(peaceful music)
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- Oh yes.
00:00:05.27\00:00:06.43
Stay right there.
00:00:06.43\00:00:08.37
Stay right there
and I'll be right back.
00:00:08.37\00:00:11.77
Hey welcome, everybody, to
A Talking Donkey International
00:00:13.48\00:00:16.08
and our new television
series, "Country Wisdom."
00:00:16.08\00:00:19.11
- Let's set the tone
for this new series of ours.
00:00:19.11\00:00:22.12
It's found in Proverbs 4:
00:00:22.12\00:00:24.92
Let your eyes
look directly forward
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and your gaze be
straight before you.
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Ponder the path of your feet
00:00:30.76\00:00:33.09
and then all your
ways will be sure.
00:00:33.09\00:00:36.70
Join us now for
"Country Wisdom."
00:00:36.70\00:00:38.33
(water trickling)
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(peaceful music)
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- Gorgeous place
you picked to continue
00:01:01.72\00:01:03.53
our little
discussion on marriage.
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- It is a pretty place.
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- People come here to
start their marriages.
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They have lovely
outdoor weddings here.
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It is so beautiful; I
want to redo my wedding.
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Can I bring
Steve and convince him
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to do a vow renewal maybe?
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- I imagine you could.
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I imagine you could.
- Or just have a party.
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I just want to come
have a party at least.
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- But you know, we,
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we start with the marriage.
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Everything's great and beautiful
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and wonderful and everything.
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But somewhere along the line,
you get to the hot-tub time.
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Because that's the longer time.
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Now, people
actually today may wonder,
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well, why are we counseling?
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Why are we
talking about marriage?
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You know what, we're
not marriage counselors.
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- Nope. -
There's our disclosure.
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You know, our disclaimer.
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But we've got over, I
won't say how long for you,
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but between the two of us
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we've got over 90
years of marriage.
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- Oh, that makes
me sound ancient.
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- Yeah, I know.
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We need our walkers and
our canes and everything else.
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But it's successful.
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I mean, we've had ups and downs.
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You've probably had a
couple of ups and downs.
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- Steve and I?
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Jim, what are you suggesting?
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- I'm just saying, you know?
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It happens to everybody. - Yes.
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- Because there
is a real live devil.
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He wants to get in
the middle of a marriage
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because that represents God
and he doesn't like it at all.
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- Oh no.
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There've been
times, especially early on,
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not so much, I mean,
we've had a good run here.
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But early on I remember
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days when I'd kind
of look at him and go,
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"Remind me what I saw in him."
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(laughing)
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And I'm sure he
had the same with me.
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I'm sure there were
many times he thought,
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"I should've
listened to my mother."
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- Now, when you, I'm gonna
pick your brain for a moment.
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When you thought about those
times, "What did I see in him?"
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Did you actually try
and think about a few
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of the good things
to help you get through?
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- Yes, I did. - Okay.
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- 'Cause it helps to remember
what attracted me to him.
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And why is that same
trait driving me crazy now?
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He hasn't changed.
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So, what's changed? - Yeah.
00:02:57.21\00:02:59.74
- Sometimes, you
know, he's a surgeon,
00:02:59.74\00:03:02.28
and especially during
residency, it was so stressful
00:03:02.28\00:03:06.65
that we had several
friends whose marriages broke up
00:03:06.65\00:03:09.62
during that time.
00:03:09.62\00:03:10.69
You just hardly
even see each other.
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And when he was
home, he was so tired,
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he wasn't much company.
00:03:14.89\00:03:16.26
And once we had
Collin, it was like
00:03:17.49\00:03:20.20
being a single mother,
except I couldn't even date.
00:03:20.20\00:03:22.90
- Here's, I
think, a really good key.
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When you're
looking around for a mate
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or someone to
spend your life with
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you look for a
person whose qualities
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and traits you don't possess.
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Now you're getting
married to that person.
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Now you're with
that person all the time
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and you realize the reason
you didn't have those traits
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is 'cause you
can't stand those traits.
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(Janice laughs)
Now you're married
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to that person and
you've got to work on it
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the rest of your life.
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And really that's
what the hot tub is for.
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- [Janice] That's right.
00:03:52.29\00:03:53.86
You said the hot tub has
saved your marriage many times.
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- Oh yeah.
00:03:56.03\00:03:57.33
You know, we might ask,
00:03:57.33\00:03:58.83
"Well, what on earth do
you discuss in the hot tub?"
00:03:58.83\00:04:00.10
First of all, there's you know,
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nothing for anybody
to bother you about.
00:04:03.51\00:04:04.91
You're right there.
00:04:04.91\00:04:05.94
And one of the
things is finances.
00:04:05.94\00:04:07.31
Finances probably cause
more troubles in marriages
00:04:07.31\00:04:09.88
than just about anything else.
00:04:09.88\00:04:10.68
- Oh, I've heard statistics.
00:04:10.68\00:04:11.98
I think that is number one.
00:04:11.98\00:04:13.72
- Yeah.
00:04:13.72\00:04:14.85
Sit down and map
out something about it.
00:04:14.85\00:04:17.35
You know, we
mentioned in the last program
00:04:17.35\00:04:19.25
a little bit, you
didn't like to pay bills.
00:04:19.25\00:04:21.46
- No, no.
00:04:21.46\00:04:22.82
I think the best thing I
ever did in picking Steve
00:04:22.82\00:04:25.53
was picking someone
who was good with money.
00:04:25.53\00:04:28.53
One of you, it really helps
00:04:28.53\00:04:30.13
if one of you is good with money
00:04:30.13\00:04:31.97
and knows how to
budget and how to handle it.
00:04:31.97\00:04:34.14
- Now, what
happens if neither of you
00:04:34.14\00:04:35.57
are any good whatsoever?
00:04:35.57\00:04:37.07
That can happen.
00:04:37.07\00:04:37.97
I know I just
threw that out at ya.
00:04:39.04\00:04:39.77
- Yeah, you did.
00:04:39.77\00:04:41.01
I'm trying to imagine the mess.
00:04:41.01\00:04:42.74
I think we've
seen that played out
00:04:42.74\00:04:44.45
in some people's marriages.
00:04:44.45\00:04:46.01
- But the thing is you've
got to sit there and discuss it
00:04:46.01\00:04:48.58
and try and figure out
how you're gonna make it work.
00:04:48.58\00:04:51.82
You've got to at least-
- Because money is power.
00:04:51.82\00:04:53.86
- Yeah, exactly.
00:04:53.86\00:04:55.22
- I've seen that in other
marriages, in my own family,
00:04:55.22\00:05:00.36
where whoever
controlled that checkbook
00:05:00.36\00:05:03.77
controlled everything.
00:05:03.77\00:05:05.33
- [Jim] Yeah.
00:05:05.33\00:05:06.70
- [Janice] Or if you make
more money than your spouse,
00:05:06.70\00:05:09.47
that becomes a weapon.
00:05:09.47\00:05:11.01
- [Jim] Yeah, it can.
00:05:11.01\00:05:12.37
Doesn't have to be.
00:05:12.37\00:05:13.64
But it can become. -
[Janice] Very tempting.
00:05:13.64\00:05:14.64
- [Jim] Yeah. -
Very tempting for it
00:05:14.64\00:05:15.94
to become well, you know,
"Who's paying for this vacation?
00:05:15.94\00:05:19.58
"I get to decide where we go."
00:05:19.58\00:05:21.48
- [Jim] Yeah.
00:05:21.48\00:05:22.55
- "Who's paying
for that new couch?"
00:05:22.55\00:05:23.65
You know, "You're
gonna get the color I want."
00:05:23.65\00:05:26.72
- Yeah, no, it- - It happens.
00:05:26.72\00:05:28.62
- It can be a real
minefield if you allow it to be.
00:05:28.62\00:05:32.39
That's the key, you know?
00:05:32.39\00:05:33.46
You need to talk
about these things,
00:05:33.46\00:05:35.10
and you need to
respect your mate enough
00:05:35.10\00:05:37.10
to say, "Do I
love this person enough
00:05:37.10\00:05:40.20
"that I can help
them have a good marriage?
00:05:40.20\00:05:42.50
"And can I help
them have a good life?"
00:05:42.50\00:05:45.04
If you do that, then they
tend to want to reciprocate.
00:05:45.04\00:05:48.78
- There've been many times
00:05:48.78\00:05:50.91
where there's
been something I wanted
00:05:50.91\00:05:53.58
and well, like right now
we're sort of negotiating
00:05:53.58\00:05:57.25
whether our master
bathroom needs to be remodeled.
00:05:57.25\00:06:00.49
But number one,
it is Steve's money.
00:06:00.49\00:06:03.29
I don't make that much.
00:06:03.29\00:06:05.26
And number two, let's say
00:06:05.26\00:06:07.96
that I did nag, that I- -
Now wait I'm gonna stop you.
00:06:07.96\00:06:10.07
I'm just thinking, I'm gonna
stop you right dead sentence.
00:06:10.07\00:06:12.77
It is Steve's money.
00:06:12.77\00:06:13.90
Now that sounds
like a weird thing to say
00:06:13.90\00:06:16.47
when you're in a
marriage. (Janice chuckles)
00:06:16.47\00:06:17.84
So, I'm gonna-
- If you looked at
00:06:17.84\00:06:18.97
our tax returns you
would see, I'm here,
00:06:18.97\00:06:22.48
Steve's here.
(chuckles) - But really isn't it
00:06:22.48\00:06:25.08
the money he
earns for the marriage?
00:06:25.08\00:06:27.68
- Yes, yes. - All right.
00:06:27.68\00:06:28.72
- He does not hold that over me.
00:06:28.72\00:06:30.32
That's the way I view it
00:06:30.32\00:06:32.79
is well, when it
comes right down to it,
00:06:32.79\00:06:35.86
I wouldn't be spending
money that I've put away.
00:06:35.86\00:06:38.86
I would be spending, this would
be his Visa card, not mine.
00:06:38.86\00:06:42.53
But if I
00:06:43.97\00:06:46.13
really, really
nagged, really kept at him
00:06:46.13\00:06:49.50
until he finally
said, "Okay, fine,"
00:06:49.50\00:06:52.61
what would I have really won?
00:06:52.61\00:06:54.24
I'd have a new bathroom
00:06:54.24\00:06:55.61
but what would that have
done for our relationship?
00:06:55.61\00:06:57.68
- Absolutely zero. - Yeah, so-
00:06:57.68\00:06:59.18
- Absolutely
zero, yeah. - So it,
00:06:59.18\00:07:00.95
that isn't worth it to me.
00:07:00.95\00:07:02.45
Because Steve
is worth more to me
00:07:02.45\00:07:05.55
than a fabulous new bathroom.
00:07:05.55\00:07:07.96
- Yeah, yeah.
00:07:07.96\00:07:08.76
So, bottom line, finances,
00:07:08.76\00:07:10.83
there's always gonna be problems
00:07:10.83\00:07:12.63
and trials and
troubles with finances.
00:07:12.63\00:07:14.83
I mean, yeah, there just is.
00:07:14.83\00:07:17.57
My wife and I for years
have planned retirement.
00:07:17.57\00:07:20.17
And the government made one
fell swoop here some years back,
00:07:20.17\00:07:23.20
took about 2/3 of
our retirement gone.
00:07:23.20\00:07:26.71
You know, well,
what do you do with that?
00:07:26.71\00:07:28.08
You can either get angry,
you can get upset at one another
00:07:28.08\00:07:30.51
because maybe if
you'd worked more, you know,
00:07:30.51\00:07:33.15
or if you'd done this
better. - Or if you hadn't
00:07:33.15\00:07:34.32
put it in those accounts.
00:07:34.32\00:07:35.85
- Yeah, if you
hadn't done that, yeah.
00:07:35.85\00:07:37.22
Yeah, I mean, you know, we
can always point the finger
00:07:37.22\00:07:40.09
at everybody else except me.
00:07:40.09\00:07:42.42
And in a marriage, it's
an absolute partnership.
00:07:42.42\00:07:46.53
Period. - Right.
00:07:46.53\00:07:47.30
You have to view yourself, okay,
00:07:47.30\00:07:48.66
we're a
corporation, we're a firm.
00:07:48.66\00:07:52.03
And how do we get
the firm through this?
00:07:52.03\00:07:55.40
- Yeah, yeah. -
Instead of just blaming,
00:07:55.40\00:07:58.67
you know, you were the
vice-president in charge of
00:07:58.67\00:08:01.44
this. This is all your fault.
00:08:01.44\00:08:02.68
That doesn't, the
company will fall apart.
00:08:02.68\00:08:04.78
- Doesn't do a thing, yeah.
00:08:04.78\00:08:05.88
Yeah, but bottom
line, discuss it.
00:08:05.88\00:08:07.65
Right? - Right.
00:08:07.65\00:08:08.55
(peaceful piano music)
00:08:09.62\00:08:13.25
(water splashing) You know,
00:08:13.25\00:08:14.59
I am feeling covetous
again and it's all your fault.
00:08:14.59\00:08:17.99
I have never
been able to get Steve
00:08:17.99\00:08:20.80
to agree to having one of these.
00:08:20.80\00:08:22.63
He's gotta be like,
the one person in the world
00:08:22.63\00:08:25.23
who when you say, "Hot tub,"
00:08:25.23\00:08:27.00
he kind of goes, "Eh."
00:08:27.00\00:08:28.94
But I think it would
be so relaxing, so fun.
00:08:28.94\00:08:32.94
I can picture myself.
00:08:32.94\00:08:34.04
I would sleep better
if I had one of these.
00:08:34.04\00:08:36.71
- You would. -
That I could spend
00:08:36.71\00:08:39.05
20 minutes in every
night and then go to bed.
00:08:39.05\00:08:42.62
I wouldn't even
know what insomnia was.
00:08:42.62\00:08:44.75
- It's true, you do.
00:08:44.75\00:08:45.85
You sleep
better, you feel better.
00:08:45.85\00:08:47.22
The achy bones, everything.
00:08:47.22\00:08:48.56
But there's far more than
that for a husband and a wife.
00:08:48.56\00:08:51.53
You see, you get in here,
how many walls does it have?
00:08:51.53\00:08:54.50
- Four. - Four walls.
00:08:54.50\00:08:56.23
Can't go anywhere.
00:08:56.23\00:08:57.80
You're looking at each other.
00:08:57.80\00:08:58.93
You've got just the two of you.
00:08:58.93\00:09:00.24
You have no other distractions.
00:09:00.24\00:09:01.50
I mean, there might be lightning
and thunder and things.
00:09:01.50\00:09:03.71
- Oh, are you kidding?
00:09:03.71\00:09:04.77
Your view, there's a
lot of distraction here.
00:09:04.77\00:09:07.24
- But you know,
there's nothing else.
00:09:07.24\00:09:09.34
You're just here.
00:09:09.34\00:09:10.45
You begin talking
about the things of the day.
00:09:10.45\00:09:12.88
It's an automatic release
to just share with one another.
00:09:12.88\00:09:17.35
- There's no TV
in the background.
00:09:17.35\00:09:19.15
- Nothing.
00:09:19.15\00:09:20.06
- You're not- - You can't get
00:09:20.89\00:09:22.19
the iPod in here, you
can't get the phone in here.
00:09:22.19\00:09:24.49
Although there are
times when I've had
00:09:24.49\00:09:26.70
the phone sitting
out here on the edge.
00:09:26.70\00:09:28.66
It is a tremendous
thing to help a marriage.
00:09:29.90\00:09:33.07
Really, I tell
that to a lot of people.
00:09:33.07\00:09:36.34
- Well, maybe I'll add
that to my arsenal next time.
00:09:36.34\00:09:39.11
I'll go, "I'll sleep better.
00:09:39.11\00:09:41.44
"Just imagine after
you've played tennis or golf,
00:09:41.44\00:09:44.15
"and you come
home and you can unwind
00:09:44.15\00:09:46.58
"and you let
your muscles relax."
00:09:46.58\00:09:49.12
- Here's the
thing to tell Steve.
00:09:49.12\00:09:51.05
Steve loves
fishing, right? - Yeah.
00:09:51.05\00:09:52.59
- He comes home,
"Honey, your, all the muscles,
00:09:52.59\00:09:55.69
"shoulder muscles
are feeling so bad.
00:09:55.69\00:09:57.33
"Why don't you
just get in the hot tub?
00:09:57.33\00:09:58.76
"Oh, that's right,
we don't have one yet!"
00:09:58.76\00:10:00.33
- (laughs) Perfect.
00:10:00.33\00:10:01.36
I'll have to
remember that. - Yeah.
00:10:01.36\00:10:03.77
- That's a good idea.
00:10:05.03\00:10:06.77
I've often thought
that when I'm in a car,
00:10:06.77\00:10:10.31
that was always a good
place to talk to my kids
00:10:10.31\00:10:12.97
because again, they're trapped.
00:10:12.97\00:10:14.71
But somehow you're
away from the house.
00:10:16.01\00:10:19.41
They can't go storming into
their bedroom and slam the door.
00:10:19.41\00:10:23.22
It's different.
00:10:23.22\00:10:24.62
And who wouldn't
relax and open up more
00:10:24.62\00:10:28.06
in something like this.
00:10:28.06\00:10:29.19
- It's true. - So,
God invented hot tubs.
00:10:29.19\00:10:32.33
- I think so.
00:10:32.33\00:10:33.23
- [Announcer] Introducing
Talking Donkey International.
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God once used a
donkey to spread His word.
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But He'd rather use all of us.
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It's time to
prepare quality programming,
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created to attract and
reach viewers of the world,
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not just those
of our denomination.
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Together we can carry
the final Advent message
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to the
individuals of planet Earth
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and hasten the
return of our Lord.
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Please pray for and
support the successful mission
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of Talking Donkey International.
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- Proverbs 17:1 says it's better
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to eat a dry crust of
bread with peace of mind
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than have a banquet in
a house full of trouble.
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Are there