Welcome back! You are
watching Families For Heaven
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We are talking about
how to handle a crises.
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And we have been interviewing
Carter Francis and Booty Francis
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Booty has gone through a severe
crises, and as you listen to
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their stories, Dr. June, is
there a word that you could use
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to best summarize what is taking
place now after the tragedy?
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It seems to me that people who
like Booty and Carter who have
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gone through this crises, can
best as they move on, summarize
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by the word resilience.
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Except you are able to bounce
back after an event or tragedy
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like this, you are likely
to continue to suffer more from
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that situation.
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So the capacity to redirect,
re-organize and to draw
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on the resources
that are available to you
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through friends
and other support.
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that you can continue to live
your life although there will be
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changes, although you
will have to adapt and adjust,
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your life is not over.
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Alanzo: So when we talk about
resilience, we are talking about
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the capacity to
withstand the blows of life.
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We're talking about the ability
to rebound, not to stay down.
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A sheer determination
to rise above the water.
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A sheer determination to
be stronger then you ever was.
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Carter, is there
anything you had to do?
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You are a professional, is there
anything you had to do as you
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work on this crises?
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Well for the first two
years after Booty came home from
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the hospital, I had
to give up all my jobs.
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To nurse her
24/7, to bring her back.
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I had to do just about anything
a professional nurse would do
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for a patient at home.
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I nursed her after two
years I went back, at that time.
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At that time, I fixed her lunch
and leave it in the refrigerator
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or I had to be
there taking care,
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I gave up my job totally.
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And decided that now it
was you job to nurse her back.
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That is what we
are talking about.
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That is called resilience, these
days people break too easily.
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People walk away, when you are
faced with challenges like these
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there is a
tendency to walk away.
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Now I notice when you
were talking to them you said,
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Carter and Booty what did
you both, but Booty is the one
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who had the crises.
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She is the one
that had the problem.
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Now put that for me in
the context of the family
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as a system, how does her
problem become his problem?
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Your children and
other family members?
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As you can well imagine
in a situation like this,
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happening to you will
leave you very dependent.
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Not all crises will render
an individual totally dependent
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upon another person.
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But in this event, Booty became
more dependent on Carter for
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support and so it was essential
that the entire family got
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involved in her aftercare.
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So when a crises occurs in
the family, it's not just about
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the identified person who
has endured the circumstance.
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But the entire
family has to re-adjust.
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Alanzo: so we are saying this
one person in the family affects
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all, and you have to understand
that, it is not just about
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the individual, it is
the entire family, we see the
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family as a system.
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How do I maintain, or how
do I have family resilience?
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What are the keys? Or are there
Keys to a family resilience?
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I think it is essential that
as a family we accept that this
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is what has happened.
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And to make meaning of the
adversity, accepting the reality
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Separating the pieces and
the facts an understanding.
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This is what we have in our
hands and we are going to have
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to move forward.
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And as we listened to Carter
and Booty's story, we heard
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them talking about their
spirituality and how they drew
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from a higher power, that source
that kept them and motivated
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them to move on.
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So one can add spirituality
as a source of resilience.
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Another factor is to be flexible
so your life might change.
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The situation, the circumstances
and events, the way you lived
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your life may
never be the same again.
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So it is essential as a
family you become flexible.
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If children are involved,
they are going to have to adjust
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and adapt to recognize many of
the things they have done before
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as a family together may
not be possible any longer.
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So we all adapt and adjust
to accommodate the circumstance
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in the family.
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Connectiveness
it's also important.
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Booty, did you find out of this
tragedy you were drawn closer
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to Carter and Carter was drawn
closer to you, or as a result
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of this tragedy, both
of you were drifting apart?
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No we got closer, he
knows everything about me.
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If he comes in and I'm not
talking, he knows he has to
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do some counseling.
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So our communication developed
very much, and I was able to
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talked to him anytime, any
day at his work, because his
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supervisor understood
the situation with me.
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Alanzo: so he was not only
your husband, but he was also
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your consular? Booty: Yes!
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That's good, that's good!
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Carter: you talk
about changes in your family
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and I have some very
prime examples I could give.
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for instant, for the first three
months after Booty came home
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from the hospital, we
have an upstairs house.
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To get her from
upstairs to downstairs we had to
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put her on a sheet.
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and the four of us would
hold one end of the sheet.
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We would take her downstairs
on the sheet, that's the way
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we would get her downstairs.
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And when we had to get her
from downstairs to upstairs,
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we had to go through
the same process again.
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Alanzo: how long did you
say? Carter: for three months.
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We had to do that as a family.
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We had to make some
changes in our homes.
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We never had rails, we
had to put rails so she could
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hold on those.
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And now we have a wheelchair
rolling around in our house.
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We never had that before,
so we to adjust the furniture.
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We had to adjust everything
so that we have passage for the
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wheelchair can move around
in the house and all that.
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Those are some of the
adjustments we had to make.
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Ladies and gentlemen as we
are talking about resilience.
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When you have a crises, your
duty is to manage that crises.
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That is your job, not to
give up not to become frustrated
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not to become depressed.
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To accept your reality
and manage your crises.
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Dr. June, there are
changes and mood swings,
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and emotional expressions.
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How does one make
that kind of adjustment?
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Especially if I am the victim,
let's use the word victim,
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If I'm the victim in the
crises, often times I'm going to
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it's like you have
to give me some more.
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What kind of an emotional
adjustment one needs to make?
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It is a very difficult
thing for an individual who has
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sustained a severe loss,
a horrific tragedy to smile
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all the time.
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Or to just accept this
is what has happened and
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move on with your life.
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So it is reasonable to expect
there will be days when you will
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be overwhelmed, when you
will feel emotions that drives
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you to be angry, when you will
question even God and you just
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can't find an
answer for what happened.
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So emotionally you will be on
this roller coaster as it were.
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That is, in order for you
to move forward you must accept
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that it is a part of a process.
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Then be open with your emotions
so that you state what you are
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thinking and feeling so the
people around you who provide
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care are aware and become
sensitive to what your needs are
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No doubt Booty you have
experienced this roller coaster.
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When there were days you
really felt down. Booty: Yes!
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Would you like
to talk about that?
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Booty: What I do is I
try to learn text that will,
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if I am fearful I know
a text to say, to repeat.
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So I have used many
text in the Bible to help me.
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Alanzo: your spirituality
was very powerful in helping you
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to grow out of this situation?
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Booty: yes!
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One has to have a positive out
look in dealing with this issue.
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I don't want to minimize the
pain and minimize what you have
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gone through, to act as
though you just wake up and say
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that have a
good outlook on this.
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There are crying
days, am I right in this?
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There are lonesome moments,
painful moments, and you have to
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agonize, sometimes with
God what's happening to you.
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Why is it that your life
has changed so dramatically.
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But you can't stay like
that, you have to rise above it.
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You have to have
a positive outlook.
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Would you say, and it is a
hard question I'm going to ask,
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would you say your
husband is a very patient man?
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Yes, extremely patient.
Alanzo: extremely patient.
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Yes, uh hum.
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If this is correct for me
to say I think it's an observer
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Patience just doesn't come as
a virtue, it comes out of love.
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So obviously your husband loved
you enough to sacrifice himself
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and his needs, to provide
for you in a time of crises.
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Sustaining hope, you mentioned
Carter that you kept hope,
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you never let go of hope
and that you took an optimistic
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view of all that has happened,
all that was happening to you.
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Here you are now, this
is the reality of your wife.
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This is where she is and for all
purposes she might stay this way
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Are you sorry that you had hoped
and that she was not totally
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healed, or are you thankful
and satisfied, talk to us.
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I am extremely grateful, in fact
one of the things I remember
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talking to God about when she
was in a coma and the doctors
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were saying that they couldn't
give me a positive diagnosis
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of whether or not she would be
back whether she won't be back.
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One of the things I
grappled with God with is that
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I need my wife.
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I just couldn't afford to lose
her at this point in my life.
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Things were going well for us
and I felt that this was my life
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As a result of that I prayed
and God answered and brought
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her back to me and I am
extremely grateful for it.
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I think that God has worked
the miracle I was asking for.
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My life was to bring my wife
back to me where she is now.
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I am happy and
I'm thankful to God.
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Your listening and you're
watching and the question I have
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for you, will you be able to
look yourself in the mirror and
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say, this is my situation, this
is my crises, and do you know
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what, I have accepted it.
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Do you have the strength to move
on, to accept the limitations
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whatever it is that life
has dealt you, can you take that
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and move on with
faith and hope encourage?
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Because if you can't, then
it means that you are not happy
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with yourself and you will
continue to go through life
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miserable, despondent,
unhappy, depressed and name it.
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When you did not have to
go that road, you did not have
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to take that way.
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You can, you know there
are two sides to a road.
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One side is shady and
the other side is sunny.
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You don't have to walk on
the sunny side, you can choose
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the shade, you can
choose to stay depressed.
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You can choose to stay lonely,
you can choose to stay sad, or
00:14:22.40\00:14:27.21
you can choose to be
happy just by simply accepting
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your situation and moving on.
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If there is nothing as you
have gotten from this program
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we hope that you have
gotten this one thing.
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Accept myself for who I am
and move on no matter what.
00:14:41.12\00:14:46.78
Accept your limitations, fight
through life, don't give up.
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Be courageous, be optimistic
and above all trust in God.
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Because the God who created you
is that God will sustain you.
00:14:57.63\00:15:02.00
and that God who will take
you home when He comes again.
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Thank you!
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