Participants: Pr. John Coaxum (Host), Dr. William Lee, Geston Pierre, Mike Polite
Series Code: CUL
Program Code: CUL000004A
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00:01 Hi, my name is John Coaxum,
00:02 and welcome to my barbershop Cuttin' Loose. 00:04 You know the barbershop is the last place 00:05 where a guy can speak freely about his issues. 00:08 Today, we have an interesting conversation 00:10 entitled The Real Deal on Relationships. 00:13 You don't want to miss this, standby. 00:48 How' does it look, man? 00:49 Awesome. Good stuff, man. 00:51 You're looking good, right? Thanks for working me up. 00:52 Welcome, dude, you're welcome. 00:54 Yeah, let me get you out of that. 00:57 Good? Fresh cut. 00:58 Matter of fact, yo, yo, hol on, hold on one second, 01:00 one second, one second, how was last night, man? 01:02 Oh, dude, last night, 01:04 I went to the mall and I saw her again. 01:06 Yeah. And same girl? 01:08 Same girl. Yeah. 01:09 Looking as fine as ever. And? 01:11 I approached her, I came correctly, 01:14 I was actually dressed nice too, 01:15 and she rejected me, dude. 01:17 She rejected you? 01:18 I don't know what's wrong with her, 01:20 I'm a good looking guy, I'm a nice guy. 01:21 Yo, hold on a second, hold on, 01:22 guys, listen and check this out. 01:24 So my boy just got rejected again. 01:27 Dude, man, what is wrong with you, man? 01:29 Is it really me? 01:31 What's wrong with the women out there? 01:32 I don't know, I don't know. 01:33 Hold on a second, hold on. It is him. 01:37 But check this out, man, Korey, I don't know, 01:38 you got to ask for what women want, man. 01:40 Man, no, but I need to develop one. 01:43 I mean, that's what something 01:44 that I've been thinking about for a very long time. 01:46 No, honestly, man, 01:47 what in the world do women want? 01:48 I mean, have you ever asked yourself that question, 01:50 anybody, any time? 01:51 Yeah, and I never came up with an answer yet. 01:53 Never came with an answer. 01:54 All these years, I still didn't come with answer. 01:55 And you're married, right? 01:57 And I'm married. 01:58 Wow. Absolutely. 01:59 This is like the biggest mystery of mankind, man, 02:01 what do women want? 02:02 Yo, check this out, man. 02:04 Do you think that girls will go for a guy 02:06 that doesn't have a job? 02:09 Yes. Absolutely. Yes. Yeah? 02:11 Some of our boys got females and they got no jobs. 02:16 Would you think girls prefer a guy man 02:18 that maybe has a well-paying job 02:22 because, you know, 02:23 sometimes girls ideals are just so astronomical, 02:26 don't you guys feel that way sometimes? 02:27 Like there is one more than a guy could ever give. 02:31 I think so. Yeah. 02:33 I think women want, they want the money. 02:34 They want nice car, they want a guy that has it together. 02:37 I mean, they're looking for, you know, 02:40 all the expectations to be met right away. 02:42 Right. So I think it's hard. 02:43 You know what? I know what girls want. 02:45 They want the 666. What's that 666? 02:49 Six feet tall, six pack, and six-figure salary. 02:52 Mercy. 02:54 They want the 666. Is that right? 02:56 Dude, I'm cancelled out in the first six, man. 02:58 I'm nowhere near 6 feet tall, man. 03:00 Sorry. 03:01 I'm blessed to be married, right? 03:03 You are. 03:04 So what about a car, man, what about a car? 03:06 Have you ever wanted to get with a girl 03:08 and she didn't want to get with you 03:09 just because you didn't have a car? 03:10 Or do you know somebody? 03:12 Yo, TLC messed this up, man. 03:13 Yeah? Why? 03:16 Sitting in the passenger side 03:18 of his best friend's ride, you want to... 03:19 Wow. That thing messed this up. 03:22 I mean, females were feeling bikes in the '90s... 03:26 Okay, okay. They were feeling bikes. 03:28 And then TLC come, they wax us 03:31 and now nobody wants anything less than a Benz, a BMW. 03:35 I don't know man it's all materialistic. 03:37 Yeah. Wow, wow. 03:38 They're just like, "So what are you driving?" 03:40 Yeah. Like that matters. 03:42 You know, what about my character? 03:43 What about, you know, what I bring to the table? 03:45 What if you can pay for a taxi to get you 03:47 from point A to point B, doesn't matter, right? 03:48 Well, you're kind of bus man... We'll take Uber. 03:49 Let's take Uber. Yeah, let's take Uber. 03:51 Yeah, an Uber date, come on now. 03:53 Right. Right, right. 03:54 As long as we get there, you know... 03:56 So check this out, man, I've been wondering, man, 03:57 are girls more picky than guys? 04:02 Yeah, man, I think honestly, 04:03 the guys can be a little more stiff than girls, 04:06 you know, with the expectations. 04:08 I know for me personally, man, I had a lot of expectations, 04:10 I had a lot of nonnegotiables, you know, and so, I mean, 04:13 and nowadays too, sometimes you see girls, 04:15 they cannot just date any odd guy, as long as, 04:16 you know, decent guys, as long as he's doing okay. 04:19 I mean, you've got to remember too the odds are in our favor. 04:21 Mercy. What did you mean? 04:23 What I'm saying is there's more girls than guys. 04:26 That's all I'm saying. 04:27 So I'm saying is we have the luxury 04:29 of being a little bit more picky, you know, 04:32 say when a girl break my heart, man, 04:34 there's a tons of fish in the sea, you know... 04:36 So what are your nonnegotiables? 04:39 Well, I can tell you what used to be 04:40 my nonnegotiables before my wife came into my life. 04:44 We're all insane. We're all insane. 04:45 You know, back in the day I would say, you know, 04:48 the woman I had married had to be a virgin, you know, 04:51 and that didn't mean 04:52 I didn't date girls that weren't 04:54 I just screwed that up, 04:55 I probably won't go marry her, you know... 04:56 Right, right. 04:58 Or I would say, you know, 04:59 I really wouldn't try to marry a girl who had kids, 05:00 you know, and those are some of my nonnegotiables, man. 05:02 She had, she got to work, you know, 05:04 she don't got to bring in, you know, all kinds of money, 05:06 but at the same time 05:08 you can't be sitting around the house, man, 05:09 not doing anything, 05:10 I'm not that kind of person, not a caveman. 05:12 Got to go to work, got to go to work. 05:14 Well, yo, check this out, Mike, I mean, 05:15 I know you're married now, Will, you're married, 05:17 did you have any nonnegotiables before you got married? 05:20 These things you would not budge on whatsoever. 05:23 Not, man, for real, my girlfriend, my wife now... 05:27 But we started dating when we were in eighth grade. 05:29 Mercy. Are you serious? 05:31 Wow. Eight grade... 05:32 We kind of grew up together, right? 05:34 So I kind of, you know... 05:36 This man, don't offer the Black Notebook. 05:39 Yeah, the Notebook was dumb man, but, I mean, 05:43 we kind of grew up together so I kind of watched, 05:45 so, you know, 05:46 what she really thought about life and what not, so... 05:49 For me it was kind of easy, right? 05:51 It was kind of easy to ask, I looked at her, you know, 05:53 we've been together for so long that, obviously, 05:57 we just grown to love each other 05:59 more and more all the time. 06:00 Okay. That's fair, that's fair. 06:02 Mike, how about you, man? 06:03 Yo, my stuff is like so surface... 06:04 Compared to what you just said... 06:08 Yeah, I'm thinking about like, I got to be able to run my hand 06:11 through your hair without you getting like... 06:12 Oh, boy! 06:14 You know, I'll stand off and stuff like that, it's like, 06:16 "What are you talking about?" 06:17 I want to touch your hair, you know... 06:18 Sure, sure. 06:20 So I had to have stuff like that from breath 06:22 to actually, man, I was never the type to feel a female 06:26 who was scantily clad. 06:28 Okay, okay. You know what I'm saying? 06:30 So you're dress game had to be classy. 06:32 Sure. So those are some of mine. 06:34 Okay. 06:35 Like I said surface compared to... 06:37 I'm kind of getting there 06:39 that guys probably are little more picky than girls are. 06:41 Let me ask this other question too, 06:43 man, there is one of things that I used to hate 06:44 but, have you ever had a girl 06:46 that has tried to change you over time? 06:48 Oh, mercy. 06:50 I mean, ever tried to like change you. 06:51 Absolutely. 06:52 Like make you into somebody else that you're not. 06:54 Absolutely, absolutely, and not even over time, 06:55 I had a girl telling me one time, 06:57 we were not even really dating, we just kind of talking. 06:59 You know, we hadn't really gone there yet and she said, 07:01 "We got to do something about your diet." 07:03 My diet? 07:04 What do you mean we got to do something about my diet, 07:05 I mean, you know what I want to eat? 07:07 Oh, wow. 07:08 And two days later, "You know, those jeans, 07:10 I don't know if they really fit you if I like the way, 07:11 maybe you want to wear some different jeans." 07:13 I'm like, "Listen, man, you need to fall back." 07:16 What if I like? Yeah. 07:17 You know, but it was the worst, man, it came across too, 07:20 like she was being real aggressive. 07:21 You know, so I kind of had to let it go man, 07:22 I had to let it go. 07:24 So is that something that we brothers don't feel, 07:26 aggression in that way? 07:28 When we talk about like what women want, 07:29 do they just want control, are we saying that to where, 07:32 that is too overt, and you're like 07:35 "Yo, ex them off the list." 07:37 Yeah, I don't like people trying to change me, 07:38 I'll just be honest with you, 07:40 I am who I am, you know, it is whatever. 07:42 However, I will say this, 07:43 man, when I got married, fell in love with my wife. 07:46 Man, when she began to say, 07:47 you know, "John, you're kind of junkie. 07:49 You're kind of messy." 07:50 You know, and try to change me, 07:52 you know, clean up the house better around me, 07:53 tell me I need to do this, you know, I defer to her. 07:55 I don't know why, I guess because I loved her so much, 07:57 I respected her that all of that began to change it. 07:59 I wanted to change for her. 08:01 I don't know, did you feel that, man? 08:02 No, I do not like to be told what to do. 08:07 Not even by your wife? No, no, no. 08:11 I'm a man. No, I'm a man. 08:12 Okay, I got you, I got you. 08:14 I'm going to do, I'm going to make sure 08:15 that I'm responsible to take, 08:17 you know, my job seriously as a husband, as a father... 08:19 Sure. But don't hover me, right? 08:22 You don't have to tell me to take out the trash. 08:23 I'm going to get the job done. Sure. 08:25 So don't come hovering over me. 08:26 Oh, boy. I'm the man. 08:28 I'm going to get the job done. 08:29 You know what's the worst? 08:31 When they hover and form questions. 08:32 Yeah. So did you get that... 08:35 Or "Babe, would you mind next time 08:39 if you just do this a little differently?" 08:40 Like, man, no, I'm not going to do it differently, let me live. 08:43 Yo, honestly, one thing that I really hate, man, 08:45 is that girls be like, 08:46 I don't know if you guys ever had this before. 08:48 Ask a girl, you know, "What do you want to eat?" 08:49 "I don't know." Right. 08:51 Then you take her to a place and they're like, 08:52 "You took me to the wrong place." 08:53 Well, you didn't tell me what you... 08:55 Like how am I wrong for that, you know what I'm saying? 08:56 "Why did you take me here?" 08:58 So it is like, you never know what a girl is thinking, man. 09:00 God only knows what's going on 09:01 inside a mind of a woman, right? 09:03 But anyway, yo, let me move to this, 09:05 let me ask you guys this question. 09:06 How do you feel about being chased? 09:09 Chased by a woman. 09:11 Is that a turn off or turn on for you... 09:12 Let me say that, let me jump in... 09:14 So, I think we begin this eight grade, right. 09:16 Eight grade, who is that, 09:18 just get a ring, right, just get a ring, 09:20 and my wife, my girlfriend that time, 09:22 she was the one that pursued me. 09:24 Wow. Right? 09:25 She took my watch, she took my watch 09:27 and she, you know, she kept it 09:29 and said, "You're not getting your watch back 09:31 until you give me your phone number." 09:32 Wow. 09:34 In the eighth grade. Mercy. 09:35 And it was cool then, right? 09:36 It was cool then and I didn't get my watch back 09:39 until I gave my phone number. 09:41 And every since then, you know, we've been just like that. 09:44 But now, I look back on to that, I'm like 09:46 "No one in the world I would allow that, man." 09:52 Geston, my man, how do you feel about being chased, man? 09:56 Man... Hunter or hunted? 09:58 I want to be the hunter. Okay. All right. 10:00 So when girls try to hunt me, man, it's a turn off for me. 10:04 You know, it's flattering. 10:06 Yeah, I know I'm handsome, I know I'm cool. 10:08 I know I'm desirable, but I don't want to be... 10:11 Really? Okay. 10:12 That's why I don't get what's wrong with this girl? 10:14 I didn't thought anymore. 10:15 Clearly, you know, I'm a 666, you know... 10:18 You think so. I got you, man. 10:20 Of course, not ready for the beast yet, 10:22 but it's cool though. 10:23 But I don't like being hunted, man. 10:25 I want to be the hunter. 10:26 I want to go after what I want. 10:27 But what if this girl is everything that you want, 10:30 at least physically, she's beautiful, 10:31 let's just say, mostly everything, 10:33 she's a complete package. 10:34 If she chases you, would you deny her? 10:36 No. 10:38 Everything flips on his head. 10:40 Yeah, I guess, I don't know... All right. 10:41 But I don't like being chased, man. 10:43 I'd rather be the hunter, man. I hear you. 10:44 Mike, what about you, man? 10:46 Man, really, I don't, honestly, 10:48 I want a woman who is a planter not a harvester. 10:52 I don't mind... 10:54 Break that down, break that down. 10:55 Planting seeds... Okay. 10:57 That includes my interests... Flirting. 10:58 Exactly, exactly. 10:59 But when after you trying to harvest me, 11:01 like me in a matrix or something, 11:03 then I'm just like, "No, I need another one." 11:05 And okay, all right. 11:07 But, mostly everybody here likes to chase, right? 11:09 Yeah, yeah. Kory? 11:10 I mean, I like to, 11:12 I mean, I like a little bit of attention... 11:13 All right. 11:14 I like to know that I'm worth something 11:16 that they're attracted to me, 11:17 but I want to be the one who close the deal, 11:19 just like what Mike is saying. 11:20 Okay. 11:21 What about if a girl is playing games 11:23 and what I mean is playing hard to get. 11:26 Now you know that she wants to be with you, 11:28 you know that she likes you, 11:29 but she's just denying you at every turn, 11:32 turning you down at every turn, doesn't want to... 11:34 not letting you make advances towards her 11:37 or anything like that, how do you feel about that? 11:38 Is that okay, do you like the cat and mouse game? 11:40 As long as it doesn't last forever, man. 11:43 Eventually we got to get to the playoffs, baby. 11:44 Okay, we've read this. Hearing the whole time. 11:46 I want that ring. Right, right. 11:49 Do you guys agree? Everybody's good on that? 11:50 Yeah. 11:51 Girls kind of like Hunger Games, man, 11:53 you know, I meant, odds ever be in your favor, 11:54 we could play the games at some point, 11:57 it has to switch though. 11:58 It has to switch, it has to become legit, 12:01 transparent, vulnerable... 12:03 I'll tell you as a married man, I like to chase now. 12:05 You like to chase now? 12:07 I don't like her to chase me as a married man. 12:11 We go back and forth, 12:12 but I'll like her to pursue me now little bit more or so, 12:14 you know what I'm saying? 12:15 Yeah... 12:17 She's in the mood, you know, I'm in the mood as well. 12:18 I like that, I appreciate that now. 12:21 That's cool, man, that's cool. All right, how about this? 12:22 I was watching this video 12:24 the other day online, man, this girl... 12:27 They were sitting down. She got down on one knee. 12:30 That's all. 12:31 Hold on, hold on. Let me finish, man. 12:32 She got down on one knee, I mean she opened up the box, 12:36 there was a ring or wedding band inside... 12:38 And she proposed to the guy and he said, "Yes." 12:41 How do you guys feel about that? 12:43 Role reversal. Why not? 12:44 Dude, why can't a girl propose to a guy? 12:48 He said yes. What's the big deal? 12:49 I feel like that shows a lack of confidence, man. 12:51 So basically, what she's saying is, 12:52 "If I don't propose, you're not going to propose." 12:54 Hold on, lack of confidence in the woman? 12:56 Yes. 12:57 Yeah, like she feels like she has to control 12:59 that otherwise it's not going to happen. 13:01 That's kind of how that feels to me. 13:03 You know, if you know I'm a proposed 13:04 and you kind of sit back and wait on it. 13:06 I know most women like the build up to it, 13:08 you know, "Oh, I know he's going to propose, 13:10 I don't know what kind of ring he's going to get." 13:11 All that good stuff, she kind of just like, 13:12 "Man, let me propose him before he goes find somebody else." 13:15 That's kind of how that feels to me. 13:16 She's insecure or unsure. Now he used critical words... 13:19 Yes, he did. 13:20 Now I'm scared to say it again. Yes, he did. 13:21 You said that she is desperate. Mercy. 13:23 What do you say to that? Man, just wait. 13:26 Just wait... Yeah... 13:29 You know if you know he loves you 13:31 and you know he wants to be with you, just wait. 13:34 You know, that's... Why would you propose to a man? 13:37 If she likes it, then she go put a ring on it... 13:39 All right. 13:41 What's a time limit then, what's the time... 13:43 Hey, listen, let's just be honest, 13:45 some guys have girls waiting for a very long time. 13:47 Guys, come on. 13:49 Some guys will date a girl for 10 and 15 years, 13:52 and they might not ever propose, 13:54 what's the matter with her jumping the gun 13:56 and saying, "Hey, let's just get this thing done. 13:58 I know you want to marry me, you just didn't know it yet." 14:00 All right, two things. Yeah. 14:01 First of all, a female needs to understand a male psyche. 14:06 Appreciate what we work for. Okay. 14:09 That is just kind of like, that's a principle. 14:11 When it comes to masculinity, we appreciate what we work for. 14:14 The other thing is, 14:16 if you close the garage on the physical interaction, 14:20 we will commit faster. 14:22 Hold on, hold on, you're going to break that down. 14:26 What I'm saying is, man, we don't like ultimatums, man. 14:29 At the end of the day, you almost feel like a ring 14:31 being put in front of face is ultimatum. 14:33 You know, you will marry me or we just going to stop this. 14:36 And I've actually been in a position 14:38 where I've been given ultimatums, man, 14:40 you know, I got engaged to a girl based on ultimatum. 14:42 She told me, "Listen, no more games. 14:45 We're going to get engaged 14:46 or it's just not going to happen." 14:48 All right. And we did. 14:49 We went to one-hour counseling session 14:50 and three months later, we were broken up 14:52 because I felt like I can't marry somebody 14:54 who put me in a kind of position 14:56 to make me choose, I want to go after. 14:57 I want to get it. 14:59 I want to be the one that, you know, that did the work. 15:01 Wow. Right. 15:02 Okay, so let me ask, I got to pull this to Will, man. 15:04 Yeah. Real quick, help us now. 15:06 You've been dating your wife since eighth grade. 15:08 That's what you said, right? Eighth grade, eighth grade. 15:10 Man, I know you love her. Yeah. 15:11 I mean, you know, you care for here, 15:13 clearly you wanted to be with her, 15:14 what would have been the problem, man, 15:16 if she had proposed to you? 15:17 You were dating here for a long time anyway. 15:18 No, no, no. 15:20 Dating for long time, but as a man... 15:22 Like Mike said, the man's psyche is critical. 15:25 We're hunters by nature. Right. 15:27 You know, we don't want to, you know, reverse the role... 15:32 You know, that is the man's role, you know, 15:34 I won't be stereotypical, 15:35 but that's the man's role to be able to come to the woman, 15:37 you know, just like Adam with Eve, so to speak. 15:39 You know, guy brought Eve to Adam, 15:42 but Adam was the man. 15:43 You know, God put Adam in charge of the garden. 15:46 Adam and Eve really, but Adam, you know, He call Adam's name, 15:49 "Where are you?" 15:50 And that's our psyche, man, to be the man, 15:52 to be the progenitor, so to speak, 15:54 to be man that will stand up and protect. 15:57 I don't want my wife, let's say, 15:59 to come running to protect me, you know what I'm saying? 16:01 When burglar comes in, you know... 16:03 She jumps in front of the bullet for you. 16:04 Yeah, yeah. I kill the spiders. 16:06 Right. I got you. 16:07 You know, I do all that kind of stuff... 16:09 Because really that's how I'm built as a man. 16:11 Yo, can I follow up on the physical aspect? 16:13 Yeah, go ahead, man. 16:14 I think my sisters out there, they've just got to recognize, 16:18 one of my major motivations 16:21 when it comes to committing to you 16:23 for a lifetime is the physical. 16:26 It's the physical, experiencing you in that way, 16:29 so if you give me access 16:31 to that previous to my commitment... 16:34 Wow, man. 16:35 Then where's urgency? Right. 16:36 I don't have any urgency. Right, right. 16:38 And so I don't think a lot of sisters know that. 16:41 If you're getting the free milk, why buy the cow? 16:47 Yeah, I've heard that before, man. 16:48 I'm glad it's just guys in the room for that one. 16:50 We'll check this up... 16:52 So you guys, man, you only appreciate what you work for. 16:56 Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. 16:57 So how can we let our women know, our females, 17:01 how do we let them know this timely truth, man? 17:04 What's going on in our society, man? 17:05 It's a tough balance. Yeah. 17:06 It's this balance between keeping me entreat 17:10 and letting me pursue. 17:11 Yeah. All right. 17:13 And I think that balance is tenuous, 17:15 and there's a lot of tension there 17:17 and I don't want to be in my sister's position at all 17:20 because of that balance, it's tough. 17:21 But somehow you have to strike this balance 17:23 in between making me want more and continue my pursuit. 17:28 But yet, not flipping the role 17:29 to where now you're pursuing me. 17:31 Okay, but that's a good point. 17:32 I heard what you said, making me want more. 17:34 I see a lot of girls and women on social media 17:37 in a sense making you want more. 17:39 I mean, we see girls that go into the bathroom, you know, 17:42 they find the perfect lighting for their selfie shot 17:45 or what not, they snap the picture, 17:47 and sometimes, you know, they show a little skin, 17:49 they show a little cleavage or whatever, 17:51 and guys start to comment on that. 17:53 And a lot of girls get the sense that, you know what? 17:55 That's the way to get a man, why is that the wrong way? 17:59 You said they should entice us a little bit... 18:01 What he's saying is entice him. Okay, okay. 18:02 Let's make him want her more, 18:04 not make the world want her more. 18:07 I don't want to be unwrapping the present 18:09 on my wedding night knowing that all, kind of, 18:12 everybody else are seeing what's under the wrapping. 18:14 You know what I'm saying? Yeah. 18:16 Make me want it more, 18:17 I'm not saying text me any crazy pictures. 18:20 But what we're saying is entice me 18:22 in other ways with your character, 18:23 with your personality, 18:25 you know, I don't need to see too much cleavage though. 18:27 Got you. I don't need that thing. 18:29 Now just stop me, man, 18:30 I know that you're a social media junkie, man. 18:32 I see you on there all the time. 18:33 What do you see from our women nowadays online, 18:35 what are they doing? 18:37 Man, they are posting thirst traps with scripture... 18:43 Define thirst traps, man. Dude, like the scriptures... 18:46 Dude, you're like, okay, you're front of a mirror... 18:49 Your cleavage is intact, 18:50 you know, it's showing, revealing, 18:52 and there's like a scripture, 18:54 "I will praise the Lord for I am fearfully 18:55 and wonderfully made. 18:56 Happy Sabbath, Sabbath selfie." 18:58 Really? Right, it doesn't match. 19:00 So you're trying to entice me 19:01 with your sexuality and spirituality? 19:04 You know, so it's kind of a mixed message being sent, 19:07 you know, that if a guy knows that I love the Lord 19:09 but that I'm still attractive and I show him a little bit, 19:12 he may want me. 19:14 You know, so I don't know maybe it's about the numbers game, 19:16 they know there's a shortage in available man 19:18 and so they feel the need to outdo 19:19 each other on social media. 19:21 Right. I don't know. 19:22 Maybe. What is it? 19:24 Now that's a really big point, 19:25 I've heard a lot of girls say that there are no good men, 19:26 and you check this out, 19:28 there are no good men even in the church. 19:30 Do you agree with that, there's just no man? 19:32 I mean, you said earlier, Kory, that, 19:34 you know, we outnumber them or they outnumber us rather, 19:37 so help me understand that. 19:38 I can speak from the church I attend, 19:41 we had no young men in our church, 19:43 it's like all women. 19:44 It had to be maybe 80/20, you know, 19:46 and all of the men that were there all married men. 19:49 Some of the young ladies I know, if they go and date, 19:52 they have to date outside the church, you know, 19:54 and so you kind of just got to pray that the guy they met, 19:57 they didn't meet at the club, you know, 19:58 maybe they met him at a shopping mall 20:00 or something like that, 20:01 but the numbers, man, that is not in a woman's favor, 20:04 man, it's not. 20:05 But I don't think that's an excuse, 20:07 you know, to lower your standards 20:09 or to show yourself to be something you're really not, 20:11 you know, I don't think so. 20:12 Right, and, Mike, I know you're a chaplain, 20:14 you know, at a major school, man, 20:16 and you see guys and girls interacting all the time, man. 20:20 What do you see? What's going on there? 20:21 What's happening? How is it working? 20:23 Well, man, you know, I've tried 20:25 to edit my language a little bit, 20:27 like previous to this position I would easily say, 20:30 "Yo, my sister, you need to find 20:31 a dude who's in church." 20:32 Okay, okay. 20:34 But for example, we're on a campus 20:35 where the ratio is like three to one. 20:38 Three women to one man, 20:39 so if all women gear into their own church 20:42 or even other churches, 20:44 they so outnumber the men 20:47 that that becomes impractical at some level. 20:48 No competition. 20:50 So I've been trying to figure out what's the principle 20:52 to give instead of this blanket statistic, 20:56 this overarching statement, "Find a man in church." 20:59 What if they're not in church? What do I do now? 21:01 So I'm still trying to wrestle with that thing, man. 21:03 Okay. All right, all right, good. 21:04 Now, Kory, I got to come back to you, man, 21:05 'cause I know you have a little baby girl, man, 21:08 and I hate to bring that here, but I have to, man. 21:10 You're a brand new father, you've got a little baby girl. 21:12 Man, what do you want her desires to be for another man 21:16 as she grows up? 21:18 First of all, I'm not trying to deal with this 21:19 for a full of 18 years. 21:23 You know, but at the end of the day, man, 21:25 I think that my objective is to be the best man 21:28 I could be to my daughter 21:30 so that she looks for somebody hopefully like me. 21:32 You know, I know my wife always jokes around, 21:35 and this is just all God's grace, man, 21:37 she always jokes around, I'm just like her dad. 21:40 You know, the same kind of mannerisms, 21:42 same kind of spirituality, 21:44 I mean, the same thing he would just drop it 21:46 I had prayed for, I would too, you know. 21:48 And so that's... 21:49 She didn't go out looking for it, you know, 21:51 God kind of brought us together and it turned out that way. 21:53 But I want when my little girl, my Lord, my Lord, 21:56 I want my little girl to meet the right guy 22:00 for her to see some of me in that guy. 22:03 And not just me but of course, you know, God in me, 22:05 you know, me having been courteous, 22:07 me having been respectful, 22:08 me having given her some kind of value, 22:11 you know, so that she didn't have to be on social media, 22:13 she better not be on social media 22:15 showing off herself to the world 22:17 'cause I will find a way to hack it and shut it down. 22:18 Yeah. 22:20 What I'm saying is, I want to be 22:21 want to set the example for what she sees in a man, 22:23 and even how she pursues, 22:25 she ought to see me pursuing her mom on a daily basis, 22:28 the same way you said about dating, 22:29 my little girl ought to see me dating her mom, 22:32 and I ought to date my little girl too. 22:34 You know I'd take her on dates, 22:35 we go Legoland or wherever we need to go. 22:37 You know, but she ought to know that 22:39 there's a way to be treated, a way to be valued. 22:41 Right. Absolutely. 22:42 Will, I got to give this to you, man, 22:44 'cause I know you've been married for a long time 22:45 and you're a pastor. 22:47 I know you love God and you've got two little boys. 22:48 Man, how are you training them to interact with women 22:51 in any way or are you right now? 22:53 Yeah, I am. 22:54 I'm doing it consciously 22:55 and subconsciously for them as well, right? 22:57 Because my wife and I are together in the house, 22:59 you know, my kids love this, 23:00 this one's in my nine-year-old, 23:02 he loves it when I hug my wife and give her a kiss. 23:05 Wow. I mean he's always... 23:06 What he does is when I do it publicly, right, 23:08 and I do in front of them on purpose. 23:10 So when I do it, right, my kids are always like that... 23:15 You know, they're cracking out, they falling out, whatever. 23:18 What I realized though that is in bringing them 23:20 a sense of security though. 23:22 That is like Daddy loves Mommy. 23:24 Wow. 23:25 And Mommy loves Daddy. 23:27 So for them, even though they're laughing in 23:29 and cutting up, and having a good time, 23:31 it's like, there's a sense of... 23:34 There's a good union in the house. 23:36 It's like, I do it, I touch here, 23:37 you know, very gently... 23:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 23:40 You know, we play with each other all the time 23:42 and my kids love that. 23:43 You're training them. Absolutely. 23:44 I want them to recognize that, listen, 23:46 and we don't yell at each other, 23:48 you know, that is publicly, you know what I'm saying? 23:50 We won't argue, you know, what I'm saying? 23:52 In front of our kids, if we disagree with something, 23:54 you know, we are very calm and well-mannered 23:56 because I don't want my kids to anything 23:58 contrary from their father. 24:00 Well, let's talk about God, man. 24:02 We're all Christians here, we believe in God, 24:03 we believe in the Bible. 24:04 Man, I remember that story of Boaz and Ruth. 24:08 You guys remember that story, man? 24:10 What made Boaz, man, so attractive to Ruth 24:13 that she was in a sense pursuing him, 24:17 but hold on, hold on, 24:19 but ultimately, he's the one who made the choice, 24:21 what was the situation there, what was going on? 24:23 Resources. Resources. 24:25 I mean, she is attracted to the CEO of the company 24:31 she works for, pretty much... 24:33 A six-figure salary. Yes. 24:34 Okay, okay. All right. 24:36 And that's why I think, 24:37 we're sometimes too hard on our ladies 24:38 when it comes to this whole gold digger phenomenon, 24:40 like she's only here for my resources. 24:43 Now, yes, that's an extreme, 24:44 but yeah, I think we should have some resources to offer. 24:48 I think she should be able to look at us and say, 24:49 "Man, he can care for me. 24:51 He can hold me down." 24:52 Anything else about Boaz we see in that story? 24:55 He's a leader. And girls like that. 24:58 A woman needs somebody they can follow, man. 24:59 I know my wife told me that a lot of times, man. 25:01 You know, as long as, you know, your idea is not too crazy, 25:04 you know, I want to be able to be 25:05 with a man that I can support. 25:07 You know, someone I can follow into battle, 25:09 somebody who I knows will make good decisions, 25:11 financially, you know, economically for my family. 25:14 So I think him being a leader 25:15 might have been attractive as well. 25:17 Okay. All right, all right. 25:18 Well, check this out now, man, what about the first couple, 25:20 Adam and Eve? 25:22 Real quick. 25:23 When God brought Eve, what did Adam say about her? 25:29 Flesh in my flesh! 25:31 She is flesh in my flesh. 25:32 Yep, man, 25:34 Yeah, man, so he loved her, man. 25:35 He loved here. 25:36 But at the same time, yo, Eve kind of went astray 25:39 and she was separated from her husband, 25:41 what's going on in that story, man, 25:43 what points or principles 25:45 can we take away for relationships nowadays? 25:49 Stick by your man. 25:51 Okay, all right. 25:52 Adam was somewhere in the garden, right? 25:54 He was somewhere and the devil came in when they separated. 25:57 So I think a good principle is to by all means, man, 25:59 stay close, 26:01 don't allow that separation to come in. 26:04 Last question for you, guys, 26:05 man, I got a close the shop in a minute. 26:06 But I really want to know, 26:08 do you think girls are attracted to a godly man 26:10 and I mean any girl in the world? 26:12 Are most girls attracted to a godly man, and why? 26:15 I think so, some may not be rightly attracted 26:17 to a godly man or, you know... 26:19 What do you mean? 26:20 I would say speaking from the preacher's standpoint, 26:22 you just kind of attract, 26:23 you just kind of kind of attract everybody, 26:25 but I do think that it's attractive. 26:27 As human beings, I believe that God made us 26:30 with a desire to desire Him 26:33 and I think that when, you know, when God is in you, 26:35 He's in your life, I think that attracts women. 26:37 I really think so, 26:38 I think it can kind of fill that void, you know. 26:40 Well, that's a very good point, man. 26:41 Man, listen, I got to close the shop. 26:43 I love you, guys, man. Thanks for the conversation. 26:45 Man, I also want to let you guys know 26:46 that I think that we should teach our young men 26:49 to emulate the characteristics of God. 26:51 So with that, man, I appreciate you guys. 26:53 See you next time in shop. Cool man. 26:55 Thanks for the cut. Yeah, man. 26:58 Wow, I mean, today's conversation 27:01 was literally amazing. 27:03 This is why I love opening up the barbershop 27:05 because we always get the real deal on everything 27:08 guys are thinking about. 27:09 And today, we got the real deal on relationships. 27:12 Now, okay, honestly, no man truly knows everything 27:16 about what a woman wants. 27:18 That is a mystery that God has not seen fit 27:20 to reveal to us, guys. 27:22 And maybe that's for a good reason. 27:24 Let's be honest, 27:27 if you knew what every woman wanted from you, 27:28 you would change who you are 27:30 and stop being who God created you 27:32 to be to meet her standard all the time. 27:35 Furthermore, every woman has different preferences, 27:39 different opinions, and different desires, 27:42 but I can tell you one thing that will always make any true, 27:46 true woman happy, 27:48 a man that not only looks for the approval of women, 27:51 but consistently seeks the approval of God. 27:55 I want to invite you next time to join us in the barbershop. 27:58 See you next time. |
Revised 2018-07-03