Welcome to For Guys Only.
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A program that is
designed to address
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the specific
needs of the urban man.
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I'm Pastor William Lee,
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I want to welcome you today
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because we have a
very interesting topic
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to discuss today.
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Today, my friends, we're going
to talk about The Male Ego,
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the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
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I encourage you to join us
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as we go right
into our broadcast.
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Welcome, gentlemen, once again.
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It is good to see each
one of you all here today.
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And as always,
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we have a very interesting
and exciting topic today,
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we're talking
about the male ego.
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But as always,
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before we get
into our topic today,
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I just want to pause right now
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just to invite God's
Spirit to be with us.
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Let's just bow our heads
for a word of prayer even now.
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Father, God, we are so
thankful that You love us
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and that You
constantly care for us
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every step of the way.
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I pray now for your spirit
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just to bless us in
our discussion this day
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for we ask it in
Jesus' name, amen.
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Amen.
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The male ego,
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I want to jump
right into the Scripture
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because there was
a person in the Bible
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that had a serious
issue with his own ego.
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And the Bible says
this, Isaiah 14:12,
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speaking about
Lucifer, the Bible says,
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"How art thou fallen
from heaven, O Lucifer,
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son of the morning.
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How art thou cut
down to the ground,
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which didst weaken the nations.
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For thou has
said in thine heart,
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'I will ascend into heaven,
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I will exalt my throne
above the stars of God,
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I will sit also up on the
mount of the congregation,
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in the sides of the north.
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I will ascend above
the heights of the clouds,
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I will be like the most High.'"
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Five times in Scripture,
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you know, we see
Lucifer, this covering cherub,
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who was made perfect,
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the Bible says,
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constantly
saying, I, I, I, I, I,
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it was all about himself.
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He didn't even look at
this whole problem of sin,
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the middle letter
in sin is the letter I.
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Where it becomes all about us.
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Today, I'll just
kind of break it down
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because as men,
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let's just be honest today,
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we kind of struggle
with our ego sometimes,
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whether it's good or
bad, but a lot of times,
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it is bad.
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But let's kind of
talk about the male ego,
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first of all, kind
of defining what it is.
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It's always good to see
Brandon Dent, and Dr. King,
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and Muta here as
well, to discuss this.
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But break it down a little
bit, what is the male ego?
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You know, several years ago,
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a psychologist
attempted to define the male ego
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and he sort of
saw it in three parts.
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The first part is the id.
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That is the sort of
like the little child in us.
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That playful, irresponsible
little child in us,
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and he called that the id.
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And by the way,
some men never grow up,
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and they remain right there.
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They're playful, irresponsible,
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not taking care
of responsibility.
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So that's the id part of us.
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And then there's their ego,
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the part of us
that is responsible for
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how we think, how
we act, how we behave,
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how we treat people.
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So that is sort of the
definition for the ego.
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And then there's the super-ego.
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That's like their
traffic cop or conscience
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that sort of mediates
between right and wrong.
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What I just did, was that right?
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Was that wrong?
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That's our super-ego.
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And that really
doesn't come into play
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a whole lot as
much as the ego does.
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Now the male ego can
be inflated or deflated.
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Okay.
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If I can play
basketball like Brandon can
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or if I can sing very well...
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You're very kind.
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Or if I can play the
piano, kind of like Lucifer.
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I imagine the dude was good.
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I imagine he was very, very good
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because to be
able to make that claim
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that I want to be like God,
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he must have won the admiration
of the entire universe,
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just because he was so talented.
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I could imagine him
singing all four parts of a song
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without effort, effortlessly.
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But his ego became
inflated, and that's a problem.
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Now the ego can become deflated,
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and that can also be a problem.
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When you're told
that you're a loser,
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you will never
amount to anything good,
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you are hopeless,
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you are not a good man
and so on and so forth,
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when you are
constantly beaten down,
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your ego can become deflated.
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When that happens,
you can become angry,
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you can become aggressive,
you can become depressed.
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There's so many
implications to that.
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So an inflated
ego can cause problems
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and a deflated ego
can cause problems.
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So when that ego is
bruised or damaged, problems.
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Wow.
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So there you
have it, the male ego.
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Okay. Or the ego.
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Wow. It's like blood pressure.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Up and down.
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We gotta find
that middle ground.
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Absolutely. Okay.
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And that's good, the
middle ground because,
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you know, clearly,
Lucifer had an inflated ego.
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I mean, there's no
doubt about it that, man,
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he just thought that
he was all that and some,
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he was actually...
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The Bible says kind
of take the place of God.
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But then it
becomes this fine line
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maybe or maybe it's not that...
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Well, the New
Testament says, the Bible says,
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that we ought to love
our neighbor as ourself.
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So there seems to be,
you know, this type of...
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We can love ourself,
we should love ourself,
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we should be able
to respect ourself.
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So is there a line there,
you know, that is very fine?
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Or how do love ourselves
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but not inflate our
ego so much that we,
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you know, think too
highly of ourselves?
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Well, I think that
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you have to understand
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why it's
important to love yourself
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because you are
made in the image of God.
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Creation shows forth
the greatness of God,
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and we are the
crowning act of creation.
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It is a devise of the devil
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to make us not appreciate
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who and what God
has made us to be.
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So it must always be
placed in divine context.
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When it turns into
me being better than you
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or, you know, like,
what happened with Lucifer,
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where I don't
give God the glory,
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but now I start
to aspire for a place
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that is not appropriate to
be more than somebody else.
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And you don't have
to do it towards God,
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you don't have to be
comparing yourself with God
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because God said,
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"Inasmuch as you've done
it unto the least of these
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my brethren,
you've done it unto Me."
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So when I want to
dethrone you or push you down
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so that I can be elevated,
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I'm creating a
direct offence against God.
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And it's so important to
understand the difference
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between appreciating
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who we are
because it glorifies God,
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and trying to do it
to glorify ourselves.
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Okay.
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And, you know, and just to show
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how destructive an
inflated ego can be,
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if you look around,
let's say, for instance,
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at the Arab Spring
in the Middle East,
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and, you know,
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you observe the behaviors
of a couple of dictators.
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Some of these guys are willing
to kill thousands of people,
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just because
their word must be law.
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And they will go to any extent
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to reinforce
what they're saying.
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That's how destructive
and inflated ego can be.
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Okay. Okay.
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So let's be clear,
though. Can I love myself?
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Can I love myself as a man? Yes?
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We are prince and princesses.
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As Brandon just said,
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we are wonderfully
and fearfully made.
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We're attractive dudes.
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At least I like to think so.
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Good, good.
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Now I want to bring that out
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from the beginning of
our conversation today
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because I think
it's so important for us
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understand that yes, you know,
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that we are
fearfully and wonderfully made,
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that we can love ourselves,
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but then we have to be careful
because the flipside of it is,
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is what we saw with Lucifer,
that it can be destructive.
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And let's kind of talk
about that a little bit.
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We started with the good,
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and now let's talk about
the bad side of the male ego.
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You know, men,
we're competitive.
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You know, we like to do our best
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at almost any cost sometimes,
and sometimes it can be bad.
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So let's kind of
talk about a little bit
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about the bad side
now of the male ego.
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Well, also it
can be very subtle.
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Let me give you
just a quick example,
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if my wife says to me that
the bathroom faucet is leaky
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and I'm gonna call a
plumber in to fix it,
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right away I'm thinking,
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"Well, it costs money.
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Number two,
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so you think I'm not good enough
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to fix this faucet."
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That is the
message I am getting.
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So the ego
doesn't have to be bad.
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It can be slightly bruised.
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And because you're telling me
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that you're going
to call a plumber in,
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I am going to prove to
you that I'm going to fix it.
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So I'm going to go
to Lowe's or Home Depot
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and I'm going to do my
darndest to prove the point
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that I can fix this faucet,
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and when I'm done,
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now I want to hear
what you have to say.
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What's the problem?
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"How do you like me now?"
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Guys, let me
just stop right now,
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let me crank this stuff fast.
00:10:08.47\00:10:10.17
I mean, as Dr King,
when you were at my house,
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I had a leaky faucet,
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but I had a toilet
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that just is not
acting right, you know.
00:10:16.61\00:10:19.25
And, you know, I
wasn't gonna call a plumber.
00:10:19.28\00:10:21.98
You know, I
looked at it, I said,
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"I can fix it.
And I could do it."
00:10:23.89\00:10:27.36
So, you know, I
went to Home Depot,
00:10:27.42\00:10:28.92
I went to Lowe's,
I went to Menards.
00:10:28.96\00:10:31.33
And I got the parts, came
home, took the toilet apart,
00:10:31.36\00:10:34.13
and, you know, I put
it back together again,
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flushed it, and lo and behold,
all of the water came out.
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Mercy. I mean,
everything came out.
00:10:39.37\00:10:41.54
And I was like,
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"Oh, my God, I'm grabbing towels
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and just try and do something,
I like to know what's going on.
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Let me tell you guys,
I'm getting a move on,
00:10:47.61\00:10:49.04
but I spent an entire day.
00:10:49.08\00:10:50.61
I'm not kidding you.
00:10:50.68\00:10:52.01
I spent the
entire day with my wife
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going back and
forth for the bathroom
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peeking in saying,
00:10:54.78\00:10:56.12
"What's going on
now? How's it going?"
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I'm gonna make this thing work.
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Finally, after an entire
day, I finally got it fixed.
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And yeah, I was frustrated,
but when I got it fixed,
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let me say right
here, it was my ego.
00:11:05.26\00:11:06.59
I went and got my
wife and my children.
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We marched upstairs and I said,
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"I'm gonna show you."
00:11:12.43\00:11:13.80
You know,
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"I was able to fix the toilet."
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And that was, you
know, high-five, you know,
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"William, good job," you know?
00:11:19.11\00:11:20.84
I needed that affirmation,
00:11:20.88\00:11:23.01
you know, and as
silly as it looks right now,
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looking back on this,
00:11:26.15\00:11:27.68
you know, I think, Muta,
that we need that affirmation.
00:11:27.72\00:11:30.45
Yes.
00:11:30.49\00:11:31.82
You know, as men that, you know,
00:11:31.85\00:11:34.29
there is
something with our male ego
00:11:34.32\00:11:37.43
that really does
play an important part
00:11:37.49\00:11:39.83
in who we are as men, as men.
00:11:39.86\00:11:43.90
Go ahead. No, go ahead.
00:11:43.93\00:11:45.27
I was just saying I think
the affirmation does provide
00:11:45.30\00:11:47.67
a sense of drive inside of
us to want to go and do more.
00:11:47.70\00:11:54.54
Unlike most folk,
00:11:54.58\00:11:55.91
I don't have that problem
of wanting to fix everything,
00:11:55.94\00:11:58.98
I'll say,
00:11:59.01\00:12:00.42
"Go ahead and call the plumber.
00:12:00.45\00:12:01.85
I'll get the number and
we'll call them together."
00:12:01.88\00:12:05.32
But I think it is the male ego,
00:12:05.35\00:12:10.66
the bad part is
00:12:10.73\00:12:12.36
when we use it
00:12:12.39\00:12:14.60
as the driving
force to do something,
00:12:14.63\00:12:17.23
when you're
trying to prove a point.
00:12:17.27\00:12:19.40
And I think it's real easy
because once you do accomplish
00:12:19.43\00:12:24.07
the thing that you
wanted to accomplish,
00:12:24.11\00:12:26.01
then I'm boosted up.
00:12:26.04\00:12:28.64
So what more can I do?
00:12:28.68\00:12:30.51
And I finish
this, I'm good at this.
00:12:30.55\00:12:33.15
And while it's good for
you to want to achieve things,
00:12:33.18\00:12:37.19
we have to also be careful
00:12:37.25\00:12:39.02
that our life does not
become all about achievement
00:12:39.05\00:12:42.06
because that's what
happened with Lucifer.
00:12:42.09\00:12:44.99
He wanted to
achieve a certain spot.
00:12:45.03\00:12:48.10
He was really beautiful,
00:12:48.13\00:12:49.63
he already could sing, and now,
00:12:49.66\00:12:52.20
"What else? What more can I do?
00:12:52.23\00:12:53.90
You see, God right
there, I think I can do that
00:12:53.97\00:12:56.67
because I can do
all these other things."
00:12:56.74\00:12:58.97
And that's why we
have to be very careful
00:12:59.01\00:13:01.21
and start watching ourselves
when we start thinking now,
00:13:01.24\00:13:04.41
"I can do it. I can do it."
00:13:04.45\00:13:08.58
Getting on a shaky ground.
00:13:08.62\00:13:09.95
That's good.
That's good. That's good.
00:13:09.98\00:13:11.79
Yeah, I was gonna say,
00:13:11.82\00:13:13.46
when we're
talking about affirmation,
00:13:13.49\00:13:15.62
that's a big one for me.
00:13:15.66\00:13:17.03
And there are a
lot of things that I do
00:13:17.06\00:13:21.26
that they're so subtle
00:13:21.30\00:13:24.17
that my wife would
never know they happened.
00:13:24.23\00:13:28.24
And I will every now and
then have the tendency to say,
00:13:28.27\00:13:32.11
"Honey, I did that."
00:13:32.14\00:13:34.44
Oh, yeah, yeah. Me too.
00:13:34.48\00:13:38.25
And I just want her to say,
00:13:38.28\00:13:39.75
"Oh, really? Oh,
that's wonderful."
00:13:39.78\00:13:42.28
And then I'm good.
00:13:42.32\00:13:43.65
Right. Right.
00:13:43.69\00:13:45.02
You know, there's also
some other serious issues
00:13:45.05\00:13:47.96
that can surface as a result
of a bruised or a bad male ego.
00:13:47.99\00:13:53.56
More and more women
00:13:53.60\00:13:54.93
and quite rightly so
are becoming more educated
00:13:54.93\00:13:58.37
and are making
more money than the guy.
00:13:58.40\00:14:02.64
And some guys
just can't stand that.
00:14:02.67\00:14:05.84
If your wife is a physician,
00:14:05.87\00:14:09.41
or, you know,
she's a professor...
00:14:09.44\00:14:11.35
She's an
engineer, or an accountant,
00:14:11.38\00:14:13.62
or a business person
00:14:13.65\00:14:14.98
and happens to be
making more money more than you
00:14:15.02\00:14:17.49
and happens to be
more educated than you are.
00:14:17.52\00:14:20.69
You need to celebrate that
00:14:20.76\00:14:23.26
rather than feeling threatened
and challenged by the fact
00:14:23.29\00:14:26.59
that your ego is bruised.
00:14:26.63\00:14:29.43
That's
powerful. That's powerful.
00:14:29.46\00:14:30.83
Absolutely,
absolutely celebrate it.
00:14:30.87\00:14:32.23
You know, Brandon,
00:14:32.27\00:14:34.70
you're retired
corporate executive,
00:14:34.74\00:14:37.21
you know, a number of years
working in corporate America,
00:14:37.27\00:14:40.74
you know, how
important from your perspective
00:14:40.78\00:14:42.91
from the business side of things
00:14:42.94\00:14:44.28
and now you own
your own company now,
00:14:44.31\00:14:45.68
how important
from the business side,
00:14:45.71\00:14:47.32
is it for the male
to recognize his ego
00:14:47.38\00:14:51.59
and to be able
to lead in a sense?
00:14:51.62\00:14:55.26
Well, it's kind of
interesting you say that
00:14:55.29\00:14:57.49
because I was in
the auto industry,
00:14:57.53\00:15:01.06
which is infamous for huge egos.
00:15:01.10\00:15:04.80
A lot of that has
to do with the fact
00:15:04.83\00:15:08.30
that much to
what you were saying,
00:15:08.34\00:15:10.84
Dr. King, that the
salaries were much higher
00:15:10.91\00:15:14.18
in that industry.
00:15:14.21\00:15:15.71
Where else could you not
even have a high school diploma,
00:15:15.74\00:15:21.85
get a job as a factory worker,
and make $60,000, $70,000,
00:15:21.88\00:15:25.32
$80,000 a year?
00:15:25.35\00:15:27.26
I had people coming
into my plants for jobs
00:15:27.29\00:15:30.96
who were master
degreed in education,
00:15:30.99\00:15:35.26
but they were only going
to fractionalize the income
00:15:35.30\00:15:37.33
if they worked
in their discipline.
00:15:37.37\00:15:38.70
So they just rather go
and get a job on the line.
00:15:38.73\00:15:42.50
So you've got...
00:15:42.54\00:15:44.77
The money thing
built a lot of strong egos.
00:15:44.81\00:15:48.44
Don't let one of those
guys become a supervisor.
00:15:48.48\00:15:51.35
Or then even if
you graduated degree
00:15:51.38\00:15:53.78
and come in with as
a management personnel
00:15:53.82\00:15:57.62
because they have
the skill, the pay,
00:15:57.65\00:15:59.95
you got to keep
the management making
00:16:00.09\00:16:01.96
more than the rank and profile.
00:16:01.99\00:16:04.29
So these guys are
coming out of school
00:16:04.36\00:16:06.59
with engineering degrees,
00:16:06.63\00:16:07.96
getting $80,000 jobs
right out the box, you know?
00:16:07.96\00:16:12.10
So what you would
find often is that
00:16:12.13\00:16:16.17
the egos would get so strong
00:16:16.20\00:16:17.71
that they would
just be utter disrespect.
00:16:17.74\00:16:21.34
And I always tried to...
00:16:21.38\00:16:23.21
I always felt that
00:16:23.24\00:16:24.58
and I use a lot of
biblical principles
00:16:24.61\00:16:25.98
when I was
leading out with my teams,
00:16:26.01\00:16:29.12
what I would
always do is tell my team,
00:16:29.15\00:16:31.72
"I work for you.
00:16:31.75\00:16:34.16
What do you need
00:16:34.19\00:16:36.16
so that you can do your job
the best that you can do it?"
00:16:36.19\00:16:40.83
I would intentionally
try to be the opposite
00:16:40.90\00:16:43.10
of what was sold
prevailing in the industry,
00:16:43.13\00:16:46.57
to be humble,
00:16:46.60\00:16:48.47
to rely and recognize
00:16:48.50\00:16:50.67
the individual expertise
of the members of my teams.
00:16:50.71\00:16:55.14
In a lot of those
elements of expertise,
00:16:55.18\00:16:57.31
I did not possess myself.
00:16:57.35\00:16:59.35
So it wasn't just, you know,
00:16:59.38\00:17:00.78
sometimes it's that
interaction management piece
00:17:00.85\00:17:02.35
and you're not
always telling the truth.
00:17:02.38\00:17:03.75
No, you've got to be truthful,
you got to be sincere with it.
00:17:03.82\00:17:06.49
But I think when you're
in a position of leadership,
00:17:06.52\00:17:08.52
not only in industry
but in your social circle,
00:17:08.56\00:17:11.69
and particularly in your home,
00:17:11.73\00:17:14.46
you have to do
that with humility.
00:17:14.50\00:17:18.20
You know, what you said in
the last part with humility,
00:17:18.23\00:17:21.10
I think, is critical.
00:17:21.14\00:17:22.74
There are guys that
are watching right now
00:17:22.77\00:17:25.11
and that, I mean, have
been beat down, though.
00:17:25.14\00:17:28.44
I mean, some guys,
you know, and I know guys,
00:17:28.48\00:17:32.55
whether their
girlfriend, whether their wife,
00:17:32.58\00:17:35.62
you know, has damaged
them, but they're injured.
00:17:35.65\00:17:42.39
Their ego has been bruised,
00:17:42.42\00:17:44.13
and now they
don't want to have...
00:17:44.16\00:17:45.73
They won't do
anything, you know,
00:17:45.76\00:17:47.10
'cause everything they
have tried to do in the past
00:17:47.13\00:17:49.13
has never been successful with,
00:17:49.16\00:17:51.20
you know,
somebody else's viewpoint.
00:17:51.23\00:17:53.30
What do we say, you
know, to that guy, you know,
00:17:53.34\00:17:56.57
who's been damaged,
who's been broken, his ego,
00:17:56.60\00:17:59.67
you know, has just been...
00:17:59.71\00:18:01.94
Now what do we do?
00:18:01.98\00:18:03.31
What can we say,
Dr. King, to help us?
00:18:03.38\00:18:04.95
You know, I think it is critical
00:18:04.98\00:18:07.95
that we understand
the importance of rescuing
00:18:07.98\00:18:11.52
or lifting up people
00:18:11.55\00:18:13.59
who are bruised or damaged egos.
00:18:13.62\00:18:16.22
School shootings,
00:18:16.26\00:18:17.83
shootings in a
workplace quite often
00:18:17.86\00:18:20.83
or as a result of a damage
00:18:20.86\00:18:23.80
a very fragile person
00:18:23.87\00:18:26.00
who's been told by
a teacher or by peers,
00:18:26.03\00:18:28.67
"You are
nothing. You are no good."
00:18:28.70\00:18:31.04
So now that person is
so angry and so distraught
00:18:31.07\00:18:34.48
that they will explore
00:18:34.51\00:18:35.98
every
possibility of getting back
00:18:36.01\00:18:38.68
even with the offenders.
00:18:38.71\00:18:41.88
So such people need
a lot of encouragement,
00:18:41.92\00:18:45.09
talking to,
mentoring, buttressing,
00:18:45.12\00:18:49.09
and they need to be told,
00:18:49.12\00:18:50.46
"You are valuable."
00:18:50.53\00:18:51.86
You know, if you think
about it for one minute,
00:18:51.89\00:18:54.56
there is only one
you on this planet,
00:18:54.56\00:18:58.27
5 billion people,
00:18:58.30\00:19:00.27
and there's only
one person like you.
00:19:00.30\00:19:02.84
And when you leave
the face of this earth,
00:19:02.87\00:19:04.97
you are irreplaceable.
00:19:05.01\00:19:06.84
So celebrate what you have."
00:19:06.91\00:19:08.61
So our emphasis must be
on lifting up those people
00:19:08.64\00:19:12.05
rather than putting them down.
00:19:12.08\00:19:13.45
Absolutely.
00:19:13.48\00:19:14.82
I'll tell you what, guys.
00:19:14.85\00:19:16.42
I am that person.
00:19:16.45\00:19:18.12
I was the one
from the fifth grade
00:19:18.15\00:19:19.99
who was told
00:19:20.02\00:19:21.36
I was never
going to be anything.
00:19:21.39\00:19:22.96
I was moved from
an integrated school
00:19:22.99\00:19:25.29
to a predominantly white school.
00:19:25.33\00:19:27.30
And it was hell.
00:19:27.36\00:19:29.46
And it led to not only bruising,
00:19:29.50\00:19:34.14
not damaging,
00:19:34.17\00:19:35.74
I mean, it
killed me. It killed me.
00:19:35.77\00:19:38.94
I ended up
dropping out of high school
00:19:38.97\00:19:40.61
in the ninth grade.
00:19:40.68\00:19:42.34
And it's still a daily struggle.
00:19:42.38\00:19:48.75
Even though I
have graduated college,
00:19:48.78\00:19:51.02
even though I do
have a beautiful family,
00:19:51.05\00:19:53.25
even though I do have
kids that look up to me,
00:19:53.29\00:19:55.79
and I have young
people who are mentoring,
00:19:55.82\00:19:58.73
every day I'm challenged
00:19:58.76\00:20:02.00
with having to look
myself in the mirror
00:20:02.03\00:20:04.43
and have to give
myself self-affirmation.
00:20:04.47\00:20:07.50
Should a man love himself?
00:20:07.54\00:20:09.04
Yes.
00:20:09.07\00:20:10.77
Because there's
nothing that anyone else can do
00:20:10.81\00:20:14.98
to make that
person love themselves,
00:20:15.01\00:20:16.91
but point out like
the doctor just said,
00:20:16.95\00:20:20.08
point out the fact
that we are special,
00:20:20.12\00:20:24.85
look at some of the
things that you can do.
00:20:24.89\00:20:28.09
You know what one
thing my mommy says,
00:20:28.12\00:20:31.49
"You talk a lot."
00:20:31.53\00:20:33.16
And I thought
that was a bad thing.
00:20:33.19\00:20:35.06
And it can be a bad thing.
00:20:35.10\00:20:37.00
But I've realized it's given
me the ability not to be shy
00:20:37.03\00:20:40.70
when I'm dealing
with somebody else
00:20:40.77\00:20:42.10
who's going
through the same issue
00:20:42.14\00:20:43.47
that I've gone through
00:20:43.51\00:20:44.84
and give them encouragement.
00:20:44.87\00:20:46.21
So it's tough, having a bruise,
00:20:46.24\00:20:49.14
broken, killed
ego is really tough,
00:20:49.18\00:20:51.51
and it's destroyed
a lot of the things
00:20:51.55\00:20:54.58
that I could have done in life.
00:20:54.62\00:20:56.48
But I've learned
that what I do have,
00:20:56.52\00:21:00.49
God has given me
for specific reasons.
00:21:00.56\00:21:03.29
And so that's what I hang
on to when all else fails.
00:21:03.32\00:21:06.43
Yeah. You're 1 in 5 billion.
00:21:06.46\00:21:07.76
"I'm Muta, it's just me."
00:21:07.83\00:21:09.20
No one else has my story.
00:21:09.23\00:21:11.17
They can have something similar,
00:21:11.20\00:21:12.53
but no one has my story.
00:21:12.57\00:21:14.70
And that's what I hang on to.
00:21:14.74\00:21:17.07
That's powerful.
That's very powerful.
00:21:17.11\00:21:18.61
You know, the Bible says that
00:21:18.64\00:21:20.48
"Life and death are
the power of the tongue."
00:21:20.54\00:21:23.31
And as we have
been saying, rightly so,
00:21:23.35\00:21:25.85
that we need to build,
00:21:25.88\00:21:27.22
you know, build,
especially the man,
00:21:27.28\00:21:28.62
build him up,
00:21:28.65\00:21:29.98
you know, even
with my young son,
00:21:30.02\00:21:31.35
you know,
building him up and saying,
00:21:31.39\00:21:32.95
"Hey, you know, you're smart."
00:21:32.99\00:21:34.69
You know, just
recently, you know,
00:21:34.72\00:21:36.06
whilst I was
taking him to school
00:21:36.09\00:21:37.43
and I just wanted to
encourage him that day, so,
00:21:37.49\00:21:38.83
"You know what, you did
well on that project, you know.
00:21:38.86\00:21:41.43
You know, you are
a smart young man."
00:21:41.46\00:21:44.10
And I looked back at
him, he's five years old,
00:21:44.13\00:21:46.67
he just smiled from ear to ear,
00:21:46.70\00:21:48.60
you know, to hear his
father say that he is smart.
00:21:48.64\00:21:53.44
And I think a lot of
times we don't hear that,
00:21:53.51\00:21:56.01
you know, young
men don't hear it,
00:21:56.04\00:21:57.58
older men have not heard it,
00:21:57.61\00:21:59.01
you know, sometimes it
is, you know, it has a void,
00:21:59.05\00:22:02.55
we have a void in that because
we've not always heard it.
00:22:02.58\00:22:05.42
But let's talk a little
bit more about the ego as well.
00:22:05.45\00:22:10.86
The Bible, our guide book,
makes a statement in Ephesians,
00:22:10.93\00:22:16.00
where the Bible says,
the Apostle Paul says,
00:22:16.03\00:22:19.63
that the man is, you
know, to be so to speak,
00:22:19.67\00:22:23.47
you know, over the woman,
00:22:23.51\00:22:24.84
it doesn't say
that, it doesn't say.
00:22:24.87\00:22:27.04
I know exactly...
00:22:27.08\00:22:28.41
But it says in Ephesians 5
00:22:28.44\00:22:29.94
that men are to lead
their families to be,
00:22:30.01\00:22:34.88
so to speak, the
priest of the home,
00:22:34.92\00:22:37.35
the wives are
supposed to submit,
00:22:37.39\00:22:41.16
the Bible uses the word
submit to their husbands,
00:22:41.19\00:22:43.43
you know, I don't want to,
00:22:43.49\00:22:44.96
you know, open up a
can of worms, so to speak.
00:22:44.99\00:22:47.23
But what do you
all think about that,
00:22:47.30\00:22:49.60
especially as
relates to the male ego?
00:22:49.63\00:22:51.37
What is the word of God
saying that, in a sense?
00:22:51.40\00:22:53.47
You know, you're right,
00:22:53.50\00:22:55.60
Colossians 3:8 and
Ephesians 5:22, you know,
00:22:55.64\00:22:58.87
"Wives, submit
yourselves unto your husband."
00:22:58.91\00:23:02.41
And especially
within the church setting,
00:23:02.44\00:23:06.92
some men use that as
leverage against their wives,
00:23:06.95\00:23:11.69
and actually beat
them into submission
00:23:11.72\00:23:15.46
because the Bible says
00:23:15.49\00:23:17.53
that you need to
submit yourself to me,
00:23:17.56\00:23:19.83
and this is what
you're supposed to do.
00:23:19.86\00:23:21.96
And we're okay with that.
00:23:22.00\00:23:23.43
And in some cases,
00:23:23.47\00:23:25.10
the church kind of
foster that type of notion.
00:23:25.13\00:23:29.47
Look at our structure,
our leadership structure,
00:23:29.50\00:23:33.44
we have more male
ministers than female ministers,
00:23:33.48\00:23:38.05
more male officers
in positions of power
00:23:38.08\00:23:42.22
when compared with females,
00:23:42.25\00:23:44.32
and so we can use
the Bible to beat a women
00:23:44.35\00:23:48.96
over the head and
beat them into submission,
00:23:48.99\00:23:51.89
forgetting that
00:23:51.93\00:23:53.56
the Bible's simply
using an illustration,
00:23:53.60\00:23:55.83
submit yourself to your husband,
00:23:55.86\00:23:58.13
as Christ submitted
himself onto the church.
00:23:58.17\00:24:02.00
He was to serve...
00:24:02.04\00:24:03.41
Well, He came and died for us.
00:24:03.44\00:24:04.81
He endured abuse,
00:24:04.84\00:24:06.17
that's how Christ
submitted Himself to the church.
00:24:06.21\00:24:08.98
So I think we can
learn a lesson from that.
00:24:09.01\00:24:11.68
And us men, we
need to realize that
00:24:11.71\00:24:14.72
without the women
we're a whole lot of trouble.
00:24:14.75\00:24:17.52
We can hang, we
just can't make it.
00:24:17.59\00:24:19.75
All right.
00:24:19.79\00:24:21.69
You know, when I was in college,
00:24:21.72\00:24:24.59
there was a
social science course,
00:24:24.63\00:24:27.86
urban
redevelopment it was called.
00:24:27.93\00:24:30.13
And you would look
at different elements
00:24:30.17\00:24:32.63
of the urban society
00:24:32.67\00:24:36.54
and talk about what it
took to redevelop them.
00:24:36.57\00:24:39.84
When it came to relationships
between men and women,
00:24:39.87\00:24:44.55
they drew the distinction
between being an authority
00:24:44.58\00:24:49.75
and being a power.
00:24:49.78\00:24:52.45
A power is one who takes
what is not given to them.
00:24:52.49\00:24:59.29
And an authority is only
00:24:59.33\00:25:01.40
what you are in the
mind of someone else,
00:25:01.43\00:25:03.97
you can't make it happen.
00:25:04.00\00:25:05.50
Either they
respect you or they don't.
00:25:05.53\00:25:08.57
And I think that that's
how men should carry themselves
00:25:08.60\00:25:12.57
in the relationship.
00:25:12.61\00:25:14.21
The Bible tells
the woman to submit,
00:25:14.28\00:25:17.55
not the man to make her submit.
00:25:17.58\00:25:20.98
She can do it, may do
it, may choose not to do it,
00:25:21.02\00:25:25.89
but the man should continue
00:25:25.92\00:25:27.36
to stand on the
basis of principle,
00:25:27.39\00:25:30.33
on divine principle
00:25:30.36\00:25:31.69
because when
Christ is lifted up,
00:25:31.73\00:25:34.30
right,
00:25:34.36\00:25:35.66
it draws all men unto Him.
00:25:35.70\00:25:37.13
His Word does not return
void, you will have impact,
00:25:37.17\00:25:41.20
maybe not the impact
that you want to have.
00:25:41.24\00:25:43.37
But if you do it God's way
00:25:43.41\00:25:45.37
and work to be a
spiritual authority
00:25:45.41\00:25:47.81
and not a power,
you will have success.
00:25:47.84\00:25:50.91
That's wonderful.
That's good, that's good.
00:25:50.95\00:25:52.75
You know, I'm feeling...
00:25:52.78\00:25:55.55
The man, that's
watching this right now.
00:25:55.58\00:25:57.89
And I'm always
trying to be sensitive
00:25:57.92\00:25:59.45
to what the man is
thinking right now.
00:25:59.49\00:26:02.39
And I can sense that
there's probably someone
00:26:02.42\00:26:04.59
who has a very damaged ego.
00:26:04.63\00:26:07.66
And while we want to
get the right balance,
00:26:07.66\00:26:10.00
you know, between, you know,
00:26:10.07\00:26:11.43
healthy ego and unhealthy ego
00:26:11.47\00:26:13.97
to get that right
balance, give us some advice,
00:26:14.04\00:26:17.31
we need to be able to
speak to that man who's damaged,
00:26:17.34\00:26:21.28
that man who has
been challenged right now,
00:26:21.31\00:26:24.61
can each of us, you know,
00:26:24.65\00:26:25.98
just, you know, men have that...
00:26:26.01\00:26:27.35
We have that kind
of just, you know,
00:26:27.42\00:26:29.05
or someone who's kind of...
00:26:29.08\00:26:30.52
Wrap it up for us to
help that may understand it,
00:26:30.59\00:26:33.36
you said that we are
fearfully and wonderfully made,
00:26:33.39\00:26:35.52
but don't think too
highly of themselves.
00:26:35.56\00:26:38.16
Help us on that some more.
00:26:38.19\00:26:39.53
You know, my advice
will be well, actually,
00:26:39.56\00:26:42.83
it is to say that
respect is earned,
00:26:42.86\00:26:46.37
you can't demand it.
00:26:46.40\00:26:48.60
And if I or you
have a damaged ego,
00:26:48.64\00:26:52.61
we need to look at
ourselves in the mirror,
00:26:52.64\00:26:55.18
we need to understand
00:26:55.21\00:26:56.85
that I can't
demand something from you.
00:26:56.91\00:26:59.31
First of all,
00:26:59.35\00:27:00.75
I've got to live
it out in my life.
00:27:00.78\00:27:02.12
So I've got to pick myself up,
I've got to encourage myself,
00:27:02.15\00:27:06.42
I've got to behave
in a respectful manner.
00:27:06.45\00:27:09.56
And even if I am
not shown respect,
00:27:09.59\00:27:12.03
that's okay.
00:27:12.06\00:27:13.43
I can't make you do
what I want you to do.
00:27:13.46\00:27:16.33
I am responsible for me,
00:27:16.36\00:27:18.53
and I've got to step
up and be responsible.
00:27:18.57\00:27:20.84
Wow, that's good.
That's good. That's good.
00:27:20.87\00:27:22.97
You know, I'm
gonna read this text
00:27:23.00\00:27:24.51
from Genesis 1:26,
00:27:24.54\00:27:30.55
toward the end of Genesis 1,
00:27:30.58\00:27:32.91
where God makes the
statement very specifically
00:27:32.95\00:27:35.75
that we were made
in the image of God.
00:27:35.78\00:27:40.06
The Bible says very
simply, Bible says that,
00:27:40.09\00:27:44.16
"And God said, 'Behold,
00:27:44.23\00:27:45.56
I've given you every
herb bearing fruit to eat,
00:27:45.59\00:27:47.83
and every fowl of the air"'
00:27:47.86\00:27:49.63
and all these things,
00:27:49.66\00:27:51.00
"and God saw that
everything was very good,"
00:27:51.03\00:27:54.64
including that we
were good, Genesis: 1:27,
00:27:54.67\00:27:58.31
because we were
made in God's image,
00:27:58.34\00:28:00.91
male and female.
00:28:00.94\00:28:02.28
Absolutely.
00:28:02.31\00:28:03.68
And I believe, my friends,
00:28:03.71\00:28:05.05
that we recognize
that we are in God's image
00:28:05.08\00:28:06.41
that so many things
could change in our lives
00:28:06.45\00:28:09.38
once we submit ourselves
back to God once again.
00:28:09.42\00:28:13.22
Time has flown, guys.
00:28:13.25\00:28:14.59
But we praise God
for this discussion.
00:28:14.62\00:28:16.62
May God continue to bless us.
00:28:16.66\00:28:17.99
Until next time,
00:28:18.03\00:28:19.36
For Guys Only,
let's keep the faith.
00:28:19.39\00:28:20.96
Wonderful.
00:28:21.00\00:28:22.33