Welcome. I'm J. D. Quinn.
This is Issues and Answers.
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I have some special guests with
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us today. We're talking about
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marriage. I want to first go to
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our scripture reading. And this
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is taken out of Matthew 6:14-15.
For if you forgive men their
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trespasses your heaven father
will also forgive you, but if
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you do not forgive men their
trespasses, neither will your
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father forgive your trespasses.
That is so true. Like I was
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saying, we're talking about
marriage today and then we're
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going to also talk about
forgiveness. A lot of people
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think they go hand in hand
and I think I agree with that.
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We have Pastors, that's with a
pleural, Mike and Gayle Tucker.
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from Arlington, Texas. I've
spent a little time with you
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and you're just a precious,
precious couple that love each
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other. But more important that
you love the Lord. Tell us a
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little bit about
yourselves quickly.
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Well, we are from Arlington,
Texas. We pastor a church there.
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We get the privilege of
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pastoring together and we've
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done that for about 14-1/2
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years there, which is kind of a
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long time in Adventism. But it's
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just a wonderful congregation
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and they have blessed
us immensely. We have two
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daughters; they are both grown.
We have a son-in-law and they
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are a blessing to us.
Yes they are. In addition to
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what we do at Arlington, I'm
speaker/director for Faith for
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Today television and Gayle joins
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me in that labor as well. God
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has just been so gracious to let
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us participate in such a
wonderful ministry. Faith for
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Today is actually the
second oldest, longest running
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broadcast in the world. It's
the longest running religious
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broadcast in the world having
been on the air this spring for
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57 years, which is incredible.
So God has blessed greatly
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and we give glory to his name.
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That's 1950. That's
right, 1950, that's when
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it started. It was May, 1950
by William and Virginia Fagal.
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That exactly right. Then
Dan Matthews followed them.
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Dan Matthews after
that. We get to stand on their
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shoulders. That's the good news.
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Also I understand you have
one of the larger churches, 1800
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members. That's right. And you
also have a master's degree in
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counseling. I do. So what we're
going to be talking about today
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you come by honestly because
you have talked to a lot of
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people about forgiveness.
Normally, I guess, when we're
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talking about marriage in some
instances there's a lot of hurt,
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there's a lot of pain, there's
a lot of resentment. Where do
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we go with that? You
know, that's not an easy
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question and to give a brief
answer would seem to be trite
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and insensitive to some people
because the buildup of pain and
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resentment is just huge. If the
trust has been violated in this
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marriage through an adultery
or through some other problem,
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or maybe there's alcohol or
drug abuse or there's physical
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violence and yet there's
a desire to go on with the
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marriage, to get to the point
where we've forgiven one another
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is just a long journey. And I
don't think that that's going to
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take place overnight. But it is
important to start the process.
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I think in that we also have
to learn what forgiveness is and
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what it is not. Forgiveness is
not saying to you what you did
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to me does not matter. It
doesn't say it was all right
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that you did this; it doesn't
matter. It does say what you did
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to me was wrong but I refuse
to carry the resentment with me
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anymore. By the grace of God
I choose to release this so that
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we can find a new way of
relating to one another and I'm
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not going to live with the pain
and the bitterness that I once
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had. Yes, what you did was
wrong It caused me pain; that is
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undeniable. But I'm not
going to stay here. I'm going to
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choose another
route, another journey.
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You know, the biblical word
for forgiveness is a word that
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indicates cancelling a debt.
It says you owe me something,
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but I'm cancelling that and I'm
not going to require that you
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pay it. And that's what Jesus
did for us. He cancelled our
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debt. So he, by his grace, has
given us the ability to learn
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how to do the same thing for
someone else. In fact, the only
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thing that can cancel our
forgiveness he says is the
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unwillingness to forgive, to
pass that on to someone else.
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So forgiveness is something
that is essential in a marriage
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because, as we talked about
in one of the previous programs,
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anybody that's married is
married to an imperfect person.
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And that person is married to an
imperfect person as well. So we
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are going to hurt one another
from time to time. There's going
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to be harm and damage in any
human relationship. So we've got
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to figure out what to do with
it. What are we going to do with
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that kind of pain. Rather than
letting it build up between us
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and separate us, what can we do?
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We have found a biblical plan
that Louis Smeads used to use in
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his books and we have adapted
the plan somewhat and changed
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a few of the details of it,
but this four-part biblical plan
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we think really goes a
long ways to helping provide a
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structure so that people
can enter into the process of
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forgiveness. Forgiveness we need
to see is not just an act but a
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process and is a decision. Some
people think forgiveness is an
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emotion. No it's a decision.
Very often the emotion will
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follow the decision if we
persist in the decision but
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it is a process and a decision.
And so this structure gives us
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some guidelines in going through
that process. I'd like for Gayle
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to begin to share with
us what that structure is.
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Well you know I think often we
kind of get a wrong idea about
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forgiveness because of the
way we grow up as Christians at
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times. We'll do something wrong
and our mom will say all right
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tell them you're sorry. And
you say you're sorry. And to the
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other person, now tell them it's
okay. So you say it's okay and
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so we think that forgiveness
just means just saying it's
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okay. It's really more than
that. It's a process that can
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take a very short time if the
offense has been small or it can
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take months or even years if
the offense has been very large.
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The four parts are four H's and
the words are hurt, hate, heal
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and harmony. Hurt, hate, heal
and harmony. The first one of
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those is hurt and this is the
time when you acknowledge the
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fact that what was done to you
did hurt you. You go ahead and
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feel that pain. As Christians
sometimes we think we're not
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supposed to do that. We're just
supposed to immediately say I
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forgive you and it is as though
everything is okay, but in our
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heart it's not. So we have to
acknowledge the fact that I have
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been hurt and we ask ourselves
the question, what was done to
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me and how has it affected me?
So that's number one. You just
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feel the pain, you acknowledge
the pain, you acknowledge the
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fact that you have been injured
and you go ahead and feel that.
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Basically what we encourage some
people to do, especially if the
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injury is great, is to begin
to write this in the form of a
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letter that you don't mail.
Maybe it's a letter to God where
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the first part of this letter is
dear God this is what was done
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to me and this is how it has
affected my life. Let's say that
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you were abused as a child. Well
the way it has affected your
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life is trust is now an issue
for you. Anger may be a problem
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for you in your life. You may
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feel that you're susceptible to
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abusing someone else now because
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of the anger and the pattern
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that you've had. It may by
difficult for you to trust a
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spouse in the future. It
may have changed your attitude
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about who God is. All of those
are things that have impacted
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your life as a result of
the injury that was done to you.
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I think in order for us to
forgive we have to know what
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it is we're forgiving and so we
have to get this on the table.
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You look at the Psalms.
David did this. He outlined
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specifically what it was
that his enemy did to him and he
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doesn't mince words. He told
exactly what the enemy did. He
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hurt me without reason, he has
lied about me, he has slandered
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me, he's stolen from me. On
and on he goes. He's shedding
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innocent blood. So David was
very specific about it, about
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the injury that was done to him
and so should we be because if
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we don't do that hard work then
when we say I forgive you it's
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not really done because we don't
really know what it is we're
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forgiving. So we forgive the
act but also its affect upon our
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lives. So in our
marriages it may sound
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different than what David said.
It may not be my enemy did this
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to me, but it may be my husband
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spoke so cruelly to me. He was
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so angry with me over such and
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such that I feel is unjust
and what has that done to me?
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Well it makes me feel like less
of a person. It makes me feel
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like I don't want to engage with
him anymore in conversation or
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in our marriage. So you make it
specific. What was done; how did
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it make you feel, how has it
damaged you, what is the pain
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that you have
felt because of it.
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Let me ask this one question.
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Let's just say that John has an
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affair so of course that
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covenant has been broken.
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Now we know that Julie, his
wife, she is in extreme pain.
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Could not John be
in extreme pain too?
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Yes he can be. Basically John
could be in pain because there
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may be things that were wrong
with the relationship prior to
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his affair. That does not excuse
the affair. It does not say that
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the affair was
right or justifiable or an
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understandable result of that.
But he may have been suffering
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from a bad marriage in advance
of the affair. The other thing
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that happens to John if he's
going to put the affair aside
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to go back to Julie is that
in most cases he will grieve the
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loss of the affair relationship
even though it is elicit, it is
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wrong, he will grieve the loss
of that in his life because it
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was meeting a need in his life.
So there will be pain over that
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experience as well. He may
even need to forgive himself for
00:11:08.10\00:11:11.72
having made such wrong choices.
So John may be doing the same
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thing himself with Julie, with
himself, with the other person,
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with his bad choices. He
may need to go through the same
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process. Now
often just in day to day
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life when something happens
we're both feeling hurt, we're
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both angry over the same
thing because we see it from two
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different perspectives and it
may require forgiveness on both
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parts in order to come back
together. So I think you make
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an excellent point. It sometimes
is a simultaneous thing.
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Yeah. We may be forgiving
each other at the same time.
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So identify it, feel it,
acknowledge it and don't act
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like you have to pass it off
in order to be a good Christian.
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Then the second word is hate.
We say that sounds like a pretty
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harsh word. We're not supposed
to hate anyone, but what we're
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talking about here is to feel
the emotion of what it was that
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happened and feel the anger.
When you are wronged frequently
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you're very angry about it
at some level. You may be an
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explosive person so it's right
here and everybody knows you're
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angry. If you're not an
explosive person it still may be
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there. But the anger is there.
So at this stage you acknowledge
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that anger and you say to
yourself, what has this person
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done, how has it affected me and
what do I want to do? What does
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it make me want
to do to that person?
00:12:35.88\00:12:38.03
Basically you ask, who did this
and how do I feel about that
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person? How do I feel about that
person? There may be different
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parts of you that feel different
ways. Julie, in our previous
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illustration, a part of her may
still love John and a part of
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her may want to do him bodily
harm. So a part of me loves him,
00:12:51.72\00:12:55.43
a part of me hates him and I
think sometimes it's safer to
00:12:55.47\00:12:59.15
express it that way. A part
of me really would like to never
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see you again in my life. That's
how it's made me feel about
00:13:02.49\00:13:06.03
you. So who did this? John
did this to me, he violated the
00:13:06.06\00:13:09.54
sacred vows of our marriage, and
how do I feel about him? A part
00:13:09.57\00:13:13.55
of me wants to never see
him again, a part of me wants to
00:13:13.58\00:13:15.82
hurt him physically, a part of
me wants to hurt him emotionally
00:13:15.85\00:13:19.01
And again, we have biblical
precedents for this too don't
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we? Well David talked about that
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and he says may my enemies
babies be dashed against the
00:13:22.88\00:13:26.98
stones, may their teeth be
broken. He said some terrible
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things. But he was saying them
to God and I think that's key
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is that we're sharing with God,
this is exactly how I feel about
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this. It basically is being
honest. It means to be honest
00:13:38.26\00:13:43.58
with God. It's not like he
doesn't now anyway. We try to be
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pious or something in front
of God so he won't know that we
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feel this way. He knows
everything that we feel.
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He knows our hearts. So be
honest with him because he's the
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one person that you can work
through this with. For me, I
00:13:58.95\00:14:03.42
always say that this stage of
hate is my always driving down
00:14:03.45\00:14:07.34
the road stage. I'm alone in the
car, there's nobody else there
00:14:07.38\00:14:11.28
with me and I am making up a
speech about what I'm going to
00:14:11.31\00:14:15.16
say to this person or what I
wish I could say to this person.
00:14:15.20\00:14:19.28
But this is where you continue
the letter. You write down
00:14:19.32\00:14:23.33
because you have done this, this
is how I feel about it. This is
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what it really makes me feel,
what I want to do. You don't
00:14:29.57\00:14:33.44
follow through on those things
but you are honest about the
00:14:33.48\00:14:37.55
fact that it's there. To act
like it's not there is just not
00:14:37.58\00:14:41.62
true. Personally I
would think that if
00:14:41.65\00:14:43.56
I was John in this situation,
I love the way that you stated
00:14:43.59\00:14:46.65
this, part of me hates you John,
the other part we have a history
00:14:46.69\00:14:51.07
together, we have memories
together and I do love you.
00:14:51.10\00:14:54.00
I don't know the situation, but
just empathizing here, if I was
00:14:54.03\00:14:58.85
John I could understand that.
I could understand why you would
00:14:58.88\00:15:03.67
hate me, I hate myself.
And yet it gives me hope
00:15:03.70\00:15:06.89
to know that there's still a
part of you that cherishes me.
00:15:06.92\00:15:11.37
God commands me to forgive but
right now I don't really want
00:15:11.40\00:15:15.25
to. But at least not all of
me wants to but part of me does
00:15:15.29\00:15:19.24
because I want to do what God
wants and I want a relationship.
00:15:19.27\00:15:23.19
If I didn't want this
relationship, I wouldn't have
00:15:23.22\00:15:25.28
married you in the first place.
So there are so many conflicting
00:15:25.32\00:15:29.26
feeling that go on and when we
act like they don't exist we are
00:15:29.30\00:15:33.21
not being honest and
we're not being healthy.
00:15:33.24\00:15:37.16
So it's important that we
get all of that out, that we not
00:15:37.19\00:15:40.39
let it fester. This is a boil,
we need to lance it and get all
00:15:40.43\00:15:43.59
of the ugliness out so
that healing can begin from the
00:15:43.63\00:15:46.37
bottom up and that's what this
process is about. And again we
00:15:46.40\00:15:49.66
see the perfect example of that
in the psalms where David was
00:15:49.70\00:15:53.17
very specific about what was
done to me, how it's affected
00:15:53.20\00:15:56.26
me, who did it, how I feel about
them, what I'd like to have
00:15:56.30\00:15:59.45
happen to them. He was very
specific about those things.
00:15:59.49\00:16:02.58
So that would be a good place,
that would be a good cathartic
00:16:02.61\00:16:07.10
chapter to read just to kind of
get an idea. As someone's going
00:16:07.14\00:16:10.92
through this is grab the psalms
and see how David handled it.
00:16:10.95\00:16:14.70
He was a man
after God's own heart.
00:16:14.74\00:16:17.29
He was. The psalms are so rich
in helping us to work through
00:16:17.32\00:16:21.03
all of the emotions of life
and all of the things that we
00:16:21.06\00:16:24.70
experience in life and we don't
know quite what to do with them.
00:16:24.73\00:16:27.71
David gives us some wonderful
examples and the other psalmists
00:16:27.75\00:16:30.70
as well. In fact,
it has been said that
00:16:30.73\00:16:33.02
every human emotion is somehow
cataloged in the psalms and the
00:16:33.05\00:16:36.66
psalms are not just great poetry
nor are they just songs, they're
00:16:36.70\00:16:40.27
prayers. So when David was
praying he said, Lord blessed be
00:16:40.31\00:16:44.02
the man who dashes my enemy's
babies against the stone, Lord
00:16:44.05\00:16:47.97
make my enemy a vagabond and let
no one show him mercy, make his
00:16:48.00\00:16:51.88
wife and children vagabonds
and let no one show them mercy
00:16:51.92\00:16:55.28
either. That's real hatred. But
fortunately David didn't stop
00:16:55.32\00:16:58.66
there either and neither should
we. We need to go on the next
00:16:58.70\00:17:01.81
step. So the next step is called
00:17:01.85\00:17:03.82
heal. Well how do we heal? That
sounds easy but how do we heal?
00:17:03.86\00:17:07.69
Basically healing is when we
say all right, this is what has
00:17:07.73\00:17:12.44
happened, this is how I feel
about it, now what am I going to
00:17:12.47\00:17:17.14
do with it? What do I do with
these feelings? What I'm going
00:17:17.18\00:17:22.11
to choose to do is to give them
to God and basically to me that
00:17:22.15\00:17:26.84
is a matter of trust. That's
saying, all right, Lord you said
00:17:26.87\00:17:30.68
all the way through the Bible,
if I read through the Bible and
00:17:30.71\00:17:34.40
I see the great themes that
are there, one of the themes is
00:17:34.43\00:17:37.93
that you will be the judge and
that you will make things right
00:17:37.97\00:17:41.65
in the end. I don't have to
judge anyone or be responsible
00:17:41.68\00:17:45.29
for that. If that's true, then
I can hand this to you and I can
00:17:45.33\00:17:49.76
know that you will absolutely
do what you said, that you will
00:17:49.80\00:17:53.73
make it right in the end so, you
know what, I don't have to carry
00:17:53.77\00:17:57.67
it around. What a great
privilege to know that there's
00:17:57.70\00:18:01.60
someone who will carry this
burden for me. It doesn't belong
00:18:01.63\00:18:06.78
to me anymore. It's too heavy
for me. My life has not joy when
00:18:06.82\00:18:11.08
I'm carrying this around. But
I can put it somewhere where I
00:18:11.11\00:18:15.33
know it's safe and it will be
handled because God said I will
00:18:15.36\00:18:19.94
make things right in the end.
Okay Lord, I believe you. I'm
00:18:19.97\00:18:24.51
going to trust that
you'll do it so it's yours.
00:18:24.54\00:18:26.85
And does he not say, hey you
that are weary and heavy laden
00:18:26.88\00:18:31.12
come unto me. My
yolk is easy, my burden is
00:18:31.15\00:18:36.86
light. Yeah, and
when I'm tempted to
00:18:36.90\00:18:38.85
take it back or to feel this
resentment toward that person
00:18:38.88\00:18:43.87
again, then I can remind myself,
oh that's not mine, that's his.
00:18:43.90\00:18:48.25
I have put it over
there. I have laid it down.
00:18:48.28\00:18:50.74
One of the ways to do this
physically is to actually write
00:18:50.77\00:18:54.20
a letter of forgiveness. You
write, John, you had the affair
00:18:54.23\00:18:58.58
on me and it hurt me. It broke
my heart, it broke my trust, but
00:18:58.61\00:19:02.55
I've chosen to forgive you.
So you write the letter. You say
00:19:02.59\00:19:05.83
the words, I forgive you, I
choose to forgive you, I choose
00:19:05.86\00:19:08.81
not to carry this burden any
more. I'm going to let it go.
00:19:08.85\00:19:11.74
I'm giving this to the Lord.
Once you've written the letter
00:19:11.77\00:19:14.69
it's important to read that out
loud to a significant person,
00:19:14.72\00:19:18.01
maybe to John, maybe to a pastor
or a counselor, but to read it
00:19:18.04\00:19:21.29
out loud and then to do
something physically with the
00:19:21.32\00:19:24.42
letter. One of the things
we encourage people to do is to
00:19:24.46\00:19:27.76
maybe put it in an envelope
and mail it, address it to God
00:19:27.79\00:19:31.02
in care of the pastor you trust
or a counselor and actually put
00:19:31.06\00:19:34.89
it in the mail box. Or other
people will create a locked box
00:19:34.92\00:19:38.58
that they decorate and call
their God box and then through
00:19:38.61\00:19:42.20
some ceremony or prayer of their
own they give this issue, this
00:19:42.24\00:19:46.55
letter to God and they lock
it up. Now this belongs to God
00:19:46.58\00:19:50.38
this whole issue belongs to him
and every time you're tempted to
00:19:50.42\00:19:54.13
think about it again, to go
over it again, to feel that pain
00:19:54.17\00:19:57.77
again, you say no this is no
longer my issue. I've given this
00:19:57.81\00:20:01.39
to God, I don't have the right
to this. I've chosen to forgive
00:20:01.42\00:20:05.03
and I'm going to behave as a
person who has forgiven. This is
00:20:05.07\00:20:08.21
God's. I don't have the right
to take it back. It's no longer
00:20:08.24\00:20:11.12
mine. That's something that's
physical which helps people deal
00:20:11.15\00:20:14.21
with the fact that, all right,
I've chosen to forgive. I date
00:20:14.24\00:20:17.32
the letter. I've done this.
I've given it away to the Lord.
00:20:17.36\00:20:20.95
There's a miracle that takes
place when you do that because
00:20:20.99\00:20:24.60
God actually will remove it from
your heart, from your memory.
00:20:24.63\00:20:28.21
You know, I tell Mike sometimes
00:20:28.24\00:20:30.84
that I'm blessed with a terrible
00:20:30.88\00:20:33.51
memory because there have been
00:20:33.54\00:20:36.10
things where we've had
disagreements or arguments and
00:20:36.14\00:20:41.20
I'll just remember later, yeah,
I know we argued but I don't
00:20:41.23\00:20:45.32
know what that was. And I laugh
about having a bad memory but
00:20:45.36\00:20:49.75
what I really believe about
it is that God takes it away and
00:20:49.78\00:20:54.42
that it's a miracle that he
performs. Then we deal with the
00:20:54.46\00:20:58.64
consequences of whatever
had happened. If it's an affair,
00:20:58.67\00:21:02.30
we're going to deal with the
consequences of that and that
00:21:02.33\00:21:05.92
may be long-lasting but
the burden of carrying around
00:21:05.96\00:21:09.80
resentment and anger is no
longer there. We don't have to
00:21:09.84\00:21:13.97
do that. Which
takes us to our last step
00:21:14.00\00:21:16.41
in this four-part
plan of forgiveness.
00:21:16.44\00:21:18.73
And the last step
is called harmony.
00:21:18.77\00:21:20.98
What a beautiful word!
Isn't it? It's a great word.
00:21:21.02\00:21:24.53
How can I be back in
relationship with this person?
00:21:24.57\00:21:28.01
How would I treat them if this
had never happened? So I'm going
00:21:28.05\00:21:34.05
to come back into relationship
with them and be in harmony
00:21:34.09\00:21:37.27
again. In a marriage
relationship you would hope
00:21:37.30\00:21:40.10
that you could come back
into harmony to a point that you
00:21:40.13\00:21:42.96
really would never remember
that it had happened again.
00:21:42.99\00:21:46.11
Now, as I said, there are
consequences at times that we
00:21:46.15\00:21:49.20
have to work through, but we can
come back into harmony. Now the
00:21:49.23\00:21:53.96
one thing that we want to be
sure that people understand is
00:21:53.99\00:21:58.65
that if you were talking about
a situation of abuse, sexual,
00:21:58.69\00:22:03.31
physical abuse then you
don't want to come back into
00:22:03.35\00:22:07.47
relationship with that person
in the same way where it would
00:22:07.51\00:22:11.35
be a danger to you. It
may not be safe to be in close
00:22:11.38\00:22:15.24
relationship with that
individual again if it's a
00:22:15.28\00:22:19.07
parent or an uncle or whoever
who has abused you or even a
00:22:19.10\00:22:23.28
spouse. It may not be safe to be
in the same relationship again.
00:22:23.31\00:22:28.47
But you can have harmony in
terms of no longer carrying the
00:22:28.51\00:22:33.15
resentment, allowing God to have
that and being able to relate in
00:22:33.19\00:22:38.13
whatever way is appropriate
with that person. So we are not
00:22:38.16\00:22:41.55
advocating that people say I
forgive and then put themself
00:22:41.59\00:22:44.95
back in an abusive situation.
00:22:44.98\00:22:47.47
That's right but you do have the
freedom now of living without
00:22:47.51\00:22:50.71
the resentment or the pain.
And you can say, all right, even
00:22:50.74\00:22:53.91
though I'm not going to be back
00:22:53.94\00:22:54.91
in relationship with you, I'm
00:22:54.92\00:22:55.89
not going to carry around this
00:22:56.85\00:22:58.32
pain or the resentment any more.
00:22:58.35\00:22:59.74
God has freed me of that
burden and now I can live
00:22:59.78\00:23:02.74
free in his forgiveness and
in his grace and in his joy.
00:23:02.77\00:23:06.12
I can love you the way God loves
you. I can see you the way God
00:23:06.15\00:23:09.66
sees you and can
care for you in that way.
00:23:09.70\00:23:14.27
This step of forgiveness though
is such a hard step especially
00:23:14.31\00:23:18.00
in cases like this that another
technique that we've taught
00:23:18.03\00:23:21.49
people is something that we've
borrowed from Corrie Ten Boom
00:23:21.52\00:23:25.06
who talks about
borrowing the forgiveness
00:23:25.10\00:23:27.04
of Jesus when she felt no
00:23:27.07\00:23:28.75
forgiveness in her heart towards
someone who had abused her.
00:23:28.79\00:23:31.49
She talked about meeting a
sergeant who had been at one of
00:23:31.53\00:23:34.75
the concentration camps and
he was horrible and yet he had
00:23:34.79\00:23:38.05
obviously been converted and so
he stuck his hand out to shake
00:23:38.08\00:23:41.42
hers after she had just preached
on forgiveness and grace and she
00:23:41.46\00:23:44.56
didn't have the power to take
his hand and so she just prayed
00:23:44.60\00:23:47.67
God let me borrow the
forgiveness of Jesus for this
00:23:47.70\00:23:50.44
man until I have my own and then
she was able to take his hand
00:23:50.48\00:23:54.02
and shake the hand of
this abusive prison guard.
00:23:54.06\00:23:56.88
So sometimes we have to do that.
Lord I don't have it within me
00:23:56.91\00:24:00.36
to forgive but I'm going to
borrow the forgiveness of Jesus
00:24:00.40\00:24:03.74
because I want to do what you've
commanded me to do. I borrow
00:24:03.77\00:24:06.99
Christ's forgiveness for this
person while I have none of my
00:24:07.03\00:24:10.46
own and I'm going to use that
forgiveness until you give me
00:24:10.49\00:24:13.89
forgiveness for this
individual for myself.
00:24:13.92\00:24:15.98
Man, that's powerful.
Oh and it's beautiful.
00:24:16.01\00:24:18.00
It's a wonderful concept.
And Corrie Ten Boom said in that
00:24:18.03\00:24:21.65
situation it was as though
the Spirit of God had actually
00:24:21.69\00:24:25.22
picked up her hand and moved
it there. He gave her that gift
00:24:25.26\00:24:28.75
of forgiveness of borrowing his.
00:24:28.79\00:24:31.17
If the Lord would give it
to her he will give it to us.
00:24:31.21\00:24:36.43
He will give it to us. You know,
there are wonderful things about
00:24:36.46\00:24:40.08
this. We have seen people
use this plan of forgiveness and
00:24:40.12\00:24:44.06
recover from all sorts of
things. I've seen men and women
00:24:44.09\00:24:47.98
forgive each other for the
most horrible of experiences.
00:24:48.01\00:24:51.55
One couple in particular I
remember he was a very cold,
00:24:51.58\00:24:55.05
harsh, legalistic, unloving
husband; drained the love out of
00:24:55.08\00:24:58.16
his wife's heart and she did
something that was wrong, it was
00:24:58.20\00:25:01.24
a bad choice; she had an
affair. He found out about it.
00:25:01.28\00:25:04.18
She confessed, she repented of
it. He said that he forgave her
00:25:04.22\00:25:07.60
but he really did not and he
still let this anger build up
00:25:07.63\00:25:11.41
inside of him. Finally he
decided to get even so he went
00:25:11.44\00:25:15.15
out to have an affair himself
and he was successful in doing
00:25:15.18\00:25:18.52
so. She figured it out. They
came to me for counseling but
00:25:18.56\00:25:21.94
he was not telling the whole
truth and I knew that. So I kept
00:25:21.98\00:25:25.15
pushing him to tell the whole
truth. He would only admit to as
00:25:25.19\00:25:28.33
much as he knew she knew.
So finally I gave him a book to
00:25:28.37\00:25:31.20
read. He said, this isn't a
marriage book. I said I know,
00:25:31.23\00:25:33.99
it's the book you need. You read
it and come back. He protested
00:25:34.03\00:25:37.74
but he read it and then all
of a sudden when he came back he
00:25:37.77\00:25:41.07
started to confess everything.
He was open and honest about it.
00:25:41.10\00:25:44.85
And it changed him and his wife
said this is the man I've always
00:25:44.88\00:25:48.81
wanted to be married to. I can't
believe it. She said shouldn't
00:25:48.85\00:25:52.11
we go back and look at his past
though just to make sure that
00:25:52.14\00:25:55.23
he doesn't change again. I said
well we can sister but who do
00:25:55.27\00:25:58.49
you trust, God or Freud? She
said well if you put it that way
00:25:58.52\00:26:02.45
I'm going to trust God. So
it changed him. I've seen God do
00:26:02.48\00:26:06.33
this. What we have to recognize
also is that God has forgiven us
00:26:06.37\00:26:09.91
as well. We need to forgive
ourselves. Not just know that
00:26:09.94\00:26:13.88
our spouse has forgiven us, that
God has forgiven us, but we need
00:26:13.91\00:26:17.02
to forgive ourselves. We
don't have the right to hold
00:26:17.06\00:26:19.57
resentment against ourselves.
Paul tells us that there is no
00:26:19.60\00:26:24.08
condemnation for those who are
in Christ Jesus. That means that
00:26:24.11\00:26:28.41
God won't condemn you. If Satan
condemns you he tells him to
00:26:28.45\00:26:32.55
shut his filthy mouth. If I
condemn you God won't listen,
00:26:32.58\00:26:36.40
but it also means that you
don't have the right to condemn
00:26:36.44\00:26:39.55
yourself. Jesus himself said
that he didn't come into the
00:26:39.59\00:26:42.53
world to condemn the world
but that the world through him
00:26:42.56\00:26:45.83
might be saved and that's what
he wants for you and for me.
00:26:45.86\00:26:49.06
We're running out of time. We've
got 45 seconds. Let's close this
00:26:49.09\00:26:53.48
up by a thought. My
thought is this is that when
00:26:53.52\00:27:00.15
God forgives you, you don't see
that sin again. He says I put
00:27:00.19\00:27:03.26
your sin as far away from me
as the east is from the west.
00:27:03.29\00:27:06.30
He didn't say the north from the
south. You go due north, you hit
00:27:06.33\00:27:09.80
the North Pole, you're going
south. He said east from west.
00:27:09.83\00:27:13.25
You can go due east throughout
all eternity and never see west.
00:27:13.28\00:27:16.73
You'll never meet your sin again
and that's what he can do for
00:27:16.77\00:27:20.18
you. Amen,
Amen. So actually that
00:27:20.22\00:27:24.01
would be like the depth
of the sea. That's right.
00:27:24.05\00:27:28.22
Fifteen seconds.
Well I think we need to
00:27:28.26\00:27:30.96
remember that God moves us
through this as a process and in
00:27:30.99\00:27:35.22
day to day life we'll have
little hurts and we can move
00:27:35.25\00:27:38.79
through this in a minute or
two. In the big hurts, it may
00:27:38.83\00:27:42.34
take time but
God can do it for us.
00:27:42.37\00:27:44.80
Yes Amen. Needless to say,
we love you. Thank you for being
00:27:44.83\00:27:49.77
here. This has
absolutely been fantastic.
00:27:49.80\00:27:52.16
We love you out there in
our TV land too. God Bless You.
00:27:52.19\00:27:59.28