Welcome to
"Health for a Lifetime"
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I'm your host Don Mackintosh
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Today, we're going to be talking
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about stress and
stress-absorbers.
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And if you have stress in your
life, you'll want to tune in
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and tell other people
about today's program.
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We're joined
with Dr. Skip MacCarty
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You've been educating concerning
stress for over 20 years.
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You've written a
seminar - "Stress Beyond Coping"
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and I think it's been adopted
as the actual seminar for the
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Seventh-day Adventist Church,
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and it's available through that
"Health Ministries Department"
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or if they call 3ABN.
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So we're going to
scratch, I guess, the surface
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of stress-absorbers.
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Give us an overview of stress.
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How do we relate to stress?
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What are some keys
to relating with it?
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Okay Don, the model
that I operate on is the
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basis of a stress tank.
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It came out of Australia
and then I have reconfigured it
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based on my research...
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And you think of your life as
this tank into which stress is
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being poured every
day; all kinds of stressors
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we are subjected to every day...
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And if stress levels
build to the overload point -
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the overflow point,
various kinds of harm...
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Or if stress gets too
low, because we need some
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stress in our lives,
then various kinds of harm -
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illnesses or
accident-proneness, etcetera...
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And fortunately, the pressure
relief valve on the tank
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that can drain
stress to safe levels,
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and there are 7
keys to managing stress.
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There are ways you can
close that pressure relief valve
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as well through alcohol
and tobacco and so forth.
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Now here are the 7
keys - here they are...
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These 7 keys keep the
pressure relief valve opened...
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Prayer, relaxation, exercise,
viewpoint, eating healthy - Yes
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They prevent stress from
building to the harmful point.
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And what we're talking
about today - stress absorbers
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are in the area of viewpoint.
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Okay, so again, we're
looking at our point-of-view,
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and how it can help us
with getting rid of stress
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or absorbing it - is what you're
saying today. That's right
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Okay, so how
important then is viewpoint,
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looking at that key
again, in managing stress?
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Okay, we have a
stress management pyramid
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we've developed, Don,
and that stress management
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pyramid has the 7 keys of
managing stress in a hierarchal
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configuration starting
with the... Least important
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Yeah least important - not
that they're not important,
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they are very important
and working up to the pyramid
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to the top that's
the most important.
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And viewpoint is right up
there, right underneath the top.
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Viewpoint is VERY important.
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The bottom 4 are foundational
and then you have the
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power elements at the very top.
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Viewpoint - our relationships
and the spiritual integration.
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And what is exactly "viewpoint?"
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Viewpoint is one's attitude
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Dr. Hans Selye
said that adopting...
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He was the father of stress
management research by the way;
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the one who originated
stress management research
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back in the 30s, 40s and 50s,
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and he said, "Adopting the right
attitude can convert a negative
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stress into a positive stress. "
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So that's how important
attitude is... dropping right,
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and that's our
viewpoint, the way we view life;
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the belief system for
which we filter all the things
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that happen to us in life.
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Barbara Brown, another
stress researcher said,
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"Stress is 90% how the mind
looks at difficulties in life,
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and relieving stress is
100% how the mind uses its
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resources to resist the effects
of stress and learns how to
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deal with stress
without distress. "
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So viewpoint is...
Most of the stress in we
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experience in life is process of
stress - it's not real stress.
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So it's not a real
threat but when it gets filtered
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through our belief
system, we process things
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as threatening to us or making
us fearful or frustrating us.
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So this is sort of like
- to use a medical analogy,
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when something comes to us,
it's sort of like an allergic
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reaction; if we overreact though
our body - it harms itself,
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but if we do have the right
reaction in the right dose,
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or whatever, it's
good that our eyes water.
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It's just if they're
watering all the time,
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we can't keep a viewpoint
of what's going on. Exactly
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Our stress
mechanism, our stress response,
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was designed by God to
help us in emergency situations.
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The problem is - when
we create emergencies,
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in our mental
processing of things
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that aren't real
emergencies at all.
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Now you have a list of
heavy duty stress absorbers
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that you have in your seminar...
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Talk to me more about those...
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What are these
stress-reducing beliefs?
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What are the heavy-duty ones?
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I call them heavy-duty
stress absorbers, Don...
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They are
stress-reducing beliefs.
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They are beliefs you have
that when you get into difficult
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situations, these buffer, these
help you in those situations.
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They can take a
negative experience,
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and convert it actually
into a positive experience
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when you line them all up...
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And it's like shock
absorbers on a car...
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when you're going
over a really rough road,
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and you've got
really good shock absorbers,
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HEY... bring it
on! Yeah, exactly...
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Go down the road! It's
kind of fun, in fact...
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Yeah, it is... bump,
bump, bump, bump, bump...
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You may feel a
little bit of a bump,
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but if you didn't
have any shock absorbers,
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yeah - it would be rough!
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Well, stress-reducing beliefs,
GOOD stress-reducing beliefs
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are like shock absorbers on your
car to your emotional system,
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to your
physiological functioning,
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or like a cliff that absorbs the
pounding of a turbulent surf...
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that's what they are.
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Okay, good - so what
would be one of the first ones
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that would be on your list?
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Well at the top of my list, Don,
I've designed them in forms of
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resolutions but
they are really beliefs;
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powerful beliefs
lie behind them... #1
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That's #1 for me...
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All right #1 for you is
this belief in God, the Father
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who loves you and He is going
to make it all work out somehow.
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Exactly - it means that there's
nothing you can say about
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me, Don, that's going
to make me devalue myself
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because my value
comes from God Himself.
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Yeah okay, so you're telling
me how does this actually work?
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How does it help us with
stress, this belief in God.
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In other words, what
it says is, in essence...
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That nothing can alter
my value in God's heart,
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and nothing can alter
your value in God's heart;
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no failure - I can't fail enough
to devalue me in the eyes of God
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God placed a value on me...
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When Jesus Christ was
giving His life for me,
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that put an
infinite value on me,
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where if you reject me,
that doesn't devalue me.
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If I go into GREAT
financial need, that doesn't...
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Or if I don't
have much education,
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I'm in the
presence of other people,
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I don't need to be
shameful around people
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with great education.
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In the same way, I
don't need to feel that way...
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If you failed at
something, I don't need to feel
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like you have less value.
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It gives me a sense of value
for myself and for other people
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that is absolutely
crucial for stress management
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because so much of
stress management is this sense
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of feeling INFERIOR or in
feeling SUPERIOR to other people
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creating stress in other people.
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So failure, rejection by others,
poverty, lack of education,
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anything else in this
relationship with God?
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Yes, God is the release
point for all of our worries.
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And there is a beautiful
text in 1 Peter 5:7 that says...
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So that's where you go,
that's where it all ends.
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Absolutely beautiful and where I
realized this for the first time
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how powerful this was
was when I was backpacking
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with my 3 sons and woke
up in the middle of the night
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one night my second son,
Andrew, was just screaming
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at the top of his voice
and he and his older brother
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were in another tent from my
youngest son, Marcus and I...
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And so I shined the
light outside our tent
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through the trees to their tent
and it was moving a little bit,
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and I raced over to their
tent and zipped open the tent,
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and shined my
light on Andrew's face,
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and I knew exactly
what had had happened...
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He woke up pitch black
and just terrified - exactly.
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Then he sat up and his
head hit the top of the tent,
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and he was just sitting there -
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the look of
abject terror on his face
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as I was shining
the light on him...
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Then I realized I wasn't
helping matters by shining
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the light on him, so I
turned it back on my own face
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so he could see my face
and he had stress hormones
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just surging
through his little body,
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and when I turned
that light back on my face,
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he just instantly
melted into peace.
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His face just
melted into complete peace.
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He laid down and he simply
said 2 words... "Oh daddy"
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and he laid down
and went sound to sleep.
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It was all over in 30 seconds,
the whole thing in 30 seconds.
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And I realized at that
moment, I went back in my bag
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and it was just a
chilling experience for me,
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and I realized as I was
laying there in my sleeping bag
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...That's EXACTLY what a
relationship with God is.
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He says, "Cast
all your care on me"
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And with 7 years of
building a relationship with
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my young son, that brought
that instant relief to him,
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and when we take our
cares and worries, we panic in a
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difficult situation - then
remember our Father is here;
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our Spiritual parent is here,
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we can just
release our worries to Him,
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and it can bring
such peace and calm.
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So picturing His face and
casting our cares upon Him.
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Anything else about this
MAJOR stress-absorber God
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that you want to mention?
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Well, I think that's
the primary point. Okay
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You've mentioned in
that regard something about
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a Serenity Prayer - about how
you can have the Serenity Prayer
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and how that factors in
- talk to us about that.
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That's
stress-reducing belief #2,
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and the way I think
of these, Don, is...
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If you only had one of
these stress-reducing beliefs,
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you have an awesome resource.
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The Serenity
Prayer is the next one...
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The Serenity Prayer says...
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So many people are
fighting things in their lives
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they cannot change...
00:11:01.88\00:11:03.21
And that is such a
powerful resource -
00:11:03.24\00:11:05.57
If we can pray the
prayer; it's not a resolve...
00:11:05.60\00:11:09.26
I don't make a
resolve to do this...
00:11:09.29\00:11:12.29
You don't think you're working
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your way to heaven by saying
this prayer - or something.
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Yeah, it's not like a commitment
It's a prayer I'm praying.
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God help me - accept the things
I cannot change with serenity.
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It's - I don't grit
my teeth and bear them...
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There's a peace about
them because I'm releasing
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these things to
God - that He can do
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something about that I can't.
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And then trusting Him.
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And then focusing on
the things that I have left
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that I can work on.
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It may be very small
- what I can work on.
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I had a man, one
time, who called me,
00:11:38.84\00:11:41.47
and when I picked up the phone,
00:11:41.50\00:11:43.21
he simply said, "I heard you
talking on stress on the radio -
00:11:43.24\00:11:46.19
If I don't get help with
my stress, I'm going to die. "
00:11:46.22\00:11:50.16
So we made an
appointment, went to lunch.
00:11:50.19\00:11:52.40
The first time, I just
basically listened to him,
00:11:52.43\00:11:54.92
and found out what
resources he had available.
00:11:54.95\00:11:56.95
The second time
we went to lunch,
00:11:56.98\00:11:58.28
we talked about
the Serenity Prayer,
00:11:58.32\00:11:59.59
and he told me later, he
said - "The Serenity Prayer
00:11:59.62\00:12:02.49
was the key to my mental
health - I can see that now. "
00:12:02.52\00:12:04.62
We literally, what we do
with that Serenity Prayer,
00:12:04.65\00:12:06.35
we sorted out things that
he was SO frustrated about,
00:12:06.38\00:12:09.43
that really, he
could do nothing about,
00:12:09.46\00:12:11.02
and we released
those things to God;
00:12:11.05\00:12:12.92
just encouraging him
to release those to God...
00:12:12.95\00:12:15.53
And we began to focus on the
00:12:15.56\00:12:16.91
things he could do something
about where he could be
00:12:16.94\00:12:18.94
fulfilled in investing
himself in those things...
00:12:18.97\00:12:21.27
And it just brought such relief
00:12:21.30\00:12:22.78
to him and such a sense of
freedom to his life to do that.
00:12:22.81\00:12:27.17
So it helps you to just
kind of look at your life,
00:12:27.20\00:12:29.62
put things in
perspective to know
00:12:29.65\00:12:31.11
what you CAN do something about,
00:12:31.14\00:12:32.58
what you CAN'T
do something about,
00:12:32.61\00:12:34.52
and how to know the difference.
00:12:34.56\00:12:36.05
And it is such an important...
00:12:36.09\00:12:37.55
By the way, it's the same
thing with risk factors in
00:12:37.58\00:12:39.86
heart disease or other
guests I've had on this program.
00:12:39.89\00:12:42.08
They say, "Hey look, there
are certain things you can't do
00:12:42.11\00:12:43.92
anything about, but
there are some things you
00:12:43.95\00:12:45.60
CAN DO things about -
let's focus on those. Exactly
00:12:45.63\00:12:48.18
What's #2 of your
big stress absorber,
00:12:48.21\00:12:51.34
shock absorber, if you will.
00:12:51.37\00:12:52.78
That was #2...
#3- Okay, #1 was God
00:12:52.81\00:12:55.96
as our Father, in
charge of everything.
00:12:55.99\00:12:57.40
#2- was the
Serenity Prayer. What's #3?
00:12:57.43\00:12:59.30
Very simple, "I will choose
to live one day at a time. "
00:12:59.33\00:13:03.46
Again, there's a
strong belief behind that.
00:13:03.49\00:13:05.51
That living one day at a
time is a healthy way to live,
00:13:05.54\00:13:08.55
and that is very powerful,
"living one day at a time"
00:13:08.58\00:13:11.43
That actually comes
from the Sermon on the Mount,
00:13:11.46\00:13:13.40
from counsel given to us
in the Sermon on the Mount -
00:13:13.43\00:13:15.49
which I believe is the greatest
stress presentation ever given
00:13:15.52\00:13:20.55
to the human race
because the Lord Himself said...
00:13:20.58\00:13:22.90
So Jesus, Himself, invited
us not to worry about tomorrow.
00:13:28.43\00:13:31.59
I love the poem that
Helen Mallicoat has...
00:13:31.62\00:13:35.13
It's entitled, "I Am"
and it goes like this...
00:13:35.16\00:13:38.01
"I was regretting the
past and fearing the future.
00:13:38.04\00:13:41.45
Suddenly, my Lord was
speaking, "My name is I AM"
00:13:41.48\00:13:45.12
Now that term has great
theological significance,
00:13:45.15\00:13:48.44
but I like the practical
significance - she gives it here
00:13:48.47\00:13:51.17
"My name is I AM"
He paused, I waited,
00:13:51.20\00:13:54.60
He continued...
00:13:54.63\00:13:55.84
When you live in the past
with its mistakes and regrets,
00:13:55.87\00:13:58.79
it is hard...
00:13:58.82\00:13:59.94
I am not there.
My name is not I was.
00:13:59.97\00:14:03.45
When you live in the future
with its problems and fears,
00:14:03.48\00:14:06.79
it is hard...
00:14:06.82\00:14:08.14
I am not there. My
name is not I will be.
00:14:08.17\00:14:11.94
When you live in this
moment, it is not hard.
00:14:11.97\00:14:15.68
I am here... My name is I AM"
00:14:15.72\00:14:18.93
That's powerful!
00:14:18.97\00:14:20.02
And Don, I could
tell you, there are people
00:14:20.06\00:14:22.20
and I class myself among them,
00:14:22.23\00:14:25.20
who, when they
get up in the morning,
00:14:25.23\00:14:27.28
they start fretting about
things that happened yesterday
00:14:27.31\00:14:30.25
or 2 days ago
or a year ago even,
00:14:30.28\00:14:33.00
and they literally
exhaust their energies.
00:14:33.03\00:14:36.09
The Lord is saying - when
He says, "Don't worry about
00:14:36.12\00:14:38.16
tomorrow, each day has
enough trouble of its own,"
00:14:38.19\00:14:39.92
what He's saying is:
I give you sufficient
00:14:39.95\00:14:42.19
resources today to
deal with today's needs.
00:14:42.22\00:14:44.74
Not with yesterday's
needs, that's ALL done now,
00:14:44.77\00:14:47.15
put it away, trust me with
it, not for tomorrow's needs,
00:14:47.18\00:14:50.45
but for today's needs.
00:14:50.48\00:14:51.55
So when I reach into the past
00:14:51.58\00:14:53.46
and try to scoop
it into the present,
00:14:53.49\00:14:55.19
or the future and try to
scoop it into the present,
00:14:55.22\00:14:57.18
I'm depleting resources
that God has given me to
00:14:57.21\00:15:02.05
help me manage today.
00:15:02.08\00:15:03.45
We're talking
with Dr. Skip MacCarty
00:15:03.48\00:15:05.68
We're talking about
stress, how it can be absorbed.
00:15:05.71\00:15:08.74
We've talked about 3 keys to do
that, really stress-absorbers.
00:15:08.77\00:15:13.12
Join us when we come back.
00:15:13.15\00:15:15.48
Have you found yourself wishing
00:15:19.96\00:15:21.20
that you could
shed a few pounds?
00:15:21.23\00:15:22.60
Have you been on a
diet for most of your life,
00:15:22.63\00:15:25.21
but not found anything that
will really keep the weight off?
00:15:25.24\00:15:27.91
If you've answered "yes"
to any of these questions,
00:15:27.94\00:15:31.08
then we have a
solution for you that works.
00:15:31.11\00:15:33.98
Dr. Hans Diehl and
Dr. Aileen Ludington
00:15:34.01\00:15:36.82
have written a
marvelous booklet called...
00:15:36.85\00:15:39.11
"Reversing Obesity Naturally"
00:15:39.14\00:15:41.27
and we'd like to send
it to you FREE of charge.
00:15:41.30\00:15:43.98
Here's a medically sound
approach successfully used
00:15:44.01\00:15:46.60
by thousands who were able
to eat more and lose weight
00:15:46.63\00:15:49.83
permanently without
feeling guilty or hungry
00:15:49.86\00:15:52.76
through lifestyle medicine.
00:15:52.79\00:15:54.41
Dr. Diehl and Dr. Ludington
have been featured on 3ABN
00:15:54.44\00:15:57.92
and in this booklet, they
present a sensible approach
00:15:57.95\00:16:00.82
to eating, nutrition
and lifestyle changes
00:16:00.85\00:16:03.47
that can help you
prevent heart disease, diabetes,
00:16:03.50\00:16:05.83
and even cancer.
00:16:05.86\00:16:07.52
Call or write today
for your free copy of...
00:16:07.55\00:16:09.44
"Reversing Obesity Naturally"
00:16:09.47\00:16:11.35
and you could be on your
way to a healthier, happier YOU!
00:16:11.38\00:16:14.47
It's absolutely free of
charge, so call or write today.
00:16:14.50\00:16:18.39
Welcome back, we are
talking about stress.
00:16:23.07\00:16:25.83
We're talking about
how we can relate to it.
00:16:25.86\00:16:28.13
We're talking
with Dr. Skip MacCarty
00:16:28.16\00:16:29.97
He has shared with us
several different, very helpful,
00:16:30.00\00:16:33.70
what you call
heavy-duty stress absorbers,
00:16:33.73\00:16:37.01
and all within the framework of
our viewpoint looking at things;
00:16:37.04\00:16:40.66
recognizing #1-
correct me if I'm wrong,
00:16:40.69\00:16:43.46
but #1- that God is
our spiritual parent...
00:16:43.49\00:16:46.13
We can cast all of
our cares upon Him.
00:16:46.16\00:16:47.88
#2- An attitude of prayer.
00:16:47.91\00:16:50.29
The Serenity
Prayer is what you shared;
00:16:50.32\00:16:52.36
knowing what is happening to us
that we can do something about;
00:16:52.39\00:16:57.61
what we can't do anything about
and how to know the difference.
00:16:57.64\00:17:00.32
Or at least - what we
can't do anything about,
00:17:00.35\00:17:01.67
to God and let Him work on that.
00:17:01.70\00:17:02.95
Let Him work on that,
working on what we can.
00:17:02.98\00:17:05.04
And then #3- Very practical
but we often forget it,
00:17:05.07\00:17:08.82
and that is -
living one day at a time.
00:17:08.85\00:17:12.24
During the break, you
were saying there was something
00:17:12.27\00:17:13.85
else you wished you mentioned.
00:17:13.88\00:17:16.10
The psalmist said, in Psalm 118,
00:17:16.14\00:17:18.33
"This is the day
the Lord has made,
00:17:18.36\00:17:21.51
let us rejoice
and be glad in it. "
00:17:21.54\00:17:23.23
In other words,
if we focus on today,
00:17:23.26\00:17:26.03
there's a glory in every
day and if I wake up today,
00:17:26.06\00:17:30.27
and I'm focused on yesterday,
I miss the glory of today.
00:17:30.30\00:17:32.81
So the Lord sets
us free to concentrate
00:17:32.84\00:17:37.09
on the adventure
and the glory of today.
00:17:37.12\00:17:38.69
Some people say,
"Look, what you need to do
00:17:38.72\00:17:41.05
is just take more responsibility
for your own life"
00:17:41.08\00:17:43.32
Is that a good way to
deal with stress? Absolutely
00:17:43.35\00:17:45.51
In fact, that's my
stress absorber #4. Okay #4
00:17:45.54\00:17:49.66
#4- I choose to accept
personal responsibility
00:17:49.69\00:17:54.06
for my behavior and emotions
and will seek to influence
00:17:54.09\00:17:56.94
them through wholesome
thinking, beliefs and attitudes.
00:17:56.97\00:17:59.13
There was a therapist by
the name of Harold Greenwald
00:17:59.16\00:18:02.39
who was a
counselor for 30 years,
00:18:02.42\00:18:05.03
and a lady came to him
one time and he was trying to
00:18:05.06\00:18:07.45
find out what her
presenting problem was,
00:18:07.48\00:18:09.01
and she said, "Well
I'm not really unhappy;
00:18:09.04\00:18:11.22
I don't have a
real problem, per se,
00:18:11.25\00:18:12.84
I just would
like to be happier. "
00:18:12.87\00:18:14.17
"I'm a happy person, but I'd
like to know how to be happier"
00:18:14.20\00:18:15.98
And it said, it hit him like
a ton of bricks at that moment,
00:18:16.01\00:18:18.88
that he had become
an expert in misery.
00:18:18.91\00:18:21.68
He knew how to help
people through misery,
00:18:21.71\00:18:23.54
he did NOT know...
he didn't even KNOW
00:18:23.57\00:18:25.57
what made people happy...
is what he wrote in his book.
00:18:25.60\00:18:29.23
And then, he went out
and suspended his practice,
00:18:29.26\00:18:31.40
went out and
researched happy people...
00:18:31.43\00:18:33.06
And then he wrote a book
called, "The Happy Person"
00:18:33.09\00:18:35.84
And in that book, he
said my most surprising
00:18:35.87\00:18:39.01
discovery was how many...
Let me read it exactly here
00:18:39.04\00:18:42.01
It was how many of the people
I interviewed for this book
00:18:42.04\00:18:46.77
of a joyous, satisfied people
I interviewed for this book
00:18:46.80\00:18:48.83
had undergone traumas,
frustrations and defeats
00:18:48.86\00:18:51.02
remarkably similar to
my misery-laden patients.
00:18:51.05\00:18:54.11
It wasn't what
they had experienced,
00:18:54.14\00:18:55.62
it wasn't the
circumstances in their life,
00:18:55.65\00:18:57.18
it was the way
they related to it.
00:18:57.21\00:18:58.69
It was their belief system.
00:18:58.72\00:18:59.92
And these people
chose to be happy
00:18:59.95\00:19:02.64
in SPITE of what was
going on in their lives,
00:19:02.67\00:19:05.01
and that made ALL the difference
in the world in their lives.
00:19:05.04\00:19:07.94
I call this the
"good weather factor"
00:19:07.97\00:19:10.59
The good weather factor -
it comes from Stephen Covey
00:19:10.62\00:19:13.30
He talked about people who
create their own good weather
00:19:13.33\00:19:16.62
who take responsibility
for their own emotions,
00:19:16.65\00:19:18.84
and behavior,
happiness and success,
00:19:18.87\00:19:20.55
and create their own
internal good weather,
00:19:20.58\00:19:22.11
and carry it with
them wherever they go.
00:19:22.14\00:19:24.05
So you could take the apostles
and you could FLOG them,
00:19:24.08\00:19:27.41
put them in
prison, put them in stocks,
00:19:27.44\00:19:29.52
and they'll sing
hymns in the night.
00:19:29.55\00:19:31.06
Rejoice in the Lord
always, and again I say Rejoice.
00:19:31.09\00:19:33.29
It doesn't matter - That's
right They created good weather
00:19:33.32\00:19:35.51
in that stinking, foul, dungeon;
00:19:35.54\00:19:37.78
pitch black -
there was good weather,
00:19:37.82\00:19:40.11
the sun was shining in there,
but that was internally created,
00:19:40.15\00:19:43.14
and that's the ability we have.
00:19:43.17\00:19:44.57
We literally have the
ability to create internally
00:19:44.60\00:19:46.91
good weather and carry
it with us wherever we go.
00:19:46.94\00:19:49.35
So Paul says, "When I
have much, when I have little,
00:19:49.38\00:19:51.31
I've learned how to
be joyful in all those. "
00:19:51.34\00:19:53.27
He had a
good-weather mentality. Exactly
00:19:53.30\00:19:55.54
And it probably built on the
other 3 that you talked about;
00:19:55.57\00:19:59.52
praying, having God
as your spiritual parent,
00:19:59.55\00:20:01.91
living one day at a time. Yes
00:20:01.94\00:20:03.64
Okay, well
anything else about that...
00:20:03.67\00:20:07.34
Are there anymore
heavy-duty stress absorbers?
00:20:07.37\00:20:10.95
I kind of like that -
00:20:10.98\00:20:12.15
Yes, the 5th heavy-duty
stress absorber on my list is...
00:20:12.18\00:20:17.43
So that's a choice! That's right
00:20:24.06\00:20:26.24
It was Dr. Hans Selye,
Don, that made the statement,
00:20:26.27\00:20:29.74
I think in the final
analysis, he's the father of
00:20:29.77\00:20:32.27
stress management research...
00:20:32.30\00:20:33.38
So he says, on one end
of the spectrum you have
00:20:48.18\00:20:49.74
gratitude and on
the other, revenge
00:20:49.77\00:20:51.49
and these are the poles in terms
00:20:51.52\00:20:54.73
of creating success
and happiness in life.
00:20:54.76\00:20:56.73
Now, I've created a way to
create your own gratitude zone,
00:20:56.76\00:21:06.12
and it also is ways
that stress is created...
00:21:06.15\00:21:09.41
And it's this model here
that when it comes to goals,
00:21:09.44\00:21:13.45
the higher the goal you
set, the greater the eustress.
00:21:13.48\00:21:16.47
Eustress is a positive
stress, it's a good stress.
00:21:16.50\00:21:19.10
It's eustress... Yes, the
little phrase "eu" is a Greek...
00:21:19.13\00:21:23.56
The prefix used is the
Greek prefix - it means "good"
00:21:23.59\00:21:26.54
Good stress! Eulogy, euphoria...
00:21:26.57\00:21:30.82
It means feeling good -
speaking well of somebody.
00:21:30.85\00:21:33.38
And then the lower your
goals, the greater the distress.
00:21:33.41\00:21:37.27
But conversely, when
it comes to expectations,
00:21:37.30\00:21:40.25
expectations are
what you expect to GET.
00:21:40.28\00:21:42.70
How you would
expect to be rewarded
00:21:42.73\00:21:44.57
for the efforts you put in.
00:21:44.60\00:21:46.01
The higher your expectations,
the greater the distress.
00:21:46.04\00:21:49.43
The lower your expectations,
the greater the eustress.
00:21:49.46\00:21:52.75
So here's what happens...
00:21:52.78\00:21:54.85
You set low goals
- high expectations,
00:21:54.88\00:21:58.07
and what you actually realize,
the benefit you realize from
00:21:58.10\00:22:01.11
working toward that
goal, whatever your goals are,
00:22:01.14\00:22:05.16
is the baseline and then
the difference between that
00:22:05.19\00:22:09.12
and your
expectations in the stress zone,
00:22:09.15\00:22:10.70
and we create those stress zones
00:22:10.73\00:22:12.03
by setting high expectations.
00:22:12.06\00:22:13.85
And then, if you have
low expectations, conversely,
00:22:13.88\00:22:18.70
you can create your
own gratitude zone by
00:22:18.73\00:22:21.10
lowering your
expectations to like zero-point,
00:22:21.13\00:22:23.63
and then you have
same realization level,
00:22:23.66\00:22:25.96
but the difference
between your expectation
00:22:25.99\00:22:28.12
and your realization
is your gratitude zone.
00:22:28.15\00:22:30.81
For instance, if I take a class,
00:22:30.84\00:22:32.90
and I think at the end of
that class, I'm going to get a
00:22:32.93\00:22:35.10
promotion for having
graduated from that class,
00:22:35.13\00:22:38.69
and let's say that
I enjoyed the class,
00:22:38.72\00:22:40.66
but I didn't get the promotion.
00:22:40.69\00:22:41.93
Well, then I've created
for myself a stress zone...
00:22:41.96\00:22:45.30
the difference between my
expectation and realization.
00:22:45.33\00:22:48.18
But let's say that I said,
"Okay, I may not get promoted,
00:22:48.21\00:22:51.42
I may not even enjoy the class,
00:22:51.45\00:22:52.48
but it's going to have good
information that I want to learn
00:22:52.51\00:22:55.06
So I'm going to take the
class, I set a high goal,
00:22:55.09\00:22:56.64
I'm going to take this class.
00:22:56.67\00:22:57.70
Put the discipline in to do
my work for it and so forth.
00:22:57.73\00:23:00.43
I end up enjoying it
more than I thought I would,
00:23:00.46\00:23:02.48
The difference between that
lower expectation that I set of
00:23:02.51\00:23:06.32
"I don't know if I'm
going to enjoy it or not even"
00:23:06.35\00:23:08.31
and you don't
have the expectation
00:23:08.34\00:23:10.31
you're going to get a job
promotion for taking that class.
00:23:10.34\00:23:12.38
The difference between
that lower expectation,
00:23:12.41\00:23:14.80
and the realization of enjoying
the class is a gratitude zone.
00:23:14.83\00:23:18.81
You're GRATEFUL that you enjoyed
the class as much as you did.
00:23:18.84\00:23:22.08
Same enjoyment level but
the difference between creating
00:23:22.11\00:23:24.68
pertinent stress zone when
you had higher expectations
00:23:24.71\00:23:26.84
for the class,
than lower expectations
00:23:26.87\00:23:30.71
that have been
created in a gratitude zone.
00:23:30.74\00:23:32.19
So this could be
helpful not only for yourself,
00:23:32.22\00:23:33.94
but the way you relate to
other people in your life.
00:23:33.97\00:23:35.67
If you had set a real high
expectation for someone else,
00:23:35.70\00:23:38.29
you could be setting them up
for MAJOR stress along with them
00:23:38.32\00:23:43.24
That's right - setting
yourself up for disappointment
00:23:43.27\00:23:45.25
with them as
well... Exactly right.
00:23:45.28\00:23:47.72
I remember that a
lot as a pastor...
00:23:47.75\00:23:49.94
with a goal in the church or
00:23:49.97\00:23:51.51
this or that or whatever,
you know, it's very important.
00:23:51.54\00:23:54.95
I had, when my stress
program was first published,
00:23:54.98\00:24:01.24
in January 1999,
down in San Diego,
00:24:01.27\00:24:05.34
it was introduced to a
conference of health educators
00:24:05.37\00:24:08.13
there at a church
ministries convention
00:24:08.16\00:24:14.50
down in San Diego, January 1999,
00:24:14.53\00:24:16.63
and we had a roomful
of 25-30 health educators,
00:24:16.66\00:24:20.36
physicians and Dr. Handysides
was there from the G.C.,
00:24:20.39\00:24:24.03
Stoy Proctor from the G.C.,
DeWitt Williams from the N.A.D.,
00:24:24.06\00:24:28.38
and some people from
Loma Linda, etcetera,
00:24:28.41\00:24:30.77
were there and health educators
from around the country.
00:24:30.80\00:24:34.70
And so when I went
through the program,
00:24:34.73\00:24:37.03
the first day - it's a
12-hour stress seminar,
00:24:37.06\00:24:41.35
and I was giving 4
hours each afternoon.
00:24:41.38\00:24:43.82
In the morning, they had
experts in the field of stress
00:24:43.85\00:24:46.61
coming in - I
mean, real experts;
00:24:46.64\00:24:47.95
people I'm quoting
from and so forth...
00:24:47.98\00:24:49.52
They're coming in the
morning making presentations,
00:24:49.55\00:24:51.50
and then I get 4
hours in the afternoon.
00:24:51.53\00:24:55.08
So your expectations
kind of went down there...
00:24:55.11\00:24:57.47
Well, you know the
first afternoon is a long day,
00:24:57.50\00:25:01.98
starting at 8:00 in the morning,
going until 5:00 at night...
00:25:02.01\00:25:04.51
and in the afternoon,
they break for lunch at noon,
00:25:04.54\00:25:06.71
but, of course,
speakers go a little longer,
00:25:06.74\00:25:08.57
so they broke at
12:30; they were supposed to
00:25:08.60\00:25:10.01
come back at 1:00, by
1:30, they were starting
00:25:10.04\00:25:11.83
to trickle in - a few of them.
00:25:11.86\00:25:13.33
So by 2 o'clock, we'd get
going and I have 3 hours to do
00:25:13.36\00:25:16.45
2 presentations in 4 hours...
00:25:16.48\00:25:20.07
So at the end of the
day, Dr. Williams calls me,
00:25:20.10\00:25:23.09
and says, "Skip,
we've got a problem"
00:25:23.12\00:25:24.92
"Some people are saying, "You
know it's not like we haven't
00:25:24.95\00:25:27.10
heard this stuff before and
we're down here in San Diego,
00:25:27.13\00:25:30.45
...Give us a break, let
us go out and have some fun!
00:25:30.48\00:25:33.24
And we got the beach,
we've got the San Diego Zoo
00:25:33.27\00:25:35.33
down here and we've
got Sea World down here"
00:25:35.36\00:25:38.75
Just what you wanted
to hear! Yeah, exactly
00:25:38.78\00:25:40.97
He said, "I'm trying to wonder
what we should do with this,
00:25:41.00\00:25:43.69
so we've got this problem. "
00:25:43.72\00:25:45.49
So my wife is sitting,
she's listening to this,
00:25:45.52\00:25:47.59
and I said... because
she's with me for the week,
00:25:47.62\00:25:50.10
and I said, "You know,
Dr. Williams, that will be
00:25:50.13\00:25:51.93
the easiest decision
you have to make this week"
00:25:51.96\00:25:53.60
"Oh really? What
are you thinking?"
00:25:53.63\00:25:54.68
"I'm thinking - you make
the afternoon optional. "
00:25:54.71\00:25:57.02
"You make my seminar optional. "
00:25:57.05\00:25:59.28
Even though they're there to
get introduced to the seminar,
00:25:59.31\00:26:02.21
and to get the certificate
for stress management,
00:26:02.24\00:26:04.70
but these guys do
know a lot of stuff,
00:26:04.73\00:26:06.81
there's no question about it.
00:26:06.84\00:26:09.25
So he said, "Are you sure...
00:26:09.29\00:26:10.66
there may only be
half the people there"
00:26:10.69\00:26:12.67
I said, "No problem, I'll
do it for half the people. "
00:26:12.70\00:26:14.96
"Well, there may be
like 10 people there. "
00:26:14.99\00:26:17.04
"No problem, I'll
do it for 10 people. "
00:26:17.07\00:26:18.55
"And there could be less. "
00:26:18.58\00:26:20.21
"I'll do it for
less - not a problem. "
00:26:20.24\00:26:22.10
Now, I hang up the phone...
00:26:22.13\00:26:23.39
So he says, "Okay,
well let's try it. "
00:26:23.42\00:26:24.62
He said, "You're sure
you're okay with that?"
00:26:24.65\00:26:26.06
"Yeah, I'm okay with that. "
00:26:26.09\00:26:27.30
So we hang up the phone
and my wife is not feeling
00:26:27.36\00:26:29.65
real good about this -
she works on commission.
00:26:29.68\00:26:31.97
She gave up a
whole week and she said,
00:26:32.00\00:26:33.32
"You mean to tell me,
I gave up a whole week
00:26:33.35\00:26:35.37
of commissions
and now there may be
00:26:35.40\00:26:37.46
less than 10 people there. "
00:26:37.49\00:26:38.86
And so I'm feeling a
little bit the same way,
00:26:38.89\00:26:40.89
but I said, "You know
what we're doing to ourselves?"
00:26:40.92\00:26:42.54
"We're literally
creating this expectation...
00:26:42.57\00:26:44.76
Here's these health professional
doctors and professionals
00:26:44.79\00:26:48.17
in the field and they're sitting
on the edge of their chair
00:26:48.20\00:26:50.37
right after lunch - they
don't want to miss anything"
00:26:50.40\00:26:52.55
So maybe they
say, "It's only 12:30,
00:26:52.58\00:26:54.37
we don't have time to go
eat lunch - we're going to wait
00:26:54.40\00:26:56.32
because we don't want
to miss a word of this. "
00:26:56.36\00:26:57.71
So I said, "We're
creating our own problem. "
00:26:58.07\00:27:00.32
False
expectations! HIGH expectations.
00:27:00.35\00:27:02.50
I said, "What would be lowering
our expectations to zero point?"
00:27:02.53\00:27:05.62
We came to the
conclusion, talking this through
00:27:05.65\00:27:07.52
that would be 3 people;
she's one, I'm the other,
00:27:07.55\00:27:10.18
and we only need one more.
00:27:10.21\00:27:11.81
So we'd be happy
with one more person...
00:27:11.84\00:27:14.23
So the next day,
the same thing happened,
00:27:14.26\00:27:15.60
and at 1:30 they
started to trickle in.
00:27:15.63\00:27:18.77
We thought if there
were 5 people there,
00:27:18.80\00:27:20.12
we would be elated
because that would be
00:27:20.15\00:27:21.56
almost double what we expected.
00:27:21.59\00:27:24.47
As it was, that ENTIRE week,
there were only like 3 people,
00:27:24.51\00:27:29.26
out of that
entire group, that missed
00:27:29.29\00:27:30.84
one of those afternoon sessions,
00:27:30.87\00:27:32.45
even though it was
optional from that point on.
00:27:32.48\00:27:34.49
So, of course, our
gratitude was SKY-HIGH,
00:27:34.52\00:27:37.01
but that's exactly
how it works, Don...
00:27:37.04\00:27:38.62
It is SO powerful and it works
that way to create gratitude.
00:27:38.65\00:27:41.97
Gratitude is SO
important for stress management.
00:27:42.00\00:27:45.61
We've been talking
with Dr. Skip MacCarty
00:27:45.64\00:27:47.70
We've learned that
there are stress absorbers
00:27:47.73\00:27:50.76
that we should know about
and we can put into practice.
00:27:50.79\00:27:53.40
If you would like more
information about these,
00:27:53.43\00:27:55.15
you can get a hold of
Dr. MacCarty's seminar.
00:27:55.18\00:27:57.28
Thanks for joining us
for "Health for a Lifetime"
00:27:57.32\00:27:59.39