media's input,
00:15:15.72\00:15:17.96
so how do we draw a line here.
00:15:17.99\00:15:21.71
Well, I think it's
really important to understand.
00:15:21.74\00:15:24.51
If you will look
at medical literature
00:15:24.54\00:15:26.75
as well as inspiration,
00:15:26.78\00:15:28.69
we're told that the majority
of our character is determined
00:15:28.72\00:15:32.76
before the age of seven
and I do this experiment
00:15:32.79\00:15:36.24
with the audiences that I have.
00:15:36.27\00:15:38.57
I will ask them, what
is your earliest memory?
00:15:38.60\00:15:41.67
And people will
say, "Oh, of my house
00:15:41.70\00:15:43.62
when I was young, oh my dog or,
00:15:43.65\00:15:45.29
you know, I can
remember my room."
00:15:45.32\00:15:47.21
And then I'll ask, well,
how old were you at that time?
00:15:47.24\00:15:50.45
And it varies. People
will say five, sometimes four.
00:15:50.48\00:15:53.52
Occasionally, you'll get
someone who'll say 3 1/2.
00:15:53.55\00:15:56.17
Now if that is
our earliest memory,
00:15:56.20\00:15:59.05
you're telling me that
half of our most formative years
00:15:59.08\00:16:03.24
aren't even in our
conscious memory, but it is.
00:16:03.27\00:16:07.36
For who, who remember
those years, if we don't?
00:16:07.39\00:16:11.44
It's got to be
our parents, right?
00:16:11.47\00:16:13.50
And they can give us insights
00:16:13.53\00:16:15.58
and input that
we're not even aware of.
00:16:15.61\00:16:18.61
Sometimes our parents
know us better than we do
00:16:18.64\00:16:22.32
and I think that
is the importance
00:16:22.35\00:16:24.73
is that most relationships
are trying to avoid
00:16:24.76\00:16:27.88
the counsel of the
parents where it's so valuable,
00:16:27.91\00:16:31.48
if the majority of
what you want what you like
00:16:31.51\00:16:34.38
and who you are is made
up in those young years,
00:16:34.41\00:16:38.14
talk to the people
who remember them best,
00:16:38.17\00:16:40.12
mom and dad. Amen.
00:16:40.15\00:16:42.38
Do you have any
thoughts along this line?
00:16:42.41\00:16:44.42
Yeah, I think that
one thing in our society
00:16:44.45\00:16:48.39
that we often to forget
00:16:48.42\00:16:49.86
is the importance of
those who really care about us
00:16:49.89\00:16:53.25
and our parents are the
ones who are closest to us.
00:16:53.28\00:16:55.90
They've been there
since we were little,
00:16:55.93\00:16:57.77
they have seen us,
and they understand us
00:16:57.80\00:16:59.38
and then I
think they have wisdom
00:16:59.41\00:17:01.56
that we can never get,
00:17:01.59\00:17:04.13
if we just
listen to their advice.
00:17:04.16\00:17:06.46
Amen. So let me go--
let's segue over here.
00:17:06.49\00:17:11.62
Are most
relationships successful?
00:17:11.65\00:17:14.89
Well, I think as
we've alluded to before,
00:17:14.92\00:17:17.20
most relationships end up
like my parents in divorce,
00:17:17.23\00:17:21.22
but I would say even more
than that is that many families
00:17:21.25\00:17:24.45
that stay together
are not really happy.
00:17:24.48\00:17:27.91
I can tell you when I
graduated from Residency
00:17:27.94\00:17:30.65
they gave each of the
graduating residents a gift
00:17:30.68\00:17:34.33
that represented
their life and their future.
00:17:34.36\00:17:37.95
I do a lot of
traveling overseas.
00:17:37.98\00:17:39.85
I do a lot of volunteer
work, so they gave me a globe
00:17:39.88\00:17:42.76
and they said this is
for our globe trotter,
00:17:42.79\00:17:45.04
because we know you're going
to be going all over the place.
00:17:45.07\00:17:47.47
Now there were two
residents in my program,
00:17:47.50\00:17:49.85
they started dating each other
00:17:49.88\00:17:51.74
and they were getting
very serious to the point where
00:17:51.77\00:17:53.96
they were going to get
married, they were engaged.
00:17:53.99\00:17:56.40
Do you know what
gift they gave them?
00:17:56.43\00:17:58.50
A ball and a chain.
00:17:58.53\00:18:00.85
Now why is marriage represented
by a ball and a chain?
00:18:00.88\00:18:05.81
Because most of
the society realizes
00:18:05.84\00:18:08.61
that though this relationship
00:18:08.64\00:18:10.01
may stay
together, it is not happy.
00:18:10.04\00:18:12.94
But that's not
the way it has to be.
00:18:12.97\00:18:15.00
In fact it doesn't have
to be the 50% divorce rate.
00:18:15.03\00:18:19.96
Or even if you do stay together
00:18:19.99\00:18:22.05
it's a lot
different than just existing.
00:18:22.08\00:18:25.31
God's plan for us
is to enjoy each other.
00:18:25.34\00:18:28.68
I would like to say
even further than that,
00:18:28.71\00:18:31.81
that our family
here on the earth
00:18:31.84\00:18:34.13
is supposed to
represent God's family up above
00:18:34.16\00:18:37.96
and when we meet
God's ideal for that,
00:18:37.99\00:18:40.24
that's exactly what it is.
00:18:40.27\00:18:41.96
But as you
mentioned most relationships
00:18:41.99\00:18:44.33
either fail or are
not really satisfying.
00:18:44.36\00:18:48.04
In fact I'll share
with you a statement that,
00:18:48.07\00:18:50.38
"There's not one
marriage in a hundred
00:18:50.41\00:18:53.14
that bears the approval of God,
00:18:53.17\00:18:55.74
helps the others
serve their fellowmen
00:18:55.77\00:18:58.60
and brings true happiness."
00:18:58.63\00:19:02.94
So why do you
think that they fail?
00:19:02.97\00:19:07.37
Raena?
00:19:07.40\00:19:08.86
Well, I think that a
lot of relationships fail
00:19:08.89\00:19:11.04
because we're looking for
00:19:11.07\00:19:14.56
into relationships
for selfish reasons.
00:19:14.59\00:19:16.96
We want a relationship
because it makes us feel better
00:19:16.99\00:19:20.05
or because it's going
to make us more popular
00:19:20.08\00:19:23.67
or because it's going to bring
our status up in the world.
00:19:23.70\00:19:25.99
We're not looking at it
from the godly perspective.
00:19:26.02\00:19:29.12
Amen. Very well put.
00:19:29.15\00:19:31.02
I think Raena's hit
the nail right on the head.
00:19:31.05\00:19:33.97
The key to why people fail
is that we look at relationships
00:19:34.00\00:19:38.74
like we look at most of
life with, who at the center?
00:19:38.77\00:19:41.90
It's me. The big 'I'
and that's the problem,
00:19:41.93\00:19:45.14
but you can see that.
00:19:45.17\00:19:46.54
Just take a
look at the internet,
00:19:46.57\00:19:48.50
there's all these dating sites
and what are people entering,
00:19:48.53\00:19:51.51
what they're looking for, right?
00:19:51.54\00:19:54.80
I want a guy who's like this,
I want a guy who's like that,
00:19:54.83\00:19:57.89
or I would like a woman
who looks this, or has this?
00:19:57.92\00:20:01.66
All of us are
approaching relationships
00:20:01.69\00:20:04.01
from as Raena mentioned,
what can make us happy.
00:20:04.04\00:20:07.13
What fulfills us?
00:20:07.16\00:20:08.82
But how does God
approach His relationships?
00:20:08.85\00:20:11.61
Matthew 20:28 says that
00:20:11.64\00:20:14.56
"The Son of Man did
not come to be served,
00:20:14.59\00:20:16.94
but to serve, and to give
His life a ransom for many."
00:20:16.97\00:20:21.78
I'll give you an
example, my grandparents
00:20:21.81\00:20:24.85
they enjoy going out to eat,
00:20:24.88\00:20:27.07
but what they can never
decide on, is where to go
00:20:27.10\00:20:30.83
and I've been taking care
of them for several years now,
00:20:30.86\00:20:33.60
so sometimes they will come back
00:20:33.63\00:20:35.58
and they will be
arguing and they'll turn to me
00:20:35.61\00:20:37.31
and they will say
"Well, Tim, we went
00:20:37.34\00:20:39.46
where he wanted to go
last week, it's my turn now."
00:20:39.49\00:20:42.75
And I almost feel like
life has come full circle
00:20:42.78\00:20:45.60
that I am now the
parent and I have to arbitrate
00:20:45.63\00:20:48.67
and so of course most of us
00:20:48.70\00:20:50.23
would look at
the word compromise.
00:20:50.26\00:20:52.14
It's simple, okay.
00:20:52.17\00:20:53.54
This week we'll
go where you want
00:20:53.57\00:20:55.31
and the next week
we'll go where I want.
00:20:55.34\00:20:57.75
Seems like a simple
solution to that dilemma,
00:20:57.78\00:21:01.30
but I would
challenge that and say
00:21:01.33\00:21:03.44
that is not what God wants.
00:21:03.47\00:21:05.78
What God wants is not,
well, my way and your way.
00:21:05.81\00:21:10.42
But that we end up understanding
00:21:10.45\00:21:12.92
that we're always
trying to please the other.
00:21:12.95\00:21:15.58
Because what does
God do? Does He say?
00:21:15.61\00:21:17.37
Well, one for
you and one for me.
00:21:17.40\00:21:20.16
No, it's all about us.
00:21:20.19\00:21:21.56
God is pouring
Himself out to us.
00:21:21.59\00:21:23.85
He didn't come to
be served but to serve.
00:21:23.88\00:21:26.83
And when we realize that our
relationships are doomed to fail
00:21:26.86\00:21:30.96
because we approach
them from selfish reasons.
00:21:30.99\00:21:33.70
We will start to look into
00:21:33.73\00:21:35.42
perhaps what God aligns
His relationships to be.
00:21:35.45\00:21:39.58
Of what it should be
our road map. Absolutely.
00:21:39.61\00:21:43.01
I know in Shelley
and my relationship,
00:21:43.04\00:21:45.70
its absolute fantastic
in that-- I put her first,
00:21:45.73\00:21:49.46
you know, I want her to
achieve her maximum potential
00:21:49.49\00:21:54.35
of the gift that
God has given her.
00:21:54.38\00:21:56.68
And the irony of it is, is
that's what she wants for me
00:21:56.71\00:22:00.83
and so it kind of takes
the selfishness out of it.
00:22:00.86\00:22:04.16
Because we're wanting to please
the other person. Exactly.
00:22:04.19\00:22:07.87
Now as I've
mentioned before, you know,
00:22:07.90\00:22:11.28
I went through a lot of
"fantasy full relationships"
00:22:11.31\00:22:15.98
in order to get
there to find the person
00:22:16.01\00:22:18.13
that I felt totally united with
00:22:18.16\00:22:20.53
and you know,
I've had people ask me,
00:22:20.56\00:22:22.11
how do you know when
you find that right person?
00:22:22.14\00:22:24.87
I mean, you will know.
There are all green lights.
00:22:24.90\00:22:29.80
There's no red lights
because I think that the way
00:22:29.83\00:22:32.89
that the Holy Spirit
works in each one of our lives,
00:22:32.92\00:22:35.09
you know, that a red
light will go up here,
00:22:35.12\00:22:37.49
or a red flag will go up
here, you know, warnings.
00:22:37.52\00:22:40.08
And then at that time
if they are not all green,
00:22:40.11\00:22:43.85
you better get
back down on your knees
00:22:43.88\00:22:46.83
and you better
ask for clarification.
00:22:46.86\00:22:49.23
Now would you agree with that?
00:22:49.26\00:22:51.62
Absolutely. Amen.
00:22:51.65\00:22:53.10
I think God allows us
to experience obstacles
00:22:53.13\00:22:58.15
to get our attention,
00:22:58.18\00:22:59.55
to bring us back
to His ideal for us.
00:22:59.58\00:23:02.75
And the problem is, is
that in most relationships
00:23:02.78\00:23:06.49
involvement in
physical activity,
00:23:06.52\00:23:09.53
spending a lot of time alone
makes us what I call subjective.
00:23:09.56\00:23:13.81
In other words,
you've heard the phrase
00:23:13.84\00:23:15.27
that lovers wear
rose colored glasses
00:23:15.30\00:23:18.02
because she can do
no wrong in my eyes.
00:23:18.05\00:23:20.63
Now that's a problem
because if you're looking at it
00:23:20.66\00:23:24.21
from that perspective
when that red flag comes up
00:23:24.24\00:23:26.99
it might be just be a pink flag
00:23:27.02\00:23:28.67
with your glasses
that you are wearing.
00:23:28.70\00:23:30.53
And you might just ignore it.
00:23:30.56\00:23:32.00
And that's where
parents come in, right.
00:23:32.03\00:23:34.76
That's where friends come
in, that's where your friends
00:23:34.79\00:23:37.10
from the church come in,
00:23:37.13\00:23:38.50
because they can see
things that you don't.
00:23:38.53\00:23:41.84
On the same token,
00:23:41.87\00:23:43.24
I think it behooves each
one of us to stay objective.
00:23:43.27\00:23:47.08
The things that
will cloud your judgment,
00:23:47.11\00:23:49.34
is getting involved in
physical contact too early,
00:23:49.37\00:23:52.73
spending a lot of time alone
00:23:52.76\00:23:54.49
and that's really the problem
00:23:54.52\00:23:56.20
is it when we're alone
with somebody each one of us
00:23:56.23\00:23:59.13
puts our best
foot forward, exactly.
00:23:59.16\00:24:02.83
We show what we
think that the other person
00:24:02.86\00:24:06.32
is wanting to see,
instead of letting them see
00:24:06.35\00:24:09.49
who we really are.
00:24:09.52\00:24:11.10
Whereas if you're
in a group of people
00:24:11.13\00:24:13.01
and you do a lot of
activities in groups,
00:24:13.04\00:24:15.72
no one knows who likes who,
00:24:15.75\00:24:17.99
so we end up acting
like ourselves, right.
00:24:18.02\00:24:21.26
And we can observe
someone as they really are,
00:24:21.29\00:24:24.80
rather than what
they're pretending to be for us,
00:24:24.83\00:24:28.75
so I think that's
extremely important
00:24:28.78\00:24:30.48
to keep your eyes open,
keep your mind objective
00:24:30.51\00:24:33.71
and talk to
people and get counseled
00:24:33.74\00:24:35.65
from those who know best.
00:24:35.68\00:24:37.29
And I think that inspiration
00:24:37.32\00:24:38.77
that we're talking about
this right here of course,
00:24:38.80\00:24:40.89
this is just common
sense to a Christian,
00:24:40.92\00:24:43.17
is that if we find someone that
we truly like not love, like.
00:24:43.20\00:24:48.87
Then we get on
our knees even more
00:24:48.90\00:24:52.06
and we lift it up to the Lord.
00:24:52.09\00:24:53.89
My understanding, you know,
00:24:53.92\00:24:55.29
is maybe 4, 5 or 6 times more
00:24:55.32\00:24:58.13
do we start praying
about this specific direction.
00:24:58.16\00:25:03.16
And Lord I'm
giving you permission
00:25:03.19\00:25:06.44
to let the Holy Spirit
impress me what I need to see.
00:25:06.47\00:25:11.32
If there are red
flags, I want to see them.
00:25:11.35\00:25:14.21
Make it perfectly clear.
00:25:14.24\00:25:15.61
In fact I give you permission
00:25:15.64\00:25:17.01
to hit me over the
head with a two by four,
00:25:17.04\00:25:18.78
because the
second most real decision
00:25:18.81\00:25:24.76
that we make in our life,
00:25:24.79\00:25:26.16
next to accepting
Jesus Christ as our Savior,
00:25:26.19\00:25:28.53
is who we choose to
spend our life with.
00:25:28.56\00:25:31.35
And, I mean, that's a long
time in most of our situations
00:25:31.38\00:25:35.43
and so you need
to have-- make sure
00:25:35.46\00:25:38.12
that there are no red flags
or you need to sit down together
00:25:38.15\00:25:41.36
and work that out, you know,
00:25:41.39\00:25:43.41
at least start
communicating together.
00:25:43.44\00:25:47.75
So quickly people change,
where can we go with that?
00:25:47.78\00:25:54.31
We don't have but just
about another minute and a half,
00:25:54.34\00:25:57.09
but people change
so what I see today,
00:25:57.12\00:26:00.86
does that mean that's going
to be what I want five years
00:26:00.89\00:26:03.97
from now, 2 years from
now, 10 years from now?
00:26:04.00\00:26:07.80
I think you raised
a very good question
00:26:07.83\00:26:10.12
and I'd like to
share a misconception.
00:26:10.15\00:26:14.26
Men marry woman thinking
that they'll never change,
00:26:14.29\00:26:18.98
woman marry us
thinking that we will change
00:26:19.01\00:26:22.29
and the truth is
we're both wrong.
00:26:22.32\00:26:25.14
The problem is that
men very seldom change,
00:26:25.17\00:26:29.76
at least with the
pressures of nagging
00:26:29.79\00:26:32.48
or a woman trying to change us.
00:26:32.51\00:26:34.35
And women are very dynamic.
00:26:34.38\00:26:35.75
They change. They
react to their situations.
00:26:35.78\00:26:38.28
So, yes, people will change
00:26:38.31\00:26:40.19
and I think we
should expect that,
00:26:40.22\00:26:42.46
but I think the best part
is that we can change together
00:26:42.49\00:26:46.07
if we have committed our lives
00:26:46.10\00:26:47.93
to the great
center which is God,
00:26:47.96\00:26:50.10
as we come closer to
Him in our relationship.
00:26:50.13\00:26:53.59
By default, we're going to
become closer to one another
00:26:53.62\00:26:56.14
and we're going to change
to be closer to one another.
00:26:56.17\00:26:59.01
Amen. Amen.
00:26:59.04\00:27:01.36
Well, as we can see,
we're running out of time
00:27:01.39\00:27:03.27
and what a
wonderful topic this is.
00:27:03.30\00:27:07.70
I would like to
challenge every one, you know,
00:27:07.73\00:27:10.24
to be more in tune with
what God tells them to do,
00:27:10.27\00:27:12.62
you know, whenever it
deals with relationships.
00:27:12.65\00:27:15.41
I just want to
thank each one of you
00:27:15.44\00:27:17.19
for being here today,
sharing this time with me,
00:27:17.22\00:27:20.66
but more important
with our audience out here
00:27:20.69\00:27:23.14
because we're all
looking for something
00:27:23.17\00:27:25.71
and relationships is
one of those focal points,
00:27:25.74\00:27:29.33
you know, that can
become very confusing
00:27:29.36\00:27:31.48
especially, if they're lonely.
00:27:31.51\00:27:34.24
So let's go back to
Isaiah 26:3 in closing,
00:27:34.27\00:27:40.51
"You will keep
him in perfect peace,
00:27:40.54\00:27:43.52
whose mind is stayed on
You, because he trusts in You."
00:27:43.55\00:27:49.43
Thank you for being with us
today on "Issues and Answers."
00:27:49.46\00:27:52.84
We love you. God
certainly loves you.
00:27:52.87\00:27:55.75