Hello friends, grab
your Bible and a friend
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and sit back as
we explore God's word
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together on this
addition of House Calls.
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Welcome to the
best hour in the world
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at least I believe
that, this is House Calls
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and thank you for tuning in.
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I'm happy and I
know that John is happy
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and it's good to
not be here by myself.
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How are you doing John?
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Hey it's great to be here,
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with this
wonderful hour of programming
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where we can
just study the Bible,
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isn't that great? You
know, if I don't believe
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and if we were not
convinced that this is
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the best hour
right now we wouldn't
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be sitting here. That's right.
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We would be somewhere
where it is the best hour.
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That's right. And so
friends you wanna tune
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in by hitting
that record button,
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invite your family
and friends to sit down
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because when we get
into the Bible we always
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believe that the
spirit of God has something
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important to tell
you and that's why we are
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sitting here asking
the Lord to flow through us
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but before we do anything else
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we are gonna go to
the Lord in prayer.
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So John, would you do it for us?
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Let's bow our
heads. Father in heaven,
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it's so good
again to be able to come
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before you and
opening your word,
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the word that
you given to each and
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everyone of us to live by.
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And so Father we
just pray that you would
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be here to inhabit us
to inhabit your people
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that as our hearts
are opened to receive
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that word from
you Lord that we can
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receive it with understanding
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with knowledge and
wisdom we thank you
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Lord for spending
this special time with us
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send your spirit and guide us in
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Jesus name, amen, amen.
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Well friends, as
you know this program
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is not only fun to
do but what makes it
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fun is your
questions? It's amazing what
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sometimes people ask
us, but don't let that
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discourage you. If
you have any questions
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just send to us
during this program or even
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afterwards send them
to housecalls@3abn.org,
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that's housecalls @3abn.org.
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And enhance our
program by the things
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that may across your
plate or maybe in the
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back of your mind
and there is never
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a dumb
question. Remember that if
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it's about God's
word, it's always a question
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that needs to be answered.
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And so today we're
gonna begin with the
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first question, what
do you have for us John?
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John, I've got a
question from David
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and it's a
question that also has been
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asked quite a few
times and we're even answered
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it once before.
Alright. But it says,
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the subject heading
says does God promote
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idol worship? Well we know that,
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the answer to that
a quick answer is no.
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Right. But the question gets
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into what some people
will call it an apparent
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contradiction, but
it's not really at all
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as we study a little deeper.
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He says here in
Exodus 20 verse 4
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God says that we
should not make any
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graven images.
Then God and by the way
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that's the second commandment,
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then God
contradicts himself supposedly
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and demands that
the children of Israel
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make graven images of Cherubims.
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In First Kings 7:36
and Second Chronicles 3
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verse 7. Why did
God want the children of
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Israel to violate
his command in Exodus
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20 verse 4. First of
all, the God that I serve,
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John the God
that you serve doesn't
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contradict himself.
Right. In fact Jesus
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is the same
yesterday, today and forever.
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What He says He
cannot lie, He cannot
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go back on His
word, well, and He won't
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go back on His
word. So if He is giving
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a command, that
command will stand
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fast forever. And
the second commandment,
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and let's read that,
found in Exodus 20:4.
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The Second Commandment
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is a command not to
make any graven images.
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But there is
more to that command
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and we need to read
a little bit further
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to understand the
full import of what
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is being said here.
So lets read verse 4
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of Exodus chapter
20, Ye shalt not make
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for yourself a
carved image, any likeness
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of any thing that
is in heaven above,
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or that is in the earth beneath,
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or that is in the
water under the earth.
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Ye shalt not bow down
to them, nor serve them:
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for I the Lord your
God am a jealous God,
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visiting the iniquity
of the fathers upon the
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children to the
third and the fourth
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generations of
those who hate me.
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Right. Now upon
reading that command,
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we can make some assumptions,
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we can arrive at
some conclusions,
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we can do a lot
without going through
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the rest of the
Bible but I think that the
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rest of the Bible is there,
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what the people
did, how God responded,
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how God worked
out the principle here
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in the practices of
his people to find out
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what he was meaning here.
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And the first thing
that jumps out of me
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here with this specific command,
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the second commandment
is that the word there,
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'carved images'
translated as carved
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images in the King James, in the
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New King James
version is translated
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many other times
in other translations
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as idols. Don't make
any idols and so that
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concept here is
an idol or an image,
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something carved
for the sake of worship.
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And it goes on to
tell us exactly that
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verse 5 talks about
not bowing down to them,
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not serving them,
not worshiping them.
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That was the
issue that God had when
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He said don't
make any idols, right,
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because He didn't
want them worshiping them
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or bowing down to
them. Now if you read the
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couple of
scriptures that are referenced
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to here First Kings
7:36 and Second Chronicles
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3 verse 7
specifically Second Chronicles
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talks about
Solomon's Temple being built
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and how there were
some carvings there
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made in that temple
carvings of cherubim
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and other things. Those carvings
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were not made for
the principle of worship.
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People weren't
bowing down to them,
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they weren't
worshiping them as other Gods.
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So there was no command broken
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in the creation or
the adorning of the
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house of worship
with these things. Right.
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And the reason
these things are there
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John is because there
were reminders of those
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who were there, of
the presence of those
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who were with
them to a great degree
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as we know the
angels that the cherubim
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that are covering
the Ten Commandments.
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The cherubim that
were carved in there
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were reminders of
that most holy place,
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and the holiness of
God's presence that was there.
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Right. But they
weren't a reminder when they
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saw them to bow
down and worship them.
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And clearly in
these texts, both of the
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contexts of these
scriptures where these,
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some of them were
actually things carved
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not so much carved
but they were created
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or cut out of gold
and they were actually
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sewn into some of the
curtains and the tents,
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the movable tent
and then of course in
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Solomon's Temple
there were actually
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part of the carvings
of the temple itself.
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But those things in no
way were ever endorsed,
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were worshiped so to speak.
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We do see in
every case where God was
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calling their worship
an abomination to Him.
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Right. We saw in
the pictures of the high
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places in the idols
that were kept in the tents
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that were from
the people that were
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surrounding them
and the other nations
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those were
carved idols and images
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but they were
worshiping as Gods.
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That's right. And that
is the principle really
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that is being taught here in the
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Second
Commandment. You know some have
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said well why do
you have pictures on
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your wall of
Jesus. You know what,
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those are reminders
of the fact that God
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is with us but we
don't bow down to them,
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we don't worship them
as some sacred artifact
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or article. At
least that we as a
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Seventh-day
Adventist church those in this
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church do not. Now
we know that there are
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some denominations
that do you have carved
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images that they
do bow down before
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and they do worship
in front of them that
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is something that
I believe the Second
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Command does speak against.
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But with regard
to this denomination
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the Seventh-day
Adventist Church myself
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is a Pastor John I
know you, we don't have
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idol worship going on within our
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church services.
Right. And we don't believe
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in anywhere in the
Bible that it endorses that.
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No, we don't. As
a matter of fact you
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find also in
scripture one, when the children
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of Israel were traveling
through the wilderness,
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the Lord told them to
hold up a brazen serpent,
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right. And when
they look to the serpent
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they will live,
now you would think,
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is the Lord saying them
to worship that serpent,
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He is saying by
obedience look to it,
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well as that
serpent, the Lord know in that
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particular
context that serpent was a
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representation of
the God who heals.
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Yes. And but then
you also find that the
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Bible speaks of
Satan as the serpent of old
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called the devil and Satan.
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And one of the
reasons, and this is my own,
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this is my own deduction I have
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no proof for
this yet but I believe
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that one of the
reasons why Satan
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chose to inhabit
the serpent is because
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he wanted to use a
symbol that would be
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associated before
sin to the power of God.
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So why would God
use that serpent to
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say look to it,
this brazen serpent look
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to it and you will be healed.
00:09:05.96\00:09:07.53
But getting back to
the context of image
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worship or not,
God knows the hearts of
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men and he knows
that we are prone to
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put things before him.
So when it talked about
00:09:17.59\00:09:20.82
graven images, it
really meant carved images
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and Isaiah talked
about, they have eyes
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but they cannot see,
they've ears but they
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cannot hear, they've
hands but they cannot touch.
00:09:26.57\00:09:28.40
Right. So the Lord was
in essence trying to root
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out false worship and
putting nothing between
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man and God. And so
but know the God does
00:09:33.52\00:09:36.60
not support idolatry.
Matter of fact we call
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it Solomon's
temple but it was intended
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to be the Lord's
temple, one of the
00:09:41.42\00:09:43.32
most ornate most
beautifully designed,
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most luxurious temples
ever built in antiquity.
00:09:46.84\00:09:50.86
That's right. But
it was to represent
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that supreme and
the dignity of God
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and the majesty of
his Kingship and John not
00:09:54.73\00:09:57.65
too long ago I
came back from England
00:09:57.66\00:09:59.45
and I went to the
houses of Parliament
00:09:59.46\00:10:01.42
and Buckingham
Palace, and if you see the
00:10:01.43\00:10:04.89
ornate beauty that
is a representation
00:10:04.90\00:10:08.13
of these monarchs and Kings,
00:10:08.14\00:10:10.19
you think do we
put together anything
00:10:10.20\00:10:13.57
more beautiful than
that to represent God
00:10:13.58\00:10:15.45
and the answer is
yes. But do we worship it?
00:10:15.46\00:10:18.16
The answer is no.
Right. And the other thing
00:10:18.17\00:10:20.99
we got to be careful
of too is, do not give
00:10:21.00\00:10:23.25
something any
kind of thought that
00:10:23.26\00:10:26.26
it's infused with the
holiness of God itself.
00:10:26.27\00:10:29.60
That's right. You
know one of the things that
00:10:29.61\00:10:31.14
I can think of is
that you know some that
00:10:31.15\00:10:34.40
hold very sacred
and dear, whether it be
00:10:34.41\00:10:37.35
some Marian
apparition or what some picture
00:10:37.36\00:10:40.22
on a wall or
something that appears to some.
00:10:40.23\00:10:42.63
You know they give
it almost a level of
00:10:42.64\00:10:45.96
sacredness or
holiness, the artifact itself
00:10:45.97\00:10:48.84
or whatever it
is that was carved
00:10:48.85\00:10:50.59
or now is on the
wall. And they come there
00:10:50.60\00:10:53.87
to worship it, as
if that thing there has
00:10:53.88\00:10:56.30
some kind of
substance that might impart
00:10:56.31\00:10:59.23
to them a
blessing. That's right.
00:10:59.24\00:11:02.26
And so that is
something that we have to be
00:11:02.27\00:11:04.63
very careful, we
don't do thinking that
00:11:04.64\00:11:06.95
somehow these
things are holy and that
00:11:06.96\00:11:09.15
they are going
to impart to us some
00:11:09.16\00:11:11.67
spiritual benefit. That's right.
00:11:11.68\00:11:13.58
I appreciate that John because
00:11:13.59\00:11:14.92
you know a lot of
times people think
00:11:14.93\00:11:16.18
of worshiping God
and worshiping relics
00:11:16.19\00:11:21.08
as the same
thing. We're not to bow
00:11:21.09\00:11:24.02
down to relics,
we're not to put them
00:11:24.03\00:11:25.88
in place of God or to
look to them as though
00:11:25.89\00:11:28.64
they are God,
right, it's very important.
00:11:28.65\00:11:30.78
Thank you for bringing that out.
00:11:30.79\00:11:32.41
I have a question
here let me go to it here,
00:11:32.42\00:11:34.92
I've my multiple
windows on my computer.
00:11:34.93\00:11:37.50
Thank you so much
for the email by the way
00:11:38.96\00:11:40.83
and I'm glad this
person sent this email.
00:11:40.84\00:11:44.54
It may sound like
to some of you that the
00:11:44.55\00:11:46.72
person is
nitpicking but they're not,
00:11:46.73\00:11:48.54
but I think the
point that is going to come
00:11:48.55\00:11:51.02
out as a result of
this email opens a few other
00:11:51.03\00:11:54.47
doors of understanding.
I'm writing because
00:11:54.48\00:11:57.17
John Lomacang went beyond truth
00:11:57.18\00:11:59.27
when he said only
Jesus has immortality.
00:11:59.28\00:12:03.10
The Father and the
Holy Spirit have immortality
00:12:03.11\00:12:08.34
and the angels also
have continual immortality.
00:12:08.35\00:12:11.95
Okay. Now watch
this, the reference
00:12:11.96\00:12:16.30
I was making
there was man does not
00:12:16.31\00:12:18.60
have immortality
when it comes to putting
00:12:18.61\00:12:21.64
on immortality, it's
something we're going
00:12:21.65\00:12:23.92
to put on when Jesus comes.
00:12:23.93\00:12:25.68
But I want to read
if you passages that
00:12:25.69\00:12:27.34
when I said only
Jesus has immortality
00:12:27.35\00:12:30.83
I can't assume that
people will associate
00:12:30.84\00:12:33.83
the Father and Son and
the Holy Spirit together.
00:12:33.84\00:12:36.46
That's something that
clearly is my association.
00:12:36.47\00:12:39.78
Yeah. Because the
Bible doesn't use the word
00:12:39.79\00:12:41.63
Jesus there but
we do know that Jesus
00:12:41.64\00:12:43.85
has immortality.
And let me read the
00:12:43.86\00:12:46.27
passage for you that
this reference came from,
00:12:46.28\00:12:50.22
First Timothy 6
verse 15 and verse 16
00:12:50.23\00:12:54.88
and the Bible says
which in times he will
00:12:54.89\00:12:57.59
show who was
the blessed and only
00:12:57.60\00:13:00.64
potentate the King of
Kings and Lord of Lords
00:13:00.65\00:13:04.97
who only has immortality.
00:13:04.98\00:13:08.01
Dwelling in the
light which no man can
00:13:08.02\00:13:11.08
approach unto
whom no man hath seen
00:13:11.09\00:13:15.26
nor can see, to
him be honor and power
00:13:15.27\00:13:18.75
everlasting. Now that reference
00:13:18.76\00:13:20.80
John is referring to
not only Jesus but that's
00:13:20.81\00:13:23.62
referring to the
Father, because no man hath
00:13:23.63\00:13:25.73
seen the Father. Right.
But have men seen Jesus.
00:13:25.74\00:13:28.46
Sure. Okay. In this
references referring
00:13:28.47\00:13:30.99
to the Father as
the only potentate,
00:13:31.00\00:13:33.85
the King of Kings
and Lord of Lords,
00:13:33.86\00:13:36.84
who no man has seen nor can see.
00:13:36.85\00:13:41.55
And when Jesus
appeared on the earth
00:13:41.56\00:13:43.02
He says if you
have seen me you have
00:13:43.03\00:13:45.55
seen the Father.
Right. But now what I want
00:13:45.56\00:13:48.43
to show you is
the same description
00:13:48.44\00:13:50.80
that is associated with
the Father is associated
00:13:50.81\00:13:53.68
with the Son. Listen
to this, King of Kings
00:13:53.69\00:13:56.31
and Lord of Lords,
now this is Revelation 17
00:13:56.32\00:13:58.76
verse 14 and 15
speaking about the Lamb,
00:13:58.77\00:14:01.16
the Lamb is Jesus.
These shall make war
00:14:01.17\00:14:05.04
with the Lamb, and the
Lamb will overcome them:
00:14:05.05\00:14:07.62
for He is King of
Kings and Lord of Lords.
00:14:07.63\00:14:11.16
So the Father is
referred to as King of Kings
00:14:11.17\00:14:13.27
and Lord of Lords
who only has immortality,
00:14:13.28\00:14:16.04
right. The Son is referred to as
00:14:16.05\00:14:17.55
King of Kings
and Lord of Lords who
00:14:17.56\00:14:20.69
only has
immortality. So when I make the
00:14:20.70\00:14:23.20
reference only
Jesus has immortality
00:14:23.21\00:14:25.68
I'm not separating
him from the Father.
00:14:25.69\00:14:27.29
Right. Okay.
That's the one point
00:14:27.38\00:14:29.44
I want to make but
if I made it appears
00:14:29.45\00:14:32.41
though I was
separating him I do apologize
00:14:32.42\00:14:34.58
but yes the assumption
is clear when you speak
00:14:35.08\00:14:38.09
of divinity the Father,
00:14:38.10\00:14:39.75
the Son and the Holy
Spirit have immortality.
00:14:39.76\00:14:42.17
But let me also
add a point here,
00:14:42.54\00:14:44.42
the only
continual immortality that
00:14:45.22\00:14:48.08
the angels have
is because is granted
00:14:48.09\00:14:50.02
to them by the
Father. They don't have
00:14:50.03\00:14:51.89
inherent
immortality, they were not
00:14:51.90\00:14:54.14
created
immortally. If they were then
00:14:54.25\00:14:57.09
the Lord will never be
able to destroy the devil
00:14:57.47\00:14:59.24
and his angels
because he cannot destroy
00:14:59.25\00:15:00.84
that which has immortality.
00:15:00.85\00:15:02.23
Right. Okay. Good
point, good point.
00:15:02.50\00:15:04.85
This question here, it's from,
00:15:05.33\00:15:07.85
it doesn't actually have
a name but it's regarding
00:15:08.32\00:15:12.31
the several times
the command or at least
00:15:12.58\00:15:16.35
the teaching in
The Epistle of John
00:15:16.90\00:15:19.54
and it's in
reference to those who show
00:15:20.67\00:15:23.57
love but aren't Christian.
00:15:23.58\00:15:25.81
And they are
saying here regarding
00:15:26.84\00:15:30.14
the verse that
love is born of God
00:15:30.15\00:15:33.39
and those who love know God,
00:15:33.64\00:15:35.54
a lot of people
show that they are not
00:15:36.30\00:15:39.70
Christians so what
does this verse mean
00:15:39.71\00:15:42.28
because they show love yet they
00:15:42.29\00:15:44.29
don't follow Christ. Okay, okay.
00:15:44.30\00:15:47.13
And so let's go to
the chapter the book
00:15:47.54\00:15:51.18
that we're talking
about here First John,
00:15:51.19\00:15:53.06
okay, beginning with
chapter 4 and we'll start
00:15:53.62\00:15:57.36
with verse 7. It's
not the first reference
00:15:57.37\00:16:01.47
I'll give several
other references to at least,
00:16:02.07\00:16:04.00
okay, something close
to that with in this book.
00:16:04.04\00:16:08.44
Verse 7, Beloved,
let us love one another,
00:16:09.27\00:16:12.23
for love is of
God; and everyone who
00:16:12.95\00:16:15.80
loves is born of
God, and knows God.
00:16:15.81\00:16:18.46
Okay. There are some
other references here,
00:16:19.46\00:16:22.79
let me give you
couple others just you can
00:16:22.80\00:16:24.16
take these down if
you want First John 3:9,
00:16:24.17\00:16:26.77
First John 5:1, 5:4 and 5:18,
00:16:27.64\00:16:30.65
all of them have some variation
00:16:30.66\00:16:32.95
of that teaching.
So another question
00:16:32.96\00:16:35.81
is what does it mean by love,
00:16:35.82\00:16:38.24
because if I were
just to leave this text,
00:16:38.45\00:16:40.75
read this text
isolated I would say that
00:16:40.76\00:16:43.62
anyone that is
showing love in anyway
00:16:43.63\00:16:45.78
is born of God and knows God.
00:16:47.30\00:16:49.59
But we do know
that there are many
00:16:50.82\00:16:52.74
who do not believe in God,
00:16:52.89\00:16:54.07
who shows love that are not born
00:16:54.56\00:16:56.82
of God as well. And
so what is this mean?
00:16:56.83\00:16:59.32
Well let me say
this, this verse is not
00:16:59.45\00:17:01.87
intended to be an all
encompassing qualifier
00:17:01.88\00:17:04.87
for those who
are believers in God.
00:17:05.70\00:17:07.50
Another words it's
not saying that because
00:17:08.09\00:17:10.24
you show love that therefore you
00:17:10.25\00:17:13.99
are a believer in
God, you are a follower of
00:17:14.00\00:17:15.73
Christ all those things,
00:17:15.74\00:17:16.96
all it says is
that those who love God
00:17:16.97\00:17:19.92
are born of God and know God.
00:17:20.85\00:17:22.02
So the question
I have got to ask
00:17:22.03\00:17:23.33
is what kind of
love is it speaking of.
00:17:23.54\00:17:26.16
I think in the
reference of in the
00:17:27.71\00:17:28.93
terms of talking
of God those that know
00:17:28.94\00:17:31.42
him and that follow
him is talking about
00:17:31.43\00:17:34.18
a Godly love. Well
what kind of Godly love,
00:17:34.19\00:17:36.96
what kind of love does God have?
00:17:37.55\00:17:38.64
He has unconditional love.
00:17:38.65\00:17:39.99
He loves us no matter what.
00:17:40.57\00:17:41.77
He has love that He is
patient that is not angry,
00:17:43.84\00:17:49.20
that does not
get quickly provoked.
00:17:49.66\00:17:53.35
You know you read in
First Corinthians 13,
00:17:54.69\00:17:57.56
a whole chapter
about love exactly
00:17:58.09\00:17:59.90
what a Godly kind of love is.
00:17:59.91\00:18:02.28
Now when you're
looking at others
00:18:02.91\00:18:04.47
love it's hard to know
00:18:04.48\00:18:05.45
what their motive is,
but I'll tell you there's
00:18:07.54\00:18:09.50
a lot of love
out there that is not
00:18:09.51\00:18:11.04
motivated by Godly love.
00:18:11.05\00:18:13.23
Some of those
would be infatuation.
00:18:14.86\00:18:16.45
Some people in
fact if you read most
00:18:16.58\00:18:18.17
magazines today that are those
00:18:18.18\00:18:20.86
you kind of pass byes,
00:18:20.87\00:18:21.92
you are leaving
paying for your groceries,
00:18:21.93\00:18:24.17
you know so and so
love so and so and you
00:18:24.62\00:18:26.47
say wait a minute
didn't they just about
00:18:26.48\00:18:28.29
six months ago,
weren't they loving
00:18:28.30\00:18:29.60
so and so or someone else.
00:18:29.61\00:18:31.07
And so that infatuation
really is put forth there,
00:18:31.91\00:18:35.09
thrown out there as love.
00:18:35.10\00:18:36.63
Well in fact
it's really not love.
00:18:37.08\00:18:38.55
Also many times
when people show love
00:18:40.02\00:18:42.11
it's based upon a condition.
00:18:42.12\00:18:43.69
A condition that
someone loves them
00:18:44.41\00:18:46.19
or at least likes
them or cares for them
00:18:46.20\00:18:48.34
but immediately
if you have somebody
00:18:48.78\00:18:50.15
that is not that,
maybe gets into an
00:18:50.16\00:18:55.87
argument with someone or is in
00:18:55.88\00:18:57.69
complete opposite views,
00:18:57.70\00:18:59.06
you see there're
some politics these days
00:18:59.07\00:19:00.51
John when you
have those who say we
00:19:00.52\00:19:03.00
should just love everybody.
00:19:03.01\00:19:04.17
Well what they really
mean is love everybody
00:19:04.72\00:19:06.49
that believes
like you do. Right.
00:19:06.50\00:19:08.16
Because they
hate those that maybe
00:19:08.41\00:19:10.85
don't believe in the
same political kind of
00:19:10.86\00:19:15.31
arguments or
political platform or maybe
00:19:15.32\00:19:18.74
the same president
that they're endorsing
00:19:18.75\00:19:20.95
and in fact you
got people out there
00:19:21.48\00:19:22.95
with hate signs
because they don't follow
00:19:22.99\00:19:24.79
or believe in the
same candidate that
00:19:24.80\00:19:26.80
someone else does.
I'm starting to ramble
00:19:26.81\00:19:29.41
but the point is
here that what kind of
00:19:29.42\00:19:31.43
love are they talking about?
00:19:31.44\00:19:32.73
And also in fact that
this is not a one time
00:19:33.43\00:19:35.93
qualifier of all
those just because you
00:19:35.94\00:19:39.13
show love that
you are a follower
00:19:39.14\00:19:41.15
or that you are
born of God because
00:19:41.37\00:19:42.64
there are several of
the verses that actually
00:19:42.65\00:19:45.16
say that there are
other things that you
00:19:45.25\00:19:47.01
will show and
reveal if you love God,
00:19:47.02\00:19:49.07
like if you love
me finish it with me,
00:19:49.08\00:19:51.42
keep my commandments.
00:19:51.97\00:19:53.53
Well this verse
doesn't say that but yet that
00:19:53.71\00:19:56.86
other verse would
then add to what is love,
00:19:56.87\00:19:59.50
the keeping of the commandments.
00:19:59.70\00:20:00.78
So you have to
add these scriptures
00:20:00.79\00:20:02.68
and build on that
and that's why we have
00:20:02.69\00:20:04.33
the Bible to show
us the entire view,
00:20:04.34\00:20:06.61
the entire
picture of Christian love
00:20:06.62\00:20:08.97
and those that are
born again Christians,
00:20:09.21\00:20:11.12
born again
followers of God and what they
00:20:11.28\00:20:13.47
do in principle and what they
00:20:13.48\00:20:15.13
do in action in their lives.
00:20:15.14\00:20:16.89
And you know John
I'm glad you brought
00:20:17.84\00:20:19.04
that up because a lot of times
00:20:19.05\00:20:20.27
in the English
language we use words that are
00:20:20.39\00:20:23.73
limited in English
that are broad in Greek.
00:20:23.74\00:20:27.24
For example I'm
not gonna go down
00:20:30.23\00:20:32.18
this path but the
word hell has more than
00:20:32.19\00:20:35.28
one meaning in
the Greek and Hebrew,
00:20:35.29\00:20:37.36
but in the English
language we say love,
00:20:38.07\00:20:40.89
you know I love your hair,
00:20:40.90\00:20:41.87
I love your car, I
love, I love the Lord.
00:20:41.88\00:20:43.75
And you think
that, well do you love
00:20:44.36\00:20:45.33
the Lord as much
as you love your hair,
00:20:45.34\00:20:46.71
or do you love
your hair as much as you
00:20:46.72\00:20:47.75
love the Lord, no.
But an example of this
00:20:47.76\00:20:50.72
love when the person
ask the question about love,
00:20:50.73\00:20:54.77
read the
beginning part of that is,
00:20:55.72\00:20:57.50
lot of people show love
that are not Christians.
00:21:00.40\00:21:02.36
Okay here it is.
Yeah. Okay I got that part.
00:21:02.37\00:21:04.61
So, so it's
possible to show love when
00:21:04.62\00:21:07.42
you're not Christian.
Let me give you a classic
00:21:07.43\00:21:09.72
example in
scripture in John chapter 21
00:21:09.73\00:21:12.25
there was an exchange
between Peter and Jesus.
00:21:13.04\00:21:15.90
And some people
wonder why did Jesus keep
00:21:16.69\00:21:19.08
asking Peter this question.
00:21:19.09\00:21:20.60
Let me go ahead and read it.
00:21:20.86\00:21:21.83
He said to him
the second time Simon,
00:21:22.47\00:21:26.33
son of Jonah, do you love me?
00:21:26.82\00:21:28.94
And he said unto
him Lord you know that
00:21:29.89\00:21:31.92
I love you. Now Jesus asked him
00:21:31.93\00:21:34.81
and this is
where the grief comes,
00:21:35.37\00:21:36.49
Simon son of
Jonah do you agape me?
00:21:36.89\00:21:40.73
That's right. And
Peter said Lord I follow you.
00:21:40.79\00:21:45.03
And then he said,
then feed my sheep.
00:21:45.51\00:21:48.08
And he said unto
him the third time,
00:21:48.57\00:21:50.04
Simon, son of
Jonah follow thou me?
00:21:50.32\00:21:53.40
Yeah, he changed it. Exactly.
00:21:54.31\00:21:55.89
Peter said, Lord, you
know I phileo thou you,
00:21:55.90\00:21:59.23
in other words,
the Lord was saying
00:21:59.24\00:22:01.05
do you love me
unconditionally and Peter
00:22:01.06\00:22:02.57
said Lord I'm not that yet there
00:22:02.58\00:22:04.39
and that you have to
keep the context here.
00:22:04.89\00:22:06.13
Peter not long before
that has denied his Lord.
00:22:06.14\00:22:08.99
Right, he cursed and
sword that he did not
00:22:09.00\00:22:11.81
know and haven't
association with him.
00:22:11.82\00:22:13.28
And deliberately
he was being very
00:22:13.29\00:22:14.74
careful not to be presumptuous
00:22:14.75\00:22:16.65
about his own power to love God.
00:22:16.66\00:22:18.52
He knew, he was
weak and so he wasn't
00:22:18.96\00:22:20.87
willing to say I'm
with you agape you know,
00:22:20.88\00:22:24.24
phileo was about what he can do.
00:22:24.94\00:22:26.86
And in the same
sense John we meet people
00:22:26.93\00:22:28.67
that are not going
to throw themselves
00:22:28.68\00:22:30.83
in front of a car for us. Right.
00:22:30.84\00:22:32.62
Plus you know I love John,
00:22:32.63\00:22:33.93
may I really love
him. You know throw
00:22:33.94\00:22:35.61
yourself under the
car for me, no. Okay.
00:22:35.62\00:22:38.05
You get my point?
Yeah. Or are you can gonna
00:22:38.80\00:22:40.15
take the bullet for
me? Well see that's why
00:22:40.16\00:22:42.76
the Bible says
greater agape has no man
00:22:42.77\00:22:45.58
than this and he lays down his
00:22:45.59\00:22:47.49
life for his
friend. That's right.
00:22:47.50\00:22:49.14
And so in that sense
people are able to be
00:22:49.15\00:22:51.18
socially and you
have the word agape
00:22:51.19\00:22:53.18
and agape also, which agape
00:22:53.63\00:22:56.46
unconditional but agape oh,
00:22:56.47\00:22:57.99
is a social and
moral love which in essence
00:22:58.00\00:23:01.58
because all of
us, because there's a
00:23:01.84\00:23:03.61
measure of faith in all of us,
00:23:03.62\00:23:05.23
some people a very loving.
00:23:05.24\00:23:06.89
Now when you get this
God is not loving only,
00:23:07.63\00:23:10.96
God is love therefore
he emits love all the time.
00:23:11.36\00:23:15.88
God is always love you
know. It means all kinds
00:23:16.06\00:23:18.64
of love, that's right,
as well it is different
00:23:18.65\00:23:20.01
types we're talking about.
00:23:20.02\00:23:21.01
So God is able
but what God is not
00:23:21.51\00:23:23.40
is not eros love, there
is another kind of love.
00:23:23.91\00:23:26.97
The Greeks
talked about eros love,
00:23:27.19\00:23:28.84
right, which is that carnal,
00:23:28.85\00:23:30.45
that sensual
love. You see that's
00:23:30.69\00:23:33.38
what God is not
although he has given
00:23:33.53\00:23:35.60
us qualities to be
in the context of a wife
00:23:35.61\00:23:39.27
and husband to
express a physical love
00:23:39.28\00:23:41.39
that is given to
us by God for the
00:23:41.40\00:23:43.92
confines of marriage.
Right. But God is agape.
00:23:43.93\00:23:47.40
And I've met a lot of
people that are loving,
00:23:48.10\00:23:49.79
and you know people
will, social people,
00:23:50.32\00:23:53.03
we talked about
this a few days ago,
00:23:53.44\00:23:54.84
you would walk into
a club or into a bar
00:23:54.85\00:23:57.35
specifically or a
pub if you're in England
00:23:57.77\00:23:59.99
and a guy could be
sitting there that never
00:24:00.48\00:24:02.15
knows you and he would say come
00:24:03.29\00:24:04.26
and have a drink with
me and I'll pay for it.
00:24:04.27\00:24:05.24
And I read, all
of a sudden everybody
00:24:05.81\00:24:07.02
who's sharing this
drink with you just get
00:24:07.03\00:24:09.71
into this loving
atmosphere where they
00:24:09.72\00:24:12.45
you see him so
accepted and he feels loved.
00:24:12.46\00:24:15.25
Remember that old commercial,
00:24:15.26\00:24:16.23
I love you man.
It's another one.
00:24:16.24\00:24:18.33
It's crazy. But
that's, that's an empty love.
00:24:21.18\00:24:22.15
Yeah it is. It's not, there's
00:24:22.16\00:24:23.13
no meaning behind
it. Yeah, I'm not,
00:24:23.14\00:24:24.11
I'm not running in
front of a tiger for you,
00:24:24.12\00:24:26.04
you know I love
you and I'll be at your
00:24:26.35\00:24:27.91
funeral but I'm not.
00:24:27.92\00:24:29.82
Actually you know,
the other thing here
00:24:29.83\00:24:30.80
too is that
those who actually do
00:24:30.81\00:24:32.74
experience a real
life, I throw myself in front
00:24:32.75\00:24:35.40
of the bus or take
the bullet for your love
00:24:35.41\00:24:37.25
maybe with your family members
00:24:37.89\00:24:39.02
or with spouse are
receiving the benefit
00:24:39.03\00:24:41.55
of God's love, whether they're
00:24:41.56\00:24:42.83
believers in him or not.
00:24:42.84\00:24:44.35
They know God in that they
00:24:44.99\00:24:47.34
experience God's love,
you see what I'm saying.
00:24:47.35\00:24:50.12
That's right. So
if it weren't for
00:24:50.13\00:24:51.16
God who
originated love they wouldn't
00:24:51.17\00:24:53.54
have that love for others.
00:24:53.55\00:24:54.89
Now they may, they
refuse to acknowledge it,
00:24:54.90\00:24:57.14
okay. But at the same time they
00:24:57.99\00:24:59.99
experience that love.
So, again you got to be
00:25:00.00\00:25:03.48
careful not to read
one text make a huge
00:25:03.49\00:25:06.31
qualifier that
says okay if you just
00:25:06.32\00:25:08.52
love then they know
God and they are saved.
00:25:08.53\00:25:10.72
That's right. Because
there are lots of other
00:25:10.73\00:25:12.23
things that go
to that relationship
00:25:12.24\00:25:14.44
we have with God, that loving
00:25:14.45\00:25:15.68
relationship that
aren't part of just this verse,
00:25:15.69\00:25:18.18
that's right. So,
thank you so much.
00:25:18.55\00:25:20.30
And the key element is this,
00:25:21.16\00:25:22.34
greater love has
no man than this,
00:25:23.24\00:25:25.62
than that he laid down
his life for his friends,
00:25:26.53\00:25:28.77
John 15:13 and the only one that
00:25:29.34\00:25:31.18
expressed that was,
for God so loved the
00:25:31.19\00:25:33.76
world that he
gave his only begotten
00:25:33.77\00:25:35.31
son and so that's
the expressive love
00:25:35.32\00:25:37.66
unconditional ,
in that while we were
00:25:37.95\00:25:41.00
yet sinners Christ died for us.
00:25:41.01\00:25:43.02
And so, so many
more texts that Paul
00:25:43.85\00:25:45.31
the Apostle used
that very word agape
00:25:45.53\00:25:47.27
and agape oh and. I have another
00:25:47.72\00:25:49.58
question here
let me go to it now.
00:25:49.59\00:25:51.21
Okay, here we
are. Can someone help
00:25:52.04\00:25:55.28
me sort this out?
Thank you so much,
00:25:55.29\00:25:57.15
I like the way they put that.
00:25:57.16\00:25:58.24
We'll try to sort this out.
00:25:58.74\00:25:59.81
Revelation chapter
21 John saw the new
00:25:59.82\00:26:01.92
heaven and a new
earth come down to earth.
00:26:01.93\00:26:03.85
John saw the new
earth. He didn't see the new
00:26:04.85\00:26:07.22
heaven come down to earth,
00:26:07.23\00:26:08.32
John saw the new
heaven and the new earth.
00:26:08.75\00:26:10.78
But he saw the New Jerusalem
00:26:11.98\00:26:14.48
come down to earth,
that's the first part.
00:26:14.49\00:26:16.11
So I don't know
if you made a mistake
00:26:16.12\00:26:17.59
there in typing
that. By chapter 22 of
00:26:17.60\00:26:21.97
Revelation the devil
and evil ones have been
00:26:21.98\00:26:25.25
destroyed then in verse
14 Jesus speaks to John,
00:26:25.26\00:26:29.53
talks about the ones
who washed their robes,
00:26:30.61\00:26:33.15
having a right
to the tree of life.
00:26:33.24\00:26:34.95
Then in verse 15
he says those outside
00:26:35.74\00:26:39.40
the city are like snarling
dogs practicing sorcery,
00:26:40.00\00:26:44.18
murder and etc.
If the earth has been
00:26:44.19\00:26:48.19
cleansed then
made new in chapter 21
00:26:48.20\00:26:50.10
why are they're
defile the evil ones outside
00:26:50.11\00:26:53.22
of the holy city in
a sense in that state,
00:26:53.23\00:26:56.72
as it states in chapter 22.
00:26:56.73\00:26:58.37
Well the good
news is they're not
00:26:59.16\00:27:00.77
outside the city,
that's the good news.
00:27:00.78\00:27:02.33
The word there
without or outside means
00:27:03.49\00:27:06.34
in the Greek those
are the ones that are
00:27:06.35\00:27:07.87
excluded that's what it means.
00:27:07.88\00:27:10.00
So the King James Version does a
00:27:10.29\00:27:11.48
very good job
here, I'm reading the
00:27:11.49\00:27:13.34
New King James
version we chooses the word
00:27:13.35\00:27:15.17
outside the city. But
the King James Version
00:27:15.18\00:27:18.68
uses the word without,
00:27:18.69\00:27:20.12
meaning they
will never enter in.
00:27:20.90\00:27:22.17
Because the Bible
says nothing shall
00:27:22.54\00:27:24.19
enter in that defiles.
00:27:24.20\00:27:25.96
So when the Lord
is talking about dogs
00:27:26.44\00:27:28.29
and sorcerers and whore mongers,
00:27:28.30\00:27:29.83
those practicing
sorcery and idolatry,
00:27:30.45\00:27:32.21
he is saying this is
the sort that is excluded
00:27:32.61\00:27:35.39
from the New
Jerusalem but they're not
00:27:35.40\00:27:37.00
outside of the city
practicing these things.
00:27:37.01\00:27:39.02
The only time
they're outside of the city
00:27:39.61\00:27:41.03
is in Revelation
20 just before fire
00:27:41.45\00:27:43.99
comes down from
God out of heaven
00:27:44.17\00:27:45.83
and devours them,
you see. So in that
00:27:45.84\00:27:49.81
context is when
they're outside of the city
00:27:49.82\00:27:52.13
but after they're devoured,
00:27:52.14\00:27:53.61
after the fire is gone
out and the new heavens
00:27:54.11\00:27:56.48
and the new earth are
created there's nobody
00:27:56.49\00:27:58.38
outside of that
city, because the Bible
00:27:58.39\00:27:59.87
makes it very
clear in First Peter,
00:27:59.88\00:28:01.33
we look forward to a new heaven
00:28:02.84\00:28:04.11
and a new earth in
which righteousness dwells,
00:28:04.12\00:28:07.86
only righteousness.
So hopefully we were
00:28:08.34\00:28:10.45
able to put some
contexts and they were a lot of
00:28:10.46\00:28:13.01
comparisons in the Bible.
00:28:13.02\00:28:14.40
You know dogs and
sorcerers and what,
00:28:14.69\00:28:16.38
the righteous. The New Jerusalem
00:28:16.39\00:28:18.58
those outside the New Jerusalem.
00:28:19.07\00:28:20.31
And you have to be
careful too as you reading
00:28:20.32\00:28:21.29
through the book of Revelation.
00:28:22.21\00:28:23.40
It's not
strictly chronological on
00:28:24.34\00:28:26.14
every single aspect,
so what you're looking
00:28:26.15\00:28:28.34
for when you see
some of these things are
00:28:28.35\00:28:30.10
markers that will
take you back to the point
00:28:30.11\00:28:31.92
that is really
taking you back too.
00:28:31.93\00:28:33.69
For instance, one of
the things that you know
00:28:35.03\00:28:38.72
it's frequently
you get caught up with,
00:28:38.73\00:28:41.30
well here's an
example, you're reading a book
00:28:42.19\00:28:44.41
and you're start to
go through this book
00:28:45.33\00:28:46.79
and it reduces about
two or three characters
00:28:46.85\00:28:48.95
and you go the story going on
00:28:48.96\00:28:49.93
and all of a
sudden you get a chapter 4
00:28:49.94\00:28:51.29
there's another character.
And the book backed up,
00:28:52.42\00:28:55.11
and it is telling you
some information about this
00:28:55.58\00:28:57.02
new character and other
things in their history,
00:28:57.03\00:28:59.27
in their life and
it starts to put things
00:28:59.28\00:29:01.05
in the context of
bringing that character
00:29:01.06\00:29:02.63
into the character
of what it's already
00:29:02.64\00:29:04.03
introduced the
four that have already
00:29:04.04\00:29:05.32
commanded the
book. That's right.
00:29:05.33\00:29:06.30
And then when it
gets you up to speed
00:29:06.79\00:29:08.07
it takes you
forward, all of them,
00:29:08.34\00:29:09.60
then all of a us,
sex a new character.
00:29:09.61\00:29:12.14
Oh! Let's get some background.
00:29:12.15\00:29:13.61
Revelation reads
much that way where
00:29:14.24\00:29:16.82
it continues to go
back and say here I got
00:29:16.83\00:29:18.72
more detail for you,
I got more information
00:29:18.73\00:29:20.60
for you here's the
more information about
00:29:20.61\00:29:22.55
this character
or so such and such.
00:29:22.56\00:29:24.51
So you've got
to take the context
00:29:24.75\00:29:26.37
when it does that
the markers that tell you
00:29:26.38\00:29:28.77
where it's going
back, that's right,
00:29:28.78\00:29:30.27
to pick up where
you are going forward.
00:29:30.28\00:29:32.48
I'll tell you, in
Revelation seminars
00:29:32.93\00:29:34.67
that I do, I'm invited
to a church, I do what,
00:29:34.68\00:29:36.97
this is one thing I
covered every single time.
00:29:37.78\00:29:39.95
Right, the
continually unfolding picture.
00:29:40.26\00:29:41.94
Right. Because it
is honestly like a book
00:29:41.95\00:29:44.55
and it introduces a new
character or new details,
00:29:44.76\00:29:47.26
it will back up and
take you back to stuff,
00:29:47.65\00:29:49.88
that is already
covered in the context
00:29:49.89\00:29:51.32
of time but it
will add to the picture,
00:29:51.33\00:29:54.13
so that the story
itself builds through out.
00:29:54.39\00:29:57.52
And so you've got
to be careful because
00:29:58.05\00:29:59.41
you're reading
something after another part,
00:29:59.42\00:30:01.13
it doesn't mean it comes after.
00:30:01.98\00:30:03.12
Right. It's just
means it's giving you more
00:30:03.70\00:30:04.82
details and wants you to go back
00:30:04.83\00:30:07.01
and understand more
fully what its already covered.
00:30:07.08\00:30:09.73
That's right. I am so
glad you brought that up,
00:30:10.02\00:30:12.43
because Revelation
is so beautiful book,
00:30:12.44\00:30:14.52
one of the
examples I've heard people
00:30:15.23\00:30:16.82
talk about the
Fourth Angels Message. No.
00:30:16.83\00:30:18.84
There are only
Three Angels Messages.
00:30:19.24\00:30:20.75
But you find them in
Revelations chapter 14
00:30:21.39\00:30:24.63
when it talks about
these messages verse 6
00:30:24.64\00:30:26.79
down to verse 10,
it says the First Angel
00:30:26.97\00:30:29.07
with a loud
voice, the second angel
00:30:29.08\00:30:30.81
just proclaimed
that Babylon is fallen,
00:30:30.82\00:30:32.67
the Third Angel
was a loud voice.
00:30:32.91\00:30:34.43
Well the question is
why is a Second Angel
00:30:34.67\00:30:36.14
no proclaiming this
with a loud voice because
00:30:36.15\00:30:38.70
the Babylon coalition is not yet
00:30:38.71\00:30:40.66
reached its
fruition, right, it's complete
00:30:40.67\00:30:42.96
coalition has him
coolest yet. Right.
00:30:42.97\00:30:45.62
Well when it gets
to the fulfillment
00:30:46.22\00:30:47.65
of it is in Revelation
18 when that angel goes
00:30:47.66\00:30:50.54
back to that same second message
00:30:50.55\00:30:52.70
and says an angel
coming down with a loud voice
00:30:53.15\00:30:56.00
saying Babylon is fallen,
00:30:56.01\00:30:57.28
is fallen and then
addition to that is come
00:30:57.29\00:31:00.94
out of from my
people. Right. You see,
00:31:00.95\00:31:02.66
it seems like a
Fourth Angel emphasizing
00:31:03.19\00:31:05.48
the second
message allover again but
00:31:05.67\00:31:07.61
expanding honor and
adding one last dimension
00:31:07.62\00:31:09.98
of now that you see
this, here's what you need
00:31:09.99\00:31:12.55
to do adding
the dimension to it.
00:31:12.56\00:31:14.10
Thank you for
bringing that point out.
00:31:14.27\00:31:15.53
Continually unfolding
revelation which brings
00:31:15.96\00:31:18.24
us to the end of
our questions for this
00:31:18.25\00:31:20.14
program but I know
that there are other
00:31:20.15\00:31:22.49
questions that
have risen in your mind
00:31:22.50\00:31:23.93
and we always
appreciate your viewpoint,
00:31:23.94\00:31:25.92
but send those questions to
00:31:26.22\00:31:27.19
housecalls@3abn.org, that's
00:31:27.20\00:31:30.13
housecalls@3abn.org.
And we do appreciate
00:31:30.64\00:31:36.11
your
participation greatly you make
00:31:36.29\00:31:38.89
this program
enhanced. That's right.
00:31:38.90\00:31:40.79
We're gonna dive back
into and try to wind up
00:31:41.91\00:31:44.22
as best we can on
this segment about
00:31:44.23\00:31:46.16
relationships but
friends you know there
00:31:46.17\00:31:48.65
is no way that
we could cover every
00:31:48.66\00:31:50.32
aspect of relationships
so we're gonna try to
00:31:50.33\00:31:52.20
touch on those
things that could enhance
00:31:52.21\00:31:54.19
your relationship
and also talk about
00:31:54.20\00:31:56.71
some of the
pitfalls that you can avoid
00:31:56.72\00:31:58.54
when things get hot and
fleered in a relationship.
00:31:59.06\00:32:02.89
John I heard
somebody once say my wife
00:32:04.53\00:32:06.05
and I never argue,
I always am concerned
00:32:06.06\00:32:08.70
about
relationships like that. Yeah.
00:32:08.71\00:32:10.26
You know we
have never disagreed.
00:32:11.17\00:32:13.83
Well that means one
person has a brain that's
00:32:14.17\00:32:16.05
functioning and the other brain
00:32:16.06\00:32:17.19
has been put on lockdown.
00:32:17.20\00:32:18.63
That's not the
definition of a happy home.
00:32:19.36\00:32:21.11
We never disagree.
Well there's something
00:32:21.67\00:32:24.45
long there with homes that don't
00:32:24.61\00:32:26.23
have disagreements.
We can disagree but
00:32:26.24\00:32:29.10
let's not be disagreeable.
00:32:29.11\00:32:30.86
But some people have
not created the atmosphere
00:32:31.31\00:32:33.09
which people
feel free to disagree
00:32:33.10\00:32:35.31
and so when I talked about,
00:32:36.23\00:32:38.11
one of the prior
programs of being
00:32:38.44\00:32:40.97
active and being assertive,
00:32:41.01\00:32:43.28
that simply means you know you
00:32:43.54\00:32:45.28
talked about this,
if we're in hot argument
00:32:45.34\00:32:49.13
or the context here,
we're not waiting till
00:32:49.81\00:32:52.65
the other person
even finishes his
00:32:52.66\00:32:54.05
or her point,
we're just waiting till
00:32:54.06\00:32:55.78
they shut up, so we could say
00:32:55.79\00:32:56.76
what they're gonna say. Right.
00:32:56.77\00:32:57.74
But a lot of
times we don't answer
00:32:58.60\00:32:59.87
the question or
the comment based on
00:32:59.88\00:33:01.53
what we understand them to say.
00:33:01.54\00:33:02.98
So I teach people
how to actively listen,
00:33:03.63\00:33:05.78
now they don't go
through like Robots
00:33:05.79\00:33:07.28
through the rest of their lives
00:33:07.29\00:33:08.26
doing this
exercise, yeah, but often say
00:33:08.27\00:33:10.55
if a person says
something we could
00:33:11.27\00:33:12.53
respond by saying
to them or asking them
00:33:12.54\00:33:14.41
a question am I hearing you say,
00:33:14.42\00:33:16.54
am I understanding
you correctly to say this,
00:33:17.41\00:33:19.55
and when they say
that's what I'm saying
00:33:20.40\00:33:21.56
then you could
answer the question.
00:33:21.62\00:33:22.96
But most of us are
like loaded bullets
00:33:23.39\00:33:25.11
when you're done
shooting I'm gonna shoot back.
00:33:25.65\00:33:27.52
And see indications of
big key. That is so true.
00:33:28.24\00:33:30.32
And it think that's
exactly where we left
00:33:30.45\00:33:32.14
off our last program
and when we're talking
00:33:32.15\00:33:34.28
about in the context of
relationships specifically
00:33:34.29\00:33:36.92
the marriage relationship.
00:33:36.93\00:33:38.10
And I would like to
add here too that although
00:33:38.71\00:33:40.85
we've been
talking about marriage
00:33:40.86\00:33:42.54
and how to have a
better marriage relationship.
00:33:43.14\00:33:44.94
A lot of what we're
talking about is our
00:33:45.56\00:33:48.08
general relationship
any relationship principles,
00:33:48.13\00:33:52.62
principles. Yeah.
And so don't think that
00:33:52.63\00:33:55.42
well if you're not
married that you can't learn
00:33:55.55\00:33:57.24
from these things
we absolutely can,
00:33:57.25\00:33:59.36
big part of all
of our relationships
00:33:59.37\00:34:01.07
they would be that
much more approved.
00:34:01.51\00:34:03.50
You know since we
are kind of going back
00:34:04.51\00:34:06.82
and forth here at
times I can remember
00:34:06.83\00:34:08.79
when I first got to a
church that I pastored,
00:34:08.87\00:34:13.15
I remember that
there was a couple family
00:34:13.70\00:34:19.01
groups that
wouldn't really communicate.
00:34:19.02\00:34:21.21
They did not want,
00:34:21.66\00:34:22.63
they didn't
even like each other,
00:34:23.10\00:34:24.26
let alone want to
talk to each other.
00:34:24.27\00:34:25.62
And this happened
in the place of you
00:34:26.52\00:34:27.98
and I if both pastored too.
00:34:27.99\00:34:29.85
And it was so
difficult because it was years
00:34:30.71\00:34:34.85
of build up of
disrespect of no communication,
00:34:35.05\00:34:39.18
or miscommunication and
all these kinds of things.
00:34:39.53\00:34:41.79
And I began to
learn how important
00:34:42.73\00:34:45.75
it was to understand
relationships and how
00:34:45.76\00:34:51.52
things work and
the principles of
00:34:51.53\00:34:53.01
relationships,
because it allow me
00:34:53.02\00:34:55.78
to do some introspection,
00:34:55.79\00:34:57.12
some actually looking
at myself and how I view
00:34:57.74\00:35:00.32
my relationship how I
work in my relationship,
00:35:00.33\00:35:02.84
shall in my, in
our relationship.
00:35:03.37\00:35:04.91
And it helped me to
realize as a Christian
00:35:05.78\00:35:07.73
this is
essential, it's an essential
00:35:07.74\00:35:11.28
outflow from my
relationship with
00:35:11.29\00:35:13.52
God. And that in
many respects and maybe
00:35:13.53\00:35:18.18
you can weigh in
on this John, the way
00:35:18.19\00:35:19.94
I treat others can
often be similar to the
00:35:19.95\00:35:23.20
way I treat God. Oh,
yeah. That some times
00:35:23.21\00:35:29.22
it goes back to
my inability to trust
00:35:29.23\00:35:31.44
somebody else, it
goes back to my inability
00:35:31.45\00:35:33.72
to trust God.
Simple example. If I am so
00:35:33.73\00:35:41.60
used to taking
the reigns, doing the
00:35:41.61\00:35:43.94
driving in my relationship with
00:35:43.95\00:35:45.32
God, making the
decisions on what happens,
00:35:45.33\00:35:47.64
what I do, where I
go, you know I'm not
00:35:47.65\00:35:52.78
asking God Lord just
use me, send me where
00:35:52.79\00:35:54.84
you want me to go
but I'm saying I'm gonna
00:35:54.85\00:35:56.35
do this now please
be with me of I'm used
00:35:56.36\00:35:58.04
to taking the
reigns and always being
00:35:58.05\00:35:59.42
in-charge and
maybe even it times where
00:35:59.43\00:36:02.83
God is allowing me
to go through a trial,
00:36:02.84\00:36:04.77
I have, I struggle
to hold on to my faith
00:36:04.78\00:36:07.49
because. Lord, why
aren't you doing something
00:36:07.50\00:36:09.58
and I have my way
in which he should do
00:36:09.59\00:36:11.29
something and he is
not doing it so I get
00:36:11.30\00:36:12.91
a little upset
about that. If that's my,
00:36:12.92\00:36:15.72
my relationship
with God, I'm gonna act
00:36:16.73\00:36:19.76
out that exactly in
my relationships with
00:36:19.77\00:36:22.44
others. Right. I'm
not gonna trust, I'm gonna
00:36:22.45\00:36:25.42
insert I'm gonna be
sure that I'm driving
00:36:25.43\00:36:27.49
things, I'm in control
and things are you know
00:36:27.50\00:36:31.73
such and such. So I can find as
00:36:31.74\00:36:34.33
I look at
relationship and how I should
00:36:34.34\00:36:36.47
according to the
Bible being my relationships
00:36:36.48\00:36:39.78
with others I need to
ultimately let that full
00:36:39.79\00:36:43.08
back up to God
and say Lord I'm mean
00:36:43.09\00:36:45.28
shouldn't we all
knew this, Lord how am I
00:36:45.29\00:36:47.47
hurting our relationship.
How is my relationship
00:36:47.48\00:36:50.68
with you not being
as good as it should be
00:36:50.69\00:36:53.23
because I know I do
things that I shouldn't
00:36:53.24\00:36:56.01
do Lord pleas
teach me to have a better
00:36:56.02\00:36:57.91
relationship. So
that from that I can have
00:36:57.92\00:37:00.82
better relationships
all here with my friends,
00:37:00.83\00:37:03.04
family and loved
ones. And how we,
00:37:03.05\00:37:05.89
how we interact with
God develops and shapes
00:37:05.90\00:37:09.49
us for how we
interact with others. If we
00:37:09.50\00:37:12.03
just don't trust God,
there's no way that if
00:37:12.04\00:37:14.77
you just trust a
perfect God, who loves you
00:37:14.78\00:37:18.03
perfectly. How you are
gonna trust an imperfect
00:37:18.04\00:37:21.32
person. Right. So
when it comes to Proverbs
00:37:21.33\00:37:25.98
3 verse 5 and 6
that exercise of faith,
00:37:25.99\00:37:28.82
you know trust in
the Lord your God with
00:37:28.83\00:37:31.05
all your heart and
lean not on your own
00:37:31.06\00:37:33.40
understanding in all
your ways acknowledge
00:37:33.41\00:37:34.78
him and he will
direct your pads. Some times
00:37:34.79\00:37:37.06
we have to trust
other people when we on the
00:37:37.07\00:37:39.45
right relationship
with him we could say well
00:37:39.46\00:37:41.14
they won't do
anything to destroy the path
00:37:41.15\00:37:43.84
that we are on.
Right. And, they love me,
00:37:43.85\00:37:46.32
they love me. You
have to believe that,
00:37:46.33\00:37:48.15
they've telling you
I love you believe they
00:37:48.16\00:37:50.40
love you. I've had
a couple sit before me
00:37:50.41\00:37:53.06
and I said okay right
now you guys are really
00:37:53.07\00:37:55.46
upset let me just
ask one question and
00:37:55.47\00:37:58.26
it's impossible John.
I mean the percentages
00:37:58.27\00:38:01.52
are 99 percent higher
that the responses has
00:38:01.53\00:38:04.46
been yes. Do you
love your husband?
00:38:04.47\00:38:06.66
Do you love your
wife? And this is a gigantic
00:38:06.67\00:38:10.05
pause? And they kind
of, on that note they
00:38:10.06\00:38:12.36
are kind of turn
and look at each other.
00:38:12.37\00:38:13.55
And you know it's
impossible to look
00:38:13.56\00:38:15.44
at each other in
the eye and remember
00:38:15.45\00:38:18.34
that person that
you have committed your
00:38:18.35\00:38:20.06
life to to say, no
I don't love her, no
00:38:20.07\00:38:22.48
I don't love him.
They backed down and they
00:38:22.49\00:38:25.31
say yes I do love
my wife, yes I do love
00:38:25.32\00:38:28.11
my husband whatever
reason they say that
00:38:28.12\00:38:30.39
whether it's to
look good in front of the
00:38:30.40\00:38:31.80
councilor, look good in
front of the pastor they
00:38:31.81\00:38:34.26
don't usually resort
to the other statement,
00:38:34.27\00:38:36.96
no I don't love my
husband, no I don't love
00:38:36.97\00:38:38.61
my wife. When you
begin there then I will say
00:38:38.62\00:38:41.72
okay if you love that
person and that person
00:38:41.73\00:38:44.01
you believe loves
you then you've got to
00:38:44.02\00:38:47.01
give them room to
develop trust. There are
00:38:47.02\00:38:50.51
some people that
shadow each other all the
00:38:50.52\00:38:52.71
time because they
have no trust, those
00:38:52.72\00:38:55.92
kinds of
relationships are relationships
00:38:55.93\00:38:57.76
that are going to
be injured, they're
00:38:57.77\00:39:00.03
gonna be breaking
apart slowly but surely
00:39:00.04\00:39:02.60
and so we've said
people one of the things
00:39:02.61\00:39:05.41
if you don't have
this in a relationship this
00:39:05.42\00:39:07.79
is what it needs
to be restored trust.
00:39:07.80\00:39:09.74
Trust needs to be
restored but only as you
00:39:10.09\00:39:13.72
both stay before the
Lord and live that life
00:39:13.73\00:39:16.49
in harmony, can
you even have that kind
00:39:16.50\00:39:18.36
of trust. That's
indicative of the
00:39:18.37\00:39:20.02
relationship that God
wants us to have. Right.
00:39:20.03\00:39:22.06
He was a, he was a
principle but also a
00:39:22.07\00:39:25.44
Bible text. Now for
those of you agree this
00:39:25.45\00:39:30.92
doesn't apply to you,
if you've never had an
00:39:30.93\00:39:33.60
argument or never had
a disagreement this does
00:39:33.61\00:39:35.94
not apply to you,
but for the normal people
00:39:35.95\00:39:37.53
this applies to you.
Proverbs 15 and verse
00:39:37.54\00:39:42.05
1 and I'm reading this
from the New King James
00:39:42.06\00:39:44.38
Version, let me go
ahead and bring up another
00:39:44.39\00:39:47.01
translation here so I
could a comparison very
00:39:47.02\00:39:48.87
quickly but it just,
it says primarily the
00:39:48.88\00:39:52.87
same way. A soft
answer turns away
00:39:52.88\00:39:58.03
wrath, but a harsh
word stirs up anger.
00:39:58.04\00:40:03.95
Let me give you a
couple of examples.
00:40:03.98\00:40:05.93
Do you think I have a problem?
00:40:09.18\00:40:10.43
Well yes. That's
quite different then, yes.
00:40:11.92\00:40:16.18
You got my point.
Do you ready to box,
00:40:16.19\00:40:19.01
you can see the
arena, you can see the crowd
00:40:19.02\00:40:20.81
saying hit him, hit
her. Hit him, hit her,
00:40:20.82\00:40:22.82
You see, right away or
do you think that we can
00:40:22.83\00:40:26.15
make her do this problem?
00:40:26.16\00:40:27.20
Maybe, by God's
grace as compared to no,
00:40:28.70\00:40:33.89
I mean just
adamant. Or when a person,
00:40:33.90\00:40:36.72
let's use a
positive word do you love me?
00:40:36.73\00:40:39.24
Well of course I do.
Right. Even with positive
00:40:39.25\00:40:43.20
it won't Well of
course I do. Right.
00:40:43.21\00:40:44.62
But if you say do you love me?
00:40:44.63\00:40:46.07
Honey, I love you
with all my heart.
00:40:46.89\00:40:48.45
I want to store
account together.
00:40:48.46\00:40:49.86
Difference all
together. But those harsh words
00:40:50.42\00:40:52.95
and there are
certain loaded words.
00:40:52.96\00:40:54.97
Let me, let me give you
a chance to register and
00:40:54.98\00:40:56.63
so I don't take up all
the time here but there
00:40:56.64\00:40:58.82
are certain loaded
words I wanted to teach our
00:40:58.83\00:41:00.78
viewers and listeners.
No go ahead, go through
00:41:00.79\00:41:02.30
those I don't have.
A loaded word whenever
00:41:02.31\00:41:05.70
you have a disagreement
do not use the word you.
00:41:05.71\00:41:09.24
Yeah. Here we
go. Very good point.
00:41:09.25\00:41:12.18
What's the problem?
You are the problem.
00:41:12.63\00:41:15.36
Well you now go to
the dentist now and ask,
00:41:16.67\00:41:19.20
let the dentist ask
you, what's the problem?
00:41:19.21\00:41:21.31
I have a toothache.
You have a toothache,
00:41:22.97\00:41:26.44
you are not a
toothache. Because the only way
00:41:26.45\00:41:29.13
the dentist will get
rid of a toothache if you
00:41:29.14\00:41:30.80
are the toothache
is to extract you.
00:41:30.81\00:41:33.85
And that's a mafia terminology.
00:41:33.86\00:41:36.65
Yeah. Extracting
that way. So remember,
00:41:36.66\00:41:39.13
let's use the inclusive
word we have a problem.
00:41:39.14\00:41:43.13
You know what that
says? We need to find a way
00:41:43.14\00:41:45.63
for us to solve our
dilemma or our problem,
00:41:45.64\00:41:49.10
our circumstance and
that requires two people
00:41:49.11\00:41:51.90
participating that's
one of the verse I will
00:41:51.91\00:41:53.88
give you some more in
just a few minutes here.
00:41:53.89\00:41:55.29
No that's a very good
point in fact when I was
00:41:55.82\00:41:58.81
working for Incorporate
America for Insurance
00:41:58.82\00:42:04.84
company, I went
through a lot of leadership
00:42:04.85\00:42:06.78
training at that time,
preparing to be a better
00:42:06.79\00:42:10.87
leader of the teams, we
are organizing the teams.
00:42:10.88\00:42:14.13
One of the things they
taught us was to not use
00:42:14.14\00:42:17.36
the word you in
any confrontation.
00:42:17.37\00:42:19.47
There's a conflict
avoid the word you at all.
00:42:19.48\00:42:22.88
Just don't use the
word you. That's right.
00:42:22.89\00:42:26.11
you know talk about the
issue, this has become an
00:42:26.12\00:42:29.33
issue because it
is. Not you mess this up
00:42:29.34\00:42:32.66
because it only
inflates the matter,
00:42:32.67\00:42:34.69
causes people to
be defensive as well.
00:42:34.70\00:42:36.63
If you are in
relationship where one is not a
00:42:36.64\00:42:39.01
Christian the other
one is not a Christian,
00:42:39.02\00:42:40.33
you are a Christian.
You have to very careful
00:42:40.34\00:42:44.01
because you
operating not on equal ground.
00:42:44.02\00:42:46.26
I'm not saying as far
as you better than there
00:42:47.34\00:42:49.11
was something, I'm
just saying you're not the
00:42:49.12\00:42:51.34
plane field is
different. Okay. You approach
00:42:51.35\00:42:55.59
the relationship for
moral grounds they may not.
00:42:55.60\00:42:58.39
And so the better
that you can act or respond
00:42:59.22\00:43:02.88
or communicate in this
respect will really help
00:43:02.89\00:43:06.46
and how they respond
back to you. That's right.
00:43:06.47\00:43:09.05
Because if they are
not walking with the Lord,
00:43:09.47\00:43:11.42
they are not practicing
the principles that you
00:43:11.43\00:43:13.58
are practicing, so
make sure that you're using
00:43:13.59\00:43:17.39
those kinds of the,
kind of language and
00:43:17.40\00:43:19.67
the kind of things
that would engear you to
00:43:19.68\00:43:21.30
eachother or help
correct the problem not that
00:43:21.31\00:43:24.09
they are the
problem. And some people don't
00:43:24.10\00:43:26.63
respond, some
people react. Yeah.
00:43:26.64\00:43:29.63
While those words are neighbors,
00:43:29.64\00:43:32.10
it doesn't really help
to react but it does help
00:43:32.11\00:43:36.76
to respond, the word
respond denotes in some
00:43:36.77\00:43:40.32
sense respond under
control, respond kindly,
00:43:40.33\00:43:44.59
respond with the
knowledge that your
00:43:44.60\00:43:49.11
next statement is
going to either hurt that
00:43:49.12\00:43:51.28
person or help the
situation begin to be
00:43:51.29\00:43:54.85
resolve or help the
hurt to begin to be healed.
00:43:54.86\00:43:57.52
So some times we
are so much into,
00:43:58.78\00:44:00.62
another word here well
another context that was
00:44:00.63\00:44:02.84
self preservation some people,
00:44:02.85\00:44:04.68
some people
wanna win it all cause.
00:44:04.69\00:44:06.19
I always say remember
that the winning comes when
00:44:06.20\00:44:09.84
you win the person but
you can win the argument
00:44:09.85\00:44:13.13
and lose the person.
You can be absolutely right
00:44:13.14\00:44:16.50
and end up
absolutely alone. That's right.
00:44:16.51\00:44:19.45
So don't always
determined to be right.
00:44:19.46\00:44:21.92
I saw an example
on a program about,
00:44:21.93\00:44:26.97
Oh! I forgot the title
of it but it was about a
00:44:26.98\00:44:30.15
woman who was about to
get married and she was
00:44:30.16\00:44:33.05
so determined to make
sure that everybody who
00:44:33.06\00:44:36.53
offended her
instantly apologized.
00:44:36.54\00:44:39.03
You know never force a
person to say I'm sorry.
00:44:39.04\00:44:43.48
Because sorrow is
something that comes
00:44:45.10\00:44:46.79
out of a Godly, out
of a heart that's been
00:44:46.80\00:44:49.54
softened by the
presence of the Holy Spirit the
00:44:49.55\00:44:52.26
sorrow comes, I referred
to the Godly sorrow not,
00:44:52.27\00:44:55.19
I'm sorry. Even with
your kids to force them to
00:44:55.20\00:44:58.70
go over their
neighbor, cause they threw rocks
00:44:58.71\00:44:59.92
through the windows
to say you're sorry.
00:44:59.93\00:45:01.11
I would approach it
more of is don't you feel bad
00:45:01.94\00:45:05.10
that they had to go
through these things to
00:45:05.11\00:45:07.20
repair their thing,
they don't have enough
00:45:07.21\00:45:08.68
money, help them
see the consequences.
00:45:08.69\00:45:09.73
I want to see
this, see what they do,
00:45:09.74\00:45:11.55
what the damage they've
done and then out of that
00:45:11.56\00:45:13.57
sorrow say do you
think we should go back and
00:45:13.58\00:45:15.61
maybe say we're sorry,
they feel like maybe we
00:45:15.62\00:45:17.31
should, yeah, you know
you can always led them
00:45:17.32\00:45:19.54
into wanting to
say I'm sorry. Right.
00:45:19.55\00:45:21.67
But don't force
them. You're right.
00:45:21.68\00:45:23.48
And then I say that I
have teachers have lead
00:45:23.95\00:45:27.91
their children that are
you know getting in this
00:45:27.92\00:45:29.80
little squabble say I
apologize, apology is an
00:45:29.81\00:45:34.03
acknowledgment of
the wrong you've done,
00:45:34.04\00:45:35.79
but the sorrow comes after.
00:45:35.80\00:45:37.45
And I've seen couples
that have apologized for
00:45:38.14\00:45:39.69
actions they've taken,
decisions they've made,
00:45:39.70\00:45:42.17
things they've done
but later on about a week
00:45:42.18\00:45:45.12
later they will come
to each other in tears and
00:45:45.13\00:45:47.78
that's where the
sorrow comes then.
00:45:47.79\00:45:49.14
Because they've had
time to think about it,
00:45:49.15\00:45:51.51
they've had time to mow
it over and begin to see,
00:45:51.52\00:45:54.40
mull it over and begin
to see exactly what the
00:45:54.41\00:45:56.74
gravity of the situation is.
00:45:56.75\00:45:58.56
And it makes a
difference altogether on how we
00:45:58.57\00:46:01.12
make it through or how
we not make it through a
00:46:01.13\00:46:02.88
relationship. That's right.
00:46:02.89\00:46:04.18
A couple of Bible texts here,
00:46:05.14\00:46:06.28
let's look at one of
the things here and by
00:46:09.84\00:46:12.99
the way John sometimes we can
00:46:13.00\00:46:14.74
even overdo good things.
00:46:14.75\00:46:16.07
Now how would you
feel if you're spouse or
00:46:17.65\00:46:22.40
even a good friend
all day long followed you
00:46:22.41\00:46:26.25
around saying I
apologize, I apologize everybody
00:46:26.26\00:46:29.62
apologize and
every time you saw them,
00:46:29.63\00:46:31.87
I'm sorry. Remember that,
00:46:31.88\00:46:33.42
all of us have had a
friend that I'm sorry,
00:46:33.43\00:46:35.31
every time
something happened, I'm sorry.
00:46:35.32\00:46:36.74
Well, a good friend of
ours, he would resort to
00:46:38.88\00:46:42.22
that word, like
if somebody did you
00:46:42.23\00:46:43.63
something like he
say Oh! I'm sorry, listen
00:46:43.64\00:46:45.70
would you stop saying
I'm sorry, Oh! I'm sorry.
00:46:45.71\00:46:47.37
He's so used to
doing that, yeah,
00:46:48.92\00:46:50.50
and we laughed about
it, but it became a part of
00:46:50.51\00:46:53.49
his persona. Couldn't
get away from that but so,
00:46:53.50\00:46:56.93
he was a sorry
individual. Good one.
00:46:56.94\00:47:00.44
No pun intended
here. But, let's look at
00:47:00.45\00:47:05.26
First Corinthians 9
and verse 25 we wanna talk
00:47:05.27\00:47:07.34
about being
temperate, 9 verse what,
00:47:07.35\00:47:12.74
First Corinthians 9
and verse 25 read for us,
00:47:12.75\00:47:15.68
even things that are
good need to be done in a
00:47:15.69\00:47:18.53
temperate way. Everyone
who compete for the prize
00:47:18.54\00:47:22.29
is temperate in all things.
00:47:22.30\00:47:23.74
Now they do it to
obtain a perishable crown;
00:47:23.75\00:47:26.80
but we do it for
an imperishable crown.
00:47:26.81\00:47:28.84
Okay. So when you,
when you get to the place of
00:47:28.85\00:47:32.83
even doing good
things in relationships,
00:47:32.84\00:47:35.89
sometimes you wanna so
impress a person that you
00:47:37.02\00:47:40.20
just want to
continue to do all these
00:47:40.21\00:47:41.93
impressionable things
to them and the thing that
00:47:41.94\00:47:46.42
was initially a gift
now becomes just a common
00:47:46.43\00:47:49.83
occurrence. I'll use an example,
00:47:49.84\00:47:52.90
to people that sometimes try to
00:47:52.91\00:47:56.61
use gifts to
soften something that
00:47:56.62\00:47:59.94
they've done.
Sometimes it's not a wise thing
00:47:59.95\00:48:03.90
always to, here's an example,
00:48:03.91\00:48:06.08
I've had a couple sit
before me once and the
00:48:06.09\00:48:09.43
husband says I don't
know why she is always
00:48:09.44\00:48:11.12
complaining, anything
she wants I give it to her,
00:48:11.13\00:48:13.65
she wants a house
I bought it for her,
00:48:13.66\00:48:15.33
she want a brand new
car I bought it for her,
00:48:15.34\00:48:16.94
I always bring flowers home.
00:48:16.95\00:48:18.63
He is putting all
the, he is putting all the
00:48:20.52\00:48:22.89
weight on all
the things he's done.
00:48:22.90\00:48:24.82
Now would somebody
want a brand new house?
00:48:24.83\00:48:27.22
Of course. Would
somebody want a brand new car,
00:48:27.23\00:48:29.44
surely. Would a woman
love to get flowers, great,
00:48:29.45\00:48:32.36
but if you think those
good things are going to
00:48:32.37\00:48:35.34
offset all the things
that you've done to injure
00:48:35.35\00:48:37.58
me you have another
thing coming so we have
00:48:37.59\00:48:40.44
to be temperate. So
when those flowers do show
00:48:40.45\00:48:42.72
up, they show up for
the right reason not for the
00:48:42.73\00:48:45.93
repetitious covering
up of a person's inability
00:48:45.94\00:48:49.40
to control themselves.
Right. So be temperate
00:48:49.41\00:48:51.93
in all things. You
know the other thing,
00:48:51.94\00:48:53.80
this I think you're
going to this verse I was
00:48:53.81\00:48:57.17
thinking of
something a little earlier,
00:48:57.18\00:48:58.59
I was wondering how I
would bring it into the
00:48:58.60\00:49:01.06
picture of
relationship so I think a lot of
00:49:01.07\00:49:02.85
people need to hear
it. And you bring up this
00:49:02.86\00:49:04.79
verse and so now it's
like the context of God to
00:49:04.80\00:49:07.28
share it. When Rochelle and I,
00:49:07.29\00:49:09.19
we weren't married
when I first met her I was
00:49:09.20\00:49:12.94
very interested in
her, wanted to date her.
00:49:12.95\00:49:15.10
I remember we spent
some time driving back and
00:49:16.33\00:49:19.76
forth I would drive
to work and she would go
00:49:19.77\00:49:22.24
with me because the
place that I worked was the
00:49:22.25\00:49:24.68
place that she was
doing the you know we learned
00:49:24.69\00:49:27.70
how to teach on
site, I can't remember what
00:49:27.71\00:49:29.70
you call it, but it's
like before you become a
00:49:29.71\00:49:31.83
teacher you're
actually go and observe teachers
00:49:31.84\00:49:34.27
and you actually
begin to teach a little bit.
00:49:34.28\00:49:35.72
Anyway so she would
go, something like that,
00:49:36.44\00:49:38.36
no it's
something different. Okay.
00:49:38.37\00:49:39.71
Maybe she would go
and do that and then we
00:49:39.72\00:49:41.54
go home and we had all
this time in the car to
00:49:41.55\00:49:43.07
get to know each
other. And we stop off and we
00:49:43.08\00:49:45.40
eat dinner on the way
home and stuff and we were
00:49:45.41\00:49:47.60
getting to know
each other's friends,
00:49:47.61\00:49:48.75
well it came to a
point where I wanted to grow
00:49:48.76\00:49:52.54
that from her
friendship into a dating.
00:49:52.55\00:49:54.58
I wanted to let her
know that I really cared for
00:49:54.59\00:49:56.81
her more than just as
friends and I would like
00:49:56.82\00:49:58.95
to date her. And
remember we had the talk
00:49:58.96\00:50:02.56
you know, and
everybody is worried about the
00:50:02.57\00:50:07.11
person that are interested
in saying I would like
00:50:07.12\00:50:09.35
to just be
friends. I mean come on,
00:50:09.36\00:50:11.67
you've had these before
back in the past we used
00:50:11.68\00:50:13.76
to date, you hated
that, because if you like
00:50:13.77\00:50:17.04
someone you didn't
want to hear they just want
00:50:17.05\00:50:18.32
to be friends. So, we
had this talk and that's
00:50:18.33\00:50:21.66
what she told me,
she said I just you know
00:50:21.67\00:50:23.81
I'm just looking for
friendships right now.
00:50:23.82\00:50:25.25
You know what, a lot
of guys and here's who I'm
00:50:26.01\00:50:28.01
speaking to you
guys for a second,
00:50:28.02\00:50:30.14
let me talk to the guys, okay.
00:50:30.15\00:50:31.48
We don't respond
the way we should.
00:50:31.86\00:50:34.90
We get desperate and
we try to do something to
00:50:35.77\00:50:38.74
convince them to like
us, by gifts is one thing
00:50:38.75\00:50:42.49
you mentioned, by
going to the next step,
00:50:42.50\00:50:46.28
the next level to try
and show that we should be
00:50:46.29\00:50:48.75
worthy or worthy of
being liked for more,
00:50:48.76\00:50:51.32
whatever it maybe
and I know going through
00:50:51.33\00:50:54.47
college and high
school, you know I made
00:50:54.48\00:50:58.30
mistakes like that as
well. You know trying to
00:50:58.31\00:50:59.92
do better so they
would somehow like me,
00:50:59.93\00:51:02.29
you know. But I approached it
00:51:02.30\00:51:04.53
differently with
Rochelle. I did something she's
00:51:04.54\00:51:06.82
never had happened
before in the history of
00:51:06.83\00:51:08.89
anybody wanting
to date here, okay.
00:51:08.90\00:51:10.74
Now, I'm all yours.
Yeah, here's what I said.
00:51:10.75\00:51:13.29
I said you know what
I really can appreciate
00:51:14.37\00:51:17.00
the honesty. But I
want to tell you one of the
00:51:17.01\00:51:20.02
reasons my motive for
us going out and doing
00:51:20.03\00:51:22.83
this together is my
motive is something deeper.
00:51:22.84\00:51:25.26
I'm looking for
someone to spend my life with,
00:51:25.83\00:51:27.74
someone I'm really,
that would be really
00:51:27.75\00:51:28.93
interesting me. So
I have lots of friends
00:51:28.94\00:51:31.07
already, I really appreciate but
00:51:31.08\00:51:33.79
I think this is, this
relationship is probably
00:51:33.80\00:51:36.03
as far as gonna go, it's over.
00:51:36.04\00:51:37.55
We can be friends but
the time I'm spending with
00:51:37.56\00:51:39.55
you isn't helping me,
right, because I like you,
00:51:39.56\00:51:42.35
it's doing more
damage at this point because
00:51:42.36\00:51:44.34
you're not
interested let's just call it
00:51:44.35\00:51:45.99
quits here. She never
had that happen before
00:51:46.00\00:51:48.77
ever. You know the old saying,
00:51:48.78\00:51:51.79
if you love it set it free.
00:51:51.80\00:51:52.88
There was a lot
of truth to that.
00:51:53.65\00:51:54.83
Sometimes you
just have to let it go.
00:51:55.31\00:51:57.15
Guys don't force it,
if they're gonna like you,
00:51:57.56\00:52:01.20
they're gonna like
you for who you are,
00:52:01.21\00:52:02.72
that's right, don't beg,
00:52:02.73\00:52:03.81
come on please won't
you, can I show you how I'm
00:52:04.94\00:52:07.46
better then you're
thinking I'm and won't you
00:52:07.47\00:52:09.68
just and you know
what four days it took,
00:52:09.69\00:52:12.24
Rochelle called me
saying, can we go out to
00:52:12.25\00:52:14.19
dinner. So I gave
another couple weeks,
00:52:14.20\00:52:16.67
it look like maybe
it was heading the right
00:52:16.68\00:52:17.73
direction, we had the
talk again and guess what
00:52:17.74\00:52:19.70
happened, she said, I
will, I told you I just
00:52:19.71\00:52:21.73
want to be friends I
said and I told you I've got
00:52:21.74\00:52:24.26
plenty of friends.
Right. Well took only a couple
00:52:24.27\00:52:27.78
of days that time,
then from that point on
00:52:27.79\00:52:30.06
we realized as we were
getting to know each other
00:52:30.07\00:52:32.15
or continuing our
relationship that it
00:52:32.16\00:52:33.78
was going somewhere.
But I just, I want to say
00:52:33.79\00:52:37.62
this to the guys, even
the gals out there don't
00:52:37.63\00:52:39.85
be desperate. God
doesn't want us to be
00:52:39.86\00:52:42.28
desperate, even God
as He woos us He doesn't
00:52:42.29\00:52:45.99
resort to those
kinds of tactics, right.
00:52:46.00\00:52:48.35
He lets us make
decisions and if our decision is
00:52:48.36\00:52:50.72
no, the Bible tells us
that God will give us the
00:52:50.73\00:52:53.51
freedom to choose no
and He will allow us to
00:52:53.52\00:52:56.39
actually walk away and
fall away and not follow
00:52:56.40\00:53:00.66
Him. That's just He
honors that from your choice.
00:53:00.67\00:53:03.86
We have to do that in
our own relationships as
00:53:03.87\00:53:05.95
well, don't you think?
It makes a difference in,
00:53:05.96\00:53:08.99
I think what you're
talking about here the
00:53:09.00\00:53:10.49
difference between
perception and reality.
00:53:10.50\00:53:12.67
Sometimes people think
that we can just go on in
00:53:13.46\00:53:16.32
this fantasy of just
spending time together and
00:53:16.33\00:53:20.65
things are going
to naturally happen,
00:53:20.66\00:53:22.26
what I like to term
this as is we must let our,
00:53:22.27\00:53:25.72
we must let our expectations and
00:53:25.73\00:53:29.11
our goals be known
in order for us to be,
00:53:29.12\00:53:31.61
begin to move
toward those goals.
00:53:31.62\00:53:33.27
Lot of times people
say well so are you guys
00:53:33.28\00:53:36.54
dating, and. Does
she know you like you?
00:53:36.55\00:53:39.20
Should not know. You like her.
00:53:39.21\00:53:40.29
Watches, you are
standing here and
00:53:40.30\00:53:41.85
Rochelle standing
there and this is the context
00:53:41.86\00:53:43.01
of before you got
married and your friend will
00:53:43.02\00:53:44.81
come, are you guys dating?
00:53:44.82\00:53:45.89
Yes. The other one
says no. Yeah. And then you
00:53:45.90\00:53:48.67
switch it, ah no,
yes. And the person says
00:53:48.68\00:53:52.52
which is it, you dating or not.
00:53:52.53\00:53:53.92
Yeah. And you both
want to feel comfortable
00:53:53.93\00:53:56.29
but you want the
other person to feel
00:53:56.30\00:53:57.67
comfortable. So who is
this, this is my friend.
00:53:57.68\00:54:00.11
Yeah. You know.
It's my girlfriend,
00:54:00.12\00:54:01.94
I mean she is a girl
and she is my friend.
00:54:01.95\00:54:03.95
Oh! Because I'm
not your girlfriend,
00:54:03.96\00:54:05.35
well you're a girl and
you're my friend, yeah,
00:54:05.36\00:54:06.76
but you know what I mean.
00:54:06.77\00:54:07.77
You know they beat
around the bush and a lot
00:54:08.29\00:54:10.08
of times what happens
is we don't know how to
00:54:10.09\00:54:12.03
manage our expectations
we talk about that in
00:54:12.04\00:54:14.50
counseling. One of the
things that there are some
00:54:14.51\00:54:18.11
misunderstandings
about relationships and this
00:54:18.12\00:54:21.80
is across the board
John whether you're married
00:54:21.81\00:54:24.36
or whether you're not married,
00:54:24.37\00:54:25.44
time will
resolve all my problems.
00:54:27.00\00:54:29.89
Well that's not true.
If you think that time
00:54:31.32\00:54:33.52
is gonna resolve
all your problems,
00:54:33.53\00:54:35.33
don't go to the
dentist just let that tooth go
00:54:35.34\00:54:37.61
away eventually.
Time is the helper,
00:54:37.62\00:54:39.05
but it doesn't
resolve. No, you've got to know
00:54:39.06\00:54:41.51
and understand,
you've go to know.
00:54:41.52\00:54:45.42
Another is if I
have to ask it's not as
00:54:45.43\00:54:48.39
meaningful, some
people say, I will say to
00:54:48.40\00:54:50.62
couples you know if
you don't know if the other
00:54:50.63\00:54:52.67
person, if the
husband doesn't know what the
00:54:52.68\00:54:54.53
wife is expecting,
if the wife doesn't know
00:54:54.54\00:54:56.60
what the husband is
expecting don't believe in
00:54:56.61\00:55:00.11
telepathy, we don't
believe in mind reading.
00:55:00.12\00:55:02.30
Right. Some
times, talk about it.
00:55:02.31\00:55:04.39
Talk about what
your desires are,
00:55:04.40\00:55:06.07
or talk about what your
wishes are and the other
00:55:06.08\00:55:09.23
thing about another
one is happily ever after,
00:55:09.24\00:55:11.24
what on earth does that mean?
00:55:11.77\00:55:13.93
And they got married
and they lived happily
00:55:15.99\00:55:17.66
ever after. That's Disney world,
00:55:17.67\00:55:19.05
that's not real life.
Yeah. You got to build on
00:55:19.06\00:55:21.43
that happiness, what
does happiness interpret
00:55:21.44\00:55:23.57
financially, relationally,
spiritually children,
00:55:23.58\00:55:28.01
parenting, what does
happiness really mean?
00:55:28.02\00:55:30.23
So you got to work
on some of those things.
00:55:30.24\00:55:31.54
You know in talking
about those things before
00:55:31.55\00:55:32.69
you are married are
so key to a successful
00:55:32.70\00:55:35.93
marriage and being
united in your marriage.
00:55:35.94\00:55:38.39
I mean I can't tell
you how many times that you
00:55:38.40\00:55:40.46
find that people get
married and then they
00:55:40.47\00:55:42.36
start to get to know each other.
00:55:42.37\00:55:43.34
Right. That's when
things get disastrous to find
00:55:43.35\00:55:46.26
out know what your
goals are what your
00:55:46.27\00:55:48.77
desire are, your
dreams are before you married.
00:55:48.78\00:55:50.98
Because when you marry
a person a lot of times
00:55:51.58\00:55:53.53
when people are
thinking about marriage,
00:55:53.54\00:55:55.49
they think about
marriage because right now they
00:55:55.50\00:55:56.78
are attracted to
each other, right,
00:55:56.79\00:55:58.46
she looks great, he is handsome,
00:55:58.47\00:55:59.78
they got a great
income we can make a great
00:56:00.40\00:56:02.03
life together we have
a lot of common interests
00:56:02.04\00:56:03.91
but man is like going
to store and buying a gift
00:56:03.92\00:56:07.32
because you like the
box, right, rather than
00:56:07.33\00:56:10.12
the content. You
got to know what's on
00:56:10.13\00:56:11.73
the inside. If you
have no idea what's on the
00:56:11.74\00:56:13.85
inside through
counseling, through relational
00:56:13.86\00:56:16.06
therapy or whatever
you want to get understand
00:56:16.07\00:56:18.45
what's in the background before
00:56:18.46\00:56:19.45
you can understand
what's gonna come to the
00:56:19.46\00:56:20.77
forefront later on.
And is, you know after
00:56:20.78\00:56:23.08
twenty or so years of
marriage counseling people
00:56:23.09\00:56:25.82
have come up with these
unrealistic expectations.
00:56:25.83\00:56:29.07
Well I need to give
you text before we end this
00:56:29.08\00:56:30.88
program here this is
gonna make the difference
00:56:30.89\00:56:32.95
and you know
John, Philippians 4:8
00:56:32.96\00:56:34.81
is the one, turn to
that and read that for our
00:56:34.82\00:56:37.38
audience those who
are listening and watching
00:56:37.39\00:56:39.42
this program, Philippians
4:8, you know we'd love
00:56:39.43\00:56:42.93
to do an entire
seminar on counseling but go
00:56:42.94\00:56:44.99
ahead and hit us with that one.
00:56:45.00\00:56:46.16
Finally brethren,
whatever things are true,
00:56:46.17\00:56:48.55
whatever things are
noble, whatever things are
00:56:48.56\00:56:50.68
just, whatever things are pure,
00:56:50.69\00:56:52.67
whatever things are lovely,
00:56:52.68\00:56:54.20
whatever things
are of good report,
00:56:54.21\00:56:56.01
if there is any
virtue, if there is anything
00:56:56.02\00:56:58.68
praise worthy
meditate on these things.
00:56:58.69\00:57:02.02
Right. It makes a
difference because
00:57:02.03\00:57:03.93
you don't know everything about
00:57:03.94\00:57:05.37
everything you don't
know that time is gonna
00:57:05.38\00:57:07.74
change it, things
are not gonna change
00:57:07.75\00:57:09.47
necessarily
when you have a baby,
00:57:09.48\00:57:11.11
when you get a better
job you got to work on your
00:57:11.12\00:57:13.34
relationship but let
the mindset that is there
00:57:13.35\00:57:16.17
by Christ abiding in your life,
00:57:16.18\00:57:17.69
be the principal
lovely, pure, honest all these
00:57:17.70\00:57:21.79
things make a
difference in your life.
00:57:21.80\00:57:23.19
And I say that God has
an ideal relationship but
00:57:23.55\00:57:26.48
until you seek Him you
will never know what that
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is, so do the first
thing, seek the Lord today.
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God bless you.
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