Hello and welcome to Engage,
my name is David Asscherick.
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Our program today we are
going to be connecting with
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someone who is connected
with Christ who then is
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connected with his community.
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And in our particular
program today we are going to be
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taking a look at the
topic Securely Single.
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So with me today is my
co-host, Shandra Ban and so
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we would like to introduce
Shandra and she will be
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introducing our
guest a friend of hers.
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An old friend of hers and
a new friend of mine so thank
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you for joining us today
and welcome to the program.
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Thanks David, will
welcome back Tyler we had you on
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a episode before and we
are so thankful you are here.
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Tyler has come from
Sardinia Ontario Canada and
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I am a fellow Canadian
and that is why we go back to
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our days at
Canadian university College,
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so thank you for
being here Tyler.
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I'm happy to be here. -
the last time you were here
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Tyler we were talking
about hockey and about sport and
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spirituality, not just
about hockey but about sport and
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spirituality and this
time we are going to be talking
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about being single but
being secure in that singleness.
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I hope you won't mind if
we ever so, slightly poke
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a little fun at you
occasionally. Is that all right?
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That's perfectly fine. -
it seems like you can take it.
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It's part of my French
Shandra that she pokes fun of
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me on a regular bases.
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- It's is just part
of the program okay.
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It should come naturally.
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- it'll come
naturally for you maybe.
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He's a little bigger than
me so I'm a little nervous.
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Oh he's a teddy bear.
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Now before we get into the
program itself what I would
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like to do for our viewers
and for us in the house here is
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to set this up a little bit.
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We would like to do is sort
of look at a couple passages
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that appear from a biblical
perspective, maybe to some
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being a kind of tension.
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The first I will bring to
your remembrance Genesis 1
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and that is the
creation account.
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God creates there 1, 2, 3,
4, 5, and 6 days and in each
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of those days He has this
repeated phrase, and God saw
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that it was good, God saw
that it was good, God so that
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it was good, and then we come
to verse 31 it says, God saw
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that it was -
very good. - very good.
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So we find in the very
beginning in Genesis chapter 1,
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not just good
but even very good.
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Then there is something in
Genesis 1 and 2 that was not
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very good and I were
just read that for us here.
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It says they are inverse
18, Tyler I hope you are paying
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attention, it says, "and
the Lord God said it is not good
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that man should be
alone, I will make him a helper
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"comparable to him. "
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So the one thing there that was
not good man's was aloneness,
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non-partnership with
someone of his own kind.
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When we come into the New
Testament however we have Paul
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saying, I wish that all men
were just like I am, and that
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is in the context
of his singleness.
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So I am married,
Shandra you are married,
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- and I am not. - you are not
married. - I'm big fan of Paul.
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As am I, the same Paul
that said husbands love your
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wives as Christ
also loved the church.
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What is exactly, I think we
are all comfortable with the
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notion here that the Bible
is obviously very much in favor
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of marriage, but they're also
does seem to be this element
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of a sanctified
singleness as well.
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Jesus there in Matthew
chapter 19 speaks about those
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that our UNIX or single
that are able to receive this
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command, let them receive it.
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In the conversations we've
had Tyler I'm not hearing you
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say that, but what we do
want to get her fingers wrapped
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around here, not just for
Tyler sake, for my sake, or
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for Shandra sake, but it
especially for our guests sake.
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That is how can we find,
how can we be content in the
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situation which we find
ourselves, of course that could
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applied to economics, a
could comply to where you live,
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location, but today in
the context of singleness.
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So Tyler I'm going to turn
the program over to Shandra
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who knows your
story a little better
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than me and sort of
set this up for us Shandra.
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A question I have for
you Tyler is that you are not
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married now, doesn't necessarily
mean you don't want to
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be married, but I know
for myself a lot of my view of
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marriage came from my childhood.
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I know a lot of people
don't want to get married
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because maybe they have a
tainted view of marriage as
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that maybe the case.
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What has been your view
on marriage, you are a lawyer
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and what can you think of that?
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- Is that your view, is that
what you are implying Shandra?
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- well it could, just asking?
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No, I basically have two
contrasting views of marriage.
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Like you said your parents
is where you get a lot of your
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view, for me my parents
had a fantastic marriage.
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- oh praise God. - I
really attribute a lot of my new
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conversion to the fact
that I have seen true love
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in action, through
my parents marriage.
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It's one where they are truly
are one, they have become one.
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They make decisions together.
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Every Christian book I
read on marriage, when you are
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single, people in church
throw at you on a regular basis
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I have all of them I think.
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Everything I read my parents
have modeled, have modeled
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that picture of
marriage and it is something
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I have wanted for a long time.
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But also with wanting it
there is, you know I have no
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desire whatsoever to settle
for something less than what
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they have, something
truly God ordained that
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is such a beautiful
thing in the way God meant it.
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- okay so where is the contrast?
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That's the good side,
first of all I would say that is
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beautiful to hear, praise God.
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I realize that I am blessed
with that and I thank God for
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it often, the
contrast is at work.
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I work at a law firm, we
have a pretty general practice
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and I try to stay
away from divorce law.
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I am a new lawyer so there
is a temptation to do what ever
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comes in the door, but I get
a call almost once a day from
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somebody asking
whether I handle divorces.
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Because it is so prevalent,
I'm from a small town and it
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is happening
over and over again.
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Once in a while, while actually
during practical training
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with a divorce lawyer so
I was sitting in on these
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meetings and hearing the
stories and seeing these lives
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completely torn apart.
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It affected children, it
affected extended families,
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and it was really, really
terrible and obviously that is
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not something I want so there
is definitely a contrast in
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my views and feel
pretty well-informed on the two
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different diverging
ways a marriage can go.
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Just getting back to the
fact that you state your parents
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have this beautiful marriage,
I find that so thrilling.
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I would love to believe
that someday my son, my two boys
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7 and 9 will be able
to say something similar.
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My wife and I. we pray for them.
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We say Lord make our
relationship with one another
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attractive to our children
and attractive to those around
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us, and is so
resonate with that.
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It warms my heart as a father
to hear you say that about
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your parents. Can I
ask you how old you are?
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May I do that? - I'm 28.
- okay 28 years young which
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knew it may you a whippersnapper
compared to me, 38.
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- old man. - so referred
to me or them here on out as
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your elder or
eldership, the patriarch.
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But you are 28 years old
and not married, not by choice.
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Talk to us about that, I
hate to be so personal but
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we are trying to engage with
you and maybe in the process
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will get you engaged!
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- I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
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Kind of kidding, true.
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No, you said is not by choice
well obviously there is a lot
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of choice involved, there
is a choice not to settle, and
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there is a choice of meeting
people and the situations
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you put yourself in and
all that stuff but for me there
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is a whole lot of
reasons why I am single.
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My history of relationships
is filled with laughter for
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friends, tears for some
people but basically what
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ends up happening is
that after going to college
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a lot of people
will get married.
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I think the last year of
college I was actually in
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Shandra's wedding party
and I was in 4 or 5 other ones
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just when college was ending.
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At the time God hadn't brought
somebody into my life that
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I was going to marry, that I
saw was going to be compatible
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person with me. You
hadn't found your Eve yet?
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Yeah and God hadn't cut my
rib out and made one for me.
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Then I went on to
professional school afterwards,
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I went on to law school.
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I think then with a lot of
Christians, they will go on
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to college and there
are I lot of peers around.
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That is a great opportunity
to meet people but once
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you're away from that
peer group where there is a lot
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a round it's difficult,
you don't have as many people
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that you are
meeting on a regular basis.
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So I was all of a sudden
in a church, first in eastern
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Canada where there was
some lovely Adventist women but
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none of them there was
that romantic connection with
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I guess and now I am actually
back in Sarnia which was
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my original home church
and there's not one regular
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attending member
whose woman is in her 20s.
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So it's, it's as if
there's not a whole lot a round.
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No, for lack of trying.
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Right, terrible, terrible
that is not what I meant.
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What I meant was, you
are not a college campus.
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- I am not at a college campus.
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- and you feel called to be
practicing law in this town.
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I definitely do, I go into
church sometimes and there's
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people who I really
respect as Christian people.
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Usually the women, but men
in the church don't say as much
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to me, but the women who
have a niece who lives on the
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other side of the continent,
or some friend they know,
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or something like that
but they are always saying
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you have to
move, you have to move.
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At this moment I have prayed
very hard about where I am
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supposed to be, I'm supposed
to be in Sardinia right now.
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That is my situation and I
guess that is a roundabout way
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of saying why I am single,
avoiding embarrassing details.
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Well I think that too, and
there's some sort of humor here
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but I think there is something,
really I think you're at
00:11:07.37\00:11:10.85
the guts of the thing
here, the nucleus of the thing.
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That is if you are in the
place that God has you to be,
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and whatever condition in
which you find yourself, that is
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the condition that God
wants you to be in right then.
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Right? So what comes to
my mind is Philippians 4,
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"not that I speak in regard
to need for have learned that
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"in what ever state I am
to be content. I know how to
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"be abased and I know how
to abound everywhere and in all
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"things I learned both to
be full and hungry, both to
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"abound and to suffer
need. " Then he says in verse 13
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"I can do all things through
Christ who strengthens me. "
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Now in this context Paul
is talking about then I can go
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to the wealthy house, I can
go to the poor and I can have
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lots of food and
I can have no food.
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What he is saying is that
if I'm on God's plan whatever
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condition I find
myself I'm content.
00:12:04.31\00:12:07.76
Are you comfortable saying
then, that you are contented
00:12:07.79\00:12:11.80
in a situation in which
you find yourself right now?
00:12:11.83\00:12:14.28
Um, it is a really good
question, um because I'm not
00:12:14.31\00:12:19.34
always content, right at
this moment I can say yes I am
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content, I'm content in
where I am but there has been
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a lot of times where
I have been frustrated.
00:12:28.51\00:12:30.62
Where I have felt lonely,
where I have questioned God.
00:12:30.65\00:12:35.26
God you show me this great
marriage through my parents and
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You know it is
very important to me.
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The things that are the
most important to you are the
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hardest to answer
and hand over to God.
00:12:44.27\00:12:45.77
Throughout my life I have handed
so many things over to Him
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and He has always handed
them back in such a more amazing
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way than I had
planned for myself.
00:12:54.59\00:12:57.96
So would you say then
that this contentedness is a
00:12:57.99\00:13:00.69
Presque, for lack of a
better term, to getting married?
00:13:00.72\00:13:05.00
To be happy with how you
are before you can actually
00:13:05.03\00:13:07.14
be happy, happy with someone?
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It seems to be the way
it goes with other people,
00:13:09.34\00:13:12.28
I don't know because I
haven't experienced it.
00:13:12.31\00:13:14.48
I think it is something
that God is having me work
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through, He knows this is
something like the rich young
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ruler the thing he held
onto, the thing that was so
00:13:25.35\00:13:27.60
important to him -
literally that was on the tip of
00:13:27.63\00:13:29.77
my tongue. - I can really
relate to the rich young ruler
00:13:29.80\00:13:35.13
because his money was
what was so important to him.
00:13:35.16\00:13:37.39
Now in terms of other things
I say I went to law school
00:13:37.42\00:13:40.56
so I have a good job
now, I did well in sports,
00:13:40.59\00:13:45.25
I have done a lot of things
that are seen as successful
00:13:45.28\00:13:48.09
in the world and that
some people strive for,
00:13:48.12\00:13:50.00
but those things aren't
what it's really on my heart,
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what I really care about.
00:13:53.43\00:13:54.94
What I care for the things
that were instilled in me by
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my parents and that God
wants for people and from the
00:13:57.50\00:14:01.42
verses you've shown, it's
not good for man to be alone.
00:14:01.45\00:14:05.66
It is something that I
have wanted for a long time and
00:14:05.69\00:14:08.84
like I said there have
been a lot of times where I have
00:14:08.87\00:14:11.77
been very
frustrated with being single.
00:14:11.80\00:14:16.36
With being in a place where
there didn't seem like there
00:14:16.40\00:14:19.66
where any possibilities
of me finding someone.
00:14:19.70\00:14:24.34
Not doubting God, but having
a real difficulty of handing
00:14:24.38\00:14:30.36
that part of my
life over to Him.
00:14:30.40\00:14:32.95
I love what you say
they are, to me there is such
00:14:32.98\00:14:35.70
sublimity bear
and such profundity.
00:14:35.73\00:14:37.65
The hardest thing to
turn over to God is a thing
00:14:37.68\00:14:41.20
that is the most
important and dear to me.
00:14:41.23\00:14:42.65
There are many things,
getting back to the rich young
00:14:42.68\00:14:45.38
ruler, the rich young
ruler would have been perfectly
00:14:45.42\00:14:48.09
happy to have done for
Jesus, or even given to
00:14:48.12\00:14:51.19
Jesus and His cause,
but he wants what is the
00:14:51.23\00:14:54.27
hardest for us to give.
00:14:54.30\00:14:55.68
To care that part
over, I appreciate you being
00:14:55.71\00:14:59.14
vulnerable and being
honest by saying that is hard,
00:14:59.18\00:15:02.59
that's frustrating. You
know sometimes we sort of go
00:15:02.63\00:15:05.18
through the religious
life, and let's be honest,
00:15:05.22\00:15:07.73
this is for our
listeners as well.
00:15:07.77\00:15:10.05
We pretend that all is
well, when all is not well.
00:15:10.08\00:15:12.75
I'll say Oh you know
Tyler how are you doing.
00:15:12.78\00:15:15.51
Oh I'm doing great, and
maybe that is just okay and
00:15:15.54\00:15:18.90
a nice conversation
but the reality is that
00:15:18.94\00:15:21.41
we don't hear
things like I'm lonely,
00:15:21.45\00:15:23.88
or I'm frustrated.
00:15:23.92\00:15:25.55
We don't hear those
kinds of things enough because,
00:15:25.58\00:15:27.47
I don't know why I sure
there's a variety of reasons,
00:15:27.50\00:15:30.40
but to hear that you say
that is a source of difficulty
00:15:30.44\00:15:33.30
and frustration for you,
frankly it is refreshing.
00:15:33.34\00:15:37.12
Thank you for that.
00:15:37.16\00:15:39.17
For me on coming on the show
like you said the title today is
00:15:39.21\00:15:42.55
Securely Single, I was
invited to come down here and
00:15:42.58\00:15:44.85
Shandra said there was
going to be a couple of shows
00:15:44.89\00:15:47.21
but it has been recently
that she says we're going to do
00:15:47.24\00:15:49.59
a show called Securely
Single from a male perspective.
00:15:49.63\00:15:53.12
I felt a little ambushed,
- thank you for that Shandra
00:15:53.15\00:15:57.89
- I meet the criteria, I
am single but in terms of
00:15:57.92\00:16:01.79
secure it has been
something that has been more
00:16:01.83\00:16:06.68
recent. - and I have
watched Dave grow and shape
00:16:06.72\00:16:11.54
the show around you. - right!
00:16:11.58\00:16:13.66
But it is something I am
really thankful for God doing
00:16:13.70\00:16:17.00
and I feel that it is a
providential that he would have
00:16:17.04\00:16:20.31
me on the show
as time like this.
00:16:20.34\00:16:21.89
We had some conversations
before about being secure and
00:16:21.92\00:16:26.80
kind of pressures outside,
because we are talking about
00:16:26.83\00:16:31.29
being content, were talking
about being content in God
00:16:31.32\00:16:35.74
and handing things over to Him.
00:16:35.78\00:16:37.43
That is great and I
love doing that because
00:16:37.47\00:16:42.55
He has always
handed it back to me.
00:16:42.59\00:16:43.91
What I find is difficult
is the social pressures,
00:16:43.94\00:16:49.11
with family pressures, it
sometimes makes it so that
00:16:49.14\00:16:54.64
you lose sight of that, you
lose sight of what God wants
00:16:54.67\00:16:58.54
us to hand over to Him because
He has a better plan for us,
00:16:58.57\00:17:02.41
when the pastors wife,
who I love dearly would say.
00:17:02.44\00:17:06.78
- she's got a plan for you too.
00:17:06.81\00:17:08.44
You know she says come to this
church or there's this person
00:17:08.47\00:17:12.11
here and all that kind of
stuff which usually turns into
00:17:12.15\00:17:15.75
being awkward. -
oh, I can just imagine.
00:17:15.78\00:17:19.34
I've gone into churches where
I actually remember one time
00:17:19.38\00:17:24.13
I went with my mom to a
church up by our cottage.
00:17:24.17\00:17:26.10
I had never been there
before and it was a very small
00:17:26.13\00:17:27.99
church and my mom has come
to church with me once or twice
00:17:28.03\00:17:31.86
to the
Seventh-day Adventist church.
00:17:31.90\00:17:33.98
Your parents are not
presently Adventist? Right.
00:17:34.01\00:17:37.47
They attend a Catholic church,
so my mom came with me and
00:17:37.50\00:17:40.24
I really liked that she
did and it was a great sermon.
00:17:40.27\00:17:43.06
As soon as I walked in I had
a quick look around and there
00:17:43.09\00:17:45.84
was one woman that was
probably 25 or 26 at the time.
00:17:45.88\00:17:49.40
I'm not very good with age
but I think she was in her mid-
00:17:49.44\00:17:53.47
30s but the elders of the
church you can see light bulbs
00:17:53.50\00:17:57.50
going on over their heads.
00:17:57.53\00:17:59.50
Looking at them and looking
back and whispering, so at
00:17:59.54\00:18:03.62
the end of it I
avoid those situations.
00:18:03.66\00:18:06.87
They were ready to
perform the wedding? Probably?
00:18:06.91\00:18:09.74
Yeah I thought I saw them
tying bows to the end of the
00:18:09.77\00:18:12.57
altar, or to the edges
of the pews so that was all
00:18:12.61\00:18:15.13
decorated. - so you
touched on something there
00:18:15.17\00:18:17.62
I think needs to be said,
our viewers need to hear it.
00:18:17.66\00:18:21.99
That is this idea of social
pressure and even parental
00:18:22.02\00:18:26.01
pressure, you're 28 years
old and that is not exactly old.
00:18:26.05\00:18:30.01
I wasn't married till I was 27.
00:18:30.04\00:18:31.46
But there is pressure and
how do you keep clear in your
00:18:31.49\00:18:37.91
mind this is where God
has me, other people have
00:18:37.95\00:18:41.00
expectations of me, other
people want ABC for me but
00:18:41.03\00:18:44.05
I am really on God's plan.
00:18:44.08\00:18:46.21
How do you keep that, what
would you say to our viewers?
00:18:46.25\00:18:50.10
even more than that, you
say you feel God's leading in
00:18:50.13\00:18:53.23
your life but yet you would
like to be married so where
00:18:53.27\00:18:56.33
do you balance, God's
leading verses how much do
00:18:56.37\00:18:59.59
I initiate? Do I go out to
these churches and look for
00:18:59.62\00:19:02.73
woman, do I look on the online
sources that are available?
00:19:02.76\00:19:05.84
How do you
balance, how is God leading
00:19:05.87\00:19:09.13
and what should I do?
00:19:09.17\00:19:10.88
There are sort
of two things there.
00:19:10.91\00:19:13.21
Yeah, so yours was more -
other people have expectations
00:19:13.24\00:19:17.65
of you, how do you keep this
is where God has me right now?
00:19:17.69\00:19:22.06
Shandra's ties in with
that right now - initiation
00:19:22.10\00:19:25.19
I'm waiting on the Lord?
00:19:25.23\00:19:27.92
Maybe you can put some...
what does that mean to you?
00:19:27.95\00:19:31.45
Put some flesh on it for us.
00:19:31.49\00:19:32.57
It's difficult like I
said sometimes those social
00:19:32.60\00:19:37.46
pressures and family
pressures. Back home it is not
00:19:37.50\00:19:40.70
too hard because a lot of
my friends are secular where
00:19:40.73\00:19:44.17
I think the average age
for marriage is around 28,
00:19:44.20\00:19:47.60
so some of my friends
are getting married and
00:19:47.64\00:19:50.07
I don't get so much from
thence but I do feel it in the
00:19:50.10\00:19:52.20
church and my
family somewhat because
00:19:52.23\00:19:54.59
they know how I feel about it.
00:19:54.62\00:19:56.27
So it wasn't so bad with
my mom I always expected,
00:19:56.30\00:19:59.18
but when my dad started
giving me a hard time that is
00:19:59.21\00:20:03.03
when, those kind of things
are to take your mind off of
00:20:03.07\00:20:06.30
it and basically what I
need to do is take a step back
00:20:06.34\00:20:09.65
once in a while and realize
that God is looking after it.
00:20:09.69\00:20:12.97
Now in terms of initiation,
I don't know the answer,
00:20:13.01\00:20:18.08
I wish I could say okay
this is exactly what you have
00:20:18.12\00:20:23.16
to do to find
somebody if you are looking.
00:20:23.20\00:20:25.60
But in my situation, I
really believe that right now
00:20:25.64\00:20:28.87
I am in a place were I'm
probably not going to meet
00:20:28.91\00:20:33.10
somebody in the near
future, but like I said it is
00:20:33.13\00:20:37.25
something that God is working
on my heart and for me to
00:20:37.28\00:20:39.99
be able to hand it over to
Him, even to say I'm securely
00:20:40.02\00:20:42.69
single and if that is
the way God wants me to be,
00:20:42.72\00:20:44.91
that is how I'm going to be.
00:20:44.95\00:20:46.41
I guess when I'm talking
it's been more recent that
00:20:46.44\00:20:51.70
I have been okay with this.
00:20:51.73\00:20:54.50
I recently had a situation,
I'll go long periods of time,
00:20:54.54\00:20:57.59
the world will say all you
have been on a date in a month
00:20:57.62\00:21:00.64
that is crazy.
00:21:00.68\00:21:01.90
You'll see sometimes on
television you haven't been on
00:21:01.93\00:21:05.22
a date are you
getting by in life?
00:21:05.26\00:21:07.39
We go long periods of
time that I'm without having
00:21:07.43\00:21:11.04
a romantic relationship,
or going out to meet somebody
00:21:11.07\00:21:14.65
for a date because
of where I have been.
00:21:14.69\00:21:18.45
But I had a situation, I
met a person recently that it
00:21:18.48\00:21:24.43
happened after prayer and
me saying God show me somebody
00:21:24.46\00:21:30.11
that I am very attracted
to, that I see could possibly
00:21:30.15\00:21:34.16
be a match, I'm not saying
we have to end up together.
00:21:34.20\00:21:38.44
Right now I feel discouraged
so if You could just show
00:21:38.47\00:21:42.68
me somebody that
will encourage me.
00:21:42.71\00:21:44.71
The prayer was answered
very directly, and very exactly
00:21:44.75\00:21:49.39
because God showed me
somebody that I found very
00:21:49.42\00:21:52.35
attractive, that was a
great spiritual person, that was
00:21:52.39\00:21:56.83
interested in missions,
was beautiful in every way.
00:21:56.87\00:22:00.75
Beautifully and wonderfully
made as true as ever been.
00:22:00.79\00:22:06.41
But it wasn't a situation
where she was ready to be
00:22:06.45\00:22:11.43
involved romantically I
guess, in a jokingly way
00:22:11.46\00:22:16.04
she shut me down is what
happened. - oh no, no man
00:22:16.08\00:22:20.63
your being very
honest and I love it.
00:22:20.66\00:22:23.00
She did and for whatever
her reasons were, bad breath,
00:22:23.03\00:22:29.03
something about the way I
looked, or something like that.
00:22:29.06\00:22:34.32
I don't know exactly what
those reasons are but at the end
00:22:34.36\00:22:39.14
of the day I was sad. She
was a great person and she will
00:22:39.18\00:22:43.93
continue to be a great
friend because she acted so
00:22:43.96\00:22:46.35
honestly towards me
through the whole thing.
00:22:46.38\00:22:48.27
It was very encouraging to
have that prayer answered and
00:22:48.31\00:22:53.05
to meet somebody
that I was attracted to.
00:22:53.09\00:22:54.92
It was like God was answering
the prayer, not in the full
00:22:54.95\00:22:57.82
sense but it He gave you a
sign, sometimes were afraid to
00:22:57.86\00:23:00.69
say that word,
but it was from Jesus.
00:23:00.73\00:23:02.43
And so at the end of the
day I was thinking our God can
00:23:02.46\00:23:06.34
cause me to have these
kinds of feelings so quickly and
00:23:06.38\00:23:10.68
unexpectedly, how can I
doubt if I handed it over to Him
00:23:10.72\00:23:14.98
that He is going
to take care of me?
00:23:15.02\00:23:17.82
Something that we have to
touch on here and that is are
00:23:17.85\00:23:22.11
you tempted, you are young,
you're handsome, is that true
00:23:22.15\00:23:26.37
Shandra? - she's married
too. And - I don't really
00:23:26.41\00:23:29.72
know, your not ugly. So here's
where I'm going with this.
00:23:29.76\00:23:33.40
You are young, you
are good looking guy,
00:23:33.43\00:23:35.29
and you have a job, what
about the temptation to just
00:23:35.33\00:23:41.40
say I'm going to settle?
00:23:41.43\00:23:42.67
You mentioned a good
spiritual person, what about the
00:23:42.71\00:23:45.60
temptation to, now listen
we are kidding ourselves if we
00:23:45.63\00:23:48.83
think our viewers by the
hundreds and thousands don't
00:23:48.87\00:23:52.03
face this very
temptation to just settle.
00:23:52.06\00:23:53.63
She's sweet, she's nice,
she's kind, she's what ever.
00:23:53.66\00:23:57.29
She's not a Christian yet
but is the temptation there to
00:23:57.33\00:24:00.92
just marry outside of the faith?
00:24:00.95\00:24:02.30
I would be lying to save
there was no temptation to go on
00:24:02.34\00:24:06.51
dates with people to just
hang out with girls that don't
00:24:06.55\00:24:10.48
share my beliefs because I
get the question all the time.
00:24:10.52\00:24:14.57
I am living in an environment
that is very secular with
00:24:14.61\00:24:18.21
my friends and they will
ask the question, do you need to
00:24:18.25\00:24:21.81
date someone who
is not your religion?
00:24:21.85\00:24:25.09
Or do you need to date
somebody who is your religion?
00:24:25.13\00:24:27.84
What if the
morals were the same?
00:24:27.87\00:24:31.74
What if you were attracted
and all these different ideas
00:24:31.77\00:24:36.43
except your Christian faith?
00:24:36.46\00:24:38.76
It is a difficult question
because actually what they are
00:24:38.80\00:24:43.06
getting at is how judgmental
I am, but also wanting to
00:24:43.09\00:24:47.06
know about my faith so it
is the chance to witness too.
00:24:47.09\00:24:52.18
Usually what I will say is
it is the truth that for me
00:24:52.21\00:24:57.26
my Christianity and
my belief and my faith in
00:24:57.30\00:25:01.40
God is not a once a week thing.
00:25:01.44\00:25:03.76
It is not a compartmentalized
part of my life,
00:25:03.79\00:25:08.44
it is something
that affects everything.
00:25:08.48\00:25:10.63
It is how I view everything,
it's how I view plants
00:25:10.67\00:25:14.89
growing in the ground.
00:25:14.93\00:25:16.01
It's how I view how children
should be raised and how
00:25:16.05\00:25:19.79
I view eternity so it's
not a situation where I could,
00:25:19.83\00:25:23.52
And when we talk about
settling, settling for something
00:25:23.55\00:25:27.21
less than the ideal.
00:25:27.24\00:25:28.76
Not settling for a person
because they don't believe
00:25:28.79\00:25:30.95
they are less of a
person by any means.
00:25:30.98\00:25:33.08
Thank you, I love
that clarification.
00:25:33.12\00:25:35.15
But it is settling for
something less than God's ideal
00:25:35.18\00:25:40.27
for me, and whatever that is.
00:25:40.30\00:25:41.63
It could be God's ideal
for me is to stay single and
00:25:41.67\00:25:45.49
to take up some kind of
ministry that He needs me to be
00:25:45.53\00:25:48.95
single for and I know from
past experiences what He has
00:25:48.99\00:25:52.23
done in other parts of my
life that He is going to take
00:25:52.26\00:25:55.47
care of it and that
He has something better
00:25:55.50\00:25:59.39
in mind than I do.
00:25:59.43\00:26:00.61
If God's providence is
calling you to that then
00:26:00.65\00:26:03.08
God's grace will sustain
you and empower you in that.
00:26:03.12\00:26:06.48
In other words the story
is quickly told where a woman
00:26:06.52\00:26:09.37
goes up to Dwight Moody and
says oh I wish I had the faith
00:26:09.40\00:26:12.22
that you had, I wish
I had a martyr's faith.
00:26:12.25\00:26:13.73
He says will I don't
have a martyr's faith.
00:26:13.77\00:26:15.18
What a great evangelist and
Moody doesn't have a martyr's
00:26:15.21\00:26:17.74
faith? No, but if God
called me to be a martyr then
00:26:17.77\00:26:21.41
He would give me
the faith to do that.
00:26:21.45\00:26:23.43
So you said something there
about, even the way the grass
00:26:23.46\00:26:27.11
grows and the way you
view marriage relationships and
00:26:27.15\00:26:29.88
eternity, that is a
great point because if you see
00:26:29.91\00:26:32.61
a flower or you see
a tree, you see that in
00:26:32.64\00:26:35.60
a fundamentally different
way than a person who doesn't
00:26:35.64\00:26:38.31
share your most basic
core of spiritual perspective.
00:26:38.34\00:26:40.98
At the creation ahh, thank
you Jesus for these beautiful
00:26:41.01\00:26:43.54
flowers is different than
oh those are nice flowers.
00:26:43.57\00:26:46.52
If you don't share that
most fundamental thing with
00:26:46.56\00:26:48.89
somebody really how could
you be connected with them in
00:26:48.93\00:26:52.31
the most intimate, significant,
meaningful things in life?
00:26:52.35\00:26:55.70
Yeah and that is
exactly the point.
00:26:55.73\00:26:59.17
From that view of marriage
that I have from my parents,
00:26:59.20\00:27:03.32
it's that they are on the
same page about everything,
00:27:03.35\00:27:07.43
about every aspect of life.
00:27:07.47\00:27:09.15
If they have any differences
they can work through it
00:27:09.18\00:27:12.77
together, but because they
are viewing it the same way,
00:27:12.80\00:27:18.70
and because I had such an
ideal in seeing exactly what
00:27:18.73\00:27:22.96
God meant when he said it
was not good that man be alone.
00:27:22.99\00:27:27.18
If you would see my dad
by himself he is useless.
00:27:27.22\00:27:29.23
Not in every way,
but he needs my mother.
00:27:29.27\00:27:33.93
And my mom loves being
needed by him, and the exact
00:27:33.97\00:27:38.15
opposite is true, the
same thing is true the same
00:27:38.18\00:27:42.33
as my mom and dad.
00:27:42.37\00:27:43.50
Well thank you so much
for being on the show here in
00:27:43.54\00:27:46.04
the thing that I have really
taken away and that I want
00:27:46.07\00:27:48.54
our viewers to take
away is that whatever state
00:27:48.57\00:27:50.85
you are in, be content
there and thank you for turning
00:27:50.89\00:27:55.18
in, check us out or
send us an e-mail at:
00:27:55.21\00:27:57.23
thank you for joining us today.
00:28:00.13\00:28:01.99