Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn and welcome again to 00:00:30.03\00:00:33.63 Issues and Answers. Today we are going to be talking 00:00:33.66\00:00:36.62 about how the church is the one organization that is equipped to 00:00:36.65\00:00:41.90 be protective of its children and yet be redemptive towards 00:00:41.93\00:00:46.43 all people, even child molesters. So this is a very 00:00:46.46\00:00:50.93 important program because we are going to be discussing how 00:00:50.96\00:00:55.70 child molesters actually can target churches and what 00:00:55.73\00:00:59.45 churches can do to protect themself, protect their children 00:00:59.48\00:01:02.83 and yet how we need to reach out with the love of God to 00:01:02.86\00:01:07.19 bring other people in. Let me read you a scripture and this 00:01:07.22\00:01:11.30 is Matthew 10:16: Jesus said, behold I am sending you out 00:01:11.33\00:01:15.63 like sheep in the midst of wolves. Be wary and wise as 00:01:15.66\00:01:21.66 serpents and be innocent or harmless as doves. 00:01:21.69\00:01:25.79 That's going to be our issue. You may want to send your small 00:01:25.82\00:01:29.29 children out of the room for this program. Let me introduce 00:01:29.32\00:01:33.29 to you our special guest. We have returning with us 00:01:33.32\00:01:36.55 Wayne Labins. Wayne, thank you so much for coming back and 00:01:36.58\00:01:40.56 Sherri Labins. Your ministry is With Jesus' Strength. 00:01:40.59\00:01:45.80 Tell us about the ministry. 00:01:45.83\00:01:47.94 Well, With Jesus' Strength is just what it says. With Jesus' 00:01:47.97\00:01:52.10 strength all things are possible. 00:01:52.13\00:01:53.31 That's Philippians 4:13. And particularly we are reaching out 00:01:53.34\00:01:57.19 to those who are suffering under alcoholism, drug abuse, smoking, 00:01:57.22\00:02:02.12 sexual abuse, even abuse to exercise or food addiction; 00:02:02.15\00:02:05.34 anything that is abused or addictive in nature. 00:02:05.37\00:02:09.02 People need deliverance from that and only Jesus can truly 00:02:09.05\00:02:12.43 deliver someone completely from that. 00:02:12.46\00:02:15.70 And you're talking from the voice of experience. I know that 00:02:15.73\00:02:19.22 you, Sherri, have been delivered from drug and alcohol abuse, 00:02:19.25\00:02:25.19 and for you, Wayne, from something much more delicate 00:02:25.22\00:02:28.08 and that is child abuse. You are a registered sex offender who 00:02:28.11\00:02:33.26 fondled a young girl and your own daughter. Now that has been 00:02:33.29\00:02:37.71 some time in your past. Before we get into the church and 00:02:37.74\00:02:42.08 recognizing these things that happen and even predators 00:02:42.11\00:02:48.18 who can come into the church, before we get into talking about 00:02:48.21\00:02:51.56 how to protect your children and also how to redeem those who 00:02:51.59\00:02:56.59 are the abusers, I need to ask you something very specific 00:02:56.62\00:03:00.48 because I know from programming that I've done in the past 00:03:00.51\00:03:03.57 particularly with Cheri Peters. She has discussed the fact that 00:03:03.60\00:03:07.64 drug addicts or somebody that might be into alcoholism or 00:03:07.67\00:03:12.46 pornography that part of the healing and recovery process 00:03:12.49\00:03:17.96 that you can almost expect them to relapse a number of times. 00:03:17.99\00:03:23.05 With child abuse what would you say about the relapse issue? 00:03:23.08\00:03:28.85 Well, when an abuser enters into a therapy situation where they 00:03:28.88\00:03:33.38 learn the relapse prevention module, it is zero tolerance. 00:03:33.41\00:03:37.58 You cannot allow a child to be abused even one more time and 00:03:37.61\00:03:43.07 so there's zero tolerance and that really needs to be 00:03:43.10\00:03:45.57 emphasized. People who are in other addictions may think that 00:03:45.60\00:03:50.20 it only hurts themselves if they slip a little, but in this case 00:03:50.23\00:03:54.92 it damages a precious child of God. It can't happen. 00:03:54.95\00:03:58.95 So there should be no tolerance period. Now what has been the 00:03:58.98\00:04:05.38 church's response to child sexual abuse? 00:04:05.41\00:04:08.18 Well, generally the church has been a very trusting 00:04:08.21\00:04:12.22 organization. It has been somewhat slow to recognize that 00:04:12.25\00:04:17.38 they even have an issue with it, could possibly rear its ugly 00:04:17.41\00:04:20.59 head within the church and that makes it potentially a target 00:04:20.62\00:04:24.79 for predators. Those who may be identified as having this 00:04:24.82\00:04:30.91 problem, well it's like in society, it has a very strong 00:04:30.94\00:04:34.19 stigma attached to it and it tends to distance people. That 00:04:34.22\00:04:38.93 can't happen anymore. We've got to treat sexual abuse, child 00:04:38.96\00:04:42.47 sexual abuse, similar to how alcoholism used to be treated. 00:04:42.50\00:04:45.99 Remember when Betty Ford checked herself into the alcohol rehab? 00:04:46.02\00:04:48.80 It had a very strong social stigma attached to it. 00:04:48.83\00:04:52.05 It still does, but not as strong. Sexual abuse needs to 00:04:52.08\00:04:56.87 the point where we can discuss it and deal with it head-on, get 00:04:56.90\00:05:00.56 help and hold each other accountable, especially those 00:05:00.59\00:05:04.02 who are the abusers. They need the help of accountability 00:05:04.05\00:05:07.10 within the church body. Jesus called all sinners, all sinners 00:05:07.13\00:05:12.00 into the body of Christ. He promises help for all sinners 00:05:12.03\00:05:15.66 as well. I do know that I have read, 00:05:15.69\00:05:19.91 Sherri, on various web sites in researching some for this 00:05:19.94\00:05:25.36 program that they say that for an abuser, someone who is active 00:05:25.39\00:05:32.06 in this behavior, that they actually think of the church as 00:05:32.09\00:05:35.95 their number one target. Why do abusers target churches? 00:05:35.98\00:05:40.88 Well, for one, like I mentioned, they are kind of trusting. 00:05:40.91\00:05:45.02 There's this almost blinders-on idea that everybody is just 00:05:45.05\00:05:50.37 doing their good job, they're being good Christians and we 00:05:50.40\00:05:53.81 kind of see that in the pews. We come to church, maybe we had 00:05:53.84\00:05:56.04 a grumpy morning, but we come into church and we put our 00:05:56.07\00:05:57.74 smiles on. Well if everyone's smiling all the time and not 00:05:57.77\00:05:59.99 really sharing; how are you really, Shelley. How is your 00:06:00.02\00:06:04.36 day really going. If you just tell me well fine, we haven't 00:06:04.39\00:06:08.04 really communicated if it hasn't been fine. Because of that 00:06:08.07\00:06:12.63 atmosphere that maybe is not as real as it needs to be abusers 00:06:12.66\00:06:18.05 can slip in and start grooming their victims, and grooming 00:06:18.08\00:06:23.36 meaning starting to develop trust with them and maybe commit 00:06:23.39\00:06:28.19 an abuse. Okay. You know, we tell our 00:06:28.22\00:06:30.76 children to be careful not to talk to strangers, but yet in 00:06:30.79\00:06:33.99 church we encourage them to be friendly. So what can we do as 00:06:34.02\00:06:39.68 a church body, a church family, to protect our children from 00:06:39.71\00:06:44.85 sexual child abuse? First thing is the things that 00:06:44.88\00:06:49.11 would normally come to mind in any environment, even in your 00:06:49.14\00:06:51.35 home environment. Parents need to take the time to talk to 00:06:51.38\00:06:54.56 their children at age appropriate times what's good 00:06:54.59\00:06:57.94 touch or bad touch, what's acceptable touch and behavior 00:06:57.97\00:07:01.04 and from whom. I mean, that needs to be discussed at a very 00:07:01.07\00:07:04.17 young age. As they grow older, you can get more detailed, okay, 00:07:04.20\00:07:07.61 age appropriate. But in the church in particular, again, 00:07:07.64\00:07:10.60 because it's such a trusting organization, we can sometimes 00:07:10.63\00:07:13.77 forget, that you know what, we need to be accountable to each 00:07:13.80\00:07:16.50 other and helpful for each other. The first thing that can 00:07:16.53\00:07:19.94 be done is to use the tools that are out there that the 00:07:19.97\00:07:22.58 community is using. There are websites out there where you 00:07:22.61\00:07:25.18 can look up sex offenders and see where they live and find 00:07:25.21\00:07:28.81 out if they are coming to your church. There's no reason you 00:07:28.84\00:07:31.60 can't use those tools. However, as a church you need to use them 00:07:31.63\00:07:36.51 in a way that's also redemptive. The information that is out 00:07:36.54\00:07:41.03 there by state law cannot be abused. Okay? You can't use it 00:07:41.06\00:07:44.28 to harass, but you can certainly use it to talk to 00:07:44.31\00:07:47.58 someone and share with someone. You know, you've been coming to 00:07:47.61\00:07:50.10 this church for a few years now and we've found some information 00:07:50.13\00:07:52.34 out. We'd like to talk to you about that. There's nothing 00:07:52.37\00:07:54.57 wrong with that. If a person is coming to church for good 00:07:54.60\00:07:59.27 reasons they will be understanding. 00:07:59.30\00:08:02.21 They've gone through a lot of things that they've had to go 00:08:02.24\00:08:04.48 through in talking with people. They might have gone through 00:08:04.51\00:08:06.54 jail or gone through probation. They understand they've crossed 00:08:06.57\00:08:09.98 the line in the past. There are certain things that are not open 00:08:10.01\00:08:12.75 to them. They are not going to be in scouting programs, they 00:08:12.78\00:08:15.51 are not going to be in church children's programs, but they 00:08:15.54\00:08:19.01 should still be able to be in the church body and gaining from 00:08:19.04\00:08:22.94 the blessings of corporate worship. It says, do not forsake 00:08:22.97\00:08:27.57 the assembling of yourselves together. That means everybody. 00:08:27.60\00:08:31.00 There are blessings in corporate worship, but there needs to be 00:08:31.03\00:08:33.97 protection as well. So the church can do those things. 00:08:34.00\00:08:38.08 They can also organize their environment in a way that the 00:08:38.11\00:08:41.54 children are protected. For example, in the classrooms there 00:08:41.57\00:08:44.42 need to be windows in the doors or in the walls even better. 00:08:44.45\00:08:49.29 There always needs to be two adults, always, in children's 00:08:49.32\00:08:54.07 programs always present, preferably not a husband and 00:08:54.10\00:08:57.87 wife. Those are two main things right off the bat that churches 00:08:57.90\00:09:00.41 can implement right now. Instead of hiding from this issue invite 00:09:00.44\00:09:05.68 the whole church to watch a video. Church Mutual has an 00:09:05.71\00:09:09.89 excellent video on how to organize your worship center 00:09:09.92\00:09:14.22 in such a way that you're as protective as possible. There 00:09:14.25\00:09:17.60 are background checks, there is fingerprinting just like in the 00:09:17.63\00:09:20.60 public schools. Maybe this all sounds like too much for a 00:09:20.63\00:09:24.42 worship center but how much is too much for a child? 00:09:24.45\00:09:27.84 You know, when J.D. and I were going through ministerial school 00:09:27.87\00:09:30.56 15 years ago one of the first things we learned, they were 00:09:30.59\00:09:35.01 talking about never counsel alone with a person of the 00:09:35.04\00:09:38.05 opposite sex. But as far as structuring the Sabbath School 00:09:38.08\00:09:43.41 classes, or at that time we were Sunday keepers, but what we were 00:09:43.44\00:09:48.41 told is that any program that involves children you should 00:09:48.44\00:09:52.82 have a background check and get references. You do not accept 00:09:52.85\00:09:56.58 someone even if somebody has been going to your church for 00:09:56.62\00:10:01.08 many years. I'll use an example that's somewhat of this nature 00:10:01.11\00:10:05.16 but a little bit different. In my sister's church in New Mexico 00:10:05.19\00:10:09.20 they had a registered sex offender who had been going 00:10:09.24\00:10:13.63 to church there for five years on probation and they knew and 00:10:13.66\00:10:17.47 they trusted and began to love and trust this man in such a 00:10:17.50\00:10:22.12 way that they believed by faith he is healed and they actually 00:10:22.16\00:10:27.01 assigned him to drive the bus that would pick the children 00:10:27.04\00:10:31.52 up for Sunday School. No way. Yes, this is what they did. 00:10:31.55\00:10:35.96 And after a few months of doing this he actually raped a couple 00:10:36.00\00:10:42.73 of young girls who were the last ones he was taking home. So 00:10:42.76\00:10:50.82 what would you say? We want to be redemptive, but if someone 00:10:50.86\00:10:55.36 has this history, would you say that means never ever, ever 00:10:55.39\00:10:59.85 give them those kind of positions with children? 00:10:59.89\00:11:02.70 Never ever, ever, ever. To me they should not ask for 00:11:02.74\00:11:08.02 those positions. Wayne would never ask to be in charge of 00:11:08.05\00:11:13.30 cradle roll. He would not ask to be the Pathfinder director, you 00:11:13.33\00:11:18.09 know. That's just something that is not open. It's like he would 00:11:18.12\00:11:22.53 not go to do those things and he doesn't want to. It's like you 00:11:22.57\00:11:26.56 don't open those doors no matter and our church loves and trusts 00:11:26.60\00:11:30.56 him and they even at one point thought man... Because we'll 00:11:30.59\00:11:34.85 go on camping trips with our church and with a big bunch of 00:11:34.88\00:11:39.33 us but it's the families and it's not us taking just a bunch 00:11:39.37\00:11:43.98 of kids. It's the kids going with their parents and stuff. 00:11:44.01\00:11:48.32 So they thought oh but Wayne gets along so well with, you 00:11:48.35\00:11:52.39 know, we all get along so well with the youth and kids and we 00:11:52.43\00:11:55.85 all have so much fun with their families but there is no way we 00:11:55.88\00:11:59.27 would ever take on that role or he would want that role. 00:11:59.30\00:12:02.77 And those families parents know Wayne's situation. There's just 00:12:02.81\00:12:08.62 no way. To really address what you're 00:12:08.66\00:12:11.73 saying: Never is the answer. Never. Once someone has crossed 00:12:11.77\00:12:16.65 the boundary of offending against a child that's it. 00:12:16.69\00:12:20.51 There are certain consequences that go on for the rest of your 00:12:20.54\00:12:25.31 life. People talk about a cure for pedophilia, a cure for child 00:12:25.34\00:12:29.67 molesting and the literature is kind of mixed on that. To me 00:12:29.70\00:12:34.13 I'm a registered sex offender okay, but I'm also a registered 00:12:34.16\00:12:38.91 child of God, okay. That means I don't trust myself. I trust my 00:12:38.95\00:12:43.77 God but it does not mean for a minute that I'm all better. I'll 00:12:43.81\00:12:48.59 just go on and engage in behaviors that could be at risk. 00:12:48.63\00:12:53.84 Don't even go there. Don't have even the appearance of evil is 00:12:53.88\00:12:58.23 what it says, okay. You know, something that you 00:12:58.26\00:13:00.21 told me when we first were talking many months ago is that 00:13:00.24\00:13:04.61 the accountability program... you're big on accountability... 00:13:04.64\00:13:09.38 and oh do I want you to hear this, whether you are a molester 00:13:09.42\00:13:13.77 or you know a molester or if there's someone that's going to 00:13:13.81\00:13:18.07 your church who is a registered sex offender, the accountability 00:13:18.10\00:13:22.57 program is critical. But you said something to me that was so 00:13:22.60\00:13:27.04 interesting. You mentioned that you even will have an 00:13:27.07\00:13:30.52 accountability partner that you'll ask someone to go to 00:13:30.56\00:13:33.94 the bathroom with you and it's not because you're worried so 00:13:33.97\00:13:36.47 much that you're going to repeat the act, but you don't even want 00:13:36.50\00:13:41.73 to be falsely accused or you want to avoid the very 00:13:41.77\00:13:46.05 appearance of evil. Exactly. Yes, why not, too? 00:13:46.08\00:13:50.29 I mean, people have gone through going to jail, going 00:13:50.33\00:13:53.28 through the court process, maybe losing their family. Why risk 00:13:53.31\00:13:56.19 any of that again? There's value in the corrective, the 00:13:56.22\00:14:00.43 punishment, okay, so learn from it. Don't put yourself in a 00:14:00.46\00:14:04.06 situation where you've ever going to be questioned again. 00:14:04.09\00:14:07.66 You want to ere so far on the side of safety and 00:14:07.69\00:14:11.93 conservatism that no one even has any question. Now this is 00:14:11.96\00:14:16.78 not the same as what can happen with abusers; it's called 00:14:16.81\00:14:21.59 religiosity. They can become overly religious, they can be 00:14:21.63\00:14:25.77 holier than thou and they can actually deceive themselves into 00:14:25.81\00:14:29.79 thinking well God's forgiven me, I'm all better now, I don't have 00:14:29.82\00:14:33.77 to do these accountability practices anymore. I'm done. 00:14:33.80\00:14:37.59 That's setting yourself up. 00:14:37.63\00:14:39.77 That's like taking someone who was an alcoholic who's walked 00:14:39.80\00:14:45.46 in recovery for many years and saying let's put you in the bar 00:14:45.50\00:14:50.72 as the bartender because you're all healed. Why would anyone 00:14:50.76\00:14:55.57 want to say I'm healed but I'm going to return back to those 00:14:55.60\00:15:00.38 old circumstances maybe reopening something you 00:15:00.41\00:15:04.31 don't want to reopen? Why even go close to that? 00:15:04.34\00:15:08.17 Okay, I have a difficult question for you. When it comes 00:15:08.20\00:15:16.57 to sexual child abuse, most people are revolted and we 00:15:16.61\00:15:22.80 definitely want to be... I feel like in some ways most 00:15:22.84\00:15:28.96 churches have their head in the sand because we are so trusting. 00:15:29.00\00:15:31.77 We don't do background checks in many places. But when we 00:15:31.80\00:15:36.79 learn that someone has this background then you hear some 00:15:36.83\00:15:41.75 people who are so revolted about it that they want to shun that 00:15:41.78\00:15:45.26 person. We can't do that either because that's not what Jesus 00:15:45.29\00:15:48.74 would do. How do we get a balance in here to make sure 00:15:48.77\00:15:53.87 we're doing all that can do to protect our children and yet 00:15:53.90\00:15:59.29 to reach out to redeem those or to accept those who Christ has 00:15:59.32\00:16:04.67 redeemed? That's a good question. 00:16:04.71\00:16:06.91 I would say that what the church needs to do again is to face 00:16:06.94\00:16:12.20 this head-on and as you start talking about it honestly and 00:16:12.23\00:16:16.37 openly with the whole church family you start to realize, you 00:16:16.40\00:16:20.51 know what there but for the grace of God go I. You know 00:16:20.54\00:16:23.91 what people start realizing you know what I could have gone 00:16:23.94\00:16:27.27 down that road too. Especially if they'd had the 00:16:27.31\00:16:30.98 background. Many abusers have been abused and there's a cycle 00:16:31.01\00:16:35.67 that goes on. That's right. But you know Jesus himself 00:16:35.70\00:16:39.57 who did he associate with? He associated with the worst; you 00:16:39.60\00:16:43.05 know, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are going into 00:16:43.08\00:16:46.53 heaven ahead of you. You know, he identified and reached out 00:16:46.56\00:16:50.26 to those who were the worst in society. Okay, well you can pick 00:16:50.29\00:16:53.68 whoever you want to be the worst in society and you know what 00:16:53.71\00:16:57.32 child molesters have to be down there, okay. We're in prison 00:16:57.36\00:17:01.11 ministry and that's about the lowest there is. But you know 00:17:01.15\00:17:05.13 what, Christ reached down to even that level and that's 00:17:05.16\00:17:09.07 partly why we're here. If he can do it with Saul turning into 00:17:09.11\00:17:12.96 Paul; Paul was the worst too, he says I'm the chief sinner, I'm 00:17:13.00\00:17:16.82 the worst, he can do it with anyone. He can and we have to 00:17:16.86\00:17:20.09 as a church body realize that; being protective but also being 00:17:20.13\00:17:23.70 protective but also redemptive at the same time. It can be done 00:17:23.74\00:17:27.28 but again only with Jesus' strength. 00:17:27.31\00:17:29.06 Now Wayne I know that part of what you and Sherri do as your 00:17:29.10\00:17:34.01 ministry is you have a passion for the message of purity. 00:17:34.05\00:17:39.15 How do we create that atmosphere of purity at our churches 00:17:39.18\00:17:44.25 without becoming stiff and formal? 00:17:44.28\00:17:48.82 Well, there something I like to do and Sherri's seen me do this. 00:17:48.85\00:17:52.75 I like saying brother and sister okay. That's biblical, we talk 00:17:52.79\00:17:56.66 about the brethren. When we say brother and sister it 00:17:56.69\00:18:00.74 immediately sets up the boundaries of our relationship. 00:18:00.78\00:18:04.76 When I say Sister Shelley, you are my sister and as my sister 00:18:04.79\00:18:09.62 I should care for you, I should love you, but there are 00:18:09.65\00:18:13.71 boundaries to that level of love. Okay. It's not husband/ 00:18:13.74\00:18:17.73 wife love, it's brotherly love. Reinforcing that thinking that 00:18:17.76\00:18:20.93 you know what there's brotherly and sisterly love within every 00:18:20.96\00:18:24.09 church family. It helps, especially for men who are so 00:18:24.13\00:18:29.37 visual, that's my sister, not somebody or something to think 00:18:29.41\00:18:33.62 about lustfully in any way. It reinforces the proper thinking 00:18:33.65\00:18:38.01 that God wants us to have in setting up those boundaries. 00:18:38.05\00:18:42.29 That just brings sexual purity into the church. We want that. 00:18:42.33\00:18:46.03 When we're in the church and we're sitting there in the pews 00:18:46.07\00:18:49.88 who wants a man distracted by lustful thoughts. You know, 00:18:49.92\00:18:53.67 that's just not a place for the church to be. As you reinforce 00:18:53.70\00:18:57.00 sexual purity in the church, hit that issue head on 00:18:57.03\00:19:00.36 especially at men's retreats. I just got back from one and 00:19:00.40\00:19:04.86 Bernie Anderson shared how three or four years ago he was caught 00:19:04.90\00:19:09.01 up in pornography, addicted to it and he's a pastor in the 00:19:09.04\00:19:12.17 church. His name was in News Week and other programs. 00:19:12.21\00:19:16.00 Praise God, he is going out and sharing how God delivered him 00:19:16.04\00:19:21.46 as well. We need to hit these things head-on and having purity 00:19:21.50\00:19:26.88 in the church by being intentional about it is 00:19:26.92\00:19:30.04 how the bride will make herself without spot or wrinkle. That's 00:19:30.07\00:19:33.98 how Jesus can come back. He's looking for a pure church like 00:19:34.02\00:19:37.23 it was during the apostles' time where you helped each other 00:19:37.27\00:19:40.45 I believe there's a good scripture on this: 00:19:40.48\00:19:47.60 I Timothy 5:2: How should you treat the elder women; treat 00:19:47.64\00:19:51.87 them as mothers. How should you treat the younger, as sisters 00:19:51.91\00:19:56.50 with what, with all purity. That's how we should be treating 00:19:56.53\00:20:01.09 each other. I'll put my two cents in here 00:20:01.12\00:20:04.57 that I believe in the A-frame hug or the sideways hug. That's 00:20:04.60\00:20:09.13 something that quite important that you're not doing a full 00:20:09.17\00:20:13.67 body press when somebody's hugging you in church. 00:20:13.70\00:20:17.90 Sherri, you do not have children, is that correct. 00:20:17.94\00:20:22.11 I have three stepchildren. 00:20:22.14\00:20:23.54 Three stepchildren and that's your children. As if you were 00:20:23.57\00:20:29.42 a mother of a young child and with your experience, what would 00:20:29.45\00:20:32.86 tell mothers of young children to tell their children to avoid 00:20:32.90\00:20:41.08 say someone in the church who was a registered sex offender 00:20:41.11\00:20:46.23 and you knew, what would you tell those children to avoid 00:20:46.27\00:20:50.00 becoming groomed or a target for that person? 00:20:50.03\00:20:53.54 Well a lot of times to me I feel the kids have so much pressure 00:20:53.58\00:20:58.00 that a lot of time especially like the younger children that 00:20:58.04\00:21:02.65 they really don't know. To me kids should just be able to be 00:21:02.69\00:21:07.30 kids. But you do definitely want to have the good touch, bad 00:21:07.33\00:21:11.91 touch, but to me it's the adults... 00:21:11.95\00:21:14.44 When you say have the good touch, bad touch you mean 00:21:14.47\00:21:16.78 have that conversation explained to the child. 00:21:16.81\00:21:18.98 Right explain to the child. But to me, have the adults... 00:21:19.01\00:21:24.03 Like to me, I'm super hyper sensitive on this and when I'm 00:21:24.06\00:21:28.81 at church your kids are pretty safe because I'm watching who 00:21:28.85\00:21:31.70 I know may be somebody I'm suspicious of or I've seen act 00:21:31.74\00:21:37.12 in a suspicious way maybe and I will be watching to see how 00:21:37.16\00:21:41.03 like if a child goes to the bathroom, if there's somebody 00:21:41.07\00:21:44.87 hanging out in the lobby and the child is in the lobby at that 00:21:44.91\00:21:49.00 time I will watch just at that same time just to be sure, you 00:21:49.03\00:21:54.32 know, that all goes well so that a child does not get abused or 00:21:54.35\00:21:59.60 whatever. I'm just really sensitive on that. 00:21:59.63\00:22:01.82 Well that's important and I guess what occurs to me is 00:22:01.86\00:22:05.05 that parents should if they even have to swap 00:22:05.09\00:22:09.18 responsibilities, who's going to be the sentry to kind of 00:22:09.22\00:22:12.21 watch over the children. Because sometimes we have a tendency 00:22:12.25\00:22:15.21 when we're at church just to let our children run free 00:22:15.24\00:22:18.16 because we feel like everything is so safe. With the social 00:22:18.20\00:22:22.59 stigma that is attached to this condition or sin, condition of 00:22:22.62\00:22:31.16 sin, a lot of people are some what reluctant to reach out for 00:22:31.20\00:22:37.16 help because... Let's say there is someone who is going to 00:22:37.19\00:22:42.63 church who may be into pornography, may have acted out 00:22:42.66\00:22:47.62 by fondling a child, as you did. Maybe they've never been 00:22:47.65\00:22:52.65 convicted. How can we as a church reach those people who 00:22:52.69\00:22:57.62 are doing what you did initially and it's holding it back, not 00:22:57.65\00:23:02.29 able to find the strength to confess it? 00:23:02.33\00:23:04.50 Well talking about it certainly helps, okay. We can't hide our 00:23:04.53\00:23:08.04 heads in the sand anymore about it. Talk about it not in a way 00:23:08.08\00:23:12.05 that's so confrontational but talk about what's real life. 00:23:12.08\00:23:16.02 These are real issues that people are dealing with. 00:23:16.06\00:23:17.73 As the church deals with real issues, you know what, the 00:23:17.77\00:23:21.34 church is going to grow because it will start to help people 00:23:21.37\00:23:24.90 realize this is a place for true healing. It's not just 00:23:24.94\00:23:28.44 people going through the forms of church life. The church is a 00:23:28.47\00:23:32.98 living, breathing organism. God wants it to be helpful and a 00:23:33.02\00:23:37.25 beacon of light. If it's dim because of internal festering 00:23:37.29\00:23:40.66 and disease we're not going to be affective and we're not 00:23:40.70\00:23:43.96 going home. We're not going home until we have a healthy 00:23:44.00\00:23:50.50 pure church. One thing in addition to talking is modeling 00:23:50.53\00:23:55.90 good behavior. The church has to model that purity in order 00:23:55.93\00:24:00.93 to really believe that it's possible. Model being able to 00:24:00.97\00:24:04.77 talk to people. Show that, you know what, you're trustworthy. 00:24:04.81\00:24:10.46 The confidentiality is important to start out with. Someone has 00:24:10.50\00:24:14.82 to be able to say I need to talk with you about something. 00:24:14.86\00:24:19.14 You're someone I feel I can talk to. Again, there are 00:24:19.18\00:24:22.77 mandated reporter laws. So the pastors and others are required 00:24:22.80\00:24:27.13 to report on these kinds of issues. 00:24:27.16\00:24:29.05 But what... let's say that I've got a problem and I'm listening 00:24:29.08\00:24:33.23 to this program right now and I decide I need to come talk 00:24:33.26\00:24:36.85 to the pastor. Now you're telling me, Hey, they're going 00:24:36.88\00:24:41.28 to have to report you. How would you reassure me under those 00:24:41.32\00:24:45.68 circumstances. That's why we're here. Because 00:24:45.72\00:24:48.69 Jesus led us through that and he will lead people through the 00:24:48.72\00:24:53.83 difficult things. As scary as it may be to talk about it and 00:24:53.87\00:24:58.56 to admit and to confess fault, don't let Satan have even one 00:24:58.59\00:25:02.72 more victory. Every day that goes by that someone who is in 00:25:02.76\00:25:06.33 an abusive situation, knows it, wants help but doesn't do 00:25:06.36\00:25:09.90 anything about it is another victory for Satan. Jesus wants 00:25:09.93\00:25:13.06 to have victory in our lives. Jesus wants victory in our whole 00:25:13.09\00:25:16.21 church, the whole church body. So somehow people have to 00:25:16.24\00:25:21.19 understand I trust God to lead me through. The church has 00:25:21.22\00:25:26.10 living flesh and blood to reach out to us okay. There's got to 00:25:26.14\00:25:31.28 be someone who can be confident who can listen and share. If it 00:25:31.32\00:25:36.43 is not the pastor, it's got to be someone you trust. Find 00:25:36.46\00:25:38.78 somebody. Because as an abuser admits it to even one person the 00:25:38.82\00:25:42.84 chances of abuse go way, way down. It starts the ball of 00:25:42.87\00:25:46.45 of recovery rolling So are you saying though that 00:25:46.48\00:25:49.88 the consequences of confessing this which means that you could 00:25:49.92\00:25:55.30 do jail time, lose your job, lose your family, those are less 00:25:55.33\00:26:01.03 important than consequences of abusing a child one more time? 00:26:01.07\00:26:05.21 Absolutely. How can you ever even balance it out. You can 00:26:05.25\00:26:09.32 think about all the things about yourself but that's where the 00:26:09.35\00:26:12.88 selfishness comes into play. Look at the child. Where is she 00:26:12.91\00:26:17.75 at? She is powerless. She is helpless to resist; she or he, 00:26:17.78\00:26:22.83 exactly. How can you compare the damage that's being caused to 00:26:22.86\00:26:28.03 that child versus your loss of maybe a job, whatever. Jesus 00:26:28.07\00:26:32.07 will see you through it. Help this person right now, this 00:26:32.11\00:26:36.21 abused person right now by admitting, coming forward. 00:26:36.25\00:26:40.32 There's no other way around it. 00:26:40.35\00:26:41.41 Speak straight to the person out there. 00:26:41.44\00:26:43.79 There's no other way around it. The only way that you can 00:26:43.83\00:26:48.68 truly get deliverance if you want deliverance, words are one 00:26:48.72\00:26:53.27 thing but you cannot just go to God and say God please forgive 00:26:53.31\00:26:57.23 me for what I've done and slap yourself on the wrist and say, 00:26:57.27\00:27:00.99 I'm all better now. There's got to be accountability to the 00:27:01.02\00:27:04.08 church. There's got to be accountability to some living, 00:27:04.12\00:27:07.14 breathing person here on this 00:27:07.18\00:27:08.29 planet so that your faith is real. 00:27:08.33\00:27:12.36 Wayne, thank you so much. Sherri, it's just gone by too 00:27:12.40\00:27:17.11 quickly. We appreciate your sharing. I hope that you've 00:27:17.15\00:27:21.79 learned something that you can take to the bank and put into 00:27:21.83\00:27:25.55 practice in your church. And I hope that if you are an abuser 00:27:25.59\00:27:29.28 that you will know, claim Psalm 129:4 00:27:29.31\00:27:32.21 The Lord is righteous. He can cut you free from the cord of 00:27:32.25\00:27:36.51 the wicked that is binding you. A child is too precious to put 00:27:36.55\00:27:40.78 through this kind of misery and it's too far reaching. 00:27:40.81\00:27:44.28 May the Lord bless you incredibly more than you 00:27:44.32\00:27:47.62 could ever ask or think. Thank you for joining us today 00:27:47.65\00:27:51.45 and please tune in again. 00:27:51.49\00:27:57.83