Participants: Mike Lemon (Host)
Series Code: HDL
Program Code: HDL000008
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00:39 Hello and welcome to Help In Daily Living.
00:40 Today we are going to talk about how we deal with hurt 00:44 feelings, how do we deal with frustration and anger? 00:47 How do we deal when someone steps on our toes? 00:51 I mean if they do it on purpose it really hurts. 00:53 But what if they do it unintentionally? It still hurts. 00:56 How do we deal with it when people hurt us? 00:59 In Romans 12:21 it tells us, "do not be overcome with 01:03 "evil, but overcome evil with good." 01:06 What that is actually saying is that when someone is bad 01:10 to me, I should actually be good to them. 01:12 In my human nature, really that is not natural to me. 01:16 So I think we really do need to find strength when we 01:21 deal with this topic on how to deal with conflict? 01:24 How to deal with frustration and anger and hurt feelings? 01:26 So I'm going to ask Carmen to lead us in a word or prayer. 01:29 Carmen would you do that? 01:31 Dear heavenly Father I thank you so much for this 01:34 beautiful day and for Your nature here. 01:36 And God I just want to ask that You will come and be with 01:38 us now as we talk about how You would have us to relate to 01:41 our brothers and sisters in Christ, in Jesus name. Amen! 01:49 One of my life goals is to run a marathon. 01:51 But preparing for a marathon takes about 16 weeks of 01:55 training, and before you can even start the average 01:57 training program, you have to be able to run 30 minutes 02:00 nonstop, yeah I can do that, but it is extremely tiring. 02:05 When training starts, you run three or four days a week. 02:09 As the weeks go by the mileage increases. 02:12 By the last week of training you run 34.2 miles. 02:16 This is just the running part of training. 02:18 In preparation for a marathon you also have to eat 02:21 healthy food, drink lots of water, not pop, 02:25 and get plenty of sleep. 02:27 All of this is done so use can say, I ran a marathon. 02:30 Throughout the whole training program, 02:33 your body is being pushed to the max and there 02:36 are days when you want to quit. 02:38 This whole training thing to me seems like a lot of 02:41 hard work and sacrifice to go through for a little 02:44 ribbon to hang around the neck. 02:46 But for me, it is a life goal. 02:48 It is something I want to do. 02:50 In order to achieve this goal, I have to face the 02:53 challenges and endure the struggles that it will take 02:56 to concur, also on my list of life goals, far above 03:02 the marathon, is a simple phrase, Jesus in heaven. 03:06 To obtain this goal will take more than sitting in church 03:09 once a week, more than praying before every meal and 03:13 before I get into bed. 03:14 Reaching my destination will take more than reading 03:17 a Bible verse every morning. 03:19 To achieve a saving relationship with God will take 03:23 a sacrifice of myself at every level. 03:27 It will take a daily battle, an intense struggle, 03:30 but I know that when I get to heaven and I receive my prize, 03:34 I will look back on this life and say without a shadow of 03:38 a doubt, truly heaven is cheap enough. 03:44 Never be sad or desponding, 03:46 only have faith to believe. 03:50 Grace, for the duties before thee, 03:54 Ask of thy God and receive. 03:58 Never give up, never give up, 04:05 Never give up to thy sorrows, 04:09 Jesus will bid them depart. 04:13 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord, 04:16 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord! 04:20 Sing when your trials are greatest, 04:23 Trust in the Lord and take heart. 04:28 What if thy burdens oppress thee; 04:31 What though thy life may be drear; 04:35 Look on the side that is brightest, 04:38 Pray, and thy path will be clear. 04:43 Never give up, never give up, 04:47 Never give up, never give up! 04:50 Never give up to thy sorrows, 04:54 Jesus will bid them depart. 04:58 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord, 05:01 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord! 05:05 Sing when thy trials are greatest 05:08 trust in the Lord and take heart 05:13 Never be sad or desponding, 05:17 lean on the arm of the Lord 05:20 dwell in the depths of His mercy, 05:24 thou shalt receive thy reward. 05:28 Never give up, never give up, 05:32 Never give up, never give up! 05:36 Never give up to thy sorrows 05:40 Jesus will bid them depart. 05:43 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord, 05:47 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord! 05:50 Sing when thy trials are greatest 05:55 trust in the Lord and take heart 06:03 So that song, Never Give up says that we should never be 06:07 sad or desponding, so what it is actually saying is that 06:11 we should be cheerful as Christians. 06:13 We should never give up being kind, 06:15 and being cheerful with others. 06:17 Why do you think that is important for us as Christians? 06:21 Well if we are sad and grumpy all the time then people 06:25 won't want to be friends with us. 06:26 How can we lead them to Christ if 06:28 they're not friends with us? 06:29 I kind of have an example, a story that happened 06:32 to me a couple Fridays ago. 06:33 I was playing soccer after lunch and I was wearing these 06:37 shoes that had elastic on the front. 06:38 Every time I would kick the softball my shoe would go flying 06:42 into the air, so I decided it would be better just 06:46 to take my shoes off and played barefoot. 06:48 So that is what I did. The only problem was, 06:50 I kept getting my toes stepped on with all the other 06:53 players with their shoes on. 06:54 I kept getting my toes stepped on and kicked and all 06:57 sorts of things, that wasn't too fun. 06:59 It wasn't bad at first though, I was able to avoid the 07:02 People's feet, there was only about six of us playing at 07:05 first, but then a couple more people joined us and 07:08 we were playing with a few more. 07:09 My toes kept getting stepped on more and more and 07:12 I was getting kind of upset because my feet were 07:15 hurting and it was too much fun. 07:16 The other thing that was happening the other team was 07:19 playing really well together, they were making excellent 07:22 passes and great goals and working really well together 07:25 as a team and our team wasn't doing so well. 07:28 I was kind of discouraged, this is not fair, 07:31 I was thinking this to myself in my head and I wanted 07:33 to just complain about the situation. 07:35 But then I looked around at everybody else and they were 07:39 having such a fun time, it was a really fun game to play. 07:42 It is just a game, it wasn't a big deal that we weren't doing 07:46 too well, it was just fun. 07:47 So I decided why should I ruin this fun time everyone 07:51 else is having by complaining and so I prayed in my head 07:55 to God, Lord please help me not to complain about this. 07:59 Help me to be cheerful and silent about these complaints 08:03 I wanted to say. 08:05 He really came through, God was able to help me 08:08 keep those complaints inside. 08:10 So you had to literally had someone was stepping 08:12 on your toes, but people did not know how you are feeling? 08:17 Probably not. - probably not. 08:19 You had this internal struggle with yourself. - yeah. 08:23 You turned to God, and God gave you peace of the whole thing 08:27 and helped you to be cheerful in that situation. - yeah. 08:31 So internally when we go through the struggles, that is 08:34 really where it is, isn't it Carmen? - yes! 08:36 How do you do with internal struggles? 08:39 Have you had that kind of experience? 08:41 Yeah a couple years ago it was like a lifestyle for me. 08:46 I judged people a lot because I would think they were 08:49 doing something against me, or speaking badly to me. 08:54 So I would have these feelings against people that just would 08:58 not like them, wouldn't talk to them and depressed and everybody 09:02 thought I just hated everybody. 09:04 I was having kind of a pity party for myself in my room 09:08 one time, and I'm not sure exactly why but I just picked up 09:13 Ministry of Healing and opened up on the chapter of the Mind. 09:16 and the first thing I read was, it is our positive duty 09:20 to resist melancholy and discontented thoughts 09:23 is as much of a duty as it is to pray. - wow. 09:25 So I was really struck with that and like wow, I'm not 09:30 really living up to God's will for me and I'm not leading 09:34 people to Christ, and I'm not fulfilling my duties. 09:37 It's saying it is as much a duty to resist those thoughts 09:41 as it is to pray? - right! 09:43 God can't make you resist those thoughts. 09:45 - God wants us to pray so we know that. - exactly. 09:48 You choose to pray, you choose to resist those thoughts. 09:51 Yeah, and so I chose to resist and I chose to change 09:54 but it wasn't easy, and even still now, it is hard for me 09:59 to just resist that and go out in a self-defense mode 10:03 and look at it from a different perspective and look at 10:06 it for more on the outside that they probably didn't 10:09 really mean to do that, or even if they did, I can just 10:12 give it to God and it really hasn't been easy. 10:14 This year I read in Help In Daily Living how we should 10:17 not allow our spirits to chafe from any real or 10:21 supposed wrongs done unto us and it has been helping me 10:23 to resist the tendency. 10:27 Have you ever felt you are the only one who knows what 10:30 you're going through? 10:31 When those depressing feelings press upon us we have 10:35 a remedy, a balm, no not a bomb like kaboom, but a balm. 10:38 Or a concealing ointment, the balm from Gilead. 10:40 In ancient times the balm of Gilead, called 'balsam of Mecca' 10:44 The balm was used to heal wounds and it was so scarce 10:47 that is was worth twice its weight in silver. 10:49 Known for its pleasing aromatic fragrance, a one ounce bottle of 10:52 balsam of Mecca perfume today is worth around $10,000. 10:56 This perfume carries a deeper meaning. 10:57 In Jeremiah 46:11 it says go up to Gilead and take balm, 11:01 O virgin, the daughter of Egypt; in vain you will use 11:04 many remedies; there is no healing for you. 11:06 In Israel balm is a metaphor for the Messiah, Jesus. 11:10 Gilead was a healing testimony. 11:12 The song 'There Is A Balm in Gilead' is a constant 11:14 reminder of the salvation that Jesus bought for us on 11:17 Calvary's Hill. So don't search for remedies in vain, 11:19 Let Jesus will be that pleasing aromatic scent that fills 11:22 your life and provides the healing you need. 11:33 ¤ (Musical Introduction) 12:02 There is a balm in Gilead 12:09 To make the wounded whole 12:17 There is a balm in Gilead 12:25 To heal the sin sick soul 12:31 Some times I feel discouraged 12:38 And I seek thy works in vain 12:45 Oh but then the Holy Spirit 12:52 Revives my soul again 13:00 There is a balm in Gilead 13:08 to heal the sin, sick soul 13:33 if you cannot preach like Peter 13:39 if you cannot pray thy balm 13:45 you can tell the love of Jesus 13:51 and say He died for all, 14:00 There is a balm, 14:10 there is a balm 14:17 To heal the sin sick soul 14:45 So you have these feelings of frustration and sometimes you 14:49 turn to God and deal with it, but sometimes we need others 14:54 to kind of pull us out of it. 14:56 You know we are angry, we're frustrated at having conflict 15:00 someone, have you ever had a feeling or an experience 15:04 like that where someone else is actually pulled 15:06 you out of it? - I have. 15:08 I know I am a typical teenager. I cherished the freedoms 15:13 I have and there is nothing that bugs me more than a rule 15:17 that I see as something trespassing against my rights 15:22 as a young adult. 15:23 Recently, after our dorm worship, our head Dean got up 15:28 because he said he had an announcement to make. 15:30 This wasn't just any announce- ment, this was a notification 15:34 with of a new rule that had just been made, something 15:36 we had to do or whatever it was. 15:38 I saw it as something messing with my rights, 15:42 I got so upset I remember that after that worship, 15:46 after that announcement a bunch of us guys were 15:49 sitting around the lobby and we're talking about 15:51 why it wasn't right. 15:53 Others were saying, oh it makes sense. 15:55 To me it did not make any sense at all and right then 15:59 our head Dean came up and said, so how are you guys doing? 16:02 I was so upset and so some of the guys started asking 16:06 questions and nothing was making sense to me and 16:09 I just stomped off to my room. 16:11 I had had enough of it and now I was going, 16:14 I was just upset and went to my room. 16:16 A couple of hours later, when it was time to go to bed, 16:19 our Dean was walking around and making sure everyone 16:22 was in their rooms. 16:23 I ran into him in the hallway and he said, look Randy 16:26 I can tell that you are upset. 16:28 - I said yeah! I'm really upset. 16:30 He said can I answer any questions. 16:33 I said, boy you can, so I just laid into him and said 16:36 I have this question and I don't understand why this is 16:39 this way, and the thing that amazed me was while 16:43 I was so frustrated one by one he took every question 16:48 and calmly and quietly answered it so that 16:51 it made sense to me. 16:53 After, I don't know how long we talked there, 15 or 20 16:56 minutes, I was able to leave and I wasn't upset anymore. 16:59 I was calm and the rule made sense. 17:02 I look back on that and I read in the Bible in 17:06 Proverbs 15:1 where it says, a soft answer turns away wrath. 17:10 I saw it to be true in my life. - yeah, yeah! 17:13 Sometimes when we, I don't know I've had that 17:15 experience and I have seen in other people when you feel 17:18 like you are rights are being taken away, your volume 17:21 goes up, right? - oh yeah. But as my volume went up, 17:25 his went down and just calmed me down, it was amazing. 17:29 That is amazing, yeah. Just keep that self-control. 17:33 So God sent someone else to help you out of that 17:37 situation, and a soft answer turns away wrath as the 17:40 Bible says, - it can be really helpful. 17:42 Have you had an experience like that Rachel? 17:45 Yeah well what Randy was saying reminds me a lot of my 17:48 mom, because when I was younger I used to get in trouble 17:51 a lot, for all different kinds of things. 17:53 Not making my bed, or forgetting to fold my laundry, 17:56 or just a lot of mischievous things I would get into that 18:00 I would get in trouble for. 18:01 And I hate it, getting in trouble. 18:03 I absolutely hated it, so I would get really mad 18:06 at my mom and I would just scream and cry and 18:08 I would not say very nice things to her. 18:11 It was really interesting because at first my mom would 18:15 get really frustrated too, but then suddenly in the middle 18:18 of it, I don't know she, I don't know how she did it but 18:21 she kind of all of a sudden stopped and started talking 18:24 to me really quietly, really intently showing that 18:28 she was listening to what I was screaming. 18:30 I don't know, just somehow by her doing that it made me 18:34 kind of calm down and snap out of it. 18:36 I realize she's actually listening to what I'm screaming. 18:39 Like she actually wants to hear where I'm coming from. 18:42 - So you wanted to be listened to? - yeah pretty much. 18:45 After that we were able to talk things out more rationally 18:48 and usually I would still get in trouble and have to pay the 18:52 consequences, but at the end of the day though I wasn't 18:55 holding a grudge against her. 18:56 I didn't hate her for what happened. 18:57 So instead of your volume continuing to climb, I mean it 19:01 made no sense right? I mean you just bring it down 19:04 because you know they are listening, so you bring it down 19:07 and you calm down and all of a sudden your rational mind 19:11 kicks in instead of the emotions right? 19:13 We need other people to bring us out of these things 19:17 sometimes, and sometimes we need to be that other person 19:20 to bring someone else out of it right? 19:23 So when we get someone speaking angry words to us, just 19:28 remember that verse, that a soft answer turns away wrath. 19:35 So when someone treats as a harsh way to be calm and to 19:41 remember the words of the Bible, turn towards God 19:46 ourselves and we can help others out of those situations. 19:50 Right, I think likes as we experienced that every day, 19:53 you know we are dealing with people and something may 19:56 bother us or what ever, but when we are able and willing 19:59 to be calmer we can deal with that. 20:02 The thing of it is that they didn't do it themselves, 20:05 Mr. James, as he was listening to Randy, his problems 20:08 about the new rule, and Rachel's mom when she was 20:11 listening to Rachel screaming at her, they did become 20:15 that part by themselves - yeah they had to be praying and 20:18 God her working through them. 20:20 To listen and have that patience, it takes patience 20:24 Yes it does, and so the enemy that we most need to be 20:27 afraid of is who? - ourselves. - self. 20:35 God has shown me that life is too precious to waste. 20:39 This year I was faced with a Doctor telling me I had the 20:42 possibility of having cancer. 20:45 The news came as reality check, thankfully, through the 20:49 grace of God, test showed there was no cancer. 20:53 Looking back on what happened, I could see that I was 20:57 constantly focusing on myself. 20:59 Through this whole experience, I have realized that 21:03 I really can cast my cares upon Jesus and not worry about 21:08 myself. Psalms 55:22 says, cast thy burden upon the Lord 21:13 and He shall sustain me. 21:15 Jesus knows what our burdens are like and 21:19 He calls us to give them to Him. 21:21 God has taught me to take everything in life seriously 21:25 and to make the most of every day. 21:27 Live every day like it was your last and you will live 21:32 a fulfilled life. 21:34 In everything you do, put God first. 21:37 Today when you hear His voice listen and give Him the 21:42 top priority in your life. 21:47 I have found a friend in Jesus, He's everything to me, 21:51 He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul; 21:55 The Lily of the Valley, in Him alone I see 21:59 All I need to cleanse and make me fully whole. 22:04 In sorrow He's my comfort, in trouble He's my stay; 22:08 He tells me every care on Him to roll. Hallelujah! 22:13 He's the Lily of the Valley, the Bright and Morning Star, 22:17 He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul. 22:21 He all my grief has taken, and all my sorrows borne; 22:26 In temptation He's my strong and mighty tow'r; 22:30 I have all for Him forsaken, and all my idols torn 22:34 From my heart and now He keeps me by His pow'r. 22:39 Though all the world forsake me, and Satan tempt me sore, 22:43 Through Jesus I shall safely reach the goal. Hallelujah! 22:48 He's the Lily of the Valley, the Bright and Morning Star, 22:52 He the fairest of ten thousand to my soul, 22:56 He'll never, never leave me, He will not forsake me here. 23:01 While I live by faith and do His blessed will; 23:05 A wall of fire about me, I've nothing now to fear, 23:10 With His manna He my hungry soul doth fill. 23:14 Then sweeping up to glory I'll see His blessed face, 23:18 Where rivers of delight shall ever roll. Hallelujah! 23:23 He's the Lily of the Valley, the bright morning Star 23:27 He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul. 23:39 Jesus is that Lily of the Valley. He is the one who 23:41 pulls us out of the circum- stances where it's frustrating, 23:45 where we have a conflict and it just seems 23:48 to get worse and worse. 23:50 We turn to Him, He's the one that can pull us out at that. 23:54 I have a situation that happened last year where God really 23:57 helped me with that. 23:59 My friend and I had this conflict that kept coming up 24:02 over and over and over again. 24:04 We thought we had dealt with it or whenever, and the next 24:07 thing it would come up again and show up somewhere else 24:10 and we would have misunder- standings and disagreements 24:13 and maybe arguments or whatever. 24:15 There are many times where I think we both questioned 24:19 if we really even wanted to have a friendship 24:21 with each other. 24:22 Like what is the point of being a friend when 24:24 you have so many problems, right? 24:25 So we've kind of struggling with those thoughts sometimes, 24:29 and one of those times when I was struggling with those 24:32 thoughts, I'm just going to go talk to her again and we 24:35 are going to settle this out once and for all or whatever. 24:38 I went to go see her, she was available to talk at the 24:42 time, she wasn't doing anything and so I sat down in her 24:45 room and decided to tell her what I thought. 24:47 Next thing nasty comments were flying both ways and 24:52 it was not a very good situation. 24:55 The conversation was going downhill and 24:57 we weren't getting anywhere and so then there was 25:01 a time where we both just stop talking and were silent. 25:04 I think in a way we were almost afraid if we said 25:06 something we would regret what we would have said. 25:09 So anyway we were just sitting there and I was praying 25:12 and asking God what to do. 25:14 He told me to pray out loud, so with the person I was 25:20 having this argument with and I'm like pray out loud? 25:23 That will be too weird just sitting here and all of 25:27 a sudden You want me to pray out loud. 25:28 But the impression came again, yes pray out loud. 25:32 I'm like okay Lord, so I said I'm going to pray. 25:35 I closed my eyes and bowed my head and started to pray 25:39 and asked God to be with our conversation and to help 25:45 to move forward and upward. I said Lord if you want us 25:49 to really have this friendship please make us repent 25:53 so this conversation really help us and I said Amen. We both 25:59 looked at each other and thought were to for now. 26:02 The conversation was just completely different. 26:06 We both started to take responsibility for what we 26:09 had done and we started to apologize and things just 26:13 really got on the table and God just helped us so much. 26:16 We were able, by the end of the conversation 26:18 we were able to say I love you and I'm glad that 26:22 we were able to get this figured out. 26:23 Got really helped and we prayed together at the end too. 26:27 And because God came and helped us with that conversation 26:30 and that conflict we are friends today. 26:32 Wow. - wow things change. - yeah and when you are 26:35 going through something like that it seems like it is 26:38 absolutely impossible, like I'm just going to give up. 26:42 To have that fortitude to say I'm going to stick with this 26:46 and then what do you do? You turn to God in prayer. 26:50 It can be hard but if you are willing to humble yourself 26:53 it is so worth it. - absolutely. 26:55 - sometimes it is all you can do is to turn to God. 26:58 - yeah, yeah! And He can pull you out of that situation 27:01 and praying out loud like that, what an encouraging 27:04 response and what an uplifting response to know God 27:07 is doing that in your life. 27:09 So turning to God, I mean He is the source of overcoming 27:14 self and helping us to deal with conflict and to go from 27:20 a situation of frustration to total peace. 27:23 That is what God wants to lead us to. 27:25 None of us likes to do with conflict, I mean we don't 27:28 like that conflict situation, but we want peace. 27:31 So let's close today's discus- sion with a word of prayer. 27:36 Can you lead as Victoria?. - sure. 27:37 Let's bow our heads. Dear Lord, I just thank You so much 27:41 that when we are in conflict, none of us like conflict, 27:44 I just thank You that we can call on You and You can give 27:48 us Your strength Lord, and Your peace throughout the 27:51 conflict and You can help us solve it. Thank you Lord 27:54 in Your name, Amen. - Amen 28:01 Help in Daily Living is a 13 part series from Fountain 28:04 View productions, designed to share the solid principles 28:08 of practical everyday Christianity. 28:10 It is a simple way to share the good news about the power 28:14 of the gospel with your friends, family, and coworkers. 28:17 Order your copies now by calling 1-877-490-4141. 28:23 Or visit us online at: www.fountainviewproductions.com 28:28 Help In Daily Living is also available at your local 28:33 ABC Christian bookstores. |
Revised 2014-12-17