Participants: Mike Lemon (Host)
Series Code: HDL
Program Code: HDL000009
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00:38 Hello and welcome to Help In Daily Living.
00:40 Today we are going to be looking at words and 00:42 relationships, you know the two go together. 00:45 By our words we are affecting our relationships, 00:49 if our words are good our relationships are good, and if 00:51 they are not our relationships tend to fall apart. 00:54 The real heart of it is found in Proverbs 23:7 where it 00:59 says, "as a man thinketh in his heart so is he." 01:03 So the only real security for any soul is right-thinking. 01:07 So as we think, if we think right, we have right words. 01:12 And with right words we have right actions and it affects 01:15 our relationships and gives us good relationships. 01:18 A very practical topic and before we get into it today, 01:22 I'm going to ask Jessica to lead us in a work of prayer. 01:25 Dear heavenly Father, today as we learn about words and 01:30 relationships I just want to pray that you would teach 01:32 us Lord to have the thoughts that You would want us to have 01:35 so that as we are speaking and as we are dealing with 01:39 people and acting or whatever Lord, we will be the people 01:42 You want us to be. 01:43 Thank you Father for hearing our prayers, 01:44 I love you, in Your name. Amen! 01:46 Amen! Amen! 01:49 Throughout my day I'm frequently asked the question by 01:53 my friends and classmates, Megan, How are you doing today? 01:56 On a good day I'll answer them by saying, oh, I am feeling 02:00 great, but on a bad day I feel like telling them all my 02:04 sorrows, I'm sore from this, or I'm really tired, 02:07 or I feel discouraged about something. 02:09 One day I asked a friend of mine how he was doing. 02:14 He replied with a huge smile, I'm feeling very blessed. 02:18 It made me stop and think, even as he briefly passed by me 02:23 he took the opportunity to glorify God. 02:25 He could have said anything, but he chose to praise God 02:29 instead, it was so uplifting to me. 02:32 He directed my thoughts towards God instead of himself. 02:35 His response has impressed my memory and has made me want 02:39 to follow his example ever since. 02:41 It is not about me, but about Christ 02:44 in every thought and word. 02:48 Not I, but Christ be honored, loved, exalted, 02:57 Not I, but Christ be seen, be known be heard; 03:09 Not I, but Christ in every look and action, 03:19 Not I, but Christ in every thought and word. 03:30 Not I, but Christ to gently soothe in sorrow, 03:41 Not I, but Christ to wipe the falling tear; 03:51 Not I, but Christ to lift the weary burden, 04:02 Not I, but Christ to hush away all fear. 04:14 Not I, but Christ my every need supplying, 04:23 Not I, but Christ my strength and health to be; 04:33 Christ, only Christ, for body, soul, and spirit, 04:43 Christ, only Christ, here and eternally. 04:54 Not I, but Christ. 05:07 That song, Not, I but Christ has beautiful words, I mean 05:11 if you are saying not I but Christ be seen, be known, 05:15 be heard, Christ only Christ not a trace of I be found. 05:20 Really with regard to the topic we are talking about, 05:24 words and relationships, it is always self that seems to get 05:27 out of the cage and take over. 05:30 When I get into the picture, it is not Christ that is seen 05:34 anymore, it is just me. 05:36 You know I had an experience like that where I got in the 05:40 way, where myself got in the way and we were playing 05:46 soccer and there was always this really good soccer 05:50 player, but he always flaunted it. 05:53 He was very proud of himself, very prideful right? 05:57 Me and a couple of other guys on my team were always like, 06:01 that guy is really good but he gets on our nerves a lot. 06:05 We decided to do something bad back to him, like we wanted 06:10 to trip him, and we attempted sometimes. 06:13 But after a while it came to my mind that we were really 06:18 being no better than he is to us. 06:20 Like it says in Help In Daily Living, the very act of 06:28 looking for evil in others develops evil in ourselves. 06:31 And it is really about competi- tion and comparison, right? 06:38 Yes. - and Daniel you were telling me about you had the 06:41 same type of feeling with the guy at school. 06:44 Yeah, well it was my sophomore year in high school and 06:47 I met this guy and he was always trying to prove his strength. 06:50 When I would get home before I came to Fountain View, I would 06:55 always get comments from others saying that I was so tall 07:00 and everything and I wish that you could give me some of 07:02 your height and all that kind stuff. 07:03 I've was kind of also kind of strong, and so I had to put 07:06 a lot of pride in that right? 07:08 I put a lot of self worth in that and this guy came to me 07:14 and tried to challenge me in arm wrestling and stuff. 07:16 I would lose and I would feel a little less self worth 07:19 every single time, so I would try to make up for that. 07:22 So like for instance during PE, his class would come by 07:27 running by the parent farm and I worked as a forklift 07:30 driver, and you are supposed to lift bins onto the wagon. 07:33 To get them ready to go out into the field and harvest 07:37 carrots, and every time his class would come by 07:41 I would get off a forklift and start lifting those big 07:43 huge wooden heavy bins with my hands. 07:46 - so they could see you - ya putting them on the things 07:49 and everybody was staring at amazement, going oh, he is so 07:52 Buff and I liked the attention. 07:53 I would get whistles and all that stuff and everybody 07:56 would tell me how good I was and what not. 07:58 But one day I was actually going to my own PE class and 08:03 one of the girls in my class, she comes up to me and she 08:07 is like, you know what? You don't need to prove your 08:09 strength, we already know you are strong and we like 08:12 you just the way you are. 08:13 That really hit me because somebody that I respected saw 08:17 the same thing I hated in the other guy in me. 08:20 I realize that through looking at his problems and making 08:27 my mind to dwell on his problems, it created that same 08:33 problem in me. - Yeah! 08:34 Isn't that something? How when you try and get to take 08:40 control and become better, and have better relationships 08:43 with others actually destroys your relationship and self 08:47 comes out, you know! 08:49 But when you are humble and you look for the good in 08:54 others, it is a way that Jesus sees things. You know! 08:58 You develop, probably that is the guidance we should have, 09:01 What would Jesus do in this situation? 09:03 Exactly, and I know as my sophomore year went on, it took 09:10 me until my junior year that I actually realized that 09:14 I just could not think about his wrong behaviors, 09:19 I had to think about his positive traits in order to 09:21 develop a relationship with him. - that is good. 09:23 How is your relationship with him now? 09:25 We are good friends now and that is because, not just 09:29 because of me, but because of him. 09:31 We both grew and he started seeing the good traits in me. 09:34 If you focus on the good and positive things in other 09:37 people you can actually become friends with them, even 09:40 people you never liked, people that frustrated 09:43 you can become friends. - Amen, Praise the Lord. 09:49 As a very little girl I always wanted a baby sister. 09:52 I had hoped for a one, begged for one, and prayed for one. 09:55 But when she finally came, my mom was too busy with baby 09:58 Olivia to give me the attention that she used to. 10:01 I felt rejected. As we got older I became increasingly 10:05 jealous of Olivia. 10:07 I sealed my heart away where it could no longer be touched 10:10 and I became insensitive, critical and unloving. 10:15 But God changed my heart, actually He gave me a new one. 10:18 A heart like His, made of tender flesh that would love, 10:22 and feel both sympathy and pain. 10:24 Now because I'm not focused on protecting myself, 10:27 I can focus on loving others. 10:29 I never have to be afraid of getting hurt because 10:32 everything that threats to me has already been filtered 10:35 through Christ's fingers. He has covered me with His hand. 10:52 (He Hideth My Soul) 11:07 A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord, 11:13 A wonderful Savior to me; 11:20 He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock, 11:27 Where rivers of pleasure I see. 11:33 He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock, 11:41 That shadows a dry, thirsty land; 11:49 He hideth my life in the depths of His love, 11:57 And covers me there with His hand, 12:04 And covers me there with His hand. 12:24 A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord, 12:30 He taketh my burden away, 12:36 He holdeth me up and I shall not be moved, 12:44 He giveth me strength as my day. 12:52 With numberless blessings each moment He crowns, 12:59 And filled with His fullness divine, 13:05 I sing in my rapture, oh, glory to God! 13:13 For such a Redeemer as mine. 13:19 He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock, 13:27 That shadows a dry, thirsty land; 13:33 He hideth my life in the depths of His love, 13:42 And covers me there with His hand, 13:50 And covers me there with His hand. 14:01 And covers me there with His hand! 14:24 You know that song he hideth my soul in the cleft of the 14:27 rock? What is telling us about relationships is that 14:30 we have to hide ourselves in Christ because I will get 14:36 out of the cage and take over and start, 14:38 I don't like this about this person and 14:41 we have harsh judgments and you know. 14:45 So sometimes what we do is we kind of bite our tongues 14:49 when see something in someone else and say, uh, 14:52 I'm not going to say anything, I'm going to be polite, 14:54 but eventually you kind of get one of those days when you 14:57 get crabby and all of a sudden it all comes out. Right? 14:59 So what that song is telling us is to actually to hide self to 15:06 make it not I but Christ, is to hide myself in Christ. 15:09 Right, yeah this year we get a roommate right! 15:15 So I got to room with Brooke and so we found out right 15:20 away that we were total opposites. 15:22 - I thought you both be the same year both from California 15:24 you would have so much in common, you went canvassing 15:29 together. - we did, we did go canvassing together but, 15:32 like we have a lot of things in common that are important. 15:35 We start around the same time, 15:37 we have our devotions everyday, we are both really 15:40 tidy and we like things organized and so like we make 15:43 sure everything is really clean. 15:44 But Brooke's really sporty, outdoorsy and I'm definitely 15:48 a girly girl and so sometimes it doesn't necessarily 15:52 always mesh and so like this year has been great, 15:56 but there is this one point where I started noticing all 16:01 these problems, these little things Brooke did that annoy me. 16:06 Like at first I tried to ignore it, like people normally 16:11 do, it was like okay I will get over it. 16:13 But that didn't happen, It came to the point where every time 16:18 I saw Brooke like at school and in the cafeteria, 16:21 all I could see was shhhhh! I can see she's got this 16:25 problem, this problem, and this problem but I played that 16:28 role if you don't have anything nice to say, 16:31 don't say anything at all so I bit my tongue. 16:35 - So outwardly you are trying to control yourself? 16:37 Yes outwardly I was trying to control myself, it wasn't 16:40 working and I was getting frustrated and 16:41 my life just wasn't happy. 16:43 So I knew I needed to take that next step, by having a 16:48 deep love for Christ, like I knew what He had done for me. 16:52 If He hadn't done that for me, I had no business pointing 16:57 out faults of others really. 16:59 I knew it was a bad habit that had developed since I was 17:02 little because I am a perfectionist, so I knew God was 17:06 trying to help me overcome it. 17:08 So I didn't want to do the same thing like when I 17:12 married like that would be terrible. 17:14 - because you're living with someone right? 17:17 And you just don't get along with them. 17:19 Exactly and so I prayed about it and I read this in 17:25 Help In Daily Living, the book and it says, "cultivate the 17:28 "habit of speaking well of others. Dwell on their 17:32 "good qualities with those with whom you associate and 17:35 "say as little as possible about errors or feelings. 17:37 "When tempted to complain about what someone has said or 17:40 "done, praise something in that persons life character." 17:43 So just biting my tongue did not work, I had to take that 17:49 next step and so when I was like in our room I tried to 17:55 see all the good parts of her character. 17:57 Unfortunately though, my biting my tongue had turned into 18:03 a silent treatment and I didn't realize it, so Brooke called 18:09 me out on it and she said we are not going to live like 18:11 this anymore, you are going to tell me what is wrong. 18:14 I was like okay, I don't really want to. 18:17 So I just told her, but it was good and we prayed about it 18:22 and it has become a lot easier for me when I see people 18:26 to see the wonderful things about that person. 18:29 So from your side, will have a room mate was definitely 18:34 different, growing up I never had a roommate, always had my 18:37 own room, and when we first got to be roommates it was like 18:41 fine. People told me having a room- mate will test your 18:45 character a little and you will learn a lot about yourself. 18:46 I didn't really listen, I just thought I would have so much fun 18:49 And we did, we had a blast but then that experience came 18:52 up, like I struggled with it as well. 18:54 We struggled with the same thing. 18:57 I would look at Sarah and I speak my mind and it was so 19:02 hard not to say anything to like withhold and eventually 19:07 I'm a confrontational person. 19:09 If someone has something against me or someone's is mad, 19:12 I don't know why but I will call them out, 19:13 just like she said. 19:14 I came into the room and Sarah we can't go like this, 19:16 What am I doing that is wrong? Like what is bugging you? 19:19 She said Brooke don't want to tell you. 19:20 I'm trying to praise things. 19:23 I was like Sarah what am I doing that is bugging you? 19:24 I kept persisting and finally she told me. 19:28 It was like a hard pride killer, you know. 19:31 The whole time I was praying God help me to bite my 19:34 tongue, I don't want to say something bad back at her. 19:38 Through that she told the things that bugged her and 19:41 I recognized those of the very things I saw in her that 19:45 was driving me crazy and I recognize that before at the 19:48 point a fault that somebody else, I need to look in the 19:50 mirror because so often the things in my life that 19:53 I'm struggling and the faults I have that are so strong. 19:57 God is showing me Brooke just go look in the mirror 20:00 and I praise God because through that experience with 20:02 both of us we learned so much and because of that our 20:05 relationship has grown and become a lot better. 20:07 - praise the Lord. 20:11 I have often wondered why God loves me so much. 20:13 All I ever do is sin, make mistakes, and break promises. 20:17 My life is a round of failures, why would He leave Heaven 20:21 where the angels adore Him and endlessly sing His 20:24 praises and come and sacrifice all of that to have 20:27 a deeper relationship with us? With people who hate Him? 20:31 To me His reasons for loving us is completely unreasonable. 20:34 But the promise of His love is all we have to hold on to. 20:37 I don't have to understand why God loves me, it is enough 20:41 for me just to know that He does. 20:54 (Music opening for I Cannot Tell) 21:05 (Music Playing) 21:41 I cannot tell why He whom angels worship, 21:48 Could set His love upon the sons of men, 21:55 Or why, as Shepherd, He should seek the wanderers, 22:02 To bring them back, they know not how or when. 22:11 But this I know, that He was born of Mary 22:18 When Bethlehem's manger was His only home, 22:26 And that He lived at Nazareth and labored, 22:33 And so the Savior, Savior of the world has come. 22:43 I cannot tell how silently He suffered, 22:52 As with His peace He faced this place of tears, 22:59 Or how His heart upon the cross was broken, 23:06 The crown of pain to three and thirty years. 23:16 But this I know, He heals the brokenhearted, 23:24 And stays our sin, and calms our lurking fear, 23:31 And lifts the burden from the heavy laden, 23:38 For still the Savior, Savior of the world is here. 23:49 I cannot tell how all the lands shall worship, 23:57 When, at His bidding, every storm is stilled, 24:04 Or who can say how great the jubilation 24:13 When all our hearts with love for Him are filled. 24:20 But this I know, the skies shall shout His praises, 24:27 Ten thousand, thousand human voices sing, 24:36 And earth to Heaven, and Heaven to earth, will answer: 24:45 At last the Savior, Savior of the world is King! 25:03 That song I Cannot Tell is really about the plan of 25:06 salvation and when you look at it in detail it is really 25:10 about the principle of substitution. 25:12 Christ gives us His good life in replacement for our 25:16 evil lives, and when it comes to relationships that is 25:21 really the core of everything. 25:23 It is our evil thoughts, replace them with good thoughts. 25:27 The way we look at others, instead of seeing evil in 25:30 others, we praise something in that person's character. 25:34 I actually have a particular experience with that subject. 25:37 I used to really struggle with gossip. 25:41 I had a particular friend and whenever I was with her, 25:44 at first when we were together we would just talk a little 25:48 bit about people and the faults that people had here and 25:51 there, but eventually came to the point when wherever 25:53 we work together that is always were talking about. 25:56 We were talking about people and the bad things about 25:58 them, just, dwelling so much on the negative. 26:01 It was really kind of confusing for me because these were 26:05 people that we've been hanging out with on a fairly 26:08 regular basis, you know. 26:09 We would be great friends with them and then we would turn 26:11 around and start talking bad about them, 26:13 and putting them down you know. 26:14 I eventually started to get really convicted that what 26:17 we were doing was wrong and it was then that 26:20 I was praying, God how am I to change this? 26:24 I'm so used to just talking bad about people with this 26:28 particular person and gossiping. 26:30 I ended up, God had impressed me to follow what it says in 26:34 Help In Daily Living where it says to cultivate the habit 26:38 a speaking well of others. 26:39 Basically when you are tempted to speak badly of others, 26:43 choose to dwell on the good things about them and talk 26:46 about the good things. 26:47 So it is that whole thing of substitution right? 26:49 I had to say Lord take away this bad habit I have and 26:52 replace it with a good one. 26:54 It was hard at first to try and implement that into my life, 26:58 but once I really started getting on a roll, I really 27:02 opened my heart and let God work in me and in my life. 27:05 I was able to start thinking about people better and 27:09 started to be able to talk about people better and act 27:12 better towards people and stuff and God really changed 27:15 my life in that area. 27:16 Cyrus, I want you to close with a word of prayer for us. 27:23 Heavenly Father, Lord I thank you for this beautiful day 27:26 You have given us out in nature to come and fellowship 27:30 together and Lord I ask that you will help us apply these 27:33 aspects in our life. Lord to have good relationships 27:38 and to always speak well of others. In Jesus name I pray. 27:41 Amen! - Amen! 27:47 Help in Daily Living is a 13 part series from Fountain 27:50 View productions, designed to share the solid principles 27:53 of practical everyday Christianity. 27:56 It is a simple way to share the good news about the power 27:59 of the gospel with your friends, family, and coworkers. 28:03 Order your copies now by calling 1-877-490-4141. 28:09 Or visit us online at: www.fountainviewproductions.com 28:14 Help In Daily Living is also available at your local 28:19 ABC Christian bookstores. |
Revised 2014-12-17