Do you struggle
with discouragement,
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anxiety,
depression, and despair,
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maybe even suicidal thoughts
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if you do, you're not
alone and there's hope for you.
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So don't go away.
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Welcome to a three-part series
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called Finding Hope in
Depression and Despair.
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And this is part one.
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And we're going to
talk about the problems
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that a lot of people go through.
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I've been through
many of these issues.
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My guest has gone
through many of these issues.
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We both have stories to tell,
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and we're here to share with you
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what God has done in our lives.
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And we hope that
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it will be a
big blessing to you.
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My guest is Christy Christopher.
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She is a registered nurse.
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She works at the
Medical City Hospital
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in Dallas, Texas.
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She is a mother.
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She's a jogger.
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She's a good friend of mine.
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And she's here to just
share her story with you
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and to talk about hope
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in the midst of
all kinds of problems,
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which many of us have.
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So or have had.
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So, Christy, thank
you for being here.
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It's a privilege.
Thank you for inviting me.
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Yes. It's a
privilege for both of us.
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And I guess what I'd
like to do at the beginning
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is to have you give us a context
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to where we are
actually right now
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at the time of this recording,
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by telling us
about your flight here
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from Texas coming
to the Spokane area
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and then the Priest River?
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So the flight here, it
was very, almost ominous,
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going to the
Dallas-Fort Worth airport.
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My dad flies a lot.
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And so he commented and
said for a Monday morning,
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it's really quiet here.
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So there was much less
traffic, a lot less people.
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The ticket
counters were fully staffed.
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All the staff was there,
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but the people that
were going to get help
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and needing to check
in it was pretty sparse.
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So DFW it's generally
a pretty packed airport?
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Yes.
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I used to live in Fort Worth,
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my wife and I when
we were first married.
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And so that was the airport
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that we flew in
and out of a lot.
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And it was always full. Yeah.
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But so today it's not,
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or yesterday when you flew here,
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it wasn't that way.
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No, not at all.
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And what's the
big reason for that?
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The big reason right
now is the Corona virus,
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which is sweeping the nation.
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And there are a lot of,
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as were mentioned by the CDC
recommendations to stay home.
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So a lot of
people are self-isolating
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and self-distancing
per the guidelines.
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Right. Yes.
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Those who that
will be watching this
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at least in the near future,
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everybody knows that the,
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that we are living
in a Corona crisis.
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We live in a Corona world.
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It's now a Corona pandemic.
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President Trump
recently declared
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a national emergency.
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The virus is
spreading around the world.
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Different countries
have gone under on lockdown
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and there's just a
whole host of thing
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that are happening.
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And by the time
people watch this,
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we still may be in the
midst of this Corona crisis,
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or maybe it
will have blown over.
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And nobody really
knows what the future holds.
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But we do know that
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whether we're in it or
whether we're out of it,
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that the issues
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that we're going
to be talking about
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are relevant all throughout.
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And when, whenever people choose
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to tune into this program,
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these issues are very real
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and they're going to be real
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until, we believe
until Jesus returns
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and gets rid of sin.
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And we're looking for,
looking forward to that.
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Amen.
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So, you wanted to
just share something
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or you're about
to say something?
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Okay, well, why
don't we just talk?
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We want to move into
depression and despair
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and eventually
you telling your story
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and I'll tell a
little bit of mine,
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and let's just talk
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to start out with
some of the statistics,
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you know, is depression a
big problem in this world?
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What about suicide?
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Are these things going
down or are they going up?
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Well, according to the
World Health Organization,
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close to 800,000
people die every year.
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That's one
person every 40 seconds.
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So I would say
that it's going up.
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And it's dying of?
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Dying of suicide. Of suicide.
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They take their
lives. Suicide deaths.
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So that's the amount of data
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that's available
on the WHO website.
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Yeah.
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And you know, do you,
you told me that you do know,
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you know, of people,
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I don't know how closely
they were connected to you
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or friends or
something that took their lives?
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I have an ex-boyfriend
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that actually
took his own life here
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within the last three years.
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And so he took
his life by suicide.
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Yeah.
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And my stepbrother's
daughter, it was just terrible.
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She did the same thing.
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And so I, you know,
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just about everybody these
days has been touched by suicide
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and, you know, people just get
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so either
depressed or discouraged,
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their life just fall apart
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and they choose
to take their lives.
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Other people
are under medication
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and that's a contributing cause,
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there's a whole host of causes.
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So give us just a
few more statistics
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as far as depression,
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you know, how big is
depression in this world?
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Well, you were
asking about suicide rates,
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if they're going up or down.
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Sure.
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Per the CDC, 30% suicide rate
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has actually gone up since 1999.
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And another
statistic too is 54%,
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that's more than
half of the people
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who died by suicide
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did not have a known
mental health condition.
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So this is
vastly under reported.
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Yeah, here's a
headline from the CDC suicide.
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This is from 2018,
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suicide rates in
the United States
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continue to increase.
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And then it talks
about from 2000 to 2016,
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suicide has increased 30%.
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I think you mentioned that 30%.
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For females age 10 to 74,
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the suicide rates were
higher than in the year 2000
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and the same thing
for males ages 15 to 74,
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they were higher
than in the year 2000.
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And this statement here says,
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it's the 10th leading
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or in 2016, it was the
10th leading cause of death
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in the United States.
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So, you know,
it's a big problem.
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It's a huge problem.
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And as you share your
story in a little while
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and I'll share some of mine.
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I've struggled with
those same thoughts,
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you know, I'm almost,
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you know, it wasn't
something that I grew up with,
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but I reached a
point in my life,
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last summer
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and then a couple
of summers before that,
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where there were
just these thoughts
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inside my head telling me,
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you just might as
well just end it all.
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And I didn't do it.
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Thank God. Yeah.
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And you didn't need,
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I'm assuming you've struggled
with some of the same thoughts.
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I have.
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I've taken it a
step further though.
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I've had five suicide attempts
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and the one that
had me go through
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a certain program
that we'll get to.
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I had, I live in Texas
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and so there's
not as many gun laws
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and things like that.
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And so I had a gun
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and I didn't
want to make a mess.
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I had struggled with alcohol
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and I had been
sober for six years
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and I fell off the wagon
for lack of a better term.
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And so I drank a
bottle of tequila
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on my own.
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Took the gun out to my backyard
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'cause I didn't
want to make a mess
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and pulled the
trigger, the gun jammed.
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So...
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Well, thank God.
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Yes, amen.
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You know, God really works
in those emergency situations.
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And we'll talk also later on
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about how, you know,
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sometimes he doesn't
miraculously intervene
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and people do take their lives.
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And a lot of people
struggle with the issue of this,
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if God is really there
and if He's a loving God,
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why does He allow
all of these things?
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And how can He, you know,
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how can I pray to Him
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and ask Him to
help me through this
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and the darkness is still there.
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So we'll talk about that
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because I was in
darkness for quite a while
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and somehow, and you were too,
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and somehow we
both trusted the Lord.
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And I want to
also mention early on
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that you now work
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in addition to
being a registered nurse
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at a hospital in Texas,
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you also are one of
Dr. Neil Nedley's nurses
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during his world famous
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the depression and
anxiety recovery program.
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Dr. Nedley is a wonderful man.
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He's written numerous books
and this is one of his books
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called Depression: The Way Out.
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And he's an expert on
depression and anxiety,
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and despair and discouragement
and how to help people.
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And so Christy works with him.
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How many sessions
a year approximately
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do you go to his location
it's in Weimar, California,
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Northern California.
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And it's like
what, a 10-day program?
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It's 10 days.
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I do have a full-time job
in Texas, like you mentioned.
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So what I'll do is
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I'll use my
vacation time to go there.
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So I'm able to go about
three to four times a year.
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Three to four
times a year. Yeah.
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And so you,
approximately how many people
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go through each session?
00:10:03.40\00:10:05.43
It's,
approximately the normal program
00:10:05.47\00:10:07.90
although the waiting list
00:10:07.94\00:10:09.27
have gotten a little bit longer.
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About 24 participants
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is where they like
to keep the number.
00:10:13.27\00:10:15.61
But a lot of times
what ends up happening
00:10:15.64\00:10:17.38
is there'll be an emerging case
00:10:17.41\00:10:19.38
that Dr. Nedley will get a call
from a psychiatric hospital,
00:10:19.41\00:10:23.22
a family that
is pretty desperate
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at that point.
00:10:25.85\00:10:27.19
And he'll make provisions
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to add them on in certain cases.
00:10:28.59\00:10:30.09
So sometimes we'll
have a little more,
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sometimes a little less.
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Right.
00:10:32.86\00:10:34.20
And in the latter
part of this series,
00:10:34.23\00:10:36.16
we're doing three programs.
00:10:36.20\00:10:38.53
Now we're just sort
of introducing the topic,
00:10:38.57\00:10:40.64
then we're going to get
into more of your story.
00:10:40.67\00:10:43.00
And then my story, a
little bit of my story
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and how we both
found help and healing.
00:10:45.57\00:10:47.71
And then we're going
to talk about resources
00:10:47.74\00:10:49.54
and more about
Dr. Nedley's program
00:10:49.58\00:10:51.75
and how there is
hope for people today.
00:10:51.78\00:10:53.88
Yes. And you
see that, don't you?
00:10:53.92\00:10:55.72
And I've seen that
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as you go through all
these different programs
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you have, Dr. Nedley has,
00:10:59.45\00:11:01.12
like you said,
about 24 on average
00:11:01.16\00:11:03.63
or 20 to 24.
00:11:03.66\00:11:05.39
And what kind of
problems do they have
00:11:05.43\00:11:09.06
who go through this program?
00:11:09.10\00:11:11.87
It ranges, it's
anywhere from relationship
00:11:11.90\00:11:17.41
because there's
typically with depression,
00:11:17.44\00:11:19.34
you'll have a relationship
or a social consequence
00:11:19.37\00:11:22.18
because there's a lot of things
00:11:22.21\00:11:23.81
that we'll get into with
that encompasses depression.
00:11:23.85\00:11:27.58
We see a lot of
financial difficulty,
00:11:27.62\00:11:30.75
depression being
the number one reason
00:11:30.79\00:11:33.46
for disability in
our country right now.
00:11:33.49\00:11:35.89
So it's kind of like a cycle.
00:11:35.92\00:11:39.06
So there's the
relationships, divorce,
00:11:39.09\00:11:41.83
addiction is a big one,
00:11:41.86\00:11:44.47
so there's a pretty wide range
00:11:44.50\00:11:46.60
that gets
addressed in the program.
00:11:46.63\00:11:48.74
Yeah, here's a statement
00:11:48.77\00:11:50.11
from the Hope For Depression
Research Foundation that says,
00:11:50.14\00:11:53.78
"Depression is a
serious medical condition
00:11:53.81\00:11:55.74
that is associated with symptoms
00:11:55.78\00:11:57.55
such as
melancholy, loss of pleasure,
00:11:57.58\00:12:00.08
loss of energy,
00:12:00.12\00:12:01.85
difficulty in concentrating
and suicidal thoughts."
00:12:01.88\00:12:05.75
And here's another quote
00:12:05.79\00:12:07.92
from the World Health
Organization, It says,
00:12:07.96\00:12:10.83
"Depression is a
common mental disorder,
00:12:10.86\00:12:12.56
globally more
than 264 million people
00:12:12.59\00:12:16.40
of all ages
suffer from depression.
00:12:16.43\00:12:19.00
Depression is the leading
cause of disability worldwide
00:12:19.03\00:12:23.87
and a major contributor
00:12:23.91\00:12:25.24
to the overall
global burden of disease.
00:12:25.27\00:12:29.34
So it's a big problem.
00:12:29.38\00:12:32.48
Yes.
00:12:32.51\00:12:34.98
And I was, I know
that as you've gone through
00:12:35.02\00:12:37.85
these different
programs with Dr. Nedley
00:12:37.89\00:12:39.52
helping people who
have all kinds of issues,
00:12:39.55\00:12:42.39
you've seen some real
turnaround, haven't you?
00:12:42.42\00:12:45.09
Yes.
00:12:45.13\00:12:47.20
It's my absolute
passion to work in this program
00:12:47.23\00:12:50.63
and to give back.
00:12:50.67\00:12:52.00
And that's one of
the greatest gifts
00:12:52.03\00:12:53.60
is to be on the front
lines and see this very issues.
00:12:53.64\00:12:59.01
I mean, nothing's perfect,
00:12:59.04\00:13:00.78
but you see such a
miraculous turnaround
00:13:00.81\00:13:03.14
that it's, it
brings such joy to see
00:13:03.18\00:13:05.98
and it's hopeful for
each one of us too as staff
00:13:06.01\00:13:09.98
and for you and I,
00:13:10.02\00:13:11.35
and it's just, it's a gift that
just you can't outbless God.
00:13:11.39\00:13:15.22
So it's a beautiful transition
to see people transformed.
00:13:15.26\00:13:18.56
Definitely. Yeah.
00:13:18.59\00:13:20.00
I remember when I went
through his program in 2017,
00:13:20.03\00:13:24.37
there was one young girl.
00:13:24.40\00:13:26.17
I won't mention her name,
00:13:26.20\00:13:28.24
but she was
probably about 19 years old,
00:13:28.27\00:13:31.27
maybe 18.
00:13:31.31\00:13:32.64
And when she first
came to Dr. Nedley's program
00:13:32.67\00:13:36.31
and I was one of
the participants,
00:13:36.34\00:13:37.91
I tell you, she
was just like a zombie.
00:13:37.95\00:13:41.18
I mean, she would walk
around and it was just like,
00:13:41.22\00:13:44.19
there was nobody up there,
nobody home, she didn't talk.
00:13:44.22\00:13:48.09
She was just like, you know,
00:13:48.12\00:13:50.86
almost like a
comatose person walking around.
00:13:50.89\00:13:54.60
And then as the
days when wore on,
00:13:54.63\00:13:57.50
as the program continued on,
00:13:57.53\00:13:59.53
little by little
life came back into her
00:13:59.57\00:14:02.37
until we got to the end
00:14:02.40\00:14:04.37
and she was laughing,
00:14:04.41\00:14:05.74
she was
talking, she was smiling.
00:14:05.77\00:14:07.88
And I mean,
everybody just looked at her
00:14:07.91\00:14:09.31
and just went,
wow, this is a miracle.
00:14:09.34\00:14:12.81
Yeah.
00:14:12.85\00:14:14.18
This is a miracle. Yeah.
00:14:14.22\00:14:15.85
So, and I'm sure in a
time of this Corona crisis
00:14:15.88\00:14:20.92
where, you know,
the financial markets
00:14:20.96\00:14:23.36
have been just
reeling and people are out of,
00:14:23.39\00:14:25.89
many people are out of work.
00:14:25.93\00:14:27.33
The airline industry
has really taken a huge hit.
00:14:27.36\00:14:30.17
The cruise
industry's taken a huge hit.
00:14:30.20\00:14:32.77
Now it's, you know,
restaurants, small businesses,
00:14:32.80\00:14:36.57
sports have been canceled
00:14:36.60\00:14:38.44
and the list
just goes on and on.
00:14:38.47\00:14:40.94
You know, this will probably
00:14:40.98\00:14:45.48
contribute to more anxiety
00:14:45.51\00:14:48.98
and depression and
fear and possibly suicide.
00:14:49.02\00:14:53.49
So, you know, we really
feel that as we're doing this,
00:14:53.52\00:14:57.43
we feel this is providential.
00:14:57.46\00:14:59.19
That we're doing
this at this time,
00:14:59.23\00:15:00.76
because this is a tremendous,
00:15:00.80\00:15:06.13
almost an apocalyptic
moment in American history,
00:15:06.17\00:15:09.34
in global history.
00:15:09.37\00:15:10.97
And there was never a time
when people needed God more
00:15:11.01\00:15:13.98
and needed hope more
and needed help more.
00:15:14.01\00:15:16.68
And so that's why we're here.
00:15:16.71\00:15:18.61
We feel like
00:15:18.65\00:15:20.18
this is a tremendous
providential opportunity for us
00:15:20.22\00:15:23.92
to share the principles
that people really need.
00:15:23.95\00:15:27.72
Yes. Amen.
00:15:27.76\00:15:29.09
So why don't we...
00:15:29.12\00:15:30.46
Would you like to
say something else or?
00:15:30.49\00:15:32.33
No.
00:15:32.36\00:15:33.70
Okay. Yeah. Well, okay.
00:15:33.73\00:15:35.06
Why don't we just let's
go back to your background
00:15:35.10\00:15:39.93
and tell us, you
know, where you were born
00:15:39.97\00:15:41.80
a little bit
about your early life,
00:15:41.84\00:15:44.17
your middle life,
00:15:44.21\00:15:45.54
and then we'll move
into how you entered a crisis
00:15:45.57\00:15:50.31
that you said,
you know, five times
00:15:50.35\00:15:52.08
you tried to take your life.
00:15:52.11\00:15:53.98
So let's just go back rewind.
00:15:54.02\00:15:56.92
Okay.
00:15:56.95\00:15:58.55
I was born in
Erie, Pennsylvania.
00:15:58.59\00:16:02.39
My dad had us move around a lot
00:16:02.42\00:16:04.89
because he worked in for AT&T
00:16:04.93\00:16:07.20
and different
telecommunications companies.
00:16:07.23\00:16:09.53
And so he was a computer.
00:16:09.56\00:16:10.90
He still is a computer engineer.
00:16:10.93\00:16:12.67
And so growing up,
I moved around a lot.
00:16:12.70\00:16:14.87
So we weren't,
lived in Pennsylvania,
00:16:14.90\00:16:17.04
Indiana, Texas,
Washington state,
00:16:17.07\00:16:20.84
Florida,
Tennessee, North Carolina,
00:16:20.88\00:16:23.51
and then back to Texas.
00:16:23.55\00:16:24.88
And so we've
been there since '98.
00:16:24.91\00:16:26.55
So I claim Texas as home.
00:16:26.58\00:16:28.72
But growing up and
moving around a lot.
00:16:28.75\00:16:32.42
Different people handle
things in different ways.
00:16:32.45\00:16:35.99
For me, that was very
hard to be the new kid
00:16:36.02\00:16:38.93
and have to
start over everywhere.
00:16:38.96\00:16:41.80
Looking back on it now,
I see it in a different way
00:16:41.83\00:16:44.37
that it was actually a blessing
00:16:44.40\00:16:45.73
because I got to meet a
lot of really good people
00:16:45.77\00:16:47.60
around the country and
have different experiences.
00:16:47.64\00:16:49.87
Are you an only child?
00:16:49.90\00:16:51.41
I do have a brother.
00:16:51.44\00:16:52.87
He is 11 years younger.
00:16:52.91\00:16:55.01
And so he's
actually a youth pastor.
00:16:55.04\00:16:57.28
So, he and I, growing up,
we took different courses.
00:16:57.31\00:17:01.25
He remained, I hate to use
the word straight and narrow,
00:17:01.28\00:17:06.52
but he was, he
had a goal in mind
00:17:06.55\00:17:09.42
and he went for that goal.
00:17:09.46\00:17:12.43
I kind of veered and
made some poor life choices
00:17:12.46\00:17:15.76
and that took a different track,
00:17:15.80\00:17:17.93
but I'm thankful,
00:17:17.97\00:17:19.73
you know, that it brought
me to where I'm at today,
00:17:19.77\00:17:21.97
as I believe I've
learned a lot of things.
00:17:22.00\00:17:23.84
So you grew up
in a Christian home?
00:17:23.87\00:17:25.21
I grew up in a Christian home.
00:17:25.24\00:17:26.98
Mom and dad worked
together, very spiritual home,
00:17:27.01\00:17:31.85
not a lot of
problems in the home.
00:17:31.88\00:17:33.21
I had a happy childhood.
00:17:33.25\00:17:34.62
So it was a good
foundation growing up.
00:17:34.65\00:17:39.02
So, you know, I did
have a happy childhood.
00:17:39.05\00:17:41.12
That's wonderful.
00:17:41.16\00:17:43.46
We all need that and some,
and so many don't have that.
00:17:43.49\00:17:46.49
Right.
00:17:46.53\00:17:47.86
My childhood was,
00:17:47.90\00:17:49.23
I grew up in the Hollywood Hills
00:17:49.26\00:17:50.60
in Southern California
00:17:50.63\00:17:51.97
and our family was
not a Christian family,
00:17:52.00\00:17:55.40
so we never read the Bible.
00:17:55.44\00:17:56.77
We never prayed. We
never went to church.
00:17:56.81\00:17:58.27
We did go to
synagogue every once in a while
00:17:58.31\00:18:00.68
because we were Jewish,
but not really religious.
00:18:00.71\00:18:05.01
And then when I got
into my teenage years,
00:18:05.05\00:18:08.95
I just went off the deep end.
00:18:08.98\00:18:10.32
I was surrounded by drugs
and the entertainment industry
00:18:10.35\00:18:13.62
and long story,
but it was pretty bad.
00:18:13.66\00:18:19.03
So, you know, thank God
you had a good upbringing,
00:18:19.06\00:18:22.96
and mine was too.
00:18:23.00\00:18:24.67
My parents, you
know, did their best
00:18:24.70\00:18:27.20
to love me and my
brother and my sister,
00:18:27.24\00:18:30.77
but they had
problems in their marriage
00:18:30.81\00:18:33.61
and they were, they
divorced when I was 16.
00:18:33.64\00:18:37.61
And then I moved in with my dad
00:18:37.65\00:18:39.11
and my brother and
sister moved in with my mother.
00:18:39.15\00:18:42.68
And because I didn't have,
00:18:42.72\00:18:44.59
you know, the guidance,
00:18:44.62\00:18:46.15
the moral
guidance that I needed.
00:18:46.19\00:18:48.62
I was just a sitting duck
pretty much to the temptations
00:18:48.66\00:18:52.59
that surrounded me.
00:18:52.63\00:18:54.66
And when I was 20 years old,
I started reading the Bible,
00:18:54.70\00:18:57.23
this book, really, yeah, yay.
00:18:57.27\00:19:00.20
This is the book
that changed my life.
00:19:00.24\00:19:03.10
So in your case you
started out in a Christian home
00:19:03.14\00:19:06.88
and then you sort of
went in the wrong direction.
00:19:06.91\00:19:09.38
Right.
00:19:09.41\00:19:11.15
I got into alcohol abuse
00:19:11.18\00:19:15.48
and kind of going back though,
00:19:15.52\00:19:17.19
I'd struggled with
depression since the age of 12.
00:19:17.22\00:19:19.82
And so I was in and
out of doctor's offices,
00:19:19.85\00:19:23.69
basically on a carousel
00:19:23.73\00:19:25.23
of trying different medications.
00:19:25.26\00:19:26.86
And so it would
reach a certain efficacy
00:19:26.90\00:19:30.10
and then they
would change the dose
00:19:30.13\00:19:31.77
or up the dose or
try something different.
00:19:31.80\00:19:34.74
And so it was kind of
like a revolving door,
00:19:34.77\00:19:38.04
you know, I'd have
a little bit of relief
00:19:38.07\00:19:39.41
and I could
function and it was okay.
00:19:39.44\00:19:41.64
You know, I was able to
go through nursing school
00:19:41.68\00:19:44.18
and eventually
working in an ICU,
00:19:44.21\00:19:47.08
intensive care setting.
00:19:47.12\00:19:49.12
But there was a lot
that was still unresolved,
00:19:49.15\00:19:53.42
I guess you could say, like
00:19:53.46\00:19:55.82
just kind of this program
running in the background
00:19:55.86\00:19:58.59
that I didn't
really know what to call
00:19:58.63\00:20:00.50
and it became a new normal.
00:20:00.53\00:20:02.76
And so I didn't know
00:20:02.80\00:20:04.13
there was a
different way to feel
00:20:04.17\00:20:05.50
or a different way to live,
00:20:05.53\00:20:07.70
because that was just kind
of what I got accustomed to.
00:20:07.74\00:20:11.17
So it was difficult. Yeah.
00:20:11.21\00:20:13.61
At 12 years old, you
said you first got depressed
00:20:13.64\00:20:16.11
or you've been
struggling with depression
00:20:16.14\00:20:17.48
since you were 12.
00:20:17.51\00:20:18.85
Right?
00:20:18.88\00:20:20.22
So, I'm just curious.
00:20:20.25\00:20:21.58
If you can explain
a little more about,
00:20:21.62\00:20:24.09
you know, why
would a 12 year old girl
00:20:24.12\00:20:26.99
growing up in a Christian home,
00:20:27.02\00:20:28.79
in a good family?
00:20:28.82\00:20:30.89
Do you know why you started
struggling with depression?
00:20:30.93\00:20:34.33
And what did that look like
00:20:34.36\00:20:35.76
when you were
just a little girl?
00:20:35.80\00:20:37.50
At that age I don't
believe I had the terminology
00:20:37.53\00:20:42.30
to know what it was.
00:20:42.34\00:20:44.07
I just knew that
something wasn't right.
00:20:44.11\00:20:45.91
And so mom and dad
didn't know what to do.
00:20:45.94\00:20:48.84
And so they took me to
the primary care doctor.
00:20:48.88\00:20:50.98
And so it wasn't anything that,
00:20:51.01\00:20:52.78
you know, I went
to mom and dad said,
00:20:52.81\00:20:54.18
hey, you know, this
is what's happening.
00:20:54.22\00:20:56.22
They just knew
something wasn't right also.
00:20:56.25\00:20:58.05
So they relied on
the PCP to diagnose that.
00:20:58.09\00:21:03.59
And then you were
diagnosed as having depression?
00:21:03.63\00:21:05.63
Yes. Yeah.
00:21:05.66\00:21:07.00
So do you, now looking back,
00:21:07.03\00:21:08.36
do you, can you put your finger,
00:21:08.40\00:21:10.37
you said there was a program
running in your background
00:21:10.40\00:21:12.23
or in your mind, is that
what you're referring to?
00:21:12.27\00:21:13.90
Yeah.
00:21:13.94\00:21:15.27
So, I mean, can
you put your finger on,
00:21:15.30\00:21:16.64
what was that
program telling you?
00:21:16.67\00:21:18.01
Do you know why that happened?
00:21:18.04\00:21:19.37
Was it just because
of the spiritual battle
00:21:19.41\00:21:21.34
that we're all in,
00:21:21.38\00:21:22.71
or were there any events
00:21:22.74\00:21:24.08
that, you know,
00:21:24.11\00:21:25.61
kind of tipped
you in that direction?
00:21:25.65\00:21:28.02
Or do you know?
00:21:28.05\00:21:29.55
I mean at the time,
00:21:29.58\00:21:31.25
you know, I didn't have
a real good understanding,
00:21:31.29\00:21:33.99
so I don't really know,
00:21:34.02\00:21:36.02
you know, having gone
through some other things
00:21:36.06\00:21:38.79
and having learned
some things about depression
00:21:38.83\00:21:41.23
that I know now,
00:21:41.26\00:21:42.60
I see what it could have been,
but at the time we didn't know,
00:21:42.63\00:21:45.83
like there's a lot of things,
00:21:45.87\00:21:49.00
that it was just
kind of a low lying dread.
00:21:49.04\00:21:53.04
At that age, typically,
00:21:53.07\00:21:54.51
most kids want
to get out and play
00:21:54.54\00:21:55.91
and, you know, be involved,
which I did do some of,
00:21:55.94\00:21:59.08
but I would have been okay
00:21:59.11\00:22:00.45
just kind of
hanging out in my room,
00:22:00.48\00:22:02.75
not really going outside.
00:22:02.78\00:22:04.15
So there was just
some telling signs that it,
00:22:04.19\00:22:06.79
you know, depending on
what you compare it to,
00:22:06.82\00:22:09.12
it wasn't normal per se.
00:22:09.16\00:22:10.89
You became more
of a hermit. Right.
00:22:10.93\00:22:13.03
You like to be alone. Right.
00:22:13.06\00:22:15.73
And were you just down?
00:22:15.76\00:22:17.77
Yeah, and just kinda
wanting to listen to music rock.
00:22:17.80\00:22:22.44
I got really into rock music.
00:22:22.47\00:22:24.44
And so that
became, kind of, my comfort
00:22:24.47\00:22:26.84
is media and rock music
and things to distract, so.
00:22:26.88\00:22:31.88
Yeah.
00:22:31.91\00:22:33.25
And some of those
rock and roll songs
00:22:33.28\00:22:34.98
contribute to suicide.
00:22:35.02\00:22:36.75
Yes. And I used
to listen to a song.
00:22:36.79\00:22:38.19
I remember when I
started smoking marijuana
00:22:38.22\00:22:41.02
when I was 14 years old.
00:22:41.06\00:22:42.72
And then I started
getting into drinking
00:22:42.76\00:22:44.36
and the parties, et cetera.
00:22:44.39\00:22:46.56
And I remember one song
I still remember the words,
00:22:46.59\00:22:49.70
don't fear the
reaper, take my hand,
00:22:49.73\00:22:52.43
you'll be able to fly.
00:22:52.47\00:22:54.64
And it was, you
know, encouraging people.
00:22:54.67\00:22:57.81
The music was very
mellow and seductive,
00:22:57.84\00:23:02.08
but the words were
really telling you,
00:23:02.11\00:23:04.58
you know, to take your life.
00:23:04.61\00:23:07.35
And so I think, you know, a
lot of kids probably do that
00:23:07.38\00:23:12.35
because of the influence
of some of these songs.
00:23:12.39\00:23:15.09
Yeah, I agree.
00:23:15.12\00:23:16.46
And there's a lot of
subconscious influence too
00:23:16.49\00:23:19.19
but it's one you
may not be conscious of
00:23:19.23\00:23:21.73
because it goes through a
different part of the brain.
00:23:21.76\00:23:24.07
And so it's not
even something that,
00:23:24.10\00:23:25.93
you know, the frontal lobe,
00:23:25.97\00:23:27.54
which is the
analytical part of the brain,
00:23:27.57\00:23:29.40
it bypasses it and it
00:23:29.44\00:23:30.77
goes right to the temporal lobe
00:23:30.81\00:23:32.47
and then it becomes
part of your subconscious
00:23:32.51\00:23:34.34
and you don't have
a reasoning to stop
00:23:34.38\00:23:36.75
what you're hearing
because it's more influential.
00:23:36.78\00:23:41.35
So you, so your family physician
00:23:41.38\00:23:45.25
puts you on medication?
00:23:45.29\00:23:46.92
Yes.
00:23:46.96\00:23:48.29
And how did that work?
00:23:48.32\00:23:50.29
Did that help you?
00:23:50.33\00:23:51.66
Did it, you said they
changed your medication often?
00:23:51.69\00:23:54.33
Yes, yes.
00:23:54.36\00:23:55.70
It just, it was
more just like a Band-Aid
00:23:55.73\00:23:57.87
and so it would
help for a little while.
00:23:57.90\00:24:00.04
Like, you know, it was, I
could notice a difference.
00:24:00.07\00:24:02.07
My mood was elevated
temporarily maybe for,
00:24:02.10\00:24:06.04
you know, I think the most that
it lasted was only six months.
00:24:06.07\00:24:09.01
And then I was able to go about,
00:24:09.04\00:24:10.65
and things were
somewhat normal then,
00:24:10.68\00:24:12.61
but it wasn't a solution
00:24:12.65\00:24:15.28
In your
experience with Dr. Nedley,
00:24:15.32\00:24:18.69
do most depression drugs work
or do most of them not work?
00:24:18.72\00:24:24.03
Do any of them work?
00:24:24.06\00:24:25.39
Do none of them work?
00:24:25.43\00:24:26.76
What's, give us kind of
a, just a generalization?
00:24:26.80\00:24:31.63
There's some that work,
00:24:31.67\00:24:33.34
but a lot of them come
with black box warnings.
00:24:33.37\00:24:35.80
And so it increases impulsivity.
00:24:35.84\00:24:37.97
And so suicide
is an impulsive act.
00:24:38.01\00:24:40.11
And so if you give
a depressed patient,
00:24:40.14\00:24:42.68
one of these
black box warning drugs,
00:24:42.71\00:24:46.75
then their
suicidality actually goes up.
00:24:46.78\00:24:50.02
So any of these medications,
they, they have some efficacy,
00:24:50.05\00:24:53.36
but it's just so important that
00:24:53.39\00:24:54.92
they're given under
a physician's guidance
00:24:54.96\00:24:57.66
and that no one just
abruptly stops them either.
00:24:57.69\00:25:01.33
So it needs to be
tapered off with a physician.
00:25:01.36\00:25:04.20
It's very important
that with brain chemistry
00:25:04.23\00:25:07.07
that it's not
just abruptly stopped.
00:25:07.10\00:25:08.47
Yeah.
00:25:08.50\00:25:09.84
Now isn't it true that's,
you know, some depression is
00:25:09.87\00:25:11.31
because of a
brain chemistry issue.
00:25:11.34\00:25:12.71
Yes.
00:25:12.74\00:25:14.08
And other depression is,
00:25:14.11\00:25:15.48
I mean, I would imagine that
00:25:15.51\00:25:16.85
all depression
ultimately is connected
00:25:16.88\00:25:18.41
to brain chemistry,
00:25:18.45\00:25:19.78
but aren't there, in some cases,
00:25:19.81\00:25:21.38
it's just, you know,
a brain chemistry issue,
00:25:21.42\00:25:24.02
unrelated to certain
events in a person's life.
00:25:24.05\00:25:28.49
But other times
there's like you lose your job,
00:25:28.52\00:25:31.03
you have a divorce,
00:25:31.06\00:25:32.53
you know, there
are precipitous events
00:25:32.56\00:25:35.26
that contribute to depression.
00:25:35.30\00:25:37.00
And in that case, wouldn't
it be true that medication,
00:25:37.03\00:25:40.44
you know, if it doesn't
address the underlying issue,
00:25:40.47\00:25:43.67
then it's probably not going
to be a permanent solution.
00:25:43.71\00:25:46.51
Whereas if it's dealing
with your brain chemistry issue,
00:25:46.54\00:25:49.61
you know, it may
help to set things right.
00:25:49.64\00:25:52.11
Is that right? Right. Right.
00:25:52.15\00:25:53.48
And that's true
00:25:53.52\00:25:54.85
because there's
situational depression too.
00:25:54.88\00:25:56.22
So it may have nothing to
do with brain chemistry per se.
00:25:56.25\00:25:58.92
So there's lab
work that it's helpful
00:25:58.95\00:26:01.72
because then
you're able to get data
00:26:01.76\00:26:03.26
and have some
evidence to treat with.
00:26:03.29\00:26:05.69
But not everything is
you can draw a lab for,
00:26:05.73\00:26:08.56
you know, with, you know, a loss
00:26:08.60\00:26:10.37
or something like that though.
00:26:10.40\00:26:11.93
Well, that's one of
the beautiful things
00:26:11.97\00:26:13.34
about the beauties
of Dr. Nedley's program
00:26:13.37\00:26:16.20
is that he does,
00:26:16.24\00:26:17.57
I remember when I was there,
00:26:17.61\00:26:18.94
I think they did
nine blood draws.
00:26:18.97\00:26:20.31
Yes
00:26:20.34\00:26:21.68
And he's looking at
all these different things
00:26:21.71\00:26:23.11
and looking at my chart
00:26:23.14\00:26:24.55
and I'd have my counseling
appointments with him.
00:26:24.58\00:26:26.98
And he would say, I see this,
this, this, this, and this.
00:26:27.02\00:26:29.78
I know why you have anxiety.
00:26:29.82\00:26:31.15
Why you have
insomnia, why you can't sleep.
00:26:31.19\00:26:33.46
Why you're depressed.
00:26:33.49\00:26:34.82
It's all right
there in front of me.
00:26:34.86\00:26:36.19
And he said, you
need these vitamins,
00:26:36.22\00:26:37.59
this, this,
this, this, and this.
00:26:37.63\00:26:39.06
And you need to up
the zinc and the B6
00:26:39.09\00:26:41.80
and eventually everything
just kicked back into normal.
00:26:41.83\00:26:45.73
Right. Right.
00:26:45.77\00:26:47.10
And that's the same way
it was with my labs as well.
00:26:47.14\00:26:48.77
He did the same thing.
00:26:48.80\00:26:50.14
And so like all the
things that you just mentioned,
00:26:50.17\00:26:51.97
like zinc and P5P
and the different data
00:26:52.01\00:26:55.21
that he basically was able
to have a supplement for that.
00:26:55.24\00:26:58.61
And so that definitely
helped the brain chemistry.
00:26:58.65\00:27:00.78
Yeah.
00:27:00.82\00:27:02.15
And again, we'll talk more
about Dr. Nedley's program.
00:27:02.18\00:27:03.65
So back to your
timeline, your teenage years,
00:27:03.69\00:27:07.82
tell us more about?
00:27:07.86\00:27:09.19
You said 12, you
started struggling with this.
00:27:09.22\00:27:11.19
You were off and on
antidepressant medications.
00:27:11.23\00:27:15.60
And what were your
teenage years like?
00:27:15.63\00:27:17.63
You said, your
brother kind of went,
00:27:17.67\00:27:19.40
he stayed with the Lord,
00:27:19.43\00:27:20.80
but you went the other way?
00:27:20.84\00:27:22.20
Yes, I did.
00:27:22.24\00:27:24.04
Teenage years were okay.
00:27:24.07\00:27:26.68
Again, it was
still moving around,
00:27:26.71\00:27:29.44
you know, I enjoyed school.
00:27:29.48\00:27:30.81
I liked being in school.
00:27:30.85\00:27:32.18
There were some
really high points as well,
00:27:32.21\00:27:33.62
so I don't want to paint it,
00:27:33.65\00:27:34.98
you know, entirely
in one direction either,
00:27:35.02\00:27:37.42
but, you know, again,
00:27:37.45\00:27:39.19
there was still just this thing.
00:27:39.22\00:27:41.66
I just could
not put my finger on
00:27:41.69\00:27:44.46
what could possibly be wrong.
00:27:44.49\00:27:46.29
'Cause I just didn't,
00:27:46.33\00:27:47.66
something was
just not a 100% right.
00:27:47.70\00:27:49.26
Like that cloud,
just a cloud over you.
00:27:49.30\00:27:50.63
Just a cloud.
00:27:50.67\00:27:52.00
Sometimes they
call it the black dog,
00:27:52.03\00:27:53.87
you know, something
that it's just pervasive
00:27:53.90\00:27:56.30
and it affects a lot of
different areas of life.
00:27:56.34\00:27:59.94
So going through college,
00:27:59.97\00:28:03.85
you know, again, it was more
00:28:03.88\00:28:07.05
kind of hanging out
with not the best crowd
00:28:07.08\00:28:09.75
going to rock
concerts, you know.
00:28:09.78\00:28:13.56
So you really veered
away from the church,
00:28:13.59\00:28:16.42
the church crowd.
00:28:16.46\00:28:17.79
Did you continue to go to church
00:28:17.83\00:28:19.16
during those
days or did you stop?
00:28:19.19\00:28:20.53
I did occasionally.
00:28:20.56\00:28:21.90
I went occasionally,
00:28:21.93\00:28:23.26
but not for
maybe the best reasons,
00:28:23.30\00:28:26.03
more to meet up with friends
00:28:26.07\00:28:27.54
and more like a
social event type of thing.
00:28:27.57\00:28:30.67
So I still, I
still believed in God.
00:28:30.71\00:28:33.24
I still loved God,
00:28:33.27\00:28:34.61
but I didn't know
00:28:34.64\00:28:35.98
what a true relationship
with Him really was,
00:28:36.01\00:28:38.98
I think kind of looking back.
00:28:39.01\00:28:40.42
So I struggled a lot
with just feeling disconnected
00:28:40.45\00:28:43.89
and trying to just feeling lost,
00:28:43.92\00:28:47.42
I guess you could say,
00:28:47.46\00:28:48.79
just not having a
clear direction, so.
00:28:48.82\00:28:51.66
But you knew you
wanted to be a nurse?
00:28:51.69\00:28:54.10
Yes, yes. I did
have direction there.
00:28:54.13\00:28:57.33
You know, in terms of school,
00:28:57.37\00:28:58.83
you know, I did
fairly well in school,
00:28:58.87\00:29:01.30
that wasn't the issue.
00:29:01.34\00:29:02.67
It was more just
overall life satisfaction.
00:29:02.70\00:29:05.37
Just kind of knowing like,
00:29:05.41\00:29:07.31
you know, feeling, I
guess at peace you could say.
00:29:07.34\00:29:12.35
So your friends
though, the friends,
00:29:12.38\00:29:14.25
you said wrong crowd,
00:29:14.28\00:29:15.98
they pulled you in
the wrong direction?
00:29:16.02\00:29:18.55
Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:18.59\00:29:20.42
And that's the same
thing that happened to me.
00:29:20.46\00:29:21.79
And it happens to a lot of kids,
00:29:21.82\00:29:23.16
you know, you veered
into your teenage years
00:29:23.19\00:29:24.53
and then continuing on
00:29:24.56\00:29:26.49
and you, you know, you,
00:29:26.53\00:29:27.86
if you don't have a
strong walk with God,
00:29:27.90\00:29:30.70
if you're not really reading
His Word on a regular basis
00:29:30.73\00:29:34.67
and praying on a regular
basis, and even if you are,
00:29:34.70\00:29:37.24
you can still be pulled
into the wrong influences.
00:29:37.27\00:29:41.34
And I didn't have any
moral base at all, really.
00:29:41.38\00:29:45.45
And so I just went
from one thing to another,
00:29:45.48\00:29:48.68
marijuana and then cocaine
00:29:48.72\00:29:51.29
and the parties,
the rock concerts,
00:29:51.32\00:29:53.86
the same kind of thing,
the alcohol, the drinking.
00:29:53.89\00:29:55.99
And some of my friends
that I grew up with they died.
00:29:56.02\00:30:00.83
I remember Lisa,
00:30:00.86\00:30:03.67
I got word that she
had overdosed on Quaaludes
00:30:03.70\00:30:06.20
and then Michael
Prier, he, I don't know.
00:30:06.23\00:30:10.41
I think he drank so
much, he got a liver disease
00:30:10.44\00:30:14.11
and that killed
him as a young man.
00:30:14.14\00:30:16.68
So it could have
easily happened to me.
00:30:16.71\00:30:19.55
And it happens
to a lot of people.
00:30:19.58\00:30:21.28
It's very, it's tragic.
00:30:21.32\00:30:22.65
So let's keep
going down farther.
00:30:22.68\00:30:24.99
You eventually got married?
00:30:25.02\00:30:26.76
I did get married.
00:30:26.79\00:30:28.96
I married another nurse
and we had a beautiful child.
00:30:28.99\00:30:32.56
His name is Liam and he's seven.
00:30:32.59\00:30:35.00
He's turning eight
at the end of April.
00:30:35.03\00:30:36.87
You were telling
me a little about him.
00:30:36.90\00:30:38.47
He's awesome. I
just love him so much.
00:30:38.50\00:30:40.34
I'm so grateful for Liam.
00:30:40.37\00:30:42.70
He's a very unique child.
00:30:42.74\00:30:44.91
He loves clocks.
00:30:44.94\00:30:46.27
He loves numbers and
he has a clock collection.
00:30:46.31\00:30:48.51
And so he's just
a fun little guy.
00:30:48.54\00:30:50.11
You have to talk to him.
00:30:50.15\00:30:51.48
He's never met a stranger.
00:30:51.51\00:30:52.85
He's very chatty.
00:30:52.88\00:30:54.48
But he's, I do
have a beautiful son.
00:30:54.52\00:30:57.75
Unfortunately I
did get divorced.
00:30:57.79\00:30:59.39
So the divorce
was very difficult,
00:30:59.42\00:31:03.76
you talked about losses
00:31:03.79\00:31:05.59
and it was a tumultuous time.
00:31:05.63\00:31:10.07
I think that may have
been the tipping point
00:31:10.10\00:31:12.47
of what kind of
led me to seek help
00:31:12.50\00:31:16.47
with Dr. Nedley's program.
00:31:16.50\00:31:19.14
That was not something that,
00:31:19.17\00:31:23.88
it was a pretty
discouraging time.
00:31:23.91\00:31:26.01
So I just felt like a failure.
00:31:26.05\00:31:27.65
I felt like...
00:31:27.68\00:31:29.02
After the
divorce. After the divorce.
00:31:29.05\00:31:30.39
And so there's a lot of thoughts
00:31:30.42\00:31:31.75
that were going in my head
00:31:31.79\00:31:33.12
that you had mentioned
before that what's the point,
00:31:33.15\00:31:35.56
like, why am I still living?
00:31:35.59\00:31:37.49
So it was those
suicidal thoughts,
00:31:37.53\00:31:39.09
I think really
tipped at that point.
00:31:39.13\00:31:43.33
Now had you
prior to the divorce,
00:31:43.37\00:31:45.33
had you ever
attempted to take your life?
00:31:45.37\00:31:48.37
I had one other time.
00:31:48.40\00:31:51.14
Was while you were married
or before you were married?
00:31:51.17\00:31:53.94
It was while we were married.
00:31:53.98\00:31:56.48
And do you do,
what you attribute to,
00:31:56.51\00:31:58.41
you attribute that to,
00:31:58.45\00:31:59.88
were you still on
medication at that time,
00:31:59.91\00:32:01.95
antidepressant medication?
00:32:01.98\00:32:03.32
Was that a contributing factor
00:32:03.35\00:32:04.85
or was it just because
00:32:04.89\00:32:06.25
things weren't going
well in your marriage or both?
00:32:06.29\00:32:09.09
It's hard to say, I mean,
00:32:09.12\00:32:11.19
it's difficult to
really pinpoint what it was.
00:32:11.23\00:32:14.16
I know I struggled really
bad with postpartum depression.
00:32:14.20\00:32:18.73
And so after Liam was born,
00:32:18.77\00:32:22.44
I was struggling
pretty hard at home.
00:32:22.47\00:32:25.57
So that was difficult.
00:32:25.61\00:32:29.68
And then you said that
00:32:29.71\00:32:31.31
the divorce that really
contributed to your slide?
00:32:31.35\00:32:36.48
Yes.
00:32:36.52\00:32:38.52
So just, you know, keep going
00:32:38.55\00:32:42.92
with what happened,
00:32:42.96\00:32:44.73
tell people what happened.
00:32:44.76\00:32:46.09
A lot of people, you
know, when we tell our stories,
00:32:46.13\00:32:49.63
other people can
say, I can relate to that.
00:32:49.66\00:32:52.67
That's what happened to me.
00:32:52.70\00:32:54.20
And a lot of people
when they go through things.
00:32:54.24\00:32:57.31
I know for me,
00:32:57.34\00:32:59.41
when I went through
Dr. Nedley's program,
00:32:59.44\00:33:01.54
the first time around
00:33:01.58\00:33:03.08
it was very, in a strange way,
00:33:03.11\00:33:08.35
it was shocking.
00:33:08.38\00:33:09.75
And it was in a strange way,
00:33:09.78\00:33:11.12
it was encouraging
to see other people
00:33:11.15\00:33:14.56
going through the
same kind of things
00:33:14.59\00:33:17.13
that I was going through,
00:33:17.16\00:33:18.49
because I think
there's a tendency to,
00:33:18.53\00:33:22.13
when people go
through real problems
00:33:22.16\00:33:25.37
to think that nobody
knows what I'm going through.
00:33:25.40\00:33:30.11
I'm the only one
that's got this problem.
00:33:30.14\00:33:32.94
Right
00:33:32.97\00:33:34.31
And there was a Bible
verse that I read that said,
00:33:34.34\00:33:36.91
no temptation has overtaken you,
00:33:36.95\00:33:39.25
but such as is common to man.
00:33:39.28\00:33:41.48
I think that's 1
Corinthians 10:17, I think,
00:33:41.52\00:33:46.32
just going by memory.
00:33:46.35\00:33:47.79
And so I would think,
00:33:47.82\00:33:49.16
is this possible that
what I'm going through
00:33:49.19\00:33:50.86
is common to man,
00:33:50.89\00:33:52.23
that other people
go through this too?
00:33:52.26\00:33:53.60
Yeah.
00:33:53.63\00:33:54.96
And then when I went
through Dr. Nedley's program,
00:33:55.00\00:33:56.40
I saw firsthand
00:33:56.43\00:33:57.80
because a lot of people
don't talk about these things.
00:33:57.83\00:33:59.43
Right.
00:33:59.47\00:34:00.80
And I saw it firsthand that,
00:34:00.84\00:34:02.17
you know, this
person and this person,
00:34:02.20\00:34:03.97
we would sit in the hot tub,
00:34:04.01\00:34:06.21
as you know, part
of his program is,
00:34:06.24\00:34:07.74
you go in the hot tub
00:34:07.78\00:34:09.11
and then they put you
in a cold bucket of water.
00:34:09.14\00:34:12.88
Yeah, hydrotherapy,
00:34:12.91\00:34:14.25
and then you're
back in the hot tub
00:34:14.28\00:34:15.62
for about four
minutes or five minutes.
00:34:15.65\00:34:17.42
Yeah.
00:34:17.45\00:34:18.79
Then you're back in the
tub of ice for 30 seconds.
00:34:18.82\00:34:22.82
And you go back and
forth, back and forth
00:34:22.86\00:34:24.99
sometimes, two or
three times a day.
00:34:25.03\00:34:28.00
And you, and so we
would sit in a hot tub
00:34:28.03\00:34:29.83
and with the guys,
00:34:29.86\00:34:31.20
they, you know, they
separated the men and the women,
00:34:31.23\00:34:33.47
once we did hydrotherapy.
00:34:33.50\00:34:35.57
And these guys are just telling,
00:34:35.60\00:34:38.24
you know, the
same kind of stories
00:34:38.27\00:34:40.11
that I'm going through.
00:34:40.14\00:34:41.48
And then of course at the end,
00:34:41.51\00:34:43.38
if they want to, people get
up and they share their stories
00:34:43.41\00:34:47.08
and you just
think, wow, I'm not alone.
00:34:47.12\00:34:49.52
Yeah.
00:34:49.55\00:34:50.89
A lot of people have
experienced things like this.
00:34:50.92\00:34:54.16
Yeah, that's true.
00:34:54.19\00:34:55.52
So for me, it was
comforting to know.
00:34:55.56\00:34:57.43
I mean, I didn't, you know,
00:34:57.46\00:34:58.79
obviously I didn't want
other people to struggle,
00:34:58.83\00:35:01.13
but to know that I wasn't alone
00:35:01.16\00:35:02.53
and that people could relate,
00:35:02.56\00:35:04.50
that was really valuable to me.
00:35:04.53\00:35:06.37
Yeah.
00:35:06.40\00:35:07.74
There's something
that's very connecting
00:35:07.77\00:35:09.77
with vulnerability,
00:35:09.80\00:35:12.34
because they talk about that.
00:35:12.37\00:35:13.71
That vulnerability is basically
the birthplace of empathy.
00:35:13.74\00:35:16.98
And so if you can
relate with someone else,
00:35:17.01\00:35:19.18
that's such a connecting piece.
00:35:19.21\00:35:20.82
And to know that
00:35:20.85\00:35:22.18
you don't have
to struggle alone,
00:35:22.22\00:35:23.82
there's, like you
said, there's value in that
00:35:23.85\00:35:26.12
because then you can
also help each other.
00:35:26.15\00:35:28.52
Yeah, that's right.
00:35:28.56\00:35:29.92
There's a little book that
we'll talk more about later on,
00:35:29.96\00:35:34.06
it's a little book I wrote
called Help for the Hopeless.
00:35:34.10\00:35:36.90
Help for the Hopeless.
00:35:36.93\00:35:38.97
And there's a
person on the cover
00:35:39.00\00:35:40.34
that's just, he's in the dark
00:35:40.37\00:35:42.04
and he's got
his hand on his head
00:35:42.07\00:35:43.41
and he's just
really down and out.
00:35:43.44\00:35:47.34
And the subtitle here
says my escape from insomnia,
00:35:47.38\00:35:52.28
mind altering medication,
00:35:52.31\00:35:54.32
dark depression,
and mental torture.
00:35:54.35\00:35:57.09
And for me, I mean, I am this,
00:35:57.12\00:35:59.52
my title is speaker
director of White Horse Media.
00:35:59.55\00:36:02.72
I'm a minister. I've
been a minister for years.
00:36:02.76\00:36:04.96
I've given
seminars on the Bible.
00:36:04.99\00:36:07.03
I've spoken in front of
crowds, done radio interviews,
00:36:07.06\00:36:09.36
we've produced TV programs.
00:36:09.40\00:36:11.30
And it wasn't until 2017
00:36:11.33\00:36:14.50
that I just really,
I just bottomed out.
00:36:14.54\00:36:17.37
And then when I,
00:36:17.41\00:36:20.81
by the grace of
God, I got through that,
00:36:20.84\00:36:22.91
I wrote this book.
00:36:22.94\00:36:24.65
And this is, you know, my story.
00:36:24.68\00:36:26.88
And I remember that
when this book first came out
00:36:26.92\00:36:29.02
and I finally decided
00:36:29.05\00:36:30.39
I'm going to go
public with this,
00:36:30.42\00:36:31.75
and I'm going to write this book
00:36:31.79\00:36:33.12
and tell the story.
00:36:33.15\00:36:34.49
That I, we were just,
our office was just cascaded
00:36:34.52\00:36:38.96
with emails and phone calls
00:36:38.99\00:36:41.00
and people that just said,
00:36:41.03\00:36:43.97
you know, thank you
for being vulnerable
00:36:44.00\00:36:47.70
and for telling your story,
00:36:47.74\00:36:50.04
because they, you know,
they would say things like,
00:36:50.07\00:36:51.97
you know, most people that are,
00:36:52.01\00:36:54.34
you know, in my
position, they don't do that.
00:36:54.38\00:36:57.61
And for them to see
other people struggling,
00:36:57.65\00:37:01.42
just like they're struggling,
it's encouraging to people,
00:37:01.45\00:37:04.79
especially when
God brings you through.
00:37:04.82\00:37:07.09
Amen.
00:37:07.12\00:37:09.52
When you don't just go
down, but then you get up.
00:37:09.56\00:37:11.99
That's right.
00:37:12.03\00:37:13.36
God brings you
up. God builds you up.
00:37:13.40\00:37:15.36
And there's a lot of promises
that we'll look at later.
00:37:15.40\00:37:18.37
Many promises in the Bible
00:37:18.40\00:37:20.24
that I'm sure you
have precious promises
00:37:20.27\00:37:22.50
I want to focus
on at some point,
00:37:22.54\00:37:23.87
what were the key
promises that helped you,
00:37:23.91\00:37:25.41
and I'll share
some of the promises
00:37:25.44\00:37:27.34
that helped me,
00:37:27.38\00:37:28.71
because really I know,
and I think we both know
00:37:28.74\00:37:30.71
that we're only, we're
here by the grace of God.
00:37:30.75\00:37:32.61
Amen. Only. That's right.
00:37:32.65\00:37:34.32
It's a miracle of the Lord
00:37:34.35\00:37:35.98
that He can get
a hold of anybody
00:37:36.02\00:37:38.72
and then bring us
through very dark times.
00:37:38.75\00:37:41.56
That's right. So, okay.
00:37:41.59\00:37:43.46
Let's go back to,
00:37:43.49\00:37:46.23
you know, how did things develop
00:37:46.26\00:37:49.43
were you, when you,
00:37:49.46\00:37:51.43
you know, that
led you to the bottom,
00:37:51.47\00:37:54.17
and then how did you find
out about Dr. Nedley's program
00:37:54.20\00:37:57.44
and we've got plenty of time
00:37:57.47\00:37:59.11
in this program
and the next program.
00:37:59.14\00:38:00.54
We've got three hour,
three-one hour sessions,
00:38:00.58\00:38:03.71
and then I want you
to eventually go into,
00:38:03.75\00:38:06.95
you know, the process
00:38:06.98\00:38:09.12
that got you out
of the depression
00:38:09.15\00:38:11.75
and the suicidal thoughts
and those kinds of things?
00:38:11.79\00:38:14.16
Okay.
00:38:14.19\00:38:15.52
So tell the story? Okay.
00:38:15.56\00:38:17.86
So part of the story was,
00:38:17.89\00:38:21.86
I had ended up after the gun
did not go off by God's grace.
00:38:21.90\00:38:27.44
I called my dad and
a friend to come over
00:38:27.47\00:38:30.61
and my friend is a gun expert.
00:38:30.64\00:38:33.17
And so he checked out the gun.
00:38:33.21\00:38:34.71
So there's no reason
00:38:34.74\00:38:36.08
that the gun
shouldn't have gone off.
00:38:36.11\00:38:38.35
My dad spent the night with me.
00:38:38.38\00:38:40.12
The next day he took me
to a psychiatric hospital.
00:38:40.15\00:38:43.65
So I was admitted.
00:38:43.69\00:38:45.45
Basically under, you
know, physician supervision.
00:38:45.49\00:38:49.79
And it was under locked
down and all those things,
00:38:49.82\00:38:51.89
because I was still, you know...
00:38:51.93\00:38:53.26
Suicide watch,
right? Suicide watch.
00:38:53.29\00:38:54.63
And where was this?
00:38:54.66\00:38:56.00
This was in Texas in Fort Worth.
00:38:56.03\00:38:57.70
Okay.
00:38:57.73\00:38:59.07
So that's where I was taken
00:38:59.10\00:39:01.64
and in the middle,
00:39:01.67\00:39:04.61
I was also on a
lot of medications
00:39:04.64\00:39:06.91
and so I was on
high dose Benzodiazepine.
00:39:06.94\00:39:09.51
So it's going to be
like your Lorazepams,
00:39:09.54\00:39:11.48
your Ativans, Valium,
those types of medications.
00:39:11.51\00:39:15.85
And with the alcohol component,
00:39:15.88\00:39:18.09
the psychiatric
physician decided
00:39:18.12\00:39:20.56
to take off the
benzo completely.
00:39:20.59\00:39:24.03
And so that's
considered not a good plan
00:39:24.06\00:39:28.26
because it can cause seizures,
00:39:28.30\00:39:29.63
it can cause life-threatening
brain chemistry issues.
00:39:29.66\00:39:33.40
So he took you off the benzo
00:39:33.44\00:39:35.14
because you were
drinking at that point?
00:39:35.17\00:39:36.84
Yes, yes.
00:39:36.87\00:39:38.21
And he didn't just
tell you to stop drinking.
00:39:38.24\00:39:40.38
He just adapted to
what he thought was best
00:39:40.41\00:39:43.08
based on the fact
that you were drinking.
00:39:43.11\00:39:44.45
Right.
00:39:44.48\00:39:45.81
Because basically
the benzos are like
00:39:45.85\00:39:47.18
alcohol in a pill form.
00:39:47.22\00:39:48.72
And so he didn't want that
00:39:48.75\00:39:50.09
to be part of
the treatment plan.
00:39:50.12\00:39:52.12
And so I started to
have auditory hallucinations.
00:39:52.15\00:39:55.66
I thought the
staff was against me.
00:39:55.69\00:39:58.36
I thought I needed
to get out of there.
00:39:58.39\00:40:00.90
A lot of things that were
not congruent with reality.
00:40:00.93\00:40:03.06
So I, cognizant of this,
00:40:03.10\00:40:05.33
I just didn't know
what to do about it.
00:40:05.37\00:40:07.50
So it was terrifying.
00:40:07.54\00:40:09.57
And you attribute that to
the benzo that you were on.
00:40:09.60\00:40:11.24
To the benzo.
00:40:11.27\00:40:12.71
Yeah, just the entire.
00:40:12.74\00:40:14.08
And what was the particular
kind that you were on?
00:40:14.11\00:40:16.14
It was Ativan,
00:40:16.18\00:40:17.55
so I was up to
four milligrams a day,
00:40:17.58\00:40:19.88
which is a very high dose.
00:40:19.91\00:40:22.65
So he put me on
another medication
00:40:22.68\00:40:25.09
basically to treat the psychosis
00:40:25.12\00:40:27.26
and put me on some other
00:40:27.29\00:40:28.82
high dose
psychiatric medications.
00:40:28.86\00:40:31.09
And so it was
basically giving more meds.
00:40:31.13\00:40:35.33
At that point, my
mom had heard about
00:40:35.36\00:40:37.07
the Nedley
depression and anxiety program.
00:40:37.10\00:40:40.00
I wanted nothing to do with God.
00:40:40.04\00:40:42.30
I was very like angry.
00:40:42.34\00:40:44.71
Was that because of
the benzos or was that?
00:40:44.74\00:40:47.78
Had that been
building for a while?
00:40:47.81\00:40:49.74
That had been
building for a while.
00:40:49.78\00:40:51.38
It had nothing to do with
taking the medications away.
00:40:51.41\00:40:54.62
So that was kind
of a separate issue,
00:40:54.65\00:40:57.25
compounded with everything else.
00:40:57.29\00:40:59.65
I was on Adderall for ADHD.
00:40:59.69\00:41:02.36
Trazadone for sleep,
00:41:02.39\00:41:04.03
on an antidepressant
I think it was Cymbalta.
00:41:04.06\00:41:08.20
It was like six
different medications
00:41:08.23\00:41:09.73
and some of them were working
in opposition of each other.
00:41:09.76\00:41:12.53
So the whole treatment
plan just didn't make sense.
00:41:12.57\00:41:15.70
It's just basically
like throwing Band-Aids,
00:41:15.74\00:41:18.47
you know, on all these
different issues and so.
00:41:18.51\00:41:22.48
So they were just, you know,
00:41:22.51\00:41:23.85
I have a relative
that often says sometimes
00:41:23.88\00:41:27.15
they just,
physician's practice medicine
00:41:27.18\00:41:29.78
and he uses that as a joke.
00:41:29.82\00:41:31.15
Yeah.
00:41:31.19\00:41:32.52
So it sounds like that's
what was happening in your case.
00:41:32.55\00:41:33.89
Yes.
00:41:33.92\00:41:35.26
They were just
deciding, well, let's try this
00:41:35.29\00:41:36.62
or let's try this
and they weren't looking
00:41:36.66\00:41:37.99
at how they all work together.
00:41:38.03\00:41:39.36
Now I'm interested
in when you said it,
00:41:39.39\00:41:40.73
it wasn't the
drugs that you were on
00:41:40.76\00:41:42.83
that made you not want God.
00:41:42.86\00:41:45.67
You were already going in
that direction for a while?
00:41:45.70\00:41:47.90
Yes.
00:41:47.94\00:41:49.27
And so go into
that a little bit more.
00:41:49.30\00:41:51.84
Why did you after
growing up in a Christian home,
00:41:51.87\00:41:55.71
what led you to the point
00:41:55.74\00:41:57.55
where you just
decided I don't want Him,
00:41:57.58\00:41:59.65
was it because of
the cloud that you render
00:41:59.68\00:42:02.42
that was still there?
00:42:02.45\00:42:03.85
Was that your marriage,
00:42:03.89\00:42:05.22
you know, what was
it that led to that?
00:42:05.25\00:42:09.32
I don't know if
I can really like,
00:42:09.36\00:42:11.99
articulate exactly
when that happened.
00:42:12.03\00:42:14.33
I think it was a
slow progression.
00:42:14.36\00:42:16.93
Just, you know, kind
of letting out the threads
00:42:16.97\00:42:20.20
here and there,
compromising here and there.
00:42:20.24\00:42:23.64
Not seeing that,
00:42:23.67\00:42:25.27
that was really the
solution to a lot of things.
00:42:25.31\00:42:28.31
And He was the solution.
00:42:28.34\00:42:29.68
And He's the solution
00:42:29.71\00:42:31.28
and just really rejecting
00:42:31.31\00:42:33.18
that still small voice and not,
00:42:33.21\00:42:38.05
you know, not doing as he says,
00:42:38.09\00:42:40.36
basically very
rebellious spirit.
00:42:40.39\00:42:42.92
And so just, you know,
00:42:42.96\00:42:45.29
I had struggled a lot with that.
00:42:45.33\00:42:47.56
So, and seeing the
true picture of who God is,
00:42:47.60\00:42:49.93
I didn't have a
good understanding
00:42:49.96\00:42:51.43
of how He is.
00:42:51.47\00:42:53.57
What was your
understanding at that point?
00:42:53.60\00:42:56.30
At that point, I felt like
00:42:56.34\00:42:58.17
or I was thinking that
00:42:58.21\00:42:59.54
He was more like a judging God,
00:42:59.57\00:43:01.81
that He was
looking at the things
00:43:01.84\00:43:03.38
that I wasn't doing,
00:43:03.41\00:43:04.75
and basically saying that,
00:43:04.78\00:43:07.08
you know, you're too bad,
00:43:07.12\00:43:08.52
you know, you've done too
many bad things in your life
00:43:08.55\00:43:10.35
that I'm going to
just not accept you
00:43:10.39\00:43:12.35
because you're too far gone.
00:43:12.39\00:43:14.92
And so I realized
00:43:14.96\00:43:16.29
that was not God speaking to me,
00:43:16.32\00:43:18.19
that was the devil,
00:43:18.23\00:43:19.56
because there was
a thought from hell,
00:43:19.59\00:43:20.93
there's a thought from heaven,
00:43:20.96\00:43:22.30
and that God would
not speak in that way.
00:43:22.33\00:43:25.33
So I recognize that now,
00:43:25.37\00:43:26.80
but going
through it, I had that,
00:43:26.84\00:43:28.50
those thoughts, but, you
know, I was just too far gone.
00:43:28.54\00:43:32.37
Yeah.
00:43:32.41\00:43:33.74
I've had many of those thoughts.
00:43:33.78\00:43:36.34
We can totally relate to that.
00:43:36.38\00:43:38.48
And I think in my case,
00:43:38.51\00:43:40.25
I think the medication
00:43:40.28\00:43:41.62
that I eventually
went on my situation
00:43:41.65\00:43:44.42
really started with
insomnia in June of 2017.
00:43:44.45\00:43:50.33
I, for some reason I
just wasn't able to sleep.
00:43:50.36\00:43:54.20
I woke up at two in the morning
and couldn't go back to sleep.
00:43:54.23\00:43:57.27
And then I started taking some,
00:43:57.30\00:44:00.37
uh, I think it was Tylenol PM,
00:44:00.40\00:44:02.37
and more melatonin and
some of the milder things.
00:44:02.40\00:44:06.14
And they didn't, they
worked for a little while
00:44:06.17\00:44:08.84
and then they stopped working.
00:44:08.88\00:44:10.21
And then I tried,
somebody recommended Advil,
00:44:10.25\00:44:12.51
no, not Advil, I'm
sorry, not Advil, Ambien.
00:44:12.55\00:44:15.72
And I tried Ambien.
00:44:15.75\00:44:17.09
And then that
worked for a little while,
00:44:17.12\00:44:18.45
and then that stopped working.
00:44:18.49\00:44:19.82
And then I went
farther and farther
00:44:19.85\00:44:21.19
and then eventually Iâ |
00:44:21.22\00:44:22.56
Some of my physician
friends well-meaning,
00:44:22.59\00:44:25.93
were trying to help me
because I wasn't sleeping.
00:44:25.96\00:44:29.40
I go the entire
night without sleeping.
00:44:29.43\00:44:32.33
And then they put me on,
00:44:32.37\00:44:34.30
I believe it was
Trazedone or maybe Seroquel.
00:44:34.34\00:44:38.51
And then
eventually it was Lorazepam,
00:44:38.54\00:44:40.94
which is a benzo
00:44:40.98\00:44:42.48
and it just, I just
spiraled one after another.
00:44:42.51\00:44:46.08
And it really started
with I couldn't sleep.
00:44:46.11\00:44:49.52
And, you know,
here I am a minister
00:44:49.55\00:44:51.29
and I've got responsibilities.
00:44:51.32\00:44:52.65
I have a family, I have my
wife and my daughter and my son,
00:44:52.69\00:44:55.69
and a whole host of things
00:44:55.72\00:44:57.96
that I toggle and
multitask in my daily life.
00:44:57.99\00:45:01.86
And you know, when you
lose sleep consistently
00:45:01.90\00:45:06.47
your mind just
begins to unravel.
00:45:06.50\00:45:09.50
And so I went on
these medications
00:45:09.54\00:45:11.61
because I didn't
know what else to do.
00:45:11.64\00:45:13.98
And that was what
eventually led me to Weimar
00:45:14.01\00:45:16.48
was when I was on Lorazepam.
00:45:16.51\00:45:19.25
And I called Dr. Nedley
00:45:19.28\00:45:23.32
because I had known
him for a long time,
00:45:23.35\00:45:25.42
from a different situation.
00:45:25.45\00:45:27.69
And then I told him
what I was going through
00:45:27.72\00:45:30.29
and I wasn't sleeping,
and I was on Lorazepam.
00:45:30.33\00:45:32.36
And he told me, how he still
remembered that conversation.
00:45:32.39\00:45:34.90
I was standing outside
of my wife's parents' house
00:45:34.93\00:45:37.37
on my cell phone.
00:45:37.40\00:45:38.73
And he said to me, he said,
00:45:38.77\00:45:40.10
Steve, you've got to
get to Weimar right away.
00:45:40.14\00:45:42.50
You've got to get down here
00:45:42.54\00:45:43.87
and go through the depression
and anxiety recovery program,
00:45:43.91\00:45:46.47
because we've got to
get you off that benzo
00:45:46.51\00:45:49.11
or this is not,
no, he didn't tell me
00:45:49.14\00:45:50.95
this at the conversation.
00:45:50.98\00:45:52.41
But later he told me that
when he had that conversation,
00:45:52.45\00:45:57.05
he thought to himself,
this is not going to end well.
00:45:57.09\00:46:00.26
That was the term he used.
00:46:00.29\00:46:01.99
This is not the phrase he used.
00:46:02.02\00:46:03.36
This is not going to end well.
00:46:03.39\00:46:05.16
That's the way,
so he was reflecting,
00:46:05.19\00:46:07.96
but he didn't tell
me that as a physician,
00:46:08.00\00:46:09.46
you know, on the
phone, he just told me,
00:46:09.50\00:46:11.20
he said, you need to
get down here to Weimar
00:46:11.23\00:46:13.80
and go through our
program as quick as possible.
00:46:13.84\00:46:15.64
And that was, that
phone call took place on
00:46:15.67\00:46:19.37
I believe it was a Sunday.
00:46:19.41\00:46:21.08
And then he said that we
have 20 people registered,
00:46:21.11\00:46:25.98
or we're going to
take 20 at that point
00:46:26.01\00:46:28.92
for the next program,
which starts Thursday.
00:46:28.95\00:46:31.12
This was a Sunday. He
said it starts Thursday.
00:46:31.15\00:46:34.06
And then he said,
we have one opening
00:46:34.09\00:46:36.62
and I can squeeze you in.
00:46:36.66\00:46:38.03
Praise God.
00:46:38.06\00:46:39.39
And so by
Tuesday I was on a plane
00:46:39.43\00:46:41.46
and my wife, I
remember her helping me pack
00:46:41.50\00:46:44.77
because at that point
00:46:44.80\00:46:46.13
I was just, you know,
00:46:46.17\00:46:47.50
I had gone
through multiple nights
00:46:47.54\00:46:49.40
without sleeping.
00:46:49.44\00:46:50.77
And now these medications
were affecting my mind
00:46:50.81\00:46:54.24
and I was having
all kinds of thoughts
00:46:54.28\00:46:56.61
that were not normal to me.
00:46:56.64\00:46:59.31
And, you know, and
those negative thoughts,
00:46:59.35\00:47:01.98
those negative
thoughts just keep hammering you
00:47:02.02\00:47:04.55
one after another.
00:47:04.59\00:47:05.92
You're hopeless.
00:47:05.95\00:47:07.29
That God doesn't
love you anymore.
00:47:07.32\00:47:08.66
There's no way out of this.
00:47:08.69\00:47:10.93
There's nothing you can do.
00:47:10.96\00:47:12.29
Right.
00:47:12.33\00:47:13.66
And there's a
whole lot of other things
00:47:13.70\00:47:15.36
that went on inside my
head, which you can relate to.
00:47:15.40\00:47:18.70
I can relate
to. Yes, absolutely.
00:47:18.73\00:47:20.54
Okay. So... A
lot of those things.
00:47:20.57\00:47:22.04
Yeah. So how'd
you get to Weimar?
00:47:22.07\00:47:27.18
Kind of a little
bit more to the story.
00:47:27.21\00:47:30.25
I'd met a, some friends
00:47:30.28\00:47:33.48
in an intensive
outpatient program.
00:47:33.52\00:47:35.72
I thought they were my friends
00:47:35.75\00:47:37.49
and I went on some dates
00:47:37.52\00:47:41.12
with a millionaire that is,
00:47:41.16\00:47:44.23
was in recovery for alcoholism.
00:47:44.26\00:47:46.46
And so, you know, I
had this relationship
00:47:46.49\00:47:49.36
with this millionaire
in this recovery program,
00:47:49.40\00:47:51.97
And this was still
in... This is still in Texas.
00:47:52.00\00:47:54.04
In the Fort Worth area? Yeah.
00:47:54.07\00:47:55.40
And I ended up
making some friends
00:47:55.44\00:47:59.01
that one friend decided that
00:47:59.04\00:48:00.78
he wanted to take
a certain medication
00:48:00.81\00:48:04.11
and put it under his tongue.
00:48:04.15\00:48:06.58
And my dad was in a
near fatal car accident.
00:48:06.61\00:48:10.09
And so he had this medication.
00:48:10.12\00:48:11.65
And so I got this
medication for this person
00:48:11.69\00:48:14.32
and he went into
respiratory distress
00:48:14.36\00:48:16.76
in my car.
00:48:16.79\00:48:18.13
Soâ |
00:48:18.16\00:48:19.49
And this was your
millionaire boyfriend?
00:48:19.53\00:48:20.86
This was someone else.
00:48:20.90\00:48:22.23
There are two separate people.
00:48:22.26\00:48:23.60
I'm sorry. I wasn't clear.
00:48:23.63\00:48:25.00
So with my ICU training,
00:48:25.03\00:48:28.40
I was able to
basically run the code,
00:48:28.44\00:48:31.77
put everything
that was happening
00:48:31.81\00:48:34.64
put his head back, call EMS.
00:48:34.68\00:48:36.64
They stabilized his airway.
00:48:36.68\00:48:38.15
He never had to be intubated
to have the artificial airway.
00:48:38.18\00:48:42.75
He was taken to the
hospital. He survived.
00:48:42.78\00:48:45.09
So everything was okay.
00:48:45.12\00:48:46.62
This was all after you got out
from your suicide intervention
00:48:46.65\00:48:50.76
and all that?
00:48:50.79\00:48:52.13
Right.
00:48:52.16\00:48:53.50
So this is, and so
that gave me the idea.
00:48:53.53\00:48:55.33
And so I basically
put in an app on my phone
00:48:55.36\00:48:59.23
that erased my location.
00:48:59.27\00:49:02.77
I packed some bags,
00:49:02.80\00:49:04.14
drew drove an hour outside
of my town to Glen Roads,
00:49:04.17\00:49:09.68
booked a hotel and
attempted the same thing.
00:49:09.71\00:49:13.58
I woke up three days
later on my same side
00:49:13.62\00:49:16.99
in the ICU setting
00:49:17.02\00:49:18.35
we turn patients over two hours
00:49:18.39\00:49:19.72
to maintain circulation.
00:49:19.75\00:49:21.16
So what did he
take, your friend take
00:49:21.19\00:49:23.83
that put him into that state?
00:49:23.86\00:49:25.99
It was a fentanyl patch.
00:49:26.03\00:49:28.00
And so typically
it's extended release.
00:49:28.03\00:49:30.47
You put it on the skin and
it's released over 72 hours
00:49:30.50\00:49:34.34
and you change
it every 72 hours.
00:49:34.37\00:49:36.71
But he cut it in fours
and then put it sublingual.
00:49:36.74\00:49:39.87
And so I had never
heard of anything like this.
00:49:39.91\00:49:41.78
And so when you
helped him survive,
00:49:41.81\00:49:45.58
that gave you the idea to
try and do the same thing?
00:49:45.61\00:49:48.18
Precisely.
00:49:48.22\00:49:49.55
And... To kill yourself?
00:49:49.58\00:49:50.92
Right.
00:49:50.95\00:49:52.29
So that was unsuccessful.
00:49:52.32\00:49:56.42
And so I called my dad and...
00:49:56.46\00:49:58.39
So you said you
woke up after three days?
00:49:58.43\00:50:00.10
After three days,
00:50:00.13\00:50:01.46
I could not feel the other side.
00:50:01.50\00:50:02.83
Yeah.
00:50:02.86\00:50:04.20
I lived and I don't know
why they never checked on me,
00:50:04.23\00:50:06.63
which seems odd at a
hotel, but they didn't.
00:50:06.67\00:50:09.70
And so, yeah.
00:50:09.74\00:50:11.07
No cleaning ladies came in?
00:50:11.11\00:50:12.44
No one, nothing, very odd.
00:50:12.47\00:50:15.44
So, that's what
took me to the program.
00:50:15.48\00:50:19.31
It was basically in the program
00:50:19.35\00:50:21.35
that I had the
interview from Leanne.
00:50:21.38\00:50:22.78
I don't know if you
know Leanne, or you do.
00:50:22.82\00:50:25.59
No, but still
let's, let's back up.
00:50:25.62\00:50:28.36
You survived those three days.
00:50:28.39\00:50:31.43
You were like,
00:50:31.46\00:50:32.79
when you were
out for three days.
00:50:32.83\00:50:34.16
I was out for three days.
00:50:34.20\00:50:35.53
You woke up, you
survived and then you,
00:50:35.56\00:50:36.90
did you realize that
and think to yourself,
00:50:36.93\00:50:39.77
I want to live, I
don't want to die,
00:50:39.80\00:50:41.80
and I almost killed
myself, but I didn't.
00:50:41.84\00:50:43.91
And so I need help.
00:50:43.94\00:50:45.34
Is that what you were thinking?
00:50:45.37\00:50:47.41
At that time I
was still pretty numb,
00:50:47.44\00:50:49.71
so there wasn't a
lot of rational thought
00:50:49.74\00:50:52.98
at that point.
00:50:53.01\00:50:54.75
So it was just more,
just wanting relief from pain.
00:50:54.78\00:50:58.62
I mean, it was just, you know,
as you know, with depression,
00:50:58.65\00:51:01.26
it was just an intense
amount of emotional pain.
00:51:01.29\00:51:04.16
And I, you know,
there's no really origin of it.
00:51:04.19\00:51:07.56
It's just, it was just,
00:51:07.60\00:51:09.70
you know, I wasn't
sure how to handle it
00:51:09.73\00:51:12.17
and obviously I
was not handling it.
00:51:12.20\00:51:14.20
And did you say that
was, was that your fifth time
00:51:14.24\00:51:16.17
that you tried
to take your life?
00:51:16.20\00:51:17.54
That was it, so there
were three other times
00:51:17.57\00:51:19.77
between the gun
and that last one,
00:51:19.81\00:51:23.45
the three days
when you were out?
00:51:23.48\00:51:24.95
Yeah.
00:51:24.98\00:51:26.38
So when you came to,
again, how did you get,
00:51:26.41\00:51:30.22
how did you learn
about Dr. Nedley's program
00:51:30.25\00:51:33.15
and how did that happen?
00:51:33.19\00:51:35.22
It was actually my mom
00:51:35.26\00:51:36.83
that had heard
about it from a friend
00:51:36.86\00:51:38.99
who had gone
through the program.
00:51:39.03\00:51:40.76
And so she had
been praying about it
00:51:40.80\00:51:43.97
and asking God
to give her wisdom
00:51:44.00\00:51:47.27
on how to
basically help her daughter.
00:51:47.30\00:51:50.01
And so she had a
friend in Houston
00:51:50.04\00:51:52.64
that worked at
the conference office
00:51:52.67\00:51:54.18
that basically
she reached out to,
00:51:54.21\00:51:56.64
and she knew Dr. Nedley
00:51:56.68\00:51:58.01
was going to be
speaking in Houston.
00:51:58.05\00:52:00.15
And my mom felt this
incredible impression
00:52:00.18\00:52:02.78
to call her friend
00:52:02.82\00:52:04.25
right at that moment.
00:52:04.29\00:52:05.62
And she knew that Dr.
Nedley would not be in Houston
00:52:05.65\00:52:08.16
until the next
day, but she did it.
00:52:08.19\00:52:10.13
And she listened
to the Holy Spirit
00:52:10.16\00:52:12.16
and she called her friend.
00:52:12.19\00:52:13.53
And she said, you'll never guess
00:52:13.56\00:52:14.90
who's standing right
in front of me right now,
00:52:14.93\00:52:16.50
but Dr. Nedley.
00:52:16.53\00:52:17.87
And so her friend hands
Dr. Nedley the phone says that,
00:52:17.90\00:52:21.94
you know, there's this case,
00:52:21.97\00:52:23.30
I don't know if you can
deal with this in your program.
00:52:23.34\00:52:25.94
It's pretty
intense. And he said sure.
00:52:25.97\00:52:30.15
We'll make room for her.
00:52:30.18\00:52:31.51
It's kind of like your story.
00:52:31.55\00:52:32.88
Had you heard of him before?
00:52:32.91\00:52:34.25
I had never really
heard much about Dr Nedley.
00:52:34.28\00:52:37.19
I didn't know who he was.
00:52:37.22\00:52:38.55
So you didn't know that
00:52:38.59\00:52:39.92
he was a
Seventh-day Adventist physician
00:52:39.95\00:52:41.29
whose field of
expertise is the brain chemistry
00:52:41.32\00:52:46.09
and helping people
get over depression
00:52:46.13\00:52:48.06
and suicide, suicidal thoughts?
00:52:48.10\00:52:49.66
I didn't know that. Yeah.
00:52:49.70\00:52:51.30
So he was a godsend. Yes.
00:52:51.33\00:52:53.03
Yeah.
00:52:53.07\00:52:54.40
I felt the same way
00:52:54.44\00:52:55.77
when I finally
landed at that program
00:52:55.80\00:52:57.14
that I don't know
where I would have been
00:52:57.17\00:52:59.37
if it wasn't for God
using that program to help me.
00:52:59.41\00:53:05.05
Amen.
00:53:05.08\00:53:07.65
So he, you talked
to him on the phone
00:53:07.68\00:53:11.42
and you told him
what was going on?
00:53:11.45\00:53:13.05
Actually, it was my mom
that talked to him on the phone
00:53:13.09\00:53:16.36
and because I was
still in the hospital,
00:53:16.39\00:53:18.79
but he's like,
yeah, I'll send her over.
00:53:18.83\00:53:21.40
That sounds like a majority
of the cases we get here.
00:53:21.43\00:53:25.93
And from that point
00:53:25.97\00:53:28.27
of your mother's
conversation with him,
00:53:28.30\00:53:31.34
how many days beyond that
was the, did the program begin?
00:53:31.37\00:53:35.34
Was it like that
week or next week?
00:53:35.38\00:53:37.48
It was about the next week.
00:53:37.51\00:53:39.21
Mom and dad were like, oh,
hey, you're going to California.
00:53:39.25\00:53:41.58
You can go hang out by the pool.
00:53:41.62\00:53:42.95
It's going to
be like a vacation.
00:53:42.98\00:53:45.82
I was like sign me up.
00:53:45.85\00:53:47.96
That's kind of
how they got me to go.
00:53:47.99\00:53:50.03
Really, you don't
have a pool at Weimar.
00:53:50.06\00:53:54.26
Yeah. It wasn't quite like that.
00:53:54.30\00:53:55.63
Yeah.
00:53:55.66\00:53:57.00
And we see, yeah so, wow.
00:53:57.03\00:54:00.24
Yeah.
00:54:00.27\00:54:01.60
I didn't know
what I was getting to,
00:54:01.64\00:54:02.97
getting into either
00:54:03.00\00:54:04.34
when Dr. Nedley said
you need to come to Weimar.
00:54:04.37\00:54:05.71
I used to live.
00:54:05.74\00:54:07.08
Weimar is a little
town in Northern California
00:54:07.11\00:54:09.84
on the way from
Sacramento up to Reno.
00:54:09.88\00:54:13.31
And I grew up in California
and I've been up that way
00:54:13.35\00:54:16.62
as I used to go up around,
00:54:16.65\00:54:18.39
up to the
mountains farther north.
00:54:18.42\00:54:22.56
And I used to go fishing
and backpacking and camping.
00:54:22.59\00:54:25.43
And, but I'd never
been to Weimar itself.
00:54:25.46\00:54:27.70
It's just a
little, small little place.
00:54:27.73\00:54:29.06
And right there is
this lifestyle center,
00:54:29.10\00:54:31.57
this school and this
depression and recovery program.
00:54:31.60\00:54:34.27
I think they have
400 acres, I think.
00:54:34.30\00:54:36.81
There's a lot of
land up in the mountains.
00:54:36.84\00:54:38.81
And people come there
from all over the world
00:54:38.84\00:54:41.41
who are really messed up
00:54:41.44\00:54:42.94
and that their
lives are just about over
00:54:42.98\00:54:46.75
and with God's help
and Dr. Nedley's help
00:54:46.78\00:54:49.82
and the staff and the program,
00:54:49.85\00:54:53.12
people's lives are...
00:54:53.15\00:54:54.82
Literally their lives are saved.
00:54:54.86\00:54:56.66
Amen.
00:54:56.69\00:54:58.03
And then their minds come back.
00:54:58.06\00:54:59.39
Yes.
00:54:59.43\00:55:00.76
And then they can
resume normal living.
00:55:00.80\00:55:02.13
That's right.
00:55:02.16\00:55:03.50
So, yeah. Wow.
00:55:03.53\00:55:04.87
So yeah, I didn't know
what I was getting into either
00:55:04.90\00:55:06.23
when my wife packed my
bags and drove me to the airport
00:55:06.27\00:55:10.74
and I got on to
the plane in Spokane
00:55:10.77\00:55:14.21
and eventually
landed in Sacramento.
00:55:14.24\00:55:15.98
And I was a mess
when I got there.
00:55:16.01\00:55:17.98
And if it
wasn't for Nathan Hyde,
00:55:18.01\00:55:20.38
who we both know.
00:55:20.42\00:55:21.75
Yeah, Nathan.
00:55:21.78\00:55:23.12
You know, he was
the one that came down
00:55:23.15\00:55:24.49
to the Sacramento airport
from Weimar to pick me up.
00:55:24.52\00:55:29.62
I don't know if I
would ever have gotten there
00:55:29.66\00:55:31.69
and he picked me
up and he drove me
00:55:31.73\00:55:33.40
up to Weimar about an hour away.
00:55:33.43\00:55:34.76
And during the
drive, he told me his story
00:55:34.80\00:55:36.87
where he said, I
can totally relate.
00:55:36.90\00:55:38.23
I was on all
these different drugs
00:55:38.27\00:55:39.93
and my life was
totally falling apart.
00:55:39.97\00:55:42.17
And the Lord put
me back together too.
00:55:42.20\00:55:43.71
Amen.
00:55:43.74\00:55:45.07
So well, we're
going to continue this
00:55:45.11\00:55:48.34
in our next part.
00:55:48.38\00:55:49.74
I want to learn more about,
00:55:49.78\00:55:51.11
you know, what
happened to you at the program
00:55:51.15\00:55:52.81
and what were some of the keys
00:55:52.85\00:55:54.45
that helped put
your life back together.
00:55:54.48\00:55:56.79
And until we get
back to part two,
00:55:56.82\00:56:00.32
I want to read a Bible
verse that really helped me.
00:56:00.36\00:56:04.23
This is Psalm 50:15.
00:56:04.26\00:56:06.43
God is talking
here and God says,
00:56:06.46\00:56:08.76
"Call upon Me, call upon Me
00:56:08.80\00:56:12.90
in the day of trouble.
00:56:12.93\00:56:15.50
And I will deliver you,
and you shall glorify Me."
00:56:15.54\00:56:20.08
Somebody texted me this verse,
00:56:20.11\00:56:21.74
before I went to
Weimar and I did that.
00:56:21.78\00:56:24.15
I called upon God.
00:56:24.18\00:56:25.51
I said, God, this
is my day of trouble.
00:56:25.55\00:56:26.88
You've got to
help me out of this.
00:56:26.92\00:56:28.25
And He did. He helped me.
00:56:28.28\00:56:29.62
He helped Christy
and He can help you.
00:56:29.65\00:56:32.05
So stay tuned for part two
00:56:32.09\00:56:34.42
of Finding Hope in
Depression and Despair.
00:56:34.46\00:56:38.83
This three-part series,
00:56:41.93\00:56:43.37
Finding Hope in
Depression and Despair
00:56:43.40\00:56:45.63
is now available on
DVD from White Horse Media.
00:56:45.67\00:56:48.57
To order simply
call 1-800-782-4253
00:56:48.60\00:56:52.74
or order online at
WhiteHorseMedia.com
00:56:52.77\00:56:55.41
To learn even more about
how you can overcome anxiety,
00:56:55.44\00:56:58.48
fear,
discouragement, and depression,
00:56:58.51\00:57:00.52
White Horse Media recommends
00:57:00.55\00:57:01.88
these two easy to
read pocket books,
00:57:01.92\00:57:03.99
Help for the Hopeless,
and Secrets of Inner Peace.
00:57:04.02\00:57:07.56
In Help for the Hopeless
00:57:07.59\00:57:08.92
Steve Wohlberg
reveals personal details
00:57:08.96\00:57:10.76
about an awful
trial he passed through
00:57:10.79\00:57:12.89
during the summer of 2017.
00:57:12.93\00:57:15.46
How God brought him through
the horror of deep darkness
00:57:15.50\00:57:17.80
and how you can find help
too whatever your struggles.
00:57:17.83\00:57:21.24
In Secrets of Inner Peace,
00:57:21.27\00:57:22.60
Steve explains
how deep lasting peace
00:57:22.64\00:57:24.94
is only possible
00:57:24.97\00:57:26.41
through discovering the love
and goodness of Jesus Christ,
00:57:26.44\00:57:29.38
the Prince of Peace
00:57:29.41\00:57:30.75
and through the
power of His Word.
00:57:30.78\00:57:32.28
Both of these small pocket books
00:57:32.31\00:57:33.65
are easy to read,
00:57:33.68\00:57:35.02
heartwarming, encouraging,
00:57:35.05\00:57:36.38
and great for
sharing with your loved ones
00:57:36.42\00:57:37.92
friends, and
even with strangers.
00:57:37.95\00:57:39.82
This three-part DVD series
00:57:39.85\00:57:41.39
Finding Hope in
Depression and Despair.
00:57:41.42\00:57:43.83
And both of these
enlightening pocket books
00:57:43.86\00:57:45.63
are now available
from White Horse Media
00:57:45.66\00:57:47.40
by calling 1-800-782-4253.
00:57:47.43\00:57:51.10
That's 1-800-782-4253.
00:57:51.13\00:57:54.57
A fully
illustrated eBook version
00:57:54.60\00:57:56.40
of Secrets of Inner Peace
00:57:56.44\00:57:58.14
can also be purchased
immediately on the website.
00:57:58.17\00:58:00.81
SecretsOfInnerPeace.net
00:58:00.84\00:58:03.08
That's SecretsOfInnerPeace.net
00:58:03.11\00:58:06.11