Hello, I'm Shelley
Quinn and welcome again to
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Issues and Answers.
We're going to be talking today
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about how to have a
happy home in an unhappy world.
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Let me share this
Scripture from Ephesians 4:32.
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I'll be reading from
the Amplified [Version].
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It says: "Become useful
and helpful and kind to one"
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"another, tender hearted,
compassionate, understanding,"
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"and loving hearted, forgiving
one another readily and freely,"
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"as God in Christ forgave
you." Our special guests today
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are Carolyn and Paul Rayne, and
you are from Eureka, Montana,
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-with Restoration International.
- That's right, thank you
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- for having us back again.
- It's a joy. Please tell us
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a little bit about
the ministry that you are
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- the general manager for. -
Restoration International is a
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small family ministry based
up there in the northwest corner
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of Montana, USA, we travel
all over the world, particularly
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around the US, giving
church seminars and family
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camp meetings. Some of the
things we'll be sharing today
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have first been shared
at family camp meetings,
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that's where we run from
Wednesday evening through
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to Sunday morning, just
sharing the practical, everyday
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"how tos" of living a
useful, Christ centered life.
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We have all walks of
life come there, Christians,
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non-Christians, the Bible
is open and the Bible is spoken
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of, but really what we're
talking about is the practical
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"how tos" of living happy,
useful homes; especially as it
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applies in the marriage,
and as we'll be talking today,
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in the family.
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I just want to take
this moment to tell our
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audience that if you would like
to find out more about their
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family camp
meeting, I've got a wonderful
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little DVD in my hand and
it'll give a lot of testimonies
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how much the children enjoy
this experience, and the parents
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as well, and you can
go to their website at:
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"www.restoration-interational.
org", or you can call
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toll free 888-446-88-44,
let me repeat that:
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888-446-88-44. So
today we're going to be
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talking about how to have a
happy home in an unhappy world.
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I know that you mentioned
earlier that it's the atmosphere
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in which we live, we want
to create a better atmosphere
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in our homes, so what
do you mean by atmosphere?
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We like to share, practically
speaking, and we would
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class ourselves as earnest
parents. I know there's very
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many different kinds of parents,
some parents are just casual,
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some are very
intense, some are laid back.
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Certainly we're not laid back,
and we found our self becoming
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more and more intense in
our parenting: "Don't do this",
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"You must do that", and
we realized that the joy
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of the Christian home
was disappearing under a mass
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of dos and
don'ts. It dawned on us,
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it came suddenly, but we
were praying for a long time,
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"Lord, there is something
missing in our family,"
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"what is is?" Many
people looking in from
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the outside would think
that we had a family with our
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2 young children that had
it made, but we knew behind
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closed doors that it
was a lot of chastisement
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of the children, a lot
of coaxing them in the right
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direction, a lot of the
firmer measures, and we realized
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something must be
missing. Finally it dawned on us
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what was missing was
what we now call "sunshine".
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When we started thinking
about sunshine, we mean by that:
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happiness, cheerfulness,
kindness, contentment,
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all those things that you
just associate with a sunny day.
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Then we began to realize
that the atmosphere in our home,
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and I know because of the many
people that we've spoken to,
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the atmosphere in
many homes is more cloudy.
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Do you want to
explain what I mean by cloudy?
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Just the life going on, negative
discussions, or negative
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attitudes, but no cheerfulness,
no happiness, no joy,
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just life "blah"
kind of happening.
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- Just like a
cloudy day. - Yeah.
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Then I imagine there's some
very stormy homes out there too.
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- Yes. - Well,
we began to realize
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how much home atmosphere
paralleled the atmosphere
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of the heavens out there,
and we're all very familiar with
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talking about the weather,
but how much do we look at
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the atmosphere that
actually happens in our homes
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on an everyday basis? We
began to see the parallels
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- between those 2. -
Yeah, because you have
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a cloudy day and
it's really not a bad day,
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but it's not a good
day, it's just a cloudy day.
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And that can be the same in
the home, it wasn't a bad day.
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it wasn't a good day, it was
just one of those "blah" days.
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But then if you get lots
of clouds, you end up with
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a storm in the atmosphere,
but also in the home.
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We have had that, where the
clouds get thicker and thicker
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and the Son, and now you know
which Son I'm talking about,
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the Son of God, the Son
gets blocked out by all those
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selfish clouds, and the clouds
get thicker, and then there
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starts to be clashing of
clouds, thunder and sparks,
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and loud noises.
This is very typical,
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even in Christian homes.
When we go to church, of course,
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you know, "Happy
Sabbath", "Good to see you",
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and everything's nice, but
what we're trying to focus on
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in our issues and
answers together is what goes on
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behind closed doors,
the atmosphere at home.
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Of course, if you have a storm,
most often of you get rain
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with that as
well. We have had it,
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we have had the rain of
tears coming down our cheeks,
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or maybe down the cheeks of
our children if we've spoken
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harshly to them, and we
think "I really shouldn't have"
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"said that", and I might see
my little daughter with a tear
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in the corner of her eye,
and that was a real wake-up call
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for me, we need, by
God's grace, to have sunshine
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at home, not all these
clouds, not all these storms.
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I like the analogies that you're
using, but let's go a little bit
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further, you've described
some of the atmospheres,
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what do you mean when
you talk about sunshiny home,
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give us some practical
examples of what a sunshiny home
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is all about.
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A sunshiny home is really
not complicated to understand
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theoretically or intellectually,
and it might seem nothing
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in comparison, but when
it's experienced in the home
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it's a whole different
atmosphere, what we mean
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by sunshine is just kindness,
that's "Aww, we all know"
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"about kindness, let's move
on", but we could spend hours
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just talking about the
practical "how tos" of kindness,
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or being
considerate, one to another,
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being tender hearted, like
we read in Ephesians when we
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- started. - ...Or courtesy.
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-Courtesy, just common courtesy.
-Speaking in a courteous way,
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we'd do it to a stranger, but
do we do it in our own homes?
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I was just getting ready to
say that often people are much
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more kind, courteous,
and patient with strangers
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than they are with those they
love the most, and are living
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with at home.
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We let our guard
down at home too easily.
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There's almost a formal
politeness "Hello, how are you?"
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"Good to see you,
haven't seen you for a while",
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that's fine, that's real
life, but then to turn round
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to the children: "children,
would you please be quiet!"
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If we can have enough of the
Lord to be pleasant to people
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that we see once a week,
or once a month, then surely
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for those very people that
share the same roof with us,
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the same home, we should be
seeking the Lord for a kinder,
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more considerate way of having
interrelations in the home.
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How are some ways, give us some
examples of a sunshiny home.
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Even before I do that, I
want to encourage our viewers
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that we don't share this because
we live in wall to wall sunshine
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24/7, we're talking
about the reality of our home,
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that's why we came to
this realization, because of
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our own need. No,
sunshine doesn't shine
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24/7 in our home, though
by God's grace we know it can.
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We're striving for it too, but
we are very aware of our need
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and we begin to realize
that if we feel this, we know
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that our viewers do too, and
that's why we want to share it.
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Some of the practical are
just things like, for example,
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my husband goes down to
the ASI convention once a year
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and when he's gone for
that week, sometimes that it may
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take there and back and
be there, he likes to leave
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some of his sunshine
behind. One particular time,
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I'll never forget it, I
didn't know if he'd left notes,
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or cards, or what he'd
done, but on this occasion
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he'd taken a pencil,
just a regular lead pencil,
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and he'd gone around in
my kitchen, and everything
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that was white plastic had
a heart drawn on it in pencil.
00:10:06.23\00:10:09.45
The microwave, the toaster,
the kettle, the dishwasher,
00:10:09.48\00:10:13.50
the blender, and I kept finding
these hearts wherever I went
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in my kitchen.
What did that do for me?
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It brought up my spirits, put
a smile on my face every time,
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and you know, I left them
there for at least 6 months,
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I didn't erase them it was so
precious; and when the children
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would see it what
message did it give to us:
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"Daddy loves us,
daddy's thinking of us",
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it was just something
that simple, costs no money
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whatsoever, just a little bit
of time, or maybe it's things
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like, something that we
really enjoy doing together
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as a family is canning together.
Just a couple of years ago
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we brought like 250
pounds of apples and we canned
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apple sauce. It
would have killed me
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to do it on my own, and
never could I have done it with
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just the children, but we
did it as a family, together,
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it bought joy into the
family. Yes, it was hard work,
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but we're still eating
that apple sauce right now.
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It was just a fun
thing to do together.
00:11:03.18\00:11:05.76
I remember another occasion,
what we're trying to share
00:11:05.79\00:11:08.33
is just simple, practical
things. Don't do just the exact
00:11:08.36\00:11:12.51
same thing we do, we're just
trying to stimulate the thoughts
00:11:12.54\00:11:16.04
that we can come outside of
our little box of normal life
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and think of
those in our household.
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One time I was coming
out of my office, which is in
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the basement of our home,
and my children were outside
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playing in the snow.
As I shared, we live in
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the northwest corner of Montana,
and winter can see the snow
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long and thick, so you
have to make something fun
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out of all that fluffy
stuff. So what we did was,
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the snow was about 2 or
3 feet thick down one bank
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on our property, and I took the
time to get the snow shovel out
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and make some shoots
down the steeper parts.
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They were quite high, so
the snow was 2 feet high on
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the sides of these
shoots, and when we got the sled
00:12:01.33\00:12:05.19
and I took my children and
I pushed them down that thing,
00:12:05.22\00:12:08.43
we actually made a
little jump at the bottom.
00:12:08.46\00:12:10.94
Now, it took me time, I
have a desk that is always
00:12:10.97\00:12:15.19
piled with things to do,
but if I just spend all my life
00:12:15.22\00:12:21.01
trying to clear my
desk, then by the time I'm 60,
00:12:21.04\00:12:23.97
if the Lord hasn't come,
my children will be married
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and gone, and I will never
really have known them or had
00:12:26.75\00:12:29.89
the opportunity to bring
some sunshine into their life.
00:12:29.92\00:12:33.15
So it's only a miracle, I
can tell you, because it's not
00:12:33.18\00:12:35.79
natural, but as I went
outside I thought, I can spend
00:12:35.82\00:12:38.42
an hour with the children,
so we made these snow shoots,
00:12:38.45\00:12:41.60
we went down them, we made the
jump, we made the jump bigger
00:12:41.63\00:12:44.47
and they were flying through
the air, then they wanted me
00:12:44.50\00:12:47.04
to get the video camera
on them and it was a time
00:12:47.07\00:12:50.51
that we still talk about
to this day: "Shall we do"
00:12:50.54\00:12:53.11
"the snow shoots
again this year?"
00:12:53.14\00:12:55.89
But it binds their little
hearts to ours, and it brings
00:12:55.92\00:12:58.61
sunshine, just simple
sunshine, into the home.
00:12:58.64\00:13:02.71
Or it might be as
simple as lying on the rug
00:13:02.74\00:13:05.34
with your little boy pushing
trucks around, or playing
00:13:05.37\00:13:08.08
Legos, something that
brings sunshine to each other,
00:13:08.11\00:13:11.65
but to them as well. And
it might only be 5 minutes
00:13:11.68\00:13:14.28
here and 10 minutes there,
but what it creates when you're
00:13:14.31\00:13:17.06
consistent with it, is the
cheerful, contented, and happy
00:13:17.09\00:13:20.96
atmosphere of the home,
and that's what our burden was,
00:13:20.99\00:13:23.92
we realized that often
we're thinking about prophecy,
00:13:23.95\00:13:28.04
things that are going to happen
in the future, to the neglect
00:13:28.07\00:13:31.18
- of the present.
- That's very good.
00:13:31.21\00:13:33.87
We're never going to be
part of the future unless we
00:13:33.90\00:13:36.85
concentrate on creating
the present to meet the future.
00:13:36.88\00:13:39.75
Amen. So why do you think that
00:13:39.78\00:13:43.64
so many homes
lack this sunshine?
00:13:43.67\00:13:47.59
What's the root cause?
00:13:48.10\00:13:50.22
It's the same old problem
that plagues us everywhere
00:13:50.25\00:13:53.87
we go, it's that selfish
old man, the carnal nature,
00:13:53.90\00:13:58.57
it's just not natural, at least
not for this father and this
00:13:58.60\00:14:01.99
mother to say: "Oh, I've
got a hundred things to do,"
00:14:02.02\00:14:04.86
"but never mind, I'm just
going to kick back and play"
00:14:04.90\00:14:07.65
"with the
children." Maybe some will find
00:14:07.68\00:14:10.45
that natural, but for
me it's just not natural,
00:14:10.48\00:14:13.03
so it's that old carnal
man, he stops us being cheerful,
00:14:13.06\00:14:17.73
he stops us being helpful,
and what happens is we tend
00:14:17.76\00:14:22.10
to get focused on me and my
agenda: "I've got this to do..."
00:14:22.13\00:14:29.06
and "Children, if
only you understood."
00:14:29.09\00:14:32.04
Well, I think it's us that needs
to understand a little more
00:14:32.07\00:14:35.13
of what goes in. For
anything that we do in life
00:14:35.16\00:14:39.55
it takes effort, if
somebody wants to get a business
00:14:39.58\00:14:41.70
off the ground, it's
known by everybody, he's going
00:14:41.73\00:14:45.63
to have to put in a
couple of years of really going
00:14:45.66\00:14:48.29
at it to get
that off the ground.
00:14:48.32\00:14:50.42
Well, what about
a Christian home?
00:14:50.45\00:14:52.51
If we really want our Christian
family to fly and to be
00:14:52.54\00:14:56.22
a shining light, then we
have got to seek the Lord
00:14:56.25\00:14:59.77
to give us the grace to
bring that into the family
00:14:59.80\00:15:03.12
in a tangible way,
it won't just happen.
00:15:03.15\00:15:05.73
One thing that I
appreciate about both of you,
00:15:05.76\00:15:09.87
both Carolyn and Paul, is
that you are very practical
00:15:09.90\00:15:13.50
and you like to put
things into practical terms,
00:15:13.53\00:15:16.30
so what are some
practical "how tos" for families
00:15:16.33\00:15:19.30
who are watching now,
that say: "this makes sense,"
00:15:19.33\00:15:21.50
"and we want a little
more sunshine in our life."
00:15:21.53\00:15:25.28
Taking the time as a
family to consider the subject
00:15:25.31\00:15:28.43
of the atmosphere in the
home, you know, as we've said,
00:15:28.46\00:15:31.74
as Christian we think
about what is coming before us
00:15:31.77\00:15:35.83
in this world, but do we really
think what's going to happen
00:15:35.86\00:15:38.02
today in our
home? And we began to be
00:15:38.05\00:15:40.23
very sensitive to that, so
I would encourage our viewers:
00:15:40.26\00:15:43.45
spend time as a family,
sit down together as a family
00:15:43.48\00:15:46.28
and talk about what
is it like in our home?
00:15:46.31\00:15:49.17
Do we like what it's like?
And if we don't, what steps
00:15:49.20\00:15:53.17
are all of us going to
take together to start to change
00:15:53.20\00:15:56.10
that? That was
something that was
00:15:56.13\00:15:58.22
really practical in our home,
so we'd like to encourage that.
00:15:58.25\00:16:01.95
We do that fairly regularly,
we sit down as a family,
00:16:04.19\00:16:06.64
we call it family board
meetings, all businesses
00:16:06.67\00:16:09.82
and schools, they have a board,
and I sit on several boards
00:16:09.85\00:16:13.78
and I thought: "How come we're
organizing everything else"
00:16:13.81\00:16:17.52
"and we're not
organizing our own family?"
00:16:17.55\00:16:20.60
So I instituted family board
meetings, I'm the chairman,
00:16:20.63\00:16:23.57
my 9 year old daughter is
seeking for that position,
00:16:23.60\00:16:27.05
but I told her she'll never have
it, she can be the secretary
00:16:27.08\00:16:31.52
maybe, but she's not
going to be the chairman.
00:16:31.55\00:16:34.39
One evening we were
talking about family atmosphere
00:16:34.42\00:16:37.05
and what we found was happening
was we all liked the idea
00:16:37.08\00:16:42.32
and we all did it
occasionally, but the experience
00:16:42.35\00:16:45.87
was escaping us on a
regular basis, so Carolyn asked
00:16:45.90\00:16:49.85
the question: "what can
we do to help remind us?"
00:16:49.88\00:16:53.34
And then we came up
with this idea of a box,
00:16:53.37\00:16:55.95
it was a heart shaped box
and every time somebody did
00:16:55.98\00:16:59.82
something loving in the family,
maybe one of the children
00:16:59.85\00:17:04.21
did something for
the parents, or whatever,
00:17:04.24\00:17:06.98
they would put a heart
shaped foam in the box.
00:17:07.01\00:17:11.17
Well, as we were thinking
about that, now we're in our
00:17:11.20\00:17:13.26
family board meeting
trying to figure out a name
00:17:13.29\00:17:16.34
for this box, we can't
just call it "the box".
00:17:16.37\00:17:18.98
So we're thinking
of "the sunshine box",
00:17:19.01\00:17:21.03
or "the heart box", "the
love box", and all of a sudden,
00:17:21.06\00:17:26.43
he was 6 at the time,
our 6 year old son says:
00:17:26.46\00:17:29.21
"Daddy! Let's call it
'the sunshine love box' ".
00:17:29.24\00:17:34.59
"That's it, that's what we'll
call it". So now it sits in
00:17:34.62\00:17:37.44
our home, sits on the coffee
table, the convenience table,
00:17:37.47\00:17:42.14
and as soon as we instituted
this, we have little children
00:17:42.17\00:17:46.39
remember, and we've shared
this at some of our family camp
00:17:46.42\00:17:50.14
meetings, we've had
mothers come back to us and say:
00:17:50.17\00:17:52.82
"I had teenagers", and teenagers
themselves, "enjoy such a"
00:17:52.85\00:17:57.30
"simple thing." What
happens is every time
00:17:57.33\00:18:00.09
we do something kind
we put it in the box,
00:18:00.12\00:18:02.66
and when the box is full
we do something very special
00:18:02.69\00:18:05.90
as a family that we
wouldn't normally do.
00:18:05.93\00:18:08.07
Maybe we'll go on a canoe
trip together, or take a special
00:18:08.10\00:18:13.05
trip out that's
outside of the normal routine.
00:18:13.08\00:18:17.14
And soon after we
implemented this love box,
00:18:17.17\00:18:19.96
I was knelt down in our living
area next to the wood stove
00:18:19.99\00:18:25.66
and I was praying there, I
was not actually praying out
00:18:25.69\00:18:28.81
loud, I was just praying
in my mind, and I became very
00:18:28.84\00:18:31.98
aware that somebody is
stood right by me, isn't that
00:18:32.01\00:18:34.73
amazing how you know
somebody is there even though
00:18:34.76\00:18:37.64
your eyes are closed and at a
convenient point in the prayer
00:18:37.67\00:18:40.86
I opened my eyes, looked
up, and there was my son,
00:18:40.89\00:18:44.29
my 6 year old son at the
time. He had the biggest smile
00:18:44.32\00:18:47.47
on his face, I said
"Caleb, tell me about it",
00:18:47.50\00:18:50.86
he's just
bursting to say something.
00:18:50.89\00:18:53.53
He said: "Can I
put a love in the box?"
00:18:53.56\00:18:56.07
And I said: "Why?" He
says: "You know you showed"
00:18:56.10\00:19:00.06
"me how to make my
bed, well I made my bed,"
00:19:00.09\00:19:02.77
"and then I was coming out
of my bedroom", which is right
00:19:02.80\00:19:05.85
opposite his sister's bedroom,
"and I looked in her room"
00:19:05.88\00:19:08.27
"and she hadn't done her
bed, so I went in and did it."
00:19:08.30\00:19:11.50
And I thought "Oh, bless
his heart", he was so excited
00:19:11.53\00:19:15.50
that he had done
something kind for his sister.
00:19:15.53\00:19:18.25
Because he knew, he
understood, what we were meaning
00:19:18.28\00:19:21.68
about this atmosphere,
and how each one of us
00:19:21.71\00:19:24.41
with the little things
that we do could affect a change
00:19:24.44\00:19:27.56
in that atmosphere,
and he understood it,
00:19:27.59\00:19:30.29
- even at 6 years old. -
That's precious, and it is
00:19:30.32\00:19:33.18
little things that
make a difference, isn't it?
00:19:33.21\00:19:35.90
- It really is. -
Often times we think
00:19:35.93\00:19:38.50
as men, and I'm sure there's
a lot of men, when they think
00:19:38.53\00:19:41.30
"Do something kind for the
wife", it's got to be flowers,
00:19:41.33\00:19:44.06
but I have often times
just sat at my desk, and maybe
00:19:44.09\00:19:47.87
I'm on the phone and I've
just got a pair of scissors
00:19:47.90\00:19:50.69
and a sticky note and
I'm just cutting out a heart,
00:19:50.72\00:19:54.00
or to tell you the honest
truth, sometimes I haven't
00:19:54.03\00:19:56.72
even got scissors to hand,
so I kind of fold the paper
00:19:56.75\00:19:59.70
in half and tear out a
heart, and then when I'm off
00:19:59.73\00:20:02.93
the phone I'll just go and
I'll stick it on her shoulder
00:20:02.96\00:20:05.85
or stick it in the
kitchen, or whatever,
00:20:05.88\00:20:08.44
just to let her know:
"Sweetie, I'm thinking of you."
00:20:08.47\00:20:12.95
And it's so small that
I'm sure some of our viewers
00:20:12.98\00:20:16.55
will be tempted to think:
"Ahh, you don't know our home,"
00:20:16.58\00:20:20.15
"that's never going to
change our home", well, try it.
00:20:20.18\00:20:24.15
I challenge you, try it
and see, and you'll be amazed
00:20:24.18\00:20:27.88
because life is made up of
those little things, and all of
00:20:27.91\00:20:31.44
a sudden you'll find somebody
who wouldn't talk to you,
00:20:31.47\00:20:34.05
or somebody who
always gave you a hard time,
00:20:34.08\00:20:37.60
the Bible calls it
"heaping coals on the head",
00:20:37.63\00:20:41.53
all of sudden you'll find them
responding in a sweeter way,
00:20:41.56\00:20:44.40
but even if they don't,
don't do it for that reason,
00:20:44.43\00:20:47.39
do it for the Lord.
00:20:47.42\00:20:49.59
Amen. You know, I still have
00:20:49.62\00:20:51.97
a drawer full of things that
my husband has done like that,
00:20:52.00\00:20:55.16
just little notes
that I just can't part with
00:20:55.19\00:20:58.13
that he would leave when
he was going out of town,
00:20:58.16\00:21:00.80
stick them under my pillow,
or on a pillow, or something.
00:21:00.83\00:21:03.62
I had one quite embarrassing
moment, I guess it was;
00:21:03.65\00:21:06.35
I was sharing a room
with the Vice President of our
00:21:06.38\00:21:09.64
conference and we were at
ASI together and I pulled out
00:21:09.67\00:21:12.65
my shirt out of my bag
that my wife had packed for me
00:21:12.68\00:21:16.68
and I didn't know, but out
with the shirt came all these
00:21:16.71\00:21:20.45
foam loves, all over the
floor, all over the place
00:21:20.48\00:21:25.05
and I held it up
and I said to my friend:
00:21:25.08\00:21:27.88
"Well, I guess my wife and
family are thinking of me."
00:21:27.91\00:21:31.50
And he found them for the
rest of that week because they
00:21:31.53\00:21:33.60
were tucked in every little
corner that we could put them,
00:21:33.63\00:21:36.23
and you know, the
beauty is, as you engage,
00:21:36.26\00:21:39.35
and I really want to encourage
our viewers, this is not
00:21:39.38\00:21:42.08
just what you have the
children do, this is what you
00:21:42.11\00:21:45.20
participate in
with your children.
00:21:45.23\00:21:48.26
If you say: "Children, this
is your love box and you go"
00:21:48.29\00:21:51.00
"ahead and fill it",
it'll never get off the ground,
00:21:51.03\00:21:53.82
you've got to be there
with them, involved in it.
00:21:53.85\00:21:56.66
So I said to the children
"what shall we do for daddy's"
00:21:56.69\00:21:59.54
"suitcase?" And they then get
00:21:59.57\00:22:02.45
the enthusiasm, they rush
off to get the little hearts,
00:22:02.48\00:22:05.36
and they're making
little pictures, and one time
00:22:05.39\00:22:07.68
Caleb put one of his soft toys
in there in daddy's suitcase,
00:22:07.71\00:22:10.63
and all kinds of
things daddy went with.
00:22:10.66\00:22:13.23
But you know, the children
are engaged, and they're
00:22:13.26\00:22:15.77
involved, and that's
what makes the difference.
00:22:15.80\00:22:18.52
Parents, we can't just give
this package to our children
00:22:18.55\00:22:21.30
and say: "Go ahead, do
it", because it won't happen.
00:22:21.33\00:22:24.09
They want our
involvement, when we're involved
00:22:24.12\00:22:26.90
and they're involved, we're
encouraging each other along.
00:22:26.93\00:22:30.06
Then you suddenly find yourself
with the kind of atmosphere
00:22:30.09\00:22:33.17
- that you've been longing
for. - So this heart shaped
00:22:33.20\00:22:35.88
love box, what you're doing
then is you're putting little
00:22:35.91\00:22:38.50
heart shaped foams in
it, and once it's filled,
00:22:38.53\00:22:41.16
that's for every
act of kindness...
00:22:41.19\00:22:43.77
...Or it can be whatever
it is that you're centering on
00:22:43.80\00:22:46.29
that you see is the need
that you have as a family.
00:22:46.32\00:22:49.26
It can be kindness, or
maybe it's picking up after
00:22:49.29\00:22:52.06
each other, or maybe it's
speaking words of courtesy
00:22:52.09\00:22:54.69
and love, or maybe it's
forgiveness, whatever need
00:22:54.72\00:22:57.78
is the Lord brings
because we can't just keep it
00:22:57.81\00:23:00.51
- on 1 thing. - We
keep it fairly general,
00:23:00.54\00:23:03.45
but you know, when you buy gas
sometimes you get double points,
00:23:03.48\00:23:06.35
I say to the children because
Carolyn and I have been talking
00:23:06.38\00:23:08.77
and there's a weakness,
there's a bit of bickering
00:23:08.80\00:23:11.64
going on between the children,
we say "double when you're kind"
00:23:11.67\00:23:15.82
"to each other children,
double points gets that thing"
00:23:15.85\00:23:19.17
- "filling up." -
"Double points this week".
00:23:19.20\00:23:21.74
So once it's filled up then
you're going to do something
00:23:21.77\00:23:24.63
as a family that's special.
Let me as you, because something
00:23:24.66\00:23:27.37
tells me that there could
be someone out who is watching
00:23:27.40\00:23:30.63
us right now, and maybe you're
saying: "Oh please, give me"
00:23:30.66\00:23:34.46
"a break, I can't see that
my family would be so sweet"
00:23:34.49\00:23:39.78
"all of the time", and
they may be saying to them self
00:23:39.81\00:23:43.30
"Can't you overdo
this? Can there be too much"
00:23:43.33\00:23:46.10
"sunshine in a family?"
00:23:46.13\00:23:48.73
There can, there
really can. Just going back to
00:23:48.76\00:23:52.83
the atmosphere, what
happens if you get too much sun?
00:23:52.86\00:23:56.46
You get burned, and that's not
good, or you get heat stroke.
00:23:56.49\00:24:00.68
It may seem strange that
we can have too much sun,
00:24:02.29\00:24:05.28
but we can have too much
sun, and we can have too much,
00:24:05.31\00:24:08.93
well it's not really
kindness because kindness can
00:24:08.96\00:24:11.90
bleed over into an indulgence,
a wrong kind of indulgence.
00:24:11.93\00:24:18.66
I don't want to
leave our viewers thinking
00:24:20.08\00:24:22.99
"Oh, okay, so I've
kind of been hard on them,"
00:24:23.02\00:24:25.65
"now I've got to be kind
on them", and then they start
00:24:25.68\00:24:28.48
doing things that are obviously
wrong that you don't want
00:24:28.51\00:24:31.60
them to grow up with
those traits of character,
00:24:31.63\00:24:33.75
so you say: "Well, never
mind, I'm on the kindness"
00:24:33.78\00:24:37.05
"routine now." No,
we need to mix that
00:24:37.08\00:24:40.49
kindness and that courtesy,
we need to mix it with firmness.
00:24:40.52\00:24:45.59
The 2 have to
stand side by side.
00:24:45.62\00:24:50.35
If you are just all
hardness and instruction:
00:24:50.38\00:24:54.00
"Do this!", that's one
extreme, and if it's all love
00:24:54.03\00:24:57.63
and the children can
never do a thing wrong,
00:24:57.66\00:25:00.35
to me that's the other
extreme. The secret of success
00:25:00.38\00:25:04.75
is to have both of those
things there, and I'm starting
00:25:04.78\00:25:08.23
to think along the
lines of extreme parenting.
00:25:08.26\00:25:10.25
We've got to be extremely
loving to our children,
00:25:10.28\00:25:14.45
give them every
ounce of encouragement,
00:25:14.48\00:25:16.35
but we have to tow the line
as well, and they have to know
00:25:16.38\00:25:20.66
that there are those
boundaries and they don't move.
00:25:20.69\00:25:24.15
Well, it's just as our
heavenly Father deals with us.
00:25:24.18\00:25:27.35
He is the ultimate of
love because He is love,
00:25:27.38\00:25:30.42
but we know that when
we push on those boundaries
00:25:30.45\00:25:32.87
we will reap natural
consequences when we go
00:25:32.90\00:25:35.36
out of His will. So
it's bringing that into our
00:25:35.39\00:25:38.20
homes with the atmosphere there.
00:25:38.23\00:25:40.56
Just a word to parents,
don't take the softer virtues,
00:25:40.59\00:25:45.10
as I would call them, to such
an extreme that they knock out
00:25:45.13\00:25:47.63
the firmer virtues because we've
seen that happen in families
00:25:47.66\00:25:50.58
as well, and the children
grow up actually disliking
00:25:50.61\00:25:54.24
the parents because they
never called them to account
00:25:54.27\00:25:57.05
- in some of those
areas. - So why don't you take
00:25:57.08\00:25:59.32
just the moment that we have
left and look into our camera
00:25:59.35\00:26:02.40
and tell those at home,
just summarize what sunshine
00:26:02.43\00:26:05.86
in the home is all about.
00:26:05.89\00:26:08.01
Well, as we shared with
you, sunshine in the home
00:26:08.04\00:26:10.42
came as a result of us
realizing it wasn't there.
00:26:10.45\00:26:15.80
If you find your home as a
home where harsh words are used
00:26:15.83\00:26:20.32
frequently, where the
children are more treated as
00:26:20.35\00:26:23.66
an inconvenience,
then I challenge you.
00:26:23.69\00:26:26.39
The first thing I would
challenge you is to go to your
00:26:26.42\00:26:28.78
knees and say: "Oh Lord, please
help me", because it's natural,
00:26:28.81\00:26:33.24
that's just how we are this far
down the line in the human race,
00:26:33.27\00:26:38.22
we are terribly
selfish. We need to go to God,
00:26:38.25\00:26:41.00
ask Him for a new
heart, and then by His grace,
00:26:41.03\00:26:45.03
and we haven't really
shared that in this interview,
00:26:45.06\00:26:47.58
but it's only by His
grace this will happen.
00:26:47.61\00:26:50.40
Don't try it in your own
strength, if you know what
00:26:50.43\00:26:53.21
I mean by that; seek the Lord
00:26:53.24\00:26:56.10
and then put some effort and
some time into your children,
00:26:56.13\00:27:00.20
into your young
people, into your wife.
00:27:00.23\00:27:03.50
Ask the Lord to give
you natural opportunities.
00:27:03.53\00:27:06.58
This is something very practical
you can do: ask the Lord
00:27:06.61\00:27:09.73
to give you natural
opportunities in the day,
00:27:09.76\00:27:12.76
ask Him to remind you and I
guarantee, if you're willing
00:27:12.79\00:27:15.61
to do that, the Lord
will give you opportunity,
00:27:15.64\00:27:18.59
and you will
have sunshine at home.
00:27:18.62\00:27:21.44
Amen.
00:27:21.47\00:27:22.60
Well Paul, thank you so
much for all that you've
00:27:22.63\00:27:25.30
brought to the
program today, and Carolyn,
00:27:25.33\00:27:28.11
we are so glad that we have
had the Raynes with us today,
00:27:28.14\00:27:31.63
except that we've been
talking about sunshine.
00:27:31.66\00:27:34.76
Thank you all so much for
the ministry that you're doing,
00:27:34.79\00:27:37.33
we certainly appreciate
it. For those of you at home,
00:27:37.36\00:27:39.91
remember that Jesus
Christ said: "I am the light"
00:27:39.94\00:27:42.49
"of the world and he
who follows after Me"
00:27:42.52\00:27:45.00
"will never walk in darkness,
but will have the light"
00:27:45.03\00:27:47.48
"of life." Let
God put some sunshine
00:27:47.51\00:27:50.45
in your home today.
Thank you for joining us.
00:27:50.48\00:27:53.46