Participants: John Lomacang (Host), Dr. Timothy Nixon
Series Code: FDOF
Program Code: FDOF000001
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00:17 Hello, friends, and welcome to
00:18 Three Angels Broadcasting Network, 00:21 Dare To Dream, series on the basis of Foundation Of Faith. 00:26 My name is Pastor John Lomacang. 00:27 Thank you so much for tuning into this important program. 00:30 This is new to 3ABN but if you've been watching, 00:33 you've seen that God has blessed us not only with 3ABN English, 00:36 3ABN Latino, 3ABN Russia, 3ABN Children, but also 00:40 we have 3ABN Dare To Dream network, 00:44 which has been a tremendous blessing under the direction of 00:47 Dr. Yvonne Lewis. 00:48 And tonight we begin a new series 00:50 with a very good friend of mine. 00:51 I'm so thankful that God has sent a speaker that 00:53 not only am I excited about listening to, but one that 00:56 I do know personally. 00:58 So for the next hour, join us as God will reach out 01:02 and touch your heart. 01:03 I asked our speaker this night what the title of his message is 01:07 and he said it is entitled, Boys To Men. 01:11 Very interesting, I'm just waiting to hear what the Lord 01:13 is going to deliver through that. 01:15 But our speaker for this series is Dr. Timothy Nixon. 01:18 And I say Dr. Timothy Nixon because he has 01:21 accomplished much. 01:23 He comes from a family that believes not only in 01:25 following the Lord, but in Christian education. 01:28 He is presently the administrative chaplain 01:33 at Andrews University. 01:34 He attended Oakwood University, also Andrews University. 01:38 And at Andrews, he received his MDiv in 1991. 01:42 He's married, he loves the Lord, he loves to preach, 01:46 and he loves to uplift Jesus. 01:48 But before we introduce our music for tonight 01:51 let me just say, I know him personally. 01:52 We grew up together. 01:53 We attended Bethel Seventh-day Adventist Church. 01:56 I know his family very well. 01:58 And we had a chance to re-acquaint ourselves today. 02:00 And I know that you are in for a tremendous treat tonight. 02:05 Before we introduce our music for this series, 02:07 I'd like for you to join me as we invite the Lord's presence 02:10 as we pray this night. 02:12 Our gracious Father in heaven, what a blessing it is to know 02:15 that You are the foundation of our faith. 02:18 No other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, 02:23 which is Christ Jesus. 02:25 Lord, send Your Holy Spirit to anoint Your servant this night, 02:30 Dr. Timothy Nixon. 02:31 May You speak through him, may You work on him. 02:35 May Your voice be heard through this vessel 02:40 You've chosen this night. 02:42 And Father, we give You our hearts and we pray that 02:44 when this message is done, we will be drawn closer to You. 02:48 We pray in Jesus' name, amen. 02:51 A couple of years ago when I was at Oakwood University 02:54 for evangelism counsel, there was a young man singing. 02:57 And I took my IPad and I videotaped his song. 03:01 And I have since then shown this song to so many individuals. 03:06 And all I've said was, "This young man knows 03:08 how to minister through music." 03:10 And I was surprised tonight when I went behind in our green room 03:13 and saw Brian Ezra Bates. 03:16 He is an incredible gospel artist and songwriter. 03:19 Matter of fact, he was featured in the fourth season of 03:21 BET's Sunday Best and was listed as one of the 03:26 top 20 contestants of that season. 03:28 He is also a person who understands 03:30 what it means to struggle. 03:32 He's seen that in his life. 03:33 But tonight, God has brought him a mighty long way. 03:36 And tonight he's going to bless our hearts 03:38 with the song, It Is Well. 03:40 And after the song, the next voice you will hear 03:43 is that of Dr. Timothy Nixon. 04:19 How can I say thanks 04:26 for the things You have done for me? 04:33 Things so undeserved, 04:39 still You gave to prove Your love to me. 04:46 The voices of a million angels 04:52 could not express my gratitude. 04:58 For all that I am and ever hope to be, 05:07 I owe it all to Thee. 05:12 To God be the glory, 05:18 to God be the glory, 05:25 to God be the glory 05:32 for the things He hath done. 05:38 With His power He has saved me, 05:45 by His power He has raised me. 05:52 To God be the glory 05:58 for the things He hath done. 06:04 Just let me live my life 06:11 and let it be pleasing, Lord, to Thee. 06:18 And if I should gain any praise, 06:24 let it go to Calvary. 06:31 Oh, to God be the glory, 06:38 to God be the glory, 06:45 to God be the glory 06:52 for the things He hath done, He hath done. 07:00 Oh, to God be the glory, 07:08 to God be the glory, 07:15 to God be the glory 07:22 for the things He hath done. 07:40 He hath done. 07:58 Thank you, Brian, for that wonderful message in song. 08:04 I'd like to thank the 3ABN family and the Worship Center 08:09 for this opportunity to be with you. 08:12 Good evening, everybody. 08:13 It's good to be with you tonight, this weekend. 08:17 I want to talk a little bit about relationships. 08:20 And tonight, I want to talk about men in relationships 08:26 from the subject, Boys To Men. 08:31 Let's begin with a word of prayer. 08:33 Father, as we open Your Word tonight, we ask 08:36 that Your Spirit will speak to us. 08:40 And we pray, Lord, that now You will take full control. 08:46 Let us learn from You and let Christ be lifted up. 08:52 For we ask it in Jesus' name, amen. 08:57 Black America Web posted an article in September 09:02 some years ago, titled, 09:04 "Halle Berry Reaffirms Her Anti-Marriage Views." 09:12 It looked at her position that she took years earlier 09:16 on the Oprah Winfrey Show that she would never 09:19 marry again after her husband, Eric Benét, 09:24 had been unfaithful to her. 09:25 And shortly after the article, she was approached 09:28 at an after party at the Emmy Awards and was asked 09:32 why she had come without a date. 09:34 And she responded, "I'm done with men. 09:38 I'm going it alone. 09:40 I have no luck in relationships. 09:42 I don't think I'm made for marriage." 09:45 Well since that time she has had a few relationships 09:49 and two children out of wedlock. 09:52 And the word is that she's thinking about marrying again. 09:57 But the desperate and hopeless words of someone as famous 10:02 and attractive as Halle Berry gives us great pause. 10:06 And I imagine someone might be saying, 10:09 "If Halle has problems with men, 10:14 then what hope is there for me?" 10:19 And my response to Halle Berry and all women who seem 10:22 frustrated and are about to give up on all men is maybe, 10:27 just maybe, you've been having relationships with boys 10:31 who look like men, but not boys who are men. 10:41 Every man is a male, but every male is not a man. 10:48 Come on help me, somebody. 10:52 And what we have today is a shortage of real men. 10:59 It's men who have the ability to change the attitude and outlook 11:03 that women have of us. 11:04 Why am I saying this? 11:05 Because the Bible says in Genesis 3:16, 11:09 the woman's desire will be to her husband. 11:13 So no matter how she feels about men, 11:17 there is an innate drawing that a woman has for the 11:22 company of men. 11:23 Whenever men and women who are familiar with 11:25 and who know each other, when they come in contact with 11:28 each other, a woman will reflexably lean into a man. 11:34 And an uninformed brother will think that it's 11:37 because of his charm or masculine charisma 11:40 that she's reacting that way. 11:42 But it's not your charm or your rap, brother. 11:46 It's how God has wired her for relationship. 11:49 God has placed within them a desire for the protection 11:54 and covering and sheltering of a man. 11:56 And that's why they are so vulnerable to the 11:59 advances of men and are sometimes 12:03 easily taken advantage of. 12:07 And what this means is that a real man understands the 12:11 responsibility they have in protecting and respecting women. 12:17 Men need real men. 12:19 And what I want to know tonight is, 12:20 are there any real men in the house? 12:25 I thought I'd get a little louder amen from the 12:28 men here tonight. 12:31 You see the reality is, in every man there is a boy, 12:36 and in every boy there is a man. 12:39 And true manhood is not losing your boyish nature, 12:42 but controlling it. 12:44 Listen to what I'm saying. 12:46 True manhood is having them in balance. 12:50 I remember the first time I realized that my father 12:53 still had a lot of kid in him when he challenged us 12:57 to play basketball. 12:58 You must understand that I had never seen my father 13:02 do anything athletic. 13:03 Now, now, now, now he did physical things. 13:07 I saw him lift things, I saw him carry things. 13:09 I saw him pick up boxes and trunks and push appliances. 13:12 But I had never seen him do anything athletic. 13:15 And so, and so I remember my brothers and I were telling him 13:18 about one of our friends who was a great 13:20 superstar basketball player. 13:22 At least we thought we was. 13:24 He was a member of our church. 13:26 And we would always talk about his skills and abilities. 13:29 And one day our father said, "I can beat him." 13:33 And we laughed at our father, "You, you? 13:35 What are you talking about, you can beat him. 13:36 You, you can beat him?" 13:37 My father said, "I can beat him." 13:39 And he said, "I tell you what. 13:41 This Sunday I'm coming to the park and I'll play him. 13:43 I'll call one of my friends and we'll 13:45 play a game of basketball." 13:47 And we said, "You must be crazy." 13:49 We're laughing at him, you know. 13:51 And so my father called one of his friends, 13:53 and he came down to the park with his friends. 13:56 And we called our friend, my brothers. 13:59 Of course my older brothers. 14:00 I really watched. 14:01 My older brothers and our friend came. 14:04 And my father came with his friend. 14:09 And they ran my brothers off the court. 14:14 It was like that commercial, you know, that Kyrie Irving 14:17 commercial where he puts on make-up and looks like 14:19 that old man, Uncle Drew. 14:21 My father was the real Uncle Drew. 14:25 It was embarrassing. 14:30 And that day on the basketball court, 14:33 there was an exchange going on. 14:36 He was teaching us how to be men, and we were 14:39 reminding him how to be a boy. 14:44 You see, a man who doesn't know how to lighten up 14:46 can't make it. 14:49 If all of your life is serious and full of problems 14:53 and stress, you can't make it. 14:56 You'll break. 14:58 You're like concrete with no expansion joint in it. 15:02 You ever notice when you walk on the pavement on the sidewalk 15:06 that every few feet there's a gap? 15:09 It's there because concrete needs room to expand 15:14 and extract during the heat. 15:15 It there's no room there, it will crack. 15:19 And there's some people like that. 15:21 They have no room in their lives. 15:24 There's too much pressure in their lives. 15:26 And because they don't know how to laugh or joke or smile, 15:30 they crack. 15:33 So real men understand that they have to have balance. 15:37 Every man must not lose the boy in him. 15:41 But maturity is learning how to live between the two polarities 15:48 of manhood and childhood. 15:50 Maturity is living in balance. 15:53 Are you listening to me tonight? 15:55 And I want to suggest to you that the real problem 15:59 that men have in relationships is not external, but internal. 16:04 And I want to examine this through the life of David. 16:08 David is an important character for us to examine, 16:12 because we get a full spectrum of his life 16:16 from boyhood to manhood, from kid to king. 16:20 And we see this struggle that he has of living his life 16:25 in balance between boyhood and manhood. 16:31 David is, in many ways, the prototypical man, 16:35 the every man. 16:37 Every kind of situation and experience is dramatically 16:41 revealed in the life of David. 16:45 We see him from his early teens until his senior years. 16:49 We see him experience his highs and his lows, 16:53 his peaks and his valleys, his ups and his downs. 16:58 We see him as a youth, a young adult, 17:02 an adult, and a senior. 17:06 We experience him as a son, a brother, a friend, a husband, 17:10 a father, a grandfather. 17:13 And we trace his steps. 17:14 We see the full and complete picture of him. 17:18 Not the sanitized, guarded, propagandized picture, 17:22 but the complete picture, warts and all. 17:25 And it's not always a pretty picture. 17:29 Not always a pleasant picture, not always a positive picture. 17:34 But it's a complete picture. 17:39 Before he's introduced to us, his character is presented to us 17:44 in this text of Scripture in 1 Samuel 13:14. 17:48 The Bible says... 17:56 What a phrase to use in describing someone 18:00 before you meet them. 18:03 In our immediate assumption, we assume that surely 18:08 such a person must have grown up in the ideal family situation. 18:13 Surely he will have the perfect parents and home life. 18:19 But God selects real people with real families. 18:23 And so with those words we are introduced to the saga 18:28 of David. 18:30 In 1 Samuel 8, Israel has rejected God as their King 18:34 and wants a man instead. 18:36 Have mercy. 18:39 Saul is selected. 18:40 And he is described as standing head and shoulders 18:44 above his tribesmen from Benjamin. 18:46 He is tall and stately. 18:49 He has the physical bearing of a king without its 18:52 spiritual compliment. 18:54 Saul's great flaw is his inability to admit 18:58 that he has one. 19:00 He can never admit his flaws or take responsibility 19:04 for his actions. 19:05 And so God tells His prophet in 1 Samuel 16:1, 19:10 "How long will you mourn for Saul since I have rejected him 19:14 from reigning over Israel? 19:16 Fill thy horn with oil and go. 19:18 I will send thee to Jesse the Bethlehemite, 19:22 for I have provided Me a king among his sons." 19:27 Samuel goes to the home of Jesse and asks to see Jesse's sons. 19:31 God has told him, "From among Jesse's sons 19:35 is My next king." 19:38 And we pick up the scene in verse 6. 19:48 Samuel is judging the value of a man 19:51 based on quantity, not quality. 19:56 What's on the outside, not the inside. 20:01 1 Samuel 16:7... 20:21 God tells Samuel, "Stop thinking two dimensional; 20:24 height and width on the outer. 20:26 But see three dimensional." 20:30 When you're looking at a man, height and width, 20:33 all you see is the outward. 20:34 But see some depth. 20:37 Not just what's on the outside, but what's on the inside. 20:43 One of the greatest challenges of men is valuing the 20:46 inner man above the outer. 20:49 We are so caught up on the physical; 20:51 our physique, our muscles. 20:53 Body building has become a cottage industry. 20:56 And gyms all over America, they're being filled up 20:59 with weight lifting and pulling and stretching. 21:03 Huh? 21:04 P90X... 21:07 Come on talk to me, somebody. 21:09 ...and six-pack abs have become our vocabulary. 21:13 Don't look at me too hard. 21:16 But a two dimensional man will never reach his full potential 21:19 and will never be the man God is looking for. 21:26 Verse 8... 21:48 One of the few times in Scripture when the 21:51 number seven is neither perfect nor complete. 21:54 Then verse 11... 22:10 There remains another. 22:12 God uses our leftovers. 22:15 What families reject, God accepts. 22:19 Isn't it interesting that God's selection 22:22 never seems to quite fit men's criteria. 22:29 Verse 12... 22:46 So David comes in. 22:49 He doesn't look like much. 22:50 Good-looking, but young. 22:51 Beautiful eyes, but not a rugged he-man, per se. 22:56 But as he enters the room God tells Samuel, 22:59 "That's My choice." 23:03 Verse 13... 23:16 And while we celebrate and glory in God's selection 23:20 of this young man, my question is, 23:23 how does it feel to be accepted by God 23:27 but rejected by your family? 23:32 And more specifically, how does it feel 23:35 not to be seen as king material by your own father? 23:43 The one who's the most important man in your life. 23:46 How does it feel for him to say, "You may be God's choice, 23:51 but you're not my choice." 23:54 I want to park here for a moment, because I believe 23:56 many men have the problems they have with manhood 23:59 because of the dysfunctional relationship they have 24:04 with their fathers. 24:07 Dysfunctional; it means, out of function 24:10 or non-functional. 24:12 Dysfunctional relationships they've had with their fathers. 24:15 We are shaped by our homes. 24:19 And in many homes today where male children are being raised, 24:24 there are absentee fathers. 24:28 When I was growing up, one of the popular songs 24:30 of the day was a Temptation hit called, 24:33 Papa Was A Rolling Stone. 24:36 And the lyrics said it all, "Papa was a rolling stone, 24:38 wherever he laid his hat was his home. 24:40 And when he died, all he left us was alone." 24:46 The absentee father has shaped many of us as men. 24:50 And it is not only the physically absent. 24:54 There are some who are physically present 24:57 and emotionally absent. 25:01 Some of you have never cried in front of other people 25:04 because you've never seen your father cry. 25:06 I'm afraid of a man who can't cry. 25:09 You can holler, you can cuss and fuss, 25:13 but you can't cry. 25:16 A legal father but not a loving father. 25:19 Big on resources but small on relationships. 25:23 They can give you toys but not tenderness. 25:28 Now we must understand that men have grown up, historically, 25:31 in the era of Gary Cooper. 25:35 He was the prototypical man back in the 40's and 50's. 25:39 The ideal man of every man who never showed his emotions. 25:42 They called him, the strong silent type. 25:46 Somebody know what I'm talking about? 25:47 I know I'm going back a little bit now. 25:51 But it was considered manly then not to show or share 25:55 your emotions, the cinematic ideal. 25:57 And then he was replaced by Clint Eastwood 26:00 in those spaghetti westerns. 26:03 The strong silent hero who rode into town, 26:07 beat up or shot the desperados, but never said a word, 26:11 never showed emotions. 26:12 Just cool and calm. 26:14 Somebody know what I'm talking about? 26:16 That was the perfect man. 26:18 And then that was replaced with the TV father. 26:20 Father Knows Best, and My Three Sons, 26:22 and Ozzie And Harriet in the 60's. 26:24 And then Cliff Huxtable in the 90's. 26:26 The perfect father who always had the right answer. 26:29 Always had the solution to every problem. 26:32 He always solved the problem in a half an hour. 26:37 Huh? 26:39 And so many men are caught between these two images 26:43 of the ideal man. 26:45 And some men, because they could never measure up 26:49 to this idealized fictitious character, ran away 26:53 from their responsibilities. 26:55 I'm not excusing him, I'm just trying to explain him. 27:01 And so you can understand the challenges 27:03 men have faced and continue to face, 27:04 and why your father may not have been there. 27:07 David's father was there physically, 27:11 but not emotionally. 27:14 He did not see David and see in David what God saw in him. 27:18 And we don't know why. 27:20 Maybe David was precocious and challenging. 27:23 So unlike his brothers, his giftedness and uniqueness 27:27 was misunderstood by his father. 27:30 But it is clear that there were some issues between David 27:35 and his father. 27:36 And he seems to always be trying to get his father's attention, 27:41 his father's recognition, his father's approval. 27:46 He was an overachiever. 27:49 Never seeming to do enough to be celebrated by his father. 27:57 We see it when we are first introduced to David 28:01 and his father, Jesse. 28:02 When Samuel the prophet is sent to Jesse's home 28:05 to select the king from among Jesse's sons, 28:08 the glaring omission in the story is David's absence. 28:13 He was one of Jesse's sons, why wasn't he there? 28:17 We are introduced to David in the story by his absence. 28:24 Here's the greatest challenge we have, men. 28:27 As much as we may hate our home, the family situation that we are 28:32 brought up in and detest, the dysfunction that we grew up in, 28:37 the reality is that we become our environment. 28:45 The physical abuser comes from a home 28:48 where he was a physically abused. 28:55 Adultery breeds adulterers. 29:00 Absentee fathers breed absentee sons. 29:06 Jacob was a liar and trickster who deceived his brother 29:10 out of his birthright and blessing. 29:11 But the trickery would not end until Jacob's sons 29:15 tricked him when they sold his favorite son into slavery 29:19 and deceived him into believing that he had been killed 29:23 by wild animals. 29:25 Think about it. 29:27 Think about what they did to Jacob. 29:29 To give him Joseph's kente clothe coat of many colors 29:33 drenched in blood, believing all those years 29:37 that you're responsible for the death of your son 29:40 because he had sent him out to find his brothers. 29:42 And then to find out years later that he was alive. 29:45 What a cruel joke and lie to their father. 29:50 But they had gotten it from him. 29:56 1 Corinthians 15:33 says bad company corrupts good character. 30:00 When you lie down with dogs, you get fleas. 30:06 So David is shaped by this dysfunction. 30:10 This father who is present and absent at the same time. 30:15 And it causes David to constantly strive 30:17 to seek the approval of other men, especially elder men. 30:21 He's looking for someone to fill the void left by his father. 30:25 And it leads him into this dysfunctional relationship 30:28 with Saul. 30:32 1 Samuel 16 verse 14... 31:43 So David, who cannot please his father, 31:49 finds favor with the nation's father, Saul. 31:56 And this is what is important to note. 31:59 When a man does not have a father in his life, 32:02 he will find another father figure 32:06 to fill that male void left by his father. 32:09 Sometimes it's his football or basketball or baseball coach. 32:14 Sometimes it's a teacher or supervisor on the job. 32:18 Sometimes it's a youth pastor or guidance counselor 32:22 or an advisor in college. 32:23 Or sometimes it's a gang or mafia leader. 32:27 You hearing what I'm saying? 32:31 But hear me when I tell you, they will find some male figure 32:36 to fill the void left by their absentee father, 32:40 whether absent physically or emotionally. 32:46 And ladies, I know you may have had a difficult relationship 32:50 with his father, he may have mistreated you, 32:53 he may have abused you, he may not be supporting you 32:56 financially, or whatever the case may be. 32:59 He may not be a good father. 33:01 And I'm not giving him a pass for shirking 33:03 his responsibilities. 33:05 But you do not do your son a good service 33:08 by constantly running down and bad-mouthing his father 33:13 and keeping him from his son. 33:15 Because if he does not turn to his natural father, 33:20 he will find someone else. 33:22 And you will not know who he finds. 33:25 And you won't be able to choose who he finds. 33:28 And you may not like who he finds. 33:34 Whatever bad things you have to say about his father, 33:36 at least you chose him. 33:43 David chose Saul. 33:48 And we are thrust into one of the most well known 33:50 dramas in all of history. 33:51 Even people who don't read the Bible know the story 33:54 of David and Goliath. 33:57 They use it in all kinds of sports dramas 34:01 about overmatched teams. 34:03 As a matter of fact, Malcolm Gladwell has just used it 34:06 as the basis of his latest story about underdogs 34:08 who overachieve; a great giant against underdogs. 34:16 His name is Goliath, and he's introduced to us 34:18 in 1 Samuel 17:4. 34:27 That's ten and a half feet tall. 35:08 That was Goliath's challenge. 35:10 It shook Israel to its knees with fear and dismay. 35:14 And out of the rubbles of this perplexing situation, 35:18 David emerges as the champion who will 35:20 represent Israel against Goliath. 35:23 And I don't have time to read all about that. 35:26 But David dramatically slays Goliath with a slingshot. 35:32 Take some time to read it yourself. 35:34 In 1 Samuel 17, remember now, that God said 35:39 He looks on the inner qualities for His champion. 35:42 And the problem comes in the relationship with David and Saul 35:46 at the celebration of David's victory. 35:50 1 Samuel 18:6... 35:56 "...that the women..." Have mercy. 36:34 And from that point forward, the relationship goes downhill. 36:40 On two occasions, Saul throws a javelin at David 36:45 trying to kill him. 36:46 He gives him a trophy wife, Michal is daughter. 36:50 And the Bible says he gave her to him to be a snare to him. 36:58 And the real irony is that in the midst of all of these 37:01 attempts by Saul to kill David, David keeps coming back to Saul. 37:05 Risking his life and safety, knowing that Saul is crazy. 37:11 But still thirsting for this father figure to fill the void 37:16 left by his own father. 37:18 When you don't get the attention of your own father, 37:21 you'll compensate by all kinds of things. 37:23 By overachieving and other ways. 37:28 And David compensated with women. 37:31 Help me, Holy Ghost. 37:35 David and women. 37:37 2 Samuel 3:2 37:40 "And unto David were sons born in Hebron. 37:43 His firstborn was Amnon, of Ahinoam the Jezreelitess; 37:47 his second, Chileab, of Abigail the wife of Nabal the Carmelite; 37:51 the third, Absalom the son of Maacah the daughter of Talmai 37:54 the king of Geshur; the fourth, Adonijah the son of Haggith; 37:57 the fifth, Shephatiah the son of Abital; 38:01 the sixth, Ithream, by Eglah David's wife. 38:05 These were born to David in Hebron." 38:09 Did you get it? 38:12 The names of David's six male children by six different wives. 38:18 David had many wives. 38:26 But of course, he lived for conquest. 38:29 He was an overachiever... 38:32 ...who tried to out do everyone and everything. 38:34 And he did it. 38:35 Including conquest of women. 38:40 It's a shame that we place so much importance as men 38:44 in an act that uses so little of our time and effort. 38:50 Something about the male ego and psyche that when we get old 38:54 we crave Viagra... 39:00 ...and make sure that it's available for our 39:02 medical insurance coverage. 39:03 Help me, Holy Ghost. 39:06 We're truly two-dimensional men obsessed with height and width, 39:11 but not three-dimensional. 39:13 We don't have depth. 39:18 But was unfulfilled in his relationship with his father, 39:21 was unfulfilled in his relationships with women. 39:24 And a man who thinks he can handle more than one woman 39:28 does not know himself or women. 39:33 Adam was more of a man than any of us in this church tonight. 39:38 The perfect man physically. 39:40 And yet one woman was enough to satisfy him. 39:46 The reality is, our bodies do not belong to us. 39:50 Before we are married, we belong to God. 39:53 1 Corinthians 6:19 says your body is the 39:55 temple of the Holy Ghost. 39:58 Our bodies belong to the Holy Ghost before we're married. 40:01 And then after we're married, our bodies 40:03 still belong to the Holy Ghost. 40:05 But watch this. 40:08 We are changed when we're married; two become one. 40:11 So now together our bodies belong to the Holy Ghost 40:14 and each other. 40:17 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, the Bible says, 40:19 "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence; 40:22 and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 40:25 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; 40:29 and likewise also the husband hath not power 40:31 of his own body, but the wife." 40:35 Husbands and wives belong to each other. 40:37 There is no such thing as punishing him with sex 40:41 when you don't get your way. 40:44 Come on say amen, ladies. 40:46 Nor is there such a thing as she must be available 40:50 to you whenever you want it. 40:51 Come on say amen, men. 40:54 Come on say amen, men. 40:58 If she's not available, 41:04 you can't get it somewhere else either. 41:10 Your body no longer belongs to you. 41:12 You belong to each other. 41:14 There must be mutuality. 41:20 So how can we become whole? 41:24 There's this Jonathan factor. 41:27 I want you to follow me now. 41:29 1 Samuel 18:3-4... 41:45 This Jonathan factor. 41:46 What is the Jonathan factor? 41:47 Jonathan went into this covenant with David. 41:50 Loved him as himself. 41:53 There is something that every man needs. 41:58 It's an intimate close relationship with another man. 42:03 An unconditional friendship with mutual accountability. 42:13 And when things began to go haywire between Saul and David, 42:17 it was Jonathan's counsel that would save him. 42:22 David has been avoiding Saul and he wants to know, 42:27 is it safe for him to return to the palace 42:30 and return to his place at the king's side. 42:33 And Jonathan meets him to tell his friend what he must do. 42:39 Jonathan goes out to the field and shoots arrows in the field. 42:43 And where the arrows land will tell David 42:47 whether or not he can return to the king's palace. 42:51 And that's where we pick up the story in 1 Samuel 20:38. 43:46 And they would never see each other again. 43:53 Oh, it's powerful. 43:56 Men, you need some male in your life... 44:03 ...who you can covenant with, 44:06 who will have your back. 44:09 who will protect you and support you. 44:14 But not only that, who will tell you the truth about yourself. 44:22 When David's life was in danger, Jonathan told him the truth. 44:27 Jonathan told him, "You've got to leave." 44:32 That's what David needed in his life, 44:35 and in his relationships with women. 44:39 Some of us as men spend too much time joking and jesting 44:43 and playing with each other all the time 44:45 instead of having some serious conversations 44:49 with each other about important issues in our lives. 44:57 Some of us have friends right now who are ruining their lives, 45:00 and you know about it. 45:02 Wasting their life and destroying their families. 45:05 They have women who love them, their children need them. 45:09 You need a Jonathan in your life... 45:13 ...who will bind you when you're wounded 45:17 and blast you when you're wicked. 45:24 Someone who you can be real with and who is real with you. 45:28 Someone who will tell you the truth about yourself. 45:31 I'm not talking about a woman, I'm talking about another man. 45:33 You see, when women try to tell us the truth about ourselves, 45:36 we dismiss it as nagging. 45:40 Huh? 45:42 Every man needs another man who can be real with him, 45:49 and who he can be real with. 45:54 Listen to what I'm saying tonight. 45:56 This is serious business. 45:58 I'm talking as a man to men. 46:05 1 Samuel 13:14, "The Lord has sought for Himself 46:11 a man after His own heart." 46:13 What does it mean? 46:17 David was a man after God's own heart. 46:22 Most of us think it means David had a heart like God's. 46:26 And it gives us this picture of a super human, 46:29 super spiritual believer, who functions at a level 46:33 far above us spiritually that none of us can attain. 46:38 But that can't be true. 46:41 Look at David. 46:43 There's no extraordinary spirituality about him. 46:46 He was a murderer, a philanderer, proud, pugilistic, 46:50 insensitive, a failure as a father. 46:53 David did not have a heart like God. 46:58 What it means is, David had a desire to have a heart like God. 47:06 David was a man who desired to change. 47:11 He was willing to change. 47:14 He was a man who admitted he needed a change. 47:23 When he was lost in his sins after his murder of Uriah 47:27 and his adultery with his wife Bathsheba, 47:29 he cried out in Psalm 51:1 "Have mercy upon me, O God, 47:34 according to Thy loving kindness. 47:36 According unto the multitude of Thy tender mercies 47:38 blot out my transgressions. 47:40 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean. 47:42 Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 47:45 Hide Thy face from my sins and blot out all mine iniquities. 47:48 Cast me not from Thy presence, take not Thy Spirit from me. 47:52 Create in me a clean heart, O God, 47:54 and renew a right spirit within me." 48:00 Christian living is not perfection. 48:02 Christian living is never being satisfied with who you are. 48:08 David was never satisfied with who he was, 48:11 never made excuses for himself, and never blamed his faults 48:15 and failings on somebody else. 48:17 You never hear him bringing up his father's cold distant 48:21 relationship as a reason for his problems. 48:25 He said in Psalm 51:3, "For I acknowledge my transgressions, 48:29 and my sin is ever before me." 48:32 He took full responsibility for his actions. 48:36 Think about Saul and David for a moment. 48:39 As sins go, in our eyes Saul's sins were far less 48:45 severe than David's. 48:49 Saul did not follow God's directions implicitly. 48:52 In 1 Samuel 15, God told him to utterly destroy the Amalekites 48:57 and keep none of them alive. 48:59 Saul spared the choice flocks and spared the life of Agag. 49:03 We would say he was merciful. 49:06 He didn't take someone's life. 49:09 And David took another man's wife 49:11 and had her husband assassinated. 49:16 But Saul, when his sins were revealed to him, 49:19 refused to admit his sin and refused to change. 49:24 Saul did not desire to have the heart of God. 49:30 But David was a man after God's own heart. 49:37 And though David pleaded for and received God's grace and mercy, 49:42 he did not forget his obligation to God's law. 49:45 In Psalm 119:10 he says, "With my whole heart 49:49 have I sought Thee. 49:50 O let me not wonder from Thy commandments. 49:53 O how I love Thy law, for it's my meditation all day long." 50:00 David was a man after God's own heart. 50:03 And because he was chasing after God's own heart, 50:06 he wanted his heart changed into God's. 50:09 He said in Psalm 42:1, "As the heart panteth after the 50:13 water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O my God." 50:23 David's great salvation was his relationship with God. 50:31 That's what made him great. 50:35 David was a man after God's own heart. 50:38 And God is looking for men who can face their frailties 50:43 and admit their frailties. 50:45 Men who are willing to realize they need help 50:48 outside themselves and seek God's help for change. 50:57 David found in God the third dimension of his identity; 51:03 spiritual depth. 51:05 He wanted to be deep with God. 51:11 I wonder how many men tonight want to be deep with God. 51:20 David was a disfavored man in his own household, 51:23 much like Jesus. 51:26 "Came to His own and His own received Him not." 51:28 They put Him on a cross and crucified Him. 51:31 But David sought and found forgiveness and hope 51:36 and salvation with God. 51:41 And we can find it too. 51:43 No matter what experience we've had in our lives, 51:45 no matter how we have been treated, 51:48 no matter what we have lost and missed, 51:50 we can be the men God wants us to be... 51:57 ...if we surrender our lives to Him. 52:00 Is that the experience you want tonight? 52:04 If it is, why don't you stand to your feet with me tonight 52:07 as we close with prayer. 52:14 Father in heaven, we thank You tonight. 52:18 We thank You that You are able to transform us, 52:26 to make us the men You would want us to be. 52:34 No matter what we have done or where we have been, 52:38 no matter what we have left or what we have lost, 52:43 You can supply what we have lost. 52:47 You can fill the empty spaces in our lives. 52:51 You can make us the men that You would have us to be. 52:55 And we're standing tonight, Lord, because we need 52:58 You desperately. 52:59 We need You to make us what You would have us to be as men. 53:06 Fit us as men who are worthy to be the kind of persons 53:16 that will be faithful in relationships, 53:23 faithful as heads of homes, 53:26 faithful as husbands and fathers. 53:29 And when You shall come, save us in Your kingdom. 53:35 For we ask all of these things in Jesus' name, amen. 53:49 Can we say amen. 53:50 You may be seated. 53:52 You know, Pastor Nixon, I want to spent a few more minutes 53:56 talking with you. 53:57 Can we say that was a powerful message. 53:59 What do you say tonight? 54:00 And I know that those of you tuning in 54:02 have been touched tremendously. 54:04 Talk a little bit more about Boys To Men. 54:07 Because you mentioned in certain portions of your sermon, 54:11 I'm not going to go into that right now, 54:14 but tell us the inspiration behind Boys To Men. 54:16 You are a chaplain, one of the chaplains at Andrews University, 54:20 and you deal with students all the time. 54:22 I want to find out the heart of the inspiration 54:25 for this message. 54:26 And give us a little bit more insight into ways that 54:30 we can transition from the boy in us 54:34 to the man that God wants us to be. 54:38 Well, it's interesting that you bring that up, 54:42 because being on a university campus, you do 54:48 engage and encounter young adults at that stage 54:53 in their lives when they're making the transition 54:55 to adulthood. 54:57 And it's at that stage when they really are struggling 55:00 with the issues that have really challenged them. 55:07 If they have grown up without a father, or if they've grown up 55:10 in broken homes, if they've grown up coming from 55:16 families of divorce, and so the residual experiences 55:24 of how that has impacted them has made it challenging 55:28 for them to really have very healthy relationships. 55:34 And I've found a number of young men, when I discuss issues of 55:39 relationships and how young men should treat young women, 55:42 some of the young men will say to me, "You know, 55:46 Chaplain Nixon, I don't know. 55:47 I never had anyone to really show me 55:51 how to treat a woman, because I never had a father there." 55:55 And so, it's really a challenging issue 56:01 that we have in our communities. 56:04 And we sometimes take for granted when we have 56:08 grown up in a stable environment. 56:12 And even growing up in the church, if you have, 56:15 if you have come from a single parent home but you've 56:18 grown up in a church where there have been men 56:21 and a community, you've had those strong male figures there 56:27 who have been there to fill that void. 56:31 But when you haven't had that, that community, 56:35 we don't understand the impact that has on young men's lives 56:39 to have that missing kind of value system there. 56:45 And so it's something that I have really been very 56:49 keen in thinking about, and thinking about some of the 56:52 challenges in our community with young men. 56:55 And in preparation for the transition to the next message. 56:59 Because I told you at the opening that this is a 57:01 four part series by Dr. Timothy Nixon. 57:05 I want to pause in a moment. 57:06 We had lunch today together, and affectionately 57:09 I said I have to introduce you as Dr. Timothy Nixon. 57:12 But we go back, we know our boys to men journey. 57:15 - Isn't that right. - That's right, that's right. 57:17 We were in elementary school together, 57:18 we went to the same church, we grew up together. 57:21 Basketball team together, went to Oakwood University. 57:24 And now reconnecting years later, I can see that God truly 57:27 has worked in our lives to take us from the 57:29 boy side to the man side. 57:31 Fifteen to twenty more seconds, give us a preview of what's 57:34 to come up next. 57:35 Tomorrow night I'm going to talk to the ladies. 57:38 So come out tomorrow night, ladies. 57:40 The subject will be titled, Junk In The Trunk. 57:42 Okay, Junk In the Trunk. 57:45 For those of you that are tuning in, you don't 57:46 want to miss the next message. 57:48 Thank you so much, Dr. Timothy Nixon. 57:50 That's a sermon that does require. 57:52 Pray that the Lord will continue guiding you, 57:54 and for all that you do for Dare To Dream 57:56 and for 3ABN. 57:57 God bless you till we see you again. 57:59 Good night. |
Revised 2014-12-17