Participants: Pr. Doug Batchelor
Series Code: EG
Program Code: EG002927
|
00:08 >> IT'S BEEN 2,000 YEARS SINCE THE GLORIOUS LIGHT OF THE CROSS
00:12 ILLUMINATED A WORLD VEILED IN DARKNESS AND CONFUSION 00:16 ABOUT THE CHARACTER OF GOD. 00:17 AND STILL TODAY THE GREATEST NEED OF MANKIND IS A REVELATION 00:20 OF GOD'S LOVE AS REVEALED IN THE LIFE OF CHRIST. 00:23 AMAZING FACTS PRESENTS, "THE EVERLASTING GOSPEL" 00:27 WITH PASTOR DOUG BATCHELOR COMING TO YOU EACH WEEK FROM 00:29 SACRAMENTO CENTRAL CHURCH IN SUNNY CALIFORNIA. 00:34 DISCOVER HIDDEN TREASURES IN GOD'S WORD TODAY. 00:39 >> I THINK IT'S INTERESTING AS 00:40 I WATCH ALL THE ATTENTION THAT PEOPLE PUT INTO WEDDINGS. 00:47 WEDDINGS AREN'T THE SAME THING AS MARRIAGE, YOU REALIZE. 00:53 A LOT OF MARRIAGES WOULD BE DOING GREAT RIGHT NOW IF 00:55 THE WIVES PUT AS MUCH ENERGY INTO THE MARRIAGE AS THEY DID 00:59 INTO THE WEDDING. 01:01 AND A LOT OF MARRIAGES WOULD BE DOING A LOT BETTER NOW IF MEN 01:04 PUT AS MUCH ENERGY INTO THE MARRIAGE AS THEY DO THEIR WORK. 01:11 BUT PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR UNIQUE WAYS TO GET MARRIED. 01:13 AND I REMEMBER YEARS AGO, I USED TO SNORKEL AT THE 01:16 JOHN PENNEKAMP CORAL REEF OFF OF THE FLORIDA KEYS AND IT 01:21 SHOWED PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED UNDERWATER IN THEIR SCUBA GEAR 01:27 IN FRONT OF THE STATUE OF CHRIST THAT THEY'VE GOT 01:30 UNDER WATER. 01:31 AND I SAW ANOTHER ONE, SOME PEOPLE TOOK WHAT THEY 01:34 CALL THE VOMIT COMET. 01:36 NOW THEY CALL IT THAT BECAUSE IT'S AN AIRPLANE THAT PRODUCES 01:39 THE SENSE OF WEIGHTLESSNESS AND IT FLIES UP. 01:43 I DON'T KNOW, IT MUST GO ABOUT 40,000 FEET AND THEN IT GOES 01:45 INTO A DIVE. 01:47 IT DIVES ABOUT THE SAME SPEED THAT YOU WOULD FALL SO YOU HAVE 01:49 WEIGHTLESSNESS FOR ABOUT 60 SECONDS AND IT GOES BACK UP 01:51 AGAIN AND YOU CAN TELL WHERE IT GETS ITS NAME BECAUSE SOME 01:54 PEOPLE GET SEASICK IN THE PROCESS. 01:56 BUT A LOT OF MOVIES ARE SHOT WHEN THEY WANT TO CREATE 01:58 WEIGHTLESSNESS IN ONE OF THESE 747s OR THEY EVEN 02:01 HAVE 727s THAT DO IT. 02:03 THEY GO UP AND THEN THEY DROP. 02:06 PEOPLE PAY THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO JUST EXPERIENCE THIS FOR 02:09 A FEW SECONDS TO GET A FEW BOUTS OF WEIGHTLESSNESS. 02:12 SOMEONE SAID, "I WANT TO GET MARRIED IN ZERO GRAVITY," 02:16 BECAUSE THEY KNEW HOW HEAVY MARRIAGE ACTUALLY IS. 02:19 THEY WANTED AT LEAST THE WEDDING TO BE ZERO GRAVITY. 02:22 AND THEN OTHER PEOPLE HAVE DONE IT PARACHUTING, SKY DIVING. 02:26 SOME PEOPLE TOOK THEIR VOWS AND THEN THEY BUNGEED OFF A BRIDGE. 02:29 AND PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, THINK ABOUT FUN WAYS, 02:33 SOMETHING UNIQUE THAT NO ONE HAS EVER DONE BEFORE. 02:37 SOMEONE EVENTUALLY GETTING MARRIED AT THE INTERNATIONAL 02:39 SPACE STATION. 02:40 MARK MY WORDS, IT'LL HAPPEN SOMEDAY. 02:44 PEOPLE THINK IT'S, YOU KNOW, WANT TO DO SOMETHING CREATIVE 02:46 WITH THE WEDDING. 02:48 BUT WE REALLY DON'T HAVE AS MUCH PROBLEM WITH THE WEDDINGS 02:52 AS WE DO WITH MARRIAGES. 02:57 SOME PEOPLE SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON A WEDDING. 03:01 THEY THINK THAT WILL SOMEHOW GUARANTEE A GOOD MARRIAGE. 03:04 SOME WEDDINGS ARE REAL EXPENSIVE. 03:06 HOW MANY OF YOU REMEMBER WHEN PRINCE CHARLES AND PRINCESS DI 03:10 GOT MARRIED? 03:11 IT WAS WHAT YOU CALL A ROYAL WEDDING. 03:13 I NEVER EVEN HEARD WHAT THE PRICE TAG ON THAT WAS, 03:15 BUT I'M A SURE IT WAS MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. 03:19 BUT EVEN PRIVATE WEDDINGS, A FEW YEARS AGO, I READ THAT 03:22 DAVID GEST AND LIZA MANNELLI, THEIR WEDDING COST $3.5 MILLION. 03:30 THEY'RE DIVORCED TODAY, UGLY DIVORCE. 03:34 PAUL MCCARTNEY AND HEATHER MILLS, THEIR WEDDING, 03:38 $3 MILLION--THE RETIRED BEATLE. 03:41 YOU PROBABLY HEARD IN THE NEWS THAT DIDN'T END WELL EITHER. 03:46 BUT SHE GOT A LOT MORE THAN WHAT THE WEDDING COST, I THINK. 03:50 BRAD PITT, JENNIFER ANISTON, THEIR WEDDING ONLY COST 03:54 A MILLION DOLLARS. 03:56 IF THEY'D SPENT MORE THEY'D STILL BE MARRIED, RIGHT? 03:58 WAS THAT THE PROBLEM? 04:02 I UNDERSTAND EDDIE MURPHY, NICOLE MITCHELL, A FEW YEARS 04:05 AGO, $1.5 ON THE WEDDING. 04:09 BUT THAT'S NOT THE MOST EXPENSIVE. IN HISTORY, 04:11 THE MOST EXPENSIVE WEDDING WAS IN 1981, 04:14 SHEIKH MOHAMMED BIN RASHID GOT MARRIED AND HE SPENT IN '81, 04:19 $44.5 MILLION ON HIS WEDDING. 04:23 BY TODAY'S STANDARDS, THAT WOULD BE 04:25 100 MILLION DOLLARS. 04:26 THAT'S MORE THAN PRINCESS DI AND PRINCE CHARLES SPENT 04:30 ON THEIRS, YOU CAN BE SURE. 04:32 THEY'RE STILL MARRIED. 04:33 SO THERE YOU GOT IT, FRIENDS, YOU JUST GOTTA SPEND 04:36 100 MILLION DOLLARS ON YOUR WEDDING AND YOU WON'T 04:40 HAVE ANY PROBLEMS. 04:42 IS THAT WHERE THE PROBLEM IS? 04:46 NO, AND THEN YOU AND I KNOW THE STORIES OF GRANDMA AND GRANDPA 04:49 THAT GOD MARRIED AND SPENT $25 FOR THE JUSTICE OF THE PEACE 04:54 AND THEY'RE STILL MARRIED. 04:56 MY GRANDMOTHER AND GRANDFATHER GOT MARRIED. 04:59 SHE WAS 16, HE WAS 19. 05:02 DID THEY MAKE IT TO 70 YEARS, DEAR? 05:05 SEVENTY-TWO YEARS, THEN THEY DIVORCED AND HAD AFFAIRS. 05:11 NO, THEY STUCK IT OUT THEIR WHOLE LIFE. 05:14 AND YOU KNOW I NEVER FORGOT WHAT MY GRANDMA USED TO SAY. 05:16 SHE SAYS, "I JUST MARRIED HIM--" SHE'D SAY THIS RIGHT IN FRONT 05:19 OF HIM. 05:20 SHE'D SAY, "I JUST MARRIED HIM 'CAUSE I WANTED TO GET 05:22 OUT OF THE HOUSE." 05:24 SHE'D SAY, "NO, WE DIDN'T LOVE EACH OTHER. 05:26 WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT LOVE WAS." 05:28 BUT SHE SAYS, "WE LEARNED TO LOVE EACH OTHER." 05:31 AND I NEVER FORGOT THAT SHE IMPRESSED UPON ME THAT 05:37 IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER OR NOT YOU FEEL LIKE IT, 05:39 YOU'RE COMMITTED TO LOVE. 05:42 AND BOY, THEY USED TO HAVE SOME DOOZIES OF FIGHTS. 05:45 SHE'D CHASE HIM THROUGH THE HOUSE THROWING THINGS. 05:49 THAT WAS MY JEWISH GRANDMA. 05:52 MAY THEY REST IN PEACE. 05:55 I CAN SAY THAT NOW. 05:56 BUT THEY WERE COMMITTED, THEY LOVED EACH OTHER AND THEY 05:59 WOULD WORK THINGS OUT. 06:01 THERE'S AN EPIDEMIC OF DIVORCE. 06:04 DO I NEED TO TELL ANYBODY THAT? 06:07 MATTER OF FACT, IT'S HARD TO GATHER STATISTICS FOR THIS 06:09 BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE LIVE TOGETHER WITHOUT EVEN GETTING 06:14 MARRIED NOW THAT IT MUDDIES THE STATISTICS. 06:17 BUT RIGHT NOW IN NORTH AMERICA ABOUT 48% OF FIRST MARRIAGES 06:21 END IN DIVORCE. 06:22 YOU MIGHT BE THINKING "WELL, MAYBE WHAT I NEED IS 06:24 A SECOND MARRIAGE." 06:26 SIXTY-FIVE PERCENT OF SECOND MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE. 06:31 THIRD TIME MUST BE THE CHARM, RIGHT? 06:33 SEVENTY-THREE PERCENT OF THIRD MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE. 06:39 WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR SOME OF THE REASONS? 06:43 FINANCIAL PROBLEMS. 06:44 I WONDER IF THE CRISIS TODAY HAS EXACERBATED THAT? 06:50 PRIMARY REASONS FOR DIVORCE, INABILITY MANAGE AND RESOLVE 06:52 CONFLICT, INFIDELITY, SOMEBODY'S BEEN UNFAITHFUL, 06:58 CULTURAL AND LIFESTYLE DIFFERENCES. 07:01 THERE'S ADDED CHALLENGES WHEN PEOPLE MARRY PEOPLE FROM 07:03 A WHOLE DIFFERENT CULTURE WHERE THEY OPERATE DIFFERENTLY 07:08 AND DIFFERENT CUSTOMS, THAT CAN BE A CHALLENGE. 07:09 LACK OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN SPOUSES, ABANDONMENT, 07:14 ALCOHOL OR DRUG ADDICTION, PHYSICAL ABUSE, EMOTIONAL ABUSE. 07:19 THESE ARE THE REASONS THAT ARE CITED BY THE AGENCIES THAT DID 07:22 THE RESEARCH. 07:25 PERSONALITY DIFFERENCES, IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES, 07:27 DIFFERENCES IN PERSONAL AND CAREER GOALS, DIFFERENT 07:32 EXPECTATIONS ABOUT HOUSEHOLD TASKS, DIFFERENT EXPECTATIONS 07:36 ABOUT REARING CHILDREN, INTERFERENCE FROM PARENTS 07:40 OR IN-LAWS, LACK OF MATURITY, INTELLECTUAL INCOMPATIBILITY. 07:46 SOME HAVE LISTED SEXUAL INCOMPATIBILITY. 07:50 INSTANCES OF STICKING TO TRADITIONAL ROLES NOT 07:53 ALLOWING FOR PERSONAL GROWTH, FALLING OUT OF LOVE. 07:58 HAVE YOU HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE? 08:00 IT'S LIKE YOU TRIPPED AND FELL IN LOVE, YOU CLIMBED OUT. 08:06 RELIGIOUS CONVERSION OR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS. 08:09 SOME PEOPLE GET CONVERTED BECAUSE OF THE RELIGIOUS, 08:12 THEY SAY LOOK, "I DIDN'T BUY INTO THIS." 08:14 AND I KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN DIVORCED BECAUSE THEY GOT 08:17 BAPTIZED, THEIR SPOUSE LEFT 'EM. 08:21 MENTAL INSTABILITY OR MENTAL ILLNESS. 08:22 CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR AND INCARCERATION FOR A CRIME. 08:25 THAT CAN, YOU KNOW, YOUR SPOUSE GETS PUT AWAY FOR A NUMBER OF 08:27 YEARS, THAT COULD BE DIFFICULT. 08:30 INABILITY TO DEAL WITH EACH OTHERS' PETTY IDIOSYNCRASIES. 08:34 COUNSELORS COMPILE THE LISTS, SOME OF THE REASONS THAT PEOPLE 08:38 GET DIVORCED. 08:40 BUT GOD HATES DIVORCE. 08:45 HE WANTS US TO MAKE A COMMITMENT FOR LIFE. 08:47 "FOR THE LORD GOD OF ISRAEL SAYS HE HATES DIVORCE. 08:51 FOR IT COVERS ONE'S GARMENT WITH VIOLENCE, SAYS THE LORD 08:54 OF HOSTS, THEREFORE TAKE HEED TO YOUR SPIRIT THAT YOU DO NOT 08:57 DEAL TREACHEROUSLY." 08:59 NOW I DON'T WANT TO DIVERGE INTO THE PROBLEM OF DIVORCE. 09:03 THAT MIGHT BE THE TOPIC OF ANOTHER SERMON, 09:05 BUT I'LL SAY JUST A WORD MORE. 09:07 YOU KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE, EVEN IN THE TIME OF CHRIST, 09:09 THE JEWS HAD MADE SOME CONCESSIONS IN THE LAW 09:13 FOR DIVORCE. 09:15 IT HAD GOTTEN SO BAD THAT THEY HAD A LAW THAT SAID THAT IF 09:18 A WOMAN BURNED HER HUSBAND'S FOOD, HE HAD GROUNDS 09:20 FOR DIVORCE. 09:21 AND SO THEY JUST KEPT WIDENING AND WIDENING THOSE EXCUSES LIKE 09:24 WE'RE DOING TODAY. 09:28 SO JESUS SAID, "THERE'S ONLY ONE GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE 09:32 AND THAT'S FOR FORNICATION." 09:33 THAT MEANS MARITAL INFIDELITY, OTHERWISE IT WAS A COMMITMENT 09:37 FOR LIFE WAS TO BE TAKEN VERY SERIOUSLY. 09:41 IT'S THE FOUNDATION OF A CULTURE. 09:46 YOU KNOW THEY'RE BUILDING A NEW BUILDING, NEW YORK CITY 09:48 ON THE SPOT WHERE THE TWIN TOWERS WERE. 09:54 THEY'RE CALLING IT THE FREEDOM TOWER. 09:56 IT'S GONNA BE THE TALLEST BUILDING IN NORTH AMERICA, 09:58 1,776 FEET, 1776 THAT'S INTERESTING, FREEDOM TOWER. 10:04 FOUNDATION GOES DOWN ABOUT SEVEN STORIES IN ABSOLUTE 10:06 BEDROCK. 10:08 THEY'RE GONNA HAVE A PRINCIPLE AREA IN THE MIDDLE FOR 10:11 MEMORIALS, SO THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS IS YOU NEED A FOUNDATION 10:16 AND YOU NEED TO HAVE MEMORIALS FROM THE GROUND UP ABOUT WHAT 10:22 YOU'RE COMMITTING TO WHEN YOU GET MARRIED. 10:24 MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT, AND I DARE SAY THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE 10:29 DON'T WANT GOD TO KEEP THEIR SALVATION COVENANT WITH THEM 10:32 THE WAY THEY'RE KEEPING THEIR COVENANTS WITH THEIR SPOUSE. 10:35 GOD MAKES A COVENANT TO SAVE US. 10:37 DO YOU WANT HIM TO KEEP HIS COVENANT? 10:41 ARE WE GONNA KEEP OUR COVENANTS? 10:43 HOW IMPORTANT IS A PROMISE? 10:46 WHEN YOU MAKE A VOW IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD, CAN YOU 10:50 EXPLAIN TO ME SOME VOW THAT IS OF MORE WEIGHTY SUBSTANCE 10:54 THAN A VOW MADE IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD. 10:58 NOW HAVING SAID ALL THIS ABOUT DIVORCE AND THE EPIDEMIC OF 11:00 DIVORCE, THERE ARE EVEN TIMES, HAPPENED TO ME THIS MORNING, 11:07 WHERE I WAS APPROACHED BY A MEMBER, REMAIN ANONYMOUS, 11:11 SPOUSE IS LIVING WITH SOMEBODY ELSE. 11:14 THEY'VE BEEN ABANDON. 11:17 THERE'S ADULTERY AND THEY SAID, "YOU KNOW, IS IT TIME 11:20 TO DIVORCE?" 11:22 SAID IT MAY BE. 11:23 EVEN PASTORS RECOGNIZE BIBLICALLY THERE ARE TIMES. 11:27 WE'RE ALSO NOT SAYING THAT THE BIBLE SAYS THAT DIVORCE 11:30 IS THE UNPARDONABLE SIN, BUT IT CAN BE. 11:36 DID YOU HEAR ME? 11:37 NOT SAYING THAT IT AUTOMATICALLY TELLS US THAT 11:39 DIVORCE, THAT IS THE UNPARDONABLE SIN. 11:43 BY THE WAY, GOD TOLD ABRAHAM TO DIVORCE HAGAR. 11:48 PART OF THE REASON IS HE HAD TOO MANY WIVES, YOU'RE ONLY 11:50 SUPPOSED TO HAVE ONE, RIGHT? 11:55 AT LEAST ONE AT A TIME. 11:56 HE HAD TWO AT THE SAME TIME. 12:01 SO I KNOW THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE, STATISTICALLY YOU'VE 12:04 READ THE STATISTICS. 12:06 THERE'S PEOPLE IN THIS CONGREGATION. 12:08 UNFORTUNATELY THE STATISTICS AMONG CHRISTIANS AREN'T MUCH 12:10 BETTER THAN THE WORLD AT LARGE. 12:14 IT'S NOT THE UNPARDONABLE SIN BUT YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE THAT 12:16 UNLESS YOU'VE GOT SOLID BIBLICAL GROUNDS IT IS SIN, 12:20 AND YOU ARE NOT FREE TO RUN OFF AND GET REMARRIED, 12:23 ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE. 12:26 TELLS US THAT WE ARE ONE FLESH WHEN WE GET MARRIED. 12:32 MATTHEW 19:6, "SO THEN JESUS SAID THEY ARE NO LONGER 12:35 TWO BUT ONE FLESH. 12:38 THEREFORE WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NOT MAN 12:40 SEPARATE." 12:41 IT'S A UNION FORMED AND RECOGNIZED AND REGISTERED BY 12:44 GOD IN HEAVEN. 12:46 SHOULD NOT BE SEPARATED HERE ON EARTH, ESPECIALLY FOR THE 12:51 GROUNDS THAT ARE OFTEN CITED. 12:53 FIRST MIRACLE OF JESUS, FIRST MIRACLE OF JESUS 12:56 WAS AT A WEDDING. 12:57 THAT TELLS US SOMETHING ABOUT HOW HE PRIORITIZES THAT. 13:00 EVEN THOUGH CHRIST HIMSELF WAS NOT MARRIED TO A PERSON, 13:03 DESPITE OTHER STORIES YOU HEAR FROM "THE DA VINCI CODE," 13:06 NO, HE DID NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH MARY MAGDALENE. 13:09 CHRIST WAS MARRIED TO THE CHURCH. 13:11 SHE IS THE BRIDE OF CHRIST. 13:15 MANY PEOPLE DISMISS MARRIAGE TODAY. 13:17 IT'S OUTDATED. 13:18 I MEAN AFTER ALL WE'VE EVOLVED. 13:20 AND SINCE CHIMPANZEES ARE NOT ALL MONOGAMOUS THAN IT'S 13:23 UNDERSTANDABLE THAT WE SHOULD BOUNCE FROM ONE RELATIONSHIP 13:25 TO ANOTHER. 13:27 THAT'S ONE OF THE DANGERS OF EVOLUTION, IT'S GIVING PEOPLE 13:29 EXCUSES. 13:30 IT SAYS, "YOU KNOW, WHY WOULD WE BE CONSTRAINED? 13:32 PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SHAKE OFF THE SHACKLES OF MARRIAGE. 13:35 AND SINCE THERE IS SUCH LOOSE AND RECKLESS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR 13:42 IN YOUR SOCIETY RIGHT NOW, EVERYONE USED TO BELIEVE THAT 13:47 INTIMACY AND SEX WAS TO BE RESERVED ONLY FOR THAT MARRIAGE 13:51 RELATIONSHIP. 13:52 AND SINCE IT'S LIKE SHAKING HANDS IN OUR CULTURE NOW, 13:55 THAT'S THE WAY THAT TELEVISION PORTRAYS IT, THAT IF YOU TALK 13:58 ABOUT LIVING A CHASTE LIFE UNTIL MARRIAGE, THAT YOU KNOW, 14:02 THAT'S SO ANTIQUATED. 14:04 HOW CAN ANYONE REALLY LIVE LIKE THAT? 14:07 BUT IF WE REALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT IT IS A SACRED COVENANT 14:10 AND THAT INTIMACY IS RESERVED FOR MARRIAGE, WE'D TREAT 14:14 MARRIAGE WITH MORE REVERENCE. 14:16 THEY BECOME ONE FLESH. 14:18 IT'S IN THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP THAT HAPPENS, 14:20 THEY'RE JOINED TOGETHER. 14:21 CHILDREN ARE EXHIBIT "A" OF THE ONE FLESH. 14:24 A MAN AND WOMAN BECOME ONE FLESH, THEIR GENES UNITE 14:28 IN THAT CHILD. 14:30 THEY PROCREATE. 14:32 IT'S A WAY IN WHICH WE ARE MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD. 14:35 GOD THE FATHER AND GOD THE SON AND GOD THE SPIRIT SAID, "LET 14:38 US MAKE MAN IN OUR IMAGE." 14:40 AND BECAUSE OF THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN WAS MADE. 14:43 BECAUSE OF THE LOVE BETWEEN A HUSBAND AND WIFE, THEY 14:47 PROCREATE IN THEIR OWN IMAGE. 14:48 IT'S A MIRACLE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT. 14:51 GOD'S PLAN, MARRIAGE IS GOD'S PLAN. 14:54 IT MAY NOT WORK OUT THAT WAY FOR SOME PEOPLE, BUT GOD SAYS, 14:56 "IT'S NOT GOOD FOR MAN THAT HE SHOULD BE ALONE. 15:00 I'LL MAKE A HELPER FOR HIM." 15:02 KING JAMES SAYS A HELPMEET FOR HIM. 15:05 THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET MARRIED TO HELP MEET EXPENSES. 15:10 IT MEANS THAT WE ARE COMPLETE IN SOME WAYS. 15:12 YOU EVER NOTICE HOW OPPOSITES ATTRACT? 15:15 THAT HAPPENS IN SO MANY RELATIONSHIPS AND IT'S 15:18 ALMOST--I USED TO WONDER IF IT WAS A COSMIC JOKE THAT GOD WAS 15:21 PLAYING ON COUPLES THAT THE VERY THINGS THAT THEY SEEM 15:25 ATTRACTED TO IN THEIR SPOUSE, THEY'RE OPPOSITE. 15:30 THOSE SAME AREAS THAT ATTRACTED THEM END UP BECOMING THE 15:32 PROBLEMS IN THE MARRIAGE. 15:35 AND IT'S USUALLY BECAUSE GOD MADE MEN AND WOMEN DIFFERENTLY 15:39 AND THEY ARE TO COMPLIMENT ONE ANOTHER AND WE ARE 15:43 TO STRENGTHEN EACH OTHER IN THE WEAK PARTS. 15:45 SO TOGETHER IF WE'RE REUNITED WE BECOME STRONG, BUT IF WE 15:51 CONTINUE TO LIVE IN OUR OWN WORLDS THEN YOU HAVE THOSE 15:53 A LOT OF THE CHALLENGES ARISE FROM THAT. 15:56 SOME OF YOU MAYBE HEARD THE STORY OF ROBINSON CRUSOE BASED 15:59 ON A TRUE STORY ABOUT SOMEONE BY THE NAME OF 16:01 ALEXANDER SELKIRK WHO WAS PUT OFF AN ENGLISH SHIP 16:07 ON AN ISLAND THERE CALLED JUAN FERNANDEZ, WHERE HE 16:09 LIVED BY HIMSELF--WELL, ACTUALLY WITH A BUNCH OF CATS 16:11 AND RATS AND GOATS ON THIS ISLAND FOR 4 1/2 YEARS. 16:18 AND WHEN THEY FINALLY RESCUED HIM, ANOTHER SHIP STOPPED 16:21 THERE AND THEY FOUND HIM THERE. 16:24 HE WAS KIND OF BABBLING. 16:25 THEY COULD HARDLY UNDERSTAND HIM AND HE'D BECOME A LITTLE 16:28 BIT GOOFY LIVING BY HIMSELF. 16:30 HE'D BECOME ECCENTRIC. 16:32 HE WAS TALKING TO THE GOATS WHEN THEY FINALLY PICKED 16:34 HIM UP. 16:37 SOME OF YOU ARE THINKING MY MARRIAGE ISN'T A LOT BETTER 16:39 THAN THAT. 16:42 GOD INTENDS FOR US TO BE BALANCED BY MARRIAGE. 16:44 IT TEACHES YOU TO LOVE. 16:45 YOU KNOW, OUR PRINCIPLE CHALLENGE IN A PLAN OF 16:48 SALVATION GOD IS TRYING TO TEACH US TO LOVE. 16:51 AND LOVE RELATIONSHIPS ARE WHERE WE HAVE A CHALLENGE. 16:55 WE LEARN TO LOVE AND BE SELFLESS IN, BEGINS WITH 17:01 THE HOME WITH THE HUSBAND AND THE WIFE AND THEN THROUGH 17:03 THE CHILDREN. 17:04 WE LEARN TO DENY OURSELVES AND TO PREFER OTHERS. 17:08 MOST DIVORCES, IF NOT 100%, SOMEBODY IS BEING SELFISH. 17:15 IT'S ALMOST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS MAKING SELFISH DECISIONS. 17:20 IF THERE WAS MORE CHOICE OF LOVE, YOU'D SEE MORE HARMONY 17:23 IN THE RELATIONSHIPS. 17:24 I'M GOING TO INTERPRET YOUR SILENCE, NOT THAT YOU'RE 17:27 SLEEPING BUT THAT YOU'RE LISTENING. 17:32 THEY BECOME ONE FLESH. 17:34 THE BIBLE SAYS IN AMOS 3:3 "CAN TWO WALK TOGETHER 17:38 UNLESS THEY'RE AGREED?" 17:39 IT'S SO IMPORTANT THAT WE CAN BE ONE IN OUR GOAL OF CHRIST. 17:42 IF WE'VE GOT THAT AT THE CENTER, THERE'S GREAT HOPE. 17:45 NOW CHUCK SWINDOLL WROTE IN HIS BOOK "THE GREAT AWAKENING" 17:49 HE DID YEARS AS A PASTOR COUNSELING, THAT KAREN AND I 17:53 READ A BOOK TOGETHER BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED BY I JUST HIS 17:56 LAST NAME WAS HARLEY, LIKE HARLEY-DAVIDSON. 17:58 AND I THINK YOU CAN STILL GET THIS, IT'S CALLED 18:00 "HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS." 18:02 VERY GOOD BOOK, VERY EYE-OPENING. 18:04 ALMOST THE SAME DATA. 18:06 THE NEEDS OF THE WIFE ARE UNIQUE TO THE NEEDS 18:09 OF THE HUSBAND. 18:11 NUMBER ONE NEED THAT WOMEN EXPRESS, AFFECTION. 18:15 SECONDLY, CONVERSATION, COMMUNICATION. 18:19 THIRD, HONESTY, OPENNESS. 18:21 FOURTH, FINANCIAL SUPPORT. 18:23 FIFTH, FAMILY COMMITMENT. 18:26 FIVE MAJOR NEEDS THAT MEN EXPRESSED, NUMBER ONE: 18:30 SEXUAL FULFILLMENT. 18:33 NUMBER TWO: RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP. 18:36 NUMBER THREE: AN ATTRACTIVE SPOUSE. 18:39 NUMBER FOUR: DOMESTIC SUPPORT. 18:41 NUMBER FIVE: ADMIRATION, RESPECT. 18:44 LOOK HOW DIFFERENT THEY ARE. 18:46 IS THERE ANY WONDER WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS? 18:49 YOU'VE HEARD THE STORY, MEN ARE FROM MARS, 18:53 WOMAN ARE FROM VENUS. 18:54 IT IS LIKE SOMETIMES PEOPLE GET MARRIED AND A COUPLE WEEKS 18:56 AFTER THE HONEYMOON THEY THINK, "WHO'S THIS ALIEN?" 19:00 BECAUSE THE NEEDS AND THE EXPECTATIONS ARE SO DIFFERENT 19:02 AND THAT'S WHAT LEADS TO THE CONFLICT. 19:05 AND YOU KNOW IT'S PART OF THE SALVATION PROCESS, PART OF OUR 19:08 CONVERSION PROCESS IS LEARNING TO LOVE IN A MARRIAGE. 19:14 WE THOUGHT ALL THE LOVE CAME BEFORE. 19:16 MOST OF THE TIME IT'S ATTRACTION AND LUST BEFORE. 19:18 THE REAL LOVE BEGINS TO DEMONSTRATE ITSELF 19:22 AFTER THE WEDDING. 19:23 THAT'S WHEN THE REAL WORK BEGINS. 19:26 NOW I'M GONNA GO THROUGH SOME POINTS AND I'VE COMPILED THIS. 19:31 I WAS GONNA NAME THIS SERMON "PASTOR BATCHELOR TALKS 19:33 ABOUT MARRIAGE." 19:36 IT'D SORT OF BE A PUN BUT I'M GONNA SHARE WITH YOU WHAT I'VE 19:40 LEARNED AND OTHER RESOURCES I'VE READ THAT SORT OF 19:44 SUMMARIZED WHAT SOME OF THE TIPS ARE TO HAVING A HEALTHY 19:46 MARRIAGE, AND I NEED TO ISSUE A DISCLAIMER. 19:50 WIFE'S SITTING IN THE AUDIENCE. 19:51 I'M NOT SAYING THIS 'CAUSE I'M AN EXPERT IN ANY OF THESE 19:53 AREAS. 19:55 I'M SAYING IT BECAUSE YOU NEED TO HEAR IT WHETHER I'M 19:58 A GOOD EXAMPLE OR NOT. 19:59 AMEN? 20:01 OKAY, SO WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, ALL RIGHT? 20:04 COMMITMENT, NUMBER ONE, THERE NEEDS TO BE A COMMITMENT. 20:09 FROM THE BEGINNING YOU SAY, "I'M GETTING MARRIED 20:11 AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE THIS WORK NO MATTER WHAT." 20:14 AND AS SOON AS YOU GET MARRIED AND THERE'S SO MUCH EVIDENCE 20:18 FOR DIVORCE IN OUR CULTURE WE'RE ALWAYS THINKING WELL, 20:20 THERE'S THAT WINDOW, THAT ESCAPE HATCH. 20:22 LOCK THE HATCH, DON'T LEAVE IT AS AN OPTION. 20:27 SOON AS YOU START THINKING ABOUT THAT, YOU WILL START 20:29 LOOKING BEYOND THAT THINKING "OH, THE GRASS MIGHT BE GREENER 20:31 SOMEWHERE ELSE." 20:32 THEN YOU'RE IN TROUBLE. 20:34 YOU MADE A PROMISE, YOU'RE MARRIED TO THIS PERSON. 20:36 MARRIAGE IS A COMMITMENT FOR LIFE. 20:39 IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE 'TIL DEATH DO YOU PART. 20:45 COUPLE WAS GETTING MARRIED, A LITTLE BOY WAS AT THE WEDDING. 20:46 HE'S LOOKING. 20:48 HE ASKS HIS MOTHER "WHY IS THE GIRL WEARING ALL WHITE?" 20:52 MOM SAID, "THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S THE HAPPIEST DAY OF HER LIFE." 20:56 HE SAID, "WHY'S HE WEARING BLACK?" 21:03 IT'S NOT BECAUSE A MARRIAGE IS A FUNERAL. 21:05 IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY, BUT IT WILL BE A LOT HAPPIER 21:08 WHEN YOU'RE COMMITTED. 21:10 YOU KNOW WHAT? 21:10 I THINK THERE'S A LOT OF RESTLESSNESS AND UNHAPPINESS 21:14 IN MARRIAGES. 21:15 THERE SHOULDN'T BE BECAUSE PEOPLE, IN THE BACK OF THEIR 21:18 MINDS, HAVE NOT REALLY PUT ALL OF THEIR WEIGHT DOWN AND SAID, 21:23 "THIS IS THE PERSON. 21:24 I AM IN A LIFEBOAT. 21:25 THERE IS NO OTHER LIFEBOAT JUST WITH THIS PERSON. 21:28 WE'VE GOTTA GET ALONG. 21:29 WE'VE GOTTA MAKE IT WORK." 21:30 BECAUSE YOU JUMP OVER THERE'S SHARKS. 21:33 YOU REALIZE THAT THERE'S NO OTHER OPTION AND AS SOON AS YOU 21:36 REMOVE ALL OTHER OPTIONS IT'S AMAZING HOW MUCH BETTER YOU CAN 21:40 LEARN TO GET ALONG IF YOU STOP LEAVING THOSE ESCAPE HATCHES 21:42 OPEN IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND. 21:44 IT'S A COMMITMENT FOR LIFE. 21:46 AMEN? 21:49 "FOR THIS CAUSE, A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER 21:53 AND SHALL CLEAVE UNTO HIS WIFE." 21:55 CLEAVING MEANS THEY'RE GLUED. 21:58 IT'S TALKING ABOUT JUST MUCH MORE THAN INTIMACY. 22:01 IT'S A PICTURE OF CLOSENESS, OPENNESS, NO HIDDEN AGENDAS, 22:05 HONEST. 22:06 SOMEONE SAID MARRIAGE IS MORE LIKE RUNNING A FARM THAN 22:10 RUNNING A SPRINT. 22:11 YOU GOTTA START OVER EVERY DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK. 22:15 YOU DON'T GET A SABBATH FROM MARRIAGE. 22:18 YOU DON'T GET A SABBATH FROM A FARM. 22:20 YOU GOTTA STILL MILK THE GOATS, THE COWS OR WHATEVER, RIGHT? 22:24 WELL, YOU STILL DO, YOU GET SOME KIND OF SABBATH ON A FARM 22:26 OR SOME THINGS YOU GOTTA DO EVERY DAY. 22:29 AND SO IT'S THIS COMMITMENT. 22:30 REVELATION 2:10 SAYS, "BE FAITHFUL UNTO DEATH AND I WILL 22:35 GIVE YOU A CROWN OF LIFE." 22:36 YOU KNOW, I LIKE THAT VERSE YOU FIND IN RUTH AND I'VE OFTEN 22:41 USED IT WHEN I DO WEDDINGS. 22:42 WHEN RUTH SAID, "I'M GONNA FOLLOW WITH YOU, NAOMI, 22:45 WHEREVER YOU GO." 22:46 JUST THIS COMMITMENT. 22:47 SHE SAID, "ENTREAT ME NOT TO LEAVE THEE NOR TO RETURN FROM 22:50 FOLLOWING AFTER THEE. 22:52 FOR WHETHER YOU GO, I WILL GO, AND WHERE YOU LODGE, 22:55 I WILL LODGE. 22:57 YOUR PEOPLE SHALL BE MY PEOPLE, YOUR GOD, MY GOD. 23:00 WHERE THOU DWELLEST I WILL-- WHERE THOU DIEST I WILL DIE, 23:04 AND THERE WILL I BE BURIED. 23:05 AND THE LORD DO SO TO ME AND MORE OUGHT--AND MORE ALSO 23:11 IF OUGHT BUT DEATH PART YOU AND ME." 23:13 NOTHING SHOULD SEPARATE US. 23:15 THERE'S A COMMITMENT THERE. 23:17 NOTICE IT SAYS, "WHERE YOU GO I WILL GO." 23:21 SOMETIMES PEOPLE SAY, "WELL DEAR, I GOTTA TRAVEL MORE 23:22 'CAUSE AFTER ALL, ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER." 23:25 THERE'S ANOTHER ADAGE, IT'S CALLED OUT OF SIGHT 23:27 OUT OF MIND. 23:28 THAT ALSO HAPPENS TOO. 23:30 I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU GOTTA STAY TOGETHER AS OFTEN 23:33 AS POSSIBLE. 23:35 NOW IN OUR FAMILY, I HAVE TO TRAVEL A LOT. 23:39 AS FREQUENTLY AS I CAN, WE TAKE TRIPS AS A FAMILY. 23:41 SOMETIMES JUST KAREN CAN GO. 23:43 FREQUENTLY TAKE THE BOYS BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU 23:47 DON'T SPEND TOO MUCH TIME APART. 23:50 THAT'S OFTEN WHAT THINS THE RELATIONSHIP OUT, COMMITMENT. 23:55 NEXT, FORGIVENESS. 24:00 MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN. 24:01 SO IS THUNDER AND LIGHTNING. 24:03 THERE CAN BE CHALLENGES. 24:05 YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER. 24:08 SOMEONE SAID ONE TIME, A GIRL WAS TALKING TO HER FRIEND AND 24:11 SHE SAID, "I KNEW WHEN I GOT MARRIED HE WAS MR. RIGHT. 24:15 I JUST DIDN'T KNOW HIS FIRST NAME WAS ALWAYS. 24:19 HE ALWAYS THINKS HE'S RIGHT." 24:21 YOU GOTTA LEARN HOW TO ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG. 24:24 YOU NEED, IN MARRIAGE IF YOU WANT TO GET ALONG, YOU'VE GOTTA 24:27 LEARN HOW TO APOLOGIZE EVEN WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. 24:29 IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT? 24:31 I MEAN, THERE'S NO INCONSISTENCY THERE. 24:33 YOU CAN APOLOGIZE AND NOT CONCEDE THE POINT THAT YOU 24:37 WERE MAKING. 24:38 AND IT'S AMAZING HOW MANY TRIVIAL THINGS THAT COUPLES 24:41 ARGUE ABOUT. 24:43 YOU KNOW THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE REALLY WEIGHTY MATTERS 24:47 BUT WELL, I GOTTA ANOTHER POINT THAT WILL DEAL WITH THAT. 24:50 EPHESIANS 4:26, "DO NOT LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR WRATH." 24:57 YOU KNOW, THIS IS ONE REASON A LOT OF COUPLES STRUGGLE. 24:59 SOMETHING HAPPENED AND THEY NEVER REALLY SETTLED IT AND 25:02 FORGAVE EACH OTHER AND MOVED ON OR ONE SPOUSE KEEPS REMINDING 25:06 THE OTHER SPOUSE ABOUT SOMETHING THEY DID YEARS AGO. 25:10 AND YOU GOTTA KNOW HOW TO PARK THOSE THINGS, DIG A HOLE, 25:12 PUT IT IN BURY IT, AND DON'T DIG IT UP ANYMORE. 25:16 HAVE A FUNERAL. 25:17 SAY "THAT'S FORGIVEN. 25:18 THAT'S OVER. 25:19 YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BRING THAT UP ANYMORE." 25:22 AND A LOT OF COUPLES YOU KNOW THEY JUST FEEL LIKE THEY'VE RUN 25:27 OUT OF AMMUNITION. 25:28 INSTEAD OF COMMUNICATING THEY SAY, "OH, THEY SAID SOMETHING 25:30 TO HURT ME. 25:33 I'M GONNA HAVE TO DIG MY OLD RESOURCES HERE AND THROW THAT 25:34 BACK AND THAT'LL--" YOU KNOW, AND IT'S LIKE INSTEAD OF 25:37 COMMUNICATING IT BECOMES WHO CAN THROW THE BIGGEST MISSILES 25:41 SO THAT THEY GET EVEN. 25:43 FORGIVE. 25:44 DON'T LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR WRATH. 25:47 AT THE END OF EVERY DAY, KEEP SHORT ACCOUNTS. 25:51 HOW QUICKLY DOES GOD FORGIVE YOU WHEN YOU ASK HIM? 25:53 AS CHRIST HAS FORGIVEN YOU SO YOU OUGHT TO FORGIVE 25:55 ONE ANOTHER. 25:56 "OH, BUT IT HURTS SO MUCH." 25:58 YOU THINK THAT YOUR SPOUSE HURT YOU MORE THAN YOU HURT JESUS? 26:03 IT KILLED HIM WHAT YOU DID. 26:05 SO WE NEED TO LEARN TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER. 26:08 THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN PEOPLE GOING THROUGH 26:10 A RELATIONSHIP WHERE THERE'S THIS CONSTANT BITTERNESS. 26:13 IT'S ALMOST LIKE RUST AND FUNGUS ON THE RELATIONSHIP 26:16 BECAUSE THEY CAN'T JUST ASK FOR THE GRACE OF GOD TO FORGIVE 26:21 AND REALLY LET IT GO. 26:22 YOU CAN CHOOSE TO FORGIVE EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY STILL HAVE IT IN 26:24 YOUR MIND, YOU MAY NOT CONTROL WHAT YOU REMEMBER. 26:26 YOU CAN CHOOSE TO FORGIVE AND SAY, "WE'RE GONNA MOVE ON 26:29 FROM HERE." 26:30 I HEARD ABOUT ONE OLD-TIMER WHO'S MARRIED 60 YEARS IN TEXAS 26:34 AND SOMEONE ASKED HIM, "TO WHAT DO YOU ATTRIBUTE YOUR LONG 26:40 AND HAPPY MARRIAGE?" 26:40 HE SAID, "WELL, MY WIFE AND I RESOLVED NEVER TO GO TO SLEEP 26:44 UNTIL WE SETTLED ANY DIFFERENCES." 26:46 HE SAID, "OF COURSE, THERE WERE WEEKS WHEN WE DIDN'T SLEEP" 26:51 'CAUSE YOU GOTTA LET IT GO. 26:53 BEN FRANKLIN SAID, "KEEP YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN BEFORE MARRIAGE 26:58 AND HALF SHUT AFTERWARD. 27:00 WE NEED TO APOLOGIZE WHEN WE'VE DONE WRONG. 27:04 "BE FORGIVING WITH YOUR PARTNER. 27:06 YOU'LL BE FACED WITH TOUGH TIMES AND YOU'LL HAVE TO CHOOSE 27:08 BETWEEN FORGIVING HIM AND HER WHEN A MISTAKE HAPPENS OR 27:12 CARRYING IT ON FOREVER IN THE MARRIAGE." 27:17 PATIENCE, NOW THESE ARE RELATED. 27:19 BE PATIENT WITH EACH OTHER. 27:21 AND GALATIANS 5:22, "BUT THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT IS," 27:26 YOU KNOW THESE, "LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE." 27:32 HERE IS THE PATIENCE OF THE SAINTS. 27:35 IGNORE THE SMALL STUFF. 27:37 AND YOU KNOW? 27:38 I'M DOING BETTER. 27:39 I USED SOMETIMES THE DELAY. 27:42 I'M JUST TALKING ABOUT PLAIN OLD DELAY, WAITING, USED TO 27:45 IRRITATE ME AND I'M GETTING NOW WHERE I'M THINKING, JUST ENJOY 27:49 YOURSELF WHILE YOU WAIT AND JUST BE PATIENT. 27:54 BUT THAT'S NOT THE PATIENCE. 27:55 WE NEED PATIENCE WITH EACH OTHER IN OUR RELATIONSHIP AS WE 27:59 GROW TO BECOME LIKE CHRIST. 28:02 THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN IN ONE DAY. 28:04 SO YOU NEED TO HAVE PATIENCE THAT MAY TAKE YEARS. 28:08 BE PATIENT AND THE SAME WAY, ARE YOU GLAD GOD'S PATIENT 28:12 WITH YOU? 28:13 ARE YOU EVERYTHING CHRIST WANTS YOU TO BE? 28:16 YOU WANT HIM TO CONTINUE BEING PATIENT WITH YOU? 28:18 DO YOU WANT HIM TO GIVE UP ON YOU THE WAY SOMETIMES SPOUSES 28:21 GIVE UP ON EACH OTHER? 28:24 WE NEED TO PRAY THAT GOD WILL GIVE US THAT GRACE AND PATIENCE 28:27 IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH ONE ANOTHER. 28:31 LUKE 21:19, "BY YOUR PATIENCE POSSESS YOUR SOULS." 28:37 NOW YOU'VE HEARD IT SAID BEFORE, "NEVER SEEK TO CHANGE 28:39 THE OTHER PERSON FOR THEIR FLAWS, CHANGE YOURSELF." 28:44 WELL, I DON'T BUY INTO THAT CLICHE COMPLETELY. 28:50 THERE ARE THINGS IN ME THAT I'M HOPING KAREN CAN HELP ME 28:52 CHANGE. 28:53 I MEAN WE--LET'S BE HONEST. 28:55 YOU SHOULD NEVER GET MARRIED THINKING WELL, 28:57 I'LL CHANGE THAT LATER. 28:58 IF YOU'RE PLANNING ON CHANGING PEOPLE, NO, DON'T GO INTO IT 29:01 THAT WAY BUT WE NEED TO BE WILLING TO HELP EACH OTHER 29:04 GROW. 29:06 PART OF THAT IS COMMUNICATING ABOUT THE AREAS OF WEAKNESS. 29:09 BUT THE MAIN THING YOU CAN DO IS YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF. 29:13 SOMETIMES THERE'S A LOT OF FRICTION IN RELATIONSHIPS 29:16 'CAUSE ONE IS TRYING TO CONTROL THE OTHER AND THAT'S JUST--YOU 29:19 KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TYPICALLY? 29:21 IS IF THERE'S SOMETHING WHERE I'M SORT OF PUSHING INDIRECTLY 29:24 AGAINST KAREN BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT HER TO CHANGE, 29:28 SHE SENSES THAT AND SHE PUSHES BACK THE OTHER WAY. 29:31 THERE'S LIKE A RESENTMENT THAT YOU'RE BEING MANIPULATED. 29:35 PRAY FOR EACH OTHER. 29:36 BE A GOOD EXAMPLE. 29:37 CHANGE YOURSELF IS WHAT THAT'S SAYING. 29:41 MY FAVORITE PHILOSOPHER, ANONYMOUS, ONCE SAID, "MANY 29:45 GIRLS MARRY MEN JUST LIKE THEIR FATHERS WHICH EXPLAINS WHY MANY 29:47 MOTHERS CRY AT WEDDINGS." 29:51 I WANTED TO SHARE THAT WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT, 29:56 HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR. 29:58 YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO LAUGH TOGETHER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. 30:01 YOU SHOULD ENJOY EACH OTHER'S COMPANY. 30:05 YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE NUMBER-ONE THINGS THAT WOMEN LOOK FOR 30:06 IN A MAN? 30:07 SENSE OF HUMOR. 30:09 THEY'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY. 30:11 THAT WAS THE ONLY THING I HAD GOING FOR ME WHEN KAREN 30:14 MARRIED ME. 30:16 YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO LAUGH TOGETHER, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 30:19 SOMETIMES WHEN THERE IS TENSION, IF YOU CAN STILL LAUGH 30:22 TOGETHER OVER THESE CRISES THAT COME AND THE PROBLEMS, IT JUST 30:25 RELIEVE, IT CREATES A VENT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP IF YOU KNOW 30:28 HOW TO LAUGH. 30:29 IN SPITE THAT THINGS MAY NOT BE PERFECT IF YOU CAN STILL LAUGH 30:32 TOGETHER. 30:33 I KNOW THIS WEEK KAREN, I HADN'T HEARD LAUGH SO HARD, 30:38 OF COURSE IT WAS AT MY EXPENSE. 30:41 BUT WE HAVE A HOSE BY OUR FRONT DOOR THAT WE USE FOR, YOU KNOW, 30:47 WATERING THE FLOWERS AND STUFF OUT FRONT. 30:49 WELL, THIS HOSE IS ABOUT 30 YEARS OLD, I DON'T KNOW 30:51 FINALLY IT GOT OLD. 30:52 AND IT HAD A BIG ANEURYSM ON IT BUT YOU KNOW I WANTED TO SAVE 30:56 MONEY SO I'VE BEEN JUST LEAVING IT LIKE THAT AND HADN'T REALLY 31:00 THOUGHT ABOUT IT. 31:01 I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A NEW HOSE BUT I THOUGHT OH, 31:04 YOU KNOW, LET'S SEE HOW LONG IT GOES. 31:06 IT KIND OF LOOKED LIKE A BOA CONSTRICTOR THAT HAD 31:08 SWALLOWED A LITTLE RACCOON OR SOMETHING. 31:12 AND I WENT OUT TO WATER ONE DAY AND SPRAYING THE WATER BY 31:17 THE FRONT DOOR WHERE IT'S ALL COILED UP AND I WENT AND 31:19 PRESSED THE TWIGGER AND INSTEAD OF THE WATER COMING OUT OF 31:21 THE TRIGGER, ALL OF A SUDDEN, I JUST GOT SPRAYED, MY WHOLE 31:24 BODY JUST GOT SPRAYED WITH WATER AND IT SPRAYED THE FRONT DOOR 31:27 AND EVERYTHING. 31:28 AND I JUST TOTALLY DOUSED WHERE I TALKED OVER TO WHERE KAREN 31:30 WAS AND I TOLD HER, I SAID, "YOU KNOW I WENT TO WATER 31:35 THE PLANTS AND I JUST GOT SPATTERED." 31:36 WELL, SHE STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD. 31:38 SHE THOUGHT THAT ONE OF THOSE DEEP, LOUD, BELLY LAUGHS. 31:42 I SAID, "WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" 31:43 SHE SAID, "THAT HAPPENED TO ME" AND SHE DIDN'T TELL ME. 31:45 SHE WANTED IT TO HAPPEN TO ME ALSO. 31:50 WE NOW HAVE A NEW HOSE BY OUR FRONT DOOR, BUT SEE YOU NEED 31:54 TO BE ABLE TO LAUGH AND YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO LAUGH AT 31:57 YOURSELF. 31:58 SOMETIMES IF YOU DO SOMETHING FUNNY OR SOMETHING HAPPENS LIKE 32:00 THAT AND YOUR SPOUSE LAUGHS, DON'T GET MAD. 32:03 YOU LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF, LAUGH WITH EACH OTHER. 32:06 SOMETIMES IT'S ALMOST LIKE WE'RE LAUGHING AT EACH OTHER 32:10 AND SOMEONE ELSE RESENTS IT AND JUST--YOU KNOW WHAT? 32:12 HUMBLE YOURSELF. 32:13 OFTEN THESE PROBLEMS COME IN AND THERE'S ARGUMENTS AND 32:16 THERE'S ANGER BECAUSE A PRIDE IS OFFENDED. 32:19 JUST HUMBLE YOURSELF AND LAUGH TOGETHER AND LAUGH WITH EACH 32:22 OTHER. 32:24 WE NEED TO HAVE HUMOR IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS. 32:28 THERE NEEDS TO BE HONESTY. 32:29 THIS IS VERY SIMPLE AND STRAIGHTFORWARD. 32:32 THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU NEED TO SAY EVERYTHING YOU'RE THINKING 32:35 TO YOUR SPOUSE. 32:37 SOMETIMES PEOPLE SAY, "WELL, I TELL MY SPOUSE WHATEVER 32:39 I'M THINKING AND YOU KNOW I DON'T HIDE ANYTHING." 32:43 WELL, YOU NEED TO HAVE GOOD JUDGMENT. 32:47 DON'T SAY EVERYTHING YOU'RE THINKING. 32:48 BUT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HONESTY, AS SOON AS HUSBANDS 32:51 AND WIVES START KEEPING SECRETS FROM EACH OTHER, START HIDING 32:54 THINGS, START HIDING CONVERSATIONS AND 32:59 RELATIONSHIPS, THAT'S WHEN PROBLEMS COME IN. 33:05 START THEIR OWN BANK ACCOUNT, TAKE TRIPS AND DON'T SAY WHERE 33:07 THEY'RE GOING LIKE ARGENTINA. 33:13 THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT, NOT EVEN THE SAME HEMISPHERE. 33:20 YOU NEED TO BE OPEN AND HONEST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. 33:23 AND YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO BE FRIENDS, YOU DON'T HIDE THINGS 33:25 FROM YOUR FRIENDS. 33:28 YOUR SPOUSE OUGHT TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. 33:30 IF YOU START OUT, YOU KNOW MEN TYPICALLY WHEN THEY'RE LOOKING 33:33 FOR A WIFE, THEY'RE OFTEN LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO'S 33:36 ATTRACTIVE. 33:37 THAT'S USUALLY TOP ON THE LIST. 33:38 THERE'S OTHER THINGS. 33:40 WOMEN ARE OFTEN LOOKING FOR SECURITY, BUT IF THE MAIN THING 33:43 YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS SOMEONE THAT YOU JUST THEY'RE YOUR BEST 33:46 FRIEND, YOU CAN BE FRIENDS WITH THEM, THEN EVERYTHING ELSE 33:49 BECOMES A LOT EASIER SO THERE NEEDS TO BE THAT HONESTY. 33:53 WORK TOGETHER, SHARE CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE AND STUFF 33:59 AND WE DO THAT. 34:00 YOU KNOW THERE'S SOME THINGS THAT IN OUR FAMILY, I ALMOST 34:02 UNIFORMLY DO OR ALWAYS DO AND THERE'S SOME THINGS THAT KAREN 34:07 ALMOST ALWAYS DOES. 34:08 SHE ALMOST ALWAYS DOES THE LAUNDRY PROBABLY ALMOST 34:11 100% OF THE TIME. 34:13 AND THERE'S YOU KNOW THERE'S HARD WORK AROUND THE--GUYS, 34:17 I'LL TELL YOU A TIP. 34:18 IF YOU WANT TO WORK THAT OUT, YOU DO THE LAUNDRY ONCE AND 34:20 POUR BLEACH INSTEAD OF SOAP, THEY'LL NEVER ASK YA AGAIN. 34:26 JUST A LITTLE TIP FOR YA. 34:29 BREAK A FEW DISHES, THEY WON'T ASK YOU TO WASH THEM ANYMORE. 34:32 IT'S GOTTA BE THE WEDDING CHINA THOUGH. 34:35 NO, I HELP WITH DISHES. 34:38 BUT YOU NEED TO FIND THINGS YOU CAN DO TOGETHER. 34:42 AND KAREN AND I WE MIGHT WEED TOGETHER AND DO DISHES 34:44 TOGETHER, BUT THERE'S SOMETHING WHERE YOU NEED TO WORK 34:46 SIDE BY SIDE. 34:47 WE'LL CUT WOOD TOGETHER. 34:48 AND IT'S FUN WHEN YOU CAN SPEND TIME DOING THINGS, 34:50 SHARING THE CHORES. 34:51 THERE'S A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITIES AND YOU KNOW 34:54 ONE OF THE PRINCIPLE THINGS. 34:55 YOU'D BE SURPRISED, A LOT OF MARRIAGES FALL APART BECAUSE 34:57 A LOT OF THE BURDEN AROUND THE HOUSE IS ALL LEFT ON 35:01 ONE SPOUSE. 35:02 THE OTHER ONE JUST KIND OF ROAMS IN AND OUT AND JUST 35:04 THROWS EVERYTHING AROUND AND SOMEONE ELSE IS LEFT WITH 35:07 A JOB OF DOING ALL OF THE CHORES OF LIFE. 35:09 AND TEACH THE KIDS TO WORK, THAT HELPS TOO WHICH LEADS INTO 35:14 ANOTHER IMPORTANT POINT IN A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP. 35:20 EXPRESS APPRECIATION WHEN YOU ARE DOING WORK FOR THE THINGS 35:22 THAT ARE DONE. 35:24 YOU KNOW SOMETIMES I WOULD KIBITZ A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE 35:26 THEY'D SAY, "OH, THE DISHES HAVE BEEN HERE FOR 24 HOURS." 35:29 AND THEN KAREN WILL WORK REAL HARD ONE DAY. 35:33 I'D COME BACK FROM WORK AND EVERYTHING'S IMMACULATE IN THE 35:35 KITCHEN, I DON'T SAY ANYTHING. 35:38 AND SHE SAID, "LOOK, DID ALL THAT THOSE DISHES FROM DINNER 35:40 LAST NIGHT. 35:41 EVERYTHING'S CLEAN, YOU NEVER SAY ANYTHING." 35:43 SO I'M TRYING TO LOOK. 35:44 YOU GO AROUND AND SAY, "OH YOU KNOW, THANK YOU, DEAR. 35:45 I REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT." 35:47 EXPRESS APPRECIATION. 35:49 AND YOU KNOW WIVES, MEN NEED TO HEAR YOU THINK IT'S YOUR JOB 35:52 TO GO TO WORK. 35:54 YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT EVERY DAY. 35:57 IT HELPS TO HEAR THEM SAY, MEN LIKE TO HEAR "YOU KNOW, 36:00 I APPRECIATE THAT YOU DO WORK EVEN IF IT'S BEEN THE SAME JOB 36:03 FOR 20 YEARS, I APPRECIATE THAT YOU WORK SO HARD, THAT YOU DO 36:06 PROVIDE FOR THE FAMILY, THAT YOU DO SOMETIMES--" INSTEAD OF 36:10 COMPLAINING THAT THE HUSBAND IS GONE TOO MUCH AND THAT'S 36:13 ANOTHER AREA THAT NEEDS TO BE WORKED ON, SOMETIMES THEY'RE 36:16 GONE BECAUSE THEY'RE PROVIDING AND THEY ALWAYS FEEL LIKE "ALL 36:19 I'M HEARING IS THAT WE DON'T HAVE TIME TOGETHER, BUT ARE YOU 36:22 WELL PROVIDED FOR? 36:24 YOU KNOW ARE WE FED? 36:26 AND EVEN WE MIGHT BE IN DEBT BUT THE BASICS ARE COVERED." 36:30 EXPRESS APPRECIATION. 36:32 BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE NEED TO HEAR THAT, SHOW THAT YOU CARE. 36:37 WHO WAS IT? 36:38 AGATHA CHRISTIE, THAT FAMOUS MYSTERY AUTHOR, SOMEONE ASKED 36:42 HER, "WHY DID YOU MARRY AN ARCHITECT?" 36:45 SHE SAID, "I DON'T KNOW, I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED 36:46 AN ARCHAEOLOGIST. 36:47 ARCHAEOLOGISTS ARE GREAT BECAUSE THE OLDER YOU GET, 36:49 THE MORE INTERESTED THEY ARE IN YOU." 36:55 JOE MURRAY SAID IT WELL, "MARRIAGES SHOULD BE A DUET, 36:59 ONE SINGS, THE OTHER CLAPS." 37:01 AND HOW MANY OF YOU HUSBANDS AND WIVES HAVE HEARD YOUR 37:04 SPOUSE TELL THE SAME STORY A HUNDRED TIMES AND YOU STILL 37:08 GOTTA LOOK ADORING AND INTERESTED EVERY TIME, RIGHT? 37:13 SO SHOW LOVE. 37:17 WHERE AM I? 37:18 I GOT ANOTHER POINT HERE, OR TWO. 37:22 QUALITY TIME. 37:25 YOU KNOW THE BIBLE SAYS IN DEUTERONOMY 24:5, "WHEN A MAN 37:31 HAS TAKEN A NEW WIFE, HE SHALL NOT GO OUT TO WAR OR BE CHARGED 37:37 WITH ANY BUSINESS. 37:37 HE WILL BE FREE AT HOME ONE YEAR AND WILL BRING HAPPINESS 37:41 TO HIS WIFE WHO HE HAS CHOSEN." 37:43 GOD KNEW ESPECIALLY DURING THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE HOW 37:45 IMPORTANT IT IS THAT THERE'S QUALITY TIME TOGETHER AND, YOU 37:49 KNOW, WE CALL IT THE HONEYMOON AND AFTER THAT WEEK OR WEEKEND 37:52 TOGETHER, WHATEVER YOU CAN AFFORD, YOU COME HOME AND SAY, 37:56 "NOW WE'RE GONNA GET INTO THE BUSINESS OF LIFE OR FINISH 37:57 SCHOOL," WHATEVER'S GOING ON AND COUPLES START GROWING APART 38:00 JUST 'CAUSE OF THE PRESSURES OF LIFE. 38:03 SOMETIMES CHILDREN COME EARLIER THAN EXPECTED AND THE HUSBAND 38:06 HAS TO WORK HARDER AND THE WIFE IS BUSY AND THERE'S A LOT OF 38:10 PRESSURES THAT COME IN. 38:12 YOU'VE GOTTA RESERVE THAT TIME. 38:15 YOU KNOW ONE OF THE BIGGEST, I BELIEVE ONE OF THE BIGGEST 38:18 ENEMIES OF THE FAMILY IN MARRIAGES IS TELEVISION. 38:22 SOME OF YOU ARE THINKING WELL, IF IT WASN'T FOR TV, 38:24 WE'D NEVER SPEND TIME TOGETHER. 38:25 ARE YOU REALLY SPENDING TIME TOGETHER? 38:28 I REMEMBER WHEN KAREN AND I STARTED DATING SHE USED TO SAY, 38:30 "I DON'T KNOW WHY SOME COUPLES GO TO MOVIES FOR THEIR DATE. 38:35 YOU DON'T REALLY COMMUNICATE. 38:36 YOU SIT THERE IN THE DARK SURROUNDED BY STRANGERS. 38:38 YOU DON'T TALK AND THEN YOU WALK OUT AND YOU MIGHT TALK 38:40 ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THE MOVIE, BUT YOU KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE 38:43 A STRANGE WAY TO SPEND A DATE." 38:45 I STILL REMEMBER ONE OF THE BEST DATES WE HAD, WE WENT TO 38:47 A PARK, IT DIDN'T COST ANYTHING. 38:49 WE LAID ON THE GRASS IN A PARK. 38:53 I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE WE HAD A BLANKET, AND WE LAID WITH OUR 38:54 FEET OUT AWAY FROM EACH OTHER AND OUR HEADS TOGETHER. 38:59 BY THE WAY THAT AVOIDS TEMPTATION. 39:01 SO I HAD MY HEAD ON HER SHOULDER. 39:04 SHE HAD HER HEAD ON MY SHOULDER. 39:05 IT'S LIKE OUR EARS ARE TOUCHING. 39:07 SHE JUST CRACKED UP. 39:08 SHE THOUGHT THAT WAS HILARIOUS THEN WE TALKED USING EACH 39:11 OTHER'S SHOULDERS FOR PILLOWS AND YOU COMMUNICATE. 39:16 YOU SPEND TIME TOGETHER. 39:17 I REMEMBER WE ASSEMBLED DURING THAT LIST, DURING THAT DATE WE 39:22 ASSEMBLED AND PRO AND CON LIST TO OUR GETTING MARRIED. 39:26 THAT'S PRETTY SCARY. 39:29 I DON'T KNOW, DID YOU SAVE THAT? 39:33 QUALITY TIME. 39:35 LISTEN TO THIS, IN AN ARTICLE BY DR. ARMAND NICOLI, HE IS 39:40 THE PSYCHIATRIST FOR A MEDICAL DOCTOR ON THE FACULTY OF 39:43 HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL. 39:46 ANOTHER TREND THAT IS GOING TO DESTROY THE FAMILY AS WE KNOW 39:47 IT AND CAUSE EMOTIONAL CRIPPLES IS THE INVASION OF TELEVISION 39:50 INTO THE HOME. 39:52 "ONE FIFTH OF THE LIFETIME OF THE NEXT GENERATION WILL BE 39:55 SPENT WATCHING TELEVISION. 39:56 IF YOU LIVE TO BE 80 YEARS OF AGE, IF THAT'S YOUR AVERAGE, 40:00 YOU WILL HAVE WATCHED TELEVISION A TOTAL OF 4,000 DAYS." 40:07 FOUR THOUSAND DAYS, AND WE WONDER WHY PEOPLE 40:10 DON'T HAVE ANY QUALITY TIME. 40:12 BEFORE ELECTRICITY AND ARTIFICIAL ENTERTAINMENT, 40:14 PEOPLE HAD TO TALK THAT'S WHY MARRIAGES, I THINK IT WAS ONLY 40:17 LIKE 1 OUT OF 32 GOT DIVORCED 100 YEARS AGO. 40:21 NOW 46% OR, WHAT DID I SAY? 40:25 FORTY-TWO PERCENT. 40:26 IT VARIES BY STATE TO STATE. 40:27 BY THE WAY IT'S WORSE IN CALIFORNIA THAN MINNESOTA. 40:32 THIS CREATES A TREMENDOUS IMPACT, AND SINCE WE KNOW 40:35 TELEVISION IS PART OF THE SYSTEM AND SYSTEM IS TO TEAR 40:38 DOWN THE FAMILY, YOU'LL HAVE A TOTAL OF 4,000 DAYS OF 40:43 ANTI-FAMILY PROPAGANDA. 40:44 THIS IDEA OF MARRIAGE BEING BETWEEN TWO MEN OR TWO WOMEN 40:47 AND YOU DON'T GET MARRIED. 40:48 YOU JUST LIVE TOGETHER. 40:49 WHERE DID THAT GET INTRODUCED INTO OUR CULTURE? 40:52 WHERE DO YOU THINK THE PRINCIPLE CHANNEL WAS THAT 40:54 POURED THAT IDEA INTO OUR CULTURE? 40:56 IT'S IN MOVIES AND TELEVISION, BREAKING DOWN OUR VALUES AND IT 41:02 DOES HAVE AN IMPACT ON THE FAMILY. 41:05 ESTABLISH YOUR OWN HOME. 41:08 BIBLE SAYS, AND I'VE READ THIS BEFORE. 41:10 "THEREFORE MAN WILL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND CLEAVE 41:13 UNTO HIS WIFE." 41:15 NOW ONE OF THE PRINCIPLE REASONS THAT PEOPLE GET INTO 41:17 TROUBLE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS IS THEY'RE LIVING WITH THE 41:21 COUPLE GETS MARRIED BUT THE SISTER'S STILL IN THE HOUSE OR 41:25 MOM AND DAD ARE IN THE HOUSE. 41:26 AND I KNOW THAT THERE ARE CULTURES AND THERE ARE 41:28 SITUATIONS WHERE THAT MIGHT SEEM UNAVOIDABLE BUT THAT 41:32 COMPOUNDS THE PRESSURES OF THESE TWO PEOPLE FROM 41:35 COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS. 41:38 THEY THINK THEY GOT A LOT IN COMMON, BUT YOU JUST WAIT 'TIL 41:40 THEY START LIKE SHARING A KITCHEN OR BATHROOM SINK. 41:43 THAT'S WHERE THE CHALLENGE IS. 41:45 I MEAN COUPLES HAVE ARGUED ABOUT WHICH PLACE YOU SQUEEZE 41:48 THE TOOTHPASTE AND WHEN YOU UNROLL THE TOILET PAPER. 41:51 WELL, IN OUR FAMILY GROWING UP, WE ALWAYS HAD IT WHERE THE ROLL 41:54 HUNG ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE ROLL. 41:57 YOU GOT IT COMING DOWN BY THE WALL. 41:59 THEY KEEP FLIPPING IT AROUND, IT CAUSES A CIVIL WAR, AND YOU HAD 42:01 NO IDEA THAT THAT WOULD BE A POINT OF CONTEST. 42:04 YOU HAD NO IDEA DATING THAT ANYTHING LIKE THAT WOULD EVER 42:07 COME UP. 42:08 BUT YOU'VE GOT ALL THESE THINGS YOU'VE GROWN UP WITH THAT ARE 42:11 SO DIFFERENT. 42:12 YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND YOUR VIEW OF LIFE AND YOU'VE GOTTA 42:15 MELD THOSE TOGETHER. 42:16 IF YOU'VE GOT THE COMPOUNDED CHALLENGE OF HAVING ADDITIONAL 42:19 FAMILY IN THE ROOF, UNDER THE ROOF, THAT CAN REALLY BE 42:25 DIFFICULT. 42:27 WHO WAS IT? 42:28 LARRY CUNNINGHAM WAS VISITING SOME FRIENDS ONE TIME AND GOT A 42:35 PHONE CALL FROM THEIR DAUGHTER, NEWLYWED. 42:37 SHE CALLED AND SHE'S HAVING HER FIRST MARITAL SPAT. 42:41 AND SHE COMPLAINED AND CRIED TO HER FATHER, AND HE CAME BACK 42:46 TO THE DINNER TABLE AND SAID, "WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?" 42:48 AND HE SAID, "WELL, OUR DAUGHTER GOT MARRIED. 42:49 SHE'S HAVING HER FIRST PROBLEM." 42:51 "WHAT'D SHE SAY?" 42:52 "OH, SHE WANTS TO COME HOME." 42:53 "WHAT'D YOU SAY?" 42:55 "I SAID I TOLD HER YOU ARE HOME. 42:58 YOU'RE WITH YOUR HUSBAND. 43:00 YOU'RE NOT COMING HOME, THAT IS YOUR HOME." 43:03 AND SO YOU FORM A NEW UNIT. 43:04 YOU FORM A NEW HOME, AND YOU'VE GOTTA REALIZE THAT IS IT. 43:07 THERE'S NO GOING HOME, YOU BECOME A NEW HOME 43:09 WHEN YOU GET MARRIED. 43:14 AND THEN THERE NEEDS TO BE LOVE IN THE RELATIONSHIP. 43:20 THAT'S A CHOICE. 43:22 LIKE MY GRANDMA, MY GRANDPA THEY SAID, "WE HAD TO LEARN 43:25 TO LOVE EACH OTHER." 43:27 IT'S SOMETHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO. 43:29 DO YOU THINK THAT WHEN JESUS DIED FOR US THAT WE WERE 43:31 LOVABLE OR DID HE JUST LOVE US BECAUSE WE'RE HIS CREATION? 43:38 WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, YOU MAKE A CHOICE TO CREATE A NEW FAMILY 43:43 TO LOVE. 43:43 DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOUR SPOUSE IS ALWAYS GONNA BEHAVE LOVABLE 43:48 BUT YOU'VE DECIDED TO LOVE AND YOU REALLY CAN CHOOSE TO LOVE. 43:53 WHENEVER YOU'RE TEMPTED TO BE IMPATIENT AND YOU CHOOSE TO 43:56 WAIT, YOU'RE CHOOSING TO LOVE. 43:58 WHEN THEY'VE DONE SOMETHING THAT HURTS YOU BUT THEY'VE 44:02 ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS, YOU MAY NOT FEEL LIKE IT. 44:04 IT STILL BOTHERS YOU BUT YOU CHOOSE TO FORGIVE, 44:06 YOU'VE CHOSEN TO LOVE. 44:07 WHEN YOU'RE TAPPING YOUR FOOT BECAUSE THEY'RE LATE AND YOU 44:11 WAIT A LITTLE LONGER, THAT'S LOVE. 44:14 WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE COMPLAINING AS SOON AS HE COMES HOME 44:21 BECAUSE SOMETHING WENT WRONG OR BROKE DURING THE DAY BUT YOU 44:23 SAY, "I'M GONNA WAIT UNTIL HE GETS ACCLIMATED. 44:25 HE NEEDS SOME QUIET TIME." 44:27 YOU'RE CHOOSING TO LOVE. 44:28 WHENEVER YOU CONSIDER THE OTHER PERSON'S NEED FIRST INSTEAD OF 44:33 YOURS, LOVE IS THE OPPOSITE OF SELFISHNESS. 44:36 WHY ARE THERE SO MANY DIVORCES? 44:39 TOO MUCH SELFISHNESS. 44:41 WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 44:42 MORE LOVE. 44:44 INSTEAD OF THINKING ABOUT OURSELVES, THINK ABOUT THE 44:46 OTHERS AND THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A CHRISTIAN. 44:49 IT SAYS, "HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES AS CHRIST 44:51 LOVED THE CHURCH." 44:52 HOW DID JESUS LOVE THE CHURCH? 44:53 HE DENIED HIMSELF AND DID WHAT WE NEEDED INSTEAD OF WHAT HE 44:58 NEEDED. 45:00 AND THAT'S THE KEY REALLY TO HAPPINESS IN OUR FAMILIES, NOT 45:03 JUST BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE, THAT'S THE KEY TO HAPPINESS 45:05 IN OUR CHURCHES. 45:07 IT'S THAT LOVE. 45:09 THEN, OF COURSE-- OH, I READ THIS. 45:16 I WANT TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU. 45:17 E.J. GRAFF SAID, "MARRIAGE IS WHEN YOU AGREE TO SPEND THE 45:19 REST OF YOUR LIFE SLEEPING IN A ROOM THAT'S TOO WARM BESIDES 45:23 SOMEBODY WHO'S SLEEPING IN A ROOM THAT'S TOO COLD. 45:25 WE GOT THAT IN OUR FAMILY. 45:28 DEVOTIONS, IT'S AN OLD CLICHE BUT IT STILL IS TRUE. 45:34 THE FAMILY THAT PRAYS TOGETHER, STAYS TOGETHER. 45:37 YOU NEED TO HAVE REGULAR TIME FOR PERSONAL AND FAMILY PRAYER. 45:43 YOU SHOW ME A FAMILY THAT IS NEGLECTING PRAYER, INDIVIDUAL 45:45 DEVOTIONS AND THEN COLLECTIVE DEVOTIONS WITH THE CHILDREN, 45:50 REGULAR TIME WHERE YOU READ SOMETHING TOGETHER FROM GOD'S 45:52 WORD OR A CHRISTIAN DEVOTIONAL AND YOU PRAY TOGETHER. 45:56 EVERYBODY'S SO BUSY TODAY IN THIS CULTURE THAT WE FORGET 46:01 SOME OF THE BASICS. 46:03 AND IT'S GOOD. 46:04 I BELIEVE THAT MEN SHOULD LEAD OUT AND SOMETIMES THE WIFE IS 46:09 A LITTLE MORE GREGARIOUS AND OUTSPOKEN AND A LITTLE MORE 46:13 NATURAL IN THAT RESPECT WHICH SHE SHOULD ENCOURAGE THE 46:16 HUSBAND TO BE THE PRIEST OF THE FAMILY. 46:20 I HEARD ABOUT A WOMAN THAT WAS TALKING TO A ROOM FULL OF WOMEN 46:24 ABOUT MARRIAGE AND SHE SAID, "HOW MANY OF YOU WANT TO MOTHER 46:28 YOUR HUSBANDS?" 46:30 AND IN THE BACK ONE LADY RAISED HER HAND AND SHE WAS SURPRISED 46:33 BY THAT BECAUSE IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION AND SHE 46:36 SAID, "YOU WANT TO MOTHER YOUR HUSBAND? 46:39 SHE SAID, "OH, MOTHER, I THOUGHT YOU SAID SMOTHER." 46:46 WE NEED TO HAVE FAMILY DEVOTIONS. 46:48 IF DAD IS TRAVELING THEN MOM, OF COURSE, SHOULD LEAD OUT 46:50 IN THOSE SITUATIONS. 46:56 1 CORINTHIANS 3:14, "ACCORDING TO THE GRACE OF GOD WHICH IS 47:00 GIVEN UNTO ME AS A WISE MASTER BUILDER, I'VE LAID THE 47:04 FOUNDATION AND ANOTHER BUILDS THEREON. 47:08 BUT LET EVERY MAN TAKE HEED HOW HE BUILDS THEREON, FOR NO OTHER 47:12 FOUNDATION CAN MAN LAY THAN THAT WHICH IS LAID WHICH IS 47:16 JESUS CHRIST." 47:17 WHAT IS THE FOUNDATION FOR OUR MARRIAGES, FOR OUR HOMES? 47:20 IT'S GOTTA BE CHRIST AND HIS WORD. 47:22 THIS IS THE ROCK, CHRIST SAID, "HE THAT HEARS THESE WORDS OF 47:25 MINE AND DOES THEM, IS LIKE A WISE MAN THAT BUILDS 47:28 HIS HOUSE ON A ROCK." 47:29 IF THE WORD OF GOD IS THE FOUNDATION, AND BY THE WAY, 47:34 GOD IS LOVE. 47:36 THE TEN COMMANDMENTS ARE ON A ROCK. 47:38 IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE GOD AND LOVING ONE ANOTHER. 47:40 IF LOVE IS THE FOUNDATION FOR YOUR HOME, FOR YOUR MARRIAGES, 47:45 THEN YOU'LL BE ABLE TO WORK THINGS OUT. 47:48 NOW I HOPE THAT YOU'LL FIND THAT THIS IS RELEVANT FOR 47:52 EVERYBODY HERE. 47:53 THERE'S A LOT MORE I COULD SAY. 47:55 MAYBE I NEED TO DO A PART TWO FOR THIS BECAUSE THERE REALLY 48:01 IS A NEED FOR US TO LEARN TO LOVE EACH OTHER. 48:04 HOW ARE WE GONNA WITNESS TO THE WORLD? 48:06 CHRIST SAID, "ALL MEN WILL KNOW THAT YOU'RE MY DISCIPLES BY 48:10 YOUR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. 48:11 THE BIBLE SAYS LOVE YOUR ENEMIES. 48:12 IF WE'RE STRUGGLING LOVING OUR SPOUSES, HOW ARE WE GONNA 48:15 WITNESS TO THE WORLD? 48:16 HOW ARE WE GONNA FULFILL THE GREAT COMMISSION? 48:18 WHERE IS THE BEST PLACE FOR US TO BEGIN TO FULFILL 48:20 THE GREAT COMMISSION? 48:23 LOVING FAMILY. 48:25 YOU KNOW THE FIRST CHRISTIAN COUPLE THAT I REALLY, THAT 48:30 STUDIED WITH ME, MAN THAT BAPTIZED ME, I SPENT TIME IN 48:32 THEIR HOME. 48:33 THEY'D BEEN MARRIED 50 YEARS BY THE TIME I KNEW THEM AND I SAW 48:36 HOW THEY LOVED EACH OTHER AND THAT MADE SUCH A BIG IMPACT 48:39 ON ME. 48:41 THEIR COMMITMENT, THEIR PATIENCE, THEIR LOVE, 48:43 THEIR HUMOR. 48:48 THIS LIST OF TIPS THAT I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT, 48:52 THAT IMPRESSED ME. 48:53 MY GRANDPARENTS, THAT IMPRESSED ME. 48:56 YOU KNOW AND THIS IS AN IMPORTANT SUBJECT TO ME, MY 49:00 MOTHER WAS MARRIED 4 TIMES, 20 YEARS LIVED WITH SOMEBODY SHE 49:05 WASN'T MARRIED TO. 49:06 MY FATHER WAS MARRIED 5 TIMES AND WITH THAT KIND OF BAGGAGE 49:09 IN MY BACKGROUND, IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME THAT MARRIAGE 49:13 WORK. 49:14 I WANTED TO BE MORE LIKE MY GRANDPARENTS, AND I SEE THAT IT 49:18 CAN HAPPEN, FRIENDS. 49:19 AND IF IT SHOULD HAPPEN ANYWHERE, IT SHOULD BE 49:21 HAPPENING IN CHRISTIAN CHURCHES, RIGHT? 49:25 WE'VE GOTTA MAKE THAT DECISION THAT WE WANT TO REPRESENT 49:26 JESUS. 49:27 IF WE DECIDE THAT THE GLORY OF GOD IS FIRST, THAT WE'RE GONNA 49:30 HONOR GOD, WE'RE NOT GONNA LIVE FOR OURSELF, WE'RE GONNA DO 49:32 WHAT CHRIST WANTS US TO DO. 49:34 EVEN THOUGH SOMETIMES MARRIAGE MAY SEEM LIKE A CROSS THAT YOU 49:38 BEAR, IF YOU'RE GLORIFYING GOD AND YOU'RE WITNESSING FOR HIM, 49:42 THEN YOU CHOOSE TO LOVE AND YOU BEAR IT. 49:45 YOU'VE MADE A PROMISE. 49:46 NOW I'M NOT SUGGESTING THAT MARRIAGES SHOULD BE SOMETHING 49:48 TO ENDURE TO THE END. 49:51 IT SHOULD BE SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE ENJOYED, RIGHT? 49:54 BUT EVEN IF IT DOES MEAN ENDURE, WE NEED TO STICK 50:00 TOGETHER. 50:01 THERE'LL BE DAYS WHERE YOU WILL ENJOY IT. 50:04 AND SO THERE NEEDS TO BE THAT KIND OF COMMITMENT RIGHT FROM 50:07 THE BEGINNING AND IT ALL GOES BACK TO LOVE, LOVE IN OUR 50:10 HOMES, LOVE IN OUR HEARTS. 50:13 YOU KNOW, I CHANGE THE RULES. 50:16 I KNOW IT SAYS IN BULLETIN THAT WE WERE GONNA BE SINGING HYMN 50:19 NUMBER 579, DISREGARD THAT. 50:22 DURING SABBATH SCHOOL, THEY WERE SINGING 652, 50:26 "LOVE AT HOME." 50:27 AND I THOUGHT BOY, THAT REALLY GOES BETTER WITH THE SERMON 50:29 THAN WHAT I PICKED. 50:30 SO WHY DON'T YOU TURN TO THAT WITH ME? 50:32 LET'S SING THIS TOGETHER. 50:33 "LOVE AT HOME," ISN'T THAT WHAT WE'RE PRAYING FOR? 50:37 NUMBER 652 AND LET'S STAND TOGETHER AS WE SING. 50:42 [MUSIC] 50:53 ♪ THERE IS BEAUTY ALL AROUND ♪ 50:56 ♪ WHEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ ♪ THERE IS JOY IN EVERY SOUND ♪ 51:06 ♪ WHEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ ♪ PEACE AND PLENTY HERE ABIDE ♪ 51:16 ♪ SMILING THERE ON EVERY SIDE ♪ ♪ TIME DOTH SOFTLY ♪ 51:23 ♪ SWEETLY GLIDE ♪ ♪ WHEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ 51:31 ♪ LOVE AT HOME ♪ ♪ LOVE AT HOME ♪ 51:41 ♪ TIME DOTH SOFTLY ♪ ♪ SWEETLY GLIDE ♪ 51:47 ♪ WHEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ 51:54 >> YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE REASONS 51:56 I PICKED THIS SONG IS THAT LAST LINE THERE, "TIME DOTH SOFTLY, 52:00 SWEETLY GLIDE, WHEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME." 52:04 YOU KNOW THAT CONJURED UP AN IMAGE IN MY MIND OF TRYING TO 52:08 MOVE SOMETHING ALONG, JUST GRINDING, PUSHING, RESISTANCE. 52:16 I REMEMBER ONE TIME TRYING TO PUSH A HEAVY LOAD AND A FRIEND 52:19 SAID, "DOUG, TAKE A PIPE. 52:22 PUT A PIPE UNDER IT." 52:23 IT WAS AND CONCRETE FLOOR. 52:25 WE LIFTED UP ONE END AND WE PUT A PIPE UNDER IT AND I COULD 52:27 PUSH IT WITH ONE FINGER. 52:29 IT JUST GLIDED ACROSS THE FLOOR. 52:34 LOVE IS THE GREASE IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS. 52:38 WHEN THERE'S LOVE, WHEN WE CHOOSE TO LOVE, 52:42 IT'S SOMETHING THAT YOU'LL ENJOY. 52:44 WITHOUT THAT, IT'S GONNA BE SOMETHING THAT YOU ENDURE AND 52:47 SO WE NEED TO ASK GOD TO JUST GIVE US THAT LOVE. 52:49 HOW MANY OF YOU WANT TO HAVE LOVE IN YOUR HOMES, IN YOUR 52:53 MARRIAGES? 52:54 LET'S SING VERSE 2. 53:04 ♪ KINDLY HEAVEN SMILES ABOVE ♪ 53:11 ♪ WHEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ ♪ ALL THE EARTH ♪ 53:18 ♪ IS FILLED WITH LOVE ♪ ♪ WHEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ 53:25 ♪ SWEETER SINGS ♪ ♪ THE BROOKLET BY ♪ 53:30 ♪ BRIGHTER BEAMS ♪ ♪ THE AZURE SKY ♪ 53:36 ♪ OH, THERE'S ONE ♪ ♪ WHO SMILES ON HIGH ♪ 53:41 ♪ WHEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ ♪ LOVE AT HOME ♪ 53:51 ♪ LOVE AT HOME ♪ ♪ TIME DOTH SOFTLY ♪ 54:00 ♪ SWEETLY GLIDE ♪ ♪ WHEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ 54:08 >> I'VE BEEN JUST PRAYING AS WE SANG THAT LAST VERSE THINKING 54:12 LORD, I WANT TO MAKE AND APPEAL BUT I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT TO 54:14 SAY, BUT I'D LIKE TO GIVE PEOPLE HERE AN OPPORTUNITY 54:19 TO RESPOND. 54:20 NOW THIS COULD APPLY TO EVERYBODY. 54:22 YOU MIGHT BE SINGLE, BE PAYING ABOUT MARRIAGE. 54:25 YOU MIGHT ASK FOR SPECIAL PRAYER RIGHT NOW. 54:29 SOME OF YOU HAVE GREAT MARRIAGES AND YOU WANT THEM 54:32 TO BE EVEN BETTER. 54:33 YOU MIGHT HAVE SOME SPECIAL NEED. 54:35 OTHERS ARE STRUGGLING AND YOU KNOW IT'S SELFISHNESS AND YOU 54:39 WANT TO HAVE MORE LOVE. 54:40 YOU MIGHT WANT TO COME FORWARD. 54:41 YOU MAY WANT TO JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND PRAY GOD'LL BLESS 54:45 YOU IN YOUR HOME. 54:46 BUT I JUST WANT TO OPEN UP THE FRONT OF THE CHURCH RIGHT NOW. 54:50 THIS CAN BE AN ALTAR. 54:53 AND YOU KNOW THAT YOUR FAMILY'S NOT HAD CHRIST AS THE CENTER OR 54:57 MAYBE YOU'VE BEEN NEGLECTING DEVOTIONS OR LOVE HAS NOT BEEN 55:03 AT THE CORE, WHATEVER THE NEEDS IS, I DON'T WANT TO PUT ANYBODY 55:06 ON THE SPOT. 55:07 BUT AS WE SING THE LAST VERSE AND YOU RECOGNIZE THAT YOU JUST 55:11 REALLY WANT TO BRING YOUR MARRIAGE BEFORE GOD AND PRAY 55:14 THAT YOU CAN BE A WITNESS THROUGH YOUR FAMILY THEN YOU 55:16 COME AS WE SING. 55:17 WE'LL PRAY TOGETHER. 55:24 ♪ JESUS, MAKE ME WHOLLY THINE ♪ ♪ THEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ 55:34 ♪ MAY THY SACRIFICE BE MINE ♪ ♪ THEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ 55:46 ♪ SAFELY FROM ALL HARM ♪ ♪ I'LL REST ♪ 55:51 ♪ WITH NO SINFUL CARE ♪ ♪ DISTRESS'D ♪ 55:56 ♪ THRO' THY TENDER ♪ ♪ MERCY BLESSED ♪ 56:01 ♪ WHEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ ♪ LOVE AT HOME ♪ 56:12 ♪ LOVE AT HOME ♪ ♪ TIME DOTH SOFTLY ♪ 56:19 ♪ SWEETLY GLIDE ♪ ♪ WHEN THERE'S LOVE AT HOME ♪ 56:32 >> HOW MANY WOULD LIKE TO SAY 56:33 BEFORE WE PRAY RIGHT NOW, "LORD, I WANT MY HOME," WHETHER 56:36 YOU'RE SINGLE IN YOUR HOME, YOU MAY BE WIDOWED IN YOUR HOME, 56:40 MARRIED, "I WANT MY HOME TO BE A PLACE THAT WILL BE A WITNESS 56:44 FOR THE WORLD BECAUSE THERE'S LOVE THERE, AMEN?" 56:47 THAT'S WHERE WE'VE GOTTA BEGIN. 56:50 THIS IS CHRISTIANITY 101. 56:52 FATHER IN HEAVEN, LORD, I BELIEVE YOU'VE BEEN PRESENT 56:56 TODAY AS WE TALKED ABOUT SUCH A SIMPLE FOUNDATIONAL TRUTH, 56:59 SOME PRACTICAL THINGS. 57:01 NOW LORD, IF I'VE SAID ANYTHING THAT IS OFF CENTER, I PRAY 57:04 YOU'LL FORGIVE ME AND HELP US TO CATCH THOSE THINGS 57:08 THAT ARE ON CENTER. 57:09 THE WAYS THAT WE CAN STRENGTHEN OUR RELATIONSHIPS, LORD, 57:15 I PRAY THAT YOU WILL BLESS EVERY FAMILY. 57:18 SOME ARE DOING WELL, SOME VERY HAPPY, WONDERFUL MARRIAGES, 57:22 SOME ARE STRUGGLING. 57:24 WHATEVER THE CASE MIGHT BE, LORD, I JUST PRAY THAT YOU'LL 57:27 BLESS AND STRENGTHEN THE HOMES OF OUR FAMILIES. 57:30 HELP US TO IMPLEMENT SOME OF THE PRACTICAL THINGS THAT WE'VE 57:33 TALKED ABOUT. 57:34 PUT THEM INTO PRACTICE. 57:36 I PRAY THAT THEY'LL BE LOVE IN OUR HEARTS, FORGIVE OUR 57:38 SELFISHNESS, MIGHT THERE BE PATIENCE AND COMMITMENT AND 57:43 FORGIVENESS IN OUR FAMILIES THAT WE CAN DEMONSTRATE TO THE 57:45 WORLD OUR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. 57:48 BLESS THIS CHURCH, LORD, BLESS THE RELATIONSHIPS 57:50 REPRESENTED HERE. 57:52 BE WITH THOSE WHO'VE COME FORWARD WITH SPECIAL NEEDS 57:54 TODAY. 57:55 FILL THEM WITH YOUR SPIRIT AND YOUR PEACE. 57:58 AND AGAIN, WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRESENCE HERE AND ASK THAT 58:01 YOU GO WITH US FROM THIS PLACE, IN JESUS' NAME WE ASK, AMEN. 58:07 [MUSIC] |
Revised 2015-02-05