Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn and
welcome to Issues and Answers.
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We have a very exciting
topic to talk about today
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particularly for
those of you who are married
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or are thinking
about getting married.
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We will be talking about keys
to building relational intimacy.
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We want our marriages to be
like God ordained them to be
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according to His divine purpose.
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Before we begin, I want to
share a Scripture with you.
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I though this is
kind of appropriate.
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It comes from
Songs of Solomon 8:6,7.
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The Bible says: "Set me
like a seal upon your heart,
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like a seal upon your arm,
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for love is as strong as death.
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Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can floods drown it. "
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Isn't that the kind of
relationship that you would like
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to be
experiencing with your spouse?
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You can and God has the answers.
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So today I'm very pleased
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to introduce to you
pastor Jerry Connell.
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Jerry is a pastoral
psychotherapist, he is also
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a marriage and family therapist.
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Jerry, you are
from Lincoln, Nebraska.
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That's where I
live for 15 years now.
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That's where you are living.
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Thank you so much for
coming and joining us.
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It is very interesting to
me that this is your topic
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because we get so many
questions, and I particularly
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in going out and doing ministry,
in women's retreats and revivals
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A lot of people
approach us about this.
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What makes you an
expert in this area?
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I don't know that
I would be an expert.
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I've been married for 33 years,
I've taken a lot of classes
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in marriage and family issues,
worked really hard to practice
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what I preach.
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But just again beside the
classes, a couple of key things:
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The relationship I had growing
up with the person raised me
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which happened to
be my grandmother.
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She was a mother person in
my life, an awesome person.
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Mother-son
relationships influence to a
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large extend a guy's
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relationship, to understand
relationships with females.
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Another key was, when I got over
being a workaholic pastor and
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I could settle down and
figure out what was driving God.
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I could stop being a workaholic.
That was many years ago.
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I could actually
spend time in my marriage.
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As something that I suffered
from too is I have that tendency
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when you are in
ministry is so easy to say:
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"I'm doing it for the Lord, so
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It must be right", but I
understand what you are saying.
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All of this training that you
took is that the answer or did
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your wife have an influence
in making you a good husband?
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I've got an awesome wife
and as a wise person once said,
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good husbands are not born,
but created by wives who are
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very patient and kind.
Good wives are not born either.
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Training and the books
I've read, what I see coming in
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my office, and the stories
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I've heard when I
end up working with.
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Part of my training is
in marital intimacy therapy
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That really
heighten my awareness also.
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Have you noticed, just in
general, it seems like people
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are having more problems
with intimacy in our days.
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We talk so much about it,
but still people have more
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problems with their intimacy,
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in the relationship with
the Lord and with one another.
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What do you thing drives that?
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Definitely, it takes time.
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We are such a highly driven
society, we are over stimulated
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by technology and so many
things to do and places to go.
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The relationships take time.
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You usually put
your emphasis where
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your values and priorities are.
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I'll get into this a little more
as we get along in the program
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today and share a lot of
the insights that I think
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the viewing audience will
find incredible insightful.
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Lets talk about
some of the keys.
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We cannot talk about all of the
keys because they are so many.
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There are so many good authors.
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I don't want to
defer some of the experts
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that I have read their works
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as well as some
of their researches.
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I don't believe in
recreating the wheel.
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But in the same time, when
you put thousands and thousands
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of hours of counseling practice
over the years, you pick up
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a lot of information as well.
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That drives you to do more
research and try to understand
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so you can help.
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Let me ask you a
question to begin this.
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Do you think that people have
lost side of what Gods original
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plan for marriage was?
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I think that it is really key.
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If we would were to
go back to the beginning,
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I've got such a
high view of inspiration.
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I actually really believe
that the Bible is Gods word.
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If God would be the God He is,
He would give the instructions
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Relationships are the most
important thing in our lives.
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If we will do it right,
obviously God would want to
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give us some information
to help us to do it right.
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If you look to Gods purpose
for marriage in Gen. 2:24,
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it says its not good that men,
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I like to make it a
little more generic, people...
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And that word is
probably generic.
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It is not good that
people should be alone.
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It is said that for that
reason should a man leave
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his father and mother
and be united to his wife,
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so the two of
them should become one.
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Gods original purpose for
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marriage is that
the two became one.
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We know that it is not
just physical or sexual oneness,
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not just the wedding ceremonies.
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Someone once said a
wedding doesn't make a marriage.
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We give you legal
permission to make a marriage.
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It is not what you do
before that, but what you do
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after that really sets it up.
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I could spend a lot of time
on that one, but that would be
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another program.
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Gods original intention was
a very deep sense of closeness.
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That's what He wanted.
That was Gods original plan.
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He didn't create us to be
so frenetic the way to not have
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time to spend time with each
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other or bond with each other.
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The objective for
marriage in Gods mind is
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to experience
intimacy instead of loneliness.
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That's an interesting thing
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I've read in manuals in
university and other books.
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You may come to this
conclusion too Shelley.
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I've read lots of theology
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for lots of years in
theology in seminary: books
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in psychology, in philosophy,
and many other books in all
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kind of areas.
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I've dealt with human beings
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thousands and thousands
of hours of clinical work.
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I've come to this conclusion
that the deepest needs in human
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experience, Shelley
I'm talking about the
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deepest need, in
the human experience,.
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is to deal with the
existential issues of loneliness
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Intimacy.
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In some ways, I
can see just right now
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you just introducing it this
way, the marriage is kind of a
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illustration of what our
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relationship with
the Lord should be like.
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The church is Christ's bride.
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This idea of experiencing
intimacy in relationship,
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this hall in our hearts that
needs to be filled with love,
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what we are looking for it, if
we come to someone and learn how
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to be one and be purpose
thought in action with him,
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That actually helps prepare
us to have a more intimate
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relationship with
our Lord or vice versa.
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I've been referred to experts
and Id like to quote one of
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the authors, Id like to use the
research of Dr. David Ferguson.
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David Turison or Chris Ahol
Eternman who wrote a book of
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how to...
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Dr. Furgason,
if I remember well,
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has 2 doctorates from Oxford.
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This is a person who is
well trained, well read,
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A Christian family specialist.
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He articulates the best I've
seen and I read a lot of books
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by several Christian authors.
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Let me explain it this way:
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If you look at marriage in
the beginning and understand
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the concept there, you've got it
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What we see in the culture
now is definitely isn't it.
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So if you go b
back to the origins...
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Lets look at man and
marriage in the beginning.
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What did Adam have?
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He was in the garden, he had
a nice home, he had good food,
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The best of food, he had
the food that God provided,
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he had a good job.
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He was C.E.O. of the
garden; God placed him over
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everything; he really
was C.E.O. of the garden.
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But what about spiritual
mentor. Who did he have?
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The Lord Himself.
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It doesn't get any
better than that. No.
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When you have a nice
home, good food, good job, and a
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spiritual mentor other then
God Himself, you would think
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you've got everything.
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And God said there
is something missing.
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I didn't say that, God said it.
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That's an interesting concept.
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This is a key to marital
intimacy, key number one.
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There is something in the human
heart that even God can't feel
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in Himself.
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Because we use our senses,
we need to touch and feel.
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God said it is not good.
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Everything else was good,
but He said loneliness wasn't.
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So you have to ask
yourself another question:
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What is marriage
in its original form?
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Marriage, God said it wasn't
good that man should be alone.
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So marriage primarily wasn't for
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procreation,
although that's an important
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aspect of the marriage, if
you choose to have children.
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It's not for
recreational sex, although
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that's both Old
and New Testament
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just good fun sex
between husband and wife
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That's not the primary
purpose of the marriage.
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It was to deal with
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the existential
issues of loneliness.
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Now, later in the Old
Testament, in Deuteronomy,
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it talks about
marriage being a covenant.
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If you look to the
biblical definition,
00:12:05.43\00:12:08.47
at least as I have
come to understand it,
00:12:08.51\00:12:11.52
that marriage in its
original form was a covenant
00:12:11.55\00:12:15.17
of companionship to
deal with loneliness.
00:12:15.20\00:12:18.39
That's beautiful, but now let
me ask you, because we didn't
00:12:18.43\00:12:22.04
really address this.
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Talking about intimacy,
can you explain, because so
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many people
nowadays seem to think that
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if you use the word
intimacy, that you're
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talking about a
physical relationship.
00:12:31.69\00:12:34.18
We're talking
about something far
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beyond just a
physical relationship.
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Would you like to give us
a definition of what you mean
00:12:41.24\00:12:42.90
by intimacy?
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We'll cover some of those
again, but it is that deep, deep
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closeness it's
not just physical.
00:12:50.34\00:12:53.37
Anybody who has been married
for any length of time at all
00:12:53.41\00:12:55.24
even they enjoy
the physical intimacy.
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It doesn't meet the deepest
levels of the human experience.
00:12:58.55\00:13:02.89
The deepest level of the human
experience is far beyond that.
00:13:02.92\00:13:07.23
Physical
intimacy can actually do.
00:13:07.26\00:13:11.57
Sometimes, people try and
00:13:11.60\00:13:12.71
meet that need
through physical intimacy.
00:13:12.75\00:13:15.69
That can take people
into wrong directions.
00:13:15.72\00:13:17.59
So, if we are looking at
God's original intent to have a
00:13:17.63\00:13:24.28
covenant of companionship,
to do away with loneliness
00:13:24.32\00:13:29.46
what are some of the
things that we do to sabotage
00:13:29.50\00:13:34.61
this intimacy?
00:13:34.64\00:13:36.12
There are a lot of things
that the culture promotes.
00:13:36.15\00:13:41.56
Part of it again is when we get
our sense of self and our values
00:13:41.60\00:13:47.31
through our work,
through our busyness,
00:13:47.34\00:13:53.47
through our over involvement,
through materialism.
00:13:53.51\00:13:57.65
There is nothing wrong in having
some nice things as long as
00:13:57.69\00:13:59.49
they don't have you.
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I want to answer to all of these
questions, but I have to come
00:14:00.80\00:14:05.75
at it from a
little different angle.
00:14:05.78\00:14:08.21
I want to lay
down another key. "Ok"
00:14:08.24\00:14:11.79
When you start talking about
intimacy, people go "ok" that's
00:14:11.83\00:14:21.75
for women, especially
guys, that's for women.
00:14:21.79\00:14:24.67
We don't need that.
00:14:24.71\00:14:27.83
Wait a minute, if you
say that, if I say I'm hungry
00:14:27.86\00:14:34.10
or I'm tired, or I'm
thirsty I've got physical needs:
00:14:34.13\00:14:40.36
Right! You
wouldn't look at me and say
00:14:40.39\00:14:42.40
Jerry you are
really twisted aren't you.
00:14:42.43\00:14:45.59
You know, Why!
Because to be hungry,
00:14:45.63\00:14:48.76
thirsty and tired are normal.
00:14:48.79\00:14:50.82
God said it is not good
that man should be alone.
00:14:50.86\00:14:55.33
Relation
intimacy needs are normal.
00:14:55.36\00:14:59.00
It is a part of
what human being is.
00:14:59.03\00:15:02.60
Do you think that
maybe one of the reasons that
00:15:02.64\00:15:05.81
God couldn't feel everything
at Adams need is because Adam
00:15:05.85\00:15:10.23
was looking for someone who
understood him as a human being
00:15:10.27\00:15:14.62
It seems like so many
people want to be understood...
00:15:14.65\00:15:18.25
That is true, God
understood Adam completely,
00:15:18.28\00:15:26.32
but it wasn't the same.
00:15:26.35\00:15:27.32
So people can be really
spiritual and have a good
00:15:27.33\00:15:30.83
relationship with God,
and still be be deeply lonely.
00:15:30.86\00:15:33.49
So another key:
That is Adam did not have
00:15:33.52\00:15:43.92
the ability to
meet his own need.
00:15:43.96\00:15:46.85
Now think about
that for a minute.
00:15:47.38\00:15:50.38
With his job, with
his house, with his food,
00:15:50.41\00:15:55.52
even with his prayer life,
00:15:55.55\00:15:58.90
his relationship with God.
00:15:58.94\00:16:00.36
He did not have
the ability to meet
00:16:00.39\00:16:02.42
that other need: somebody
else coming into his life,
00:16:02.45\00:16:06.70
to do it, to walk with him.
00:16:06.73\00:16:11.35
Let me go to another key then.
00:16:11.39\00:16:15.94
There is something I
want to share with you today.
00:16:25.02\00:16:28.99
When I tell this to you,
Shelley, I want to make you
00:16:29.02\00:16:32.96
a promise: once I tell you this
and once the viewing audience
00:16:33.00\00:16:39.44
hears this, they
will never forget this.
00:16:39.48\00:16:42.00
I want them to know.
You will never forget this.
00:16:42.04\00:16:46.42
Once I tell you this, you are
going think about this and go
00:16:46.46\00:16:50.11
huh, that is interesting.
00:16:50.14\00:16:52.11
And then you will
think, yea that is
00:16:52.15\00:16:54.49
interesting, and
then you are going
00:16:54.52\00:16:56.79
think about this
some more and some more.
00:16:56.83\00:17:01.48
I've had people talked up to me
after I've shared this with them
00:17:01.52\00:17:04.34
just in the foyer of the
church the College view Church
00:17:04.37\00:17:05.79
in the college where I
worked where I'm on Staff.
00:17:05.82\00:17:07.57
You know, Jerry, two years ago I
was talking to you in the foyer
00:17:07.61\00:17:12.50
and you said, and
he quoted me back,
00:17:12.53\00:17:14.91
and he said "man"
that has changed me.
00:17:14.94\00:17:17.29
Spill it out!
00:17:17.32\00:17:19.99
I want to give you a
little preamble first though.
00:17:20.03\00:17:24.20
I like you, believe in
the second coming of Jesus.
00:17:24.24\00:17:28.38
I do!
00:17:28.41\00:17:32.47
I hope Jesus comes today.
00:17:32.51\00:17:34.55
If He doesn't come
today, he will come tomorrow.
00:17:34.59\00:17:36.56
He will not come tomorrow,
He will come next week.
00:17:36.59\00:17:38.53
If He comes today,
I believe I'm ready.
00:17:38.56\00:17:41.55
Praise the Lord!
00:17:41.58\00:17:43.23
In fact, just so our
audience knows how kosher I am
00:17:43.27\00:17:48.77
theologically, as
a Adventist pastor.
00:17:48.80\00:17:50.83
I'm such a
strong primarlinalist.
00:17:50.86\00:17:52.87
that I don't
even eat post cereals.
00:17:52.90\00:17:54.84
But that's not what
your going to remember.
00:17:54.88\00:17:59.09
Well you might
remember that too, but.
00:17:59.13\00:18:00.93
Here is what I want to tell you
that I know you will remember
00:18:00.97\00:18:07.09
from now until Jesus does come,
00:18:07.12\00:18:08.60
because I know
what it's going to
00:18:08.90\00:18:10.32
do to you, once I tell you this.
00:18:10.35\00:18:11.70
After this big build up, I'm
really expect something great.
00:18:11.74\00:18:17.89
This answers another question
you asked me: do I live this.
00:18:17.92\00:18:23.83
Years ago, I came to this
conclusion, even thou I believe
00:18:23.86\00:18:29.74
in the second coming of Jesus.
00:18:29.77\00:18:32.68
Life as we know it now,
00:18:32.71\00:18:36.92
this life, this thing we call
life, I only get one shot at it.
00:18:36.96\00:18:41.25
And you do too. That's it.
00:18:41.28\00:18:43.92
This can lead at eternity
and I believe in eternity,
00:18:43.96\00:18:48.04
but life as we know it
now, we only get one shot at it.
00:18:48.07\00:18:52.12
Here is the punch line.
00:18:52.15\00:18:54.65
What I came to the conclusion
years ago is that this is Cathy,
00:18:54.69\00:19:01.27
my wife, lifetime I'm using up.
00:19:01.30\00:19:03.26
Wow!
00:19:03.29\00:19:06.03
The only chance
she ever gets at it.
00:19:06.07\00:19:07.67
Wow! That is, That is very deep!
00:19:07.70\00:19:12.37
I want it to be good for her.
00:19:12.40\00:19:13.72
And it is my
lifetime she's using up.
00:19:13.76\00:19:18.34
That is incredible!
00:19:18.37\00:19:20.81
And she wants it
to be good for me.
00:19:20.85\00:19:23.58
That's incredible!
00:19:23.61\00:19:26.01
So when you have that as a
foundation and understand that,
00:19:26.05\00:19:30.34
you want to build intimacy,
because this is your journey,
00:19:30.38\00:19:34.64
this is your life.
00:19:34.67\00:19:35.67
You know I always think about
00:19:35.71\00:19:41.47
JD and I really do many
good things for one another.
00:19:41.51\00:19:47.31
He is very sensitive
to my needs and I to his.
00:19:47.34\00:19:51.06
I always try to
make his life better.
00:19:51.09\00:19:54.99
But I've never stopped to think
that I'm using up his life.
00:19:55.03\00:20:00.06
That is a very
provocative thought.
00:20:00.09\00:20:04.61
Not one, that I'm sure it is
registering on a certain level
00:20:04.64\00:20:09.45
right now, probably sink and
deeper as we think about that.
00:20:10.11\00:20:12.73
What I find it does
when people begin understand
00:20:12.76\00:20:15.18
that it affects their behavior.
00:20:15.21\00:20:16.74
Surely!
00:20:16.77\00:20:18.59
That's excellent!
00:20:18.63\00:20:20.28
If people come to
their relationship without
00:20:20.32\00:20:24.80
understanding,
what kind of things are
00:20:24.83\00:20:26.93
you going to shift.
00:20:26.96\00:20:29.06
Let me just add a little
side bar, because I'm a marriage
00:20:29.10\00:20:35.73
and family therapist,
this is my children lifetime
00:20:35.76\00:20:40.49
I'm influencing.
00:20:40.52\00:20:41.83
That's good.
00:20:41.86\00:20:43.10
You deal head on with this issue
that if this statement is not
00:20:43.14\00:20:52.97
that provoking to you, if
00:20:53.01\00:20:55.07
it's something that
you're going, I don't
00:20:55.20\00:20:57.19
know what they was talking
about, then aren't we looking
00:20:57.23\00:21:01.10
at a selfish nature,
00:21:01.13\00:21:02.55
selfishness will get
in the way of this idea.
00:21:02.59\00:21:04.86
The Bible says to consider
the other better then yourself.
00:21:04.89\00:21:08.09
So, if I consider Cathy better
then me and she considers me
00:21:08.12\00:21:13.09
better then her, then you
00:21:13.12\00:21:14.96
approach each other with
that level also on top of it.
00:21:15.00\00:21:18.42
The Bible teaches us a
priesthood of all believers.
00:21:18.46\00:21:20.79
The task of the
priest was to minister.
00:21:20.82\00:21:27.60
We minister to each other.
00:21:27.63\00:21:29.24
The Bible says to live with your
spouse in an understanding way.
00:21:29.27\00:21:36.59
If I understand what she needs
then I can meet those needs.
00:21:36.62\00:21:40.60
If I can dialogue.
00:21:40.63\00:21:43.02
So one of the other
keys besides understanding
00:21:43.06\00:21:47.80
that it is your spouses
lifetime that you are using up.
00:21:47.84\00:21:53.31
Is understanding
what their needs are.
00:21:53.34\00:21:56.14
The only way you can
will do that is by dialogue,
00:21:56.18\00:21:58.89
by talking, by asking.
00:21:58.92\00:22:03.28
One of the things I've
done with Cathy over the years.
00:22:03.32\00:22:05.34
I've done it
with my kids as well,
00:22:05.37\00:22:07.39
when I take them
out to restaurants.
00:22:07.43\00:22:09.38
Daddy, daughter dates
with my three daughters
00:22:09.42\00:22:10.95
and Father, bonding
you know for my son.
00:22:10.98\00:22:13.54
But I don't do this
every week or every month.
00:22:13.58\00:22:16.41
I say this because I
don't want to be redundant.
00:22:16.45\00:22:19.21
But what do you think that a
wife feels like then a husband
00:22:19.25\00:22:23.64
looks her in the eyes,
and really locks on and says:
00:22:23.67\00:22:29.42
I want you to feel like you
00:22:29.45\00:22:32.30
are the most
valuable person in the world.
00:22:32.34\00:22:34.83
What kind of things can I do
00:22:34.86\00:22:37.22
to help you feel
even more valuable.
00:22:37.31\00:22:40.14
Many men just
have a difficult time
00:22:40.17\00:22:43.34
even locking
eyes with their wife.
00:22:43.38\00:22:46.52
You know why?
00:22:46.55\00:22:48.20
Why?
00:22:48.23\00:22:49.20
Barbara De
Angelos says in her book
00:22:49.21\00:22:50.33
Intimate Moments for Lovers
00:22:50.36\00:22:51.68
she says that when
you look in someone's
00:22:51.72\00:22:53.29
eyes, you are
looking into their heart.
00:22:53.33\00:22:54.83
A lot of men have stuff in
their heart that they don't
00:22:54.87\00:22:58.80
want their spouse to
touch because it is too painful.
00:22:58.83\00:23:03.38
So the next key in
dealing with relational intimacy
00:23:03.42\00:23:07.94
is if you can't do
that, then you need to
00:23:07.97\00:23:10.59
deal with the stuff
that's blocking that,
00:23:10.62\00:23:13.23
that's stopping
you from dealing,
00:23:13.26\00:23:15.66
and often it's the
hurt from childhood.
00:23:15.70\00:23:17.93
I deal with that with
men and women all the time.
00:23:18.48\00:23:20.57
Dealing with the stuff, you know
00:23:20.60\00:23:24.53
the Bible says in Eph. 4:31,32
to put away all bitterness,
00:23:24.57\00:23:28.12
rage, anger, harsh words,
slander, and malicious behavior.
00:23:28.15\00:23:31.67
Instead, be kind to
one another, tenderhearted
00:23:31.70\00:23:36.89
But you see you cant
be kind to one another
00:23:36.92\00:23:38.68
and tenderhearted if you have
00:23:38.71\00:23:41.31
anger, and malice and hatred,
00:23:41.34\00:23:43.66
and you are using harsh words.
00:23:43.69\00:23:45.94
Or even it doesn't
necessarily have to
00:23:45.98\00:23:48.19
be somebody that is coming
00:23:48.22\00:23:50.36
from a malicious standpoint,
but maybe somebody that's
00:23:50.40\00:23:53.21
been deeply wounded.
00:23:53.24\00:23:54.85
It may be a trust
or commitment issue.
00:23:54.89\00:23:57.29
Hurt people hurt other people.
00:23:58.08\00:23:59.64
That's good, yea, that's true
00:23:59.67\00:24:01.16
So, that's another key,
another key is to deal with.
00:24:01.20\00:24:05.50
Again this is my
plea for the men and women
00:24:05.53\00:24:09.76
who are going to
be watching this.
00:24:09.79\00:24:12.15
Is it's your spouses lifetime.
00:24:12.18\00:24:14.05
So, whatever you have
to do clear away the pain,
00:24:14.09\00:24:18.23
so you can actually bond.
00:24:18.26\00:24:20.68
Because that's what God wants
for people and wanted marriage
00:24:20.72\00:24:24.52
to be originally it's a
covenant of companionship.
00:24:24.55\00:24:30.26
Companionship!
00:24:30.29\00:24:32.06
Jerry I just know in my
heart that there's going to be
00:24:32.10\00:24:36.34
somebody watching the program
today who is sitting there
00:24:36.38\00:24:40.59
saying: I don't know
what he's talking about.
00:24:40.62\00:24:41.96
Or some man, some
woman who is saying:
00:24:41.99\00:24:45.18
I don't get it when
your about this is my wife's
00:24:45.22\00:24:50.16
life and I am using up.
00:24:50.19\00:24:51.67
How can we reach
that person to say:
00:24:51.70\00:24:54.74
Please tune in
again see this, or help
00:24:54.78\00:24:57.77
understand what you are trying
to say that you really do have
00:24:57.81\00:25:02.65
not only a responsibility,
but an accountability
00:25:02.68\00:25:05.22
before God, as the husband or as
the wife, to put the other one
00:25:05.26\00:25:11.55
before you and
to meet their needs.
00:25:11.58\00:25:13.16
In doing so it is not
that you will become a doormat
00:25:13.20\00:25:17.30
and you are laying yourself
out, but that by you having
00:25:17.34\00:25:21.41
this generous giving heart, you
00:25:21.44\00:25:24.35
are going stir
something in them.
00:25:24.39\00:25:27.23
Then you are talking about
training up a husband, I found
00:25:27.27\00:25:31.05
in my early marriage (my husband
00:25:31.08\00:25:33.23
is admittedly, he
was a commitment phobic),
00:25:33.27\00:25:35.24
and the first
year we were married
00:25:35.27\00:25:36.99
was difficult, but the
more loving and committed I
00:25:37.03\00:25:40.79
would show
myself to be to him, the
00:25:40.82\00:25:42.49
more he learned he could trust
00:25:42.52\00:25:44.15
me and wounds from his
past were kind of washed away.
00:25:44.19\00:25:47.96
Soon, this loving person that I
00:25:47.99\00:25:50.51
knew I was
marrying really immerged.
00:25:50.55\00:25:53.10
Because there was
something, I think he was
00:25:53.14\00:25:55.47
kind of fearful,
rather fearful of meeting
00:25:55.51\00:25:57.81
all of my needs, because
00:25:57.84\00:25:59.53
he wasn't sure I was
going to stick around.
00:25:59.57\00:26:02.83
What can you say we only have
a little over a minute left,
00:26:02.87\00:26:07.31
what can you say to someone
00:26:07.34\00:26:08.72
how do you reach a
wife who is saying,
00:26:08.76\00:26:11.66
I wish my husband
would listen to this.
00:26:11.70\00:26:14.53
Or a husband who saying I
wish my wife would listen.
00:26:14.57\00:26:17.51
What's the key to
understanding this?
00:26:17.54\00:26:21.13
I think the key Shelley, is for
people to, once they understand
00:26:21.17\00:26:29.14
the concept, it's
going to just start working
00:26:29.17\00:26:31.91
on them, and working on
them, and working on them.
00:26:31.95\00:26:34.35
Then, they are going to
want to do something about it.
00:26:34.43\00:26:37.99
Read some good books,
there's lots of good books
00:26:38.02\00:26:40.66
on intimacy out there,
in Christian books stores,
00:26:40.70\00:26:43.31
on amazon. com, and by mused.
00:26:43.34\00:26:45.81
But the other
thing is to be able to
00:26:45.85\00:26:48.15
then start
sitting down and talking
00:26:48.19\00:26:50.42
together about what
the experiences growing up,
00:26:50.46\00:26:53.14
about the wounds.
00:26:53.17\00:26:54.41
Just listening to each other
it will be amazing for them
00:26:54.45\00:26:58.01
to see what that does.
00:26:58.04\00:27:00.11
Because you have
to deal with the hurt
00:27:00.15\00:27:01.19
inside, in order to really heal
00:27:01.22\00:27:04.19
and in order to let
your spouse get close to you.
00:27:04.23\00:27:06.55
If you don't do that, you will
probably won't let your spouse
00:27:06.59\00:27:09.00
very close to you.
00:27:09.03\00:27:10.13
Praise the Lord!
00:27:10.17\00:27:11.20
I hope that the
viewers have been blessed,
00:27:11.24\00:27:14.50
as I have been today.
00:27:14.53\00:27:15.77
I just want to say
that it is possible to have
00:27:15.81\00:27:18.44
a wonderful relationship.
00:27:18.47\00:27:19.70
I've been married nearly
20 years and my husband and
00:27:19.74\00:27:22.23
our marriage is so wonderful.
00:27:22.26\00:27:24.43
I thought it could
never be this good, but it is.
00:27:24.47\00:27:28.09
And so we hope that you
will take this to heart today.
00:27:28.13\00:27:32.13
I want to thank you
so much for watching,
00:27:32.16\00:27:34.51
but take this advice to heart.
00:27:34.54\00:27:35.94
And Jerry, thank you
so much for coming today
00:27:35.98\00:27:38.38
and opening this topic.
00:27:38.41\00:27:40.08
I think it is an important one.
00:27:40.12\00:27:41.68
For our viewers now at home,
00:27:41.71\00:27:43.20
I pray that you will
put this into practice.
00:27:43.24\00:27:47.22
Sit down with your husband
or wife, look them eye to eye,
00:27:47.25\00:27:50.19
share your past and
get closer to one another
00:27:50.22\00:27:53.93
and to the Lord.
00:27:53.96\00:27:54.93
Thank you.
00:27:54.94\00:27:56.21