Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn.
00:00:30.75\00:00:31.78
Welcome again to
Issues and Answers.
00:00:31.81\00:00:34.16
I want to make a special
appeal; if you are 12 years old
00:00:34.19\00:00:37.10
to 20 years old
you need to stay tuned.
00:00:37.13\00:00:39.70
If you're the parent of a young
teenager you need to stay tuned.
00:00:39.73\00:00:43.23
For that matter, if
you are 20 to 35 years old
00:00:43.26\00:00:46.07
and you're single,
please stay tuned because we are
00:00:46.10\00:00:48.65
going to be talking about a
very intriguing topic today.
00:00:48.68\00:00:52.61
And this is all
about risky behavior;
00:00:52.64\00:00:55.56
myths about sexual behavior.
00:00:55.59\00:00:58.93
Can we really have safe sex?
00:00:58.96\00:01:01.04
We're going to answer
some of those questions.
00:01:01.07\00:01:02.73
I want to give you a scripture
passage that will be pertinent
00:01:02.76\00:01:06.55
to what we're talking about.
00:01:06.58\00:01:07.64
It comes from I
Corinthians Chapter 6.
00:01:07.67\00:01:10.20
Let me read verses
18 thru 20 for you.
00:01:10.23\00:01:14.09
This comes from the Amplified,
and Paul writes and he says,
00:01:14.12\00:01:17.71
Shun immorality and
all sexual looseness.
00:01:17.74\00:01:20.73
Flee from impurity in
thought, word, and deed.
00:01:20.76\00:01:24.02
Any other sin which a man
commits is one outside the body.
00:01:24.05\00:01:28.54
But he who commits
sexual immorality sins against
00:01:28.57\00:01:33.14
his own body.
00:01:33.17\00:01:34.20
Do you not know that your
body is the temple for the very
00:01:34.23\00:01:38.06
sanctuary of the Holy
Spirit who lives within you,
00:01:38.09\00:01:41.94
whom you have
received as a gift from God?
00:01:41.97\00:01:44.92
You are not your own.
00:01:44.95\00:01:46.52
You were bought with a price,
purchased with a preciousness,
00:01:46.55\00:01:50.89
and paid for.
00:01:50.92\00:01:52.34
You are made his very own.
00:01:52.37\00:01:54.39
So then honor God and
bring glory to him in your body.
00:01:54.42\00:01:58.85
Jesus paid a very high price
for you with His own life blood,
00:01:58.88\00:02:03.51
and He's got a plan for your
life, and I think it's better
00:02:03.54\00:02:05.97
than the one
most of us are living.
00:02:06.00\00:02:07.66
Let me introduce to you
our very special guests.
00:02:07.69\00:02:10.53
We have Pastor Dustin Hall.
00:02:10.56\00:02:12.42
Pastor it is so wonderful
to have you returning to 3ABN.
00:02:12.45\00:02:16.67
Thank you. It's
great to be here.
00:02:16.71\00:02:18.22
And then we also have
Dr. Robert Castellanos.
00:02:18.26\00:02:22.24
I said it!
00:02:22.27\00:02:23.30
I knew I did it.
00:02:23.33\00:02:24.36
And you are a family
practitioner in the Ithaca area.
00:02:24.80\00:02:28.44
What is the name of the town?
00:02:28.47\00:02:29.74
Cortland.
00:02:29.77\00:02:31.12
Cortland, New York.
00:02:31.15\00:02:32.18
And that is in Central New
York and you have a church in
00:02:32.21\00:02:34.49
Ithaca, New York
where Cornell is. Yes.
00:02:34.52\00:02:36.73
Okay, and you
actually have three churches.
00:02:36.77\00:02:38.39
I do. I pastor three churches.
00:02:38.42\00:02:39.88
Okay. You know, I
recently read your book,
00:02:39.91\00:02:43.34
and we're going to be talking.
00:02:43.37\00:02:44.40
You were here earlier and
we talked about this book some.
00:02:44.44\00:02:47.13
Today we're going to
be talking about myths
00:02:47.16\00:02:49.26
about sexual behavior.
00:02:49.29\00:02:50.93
And this is an
interesting title for a book.
00:02:50.96\00:02:53.49
I have to admit it was a little
bit appalling to me at first,
00:02:53.52\00:02:56.75
and now I'm getting used to the
idea. But it's called The Gospel
00:02:56.78\00:02:59.98
of Sex; Dating,
Relating, and Mating.
00:03:00.02\00:03:02.26
But what a wonderful book,
and I'm so thankful that you
00:03:02.42\00:03:04.75
have written this. Why
did you write the book?
00:03:04.78\00:03:06.85
Well, I didn't want young
people to ever be able to say,
00:03:07.08\00:03:09.96
No one ever told me this stuff!
00:03:09.99\00:03:11.35
That's good!
00:03:11.38\00:03:12.56
I grew up in a Christian
church and a Christian home,
00:03:12.59\00:03:15.88
and no one ever talked
to me about these issues.
00:03:15.91\00:03:19.96
Two years ago I started going
into public school classrooms
00:03:19.99\00:03:23.87
and talking to secular
kids about sexual issues,
00:03:23.90\00:03:27.35
and saving sex until marriage.
00:03:27.38\00:03:28.88
And as I was putting it
together, that curriculum.
00:03:28.91\00:03:31.85
I sat back and I thought,
You know, nobody ever addressed
00:03:31.88\00:03:34.51
these things with me.
00:03:34.54\00:03:35.90
Nobody ever talked to
me about these things.
00:03:35.93\00:03:37.92
And so God put it on my heart
to sit down and write a book
00:03:37.95\00:03:41.68
so that Christian young people,
and young people everywhere
00:03:41.71\00:03:45.13
that read the book will never be
able to say Nobody told me this.
00:03:45.16\00:03:48.10
That's wonderful!
00:03:48.13\00:03:49.16
You know we have so much
to cover in this program that
00:03:49.19\00:03:53.09
what I'd like to do is just cut
to the chase and hop in on some
00:03:53.12\00:03:57.05
of these myths.
00:03:57.08\00:03:58.11
And let me ask
you, doctor, first.
00:03:59.14\00:04:01.49
May I call you Robert? Robert.
00:04:01.52\00:04:03.61
Okay, Robert, let me ask you
first because the one that comes
00:04:03.65\00:04:07.09
to my mind about the myths
is that you have to have sexual
00:04:07.15\00:04:12.84
intercourse to get an STD.
00:04:12.87\00:04:15.21
No you don't.
00:04:15.24\00:04:16.27
Just touching can be a problem.
00:04:16.30\00:04:19.00
Mercy!
00:04:19.03\00:04:20.18
Human papilloma virus; it's so
prevalent that half of the men
00:04:20.21\00:04:25.24
that are sexually
active that you see out there
00:04:25.27\00:04:28.34
have this disease. Half?
00:04:28.37\00:04:30.22
Have, half, yes. Mercy!
00:04:30.26\00:04:32.48
And about half of the women,
too, that are sexually active.
00:04:32.51\00:04:35.43
It causes cancer.
00:04:35.46\00:04:36.91
And just touching gives
you some of the diseases.
00:04:36.94\00:04:39.74
Let me tell you that
if you wear a condom...
00:04:39.77\00:04:41.92
Can I say that word? Surely.
00:04:41.95\00:04:43.34
100% of the time you still
have the risk of getting HPV
00:04:43.38\00:04:48.30
or getting Herpes.
00:04:48.33\00:04:49.83
HPV is the human
papilloma virus. Okay.
00:04:49.86\00:04:53.74
For the herpes, genital
herpes virus, 30% of the time.
00:04:53.78\00:04:57.83
So it doesn't protect you.
00:04:57.86\00:05:00.18
Things don't protect you.
00:05:00.21\00:05:01.30
This isn't even, the odds
aren't even as good as playing
00:05:01.33\00:05:04.48
Russian roulette then, are they?
00:05:04.51\00:05:05.60
Which you bring out
in your book. Exactly!
00:05:05.76\00:05:08.40
Is there any such thing
as having, quote, unquote,
00:05:08.44\00:05:12.56
safe sex? No, because...
00:05:12.59\00:05:14.28
Well, yeah, the only safe sex
happens inside marriage. Okay.
00:05:14.32\00:05:18.43
But if you start to think about
mental and emotional issues,
00:05:18.46\00:05:22.54
you start to think about
physical issues, you know,
00:05:22.57\00:05:24.73
something that young
people have always heard,
00:05:24.76\00:05:26.69
pregnancy, STD's, you
know, they've heard all of those
00:05:26.72\00:05:30.26
things before.
00:05:30.29\00:05:31.32
And an STD, for those
who aren't in awareness,
00:05:31.35\00:05:34.19
is sexually transmitted disease.
00:05:34.22\00:05:36.24
They're also such things as
sexually transmitted infections
00:05:36.27\00:05:39.29
as well, but that's kind of
medical jargon that we don't
00:05:39.32\00:05:42.17
need to get into. But
they're not the same thing.
00:05:42.20\00:05:45.14
But any time you have sex with
someone that is not your husband
00:05:45.17\00:05:50.12
or your wife you are at
risk to contracting a sexually
00:05:50.15\00:05:54.83
transmitted disease, or putting
your heart out there on the line
00:05:54.86\00:05:58.07
for someone to stamp on
by ending the relationship,
00:05:58.10\00:06:02.42
or if you get pregnant,
if you have a consequence,
00:06:02.45\00:06:07.28
or make a bad decision, you're
putting an obstacle to maybe
00:06:07.31\00:06:11.66
reaching a goal or dream that
you might have later in life.
00:06:11.69\00:06:13.94
It is such risky behavior
anytime you put yourself,
00:06:13.97\00:06:18.07
you put your body, give
your body over to somebody,
00:06:18.10\00:06:20.87
before you're married to them.
00:06:20.90\00:06:21.98
You know, I'm thinking
about the human papilloma virus,
00:06:22.01\00:06:27.46
which this is the one that they
have just recently come up with
00:06:27.49\00:06:30.72
the shot for the young people.
00:06:30.75\00:06:32.42
How do you feel about, since
this is such a risky business,
00:06:34.66\00:06:37.72
about having that
shot for your young person?
00:06:37.75\00:06:41.17
It's still high risk.
00:06:41.20\00:06:42.23
I give the shot to my patients
because they ask for it.
00:06:42.26\00:06:45.16
And there is some protection.
00:06:45.19\00:06:47.64
But there's 30 viruses out
there that cause a disease.
00:06:47.67\00:06:53.12
30 viruses!
00:06:53.15\00:06:54.80
And it's only protecting against
4, 2 cause warts, and 2 cause
00:06:54.83\00:06:59.70
the actual cancer, or
it can cause the cancer.
00:06:59.73\00:07:03.20
And it doesn't
protect you 100% of the time.
00:07:03.23\00:07:05.33
It protects you 80% of
those 2 that cause cancer.
00:07:05.36\00:07:09.28
Now if a child comes to
you, gets the immunization,
00:07:09.31\00:07:12.38
and it feels I'm protected
now, against this one disease!
00:07:12.41\00:07:16.66
What about all the
other diseases? That's true.
00:07:16.70\00:07:19.06
It's not protecting
them from? That's true.
00:07:19.09\00:07:21.42
But if we don't get...
00:07:21.51\00:07:23.13
You know, one of the myths is,
kind of like, with these things
00:07:23.16\00:07:28.23
about what we can do
to protect our self now.
00:07:28.26\00:07:30.42
It's kind of like, okay, I can
do this to protect myself and
00:07:30.45\00:07:34.20
not get a disease, or I can do
this to protect myself, maybe,
00:07:34.23\00:07:39.78
and not get pregnant,
taking the pill or whatever.
00:07:39.81\00:07:42.61
So if I don't get a disease,
or if I don't get pregnant,
00:07:42.64\00:07:46.73
then there's a myth out
there that there's no other
00:07:46.76\00:07:49.48
consequences for having
sex outside of marriage.
00:07:49.51\00:07:53.10
What would you say
are the consequences?
00:07:53.13\00:07:55.03
Anytime you have sex with
someone you're turning yourself
00:07:55.06\00:07:58.88
over to them; your mind,
your heart, and your body.
00:07:58.91\00:08:02.28
And there's a study that's
recently been done on oxytocin.
00:08:02.31\00:08:06.41
And maybe the good doctor
can talk to us a little bit
00:08:06.44\00:08:09.17
about that, but basically...
00:08:09.20\00:08:10.36
Well, let me defer to you on
that with the study of oxytocin.
00:08:10.39\00:08:14.37
There was a study
done back in the 1990's.
00:08:14.40\00:08:16.30
Oxytocin or Potosin; it's what
happens in a woman when you're
00:08:16.33\00:08:19.60
delivering a baby.
00:08:19.63\00:08:20.66
When you deliver a baby..
00:08:20.69\00:08:22.24
This is happening, a
chemical in your body?
00:08:22.27\00:08:24.59
It's a hormone in your
body that goes down there
00:08:24.62\00:08:26.91
and contracts the uterus
to prevent it from bleeding
00:08:26.94\00:08:30.01
any further. Okay.
00:08:30.04\00:08:31.21
After you deliver a baby
then your placenta comes.
00:08:31.24\00:08:33.50
But it also, we
discovered, helps in the bonding
00:08:33.53\00:08:37.40
with the baby. Hum.
00:08:37.43\00:08:39.38
You need it for
bonding with the baby.
00:08:39.41\00:08:40.44
There are other
events where this happens.
00:08:41.10\00:08:44.05
It happens at delivery.
00:08:44.08\00:08:45.92
It happens with sex. Okay.
00:08:45.95\00:08:49.01
What else does it
happen for? Breast feeding!
00:08:49.04\00:08:50.93
Breast feeding, yes, it
happens when you breast feed.
00:08:50.97\00:08:53.78
There's a bonding.
00:08:53.82\00:08:54.85
Let's say you're having
sex for the very first time,
00:08:54.88\00:08:57.79
with your very first
boyfriend, and you bind
00:08:57.82\00:09:01.04
with this boyfriend. Great!
00:09:01.08\00:09:03.22
You bind and then you
break up a month later. Yes.
00:09:03.25\00:09:05.44
Let's say you have sex again
with your second boyfriend.
00:09:05.89\00:09:08.05
And the Potosin goes up, the
oxytocin goes up, and you bind
00:09:08.08\00:09:11.18
again, and you bind again
for the third, the fourth,
00:09:11.21\00:09:14.10
the fifth, the twelfth time.
00:09:14.13\00:09:15.89
What's happening to
that binding process?
00:09:15.92\00:09:18.45
It's disappearing.
00:09:18.48\00:09:19.89
The beauty of this is that
after some time, if you become
00:09:19.92\00:09:23.53
abstinent, your
body reformulates itself,
00:09:23.56\00:09:27.29
resets itself, and it can become
a binding experience again.
00:09:27.32\00:09:31.51
But it takes time.
00:09:31.54\00:09:33.10
But kids think they can
have sex over and over again
00:09:33.13\00:09:36.28
without problems.
00:09:36.31\00:09:37.38
It's a big problem.
00:09:37.41\00:09:38.44
Yes, and this attitude, this
very casual cavalier attitude
00:09:38.47\00:09:42.45
towards sex, you know, I
just want to tell you something,
00:09:42.48\00:09:44.46
first of all, the most important
decision you'll ever make
00:09:44.49\00:09:48.14
in your life is accepting Jesus
as your Savior, but the second
00:09:48.17\00:09:51.49
most important decision
you'll ever make in your life is
00:09:51.52\00:09:54.09
who you marry.
00:09:54.12\00:09:55.15
And, you know, my mother always
told me, don't date somebody
00:09:55.18\00:09:58.95
that you wouldn't marry.
00:09:58.98\00:10:00.13
Well, that means really
you probably should postpone
00:10:00.16\00:10:04.06
the dating process
because you're not in any...
00:10:04.09\00:10:07.25
You know, if I'm thinking,
if you're giving yourself over
00:10:07.28\00:10:10.23
to someone when you're 16 years
old, by the time you're maybe
00:10:10.26\00:10:14.18
out of college and ready to
marry, that specialness is gone.
00:10:14.21\00:10:18.98
I mean it's something...
00:10:19.01\00:10:20.46
A lot of people say, you
know, we're going to get married
00:10:20.49\00:10:24.00
someday anyway, so
God honors our commitment.
00:10:24.03\00:10:26.53
But really you don't know
you're going to marry someone
00:10:26.56\00:10:28.94
until you're standing at
the altar saying your vows.
00:10:28.97\00:10:31.20
That's true.
00:10:31.23\00:10:32.26
So a lot of people justify what
they're doing, or try to justify
00:10:32.29\00:10:35.00
what they're doing by saying,
we can't get married right now,
00:10:35.03\00:10:37.21
but we will someday.
00:10:37.24\00:10:38.64
But the reality is that you
don't know until you're there
00:10:38.67\00:10:43.02
saying your vows.
00:10:43.05\00:10:44.26
I had a friend who told
me, I feel guilty for not
00:10:44.29\00:10:47.30
feeling guilty.
00:10:47.33\00:10:48.36
But I know
we're getting married.
00:10:48.39\00:10:50.77
You know, when they
were engaged eight years;
00:10:50.80\00:10:52.73
never did get married.
00:10:52.76\00:10:54.12
And so, as a matter of fact,
it really tore her heart out.
00:10:54.15\00:10:59.21
So you're right, you don't know
till you're there. That's right.
00:10:59.24\00:11:02.83
And some people have actually
been to the altar, and you don't
00:11:03.06\00:11:07.50
even know there until
you actually say the I do.
00:11:07.53\00:11:10.53
That's exactly right.
00:11:10.56\00:11:11.59
But now there's another myth
that you hear and occasionally
00:11:11.62\00:11:16.35
you'll hear from people
who are maybe in a process of
00:11:16.38\00:11:19.56
justification, if you will,
or trying to justify themself,
00:11:19.59\00:11:22.70
that they'll say, there's no
Biblical evidence that, I mean,
00:11:22.73\00:11:25.88
yes, there's Biblical
evidence that adultery is a sin,
00:11:25.91\00:11:28.21
but they'll say, no, there's
no Biblical evidence that sex
00:11:28.24\00:11:31.21
outside of marriage is a sin.
00:11:31.24\00:11:33.05
Well, we could take you to
Ephesians 5, I Corinthians 6,
00:11:33.08\00:11:36.06
the books of
Exodus and Leviticus.
00:11:36.09\00:11:38.07
All throughout the scriptures
we see that any sexual contact
00:11:38.10\00:11:42.15
outside of marriage is
not according to God's plan.
00:11:42.18\00:11:45.54
And, you know, I think about
that and I think anyone who
00:11:45.57\00:11:49.41
makes that statement, really
if you're saying that I don't
00:11:49.44\00:11:54.09
believe that it's here, I
believe that it's in God's will
00:11:54.12\00:11:56.78
for me to give
myself over to somebody,
00:11:56.81\00:11:59.39
and even though I know
it might be kind of wrong,
00:11:59.42\00:12:02.17
I might be convicted on this,
but I'm going to give myself
00:12:02.20\00:12:05.25
to this person anyway.
00:12:05.28\00:12:06.31
I question that because that's
saying this other person means
00:12:06.34\00:12:10.40
more to me than God means to me.
00:12:10.43\00:12:13.40
And that's saying, you
know, I'm going to turn my back
00:12:13.43\00:12:16.20
on God's plan for my life
in order to share a feeling
00:12:16.23\00:12:20.44
with someone else, or share
an experience with someone else.
00:12:20.47\00:12:23.76
And so, you know, I think we
should really think about that.
00:12:23.79\00:12:26.87
You know, most people that
say that, most people that say,
00:12:26.90\00:12:30.75
Well, is it
really in God's Word?
00:12:30.78\00:12:32.41
I believe they
know that it's there.
00:12:32.44\00:12:33.80
They're just trying to come
up with an excuse for justifying
00:12:33.83\00:12:37.55
what they're already doing.
00:12:37.58\00:12:38.63
And there are so many
scriptures; we read some
00:12:38.66\00:12:40.72
to begin with today
from I Corinthians 6:18-20.
00:12:40.75\00:12:46.09
You know, also you have to
think back, and you're thinking,
00:12:46.12\00:12:49.52
When God created Adam
and Eve He didn't just say,
00:12:49.55\00:12:52.37
Go out and be
each other's playmates.
00:12:52.40\00:12:54.32
He also established marriage
right there and He said the two
00:12:54.35\00:12:57.86
should become one.
00:12:57.89\00:12:59.05
And that is what you were
talking about; this oxytocin.
00:12:59.08\00:13:04.45
You know this
bonding, this chemical release.
00:13:04.48\00:13:07.34
It's a hormonal release.
00:13:07.37\00:13:08.71
But, you know, this is a
difficult topic because we're
00:13:08.74\00:13:13.23
going very much
counter culture right now.
00:13:13.26\00:13:16.10
And there are a lot of parents
out there who are in the church
00:13:16.13\00:13:20.79
who think because their children
have been brought up to honor
00:13:20.82\00:13:24.64
God, and honor God's Word, and
they may have seen these verses,
00:13:24.67\00:13:27.88
they're thinking, Well,
my kid's not involved in this
00:13:27.99\00:13:31.31
kind of stuff.
00:13:31.34\00:13:32.37
Now there are some other parents
who are out there thinking,
00:13:32.40\00:13:35.43
my kid's not going to listen
to me no matter what I do.
00:13:35.46\00:13:38.34
What would you
say to these parents?
00:13:38.37\00:13:39.81
There was a study done
on young people, a survey,
00:13:39.84\00:13:43.25
and there were several options.
00:13:43.28\00:13:46.09
The question was, what has the
greatest influence on your life?
00:13:46.12\00:13:50.00
Is it television? Is it friends?
00:13:50.03\00:13:51.60
Is it the internet? Is it music?
00:13:51.63\00:13:53.17
Or is it your parents?
00:13:53.20\00:13:54.23
And over 90% of those young
people chose parents as their
00:13:54.26\00:13:59.21
number one influence.
00:13:59.24\00:14:00.27
Hum, praise God!
00:14:00.30\00:14:02.37
So parents, you have the
greatest influence on your
00:14:02.40\00:14:06.98
children over every aspect
of their life, but especially
00:14:07.01\00:14:10.00
sexual issues.
00:14:10.03\00:14:11.06
And if you don't set a standard
in your home for your children,
00:14:11.09\00:14:14.25
who's going to
set that standard?
00:14:14.28\00:14:15.85
Is it their friends?
00:14:15.88\00:14:16.95
Is it the television?
00:14:16.98\00:14:18.11
Is it something else?
00:14:18.14\00:14:19.61
If you don't set that standard,
and you don't tell your children
00:14:19.64\00:14:23.01
what you expect of
them, and their behavior,
00:14:23.04\00:14:24.83
and their relationships,
they're going to find
00:14:24.86\00:14:26.77
a standard someplace
else, and that's scary.
00:14:26.80\00:14:30.09
Amen, amen!
00:14:30.12\00:14:31.57
It's something that when
we think about, you know,
00:14:31.60\00:14:34.27
it's just so
prevalent in today's society.
00:14:34.30\00:14:38.68
What would you say
is the most common...
00:14:38.71\00:14:42.78
Name off some of the most common
of the sexually transmitted
00:14:42.81\00:14:48.01
diseases, and what had
been your personal experience?
00:14:48.04\00:14:51.78
Well, we have herpes, human
papilloma virus, gonorrhea,
00:14:51.81\00:14:55.85
Chlamydia, to name a few.
00:14:55.88\00:14:58.50
Pregnancy, you know, it's not
a disease, but if you don't want
00:14:58.53\00:15:02.70
a pregnancy then what is it?
00:15:02.73\00:15:04.70
And if you're going to have
an abortion, then what is that?
00:15:04.73\00:15:07.31
Did you know,
excuse me for interrupting,
00:15:07.34\00:15:09.87
did you know, I heard today
that the federal government is
00:15:09.90\00:15:13.21
getting ready to fund a special
study on the psychological
00:15:13.24\00:15:18.74
effects of abortion on women.
00:15:18.77\00:15:20.94
Which I'm very excited about
that, but there are so many
00:15:20.97\00:15:26.60
psychological effects that women
don't recognize going into it.
00:15:26.63\00:15:30.15
Can I jump in here and add
something to what he was saying?
00:15:30.18\00:15:32.58
There are more people in the
United States that have genital
00:15:32.61\00:15:36.27
herpes than
Canada has population.
00:15:36.30\00:15:38.77
You're kidding! No!
00:15:38.80\00:15:40.06
One in four people in this
country have genital herpes.
00:15:40.10\00:15:44.67
And doctor, is there a
cure for genital herpes?
00:15:44.70\00:15:47.24
No, there isn't.
00:15:47.27\00:15:48.30
It's going to be
with you for life.
00:15:48.33\00:15:50.24
Did I tell you
about the patient I had?
00:15:50.27\00:15:52.76
Yeah, tell us.
00:15:52.79\00:15:53.82
I had a patient who
came in twenty years
00:15:53.85\00:15:56.43
after he was married.
00:15:56.46\00:15:57.61
He came in with
a rash on his hip.
00:15:57.64\00:15:59.44
On his hip, not on his
genitals, but on his hip.
00:15:59.47\00:16:01.94
He had a rash
that wouldn't go away.
00:16:01.97\00:16:04.12
Every year it would come back.
00:16:04.15\00:16:05.80
It would be there for a
week or two; very painful.
00:16:05.83\00:16:07.94
And the rash would eventually
just disappear on its own.
00:16:07.97\00:16:11.19
I did some studies and
found out it was genital herpes.
00:16:11.22\00:16:14.38
He's been married twenty years,
and now he's paying the price
00:16:14.41\00:16:17.79
of what he did in high school.
00:16:17.82\00:16:19.16
It doesn't go away.
00:16:19.19\00:16:20.99
So when you were answering
the question about how parents
00:16:21.02\00:16:25.32
have a great influence on
their children, but what about
00:16:25.35\00:16:28.93
are children really involved?
00:16:28.96\00:16:30.70
I mean, are Christian young
people involved in the same
00:16:30.73\00:16:35.38
ways of the world? Yes!
00:16:35.41\00:16:36.72
I was recently at a Christian
school, a Christian high school,
00:16:36.75\00:16:41.71
and I had numerous young people
come into the room that they
00:16:41.74\00:16:46.04
gave me to speak with, a
class room there that the school
00:16:46.07\00:16:49.05
gave me, and over ten, and
the school has seventy students.
00:16:49.23\00:16:53.36
Ten of those came in to talk
to me and said, I'm involved.
00:16:53.40\00:16:57.50
How do I stop?
00:16:57.53\00:16:58.56
Or my girlfriend is trying
to get me to get involved,
00:16:58.59\00:17:01.29
or my boyfriend is trying
to do this, or my girlfriend's
00:17:01.32\00:17:03.34
trying to do
that. How do I stop?
00:17:03.37\00:17:05.57
How do I avoid?
00:17:05.61\00:17:06.64
How do I deal with these issues?
00:17:06.67\00:17:08.61
They didn't know.
00:17:08.64\00:17:09.67
And that was only ten, so
chances are those were the
00:17:09.70\00:17:12.54
courageous ten that
were willing to come forward.
00:17:12.57\00:17:14.58
So chances are there were at
least ten, or twelve, or fifteen
00:17:14.61\00:17:18.76
more that were involved in these
and didn't have the courage
00:17:18.79\00:17:21.26
to come forward and talk
to me about these things.
00:17:21.29\00:17:23.72
One in three women under the
age of twenty become pregnant.
00:17:23.75\00:17:27.56
That's such an
astonishing statistic.
00:17:27.59\00:17:30.01
That's not just non-Christian;
that's all, of all women.
00:17:30.04\00:17:35.51
They do studies on
the entire population.
00:17:35.54\00:17:37.18
They don't just separate
Christians from non-Christians.
00:17:37.21\00:17:39.98
So when you're talking
with these young adults,
00:17:40.01\00:17:43.19
I mean, how do you feel
that most of them are getting
00:17:43.22\00:17:46.87
trapped in this?
00:17:46.90\00:17:47.93
Is it just because
they've not been told?
00:17:47.96\00:17:49.66
Or is it because
of peer pressure?
00:17:49.69\00:17:51.74
How are they becoming involved
in this type of risky behavior?
00:17:51.77\00:17:56.08
You know, it's many things.
00:17:56.11\00:17:57.99
But the thing that I like to
address most with young people,
00:17:58.02\00:18:01.92
and they quite often hear,
it's lust, it's lust, it's lust,
00:18:01.95\00:18:04.65
it's lust.
00:18:04.68\00:18:05.71
But what I've found is that lust
is only a piece of the puzzle.
00:18:05.74\00:18:08.51
I really believe infatuation
is the biggest piece.
00:18:08.54\00:18:12.26
And in fact, because we believe
a lie in our culture about
00:18:12.29\00:18:15.75
what true love is.
00:18:15.78\00:18:17.02
We believe that it's sweaty
palms, and butterflies in your
00:18:17.05\00:18:20.05
belly, and intense sexual
feelings, and just lighter
00:18:20.08\00:18:24.12
than air feelings.
00:18:24.15\00:18:25.18
But in reality that's not love,
because infatuation wears off.
00:18:25.21\00:18:30.03
And what happens in many
relationships, these infatuation
00:18:30.07\00:18:34.32
feelings wear off and later
on they begin to look at someone
00:18:34.35\00:18:37.29
and they go,
They're not patient.
00:18:37.32\00:18:38.55
They're not kind.
00:18:38.58\00:18:39.62
They're not loving.
00:18:39.65\00:18:40.68
They don't
satisfy my needs just in a
00:18:40.71\00:18:43.79
relationship standpoint.
00:18:43.82\00:18:45.04
So, let me put into
perspective what you're saying.
00:18:45.07\00:18:48.62
What you're saying is you may
at the age of eighteen become
00:18:48.65\00:18:51.72
involved with a young man,
or maybe one of the myths says
00:18:51.75\00:18:56.16
that an older boyfriend
makes the best boyfriend,
00:18:56.19\00:18:58.88
so maybe you're eighteen
and a senior in high school,
00:18:58.91\00:19:01.08
and you're dating someone in
college, and you become sexually
00:19:01.11\00:19:04.91
active, and perhaps you're so
infatuated you think it's love.
00:19:04.94\00:19:08.16
You get married and
find out, What have I done?
00:19:08.19\00:19:11.21
I've married the wrong
person. That's exactly right.
00:19:11.24\00:19:13.16
Is that what you're saying?
That's exactly what I'm saying.
00:19:13.20\00:19:16.01
And when you throw sex into
the mix, in an infatuation based
00:19:16.05\00:19:18.85
relationship, it clouds
up your decision making,
00:19:18.88\00:19:22.00
because not only are you having
all these wonderful feelings,
00:19:22.03\00:19:24.37
now you're having all
those wonderful bonding feelings
00:19:24.40\00:19:26.82
from sexual experience,
and you don't have time,
00:19:26.85\00:19:30.14
or the mental focus to be able
to look at "How does this guy
00:19:30.17\00:19:34.41
treat his mother?"
00:19:34.44\00:19:35.47
You know?
00:19:35.50\00:19:36.53
How does she
work with her money?
00:19:36.56\00:19:39.80
Does she save her money?
00:19:39.83\00:19:41.18
Does she spend it frivolously?
00:19:41.21\00:19:42.88
All of those things that
are important for a marriage
00:19:42.91\00:19:45.18
relationship. When
you're infatuated you're high
00:19:45.21\00:19:47.96
on the heroin of infatuation;
it just feels so good!
00:19:47.99\00:19:50.71
And then you throw sex in there
and it's another great surge
00:19:50.74\00:19:54.52
of emotion, and so you're
not looking at what's important.
00:19:54.55\00:19:57.39
And what's important
is the things that love
00:19:57.42\00:19:59.32
are truly based on. Yes.
00:19:59.35\00:20:00.54
Kindness, and patience,
and all of those service and
00:20:00.57\00:20:05.11
submission kind of
things that love's based on.
00:20:05.14\00:20:07.88
It sounds so old fashioned
to some people, but it is...
00:20:07.91\00:20:11.45
You know, you hear that as
people become older they all
00:20:11.48\00:20:15.44
come back to that.
00:20:15.47\00:20:16.50
I wish I'd
listened to my parents,
00:20:16.53\00:20:17.94
or I wished I'd listened here.
00:20:17.97\00:20:19.11
You know, you asked the
question, How do these kids
00:20:19.14\00:20:21.15
get involved in this?
00:20:21.18\00:20:22.26
One of the biggest
factors is parents.
00:20:22.29\00:20:25.81
Parents now days want to protect
their children, but they want to
00:20:25.84\00:20:30.63
protect them from getting
diseases, and getting pregnant,
00:20:30.66\00:20:33.99
not from having sex.
00:20:34.02\00:20:35.99
Because they think they
can't protect them though.
00:20:36.02\00:20:38.61
They think they can't protect
them, but they're telling the
00:20:38.64\00:20:40.00
kids now; wear a condom.
00:20:40.03\00:20:41.65
Yes.
00:20:41.68\00:20:42.71
Be careful.
00:20:42.74\00:20:43.77
Choose your partners.
00:20:43.80\00:20:44.83
What is that
telling our children?
00:20:44.86\00:20:46.62
Go ahead and do it,
but just be careful.
00:20:46.65\00:20:49.71
I like to use this illustration.
00:20:49.74\00:20:52.06
Sorry to cut you off there.
00:20:52.09\00:20:53.12
No, go ahead!
00:20:53.15\00:20:54.26
If I buy you a
brand new Mustang.
00:20:54.29\00:20:56.47
Say I'm your father and I
buy you a brand new Mustang;
00:20:56.50\00:20:58.59
souped-up,
beautiful, convertible.
00:20:58.62\00:21:00.16
I mean this thing
will just run like crazy!
00:21:00.19\00:21:02.53
And I say, Never drive
this over the speed limit.
00:21:02.56\00:21:05.32
Never drive it over the
speed limit, and you'll never
00:21:05.35\00:21:08.31
get in an accident.
00:21:08.34\00:21:09.37
I know where you're going!
00:21:09.40\00:21:10.43
You'll never get a
ticket, you'll never get hurt.
00:21:10.46\00:21:13.16
No chance whatsoever!
00:21:13.19\00:21:14.81
Okay, I set that
standard for you.
00:21:14.84\00:21:16.68
You know what I expect of you.
00:21:16.71\00:21:18.04
Right.
00:21:18.07\00:21:19.10
But what if I say, Or, wear
your seat belt and you can drive
00:21:19.13\00:21:23.00
as fast as you want, as much
as you want, and chances are
00:21:23.03\00:21:26.00
you'll never get a
ticket, you'll never get hurt,
00:21:26.03\00:21:27.97
or you'll never cause
a problem with your car.
00:21:28.00\00:21:30.68
Which one are you going to pick?
00:21:30.71\00:21:31.74
Ha, I thought you were going
to say, or the next thing is to
00:21:31.77\00:21:35.24
hand you a radar
detector to say, you know, Okay,
00:21:35.27\00:21:38.56
but even now.
00:21:38.59\00:21:40.54
And that's an excellent...
00:21:40.57\00:21:42.03
Human beings always
want to choose the least
00:21:42.06\00:21:45.36
restrictive message. Yes.
00:21:45.39\00:21:46.90
If I say to you, Don't have sex.
00:21:46.93\00:21:49.53
As a parent, you know that
the standard that I have set is,
00:21:49.56\00:21:52.84
I don't want you to have
sex until you're married.
00:21:52.87\00:21:54.88
But if I say, Don't have sex,
but if you do protect yourself!
00:21:54.91\00:21:58.23
You know, as a
child, we start as a baby.
00:21:58.27\00:22:00.40
The Pastor has a
newborn baby seven weeks old.
00:22:00.43\00:22:02.88
That baby can control his life.
00:22:02.91\00:22:05.42
When that baby screams
and cries he can come running,
00:22:05.45\00:22:09.16
and the baby will learn, Wow, if
I scream and cry, Dad's coming
00:22:09.19\00:22:12.76
over to feed me or call Mom.
00:22:12.79\00:22:14.51
So it happens
when they're young?
00:22:14.54\00:22:16.06
They test their parents.
00:22:16.09\00:22:17.76
As they get older kids
continue to test their parents.
00:22:17.79\00:22:20.88
As a 15 year old,
Hum, I got Dad's car keys.
00:22:20.91\00:22:25.54
If I turn the car
on will my Dad let me?
00:22:25.57\00:22:27.94
He did!
00:22:27.97\00:22:29.00
Maybe I can
drive it down the road.
00:22:29.03\00:22:31.05
When do you stop telling
your kids, or when do you start
00:22:31.08\00:22:36.13
controlling your
kids actions? Amen!
00:22:36.16\00:22:38.70
We don't stop.
00:22:38.73\00:22:39.76
Okay, we're getting close
here to running out of time,
00:22:40.00\00:22:44.58
and there's a couple of
things that are on my mind.
00:22:44.61\00:22:45.89
There's two things.
00:22:45.92\00:22:46.95
Number One: Young people
who are dating and get involved
00:22:46.98\00:22:51.19
in this and say, Let's
live together and then we'll,
00:22:51.22\00:22:53.99
you know, we can't
afford to get married right now,
00:22:54.02\00:22:56.04
or we're in school.
00:22:56.07\00:22:57.10
I want to talk about
this idea of living together,
00:22:57.13\00:23:00.42
but the other thing,
before the program runs out,
00:23:00.45\00:23:02.73
is I want to talk about not
just the myth busting things
00:23:02.76\00:23:06.49
that we're discussing, but how
do you avoid getting into these
00:23:06.52\00:23:11.36
compromising positions? Uh huh!
00:23:11.39\00:23:13.69
Alright, the first question.
00:23:13.72\00:23:15.95
People that live together have
a 50% higher divorce rate than
00:23:15.99\00:23:20.01
people that don't live together
before they're married. Oh my!
00:23:20.04\00:23:24.03
And let's ask
ourselves why that is.
00:23:24.06\00:23:26.65
Well, if you lived together
before you're married you're
00:23:26.68\00:23:28.86
treating each other
like husband and wife.
00:23:28.89\00:23:30.93
You're doing the bills together.
00:23:30.96\00:23:32.30
You're eating together.
00:23:32.33\00:23:33.36
You're sleeping together.
00:23:33.39\00:23:34.42
You're doing all the things
that husbands and wives do,
00:23:34.45\00:23:36.45
but you don't
have the commitment.
00:23:36.48\00:23:37.82
But now, some will say,
Well, marriage is just a
00:23:37.85\00:23:40.42
piece of paper.
00:23:40.45\00:23:41.48
Can I have the
title to your car?
00:23:41.51\00:23:43.57
Ah, there you go!
00:23:43.60\00:23:45.47
Can I have the
deed to your house?
00:23:45.50\00:23:46.53
Very good!
00:23:46.56\00:23:47.59
See, those are pieces of
paper, but they have meaning,
00:23:47.62\00:23:50.57
and commitment behind them.
00:23:50.60\00:23:51.91
That's very good.
00:23:51.94\00:23:52.97
You see, and the marriage
license has a commitment
00:23:53.00\00:23:55.82
behind it, a lifelong commitment
behind it. That's good.
00:23:55.85\00:23:58.84
And people that live
together before they're married,
00:23:58.88\00:24:01.84
they do all the things
that husbands and wives do,
00:24:01.87\00:24:04.31
but they don't
have the commitment.
00:24:04.34\00:24:06.18
And so when they get married
they go about life just as if
00:24:06.21\00:24:11.69
they had been
before they were married.
00:24:11.72\00:24:13.47
And they go in with the mindset
of, I can live life the way
00:24:13.50\00:24:17.30
I was going, but I
don't have the commitment.
00:24:17.33\00:24:19.14
So when they get into the
marriage and things start to get
00:24:19.17\00:24:21.86
rocky; I don't
have the commitment.
00:24:21.89\00:24:23.68
So that's why I believe there's
a 50% higher divorce rate
00:24:23.71\00:24:27.58
for people that lived together
before they were married
00:24:27.61\00:24:29.42
than if they had.
00:24:29.45\00:24:31.37
Okay, there are young
people watching us right now,
00:24:31.40\00:24:34.05
and we only have two minutes.
00:24:34.08\00:24:35.16
Tell me some things that they
can do to protect themself from
00:24:35.19\00:24:39.43
being in a vulnerable situation.
00:24:39.46\00:24:41.43
Date in groups. Yes.
00:24:41.46\00:24:43.10
Get to know
each other in groups.
00:24:43.13\00:24:44.40
Get to know the
character of somebody.
00:24:44.43\00:24:46.00
Get to know who they are,
and what they're all about.
00:24:46.03\00:24:48.56
Don't spend time
alone with one another.
00:24:48.59\00:24:51.46
Don't go off for long drives
at night up in the forest.
00:24:51.49\00:24:56.29
Don't go parking!
00:24:56.32\00:24:58.44
My mother always told me...
00:24:58.47\00:25:00.02
Don't go to your
boyfriend's house alone. Amen!
00:25:00.05\00:25:03.28
Half of the pregnancies
occur in the boyfriend's house.
00:25:03.32\00:25:06.26
Not the back seat like
it used to be in our days.
00:25:06.29\00:25:09.20
It's in the boyfriend's house.
00:25:09.23\00:25:11.08
Tell someone where you stand
ahead of time before it presents
00:25:11.11\00:25:14.85
itself in a relationship.
00:25:14.88\00:25:15.93
Okay, so sit down, yeah
it's an awkward conversation,
00:25:15.96\00:25:18.84
but sit down and have the
talk and say, You know what?
00:25:18.87\00:25:21.41
I've made a decision to
keep myself pure for my husband
00:25:21.44\00:25:23.77
or my wife someday, so I want
you to know that we won't be
00:25:23.80\00:25:27.52
getting physical in this
relationship. You know, when
00:25:27.55\00:25:29.71
you start to date someone
let them know ahead of time.
00:25:29.75\00:25:31.84
Sex is not an option unless
we become married. That's right.
00:25:31.88\00:25:36.77
The lady from Planned Parenthood
says when she walks into
00:25:37.14\00:25:39.11
the room where there's a lot
of teenagers, the first thing
00:25:39.14\00:25:41.65
she says is, Hand show!
00:25:41.68\00:25:43.16
I want to see
where your hands are.
00:25:43.19\00:25:45.53
Who hoo, Oooh, Mercy!
00:25:45.56\00:25:48.00
Can we do that as parents?
00:25:48.04\00:25:49.07
And so it's so, so very
important to let people know
00:25:49.10\00:25:53.43
where you stand
ahead of time on something.
00:25:53.46\00:25:56.10
So you might think that's an
awkward conversation to have,
00:25:56.13\00:25:59.39
but isn't it more awkward
to kick somebody off from you?
00:25:59.42\00:26:02.82
When you're getting
involved, or worse, you don't,
00:26:02.85\00:26:05.94
because you get too hot
and heavy in a relationship.
00:26:05.97\00:26:09.65
Use your voice! Rely on God!
00:26:09.68\00:26:12.09
You know, we
always say, Have faith!
00:26:12.12\00:26:13.33
But what does that mean?
00:26:13.36\00:26:14.39
You know, know what
God's standard is for you.
00:26:14.42\00:26:16.96
Absolutely!
00:26:16.99\00:26:18.02
And go to Him and find
what He wants for your life.
00:26:18.05\00:26:20.38
Absolutely! Speak up!
00:26:20.41\00:26:21.76
You know, if somebody starts to
pressure you, get up to leave,
00:26:22.26\00:26:25.20
and say, This is it!
00:26:25.23\00:26:26.26
Or if they have something
inappropriate on the television
00:26:26.29\00:26:28.42
say, I'm not staying here
if this is going to continue.
00:26:28.45\00:26:31.22
And then if it takes it
leave. Get out of there!
00:26:31.25\00:26:33.16
Say, I'm out of the car, I'm out
of the house, I'm out of here,
00:26:33.20\00:26:35.99
because I'm not going
to put myself in a more
00:26:36.04\00:26:38.19
vulnerable situation.
00:26:38.22\00:26:39.39
You know, Pastor Dustin, we're
already getting out of time
00:26:39.42\00:26:42.47
here, but I'm
thinking as you're talking.
00:26:42.50\00:26:44.48
It has to do with the music.
00:26:44.51\00:26:45.95
It has to do with what
you're watching on television.
00:26:45.98\00:26:48.13
It has to do with so many
things that we don't recognize,
00:26:48.16\00:26:51.75
that we open ourselves to
make ourselves vulnerable,
00:26:51.78\00:26:54.21
and put ourselves in
those vulnerable positions.
00:26:54.24\00:26:57.25
That's right. So this
was some great advice.
00:26:57.51\00:26:59.34
Sexual purity is a lifestyle.
00:26:59.38\00:27:01.37
It's not just an act. Amen!
00:27:01.40\00:27:03.58
And it's a lifestyle that
remains even after marriage,
00:27:03.61\00:27:06.99
but boy it is all the benefits
of marriage; the joy of sex!
00:27:07.02\00:27:10.91
God made sex to be something
very beautiful, and it's a gift
00:27:10.94\00:27:15.04
for a husband and wife.
00:27:15.07\00:27:16.27
Can I say one more thing? Sure.
00:27:16.30\00:27:17.80
If you've made a mistake in the
past, today can be the first day
00:27:17.83\00:27:20.89
of the rest of your life.
00:27:20.92\00:27:21.95
You're not hopeless.
00:27:21.98\00:27:23.01
You can make the decision today
not to put yourself vulnerable,
00:27:23.04\00:27:26.63
and you are not stuck in a rut.
00:27:26.66\00:27:28.52
You can make a decision
to overcome those mistakes
00:27:28.55\00:27:31.25
in the past, and you can
live a pure life starting today.
00:27:31.28\00:27:33.33
I know that if you
confess your sin that Jesus is,
00:27:33.36\00:27:36.61
God is faithful and just
to forgive you of your sin,
00:27:36.64\00:27:38.91
and to cleanse you of
all unrighteousness. Amen.
00:27:38.94\00:27:41.12
Thank you, gentlemen,
so much for being here.
00:27:41.15\00:27:43.30
It was really a
pleasure. Thank you.
00:27:43.33\00:27:45.39
And for those of you at home,
May the grace of our Lord Jesus
00:27:45.42\00:27:48.97
Christ, and the love of
the Father, and the fellowship
00:27:49.00\00:27:51.48
of the Holy Spirit be
with you today and always.
00:27:51.51\00:27:54.90
And you young
people enjoy sexual purity.
00:27:54.93\00:27:58.11