(soothing instrumental music)
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- Welcome, everyone.
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We're excited to share
some country wisdom with you.
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- King Solomon had
a thing or two to say
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about the path to wisdom.
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In Proverbs 4, he wrote,
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"Let your eyes
look directly forward
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and your gaze be
straight before you.
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Keep straight
the path of your feet
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and all your ways will be sure."
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- Join us now
for "Country Wisdom."
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(mysterious music)
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Are you depressed?
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Have you got problems in life?
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I mean, we all have problems,
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but have you felt like you
wanted to go a step further?
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You should stay right here
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because we have an
incredible story for you.
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Thank you so
much for coming today
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and sharing your amazing story.
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- Yeah, definitely.
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Yeah, so my name is Danique,
and I'm from the Netherlands.
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I'm half Dutch,
half South African.
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And my parents,
they met in South Africa
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where my mother's from.
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My dad moved
there in his early 20s.
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He's an atheist.
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My mom was a Christian,
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but kind of started
falling away from the church,
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started clubbing and met my dad.
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Moved in together, got married.
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And unfortunately she
didn't marry the right man.
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When they moved
to the Netherlands,
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he got very abusive physically,
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and I grew up in that kind
of household with my brother.
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- Physically with the whole
family or just your mom or?
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- Actually, from what I
remember, mostly my brother.
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He would, for some
reason it was my brother
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who was getting
on his nerves a lot.
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I don't know why.
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But yeah, I remember one time
when we were all watching TV,
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everything's fine, and somehow
my brother said something
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that my dad didn't
like, and next thing you know,
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I'm seeing my
brother next to my dad
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and my dad is
holding his wrists.
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And I just remember so vividly
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that he had this
demonic look in his eyes,
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and he would just
look into my brother's eyes
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and squeeze his wrists.
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And my brother was
just screaming out of pain.
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And I thought, "He's
gonna break his wrists,
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and he gonna kill him."
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And I thought he was gonna die.
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And my mom, you know,
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you have fight or
flight when that happens,
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when you just
freeze or you do something.
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And my mom stood there.
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And I was like, I have
to do something, and so I-
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- How old were you?
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- I think I was
maybe 10 years old.
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My brother, probably
12, something like that.
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And I remember just trying
to peel off my dad's hands
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and he didn't even notice.
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He was so like a
demon looking at my brother.
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And later on, years later,
as I went through therapy,
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I realized that
was a trauma for me.
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That it kept
haunting me over and over
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and including feeling
abandoned by my mother
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for all of those years,
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not having removed
us outta the situation,
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in that moment,
not doing anything,
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or even afterwards, my
brother getting the attention
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'cause he had the
physical abuse the most,
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and I was not being asked,
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"How are you doing?
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Are you okay?"
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- Therapy, how did
you end up in therapy?
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Why?
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- At first I
didn't think I needed it,
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'cause this was
many years later.
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It was, while I was a teenager,
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I got really
depressed, actually,
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because I was bullied in school.
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You know, you're really insecure
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because of
what's going on at home,
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and the the mean
kids pick up on that.
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And so they started
bullying me in school,
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which made my
situation even worse
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to the point
where I became suicidal.
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- Was this, you're
in the Netherlands?
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- Yes, I'm in
the Netherlands, yes.
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I was like probably 11, 12.
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I was in high school at
12 and got severely bullied
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and there was a
time when I got home
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and I was
actually hitting the wall.
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I was so mad that I
was punching the wall,
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and I walked up the
stairs to my brother's room
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and I sat down in his
chair, and I saw a knife,
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unfolded open
pocket knife on the floor.
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And I picked it
up and I thought,
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"I'm gonna kill
myself right now."
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And I held it to my wrist
and I heard a voice that said,
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"Don't do it."
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And I threw it on the floor.
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And then I said,
"Okay, I'm not doing it."
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And I remember
sitting down against the wall
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and I was just crying.
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And then my dad came home
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and I pretended like
nothing had happened.
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And then I told my mom,
and that's how eventually
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I got into therapy.
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I was talking to a
social worker in high school.
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He recommended therapy.
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My mom took me to therapy.
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Didn't do that much, though.
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Just didn't feel like they
really understood my situation.
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In fact, I also
went to a child psych,
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or a regular
psychiatrist at one point.
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He said, "Oh, you need
one session, you're done."
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I thought, "One session?
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I'm suicidal."
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He just clearly
didn't understand children.
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- And one session will fix it.
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- Yeah, he clearly didn't
understand children at all.
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Yeah, so I think at one point
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I just forgot a
couple of my appointments
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at this other
place where I was at now.
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Like it was like
an actual institution
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for children and psychology.
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And they just never called
me, so I just stopped going.
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Like, you know, you think
they have a responsibility
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for this kind of stuff,
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especially since I
shared I was suicidal.
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But they just
didn't say anything.
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- So you shared with
them you were suicidal
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and still they said,
"Ah, you don't need any more."
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- So this was
another institution.
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I went to a psychologist
or psychiatrist first.
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He said one session.
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Then I went to another place
and then they finally said,
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"Okay, yeah, you
have a couple sessions."
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But then they
never called me back
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when I didn't show up anymore.
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- It's hard to imagine.
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- Yes, it is.
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- Yeah, it's very
messed up, unfortunately.
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Yeah, so I was about 13, 14
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when I had a friend in high
school, my one and only friend,
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'cause I was very unpopular,
who introduced me to Jesus.
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I grew up with a understanding
that there was a God
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because my mom was a
Christian-ish, you know.
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Like she didn't read the
Bible, never went to church,
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or maybe she read like a Psalm
in the evening and that's it.
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But never talked
about it with us.
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But I believe
that there was a God,
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and I guess God knew
that I was searching.
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And so I- - God always knows.
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- He always knows, yes.
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So my friend was a
Protestant Christian
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and she
introduced me to this church
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and I went to church with her.
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But they weren't
very, like, hospitable.
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They didn't really greet
me or anything like that.
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And so it was easy
not to show up, you know.
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The only people
really knew who I was
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were the people in my
youth group that I went to.
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But yeah, so I
eventually, I did ask my mom
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would she come
with me, and she did.
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And so we started
having church there.
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And it was good, but like
I said, didn't go that often.
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At the same time I
found these books in our attic
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hidden around the corner.
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And they were Christian
books that my grandmother,
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my mom's mother,
had given us years ago,
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right after I was born.
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By this time she
had passed away already.
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And I found these books
and I started reading them
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and they were for children.
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So for me, even though
I was a little bit older
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than what the
target age was for,
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it was easy for me to understand
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what these books were about.
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And I started
learning about the Bible.
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And I even found
this children's Bible,
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started reading that one.
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And then when I was
15, I went to South Africa
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to visit my family with
my parents and my brother.
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And I guess you'd call
it some divine appointments
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where God worked in my heart.
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I ended up getting these
Bible studies about Daniel
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from my cousins.
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It might be too long of a story,
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but it's like lots
of divine appointments
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where God was just putting
all the pieces together for me.
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- We like to hear about
divine appointments, right?
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- You wanna hear it?
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Okay. - Sure.
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- At least tell us
like one of the ones
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where it was very clear.
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- Right, okay.
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So I went for a walk
with my aunt and my mom,
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and it was just the three of us.
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Now, there was an evening,
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and my cousins were
making crepes with Nutella.
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And- - Ooh.
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- Yeah, and that's the
important detail because-
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- [Jim] Your favorite.
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- [Janice] We just ate
lunch and yet I'm going,
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"Ooh, Nutella."
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- (laughs) Well,
I was a teenager.
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There's crepes and Nutella.
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There's this neighborhood
walk that I can go on,
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or eat crepes with Nutella.
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Why would I go on the
walk in the boring neighborhood
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when I'm a teenager who
doesn't care about that stuff?
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But somehow I ended up
got walking with my mom.
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And at this
point my mom's sister
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had come back to the church,
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because before that
her three siblings and her
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had all kind of fallen way.
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So she was now
reaching out to us.
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And I asked her all
these silly questions.
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Like, I grew up
playing a lot of video games
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and watching a lot
of TV and I was like,
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"So, you know, like,
I download these games,
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I'm not supposed to,
I'm not paying for them.
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Am I stealing?"
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Like these really
innocent questions.
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And so then at
the door she's like,
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"Hey, have you
heard about Daniel?"
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I'm like, "Who is this kid
that I'm supposed to know?"
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But she was referring to
the book of Daniel in the Bible.
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And I was like, "Oh, I never
even read that book before."
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But my mom, she's
like, she's telling my mom,
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"You should tell
her about Daniel."
00:09:03.51\00:09:04.61
And she's like,
"Pfft, whatever."
00:09:04.61\00:09:06.61
So I go to my
room, and before that,
00:09:06.61\00:09:08.88
my grandpa had given me a
Bible, my South African grandpa,
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and that I had found, it
was another divine appointment.
00:09:13.31\00:09:16.05
Like, I shouldn't have
had that Bible at the time.
00:09:16.05\00:09:17.95
So I go and open
the book of Daniel.
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And on the next day,
00:09:20.32\00:09:21.42
we're supposed to fly
back to the Netherlands.
00:09:21.42\00:09:23.79
My cousin comes up to
me, my aunt's daughter,
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showing me a study on Daniel,
and she makes a copy for me,
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and I go home and I study it
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and then start
growing in the Lord.
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And I told, asked him
later, and my aunt said,
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"I had never
told her to do that."
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Like they had no clue that
she had talked about Daniel.
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And then she gives
me study on Daniel.
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It's like, it was
all God who led in that.
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- And you began falling in
love through the book of Daniel.
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- I was.
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- [Jim] That's amazing.
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- I mean, it's an
odd book to begin with.
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Even though I
had some, you know,
00:09:50.02\00:09:51.92
a little bit
understanding of the Bible.
00:09:51.92\00:09:54.02
But that was
like the first thing
00:09:54.02\00:09:56.32
because I think for me
the prophecies made sense.
00:09:56.32\00:09:58.96
It was like they talked
about the time that I lived in
00:09:58.96\00:10:01.70
and they told me everything
I needed to know about,
00:10:03.03\00:10:03.83
like, what's gonna happen now,
00:10:03.83\00:10:05.30
what's happened
just before I lived,
00:10:05.30\00:10:07.24
what's gonna
happen in the future.
00:10:07.24\00:10:09.10
And I understood
the Bible was real
00:10:09.10\00:10:11.34
and that the Bible
was telling me the truth
00:10:11.34\00:10:14.78
because there was no way
that these historical figures
00:10:14.78\00:10:17.78
that we know from
history actually existed,
00:10:17.78\00:10:19.71
there's evidence for that
in archeology and everything
00:10:19.71\00:10:22.12
and historical writings,
00:10:22.12\00:10:23.75
that they said all
these things about my time,
00:10:23.75\00:10:25.99
and we know from
history that they happened.
00:10:25.99\00:10:27.59
And then I'm like, but
then I can also believe
00:10:27.59\00:10:29.49
that other things will happen,
00:10:29.49\00:10:30.96
and I can believe
that the rest of the Bible
00:10:30.96\00:10:32.36
is also the truth and that
I can believe it and trust it.
00:10:32.36\00:10:36.06
- Daniel too, for me,
you read that, you know,
00:10:36.06\00:10:38.63
Nebuchadnezzar statue. - Right.
00:10:38.63\00:10:40.27
- Outlining the kingdoms and
studying history, which I love.
00:10:40.27\00:10:44.41
And sure enough,
there they line up.
00:10:44.41\00:10:46.27
- Yep.
00:10:46.27\00:10:47.24
- For me it just gives you
00:10:47.24\00:10:49.41
a firmer
foundation for your faith.
00:10:49.41\00:10:51.31
It's like no matter
what kind of craziness
00:10:51.31\00:10:53.85
is going on around
me, I know God has this.
00:10:53.85\00:10:57.32
- Right, yeah.
00:10:57.32\00:10:58.75
- You mentioned
downloading a lot of video games
00:10:58.75\00:11:01.76
and playing all
that kind of thing.
00:11:01.76\00:11:03.69
Do you think looking back that
that helped your depression,
00:11:03.69\00:11:07.36
and took you in a direction
that wasn't the greatest?
00:11:07.36\00:11:12.30
- You know, I think for me,
00:11:12.30\00:11:14.67
video games and TV
was a way to numb the pain
00:11:14.67\00:11:18.01
that I was going through.
00:11:18.01\00:11:19.37
And video games, my
brother and I were both
00:11:19.37\00:11:21.14
very much into it.
00:11:21.14\00:11:22.74
It was a way to almost be
able to live a different life.
00:11:22.74\00:11:27.75
You know, like you
have these characters
00:11:30.05\00:11:31.45
and they have it well,
and they might be superheroes
00:11:31.45\00:11:36.19
and they can attack these people
00:11:36.99\00:11:37.79
and do all these crazy things.
00:11:37.79\00:11:39.16
It makes you feel better
00:11:39.16\00:11:40.70
and it makes you forget
about your pain that you have.
00:11:40.70\00:11:41.93
- Fantasy is always
better than real life.
00:11:41.93\00:11:43.77
- Right, right, exactly.
00:11:43.77\00:11:45.23
It was an escapism for me.
00:11:45.23\00:11:47.07
And it's
actually something that,
00:11:47.07\00:11:48.57
not the video game
part, but later on in life,
00:11:48.57\00:11:51.11
came back for me where I started
00:11:51.11\00:11:52.97
having an addiction
to YouTube, actually,
00:11:52.97\00:11:54.98
when I had my second
time with depression.
00:11:54.98\00:11:59.71
- Explain a YouTube addiction.
00:11:59.71\00:12:01.52
- Yeah, so...
00:12:01.52\00:12:03.65
- Do you know
what YouTube is, Jim?
00:12:03.65\00:12:05.89
(Danique and Jim laughing)
00:12:05.89\00:12:08.46
You're a little older than I am.
00:12:08.46\00:12:09.79
- Yes, grandma, I do.
00:12:09.79\00:12:10.76
It's okay. (laughs)
00:12:10.76\00:12:12.76
- Yeah, so I guess,
shall I start off with first
00:12:12.76\00:12:17.23
like how I got depressed again
00:12:17.23\00:12:19.93
and then how I got-
00:12:19.93\00:12:21.00
- Sure, go ahead,
wherever you want to.
00:12:21.00\00:12:22.10
- Sure, yeah.
00:12:22.10\00:12:23.24
So later on, I
moved to the United States
00:12:23.24\00:12:28.04
in, I think it
was 2016, started,
00:12:29.11\00:12:30.91
volunteering for
organization, a ministry,
00:12:30.91\00:12:33.78
and really felt like
the Lord had led me there,
00:12:33.78\00:12:36.85
and other many miracles that
He had wrought to get me here.
00:12:36.85\00:12:41.32
And then I got a job
offer another ministry.
00:12:41.32\00:12:44.86
So now I was
officially on a work visa
00:12:44.86\00:12:46.86
and I could stay here longer.
00:12:46.86\00:12:48.86
And it was 2017.
00:12:48.86\00:12:51.10
This was around
the time that I knew
00:12:51.10\00:12:53.23
I had to leave the one ministry
00:12:53.23\00:12:54.80
and I had to go back to
the Netherlands to get my visa.
00:12:54.80\00:12:57.34
I remember that I
was dealing a lot,
00:12:57.34\00:13:01.18
struggling a lot with my dad.
00:13:01.18\00:13:03.18
He was, you know,
bugging me and texting me
00:13:03.18\00:13:05.61
and kind of pushed me
to a relationship with him.
00:13:05.61\00:13:07.32
And I started
feeling more and more like,
00:13:07.32\00:13:08.92
I don't know if I really want
00:13:08.92\00:13:10.12
a relationship with him anymore.
00:13:10.12\00:13:11.42
Like, I just felt this
growing discomfort with him.
00:13:11.42\00:13:14.89
And at that time, I remember
I was outside with some friends
00:13:14.89\00:13:19.96
and their grandparents
studying the Bible together,
00:13:21.23\00:13:22.83
and I felt this
weight on my shoulders.
00:13:22.83\00:13:25.60
And I remember going to my phone
00:13:25.60\00:13:27.10
and I just
blocked my dad's number
00:13:27.10\00:13:29.44
and I deleted it from my phone.
00:13:29.44\00:13:31.27
And then we drove
home that afternoon,
00:13:31.27\00:13:33.31
I told my
friends, "You know what,
00:13:33.31\00:13:34.41
lately I've kind of
been having these like
00:13:34.41\00:13:36.58
thoughts of suicide.
00:13:36.58\00:13:38.35
And I'm not gonna do anything.
00:13:38.35\00:13:40.42
I just, this is weird."
00:13:40.42\00:13:41.62
And they were kind of like,
00:13:41.62\00:13:42.42
"Whoa, you don't just have that.
00:13:42.42\00:13:44.32
That's odd."
00:13:44.32\00:13:45.39
Well, that same
night, we came home
00:13:45.39\00:13:48.72
and I was sharing a room
with a friend and I was in bed.
00:13:48.72\00:13:52.23
I got up, I put my
clothes on, and I drove off.
00:13:52.23\00:13:55.03
And I wanted to commit suicide.
00:13:55.03\00:13:59.17
I was so depressed, all of a
sudden, it just like crashed.
00:13:59.17\00:14:03.54
And I remember seeing
train tracks here in the area,
00:14:03.54\00:14:07.54
thinking to myself,
00:14:07.54\00:14:08.84
"If only I could just
drive my car off this cliff
00:14:08.84\00:14:10.55
or this hill and just
wait for a train to come."
00:14:10.55\00:14:15.12
And it was
downhill from there on out.
00:14:15.12\00:14:18.32
It was months of depression.
00:14:18.32\00:14:20.62
- Multiple- -
But you didn't do it.
00:14:20.62\00:14:21.69
- I didn't do it. - You're here.
00:14:21.69\00:14:22.36
- I'm here, yeah.
00:14:22.36\00:14:23.16
- But why didn't you do it?
00:14:23.16\00:14:24.49
What got you to that
edge and you didn't do it?
00:14:24.49\00:14:27.00
- You know, there was always
this feeling of hope, I think.
00:14:27.00\00:14:32.03
This feeling of
there's something out there
00:14:33.10\00:14:34.60
and I just can't do it.
00:14:34.60\00:14:36.60
I got so close to it.
00:14:36.60\00:14:37.87
There was one time
when I was driving,
00:14:37.87\00:14:41.34
and I had rope in
my trunk and I thought,
00:14:41.34\00:14:44.31
"I'm gonna, I'm just going,
it's finally gonna happen.
00:14:44.31\00:14:46.75
I'm such a wimp
for not doing this.
00:14:46.75\00:14:49.42
I'm so fed up with life."
00:14:49.42\00:14:51.35
And I drove on the
freeway, and at that moment,
00:14:51.35\00:14:53.79
I thought, "I need help."
00:14:53.79\00:14:55.16
And I was trying to call
my friends, nobody picked up.
00:14:55.16\00:14:56.49
And I was like, "See,
they've all abandoned me.
00:14:56.49\00:14:57.29
They don't care about me."
00:14:57.29\00:14:58.69
Which is a lie, of course,
but that's what I thought.
00:14:58.69\00:15:01.73
When I again heard a
voice that said, "Pull over."
00:15:01.73\00:15:04.93
And I pulled over on the
freeway, on the shoulder,
00:15:04.93\00:15:07.20
in the middle of the
night, and I started crying,
00:15:07.20\00:15:10.41
and I turned
around, I went back home
00:15:10.41\00:15:11.81
and I was like, "I
can't believe I'm still alive.
00:15:11.81\00:15:13.54
I really thought this was it.
00:15:13.54\00:15:14.78
I was gonna do it."
00:15:14.78\00:15:15.88
So I heard that
same voice again.
00:15:15.88\00:15:17.05
It saved me again.
00:15:17.05\00:15:18.85
And yeah, months,
months of living on the edge.
00:15:18.85\00:15:23.62
And I shouldn't be alive.
00:15:23.62\00:15:25.49
I shouldn't be, with
how close I got to suicide.
00:15:25.49\00:15:28.72
And in that time I
completely rejected God as well,
00:15:28.72\00:15:31.39
because God is a father figure.
00:15:31.39\00:15:34.00
And I thought if my
earthly father's like this,
00:15:34.00\00:15:37.07
who says you're
better than that?
00:15:37.07\00:15:38.50
Why did you allow
these things to happen?
00:15:38.50\00:15:40.57
- Jim, you just
recently finished a new book,
00:15:42.20\00:15:45.24
"The Plan of Love."
00:15:45.24\00:15:46.91
I just read it and
I actually loved it.
00:15:46.91\00:15:49.78
I read it all in one sitting,
00:15:49.78\00:15:51.51
over the course of
the same day, anyway.
00:15:51.51\00:15:54.35
Where can people get it?
00:15:54.35\00:15:55.75
- They actually go to
talkingdonkeyinternational.org.
00:15:55.75\00:15:58.69
And actually if you give
00:15:58.69\00:16:00.12
a gift to the
ministry of $12 or more,
00:16:00.12\00:16:02.06
we'll send you the
book completely free.
00:16:02.06\00:16:03.93
Talkingdonkeyinternational.org.
00:16:03.93\00:16:06.23
Actually, if you give a gift
to the ministry of $12 or more,
00:16:06.23\00:16:08.90
we'll send you the
book completely free
00:16:08.90\00:16:10.73
and I'll
autograph it for you also.
00:16:10.73\00:16:12.53
(uplifting music)
00:16:12.53\00:16:15.44
- The Apostle Paul
counseled us to fill our minds
00:16:24.05\00:16:27.22
with those things that are
good and that deserve praise.
00:16:27.22\00:16:30.85
Things that are
true, noble, right, pure,
00:16:30.85\00:16:34.26
lovely, and honorable.
00:16:34.26\00:16:36.02
What does that mean?
00:16:36.02\00:16:37.36
How do we put
that into practice?
00:16:37.36\00:16:39.43
Well, if we
follow the word of God,
00:16:39.43\00:16:42.03
we will be blessed in
ways we can hardly imagine.
00:16:42.03\00:16:45.93
I have some information for you.
00:16:45.93\00:16:48.14
It's called "Secrets
of Peak Mental Health."
00:16:48.14\00:16:51.11
If you would like a free copy,
00:16:51.11\00:16:53.07
go to
talkingdonkeyinternational.org
00:16:53.07\00:16:56.18
and request offer 116,
"Secrets of Peak Mental Health."
00:16:56.18\00:17:01.25
- And it even got to a point
00:17:08.92\00:17:10.03
where I was
going through therapy,
00:17:10.03\00:17:11.79
and memory started coming back
00:17:11.79\00:17:13.96
that my dad had also sexually
abused me, including rape.
00:17:13.96\00:17:18.20
And at first I
doubted my own thoughts.
00:17:18.20\00:17:21.24
I thought maybe
brain's playing tricks on me.
00:17:21.24\00:17:23.51
It's like, this is impossible.
00:17:23.51\00:17:24.61
How can you forget
this kind of stuff?
00:17:24.61\00:17:26.81
But then I start reading
these books by these, you know,
00:17:26.81\00:17:29.94
neurologists, psychiatrists,
very renowned authors,
00:17:29.94\00:17:34.32
renowned scientists
you'd assume would know
00:17:34.32\00:17:37.15
some stuff about the brain.
00:17:37.15\00:17:39.09
And in that book he
quoted this or shared a story
00:17:39.09\00:17:41.96
about a sociologist
who had done a study
00:17:41.96\00:17:44.69
on women who had been
hospitalized for sexual abuse as
00:17:44.69\00:17:49.73
girls before the age of 12.
00:17:50.63\00:17:51.77
And from what I
remember, I was about 10 or 11
00:17:53.07\00:17:54.44
when it happened to me, the
rape, and before that as well.
00:17:54.44\00:17:57.91
And so they were hospitalized,
they had the records.
00:17:57.91\00:18:02.01
They went back to
these adult women.
00:18:02.01\00:18:04.08
The majority of
them didn't remember.
00:18:04.08\00:18:05.91
And their memories
started coming back
00:18:05.91\00:18:07.28
as soon as they told them,
or they didn't even come back,
00:18:07.28\00:18:09.58
and they have to
show them the records
00:18:09.58\00:18:10.85
to prove to that
this has happened to you.
00:18:10.85\00:18:12.82
And I thought, "I'm not crazy.
00:18:12.82\00:18:14.19
This has
actually happened to me."
00:18:14.19\00:18:16.26
And then everything-
00:18:16.26\00:18:17.29
- Out of self-preservation.
00:18:17.29\00:18:18.19
- [Danique] Yes.
00:18:18.19\00:18:19.26
- Your 11 year old
brain just blocked it out.
00:18:19.26\00:18:21.03
- It just blocks it off, yeah.
00:18:21.03\00:18:23.16
And actually, I
feel like I got answers
00:18:23.16\00:18:26.20
to so many questions I had had.
00:18:26.20\00:18:27.90
Because growing up
there were so many things
00:18:27.90\00:18:29.47
that had happened in my
life that I couldn't understand,
00:18:29.47\00:18:34.54
that I was just like,
"What is going on here?"
00:18:35.64\00:18:37.25
Even to the point
where when I was very young,
00:18:37.25\00:18:41.48
I had some sexual thoughts
00:18:41.48\00:18:43.25
or I had lots of nightmares
00:18:43.25\00:18:44.85
of sexual
interactions with people
00:18:44.85\00:18:46.86
and I woke up either
crying or deeply ashamed.
00:18:46.86\00:18:49.59
And I was way too young
to have all these things.
00:18:49.59\00:18:52.26
And I just remember
feeling so dirty and ashamed.
00:18:52.26\00:18:55.30
I was like, "Why am I like this?
00:18:55.30\00:18:56.80
This doesn't make sense."
00:18:56.80\00:18:57.90
And I just couldn't
understand for years.
00:18:57.90\00:19:00.30
And I felt so dirty,
00:19:00.30\00:19:01.37
and I had nightmares
at one point for months
00:19:01.37\00:19:04.61
that my dad raped me.
00:19:04.61\00:19:05.91
And I was on the
phone with my mom.
00:19:05.91\00:19:07.21
I was like, "Dad never did this.
00:19:07.21\00:19:08.61
He would never do this.
00:19:08.61\00:19:09.28
Why is this happening?"
00:19:09.28\00:19:10.45
And everything made sense now.
00:19:10.45\00:19:13.68
- What did your mother say?
00:19:13.68\00:19:15.22
Was she unaware?
00:19:15.22\00:19:16.32
- She didn't know.
00:19:16.32\00:19:17.85
And the thing is, I
don't think I ever told my mom
00:19:17.85\00:19:20.52
because she was
not very present.
00:19:20.52\00:19:22.62
She was not available.
00:19:22.62\00:19:24.23
She had her own emotional
problems she was facing.
00:19:24.23\00:19:26.43
She was being
physically, you know,
00:19:26.43\00:19:28.23
beaten, abused by my dad,
00:19:28.23\00:19:29.96
that I just didn't
feel like I could trust her
00:19:29.96\00:19:33.60
to tell her
these kind of things.
00:19:33.60\00:19:35.84
And there are many
times when stuff happened
00:19:35.84\00:19:37.94
and I just didn't tell
her because like, why would I?
00:19:37.94\00:19:40.81
- But there's where you
begin getting those feelings of,
00:19:40.81\00:19:44.08
"I don't want
to talk to my dad."
00:19:44.08\00:19:45.41
These things
just started coming.
00:19:45.41\00:19:46.58
"I'm blocking my dad."
00:19:46.58\00:19:47.85
You didn't know why,
00:19:47.85\00:19:48.95
but then all of a
sudden now you're processing.
00:19:48.95\00:19:51.19
- Yeah, I just thought,
00:19:51.19\00:19:52.25
"Okay, it has to do
with the physical abuse."
00:19:52.25\00:19:53.89
But I always thought to myself,
00:19:53.89\00:19:54.92
"But the physical
abuse wasn't that bad."
00:19:54.92\00:19:57.03
My brother got the worst of it.
00:19:57.03\00:19:58.93
And I always thought, "Why
did I feel this bad about this?
00:19:58.93\00:20:01.40
Why do I feel like I
have to go this far?"
00:20:01.40\00:20:03.70
But it did happen
and, and now I realized,
00:20:03.70\00:20:06.60
yeah, it makes sense.
00:20:06.60\00:20:08.34
And I actually developed PTSD.
00:20:08.34\00:20:10.77
I got severely
depressed, like I said.
00:20:10.77\00:20:13.17
I started
having more nightmares.
00:20:13.17\00:20:15.64
I started having
flashbacks, actually,
00:20:15.64\00:20:17.81
of the physical abuse,
later on the sexual abuse,
00:20:17.81\00:20:20.92
which might mean, you
know, you might hear sound.
00:20:20.92\00:20:24.09
Like I could hear my
boss walking up the stairs,
00:20:24.09\00:20:26.62
and he had the
key chains, you know,
00:20:26.62\00:20:28.79
and it sounded like a
belt to me that was coming off.
00:20:28.79\00:20:31.23
And I just felt terrible.
00:20:31.23\00:20:33.03
And I just sat
there and I just froze.
00:20:33.03\00:20:34.36
And through therapy I learned,
telling yourself the truth,
00:20:34.36\00:20:38.73
or it's called reframing,
00:20:38.73\00:20:41.84
where you look
around in your environment,
00:20:41.84\00:20:43.87
like you might like
touch something or, you know,
00:20:43.87\00:20:46.01
you feel the texture, you
realize, this is where I am.
00:20:46.01\00:20:48.44
I'm not there, I'm here.
00:20:48.44\00:20:50.58
Or you might listen,
like the birds right now.
00:20:50.58\00:20:55.02
I could listen to
the birds and be like,
00:20:55.02\00:20:56.72
"Okay, the beautiful birds,
00:20:56.72\00:20:57.89
God's creation."
00:20:57.89\00:20:59.19
It helps to calm me down.
00:20:59.19\00:21:00.46
Like, God is here.
00:21:00.46\00:21:01.32
He's here and I'm safe.
00:21:01.32\00:21:02.86
And that helped a lot
throughout that process
00:21:02.86\00:21:05.36
that I went through.
00:21:05.36\00:21:07.60
- And speaking
of that process now,
00:21:07.60\00:21:08.96
where is God in your
mind during that time?
00:21:08.96\00:21:13.00
- Yeah, so you know, I
completely rejected God,
00:21:13.00\00:21:17.34
like I said earlier.
00:21:17.34\00:21:18.61
I just didn't get it.
00:21:18.61\00:21:20.44
I didn't understand Him.
00:21:20.44\00:21:21.74
And at one point a
friend of mine said to me,
00:21:21.74\00:21:24.81
and it's funny
because she was struggling
00:21:24.81\00:21:26.31
with her own doubts with God.
00:21:26.31\00:21:27.62
But she said to me,
"Danique, you keep saying
00:21:27.62\00:21:30.12
that you wanna
give God another chance.
00:21:30.12\00:21:33.22
So why don't
you just do it now?"
00:21:33.22\00:21:35.02
And we prayed
together, and we cried,
00:21:35.02\00:21:37.23
and I said, "Okay God, I
will give you another chance,
00:21:37.23\00:21:41.00
but this is your last chance.
00:21:41.00\00:21:43.06
I need you to
prove yourself to me
00:21:43.06\00:21:45.23
that you are not like my dad.
00:21:45.23\00:21:47.87
That you are what
the Bible says you are."
00:21:47.87\00:21:51.11
And so I told Him that,
00:21:51.11\00:21:53.34
and I was very honest with God.
00:21:53.34\00:21:54.88
And I always tell people,
"You have to be honest with God.
00:21:54.88\00:21:57.65
You have to tell him
what you're really thinking."
00:21:57.65\00:21:59.55
And so months went by,
but over the course of months,
00:21:59.55\00:22:03.12
I started seeing more
and more of His character.
00:22:03.12\00:22:04.49
And actually I saw through
my friends who cared about me,
00:22:04.49\00:22:07.19
who didn't abandon
me during my depression,
00:22:07.19\00:22:09.29
who didn't walk away from me,
00:22:09.29\00:22:10.76
but who were
there to encourage me.
00:22:10.76\00:22:12.39
And when I had my dark moments,
00:22:12.39\00:22:13.80
that they were there
to help me and support me.
00:22:13.80\00:22:17.60
And that helped so much
to see that God was real.
00:22:17.60\00:22:21.60
And eventually my
relationship was restored,
00:22:21.60\00:22:25.31
but it was more balanced,
00:22:25.31\00:22:26.68
because before I actually
struggle with some legalism,
00:22:26.68\00:22:28.88
and now it was
balanced, where I said,
00:22:28.88\00:22:30.65
"You know what God?
00:22:30.65\00:22:31.78
It's really about you,
00:22:31.78\00:22:32.85
and my relationship
with you and with Jesus."
00:22:32.85\00:22:35.28
And everything else
will fall into place
00:22:35.28\00:22:37.02
if I just focus on having
a relationship with Jesus.
00:22:37.02\00:22:39.99
- Tell us about
your life now with God.
00:22:39.99\00:22:42.76
- Yeah, so, you know, I feel
like my life is much better.
00:22:42.76\00:22:47.83
I actually overcame
my depression and PTSD
00:22:49.00\00:22:51.87
a couple of years
ago, when I went through,
00:22:51.87\00:22:54.34
it's called the
Nedley Community, let's see,
00:22:54.34\00:22:57.74
Community Depression and
Anxiety Recovery program.
00:22:57.74\00:23:01.41
- [Janice]
That's a great program.
00:23:01.41\00:23:02.21
- It's a great program, yes.
00:23:02.21\00:23:03.71
And they have it
all over the country.
00:23:03.71\00:23:05.38
Went through that,
friend paid for it,
00:23:05.38\00:23:08.15
and went from major depression
to no depression at all.
00:23:08.15\00:23:12.72
And after that
I actually started
00:23:12.72\00:23:15.16
helping out with the program.
00:23:15.16\00:23:16.86
Took the training and
and helping other people now.
00:23:16.86\00:23:20.33
And you know, I'm
working at a ministry,
00:23:20.33\00:23:22.80
and I am just happy.
00:23:22.80\00:23:26.94
I'm a happy, happy individual,
00:23:26.94\00:23:28.87
and my relationship
with God has been restored,
00:23:28.87\00:23:30.77
and it's been
absolutely incredible.
00:23:30.77\00:23:32.91
- And honestly, it
takes a fair amount of courage
00:23:32.91\00:23:34.71
to come on a
worldwide television program.
00:23:34.71\00:23:37.08
- Yeah, yeah, no, for sure.
00:23:37.08\00:23:39.21
- And we would
all like to pretend
00:23:39.21\00:23:40.28
that we've always
had it this together.
00:23:40.28\00:23:41.85
- Oh yeah, I know I have.
00:23:41.85\00:23:43.02
- And we've never had issues.
00:23:43.02\00:23:44.49
- Right, yeah.
00:23:44.49\00:23:45.55
And I think
that a lot of people,
00:23:45.55\00:23:47.92
they may look at
people like us and, you know,
00:23:47.92\00:23:50.49
we've got nice clothes on
and we have a smile on our face
00:23:50.49\00:23:52.83
and I think that
there's nothing going on.
00:23:52.83\00:23:54.56
But yesterday I was
doing some homeless outreach
00:23:54.56\00:23:58.77
and we're talking
to homeless people,
00:23:58.77\00:23:59.90
and I was so thankful
'cause I can relate to
00:23:59.90\00:24:02.94
some of their stories.
00:24:02.94\00:24:04.34
And when they see you
and they see like who you are
00:24:04.34\00:24:08.31
and then they
understand where you come from,
00:24:08.31\00:24:10.38
they realize that there's hope
00:24:10.38\00:24:11.51
and that it doesn't
have to be this way.
00:24:11.51\00:24:14.18
- Yeah.
00:24:14.18\00:24:15.52
You know, there was only,
there was one point in my life
00:24:15.52\00:24:17.65
where I didn't kill myself
00:24:17.65\00:24:18.75
'cause I was too
chicken to do it.
00:24:18.75\00:24:21.19
You know, I think many of them
00:24:21.19\00:24:22.79
go through some kind of thing.
00:24:22.79\00:24:24.83
You know, you did.
00:24:24.83\00:24:25.79
- I did, at 16, the first time.
00:24:25.79\00:24:28.76
People out there who are
gonna be watching this program,
00:24:30.10\00:24:33.74
maybe particularly females,
because I could be mistaken,
00:24:33.74\00:24:38.01
but it seems like young
women, teenagers, young women,
00:24:38.01\00:24:42.64
have more of these issues.
00:24:42.64\00:24:45.48
- [Danique] Right.
00:24:45.48\00:24:46.61
- Especially, you
might call them daddy issues,
00:24:46.61\00:24:47.98
you might say body issues.
00:24:47.98\00:24:49.98
Someone who's watching this
and is looking for a lifeline,
00:24:49.98\00:24:54.72
what would you say to her?
00:24:54.72\00:24:56.29
- You know, I struggled
with body issues after this,
00:24:56.29\00:24:58.59
which I know is very common
when you're sexually abused,
00:24:58.59\00:25:01.56
assaulted or raped,
because your body's used
00:25:01.56\00:25:03.80
as a product for someone
else's pleasure or anger.
00:25:03.80\00:25:08.87
And I couldn't
find my body beautiful.
00:25:10.47\00:25:13.64
I thought I was fat
even though I was skinny.
00:25:13.64\00:25:16.24
And I kept telling
myself that I was ugly.
00:25:16.24\00:25:18.35
But I went to
therapy and what I learned
00:25:18.35\00:25:21.62
is to tell myself that
I'm made in God's image
00:25:21.62\00:25:26.32
and what helped me the
most is to think He died for me.
00:25:26.32\00:25:29.62
And if He died
for me, that He says,
00:25:29.62\00:25:32.43
"Your body has value."
00:25:32.43\00:25:34.23
And He made me.
00:25:34.23\00:25:35.20
- Amen, amen.
00:25:35.20\00:25:36.33
- And even though
sin has, you know,
00:25:36.33\00:25:40.40
made it that we're
not like Adam and Eve
00:25:40.40\00:25:43.10
or like 100% perfect,
00:25:43.10\00:25:45.14
I believe that I'm
perfect in Jesus's eyes
00:25:45.14\00:25:47.11
because He made me and He
loves me and He died for me.
00:25:47.11\00:25:50.25
And He says, "Your body
is of immeasurable worth,
00:25:50.25\00:25:55.12
and there's nothing, there's
no one who can replace you."
00:25:55.12\00:25:58.15
That's one thing I
learned through this experience
00:25:58.15\00:26:00.22
is that if I wasn't around here,
00:26:00.22\00:26:02.62
there will be a
hole in God's heart.
00:26:02.62\00:26:04.63
There will be emptiness and
I'll be forever missed by God
00:26:04.63\00:26:08.36
and by my mother, who loves me,
00:26:08.36\00:26:11.13
and who have a very good
relationship now with, by the
00:26:11.13\00:26:14.84
way, and by all the angels.
00:26:14.84\00:26:17.54
And there would be
a mansion in heaven,
00:26:17.54\00:26:18.87
'cause the Bible says
that He has mansions for us
00:26:18.87\00:26:20.64
ready when we go to heaven.
00:26:20.64\00:26:22.01
And it would be forever empty
because it was there for me,
00:26:22.01\00:26:25.55
because He died for me.
00:26:25.55\00:26:27.12
- Amen, amen.
00:26:27.12\00:26:28.22
Janice, why don't you
wrap it up for us today?
00:26:28.22\00:26:29.95
- I am just so thankful
that you told the story.
00:26:29.95\00:26:32.45
There are similarities
and that's why I felt like
00:26:32.45\00:26:36.49
other women
watching this, you know,
00:26:36.49\00:26:40.20
we always feel like, "I'm the
only one who thinks this way.
00:26:40.20\00:26:43.70
I'm the only one
feeling this bad."
00:26:43.70\00:26:46.40
And it's just not true.
00:26:46.40\00:26:48.10
And I know for me, the
best decision I ever made
00:26:48.10\00:26:50.64
was to stop
pretending that I was okay.
00:26:50.64\00:26:53.31
You know, sometimes I
am, but I'm not always.
00:26:53.31\00:26:57.15
And the only thing
that gets me through
00:26:57.15\00:26:59.28
is clinging to the Lord.
00:26:59.28\00:27:01.78
- [Danique] Yeah.
00:27:01.78\00:27:02.88
- Because in His
eyes, I'm more than okay.
00:27:02.88\00:27:06.52
And I'm so thankful
when someone is honest
00:27:06.52\00:27:10.46
and has a story like
that that we can relate to.
00:27:10.46\00:27:14.00
- Yeah. - Amen.
00:27:14.00\00:27:14.86
You know,
folks, Danique said it.
00:27:14.86\00:27:17.67
She wasn't certain
about God and where God was,
00:27:17.67\00:27:20.00
but God was right
there with her all the time.
00:27:20.00\00:27:22.70
No matter what you're
going through right now,
00:27:22.70\00:27:24.61
God is right there with you.
00:27:24.61\00:27:26.34
Just call out to
Him and He will answer.
00:27:26.34\00:27:28.91
(uplifting music)
00:27:30.11\00:27:31.61
- The Apostle Paul
counseled us to fill our minds
00:27:31.61\00:27:34.72
with those things that are
good and that deserve praise.
00:27:34.72\00:27:38.42
Things that are
true, noble, right, pure,
00:27:38.42\00:27:41.72
lovely, and honorable.
00:27:41.72\00:27:43.56
What does that mean?
00:27:43.56\00:27:44.89
How do we put
that into practice?
00:27:44.89\00:27:47.40
Well, if we
follow the word of God,
00:27:47.40\00:27:49.56
we will be blessed in
ways we can hardly imagine.
00:27:49.56\00:27:53.47
I have some information for you.
00:27:53.47\00:27:55.67
It's called "Secrets
of Peak Mental Health."
00:27:55.67\00:27:58.64
If you would like a free copy,
00:27:58.64\00:28:00.64
go to
talkingdonkeyinternational.org
00:28:00.64\00:28:03.71
and request offer 116,
"Secrets of Peak Mental Health."
00:28:03.71\00:28:08.78
- Thank you for watching.
00:28:10.12\00:28:11.52
Join us again for another
exciting "Country Wisdom."
00:28:11.52\00:28:14.02
- See you next time.
00:28:14.02\00:28:15.02
(uplifting instrumental music)
00:28:15.02\00:28:18.99