Hello, I'm Shelley
Quinn, and welcome again
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to Issues and Answers.
This is a program where we
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discuss current
issues and the Bible answers.
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What God can do for
us to make these issues
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better in our
life. I want to start off
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today's program with one
of my favorite scriptures
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and it comes from
Hebrews 13 and verse 20.
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And Paul is starting a
prayer in verse 20 talking
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about the God of
peace, but let me read to you
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what he is saying in
verse 21. He is saying now
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may the God of
peace strengthen, complete
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and perfect you and
make you what you ought to be
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and equip you with
everything good that you may
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carry out His will,
while He Himself works in you
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and accomplishes that
which is pleasing in His sight,
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through Jesus Christ our Lord.
You know when he think of this,
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isn't it a wonderful
promise and a wonderful truth
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to understand, that
the God of peace is the one
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who is quipping us,
working out his Will in us.
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And he wants us to totally
depend on what he is going
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to do in us. And
our guest today is not
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only a doctor, he
is a doctor of PhD,
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I should say, in
Christian psychology
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he teaches at the
Florida Christian University.
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He is also the author
of wonderful book called
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When the Vow
Breaks, and this is the book
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about divorce, it's
a book about the pain
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and the healing that
God brought to him through
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his own personal experience.
Please welcome with me,
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Dr. Richard
D'Avanzo. Thank you. Richard,
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it is so good
now, I feel like we are
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already old friends,
because I had the opportunity
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to interview you on
a 3ABN Today Program.
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And I was very
impressed with your work.
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Thank you very much,
I praise God for that.
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Amen, now for
those of our audience
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who did not get to
see the previous program
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Tell me just a little bit about
how this book came into being.
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What happened in
your life that caused you
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to write a book about
divorce and finding hope,
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healing and forgiveness
when a marriage ends.
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Well, I suppose a lot of
pain, loneliness, depression
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those kind of things
that most people go through,
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in fact I don't know any
that don't go through that,
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when they go through a divorce.
And it was during those times
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that I began to just make
little notes and put them down,
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because I didn't believe
what was happening to me,
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after 30, 35 years of
marriage it was a shock.
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I absolutely did not expect
it. And so, when I got out
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and came to
Florida after the divorce,
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I decided that I would want
to do what God wanted me to do.
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And of course sometimes
he wants us to do things that
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we don't think about.
And that was to go back
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to school. And so I
went back and started
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working on a Masters
in Christian Counseling
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and then went on to a
doctrate. In particular though
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it was placed in my
heart that I ought to review
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some of those notes,
because I was giving divorce,
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recovery, seminars.
And there is nothing better
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then to talk to people
after you've gonna through
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the same thing, right.
So, I began collecting those
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notes and I listed
them down and somebody said,
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you want to make
a book out of that.
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And I am not author and
I have no intention using
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those notes for that
reason. But I felt that the Lord
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wanted it too, so I
can reach more people
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then just a seminar
of 10 or 20 people, yes,
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but I can reach
the people out there.
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Now, in your book you
talk about your own pain
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and the experience of this
deep sense of worthlessness
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and loneliness
and lack of purpose.
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How did God get
you through this?
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because there are so many
people who are experiencing
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the same thing. Yeah,
it, sometimes when we get
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so much pain and we get
so lonely and depressed,
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we feel so
helpless and worthless.
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The arrogance of
self-centeredness is diminished
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to the point what we are saying,
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I need something more
than myself, I need God.
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And then we submit ourselves
to God and the best way
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to submit to God is
to read his word, Amen.
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Listen to what he has to
say and one of the verses
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the Psalm 23 verses 1
through 4, but in particular
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verse 4 was
really pivotal for me.
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And it opened the
gate. Why don't you go review
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those verses for
us? Okay, let me just
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read them to you.
"The Lord is my shepherd,
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I shall not want.
He makes me lie down
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in green pastures; He
leads me beside quiet waters.
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He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths
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of righteousness
for his name's sake.
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Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow
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of death, I shall fear
no evil, for He is with me;
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his rod and his
staff, they comfort me."
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You know when I
read through this verses
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I look at God as my shepherd,
and I needed a shepherd badly,
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Amen. So badly,
because I had lost everything,
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a dream of a marriage for
life. And effect of my children
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and so I said,
oh wow! I need this,
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this is my
shepherd. And then he makes me
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lie down in green pastures,
and these are places that
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he is gonna bring me
to that are much better
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then that I have now.
And he leads me besides
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quiet waters. In
other words, my life was
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in turmoil and just was so
upheaval, such an upheaval.
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And so he restores my
soul, he brings me back into
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his blessings of peace.
He guides me in the paths of
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righteousness
for His name' sake.
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Now here's where the
pivotal thing for me was,
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he walks me through the
valley of the shadow of death.
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In other words,
he walks me through,
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he doesn't park me
in that valley, Amen.
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As long as I hold on
to Him I can walk through,
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but if I let go
of him and I become
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self-centered and I
want to do it my way.
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And I don't trust
him and have faith that
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he is going to bring me through.
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Know if answer but, He
will carry me through, Amen.
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He will carry me
through and then he says,
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I will walk you
through the valley,
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but I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death.
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And to me this
divorce was death, sure.
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And God kept that
reminding me, he said, Richard,
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that's not death,
it's a shadow of death.
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It looks like death,
then I remember it saying,
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said what would you
rather be run over by,
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the shadow of a truck
or a truck, oh that's good.
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And then I said oh, I
understand Lord and that was
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the beginning
because I knew that Satan
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was trying to make me
believe that the shadow
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was the truck.
Yes, have you ever heard
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anyone say that in some
ways divorce is more difficult
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than the dead of spouse?
yeah, because the pain is,
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did you go through this
where you were second guessing
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yourself thinking what if
I had done this differently,
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that differently, yes.
But there is no closure
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because, yeah, the one
you love so much, right,
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if you the one that
been rejected, yeah, yeah,
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the one you love so
much is rejecting you, yes.
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And although there is
that total separation,
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there is no
closure, they're still alive,
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they're out there,
yeah, you're hoping for
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reconciliation.
That's right, that's right,
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you really are, and
you know its at night times
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that it was most difficult
for me because I would,
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these tapes in my
mind would go over
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what could I have
done that was different
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to what should I have
done. And the tapes go round
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and round with no
off buttons. You know
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that just never
start and then you wake up
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and you cry, the
loss is so devastating.
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And then Jesus
says, hang on to me,
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I am gonna bring
you through this,
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and you see you may
have even tears while you
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are going through
this, but then God gives you
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a peace underneath
that say, you are gonna
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go through this,
you're gonna go through this.
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Richard, they
are so many people,
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that I have met,
counseled with, who have said
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I want to avoid this
pain, sometimes they try to
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fill their emptiness
with alcohol or just illicit
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sexual affairs, sure.
They are trying to avoid
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this pain of
rejection and separation, yes.
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What was your
attitude about the pain?
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Well, when I am really
felt was that pain drove me
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to such a point in
my life. In other words,
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it removed any
arrogance of self.
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And that really is the
key to a walk with God,
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because once self
is out of the way,
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then Christ can come
and be present in him.
00:10:02.41\00:10:05.80
And you can walk with
him without a conflict
00:10:06.08\00:10:09.09
of saying well I want
it my way or this is what
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I think and this is my feelings.
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No, what are your feelings
are? what is your desire for me?
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what do you
want? And so he says,
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I want you to walk
through this pain as my child,
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I want you to walk as
my child, meaning, meaning,
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the fruit is Holy
Spirit. Galatians 5:22, 23 love,
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joy, peace, patience, kindness,
gentleness, faithfulness,
00:10:34.70\00:10:39.81
goodness, and
self-control. I mean these are
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the attributes of God's
presence in me or anybody
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out there who is going
through a valley with God.
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So, what I say to everybody is,
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don't let that pain be wasted.
Don't let the pain be wasted.
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Now, you are gonna
have to explain that
00:10:59.69\00:11:01.01
so everyone, it's
really interesting.
00:11:01.02\00:11:02.18
In other words, that
pain brings us to a point
00:11:02.19\00:11:05.69
were we accept
God. We say, Lord,
00:11:06.28\00:11:09.79
I can't go on
without you. This pain
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is overwhelming and
God says I will make
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a good out of
that one. Romans 8:28,
00:11:17.48\00:11:19.94
I can do a good out
of that. Because you
00:11:20.29\00:11:22.97
have yield and
surrendered before me,
00:11:22.98\00:11:25.47
you've allowed that
pain to become the vehicle,
00:11:26.11\00:11:30.50
in which you yield
into my arms of safety.
00:11:30.51\00:11:34.50
So, when you saying
don't waste the pain, yes,
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embrace the pain
because that is what causes you
00:11:37.63\00:11:41.05
to drawn near to God,
and as the Bible promises
00:11:41.06\00:11:43.72
in James 4:8, I believe he says,
00:11:43.73\00:11:46.03
draw near to God, God
will draw near to you.
00:11:46.35\00:11:48.92
That's right. So,
there is no way to rush
00:11:48.93\00:11:52.72
through this pain, but
if someone tries to mask
00:11:52.73\00:11:56.13
it to become
involved with other partners,
00:11:56.14\00:11:59.98
soon or just try
to deny the pain.
00:11:59.99\00:12:03.30
They are cheating
themselves out of that
00:12:03.31\00:12:05.11
intimacy of a new
relationship with God.
00:12:05.12\00:12:07.86
Absolutely true,
that vertical relationship
00:12:07.87\00:12:10.56
is so pivotal
for this experience.
00:12:10.57\00:12:14.67
It's going to, if you
are allow it to happen
00:12:15.26\00:12:17.55
you can bond with God in a
way you've never done before,
00:12:17.56\00:12:21.94
a bond of trust
and of faith, yes.
00:12:21.95\00:12:24.37
And this is so important
because it isn't just important
00:12:24.38\00:12:28.99
for that moment,
but believe it or not
00:12:29.00\00:12:31.50
if you have children,
their little eyes and ears
00:12:31.51\00:12:34.19
are hearing and looking
and they see that kind of
00:12:34.20\00:12:37.77
faith in you that's excellent
for their growth in God.
00:12:37.78\00:12:41.74
And also later,
because 80 or 90% of people
00:12:42.26\00:12:46.28
do remarry sooner or
later and I advice not too soon.
00:12:46.29\00:12:49.11
Right. But you
bring those things to God
00:12:49.87\00:12:53.89
taught to you into
the second marriage.
00:12:53.90\00:12:55.40
That prevents a
failure of the second marriage,
00:12:55.41\00:13:00.12
because we are seeing today,
the statistics are saying,
00:13:00.13\00:13:02.46
second marriage is
failing 74% of the time.
00:13:02.47\00:13:05.48
And third, 83% of the time
and fourth 92% of the time.
00:13:06.60\00:13:11.00
But, when you bring
what God has taught you,
00:13:11.52\00:13:13.99
take self out of the
way and be God centered.
00:13:15.79\00:13:18.15
Not
self-centered, but God centered,
00:13:19.04\00:13:20.92
then you walk in
this new relationship
00:13:20.93\00:13:24.46
like God taught you.
Earlier you mentioned
00:13:26.24\00:13:28.59
that getting rid of
that self-dependence
00:13:28.60\00:13:32.51
and
self-centeredness is the secret
00:13:32.52\00:13:33.92
to relationship with
God. And when you said
00:13:33.93\00:13:35.96
that I thought and
it's the secret to having
00:13:35.97\00:13:38.28
a good marriage as
well. It is, what you know
00:13:38.29\00:13:41.04
if you had to
say, what is the major
00:13:41.05\00:13:43.91
cause of relationship breakdowns
00:13:43.92\00:13:46.24
or marital breakdowns, no
question, self-centeredness.
00:13:46.25\00:13:51.32
Right. You see, and
Jesus said very clearly
00:13:51.85\00:13:54.76
in Luke 9:23 and Mark
and Matthew, deny self,
00:13:54.77\00:14:00.40
pick up your cross,
daily, and follow me, yes.
00:14:00.41\00:14:04.27
Paul said he
died how often? Daily.
00:14:05.25\00:14:07.93
Yes, you see if
Paul, I looked at my son,
00:14:07.94\00:14:10.94
I said if Paul
had to do it daily,
00:14:10.95\00:14:12.02
I have to do it
by the hour, Amen.
00:14:12.03\00:14:13.65
Yeah, so this is
thing that deters that
00:14:13.66\00:14:17.39
wonderfulness of God
to be in me, kindness,
00:14:17.40\00:14:20.51
gentleness, faithfulness,
absolutely, see, absolutely.
00:14:20.52\00:14:23.85
So, if you were talking
when Jesus said in Luke 9:23,
00:14:24.26\00:14:29.92
yeah, to deny
ourselves, yeah, pick our cross,
00:14:29.93\00:14:32.38
die daily, yes, and follow
him. How would you explain
00:14:32.39\00:14:38.30
if you were doing this seminar?
00:14:38.31\00:14:39.96
yeah, how do you
explain denying self?
00:14:39.97\00:14:42.02
particularly when you are
coming through this process,
00:14:42.03\00:14:45.23
yeah, of
recovering from a divorce?
00:14:45.24\00:14:48.17
Well, you see dining self
is a process of surrendering
00:14:48.76\00:14:56.35
my emotions, my
mental intelligence,
00:14:56.36\00:15:02.13
my will, my desires and saying,
Lord, I need to step aside,
00:15:02.14\00:15:09.05
Amen. I got to like you
come in and this doesn't happen
00:15:09.06\00:15:13.11
in one day or one
situation, its a growing thing,
00:15:13.12\00:15:16.93
it's a process. But,
we build that process
00:15:16.94\00:15:20.06
at that most painful
time and we start to do that.
00:15:20.53\00:15:23.86
Our lives will be
so much better forever.
00:15:25.50\00:15:29.36
Amen, you know you're
reminding me of the scripture
00:15:29.37\00:15:32.06
First Corinthians
6:17 that says, those who
00:15:32.07\00:15:34.95
are united to Christ
are one with Him in spirit.
00:15:34.96\00:15:37.77
And I did the study
on that word one, yes,
00:15:37.78\00:15:41.18
when he says Hear, O
Israel, our Lord is one.
00:15:41.19\00:15:44.10
One God, Hallelujah! It
means to be one in purpose,
00:15:44.44\00:15:48.43
thought and action.
So, what you're describing
00:15:48.44\00:15:51.81
is for the person who
is going through a divorce.
00:15:51.82\00:15:55.08
Yes. To just as that
pain is waiting over them
00:15:55.70\00:15:59.92
and drives them to
the foot of the cross
00:15:59.93\00:16:01.76
and they learn to
say, Lord, not my will,
00:16:01.77\00:16:04.09
but yours be done,
yeah, help me didn't pick up
00:16:04.10\00:16:06.64
my cross and died itself today.
00:16:06.65\00:16:08.14
Surrender this
burden to him and to know
00:16:08.62\00:16:11.02
that they are totally
depended upon the Holy Spirit,
00:16:11.03\00:16:14.18
to walk through this
like a child of God, yes
00:16:14.19\00:16:17.04
and just to realize
that this is something
00:16:17.68\00:16:21.52
that is going to
change their life forever,
00:16:21.53\00:16:25.34
absolutely, for
their eternal benefit, yes,
00:16:25.35\00:16:28.03
and happiness here on
earth. And that's how you walk
00:16:28.04\00:16:30.37
through every
trail, not just a divorce,
00:16:30.38\00:16:33.91
but this will not be the
only pain you'll go through
00:16:33.92\00:16:36.62
in your life.
Hopefully never to that degree,
00:16:36.63\00:16:40.27
but there be other
difficulties in life
00:16:40.68\00:16:42.46
and it's the same
process. Am I getting away
00:16:42.47\00:16:45.28
in the way of God
coming in to guide me.
00:16:45.29\00:16:48.29
So, when you're
learning to deny yourself,
00:16:48.84\00:16:51.70
what was your, I
mean it had to be
00:16:51.71\00:16:54.46
more than just prayer,
it had to be more than just
00:16:54.47\00:16:56.94
going before
the Lord and saying,
00:16:56.95\00:16:58.27
okay I am here to
surrender it all to you,
00:16:58.28\00:17:00.00
yeah, yeah. What tools
did you use that God provided?
00:17:00.01\00:17:03.77
Scripture, the word
of God at all the time.
00:17:04.32\00:17:06.90
You know, Paul
said in Galatians 2:20,
00:17:06.91\00:17:09.07
I have been crucified that self.
00:17:09.76\00:17:11.56
I've been crucified with Christ,
00:17:11.57\00:17:13.99
I know no longer live; right,
but what Christ lives in me,
00:17:14.00\00:17:18.78
see and then, and
then in Romans 12:2
00:17:19.50\00:17:22.04
he made it very
clearly, he says,
00:17:22.05\00:17:23.49
Do not be
conformed to this world,
00:17:23.50\00:17:25.69
but be what?
Transformed by the renewing
00:17:25.70\00:17:29.70
of your mind, Amen.
You see I'm gonna put
00:17:29.71\00:17:32.04
a different pair of glasses
on, so I see my difficulties
00:17:32.05\00:17:36.65
in life from God's
perspective, right.
00:17:36.66\00:17:39.40
Not for my
self-centered perspective oh,
00:17:39.41\00:17:41.39
you hurt me, oh
you did this to me, no.
00:17:41.40\00:17:43.99
I look at it through
patience and kindness.
00:17:44.00\00:17:48.04
Amen, amen, and
in the word of God,
00:17:48.88\00:17:52.49
not only do we
find wisdom and council,
00:17:52.50\00:17:56.24
we find comfort,
yes, we find the knowledge
00:17:56.93\00:18:00.85
and of the, I mean there
is how to, yeah, you know
00:18:00.86\00:18:03.45
God's word is very practical.
Yes, yes. So, for you,
00:18:03.46\00:18:07.04
what was some of your
journey, take us through
00:18:07.59\00:18:12.27
some of your stages as
you were coming through
00:18:12.28\00:18:14.79
this and
surrendering to the Lord.
00:18:14.80\00:18:16.32
And why do you
believe it's important
00:18:16.69\00:18:18.58
not to seek another
relationship with a person
00:18:19.22\00:18:23.76
for a period of say,
I believe we've agreed
00:18:23.77\00:18:27.06
before in another program,
two years, tell us about that.
00:18:27.07\00:18:30.31
Well, you know,
you are very vulnerable
00:18:31.30\00:18:34.31
at that particular time.
Loneliness is overwhelming,
00:18:34.32\00:18:37.77
depressed, you are
seeing life even though
00:18:39.32\00:18:44.49
you are working it out with
God and God's bringing you to,
00:18:44.50\00:18:47.40
still you haven't
got the strength to make
00:18:47.41\00:18:51.16
wise decision, or
you haven't relied enough
00:18:52.99\00:18:55.08
yet on God. And so when God
00:18:55.09\00:18:57.72
has to bring him through
these things to stabilize you,
00:18:57.73\00:19:01.96
connect the vertical with
God. And at that particular time
00:19:03.46\00:19:08.13
is when you will do
your greatest growing.
00:19:08.14\00:19:10.86
You know, I talked to
people and I counciled people
00:19:10.87\00:19:13.71
and over and over
again, people say I learned
00:19:13.72\00:19:17.72
my greatest lessons in
the most amount of pain,
00:19:17.73\00:19:20.48
Amen. So, that's what I mean,
00:19:20.49\00:19:21.94
don't waste that
pain, lets be productive
00:19:21.95\00:19:25.26
to move you to God and
cement your relationship
00:19:25.79\00:19:29.57
with God in faith and
trust that he loves me
00:19:29.58\00:19:32.74
no matter what,
an everlasting love
00:19:32.75\00:19:35.60
never changes
regardless. Now, if I am going
00:19:36.58\00:19:42.42
through this pain
and this loneliness,
00:19:42.43\00:19:46.26
what would you council
me to do other then say,
00:19:47.20\00:19:49.42
I agree with you.
If you were unhealthy
00:19:49.89\00:19:52.89
emotionally and after
such a dramatic event,
00:19:52.90\00:19:55.45
sure, you certainly
are, you will make decisions
00:19:55.46\00:19:58.45
that are unwise, right.
And you will get involved
00:19:58.46\00:20:00.49
in the relationships
that are unwise, yeah.
00:20:00.50\00:20:02.12
I think that's why so
many second and third marriages
00:20:02.13\00:20:04.44
are fail. But, what did you do?
00:20:04.45\00:20:07.29
What would you advice
me to do, our viewer to do,
00:20:07.30\00:20:09.59
if we were going through
this and walking through this,
00:20:09.60\00:20:12.07
okay. What did you do
practically to over come
00:20:12.08\00:20:15.21
some of this loneliness?
Remember I told you put on
00:20:15.22\00:20:19.32
different pair of glasses,
you don't see loneliness
00:20:19.33\00:20:22.70
as nothing. You
transfer into a loneliness
00:20:22.71\00:20:28.15
with God, and that's
good. This becomes a special,
00:20:28.16\00:20:31.61
unique
relationship with the power
00:20:31.62\00:20:34.37
that I never had
before, see this loneliness
00:20:34.38\00:20:37.60
with God it isn't I
am not lonely now, see.
00:20:37.61\00:20:40.06
I am alone with God,
and he is teaching me.
00:20:40.66\00:20:43.88
Another thing that
helped me a great deal was
00:20:43.89\00:20:46.66
to understand what made
my loneliness and especially
00:20:48.29\00:20:51.55
depression worse, was self pity.
00:20:51.56\00:20:54.46
When I started to
feel sorry for myself.
00:20:54.97\00:20:57.11
I am just, you
know, poor me and I felt
00:20:58.01\00:21:01.33
I had a lot of
reasons, why I felt for me.
00:21:01.34\00:21:03.63
I mean you know I
didn't deserve this, etc, etc.
00:21:03.64\00:21:05.92
Well, whether it's true or not?
00:21:06.20\00:21:07.63
The point is it
doesn't help your depression
00:21:09.09\00:21:11.05
and your relationship
with God. And so he says get
00:21:11.06\00:21:14.38
self out of the
way, that's self pity.
00:21:14.39\00:21:16.48
He says and so I had
a hard time doing this
00:21:16.49\00:21:19.32
and I had to make
this little sticky notes
00:21:19.69\00:21:21.58
as I told you last time,
that I put all over the place.
00:21:21.59\00:21:25.02
I said, tell you
that in my book how
00:21:25.48\00:21:26.76
I did all this
stuff, but it said MGC,
00:21:26.77\00:21:29.72
no moaning, no
groaning and no complaining.
00:21:30.80\00:21:33.49
And that was a reminder
that I had and I would say,
00:21:34.51\00:21:36.90
oh good, I've got it.
But I had to be reminded
00:21:36.91\00:21:39.33
an hour later or
next day, but those notes
00:21:39.34\00:21:42.38
were there and after
while. As I began to do this,
00:21:42.39\00:21:45.57
because God
wanted me to do this,
00:21:46.06\00:21:47.47
get God-centered
not self-centered,
00:21:48.18\00:21:49.96
I move out of the
gallery. Now did you also
00:21:50.54\00:21:54.89
during this time, not
only embracing this instead of,
00:21:54.90\00:21:59.44
as you said loneliness,
but looking at this is my time
00:21:59.45\00:22:01.82
to be alone with God, to
get to know my Father better.
00:22:01.83\00:22:05.31
Who he is and who
I am, as his child.
00:22:05.32\00:22:07.54
Did you also
reach out to you church?
00:22:07.97\00:22:10.82
or did you get
involved with group activities?
00:22:10.83\00:22:12.95
what would you recommend
for someone who is doing this?
00:22:12.96\00:22:15.62
Very important to
get with Godly people
00:22:16.02\00:22:18.66
and I mean this very sincerely.
If you get involved with
00:22:18.67\00:22:23.41
wrong people, they will
force or lets say foster
00:22:23.42\00:22:27.94
a negative attitude
which fosters ungodly behavior.
00:22:28.88\00:22:34.80
So, you have to get
really Godly he who really
00:22:34.81\00:22:38.06
understand what it
means to die this self,
00:22:38.07\00:22:41.12
surrender to Christ
so they he may live in me
00:22:41.13\00:22:43.66
and that his will
is working in me, Amen.
00:22:43.67\00:22:47.44
See and that's so pivotal,
Amen. Very important next
00:22:47.45\00:22:51.82
as you wanna get in
groups perhaps of fellowship,
00:22:51.83\00:22:57.06
Bible studies are excellent.
I recommend divorce care
00:22:57.68\00:23:01.90
seminars and I give
them, I've been giving them
00:23:01.91\00:23:04.71
for six years.
There are in all of many
00:23:04.72\00:23:07.79
Christian churches have
them. And if you don't have one
00:23:07.80\00:23:09.88
in your church,
well go to one that does.
00:23:09.89\00:23:12.31
And they are Bible
centered and there you have
00:23:12.83\00:23:16.17
other people who have
gonna through the same thing
00:23:16.18\00:23:18.48
you have, except some
of them are further along.
00:23:18.49\00:23:20.86
And so you can see
there is hope for me.
00:23:21.37\00:23:24.28
And of course are
many good books out there
00:23:24.80\00:23:27.45
and I recommend to
start with the one I wrote,
00:23:27.46\00:23:31.46
because that's,
that's the reason I wrote it,
00:23:31.47\00:23:33.27
I wanted to reach those people.
00:23:33.28\00:23:35.34
It's a wonderful
book, now let me ask you
00:23:35.82\00:23:37.32
this if we've discuss
this on another program,
00:23:37.33\00:23:41.77
but I am sure that
we mentioned it today
00:23:42.38\00:23:44.56
that is you and I
both agree on something
00:23:44.57\00:23:47.80
and that is someone
who has come through
00:23:47.81\00:23:50.09
the traumatic event of a
divorce or even the death
00:23:50.10\00:23:53.28
of spouse I
would say, sure, yeah.
00:23:53.29\00:23:54.69
You should wait at
least two years, yes,
00:23:54.97\00:23:57.48
before you begin to
date again, yes, yes.
00:23:57.49\00:24:00.33
And you did you
waited two-and-half years
00:24:00.71\00:24:02.97
and actually trying to reconcile
00:24:02.98\00:24:04.60
with your wife didn't you?
Yes, we are leaving it open,
00:24:04.61\00:24:06.37
leaving it open for
reconciliation, yes, yes.
00:24:06.38\00:24:08.88
But also it was
a time for healing,
00:24:09.37\00:24:11.19
this is a very precious
time to move closer to God,
00:24:12.25\00:24:16.23
because you don't have
the kind of time you have now.
00:24:16.24\00:24:20.61
Because you may get
married and end up raising,
00:24:20.62\00:24:22.82
having another family
or having household chores,
00:24:22.83\00:24:25.60
but now you're alone.
And so it's a time to really
00:24:25.61\00:24:29.04
get the vertical with God.
And that's the most precious
00:24:29.49\00:24:35.73
time because you heal and
now when you come to date.
00:24:35.74\00:24:40.50
I don't expect,
I don't recommend
00:24:41.45\00:24:43.21
going out dating, I suggest
you do it in group settings.
00:24:43.22\00:24:46.18
Because you're
gonna, many of you have been
00:24:47.35\00:24:48.57
married for quite a while,
you're gonna feel awkward.
00:24:48.58\00:24:50.73
I mean, you know
I'm dating, you know,
00:24:51.67\00:24:53.76
I mean this is awkward.
So, you be in group settings
00:24:53.77\00:24:57.62
and you have an
opportunity to watch people
00:24:57.63\00:24:59.40
in their character
and their spirituality
00:25:01.05\00:25:05.01
and you have no, you have
not committed yourself see,
00:25:05.46\00:25:07.91
right. And that's good to do.
00:25:07.92\00:25:09.72
Amen, no for our viewers
if you would like to know
00:25:10.24\00:25:14.37
that Richard is
happily remarried,
00:25:14.38\00:25:17.44
he waited five years
and the Lord has blessed him
00:25:17.45\00:25:20.10
with so much more
than you ever anticipated
00:25:20.58\00:25:23.00
hasn't he? But
let me get back to
00:25:23.01\00:25:25.64
we only got a couple of
minutes left in program,
00:25:25.65\00:25:27.80
so let me ask this
quickly. Surrendering self
00:25:27.81\00:25:31.44
to God is critical, we
have to be emptied of self
00:25:31.45\00:25:35.08
to be filled with
the Holy Spirit, correct,
00:25:35.09\00:25:36.98
and that peace and
the love and the fruit
00:25:36.99\00:25:39.56
of this spirits,
right, love, joy, peace, etc.
00:25:39.57\00:25:41.75
What happens
though when you're walking
00:25:42.47\00:25:45.10
in the fruit of the
spirit, you know, you're filled
00:25:45.11\00:25:47.25
with Holy Spirit,
yes, and all of the sudden
00:25:47.26\00:25:49.17
that old pain just slams
you right in the face again,
00:25:49.18\00:25:52.64
it just and it does doesn't it?
00:25:52.65\00:25:54.59
It ambushes you,
okay, you don't expect it.
00:25:54.60\00:25:56.74
How do you get
past those moments?
00:25:57.19\00:25:58.52
It's a surprise, and that's part
00:25:58.53\00:26:00.16
of the learning
process. See that's the part
00:26:00.17\00:26:02.23
of the time when you
just get back and say,
00:26:02.24\00:26:04.75
what has God taught me. Oh! Yes!
00:26:04.76\00:26:07.65
Walk with God in
the pain, be his child.
00:26:08.45\00:26:12.50
Walk, no self
pity, just walk with God.
00:26:14.94\00:26:20.33
Take your
glasses off, put his on,
00:26:21.16\00:26:23.71
you can do this and
it's being vulnerable
00:26:24.56\00:26:27.89
in order to be able
to be in God's grace.
00:26:27.90\00:26:31.78
Because you are not
afraid of what people
00:26:31.79\00:26:33.83
are gonna do,
because God is with me, Amen.
00:26:33.84\00:26:36.63
God is protecting me,
he is walking me through.
00:26:36.64\00:26:39.70
That person there is
not walking me through
00:26:40.69\00:26:41.98
my church is helping,
but they're not walking
00:26:41.99\00:26:44.22
me through. God
is walking me through
00:26:44.23\00:26:45.86
and he is all powerful,
Amen. So, I don't have to worry
00:26:45.87\00:26:49.48
about oh! I have
to, somebody may do this
00:26:49.49\00:26:52.16
or say no, no I can
be truthful and honest.
00:26:52.17\00:26:56.33
Amen, you know
we started off today
00:26:56.77\00:27:00.01
talking Hebrews 13:20, yeah.
00:27:00.02\00:27:02.52
How God, the God
of peace is the one
00:27:02.53\00:27:06.70
who will equip us to do
his will, and as Richard
00:27:06.71\00:27:10.67
as said to take us through
these times of great trouble.
00:27:10.68\00:27:13.67
Richard, we've got
to have you come back
00:27:14.06\00:27:16.03
because there
things we need to talk more
00:27:16.04\00:27:18.18
about in that, particularly
that forgiveness aspect.
00:27:18.19\00:27:20.73
How do you for give
your spouse and go forward?
00:27:20.74\00:27:23.43
Thank you so
much, you're welcome,
00:27:23.76\00:27:25.29
for being with us
here today, yeah thank you.
00:27:25.30\00:27:26.89
And we look forward
to having you come back.
00:27:26.90\00:27:28.94
For those of you at
home, remember this, no matter
00:27:29.33\00:27:31.70
why you are going
through, God loves you with
00:27:31.71\00:27:34.37
an everlasting
love, and He promises that
00:27:34.38\00:27:37.72
that His
everlasting arms are beneath you
00:27:37.73\00:27:39.82
and that He will trust
out the enemy from before you
00:27:39.83\00:27:42.57
getting him out of the
way. Now, until next time,
00:27:42.58\00:27:46.20
may the love of
our Lord Jesus Christ,
00:27:46.21\00:27:48.77
the grace of the
Father and the fellowship
00:27:48.78\00:27:50.48
with the Holy Spirit
be with you for always.
00:27:50.49\00:27:53.27