With each new day families are
failing and homes are broken.
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marriages are
threatened, fathers are absent.
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Children are
rebellious but all is not lost.
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Homes can be healed
and hearts can be mended.
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Let's reclaim our
Families 4 Heaven.
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Thank you for
watching Families 4 Heaven.
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I'm Alanzo Smith and
my co-host is June Smith.
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We are discussing,
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Ingredients That
Builds a Happy Marriage.
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Dr. June:
marriage is under siege.
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Invariably when you find
children, or young people,
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who exhibit deviant
behavior, you can trace it back
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to the family.
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So it is critical that
we have strong marriages,
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hence, strong families.
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Alanzo: there are a lot of
people who are getting married
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these days, as a matter of
fact one statistic has it as
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anywhere between 85 to 90%
of the US population will get
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married at one point or another.
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These couples do
intend and desire to
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remain married forever.
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Alanzo: unfortunately not
all couples know how to form and
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sustain a marriage, to
allow it to last for a lifetime.
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Now in previous generations,
when we talked about marriage,
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the concept was we
had the nuclear family.
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You had a mother, the father
and the children, but in this
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society the family
structure has become so complex.
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And marriage is becoming
more fragile as a result of this
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complexity, these days
marriages are becoming more
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difficult and more fragile.
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In fact it is said that
37% of the married population
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exists as single families,
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that is they
eventually fall apart.
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Alanzo: there is a strong
indication that the two parent
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family is on the decline.
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Dr. June: 87% of Asian children
live in two parent homes,
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that doesn't mean that
these parents are married.
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Among Caucasians, the
percentage is less, 76% of
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Caucasians live
in a two parent home.
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Dr. June: Then we have
70% of Hispanic and Latino
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families that live
in two-parent homes.
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But it keeps going down,
among African-Americans it is
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only 42% of children
live in a two parent family.
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30% of all children, it is
said, at some time in their
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development, will
live with a step-parent.
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The only conclusion that
one can draw from all of these
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statistics that we are
giving you taken from the
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Bureau of Census, is that
the nuclear family is on a
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rapid declination.
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The healthy marriage, however,
is considered the key to
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a healthy society, so you
will agree we have a problem.
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Yes we do, but marriages
can be strong and healthy.
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We want to focus
today on the ingredients.
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Here thus we
have a lovely couple.
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We have a Arturo
and Loretta Haywood.
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Won't you help me
welcome them to our show.
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you folks have been married
for a good while now and I
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suspect you have a family.
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Tell us a little
bit about yourselves.
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Will let me first say,
thank you for inviting my wife
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and I to your show, and
it is a pleasure to be here.
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My marriage is pretty
much a long time, we have been
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married now for about 32 years.
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We have five
children, 10 grandchildren,
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and two great grand's.
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Loretta, can you tell
us any of the ingredients,
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or anything you put in your
marriage that helped to make
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it last so long?
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Well one of the ingredients,
we don't fight in front of
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our children, right
we have learned not to.
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Arturo: it is not proper, even
we send the children to their
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rooms and they suspect that
something has happened so their
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ears are still cocked to listen.
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So to argue in front of
them we have come to learn is
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not only them sitting in
front of us, sometimes even when
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they are in their rooms,
it is best to put it aside and
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leave it until the time is
appropriate to really discuss
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the matter, or to
argue out of their presence.
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Well, so one of the ingredients
in your marriage is that
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you don't argue in
front of the children,
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can you think of any other?
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One of the things that is
really strengthen our marriage
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is the honesty
that we put into it.
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I've come to learn over
the years that when you are
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honest with your wife,
when you are open with your wife
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you gain more respect from her.
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You gain more respect from
your children because they see
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a relationship that is pure and
a relationship that is honest.
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We don't hide
anything from one another.
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I am open with my wife and
I am open with my children.
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That seems to strengthen
our marriage even more.
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Loretta: Also, we don't
play tit-for-tat, right!
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Right, right, we don't,
I don't get back at him for
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something, tried
to get even with him.
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We have learned to
live that way for years.
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Alanzo: can I ask
you a personal question?
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Yes! Alanzo: was it
love at first sight?
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Yes. Dr. June: but
I'm sure that grew as the
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relationship matured.
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One of the other things
that we have also learned to do
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in the whole scope of our
marriage is sometimes you learn
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when you see things happening,
instead of trying to stay
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and fight it out, sometimes
it is best walk away and
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leave things to
be by themselves.
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This way you get a chance
to refocus on whether you are
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wrong or whether the
other party is wrong.
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Most of the time when you
walk away, you will find that
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sometimes you might
be the guilty person.
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Dr. June: you
give yourself pause.
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You think about it and
sometimes you find you are even
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able to go and say I am sorry.
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Arturo: absolutely, because
when you can say I'm sorry,
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it breaks down that
macho-ness as far as men are
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concerned, that self eagerness
where you picture yourself
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as being the superior person.
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It makes the wife also to
understand that yes, at least
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he has some kind of
humility about himself.
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It works both
ways, it works both ways.
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Is it easy for you to
say you are sorry, Loretta?
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Yes, it is very easy for
me to say that I'm sorry.
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Dr. June: it's easy to say
after 32 years of marriage.
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Loretta: yes that is
correct, yes I am the first to
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admit that I
did something wrong.
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Dr. June: good for you.
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You know, it is a
healthy thing to do.
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A lot of people, as you rightly
say, especially we males,
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we tend to think it is
not becoming a man to say I am
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sorry, but it is
a good thing to do.
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Arturo: Honey I am sorry.
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Dr. June: thank you.
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Arturo: you would be surprised
to know the impact it has
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on the wife when a
husband can say he's sorry.
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You know there is something
about the male ego, when a
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man is in a situation where
he is confronted with a problem.
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He doesn't want to yield,
to say I'm sorry because I'm
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the man, I'm not going there.
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But when you back off
and can say I'm sorry,
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it makes a big difference.
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We are so happy that you
could come and talk with us
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about the health of your
marriage and we are happy
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for you and pray and wish
you God's blessing that you
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have more than 32 years
for a happy marriage life.
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Arturo: thank you for having us.
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Thank you for coming on.
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We are going to take a break,
but we have some more guests
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for you as we
continue to talk about the
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Ingredients of a Happy Marriage.
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