Welcome to the Faith Chapel of
00:00:30.56\00:00:31.87
ministry of 3ABN. I
am Pastor Steve Bauer
00:00:31.90\00:00:35.79
from Southern
Adventist University
00:00:35.82\00:00:37.52
located in
Collegedale, Tennessee.
00:00:37.55\00:00:40.26
Welcome to today's program
00:00:40.29\00:00:42.14
and I thank you for sharing part
00:00:42.17\00:00:43.76
of your day with us.
00:00:43.79\00:00:45.30
The Ten Commandments are under
00:00:45.33\00:00:47.27
much discussion
today and today's
00:00:47.30\00:00:50.27
program I'm
going to be examining
00:00:50.30\00:00:51.96
the moral character
of the Ten Commandments
00:00:51.99\00:00:54.62
focusing on the
Seventh Commandment
00:00:54.65\00:00:57.35
which focuses
on sexual morality,
00:00:57.38\00:01:00.51
and the sanctity of marriage.
00:01:00.54\00:01:02.42
But before we begin exploring
00:01:02.45\00:01:04.52
that Commandment, I'd like
00:01:04.55\00:01:06.06
to pause for a word of prayer.
00:01:06.09\00:01:08.23
Lord Jesus, I
thank you that you've
00:01:10.67\00:01:12.84
made us
fearfully and wonderfully
00:01:15.19\00:01:16.16
made I pray that
you'll be with us
00:01:16.17\00:01:18.10
today as we
explore this very personal,
00:01:18.13\00:01:20.49
intimate and difficult topic.
00:01:20.52\00:01:22.83
And as we
explore I pray you will
00:01:24.18\00:01:27.41
give us new
insights into how to form our
00:01:27.44\00:01:29.96
characters to be
like yours, because
00:01:29.99\00:01:33.38
the Ten
Commandments are an expression
00:01:33.41\00:01:35.47
of your character. Help us see
00:01:35.50\00:01:37.84
how this
commandment is an expression
00:01:37.87\00:01:40.35
of your character
today as we study it.
00:01:40.38\00:01:43.66
I pray this in the
name of Jesus, Amen.
00:01:43.69\00:01:47.55
A good number of years ago I was
00:01:49.41\00:01:50.72
a young Pastor in New York City
00:01:50.75\00:01:53.17
in the early to mid 1980s.
00:01:53.20\00:01:56.17
Now New York
City many see us kind
00:01:57.30\00:01:59.60
of the modern
Sodom and Gomorrah,
00:01:59.63\00:02:01.41
and there was
great truth to that.
00:02:01.44\00:02:02.72
Anything goes in
New York and anything
00:02:03.60\00:02:05.40
can be found in
New York and so I
00:02:05.43\00:02:08.89
was not surprised when some
00:02:08.92\00:02:11.14
pounded came up
with a survey that
00:02:11.17\00:02:13.96
in those days you
could probably say
00:02:13.99\00:02:15.28
only in New York
and the question was,
00:02:15.31\00:02:18.55
would you sleep
with someone other than
00:02:18.58\00:02:22.05
your spouse if
you got paid a million
00:02:22.08\00:02:24.98
dollars to do
so. When I heard this
00:02:25.01\00:02:28.97
on the news I
said, Oh, great this
00:02:29.00\00:02:32.49
is New York
City, I wonder what the
00:02:32.52\00:02:34.99
results are gonna
be. I was pleasantly
00:02:35.02\00:02:38.53
surprised when
even for New Yorkers,
00:02:38.56\00:02:42.33
51 percent said,
no, they would not sleep
00:02:43.33\00:02:47.62
with someone
they were not married
00:02:47.65\00:02:49.06
to like
correction, that they were,
00:02:49.09\00:02:51.47
if they were married they would
00:02:51.50\00:02:53.18
not sleep with someone else even
00:02:53.21\00:02:55.75
if they got paid $1millon.
00:02:55.78\00:03:01.37
I thought this was
an excellent question
00:03:01.40\00:03:03.98
for exploring
this moral issue and of
00:03:04.01\00:03:06.91
course the bad
news is 49 percent
00:03:06.94\00:03:08.93
apparently said,
yes they would sleep
00:03:08.96\00:03:10.70
with someone else
to get the $1 million
00:03:10.73\00:03:13.35
they apparently
felt that the risk to
00:03:13.38\00:03:15.31
the marriage was worth getting
00:03:15.34\00:03:17.81
the million
dollars. This question that
00:03:17.84\00:03:21.90
they pose serves as an excellent
00:03:21.93\00:03:24.19
tool to serve out
or explore the tension
00:03:24.22\00:03:26.63
between personal
desire and moral principles.
00:03:26.66\00:03:30.59
Think about it who
wouldn't want to get
00:03:30.62\00:03:32.97
$1 million, how much
is my marriage worth.
00:03:33.00\00:03:39.31
Is it worth
sacrificing my spouses rights
00:03:40.19\00:03:43.14
to my affections,
to get $1 million.
00:03:43.17\00:03:48.24
What an excellent question.
00:03:48.27\00:03:50.01
I don't purpose to you that the
00:03:51.65\00:03:52.75
Ten Commandments were written
00:03:52.78\00:03:54.69
to address such tensions.
00:03:54.72\00:03:56.19
The issue of
self interest versus
00:03:56.22\00:04:00.33
others interests
and the Ten Commandments
00:04:00.36\00:04:02.94
are written to
me as a free moral
00:04:02.97\00:04:05.80
agent to get me to
subdue and suppress
00:04:05.83\00:04:09.77
my interest in
order to put others'
00:04:09.80\00:04:12.46
interest ahead of my own.
00:04:12.49\00:04:14.69
It addresses me as a free moral
00:04:14.72\00:04:17.27
agent and tells
me to restrain and
00:04:17.30\00:04:20.49
restrict myself
in order to honor
00:04:20.52\00:04:23.71
the other person's rights.
00:04:23.74\00:04:25.62
Now the seventh commandment
00:04:25.65\00:04:27.31
is dealing with
the God given right
00:04:27.34\00:04:29.98
to have the exclusive affections
00:04:30.01\00:04:33.03
including sexual
affections of another
00:04:33.06\00:04:36.74
person of the opposite gender,
00:04:36.77\00:04:39.03
that's God's
design and every human
00:04:39.06\00:04:44.17
who comes into
the world possesses
00:04:44.20\00:04:47.10
that God given right.
00:04:47.13\00:04:49.37
But there is a
problem if we try to
00:04:49.40\00:04:54.19
give those
affections without a legal
00:04:54.22\00:04:57.11
foundation then we
have not established
00:04:57.14\00:05:01.01
the permanency
necessary to create
00:05:01.04\00:05:04.93
exclusivity.
You see if you don't
00:05:04.96\00:05:08.78
have a legal foundation of the
00:05:08.81\00:05:10.38
marriage and we
just give each other
00:05:10.41\00:05:13.62
these affections
without that foundation
00:05:13.65\00:05:16.44
we have no guarantee of true
00:05:16.47\00:05:18.91
exclusivity because
there is no guarantee
00:05:18.94\00:05:21.16
of permanency but
when we established
00:05:21.19\00:05:24.88
a legal
foundation through a marriage
00:05:24.91\00:05:27.78
ceremony with a
marriage license and
00:05:27.81\00:05:29.97
a marriage
certificate. We now have a
00:05:30.00\00:05:33.59
legal claim to
permanency that grounds
00:05:33.70\00:05:37.17
the right of
exclusivity in this area,
00:05:37.20\00:05:41.46
exclusive commitment
and exclusive affection
00:05:41.49\00:05:45.84
one unto the other
and to commit adultery
00:05:45.87\00:05:50.21
is a fundamental
violation of that
00:05:50.24\00:05:54.63
right, but I
would suggest that even
00:05:54.66\00:05:57.43
premarital sex is a
violation of the other
00:05:57.46\00:06:01.99
person's right to
an exclusive permanent
00:06:02.02\00:06:05.29
relationship with
these kind of benefits
00:06:05.32\00:06:08.34
and affections in them.
00:06:08.37\00:06:10.57
This commandment then mirrors
00:06:11.95\00:06:13.74
the first
commandment in that it deals
00:06:13.77\00:06:16.48
with exclusive claims.
In the first commandment
00:06:16.51\00:06:20.68
God has exclusive claims over us
00:06:20.71\00:06:24.31
that we are to honor and in the
00:06:24.34\00:06:26.67
Bible very often the writers and
00:06:26.70\00:06:29.82
prophets treat
our violation of God's
00:06:29.85\00:06:33.37
exclusive claims
to sovereignty and
00:06:33.40\00:06:36.34
supremacy in our
life and exclusive
00:06:36.37\00:06:40.24
claims to love
and affection to God
00:06:40.27\00:06:42.67
are treated like
adultery in marriage
00:06:42.70\00:06:46.08
and the metaphor
of adultery carries
00:06:46.11\00:06:48.61
over to our
relationship with God,
00:06:48.64\00:06:50.74
so these two
commandments are very
00:06:50.77\00:06:52.49
intimately related and that both
00:06:52.52\00:06:54.54
are dealing with
the exclusive claim
00:06:54.57\00:06:57.27
of another on us. Now it's very
00:06:57.30\00:07:01.68
interesting
today that these claims
00:07:01.71\00:07:04.32
are coming
under fire in a number
00:07:04.35\00:07:06.70
of ways and we cannot deal with
00:07:06.73\00:07:09.46
them all here.
But I would like to
00:07:09.49\00:07:11.83
focus in the
traditional marriage
00:07:11.86\00:07:15.32
relationship on
both premarital fidelity
00:07:15.35\00:07:18.45
and on marital
fidelity within that
00:07:18.48\00:07:22.99
relationship
because many marriages
00:07:23.02\00:07:26.38
are ending in divorce today.
00:07:26.41\00:07:29.06
They are losing
that permanency that
00:07:29.09\00:07:31.92
is supposed to be the ground
00:07:31.95\00:07:33.48
of that affection and I would
00:07:33.51\00:07:35.99
suggest that maybe one cause
00:07:36.02\00:07:38.82
is that at least
one if not both partners
00:07:40.05\00:07:43.10
in the marriage begin to put
00:07:43.13\00:07:45.44
themselves first. And they want
00:07:45.47\00:07:48.86
to force the other
to honor their rights
00:07:48.89\00:07:52.23
and their
commitments until it turns
00:07:52.26\00:07:54.91
into a power struggle and they
00:07:54.94\00:07:56.81
can't get along with each other.
00:07:56.84\00:07:59.56
You see a funny thing happens
00:07:59.59\00:08:01.48
when we get
married, we're in love,
00:08:01.51\00:08:03.51
and we're filled
with emotions and we
00:08:05.15\00:08:08.71
can go for a
number of years like this
00:08:08.74\00:08:10.59
but then we
have that first child
00:08:10.62\00:08:13.06
and that adds
financial stress and
00:08:13.09\00:08:15.59
you don't have as
much time to devote
00:08:15.62\00:08:19.35
to each other
because now there's
00:08:19.38\00:08:20.77
a baby in the
mix. And you can't go
00:08:20.80\00:08:23.42
do those
spontaneous things anymore.
00:08:23.45\00:08:25.76
And besides now that you've been
00:08:25.79\00:08:27.64
living together
for 5 or 6 or 7 years
00:08:27.67\00:08:30.11
you've discovered
that, that perfect spouse
00:08:30.14\00:08:33.13
isn't quite so perfect anymore.
00:08:33.16\00:08:35.72
There are some
rough edges that come on.
00:08:37.09\00:08:39.78
And we start to get irritated,
00:08:41.69\00:08:44.09
furthermore we
have the second child
00:08:44.12\00:08:45.84
and boredom sets in
and things like this
00:08:45.87\00:08:49.57
and pretty soon
those little arguments
00:08:49.60\00:08:52.10
turn into raw
spots that irritate us
00:08:52.13\00:08:57.70
more and more and more and more
00:08:57.73\00:09:00.07
and I just wish
he stop nagging me or
00:09:00.10\00:09:02.72
I wish he wouldn't
be married to his work,
00:09:02.75\00:09:04.77
you get the
idea. This can cause an
00:09:04.80\00:09:09.65
alienation of
affection to begin to happen
00:09:09.68\00:09:15.26
and that
exclusivity becomes weakened
00:09:15.29\00:09:18.82
as the strength
of our affections get
00:09:18.85\00:09:22.46
weakened by anger
and these raw spots
00:09:22.49\00:09:27.01
and interruptions
and pressures of life.
00:09:27.04\00:09:30.11
Now let's make us a
stereotypical scenario.
00:09:32.42\00:09:36.39
We often blame
the man as the one
00:09:36.42\00:09:38.75
who goes out and
has the affair though
00:09:38.78\00:09:40.14
it happens either
way. Suppose he feels
00:09:40.17\00:09:46.39
like his wife
complains too much,
00:09:46.42\00:09:48.08
she is the stereotypical nag.
00:09:48.11\00:09:50.10
He is tired of getting nagged,
00:09:50.13\00:09:52.10
she never
approves of anything I do.
00:09:52.13\00:09:54.43
She never appreciates my efforts
00:09:54.46\00:09:57.79
in her behalf to
provide or rarely does
00:09:57.82\00:10:00.39
and he is
feeling henpecked and his
00:10:00.42\00:10:03.36
affection begins to
shrink, and then one
00:10:03.39\00:10:08.99
day in the
cubicles that work you know,
00:10:09.02\00:10:11.08
we're in the
Dilbert office here,
00:10:11.11\00:10:12.52
a new person arrives who happens
00:10:12.55\00:10:16.67
to be a female and
as they get acquainted
00:10:16.70\00:10:20.34
she says something nice you know
00:10:20.37\00:10:22.08
you have a nice tie or you know,
00:10:22.11\00:10:25.30
you look nice or
you did a nice job
00:10:25.33\00:10:27.12
on that project or
something like that
00:10:27.15\00:10:29.51
and he is just
starving for that kind
00:10:29.54\00:10:32.40
of comment at home.
And so when it comes
00:10:32.43\00:10:34.70
from this other
woman, this affirming
00:10:34.73\00:10:38.02
comment he will
tend to react with
00:10:38.05\00:10:42.32
a sense of
attraction to her, oh,
00:10:42.35\00:10:45.49
I wish she could
be my wife instead
00:10:45.52\00:10:47.14
of my wife because
she does not nag me.
00:10:47.17\00:10:49.26
And then another comment, and
00:10:51.32\00:10:53.28
another comment
and more and more
00:10:53.31\00:10:55.45
this attraction
grows toward this other
00:10:55.48\00:10:58.67
woman because
she is doing things
00:10:58.70\00:11:00.68
that his wife isn't doing.
00:11:00.71\00:11:02.49
Now what he is
forgetting is that
00:11:02.52\00:11:04.85
he seeing this
woman in a professional
00:11:04.88\00:11:06.91
setting, he's
not seeing her whole
00:11:06.94\00:11:08.55
person. He's being
attracted to one trait,
00:11:08.58\00:11:12.55
and if he would
identify the fact
00:11:14.15\00:11:16.90
that he is really
not attracted to her,
00:11:16.93\00:11:19.15
he's attracted to
this trait that his
00:11:19.18\00:11:22.57
wife seems to be deficient in,
00:11:22.60\00:11:24.74
it would health
cut that sense of
00:11:24.77\00:11:27.66
attraction and temptation to the
00:11:27.69\00:11:30.37
other person, but
suppose he doesn't
00:11:30.40\00:11:32.91
make that
distinction and he tries
00:11:32.94\00:11:36.48
to resist his
attraction but they
00:11:36.51\00:11:38.37
continue talk and
of course he makes
00:11:38.40\00:11:40.25
reciprocal
comments you know you look
00:11:40.28\00:11:43.77
nice and you did
a nice job and so
00:11:43.80\00:11:45.59
forth and maybe she's feeling
00:11:45.62\00:11:47.62
neglected at
home that her husband
00:11:47.65\00:11:49.59
doesn't pay attention to her,
00:11:49.62\00:11:51.15
doesn't appreciate
her mind, you know, etc.
00:11:51.18\00:11:54.35
And here's a man
now who is affirming
00:11:54.38\00:11:56.40
her in these
areas professionally
00:11:56.43\00:11:59.07
but she doesn't confuse that and
00:11:59.10\00:12:02.08
she responds
with attraction to him
00:12:02.11\00:12:04.24
but they resist in
work. We're not going
00:12:04.27\00:12:06.52
to get into any
kind of inappropriate
00:12:06.55\00:12:08.21
relationship and
on it goes but pretty
00:12:08.24\00:12:11.47
soon they start
confiding more and
00:12:11.50\00:12:13.26
more in each other
and what's happening
00:12:13.29\00:12:16.65
is not only has
affection alienated
00:12:16.68\00:12:20.29
at home or is in
the process but now
00:12:20.32\00:12:23.88
they're starting to
redirected it toward
00:12:23.91\00:12:26.80
this third party
outside the marriage.
00:12:26.83\00:12:29.65
And they start
to invest more and
00:12:29.68\00:12:32.81
more
emotionally into this person
00:12:32.84\00:12:35.70
and confide more and we're gonna
00:12:35.73\00:12:38.40
be like a
brother and sister and it
00:12:38.43\00:12:40.40
goes from there
and suddenly they
00:12:40.43\00:12:42.49
end up in bed when
they never intended to.
00:12:42.52\00:12:47.35
Now what happens? It usually end
00:12:48.66\00:12:52.69
up with a divorce.
So there are a number
00:12:52.72\00:12:55.11
of ways that
this can happen where
00:12:55.14\00:12:57.71
we lose track of
those exclusive claims
00:12:57.74\00:13:00.61
and one thing
that's been helpful
00:13:00.64\00:13:03.23
to me is that
when I feel that sense
00:13:03.26\00:13:06.03
of attraction
for someone, a woman
00:13:06.06\00:13:07.83
not my wife is
because I can identify
00:13:07.86\00:13:11.35
I can identify
the issue that I need
00:13:11.38\00:13:12.45
to go talk to my wife about it.
00:13:12.48\00:13:13.88
Honey, we got a problem here,
00:13:13.91\00:13:16.28
I am frustrated we need to talk
00:13:16.31\00:13:18.33
about this. That's
what saves marriage
00:13:18.36\00:13:22.97
and helps us
honor our commitments
00:13:23.00\00:13:26.32
before God to that spouse.
00:13:26.35\00:13:28.78
Now Jesus spoke about this issue
00:13:30.63\00:13:33.21
in Matthew 19 on divorce, you
00:13:33.24\00:13:36.14
see the religious
leaders of his day
00:13:36.17\00:13:38.04
came to him and they were trying
00:13:38.07\00:13:41.10
to trap him and
his answer to them
00:13:41.13\00:13:45.80
is quite
interesting dealing with the
00:13:45.83\00:13:48.03
permanency of
marriage. He comes on
00:13:48.06\00:13:50.04
them in Matthew 19
and I believe we're
00:13:50.07\00:13:52.28
starting in verse
3, And the Pharisees
00:13:52.31\00:13:55.18
came up to him and
tested him by asking,
00:13:55.21\00:13:57.33
Is it lawful to
divorce one's wife for
00:13:57.36\00:13:59.87
any cause? He
answered, have you not
00:13:59.90\00:14:02.35
read that he who made them from
00:14:02.38\00:14:03.97
the beginning made them male and
00:14:04.00\00:14:05.24
female, and
said, For this reason,
00:14:05.27\00:14:09.03
he is quoting
Genesis chapter 2 here,
00:14:09.06\00:14:10.71
For this reason a
man shall leave his
00:14:10.74\00:14:13.09
father and mother and be joined
00:14:13.12\00:14:15.35
to his wife, and
the two shall become
00:14:15.38\00:14:18.12
one flesh? So they are no longer
00:14:18.15\00:14:21.25
two but one
flesh. What therefore
00:14:21.28\00:14:24.79
God has joined
together, let no man
00:14:24.82\00:14:28.23
put asunder. They said to him,
00:14:28.26\00:14:31.08
why then did Moses command one
00:14:31.11\00:14:33.42
to give a
certificate of divorce,
00:14:33.45\00:14:35.07
and put her
away? He said to them,
00:14:35.10\00:14:38.25
Because of the
Hardness of your heart
00:14:38.28\00:14:40.95
Moses allowed you
to divorce your wives,
00:14:40.98\00:14:44.70
but from the beginning it was
00:14:44.73\00:14:46.78
not so. And I
say to you: whoever
00:14:46.81\00:14:49.39
divorces his wife,
except for unchastity,
00:14:49.42\00:14:53.51
and marries
another, commits adultery.
00:14:53.54\00:14:58.36
You see the Pharisees were
00:14:59.45\00:15:01.98
approaching the
problem how can I
00:15:02.01\00:15:04.10
I get out of my
marriage, they were
00:15:04.13\00:15:06.12
looking for the
loophole to get out
00:15:06.15\00:15:08.14
of those
challenges and problems that
00:15:08.17\00:15:10.90
would free them to go to greener
00:15:10.93\00:15:12.57
pastures, but Jesus called them
00:15:12.60\00:15:15.80
to God's fundamental design and
00:15:15.83\00:15:18.16
claim for marriage that this was
00:15:18.19\00:15:20.14
to be a permanent relationship,
00:15:20.17\00:15:22.15
what God has
joined together let know
00:15:22.18\00:15:25.57
man put asunder.
And the only ground
00:15:25.60\00:15:30.27
that Jesus gives is
sexual unfaithfulness
00:15:30.30\00:15:34.39
which is the
ultimate violation of that
00:15:34.42\00:15:37.62
intimate
exclusivity that the other
00:15:37.65\00:15:40.98
has a right too. It
is interesting today
00:15:41.01\00:15:47.54
that people view
sexual expression
00:15:49.19\00:15:52.17
as a means of
demonstrating their
00:15:52.20\00:15:55.52
self ownership
and when I own myself
00:15:55.55\00:15:58.43
I can sleep with
whomever, whatever
00:15:58.46\00:16:01.22
gender,
whenever I want. It is an
00:16:01.25\00:16:04.50
expression of self
expression of myself
00:16:04.53\00:16:08.39
it is not an
expression of an exclusive
00:16:08.42\00:16:12.16
commitment to each
other. Paul expressed
00:16:12.19\00:16:16.95
that in the
opposite of that in First
00:16:16.98\00:16:19.83
Corinthians
chapter 6, and I think
00:16:19.86\00:16:22.70
he was way ahead of his time in
00:16:22.73\00:16:24.30
recognizing the
thigh of sexual expression
00:16:24.33\00:16:27.34
to self ownership.
First Corinthians 6
00:16:27.37\00:16:31.52
verse 18, Shun
immorality is dealing
00:16:31.55\00:16:34.46
with sexual
immorality. The context is that
00:16:34.49\00:16:37.58
we shouldn't be
visiting prostitutes.
00:16:37.61\00:16:39.68
Every other sin
which a man commits
00:16:39.71\00:16:42.15
is outside the
body; but the immoral
00:16:42.18\00:16:46.28
man sins against his own body.
00:16:46.31\00:16:48.29
Do you not know that your body
00:16:48.32\00:16:50.96
is a temple of the Holy Spirit
00:16:50.99\00:16:52.68
within you, which
you have from God?
00:16:52.71\00:16:54.96
You are not your
own; you were bought
00:16:54.99\00:16:58.63
with a price. So
glorify God in your
00:16:58.66\00:17:02.55
body. It is very
interesting that Paul
00:17:02.58\00:17:05.64
says we should not
be sexually unfaithful
00:17:05.67\00:17:09.47
to God's
standards and the precise
00:17:09.50\00:17:11.88
reason is we
don't own ourselves.
00:17:11.91\00:17:15.43
God own us
because Christ brought
00:17:15.46\00:17:19.84
us on Calvary, and
when we render to God,
00:17:19.87\00:17:24.59
honor to those exclusive claims
00:17:24.62\00:17:27.36
of his
ownership of us, we cannot
00:17:27.39\00:17:30.88
do so while sleeping around and
00:17:30.91\00:17:33.66
violating the
rights of others to that
00:17:33.69\00:17:36.71
exclusive relationship.
00:17:36.74\00:17:39.00
Adultery then is a
fundamental violation
00:17:39.03\00:17:42.88
of that
relationship and of that right,
00:17:42.91\00:17:47.50
of the other
person to the exclusivity.
00:17:47.53\00:17:51.47
You first of all
violate your spouse's
00:17:51.50\00:17:54.23
right, but the
person you have the affair
00:17:54.26\00:17:57.48
with their right is
also violated because
00:17:57.51\00:18:00.86
affairs are never permanent.
00:18:00.89\00:18:03.64
They always come to an end.
00:18:03.67\00:18:06.55
And so you
violate the lover's rights
00:18:06.58\00:18:09.42
and your
spouse's rights when you
00:18:09.45\00:18:12.39
have those affairs
and commit adultery
00:18:12.42\00:18:17.92
and by the way most affairs last
00:18:17.95\00:18:21.14
no more than two
years. They run on emotion,
00:18:21.17\00:18:25.07
the Gary Chapman from Moody
00:18:25.10\00:18:27.05
calls the tingles
and when the tingles
00:18:27.08\00:18:29.71
run out the affair runs out.
00:18:29.74\00:18:32.24
And the tingles usually last on
00:18:32.27\00:18:34.86
average around 18 months,
00:18:34.89\00:18:37.04
rarely more
than 24, and then the
00:18:37.07\00:18:40.45
affair comes to the end.
00:18:40.48\00:18:41.91
And so you by
having an affair violating
00:18:41.94\00:18:45.34
not only your
spouse but you violate
00:18:45.37\00:18:47.95
the person that
you enter the affair
00:18:47.98\00:18:51.42
with because
neither is permanent
00:18:51.45\00:18:55.41
and exclusive. Now
the sexual drive and
00:18:55.44\00:18:59.56
sexual desires are
one of the most primitive
00:18:59.59\00:19:03.30
fundamental
instincts in our nature,
00:19:03.33\00:19:08.36
and God says,
he wants you and he
00:19:08.39\00:19:12.09
wants me to
surrender and suppress
00:19:12.12\00:19:15.83
those drives enough that we do
00:19:15.86\00:19:18.85
not violate the rights
of others in this area.
00:19:18.88\00:19:25.08
Now the other
point I want to make
00:19:27.16\00:19:31.86
is that most affairs
are based on an unmet
00:19:31.89\00:19:36.87
need in the
marriage, which I've already
00:19:36.90\00:19:40.03
illustrated and
they confuse those needs
00:19:40.06\00:19:43.96
with attraction to
the person, therefore,
00:19:44.95\00:19:47.77
if we can name
the issue it gives us
00:19:47.80\00:19:51.21
what to focus on in
building our marriage
00:19:51.24\00:19:56.42
with our spouse.
I'd like to move to
00:19:56.45\00:19:58.98
another angle
where we can violate
00:19:59.01\00:20:01.54
others people rights with this
00:20:01.57\00:20:03.51
commandment that is
the issue of pornography.
00:20:03.54\00:20:05.91
Yes, in
pornography I'm not touching
00:20:07.61\00:20:09.58
the other person
and I'm not getting
00:20:09.61\00:20:12.06
into bed with
them but I am still
00:20:12.09\00:20:14.96
perusing illicit
material that should be
00:20:14.99\00:20:23.10
reserved for that
exclusive permanent
00:20:23.13\00:20:26.38
relationship with the woman or
00:20:26.41\00:20:29.39
man that I'm
viewing and I cannot
00:20:29.42\00:20:31.14
have that.
Pornography by its very
00:20:31.17\00:20:33.31
nature violates
that, first of all you
00:20:33.34\00:20:36.12
as the consumer,
violate your spouse
00:20:36.15\00:20:38.38
or your future
spouse and then you
00:20:38.41\00:20:41.47
violate the porn
star, so either way
00:20:41.50\00:20:45.06
you cut it. This is
a very sensitive and
00:20:45.09\00:20:47.99
personal area and
God calls us to put
00:20:48.02\00:20:52.18
their right first
and even if I want
00:20:52.21\00:20:54.63
to look at the
porn star, at least
00:20:54.66\00:20:56.75
I should respect
her rights enough
00:20:56.78\00:21:00.06
not to violate her
by getting involved
00:21:00.09\00:21:03.18
in that viewing of
it. I should restrain
00:21:03.21\00:21:06.27
myself that way.
But this also calls
00:21:06.30\00:21:11.11
to people who are
still single. You see,
00:21:11.14\00:21:14.13
you have a God given right to an
00:21:15.36\00:21:18.84
exclusive commitment
of affection including
00:21:18.87\00:21:23.18
the sexual
dimension from someone
00:21:23.21\00:21:25.38
of the opposite
gender and the people
00:21:25.41\00:21:28.07
you date likewise
have that same right
00:21:28.10\00:21:33.04
so why wait for
marriage? You see if
00:21:33.07\00:21:39.00
we do not respect
each others rights
00:21:39.03\00:21:41.38
prior to the
marriage we weaken the
00:21:41.41\00:21:45.51
ground of
expectation that those rights
00:21:45.54\00:21:47.88
will be honored in the marriage.
00:21:47.91\00:21:50.88
When we sleep and
touch and so forth
00:21:55.15\00:21:59.63
prior to
marriage, we are De Facto
00:21:59.66\00:22:02.20
saying that these items are no
00:22:02.23\00:22:04.93
longer reserved
for the marriage.
00:22:04.96\00:22:07.30
Now I admit that
there's more than one
00:22:08.27\00:22:10.21
way to kiss
someone or hug someone.
00:22:10.24\00:22:12.84
I don't hug my sister
the way I hug my wife.
00:22:12.87\00:22:17.82
So there is appropriate familial
00:22:19.14\00:22:22.02
type touch that can
be similar to the touch
00:22:22.05\00:22:25.77
we have with the spouse and yet
00:22:25.80\00:22:27.18
different and we
instinctively know
00:22:27.21\00:22:29.02
that difference. The
point is that when we
00:22:29.05\00:22:32.52
go pass that
familial touch to marital type
00:22:32.55\00:22:35.82
touch we are
violating the rights of our
00:22:35.85\00:22:40.91
date if we have not
established the grounds
00:22:40.94\00:22:44.42
of a permanent
relationship with them.
00:22:44.45\00:22:47.94
Let me illustrated
this way, let's turn
00:22:47.97\00:22:52.24
to Genesis chapter
39, in Genesis chapter 39,
00:22:52.27\00:22:57.06
we have the story of Joseph and
00:22:57.09\00:22:58.79
Mrs. Potiphar
which illustrates the
00:22:58.82\00:23:01.13
principle I've
just been showing you.
00:23:01.16\00:23:03.21
At the very end of
verse 6, it says now
00:23:04.58\00:23:07.81
Joseph was
handsome and good-looking.
00:23:07.84\00:23:10.69
When you get that
phrase in the Bible
00:23:10.72\00:23:12.57
that someone is
handsome or beautiful
00:23:12.60\00:23:13.95
you know trouble is coming.
00:23:13.98\00:23:15.37
We continue now on verse 7, And
00:23:15.40\00:23:18.24
after a time his
master's wife cast
00:23:18.27\00:23:20.45
her eyes upon Joseph, and said,
00:23:20.48\00:23:22.57
"Lie with me."
But he refused and
00:23:22.60\00:23:26.27
said to his master's wife, "Lo,
00:23:26.30\00:23:28.42
having me my master
has no concern about
00:23:28.45\00:23:31.87
anything in the
house, and he has put
00:23:31.90\00:23:34.75
everything he has in my hand.
00:23:34.78\00:23:38.03
And Joseph
understands that Mrs. Potiphar
00:23:39.65\00:23:43.93
is trying to ask
him to do something
00:23:43.96\00:23:45.74
very
inappropriate. She wants to play
00:23:45.77\00:23:48.25
with him for the
stimulation and fun
00:23:48.28\00:23:51.15
and games, not as the exclusive
00:23:51.18\00:23:54.14
expression of love
to someone she loves.
00:23:55.89\00:23:58.22
And so Joseph has a very,
00:23:58.25\00:24:02.73
very
interesting response to her.
00:24:02.76\00:24:05.86
We go to the end
of the verse 8 on
00:24:05.89\00:24:09.19
in the verse 10, He says to her,
00:24:09.22\00:24:12.73
"Lo, having me my master has no
00:24:12.76\00:24:16.92
concern about
anything in the house,
00:24:16.95\00:24:18.62
he has put
everything he has in my hand.
00:24:18.65\00:24:21.39
He is not greater in
this house than I am,
00:24:21.42\00:24:24.40
nor has he kept
back anything from me."
00:24:24.43\00:24:28.66
You see Joseph
understood that there
00:24:28.69\00:24:31.87
was more at stake
then fun and games.
00:24:31.90\00:24:35.37
He understood that
Potiphar had trusted
00:24:35.40\00:24:37.88
him with
certain things. In fact,
00:24:37.91\00:24:41.30
he put Joseph
in-charge of everything
00:24:41.33\00:24:43.92
in the home. Joseph
was his hired slave,
00:24:43.95\00:24:45.92
but there was one
thing that he didn't
00:24:47.39\00:24:49.17
give Joseph
access to and that was
00:24:49.20\00:24:53.05
Mrs. Potiphar.
And Joseph argues that
00:24:53.08\00:24:57.78
exclusivity. He
has trusted everything
00:24:57.81\00:25:00.83
into my hand
except you Mrs. Potiphar,
00:25:00.86\00:25:06.30
and then he
says, how can I conduct
00:25:06.33\00:25:09.94
this great sin
against and what are
00:25:09.97\00:25:12.95
you expecting? I
would be expecting
00:25:12.98\00:25:15.02
Potiphar, right.
He's framed the discussion
00:25:15.05\00:25:18.03
in terms of
Potiphar. Potiphar has given
00:25:18.06\00:25:20.61
me this great trust,
the only thing he has
00:25:20.64\00:25:22.80
kept back for me is
privileges with you,
00:25:22.83\00:25:24.88
how could I violate
Potiphar that will be
00:25:24.91\00:25:29.78
good argument won't
it. Now Joseph instead
00:25:29.81\00:25:35.62
though suddenly shifts to God.
00:25:35.65\00:25:37.49
How could I sin, do
this great sin against,
00:25:38.30\00:25:42.83
not just Potiphar
but God. You see it
00:25:42.86\00:25:48.50
violates God given
rights and therefore
00:25:48.53\00:25:52.66
it violates God's
right of authority.
00:25:52.69\00:25:57.42
And Joseph says
no. I was talking
00:25:58.97\00:26:02.56
to a student after class one day
00:26:02.59\00:26:05.40
and I showed her this
passage in Genesis 39,
00:26:07.18\00:26:11.06
and we talked about
exclusive rights but
00:26:11.09\00:26:14.22
she was very
resistant. If I really love my
00:26:14.25\00:26:17.07
boyfriend why
can't we do it now,
00:26:17.10\00:26:19.24
why wait for marriage? And she
00:26:19.27\00:26:23.43
was a tough
cookie and I couldn't get
00:26:23.46\00:26:26.61
through to her
and I was praying to
00:26:26.64\00:26:28.55
the Holy Spirit to
give me a way to get
00:26:28.58\00:26:31.31
to her heart and
finally he gave me
00:26:31.34\00:26:34.68
a series of
questions. I said to her,
00:26:34.71\00:26:39.08
are you dating?
Well, she had just broken
00:26:40.91\00:26:43.05
up so she is not
dating anyone. And I said,
00:26:43.08\00:26:46.26
do you hope to get
married some day? Oh!
00:26:46.29\00:26:48.70
Yes, she planned to
get married some day.
00:26:48.73\00:26:50.62
Do you know who you are going to
00:26:51.44\00:26:52.53
get marry to? No,
I don't know who I'm
00:26:52.56\00:26:55.87
going to get
married to. But you want
00:26:55.90\00:26:59.55
to get married?
Yeah. I asked her
00:26:59.58\00:27:02.18
another question,
I said, when you get
00:27:02.21\00:27:04.60
married, do you
want you are marriage
00:27:04.63\00:27:07.40
to end in
divorce? Oh! No, she was
00:27:07.43\00:27:11.73
down right offended at that one.
00:27:11.76\00:27:12.86
If I get married I
want it to last forever.
00:27:12.89\00:27:15.64
I don't want it
to end in divorce.
00:27:15.67\00:27:17.44
I said, very good I
comment your desire.
00:27:17.47\00:27:19.87
I have one more
question for you.
00:27:19.90\00:27:23.05
What will it do
for your marriage if
00:27:24.46\00:27:27.77
you can say to
your spouse I loved you
00:27:27.80\00:27:31.68
enough before I
knew who you were
00:27:31.71\00:27:34.32
to be faithful to
you. She was dead silent
00:27:34.35\00:27:41.02
and I repeated
my question again,
00:27:41.05\00:27:43.50
what will it do for
your spouse if you can
00:27:43.53\00:27:47.35
say to them I
love them enough to
00:27:47.38\00:27:50.83
do be faithful to
you before I married you.
00:27:50.86\00:27:55.37