Hello and welcome to
Heaven's Point of View.
00:00:16.24\00:00:18.48
This is our series on
Love, Marriage, Sex and Divorce,
00:00:18.51\00:00:22.48
from the New
Testament perspective.
00:00:22.55\00:00:24.99
My name is Dr. Yvonne Lewis
00:00:25.02\00:00:27.06
and our featured host for
this series is Dr. Tom Sheperd.
00:00:27.09\00:00:30.89
He is a Professor of
New Testament interpretation
00:00:30.93\00:00:34.36
at Andrews University
00:00:34.40\00:00:35.86
and he's a
Director for the Ph. D.
00:00:35.90\00:00:38.47
and Th. D. Programs
there, did I get it all?
00:00:38.50\00:00:42.00
Yeah, that's fine...
00:00:42.04\00:00:43.94
it's more important... we
talk about the Scriptures.
00:00:44.01\00:00:46.71
Amen... amen... you've
been doing such a great job
00:00:46.78\00:00:49.44
on breaking down all of
these elements within Scripture
00:00:49.48\00:00:53.58
on love and marriage and
sex and divorce, I mean...
00:00:53.62\00:00:57.69
these topics
are just so relevant
00:00:57.75\00:01:01.12
to what's going on today
00:01:01.16\00:01:02.59
and we've been
looking at 1 Corinthians 7
00:01:02.62\00:01:05.39
and let's just kind
of get back into that
00:01:05.43\00:01:08.10
because there are some juicy
passages in 1st Corinthians 7.
00:01:08.13\00:01:12.33
We said... the
last time we studied
00:01:12.37\00:01:15.24
verses 1 and 2, and we
said that the Apostle...
00:01:15.27\00:01:19.01
he got this letter
from the Corinthians,
00:01:19.04\00:01:21.74
a letter which we
don't have any more
00:01:21.81\00:01:24.41
so, we don't know
exactly what they said,
00:01:24.48\00:01:26.78
but he said,
"I'm going to respond
00:01:26.82\00:01:28.88
to the things you
wrote about" Hmmm... hmmm...
00:01:28.92\00:01:31.15
So it's like listening to
half of a telephone conversation
00:01:31.19\00:01:34.02
where, you know,
00:01:34.06\00:01:35.39
you kind of try
to piece it together,
00:01:35.42\00:01:37.13
as to what they were saying.
00:01:37.16\00:01:38.96
Paul gives us his
reply in 1st Corinthians 7,
00:01:38.99\00:01:44.43
he begins by evidently quoting
something from their letter
00:01:44.47\00:01:48.94
where it was dealing with the
subject of "touching a woman"
00:01:48.97\00:01:53.41
is the phrase that he uses,
00:01:53.48\00:01:54.88
many people think that
this was simply a euphemism
00:01:54.94\00:01:59.01
for sexual relations,
however, as we studied last time
00:01:59.08\00:02:03.08
we noticed that
it's actually probably
00:02:03.12\00:02:05.55
much more nuanced than that.
00:02:05.62\00:02:07.09
We reviewed how the
concept of "touching"
00:02:07.12\00:02:11.29
was used as a euphemism in
the ancient Greco-Roman world
00:02:11.33\00:02:15.30
and we concluded
that Paul is talking about
00:02:15.33\00:02:19.07
men using women
00:02:19.10\00:02:21.47
or other men or boys
00:02:21.50\00:02:24.11
as an object for
sexual gratification,
00:02:24.14\00:02:26.31
it's about the
dehumanization of people
00:02:26.34\00:02:29.64
and using them as
objects of personal pleasure.
00:02:29.68\00:02:33.48
You know, Dr. Sheperd,
this is such an important point
00:02:33.52\00:02:37.09
because as I...
00:02:37.12\00:02:38.45
I don't listen to Rap
music or Hip Hop music,
00:02:38.49\00:02:41.62
I just can't
relate to that but...
00:02:41.66\00:02:45.26
but one of the things
that is so prevalent in that
00:02:45.29\00:02:48.46
is the objectification of women,
00:02:48.50\00:02:51.83
violence,
objectification of women,
00:02:51.87\00:02:55.14
and just using women as
recreational sex objects,
00:02:55.20\00:02:59.34
like... when you
want it, it's there
00:02:59.37\00:03:01.38
and it's just so prevalent
today in today's Society
00:03:01.41\00:03:05.51
on television, in
the music, this is...
00:03:05.55\00:03:08.95
Big internet issues...
problems of pornography,
00:03:08.98\00:03:11.25
Yes...
00:03:11.29\00:03:12.62
This is all about
objectification of people
00:03:12.65\00:03:14.42
and... as an object of
desire instead of a relationship
00:03:14.46\00:03:18.46
and these kinds of problems...
00:03:18.49\00:03:21.36
we need to talk
about it in the church,
00:03:21.43\00:03:23.57
Absolutely, because we can't
just sweep them under the rug
00:03:23.60\00:03:27.00
and act as
though they don't exist,
00:03:27.04\00:03:28.87
but we can go to
the Word and find out,
00:03:28.90\00:03:31.47
"What does the Word
say?" so we looked...
00:03:31.51\00:03:33.98
what we looked at was 1st
Corinthians 7 verses 1 and 2
00:03:34.01\00:03:39.08
so what does Paul say,
00:03:39.11\00:03:41.32
how does he deal
with verses 3 through 7?
00:03:41.35\00:03:44.45
Okay, so, we want to go
back and read the entire passage
00:03:44.49\00:03:47.42
and it never hurts
to get the context,
00:03:47.46\00:03:50.09
so we want to read,
00:03:50.13\00:03:51.59
1st Corinthians
chapter 7 verses 1 through 7
00:03:51.63\00:03:57.27
so if you could
just read that for us.
00:03:57.30\00:03:59.97
Okay, sure, "Now
concerning the things
00:04:00.04\00:04:01.40
of which you wrote to me:
00:04:01.44\00:04:02.77
it is good for a man
not to touch a woman.
00:04:02.80\00:04:05.04
Nevertheless,
because of sexual immorality,
00:04:05.07\00:04:07.61
let each man have his own wife,
00:04:07.64\00:04:09.54
and let each woman
have her own husband.
00:04:09.58\00:04:11.85
Let the husband render to
his wife the affection due her,
00:04:11.88\00:04:15.58
and likewise also
the wife to her husband.
00:04:15.62\00:04:18.39
The wife does not have
authority over her own body,
00:04:18.42\00:04:21.52
but the husband does.
00:04:21.56\00:04:22.89
And likewise the
husband does not have authority
00:04:22.92\00:04:25.43
over his own
body, but the wife does.
00:04:25.49\00:04:27.56
Do not deprive one another
except with consent for a time,
00:04:27.60\00:04:31.67
that you may give yourselves
to fasting and prayer;
00:04:31.73\00:04:34.67
and come together again so
that Satan does not tempt you
00:04:34.70\00:04:38.01
because of your
lack of self-control.
00:04:38.04\00:04:40.08
But I say this as a concession,
not as a commandment.
00:04:40.11\00:04:43.95
For I wish that all
men were even as I myself.
00:04:43.98\00:04:46.72
But each one has
his own gift from God,
00:04:46.75\00:04:49.32
one in this manner
and another in that. "
00:04:49.35\00:04:51.89
Okay, now this is a
passage as I've said before
00:04:51.95\00:04:55.36
that is very misunderstood
00:04:55.39\00:04:58.09
and Paul has taken to
say things actually...
00:04:58.13\00:05:01.90
that is just about the opposite
of what he's actually saying,
00:05:01.93\00:05:05.97
in verse 1 we've already
studied and we noticed that
00:05:06.00\00:05:09.57
Paul agrees with the
people who are writing to him
00:05:09.60\00:05:13.51
and are complaining about
this "touching of women. "
00:05:13.54\00:05:17.41
Now, this "touching of
women" does not mean...
00:05:17.45\00:05:19.21
just simply... sexual relations,
00:05:19.25\00:05:20.92
in the studies
that we've looked at
00:05:20.95\00:05:24.42
we found that in
the Greco-Roman world
00:05:24.45\00:05:28.02
when they use this terminology,
it was something men did,
00:05:28.06\00:05:31.13
it wasn't
something women did. Hmmm...
00:05:31.16\00:05:33.46
A woman could be
involved in "porneia"
00:05:33.50\00:05:36.10
immoral sexual behavior
00:05:36.13\00:05:38.30
a man could be
involved in porneia...
00:05:38.33\00:05:40.44
immoral sexual behavior,
00:05:40.47\00:05:41.80
but touching was only
something men did to women,
00:05:41.84\00:05:44.47
so, simply to say,
00:05:44.51\00:05:46.64
"This is having sexual
relations... " is insufficient,
00:05:46.68\00:05:49.74
all right, it
actually goes further than that
00:05:49.78\00:05:51.98
to say the
objectification of a woman,
00:05:52.01\00:05:55.38
so Paul agrees
with... there were some people
00:05:55.42\00:05:57.32
in the Corinthian
church evidently who were...
00:05:57.35\00:05:59.29
who were objecting
to men in the church
00:05:59.32\00:06:02.72
and it's so hard for us to
understand the records of...
00:06:02.76\00:06:05.89
to even think that anything like
this would happen in church,
00:06:05.93\00:06:08.50
but men were probably
having sex with their slaves,
00:06:08.53\00:06:11.43
they were still going to the...
00:06:11.47\00:06:13.54
maybe they were
going to the temple
00:06:13.57\00:06:14.90
and having sex with the
temple prostitutes in Corinth
00:06:14.94\00:06:17.17
and this whole
"touching of women,"
00:06:17.21\00:06:19.21
using them as a sexual object
00:06:19.24\00:06:21.01
then there were some
people who were like...
00:06:21.04\00:06:23.14
shocked with this in the church
00:06:23.18\00:06:24.51
and said, "This is just wrong,
00:06:24.55\00:06:25.88
let's write to Paul and
find out what he thinks. "
00:06:25.91\00:06:27.25
So Paul agrees with
them... that's wrong...
00:06:27.28\00:06:30.39
you see, when we
studied 1st Corinthians 6,
00:06:30.42\00:06:32.32
we saw that there
was this whole thing
00:06:32.35\00:06:34.19
about sexual, immoral behavior
00:06:34.26\00:06:35.66
and going to prostitutes
and Paul is opposed to that,
00:06:35.69\00:06:38.29
now we kind of turn to the
other side in 1st Corinthians 7,
00:06:38.33\00:06:41.93
it seems as though
he's talking to people
00:06:41.96\00:06:43.97
who were kind of prudish on sex,
00:06:44.03\00:06:45.50
and think of it as
sort of a dirty thing
00:06:45.53\00:06:47.84
maybe that...
you shouldn't do it
00:06:47.87\00:06:49.44
or you should
limit its... you know...
00:06:49.50\00:06:51.71
how much you do
it... and... you know...
00:06:51.74\00:06:53.94
but they are complaining to
Paul and he agrees with them
00:06:53.98\00:06:56.18
but they seem to have
even gone further and said,
00:06:56.21\00:06:59.65
"You know, maybe
sex is just so powerful
00:06:59.71\00:07:02.55
that you just
shouldn't have it at all,
00:07:02.58\00:07:05.52
just no sex at all
even if you're married. "
00:07:05.55\00:07:08.02
So they went to
the other extreme.
00:07:08.06\00:07:10.36
Yeah, yeah, so you can imagine
00:07:10.39\00:07:12.19
a church like this where if...
00:07:12.23\00:07:14.96
one Sabbath you get up
and you preach and you say,
00:07:15.00\00:07:17.10
"Now, you ought not to
be going to those temples,
00:07:17.13\00:07:19.20
you're not to
be sleeping around"
00:07:19.23\00:07:20.57
and the people who are
believing in Asceticism,
00:07:20.60\00:07:23.54
who are... you know...
don't have sex with people,
00:07:23.57\00:07:25.67
they're saying, "Amen,
preach it Paul, tell it"
00:07:25.71\00:07:27.64
And so Paul goes
something like this,
00:07:27.71\00:07:30.21
he says, "Boy oh boy!
now what am I going to say,
00:07:30.25\00:07:32.38
what am I going to
say to these folks?"
00:07:32.41\00:07:34.08
so then he comes back
the next week and he says,
00:07:34.12\00:07:35.98
"Now you know, sex is good"
00:07:36.02\00:07:37.59
and you can hear the people
00:07:37.62\00:07:39.09
that have been going off
to the prostitutes saying,
00:07:39.12\00:07:41.09
"Preach it Paul... amen... "
00:07:41.12\00:07:42.46
so, he had to
wind his way carefully
00:07:42.49\00:07:46.03
in between these
groups who were libertine
00:07:46.06\00:07:48.76
and the groups
here who were ascetics
00:07:48.83\00:07:50.43
and he does a very good job,
00:07:50.47\00:07:51.93
now, if we don't
know the background
00:07:52.00\00:07:54.80
and we don't know
the letter that he has
00:07:54.87\00:07:57.61
and some of the
indicators that he gives here,
00:07:57.67\00:07:59.44
we can easily misunderstand
this so in verse 2, he says
00:07:59.47\00:08:05.21
that because of the
ubiquitous nature of
00:08:05.25\00:08:08.42
immorality in the pagan world,
that you ought to be married
00:08:08.48\00:08:12.09
and you ought to have
sexual relations in marriage.
00:08:12.15\00:08:14.99
Because he talks
about sex in marriage,
00:08:15.02\00:08:18.09
it seems in...
00:08:18.13\00:08:19.53
he's talking
about sexual relations
00:08:19.59\00:08:21.23
in the marriage
relationship in verse 1,
00:08:21.26\00:08:23.13
that's also probably what
he's talking about in verse 2,
00:08:23.16\00:08:26.30
all right, so then
this brings us down
00:08:26.33\00:08:28.54
to verses 3 and 4, all
right, maybe we should just read
00:08:28.57\00:08:34.64
verses 3 and 4
again... just to see...
00:08:34.68\00:08:38.45
Sure, "Let the
husband render to his wife
00:08:38.48\00:08:42.18
the affection due her,
00:08:42.22\00:08:43.55
and likewise also
the wife to her husband.
00:08:43.59\00:08:46.25
The wife does not have
authority over her own body
00:08:46.29\00:08:49.22
but the husband does.
00:08:49.26\00:08:50.59
And likewise the
husband does not have authority
00:08:50.63\00:08:53.26
over his own body,
but the wife does. "
00:08:53.29\00:08:55.76
All right, now what in
the world is he talking about?
00:08:55.80\00:08:58.53
Would you read verse 3 again,
00:08:58.57\00:09:01.94
I was interested in how
the New King James put that.
00:09:01.97\00:09:04.04
Sure, "Let the
husband, render to his wife,
00:09:04.07\00:09:07.14
the affection due her,"
00:09:07.18\00:09:09.24
The "affection"
due her... Affection...
00:09:09.28\00:09:11.05
here in the ESV it says,
00:09:11.08\00:09:12.85
"The husband should give to
his wife her conjugal rights"
00:09:12.88\00:09:14.75
Hmmm...
00:09:14.78\00:09:16.42
Tom: It's talking
about sex... Yvonne: Right...
00:09:16.45\00:09:18.65
Sex and marriage, and he says,
00:09:18.69\00:09:20.59
"The husband should give
the wife her conjugal rights
00:09:20.62\00:09:23.59
and likewise the
wife to her husband"
00:09:23.63\00:09:25.23
so,
00:09:25.29\00:09:26.80
this kind of strikes us
00:09:26.83\00:09:28.66
as a little strange,
00:09:28.70\00:09:30.43
you know, especially,
young married couples,
00:09:30.47\00:09:31.80
they get this... and
they look at this and say,
00:09:31.83\00:09:34.30
"You mean, you got to
tell them to have sex?"
00:09:34.34\00:09:36.64
Yeah...
00:09:36.67\00:09:39.94
It's kind of like
sitting young children down
00:09:39.97\00:09:42.64
and saying, "Now,
eat your ice cream,"
00:09:42.68\00:09:44.08
you don't usually have to tell
people to eat their ice cream
00:09:44.11\00:09:48.65
and you don't have to usually
tell people to enjoy sex,
00:09:48.68\00:09:51.25
because it is such
an enjoyable experience,
00:09:51.29\00:09:54.16
however, there's a sad thing
that can happen in marriage,
00:09:54.19\00:09:57.16
where people
use sex as a weapon.
00:09:57.19\00:09:58.73
Hmmm... hmmm...
00:09:58.76\00:10:00.10
Where it becomes
something you withhold or give
00:10:00.13\00:10:05.23
in order to get
something else and that's wrong.
00:10:05.27\00:10:10.67
Yes, and I think the
Bible is basically saying,
00:10:10.71\00:10:16.04
if you're angry or if you...
00:10:16.08\00:10:20.02
if for some reason you're
carrying some kind of grudge
00:10:20.05\00:10:24.35
or whatever against that spouse,
00:10:24.39\00:10:26.76
do not use sex as... you
know things can build up,
00:10:26.79\00:10:30.66
tension can build up,
don't use sex as a weapon.
00:10:30.73\00:10:34.43
Right... yeah so...
if you have problems,
00:10:34.46\00:10:37.27
if you're facing some kind
of issue, then talk it out.
00:10:37.30\00:10:39.30
Right.
00:10:39.33\00:10:40.67
And actually if you
get to the place where
00:10:40.70\00:10:42.50
you can't talk it
out, you're not fine...
00:10:42.57\00:10:44.61
that's obviously going
to affect your sex life
00:10:44.64\00:10:47.54
but you should go to
some trusted counselor
00:10:47.58\00:10:50.35
and be able to
talk things through,
00:10:50.38\00:10:52.98
and try to work things
out and get... you know...
00:10:53.01\00:10:55.75
and find
resolution again but Paul says
00:10:55.78\00:10:58.22
that actually you
have rights in marriage
00:10:58.25\00:11:00.62
now, the supporting
reasons for verse 2 are found
00:11:00.66\00:11:06.53
here in these two
verses... 3 and 4,
00:11:06.56\00:11:08.60
the first reason
deals with your obligation
00:11:08.63\00:11:11.87
and the second reason
deals with your authority.
00:11:11.90\00:11:15.60
So you have an
obligation towards your spouse,
00:11:15.64\00:11:19.14
but you also have rights in
relationship to your spouse,
00:11:19.17\00:11:23.08
he uses two different words,
00:11:23.11\00:11:24.45
the Greek words are
opodidomi and exousiazó,
00:11:24.48\00:11:28.12
don't you love that Greek sound?
00:11:28.15\00:11:29.75
Wow! can I even say that?
Don't ask me to repeat that.
00:11:29.78\00:11:33.76
All right, so
"apodidomi" means to...
00:11:33.79\00:11:35.12
it's a word that's
used in a number of ways
00:11:35.16\00:11:37.66
it means, to pay out wages,
00:11:37.69\00:11:39.16
to fulfill a duty,
to render, to reward,
00:11:39.19\00:11:42.73
or to recompense,
00:11:42.76\00:11:44.10
so it's used here...
00:11:44.13\00:11:45.47
it gives the idea of
what you owe your spouse,
00:11:45.50\00:11:48.74
so when you get married,
00:11:48.77\00:11:50.41
you owe
something to your spouse,
00:11:50.44\00:11:52.51
see, it's quite different
from before you're married,
00:11:52.54\00:11:55.08
before you're married,
you don't owe them something,
00:11:55.11\00:11:57.45
but now you do,
00:11:57.48\00:11:58.81
you owe them
their conjugal rights,
00:11:58.85\00:12:00.42
you owe them sexual fulfillment.
00:12:00.45\00:12:02.15
The other word,
"exousiazó" has the idea of
00:12:02.18\00:12:05.39
to have the right to
something, right, so,
00:12:05.45\00:12:08.56
it's the reciprocal
side of the equation,
00:12:08.59\00:12:11.66
you have a right to sexual
fulfillment in your marriage.
00:12:11.69\00:12:14.46
Paul indicates that the husband
has rights with the wife's body
00:12:14.50\00:12:18.67
and the wife has rights
with the husband's body,
00:12:18.70\00:12:21.24
it's a very mutual
kind of relationship.
00:12:21.27\00:12:24.01
Mutuality is very
important in this passage
00:12:24.04\00:12:26.71
you see, in verse one and two,
00:12:26.74\00:12:28.14
it was all about using
somebody else as an object,
00:12:28.18\00:12:31.35
Hmmm... hmmm...
00:12:31.41\00:12:32.91
And when he turns
to really talk about
00:12:32.95\00:12:34.88
how sex should be
handled in marriage,
00:12:34.95\00:12:36.99
he says, "It's not about
using a person as an object,
00:12:37.02\00:12:40.76
it's about
treating them as a person
00:12:40.79\00:12:43.02
who has rights and
privileges just like you do. "
00:12:43.06\00:12:46.46
Yes, yes, and that
makes so much sense,
00:12:46.49\00:12:49.46
it's a mutuality
involved here. Tom: Yeah.
00:12:49.53\00:12:54.34
So some people
think that verse 5
00:12:54.37\00:12:57.97
gives you the right to kind
of fast from sexual relations.
00:12:58.01\00:13:02.41
Hmmm... hmmm...
00:13:02.44\00:13:04.05
What do you think about that?
00:13:04.08\00:13:06.05
Well, now we'd better
take a look at verse 5 again.
00:13:06.08\00:13:08.08
Okay, all right.
00:13:08.12\00:13:09.45
Let's read it again. Okay.
00:13:09.48\00:13:10.82
"Do not deprive one another,
except with consent for a time,
00:13:10.85\00:13:15.59
that you may give yourselves
to fasting and prayer;
00:13:15.62\00:13:18.39
and come together again, so
that Satan does not tempt you
00:13:18.43\00:13:21.96
because of your
lack of self-control. "
00:13:22.03\00:13:23.77
Okay, very interesting verse.
00:13:23.83\00:13:26.63
So, don't deprive your spouse.
00:13:26.67\00:13:29.40
Your spouse of
sexual relations, yeah,
00:13:29.44\00:13:31.87
now, he uses
another Greek word here,
00:13:31.91\00:13:34.28
which is "Scolasete"
which means to have time for
00:13:34.31\00:13:39.11
or leisure, to be
able to devote yourself,
00:13:39.15\00:13:42.08
to give time over to
something and he talks about
00:13:42.12\00:13:45.05
prayer, right,
00:13:45.09\00:13:47.52
so he talks about
having time for prayer,
00:13:47.56\00:13:52.06
he says, "don't rob
or defraud somebody"
00:13:52.09\00:13:56.53
now, who would you
be... who would you be robbing
00:13:56.56\00:14:00.60
well, if you... just
in the previous verses
00:14:00.64\00:14:05.17
if you read about the conjugal
rights that a person has
00:14:05.21\00:14:09.58
and obligations that you have,
00:14:09.61\00:14:11.65
it's not hard to see that
what he's talking about is
00:14:11.71\00:14:16.08
depriving
somebody of their right,
00:14:16.12\00:14:18.25
so what the spouse has... is
a right to sexual fulfillment
00:14:18.32\00:14:23.79
with their spouse, and
it's a mutual back and forth
00:14:23.83\00:14:27.30
now, what if somebody says,
00:14:27.36\00:14:28.76
"No, I don't want to have sex,
I want to spend time in prayer"
00:14:28.80\00:14:32.37
I think that the
two are incompatible,
00:14:32.40\00:14:37.81
that they don't fit,
00:14:37.84\00:14:39.17
this is what..
maybe somebody was saying
00:14:39.21\00:14:42.11
that prayer is
holy, and prayer is clean
00:14:42.14\00:14:44.98
and prayer lifts me up to God
00:14:45.01\00:14:46.75
and sex is dirty
and takes me down.
00:14:46.78\00:14:48.92
See, now, that's of course
a very mistaken view of sex.
00:14:48.95\00:14:53.09
Right...
00:14:53.12\00:14:54.46
When God created human beings,
00:14:54.49\00:14:56.49
he didn't do, you know, God
created the head of the man,
00:14:56.52\00:14:58.99
He created the foot of
the man, He created the hands,
00:14:59.03\00:15:01.46
He created the
chest, He created the legs,
00:15:01.50\00:15:03.30
then He said, "Okay,
Satan, you can create the rest,"
00:15:03.37\00:15:05.50
that's not what
He did, God made sex,
00:15:05.53\00:15:09.07
He made it beautiful,
He made it very enjoyable,
00:15:09.10\00:15:11.77
I mean, it's about the
most enjoyable experience
00:15:11.81\00:15:14.44
that you can have in life,
and He made that to be enjoyed
00:15:14.48\00:15:17.75
to bring people together,
00:15:17.81\00:15:19.38
so evidently he had
people in this church
00:15:19.41\00:15:24.15
who felt as though they
ought to hold things back
00:15:24.19\00:15:30.43
or maybe sex...
maybe sex was so strong
00:15:30.46\00:15:34.03
that you ought not to
have it even if you're married,
00:15:34.06\00:15:37.40
so now we've got to
really take apart verse 5,
00:15:37.43\00:15:40.97
because he says,
00:15:41.00\00:15:42.34
"Don't deprive one
another except... "
00:15:42.37\00:15:45.24
so, this seems to
be some exception,
00:15:45.27\00:15:48.11
maybe there's a time
when you can say, "No,"
00:15:48.14\00:15:51.85
and not have sex, now,
I will just step back here
00:15:51.88\00:15:55.58
for a moment and
say, again, kind of that
00:15:55.62\00:15:57.35
Public Health Hat
I'll put on and say,
00:15:57.39\00:15:59.05
Paul is not talking
about... if somebody is sick,
00:15:59.09\00:16:02.59
or, you're under a lot of
stress or something like that
00:16:02.62\00:16:07.10
for you to insist that
your spouse has sex with you
00:16:07.13\00:16:11.50
during that time period
when somebody is ill or in pain,
00:16:11.53\00:16:14.97
something like that,
00:16:15.00\00:16:16.34
that's not showing kindness
and concern and care for them
00:16:16.37\00:16:20.11
like they should
00:16:20.14\00:16:21.48
like we studied when
we looked at marriage
00:16:21.51\00:16:23.35
and how the husband is
to care for his wife...
00:16:23.38\00:16:25.11
the wife is to
respect her husband,
00:16:25.18\00:16:26.72
so, sex always has to be placed
within the context of the home
00:16:26.75\00:16:31.95
and where their setting is
00:16:31.99\00:16:33.32
and how they're doing in
terms of time... and you know
00:16:33.36\00:16:36.06
if your life is so stressful
and you don't have time
00:16:36.09\00:16:38.86
for sexual
relationships with your spouse,
00:16:38.89\00:16:41.43
then you're too busy.
00:16:41.46\00:16:42.90
That's right...
00:16:42.93\00:16:44.27
Now, we say that about prayer,
00:16:44.30\00:16:45.73
if you're too busy to
pray, you're too busy,
00:16:45.77\00:16:48.34
all right, now
there's nothing wrong
00:16:48.37\00:16:50.81
with us saying... as Christians,
00:16:50.84\00:16:52.27
"If you're too busy to
have sex with your wife,
00:16:52.31\00:16:54.98
if you're too
stressed out, you're too busy,
00:16:55.01\00:16:57.78
you need to step back
and say, "No" to something.
00:16:57.81\00:17:00.55
I know, you said,
I'm the Ph. D. Director
00:17:00.58\00:17:03.05
and sometimes I have to
talk to Ph. D. students,
00:17:03.08\00:17:04.95
I'll pull out a
little Post-it note
00:17:04.99\00:17:07.39
and I'll write
the word, "No" on it,
00:17:07.42\00:17:09.76
and I'll sign it and
give it to them and I'll say,
00:17:09.79\00:17:11.96
you know, "Put
this on your fridge
00:17:11.99\00:17:14.10
because, maybe
you need to say, 'no'
00:17:14.13\00:17:16.13
so you can focus on writing
your dissertation, you know,
00:17:16.16\00:17:18.70
and have enough time
for that, just say, 'No,'"
00:17:18.73\00:17:23.47
so, there are times
when you're getting too busy
00:17:23.51\00:17:27.78
if you don't have
time for your family,
00:17:27.84\00:17:29.78
you have to say, "No" to
some of those outside things.
00:17:29.81\00:17:31.75
Okay, so let's look,
let's kind of walk through this,
00:17:31.78\00:17:34.35
the first thing Paul does
is he talks about an exception,
00:17:34.38\00:17:36.95
he says, "Do not
deprive yourself,
00:17:36.99\00:17:39.19
except perhaps by agreement"
00:17:39.22\00:17:41.32
so, he's rather
hesitant about this exception,
00:17:41.36\00:17:46.23
except perhaps...
perhaps... in case... you may,
00:17:46.29\00:17:51.03
so... Yvonne:
For a limited time.
00:17:51.07\00:17:53.70
So that's the next
thing, the mutual limitation,
00:17:53.74\00:17:56.47
he says, "There
must be agreement. "
00:17:56.50\00:17:58.21
Yvonne: Hmmm...
00:17:58.27\00:17:59.87
So it's... he's not
saying it has to be,
00:17:59.91\00:18:02.81
perhaps, he says, but
it has to be by agreement,
00:18:02.84\00:18:06.25
the word for
agreement is, "symphonou"
00:18:06.28\00:18:08.72
from which we get
the word, "symphony,"
00:18:08.75\00:18:11.12
when all the music is
being played together,
00:18:11.15\00:18:14.22
it's a symphony...
beautiful sound together,
00:18:14.26\00:18:16.73
you see, the
husband and the wife
00:18:16.76\00:18:18.86
both have to agree to this,
00:18:18.89\00:18:20.73
fasting this time,
when you're not going to...
00:18:20.76\00:18:24.07
when you're not
going to have sex, okay,
00:18:24.10\00:18:26.87
then he says,
"it's for a time. "
00:18:26.90\00:18:30.31
Right...
00:18:30.34\00:18:31.67
It's for a
limited period of time,
00:18:31.71\00:18:33.27
the terminology is "kairos"
00:18:33.31\00:18:35.58
which means "a
specific span of time"
00:18:35.61\00:18:38.45
and with the
preposition that it is put with,
00:18:38.48\00:18:41.08
it has the idea of, perhaps,
00:18:41.12\00:18:42.45
a view towards a
short period of time,
00:18:42.48\00:18:44.75
you're not supposed to stay
apart for a long period of time,
00:18:44.79\00:18:47.66
none of this
"mud stuff" you know.
00:18:47.69\00:18:49.16
You know, Dr. Sheperd, I
know of a couple of couples...
00:18:49.22\00:18:53.73
that... there's one
couple that's married,
00:18:53.76\00:18:56.53
that has been
married for several years,
00:18:56.56\00:18:59.23
and they never, ever
have sexual intercourse,
00:18:59.27\00:19:03.20
which means that
their level of intimacy
00:19:03.24\00:19:06.64
is so limited,
because sex is that glue
00:19:06.68\00:19:10.05
also that helps to
keep the couple together.
00:19:10.08\00:19:13.28
Yep, gasoline in the engine.
00:19:13.31\00:19:14.65
Yeah, and they
never ever have sex.
00:19:14.68\00:19:17.65
They need to go see
a counselor and work...
00:19:17.69\00:19:19.85
because there's obviously
some kind of issues involved.
00:19:19.89\00:19:21.86
Yes...
00:19:21.89\00:19:23.22
You know, marriage is the place
00:19:23.26\00:19:24.59
where that's
supposed to take place
00:19:24.63\00:19:25.96
so, a limited
time, the purpose...
00:19:25.99\00:19:27.33
why are they not
having sex? It's not a weapon,
00:19:27.36\00:19:30.83
it's not a weapon,
it's to devote themselves
00:19:30.87\00:19:33.94
to prayer, it's
unhurried devotion to prayer,
00:19:33.97\00:19:37.01
okay, so, first
there's this hesitance,
00:19:37.04\00:19:39.87
then there's the
mutual agreement,
00:19:39.91\00:19:42.68
then there is a limited time
00:19:42.71\00:19:44.48
then the purpose of it is
00:19:44.51\00:19:46.25
not to attack
somebody or hurt them,
00:19:46.28\00:19:48.52
it is to devote
yourself to prayer,
00:19:48.55\00:19:51.32
then he reiterates and he says,
00:19:51.35\00:19:54.06
but then, he says,
"come back together again"
00:19:54.09\00:19:57.86
so, the purpose of
prayer cannot override
00:19:57.89\00:20:01.60
the duty of sexual union.
00:20:01.63\00:20:04.30
Hmmm... that's a good
point because some people
00:20:04.33\00:20:08.34
might try to say,
"Well, I'm praying... "
00:20:08.37\00:20:11.51
and they might
try to act too holy
00:20:11.54\00:20:13.88
for sexual
relations within marriage,
00:20:13.94\00:20:16.24
that's the key.
00:20:16.28\00:20:17.61
Can you imagine, if a believer
is married to an unbeliever,
00:20:17.65\00:20:21.28
and says this to the unbeliever,
00:20:21.35\00:20:23.32
there's almost no way
that that person's going
00:20:23.35\00:20:26.29
to become a
believer, they're like,
00:20:26.35\00:20:28.32
"Oh, is that what believing
in Jesus does for you?"
00:20:28.39\00:20:31.56
you know, it makes it so that
you're not going to have sex,
00:20:31.59\00:20:35.03
it makes it so that you use it
00:20:35.06\00:20:37.73
and the unbeliever
would see it as a weapon,
00:20:37.80\00:20:40.20
right, so the believer...
he's talking to believers here
00:20:40.24\00:20:44.91
but the believer
should not use it as a weapon
00:20:44.94\00:20:46.98
against the unbeliever,
now, he gives a moral support
00:20:47.01\00:20:50.65
of his temporal reiteration,
00:20:50.68\00:20:53.55
sometimes people misunderstand
this moral support,
00:20:53.58\00:20:55.45
he said, "So that
Satan may not tempt you
00:20:55.48\00:20:58.19
because of your
lack of self-control"
00:20:58.22\00:21:00.89
now, Satan's
temptation to sexual immorality
00:21:00.92\00:21:06.16
or... can you imagine if
00:21:06.19\00:21:09.13
somebody was praying,
they had a sexual "fast"
00:21:09.16\00:21:12.83
and they were praying and
they were tempted to immorality
00:21:12.87\00:21:18.47
and so they went off
and had sex with somebody
00:21:18.51\00:21:21.24
that wasn't their spouse,
see, the purpose of the prayer
00:21:21.28\00:21:26.65
is positive but
if you allow Satan
00:21:26.68\00:21:29.52
to turn this into a
temptation to immorality,
00:21:29.55\00:21:32.95
it becomes a
negative, so he is reiterating,
00:21:32.99\00:21:35.89
he's giving a moral
support... a moral reason
00:21:35.92\00:21:38.73
for why they should not do
this for a long period of time,
00:21:38.76\00:21:44.97
so, he gives so
many reasons, why?
00:21:45.00\00:21:51.04
You know, he says,
"You don't have to do this
00:21:51.07\00:21:53.27
but here are all these reasons
00:21:53.31\00:21:54.64
that come on and
on and on and on,"
00:21:54.68\00:21:56.18
so, that brings us to verse 6.
00:21:56.24\00:21:58.41
Yes and he says in verse 6,
00:21:58.45\00:22:00.55
"This is a concession
00:22:00.58\00:22:02.65
not a commandment"
what does he mean by that?
00:22:02.68\00:22:04.65
Yeah, now, the important
word in verse 6 is that the...
00:22:04.69\00:22:07.19
"as a concession not a
command, I say this... "
00:22:07.26\00:22:11.73
Hmmm...
00:22:11.79\00:22:13.13
and the question is,
"What does the 'this' refer to?"
00:22:13.16\00:22:17.90
And there are
lots of different ideas
00:22:17.93\00:22:20.44
as to what the "this" refers to,
00:22:20.50\00:22:22.57
let me run down
some of the options.
00:22:22.60\00:22:24.64
Some people suggest
that the concession "this"
00:22:24.67\00:22:28.94
refers back to
verses 2 through 5
00:22:29.01\00:22:31.91
and that marriage and
sex is the concession.
00:22:31.95\00:22:36.38
Hmmm...
00:22:36.42\00:22:37.75
All right, this is
not a very likely option,
00:22:37.79\00:22:41.16
praise God, since
it makes it difficult
00:22:41.19\00:22:44.99
to see why the Apostle
Paul would say in verse 2,
00:22:45.06\00:22:48.96
that because of
sexual immorality,
00:22:49.00\00:22:51.50
that everybody
should have a spouse
00:22:51.53\00:22:53.97
and then verses 3 and 4,
00:22:54.00\00:22:56.30
that "marriage brings it with it
00:22:56.34\00:22:57.67
the requirement of sexual
fulfillment of your spouse"
00:22:57.71\00:23:00.01
and then to
say, "Oh, all of that
00:23:00.04\00:23:02.14
is just a concession"
when he said it was a command,
00:23:02.18\00:23:05.71
it was a right
that the person has,
00:23:05.75\00:23:07.42
so that is one of
the least likely options,
00:23:07.45\00:23:10.25
you see, some
people get the idea
00:23:10.29\00:23:11.69
that Paul is against marriage
00:23:11.72\00:23:13.05
and that he's just
saying, "Well, you know,
00:23:13.09\00:23:16.29
I really wish you
could all just be unmarried
00:23:16.32\00:23:18.59
and, you know, I know...
00:23:18.63\00:23:20.53
some of you just
aren't able to handle this,
00:23:20.56\00:23:22.50
so okay, I'll make a concession,
so you go ahead, get married. "
00:23:22.53\00:23:25.93
What?
00:23:26.00\00:23:27.97
Well, that's so
against what the Old Testament,
00:23:28.00\00:23:30.11
in particular,
says about marriage
00:23:30.14\00:23:32.34
and what Jesus
says about marriage
00:23:32.37\00:23:34.28
so, it doesn't
make a lot of sense,
00:23:34.34\00:23:36.18
number two is that...
00:23:36.24\00:23:37.58
oh, I'm sorry...
verses 2 to 5 would be
00:23:37.61\00:23:39.51
"marriage and sex
is the concession"
00:23:39.55\00:23:41.72
verse 2...
sometimes people will say,
00:23:41.75\00:23:43.62
"Marriage itself
is the concession"
00:23:43.65\00:23:45.49
that doesn't make sense either
00:23:45.52\00:23:46.86
because there is
such a long distance
00:23:46.89\00:23:49.19
between verse 2 and verse 6,
when he uses the word, "this,"
00:23:49.22\00:23:52.66
sometimes, people will say.
"not to deprive one another"
00:23:52.69\00:23:56.10
here as a concession,
00:23:56.16\00:23:57.77
this would mean
that Paul is saying that
00:23:57.80\00:23:59.93
really the Christian's purpose
ought to be focused on prayer
00:23:59.97\00:24:03.47
and that it's a
concession or being nice
00:24:03.51\00:24:06.04
to give your
spouse sexual fulfillment,
00:24:06.07\00:24:08.54
but then, that runs up
against verses 3 and 4,
00:24:08.58\00:24:12.45
which said, "No,
it's not being nice
00:24:12.48\00:24:15.78
it's something
you owe them, hello!"
00:24:15.82\00:24:19.05
You can't just say,
00:24:19.09\00:24:20.69
"Oh, I'm being nice
to give this to you. "
00:24:20.72\00:24:23.22
"No, we got married, I'm sorry,
00:24:23.26\00:24:24.59
that means that I have
rights and you have rights,"
00:24:24.63\00:24:26.49
right? Right.
00:24:26.53\00:24:27.86
The other possibility
00:24:27.90\00:24:29.83
is that the "short
separation" is the concession,
00:24:29.86\00:24:33.90
here Paul would be saying
that a pause in sexual relations
00:24:33.94\00:24:39.07
in order to focus on prayer
is okay if both of you agree
00:24:39.11\00:24:44.18
but that is not something
that a good Christian has to do.
00:24:44.21\00:24:49.25
Hmmm...
00:24:49.28\00:24:50.62
You don't have
to stop having sex
00:24:50.65\00:24:53.56
in order to
pray, right, that's...
00:24:53.62\00:24:56.66
in fact, this
is Paul's allowance
00:24:56.69\00:24:59.66
to the Ascetics,
the people would say,
00:24:59.69\00:25:02.16
"You know, sex
is just too strong"
00:25:02.20\00:25:04.63
or "sex is just too
dirty and everything,
00:25:04.67\00:25:06.23
we should just not have
sex even though we're married,"
00:25:06.27\00:25:08.07
Paul says, "You
know what? you're wrong,"
00:25:08.10\00:25:10.41
he says, "but I'll
give you this concession,
00:25:10.44\00:25:12.74
if you want to
separate for a short time
00:25:12.77\00:25:15.04
and pray and do that,
00:25:15.08\00:25:17.98
okay, but only for a short time,
00:25:18.01\00:25:20.45
both of you have to agree,
it has to be a limited time,
00:25:20.48\00:25:23.18
don't let Satan tempt
you, come back together,
00:25:23.22\00:25:25.55
start doing...
having sexual relations,"
00:25:25.59\00:25:27.99
see... that's
actually the most likely,
00:25:28.02\00:25:30.23
but the concession
is... is to the Ascetic people
00:25:30.26\00:25:33.66
who don't want to
have sex, he says,
00:25:33.70\00:25:35.30
"Okay, but you can only
do that for a short time...
00:25:35.33\00:25:37.93
just a little bit,"
00:25:37.97\00:25:39.30
there are some
people that want to say
00:25:39.33\00:25:42.10
the following verse is
not to marry as a concession
00:25:42.14\00:25:44.81
but that doesn't make a
lot of sense linguistically
00:25:44.84\00:25:47.44
so, we can paraphrase this,
00:25:47.48\00:25:49.61
let me read a
paraphrase I have of this
00:25:49.64\00:25:51.68
to sort of fill it out
and to say what it means,
00:25:51.71\00:25:55.48
okay, so, here Paul is
saying, "Here's my concession,
00:25:55.52\00:25:59.39
to those who think
00:25:59.42\00:26:01.29
you have to stop
having sexual relations
00:26:01.32\00:26:03.69
in order to devote
yourself to prayer,
00:26:03.73\00:26:06.06
it's all right to abstain,
00:26:06.09\00:26:09.10
but only on the
following conditions,
00:26:09.13\00:26:12.00
both husband and wife
must agree to the sexual fast,
00:26:12.03\00:26:15.80
it must be for
just a short time,
00:26:15.84\00:26:18.34
the purpose is
to focus on prayer,
00:26:18.37\00:26:20.51
and then you
must stop the "fast"
00:26:20.54\00:26:22.61
and return to
full marital relations,
00:26:22.64\00:26:24.31
remember, it is not
necessary to abstain,
00:26:24.35\00:26:27.32
in order to be
'a good Christian'
00:26:27.35\00:26:29.52
you each owe the other
the joy of sexual fulfillment,
00:26:29.55\00:26:33.89
in fact, abstaining
can cause you great harm
00:26:33.92\00:26:36.76
if Satan tempts you and
your passions overwhelm you
00:26:36.79\00:26:40.30
what would be the
value of devotional exercise
00:26:40.33\00:26:43.80
if it led you to immorality?"
00:26:43.83\00:26:46.13
Right... All right...
00:26:46.17\00:26:47.50
now that brings us to verse 7
00:26:47.54\00:26:49.17
and we don't have much
time to talk about verse 7
00:26:49.20\00:26:52.37
so let's just read it
real quick say it very quickly.
00:26:52.44\00:26:55.58
"For I wish that all
men were even as I myself.
00:26:55.61\00:26:58.01
But each one has
his own gift from God,
00:26:58.05\00:27:00.28
one in this manner
and another in that. "
00:27:00.32\00:27:02.48
Paul was probably
unmarried at this time,
00:27:02.52\00:27:04.62
he came from a background
where marriage was the norm,
00:27:04.65\00:27:08.19
so maybe his wife died
or perhaps she divorced him
00:27:08.22\00:27:11.19
because he became a
Christian, that's a possibility,
00:27:11.23\00:27:14.16
Paul talks about
the gifts of God,
00:27:14.20\00:27:16.43
of different life
paths or situations
00:27:16.46\00:27:18.63
or what God gives to you
00:27:18.67\00:27:20.27
and He will give you
the grace to use that
00:27:20.30\00:27:22.17
and go through that time,"
00:27:22.20\00:27:23.54
so in summary we can say
this, sex in marriage is good,
00:27:23.57\00:27:26.88
sex in marriage
is a marital right,
00:27:26.94\00:27:29.78
we owe it to our spouse to
give them sexual fulfillment
00:27:29.81\00:27:33.42
and it's all right
but not a requirement
00:27:33.45\00:27:36.18
to abstain from sex for
a short time in marriage
00:27:36.22\00:27:40.02
for devotion to prayer
00:27:40.06\00:27:41.39
but both parties
must agree to the plan.
00:27:41.42\00:27:43.22
Absolutely. Yeah.
00:27:43.26\00:27:45.46
This is rich... this
is some rich information,
00:27:45.49\00:27:50.00
we thank you so
much and we look forward
00:27:50.07\00:27:52.13
to our next session with you.
00:27:52.17\00:27:54.60
Okay.
00:27:54.64\00:27:56.10
And we look
forward to your joining us,
00:27:56.14\00:27:59.14
don't hesitate
to tune in next time
00:27:59.17\00:28:02.44
and tell somebody
else about this series.
00:28:02.48\00:28:04.51
May God bless you
00:28:04.58\00:28:05.91
as you continue to
search the Word for its truth.
00:28:05.95\00:28:08.62