Participants: BJ Boles
Series Code: FC
Program Code: FC000169
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00:30 Hello,wellcome to Faith Chapel
00:32 My name is BJ Boles 00:35 Today we're gonna be talking a little bit about relationships 00:40 Our telephone calls aren't the same,are they? 00:43 Sometimes we receive calls 00:44 and we carelessly answer the phone 00:47 thinking this is a regular call, 00:48 but sometimes they are quite different 00:49 I remember receiving a call from my mother 00:52 I was very,very busy 00:54 I was pastoring a church 00:56 and it seemed there were so many things going on 00:59 and I got a call 01:00 and she said that my papa Oscar had passed away 01:06 All of a sudden, 01:07 all those busy meetings and schedules didn't matter 01:09 papa Oscar was a very special person to me 01:13 he was really the only grand dad I really knew 01:16 coming up as a boy 01:17 as far as spending time with him and so forth 01:20 so all those busy meetings and all those commitees and so forth 01:24 were cancelled and put on hold 01:27 and I headed down to [?] beach 01:29 Florida, for the funeral of my papa Oscar 01:33 [?] beach has a lot of great memories for me 01:36 my dad's family is there 01:37 and I remember as a young boy going down and 01:40 spending time with papa Oscar and grannie Mart[?] 01:43 all are good memories 01:45 there were always huge gatherings of family there 01:48 and a lot food;we used to play football outside 01:51 and I remember that no matter how many people came 01:54 there was always space at the table 01:56 in fact, sometimes they put the table outside 01:58 so that everyone could have space 02:00 my grannie Martha, 02:02 well she always made a separate dish of vegetables for us 02:05 since we were vegetarians 02:07 my papa Oscar, I remember 02:10 he had this orange lawnmower 02:12 riding lawnmower,and we used to call this tractor 02:15 and as a little boy I used to get so excited 02:17 because I was going to ride papa Oscar's tractor 02:20 and one of my prized photographs as a child 02:22 was me sitting on that riding lawnmower 02:25 with my papa Oscar 02:26 whoúd go round, and round, and round, and round his house 02:30 and he never looked tired of that 02:32 papa Oscar taught me a little bit about fishing 02:34 papa Oscar didn't know much 02:36 about the health message 02:37 unfortunately and he had an expression:if you can bite, it 02:40 can be bitten and he ate all 02:42 kind of stuff I know my papa Oscar was a special person and 02:46 he taught me so many things 02:47 going down to that funeral I began to do a lot of thinking 02:52 you know,funerals do that, don't they? 02:55 they put you to a pensive state 02:57 they put you to a time of reflection 02:59 of contemplation,of analysis 03:01 of thinking about various aspects of your life and 03:04 maybe your interaction with the person who passed away 03:07 and I also went into a pensive time and 03:10 I began asking questions 03:12 as I began observing the funeral 03:14 and the memorial service 03:16 watching my family interact with one another 03:19 I began to ask questions 03:21 because I remembered previous funerals 03:23 I had attended before as well 03:24 and these questions really probed my mind 03:27 and questions like: 03:30 Why do we wait till funerals to bury the hatchet? 03:34 There were some people there that were very upset, because 03:38 they had let some grievance 03:40 some disturbance with papa Oscar fester all the years 03:44 and never reconciled 03:47 and there they were,at that funeral 03:50 and there was no opportunity to reconcile now 03:53 we wait so long until it's too late 03:57 another question is why do we wait funerals to have reunions 04:02 it was an incredible gathering of my family 04:04 I haven't seen as many family members in one place before 04:07 all kind of cousins, 04:09 cousins I haven't seen for years and years and years were there 04:13 an incredible amount of people 04:15 I remember 04:17 "Little house on the prairie" episode so long ago 04:20 this little woman moves out to the prairie 04:23 she has two young people, children,adults 04:26 who live back in the east 04:27 and she writes and she writes and she writes 04:30 and she wants them to come and visit and 04:32 they are too busy, they are too busy, they are too busy 04:34 so she gets an idea 04:35 I'm gonna plan my own funeral, so 04:38 they will come and visit me, and she does that 04:41 and, as she thought they cancelled everything 04:44 and come out to the prairie to attend their motherús funeral 04:47 to their surprise 04:49 she attended her own funeral 04:51 we donút want to stage our own funeral 04:54 why do we wait to get together with family members 04:56 until such a time as that? 04:58 why do we wait till funerals to act like a family? 05:02 holding hands, embracing, spending time together 05:07 listening, sharing 05:09 why do we wait till funeral to ask forgiveness 05:13 from people who canút give forgiveness 05:16 who do we wait till funerals to appreciate people 05:20 who canút hear the appreciation 05:22 why do we wait till funerals to send flowers 05:24 to people who canút smell them 05:26 why do we wait till funerals to ponder what might have been 05:32 I remember I just arrived in a little church district 05:37 as their pastor 05:38 it was the very week I arrived and my home was full of boxes 05:42 and there were so many things going on 05:44 it was just kind of chaotic that first week 05:46 and I remember receiving a precious call 05:48 from Kitty Cromley[?], a dear friend, a dear lady, 05:52 and she wanted to wellcome the new pastor 05:55 you know, I am so glad the Lord kind of thumped me on the head 05:59 and I didnút say what I was going to say 06:01 I was going to say, it would have been understood 06:03 Listen, Iúm so busy, just getting here this week 06:06 can I set up a time to visit with you and your husband 06:09 next week? 06:11 but the Lord impressed me 06:13 to go visit her and her husband Earl Cromley[?] 06:16 so, I was going out there kind of pompously 06:19 I was going to bless them as the pastor, and pray with them 06:22 make them feel better 06:23 and it turned out to be totally opposite 06:26 when I arrived they just warmed me up 06:29 and wellcomed me in 06:30 there was a tremendous sharing time 06:32 and they encouraged my heart 06:35 well,Cromley,what a joy for man fun to be with 06:38 I'm so glad I got to spend time with them 06:41 at the end he reached out and 06:43 said: we just wanna have a 06:46 prayer for you as you begin your 06:47 ministry they blessed me 06:49 one week later Earl Cromley went into hospital 06:52 for a simple operation 06:54 and did not come out 06:56 he died in a simple operation 06:58 taken by surprise 07:00 ten days after my little visit with the Cromleys 07:03 I found myself holding the funeral for Earl Cromley 07:07 and I'm so glad that I was able to say: 07:10 I knew Earl Cromley 07:12 and I'm so glad I didn't have to say: 07:15 you know,I was scheduled to visit Earl Cromley 07:18 next weeek 07:20 I don't [?] to funerals sometimes to 07:22 see what might have been 07:24 why wait to a funeral sometimes to 07:26 regret 07:27 friendships undevelopped 07:29 the saddest thing that I ever had to do 07:32 the saddest thing that I ever had to do 07:35 was attend a funeral that no one came to 07:38 I had just arrived at another church district 07:41 at the beginning of a ministry there 07:43 an I got a call from the funeral home that 07:45 one nof the members had passed away and 07:47 I began calling aronund and no one seemed to know this person 07:50 it was a large church,but no one seemed to connect, 07:52 no one seemed to know 07:53 and so I went with a few friends 07:55 to hold the funeral 07:56 and no one came 07:58 wow! 07:59 what must that have said about that precious person 08:03 how lonely they must have been, 08:05 you see,sometimes we can just assume 08:07 that the person seating next to us is someone else's friend 08:10 someone else's daughter, 08:11 someone else is spending time with them 08:13 someone else has a neighbour that's helping them 08:15 and often it's not the case at all 08:19 the Lord may actually be calling us 08:22 to answer the prayers of someone else 08:24 someone may be praying for a friend 08:27 someone may be praying for interaction, 08:29 someone may be praying that someone reaches out to them 08:32 and we may be the answer 08:34 to someone else's prayer 08:36 why do we wait till funerals to [?] overtize? 08:41 you know,as busy as I was 08:43 as hectic as the schedule was 08:44 when I received the phone call from my mum 08:47 nothing was more important 08:48 than going and attending my granfather's funeral 08:52 I learnt a lesson about priority 08:55 a young girl,we call her name Joane 08:57 a precious girl,young lady 08:59 a beautiful daughter, 09:00 went in for a simple day out pacient surgery 09:03 and came home,started feeling ill 09:05 really ill,couldn't get 09:07 at all to the doctor, 09:08 they rushed her back to the hospital 09:09 that night,she 09:10 was in shock 09:11 she ends up going into a coma 09:13 for a whole month 09:15 due to the complications, 09:19 she loses her eye-sight during this time 09:21 she had been engaged,but 09:22 but her fiancee decided he did not wanna be 09:23 married to a blind woman, and 09:25 cancelled the engagement 09:26 certainly,trauma entered her life 09:28 crisis like they had never seen 09:30 and what I learnt about priority is 09:32 Joane's mother 09:35 was by her side the whole time 09:37 nothiong was more important than 09:40 being with her daughter 09:41 at those special times,at those special moments 09:46 why does it take a crisis 09:49 for us realize that 09:51 family is important 09:53 why does it take a crisis 09:54 to realize that you need to slow down 09:58 we seem to be always in a hurry 10:01 we seem to always be rushing to get things done 10:03 and sometimes we rush and rush so much 10:06 that we even forget why we are rushing 10:08 Have you ever caught yourself rushing down the Inner State[?] 10:11 and you realize there was no hurry 10:13 there was no need to rush,but 10:14 we get so caught up 10:16 you know,technology hasn't helped our life,has it? 10:19 we think that technology will help,but 10:22 we think that technology will slow things down 10:25 but really PDAs and cell phones and pagers 10:28 and blackberries and all this kind of things really have 10:31 done as complicate our lives 10:33 time hasn't extended itself 10:36 there are still 24 hours in a day 10:39 but we try to create 48 into 24 10:42 we try to micro-manage every second 10:45 until we are micro-managed to death 10:47 and we are so busy that we have no time to spend with people 10:52 you see, Satan has a great lie 10:54 Satan's lie is that we need this and we need that 10:58 we need to get this thing and get that thing 11:01 we need power,we need prestige, we need 11:04 monetary gain, and so we 11:05 spend our life in a vicious cycle getting 11:08 getting,getting 11:09 we ignore people as we learn that vicious cycle 11:13 and we are wrapped up in that cycle 11:15 he knows that we have no time for God 11:18 we have no time for family 11:20 and we are very self-absorbed 11:22 we take life for granted, don't we? 11:25 we assume that tomorrow will be here for us 11:27 we assume that tomorrow life will be the same as it was today 11:31 we forget that every breadth is a gift from God 11:35 well,one thing that I want us to understand today 11:40 is the most important thing in 11:42 life the most important thing: 11:44 our relationships 11:47 absolutely everything else will fade 11:49 number one is our relationship with God 11:52 and number two is our relationships with others 11:55 those are the significant things 11:58 everything else pales in comparison 12:01 the old song" Cats in the criddle" tells a story 12:05 a story of a young boy wanting to spend time with his dad 12:09 but dad's too busy 12:11 perhaps even "providing" for his family 12:13 to spend time with the boy 12:15 he says:dad,spend some time with me 12:17 he says:we'll get together soon,son 12:18 we'll get together soon 12:19 this story twists at the end and 12:22 the father now has ended his career and now has time 12:25 but the son is now caught up in that cycle 12:29 and the dad wants to spend time with his boy,but now 12:32 the boy says:sorry,dad, 12:33 I'm too busy 12:35 we'll get together soon 12:36 when we look at the cycle of life it's quite interesting 12:41 when we compare where we begin with where we end 12:44 we come into this world with nothing 12:47 and people taking care of us 12:49 somewhere in between we aquire all kind of stuff 12:53 but as we get to the latter years often we downsize 12:57 we move into smaller homes, get rid of all the stuff 13:01 we've acquired 13:02 and in fact many times we end life 13:05 with nothing 13:07 and someone taking care of us 13:09 here the question will remain: 13:11 what do we do in the in between time 13:15 what do we do with relationships during those times 13:18 I mean,we are so busy doing things and at 13:19 the end of our lives we'll be by ourselves enjoying them 13:24 well,why do we wait till 13:26 funerals to see the good in 13:29 people that's an amazing 13:31 question why can't we see the good in people right away 13:34 papa Oscar,the truth was, 13:39 was kind of an ordinary can tankrist[?] 13:41 he was kind of stubborn sometimes 13:44 and some people didn't like his abrasive kind of talking 13:47 but why didn't I see that, 13:49 why did I overlook that 13:51 why to me was that insignificant 13:54 I think it is important to realize why 13:57 because to me papa Oscar was my papa Oscar 13:59 and he was the greatest thing in the world 14:01 I ignored all that other stuff 14:03 and you know why I ignored it? 14:05 because I was seeing papa Oscar not with adult eyes 14:09 not with critical eyes,not with judgemental eyes, 14:13 not with comparative eyes, 14:14 I was looking at papa Oscar with child's eyes 14:19 the simple honesty of a child, 14:23 no bias,no prejudice, 14:25 no tendency to discriminate, 14:28 in fact just looking strait at the person for who they are 14:32 that's what children do, isn't it? 14:34 a little child sees another child 14:37 they don't come up and say: you know,how much do you make 14:40 where are you from? 14:41 they don't look what colour they are 14:42 they don't look at the car they are driving 14:44 they in fact see simply another person 14:47 to play with 14:49 somehow in the process of getting older 14:51 we learn how to discriminate very professionally,don't we? 14:55 the Bible talks about this type of insight 14:59 it talks about this type of perspective,the child's eyes 15:03 becoming as little children 15:05 if you go to the Bible 15:07 Matthew 18,verse 3 15:10 Jesus tells us to be as little children 15:31 wouldn't life be brighter if we had children's eyes 15:35 wouldn't the world be a better place 15:38 if we were gonna look with children's perspective 15:41 that innocent perspective, 15:42 that non-condemning perspective, 15:45 the less critical nature perspective 15:48 to have godly insight 15:49 you see,when God looks at us 15:52 there is a lot of bad that he can see 15:55 it's so easy to see the bad in people,isn't it? 15:57 that's really the lazy way out ,actually 15:59 but when God sees us 16:01 yes,he sees a sinner 16:03 when he looks at me,but he sees through the sin 16:07 and he sees the potential 16:09 of what I can be 16:10 once washed in His grace 16:12 and once given a new start 16:14 in a Christian walk 16:16 God sees potential 16:18 we also shall look around and understand 16:21 that every person 16:22 is a potential child of God 16:25 every person is a potential person to hear the Gospel 16:29 to have their life transformed 16:31 to have their life restored 16:33 and given a new start 16:35 in Jesus Christ 16:36 Jesus asked two things: 16:39 to love and to not judge 16:41 we need to have that godly insight 16:45 that child's perspective 16:47 all you need is love 16:49 that's what the Bible says 16:52 we go to John 13,verse34 and 35 17:15 what's very, very important is to understand 17:20 that Jesus wants to say:listen, if you love one another, 17:24 if you have love for one another that's 17:26 how they will know that you are my disciples 17:28 that's odd, isn't it? 17:31 it's not just a sign 17:33 out front to let people know that we are Christians 17:36 we don't wear badges or hats 17:38 but in fact Jesus says a very simple test: 17:41 if you love as I have loved, 17:43 love other people that same way 17:45 but how you treat each other 17:47 will distinguish you 17:50 as my people 17:51 and if you love one another 17:53 that will let people know 17:55 that you are my disciples 17:57 so,how do people know that we are Christians? 18:00 not by how many verses we memorize, 18:04 not by how nice we look,not by how our perfect attendance is, 18:08 not by where our membership is, 18:10 but in fact they will know that we know Jesus 18:13 if we love one another 18:15 they will know that we are connected to the Saviour 18:18 by how we treat other people 18:20 in fact,those relationships are very,very important 18:24 for they are a tell tale sign 18:26 if we are a child of God or not 18:29 how do we treat each other? 18:31 how do we care for each other? 18:33 how do we love each other? 18:34 wouldn't it be wonderful 18:36 to be known 18:38 for loving Jesus? 18:39 if someone came into your church 18:41 would they leave saying: 18:43 ah, it's a pretty church, it's a comfortable church 18:46 they had a good fellowship meal 18:47 or would they leave saying: 18:49 those people love Jesus 18:51 if we love Jesus, 18:52 if we uplift Jesus,people will want to come back 18:56 to see people who love Jesus 18:59 it's an amazing thing 19:01 a dream church,I'm sure that those churches exist 19:05 a church where people love without prejudice 19:08 without criticism 19:09 a church where there are no, strangers,because everyone 19:12 is treated as a family, 19:13 everyone is treated as a friend 19:15 they are warmly wellcomed 19:16 love covers a multitude of sins 19:21 God tells us to love 19:22 he tells us not to criticize 19:25 Jesus in fact tells us 19:27 a couple of verses explain 19:29 what a model church would be like 19:31 and certainly love is one of the central ingredients 19:35 that we look at 19:36 go to first Peter 4 and verse 8 19:54 Jesus says:above all things 19:57 we don't need a new programme 19:59 we don't need a new theology 20:02 it's not gonna be a new cathedral 20:04 that's gonna bring people to the church 20:06 it's not gonna be a new lesson plan 20:08 that's gonna bring people into a Bible study 20:10 the Bible says:above all things 20:13 if you have love 20:15 and it covers up a lot of errors if you have love 20:18 love is kind of the oil 20:20 that covers up all the mistakes 20:23 that we all make 20:25 number one priority 20:27 is love 20:28 another verse is found in the book of Romans 20:31 Romans chapter 12 and verse 10 20:46 that's awesome,isn't it? 20:47 not a selfish place, not a selfish church 20:50 it's a place where we honour one another 20:53 we respect one another 20:54 and "me" philosophy doesn't fit in with Christ philosophy 20:58 of what a church is 21:00 because it's about reflecting what he gave to us 21:04 we are to be of one mind 21:07 first Peter 3 and verse 8 21:27 compassionate,tender-hearted 21:31 courteous;that's awesome, isn't it? 21:34 that's what we wanna be about 21:37 that's what this is all about, that's what life is all about 21:41 I received another call 21:45 a call from my mother again 21:48 a call about my other grandfather,her father 21:52 he was sick 21:54 again it came at a time when I was extremely busy 21:58 it came at a time when so much was pressing in on me 22:01 he was in a hospital,my mum said 22:04 it would be great if I could give him a call 22:07 I said ok,this had happened before, 22:09 he'd been in the hospital before 22:12 I'd received calls from my mum before 22:14 mums do that kind of thing 22:15 they are given permission 22:16 to negace a little bit about calling our loved ones 22:20 and so I excepted her number,I said:I'll call 22:22 the truth was,I was so busy 22:25 I said:you know,I'm not gonna get around this right away 22:27 but I put it on my deck and I said:I'll call on Thursday 22:30 my mum called back 22:33 the next day 22:35 and I again was kind of busy 22:38 and I said: 22:39 you know,mum,I'm gonna give him a call,I'm gonna call him 22:43 the next time my mother called I got a little perturbed 22:47 I couldn't believe that my mum didn't understand my schedule 22:51 "I'm an important person",so I thought 22:53 I'm very busy 22:55 but this time the phone call was different 22:58 this time the call was very different 23:00 because my mum said: 23:03 papa died 23:05 and I said to myself:wait a second,that can't be 23:11 papa can't die 23:12 I haven't gold[?] it yet 23:16 the very sad moment when I realized that 23:20 I've been so caught up in busy-ness 23:22 that I had not taken the time 23:25 to do what mattered 23:27 so,though all the busy-ness 23:29 with all the hectic schedule 23:31 with all the crazy things going on 23:33 I cancelled everything 23:37 what had been too important to call 23:40 now was insignificant 23:42 and I cancelled everything and went to papa's funersl 23:46 and I finally got to tell papa what I wanted to tell him 23:50 but papa didn't hear 23:52 why do we wait? 23:56 I wonder also 23:59 I had always thought there would be the other opportunities 24:02 to talk to my papa 24:03 about Jesus 24:05 I always assumed there would be other opportunities 24:07 to sit down and make sure he knew about 24:09 the love of Christ 24:11 I always assumed there'd be another day 24:14 now,I was overwhelmed with the funeral 24:16 wondering:did papa know Jesus? 24:20 why didn't I talk to him about Jesus 24:23 why did I put it off, why do we wait? 24:25 why do we put off all these things that we need to do today 24:30 till other times? 24:32 why? 24:34 at the funeral I realized 24:38 that life was too short 24:41 to let it go on 24:43 without concentrating on every day 24:46 someone once gave an illustration 24:48 he accounted as the Bible accounts, 24:51 seventy years for a person to live 24:53 and multiplied that by 24:54 52 weeks 24:55 and it came up with the number of Sabbaths 24:57 that a person was estimated to live 24:59 of course, people live longer than that 25:00 but that's our goal 25:02 and it put marbles 25:03 in a container 25:04 for the number of weeks 25:06 that he had remaining until he reached seventy years 25:09 every week he would reach in and [?] marble out 25:13 indicating that that week had gone 25:15 what had he done for Christ that week? 25:18 I was to do the same thing 25:21 so I did the same thing 25:23 I was getting used MNMs 25:24 and I decided not 25:26 to eat my years before that happened 25:28 so I used beans 25:30 and I counted the number of years that I had 25:32 and every week I pulled out a bean 25:34 and I said to myself: 25:36 what have I done with this week 25:37 that God has given me 25:38 what have I done with this time 25:40 that it's been given 25:41 and granted to me? 25:43 sometimes I find myself reaching in and realizing that 25:46 the last week has drifted by 25:48 and I haven't spent any time with God 25:50 haven't spent any time with family 25:53 and it's a gentle reminder 25:54 now,some people say: 25:56 what happens if you get past seventy? 25:57 praise God! 25:58 praise the Lord,people live to 110 26:00 the gentleman that told the illustration 26:03 he started putting the marbles back in 26:05 after each week 26:06 as a special reminder 26:08 that that was a special gift 26:10 given to him by God 26:12 what would be our legacy 26:14 what will they remember 26:16 when our days on life are gone? 26:19 will they remember you drove a big car? 26:21 will they remember what job you had? 26:23 will they remember how much money you had? 26:25 will they remember how you looked? 26:27 what is the legacy that we want to live 26:31 for Christ? 26:32 I pray that it's a legacy of love 26:35 of loving other people 26:37 of caring 26:38 there's a precious song 26:40 that's entitled:"what would be said 26:43 when it's all said and done?" 26:45 reading the words 26:47 "when the music fades 26:49 into the past 26:51 when my days of life are through 26:53 what will be remembered 26:55 of where I've come 26:57 when all is said and done 26:58 will they say I loved my family? 27:01 that I was a faithful friend? 27:04 that I lived to tell of God's own son? 27:08 when all is said and done? 27:11 how I long to see the hour 27:15 when I will hear the trumpet sound 27:17 and rise to see my Saviour's face 27:19 and see his smile 27:20 and hear him say: 27:22 well done! 27:23 you can forget my names 27:25 and all the songs I've sung 27:26 every rhyme and every tune 27:28 but remember the truth 27:30 of Jesus' love 27:32 when all is said and done" 27:36 friends,what's most important: 27:40 our relationships 27:42 loving God with all your heart 27:45 with all your soul and loving others for him 27:47 thank you for watching 27:48 and may we put people first 27:50 in all things 27:53 and love for ourself |
Revised 2014-12-17