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Hello. When you consider the
fact that a young child can walk
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into a school room with a
gun, pull the trigger and change
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their circumstances as well as
the lives or snuff out the life
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of another child and of the
teacher. It is something that is
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heartbreaking, it's heart
wrenching. School violence is
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our subject today on Issues and
Answers. And speaking on this
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is Dwain Esmond. He is the
associate editor of Message
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magazine. Mr. Esmond has
written a book, Beyond the In A
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Pinch God and he has given many
motivational speeches and talks
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around the country. Today
we're going to discuss the topic
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school violence and what can
be done about it. Welcome to the
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program. Thank
you very much Karen.
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Thank you for having me. This
is one of those topics that has
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kind of been in the news of
late. We have the young man in
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Florida, the 14-year-old, who I
guess was 13 at the time when he
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walked into school gun, pointed
it straight at his teacher and
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basically ended his life. We now
have the end of the story, well
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the next stage in the
story. This young man has been
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sentenced to prison for 20 plus
years, I believe it was 28 years
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or something like that. We've
also heard about the Paducah,
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Kentucky, the Jonesborough,
Arkansas, the Springfield,
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Oregon. As we hear about these
things there is a certain theme
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that kind of undergirds them
when you listen to the comments
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of parents or loved ones or
people who kind of weigh in from
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the community. Many say I never
thought it could happen here.
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You hear that a lot. You hear
Well he would never do something
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like that. You know, he never
really had those signs. He was
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was basically a loner. Or you
know. And even the parents of
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children who perform that kind
of violence often say Man you
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know my kid, you know, I never
expected this from my child.
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And my goal today is just
to kind of try to equip parents
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with some tools, or some skills
or some things that can make
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them aware of the challenges
that children face and kind of
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how to meet those challenges.
I mean, we are very clued in
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I want to say first of all that
parents are doing a tremendous
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job. Many parents do a
tremendous job in silence and in
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the quiet and the media, the
cameras will not focus on them,
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will never find them because
they do their thing quietly.
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And their children are well
adjusted members of society.
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That's just not sexy in our
culture for the cameras to find
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them. However, they do the best
they can. So let me just affirm
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those parents that are really
making an effort to do their
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very best. There are some
who are pulled here and there
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because of the challenges of our
society and work and that sort
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of thing and I want to encourage
them also. Those parents that
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they can really have an impact
in their children's lives and
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prevent some of what we see
happening in society. I do want
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to begin by sharing a scripture
that really came home to me in
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stark relief as I watched one of
these events unfold. It's found
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in the book of Psalms and
it's Psalm 139. I'm looking now
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specifically at verses 14 and 15
I will praise thee, this is the
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psalmist David speaking for I am
fearfully and wonderfully made.
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Marvelous are thy works, David
says, and that my soul knoweth
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right well. It's like he's
saying man I look at myself and
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I'm good. I'm good. I mean I'm
good, you know. I mean the Lord
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has done something great in
me. I may have flaws, I may have
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problems but man he did the job
well. And even after years of
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sin and the depreciation that
sin brings to the human form,
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I'm still good, I'm still
wonderfully made. He goes on.
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Verse 15: My substance was not
hid from thee when I was made
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in secret, when I was conceived.
Hey, the Lord saw me then and he
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knew I was going to be conceived
at that place where my dad and
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mom got together, wherever that
was. He knew it and he saw me.
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And he goes on to say and
curiously wrought in the lowest
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parts of the earth. He basically
knew me. I think of that text
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and then I also think of
Jeremiah, who was a young man,
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called by God for a special
purpose at a very young age and
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this is what he says about
himself. I'm looking now at
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Jeremiah chapter 1 and verse 5.
And the Bible says here: Before
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I formed thee, this is God
speaking, before I formed thee
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in the belly I knew thee and
before thou camest forth out of
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the womb I sanctify thee. I
set you apart for a holy purpose
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before you even came out. And I
obtained thee a prophet unto the
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nations. I ordained thee
a prophet unto the nations.
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The Lord had a special purpose
for this young man's life and
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every time I see a shooting or I
watch someone who is undergoing
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one of these traumatic events, I
believe that God's heart has to
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break. It has to ache because
that's one person for whom he
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had designed a special plan and
that person will not be able to
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complete it. I believe
that maybe some part of him dies
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and all of heaven must stop
because God has lost one of his
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children and that's replicated
across our nation. We're just
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talking about the ones, the big
events that get all the media
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coverage. But there are many
times over that children are
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injured and killed whatever
the case might be and they don't
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get attention. But heaven stops
and heaven pays attention. And I
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believe that God has given us
tools and equipment to meet that
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need and I want to talk a
little bit about that today.
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I think one of the first things
parents can do... Well maybe I
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should tell a story. I remember
when I was in sixth grade,
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another Dwain and I, both Dwains
there were two of us in this
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sixth grade class. When we were
for some reason kind of getting
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upset at each other. Like
all good kids in the sixth grade
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would do, they're going to goad
you on to fight. And I remember
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you know all day, it was like we
were angling to a match at the
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end of the day. You know
for some reason he and I got
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together in a quiet moment, you
know, while all the tension was
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raging around us and we
were like, do you want to fight?
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I was like no I don't want
to fight, do you want to fight?
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and we were like, no we don't
want to fight. But the tension
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was so heightened that man we
figured that, Man, we had to do
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something to each other. So his
friends took him out back behind
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the school. My friends took me
and we scrapped out there for a
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while until an adult came and
broke it all up. And then his
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friends walked off telling him
he won. My friends walked off
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telling me I won. You know. Then
there were other times when I
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got into scrapes in high school
and other things like that and I
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can't help but think that
if that happened to me several
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years ago there's got to be
something going on today. I can
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just imagine what kids undergo
today. So with that in mind
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there's a tremendous study that
was recently done by the Centers
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for Disease Control. Chronically
youth violence in the school
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system and I just want to share
maybe one or two stats about
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that and kind of clue parents
in to what their kids might be
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facing specifically if they're
in a public school setting. And
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of course Christian schools,
parochial schools are not immune
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to this either. But definitely
in public schools. The study
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related that 35.7 percent of
high school students reported
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being involved in a physical
fight in the past 12 months.
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That's over 1/3 of the student
body reported being involved in
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a physical altercation. Four
percent of those altercations
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resulted in injuries that
were severe enough that these
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children had to go to
the hospital for treatment.
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So this is really quite an
impact, when you think about
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every day for parents. If you're
sending your child to public
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schools or to school
there's 34 percent you said?
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Thirty-five point seven.
Thirty-five point seven percent
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So you can plan on the fact that
someone's going to call you on
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your job and say you've got to
come to the school or your child
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has been taken to the hospital.
And all the employers with all
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the parents can count on that
same statistic, the number of
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medical claims for those within
the school district. It's quite
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an impact. And
the cost is enormous.
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The cost of lost time on the job
when parents have to leave, the
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cost of the kids being out
of school and having to provide
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some kind of care for them
while they're out, suspension or
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whatever the case might be
really escalates. And while it
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might be only four percent of
the kids that actually have to
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go to the hospital or something
like that, many will be injured
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and to say nothing of the
psychological injury that goes
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along, the baggage that
goes along with a physical
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altercation. Many of them miss
days. They're fearful. They feel
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powerless. They feel really
challenged. And then how will
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they learn which is the real
object of why they go to school.
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So how will they learn in an
environment of fear? This is a
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real serious issue right now.
And while we may not always see
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it coming up to the media radar
screen, being right there on our
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hot button, it is essential that
parents pay attention to kind of
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like the warning signs of
when their children may begin to
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be getting into some trouble
or getting into problems and how
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head that off. That's what
we want to talk about today.
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One of the things that I think
parents can do is to restore the
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broken alter in the home. Amen.
I think it all begins... now
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I have done a little research
on this issue and I've gotten
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the steps that the CDC gives for
parents to follow if they want
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to prevent youth violence and
violence in their school system.
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I've seen those and it's great.
I'm going to talk about some of
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that today. But at the heart of
it parents must convey a sense
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that God is in control of your
school system, your life. When
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you leave this house you are not
alone. When we drop you off at
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that school you ain't alone.
There is a God whose protecting
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arm is around you as if there
was no other person on this
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planet, you by yourself. Now you
may not always feel that way but
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it is true. I remember my mother
would wake us up in the morning
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at 5 o'clock. She was an early
riser and she would drag us out
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of bed at 5 in the morning,
my dad included, and he would
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wander down with his Bible
and everyone is in some stage of
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unrest at the time. But he
would have worship. I mean this
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continued even when I went to
college. I'd come home and I'd
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be like mom come on. I just
got in. Or I've only been here a
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few days, been a hard semester,
let me sleep. She'd wake us up
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anyway. She was like well you
can go back to sleep after this
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10 or 15 minutes are over. But
it really served to protect us
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I think in terms of having a
sense of God's presence always
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in our lives. I'm not going
to say I remember everything at
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5 in the morning, but the sense
of God's presence was there.
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Now were you
raised in a small town?
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I was raised, no it wasn't
a small town. It was a pretty
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large city. I was raised in
East Orange, New Jersey for the
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better part of my life and...
You were in the thick of it.
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Oh I was in the city.
Those prayers and your
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experience was real. Oh,
very real to me. I remember
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seeing a fight, this was fight,
not between guys, this was like
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two girls. I mean I thought
guys fought bad. But these girls
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fought for like seven blocks.
The fight just kept breaking up
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and going further down the
street. It continued for seven
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blocks. Family members jumping
in and friends getting involved.
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And then I remember several
police cars just breaking up
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packs of... That was the kind
of arena that I was in. And that
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was junior high school. That
wasn't even high school. When I
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got to high school my public
high school had 2300 students.
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And in fact I write about this a
little bit in my book about how
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when you go through the hallways
it was like a sea of people just
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washing up. Man you would just
get lost in this sea and wash up
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by your class. That's how we
felt. It felt like it was just
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thousands of people around you
all the time and in such close
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confined spaces. You know,
nerves get frayed. Teenagers too
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Teenagers. You know you've got
all the juices flowing and you
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rub somebody the wrong way or
somebody thinks you rubbed their
00:15:44.45\00:15:48.97
girl the wrong way. I mean, it
wasn't a pressure cooker but it
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was close to it. And
when you think of that kind of
00:15:53.53\00:15:57.74
environment, some people might
say well you know I don't live
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in the city. I'm outside
the city. Well that's where the
00:15:59.65\00:16:03.19
Jonesboro's happened. And that's
where the Paducah's happened. So
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There's a little crowd every
Saturday night or Friday night.
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You can go to any town no matter
how large or small and you will
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see the hang-out group. Oh
yah and that hang-out group
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is not hanging out there talking
about the love of Jesus. I'm
00:16:16.65\00:16:19.87
sorry. They're hanging out
thinking OK what are we going
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to do to entertain ourselves.
00:16:23.44\00:16:25.81
And drug traffic is traffic,
that means it's constantly
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moving from community to
community. So your mother did
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not play. At 5 a. m. she
was there and with a lot of good
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reasons for it. Bright
and very early she would
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be out there. But I think she
had reason to be because she was
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concerned about the environment
that we were in. I think we
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escaped a lot of things, some
things rubbed off unfortunately.
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And I'm not going to say
I'm perfect today or anything.
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I didn't make it through
unscathed. There are things in
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my life that I got involved with
in public school that I wish I
00:16:57.75\00:17:01.94
never did, you know. But praise
God, I've come through a lot of
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that and he continues to work
with me. So restoring the altar
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in the home is absolutely
essential. And that's worship to
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God. A part of that worship has
to be prayer and I think it is
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important that parents pray for
their children each day as in
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they will pray that the Lord
protects them and call their
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name in their presence before
the Lord that God will watch
00:17:32.99\00:17:38.42
over them, protect them, that
he would massage their brain and
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strengthen it, that he would
give them coping skills, that he
00:17:43.28\00:17:48.04
would help them to be
able to navigate this trying
00:17:48.07\00:17:54.31
circumstance in which they are
finding themselves. Some people
00:17:54.35\00:17:57.07
think now school is a breeze.
School is not a breeze, not
00:17:57.10\00:18:01.55
today. You've got all kinds of
people in school who don't mean
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you well, kids who come
from broken homes, kids who are
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little wards of their parents.
Some parents don't care. You
00:18:09.74\00:18:14.37
have kinds with emotional
problems, kids with all kind of
00:18:14.40\00:18:19.00
issues and
neglect. That's a big one.
00:18:19.03\00:18:22.18
Big one. And the kids are
sitting there, they can't really
00:18:22.22\00:18:26.17
learn and they turn on your
little cherub who you raised
00:18:26.21\00:18:30.09
perfectly and pray that God will
protect, they turn on them. So
00:18:30.13\00:18:35.27
we have got to be very proactive
about praying for our children.
00:18:35.30\00:18:40.32
Another thing. I don't think you
can really expect your kids to
00:18:40.35\00:18:46.57
do well in school, be able
to handle the emotional stresses
00:18:46.61\00:18:52.85
that come as a result of
altercations and things if you
00:18:52.89\00:18:59.06
don't model it at home. I mean
think about it. Can you really
00:18:59.10\00:19:05.12
expect for your child to be calm
if you are yelling all the time?
00:19:05.16\00:19:11.15
In my home, my dad and I
we probably share the closest
00:19:11.18\00:19:17.63
temperament. He loves a good
argument. OK. And so do I. When
00:19:17.67\00:19:23.39
we get together, theological
issues, whatever the issue might
00:19:23.43\00:19:29.12
be we always happen to be,
I don't know how it is but we
00:19:29.15\00:19:32.13
happen to be on the opposite
side. We're never on the same
00:19:32.17\00:19:36.28
side very often. But to solve
our stuff we would get loud with
00:19:36.32\00:19:40.22
each other. And I would tell
him you are crazy. You're out of
00:19:40.25\00:19:44.12
your mind, that is not
true. That's when it's before a
00:19:44.15\00:19:48.50
certain point. After a certain
point he says OK I'm your father
00:19:48.54\00:19:53.82
this conversation is over.
Before that point but I picked
00:19:53.85\00:19:59.92
up those kind of skills for
coping with conflict and I'm not
00:19:59.96\00:20:06.00
blaming my father by any chance.
00:20:06.03\00:20:07.34
No I think all of us if we're
honest with ourselves if we
00:20:07.38\00:20:11.41
whatever, I mean that's why
there's a Savior. We're in need
00:20:11.44\00:20:15.44
of a Savior.
Something, it's mostly ourselves
00:20:15.47\00:20:20.56
But I picked up those things.
I remember when I got into my
00:20:20.60\00:20:23.70
relationship, when I met my
wife freshman year of college
00:20:23.73\00:20:26.76
she came from a family, and I've
seen it now since I've met her
00:20:26.80\00:20:30.97
family, the family's real quiet,
real easy going. The way they
00:20:31.00\00:20:35.96
solve issues is like kind of
calm and some things are left
00:20:36.00\00:20:40.22
unsaid. My family, Oh it's
all coming out on the table OK.
00:20:40.25\00:20:44.40
That's the only way we're going
to settle it. Everything has to
00:20:44.44\00:20:47.25
be laid out to the nth degree.
I think like in marriage there's
00:20:47.29\00:20:51.54
always one that's the calm
family and then there's the
00:20:51.57\00:20:54.96
other one that's from the
in- your-face kind of family.
00:20:54.99\00:20:58.31
I'm from the in-your-face family
OK. We were close up to each
00:20:58.35\00:21:02.93
other. And there were times when
things I said really hurt her.
00:21:02.97\00:21:07.52
I mean, really hurt here. And
there were times when I exploded
00:21:07.55\00:21:12.06
and she was that like... that
was just new to her. And that
00:21:12.09\00:21:16.53
meant that the relationship was
over and that I detested her and
00:21:16.57\00:21:21.57
I didn't want to be with her
anymore. I didn't say that but
00:21:21.60\00:21:26.66
my mannerism conveyed that, my
language choice, the way I spoke
00:21:26.70\00:21:30.54
everything just conveyed that
kind of message to her and she
00:21:30.57\00:21:34.80
was like man who am I dealing
with here? So I had to realize
00:21:34.83\00:21:39.03
that and through a lot of
reading and things I learned
00:21:39.06\00:21:41.72
you know you got to calm some of
that stuff down and let the Lord
00:21:41.76\00:21:45.52
take it from you. But to
get back to the point kids will
00:21:45.55\00:21:51.29
model what they see in their
homes. So if you talk about
00:21:51.32\00:21:56.99
people all the time in your home
if you have no kind of problem
00:21:57.03\00:22:03.17
solving skill and all you do is
rant and rave and carry on kids
00:22:03.21\00:22:07.94
will eventually figure that
that's the only way to respond.
00:22:07.98\00:22:12.91
How do you change that? Well
one thing is I believe you have
00:22:12.94\00:22:17.33
to educate yourself. You
have to take the time to get the
00:22:17.37\00:22:21.98
resources that can really help
you to educate your children
00:22:22.02\00:22:26.56
and be intelligent and proactive
about not only the way you
00:22:26.59\00:22:30.93
respond but how they respond.
That's one of the ways. I think
00:22:30.97\00:22:35.28
modeling is important. I
do want to mention maybe a few
00:22:35.31\00:22:38.79
other ways that parents need to
be very proactive. Parents must
00:22:38.83\00:22:44.49
know where their children are.
That seems like such a simple
00:22:44.52\00:22:49.72
thing. It seems like that should
not even need to be said, but
00:22:49.76\00:22:54.93
in reality what happens after
school, what happens during
00:22:54.96\00:22:59.79
school, what happens before
school. Many parents don't know.
00:22:59.83\00:23:05.90
They're busy. And again, parents
I understand. I'm going to be a
00:23:05.94\00:23:11.21
parent one day and so I might
have to eat the words I'm saying
00:23:11.25\00:23:16.69
right now. Maybe I'll have to.
But I just believe that you have
00:23:16.72\00:23:22.13
to make time for your
children and there really is no
00:23:22.16\00:23:27.54
substitute for time. You have to
find out where you are. Who are
00:23:27.58\00:23:32.64
their friends? How are you
going to know the warning signs.
00:23:32.67\00:23:36.85
I know when I was a teenager
I remember when I didn't want to
00:23:36.88\00:23:41.03
be around my parents. Now I
can't be around them enough.
00:23:41.06\00:23:44.63
I remember when I didn't want...
I mean they were uncool. They
00:23:44.67\00:23:49.84
were not happening, OK. So
I needed to be away with my
00:23:49.87\00:23:52.87
friends. But how do you connect
with kids like that. You have
00:23:52.91\00:23:58.33
got to perhaps make your home
the meeting spot. You've got to
00:23:58.37\00:24:03.00
extend yourself. And one of the
points that I put down is you've
00:24:03.04\00:24:07.64
got to put your values out
there so kids can see them. OK.
00:24:07.67\00:24:12.37
So you're against this, you're
against the drugs and you're
00:24:12.40\00:24:16.30
against all of this stuff. The
music. You don't like anything
00:24:16.34\00:24:21.10
they do. Well what are you for
that they do? What are you for?
00:24:21.13\00:24:26.78
If a parent is unwilling to
go that extra mile then I think
00:24:26.82\00:24:32.79
things begin to happen. These
shootings and this violence that
00:24:32.82\00:24:38.76
happens in our society,
it wasn't just born in a day.
00:24:38.79\00:24:41.63
Every one of those young people
that we have come to know so
00:24:41.67\00:24:46.47
well in the past few years, the
boys in Columbine, they had a
00:24:46.51\00:24:52.52
story around their lives. Those
parents were so detached from
00:24:52.55\00:24:57.28
them that they felt that they
could build bombs in their rooms
00:24:57.32\00:25:02.02
and no one would know it.
I couldn't imagine that. Well
00:25:02.05\00:25:06.57
first of all it wouldn't have
worked in my home because I had
00:25:06.61\00:25:09.13
three other brothers in my room.
So if I had a bomb under the
00:25:09.17\00:25:12.06
bed they probably would have
known it by then. I couldn't
00:25:12.09\00:25:14.91
have gotten away with that. But
the reality is that we have got
00:25:14.95\00:25:19.09
to do our very best, our very
best, to find out, to put our
00:25:19.13\00:25:23.24
values out there, to be
proactive with our children.
00:25:23.27\00:25:26.33
I do want to mention one other
point. Parents must get involved
00:25:26.37\00:25:31.87
in their school system. You must
be involved in the community.
00:25:31.91\00:25:37.38
You must engage the outside
world if you hope to have an
00:25:37.41\00:25:43.80
influence on it. The chances
are that if kids know who John's
00:25:43.84\00:25:49.26
parents are, John's parents
are visible, John's parents are
00:25:49.30\00:25:53.61
willing to take them to the
plays and to take them out and
00:25:53.64\00:25:57.88
to do things with them, chances
are John won't be the child they
00:25:57.92\00:26:03.03
target. Maybe somebody else
and that influence is important.
00:26:03.06\00:26:08.53
The final thing I want to say is
parents don't be afraid to say
00:26:08.56\00:26:14.00
I don't know. Don't be afraid
to say I don't have all the
00:26:14.03\00:26:20.54
answers. Sweetheart, I
remember when I was in a similar
00:26:20.57\00:26:27.01
situation and this happened
to me. We can't be afraid to say
00:26:27.05\00:26:34.03
Hey I messed up. I was bullied
or I had this problem and here's
00:26:34.06\00:26:38.75
how I dealt with it. That was
wrong. Here's what I think you
00:26:38.78\00:26:43.64
should do. I think this is a
good way to handle it. And with
00:26:43.67\00:26:48.76
much prayer, much intervention
I think we can protect our
00:26:48.80\00:26:53.86
children. Well I
certainly appreciate the
00:26:53.89\00:26:56.84
amount of time and research and
valuable information. I mean,
00:26:56.88\00:27:02.38
it's just been a blessing to
receive this kind of information
00:27:02.41\00:27:07.33
from a spiritual perspective,
one that uplifts God and says
00:27:07.36\00:27:11.64
you know we need to admit
where we. And we don't have the
00:27:11.67\00:27:15.44
the capability within ourselves
to do that. These are some
00:27:15.48\00:27:20.03
steps... What is it Philippians
4:13 says: I can do all things
00:27:20.07\00:27:24.58
through Christ who strengthens
me. We can't do these things on
00:27:24.62\00:27:28.69
own, you know. Some parents are
really heartbroken by the things
00:27:28.73\00:27:32.77
that are happening with their
kids and they feel like it's
00:27:32.80\00:27:35.35
totally out of control. And
we like to be able to share that
00:27:35.39\00:27:37.91
with you. If you are
experiencing that today you are
00:27:37.94\00:27:40.61
not alone and this is not
impossible. God can help you get
00:27:40.65\00:27:43.88
through this situation. And
we're going to be praying for
00:27:43.91\00:27:47.07
you and there's someone on the
line that's willing to pray for
00:27:47.11\00:27:50.70
you as well. So please dial the
800 number on your screen, write
00:27:50.74\00:27:54.30
us, call us, we'll do anything
we can to support you as a
00:27:54.33\00:27:57.34
parent and may God
bless you until next time.
00:27:57.37\00:27:59.94