Hello and welcome to
"Health for a Lifetime"
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I'm your host Don Mackintosh
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We're glad you're with us.
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Perhaps in your life,
you experience stress,
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and, you know, there's
such a thing as good stress
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and bad stress.
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Here to talk about
stress and what to do ABOUT IT
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is Dr. Skip MacCarty.
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Welcome Dr. MacCarty Thank you
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You've really talked
about this quite often
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over the last 20 years
and you've developed this
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seminar now...
"Stress Beyond Coping"
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...I think you call it Correct
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You want to just
go beyond coping,
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you want to really
get a handle on it.
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And that seminar is
available for people to use
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in their communities...
people can learn about by
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calling us here at 3ABN or the
"Church Ministries Department
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of the
Seventh-day Adventist Church"
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which, interestingly enough,
has adopted yours as their
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seminar on stress - so
we're glad that you're with us.
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Today, we're going
to talk about stress,
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but we need you to kind
of catch us up to speed...
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What is stress and what are
some keys for dealing with it?
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Okay, well Don, I'm going
to use the stress tank model.
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It invites us to
view our lives as a tank,
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and into that tank
are being poured stressors
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or stressful experiences
every single day of our lives,
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and that builds to
the overflow point.
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If we get too much
stress it can be... It's harmful
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Exactly, various kinds of
harm, illnesses, accidents,
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relationship
problems and strain...
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And fortunately,
there's a pressure relief valve
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that has 7 Keys
to managing stress,
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and if we keep those
keys in order in our lives,
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we crank open that
valve, we can actually prevent
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stress from building
to the harmful point,
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so here are the 7
Keys right here...
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And I notice also that
these 2, prayer and viewpoint
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are highlighted - how important
are they in your stress pyramid?
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Good question, Don, I've
developed a stress management
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pyramid that shows the 7
Keys in a hierarchal order
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...starting with the
most important at the top
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and working down from
there and you'll notice that
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prayer or spiritual
integration is the VERY TOP
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in the upper most of the
resources that are available
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to us and
viewpoint right underneath;
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they are VERY important...
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And I've
developed 10, what I call,
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heavy-duty stress absorbers.
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They are 10 powerful
stress reducing beliefs that
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cushion the stresses of life
and take a lot of the stress
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out of life when we apply them,
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and it integrates the viewpoint
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and the prayer, spiritual
integration components.
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And we've covered, I think,
5 of those in a previous time
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together - God is my spiritual
parent, the Serenity Prayer,
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knowing the difference between
knowing what we can change,
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what we can't change and noting
the difference between those...
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And releasing the things
we can't change - to God,
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and just focusing
on the things we can.
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The other one that you
shared that was very helpful
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was living just
one day at a time,
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not a week at a time,
but one day at a time...
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Or going back to the
past and scooping up trouble
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from the past
into today, etcetera.
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Taking personal
responsibility for our happiness
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and our attitude...
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Creating our own
internal good weather,
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and carrying it
with us wherever we go.
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And then finally, choosing
to be grateful in the midst
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of whatever happens. Exactly
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We can't make things
great, but we can be grateful.
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Not always grateful FOR
what happens, but we can be
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grateful in those circumstances.
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I think that's a choice.
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So now we're
just building on that,
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putting some more
shock absorbers on our
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already well-cushioned vehicle.
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But you told me once
that if you have even just one
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of these shock
absorbers, it could help you
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in just about any situation.
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Don, if you consistently
apply any one of these
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stress-reducing
beliefs, these heavy duty
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shock absorbers
as we refer to them,
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it would help you
in so many situations;
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it would really take a
lot of the shock, so-to-speak,
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out of the stressful
situations of life...
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But you begin to accumulate
them and apply them together
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and it's just awesome
the power that they have.
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All right, so let's
look at the next one.
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Let's look at another
stress absorber today.
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What's the next one
you want to show us?
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That would be the
concept of perspective...
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Now, it's formulated as
a resolve, but really, Don,
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there's a powerful belief
behind it that perspective
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that makes a
difference on life...
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just keeping
things in perspective.
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Sometimes I'm asked,
when I'm with adult audiences,
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I'm asked - How can you teach
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some of these
principles to children?
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And I've got a wonderful
book here - it's called:
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"Too Much Noise" by Ann McGovern
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Found this - my daughter
had it for her granddaughter
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and I saw this book
and it was just tremendous.
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It's a book about Peter...
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You read this to me before
the program - it's a great book!
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Oh, it's fantastic
and my grandson, Gabriel,
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he loves to have this read
over and over and over again!
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And it's such a
powerful principle...
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This little man, Peter, has a
home that is too noisy for him.
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The leaves are falling on
the roof and the tea kettle is
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whistling and there
is just too much noise,
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and so he goes to this wise
man of the village and he says,
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"My house is so noisy,
I can't sleep at night,
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and my bed creaks and the
floor squeaks, what do I do?"
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And he says, "Well get a cow"
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So he goes and gets a cow, and
the cow is mooing and he goes
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back and says, "That
didn't work"... Get a donkey!
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He goes back and
gets a donkey and now the
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donkey is heehawing
and the cow is mooing.
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He goes back and he keeps
going back to this wise man...
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He says, "Get a hen, get a
sheep, get a dog and a cat"
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And now - ALL THIS
NOISE, and he goes back
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finally to the
wise man and he said...
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"This is crazy, I
can't sleep at all now"
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"I came to you to get some help
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and you've only made
matters so much worse. "
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The wise man said,
"Well now do what I tell you,
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get rid of all the animals"
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So he goes back and he
gets rid of all the animals,
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and then the leaves fall
on the roof - swish, swish,
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the bed creaks
and the floor squeaks,
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and the tea kettle
whistles - hiss - hiss,
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and he says, "Oh what a
beautiful quiet house I have"
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"What beautiful quiet noises"
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And he goes to sleep
and dreams a very beautiful
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and quiet dream.
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So that wise
man really was wise.
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He just added more
things and he said - Look...
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That's exactly right...
Yeah, you really do have it good
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You really have it good.
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There's a continuum
that I've developed, Don,
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I've got a slide of
that - going from 1 to 10
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where at the left end,
you have no problem at all,
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and #10 is worse case,
and I try to help people
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when they come with a problem
or if I have a problem myself,
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I try to think of -
What could the worse case be
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in this situation?
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And then you put your problem
in perspective that way...
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And for me, I've read a
number of books on the holocaust
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and Auschwitz and Buchenwald
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and, for me, I made the
#10 would be life at Auschwitz
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which was BARELY life.
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It was life like an
animal - worse than an animal.
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An animal being tortured
and never knowing if it was
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going to live the
next few minutes...
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And I try to put the
problems I have in life in that
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perspective and you can see
if you're exaggerating things
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to get them all out of whack.
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You know, this should give
you a little example of how
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easy it is to get
things out of line.
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You've seen these
little Post-it notes? Yes
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I use them for so many things
and I carry them in my pocket
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because somebody will
give me some information,
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and I'll just pull that out
and write it down on that note
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and stick it back in there...
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And I also have these
glasses that I get at Rite Aid,
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I only need them to read,
but they have these little
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bifocals that give
me the ability to read,
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but I don't like them
- I don't like to look
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through glasses,
so most of the time,
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I'll carry them in
my pocket like this,
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and one of the worse
things that can happen for me -
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There I go again saying
that - using that language
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But, if one of these Post-its
gets stuck to my glasses
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because, for some reason, that
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sticky does not
come off very well.
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You can wash it and
wash it and wash it,
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and it stays on there
no matter what you use.
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It takes a while to
get that off of there.
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And one day I was at my office
and I pulled out my glasses,
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and there was my little sticky
note stuck to my glasses...
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And I literally said, out loud,
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"That's the worst thing that
could have happened to me today"
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And then I realized, it just
hit me what I had just said.
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That's the self-talk again kind
of identifying where we are.
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And it helped me put
things back in perspective.
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You pictured all those
glasses in one room in Auschwitz
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or something and said,
"Look, at least I have glasses"
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Right, yep -
Charlie, our cameraman here,
00:09:01.24\00:09:04.72
was talking to us
after one of our programs,
00:09:04.75\00:09:08.35
and our camera operator,
and he said when something
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difficult happens to
him, something frustrating,
00:09:13.78\00:09:15.87
he says to himself
- these are the words,
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I wrote it down...
"If that's worst thing
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that happens to me in
my life, I've got it made"
00:09:20.97\00:09:25.12
And you know something, Don,
that is a powerful statement
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for us to say - If that's
the worst thing that happens
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to me in my life,
I've got it made...
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That is awesome - it's putting
that problem in perspective
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out of a whole life.
00:09:37.14\00:09:38.36
And just adding this...
I will keep everything in
00:09:38.39\00:09:40.76
perspective is so powerful
to help us keep focused,
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and keep on track.
00:09:45.50\00:09:46.63
Instead of getting frustrated
and the stress levels rising
00:09:46.66\00:09:48.90
and the stress chemicals
start flowing in our bodies,
00:09:48.93\00:09:50.94
we immediately reduce that
when we use some little phrase
00:09:50.97\00:09:53.65
like that or just think about...
00:09:53.68\00:09:55.51
"I could be at
Auschwitz right now"
00:09:55.54\00:09:57.05
and we put things
back in perspective also.
00:09:57.08\00:09:59.32
I remember I was working
in the emergency room once,
00:09:59.35\00:10:01.36
and there was this lady that
00:10:01.39\00:10:02.42
just had a
terrible, terrible cough,
00:10:02.45\00:10:04.68
and she was very upset that
we weren't taking care of her,
00:10:04.71\00:10:07.48
and so the person in the next
room was dying of a heart attack
00:10:07.51\00:10:11.71
but she wanted to be seen
and she didn't realize that,
00:10:11.74\00:10:15.53
and so somehow, inadvertently
that curtain got opened
00:10:15.56\00:10:18.82
and she saw the person dying
and all of a sudden she felt
00:10:18.85\00:10:21.49
completely better and she
just was thanking the Lord
00:10:21.52\00:10:24.66
because she didn't
have to go through that.
00:10:24.69\00:10:26.90
So perspective - pulling
the curtain back for our kids,
00:10:26.93\00:10:29.57
a great suggestion for the kids,
00:10:29.60\00:10:30.97
and then also a
suggestion as well.
00:10:31.00\00:10:32.86
Well let's say
you try and do that,
00:10:32.89\00:10:34.32
you put
everything in perspective
00:10:34.35\00:10:35.75
or you think you have,
00:10:35.78\00:10:36.82
but still things are
going south what do you do then?
00:10:36.86\00:10:38.99
Hey, that's going to
happen, it's going to happen,
00:10:39.02\00:10:41.12
and that's the next
stress absorber that I use,
00:10:41.15\00:10:46.15
Stress Absorber I
call #7 and that is...
00:10:46.18\00:10:48.71
Some kind of meaning.
00:10:52.16\00:10:57.82
Dr. Viktor Frankl who
was a Jewish psychiatrist,
00:10:57.85\00:11:01.14
during the Second World War,
he was at Auschwitz for a while
00:11:01.17\00:11:05.88
as a prisoner there.
00:11:05.91\00:11:07.71
He wrote a book later on called,
"Man's Search for Meaning"
00:11:07.74\00:11:10.84
a powerful little
book and in this book,
00:11:10.87\00:11:14.75
he talks about just
some of the reflections
00:11:14.78\00:11:19.69
on what he
learned at Auschwitz...
00:11:19.72\00:11:21.53
And he makes a statement
in that book that I've got a
00:11:21.56\00:11:24.31
slide of that
statement; he said this...
00:11:24.34\00:11:25.37
And even in their
experiences at Auschwitz,
00:11:32.77\00:11:35.10
he taught prisoners how to look
00:11:35.13\00:11:36.97
for meaning in
what they were doing.
00:11:37.00\00:11:38.25
Now the Bible says something
very similar in Romans 8
00:11:38.28\00:11:41.93
We have this
beautiful promise of God...
00:11:41.96\00:11:44.38
You know Don, that
gives meaning to everything.
00:11:51.64\00:11:54.24
What could happen... if
that's a true statement,
00:11:54.27\00:11:56.99
what could happen to
us - that doesn't have
00:11:57.02\00:12:00.06
some meaning - some
potential for meaning?
00:12:00.09\00:12:02.16
I remember my grandfather
and you and I were in the
00:12:02.19\00:12:05.13
same city at the time my
grandfather came to live with us
00:12:05.16\00:12:07.79
and it was kind of suffering
for him to live with me.
00:12:07.82\00:12:10.75
I know you find
that hard to believe,
00:12:10.78\00:12:12.61
but when my brother
and I were living with him,
00:12:12.64\00:12:15.10
and I asked him -
"What keeps you going?"
00:12:15.13\00:12:17.64
He said, "You know, it
must be that I need to help
00:12:17.67\00:12:21.02
you boys with
something, it must be"
00:12:21.05\00:12:23.25
And it gave
meaning to his life... Yes
00:12:23.28\00:12:25.61
And so, even
though his wife had died,
00:12:25.64\00:12:27.71
even though many of the
people that he loved were gone,
00:12:27.74\00:12:29.98
he had a sense of meaning
and he just really contributed
00:12:30.01\00:12:32.83
the last few years of his life.
00:12:32.86\00:12:34.99
I want to share a quotation from
00:12:35.02\00:12:37.30
"Thoughts From the
Mount of Blessings"
00:12:37.33\00:12:38.41
which is one of the
greatest books on stress,
00:12:38.44\00:12:40.17
awesome book on stress
written by Ellen White...
00:12:40.20\00:12:43.19
Listen to this statement
and think if a person really
00:12:43.22\00:12:45.91
internalized this statement.
00:12:45.94\00:12:48.47
"The Father's presence encircled
Christ, and nothing befell Him
00:12:48.50\00:12:53.40
but that which infinite
love permitted for the blessing
00:12:53.43\00:12:56.31
of the world"
That's pretty secure if you
00:12:56.34\00:13:00.22
know that's the case.
00:13:00.25\00:13:01.45
Here was His
source of comfort...
00:13:01.48\00:13:03.43
Well sure, for Christ, right?
00:13:03.46\00:13:05.73
But the next phrase
says... "And it is for us"
00:13:05.76\00:13:08.74
That statement goes on...
"He who is imbued with the
00:13:08.77\00:13:14.12
Spirit of
Christ, abides in Christ"
00:13:14.15\00:13:16.27
That means you're asking
every day for the Holy Spirit
00:13:16.30\00:13:19.30
to be in your life and
for you to be submissive
00:13:19.33\00:13:20.92
to the Holy Spirit's will.
00:13:20.95\00:13:23.02
"The blow that is aimed
at him To that kind of person
00:13:23.05\00:13:26.76
falls upon the Savior who
surrounds him with His presence"
00:13:26.79\00:13:31.69
So you just picture this...
that God is surrounding you,
00:13:31.72\00:13:35.15
Christ is surrounding
you with His presence,
00:13:35.18\00:13:36.68
and nothing can touch your
life but first it touches Him
00:13:36.71\00:13:40.38
and He has to give permission.
00:13:40.41\00:13:41.70
That's that next statement...
00:13:41.73\00:13:42.77
"Whatever comes to him"
00:13:42.80\00:13:44.48
Whatever comes to me in my life,
00:13:44.51\00:13:46.15
comes from Christ in that it has
to first of all get through Him.
00:13:46.18\00:13:50.94
He has to evaluate - Is
this going to be of some
00:13:50.97\00:13:53.26
benefit to Skip.
00:13:53.29\00:13:54.45
Is this going to be of
some benefit if he suffers
00:13:54.48\00:13:57.35
in this way - if he
is inflicted with this
00:13:57.38\00:13:59.35
suffering, is he going to
be some benefit to the people
00:13:59.38\00:14:02.25
that I've given him spiritual
stewardship with regard to.
00:14:02.28\00:14:05.34
So every event of our
life has some meaning,
00:14:05.37\00:14:08.88
believing that - if
we really believe that;
00:14:08.91\00:14:10.96
if we believe that
with all our heart.
00:14:10.99\00:14:12.55
I tell you what, you can go
through very severe suffering,
00:14:12.58\00:14:15.21
and it still keeps you focused.
00:14:15.24\00:14:16.81
You still feel like
God is in control of this;
00:14:16.84\00:14:19.47
there's a meaning to
this and you can go on.
00:14:19.50\00:14:21.49
And we accept that
by faith sometimes.
00:14:21.52\00:14:23.64
We just have to cling to
that promise and that belief.
00:14:23.67\00:14:26.40
That's the promise - exactly.
00:14:26.43\00:14:27.85
Anything else about
when things go south with our
00:14:27.88\00:14:30.92
perspective you'd like to
share you'd like us to hear?
00:14:30.96\00:14:34.21
Okay, we've been
talking with Dr. Skip MacCarty
00:14:34.46\00:14:36.49
We're talking about
stress, stress absorbers.
00:14:36.52\00:14:38.71
What we can do to
absorb the stressors
00:14:38.74\00:14:41.09
that come to us in life.
00:14:41.12\00:14:42.48
Join us when we come back.
00:14:42.51\00:14:44.13
Have you found yourself wishing
00:14:49.94\00:14:51.29
that you could
shed a few pounds?
00:14:51.32\00:14:52.93
Have you been on a
diet for most of your life
00:14:52.96\00:14:55.22
but not found anything that
will really keep the weight off?
00:14:55.25\00:14:58.24
If you've answered "yes"
to any of these questions,
00:14:58.27\00:15:01.14
then we have a
solution for you that works!
00:15:01.17\00:15:04.06
Dr. Hans Diehl and
Dr. Aileen Ludington
00:15:04.09\00:15:06.99
have written a
marvelous booklet called..
00:15:07.02\00:15:08.91
"Reversing Obesity Naturally"
00:15:08.94\00:15:11.33
and we'd like to send
it to you FREE of charge.
00:15:11.36\00:15:13.91
Here's a medically sound
approach successfully used
00:15:13.94\00:15:16.72
by thousands who were able
to eat more and lose weight
00:15:16.75\00:15:19.86
permanently without
feeling guilty or hungry
00:15:19.89\00:15:22.83
through lifestyle medicine.
00:15:22.86\00:15:24.56
Dr. Diehl and Dr. Ludington
have been featured on 3ABN
00:15:24.59\00:15:28.14
and in this booklet
they present a sensible
00:15:28.17\00:15:30.53
approach to eating,
nutrition and lifestyle changes
00:15:30.56\00:15:33.41
that can help you
prevent heart disease, diabetes
00:15:33.44\00:15:35.93
and even cancer.
00:15:35.96\00:15:37.32
Call or write today
for your free copy of...
00:15:37.35\00:15:39.53
"Reversing Obesity Naturally"
00:15:39.56\00:15:41.27
and you could be on your
way to a healthier, happier YOU!
00:15:41.30\00:15:44.26
It's ABSOLUTELY free of
charge, so call or write today.
00:15:44.29\00:15:49.65
Welcome back, we've
been talking about stress,
00:15:53.48\00:15:55.50
what we can do about it.
00:15:55.53\00:15:56.58
Our guest today
is Dr. Skip MacCarty
00:15:56.61\00:15:59.04
We've been talking
about stress absorbers,
00:15:59.07\00:16:01.16
and what we can do to really
get a handle on the stressors
00:16:01.19\00:16:04.93
that come that can be
damaging in our lives.
00:16:04.96\00:16:06.59
We've talked about
keeping things in perspective,
00:16:06.62\00:16:09.48
and looking for the meaning
in every situation in life.
00:16:09.51\00:16:13.46
Let's go on...
We don't always know
00:16:13.49\00:16:15.47
what the meaning is even
though we believe it's there,
00:16:15.50\00:16:18.37
God said he could
bring good out of anything.
00:16:18.40\00:16:19.93
Okay, what's the next one?
00:16:19.96\00:16:21.28
The next one is
Stress Absorber #8...
00:16:21.31\00:16:24.89
I yield my
personal rights to God.
00:16:24.92\00:16:27.62
I yield them to God -
my personal rights to God.
00:16:27.65\00:16:30.65
All right, so
giving rights over to Him,
00:16:35.97\00:16:37.88
and then if He wants
us to have some right,
00:16:37.91\00:16:40.54
we wait for Him to give
it back to us. That's right
00:16:40.57\00:16:44.13
You know Don, we live
in a rights-crazed age,
00:16:44.16\00:16:48.34
and almost every
time there's conflict...
00:16:48.37\00:16:54.37
generally if I'm
having conflict with somebody,
00:16:54.40\00:16:56.64
it's because I'm
upset at somebody,
00:16:56.67\00:16:58.34
it's because I feel
they've violated some personal
00:16:58.37\00:17:01.36
right that I have...
00:17:01.39\00:17:02.42
And so when you yield your
rights to God, it just diffuses
00:17:02.45\00:17:06.79
the potential for
conflict in that situation.
00:17:06.82\00:17:09.87
Now I have a slide where
I identify how to go about
00:17:09.90\00:17:15.51
doing this - how to go
about yielding your rights.
00:17:15.54\00:17:18.66
First of all,
identify your rights.
00:17:18.69\00:17:22.29
It's like stress-inducing
beliefs we talked about
00:17:22.32\00:17:24.24
in a previous program.
00:17:24.27\00:17:26.78
If I asked you to identify your
00:17:26.81\00:17:27.93
rights right now,
you'd have a hard time.
00:17:27.96\00:17:29.36
You'd come up with
a few things but...
00:17:29.40\00:17:30.77
I have the right to
remain silent... Okay
00:17:30.80\00:17:34.34
But generally when
you're in conflict situation,
00:17:34.37\00:17:36.93
you say - what right do
I feel this person violated
00:17:36.96\00:17:40.14
that you can oftentimes or after
a conflict you can identify it.
00:17:40.17\00:17:43.32
Then yield that right to God.
00:17:43.35\00:17:45.42
Yield it to God and accept it
back again as a gift from God.
00:17:45.45\00:17:49.34
In other words, you're not going
to hold out for it anymore,
00:17:49.37\00:17:51.62
if it comes back to
you, you can accept it
00:17:51.65\00:17:53.43
as a gift and
be grateful for it.
00:17:53.47\00:17:54.80
I've got a list of
"rights" on a slide.
00:17:54.83\00:17:58.90
For instance "Personal Rights"
Always be treated fairly.
00:17:58.93\00:18:01.23
That makes sense, of
course, I always want to be
00:18:01.26\00:18:03.24
treated fairly - to
always be loved and respected,
00:18:03.27\00:18:05.94
especially by people you
treat decently and you try to
00:18:05.97\00:18:08.82
help out - You raise your
kids, you help them financially
00:18:08.85\00:18:13.14
enormously, you
expect that to come back.
00:18:13.17\00:18:15.91
What happens
then when it doesn't?
00:18:15.94\00:18:16.97
See... a long life
for myself and my family.
00:18:17.00\00:18:19.76
So I get cancer and I'm only
20 years old or 17 years old,
00:18:19.79\00:18:23.86
and how unfair can life
be because I have this right
00:18:23.89\00:18:27.02
to long life for myself and
for every member of my family.
00:18:27.05\00:18:29.91
Four score at least... Yeah
00:18:29.94\00:18:31.92
Be treated fairly as
I want to be treated.
00:18:31.95\00:18:33.91
Have others keep their promise.
00:18:33.94\00:18:38.07
Keep their
promises to me, exactly.
00:18:38.10\00:18:39.79
Now, when I yield those rights
to God, literally give them up,
00:18:39.82\00:18:42.73
it's a scary thing.
00:18:42.76\00:18:44.29
Then I literally prevent
the stress by doing that.
00:18:44.32\00:18:48.62
I diffuse the
stressful situations.
00:18:48.65\00:18:50.61
Because your
expectations are lowered,
00:18:50.64\00:18:52.47
sort of like we talked
about before... Exactly
00:18:52.50\00:18:54.67
So yielding those to Him,
00:18:54.70\00:18:56.79
do you find that
easy to do yourself?
00:18:56.82\00:18:58.75
It's not easy to do,
it's a spiritual discipline
00:18:58.78\00:19:01.48
as many of these
stress-inducing beliefs are.
00:19:01.51\00:19:03.77
They are like
spiritual disciplines,
00:19:03.80\00:19:05.04
but once you know the goal,
then you know what to pray about
00:19:05.07\00:19:08.82
and it's a constant battle,
but it's very, very powerful
00:19:08.85\00:19:12.52
when you yield your
rights to God - very powerful.
00:19:12.55\00:19:15.37
So if you do that,
how do you keep yourself
00:19:15.40\00:19:17.65
from becoming a doormat,
or, you know, you become a
00:19:17.68\00:19:22.05
namby-pamby or something.
00:19:22.08\00:19:23.49
Yeah, exactly, I
understand what you're saying,
00:19:23.52\00:19:26.74
because what you do, Don,
is you have to distinguish
00:19:26.77\00:19:29.34
between your rights
and your responsibilities.
00:19:29.37\00:19:32.27
You have certain
responsibilities too...
00:19:32.30\00:19:34.06
And, I'd like to just
have the slide showing the
00:19:34.09\00:19:38.50
responsibility - a
list of responsibilities.
00:19:38.53\00:19:40.53
I have a responsibility to
live by my spiritual values.
00:19:40.56\00:19:43.35
So, in other words,
if you ask me to violate
00:19:43.38\00:19:47.09
my spiritual value...
00:19:47.12\00:19:48.36
No, that's a responsibility
I have not to violate
00:19:48.39\00:19:50.65
that spiritual
value. That's right
00:19:50.68\00:19:52.09
The self-care... If
you're beating up on me,
00:19:52.12\00:19:56.01
I have a responsibility
to maintain my physical,
00:19:56.04\00:20:02.20
mental and spiritual
care to take care of that.
00:20:02.23\00:20:07.97
I have a
responsibility to do unto others
00:20:08.00\00:20:09.77
as I would want
them to do unto me.
00:20:09.81\00:20:12.42
I have a responsibility
to care for my family.
00:20:12.45\00:20:14.71
I have a responsibility
to protect my family;
00:20:14.74\00:20:16.81
to fulfill my promises no matter
how other people do with me.
00:20:16.84\00:20:22.00
And when I fulfill
my responsibilities,
00:20:22.03\00:20:23.89
I'm creating
eustress - that's good stress,
00:20:23.92\00:20:26.18
that's the positive stress.
00:20:26.21\00:20:27.99
So yielding
rights prevents distress,
00:20:28.02\00:20:30.41
fulfilling my responsibilities
creates eustress.
00:20:30.44\00:20:32.82
I had an attorney one time when
00:20:32.85\00:20:33.88
I was into that yielding rights;
00:20:33.91\00:20:35.34
he was getting more and
more agitated as we were going
00:20:35.37\00:20:37.53
through that
part of the seminar.
00:20:37.56\00:20:38.67
I'm sure he was - that's his
bread and butter! That's right!
00:20:38.70\00:20:42.44
But when we got
to responsibilities,
00:20:42.47\00:20:44.47
I pointed out that an
attorney's responsibility is
00:20:44.50\00:20:46.67
to protect
other people's rights.
00:20:46.70\00:20:49.96
You were toying
with that attorney.
00:20:49.99\00:20:51.47
You set him out and
you brought him back.
00:20:51.50\00:20:54.50
Just like God does - we give Him
00:20:54.53\00:20:56.60
our rights and
He brings us back.
00:20:56.63\00:20:57.83
And in fact, it
makes sense to Him.
00:20:57.86\00:20:59.03
He understood the value
and the wisdom of yielding
00:20:59.06\00:21:04.09
one's personal
rights, but being committed to
00:21:04.12\00:21:06.79
try to care for
other people's rights.
00:21:06.82\00:21:09.45
Well so many times
when someone goes to an
00:21:09.48\00:21:11.42
attorney or in our
society, they're going because
00:21:11.45\00:21:13.94
they've been hurt or they feel
00:21:13.97\00:21:15.02
like their rights
have been damaged,
00:21:15.05\00:21:16.14
and they want to pay them back.
00:21:16.17\00:21:17.68
and so, you know,
that's a big issue.
00:21:17.71\00:21:19.53
The desire for
revenge, no question about it.
00:21:19.56\00:21:21.52
In fact, that leads right into
00:21:21.55\00:21:22.98
our Stress
Absorber #9 and that is...
00:21:23.01\00:21:27.64
We've got some good
evidence from this from some
00:21:34.51\00:21:36.65
stress experts these days.
00:21:36.68\00:21:38.58
Dr. Hans Selye, who was the
father of stress management,
00:21:38.61\00:21:42.37
made the statement... "I
think in the final analysis
00:21:42.40\00:21:46.46
that gratitude and
revenge are the most important
00:21:46.49\00:21:49.71
factors governing our
actions in everyday life.
00:21:49.74\00:21:52.01
In other words, he
says there's a spectrum;
00:21:52.04\00:21:53.57
on one end there's gratitude;
00:21:53.60\00:21:54.78
that's the most positive.
00:21:54.81\00:21:55.84
He said, human
attitude you can have,
00:21:55.87\00:21:57.60
and revenge is
the most destructive
00:21:57.63\00:21:59.33
and negative, he said.
00:21:59.36\00:22:00.75
Upon them also chiefly
depend our peace of mind
00:22:00.78\00:22:03.79
Dr. Lewis Smedes made
a very powerful statement
00:22:12.05\00:22:17.20
on this same subject. He said...
00:22:17.23\00:22:19.22
Wow, so this idea of
forgiveness is SO important.
00:22:48.10\00:22:52.37
It's so important and, in fact,
the very next slide will show
00:22:52.40\00:22:55.73
his other statement...
00:22:55.76\00:22:57.63
Powerful!
00:23:04.45\00:23:06.60
So the way we relate,
either through revenge
00:23:06.63\00:23:09.40
or forgiveness is a
choice that we can make.
00:23:09.43\00:23:11.84
This is the understanding
you're sharing with us.
00:23:11.87\00:23:16.02
It doesn't mean we
don't follow through on our
00:23:16.05\00:23:17.86
responsibilities - I've
been maimed, I've been hurt,
00:23:17.89\00:23:20.33
so there needs to
be some legal process.
00:23:20.36\00:23:22.47
The way I'm looking at
that is not because I have
00:23:22.50\00:23:24.76
to get them back,
but rather I need to
00:23:24.79\00:23:26.95
fulfill my responsibilities
and that's why I'm involved,
00:23:26.98\00:23:29.86
not because I'm so
dependent on that decision
00:23:29.89\00:23:32.54
to make me feel good. Right
00:23:32.57\00:23:33.96
And there's a
chain reaction here, Don
00:23:33.99\00:23:38.98
If we don't forgive, it
settles into resentment,
00:23:39.01\00:23:42.18
and resentment
gels into hostility,
00:23:42.21\00:23:47.20
kind of a negative attitude
toward everything. BITTERNESS!
00:23:47.23\00:23:49.40
Yes, and it just
affects everything in your life,
00:23:49.43\00:23:52.97
and you just haven't
forgiven somebody for something,
00:23:53.00\00:23:55.11
and that bitterness, that
hostility hardens into hate.
00:23:55.14\00:23:59.16
So what if you TRY to
forgive somebody but you just
00:23:59.19\00:24:02.62
can't seem to.
00:24:02.65\00:24:03.68
I mean, you know it's right,
00:24:03.71\00:24:06.43
so you have the guilt of
not being able to you think.
00:24:06.46\00:24:09.19
What do you do when
you can't seem to do that?
00:24:09.22\00:24:10.74
Don, there are 5 steps
to the forgiveness process.
00:24:10.77\00:24:13.94
Step #1 is to
recognize the need to forgive,
00:24:13.97\00:24:17.02
and we've seen the different
quotations that the experts say,
00:24:17.05\00:24:19.63
"If you don't forgive, you're
damaging yourself in every way,
00:24:19.66\00:24:22.23
in relationships and everything.
70 x 7- said Jesus... Exactly
00:24:22.26\00:24:24.94
#2- Acknowledge your
inability to forgive.
00:24:24.97\00:24:27.87
Now for most things, Don,
most hurts that come to us,
00:24:27.90\00:24:30.54
we can just slough them off.
00:24:30.57\00:24:32.15
I mean within a couple of hours,
we won't even remember them.
00:24:32.18\00:24:34.11
But once in a while
something big comes along...
00:24:34.14\00:24:36.87
An administrator
believes a story about me
00:24:36.90\00:24:39.60
that wasn't true and then
00:24:39.63\00:24:41.08
acts on that as
though it were true,
00:24:41.11\00:24:42.87
and that goes
very deep inside of me.
00:24:42.90\00:24:45.22
Someone leaves you after
being married 15 years...
00:24:45.25\00:24:47.88
There you go, yeah, exactly.
00:24:47.91\00:24:49.38
You just don't forget, I
mean, it's hard to forgive,
00:24:49.41\00:24:51.80
and so you wrestle with that.
00:24:51.83\00:24:54.04
So then, at that point,
it's important to acknowledge
00:24:54.07\00:24:56.40
you're not able to forgive.
00:24:56.43\00:24:58.25
That helps you move to step 3.
00:24:58.28\00:25:00.31
"Ask God to give you
a forgiving spirit. "
00:25:00.34\00:25:03.44
He says, "Ask and it
shall be given to you"
00:25:03.47\00:25:05.56
If we really believe that, then
we can go to Him as a resource.
00:25:05.59\00:25:08.42
Then #4- "Yield all bitterness
and desire for revenge to God"
00:25:09.30\00:25:13.03
And you just verbally do
that; yield desire for revenge
00:25:13.06\00:25:18.08
and bitterness to God,
00:25:18.11\00:25:19.14
and I don't know how else
to do it, except just say,
00:25:19.17\00:25:22.21
"God, I yield
these things to you"
00:25:22.24\00:25:24.12
Now there's a definition of
forgiveness by Marjorie Thompson
00:25:24.15\00:25:27.75
that I'd like to show now,
that I felt was so awesome.
00:25:27.78\00:25:31.49
A beautiful statement...
00:25:31.52\00:25:32.55
I just thought that was
such a powerful statement
00:26:17.15\00:26:19.43
of what forgiveness is.
00:26:19.46\00:26:21.24
And then the 5th point, Don,
is to "do good to your offender"
00:26:21.27\00:26:25.05
Because our feelings will
follow our actions many times,
00:26:25.08\00:26:30.12
and if you can do something
good towards your offender,
00:26:30.15\00:26:33.09
even pray for them as
Jesus called us to do...
00:26:33.12\00:26:35.39
"Pray for them"
then forgiveness can come
00:26:35.42\00:26:38.23
in it's time.
00:26:38.26\00:26:39.29
And sometimes breaks that...
00:26:39.32\00:26:40.53
Is that when you can really
know that you have forgiven,
00:26:40.56\00:26:43.86
when you go
through those processes?
00:26:43.89\00:26:45.39
I like the way
Lewis Smedes says...
00:26:45.42\00:26:48.02
It's kind of a
symptom of healing...
00:26:48.05\00:26:49.86
When you think of your offender
and the impulse to wish him well
00:26:49.89\00:26:53.03
springs
spontaneously from within
00:26:53.06\00:26:56.27
you know you have forgiven.
00:26:56.30\00:26:58.77
Excellent - excellent!
00:26:58.80\00:27:00.69
Do good to those
that despitefully use you,
00:27:00.72\00:27:03.44
you just feel like...
and goodness of course
00:27:03.47\00:27:05.04
is the fruit of
the spirit. Right
00:27:05.07\00:27:06.60
The last Stress Absorber...
00:27:06.63\00:27:09.16
We don't have
much time. Last one...
00:27:09.20\00:27:10.94
Very simple -
Stress Absorber #10
00:27:10.97\00:27:12.68
We've talked about it
before in our program...
00:27:12.71\00:27:14.69
I will live by the Golden Rule
00:27:14.72\00:27:16.01
The Golden Rule as
stated by Jesus - even though
00:27:16.04\00:27:19.12
He didn't call it
such is in whatever you do
00:27:19.16\00:27:22.21
do unto others as you
would have them do to you,
00:27:22.24\00:27:25.70
and then He says... "This
is the Law and the Prophets"
00:27:25.73\00:27:27.86
In other words, this sums
up My divine intent for you.
00:27:27.89\00:27:32.27
We've been talking
with Dr. Skip MacCarty
00:27:32.30\00:27:34.06
We've been talking about
stress - it's a real issue.
00:27:34.09\00:27:37.33
It can be very
negative in our lives,
00:27:37.36\00:27:39.65
but there are stress
absorbers that can be used to
00:27:39.68\00:27:42.96
mitigate against it.
00:27:42.99\00:27:44.32
We've talked about 10 of those;
00:27:44.35\00:27:46.32
5 of them in this program.
00:27:46.35\00:27:47.69
They are all in the
seminar, "Stress Beyond Coping"
00:27:47.72\00:27:50.69
We hope that you can
make this resource available
00:27:50.72\00:27:53.29
not only for yourself,
but those in your community,
00:27:53.32\00:27:55.45
and give us a call here
at 3ABN and we'll give you
00:27:55.48\00:27:57.67
more information about it.
00:27:57.70\00:27:59.60