With each new day families
are failing and homes are
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broken, marriages are
threatened, fathers are absent.
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Children are
rebellious but all is not lost.
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Homes can be healed
and hearts can be mended.
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Let's reclaim our
Families 4 Heaven.
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Thank you for
watching Families 4 Heaven.
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I'm Alonzo Smith and
my co-host is June Smith.
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We're sharing with
you today the topic of the
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Vicious Rage of Suicide.
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Unfortunately many
people get weighted down by
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life's challenges.
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Sometimes they think
they are trapped and there
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is no way out.
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Today we are here
to talk about suicide.
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We would like to say that
suicide is never an option.
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Before we go into this
discussion, I want to let you
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know that we are very
cognisant of the fact, this
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topic will evoke
anger, hurt, pain, sadness,
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and painful memories.
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So we will do our best
being cognisant to that fact.
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We will do our best to
approach the subject with care
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and in any way we can help
to bring some soothing to your
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soul, we will.
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Because we are family
therapists, we have dealt
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with this with this case of
this situation so many times
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so we do understand.
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In United States of America,
suicide is the 11th leading
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cause of death.
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That gives you an
idea of how prevalent it is
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in our society.
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The reality is that
among young people, 15 to 24,
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it is the
second-leading cause of death.
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To put this in perspective
you have over 32,000 people
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who take their lives annually.
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So for every two
murders in the US, we have three
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people committing suicide.
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It is said that men's
suicide is four times more
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than female suicide.
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Now 1 in 5 high school
students often think about
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taking their lives.
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The sad fact is that 1
in 6 have a plan of how they
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want to take their lives.
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And while not all who think
about suicide will actually
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carry it out, 1 in 13
of them make an attempt.
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Looking at this kind of
statistic, it seems as if
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adolescents see
this as a viable option.
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What can you say to young
people listening to us now that
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indeed this is
not really an option?
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Weekly I talk to young
people who are depressed,
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Who are sad about whatever it
is that is causing their pain.
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Frequently one of the
options they think about is
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ending their life.
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I would like to say to
adolescents especially,
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because sometimes they
feel left alone, sometimes
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they feel rejected,
some of the times they think
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there is nobody to talk
to, but there is always help.
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All you have to do is
talk to somebody, your school
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counselor, a social
worker, your religious leader,
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your parents, a friend,
grandparents, somebody who
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will be able to get you help.
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As we talk about this
sensitive topic suicide, we have
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with us our guest,
Miss Pamella Simpson,
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Won't you help me welcome her.
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Pam we thank you
for coming on our show.
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As I talk with you, you were
a mother, a professional mother,
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successful and
things were going well.
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Happy, beautiful and then
all of that changed one November
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morning, could you
share with us what happened?
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I somehow found out that
my son was not going to school
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and it led to a little
squabble, parent-child.
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He admitted he was not
going to school and that he was
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being deceptive because he
led me to believe that he was
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going to school daily and
here it was in November I am
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learning that he
hadn't been going.
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We had a little bit of a
heated discussion on the topic
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and he got up and got dressed.
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I said where are you going,
and he said to kill myself.
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Just like that?
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Yeah, calmly and I
thought he was being facetious.
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So I said I will bury you
and he walked out the door.
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As he was leaving my niece
was coming into my house and
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she said, what is the matter?
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I told her, this is an adult
niece, and she said I don't
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like the feeling.
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She turned around and got
in her car and went after him.
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Before you continue, I
just want to know if there is
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anything
significant with the response
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she gave as a parent.
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Her son, what ever he
was upset about, when he was
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leaving she asked
where are you going?
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He said, nonchalantly,
I'm going to kill myself.
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She said, I'll bury you,
again in a nonchalant way.
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What is your
perspective on that?
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I think it's a very
familiar response, and many
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parents that have not had
an experience with this, many
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times you are not even
aware that this is an option
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young people think about.
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So when they have a conflict
with their child and the
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child were to say
something like I'm going to kill
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myself, you think well
they are just being rude,
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or just being
facetious as you would say.
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So it is very common response
that a parent would think
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nothing further.
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So you are saying that it
is not that the parent was
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insensitive, it is not a
case where she doesn't care and
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here was a child giving a
clear, and she just ignored it.
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I am saying that it is
very common that a child would
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respond that way
and a parent would think
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nothing further.
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Because the last thing
you want to accommodate your
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thoughts that your child
could be serious about saying
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something like that.
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Continue Pam.
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He left the house and my
niece went after him and she
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came back shortly and
said, she was driving and he was
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on foot, and he went up a
one-way street and when she
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finally could turn the
car around and headed in the
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direction he was
headed she lost him.
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So she came back to the
house and I sort of sensed an
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uneasiness and I
called the police.
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When they came I had
nothing more to tell them then
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what I have just told you.
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So they really had
nothing to go on, so they said
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they would drive around
the neighborhood and see if
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they could find him.
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They came back maybe an
hour or so later and rang my
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doorbell, I did
not see him with them.
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I knew something
was terribly wrong.
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But up to this
point, it was just
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an empty feeling inside.
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Pamella: yes
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you don't know what, it
could've been a car crash,
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could have been anything,
but it is just that you did
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not see your
son with the police.
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So no doubt in your mind
now was why were they coming
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back a second time and
were not coming to say here's
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the boy you have been
saying you can't find.
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This should be an
empty hollow feeling going on
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at this stage.
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At that point what is
happening is that the ideas
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and thoughts are
now beginning to be set.
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You heard your son say
he is going to kill himself.
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The idea of killing
himself just started to resonate
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and when you saw the cops
when you reported the case
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and he was not there the
thoughts occur to you that
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it could be something
serious. Pamella: Yes.
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So the police was at
your door. Pamella: Yes.
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My son was not there so
that was not a good sign.
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They then told me to
come with them because they
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wanted me to check
if this was my son.
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So I went with them.
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When I went, I think, I'm
not quite clear but I know
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I made a call to my pastor
who was at the scene before
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I got to the
scene, I do not remember.
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I do remember that by the
time I got there he was there.
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He was with one of the
elders from the church.
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He took me back home
and made a phone call to
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the church, and the
church folks came running.
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Now you didn't tell us what
you saw when you went there.
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My son had jumped off a
building, so they just showed me
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his face and the police
were very sensitive, I must give
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them credit and they were
glad my pastor was there to
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deal with the issue.
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June: I can understand how
difficult it must be to talk
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about it, but we are
trying to help other parents.
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Tell us what was
your immediate response?
00:11:42.91\00:11:49.00
Shock, disbelief, questions.
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During the time that the police
left and before they came back,
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I prayed and asked God
for a miracle for a change and
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let it not be, just be
angry words spoken and nothing
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that would be fulfilled.
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I prayed, I really did.
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June: and now you
are facing that reality?
00:12:14.58\00:12:18.94
Pamella: Yes.
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This is now your
reality, you cannot deny,
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you saw the facts.
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Were you alone
or did you get help?
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Immediately after?
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Did you have a support system?
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Pamella: my church.
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Okay, did you find out
that they were very helpful?
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Were they there for you?
00:12:42.92\00:12:44.02
Pamella: they were my best
friends, the church they were
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very supportive, very
comforting, a true bridge over
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troubled Waters.
00:12:52.69\00:12:54.66
Alonzo: if you have a best
friend, and that best friend
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was dear to you, it is
okay to say his or her name if
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you feel comfortable doing it.
00:13:01.13\00:13:02.60
Joliette McFarland.
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Alonzo: Joliette McFarlane, she
was there as your best friend.
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A Bridge over troubled water.
00:13:10.33\00:13:11.40
It is always good to have a
best friend, and to have good
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friends, and to have church
members, other support systems
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from your community,
because no one knows when
00:13:21.18\00:13:25.84
tragedy will strike.
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When that happens you do
need to have a support system.
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My family, my sister in
law, because at a time like that
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you go into automatic pilot
and you do what you have to
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do but you are
really not thinking.
00:13:46.59\00:13:48.46
You are doing things
spontaneously rather than
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through a thought process.
00:13:52.23\00:13:54.94
Is there anything you
could say to parents who are
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watching this program,
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1. they may have gone
through a similar situation.
00:14:04.06\00:14:08.84
2. they might see
some troubling signs.
00:14:08.87\00:14:12.00
3. they might just
be parents out there.
00:14:12.03\00:14:15.09
Is there anything that
you could say that might help
00:14:15.12\00:14:17.27
them through this
situation or their crisis?
00:14:17.31\00:14:20.36
Through their crisis, faith.
00:14:20.39\00:14:27.23
You need family
support, you need a friend,
00:14:27.26\00:14:31.04
and you have to keep
a connection with God.
00:14:31.08\00:14:34.82
For me this was a
testing of my faith.
00:14:34.86\00:14:39.96
I blamed God, I beat up
on God, I questioned Him.
00:14:39.99\00:14:45.67
Alonzo: so you are angry at God?
00:14:45.70\00:14:47.27
I was very angry at God.
00:14:47.31\00:14:50.32
June: after you saw the
effects of your son's loss,
00:14:50.35\00:14:54.43
did you feel any guilt?
00:14:54.46\00:14:58.99
Pamella: yes, I felt guilt
for the comments I made right
00:14:59.02\00:15:03.75
before he went out the door.
00:15:03.79\00:15:05.50
I blamed myself for
all sorts of things.
00:15:05.53\00:15:11.62
June: but you now know
that you are not responsible for
00:15:14.06\00:15:16.56
the choice he
made? Pamella: yes.
00:15:16.59\00:15:19.01
You said you are angry at God.
00:15:19.05\00:15:21.40
Did He at any time
reveal Himself to you?
00:15:21.43\00:15:24.95
I think, I am so thankful
that we serve a big God.
00:15:24.98\00:15:34.19
Who is not afraid
when we get angry.
00:15:34.22\00:15:39.62
He says, let's reason together
and when we are angry with
00:15:39.66\00:15:45.89
Him, He has a way of dealing
with us on a very personal
00:15:45.92\00:15:53.60
level and I remember one
day after the burial and life
00:15:53.64\00:15:59.62
started to return to whatever
is supposed to be normal
00:15:59.66\00:16:05.60
at this point.
00:16:05.64\00:16:07.33
I was going to work and
I was very, very depressed.
00:16:07.36\00:16:13.46
I had to be at work by
4:30 in the afternoon and I
00:16:13.49\00:16:19.55
wanted some macaroni and cheese.
00:16:19.58\00:16:23.70
But I stayed in bed too
long and was not in the mood or
00:16:23.74\00:16:28.95
have the energy, so before
I knew at the time went by
00:16:28.99\00:16:34.16
and I did make my
macaroni and cheese.
00:16:34.20\00:16:36.40
So now I am on my way to
work and I'm kind of hungry.
00:16:36.44\00:16:42.14
I didn't get my
macaroni and cheese.
00:16:42.17\00:16:44.23
During this time
you're still angry with God?
00:16:44.26\00:16:46.65
Pamella: I am angry with God.
00:16:46.69\00:16:48.08
I was driving, speeding,
and as I'm driving on the
00:16:48.12\00:16:57.03
highway and going
downtown I'm going toward
00:16:57.07\00:16:59.75
the World Trade Center.
00:16:59.79\00:17:02.67
I said to God if you
care about me, show me.
00:17:02.70\00:17:09.04
I want a free
parking this evening.
00:17:09.07\00:17:12.92
If you care about me, give
me free parking this evening.
00:17:12.96\00:17:18.41
So I drove to work and
I'm crying and I am angry with
00:17:18.45\00:17:23.87
Him and I got downtown
to Warren Street by the
00:17:23.91\00:17:30.52
World Trade Center.
00:17:30.56\00:17:32.38
I turned on Warren and I
am double parked and I sit in
00:17:32.41\00:17:38.13
the car and still crying.
00:17:38.17\00:17:40.79
It seems as though I dozed
off or something and the next
00:17:40.83\00:17:45.48
thing I knew a man is
tapping on my car and he said to
00:17:45.52\00:17:50.14
me, would you
like a parking space?
00:17:50.17\00:17:53.21
Hold it there, so you asked
God, you're angry with Him,
00:17:53.24\00:17:57.44
you journey to work, you're
working down in Manhattan,
00:17:57.47\00:18:00.91
no parking spaces down
there, you know the problem.
00:18:00.95\00:18:04.99
So you just say to God
okay, I'm angry with you, but if
00:18:05.03\00:18:08.54
You want me to get back
with You, give me a parking.
00:18:08.58\00:18:12.96
Something like that, I
thought I'd give Him a little
00:18:12.99\00:18:17.34
trouble today.
00:18:17.37\00:18:18.71
Well we are talking to
Pam and it is a very important
00:18:18.75\00:18:22.16
topic we are going to take
a break when we come back we
00:18:22.19\00:18:25.18
will hear the
rest of Pam's story.
00:18:25.21\00:18:27.07