Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn.
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And welcome again
to Issues and Answers.
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We have what I think is one
of the most exciting programs
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that we've done in a long time.
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Today we're going to be
talking about sexual purity
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among young people, so
I want you to stay tuned.
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This is going to
be very exciting.
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Let me share a
scripture with you before I
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introduce our guests.
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And this comes from Proverbs,
Chapter 5, and excuse me,
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Proverbs Chapter 4 and
it's verses 25 through 27.
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Here's what the Bible says:
Let your eyes look right on
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with fixed purpose, and let your
gaze be straight before you.
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Consider well the path of
your feet, and let all your ways
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be established
and ordered aright.
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Turn not aside to the
right hand or to the left.
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Remove your foot from evil.
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Oh that sounds like good
advice, but can we do it?
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Yes, we can!
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And here to talk about that,
I have two very special guests.
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We have Pastor Dustin Hall.
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And Pastor Hall, may I
call you Dustin? Yes, you may.
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Well, it is wonderful
to have you with us today.
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And we also have
Dr. Robert Castellanos.
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Pastor Castellanos. Yanos!
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Well, I was close: Castellanos.
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And you are a family
practitioner, is that correct?
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Yes.
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Well, now you gentlemen
come from the, is it the
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Central part of New
York? Yes, Central New York.
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Upstate in the Finger
Lakes region of New York.
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Okay, and this is Ithaca, near
where Cornell University is?
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Yes, Cornell University
is located in Ithaca. Yes.
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We're just so glad
that you've come here.
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And the occasion for them coming
is a book that Pastor Hall has
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written, and it has a
rather shocking title.
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I have to tell you, Dustin,
I was reading this book today.
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I was at the hospital to have
a test, and I wanted to thumb
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through this before we talked.
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And this title is "The
Gospel of Sex; Dating, Relating,
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and Mating".
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And there was some
little lady sitting next to me.
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I put the book down for a moment
and she kind of looked over
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and she looked so shocked,
and I had to explain to her.
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I said it's a strange title, but
boy this is a wonderful book.
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How'd you come
up with this title?
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Well, I wanted
something that would strike
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to the heart of young people.
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I wanted something
that would catch their eye.
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And sometimes we're, we get
stuffy, and we don't like to be
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open about some of these things.
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We don't need to be
silly about sexual issues.
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We need to be open and
more honest, and just be
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right up front
with our young people
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when we're
addressing these issues.
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And I thought with that
title, and with, you know,
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a young person walks by
or sees it online and says,
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"Hum, I want to
know more about that. "
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And gospel means good news, and
there is good news about sex.
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Now why did you; I
have tell you also, Dustin,
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that I'm thrilled to, when I met
you, I'm thrilled to see that
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you are a young man because I
was so concerned that possibly
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it was some "old codger" like
myself who'd written this book.
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and all the teens are going to
be saying, What does it matter?
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You know, "What does she know?
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But why did you write this book?
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Well, two years ago I was going
into public school classrooms
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and teaching
Abstinence Until Marriage.
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And as I was putting together
the curriculum for that program
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I was sitting back
and I was thinking,
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You know, in the church.
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I grew up in a Christian home.
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And I never once heard a
teacher, preacher, an elder,
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anyone say
anything, or set any standard
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on that topic in
church. It's amazing!
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And I thought, well if that's
my experience, that probably
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is the experience of many
other young people as well.
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And I got to thinking, I don't
ever want a young person to be,
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ever to be able to say, "No
one ever told me this stuff. "
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And so I began to present this
in churches to youth groups.
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And last April I was on 3ABN
Today, and after the program
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I got a flood of
e-mails asking me,
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"Do you have any written topics?
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Do you have anything
recorded on this topic?
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And I had to say, "Well,
no, I don't at this point. "
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But I got so many e-mails I
began to think, You know what?
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Maybe I need to sit
down and write a book. Amen!
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And, by the grace of God, you
know, I'd never tried to write
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a book before, but by the grace
of God, He gave me the words
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and we got it all
together, and there it is.
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And, I mean, it's well written
and it's easy to go through.
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There's great solid advice
in here, and really lets young
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people know what God's standards
are, but very practical
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advice as to how we can
live up to those standards.
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Now, you know,
it's interesting to me.
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How about you, Robert?
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When you grew up did you hear
this message about sexual purity
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and waiting until
marriage? I didn't! You didn't?
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I'm so shocked!
That's all I ever heard!
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My mother told me this, I mean
from the time I was probably
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nine years old on we talked
about these things so openly.
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And I heard it in
church as well, but...
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You know, I'm the school doctor
for three school districts.
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And over twenty years what we
hear is the secular view of sex,
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and sex education.
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When I heard this; when
I heard what Dustin does,
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I was excited. Amen!
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This is wonderful!
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To actually bring something
like this to our youth,
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to our Christian youth, and
to have them see that there is
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a reason for sex,
and a reason to hold off
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until you're married.
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And you use
this word abstinence.
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Now we didn't
talk about that before.
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I mean when I was younger
it was just wait until you get
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it was a special blessing, etc.
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But what, when
you say abstinence,
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what is your
definition of abstinence?
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Well, you know, you
play with what word to use.
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You can say purity, you can say
chastity, and the word that I
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was using when I was in the
secular classrooms in the public
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schools was abstinence.
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And so that just sort of
transferred into the book.
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And abstinence, the definition
that I use, it would depend on
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where you looked
for the definition.
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But the definition that I use is
a personal decision to abstain
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from all sexual activity until
marriage regardless of the past.
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So no matter what's
happened in your past,
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today can be the first
day of the rest of your life.
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Alright, I love that!
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It's not just abstaining or not
being actively involved in any
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kind of sexual
activity until you get married.
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But you say
regardless of your past.
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And that means that, for
example, Dustin I was just
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talking with a young lady
who came to me for some advice
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and some encouragement.
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And she's 13 years old and
was becoming involved in certain
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things, and I talked to her
about how God can restore you.
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And even if you're not a
physical virgin you can become
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a spiritual virgin again. Amen.
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So talk to us about that past
issue, because that's important.
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Well, you know, when Jesus comes
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He's going to
restore our bodies.
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He's going to give
us glorified bodies.
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And we can never do something
again for the first time.
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Amen!
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And that's the
experience with sex.
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You know, if you've
made a mistake in the past,
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you can never have sex
again for the first time,
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but what you can do
is say, Lord forgive me.
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I want to move on and I
want to make sure that I'm not
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putting myself at risk
for negative consequences:
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emotional, spiritual,
physical consequences. Amen!
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Now I want to go forward
with the plan that God, that You
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have given in Your
Word, and given to me.
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You want me to be successful and
you've empowered me to do so.
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So I'm not going to make
decisions that are outside
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of Your will for my life.
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And when you come to that
point in your life, and you say
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I want
restoration; I want victory.
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At that point you're spiritually
pure again, completely pure.
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God restores that purity to you.
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Now He'll restore your
body when Jesus comes. Yes!
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But spiritually
you are restored.
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You are returned to God.
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You're right back
where you should be with Him.
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And that's such a
wonderful, wonderful message.
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And to know that, Hey,
when Jesus comes we're going to
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put off these bodies, and we're
going to have glorified bodies,
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and live with Him
for eternity that way.
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You know, it amazes me
when we look at what's going on
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in the secular world, and I mean
there's such a downward trend,
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and, you know, everything
is being advertised with sex;
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even ice cream.
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I mean I saw a commercial
the other night and I thought,
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you know, I just happened to
be flipping through the channels
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to get the news and there was an
ice cream commercial and they're
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using sex.
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So we see it's so prevalent
among the secular society.
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It amazes me to think that we're
not preaching and teaching this
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already in our churches.
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Do you think that parents just,
are we just burying our head
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in the sand?
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Do you think it is a problem
among, I know I've met some
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individuals in the church, young
people, but do you think that
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this is a problem
that all young people face?
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Well, 1 in 3 women, girls, get
pregnant before the age of 20.
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And notice I said 1 in 3
girls, I didn't say 1 in 3
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non-Christian girls. Yes.
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And I could come up with
statistic after statistic saying
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that this is not just a
secular problem, this is also,
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it's just a worldwide problem.
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It's a worldwide problem
because sex is a wonderful thing
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that God has given us,
for a husband a wife to share,
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but Satan wants to pervert that.
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And he's going to use that
God given wonderful feeling
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to tempt us to go
away from God's plan.
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And so he's going to work on
Christians even harder, maybe,
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than secular people;
those that don't know the Lord.
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And so, yes, it is
a Christian problem.
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And let me give you an example
of why some people have that
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mindset of it's not
a Christian problem.
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I think that it's
that they're in denial.
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I recently went to a
school, a private school,
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a Christian school, and I
had been doing my week long talk
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that I normally do.
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It was about Wednesday, so
I was about halfway through.
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The principal pulled me aside
and, you know, kind of in his
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tone, you know, stuffy
tone, a little bit, he said,
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You know, we've found that the
issues that you're talking about
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our students don't really
face until they're in college.
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And it wasn't three hours
later that kids were coming in.
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They gave me an office
there in case people wanted
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to speak with me.
00:10:41.70\00:10:43.07
No less than ten kids
came into that office and said,
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You know, I've made
a mistake in the past,
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or I'm in this relationship
and I don't know what to do.
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So kids know that
they're faced with these issues,
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but many times adults don't want
to admit, or they're in denial
00:10:54.88\00:10:58.69
about young people
facing these issues.
00:10:58.72\00:11:01.71
One maybe because they
don't know how to address them,
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and two maybe because the
adults have made a mistake
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in the past, too, and they don't
feel like they're qualified
00:11:06.51\00:11:09.90
to talk to
young people about it.
00:11:09.93\00:11:12.55
But our young people are facing
these issues and somebody has to
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stand up and set a standard
or the world is going to set
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the standard for our
Christian young people.
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And so we as parents, we as
leaders, we as elders of our
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churches, we have got to
start standing up and giving
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young people a standard in
which God wants them to live.
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Okay, I want to come back
to God's Word in just a moment
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and the standard that
God is setting, but I want to
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bring you into this conversation
doctor, and in this way.
00:11:37.83\00:11:40.68
You know, there's probably
some young people watching us...
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I hope so.
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...and what they're saying is
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they've heard
all of this before.
00:11:47.41\00:11:48.78
Why is it important that
they should wait until they get
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married from a, could you
address that, just purely from
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a physical sense,
what are the consequences?
00:11:57.64\00:12:00.29
What are they
risking if they are partaking
00:12:00.33\00:12:02.95
in these illicit activities?
00:12:02.98\00:12:05.71
Talk about putting
your head in the sand;
00:12:05.74\00:12:07.47
parents put their
heads in the sand.
00:12:07.50\00:12:09.20
They don't know
what students are doing.
00:12:09.23\00:12:11.36
By the time they're in
high school, 12th grade,
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back in the 1990's it was 80%
of our students were having sex.
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Mercy! Now it's 61%.
00:12:20.00\00:12:21.37
Oh yes, it's wonderful...
00:12:22.78\00:12:24.15
Wait a minute, you said that
80% and it's gone down to 61%.
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Okay.
00:12:27.22\00:12:28.59
But 61%!
00:12:28.62\00:12:29.99
We're happy, we're
elated that it's only 61%.
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Mercy, that's
definitely shocking.
00:12:33.23\00:12:34.69
Now parents look at that
and they see 6 kids out of the
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10 kids in our room, 6
are having sex regularly.
00:12:37.36\00:12:41.08
That's shocking!
00:12:41.11\00:12:42.78
And what comes with sex?
00:12:42.81\00:12:44.98
Sexually transmitted
diseases, infections, pregnancy,
00:12:45.01\00:12:50.22
life long damage to our
psyche, how we feel, our morals,
00:12:50.25\00:12:56.03
our ideas of where
marriage is going to go.
00:12:56.06\00:12:59.27
I told my son once,
Just imagine somebody
00:12:59.30\00:13:03.23
could be having sex
with your wife right now.
00:13:03.26\00:13:05.85
How do you feel about this
if this were to happen to you?
00:13:05.88\00:13:09.85
And it was a
shocking surprise to him.
00:13:09.88\00:13:12.89
When you said that, what
you were saying to your son,
00:13:12.92\00:13:16.01
that he was
obviously not married yet.
00:13:16.04\00:13:17.68
But you're saying the
woman that you will marry,
00:13:17.71\00:13:19.84
the woman that
will become your wife,
00:13:19.87\00:13:21.46
someone could be
having sex with her right now.
00:13:21.49\00:13:24.26
Yes, exactly.
00:13:24.29\00:13:25.66
That's a good thing to ask him.
00:13:25.69\00:13:27.06
It was a shock to him and he
thought about it and said, Wow,
00:13:27.09\00:13:28.88
that puts a whole
new light on this.
00:13:28.91\00:13:30.79
That's a great way to say it.
00:13:30.82\00:13:32.19
If I can jump in
here on this... Surely.
00:13:33.38\00:13:35.14
We look at life and
we think, well, you know,
00:13:35.48\00:13:39.31
I have goals and dreams.
00:13:39.35\00:13:40.72
I have things that I want
to accomplish in this life.
00:13:40.75\00:13:42.71
And some people may not know
those goals and those dreams,
00:13:42.74\00:13:45.47
but most people have a picture
of what they want their life
00:13:45.50\00:13:48.68
to look like in the future.
00:13:48.71\00:13:50.08
And every decision that we make
can have a benefit or a negative
00:13:50.11\00:13:54.47
consequence for us reaching
that goal or that dream.
00:13:54.50\00:13:57.68
You know, if I sit in my
room and play Nintendo too long
00:13:57.71\00:14:00.63
and I want to get straight A's,
you know probably that's going
00:14:00.66\00:14:04.31
to have a negative consequence
to me getting straight A's.
00:14:04.34\00:14:06.65
If I want to win a marathon
someday, I can't subsist on
00:14:06.68\00:14:09.28
donuts my whole life. Right.
00:14:09.31\00:14:10.68
So every decision that we make
can either help us or hurt us
00:14:11.59\00:14:15.86
in reaching our
goal and our dream.
00:14:15.89\00:14:17.59
And even relationships;
getting ourselves involved in
00:14:17.62\00:14:20.55
relationships has a
baring on our future.
00:14:20.58\00:14:22.81
When every time
you're in a relationship
00:14:22.84\00:14:24.86
and that relationship
ends, you bring baggage into
00:14:24.89\00:14:28.39
the rest of your life.
00:14:28.42\00:14:29.79
That's just the way it is.
00:14:29.82\00:14:31.19
Anytime you get
emotionally attached to someone,
00:14:31.22\00:14:33.15
that emotional
attachment effects you
00:14:33.18\00:14:36.39
the rest of your life.
00:14:36.43\00:14:37.80
Well, in the severing of
that emotional attachment,
00:14:37.83\00:14:39.77
or of the actual relationship,
there is an emotional scarring,
00:14:39.80\00:14:44.74
even if you're the one
that's doing the breaking up.
00:14:44.77\00:14:47.00
It's really true. That's right.
00:14:47.03\00:14:49.18
So let me ask you this, when
you think of what, when we use
00:14:49.27\00:14:54.40
the word abstinence,
are we just talking about
00:14:54.43\00:14:57.68
don't go all the way,
or are we talking about...
00:14:57.71\00:15:02.03
Let's be a little more specific.
00:15:02.06\00:15:04.19
We will be discreet, I promise
you, but let's be a little more
00:15:04.22\00:15:08.69
specific as to what
we're actually referring to.
00:15:08.72\00:15:11.66
According to what the Word of
God says, because there are some
00:15:11.69\00:15:15.46
times when you bring
this up around teens,
00:15:15.49\00:15:17.68
that there's like, they
challenge you, show me in the
00:15:17.71\00:15:21.09
Bible where I
cannot be partaking in this
00:15:21.12\00:15:24.66
type of activity. Absolutely.
00:15:24.69\00:15:26.06
Let me answer that first
by saying many of those young
00:15:26.92\00:15:29.91
people that ask that, they don't
actually believe that it's not
00:15:29.94\00:15:33.40
in the Bible.
00:15:33.43\00:15:34.80
They're just trying to
come up with a reason to justify
00:15:34.83\00:15:36.32
what they're already
doing. Does that make sense?
00:15:36.35\00:15:38.24
Yeah, it does. But we
can look at the Word of God.
00:15:38.27\00:15:39.64
If we go to...
00:15:40.30\00:15:41.67
The best text that I like
to use is Ephesians, Chapter 5.
00:15:41.70\00:15:43.85
And the reason that I like
to use Ephesians, Chapter 5
00:15:43.88\00:15:48.12
is because of the issue that
the church in Ephesus was facing
00:15:48.15\00:15:52.22
at this time.
00:15:52.25\00:15:53.62
Just to put it in a
nutshell and be quick about it,
00:15:53.65\00:15:57.62
basically they were going
to church and trying to find
00:15:57.65\00:16:00.28
someone to take home
with them that was not their
00:16:00.31\00:16:02.83
husband nor their wife.
00:16:02.86\00:16:04.23
I mean these were the
issues in the early church.
00:16:04.26\00:16:06.09
And so Paul, he's talking to
us, and he begins in Verse 1.
00:16:06.12\00:16:10.97
He says, Be ye
therefore followers of God,
00:16:11.00\00:16:13.05
as dear children;...
00:16:13.08\00:16:14.45
And he explains how to do that.
00:16:14.48\00:16:15.85
...And walk in love, as
Christ also hath loved us,
00:16:15.88\00:16:19.19
and hath given himself for
us an offering and a sacrifice
00:16:19.22\00:16:21.88
to God for a
sweet-smelling savor.
00:16:21.91\00:16:23.56
So He tells us right
there how to love each other.
00:16:23.59\00:16:26.20
Uh huh.
00:16:26.23\00:16:27.60
Through sacrifice and
submission to one another.
00:16:27.63\00:16:29.25
And now he's going to tell
us how not to love each other.
00:16:29.28\00:16:32.39
Oh, hang on.
00:16:32.42\00:16:33.79
I want to use
that thought. Okay.
00:16:33.82\00:16:35.19
Through sacrifice and submission
there are some young men
00:16:35.22\00:16:38.44
that will say to a young
lady, If you really love me,
00:16:38.47\00:16:42.32
you will do this
for me. That's right.
00:16:42.35\00:16:43.72
You will have sex with me. Sure.
00:16:44.17\00:16:45.54
And the woman is thinking,
Ah, sacrifice and submission.
00:16:45.83\00:16:49.22
But Paul, we've got
to read this in context,
00:16:49.25\00:16:51.83
because he's going to let us
know that that's not the kind
00:16:51.86\00:16:54.58
of sacrifice and
submission he's talking about.
00:16:54.61\00:16:56.56
First of all, let me tell
you the answer that I give
00:16:56.59\00:16:58.70
to young ladies when they
say, Well, my boyfriend said
00:16:58.73\00:17:00.82
that to me.
00:17:00.85\00:17:02.34
I usually tell them, I
say, If your boyfriend is trying
00:17:02.37\00:17:05.23
to get you to do anything
that you don't want to do,
00:17:05.26\00:17:07.24
he doesn't love you.
He's being selfish. Amen!
00:17:07.27\00:17:08.64
Okay?
00:17:09.86\00:17:11.23
If you set a standard, and your
boyfriend knows that standard,
00:17:11.26\00:17:12.97
and he's trying to
pressure you to do something,
00:17:13.00\00:17:14.81
or your girlfriend, because
girls can be very forward
00:17:14.84\00:17:18.26
these days.
00:17:18.29\00:17:19.66
If they're trying to pressure
you into doing something
00:17:19.69\00:17:21.09
that you don't want to
do, they don't love you.
00:17:21.12\00:17:22.71
They're just being selfish.
00:17:22.74\00:17:24.11
And so Verse 3, and right
here we go, But fornication,
00:17:24.14\00:17:27.86
and all uncleanness, or
covetousness, let it not be
00:17:27.89\00:17:30.53
once named among
you, as becometh saints;
00:17:30.56\00:17:32.96
Neither filthiness, nor
foolish talking, nor jesting,
00:17:32.99\00:17:35.77
which are not convenient,
but rather giving of thanks.
00:17:35.80\00:17:39.67
That word fornication there,
it refers to any sexual activity
00:17:39.70\00:17:44.65
outside of marriage.
00:17:44.68\00:17:46.50
Actually, see my Bible, because
I'm looking at an Amplified
00:17:46.53\00:17:49.44
right now says, But immorality,
sexual vice, and all impurity
00:17:49.47\00:17:55.24
of lustful, rich,
or wasteful living.
00:17:55.27\00:17:58.00
So it is talking about
the sexual vices there.
00:17:58.03\00:18:01.80
And I like that word
covetousness that he uses
00:18:01.83\00:18:04.57
there, too, because apparently
what was happening was
00:18:04.60\00:18:07.52
people in the church of Ephesus
in that day were looking around
00:18:07.55\00:18:11.41
and they were coveting
each other for sexual issues,
00:18:11.44\00:18:15.49
you know, they're looking at
each other and being attracted
00:18:15.52\00:18:17.35
and they're coveting each other.
00:18:17.38\00:18:18.75
I'm smiling because, not because
of what we're saying right now,
00:18:18.78\00:18:21.59
but because you did such
an excellent job in your book.
00:18:21.62\00:18:24.77
I really like the way
that you likened the physical
00:18:24.80\00:18:29.99
covetousness to idolatry.
00:18:30.02\00:18:32.35
I mean I'd never really
thought of it like that before.
00:18:32.38\00:18:34.65
And it put it into a
whole new light for me.
00:18:34.68\00:18:37.70
Now the other thing I want
to do, I'd like to back up,
00:18:37.73\00:18:40.70
and let's go back to where
you were talking about goals
00:18:40.73\00:18:43.60
because Dustin, I think this
is one thing I want to encourage
00:18:43.63\00:18:47.06
every parent to read this
book and to listen to what
00:18:47.09\00:18:51.78
we're about to say right now.
00:18:51.81\00:18:53.18
Talking to your young
teenagers about goals in life.
00:18:53.21\00:18:57.34
I never thought about how much
a relationship that is usually
00:18:57.37\00:19:03.24
not going to last beyond
high school, or maybe college,
00:19:03.27\00:19:06.61
how it robs you of the precious
time to reach your goals.
00:19:06.64\00:19:10.83
Where did you
come up with this idea?
00:19:10.86\00:19:13.17
Well, from my own
personal experience.
00:19:13.20\00:19:16.44
I was a baseball player
through high school and college,
00:19:16.47\00:19:19.28
and I, you know, I was good.
00:19:19.31\00:19:22.26
I was a pitcher.
00:19:22.29\00:19:23.66
And I had dreams of playing
professional baseball someday.
00:19:23.69\00:19:26.08
But I had one major
obstacle to that goal
00:19:26.11\00:19:28.95
and it was a girlfriend.
00:19:28.98\00:19:30.39
Okay.
00:19:30.42\00:19:31.79
And the time that I should have
spent putting into the game,
00:19:31.82\00:19:35.72
and practicing, and working on
my studies, and all the things
00:19:35.75\00:19:38.60
that I needed to
do, I spent with her.
00:19:38.63\00:19:42.42
I spent time with
her, I spent money on her,
00:19:42.45\00:19:44.96
I spent energy on her, and
in trying to make this thing
00:19:44.99\00:19:49.16
work that wasn't meant to be.
00:19:49.19\00:19:50.56
She's not my wife
this day; we broke up.
00:19:50.59\00:19:53.18
And so it's
interesting from our experience.
00:19:53.21\00:19:55.98
She went to the
college that we ended up at;
00:19:56.01\00:19:58.91
they didn't have her major.
00:19:58.94\00:20:00.63
They didn't have the
major that she wanted.
00:20:00.66\00:20:03.01
But because she wanted to be
with me, she went to the same
00:20:03.04\00:20:06.26
school as me.
00:20:06.29\00:20:07.66
And so she compromised
what she wanted to do in life
00:20:07.69\00:20:11.03
for a relationship that wasn't
meant to be in the first place.
00:20:11.06\00:20:14.10
I did that myself!
00:20:14.13\00:20:15.50
I can identify with this.
00:20:15.53\00:20:17.55
The reality is people
don't marry their high school
00:20:17.58\00:20:20.49
sweetheart's anymore.
00:20:20.52\00:20:21.93
So for young people, I
don't even suggest that you date
00:20:21.96\00:20:25.38
in high school.
00:20:25.41\00:20:26.78
They often ask me, well, when
is a relationship good for me?
00:20:26.81\00:20:30.55
And I say, When you are
about to reach your goals here
00:20:30.58\00:20:35.55
on earth, and when you are at
a place where you know who God
00:20:35.58\00:20:39.39
wants you to be.
00:20:39.42\00:20:40.79
And the illustration that I
like to use is, the illustration
00:20:40.82\00:20:44.43
that I like to use is you're
driving in a car towards your
00:20:44.46\00:20:47.53
goal towards your dream,
and you're gong along at a nice
00:20:47.56\00:20:50.36
rate and you're driving along.
00:20:50.39\00:20:52.22
It feels good!
00:20:52.25\00:20:53.62
And then all of a sudden
people start passing you,
00:20:53.65\00:20:55.02
and there's two people in these
cars, and you start to think
00:20:55.05\00:20:57.66
well I'm kind of lonely.
00:20:57.69\00:20:59.06
I feel kind of lonely here.
00:20:59.09\00:21:00.46
And you start to look around,
and you know you're looking
00:21:00.49\00:21:02.44
around while you're
driving, and you think, huh!
00:21:02.47\00:21:04.18
And there's another
road way off in the distance,
00:21:04.21\00:21:07.58
and you see somebody driving
and you think, Oh he looks,
00:21:07.61\00:21:09.29
he looks kind of interesting.
00:21:09.32\00:21:10.90
He looks kind of interesting.
00:21:10.93\00:21:12.55
Or you look around on the
road back and you look in your
00:21:12.58\00:21:14.58
rearview mirror and you
see somebody going a lot slower
00:21:14.61\00:21:16.67
than you, but you think, Oh,
she looks kind of attractive.
00:21:16.70\00:21:19.07
And what some people do
is on their road toward their
00:21:19.10\00:21:22.29
destination, sometimes
they veer off and they go to see
00:21:22.32\00:21:25.23
what that persons like,
or they'll slow way down
00:21:25.26\00:21:28.26
so somebody else can catch up,
or they'll stop and turn around
00:21:28.29\00:21:31.62
so that the person's that's
going a lot slower than them
00:21:31.65\00:21:33.98
they can meet that person.
00:21:34.01\00:21:35.56
And relationships, many of them,
especially sexual relationships,
00:21:35.59\00:21:41.04
cause speed bumps, or the Great
Wall of China for us in reaching
00:21:41.07\00:21:45.37
our goal or our
dream later in life.
00:21:45.40\00:21:47.37
Does that make sense?
00:21:47.40\00:21:48.77
It makes perfect sense.
00:21:48.80\00:21:50.17
But it makes perfect sense
to me because I'm an adult.
00:21:50.20\00:21:51.96
Now let me ask you a question.
00:21:51.99\00:21:53.36
If I were 16 years old
and listening to this program
00:21:53.39\00:21:57.86
right now and you were telling
me don't date in high school,
00:21:57.89\00:22:00.15
well I'm thinking,
All my friends are dating
00:22:00.18\00:22:01.98
in high school. Sure.
00:22:02.01\00:22:03.38
And you've got, ah, your
hormones are beginning to
00:22:03.41\00:22:08.13
sing a song to you, and
you're attracted to people
00:22:08.16\00:22:11.37
of the opposite sex. Right.
00:22:11.40\00:22:12.77
How are you going to convince,
or you know, there's young
00:22:13.56\00:22:17.61
people so often
think they're in love.
00:22:17.64\00:22:19.89
They get the butterflies and
they think, Oh, he's so sweet,
00:22:19.92\00:22:22.97
or she's so nice,
and she's so pretty.
00:22:23.00\00:22:25.12
What is the difference between
infatuation of these young
00:22:25.88\00:22:31.75
people and real love?
00:22:31.78\00:22:33.18
Well, first of all we can't
let the world set the standard
00:22:33.21\00:22:37.23
for the way that
we live our lives.
00:22:37.26\00:22:38.90
Because if we look at the world
we see a whole lot of failure.
00:22:38.93\00:22:41.26
But if we look to God and
rely on Him we're victorious.
00:22:41.29\00:22:44.76
If we do things the way
that God wants us to do them,
00:22:44.79\00:22:48.00
then we're successful.
00:22:48.03\00:22:49.97
If we do things the
way that the world wants us
00:22:50.00\00:22:52.09
to do them, many times we fall.
00:22:52.12\00:22:54.07
And so it's so important.
00:22:54.10\00:22:55.81
You know, we believe a
lie in this culture about what
00:22:55.84\00:22:58.28
true love is.
00:22:58.31\00:22:59.68
And you've heard those lyrics,
"When the moon hits your eye
00:22:59.71\00:23:01.96
like a big pizza
pie; that's amour. " Yeah!
00:23:01.99\00:23:04.02
"I'm hooked on a
feeling, I'm high on believing
00:23:04.55\00:23:06.77
that you're in love with me. "
00:23:06.80\00:23:08.17
And we believe, because
of movies, because of music,
00:23:08.20\00:23:11.56
because of all these things,
that love is about butterflies
00:23:11.59\00:23:14.41
in your belly, and sweaty palms,
and senseless sexual urges.
00:23:14.44\00:23:18.04
When people are feeling these
things they truly believe that
00:23:18.07\00:23:20.78
they're in love, and
they have those feelings.
00:23:20.81\00:23:22.18
No two people have
ever loved each other like
00:23:22.21\00:23:24.42
we love each other, and no
one's ever experienced this;
00:23:24.45\00:23:27.45
what we're experiencing.
00:23:27.48\00:23:28.85
But if we look at the Bible, at
I Corinthians, that passage that
00:23:28.88\00:23:32.50
we're so familiar with, "love
is patient, love is kind" we see
00:23:32.53\00:23:36.36
something very, very different.
00:23:36.39\00:23:37.76
God defines love in
a much different way.
00:23:37.79\00:23:39.67
It's not a feeling.
00:23:39.70\00:23:41.07
It's something that is
earned over time through service
00:23:41.10\00:23:45.30
and submission to one another.
00:23:45.33\00:23:46.70
And while you're infatuated,
and while you're having these
00:23:46.73\00:23:49.52
wonderful feelings, you
can't survey someone and say,
00:23:49.55\00:23:53.10
are they patient? Are they kind?
00:23:53.13\00:23:54.50
How do they treat their mother?
00:23:54.83\00:23:56.20
How do they do these things?
00:23:56.23\00:23:57.60
And if you throw sex into
that mix, now you've clouded up
00:23:57.63\00:24:00.24
your decision making
all the more. Absolutely.
00:24:00.27\00:24:01.93
You know, I want to take
advantage also, doctor, of your
00:24:03.14\00:24:06.83
knowledge in about 90
seconds, if you could tell me.
00:24:06.86\00:24:10.77
Yes, quickly.
00:24:10.80\00:24:12.17
What do you think?
00:24:12.20\00:24:13.57
Why should we wait
until we get married?
00:24:13.60\00:24:14.97
I'll tell you;
because things change.
00:24:15.00\00:24:16.42
As a young person in our
days, we were thinking of one
00:24:16.45\00:24:20.61
boyfriend, one girlfriend.
00:24:20.64\00:24:22.21
Now it's one boyfriend, two
girlfriends, three girlfriends,
00:24:22.24\00:24:25.01
four girlfriends, and
all of the baggage they bring
00:24:25.04\00:24:27.42
into that relationship.
00:24:27.45\00:24:28.82
I had a patient who had a
rash on his hip, just recently.
00:24:28.85\00:24:31.93
He'd been
married for twenty years.
00:24:31.96\00:24:33.42
I did an analysis of his
leg. I did some blood studies.
00:24:33.45\00:24:35.52
He had herpes.
00:24:36.41\00:24:37.78
And he didn't know for
twenty years that he had herpes.
00:24:37.81\00:24:40.04
It came every year.
00:24:40.07\00:24:41.44
Now it's in his life.
00:24:41.47\00:24:43.14
It's in his marriage.
00:24:43.17\00:24:44.54
He got this when
he was in high school.
00:24:44.57\00:24:47.39
What do we take from
high school into our marriage?
00:24:47.42\00:24:51.09
With these
relationships that don't...
00:24:51.12\00:24:53.63
There's friends
with benefits. Yes.
00:24:53.66\00:24:58.25
Where, let's have friends, let's
have sex, but no relationship.
00:24:58.81\00:25:02.40
That's what kids are into right
now; friends with benefits.
00:25:02.43\00:25:05.79
Where does that
put them emotionally?
00:25:05.82\00:25:08.90
Why is there a 50% divorce
rate in Christian homes even?
00:25:08.93\00:25:13.88
You know, I was talking with
a young person recently who was
00:25:13.91\00:25:20.72
talking about the feelings that
they had, and I said these are
00:25:20.75\00:25:24.38
natural and they're good.
00:25:24.41\00:25:25.78
They just need to be contained,
and they need to be purified,
00:25:25.81\00:25:29.89
and kept under wrap,
if you will, for awhile.
00:25:29.92\00:25:33.20
But it's good that you're
interested in the opposite sex.
00:25:33.23\00:25:35.71
And if you want to know, I
mean, God obviously made sex
00:25:35.74\00:25:39.91
a beautiful thing.
00:25:39.94\00:25:41.31
Just read the Song of
Solomon, or Song of Songs
00:25:41.34\00:25:42.75
it's called in some.
00:25:42.78\00:25:44.15
But what is, in your mind,
the greatest benefit of waiting,
00:25:44.18\00:25:48.90
and what is the beauty
of sex within marriage?
00:25:48.93\00:25:51.73
Well, it's sort of
like opening a present.
00:25:51.76\00:25:55.47
Oh, that's nice.
00:25:55.50\00:25:57.26
Ah, you know, have you ever
wanted something so bad that you
00:25:57.29\00:26:01.22
see the present.
00:26:01.25\00:26:02.62
You know it's there, and
you ask for it ahead of time.
00:26:02.65\00:26:04.13
We've all done that!
00:26:04.16\00:26:05.76
And then when
gift giving comes...
00:26:05.79\00:26:07.57
You didn't have permission
really, but you peeked.
00:26:07.65\00:26:09.95
That's right!
00:26:09.98\00:26:11.35
When gift day comes, you know,
and you've already received
00:26:11.38\00:26:13.80
that present; Christmas, your
Birthday, whatever it might be,
00:26:13.83\00:26:16.20
you open that gift and you
go, Wow, that's really nice!
00:26:16.23\00:26:18.33
And I appreciate it, but it just
doesn't have the same luster.
00:26:18.36\00:26:22.90
Now if we wait for gift
day, and we open that gift
00:26:22.93\00:26:27.06
when we're supposed to,
and in the right context,
00:26:27.09\00:26:30.83
we have that joy at the
point when we're supposed to.
00:26:30.86\00:26:34.56
Does that make sense?
00:26:34.59\00:26:35.96
That makes perfect sense.
00:26:35.99\00:26:37.36
So with sex, you know, if
I give myself to someone else
00:26:37.39\00:26:42.03
before I'm married, my
body, my mind, all of me.
00:26:42.06\00:26:44.73
I give that over to someone.
00:26:44.76\00:26:46.13
Someone else is opening that
gift in my life, or I'm opening
00:26:46.16\00:26:51.75
that gift before gift day comes.
00:26:51.78\00:26:54.16
And so it's so important to know
that if we save that special
00:26:54.19\00:26:58.83
present for that special day.
00:26:58.86\00:27:00.60
It's such a wonderful thing
to know I'm not going to go into
00:27:00.63\00:27:04.13
my sexual relationship
with emotional baggage,
00:27:04.16\00:27:06.61
with physical baggage,
with all of these things.
00:27:06.64\00:27:08.92
You are free to enjoy
sex in marriage without
00:27:08.95\00:27:12.38
any strings attached.
00:27:12.41\00:27:13.78
And it is truly an
enjoyable, it's a gift from God,
00:27:13.81\00:27:17.21
if you will.
00:27:17.24\00:27:18.61
Well, we are so pleased
that you joined us today.
00:27:18.64\00:27:21.10
Thank you, Pastor
Dustin Hall, and thank you,
00:27:21.13\00:27:23.52
Dr. Robert Castellanos.
00:27:23.55\00:27:25.00
It was a joy
having you both here.
00:27:25.03\00:27:27.54
And for those of you at home,
please, this is a book called
00:27:27.57\00:27:31.39
The Gospel of Sex,
Dating, Relating, and Mating.
00:27:31.42\00:27:35.12
It really is an excellent book.
00:27:35.15\00:27:36.75
And I just want to encourage
you to call 3ABN and you can
00:27:36.78\00:27:39.51
find out how to get that book.
00:27:39.54\00:27:40.91
But now what I really want
for you is that you would enjoy
00:27:40.94\00:27:45.08
"the grace of our Lord Jesus
Christ, the love of the Father,
00:27:45.11\00:27:48.50
and the fellowship of the
Holy Spirit" for today and
00:27:48.53\00:27:52.29
throughout the
rest of your life.
00:27:52.32\00:27:53.69
Thank you for joining us.
00:27:53.72\00:27:55.09