Hello and welcome to
Help In Daily Living.
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Today we are going to
be looking at words and
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relationships, you
know the two go together.
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By our words we are
affecting our relationships,
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if our words are good our
relationships are good, and if
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they are not our relationships
tend to fall apart.
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The real heart of it is
found in Proverbs 23:7 where it
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says, "as a man
thinketh in his heart so is he."
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So the only real security
for any soul is right-thinking.
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So as we think, if we think
right, we have right words.
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And with right words we have
right actions and it affects
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our relationships and
gives us good relationships.
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A very practical topic and
before we get into it today,
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I'm going to ask Jessica to
lead us in a work of prayer.
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Dear heavenly Father, today
as we learn about words and
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relationships I just want
to pray that you would teach
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us Lord to have the thoughts
that You would want us to have
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so that as we are speaking
and as we are dealing with
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people and acting or whatever
Lord, we will be the people
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You want us to be.
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Thank you Father
for hearing our prayers,
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I love you, in Your name. Amen!
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Amen! Amen!
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Throughout my day I'm
frequently asked the question by
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my friends and classmates,
Megan, How are you doing today?
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On a good day I'll answer
them by saying, oh, I am feeling
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great, but on a bad day I
feel like telling them all my
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sorrows, I'm sore from
this, or I'm really tired,
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or I feel
discouraged about something.
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One day I asked a friend
of mine how he was doing.
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He replied with a huge
smile, I'm feeling very blessed.
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It made me stop and think,
even as he briefly passed by me
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he took the
opportunity to glorify God.
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He could have said anything,
but he chose to praise God
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instead, it was
so uplifting to me.
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He directed my thoughts
towards God instead of himself.
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His response has impressed
my memory and has made me want
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to follow his
example ever since.
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It is not about
me, but about Christ
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in every thought and word.
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Not I, but Christ be
honored, loved, exalted,
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Not I, but Christ be
seen, be known be heard;
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Not I, but Christ in
every look and action,
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Not I, but Christ in
every thought and word.
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Not I, but Christ to
gently soothe in sorrow,
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Not I, but Christ to
wipe the falling tear;
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Not I, but Christ to
lift the weary burden,
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Not I, but Christ
to hush away all fear.
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Not I, but Christ my
every need supplying,
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Not I, but Christ my
strength and health to be;
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Christ, only Christ,
for body, soul, and spirit,
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Christ, only
Christ, here and eternally.
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Not I, but Christ.
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That song, Not, I but Christ
has beautiful words, I mean
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if you are saying not I
but Christ be seen, be known,
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be heard, Christ only Christ
not a trace of I be found.
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Really with regard to the
topic we are talking about,
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words and relationships, it
is always self that seems to get
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out of the cage and take over.
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When I get into the picture,
it is not Christ that is seen
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anymore, it is just me.
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You know I had an experience
like that where I got in the
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way, where myself got in
the way and we were playing
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soccer and there was
always this really good soccer
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player, but he
always flaunted it.
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He was very proud of
himself, very prideful right?
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Me and a couple of other guys
on my team were always like,
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that guy is really good but
he gets on our nerves a lot.
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We decided to do something
bad back to him, like we wanted
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to trip him, and we
attempted sometimes.
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But after a while it came
to my mind that we were really
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being no better
than he is to us.
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Like it says in Help In
Daily Living, the very act of
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looking for evil in others
develops evil in ourselves.
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And it is really about competi-
tion and comparison, right?
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Yes. - and Daniel you were
telling me about you had the
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same type of feeling
with the guy at school.
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Yeah, well it was my sophomore
year in high school and
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I met this guy and he was always
trying to prove his strength.
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When I would get home before
I came to Fountain View, I would
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always get comments from
others saying that I was so tall
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and everything and I wish
that you could give me some of
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your height and
all that kind stuff.
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I've was kind of also kind
of strong, and so I had to put
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a lot of pride in that right?
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I put a lot of self worth
in that and this guy came to me
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and tried to challenge me
in arm wrestling and stuff.
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I would lose and I would
feel a little less self worth
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every single time, so I
would try to make up for that.
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So like for instance during
PE, his class would come by
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running by the parent
farm and I worked as a forklift
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driver, and you are supposed
to lift bins onto the wagon.
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To get them ready to go
out into the field and harvest
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carrots, and every
time his class would come by
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I would get off a forklift
and start lifting those big
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huge wooden heavy
bins with my hands.
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- so they could see you -
ya putting them on the things
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and everybody was staring at
amazement, going oh, he is so
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Buff and I liked the attention.
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I would get whistles and
all that stuff and everybody
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would tell me how
good I was and what not.
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But one day I was actually
going to my own PE class and
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one of the girls in my class,
she comes up to me and she
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is like, you know what?
You don't need to prove your
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strength, we already know
you are strong and we like
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you just the way you are.
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That really hit me because
somebody that I respected saw
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the same thing I hated
in the other guy in me.
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I realize that through looking
at his problems and making
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my mind to dwell on his
problems, it created that same
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problem in me. - Yeah!
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Isn't that something? How
when you try and get to take
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control and become better,
and have better relationships
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with others actually destroys
your relationship and self
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comes out, you know!
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But when you are humble
and you look for the good in
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others, it is a way that
Jesus sees things. You know!
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You develop, probably that
is the guidance we should have,
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What would Jesus
do in this situation?
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Exactly, and I know as my
sophomore year went on, it took
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me until my junior year
that I actually realized that
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I just could not think
about his wrong behaviors,
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I had to think about his
positive traits in order to
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develop a relationship
with him. - that is good.
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How is your
relationship with him now?
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We are good friends now
and that is because, not just
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because of me,
but because of him.
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We both grew and he started
seeing the good traits in me.
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If you focus on the good
and positive things in other
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people you can actually
become friends with them, even
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people you never
liked, people that frustrated
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you can become friends.
- Amen, Praise the Lord.
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As a very little girl I
always wanted a baby sister.
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I had hoped for a one, begged
for one, and prayed for one.
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But when she finally came,
my mom was too busy with baby
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Olivia to give me the
attention that she used to.
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I felt rejected. As we got
older I became increasingly
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jealous of Olivia.
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I sealed my heart away where
it could no longer be touched
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and I became insensitive,
critical and unloving.
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But God changed my heart,
actually He gave me a new one.
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A heart like His, made of
tender flesh that would love,
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and feel both sympathy and pain.
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Now because I'm not
focused on protecting myself,
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I can focus on loving others.
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I never have to be
afraid of getting hurt because
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everything that threats to
me has already been filtered
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through Christ's fingers. He
has covered me with His hand.
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(He Hideth My Soul)
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A wonderful
Savior is Jesus my Lord,
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A wonderful Savior to me;
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He hideth my soul in
the cleft of the rock,
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Where rivers of pleasure I see.
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He hideth my soul in
the cleft of the rock,
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That shadows a
dry, thirsty land;
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He hideth my life in
the depths of His love,
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And covers me
there with His hand,
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And covers me
there with His hand.
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A wonderful
Savior is Jesus my Lord,
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He taketh my burden away,
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He holdeth me up and
I shall not be moved,
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He giveth me strength as my day.
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With numberless
blessings each moment He crowns,
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And filled with
His fullness divine,
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I sing in my
rapture, oh, glory to God!
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For such a Redeemer as mine.
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He hideth my soul in
the cleft of the rock,
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That shadows a
dry, thirsty land;
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He hideth my life in
the depths of His love,
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And covers me
there with His hand,
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And covers me
there with His hand.
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And covers me
there with His hand!
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You know that song he hideth
my soul in the cleft of the
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rock? What is telling us
about relationships is that
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we have to hide ourselves
in Christ because I will get
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out of the cage and
take over and start,
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I don't like this
about this person and
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we have harsh
judgments and you know.
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So sometimes what we do is
we kind of bite our tongues
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when see something in
someone else and say, uh,
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I'm not going to say anything,
I'm going to be polite,
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but eventually you kind of
get one of those days when you
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get crabby and all of a
sudden it all comes out. Right?
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So what that song is telling us
is to actually to hide self to
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make it not I but Christ,
is to hide myself in Christ.
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Right, yeah this year
we get a roommate right!
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So I got to room with
Brooke and so we found out right
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away that we
were total opposites.
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- I thought you both be the
same year both from California
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you would have so much in
common, you went canvassing
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together. - we did, we did
go canvassing together but,
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like we have a lot of things
in common that are important.
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We start around the same time,
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we have our devotions
everyday, we are both really
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tidy and we like things
organized and so like we make
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sure everything is really clean.
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But Brooke's really sporty,
outdoorsy and I'm definitely
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a girly girl and so
sometimes it doesn't necessarily
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always mesh and so like
this year has been great,
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but there is this one point
where I started noticing all
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these problems, these little
things Brooke did that annoy me.
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Like at first I tried to
ignore it, like people normally
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do, it was like
okay I will get over it.
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But that didn't happen, It came
to the point where every time
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I saw Brooke like at
school and in the cafeteria,
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all I could see was
shhhhh! I can see she's got this
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problem, this problem, and
this problem but I played that
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role if you don't
have anything nice to say,
00:16:28.45\00:16:31.78
don't say anything at
all so I bit my tongue.
00:16:31.81\00:16:35.07
- So outwardly you are
trying to control yourself?
00:16:35.10\00:16:37.47
Yes outwardly I was trying
to control myself, it wasn't
00:16:37.51\00:16:39.97
working and I was
getting frustrated and
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my life just wasn't happy.
00:16:41.66\00:16:43.33
So I knew I needed to take
that next step, by having a
00:16:43.37\00:16:48.08
deep love for Christ, like I
knew what He had done for me.
00:16:48.12\00:16:52.88
If He hadn't done that for
me, I had no business pointing
00:16:52.91\00:16:57.64
out faults of others really.
00:16:57.68\00:16:59.17
I knew it was a bad habit
that had developed since I was
00:16:59.20\00:17:02.76
little because I am a
perfectionist, so I knew God was
00:17:02.79\00:17:06.31
trying to help me overcome it.
00:17:06.35\00:17:08.48
So I didn't want to do
the same thing like when I
00:17:08.51\00:17:12.72
married like that
would be terrible.
00:17:12.76\00:17:14.92
- because you're
living with someone right?
00:17:14.95\00:17:17.11
And you just don't
get along with them.
00:17:17.14\00:17:19.23
Exactly and so I prayed
about it and I read this in
00:17:19.26\00:17:24.97
Help In Daily Living, the
book and it says, "cultivate the
00:17:25.00\00:17:28.94
"habit of speaking well
of others. Dwell on their
00:17:28.98\00:17:32.85
"good qualities with those
with whom you associate and
00:17:32.88\00:17:35.26
"say as little as possible
about errors or feelings.
00:17:35.29\00:17:37.81
"When tempted to complain
about what someone has said or
00:17:37.84\00:17:40.63
"done, praise something in
that persons life character."
00:17:40.66\00:17:43.43
So just biting my tongue
did not work, I had to take that
00:17:43.46\00:17:49.45
next step and so when I
was like in our room I tried to
00:17:49.48\00:17:55.43
see all the good
parts of her character.
00:17:55.47\00:17:57.86
Unfortunately though, my
biting my tongue had turned into
00:17:57.89\00:18:03.50
a silent treatment and I didn't
realize it, so Brooke called
00:18:03.53\00:18:09.11
me out on it and she said
we are not going to live like
00:18:09.14\00:18:11.82
this anymore, you are
going to tell me what is wrong.
00:18:11.86\00:18:14.50
I was like okay, I
don't really want to.
00:18:14.54\00:18:17.58
So I just told her, but it
was good and we prayed about it
00:18:17.61\00:18:22.13
and it has become a lot
easier for me when I see people
00:18:22.16\00:18:26.64
to see the wonderful
things about that person.
00:18:26.68\00:18:29.01
So from your side, will
have a room mate was definitely
00:18:29.04\00:18:34.05
different, growing up I never
had a roommate, always had my
00:18:34.09\00:18:37.02
own room, and when we first
got to be roommates it was like
00:18:37.05\00:18:41.68
fine. People told me having
a room- mate will test your
00:18:41.71\00:18:45.05
character a little and you
will learn a lot about yourself.
00:18:45.09\00:18:46.06
I didn't really listen, I just
thought I would have so much fun
00:18:46.10\00:18:49.01
And we did, we had a blast
but then that experience came
00:18:49.04\00:18:52.53
up, like I
struggled with it as well.
00:18:52.57\00:18:54.82
We struggled
with the same thing.
00:18:54.86\00:18:57.04
I would look at Sarah and
I speak my mind and it was so
00:18:57.08\00:19:02.40
hard not to say anything to
like withhold and eventually
00:19:02.43\00:19:07.72
I'm a confrontational person.
00:19:07.76\00:19:09.20
If someone has something
against me or someone's is mad,
00:19:09.24\00:19:11.99
I don't know why but
I will call them out,
00:19:12.02\00:19:13.49
just like she said.
00:19:13.53\00:19:14.50
I came into the room and
Sarah we can't go like this,
00:19:14.51\00:19:16.80
What am I doing that is
wrong? Like what is bugging you?
00:19:16.83\00:19:19.17
She said Brooke
don't want to tell you.
00:19:19.20\00:19:20.67
I'm trying to praise things.
00:19:20.70\00:19:23.03
I was like Sarah what am
I doing that is bugging you?
00:19:23.07\00:19:24.87
I kept persisting
and finally she told me.
00:19:24.90\00:19:28.09
It was like a hard
pride killer, you know.
00:19:28.12\00:19:31.24
The whole time I was
praying God help me to bite my
00:19:31.27\00:19:34.62
tongue, I don't want to
say something bad back at her.
00:19:34.65\00:19:37.96
Through that she told the
things that bugged her and
00:19:38.00\00:19:41.65
I recognized those of the
very things I saw in her that
00:19:41.68\00:19:45.05
was driving me crazy and I
recognize that before at the
00:19:45.08\00:19:47.96
point a fault that somebody
else, I need to look in the
00:19:48.00\00:19:50.84
mirror because so often
the things in my life that
00:19:50.88\00:19:53.78
I'm struggling and the faults
I have that are so strong.
00:19:53.82\00:19:57.51
God is showing me Brooke
just go look in the mirror
00:19:57.55\00:20:00.30
and I praise God because
through that experience with
00:20:00.34\00:20:02.76
both of us we learned so
much and because of that our
00:20:02.79\00:20:05.18
relationship has grown
and become a lot better.
00:20:05.21\00:20:07.37
- praise the Lord.
00:20:07.41\00:20:08.92
I have often wondered
why God loves me so much.
00:20:11.05\00:20:13.67
All I ever do is sin, make
mistakes, and break promises.
00:20:13.70\00:20:17.38
My life is a round of failures,
why would He leave Heaven
00:20:17.41\00:20:21.06
where the angels adore
Him and endlessly sing His
00:20:21.09\00:20:24.31
praises and come and
sacrifice all of that to have
00:20:24.34\00:20:27.49
a deeper relationship with
us? With people who hate Him?
00:20:27.52\00:20:30.99
To me His reasons for loving
us is completely unreasonable.
00:20:31.02\00:20:34.36
But the promise of His love
is all we have to hold on to.
00:20:34.40\00:20:37.82
I don't have to understand
why God loves me, it is enough
00:20:37.85\00:20:41.24
for me just to
know that He does.
00:20:41.27\00:20:44.03
(Music opening
for I Cannot Tell)
00:20:54.12\00:20:59.27
(Music Playing)
00:21:05.01\00:21:13.42
I cannot tell why
He whom angels worship,
00:21:41.72\00:21:48.61
Could set His love
upon the sons of men,
00:21:48.64\00:21:55.46
Or why, as Shepherd, He
should seek the wanderers,
00:21:55.49\00:22:02.83
To bring them back,
they know not how or when.
00:22:02.86\00:22:10.16
But this I know,
that He was born of Mary
00:22:11.26\00:22:18.64
When Bethlehem's
manger was His only home,
00:22:18.67\00:22:26.27
And that He lived at
Nazareth and labored,
00:22:26.30\00:22:33.83
And so the Savior,
Savior of the world has come.
00:22:33.86\00:22:42.28
I cannot tell how
silently He suffered,
00:22:43.98\00:22:50.60
As with His peace He
faced this place of tears,
00:22:52.09\00:22:57.75
Or how His heart
upon the cross was broken,
00:22:59.41\00:23:06.56
The crown of pain to
three and thirty years.
00:23:06.60\00:23:13.72
But this I know, He
heals the brokenhearted,
00:23:16.11\00:23:22.55
And stays our sin, and
calms our lurking fear,
00:23:24.29\00:23:30.06
And lifts the burden
from the heavy laden,
00:23:31.94\00:23:38.70
For still the Savior,
Savior of the world is here.
00:23:38.74\00:23:47.57
I cannot tell how all
the lands shall worship,
00:23:49.33\00:23:57.01
When, at His bidding,
every storm is stilled,
00:23:57.05\00:24:04.69
Or who can say how
great the jubilation
00:24:04.72\00:24:12.27
When all our hearts
with love for Him are filled.
00:24:13.65\00:24:20.58
But this I know, the
skies shall shout His praises,
00:24:20.61\00:24:27.51
Ten thousand,
thousand human voices sing,
00:24:27.54\00:24:34.50
And earth to Heaven, and
Heaven to earth, will answer:
00:24:36.38\00:24:43.55
At last the Savior,
Savior of the world is King!
00:24:45.53\00:24:55.17
That song I Cannot Tell
is really about the plan of
00:25:03.66\00:25:06.51
salvation and when you look
at it in detail it is really
00:25:06.55\00:25:10.03
about the
principle of substitution.
00:25:10.07\00:25:12.15
Christ gives us His good
life in replacement for our
00:25:12.19\00:25:16.66
evil lives, and when it
comes to relationships that is
00:25:16.69\00:25:21.13
really the core of everything.
00:25:21.16\00:25:23.33
It is our evil thoughts,
replace them with good thoughts.
00:25:23.36\00:25:27.37
The way we look at others,
instead of seeing evil in
00:25:27.41\00:25:30.47
others, we praise something
in that person's character.
00:25:30.51\00:25:34.11
I actually have a particular
experience with that subject.
00:25:34.15\00:25:37.72
I used to really
struggle with gossip.
00:25:37.76\00:25:41.68
I had a particular friend
and whenever I was with her,
00:25:41.72\00:25:44.94
at first when we were together
we would just talk a little
00:25:44.97\00:25:48.28
bit about people and the
faults that people had here and
00:25:48.31\00:25:51.22
there, but eventually
came to the point when wherever
00:25:51.26\00:25:53.90
we work together that is
always were talking about.
00:25:53.94\00:25:56.16
We were talking about
people and the bad things about
00:25:56.20\00:25:58.38
them, just, dwelling
so much on the negative.
00:25:58.42\00:26:01.17
It was really kind of confusing
for me because these were
00:26:01.21\00:26:05.83
people that we've been
hanging out with on a fairly
00:26:05.86\00:26:08.46
regular basis, you know.
00:26:08.50\00:26:09.47
We would be great friends
with them and then we would turn
00:26:09.48\00:26:11.63
around and start
talking bad about them,
00:26:11.66\00:26:13.23
and putting them down you know.
00:26:13.26\00:26:14.43
I eventually started to
get really convicted that what
00:26:14.46\00:26:17.57
we were doing was
wrong and it was then that
00:26:17.61\00:26:20.89
I was praying, God
how am I to change this?
00:26:20.93\00:26:24.15
I'm so used to just talking
bad about people with this
00:26:24.18\00:26:28.60
particular person and gossiping.
00:26:28.63\00:26:30.31
I ended up, God had impressed
me to follow what it says in
00:26:30.34\00:26:34.32
Help In Daily Living where
it says to cultivate the habit
00:26:34.36\00:26:38.30
a speaking well of others.
00:26:38.34\00:26:39.58
Basically when you are tempted
to speak badly of others,
00:26:39.61\00:26:43.21
choose to dwell on the
good things about them and talk
00:26:43.25\00:26:46.82
about the good things.
00:26:46.85\00:26:47.82
So it is that whole
thing of substitution right?
00:26:47.84\00:26:49.86
I had to say Lord take
away this bad habit I have and
00:26:49.90\00:26:52.94
replace it with a good one.
00:26:52.97\00:26:54.23
It was hard at first to try
and implement that into my life,
00:26:54.26\00:26:58.92
but once I really started
getting on a roll, I really
00:26:58.96\00:27:02.26
opened my heart and let
God work in me and in my life.
00:27:02.29\00:27:05.87
I was able to start
thinking about people better and
00:27:05.91\00:27:09.43
started to be able to talk
about people better and act
00:27:09.47\00:27:12.40
better towards people and
stuff and God really changed
00:27:12.43\00:27:15.33
my life in that area.
00:27:15.36\00:27:16.66
Cyrus, I want you to close
with a word of prayer for us.
00:27:16.69\00:27:20.81
Heavenly Father, Lord I
thank you for this beautiful day
00:27:23.07\00:27:26.03
You have given us out in
nature to come and fellowship
00:27:26.07\00:27:30.00
together and Lord I ask that
you will help us apply these
00:27:30.03\00:27:33.93
aspects in our life. Lord
to have good relationships
00:27:33.97\00:27:38.07
and to always speak well of
others. In Jesus name I pray.
00:27:38.11\00:27:41.94
Amen! - Amen!
00:27:41.97\00:27:44.03
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