Welcome to "For Guys Only,"
00:00:01.33\00:00:02.66
a program that deals with topics
00:00:02.70\00:00:04.03
specifically
targeted for the urban man.
00:00:04.07\00:00:06.70
I'm Pastor William Lee,
and I'm so thankful that
00:00:06.74\00:00:08.57
you've joined us yet for
another episode on today.
00:00:08.60\00:00:11.84
Today, we have
a very interesting
00:00:11.87\00:00:13.64
but yet challenging topic.
00:00:13.68\00:00:15.38
Today, we're going to
talk about sexual addiction.
00:00:15.41\00:00:18.35
I challenge you even
right now to open up your heart
00:00:18.38\00:00:20.78
as we go and listen to what
God has to say to us on today.
00:00:20.82\00:00:24.85
Gentlemen, just
want to welcome you again
00:00:41.10\00:00:42.97
to another broadcast today.
00:00:43.00\00:00:44.97
We are so thankful that
00:00:45.01\00:00:46.51
we are able to be
here to discuss issues
00:00:46.54\00:00:49.18
that are
pertinent to the urban man.
00:00:49.21\00:00:51.75
I just want to
begin just discussing
00:00:51.78\00:00:53.68
a little bit of our background
00:00:53.75\00:00:55.08
a little bit so that our viewers
00:00:55.12\00:00:56.45
can understand our perspective
and where we're coming from.
00:00:56.48\00:00:58.95
Let me start with you, Brandon.
00:00:58.99\00:01:01.72
Okay, my name is Brandon Dent.
00:01:01.76\00:01:03.53
And I am a
retired auto executive.
00:01:03.56\00:01:06.80
I worked in the
industry 27 years,
00:01:06.83\00:01:09.40
and now I'm running
my own marketing company.
00:01:09.43\00:01:12.30
And I'm married,
27 years as well.
00:01:12.33\00:01:15.40
I've raised two sons
00:01:15.44\00:01:16.77
and I have a
teenage daughter at home
00:01:16.81\00:01:18.24
and I'm happy to be
on the program today.
00:01:18.27\00:01:20.84
All right, thank you,
Brandon. My name is Colin King.
00:01:20.88\00:01:23.21
I'm a clinical psychologist.
00:01:23.24\00:01:26.08
I've worked with
various clinical syndromes,
00:01:26.11\00:01:30.35
substance abuse, sexual abuse,
00:01:30.39\00:01:33.36
violence against
women and against children
00:01:33.42\00:01:36.06
for the past 17 years.
00:01:36.09\00:01:38.26
I have two
children, teenage children.
00:01:38.29\00:01:41.20
And I've been
married for 21 years.
00:01:41.23\00:01:43.90
All right, very
good. Thank you, Dr. King.
00:01:43.93\00:01:46.33
My name is Muta Mwenya.
00:01:46.37\00:01:47.84
And I am director
for Elijah 3 Ministries,
00:01:47.87\00:01:50.44
urban youth evangelism ministry.
00:01:50.47\00:01:53.41
I've been working
in the urban community
00:01:53.44\00:01:55.21
for the past five years.
00:01:55.24\00:01:57.11
And I'm married,
I have two children.
00:01:57.18\00:02:00.82
And I've been married
for seven years, yeah.
00:02:00.85\00:02:02.75
Okay. Well, good.
00:02:02.78\00:02:04.12
Good, good. Thank
you so much, Muta.
00:02:04.19\00:02:05.52
And myself, of course,
I'm Pastor William Lee.
00:02:05.55\00:02:08.32
Pastor of the Capital
City Seventh-day church
00:02:08.36\00:02:10.53
in Indianapolis,
Indiana, part of the lake region
00:02:10.56\00:02:13.29
conference of
Seventh-day Adventist.
00:02:13.33\00:02:15.06
Like you, Muta,
I've been married
00:02:15.10\00:02:16.43
for seven years to
the love of my life
00:02:16.46\00:02:18.47
and we have two
children as well.
00:02:18.50\00:02:21.77
Let's kind of just
kind of jump in it right now
00:02:21.80\00:02:24.27
because we know that this topic,
00:02:24.31\00:02:27.34
this discussion is the one
that it must be had in the time
00:02:27.38\00:02:31.41
that we're living in
right now, sexual addiction.
00:02:31.45\00:02:34.48
Our statistic that one says that
00:02:34.52\00:02:36.75
one out of five men
deal with pornography,
00:02:36.79\00:02:40.72
one out of five Christian men
that is deal with pornography.
00:02:40.76\00:02:44.69
This is something
that's eating up marriages,
00:02:44.73\00:02:46.76
something that's
eating up our spiritual lives.
00:02:46.80\00:02:49.60
And we just want to be
00:02:49.63\00:02:50.97
able to have a
discussion to recognize that
00:02:51.00\00:02:53.67
that there is power in
victory in Jesus Christ
00:02:53.70\00:02:56.50
as we go forward.
00:02:56.54\00:02:57.87
Let me read a scripture as well.
00:02:57.91\00:03:00.08
Apostle Paul says
in Colossians 3:5-7,
00:03:00.11\00:03:03.58
the Bible says,
"Put to death, therefore,
00:03:03.65\00:03:05.88
whatever brings to
your earthly nature,
00:03:05.91\00:03:08.25
sexual immorality,
impurity, lust, evil desires,
00:03:08.28\00:03:12.59
and greed, which is idolatry.
00:03:12.62\00:03:14.86
Because of these, the
wrath of God is coming.
00:03:14.89\00:03:18.93
You used to walk in these ways,
in the life you once lived".
00:03:18.96\00:03:22.70
Paul says that, you
know, these vices, you know,
00:03:22.73\00:03:25.13
they use to wrap
their arms around
00:03:25.17\00:03:27.70
and so to speak.
00:03:27.74\00:03:29.24
But now, you know,
00:03:29.27\00:03:30.61
they're walking
the newness of life.
00:03:30.67\00:03:32.64
So we have a glimpse
of hope in scripture that
00:03:32.67\00:03:35.71
the sins that
have or the addictions
00:03:35.74\00:03:38.45
that have maybe
wrapped their arms around men
00:03:38.48\00:03:41.48
before that they
can have a victory.
00:03:41.52\00:03:43.59
Let's kind of drill down
00:03:43.65\00:03:45.02
and have that
discussion right now.
00:03:45.05\00:03:47.52
Dr. King, can you give us
00:03:47.56\00:03:48.89
maybe a little bit of
a historical perspective
00:03:48.92\00:03:51.23
maybe as relates to sexual sins?
00:03:51.26\00:03:54.30
Yeah, let me
start, first of all,
00:03:54.30\00:03:56.73
with the violence as a whole.
00:03:56.80\00:03:58.50
Okay.
00:03:58.53\00:03:59.87
By the time our
children, your child,
00:03:59.90\00:04:02.54
my child starts
elementary school,
00:04:02.57\00:04:05.94
he or she would have
witnessed 8,000 murders on TV
00:04:05.97\00:04:11.68
and 100,000 acts of violence.
00:04:11.71\00:04:15.25
Now by the time they turned 18,
00:04:15.28\00:04:18.35
they would have
witnessed 32,000 murders on TV
00:04:18.39\00:04:23.26
and 40,000 attempted murders.
00:04:23.29\00:04:28.00
Sexual addiction and
scenes of pornography
00:04:28.03\00:04:33.80
supersedes in terms of quantity,
00:04:33.84\00:04:38.17
acts of murder
because we are inundated
00:04:38.21\00:04:43.91
with scenes of
different sexual positions.
00:04:43.95\00:04:50.39
Let me give you an example.
00:04:50.45\00:04:52.19
And this is why this problem
is going to become an epidemic.
00:04:52.22\00:04:57.89
Now you cannot buy a phone,
00:04:57.93\00:05:01.06
let's say, an
iPhone or a Blackberry
00:05:01.10\00:05:04.53
without a data package.
00:05:04.57\00:05:08.20
We know that, right? Right.
00:05:08.24\00:05:09.74
And I see kids now with
iPhones and Blackberries.
00:05:09.77\00:05:14.21
And so they now
have instant access
00:05:14.28\00:05:18.68
to pornography.
00:05:18.71\00:05:20.92
And for whatever reason,
00:05:20.95\00:05:22.68
the devil has
capitalized on that
00:05:22.72\00:05:26.05
and he has made it
00:05:26.09\00:05:27.46
so available that our young boys
00:05:27.49\00:05:30.46
and our young
girls are constantly,
00:05:30.53\00:05:33.19
moment by moment,
00:05:33.23\00:05:34.63
inundated with
scenes of pornography.
00:05:34.66\00:05:40.40
Sexting has also become a
huge issue where your child,
00:05:40.44\00:05:45.07
my child will receive
sex messages from friends
00:05:45.11\00:05:49.74
or from total strangers.
00:05:49.78\00:05:51.61
And as a result of that,
00:05:51.65\00:05:54.02
it's now easier
to become addicted.
00:05:54.08\00:05:56.52
God created us, in
our brain structure,
00:05:56.55\00:06:02.12
there is a section
called the limbic system.
00:06:02.16\00:06:06.16
And in that system is
a tiny structure called
00:06:06.19\00:06:09.23
the amygdale, and
that is responsible
00:06:09.26\00:06:12.33
for capturing pleasurable scenes
00:06:12.37\00:06:15.84
or memories.
00:06:15.87\00:06:17.21
For instance, if I asked you,
00:06:17.24\00:06:19.37
where were you on 9/11
00:06:19.41\00:06:21.04
when the planes
hit the Twin Towers?
00:06:21.08\00:06:23.11
You can tell me
exactly where you were
00:06:23.14\00:06:25.65
and what you were doing
00:06:25.68\00:06:27.02
because the amygdala captured
that picture, that image.
00:06:27.05\00:06:31.72
Well, it's the same structure
00:06:31.75\00:06:33.29
that is
responsible for addiction.
00:06:33.36\00:06:36.02
And now that pornography
00:06:36.06\00:06:38.96
and these scenes are
so readily available,
00:06:38.99\00:06:41.26
like it or not,
00:06:41.30\00:06:42.90
those scenes are being captured,
00:06:42.93\00:06:44.97
they're being trapped,
00:06:45.00\00:06:46.40
and they're being
replayed in the amygdala.
00:06:46.43\00:06:50.31
Now, Dr. King,
you've mentioned sexting,
00:06:50.37\00:06:53.54
and I want you to
discuss a little bit more
00:06:53.58\00:06:55.61
because you said that,
you know, our young people
00:06:55.64\00:06:57.91
with their phones
can receive messages,
00:06:57.95\00:07:00.58
you know, from strangers
or from people they know,
00:07:00.65\00:07:04.12
that brought a
red flag in my mind,
00:07:04.15\00:07:05.95
what do you mean by
this whole notion of sexting?
00:07:05.99\00:07:08.62
Well, it's the idea of sending
00:07:08.66\00:07:12.63
or receiving images
on one's cell phone.
00:07:12.66\00:07:18.00
As you know, most of
our kids have cell phones,
00:07:18.03\00:07:22.34
and cell phones not
just with data package
00:07:22.37\00:07:25.04
but with the ability
to receive and send text.
00:07:25.07\00:07:27.94
And I was watching
one stat which says that
00:07:27.98\00:07:30.58
every child on an
average will receive
00:07:30.65\00:07:33.82
about one sex message per day.
00:07:33.85\00:07:37.32
And that is simply receiving
some type of a nude person,
00:07:37.39\00:07:42.39
a suggestive message,
00:07:42.42\00:07:46.13
maybe even an obscene remark
00:07:46.16\00:07:48.46
from one of their
friends or a total stranger.
00:07:48.50\00:07:51.40
You know,
what's amazing is that,
00:07:51.43\00:07:53.60
you know, with my email account,
00:07:53.64\00:07:55.60
you know, in my junk
mail or even in my inbox,
00:07:55.64\00:07:59.74
it's not uncommon, I think,
00:07:59.77\00:08:01.31
you know, most people experience
00:08:01.34\00:08:03.04
this where they
get a total, you know,
00:08:03.08\00:08:05.61
a message from a stranger.
00:08:05.65\00:08:07.25
And if you
click on that message,
00:08:07.28\00:08:09.48
it looks innocent,
00:08:09.52\00:08:10.85
but it may be a
pornographic scene,
00:08:10.92\00:08:13.62
it may be some
kind of advertisement
00:08:13.69\00:08:16.52
that's going to
captivate you right away.
00:08:16.56\00:08:19.23
And I think what
the devil has done
00:08:19.26\00:08:22.20
and what he really
wants to do is to get people,
00:08:22.23\00:08:24.50
especially young people,
00:08:24.53\00:08:25.87
exposed, you know,
just to get their eyes
00:08:25.90\00:08:28.67
because the Bible
says that, you know,
00:08:28.70\00:08:30.34
when Adam and Eve
sinned, their eyes were opened.
00:08:30.41\00:08:33.38
And they were able to see that
they were naked at that point.
00:08:33.41\00:08:36.31
And I think it goes
from the beginning of sin
00:08:36.34\00:08:39.15
to we are right now.
00:08:39.18\00:08:40.85
And I think we
had to be so careful,
00:08:40.92\00:08:42.25
especially as parents
that are watching right now,
00:08:42.28\00:08:45.55
with your children,
with your email addresses,
00:08:45.59\00:08:47.46
with your cell
phones, you know, as a parent,
00:08:47.49\00:08:50.36
you know, I'm
thinking right now,
00:08:50.43\00:08:51.76
you know, my son is
just five years old,
00:08:51.79\00:08:53.13
but if, you know, he's older,
00:08:53.16\00:08:54.46
let me start
checking this right now.
00:08:54.50\00:08:56.10
Let me, you know,
if I'm paying the bill,
00:08:56.13\00:08:57.47
especially let
me make sure that,
00:08:57.53\00:08:58.87
you know, everything
that's going on is right
00:08:58.90\00:09:01.50
and that they are not
being exposed to things
00:09:01.54\00:09:03.47
that are contrary
to our belief system.
00:09:03.54\00:09:07.81
And the issue is that, you know,
00:09:07.84\00:09:09.18
sex was created by God.
00:09:09.21\00:09:10.61
Right.
00:09:10.68\00:09:12.01
So sex was
meant to be addictive.
00:09:12.05\00:09:13.78
Right.
00:09:13.85\00:09:15.18
The same parts of the
brain that are responsible
00:09:15.22\00:09:18.05
for religious
thinking are the same parts
00:09:18.09\00:09:22.06
that are
responsible for sexual activity,
00:09:22.09\00:09:25.59
which is why,
which is why it's easy
00:09:25.63\00:09:28.90
and natural for us
00:09:28.93\00:09:30.67
to get into habit
of devotion or prayer
00:09:30.70\00:09:34.07
and repeat, you
know, daily, you know,
00:09:34.14\00:09:36.74
how many times
a day do you pray?
00:09:36.81\00:09:38.27
I don't know, maybe
two, three times a day?
00:09:38.31\00:09:40.81
It's repetitive, it's addictive,
00:09:40.88\00:09:44.85
but that's the
same part of the brain
00:09:44.88\00:09:46.72
that is responsible
for sexual addiction.
00:09:46.75\00:09:49.42
Okay. Okay.
00:09:49.45\00:09:50.79
I'm glad you
stopped right there.
00:09:50.82\00:09:52.15
As we opened up
a little bit more
00:09:52.19\00:09:53.56
that we do recognize that,
00:09:53.59\00:09:54.92
you know, sex is created by God,
00:09:54.96\00:09:57.36
and He wants it to be
confound within the parameters,
00:09:57.43\00:10:00.93
the right parameters
00:10:00.96\00:10:02.30
between a
married husband and wife
00:10:02.33\00:10:05.10
and is to be
enjoyable in those parameters.
00:10:05.13\00:10:07.54
But when we stepped
outside of those parameters
00:10:07.60\00:10:10.67
and started doing
things our own way, you know,
00:10:10.71\00:10:13.01
the Bible says
in Genesis 6:5 that
00:10:13.04\00:10:15.68
man had become so wicked
that they started conceiving
00:10:15.71\00:10:19.51
things in their
mind and began to act out
00:10:19.55\00:10:21.55
in our world today.
00:10:21.58\00:10:22.92
And I think is just
what we're seeing today
00:10:22.95\00:10:24.49
is part of that wickedness
00:10:24.52\00:10:27.52
that started way
back then as well.
00:10:27.56\00:10:30.73
Let's go talk a little
bit more about pornography
00:10:30.79\00:10:33.40
and its effects upon men,
00:10:33.46\00:10:36.90
especially
there's a man right now,
00:10:36.93\00:10:39.13
I may had said it earlier,
one out of five Christian men,
00:10:39.17\00:10:41.84
this is what it says,
are addicted to pornography.
00:10:41.87\00:10:44.97
Why is it so gripping?
00:10:45.01\00:10:46.81
I know you talked
about it a little bit,
00:10:46.84\00:10:48.18
but what else is there?
00:10:48.21\00:10:50.28
You know, what effect
does it have upon the mind
00:10:50.31\00:10:52.51
and the heart of an individual?
00:10:52.55\00:10:53.88
You see, even
before we go there,
00:10:53.95\00:10:56.08
why is it so addictive?
00:10:56.12\00:10:58.05
It is because
there's a sense of anonymity,
00:10:58.09\00:11:01.19
you know,
especially using the computer.
00:11:01.22\00:11:04.23
So you have a sense
that you may be alone,
00:11:04.26\00:11:06.56
it's after
midnight or whatever time,
00:11:06.59\00:11:08.90
no one else is aware and
so you are in the privacy
00:11:08.93\00:11:12.77
of your bedroom or home
office or whatever it is.
00:11:12.80\00:11:16.14
And you have this
false sense that you're alone
00:11:16.17\00:11:19.64
and no one else is aware.
00:11:19.67\00:11:22.18
So there's this
false sense of security.
00:11:22.21\00:11:26.15
And the problem is,
00:11:26.18\00:11:27.68
once you engage in the activity,
00:11:27.72\00:11:30.55
it can become addictive.
00:11:30.59\00:11:33.12
And then you
want to go back again
00:11:33.15\00:11:35.22
and again and again.
00:11:35.26\00:11:37.09
And as in the
case of any addiction,
00:11:37.13\00:11:40.16
you need more to produce
the same feeling of elation.
00:11:40.20\00:11:46.10
Just like if you're
taking crack cocaine,
00:11:46.13\00:11:48.50
just like if
you're drinking alcohol
00:11:48.54\00:11:50.24
or smoking
marijuana, you begin to develop
00:11:50.27\00:11:54.34
what we call tolerance.
00:11:54.38\00:11:56.58
So if you are viewing
the site two times a day,
00:11:56.61\00:12:00.65
now you need to view the site
00:12:00.72\00:12:02.38
three, four,
five, six times a day
00:12:02.42\00:12:04.45
to get the same high.
00:12:04.49\00:12:06.02
And that's the
problem. Okay. Okay.
00:12:06.05\00:12:08.42
Brandon, you know,
00:12:08.46\00:12:09.79
as you have
raised two adult boys,
00:12:09.82\00:12:13.90
you know,
they're very successful,
00:12:13.93\00:12:16.00
even right now, what have been
00:12:16.03\00:12:17.53
some of the steps
that you've taken,
00:12:17.57\00:12:18.90
especially, you know,
00:12:18.93\00:12:20.27
did you have a talk
with your boy, so to speak?
00:12:20.30\00:12:22.10
Did you talk about sexual things
00:12:22.14\00:12:23.97
so that they will
know proper parameters
00:12:24.01\00:12:27.04
to deal with as
relates to their body,
00:12:27.08\00:12:29.08
especially being
the temple of God?
00:12:29.11\00:12:31.58
Yeah.
00:12:31.61\00:12:32.95
One of the things
that I recognized early on
00:12:32.98\00:12:35.82
is that the point in time
00:12:35.85\00:12:38.82
where we, good Christian folks,
00:12:38.85\00:12:40.26
think it's good to
start having those discussions
00:12:40.32\00:12:43.22
are actually too late
00:12:43.26\00:12:44.83
because the other side
is not waiting that long
00:12:44.86\00:12:50.53
to get their legs in
00:12:50.60\00:12:52.60
with all these concepts
of inordinate affections
00:12:52.63\00:12:55.17
and all this
other kind of stuff.
00:12:55.20\00:12:57.14
So when my children
were in elementary school,
00:12:57.17\00:13:01.51
there were, you
know, I would phase it in,
00:13:01.54\00:13:04.15
there were certain things
00:13:04.18\00:13:05.51
that I would start
to share with them.
00:13:05.55\00:13:07.82
And then I remember
my youngest son, Brian,
00:13:07.85\00:13:12.02
he was in the third grade,
00:13:12.05\00:13:13.39
he said, "Daddy, where
does babies come from?"
00:13:13.46\00:13:15.72
I gave him the
entire story. Oh, wow.
00:13:15.76\00:13:18.89
I talked about, you know,
how God designed men and women
00:13:18.93\00:13:23.63
to procreate and
gave him the entire story.
00:13:23.67\00:13:27.40
I did it in a sense
where he could appreciate it.
00:13:27.44\00:13:31.67
And I think I have found
myself coming in pretty early
00:13:31.71\00:13:35.38
with my children to
give them the story.
00:13:35.41\00:13:38.98
There are a few other
things that we've done.
00:13:39.01\00:13:42.38
We try to really scan
what comes in our house
00:13:42.42\00:13:44.82
in terms of
advertisements, magazines,
00:13:44.85\00:13:49.66
even catalogues from stores
00:13:49.69\00:13:52.43
'cause they have
underwear sections in them
00:13:52.46\00:13:54.36
and things like that.
00:13:54.40\00:13:55.80
We try to really scan
that and make sure that
00:13:55.83\00:13:58.77
we don't have any of
that stuff in our home.
00:13:58.80\00:14:00.34
It may come in,
00:14:00.37\00:14:01.70
we try to get it out of the way.
00:14:01.74\00:14:04.41
The other thing is we
didn't give them phones
00:14:04.44\00:14:08.01
until they went away to college.
00:14:08.04\00:14:09.84
Okay. Okay.
00:14:09.88\00:14:11.21
We were seemed a bit stringent.
00:14:11.25\00:14:14.58
But my sons tell me now,
00:14:14.62\00:14:15.95
you know, "It's
the right thing to do."
00:14:15.98\00:14:17.32
And now that they
have a sister at home,
00:14:17.39\00:14:19.65
they're saying, "Do
the same thing with her.
00:14:19.69\00:14:22.19
Do the same
thing with her." Okay.
00:14:22.22\00:14:25.43
I did, at one point in time,
00:14:25.46\00:14:27.10
have a computer where they kind
of had exclusive access to it.
00:14:27.13\00:14:31.97
And then later came
back and change that.
00:14:32.00\00:14:34.67
Keep the computer
in the family room
00:14:34.70\00:14:38.04
so you can use it
00:14:38.07\00:14:39.41
where everybody
can see what you up to.
00:14:39.44\00:14:42.04
So you have to do things,
00:14:42.08\00:14:43.51
you have to be
strategic about dissuading.
00:14:43.55\00:14:45.78
The other thing I did do
00:14:45.81\00:14:47.18
is I never let my
kids go to the movies.
00:14:47.22\00:14:49.78
And people say, "Man, this..."
00:14:49.82\00:14:51.99
you know, but, you know,
they were involved in sports
00:14:52.02\00:14:54.12
and all kinds of things.
00:14:54.16\00:14:56.42
And we talked about one
of the elders at our church
00:14:56.46\00:14:58.26
that keep young
people involved in sports
00:14:58.29\00:15:02.13
and basketball.
00:15:02.16\00:15:03.50
They were
involved in those things.
00:15:03.57\00:15:04.90
And so they had
other things to do.
00:15:04.93\00:15:07.17
It's not like,
00:15:07.24\00:15:08.57
we just pulled
these things away,
00:15:08.60\00:15:10.01
we kept them busy
doing other things.
00:15:10.04\00:15:11.77
And I told my
kids, "So, you know,
00:15:11.81\00:15:13.14
you get used to going
00:15:13.17\00:15:15.11
to the theater to
see innocuous things,
00:15:15.14\00:15:18.88
what you get used to
doing is going to the theater.
00:15:18.91\00:15:22.18
And there will be a day
00:15:22.22\00:15:23.59
where you go as a
teenager with your friends
00:15:23.62\00:15:25.45
and not with me.
00:15:25.49\00:15:26.86
And if your
teenagers are saying,
00:15:26.89\00:15:28.22
'You only watch
G rated movies?'"
00:15:28.26\00:15:30.96
That peer pressure
thing will pull you
00:15:30.99\00:15:32.56
into the other
theater with them.
00:15:32.59\00:15:34.56
And then even if
it's just an action flick,
00:15:34.60\00:15:37.47
there's going to be
some R rated love scene
00:15:37.53\00:15:39.83
or something in there,
00:15:39.87\00:15:41.20
some frontal
nudity or what have you.
00:15:41.24\00:15:42.94
And it's like I think
it was Dr. King or no,
00:15:42.97\00:15:45.74
it was you saying that exposure,
00:15:45.77\00:15:48.24
you only need to
be exposed one time.
00:15:48.28\00:15:50.71
And then you set
that thing in motion.
00:15:50.75\00:15:52.95
So that was my thing.
00:15:52.98\00:15:54.32
And so my wife and
I, even though we felt
00:15:54.35\00:15:56.42
we could go and watch
things that were proper,
00:15:56.45\00:16:00.29
we just stopped
going after we had children
00:16:00.32\00:16:04.26
because we want it
00:16:04.29\00:16:05.76
what we were saying we
want to live it as well.
00:16:05.79\00:16:08.43
Okay, okay.
00:16:08.46\00:16:09.80
Muta, kind of help
us understand as well,
00:16:09.83\00:16:11.30
especially as you minister
00:16:11.33\00:16:12.80
to young urban
youth the impacts,
00:16:12.83\00:16:16.44
that peer pressure, you know,
00:16:16.47\00:16:18.24
has upon them
wanting to experiment
00:16:18.27\00:16:21.31
with sexuality
at such a young age,
00:16:21.34\00:16:23.11
what's been your
experience with that?
00:16:23.14\00:16:28.92
You know, it's a
different dynamic,
00:16:28.95\00:16:32.02
I guess, with the situation
00:16:32.05\00:16:33.39
that I work in
because a lot of my youth,
00:16:33.46\00:16:36.83
it's not even peer pressure
that they're exposed to.
00:16:36.86\00:16:40.70
It could be
mom, it could be dad,
00:16:40.73\00:16:43.43
who's letting people
come in and out the house.
00:16:43.47\00:16:46.17
And they know
exactly what's happening.
00:16:46.20\00:16:47.74
I know there
was a friend of mine
00:16:47.77\00:16:50.91
who told me about a
home that he went to.
00:16:50.94\00:16:53.44
And he found it a little odd
00:16:53.48\00:16:55.08
that when he
walked into the home...
00:16:55.11\00:16:57.01
He's a social worker.
00:16:57.05\00:16:59.78
And when he
walked into the home,
00:16:59.81\00:17:01.75
immediately, all
the kids fouled up
00:17:01.78\00:17:04.49
and went upstairs.
00:17:04.52\00:17:06.35
And as soon as he left,
00:17:06.39\00:17:08.26
they came right back downstairs.
00:17:08.29\00:17:09.82
And every time he went in,
00:17:09.86\00:17:11.86
the woman that
he was working with,
00:17:11.89\00:17:14.63
she was dealing with a
lot of sexual addiction.
00:17:14.66\00:17:16.56
I mean, that was
one of the major issues
00:17:16.60\00:17:18.33
that was going on in her life.
00:17:18.37\00:17:19.90
So with some of the young people
00:17:19.93\00:17:21.67
I deal with,
00:17:21.70\00:17:23.04
it's not
necessarily peer pressure,
00:17:23.07\00:17:24.41
but it does play
a big role in it.
00:17:24.44\00:17:27.48
There's so much access,
00:17:27.51\00:17:30.45
I remember, when I
was a little younger,
00:17:30.48\00:17:33.25
we didn't have the
Internet readily available.
00:17:33.28\00:17:36.02
So you had to wait for magazines
00:17:36.05\00:17:38.25
or somebody had to know somebody
00:17:38.29\00:17:40.36
who knew somebody who
had a video or a magazine.
00:17:40.39\00:17:43.36
But now I mean, it's
absolutely everywhere.
00:17:43.43\00:17:46.19
TV, PG 13, now might
as well just be rated R.
00:17:46.23\00:17:50.83
There is not only sexual scenes,
00:17:50.87\00:17:54.47
but there's cursing and
all types of foolishness
00:17:54.50\00:17:57.17
that's going on in these shows
00:17:57.21\00:17:58.87
that it's so hard to
keep them away from it
00:17:58.91\00:18:04.48
because it's
everywhere, it's everywhere.
00:18:04.51\00:18:07.78
And so it's really
tough and with our situation
00:18:07.82\00:18:11.75
that I work in,
00:18:11.79\00:18:13.12
it's just hard to
pull them away from it
00:18:13.15\00:18:16.86
'cause it's just
happening all around.
00:18:16.89\00:18:18.49
But, you know,
you're absolutely right.
00:18:18.53\00:18:20.26
And this is how
widespread it is.
00:18:20.33\00:18:22.93
The Bible said
that the minds of men
00:18:22.96\00:18:25.50
or the hearts of men
will become desperately wicked
00:18:25.53\00:18:29.27
so that our very imagination
00:18:29.30\00:18:32.64
will be evil continually.
00:18:32.67\00:18:35.71
There's a certain airline,
00:18:35.74\00:18:37.28
I'm not going to name it,
00:18:37.35\00:18:38.88
but you log on to
purchase an airline ticket.
00:18:38.91\00:18:42.42
And there's a
woman on there, clothed,
00:18:42.45\00:18:45.32
and after about two seconds,
00:18:45.35\00:18:47.16
her dress is removed,
and she's skimpily clad.
00:18:47.19\00:18:51.33
So it is so readily
available and it's so pervasive
00:18:51.36\00:18:57.13
that it's almost
impossible to avoid it.
00:18:57.17\00:19:01.00
You know, and
this is the point that,
00:19:01.04\00:19:03.37
you know, where that thing
needs to brought out is that
00:19:03.44\00:19:06.31
we have to be the
watchmen, you know, on the wall,
00:19:06.34\00:19:09.64
so to speak, you
know, one day I was...
00:19:09.68\00:19:12.81
I was in the opposite
room where my son was,
00:19:12.85\00:19:15.42
he was much younger
00:19:15.45\00:19:16.82
and he was
watching a kid's cartoon,
00:19:16.85\00:19:19.39
it's a kids' program.
00:19:19.42\00:19:21.32
And I was in the other
room working on my computer,
00:19:21.36\00:19:23.36
and I could hear just, you know,
00:19:23.39\00:19:25.73
what was going
on on the TV show,
00:19:25.76\00:19:28.30
and they were discussing
desperate houseplants.
00:19:28.33\00:19:33.44
And it was the innuendo
was from Desperate Housewives.
00:19:33.47\00:19:38.24
And they were
using all the same,
00:19:38.27\00:19:40.18
you know, parallels
and all the same things
00:19:40.21\00:19:43.55
that you find on
this adult sitcoms,
00:19:43.58\00:19:47.12
adult TV program,
00:19:47.15\00:19:48.75
and they were just
really just break it down
00:19:48.78\00:19:50.59
so that the kids
00:19:50.62\00:19:51.95
will understand the same things.
00:19:51.99\00:19:53.36
When I walked in,
00:19:53.39\00:19:54.72
and I turned it off immediately.
00:19:54.76\00:19:56.09
Now I was disgusted to see that
00:19:56.12\00:19:59.29
media is so much
targeting our young people
00:19:59.33\00:20:03.43
at such a young age
that if they get addicted,
00:20:03.47\00:20:06.60
you know, at that age,
00:20:06.63\00:20:07.97
I mean, it may
last throughout life
00:20:08.00\00:20:09.74
if the chains are not broken.
00:20:09.77\00:20:11.24
And just imagine
when he gets a cell phone
00:20:11.27\00:20:14.58
with this data
package, you are not going to be
00:20:14.61\00:20:17.15
able to monitor that
00:20:17.21\00:20:19.18
because it's
going to be automatic.
00:20:19.21\00:20:21.08
I want to say right now
he's not getting a cell phone.
00:20:21.12\00:20:23.95
So what my heart wants
is I want to protect them
00:20:23.99\00:20:26.65
so much like he
doesn't go through this avenue.
00:20:26.72\00:20:29.39
But not only that
but the other thing is...
00:20:29.42\00:20:30.83
Now that I can't do that,
00:20:30.89\00:20:32.69
he'll have a
cell phone I'm sure,
00:20:32.73\00:20:34.03
you know, he'll
have his own job,
00:20:34.10\00:20:35.40
buy his own cell phone.
00:20:35.43\00:20:36.80
But the reality is that
also the social media aspect
00:20:36.83\00:20:39.20
that we kind of touched
upon a little bit as well,
00:20:39.23\00:20:41.44
is that I think as parents,
00:20:41.47\00:20:43.47
and I want to talk to
the parents even right now
00:20:43.54\00:20:45.51
that you need to be so careful
00:20:45.54\00:20:48.54
with social media,
allowing your children
00:20:48.58\00:20:50.48
especially at such a
young age to be on social media.
00:20:50.51\00:20:54.68
There was another, you
know, you deal with Facebook,
00:20:54.72\00:20:58.42
especially as
relates to our young people
00:20:58.45\00:21:00.46
ministering to them.
00:21:00.49\00:21:01.92
Not long ago,
there was this crash,
00:21:01.96\00:21:04.66
you know, on large social media
00:21:04.69\00:21:06.43
where it was been overloaded
with pornographic images.
00:21:06.46\00:21:10.97
I mean, you log on to Facebook
and I mean, status after status
00:21:11.00\00:21:16.30
was loaded with pornography,
whether it was unintentional
00:21:16.34\00:21:20.34
or not, it's just the
reality, it did happen.
00:21:20.38\00:21:23.51
And again, eyes were
exposed or whatnot and people,
00:21:23.55\00:21:28.65
I would imagine,
00:21:28.68\00:21:30.05
you then
probably became addicted
00:21:30.09\00:21:31.42
and started going further
00:21:31.45\00:21:32.79
because they were exposed
to what during that medium.
00:21:32.82\00:21:36.49
To a parent, you know,
00:21:36.52\00:21:37.86
I'm saying stand
up and be a parent.
00:21:37.89\00:21:39.63
Yes.
00:21:39.66\00:21:40.96
And really monitor
what's been going on,
00:21:41.00\00:21:43.80
there are some things
we also can do as well,
00:21:43.83\00:21:45.37
as with the
filters for our computers.
00:21:45.40\00:21:48.07
And I know, you know, our
children are so savvy that
00:21:48.10\00:21:51.41
they sometimes they
can get around filters,
00:21:51.44\00:21:53.41
but that may be one
avenue to say, you know,
00:21:53.44\00:21:55.48
well, I'm gonna
put, like you said,
00:21:55.51\00:21:56.88
Brandon put a computer
in a central location where,
00:21:56.91\00:21:59.65
you know, everybody can see it,
00:21:59.68\00:22:01.32
you know, and
then put a filter on it
00:22:01.35\00:22:03.69
so that they're able to access,
00:22:03.72\00:22:05.62
you know, every single
thing on the Internet, as well.
00:22:05.65\00:22:10.33
So let's talk a
bit more, you know,
00:22:10.36\00:22:13.16
what else can we do?
00:22:13.19\00:22:14.50
You know, let's give
some hope. What can we do?
00:22:14.56\00:22:17.13
You know, it comes back
to what we were talking about
00:22:17.17\00:22:19.60
in the early episode
about parenting styles,
00:22:19.63\00:22:22.30
you know, you can be
00:22:22.34\00:22:24.31
the domineering parent who says,
00:22:24.34\00:22:27.44
"This is what I'm going to do,
00:22:27.48\00:22:28.81
and this is what
you're gonna do,"
00:22:28.84\00:22:30.31
and as soon as they get
to the age of accountability,
00:22:30.35\00:22:33.31
then you no more
have influence over them.
00:22:33.38\00:22:35.68
So we've got to
teach our children
00:22:35.72\00:22:38.45
to make wise decisions.
00:22:38.49\00:22:40.76
We've got to teach them
to view appropriate content
00:22:40.82\00:22:45.23
and to take the time to
explain the implications
00:22:45.26\00:22:49.83
of going after
those sites, you know,
00:22:49.86\00:22:52.83
we need to talk about
the dangers of addiction
00:22:52.87\00:22:55.54
because an
addiction is a terrible thing.
00:22:55.57\00:22:58.31
There is not...
00:22:58.34\00:22:59.67
Once one becomes addicted,
the pleasure goes out of it.
00:22:59.71\00:23:03.95
Until now what you have
00:23:03.98\00:23:05.41
is the obsession
and the compulsion.
00:23:05.45\00:23:08.38
And 9 times out of 10
the person is miserable.
00:23:08.42\00:23:12.25
And when that addiction or
when that avenue is removed,
00:23:12.29\00:23:16.39
the person can actually
00:23:16.42\00:23:17.76
go through a
period of depression.
00:23:17.79\00:23:20.33
So an addiction
is a terrible thing.
00:23:20.40\00:23:23.16
And so we need to teach
them to make wise choices,
00:23:23.20\00:23:26.03
we need to explain the
ramifications, you know,
00:23:26.07\00:23:29.04
rather than always thinking
00:23:29.07\00:23:30.41
that we've got to
remove this medium.
00:23:30.47\00:23:32.81
In addition to doing that,
00:23:32.84\00:23:34.38
we've got to
teach and mentor them.
00:23:34.41\00:23:35.74
That's good.
00:23:35.78\00:23:37.11
You know, as you were speaking,
00:23:37.15\00:23:38.48
a thought came to my mind
as well that because again,
00:23:38.51\00:23:42.02
it's so
challenging that there's a man,
00:23:42.05\00:23:45.25
he's listening to us right now,
00:23:45.29\00:23:46.72
who, I mean, he does not
want to confess to his wife
00:23:46.76\00:23:50.79
that he's
addicted to pornography.
00:23:50.83\00:23:52.93
I mean, he doesn't
want anybody to know
00:23:52.96\00:23:55.10
because it's one of those again,
00:23:55.13\00:23:56.80
dark addictions that
we, you know, people like,
00:23:56.83\00:24:00.77
do I dare say anything?
00:24:00.84\00:24:02.64
You know, I've had
people come to me as a pastor,
00:24:02.67\00:24:04.11
and say, "Pastor, you know,
I'm addicted, what do I do?"
00:24:04.14\00:24:07.31
You know, and it is
this sense of guilt.
00:24:07.38\00:24:10.48
Not only that but they bring
it to marriage, their marriage,
00:24:10.55\00:24:14.85
and their marriage
suffers tremendously
00:24:14.88\00:24:19.02
because now
they're living in fantasy
00:24:19.05\00:24:22.29
and in real life,
and they see fantasy,
00:24:22.32\00:24:25.76
and they want to do things
that they've seen in fantasy
00:24:25.79\00:24:29.33
with their wives
that are so contrary,
00:24:29.36\00:24:31.83
so twisted, so morphed that,
00:24:31.87\00:24:35.04
I mean, they're just in
a strong hold, you know?
00:24:35.07\00:24:39.04
What do we say?
00:24:39.07\00:24:41.08
And I really want
us to pinpoint on it
00:24:41.11\00:24:43.71
and try to bring, you know,
00:24:43.75\00:24:45.85
some hope, and
even from God's Word
00:24:45.88\00:24:48.08
to the person who's
struggling right now,
00:24:48.12\00:24:49.65
that's watching right
now, so, you know, "That's me,
00:24:49.68\00:24:51.99
I know exactly
what you're saying,
00:24:52.02\00:24:53.62
because, you know,
00:24:53.66\00:24:54.99
I'm addicted," what
can we say to that person?
00:24:55.02\00:24:56.99
You know, God has the
ability to heal and to restore.
00:24:57.03\00:25:02.20
So our very
first line of defense
00:25:02.23\00:25:05.50
must be to seek God
and to seek Him earnestly
00:25:05.53\00:25:09.84
and to reach out,
00:25:09.87\00:25:11.21
and to first of
all actually admit that
00:25:11.24\00:25:13.24
we have a problem
because if we don't admit that
00:25:13.27\00:25:15.94
we have a problem,
then how can we be helped.
00:25:15.98\00:25:18.95
Outside of spiritual solutions,
00:25:18.98\00:25:22.78
there are multiple agencies
00:25:22.82\00:25:25.82
who have
specialists in addiction,
00:25:25.85\00:25:28.22
sexual
addictions, and, you know,
00:25:28.26\00:25:31.23
we should not and
must not be ashamed
00:25:31.26\00:25:33.50
to reach out and say,
you know, "I have a problem."
00:25:33.53\00:25:37.03
There's multiple hotlines,
00:25:37.07\00:25:38.40
I don't have
numbers available right now.
00:25:38.43\00:25:40.50
But those are
certainly available,
00:25:40.54\00:25:42.27
whereby we can reach out
and say, "I have a problem,
00:25:42.30\00:25:45.21
and I need to be helped
because it's killing me."
00:25:45.24\00:25:48.38
Yeah, I was also gonna
say, and there was some study
00:25:48.41\00:25:52.38
that was done
00:25:52.41\00:25:53.78
and trying to
pinpoint the best reason,
00:25:53.82\00:25:58.65
the most frequent
reason why children obey.
00:25:58.69\00:26:03.19
And it wasn't
because of punishment
00:26:03.22\00:26:04.99
or fear of
punishment or anything like it.
00:26:05.03\00:26:07.13
It wasn't because
they didn't desire
00:26:07.23\00:26:11.67
to participate in
a certain behavior.
00:26:11.70\00:26:14.04
It said that the
most prevalent reason
00:26:14.07\00:26:15.64
why children obey was
because they did not want...
00:26:15.67\00:26:20.68
They wanted the
approval of their parents.
00:26:20.71\00:26:23.55
They didn't want their
parents to be ashamed of them.
00:26:23.58\00:26:26.61
Not that they
didn't want to do it,
00:26:26.65\00:26:28.05
they wanted to do it.
00:26:28.08\00:26:29.48
But they regarded
their parents' approval more.
00:26:29.52\00:26:33.36
And I think we
get that through love,
00:26:33.39\00:26:37.93
when we let our
children know that we love them,
00:26:37.96\00:26:40.70
that God loves them,
00:26:40.73\00:26:42.03
and that they need
to love themselves.
00:26:42.06\00:26:44.03
That's good, that's good.
00:26:44.07\00:26:45.40
In the last minute,
00:26:45.43\00:26:46.80
let me just speak
to this man right now
00:26:46.84\00:26:48.64
who's struggling right now.
00:26:48.67\00:26:50.51
And first of
all, let me say again,
00:26:50.57\00:26:51.91
let's admit that
there's a problem there.
00:26:51.94\00:26:54.41
Let's really be sincere and say,
00:26:54.44\00:26:56.11
"You know what, I've struggled,
00:26:56.14\00:26:57.51
I've seen things,
I've viewed things.
00:26:57.55\00:26:59.78
I've gone
places, I've done things
00:26:59.81\00:27:01.65
that were contrary
really to the rule of God,"
00:27:01.68\00:27:04.05
but you're also saying
that, "I want to do better.
00:27:04.12\00:27:05.89
I want to break this addiction."
00:27:05.92\00:27:07.72
The Bible says in
1 Corinthians 6:19,
00:27:07.76\00:27:12.49
the Bible says "What?
00:27:12.53\00:27:13.86
Know you not that your body
00:27:13.93\00:27:15.53
is the temple of the Holy Ghost,
00:27:15.56\00:27:18.00
which is in you,
which you have of God,
00:27:18.03\00:27:21.67
you are not your own.
00:27:21.70\00:27:23.44
For you are bought with a price,
00:27:23.51\00:27:25.41
therefore
glorify God in your body,
00:27:25.44\00:27:28.38
and in your
spirit, which are God's."
00:27:28.41\00:27:31.38
The Bible says that our
body does not belong to us.
00:27:31.41\00:27:34.55
But the Bible
says that greater is He
00:27:34.58\00:27:37.69
that lives in us than
he that is in the world.
00:27:37.72\00:27:40.46
1 John 4:4.
00:27:40.49\00:27:42.32
We have, you have the power,
00:27:42.36\00:27:45.13
through the power
of the Holy Spirit
00:27:45.16\00:27:47.50
to pull down strong holds.
00:27:47.50\00:27:49.60
Mighty are the weapons
00:27:49.63\00:27:50.97
that God has given us to free us
00:27:51.00\00:27:52.67
from every addiction,
whether it's sexual, alcohol,
00:27:52.70\00:27:55.34
whatever it is, if we
just fully submit to God,
00:27:55.37\00:27:59.07
He can bring the change.
00:27:59.11\00:28:00.51
As well as we said, you know,
science and going to clinics
00:28:00.54\00:28:05.21
that people can lay hands
00:28:05.25\00:28:06.65
and really get
help that we need.
00:28:06.68\00:28:09.15
Guys, time is up again.
00:28:09.18\00:28:11.19
But I pray that those who
watched today were blessed.
00:28:11.22\00:28:14.19
May God continue to
keep you in His loving grace
00:28:14.22\00:28:16.59
and may you recognize that
00:28:16.62\00:28:17.96
you have the power
through Jesus Christ.
00:28:17.99\00:28:20.43
God bless you.
00:28:20.46\00:28:21.76