Hello and welcome to Engage,
my name is David Asscherick.
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We are thrilled that
you are with us today.
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We are going to be taking
a look at how God can bring
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beauty out of ashes and
how He can bring restoration
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to a life that has been
sunk in shame and guilt.
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The Bible says the book of
Joel 2 "that God will restore
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"the years that the locusts
have eaten and taken away."
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It's one of my very
favorite Bible promises.
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This idea that God can
restore something that has been
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taken away, something
that has been robbed from us.
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With us today is my co-host
Shandra Ban and so we are
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going to turn it over to
her and she will introduce to
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us today our
guest. So please Shandra.
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Thank you David, we
have with us today the lovely
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Jackie Espose, it is
so great to have you here.
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She comes from Clovis
California, so not too far from
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where we live in Sonora
and it's been a blessing to get
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to know you Jackie.
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You, as David mentioned, we
are going to be talking about
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a life that was dark and
sunken in shame and guilt but it
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didn't start out that way.
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Why don't you tell us
how your story begins?
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Well I was raised in a loving
Filipino family, oldest of
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three children and I had a very
happy childhood, good Christian
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parents, a house full of
music and food and laughter.
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It was the ideal childhood.
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I was going to say, that
sounds like the perfect home.
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Food, music, laughter
and that is basically it.
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With God - a Christian home
- we had worship every night
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and every morning and
that was just how life was.
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And so okay that's the program,
that's not how it goes is
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it? - no. - there's a
dark chapter there. - Um Hmmm
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okay please, please continue.
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Well what I was about six
years old I was molested and
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I did know how to
deal with those feelings.
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I didn't tell anybody, I
didn't tell anybody at all.
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Not parents,
totally internalized.
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As a six year old what
you even say, you don't even
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know what has happened.
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You don't how to deal with
things, you feel embarrassed
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especially in my culture a
lot of things are swept under
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the rug and I didn't want
to bring any shame to anybody
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if I said something.
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But even at six you are
young enough to understand this
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is wrong, this is not
right something's wrong.
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Yeah, yeah. So yeah I
just dealing with all these
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emotions but I still kept a
smile on my face and pretended
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like nothing ever
happened and kept going.
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And that is going to become
a pattern for you, isn't it?
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- right! Is going to happen
over and over again in this
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story is that there is darkness
inside, but oh we will put
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on this smile, everything
is fine but it is not fine.
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So you are six and
- I was homeschooled
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and we traveled around a lot
in California and then I went
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to regular school. - I
mean - what is regular school?
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I mean I went to a school
where there was other students
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beside my sister and
brother so I was homeschooled.
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Okay a regular
school, keep going.
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And then after I graduated
from high school another
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incident happened where I was
molested by a Doctor. - again
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- when I was 17 years old.
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- a Doctor? - yeah so that
was hard for me because you
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place your trust in
someone and this was someone we
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already knew and
then it happened again.
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So this time did
you keep it to yourself?
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No this time I told my parents,
I told my parents and we
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went to the authorities
and it was a real trying time.
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It was a real
difficult, difficult time.
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When you told them about the
second time did you also tell
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them about the
first time as well?
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Yes I did. - were they
surprised? - yes they were
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surprised and they cried
with me and they prayed with me
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and they said we are here to
support you, we love you and no
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matter what happens we
are here and God loves you.
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Now something I did not
ask you before, but I want to
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quickly ask this question.
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Did your parents ever speak
to you about if anyone ever
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touches you inappropriately,
had they ever sort of
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prepared you? Yes,
yes they did. - really.
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- they did. -
before the first incident?
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- in between. - in
between the okay because I have
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a little boy seven a little
boy nine and even now we live
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in such a terrible world
that I have talk to my children
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about things. If anyone
ever touches you, and I want to
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speak to the parents out there.
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You need to be preparing your
children even now and orient
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them to appropriate
and inappropriate touches.
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In appropriate and inappropriate
relationships, but that
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is the world we live in what
a terrible thing that I have
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to talk to my seven and
nine-year-old about this.
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They are looking at me
and saying okay no problem but
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they don't understand, so
- another thing that is just
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heavy here, a Doctor?
He was a Doctor and I just
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remember going in and it
happened and feeling so dirty,
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even though I knew it wasn't
my fault I was having these
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thoughts, did I do anything
to bring this on myself.
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This happen a long time
ago and now it just happened
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again, what did I do?
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This is a consistent
pattern with people who have
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experienced molestation,
they try to take the guilt,
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what did I do, I must
deserve this, I'm dirty and you
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feel soiled by something
you didn't create so that's
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criminal, it's terrible.
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- so Jackie you
mention to us earlier that
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you saw counselors'
and then you went away to
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a university so that
you could start over.
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I think I talked to two
counselors, I just had two
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sessions and that was it
and I tried to deal with it on
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my own and try to keep
very busy in school, music,
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sports, scholastics,
everything, you name it, church.
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I was very involved in church
and leading out as a youth
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leader but inside there
was still this emptiness,
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this longing for
something better and I knew
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I was empty inside.
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So what did you try and
use as an identity to find your
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identity? I had a very low
self-esteem and I would try
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to find affirmation and love
in inappropriate relationships.
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- as a result
of the molestation?
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As a result of
the molestation yes.
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And why is that, I mean
as someone who has never
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experienced it, what was
it about the molestation that
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made to feel like I might
as well be in an inappropriate
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relationship?
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Well I felt like I had
nothing to live for anymore,
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I felt like something was
taken away from me and I might
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as well just go all out
and be crazy or whatever, even
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though people did not
see that but inside I was so
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conflicted and
just confused and torn.
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- but on the outside I'm
happy piano playing Jackie.
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Right, right. - like I
said this is going to be
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a consistent pattern here
it happened when you were six
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and it happened when
you were a teenager and now
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you are in your college years.
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You said something there that
I thought was very interesting
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and that was that how I was
busy at church, I kept myself
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busy. I want to ask you
the question, okay so church
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but what about God? Were
you in a relationship with
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God at this time and
how did you relate to God
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or was it just church thing?
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Well I thought I was
in relationship with God,
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but I realize now it
was a form of godliness with
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no power and
keeping yourself busy.
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I remember this acronym that
someone shared with me, busy
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being under Satan's yoke.
- wow. - whoa that's heavy.
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Yeah it is but that relationship
with God it wasn't real.
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It wasn't genuine. - it
was more of an active busyness
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around church things where it
could have been active business
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around anything but it
just happen to be church.
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Like you say it's a form
of godliness but you have the
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hi, oh things are
great going on. - right.
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Inside you are conflicted,
that's the word you use.
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Um hmmm, I was because
all these emotions I was
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experiencing just the
depths of despair that I was
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battling with,
it was overwhelming.
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So this lead you to get
into a long term unhealthy
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relationship tell us a
little bit more about that.
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I was in an unhealthy
relationship for a number of
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years, it reached a point where
I couldn't take it anymore.
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As a result of that and the
molestation, from everything
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happening in my past, it
just builds up and I found
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myself driving to
the Golden gate Bridge in
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San Francisco
wanting to end my life.
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I was driving there and I
hear the devil whispering in my
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head, saying you are dirty,
you are worthless, you are
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nothing, if people really
knew what you have done and what
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you have been through. -
what would they think of you.
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What would they think of you,
do you think that they could
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still love you, do you think
your family could love you?
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Do you think people
at church can love you?
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Because the family was aware
of the molestation issues but
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they don't know about the
results of that shoved you
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into these inappropriate
relationships. - right, right.
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So just a thought on
that Shandra, briefly.
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A thought on that that is
very interesting is like if
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something has been taken
from you, if you already feel
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that you have lost your
cleanness, or your purity or
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your innocency, it is like
when a mother says to the child
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don't get any mud
on your church clothes.
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Then they get a little
bit on their whatever cuff of
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their pants or a little on
their knee and is like well
00:10:06.91\00:10:10.00
I'm dirty anyway.
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So you ended up in that
situation and now you are really
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feeling that this is not
just something that happened to
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me, it is something I have done.
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You are driving. - and
something who I am is what you
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are saying. - yeah, yeah.
- so you get to the Golden
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gate Bridge. I'm going ask
another question if you don't
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mind, were you going there
in your mind with the intention
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of jumping off - yes - or
were you just driving there.
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No! I had gotten off work and
that was my intention, just to
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end it all. - how
old were you? - I was 22.
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Oh Mercy, go
ahead please Shandra.
00:10:41.35\00:10:44.47
Just tell us yeah. I was
driving there and I remember
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looking out on the water
with tears streaming down
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my face and I was like
okay this is going to happen.
00:10:52.40\00:10:56.12
Then my cell phone
rings and it is my sister.
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- praise God for cell
phones, I never thought
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I would say that.
00:11:03.36\00:11:04.75
And that was at a time when
you can talk on your phone in
00:11:04.78\00:11:06.95
the car without
getting a ticket.
00:11:06.99\00:11:08.98
Yeah exactly, I'm already
outside of my car. - you're
00:11:09.02\00:11:13.68
outside, your on the bridge?
00:11:13.71\00:11:14.99
Well going to the bridge,
walking. - right you park
00:11:15.03\00:11:19.00
and then you have to walk.
00:11:19.04\00:11:20.03
So Beeerrrring. - my
sister and she says to me older
00:11:20.06\00:11:25.78
sister where are you? - Oh
wow she asked that question?
00:11:25.81\00:11:31.50
Yes she did. -
this is so from Jesus.
00:11:31.53\00:11:34.19
She said where are
you and I told her.
00:11:34.22\00:11:36.80
You told her you were at
the Golden gate Bridge with the
00:11:36.84\00:11:39.57
intention of committing suicide?
00:11:39.61\00:11:41.60
Yes I did, I did I said
you know it's not worth it.
00:11:41.63\00:11:46.02
I'm so sorry for everything
I have done but I can't take
00:11:46.05\00:11:49.65
it anymore, I can't take
this pain I can't take that I'm
00:11:49.68\00:11:53.37
hurting you guys and people
that I love, I'm not worth it.
00:11:53.41\00:11:57.06
I'm not worth it anymore.
- you were using that exact
00:11:57.09\00:12:01.23
kind of language?
Yes. - what did she say?
00:12:01.27\00:12:03.96
I can't imagine calling my
sister and saying hey where are
00:12:03.99\00:12:07.38
you at, oh by the way I'm
here and I want to end my life.
00:12:07.42\00:12:11.73
What did she say? She said
no matter what we love you,
00:12:11.77\00:12:16.06
we accept you and no matter
what you have done we are here
00:12:16.09\00:12:20.35
for you. I mean that
is what I needed to hear.
00:12:20.38\00:12:24.74
She did not have to say much,
just to know that my sister
00:12:24.78\00:12:27.50
loved me. I knew
that, I did know that.
00:12:27.53\00:12:29.91
Did you take it as a
sign? - I did - you did - I did.
00:12:29.95\00:12:34.38
It was timely. I have a
question for you, why did you
00:12:34.42\00:12:37.95
answer the phone? Like
were you looking for a way out?
00:12:37.99\00:12:41.44
You know that it's a good
question, I mean it was right
00:12:41.48\00:12:44.90
there. - a force of
habit aye, pick the phone up.
00:12:44.93\00:12:49.30
Can you imagine if he would
have just left it in your car,
00:12:49.33\00:12:51.49
or turned it off.
- I wouldn't be here.
00:12:51.53\00:12:56.15
So at the time when the phone
rings you pick it up and it
00:12:56.18\00:13:00.54
is your sister and
she says where are you?
00:13:00.58\00:13:02.77
Do you take this at the moment,
this is a sign that God is
00:13:02.81\00:13:05.66
reaching out to me,
are you preceding that?
00:13:05.70\00:13:07.31
At that very moment I didn't
think of it like that, but
00:13:07.35\00:13:11.62
afterwards I did, the
Lord is trying to save me here.
00:13:11.65\00:13:16.68
I really need to think
and pray, again everything was
00:13:16.72\00:13:21.36
a blur, because I was
going there with the intention
00:13:21.39\00:13:26.00
of ending my life.
00:13:26.03\00:13:27.50
Well what I was going to
say is that I have seen you play
00:13:27.53\00:13:32.47
the piano, and I said to
somebody earlier she plays the
00:13:32.51\00:13:37.85
piano like I play it in
my mind, like you have a gift
00:13:37.89\00:13:43.11
a very, very, very special
gift and you have gone to
00:13:43.15\00:13:48.34
school, you have
a degree in music?
00:13:48.37\00:13:49.97
- yes, I
finished Music Performance
00:13:50.01\00:13:51.53
Somebody might be looking
externally saying she has so
00:13:51.57\00:13:55.11
much to live for, she has
so much to live for because you
00:13:55.14\00:13:59.59
have this talent but at
the time you must've been in a
00:13:59.63\00:14:04.54
heap of despair and shame
and guilt and lack of self-worth
00:14:04.58\00:14:08.88
to be balancing the talent
that other people so obviously
00:14:08.92\00:14:13.19
see that you have. -
right. - how does that work?
00:14:13.22\00:14:16.89
Well you're right outside I was
making beautiful music but on
00:14:16.92\00:14:22.12
the inside was just completely
chaotic. - really? - yes.
00:14:22.16\00:14:27.02
But I guess that was my
way of dealing with stuff.
00:14:27.05\00:14:31.01
Just go to the piano and
play a song, sing, put a smile
00:14:31.05\00:14:34.73
on your face and play for
people and just keep on rolling.
00:14:34.76\00:14:38.41
Bless that even though
you are dying on the inside.
00:14:38.44\00:14:40.66
- right. Just to keep my
chronology straight here,
00:14:40.69\00:14:43.55
forgive me I'm kind of a
linear thinker, but you are
00:14:43.58\00:14:46.01
out of this long-term
relationship here at the bridge.
00:14:46.05\00:14:48.44
- oh no, I was
in it, I was in it.
00:14:48.48\00:14:51.01
It wasn't a healthy situation
which only making it worse
00:14:51.05\00:14:55.43
right but shortly after is
when I met a wonderful couple
00:14:55.47\00:14:59.63
- so we are off the bridge
now? - were off the bridge.
00:14:59.67\00:15:04.64
I go home and there is many
things that happen after that
00:15:04.68\00:15:08.89
but God was restoring me,
and He was delivering me out of
00:15:08.92\00:15:13.09
the situation. -
there is our word restore.
00:15:13.13\00:15:16.32
So you met a couple. - I met
a couple Tosh and Waddy Potlick
00:15:16.36\00:15:20.20
they invited me to do
ministry - in what capacity -
00:15:20.23\00:15:25.29
as a music evangelists.
As a music evangelists
00:15:25.33\00:15:28.26
I actually went on a Share
Him trip with them and they
00:15:28.29\00:15:31.22
actually asked me to preach
as well which was totally out
00:15:31.26\00:15:34.16
of my comfort zone but
I did it in El Salvador.
00:15:34.19\00:15:37.42
It was an amazing experience.
- do you speak Spanish?
00:15:37.45\00:15:40.51
A little but not really
no. You preached in English?
00:15:40.54\00:15:45.09
Yeah I did, so I have been
doing that for the past 2 and
00:15:45.12\00:15:49.66
1/2 years now and I think
being in ministry blessed to
00:15:49.69\00:15:53.93
bless others and it has
really helped me in my healing,
00:15:53.96\00:15:58.84
in my healing process and
it was such a testimony to me
00:15:58.87\00:16:03.71
to see people who were
young but so in Christ.
00:16:03.74\00:16:08.11
They knew who
they were in Christ.
00:16:08.15\00:16:10.47
Tosh and Waddy are how
old? Tosh is 27 and Waddy is 28.
00:16:10.51\00:16:14.81
Now, so when you would have
met them 2 and 1/2 years ago,
00:16:14.84\00:16:19.98
25-26. - Ah hah! Praise
God for own fire young people,
00:16:20.02\00:16:25.12
It was a young
person that won me to Jesus.
00:16:25.15\00:16:28.09
So that's great, so we get you
off the bridge and a series of
00:16:28.13\00:16:33.53
events of course but the
way it is heading is that God
00:16:33.57\00:16:37.44
get you into ministry. - yes.
00:16:37.47\00:16:38.74
Now Jackie you have 2
degrees, you mentioned a music
00:16:38.78\00:16:42.18
degree but you are also
trained as a nurse, correct?
00:16:42.22\00:16:45.59
- yes - have you
ever used your nursing?
00:16:45.62\00:16:47.45
No I haven't used
my nursing at all.
00:16:47.49\00:16:49.24
- why is that? Well I
went straight into music
00:16:49.28\00:16:52.93
evangelism, it seems like
whenever I try to make plans
00:16:52.97\00:16:56.95
on my own God has another
way of saying wait, nope,
00:16:56.99\00:17:00.94
that's not the
way you need to go.
00:17:00.97\00:17:02.73
- it's His own plan.
Right it's His own plan but it
00:17:02.77\00:17:05.76
has just been an amazing
and blessed experience for me.
00:17:05.80\00:17:09.05
I never thought my life would
be here, you know traveling
00:17:09.08\00:17:12.30
around to nine or 10
different countries - preaching.
00:17:12.34\00:17:15.98
Preaching and music and just
being part of something that
00:17:16.01\00:17:19.61
is changing heaven's
population one soul at a time.
00:17:19.65\00:17:22.22
Oh, there we go you
sound like a preacher.
00:17:22.25\00:17:24.38
So you said something
earlier I really liked and that
00:17:25.93\00:17:28.37
was the process of healing.
00:17:28.41\00:17:30.05
Does it begin when you met Tosh
and Waddy or is that the end of
00:17:30.09\00:17:36.97
it? Is that the beginning
of the healing or the end
00:17:37.00\00:17:38.17
of the healing or is
there a middle somewhere.
00:17:38.20\00:17:39.58
It was in the middle somewhere,
I remember being curled
00:17:39.62\00:17:42.32
up in my bed in despair
and I was reading the book
00:17:42.36\00:17:46.46
'Steps To Christ', a powerful
book and I love that book.
00:17:46.50\00:17:51.77
I was thinking, I get
it, I finally understand
00:17:51.81\00:17:56.67
God's love for me, you know
00:17:56.71\00:17:59.18
and I am just remembering
the verse in Romans 8:38, 39
00:17:59.21\00:18:03.58
there is nothing, there is
nothing that can separate us
00:18:03.62\00:18:07.58
from the love of God, and
that just resonated with me.
00:18:07.61\00:18:11.54
To know that God
loves you that much.
00:18:11.58\00:18:14.14
His verses are new every
morning I was so thankful and
00:18:14.18\00:18:17.58
grateful for God giving
me that book and the promises
00:18:17.62\00:18:20.98
from His word.
00:18:21.02\00:18:22.61
I've got to read that
passage if you don't mind.
00:18:22.64\00:18:24.26
In many ways is a consummation
of the whole first half of
00:18:24.30\00:18:28.76
Romans and it is so poetic
and so theologically profound
00:18:28.79\00:18:33.21
but we have to read it.
00:18:33.25\00:18:34.68
Romans 8:38 "for I am persuaded
that neither death nor life
00:18:34.72\00:18:38.82
"nor angels nor principalities
nor powers nor things
00:18:38.85\00:18:41.88
"present or things to come,
no height nor death nor any
00:18:41.91\00:18:45.03
"other created thing shall
be able to separate us from
00:18:45.06\00:18:48.15
"the love of God
which is in Christ Jesus."
00:18:48.18\00:18:51.16
Where would we be
without that verse? - Amen!
00:18:51.19\00:18:54.10
Your said it was the love of
God, you are there curled up on
00:18:54.13\00:18:57.69
your bed and you
get it, hallelujah.
00:18:57.72\00:19:00.59
The love of God, the love
of my parents and I believe
00:19:00.62\00:19:03.65
that prayer is power
and I just want to encourage
00:19:03.69\00:19:06.93
whoever's watching
today that prayer is power.
00:19:06.96\00:19:10.13
For you parents out there
don't give up praying for your
00:19:10.17\00:19:13.59
children, do not give up.
00:19:13.63\00:19:15.38
Also for the young people
out there, today is the day of
00:19:15.42\00:19:19.58
salvation choose Jesus Christ,
seriously because that is
00:19:19.62\00:19:23.75
the best thing you
could ever do for your life.
00:19:23.79\00:19:25.48
Now this is not just busy
churchy stuff, oh I'm going to
00:19:25.52\00:19:31.08
be busy here, I'll be
busy there, no, no, no.
00:19:31.12\00:19:33.16
This is the guts of religion,
this is a personal saving
00:19:33.19\00:19:37.64
relationship with Jesus Christ.
00:19:37.67\00:19:40.46
The love of God has just
got a hold of you, but it
00:19:40.50\00:19:43.35
doesn't have to happen,
it doesn't always have to be
00:19:43.39\00:19:46.20
I was converted on
June 13, 19 whatever.
00:19:46.24\00:19:49.50
For you it was a process,
- it was process - meeting
00:19:49.54\00:19:52.95
a godly couple,
now there's a question.
00:19:52.98\00:19:56.13
When you meet them they
have a good relationship - yes.
00:19:56.16\00:19:59.32
Were you becoming a little
cynical in you're thinking?
00:19:59.35\00:20:02.87
I was, you know healthy
relationships don't really exist
00:20:02.90\00:20:06.38
aside from my parents.
00:20:06.42\00:20:07.94
When you first met
them did you think oh yeah!
00:20:07.98\00:20:09.76
Yeah sure! -
they've got something right!
00:20:09.79\00:20:12.27
Oh yeah, I was a little
suspicious and cynical but
00:20:12.31\00:20:16.46
I quickly saw that the
couple who is rooted in Christ
00:20:16.50\00:20:20.62
is a beautiful thing.
00:20:20.65\00:20:22.60
I was preaching in an
evangelistic meeting in Florida
00:20:22.63\00:20:24.01
years ago and a lady cornered
my wife in this tent we were
00:20:24.05\00:20:27.44
preaching in and sort of
cornered her and said, hey what
00:20:27.47\00:20:30.83
is he really
like? She said what?
00:20:30.87\00:20:33.17
What's he really like?
00:20:33.21\00:20:34.39
I enjoy his preaching but what?
00:20:34.43\00:20:35.85
She said I don't really
think I understand what you are
00:20:35.88\00:20:38.11
saying? Well is he a
Christian in the home?
00:20:38.15\00:20:42.22
That's so resonated with me the
fact, because people they see
00:20:42.25\00:20:47.10
the persona, they see the
external but when you have
00:20:47.13\00:20:50.19
had negative relationships
or negative experiences in your
00:20:50.23\00:20:53.30
relationships with your
own life you project that onto
00:20:53.34\00:20:56.37
others and think
well that can't be.
00:20:56.41\00:20:58.54
But you meet this godly
couple, a healthy relationship,
00:20:58.58\00:21:01.39
they love one another and
most of all they love Jesus.
00:21:01.42\00:21:04.87
That's the process. -
Jackie one time when we were
00:21:04.91\00:21:08.29
talking you mentioned earlier
when were just talking now
00:21:08.32\00:21:11.35
that you are looking for
identity and relationships and
00:21:11.39\00:21:14.39
that resulted in unhealthy
relationships, but when
00:21:14.42\00:21:16.97
you said you were focused
on your identity has changed so
00:21:17.01\00:21:19.43
where do you find
your identity now?
00:21:19.46\00:21:20.98
My identity is in Christ, it is.
00:21:21.01\00:21:23.91
And the healthiest
relationship of all.
00:21:23.94\00:21:25.57
And that is the best
relationship we could ever have.
00:21:25.60\00:21:29.63
- Amen hallelujah sweet
Jesus. Just to wrap that up.
00:21:29.66\00:21:33.85
The transition here is
from someone who is externally
00:21:33.89\00:21:38.05
everything looks
great, I mean yeah? - yeah.
00:21:38.08\00:21:40.03
You look beautiful of course
but what I mean is that you
00:21:40.07\00:21:43.84
are putting on that hay
everything is fine but inside
00:21:43.88\00:21:47.58
you are dying? - right. Now
you are to the place where every
00:21:47.62\00:21:51.45
thing looks fine on the outside
because it is fine on the inside
00:21:51.49\00:21:55.29
That's what we want
right? - absolutely.
00:21:55.33\00:21:57.93
Jesus of course was speaking
to the Pharisees and when
00:21:57.97\00:22:00.79
he was speaking to the
Pharisees, to the viewers out
00:22:00.83\00:22:03.62
there and the
in-house audience as well,
00:22:03.65\00:22:05.75
in-house audience and you too.
00:22:05.79\00:22:07.06
Remember when He said you clean
the outside of the cup, but
00:22:07.09\00:22:12.04
inside you are full of
dead men's bones, Psalms 51 God
00:22:12.07\00:22:16.98
desires truth in the
inward parts, inside of us.
00:22:17.02\00:22:20.79
You had the opportunity to
come earlier and to play and
00:22:20.82\00:22:26.40
sing, remember
there's that music account.
00:22:26.44\00:22:28.85
This song is Jesus
Won't You Hold Me in your arms
00:22:28.88\00:22:32.12
- Jesus Won't You Hold Me.
00:22:32.15\00:22:33.24
This song is so beautiful
because it is not just what
00:22:33.28\00:22:35.90
you are doing on the
piano but it is a reflection of
00:22:35.94\00:22:38.53
what is coming
from inside. - right.
00:22:38.56\00:22:40.74
So we are going to go
to that song right now,
00:22:40.77\00:22:42.18
a beautiful, beautiful song.
00:22:42.22\00:22:44.10
Well I read my Bible one morning
00:22:59.95\00:23:03.86
for my dose of daily bread
00:23:03.90\00:23:06.92
like a reflection
in the mirror I saw
00:23:06.96\00:23:11.13
myself in what I read
00:23:11.17\00:23:14.38
it went straight to my heart
00:23:14.41\00:23:18.38
and cut deep in my bones
00:23:18.42\00:23:22.31
You know the
very fabric of my soul
00:23:22.35\00:23:27.94
I thought of all
the mistakes I've made
00:23:27.98\00:23:33.54
and felt hopeless and exposed
00:23:33.58\00:23:38.51
I don't exactly like what I see
00:23:40.33\00:23:46.03
for I recognized the
chief of sinners, it's me
00:23:46.07\00:23:53.50
as I turn away to hide my shame
00:23:53.54\00:23:56.92
I noticed You were waiting
00:23:56.95\00:24:01.59
I just want You to
hold me in Your arms
00:24:01.63\00:24:08.06
Jesus I just want You
to hold me in Your arms
00:24:08.09\00:24:15.06
then I read how
Jesus died for me
00:24:27.26\00:24:30.79
while I was yet in chains
00:24:30.82\00:24:34.13
If I simply claim His blood
00:24:34.17\00:24:37.35
then He would take my blame
00:24:37.39\00:24:41.00
and when His Father looked at me
00:24:41.04\00:24:44.27
He wouldn't see my past
00:24:44.30\00:24:47.76
He would see His
Son and He'd rejoice
00:24:47.79\00:24:51.01
I'd found the way at last
00:24:51.05\00:24:55.26
although you may
not like what you see
00:24:55.29\00:25:02.13
the Lord can make a thing
of beauty out of you and me
00:25:02.17\00:25:09.80
if we confess and leave our sins
00:25:09.84\00:25:13.46
His mercy would flow freely
00:25:13.50\00:25:17.01
if we'd approach
the throne of grace
00:25:17.05\00:25:20.20
He said we could come boldly
00:25:20.23\00:25:27.72
He is waiting to
hold you in His arms
00:25:27.75\00:25:35.06
He is longing to
hold you in His arms
00:25:35.10\00:25:43.77
won't you let Jesus
hold you in His arms
00:25:43.81\00:25:52.45
Amen what an arresting
song and viewer that question
00:26:06.39\00:26:10.94
is right for you,
won't you let Jesus hold
00:26:10.98\00:26:14.59
you in His arms?
00:26:14.62\00:26:16.75
You know David when you
opened this program by reading
00:26:16.79\00:26:18.93
there in Joel about the years
that God will restore that the
00:26:18.97\00:26:22.11
locus has eaten, but further
down in that very passage it
00:26:22.15\00:26:25.30
says that praise the name
of the Lord your God who has
00:26:25.33\00:26:28.50
dealt wondrously with you
and my people, Jackie listen,
00:26:28.54\00:26:32.22
shall never be put to shame.
You will know that I am in
00:26:32.26\00:26:35.91
the midst of Israel. I
am the Lord your God and my
00:26:35.95\00:26:38.92
people, again, say,
shall never be put to shame.
00:26:38.95\00:26:42.51
He said that twice,
it's absolutely beautiful.
00:26:42.54\00:26:46.03
You know that really
resonates with me because again
00:26:46.06\00:26:50.47
I was feeling so ashamed
and dirty and sinful but praise
00:26:50.50\00:26:55.21
God He restores and He
delivers and the healing process
00:26:55.24\00:26:59.72
again was through me being
involved in helping others.
00:26:59.76\00:27:03.23
Being involved in ministry.
- taking the focus off you
00:27:03.27\00:27:06.25
and putting on to others.
- right, right, less focus
00:27:06.28\00:27:09.35
on myself and just trying
to share that love of Christ
00:27:09.39\00:27:12.43
with those around me.
00:27:12.46\00:27:13.89
You know I have gone to college
for 2 degrees, but then I went
00:27:13.92\00:27:19.80
to Bible college also to further
enhance my experience with
00:27:19.83\00:27:23.07
ministry and the best
blessing is I went to a Bible
00:27:23.10\00:27:26.45
college called AFCO and I
learned so much just being that
00:27:26.49\00:27:31.89
realm of helping others,
it really changed my life.
00:27:31.92\00:27:35.57
We have been talking to
someone today who is a beautiful
00:27:35.60\00:27:38.59
person but she went through
such a dark time and maybe you
00:27:38.63\00:27:41.59
have gone through a dark time.
00:27:41.62\00:27:42.92
She dealt with molestation
and maybe you have dealt with
00:27:42.96\00:27:45.67
molestation and I want to
tell you today that it is not
00:27:45.71\00:27:48.95
your fault, you are not to
blame, you do not need to feel
00:27:48.98\00:27:52.19
dirty or shameful you
just need to come to Christ.
00:27:52.23\00:27:54.99
Please be in contact
with us, e-mail us at:
00:27:55.02\00:27:57.48
let Jesus hold you in His arms.
00:27:59.77\00:28:01.64