Hello, friends and welcome
to the 3ABN Worship Center
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here in Southern Illinois.
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I've said this
before but it fits now.
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If you've not tuned in before,
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this is the biggest
little city in the world.
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Can you all say amen to that?
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This is the hub out of which
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the spokes of light are
beamed all over the world,
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to every nation, every kindred,
every tongue and every people,
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and the Lord
will have it as such.
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As we are
celebrating another year
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of God's goodness to
this ministry of 3ABN,
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and to the
ministry of Dare to Dream,
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thank you so much for tuning in.
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Get your Bibles,
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invite your friends
and the family members
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to sit down for
this thoughtful hour
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as we begin an excursion
through the word of God
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on this edition of
"Foundation of our Faith".
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As you know, if you've
heard the last two messages,
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I know your heart has been
blessed by Dr. Abraham Jules,
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who is a native
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of the Caribbean
Island of Trinidad,
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but he is a resident
of the state of New York.
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More specifically,
we go back to Brooklyn,
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back in the day when,
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when things were quite
more simple then they are now.
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He is the one that rightly
derives the Word of Truth.
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He was raised in the family,
now he's a fourth generation
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Seventh-day Adventist Christian.
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But in Trinidad, he received
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much of his
early formal education.
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But the Lord has equipped him
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not only spiritually
but also educationally,
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as he attended
Oakwood University,
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graduated in 1983,
received his Bachelor's,
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then his Master's in
Andrews, and his doctorate
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in the United
Theological Seminary in 1995.
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Dr Jules is the
husband of one wife,
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so that means he's
qualified to be an elder.
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Amen, somebody.
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The husband of one wife,
the father of two children,
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and his wife is
very well equipped.
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She's a doctor of dentistry.
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He's been in ministry 32
years, and he's been married 12.
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And he's a man of the word,
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one who does know how to
communicate with great passion.
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He is presently pastoring
in the North Eastern Conference
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and is the pastor of
the Community Worship Center
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in Queens, New York,
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where this small congregation
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is going to
experience explosive growth.
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If you've followed
his 32 years of ministry,
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one of those things
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that the Lord has blessed
him to be able to do, in 2010,
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we're about to have another
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General Conference
session coming up here,
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but in 2010, he's one
of the featured speakers
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as he spoke to more
than 70,000 people there
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at the last the
General Conference session.
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He's been around
the world quite a bit,
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an international speaker.
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He's also been to
Anchorage, Alaska.
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Why would anyone from Trinidad
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want to go to Anchorage, Alaska?
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But he was there and he
went in the summer, he tells me.
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And so Auckland, New Zealand,
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the Cayman Islands, New Zealand,
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Bahamas, London, and
the list goes on and on.
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But more than
all of those things,
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when it comes to
academia, and qualification,
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and itinerary,
he is a man of God.
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Can the church say amen to that?
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What matters most is,
not where you've been,
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but with whom you have been,
and he has been with Jesus.
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I'm excited about
the message today.
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He's been married for 12 years.
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As he said in his
message last night,
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he took time to get
ready to be married.
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He wanted to make sure
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the Lord had the
right one for him,
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and now he has
two lovely children
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and a wonderful wife.
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And his message today is,
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for all of you who are
tuning in because it's entitled
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"Married and Merry,
Single and Satisfied."
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"Married and Merry,
Single and Satisfied."
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He's going to bless
us in just a few moments.
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But I'd like to invite
you to bow your heads with me
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before I introduce to you
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who our music is going
to be for this broadcast.
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Let's invite the
Lord's presence to be with us.
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Our gracious Father in heaven,
we thank You, Heavenly Father,
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for this
opportunity to come before you,
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and as You
prepare Your manservant
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to be an
instrument to communicate
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what you have
prepared for us today,
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we pray that You will
send Your Holy Spirit now,
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not only
through your manservant,
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but to open the hearts
of those who will hear,
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hear what the
Spirit says to the church.
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Connect those
of us who are local
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and those who are joining in
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and tuning in
from around the world.
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And may your purpose
for your eternal kingdom
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be accomplish this day.
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In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
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Now, we've already been blessed
by Brother Mark Udo Williams,
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who is a resident
of Houston, Texas,
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a young man that I've gotten
to know over the last few days
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and appreciate him
very much and his wife.
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And you would do well to
get to know them, but you will,
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for those of you are
tuning in, unfortunately,
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the only way you'll know
him is by his music ministry.
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And we're going
to be blessed today
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by a song that
he's going to share,
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right after Mark
comes and sings the song
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"Were it Not for Grace"
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The next voice
that you will he hear
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will be that of
Pastor Dr. Abraham Jules.
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Time measured out my days
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Life carried me along
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In my soul I
yearned to follow God
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But knew I'd never be so strong
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I looked hard at this world
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To learn how
heaven could be gained
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Just to end where I began
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Where human
effort was all in vain
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Were it not for grace
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I can tell you where I'd be
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Wandering down some
pointless road to nowhere
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With my salvation up to me
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I know how that can go
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The battles I would face
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Forever running
but losing the race
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Were it not for grace
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So here is all my praise
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Expressed with all my heart
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Offered to a
Friend who took my place
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And ran a course
I could not start
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And when He saw in full
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Just how much
His love would cost
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He still went the final
mile between me and heaven
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So I would not be lost
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Were it not for grace
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I can tell you where I'd be
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Wandering down some
pointless road to nowhere
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With my salvation up to me
00:09:09.34\00:09:14.32
I know how that can go
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The battles I would face
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Forever running
but losing the race
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Were it not for grace
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Forever running
but losing the race
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Were it not for grace
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Mark, thank you again for
blessing our hearts today.
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We're reminded in that
song about the grace of our God,
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and our Lord, and
our Savior, Jesus Christ.
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We are today, on God's holy day,
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worshipping Him.
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He has given to us these
24 hours of unblemished time
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for worship and for fellowship.
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We should thank John again
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for his gracious
words of introduction.
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It's a joy to be
here with you today.
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The title of my message today is
00:11:05.99\00:11:07.66
"Married and Merry.
Single and Satisfied."
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Would you turn in
your Bibles with me
00:11:12.77\00:11:14.10
to the Book of Genesis 29:15-25.
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It reads, "And
Laban had two daughters,
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the name of the elder was Leah,
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and the name of
the younger was Rachel.
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Leah was tender eyed,
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but Rachel was
beautiful and well favored.
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And Jacob loved
Rachel, and said,
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'I will serve thee
seven years for Rachel,
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thy younger daughter.'
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And Laban said, 'It is
better that I give her to thee,
00:12:02.68\00:12:06.15
than that I should give her
to another man, abide with me.'
00:12:06.19\00:12:10.29
And Jacob served
seven years for Rachel,
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and they seemed on
to him but a few days,
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for the love he had to her.
00:12:19.50\00:12:21.97
And then Jacob said on
to Laban, 'Give me my wife,
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for my days are fulfilled,
that I may go in unto her.
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And Laban gathered together
00:12:30.98\00:12:32.31
all the men of the
place and made a feast.
00:12:32.35\00:12:36.79
And it came to
pass in the evening
00:12:36.82\00:12:38.32
that he took Leah, his
daughter and brought her to him.
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And he went in on to her.
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And Laban gave on
to his daughter Leah,
00:12:45.43\00:12:47.93
Zilpah, his
maid for an handmaid.
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And it came to
pass, that in the morning,
00:12:51.93\00:12:53.70
behold, it was Leah,
and he said to Laban,
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'What is this
thou hast done unto me?
00:12:56.84\00:12:59.47
Did not I serve
with thee for Rachel?
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Wherefore then
hast thou beguiled me?'"
00:13:02.98\00:13:07.35
Let us pray.
00:13:07.38\00:13:08.72
Father, we invoke
Your presence in our midst
00:13:08.75\00:13:11.55
and we pray for Your blessings
00:13:11.59\00:13:14.02
to rest upon Your
people and upon this word.
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Hide Your servant even now
behind the Cross of Calvary.
00:13:17.43\00:13:20.76
And may Jesus in His
beauty be seen, felt and heard.
00:13:20.80\00:13:25.10
We pray this prayer in the name
of Jesus, our Lord and Savior.
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Amen.
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Amen. Amen.
00:13:30.24\00:13:31.61
This message today
is for married couples,
00:13:33.98\00:13:38.91
prospects, engaged people,
00:13:38.95\00:13:42.78
and those who are
still on the market.
00:13:42.82\00:13:45.35
In other words, it's for
folks who wish they were married
00:13:45.39\00:13:50.86
and folks who are very
sorry to ever got married.
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The story is told
about an attendant who,
00:13:55.33\00:13:57.97
while walking down the
hallway at a mental institution,
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saw a guy over in the
corner, talking to himself
00:14:01.67\00:14:04.94
and he was saying,
"Bessie, Bessie, Bessie."
00:14:04.97\00:14:10.31
So the attendant asked the man,
00:14:10.35\00:14:11.68
"Why are you here in
this mental institution?
00:14:11.71\00:14:14.48
And why are you
talking to yourself?
00:14:14.52\00:14:17.15
And why are you saying,
'Bessie. Bessie, Bessie?'".
00:14:17.19\00:14:21.62
He said, "I'm in
this mental institution
00:14:21.66\00:14:23.16
because Bessie
wouldn't marry me."
00:14:23.19\00:14:27.10
He kept walking
down the hallway,
00:14:27.13\00:14:29.30
saw another guy
over in the corner,
00:14:29.33\00:14:30.70
he was talking to himself
00:14:30.73\00:14:32.63
and he was saying,
"Bessie, Bessie, Bessie."
00:14:32.67\00:14:36.87
And the attendant said,
00:14:36.91\00:14:38.24
"Why are you in
this institution, man?
00:14:38.27\00:14:39.61
And why are you
talking to yourself?
00:14:39.64\00:14:41.91
And why are you saying,
Bessie, Bessie, Bessie?"
00:14:41.94\00:14:45.58
He said, "I'm in
this mental institution
00:14:45.61\00:14:47.22
because I married Bessie."
00:14:47.25\00:14:49.62
We all know about
love at first sight.
00:14:51.29\00:14:54.66
And many times, it's
not love at first sight,
00:14:55.96\00:14:58.23
but lust at first sight.
00:14:58.26\00:15:01.30
But we use the phrase
00:15:01.33\00:15:02.73
and maybe we can add another
phrase to our vocabulary,
00:15:02.76\00:15:06.20
and that is love at second sight
00:15:06.23\00:15:09.97
because that's a phenomenon
that many couples experience.
00:15:10.01\00:15:13.24
Not love at first sight,
but love at second sight.
00:15:13.27\00:15:17.98
A man was wearing a
wedding band on the occ--
00:15:18.01\00:15:20.18
on one hand and when
asked why he did that?
00:15:20.22\00:15:24.62
He was wearing it
on the wrong hand.
00:15:24.65\00:15:26.39
And when I
asked why he did that,
00:15:26.42\00:15:27.76
he said, because he
married the wrong woman.
00:15:27.79\00:15:29.89
Jacob married the
wrong woman, Leah,
00:15:31.26\00:15:35.53
while his intent was to marry
00:15:35.56\00:15:38.03
Leah's super
fine sister, Rachel.
00:15:38.07\00:15:41.87
When Jacob first met Rachel,
it was love at first sight.
00:15:41.90\00:15:46.71
Jacob was so enraptured
by the ravaging Rachel,
00:15:46.74\00:15:49.94
that he worked out a
contractual agreement
00:15:49.98\00:15:52.95
with Rachel's father, Laban,
00:15:52.98\00:15:55.35
to work for him for seven years
00:15:55.38\00:15:58.09
to have his
daughter's hand in marriage.
00:15:58.12\00:16:00.96
To have Rachel in his life,
00:16:00.99\00:16:03.12
seven years of
labor was no sacrifice.
00:16:03.16\00:16:06.96
In fact, the writer of Genesis
gives it a romantic flair.
00:16:07.00\00:16:10.80
He says the seven
years were just like
00:16:10.83\00:16:13.60
a few days because he loved her.
00:16:13.64\00:16:17.07
Seven years passed and
finally the wedding day came.
00:16:17.11\00:16:21.61
Wine flowed like
water at the celebration.
00:16:21.64\00:16:24.68
And once the
celebration was over,
00:16:24.71\00:16:27.42
Jacob was drunk and
in a half drunken stupor,
00:16:27.45\00:16:31.99
he enters the honeymoon chamber.
00:16:32.02\00:16:34.36
And there waiting for
him in the darkness of night,
00:16:34.39\00:16:37.63
is his fully veiled bride.
00:16:37.66\00:16:40.73
The marriage, we're
told, is sexually consummated.
00:16:40.76\00:16:44.17
But the next morning,
00:16:44.20\00:16:46.20
Jacob is shocked into soberness.
00:16:46.23\00:16:49.37
He rolls over and looks
at his wife and screams.
00:16:49.40\00:16:54.48
It's what you
call an "OMG" moment.
00:16:54.51\00:16:58.48
In fact, look at
verse 17, it said,
00:16:58.51\00:17:02.38
"Leah had tender
eyes," or dull eyes.
00:17:02.42\00:17:07.49
Or as one commentator
puts it, Leah was cross-eyed.
00:17:07.52\00:17:11.39
But look at Rachel.
00:17:12.43\00:17:14.10
The same verse says,
"But Rachel was well favored,"
00:17:14.13\00:17:19.27
or shapely and beautiful.
00:17:19.30\00:17:21.84
Now this is the only
time in the entire Bible
00:17:21.87\00:17:24.77
that a writer
describes the shape of a woman.
00:17:24.81\00:17:28.78
So that means if this writer
00:17:28.81\00:17:31.05
takes time to say
that she was shapely,
00:17:31.08\00:17:34.12
then that means she was
indeed shapely and beautiful.
00:17:34.15\00:17:38.42
He thought he had
Rachel, but wakes up with Leah.
00:17:38.45\00:17:43.22
Now I want you men to understand
00:17:43.26\00:17:44.93
how he must've felt.
00:17:44.96\00:17:46.76
If on Sunday you got married to
and had worked for seven years,
00:17:46.80\00:17:51.63
for Beyonce and you got drunk,
00:17:51.67\00:17:56.00
and woke up on Monday
morning and rolled over,
00:17:57.11\00:18:00.14
and you ended up
with Aunt Jemima.
00:18:00.18\00:18:02.38
A woman, how would you feel,
00:18:04.68\00:18:07.42
if on Sunday night you thought
00:18:07.45\00:18:08.78
you had worked for
and married Denzel?
00:18:08.82\00:18:11.55
Only to wake up on
Monday morning and roll over
00:18:11.59\00:18:14.86
and it's Flavor Flav?
00:18:14.89\00:18:16.29
Now you folk, you got to
know a little bit about hip hop,
00:18:18.09\00:18:21.43
and what's going on to get this.
00:18:21.46\00:18:24.43
Now Jacob would
later marry Rachel.
00:18:24.47\00:18:29.24
And he would work an
additional seven years,
00:18:29.27\00:18:31.34
we're told, to have her.
00:18:31.37\00:18:33.68
And would
subsequently have two wives
00:18:33.71\00:18:35.68
in a turbulent love triangle.
00:18:35.71\00:18:38.51
He was in love with
Rachel, love at first sight.
00:18:38.55\00:18:42.75
Initially he did not
love Leah, but guess what?
00:18:42.78\00:18:46.39
The Bible says,
over a period of time,
00:18:46.42\00:18:49.16
which one do you believe
had a greater impact on Jacob?
00:18:49.19\00:18:52.36
It was Leah.
00:18:52.39\00:18:54.36
Because Rachel would bear him
two sons, Joseph and Benjamin.
00:18:54.40\00:18:58.03
But Leah, cross-eyed
Leah, would bear him six sons.
00:18:58.07\00:19:02.70
One son was Levi from
which the priest would descend.
00:19:02.74\00:19:05.81
And one son was named Judah.
00:19:05.84\00:19:08.84
And from the line of
Judah comes King David
00:19:08.88\00:19:11.08
and our Savior, Jesus Christ.
00:19:11.11\00:19:13.78
And in addition, when
they close out their lives
00:19:13.82\00:19:17.12
both his wives
precede him in death.
00:19:17.15\00:19:19.52
Guess which one he
decided to be buried next to?
00:19:19.55\00:19:23.09
Look at Genesis 49:29-31.
00:19:23.12\00:19:27.70
It says, "And he charged
them, and said unto them,
00:19:27.73\00:19:30.27
'I am to be
gathered unto my people:
00:19:30.30\00:19:32.97
bury me with my
fathers in the cave
00:19:33.00\00:19:35.04
that is in the field
of Ephron the Hittite.
00:19:35.07\00:19:38.44
In the cave that is in
the field of Machpelah,
00:19:38.47\00:19:40.94
which is before
Mamre, in the land of Canaan,
00:19:40.98\00:19:44.51
which Abraham bought with
the field of Ephron the Hittite
00:19:44.55\00:19:47.85
for a possession
of a burying place.
00:19:47.88\00:19:50.42
There they buried
Abraham and Sarah his wife;
00:19:50.45\00:19:54.32
there they buried
Isaac and Rebecca his wife,
00:19:54.36\00:19:57.66
and there I buried Leah.'
00:19:57.69\00:20:01.00
So at the beginning of
the story, it's Rachel,
00:20:01.03\00:20:04.17
but by the end of
the story, it's Leah,
00:20:04.20\00:20:07.04
which is to say that for Rachel
it was love at first sight,
00:20:07.07\00:20:11.17
but for Leah, it became
love at the second sight.
00:20:11.21\00:20:14.98
Now let me ask you a question.
00:20:15.01\00:20:16.75
Why do you think this
story is in the Bible?
00:20:16.78\00:20:19.65
It's in the Bible
for couples, prospects,
00:20:19.68\00:20:22.38
and person still on the market.
00:20:22.42\00:20:24.79
This story speaks volumes
00:20:24.82\00:20:27.46
and it teaches important lessons
00:20:27.49\00:20:29.59
for our generation.
00:20:29.62\00:20:31.29
And the first lesson, I
believe, it teaches us is,
00:20:31.33\00:20:34.40
before you get
married, take a long look.
00:20:34.43\00:20:39.50
Look beyond the veil.
00:20:39.53\00:20:42.10
Had Jacob
looked beyond the veil,
00:20:42.14\00:20:44.51
he would have discovered
00:20:44.54\00:20:45.87
that he was not marrying
the woman he thought he was.
00:20:45.91\00:20:50.51
And how many times
have couples thought
00:20:50.55\00:20:52.78
that they were marrying
one person only to wake up,
00:20:52.81\00:20:56.15
maybe not next
night but six weeks later,
00:20:56.18\00:20:59.45
or a month later, and realize
that this is not the person
00:20:59.49\00:21:02.89
I thought that
I wanted to marry.
00:21:02.92\00:21:06.39
A little boy was
asked in one occasion
00:21:06.43\00:21:08.10
who was Patrick Henry.
00:21:08.13\00:21:09.46
And he said,
"Patrick Henry was that guy
00:21:09.50\00:21:11.53
who got married and
soon thereafter said,
00:21:11.57\00:21:13.87
'Give me liberty
or give me death.'"
00:21:13.90\00:21:15.70
Before you get married,
before you walk down the aisle,
00:21:18.84\00:21:23.04
take a long protracted look
at whom you're going to marry.
00:21:23.08\00:21:27.28
Because while love may be blind,
00:21:27.32\00:21:29.78
marriage is a real eye opener.
00:21:29.82\00:21:32.05
That is why there
should be a courtship
00:21:33.19\00:21:35.92
before you get married.
00:21:35.96\00:21:37.96
What does court mean?
00:21:37.99\00:21:39.63
When you go to court,
00:21:39.66\00:21:41.00
you should be
looking for evidence.
00:21:41.03\00:21:43.37
When you are
single, keep both eyes open.
00:21:43.40\00:21:46.74
When you get
married, just keep one shut.
00:21:46.77\00:21:48.80
During courtship,
look for some evidence.
00:21:50.41\00:21:54.14
The Bible says,
"Jacob was drunk."
00:21:54.18\00:21:57.65
And so, he didn't know
what he was getting into.
00:21:57.68\00:22:01.32
And it's possible,
my brothers and sisters,
00:22:01.35\00:22:04.32
to be drunk not with
inebriating beverages,
00:22:04.35\00:22:07.69
but to be drunk on a fantasy.
00:22:07.72\00:22:10.06
And you can be so
drunk that it blinds you
00:22:10.09\00:22:13.33
to who you're really marrying.
00:22:13.36\00:22:14.80
So you need to be sober.
Listen to this principle.
00:22:14.83\00:22:19.37
A key to
successful relationships,
00:22:19.40\00:22:21.90
major differences
mean major adjustment.
00:22:21.94\00:22:27.18
Minor differences
mean minor adjustments.
00:22:27.21\00:22:31.91
That is to say, that
the more you have in common,
00:22:31.95\00:22:36.02
the more potential
there is for a happy marriage.
00:22:36.05\00:22:39.75
The less you have in
common, you may survive,
00:22:39.79\00:22:43.79
but you may feel
like you are in a prison.
00:22:43.83\00:22:47.00
That is why the Bible says,
00:22:47.03\00:22:48.86
"Be ye not unequally
yoked with unbelievers."
00:22:48.90\00:22:53.34
Do you know what that means?
00:22:53.37\00:22:55.07
You see in Bible times,
00:22:55.10\00:22:56.60
you could not
yoke an ox with a mule
00:22:56.64\00:22:59.21
because they have
two different natures.
00:22:59.24\00:23:01.98
The ox wants to move forward.
00:23:02.01\00:23:03.65
And while the ox
is moving forward,
00:23:03.68\00:23:05.68
guess what the mule is doing.
00:23:05.71\00:23:07.18
He's just chewing the cud.
00:23:07.22\00:23:09.48
So the ox is arguing
with the mule and says,
00:23:09.52\00:23:11.95
"Come on, let's move forward."
00:23:11.99\00:23:13.66
And the mule says,
"You're moving too fast."
00:23:13.69\00:23:16.86
So the ox is frustrated
and the mule is frustrated.
00:23:16.89\00:23:20.73
So if a mule wants to be slow,
let him marry another mule.
00:23:20.76\00:23:25.40
And if an ox
wants to move forward,
00:23:25.43\00:23:27.47
he should marry an ox.
00:23:27.50\00:23:30.01
You see most people,
my brothers and sisters,
00:23:30.04\00:23:32.61
enter marriage
with high expectation
00:23:32.64\00:23:35.61
but with very low preparation.
00:23:35.64\00:23:39.31
And when it comes to marriage,
compatibility is the key.
00:23:39.35\00:23:44.39
Marriage, you see, is the
act of two incompatible people
00:23:44.42\00:23:48.06
learning to become compatible
via compassionate compromise.
00:23:48.09\00:23:52.93
I'm about to give
you seven critical areas
00:23:52.96\00:23:55.56
of compatibility.
00:23:55.60\00:23:57.13
Number one, is your faith.
00:23:57.17\00:23:59.63
You need someone
you can pray with,
00:23:59.67\00:24:03.04
trust God with,
00:24:03.07\00:24:04.71
and grow in a deep and
abiding relationship with God.
00:24:04.74\00:24:09.54
Number two, second area
of compatibility, education.
00:24:09.58\00:24:14.32
You need someone who can
stimulate you intellectually.
00:24:14.35\00:24:18.82
If you're watching CNN
00:24:18.85\00:24:20.19
and they're constantly
watching the cartoon channel,
00:24:20.22\00:24:23.66
you're gonna have a
boring relationship.
00:24:23.69\00:24:26.59
If you are reading
The Wall Street Journal
00:24:26.63\00:24:28.16
or The New York Times
00:24:28.20\00:24:29.53
and they're always reading
just the National Enquirer
00:24:29.56\00:24:31.63
and other tabloids,
you're gonna be bored.
00:24:31.67\00:24:34.54
If you've got a
Ph.D. and he or she's got--
00:24:34.57\00:24:37.51
is a high school dropout,
00:24:37.54\00:24:39.54
you're going to have
problems, generally speaking.
00:24:39.57\00:24:42.68
But I am certain
there are exceptions,
00:24:42.71\00:24:44.41
my brothers and sisters.
00:24:44.45\00:24:46.08
Third area of
compatibility, is ambition.
00:24:46.11\00:24:49.38
You are ambitious and
he is not or she is not,
00:24:49.42\00:24:53.39
you'll have problems.
00:24:53.42\00:24:55.29
Fourth area, child rearing.
00:24:55.32\00:24:57.99
If you are a
parent that believes
00:24:58.03\00:24:59.43
that children
should have boundaries
00:24:59.46\00:25:01.50
but your spouse allows
your child to do anything,
00:25:01.53\00:25:04.00
say anything,
00:25:04.03\00:25:05.37
then there'll be
constant battles in the home.
00:25:05.40\00:25:08.50
Number five,
hobbies and leisure.
00:25:08.54\00:25:11.77
If you are the outdoorsman type,
00:25:11.81\00:25:13.58
you love to exercise
or you are into sports
00:25:13.61\00:25:16.04
and your partner
doesn't want to do anything
00:25:16.08\00:25:17.51
but lay around the couch
and become the couch potato,
00:25:17.55\00:25:20.38
then that can
engender frustration.
00:25:20.42\00:25:23.69
Number six, money and spending,
sixth area of compatibility.
00:25:23.72\00:25:28.39
If you are the kind of person
00:25:28.42\00:25:30.23
that wants to save and
be frugal, live by a budget
00:25:30.26\00:25:33.23
but you're married to a person
00:25:33.26\00:25:34.60
who could care
less about a budget,
00:25:34.63\00:25:36.70
you've got your
work cut out for you.
00:25:36.73\00:25:39.53
The poet said there
was a wonderful couple,
00:25:39.57\00:25:42.00
but they had one fatal flaw.
00:25:42.04\00:25:44.11
One was quick with the deposit,
00:25:44.14\00:25:45.97
the other was
quicker with the withdrawal.
00:25:46.01\00:25:48.51
It's only when you say together,
00:25:48.54\00:25:50.68
"We will manage
deposits and withdrawals."
00:25:50.71\00:25:53.35
When you are
comparable with someone,
00:25:53.38\00:25:55.02
the success of
the marriage is high.
00:25:55.05\00:25:57.92
Seventh area of compatibility,
00:25:57.95\00:26:00.29
their needs to be
sexual compatibility.
00:26:00.32\00:26:03.39
If you are a microwave
00:26:03.43\00:26:05.36
and you're
married to a crock pot,
00:26:05.39\00:26:07.10
or if your name is "ever ready"
00:26:09.26\00:26:11.57
and the other
person's name is "never ready,"
00:26:11.60\00:26:14.10
you'll be frustrated.
00:26:14.14\00:26:16.47
That is why you
need to take a long look
00:26:16.50\00:26:18.77
because
sometimes they can veil it.
00:26:18.81\00:26:22.31
Well, too many single people
00:26:22.34\00:26:24.81
view their
singleness in a negative light,
00:26:24.85\00:26:28.18
saying that they are
tired of being single.
00:26:28.22\00:26:31.32
What does that
mean to be single?
00:26:31.35\00:26:33.69
Any dictionary will have these
words or synonyms for single.
00:26:33.72\00:26:37.93
It means to be
separate, unique, and a whole.
00:26:37.96\00:26:41.63
Would you like
to stop being whole,
00:26:41.66\00:26:44.63
and would you like to
stop being a unique person?
00:26:44.67\00:26:48.00
You see, the world's definition
which the church has adopted,
00:26:48.04\00:26:51.81
that you are not
whole and unique,
00:26:51.84\00:26:53.94
opens the door to hurt,
rejection, and self-hatred.
00:26:53.98\00:26:57.91
God did not say,
"Adam is not a whole being,
00:26:57.95\00:27:01.15
so I will make him a
wife to complete him."
00:27:01.18\00:27:03.75
In essence, God said,
00:27:03.79\00:27:05.12
"I am going to
make him a helper,
00:27:05.15\00:27:07.32
who will be compatible,
or suitable, or like him."
00:27:07.36\00:27:10.76
Another being, who
will complement him
00:27:10.79\00:27:13.46
and be complemented by him.
00:27:13.50\00:27:16.26
Ladies and Gentlemen, we
put marriage in verse 18,
00:27:16.30\00:27:19.17
when it's not there.
00:27:19.20\00:27:20.84
Marriage comes in verse 22.
00:27:20.87\00:27:22.90
And what we need
to understand is that
00:27:22.94\00:27:25.01
God made his second human being
not just for Adam to marry,
00:27:25.04\00:27:29.64
but in order that
Adam would not be alone.
00:27:29.68\00:27:33.92
A lot of people are married,
are not married that is,
00:27:33.95\00:27:37.29
and they are not alone.
00:27:37.32\00:27:38.85
So we need to stop
pressuring unmarried people
00:27:38.89\00:27:41.56
into marriage with a subtle
00:27:41.59\00:27:43.63
and not so subtle
insinuations like,
00:27:43.66\00:27:46.06
"When are you
gonna get married?"
00:27:46.09\00:27:47.50
Well, I was
pastoring a church in Brooklyn.
00:27:47.53\00:27:50.23
I was single at the time.
00:27:50.27\00:27:51.60
There was a lady who
came to the door every Sabbath
00:27:51.63\00:27:53.20
and she said to me,
00:27:53.23\00:27:54.57
"Pastor, when in the world
00:27:54.60\00:27:55.94
are you gonna get us
some cooked cake to eat?"
00:27:55.97\00:27:57.41
Talking about wedding cake.
00:27:57.44\00:27:59.71
So I used to
really resent that moment
00:27:59.74\00:28:03.28
when she came to
me every Sabbath.
00:28:03.31\00:28:05.21
So one week, I planned for her.
00:28:05.25\00:28:07.05
I said when she gets to
door, I have an answer for her.
00:28:07.08\00:28:09.55
She came to the door
and said to me, she said,
00:28:09.58\00:28:10.92
"Pastor, when are you
gonna get us some cake to eat?"
00:28:10.95\00:28:13.15
I said, "The next
time I go to the bakery."
00:28:13.19\00:28:14.76
That was the last time
she told me about that cake.
00:28:14.79\00:28:18.19
The good book says, "There
was a not another like him.
00:28:18.23\00:28:22.43
Eve was not created
primarily as a wife,
00:28:22.46\00:28:25.27
but as another like-Adam
00:28:25.30\00:28:27.74
who would be a
companion and then later a wife.
00:28:27.77\00:28:31.54
In Genesis
2:18, God did not say,
00:28:31.57\00:28:33.38
it's not good
for man to be single.
00:28:33.41\00:28:35.18
No, he said, "It's not
good for the man to be alone."
00:28:35.21\00:28:37.71
Singleness does
not mean rejection.
00:28:37.75\00:28:40.72
Singleness is neither a
stigma nor a social disease.
00:28:40.75\00:28:44.12
The problem is single people
00:28:44.15\00:28:46.15
sometimes view
their single status
00:28:46.19\00:28:48.22
as one big waiting room,
00:28:48.26\00:28:50.63
waiting for Mr. Right
or Mrs. Right to come along
00:28:50.66\00:28:54.26
and rescue them from a fate
more horrible than death itself
00:28:54.30\00:28:58.30
and that is being single.
00:28:58.33\00:29:00.17
We need to understand
00:29:00.20\00:29:01.94
that God has not advocated
one lifestyle, marriage.
00:29:01.97\00:29:06.07
And those who missed out,
00:29:06.11\00:29:07.78
they got second
best called singleness.
00:29:07.81\00:29:10.65
Marriage is great but
being single is also great.
00:29:10.68\00:29:15.68
That's why Paul says, in
whatsoever state you're in,
00:29:15.72\00:29:19.12
therewith to be content.
00:29:19.15\00:29:21.36
There are dangers,
my brothers and sisters,
00:29:21.39\00:29:23.79
in allowing ourselves to think,
00:29:23.83\00:29:25.53
that marriage is the
only normal lifestyle
00:29:25.56\00:29:28.63
and it will solve
all of our problems.
00:29:28.66\00:29:31.50
When you think
that way, you place
00:29:31.53\00:29:33.60
an unduly heavy responsibility
and expectation on marriage,
00:29:33.64\00:29:38.87
which it will not
be able to live up to.
00:29:38.91\00:29:41.64
And you are asking
too much of the person
00:29:41.68\00:29:44.01
who you plan to spend
the rest of your life with.
00:29:44.05\00:29:46.95
There is one thing
worse than being single,
00:29:46.98\00:29:49.72
and that is being
unhappily married.
00:29:49.75\00:29:52.19
And it's better to be single
and wished you were married,
00:29:52.22\00:29:55.89
than married and
wished you were single.
00:29:55.92\00:29:59.16
May I identify seven missteps
that single people make?
00:29:59.19\00:30:03.80
Number one, many are consumed
with the desire to get married.
00:30:03.83\00:30:08.27
And when this happens, a person
usually becomes less attractive
00:30:08.30\00:30:13.91
because that message is
unconsciously transmitted
00:30:13.94\00:30:17.48
through body
language, facial expressions,
00:30:17.51\00:30:20.28
conversations and the like.
00:30:20.32\00:30:22.12
I did not say you should
lose your desire to be married,
00:30:22.15\00:30:25.82
but that you will
not be consumed by it.
00:30:25.85\00:30:29.09
Second misstep,
some single people accept
00:30:29.12\00:30:32.29
too much garbage in
unhealthy relationships.
00:30:32.33\00:30:35.96
Sometimes they are
abused, disrespected,
00:30:36.00\00:30:38.53
degraded, and used, and
they are still holding on.
00:30:38.57\00:30:42.00
They're not treated tenderly
00:30:42.04\00:30:43.87
and they become
emotionally dependent on stuff
00:30:43.91\00:30:46.31
they call being in love.
00:30:46.34\00:30:48.28
Do you know that
some relationships
00:30:48.31\00:30:49.74
if you ended them right now,
00:30:49.78\00:30:51.35
the happiness
quotient of your life
00:30:51.38\00:30:52.91
would just be out of this world?
00:30:52.95\00:30:54.88
And the quality of your life
would be drastically enhanced.
00:30:54.92\00:30:57.89
So how do you get out?
00:30:57.92\00:30:59.62
Matthew 5:29 and 30 says,
00:30:59.65\00:31:01.86
"If your right hand
offends you cut it off.
00:31:01.89\00:31:05.09
And if your eye
offends you, pluck it out."
00:31:05.13\00:31:07.86
There will be no easy way.
00:31:07.90\00:31:09.70
It will be painful
and you'll experience loss
00:31:09.73\00:31:12.87
but learn to respect yourself
00:31:12.90\00:31:14.84
and get up
because the Bible says,
00:31:14.87\00:31:17.01
"I can do all
things through Christ
00:31:17.04\00:31:19.44
who strengthens me."
00:31:19.47\00:31:21.51
Number three, third misstep.
00:31:21.54\00:31:23.85
Single people get
physically involved
00:31:23.88\00:31:25.75
too soon and go too far.
00:31:25.78\00:31:28.38
Some individuals protest
00:31:28.42\00:31:29.78
it's impossible to be
single and go without sex.
00:31:29.82\00:31:33.62
They claim the
reason why we have bodies
00:31:33.66\00:31:35.82
is for sexual fulfillment
00:31:35.86\00:31:37.83
and we were made for each other.
00:31:37.86\00:31:39.19
Listen to me.
00:31:39.23\00:31:40.56
The Bible says in 1
Corinthians 6: 12-19,
00:31:40.60\00:31:43.06
it reminds us that
we were made for God
00:31:43.10\00:31:45.97
and our bodies are the
temple of the Holy Ghost.
00:31:46.00\00:31:48.37
Yes, God gave us sex to
enhance our married lives
00:31:48.40\00:31:51.91
but that is not the
primary reason we have bodies.
00:31:51.94\00:31:56.58
Fourth misstep, we
rationalize a bad relationship
00:31:56.61\00:32:00.55
is better than no relationship.
00:32:00.58\00:32:03.12
Aloneness and
loneliness are not the same.
00:32:03.15\00:32:06.59
We fear being alone
00:32:06.62\00:32:08.42
because we think being
alone means being lonely.
00:32:08.46\00:32:11.89
That's why God gave us
00:32:11.93\00:32:13.26
over six billion
people in this world.
00:32:13.29\00:32:15.86
Fifth misstep,
panic. Where are the men?
00:32:15.90\00:32:19.80
I'm being a little more
gender specific at this time.
00:32:19.83\00:32:22.67
It is one thing to
recognize the shortage.
00:32:22.70\00:32:24.67
But it's another thing
00:32:24.71\00:32:26.04
to let that reality
control and depress you.
00:32:26.07\00:32:28.51
Ephesians 3:17-19,
00:32:28.54\00:32:30.55
in the English Standard Version,
00:32:30.58\00:32:32.25
it says, "So
that Christ may dwell
00:32:32.28\00:32:35.02
in your hearts through faith -
00:32:35.05\00:32:37.25
that you, being
rooted and grounded in love,
00:32:37.29\00:32:39.79
may have strength to
comprehend with all the saints
00:32:39.82\00:32:43.26
what is the breadth and
length and height and depth,
00:32:43.29\00:32:47.86
and to know the love of
Christ that surpasses knowledge,
00:32:47.90\00:32:51.73
that you may be filled
with all the fullness of God."
00:32:51.77\00:32:55.80
Philippians 1: 9-11,
Colossus 1:9 tell us the same.
00:32:55.84\00:32:59.37
And what these verses
of scriptures, scripture,
00:32:59.41\00:33:02.08
what they're saying
is, that fulfillment comes
00:33:02.11\00:33:05.15
when we are filled with
the fullness of God, His spirit
00:33:05.18\00:33:09.62
and filled with the
knowledge of God's Will.
00:33:09.65\00:33:13.62
Jeremiah 29:11 says,
00:33:13.66\00:33:15.06
"For I know the
plans, I have for you."
00:33:15.09\00:33:17.46
And two verses later, he says,
"You will seek me and find me."
00:33:17.49\00:33:22.26
You can know a
totally fulfilling life
00:33:22.30\00:33:24.50
when your life is
filled with Jesus Christ.
00:33:24.53\00:33:28.10
And the scarcity of
eligible Christian men
00:33:28.14\00:33:30.47
is not your major problem.
00:33:30.51\00:33:33.27
Our problem is trust in
God in every area of our lives.
00:33:33.31\00:33:38.28
The more I know Him,
the more I trust Him,
00:33:38.31\00:33:41.82
the less I worry,
and the less I worry,
00:33:41.85\00:33:44.99
the more I am
contented and joyful.
00:33:45.02\00:33:48.19
Sixth misstep,
women running on emotions.
00:33:48.22\00:33:52.99
Whether our culture
wants to admit it or not,
00:33:53.03\00:33:55.60
men and women are
created differently.
00:33:55.63\00:33:59.03
It is a part of a
woman's nature to be nurturing,
00:33:59.07\00:34:02.04
tender hearted,
caring and emotional.
00:34:02.07\00:34:05.14
And it is a part
of a man's nature
00:34:05.17\00:34:07.24
to be logical,
factual, and practical.
00:34:07.28\00:34:10.31
Now I am sure that
there are exceptions,
00:34:10.35\00:34:12.31
but these are
broad generalizations.
00:34:12.35\00:34:14.98
So making decisions
based on how you feel,
00:34:15.02\00:34:18.75
separating feeling
from rational thought
00:34:18.79\00:34:21.52
should be your goal.
00:34:21.56\00:34:22.96
Because what you feel
00:34:22.99\00:34:24.33
tend to have
priority over truth.
00:34:24.36\00:34:27.06
And what you
feel is more important
00:34:27.10\00:34:29.13
than principles and values.
00:34:29.16\00:34:31.33
A sign of maturity is
the ability to recognize
00:34:31.37\00:34:36.37
and acknowledge your feelings
without discounting them
00:34:36.40\00:34:40.21
and put them in
their proper place
00:34:40.24\00:34:41.74
when it comes
to decision making.
00:34:41.78\00:34:43.95
Women in love
with the wrong men.
00:34:43.98\00:34:47.05
Most women date the same
man with different names.
00:34:47.08\00:34:52.05
So you've got to learn
to subject your feelings
00:34:52.09\00:34:55.66
to good counsel, common
sense and biblical principles.
00:34:55.69\00:35:00.80
Seventh misstep, men
are too visually oriented.
00:35:00.83\00:35:05.87
It seems to be a
physiological fact
00:35:05.90\00:35:08.07
that men
response to visual stimuli
00:35:08.10\00:35:10.54
much more than women do.
00:35:10.57\00:35:12.74
And women respond more to
verbal stimuli than men do.
00:35:12.77\00:35:16.64
The great danger for men
is, they would sometimes forego
00:35:16.68\00:35:20.62
investigating
character and personality,
00:35:20.65\00:35:23.55
because most men
marry body parts.
00:35:23.59\00:35:28.92
They say love is blind
00:35:28.96\00:35:30.29
but I know that
love is not blind.
00:35:30.33\00:35:33.09
It sees more
than we care to admit.
00:35:33.13\00:35:35.50
But since love is a compromise,
00:35:35.53\00:35:38.33
we recognize less and
deal with the pain more.
00:35:38.37\00:35:41.37
A couple was asked, how
do you know you're in love?
00:35:41.40\00:35:44.24
And the woman says,
00:35:44.27\00:35:46.01
"Well, Pastor, when I
see him, I can't breathe."
00:35:46.04\00:35:49.81
She was not in
love, she had asthma.
00:35:49.84\00:35:51.71
Let me give you
some biblical principles
00:35:55.62\00:35:57.09
for people who are dating.
00:35:57.12\00:35:58.99
What kind of
person should you date?
00:35:59.02\00:36:01.32
The Living Bible
2 Timothy 2:22 says,
00:36:01.36\00:36:03.76
"Run from anything that
gives you the evil thoughts
00:36:03.79\00:36:05.99
that young men often have.
00:36:06.03\00:36:07.53
But stay close to anything
that makes you want to do right.
00:36:07.56\00:36:10.37
Have faith, and love, and
enjoy the companionship of those
00:36:10.40\00:36:13.23
who love the Lord
and have pure hearts."
00:36:13.27\00:36:15.97
Secondly, don't date someone
who claims to be a Christian,
00:36:16.00\00:36:18.44
but doesn't live like it.
00:36:18.47\00:36:19.97
1 Corinthians 5:11
says, "What I meant was that
00:36:20.01\00:36:22.44
you are not to
keep company with anyone
00:36:22.48\00:36:24.78
who claims to be
a brother Christian,
00:36:24.81\00:36:26.51
but indulgences in
sexual sins, or is greedy,
00:36:26.55\00:36:29.68
or is a swindler,
or worships idols,
00:36:29.72\00:36:31.75
or is a drunkard, or is abusive.
00:36:31.79\00:36:33.86
Don't even eat lunch with him."
00:36:33.89\00:36:36.12
Third, avoid dating
anyone with a bad temper.
00:36:36.16\00:36:39.33
Proverbs 22:24 says,
00:36:39.36\00:36:41.23
"Keep away from
angry, short tempered men,
00:36:41.26\00:36:43.83
lest you learn to be like
them and endanger your soul."
00:36:43.87\00:36:47.40
Don't date a lazy Christian.
00:36:47.44\00:36:49.84
2 Thessalonians 3:6 says,
00:36:49.87\00:36:52.01
"Now, here is a
command, dear brothers.
00:36:52.04\00:36:54.51
Given in the name of the Lord
Jesus Christ by His authority,
00:36:54.54\00:36:57.68
stay away from any Christian
00:36:57.71\00:36:59.18
who spends his days in laziness.
00:36:59.21\00:37:01.68
And does not follow
the ideal of hard work
00:37:01.72\00:37:04.05
we set up for you."
00:37:04.09\00:37:05.55
In other words,
if you don't work
00:37:05.59\00:37:07.02
nothing in your life will.
00:37:07.06\00:37:08.46
Further, don't.
00:37:10.96\00:37:12.89
Well, inner
beauty counts the most
00:37:12.93\00:37:14.43
when you're
looking for a spouse.
00:37:14.46\00:37:16.36
1 Peter 3:4 says,
"Be beautiful inside
00:37:16.40\00:37:19.40
in your hearts
with the lasting charm
00:37:19.43\00:37:20.94
of a gentle and quiet spirit
that is so precious to God.
00:37:20.97\00:37:24.94
Next, don't
date someone with a--
00:37:24.97\00:37:28.01
date someone with a
good attitude, that is.
00:37:28.04\00:37:30.68
Romans 15:5 and 6 says,
00:37:30.71\00:37:32.45
"May God who gives patience,
steadiness, and encouragement,
00:37:32.48\00:37:35.48
help you to live in complete
harmony with each other,
00:37:35.52\00:37:38.22
each with the attitude
of Christ toward the other."
00:37:38.25\00:37:41.26
Next, what you
should avoid on dates.
00:37:41.29\00:37:44.13
1 Corinthians and
also Romans 13:13 says,
00:37:44.16\00:37:47.23
"Be decent and true
in everything you do,
00:37:47.26\00:37:49.66
so that all can
approve your behavior."
00:37:49.70\00:37:51.70
Don't spend your time
00:37:51.73\00:37:53.07
in the wild
parties and getting drunk,
00:37:53.10\00:37:54.57
or in adultery and lust
of fighting and jealousy.
00:37:54.60\00:37:57.94
Furthermore, dating should not
include a sexual relationship.
00:37:57.97\00:38:01.28
1 Corinthians 6: 13 and 18.
00:38:01.31\00:38:03.81
And Ladies and Gentlemen,
when you're getting married,
00:38:03.85\00:38:05.71
please marry
someone of the opposite sex.
00:38:05.75\00:38:08.82
God will give you
your heart's desire.
00:38:12.95\00:38:16.02
Psalm 37:4 and Matthew 6:8,
"Be delighted with the Lord,
00:38:16.06\00:38:21.70
and He will give you
all your heart's desires."
00:38:21.73\00:38:24.10
"Remember, your
father knows what you need
00:38:24.13\00:38:25.93
before you ask Him."
00:38:25.97\00:38:27.74
The Bible says,
"Leah veiled some things."
00:38:27.77\00:38:31.11
And people can veil
who they really are.
00:38:31.14\00:38:33.68
You need to observe how people
interact with their family.
00:38:33.71\00:38:36.61
If you're dating a
man who will not respect,
00:38:36.64\00:38:39.08
and honor, and cherish
his mother more than likely
00:38:39.11\00:38:41.85
he will not respect,
love, and cherish you.
00:38:41.88\00:38:44.99
Don't only date, take a
long look before you marry.
00:38:45.02\00:38:49.36
But this story teaches secondly,
00:38:49.39\00:38:52.26
an important lesson and that is,
00:38:52.29\00:38:54.26
you need to take a long
look before you get a divorce.
00:38:54.30\00:38:58.10
What would you have done
00:38:58.13\00:38:59.47
if you thought
you've married Halle Berry
00:38:59.50\00:39:00.84
and ended up
instead, with Miss. Sealy.
00:39:00.87\00:39:03.97
Or you thought, you had Tyrese
00:39:04.01\00:39:05.34
and it turned out
to be Flavor Flav.
00:39:05.37\00:39:07.34
What would you do? I
think, I know what you'll do.
00:39:07.38\00:39:09.04
It's called
annulment or divorce.
00:39:09.08\00:39:11.25
And many of us are
quick to file for divorce.
00:39:11.28\00:39:14.05
Before you do
that, take a long look.
00:39:14.08\00:39:17.75
I'm sure on that morning,
00:39:17.79\00:39:19.69
when Jacob awoke to
a nightmare with Leah,
00:39:19.72\00:39:22.39
he never thought
that he would want
00:39:22.42\00:39:24.09
to be buried next
to of all people, Leah.
00:39:24.13\00:39:27.30
But you know what
happened? Leah changed.
00:39:27.33\00:39:31.00
Leah grew, she
matured and developed.
00:39:31.03\00:39:34.07
You know there are two
kinds of love in marriage.
00:39:34.10\00:39:36.47
One is called caring love.
00:39:36.50\00:39:38.54
Caring love is when
you maintain your marriage
00:39:38.57\00:39:41.08
because you care
about the person.
00:39:41.11\00:39:43.24
So if you are in it,
my brother, my sister,
00:39:43.28\00:39:46.08
but you don't push my buttons,
you don't float in my boat,
00:39:46.11\00:39:49.02
you're not the
cream in my decaf,
00:39:49.05\00:39:51.42
but I do care about you.
00:39:51.45\00:39:52.92
And there is the
highest form of love.
00:39:52.95\00:39:55.02
It's called sacrificial love.
00:39:55.06\00:39:57.69
But then there's
another kind of love
00:39:57.73\00:39:59.16
that's important in marriage.
00:39:59.19\00:40:00.63
And it's called romantic love.
00:40:00.66\00:40:03.26
Romantic love is a
feeling of incredible attraction
00:40:03.30\00:40:07.67
because the
person you're married to
00:40:07.70\00:40:09.74
is meeting your needs.
00:40:09.77\00:40:11.81
And because love
is our deepest need.
00:40:11.84\00:40:14.61
Our greatest fear is rejection.
00:40:14.64\00:40:17.78
In marriage, we
seek a lifelong companion
00:40:17.81\00:40:20.98
who will help
keep our love alive.
00:40:21.02\00:40:25.02
Even though only God can meet
that love in the deepest level,
00:40:25.05\00:40:28.12
our spouse is the second
most important source in life
00:40:28.16\00:40:31.29
for intimacy and faithful love.
00:40:31.33\00:40:35.00
We're God's primary vessel
to reveal His love to them.
00:40:35.03\00:40:39.60
However, when we are not
paying a proper attention
00:40:39.63\00:40:41.90
to the love
needs in our spouses,
00:40:41.94\00:40:43.97
they will begin
to feel rejected.
00:40:44.01\00:40:46.71
Now this is one of
our most primal responses
00:40:46.74\00:40:49.24
when we feel as
though we are being ignored,
00:40:49.28\00:40:51.88
taken for granted,
or put in second place.
00:40:51.91\00:40:54.88
Listen to me.
00:40:54.92\00:40:56.25
Men feel rejected
00:40:56.28\00:40:57.62
when their wives are
not sexually responsive,
00:40:57.65\00:41:00.46
or putting the children
or other things before them.
00:41:00.49\00:41:03.59
And women feel
rejected when their husbands
00:41:03.63\00:41:06.59
are emotionally
passive toward them
00:41:06.63\00:41:08.76
and show greater
interest in work,
00:41:08.80\00:41:11.30
friends, sports
or something else.
00:41:11.33\00:41:14.24
Sometimes when we feel rejected
00:41:14.27\00:41:16.67
we respond in unhealthy ways
which serve to only exacerbate
00:41:16.71\00:41:21.14
what's already
wrong in the relationship.
00:41:21.18\00:41:23.61
Whenever your spouse
makes you feel goofy and loved
00:41:23.65\00:41:26.72
and you feel
appreciated and special,
00:41:26.75\00:41:28.62
your marriage
can last a lifetime.
00:41:28.65\00:41:31.55
But marriage is
not for lazy people.
00:41:31.59\00:41:34.52
Marriage takes
work, for the Bible says,
00:41:34.56\00:41:37.56
"You should live with your
spouse with understanding."
00:41:37.59\00:41:40.46
Which means, you
need to find out,
00:41:40.50\00:41:42.03
what makes your spouse happy.
00:41:42.06\00:41:44.40
And do everything in your
power to meet those needs.
00:41:44.43\00:41:48.44
Men and women are
wired up differently.
00:41:48.47\00:41:51.71
And what makes a woman happy,
00:41:51.74\00:41:53.61
may not make a man
happy and vice versa.
00:41:53.64\00:41:56.71
Men, remember,
that women get excited
00:41:56.75\00:41:59.61
and
romantically in love with you
00:41:59.65\00:42:01.68
when they experience your
love and undivided attention.
00:42:01.72\00:42:05.69
If you are going
to honor marriage,
00:42:05.72\00:42:07.96
the first way you do
that, is by understanding
00:42:07.99\00:42:10.49
the fundamental differences
between men and woman.
00:42:10.53\00:42:14.10
There's a book that I would like
00:42:14.13\00:42:15.46
to recommend to
you and it's called
00:42:15.50\00:42:17.27
"Men Are Like Waffles,
Women Are Like Spaghetti."
00:42:17.30\00:42:21.70
And why are men like waffles?
00:42:21.74\00:42:23.74
Remember what waffles are?
00:42:23.77\00:42:25.64
On the waffles are small boxes
00:42:25.67\00:42:27.28
that are
separated from each other
00:42:27.31\00:42:29.61
and those boxes represent
how men process reality.
00:42:29.64\00:42:34.02
For example, take
sexuality, for instance.
00:42:34.05\00:42:37.49
For men, sex
isn't a box by itself,
00:42:37.52\00:42:40.46
independent of
emotions or feelings.
00:42:40.49\00:42:43.29
On the other hand,
women are like spaghetti.
00:42:43.32\00:42:46.29
Spaghetti is
interconnected, interwoven.
00:42:46.33\00:42:49.46
Let's say
somewhere, for example,
00:42:49.50\00:42:51.07
in those
noodles, is a sex noodle
00:42:51.10\00:42:53.34
and you're trying to figure
it out and which one it is,
00:42:53.37\00:42:55.77
what you've got to do is
pull on the emotion noodle.
00:42:55.80\00:42:58.24
And then you've got to,
00:42:58.27\00:42:59.61
got to pull on the
let's-go-for-a-walk noodle.
00:42:59.64\00:43:01.68
And then you've got to pull on
00:43:01.71\00:43:03.04
the let-me-help-you
-clean-the-house noodle.
00:43:03.08\00:43:04.81
And then somewhere
interwoven all of that
00:43:04.85\00:43:07.22
might just be the sex noodle.
00:43:07.25\00:43:08.92
You all, say amen.
00:43:10.79\00:43:12.39
For men, you don't
have to pull on any noodle.
00:43:13.59\00:43:17.66
A second book I would
like to recommend to you
00:43:17.69\00:43:19.39
is a book by William Harley
00:43:19.43\00:43:21.86
entitled "His Needs, Her Needs."
00:43:21.90\00:43:24.10
And this book is
absolutely without equal,
00:43:24.13\00:43:27.04
when it comes to
understanding your spouse.
00:43:27.07\00:43:29.34
Dr. William
Harley says in this book
00:43:29.37\00:43:31.21
that both men and woman,
each have an emotional bank.
00:43:31.24\00:43:34.74
And when I work hard to
meet my wife's emotional needs,
00:43:34.78\00:43:37.58
she experiences an irresistible,
00:43:37.61\00:43:40.22
unquenchable
romantic love toward me.
00:43:40.25\00:43:43.32
And when she meets my
needs on a consistent basis,
00:43:43.35\00:43:47.59
not needs she wants me to have,
00:43:47.62\00:43:49.92
not needs she
thinks I ought to have
00:43:49.96\00:43:51.99
but needs I actually have.
00:43:52.03\00:43:54.13
Love me not the
way you want to love me
00:43:54.16\00:43:55.93
but love me the
way I want to be loved.
00:43:55.96\00:43:58.50
When you meet my needs
it creates romantic love.
00:43:58.53\00:44:02.60
But if I don't meet her needs
and she does not meet my needs,
00:44:02.64\00:44:05.61
we may stay
married just a front.
00:44:05.64\00:44:08.58
And Dr. Harley calls this
00:44:08.61\00:44:10.21
"Required love
not romantic love."
00:44:10.25\00:44:13.85
Romantic love is passion,
required love is prison.
00:44:13.88\00:44:18.65
Here are men's five
basic emotional needs
00:44:18.69\00:44:21.86
that Dr. Harley gives to us.
00:44:21.89\00:44:23.93
Number one, sex.
00:44:23.96\00:44:26.43
For most men, sex ranks
one, two, three, four and five.
00:44:26.46\00:44:31.97
If you want your husband
00:44:32.00\00:44:34.04
to remain deeply
in love with you,
00:44:34.07\00:44:36.34
constantly deposit
good sex into his love bank.
00:44:36.37\00:44:40.41
Now don't be like
the Shulamite woman
00:44:40.44\00:44:42.04
in the romance book of
the Bible of Song of Solomon.
00:44:42.08\00:44:44.25
And if you read that
book it will make you blush.
00:44:44.28\00:44:47.42
Chapter 4:12, he says,
00:44:47.45\00:44:49.35
"You are a garden
locked up, my sister,
00:44:49.38\00:44:52.32
my bride, you are
a spring enclosed,
00:44:52.35\00:44:54.99
a sealed fountain."
00:44:55.02\00:44:56.79
Locked up, she had
a garden of sexuality.
00:44:56.83\00:44:59.69
But every time a husband
wants to enter the garden
00:44:59.73\00:45:02.26
she has it locked up.
00:45:02.30\00:45:04.20
I would admit that men
are a little brain damaged
00:45:04.23\00:45:07.54
and when you say no
to their sexual advances,
00:45:07.57\00:45:11.17
they don't hear "no",
00:45:11.21\00:45:12.54
what they hear is
"you don't love me."
00:45:12.57\00:45:15.71
You're disrespecting
me and I'm not wanted.
00:45:15.74\00:45:19.41
Sex in marriage is an area
where angels fear to tread.
00:45:19.45\00:45:23.39
Sex is God's ideal.
00:45:23.42\00:45:25.82
And most of you are
here today because of it.
00:45:25.85\00:45:28.59
I know some of you have thought
00:45:31.46\00:45:32.89
you've made some
other arrangements.
00:45:32.93\00:45:35.50
A twelve year old boy
asked his dad, how was I born?
00:45:35.53\00:45:38.33
And his dad said a stoke.
00:45:38.37\00:45:40.77
So he asked his mother,
"Mom, how were you born?"
00:45:40.80\00:45:43.34
And she said she was
found in a cabbage patch.
00:45:43.37\00:45:46.17
So he went to his
grandmother and said,
00:45:46.21\00:45:47.78
"Grandma, how were you born?"
00:45:47.81\00:45:49.64
And his grandmother said,
00:45:49.68\00:45:51.01
"I was found in a
Christmas stocking."
00:45:51.05\00:45:53.58
So the boy went to school
and told his biology teacher.
00:45:53.62\00:45:56.15
To the best of my knowledge
00:45:56.18\00:45:57.52
there has not been a
normal birth in my family
00:45:57.55\00:45:59.79
for three generations.
00:45:59.82\00:46:01.16
St. Paul's command to man is,
00:46:04.03\00:46:05.56
let every man have his own wife.
00:46:05.59\00:46:08.70
The point is, sex
outside of marriage
00:46:08.73\00:46:11.57
is absolutely forbidden.
00:46:11.60\00:46:13.87
You hear some men say
but my wife is frigid.
00:46:13.90\00:46:15.97
Well, you got to find a way
to light a fire and stay home.
00:46:16.00\00:46:19.67
Paul also commands that
00:46:19.71\00:46:21.04
"every man rendered
his wife due benevolence."
00:46:21.08\00:46:24.08
What does that
mean? It means sex.
00:46:24.11\00:46:26.55
Some of you are
looking at me and say,
00:46:26.58\00:46:27.92
well, I never will and it shows.
00:46:27.95\00:46:30.02
Due benevolence
literally translates,
00:46:30.05\00:46:32.35
the payment of what is due.
00:46:32.39\00:46:34.26
When you rent a
house, rent comes due.
00:46:34.29\00:46:36.22
That's what you owe.
00:46:36.26\00:46:37.59
When you purchase a
car, your car payment is due.
00:46:37.63\00:46:40.50
When you get married,
00:46:40.53\00:46:42.13
sex is the
payment of what is due.
00:46:42.16\00:46:44.83
A husband looked very sick
00:46:44.87\00:46:46.20
and so his wife
took him to the doctor,
00:46:46.23\00:46:47.97
the doctor examined the husband
00:46:48.00\00:46:49.34
and then invited his
wife into his office and said,
00:46:49.37\00:46:51.47
I want to talk to you
and shut the door behind her.
00:46:51.51\00:46:54.54
He said, I want
you to cook this man
00:46:54.58\00:46:55.94
three square meals a day.
00:46:55.98\00:46:57.85
And I want you to have
00:46:57.88\00:46:59.95
a meaningful sexual
relationship with him
00:46:59.98\00:47:02.42
and he'll be fine.
00:47:02.45\00:47:03.99
She slammed the
door behind the doctor,
00:47:04.02\00:47:05.82
went into the car,
they were driving home,
00:47:05.85\00:47:07.52
she wouldn't say a word.
00:47:07.56\00:47:08.89
Husband looks over and says,
00:47:08.92\00:47:10.26
"Sweetheart, when you
went into the doctor's office
00:47:10.29\00:47:12.23
what did he say to you?"
00:47:12.26\00:47:13.60
She said, you're gonna die.
00:47:13.63\00:47:14.96
Which means
there're just some things
00:47:17.37\00:47:18.70
that are not going
to happen in this house.
00:47:18.73\00:47:21.80
The second need Dr.
William Harley identifies
00:47:21.84\00:47:23.74
that a man has is
an attractive life.
00:47:23.77\00:47:26.61
Men are visual.
00:47:26.64\00:47:28.21
So you've got to look your best.
00:47:28.24\00:47:29.98
Find out what
your husband likes.
00:47:30.01\00:47:31.35
You should never look
like an escaped scarecrow
00:47:31.38\00:47:34.02
when going to bed at night.
00:47:34.05\00:47:36.58
Got to get your hair
fixed, your nails done,
00:47:36.62\00:47:38.39
look and smell good.
00:47:38.42\00:47:40.99
Third need men
have is admiration.
00:47:41.02\00:47:43.43
Men want to be
admired by their wives.
00:47:43.46\00:47:46.16
Make your husband feel strong,
intelligent and respected.
00:47:46.19\00:47:50.90
However, respect is not just
something given, it is earned.
00:47:50.93\00:47:54.30
The fourth
emotional need a man has
00:47:54.34\00:47:56.64
is domestic competency.
00:47:56.67\00:47:59.11
Fifth emotional need is
recreational companionship.
00:47:59.14\00:48:02.61
If basketball is
your husband's thing
00:48:02.64\00:48:04.51
make basketball your thing.
00:48:04.55\00:48:06.51
Some of you may be saying,
well, that's just not me.
00:48:06.55\00:48:09.48
Rick Warren, in his book
"The Purpose Driven Life."
00:48:09.52\00:48:11.35
opens the book with these
words, "It's not about you
00:48:11.39\00:48:15.52
and marriage is about
preferring one another.
00:48:15.56\00:48:18.49
It's about servant love.
00:48:18.53\00:48:20.20
Working hard to meet the needs
of your husband or your wife
00:48:20.23\00:48:23.16
but when you fall short
don't live in condemnation.
00:48:23.20\00:48:25.67
Remember your 90% awesome
and 10% under construction."
00:48:25.70\00:48:29.80
Now here are the
five basic emotional needs
00:48:29.84\00:48:32.21
that women have that
Dr. Harley gave to us.
00:48:32.24\00:48:35.84
According to Harley,
00:48:35.88\00:48:37.21
you want to deposit
into your wife's love bank,
00:48:37.25\00:48:40.15
these emotional needs
that are needed by her.
00:48:40.18\00:48:44.99
She cannot live without them.
00:48:45.02\00:48:46.86
Your relationship cannot survive
00:48:46.89\00:48:48.86
without these needs being met.
00:48:48.89\00:48:50.99
And the first one is affection.
00:48:51.03\00:48:53.90
And by
affection, William Harley,
00:48:53.93\00:48:55.90
is not referring
to sexual affection.
00:48:55.93\00:48:58.93
He's talking
about inadvertent hugs
00:48:58.97\00:49:01.50
and loving words,
00:49:01.54\00:49:02.87
constantly
showering her with kindness.
00:49:02.90\00:49:06.88
Secondly, is conversation.
00:49:06.91\00:49:09.21
It seems like men
don't like to talk,
00:49:09.24\00:49:11.15
statistically,
men use an average
00:49:11.18\00:49:13.58
of 1,200 words per day.
00:49:13.62\00:49:15.48
Women, on the other hand,
00:49:15.52\00:49:16.92
use an average of
2,400 words per day.
00:49:16.95\00:49:19.89
Men usually use up
most of their words
00:49:19.92\00:49:21.82
before they get home at night.
00:49:21.86\00:49:23.96
Which means the
wife still has about
00:49:23.99\00:49:25.33
1,200 words to
use on her husband.
00:49:25.36\00:49:28.66
So men, please save
some words for your wife.
00:49:28.70\00:49:31.57
Third emotional need of a
woman is honesty and openness.
00:49:31.60\00:49:35.97
Women are turned
off by duplicity,
00:49:36.00\00:49:39.21
they want authenticity,
they want transparency.
00:49:39.24\00:49:43.14
Fourth, is financial support,
00:49:43.18\00:49:45.55
even when she has her
own career and own money,
00:49:45.58\00:49:48.05
she wants to know
that she has a man
00:49:48.08\00:49:49.72
who can take care of business.
00:49:49.75\00:49:51.82
In fact, there is no
greater turnoff to a woman
00:49:51.85\00:49:54.66
than a man who is
weak, wimpy and needy.
00:49:54.69\00:49:58.26
There's a fifth
emotional need that woman have
00:49:58.29\00:50:01.16
and that's family commitment,
00:50:01.20\00:50:02.86
because women are
created as nurturers.
00:50:02.90\00:50:05.77
Family is important to them.
00:50:05.80\00:50:08.14
And men need to
communicate to their wives
00:50:08.17\00:50:10.14
the following "T" words.
00:50:10.17\00:50:11.67
Talk, you communicate love
to you wife by talking to her.
00:50:11.71\00:50:15.01
And when she wants to talk,
00:50:15.04\00:50:16.38
don't try to fix
what she's talking about.
00:50:16.41\00:50:18.21
Because when a women
talk to their husbands,
00:50:18.25\00:50:20.92
they're not
talking to their husbands
00:50:20.95\00:50:22.38
to fix what
they're talking about,
00:50:22.42\00:50:24.02
they're talking
because they just want to vent.
00:50:24.05\00:50:26.72
By nature, we men
like to fix things.
00:50:26.76\00:50:29.36
In fact, one of the
great minds of our day,
00:50:29.39\00:50:31.73
the great
scholar and philosopher
00:50:31.76\00:50:33.53
by the name of Chris Rock
00:50:33.56\00:50:34.90
has given this advice to men
when their wives want to talk.
00:50:38.03\00:50:40.80
Chris Rock said,
"Instead of trying to fix it,
00:50:40.84\00:50:42.80
just say, "Yeah, ah-ha,
get outta here, no kidding.
00:50:42.84\00:50:48.38
And three minutes
later, say the same thing,
00:50:48.41\00:50:50.71
Yeah, ah-ha, get
outta here, no kidding.
00:50:50.75\00:50:54.45
And every three
minutes repeat the same thing.
00:50:54.48\00:50:56.79
She will be a happy wife."
00:50:56.82\00:50:58.62
Second "T" word is time.
00:51:00.92\00:51:04.16
Give her all the
time in the world.
00:51:04.19\00:51:05.79
I have what I call WDW day.
00:51:05.83\00:51:08.76
And that is
Whatever Dominic Wants.
00:51:08.80\00:51:11.53
That's on my calendar.
She has that entire day.
00:51:11.57\00:51:14.94
And every time she has that day,
00:51:14.97\00:51:16.34
I say, "What do you want to do?"
00:51:16.37\00:51:18.04
Inevitably it is,
"Let's go shopping."
00:51:18.07\00:51:21.38
Because woman shop like they're
on a mission from God Almighty.
00:51:21.41\00:51:24.71
And the third,
third "T" word is touch.
00:51:27.12\00:51:30.92
Embrace her, hold her,
00:51:30.95\00:51:32.85
and create a
physical bond with your wife.
00:51:32.89\00:51:35.99
There was a couple
that argued all the time
00:51:36.02\00:51:37.69
and their children
decided to give them a gift
00:51:37.73\00:51:40.16
to go to a marriage counselor.
00:51:40.20\00:51:42.30
Then they argued
over who would drive
00:51:42.33\00:51:44.10
to the marriage
counselor's office.
00:51:44.13\00:51:46.13
Then when they arrived,
00:51:46.17\00:51:47.50
they argued about
who would talk first.
00:51:47.54\00:51:49.40
And the marriage
counselor went over to the wife
00:51:49.44\00:51:51.14
and hugged her, touched
her, in front of her husband.
00:51:51.17\00:51:54.44
And looked over at
her husband and said,
00:51:54.48\00:51:56.71
"She needs a hug like
this, three times a week."
00:51:56.75\00:52:00.35
And the man said to
the marriage counselor,
00:52:00.38\00:52:02.62
"I'm gonna bring her back
00:52:02.65\00:52:03.99
on Monday,
Wednesday, and Friday."
00:52:04.02\00:52:06.76
You've got to touch her.
00:52:06.79\00:52:08.89
And the final "T"
word is thoughtfulness.
00:52:08.92\00:52:11.29
Do some thoughtful
things on a consistent basis.
00:52:11.33\00:52:14.33
You do the dishes,
tell her to take a seat,
00:52:14.36\00:52:16.10
take a load off,
you do the laundry.
00:52:16.13\00:52:18.37
Well, somebody may
say, "Well, that is not me."
00:52:18.40\00:52:20.54
So why did you get married?
00:52:20.57\00:52:22.40
If you're not
thoughtful and as Paul said,
00:52:22.44\00:52:24.31
"Preferring one another,
00:52:24.34\00:52:25.67
you're setting
up the relationship
00:52:25.71\00:52:27.14
for unhappiness or
eventually, a fall."
00:52:27.18\00:52:30.75
When people have a fierce,
even when you're not the cause,
00:52:30.78\00:52:33.58
you can become a contributor.
00:52:33.62\00:52:35.68
Go ahead and fill up
your spouse's love bank.
00:52:35.72\00:52:38.85
And nothing is sexier to woman
00:52:38.89\00:52:40.99
than a strong,
loving and sensitive man.
00:52:41.02\00:52:45.13
Every woman wants a gentleman
00:52:45.16\00:52:47.70
with just a little
Christian thug in him.
00:52:47.73\00:52:51.60
But nothing
turns a woman off more
00:52:51.63\00:52:53.90
than a man who's a
wimp, who's always crying.
00:52:53.94\00:52:57.14
If your wife is a Leah,
00:52:57.17\00:52:58.84
you can change her
sometimes to Rachel,
00:52:58.87\00:53:01.68
just by the things you do.
00:53:01.71\00:53:04.21
And the same goes for wives.
00:53:04.25\00:53:06.21
You are hoping to marry Denzel
but you've got Flavor Flav.
00:53:06.25\00:53:08.72
And sometimes even
Flavor Flav can change
00:53:08.75\00:53:11.02
if the wife
does the right thing.
00:53:11.05\00:53:13.36
Number one, take a long
look before you get married.
00:53:13.39\00:53:15.49
Number two, take a long
look before you get divorced.
00:53:15.52\00:53:18.49
And number three, take
a long look at yourself.
00:53:18.53\00:53:21.60
If I've married a wrong woman
and treat her the wrong way,
00:53:21.63\00:53:24.50
if I married a
right woman, excuse me,
00:53:24.53\00:53:26.77
and treated her a wrong way,
she'll become the wrong woman.
00:53:26.80\00:53:30.17
But if I
married the wrong woman,
00:53:30.21\00:53:32.31
and treat her the right way,
00:53:32.34\00:53:33.71
she might
become the right woman.
00:53:33.74\00:53:35.81
More important than
marrying the right person
00:53:35.84\00:53:38.38
is that I be the right
kind of person in the marriage,
00:53:38.41\00:53:41.78
which means I
should honestly ask myself,
00:53:41.82\00:53:44.55
if I would ever
want to marry me.
00:53:44.59\00:53:47.22
Over two decades,
00:53:47.26\00:53:49.62
marriage
specialist have researched
00:53:49.66\00:53:51.19
the ingredients of a
marriage, Happy marriage.
00:53:51.23\00:53:54.10
And reported that
happily married couples
00:53:54.13\00:53:57.07
will have these
things in common.
00:53:57.10\00:53:59.43
Healthy
expectations of marriage,
00:53:59.47\00:54:02.40
a realistic concept of love,
00:54:02.44\00:54:05.27
a positive attitude
and outlook toward life,
00:54:05.31\00:54:08.51
the ability to
communicate their feelings,
00:54:08.54\00:54:11.48
and understanding and acceptance
00:54:11.51\00:54:13.92
of the agenda differences,
00:54:13.95\00:54:16.15
the ability to make
decisions and settle arguments,
00:54:16.18\00:54:20.26
a common spiritual
foundation, and a set of goals.
00:54:20.29\00:54:25.09
Psychiatrist, John Levy
writes, "People who have found
00:54:25.13\00:54:28.96
everything disappointing
are surprised and pained
00:54:29.00\00:54:32.80
when marriage is no exception."
00:54:32.83\00:54:35.50
Most of the
complaints about marriage arise
00:54:35.54\00:54:38.34
not because it's
worse than the rest of life.
00:54:38.37\00:54:41.48
But because it is
incomparably better.
00:54:41.51\00:54:44.65
There's a myth that successful
couples who are meant to be
00:54:44.68\00:54:48.98
and made for each other.
00:54:49.02\00:54:51.09
Couples who swallowed the myth
00:54:51.12\00:54:52.65
that their spouse
will make them whole
00:54:52.69\00:54:55.52
become dependent on
their partner in a way
00:54:55.56\00:54:57.63
that is by all
standards unhealthy.
00:54:57.66\00:55:00.70
These couples cultivate
00:55:00.73\00:55:02.46
what experts call
enmeshed relationship,
00:55:02.50\00:55:06.60
characterized by a general
reliance on their spouses
00:55:06.63\00:55:09.54
for general support,
assurance, and the wholeness.
00:55:09.57\00:55:13.51
It is usually
couples with low self-esteem
00:55:13.54\00:55:16.34
and a sense of inferiority
00:55:16.38\00:55:19.11
that is easily
controlled by their partners.
00:55:19.15\00:55:22.15
Wholeness, however,
00:55:22.18\00:55:23.72
is found in an
interdependent relationship,
00:55:23.75\00:55:27.19
in which two people
with self respect and dignity
00:55:27.22\00:55:30.83
make a commitment to nurture
00:55:30.86\00:55:32.79
his or her own spiritual growth
as well as their partners.
00:55:32.83\00:55:37.47
When asked, what
makes a good marriage,
00:55:37.50\00:55:40.74
the answer by
90% of the population
00:55:40.77\00:55:42.84
is being in love.
00:55:42.87\00:55:44.71
Robert Sternberg, a
Yale University psychologist,
00:55:44.74\00:55:47.84
has developed a
triangular model of love.
00:55:47.88\00:55:50.45
It has three sides,
passion, Intimacy, and love.
00:55:50.48\00:55:56.25
Passion is sensual and sexual,
00:55:56.28\00:55:58.69
characterized by
physiological arousal
00:55:58.72\00:56:01.32
and an intense desire
for physical affection.
00:56:01.36\00:56:05.09
Pure passion is self-seeking
00:56:05.13\00:56:06.96
until it is
linked with intimacy.
00:56:07.00\00:56:09.36
Love without intimacy is
only a hormonal illusion.
00:56:09.40\00:56:14.64
In finding the
love of your life,
00:56:14.67\00:56:16.84
Neil Clark Warren
identifies a lack of intimacy
00:56:16.87\00:56:20.34
as the number one
enemy of marriage.
00:56:20.38\00:56:23.68
He goes on to say that
00:56:23.71\00:56:25.21
if two people do not
know each other deeply,
00:56:25.25\00:56:28.98
they can never merge or bond,
00:56:29.02\00:56:31.45
becoming what the
Bible calls, one flesh.
00:56:31.49\00:56:34.26
Without intimacy they
will be isolated and alone.
00:56:34.29\00:56:38.59
And commitment now
00:56:38.63\00:56:39.96
is the third
side of this triangle.
00:56:40.00\00:56:42.20
Commitment looks to the future
00:56:42.23\00:56:44.23
that cannot be seen
00:56:44.27\00:56:45.60
and promises to
be there until death.
00:56:45.63\00:56:49.04
Commitment creates a
small island of certainty
00:56:49.07\00:56:52.47
in the swirling
waters of uncertainty.
00:56:52.51\00:56:55.94
My brothers and sisters,
00:56:55.98\00:56:57.91
God has called us to be a
loving, kind and sacrificial.
00:56:57.95\00:57:02.75
Our home life
should be a happy place.
00:57:02.78\00:57:06.49
"With Jesus in the family,
it will be a happy home."
00:57:06.52\00:57:11.03
And many times we leave
Christ out of the equation.
00:57:11.06\00:57:14.40
Today, He is calling us
to make that commitment,
00:57:14.43\00:57:17.13
to bring back the family altar,
to pray together as a family,
00:57:17.17\00:57:22.57
to be caring, to be
loving, and to be kind.
00:57:22.60\00:57:26.68
My favorite
Christian writer says
00:57:26.71\00:57:28.51
that if we would put
aside pride for 15 minutes,
00:57:28.54\00:57:34.02
it will solve a
thousand problems.
00:57:34.05\00:57:37.29
May God bless us
00:57:37.32\00:57:38.85
and may God bless
our fellow members.
00:57:38.89\00:57:41.16