With each new day families
are failing and homes are
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broken, marriages are
threatened, fathers are absent.
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Children are
rebellious but all is not lost.
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Homes can be healed
and hearts can be mended.
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Let's reclaim our
Families 4 Heaven.
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Thank you for
watching Families 4 Heaven.
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I'm Alanzo Smith And
my host is June Smith.
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We are going to be
discussing with you divorce,
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An Emotional Blow.
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A divorce is painful.
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Everyone who has experienced
will testify that sometimes
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it feels like an amputation.
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Tonight we are going to talk
a little about what a family
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goes through
when a divorce occurs?
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Here in the United States
of America, in one year alone
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We had over 2.5
million marriages.
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In that same year we
have 1.2 million divorces.
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So we're saying that almost
20 million of these marriages
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end in a divorce.
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Yes, as a matter of fact,
the divorce rate is anywhere
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from 40, 45 to 50%, and
that is very, very high.
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Over 1 million children
experience a divorce annually.
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So this is not just affecting
two adults who are going
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through a separation, but
the effect on children are
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often devastating.
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It is said that 75% of the
individuals who had a divorce,
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they were at one time
happy in their marriage.
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As a matter of fact, for
the first five years of their
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marriage they were happy.
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Then after, the divorce comes.
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Now the other fact that is
stunning is that 30 to 40% of
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individuals who end up in
a divorce are diagnosed with
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some psychological
or emotional problems.
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You know this is 3 to 4
times higher than the normal
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population of children who
did not experience a divorce.
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So you can understand the
traumatizing and devastating
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effect that
divorce has on children.
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In fact it is said that is
one of the worst experiences
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a child can have.
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And the worst thing
about it is that there are many
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parents who have this
delusion that divorce does
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not affect children.
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The anger, the lust, the
abandonment that one experiences
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when you go through divorce
complicates the experience.
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We have with us here
Janet, and Janet is our guest.
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Would you help me welcome Janet.
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Janet you were married at a
young age, how old were you?
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I was 19 years old.
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19 and the person was?
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He was 18 years old.
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Okay, so you were
both very, very young.
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Very young.
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June: it is consistent with
the statistics because it does
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say that younger marriages
are a higher risk for a divorce.
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How long did your marriage last?
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Seven years, our
marriage was seven years.
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Was it a happy marriage,
tell us a little bit about it.
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It was a wonderful marriage,
we were very much in love.
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We were young and you
would think the whole world is a
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wonderful place and we
were high school sweethearts.
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Right after high school we went
to different schools, different
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colleges and really felt
we couldn't live without each
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other, so we got married.
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We wanted to be together
and we were very much in love.
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Okay, what was the goals,
your dreams and aspirations
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you had in the early marriage?
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Well it was to last a
lifetime, I truly believe a
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marriage is for life.
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My parents have been married
for over 37 years, so I had
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a wonderful
example of my parents.
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I really hoped and dreamed
that would be the same with
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my first marriage.
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We bought our first home
together, and had two beautiful
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children, our dreams were
to raise these children and
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watch them become
well-rounded adults.
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So, Janet, obviously something
went wrong. What happened?
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Well as the years went
by we started realizing,
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unfortunately, how
incompatible we were.
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How different we
were actually were.
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They say you don't get
to know somebody until your
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married to them and live
with them on a day-to-day basis.
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Janet, before you go any
further, Dr. Smith, you heard
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what Janet just said.
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You don't get to know somebody
until you start living with them
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on day to day basis.
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It almost sounds like a
myth because people generally,
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especially young people,
that once we know everything
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about each other
we are soul mates.
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Talk to us about that.
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That's exactly what they
think at the time they find
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themselves
attracted to each other.
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They think that they know
everything about each other.
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But as you get into a
relationship, you learn so much
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more about the other.
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We say to young people,
try to do your research as much
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as possible before.
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Even with all that research
you are still going to learn
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so much more
about the individual.
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So that is very consistent
with what is anticipated.
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So you realize that
there disport between dating
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and all of that.
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We need to start
living together, sharing
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the same space.
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Yes it was two different worlds.
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It's amazing the
things you discover.
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The flaws that you overlook
when you're dating because of
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the love that you refuse to
see the red flags and all of
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the different personality.
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Things that you think
would be such a big deal because
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you are so in love
with each other that
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you could overlook it.
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Once you're married
it's there every single day.
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What would you say to
a young person who says,
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he has no faults.
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Absolutely, I would tell
them, well I have a young
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daughter, but I would
tell them that the best way to
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actually get to know
somebody, I truly believe,
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is watching them
interact with their families.
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See how they
refer to their parents.
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You can look at their background
by looking if themselves,
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they come from a broken home.
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I'm not saying that
there is anything wrong,
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that they are the worst
people or anything if they
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come from a broken home.
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It's helpful to know.
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It's helpful to know
because of the mentality,
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the mentality that
they go into a marriage.
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As Janet has revealed to
us there is a big difference
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between when you are
dating and when you are married.
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You have to be
careful about that.
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So we are going to take a
break and we will be right
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back, we will be right back.
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We want you to hear more of
Janet's story we have so many
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other things to share with you.
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