Hi, my name is John Coaxum,
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and welcome to my
barbershop "Cuttin' Loose."
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As you know, the barbershop
is one of the last places
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where a guy can come and
speak freely about his issues.
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Our topic today is "Man Up."
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Come and join us.
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Check this out, man.
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Oh, yeah, man. It's good.
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I'm ready, I'm
ready. Thanks, man.
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Looking good man, looking good.
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It's one of my best cuts, man,
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so I'm gonna give
this one to you for free.
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As a matter of fact,
guys, I know it's late man,
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but I'm...you just
sit right here, man.
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I just want to talk
to you about something.
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Man, it has been
something on my heart lately.
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Man, just about the
men in our community.
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It just seems like
manhood is changing,
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like we don't have
strong leaders anymore,
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like the men aren't
setting forth a good example.
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Anybody, you know
what I'm talking about,
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have you seen that lately?
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Yeah, recently my
grandmother told me,
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she went to the grocery
store and she saw a young man,
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who is in there with
his pants hanging down,
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and she tried to
say something to him.
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He cursed her out, you know.
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So you know, that was
really disheartening to her
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to see a young man
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as she was just trying to
encourage to pull his pants up,
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but he kinda
just went off on her.
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Yeah.
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So Mike, man you are a
community chaplain man,
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what are you seeing
in the neighborhoods
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all around us, what's going on?
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I think in the
community there's just a lot,
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a lack of respect for authority,
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there's this idea
that, "I'm my own man,
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and that I have
control of my own situation."
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And so as a result of that,
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"I don't need
to respect anybody,
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but I'm demanding
respect," you know,
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"I have my pants hanging
down, I come out of the house,"
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you know, "ungroomed," you
know, "but I want respect."
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"You know, I
don't have my education,
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don't have the things in order,
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whatever issues
are going on in my life
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or within the
lives of the black man,
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I'm always demanding that
someone else respects me."
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So demanding respect but
not giving it in the dress,
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pants hanging down
and stuff like that.
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I mean, Brother McCracken, man,
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it's good to see you by the way.
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Man, I know you are
the director of Enrollment
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at Pine Forge Academy.
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What are you seeing there?
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I know there's a lot of
young black boys that go there
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and the surrounding
community, what's going on?
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Right, we have a
mentorship program at our school
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that we are
teaching the young men
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how to respect each other.
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But the issues
that we are seeing now
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with young black males,
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is that they don't
have any role models.
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And so we have to
be their role models,
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everyday, we have
to dress a certain way,
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shirt and tie, jackets, pants,
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our shoes have to be shine, why?
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Because we are
trying to show them
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that we can help them grow
while they are watching us.
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But right now in
the black community,
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you don't have role models.
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What are role models
in the black community?
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A person standing on the corner?
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A person in a barbershop?
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A person in a church?
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Well, not really.
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A role model is a
person that's gonna show
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respect, integrity, and honesty,
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and make sure
that they can emulate
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or imitate that
particular person.
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Yeah. We have a lot of issues.
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Dr. Mike, you are a
clinical counselor, man.
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So I know you are
seeing a lot of people
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and you have a
lot of wisdom on this.
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Help me out, please.
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Well, I think the reality
is, is that we black men,
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young men, they get a lot of
their values from television.
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A lot of values
from what, the media.
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You know, different
streams of urban stuff
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that's coming on,
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where you can
kind of treat woman,
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and kind of way
you can speak to woman,
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and kind of way,
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so that's where they are
getting their model from.
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You know, and I've
dealt with young men that,
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you know, they
disrespect their moms.
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Because they want to come
in their house when they want,
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and they want to
do what they want.
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They don't want to
have any accountability.
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So you know, they say,
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"listen, let me live my life,"
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you know, "I'm seeing
so and so on television.
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They do that, you know,
they're making a lot of money,
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so why can't I dress like them?"
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Right, you bring up
a really good point,
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you know, I'm young,
I'm recently married,
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you know, trying to figure out
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what it means to
be a man, as well.
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Is the world, is TV, is music,
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are they giving
us right examples
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of what a man should be?
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I think they are not.
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I think what the world is
trying to tell us is that,"
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I want to condition you
to be what you should not be,
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but because you
are buying into it,
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I'm gonna continue to
put it down your throat."
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And so because we
are being mislead,
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young black
men, older black men,
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you know, they want to be young,
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they are being misled
by some of the value system
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that the world has given them.
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And so on the
outside they may be a male,
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but on the inside
they don't understand
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what God created
them to be in His image.
00:04:54.62\00:04:57.09
So hold on a second.
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You are saying, it's possible
to be masculine but not a man.
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Yes. Without a doubt. Wow.
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Mike, what are you saying, man?
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TV, movies, man,
what is the representation
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that our young men are getting,
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because I mean, you
know, they go to the movies
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every weekend, man,
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they are getting most of their
influence from the TV screen,
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what's going on there?
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Yeah, I think, for me
when you look at media,
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when you look at the
image of the black man,
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it's a macho, I'm
in control, black man.
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I'm the type of guy
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that in controlling my situation
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I'm not gonna be able to...
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I will not submit
to the leading of,
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as Jason said, a mentor.
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The leading of, a
mother or a grandmother
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who has experience in life
to guide me in the right way.
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And so what TV
and media is showing,
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is they are showing a
black man as this macho,
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I'm in control...
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A guy doesn't need anybody.
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Right, I don't need anybody.
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Yeah, what's that
old saying that says that
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"I'm the captain of my soul."
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And so with me being in charge,
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no one else can
tell me what to do,
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they can't tell me how to dress,
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where to go, what to do,
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what time to come
into my house, anything.
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And what happens
is then that becomes
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a dangerous path
towards, "I'm in control.
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I'm demanding respect."
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And when I
don't get those things
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then I lash out
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in certain
behaviors, that you know,
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that are very
dangerous in our community.
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Now we have crime, we
have domestic violence,
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we have a list of things
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that the black
man begins to lash out
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because he's not
getting the respect,
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he's macho,
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and then he wants everyone
else to do, like the thing,
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the world revolves around me.
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Okay, now let me
challenge you for a minute, man,
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because you know,
since I've been growing up,
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in my community, you
know, my family, my cousins,
00:06:43.53\00:06:45.87
it's always been passed
down to generations, man,
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that to be a man.
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Yeah, you've gotta be strong.
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You gotta be macho.
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And you can't, you know, show
your feelings on your sleeve,
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you are not supposed to cry.
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I mean really, if I would,
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you know, fall
down and scrape my knee,
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you know, my
family would probably
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expect me to get up,
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and be a man, and
dry up those tears.
00:07:02.02\00:07:03.82
And I would assume that,
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you know, most young
boys or men's families
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would tell them the same thing.
00:07:07.82\00:07:09.16
Is there
anything wrong with that
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being macho, being a man?
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Let's see what's Jason says.
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Well, you know, I grew up
with black and white TV...
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Okay. I mean, my age is, I'm 60.
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Okay. So I'm the old man here...
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Sure.
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So I grew up in
black and white TV.
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So what my image in
black and white TV was
00:07:27.31\00:07:29.84
"The Hercules, the Superman."
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But look what happened
when I watch television
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and I saw The Little Rascals.
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And Spanky, the Buckwheat,
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the little guy on
television right there
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was not my role model.
00:07:44.66\00:07:46.43
So when they said,
"You have to be strong,
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you can't cry, you are man."
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I had to keep all
of that inside of me,
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and then when I
cry, I'm angry, I'm mad.
00:07:56.94\00:08:01.51
Those kinds of
emotions are very negative.
00:08:01.54\00:08:06.78
It's okay to cry at a funeral.
00:08:06.82\00:08:09.38
It's okay to cry at a wedding.
00:08:09.42\00:08:12.19
It's okay to cry when you see
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somebody
rejoicing in the truth...
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Right. Right.
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But crying is a part
of an emotional response.
00:08:18.66\00:08:23.00
But in the black community,
if you cry you are not a man.
00:08:23.03\00:08:28.17
Oh, man. That's so
true. That's so true.
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Or if you show any
emotion, you are not a man...
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Right. Right.
Absolutely. You know. Yeah.
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I've got to come
back to you, Doc,
00:08:35.98\00:08:37.31
I mean, you are kinda
like the resident expert,
00:08:37.35\00:08:38.85
it's just so
great that you are here.
00:08:38.88\00:08:40.52
Man, I'm sure that you have
counseled some young black men
00:08:40.55\00:08:45.19
or you've been
around some young black men
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in your profession,
who have not emoted.
00:08:46.82\00:08:49.49
They've been through
things in their life, man,
00:08:49.52\00:08:51.33
but they've been
taught not to cry.
00:08:51.36\00:08:53.19
And eventually, probably
what happens is they implode.
00:08:53.23\00:08:55.73
Is that true? Yeah,
men, they do implode.
00:08:55.76\00:08:58.90
I think they get so
stressed on the inside,
00:08:58.93\00:09:00.80
they never let it out.
00:09:00.84\00:09:02.20
So it comes out in other ways.
00:09:02.24\00:09:03.57
It comes out in anger.
00:09:03.61\00:09:05.11
It comes out
whether they're frustrated.
00:09:05.14\00:09:06.68
The thing about stress is
that, stress that's internal,
00:09:06.71\00:09:09.78
it can come out and
it can be very volatile.
00:09:09.81\00:09:11.81
It can be like, a forced fire.
00:09:11.85\00:09:13.98
And everybody
that's in front of it
00:09:14.02\00:09:16.12
can be the
casualty of this thing
00:09:16.15\00:09:18.82
that they've
kept inside of them.
00:09:18.85\00:09:20.29
So it's very important
00:09:20.32\00:09:21.66
that they allow
themselves to talk about it,
00:09:21.69\00:09:24.03
to find somebody to
talk to, because if not,
00:09:24.06\00:09:26.83
the level of anger
and the level of stress
00:09:26.86\00:09:29.26
put together can
cause people to die.
00:09:29.30\00:09:32.07
Wow. Yeah.
00:09:32.10\00:09:33.44
Absolutely man,
crying will increase, man.
00:09:33.47\00:09:35.17
We also revert
to social vices man,
00:09:35.20\00:09:37.61
when we haven't emoted,
00:09:37.64\00:09:39.07
when we haven't dealt
with the things in our past
00:09:39.11\00:09:40.81
and we are taught not to cry.
00:09:40.84\00:09:42.18
Let me ask this too, may be,
00:09:42.21\00:09:43.55
I don't know if you
all feel me on this or not.
00:09:43.58\00:09:45.41
But isn't that kinda funny that,
00:09:45.45\00:09:47.42
guys, or men have kind of
00:09:47.45\00:09:49.35
reverted to a
child like behavior?
00:09:49.38\00:09:51.79
In other words, we
measure our manhood,
00:09:51.82\00:09:54.32
probably by the
toys that we have,
00:09:54.36\00:09:55.96
I heard somebody
say the other day.
00:09:55.99\00:09:57.43
You know, if we have a
nice car then we are a man.
00:09:57.46\00:09:59.76
If we have a good paying
job, that's when we are a man.
00:09:59.79\00:10:02.26
If we've got
the nice Jordans on,
00:10:02.30\00:10:03.93
then we are a man.
00:10:03.97\00:10:05.30
Is that true, or do
you see that at all?
00:10:05.33\00:10:07.77
I think from...for what
I see within the community,
00:10:07.80\00:10:11.57
the acquisition of wealth,
00:10:11.61\00:10:13.68
acquisition of things
is an admirable thing,
00:10:13.71\00:10:18.01
you know, but it has to be done
00:10:18.05\00:10:19.75
in the proper order
and in the right way.
00:10:19.78\00:10:22.38
So for an example, you
can acquire your wealth,
00:10:22.42\00:10:25.39
and acquire the things
you want when society says,
00:10:25.42\00:10:28.92
you've earned it.
00:10:28.96\00:10:30.29
You have your degree,
00:10:30.33\00:10:31.66
you've got a
job, you have 401(k),
00:10:31.69\00:10:33.73
you are planning for the future,
00:10:33.76\00:10:35.23
you bring
children into the world
00:10:35.26\00:10:36.60
at the right time,
00:10:36.63\00:10:37.97
you have a
wonderful, you know, family.
00:10:38.00\00:10:39.77
All of those positive things
are also part of the community.
00:10:39.80\00:10:43.00
So now our
communities are also enhanced.
00:10:43.04\00:10:45.44
When you try to acquire
those things through force,
00:10:45.47\00:10:49.11
or skipping a step,
00:10:49.14\00:10:50.91
or taking it from somebody else,
00:10:50.95\00:10:53.55
then you find
yourself in that lashing out,
00:10:53.58\00:10:56.85
that the doc is talking about.
00:10:56.89\00:10:58.92
Because I've lost control,
00:10:58.95\00:11:00.62
because I don't
have my education,
00:11:00.66\00:11:02.39
because I've lost control
00:11:02.42\00:11:03.76
because I want
respect and demand respect,
00:11:03.79\00:11:06.70
then I lash out by trying to,
00:11:06.73\00:11:10.33
by trying to acquire
those things the wrong way.
00:11:10.37\00:11:14.47
And so now when I
have those things,
00:11:14.50\00:11:18.01
I now demand respect
from the wrong people.
00:11:18.04\00:11:21.91
Okay, fair enough, fair enough.
00:11:21.94\00:11:23.51
Director McCracken, what are you
00:11:23.55\00:11:25.68
teaching the young
guys at Pine Forge,
00:11:25.71\00:11:28.15
in light of what Mike
has said about timing?
00:11:28.18\00:11:31.92
He said, you
know, getting success,
00:11:31.95\00:11:33.66
and getting
money, having a good job,
00:11:33.69\00:11:35.06
having a nice car,
there's nothing wrong with that,
00:11:35.09\00:11:36.83
but timing is important.
00:11:36.86\00:11:38.26
What are you telling
them there as they grow up?
00:11:38.29\00:11:39.63
Well, in my class, I
prepare the young men for life.
00:11:39.66\00:11:44.17
I'm giving them
the indication that,
00:11:44.20\00:11:46.43
first of all, you
can't have a nice car,
00:11:46.47\00:11:49.30
you can't have a nice house,
00:11:49.34\00:11:51.17
you can't have these things
00:11:51.21\00:11:52.54
unless you go
through the proper channels.
00:11:52.57\00:11:54.94
Number one, you have
to have good education,
00:11:54.98\00:11:56.51
and number two, you have
to plan for these things,
00:11:56.54\00:11:59.51
because society is telling us
00:11:59.55\00:12:00.88
that you need these
things to make you better.
00:12:00.92\00:12:03.42
That's not true.
00:12:03.45\00:12:04.79
What I'm saying is,
00:12:04.82\00:12:06.15
if you're trying
to make it in life,
00:12:06.19\00:12:07.99
trying to have a lot of money,
00:12:08.02\00:12:09.42
trying to acquire lot of things,
00:12:09.46\00:12:11.63
your education
is very important,
00:12:11.66\00:12:13.19
but you have to plan.
00:12:13.23\00:12:14.56
Five years, 10
years, 15 years, 20 years,
00:12:14.60\00:12:17.33
but you can't
have it on the spot.
00:12:17.37\00:12:19.33
You can't just get a job
00:12:19.37\00:12:21.04
and then you're
gonna buy a nice car,
00:12:21.07\00:12:22.64
but you don't have a nice house.
00:12:22.67\00:12:24.31
You can't just have a
job and then all of a sudden,
00:12:24.34\00:12:26.24
"Oh, I'm gonna
try to buy a house."
00:12:26.27\00:12:27.61
You can't buy a house when
you don't have good credit.
00:12:27.64\00:12:29.54
So all of a
sudden you gonna say,
00:12:29.58\00:12:30.91
"Oh, well, what
I'm going to do?"
00:12:30.95\00:12:32.58
Well, you can't do these things
00:12:32.61\00:12:34.22
unless you follow
the business model,
00:12:34.25\00:12:38.19
and I'm teaching them
00:12:38.22\00:12:39.55
a business model
in that classroom,
00:12:39.59\00:12:41.42
in order for them
to reach these things.
00:12:41.46\00:12:43.06
But here is the secret.
00:12:43.09\00:12:44.86
The secret is not so
much acquiring these things,
00:12:44.89\00:12:49.06
the secret is
letting God help you get it.
00:12:49.10\00:12:52.93
Wow, and that's a point I
really want to go through,
00:12:52.97\00:12:54.74
but I gotta say
these to you guys,
00:12:54.77\00:12:56.10
I want to be real for a moment.
00:12:56.14\00:12:57.47
You know, one of the main things
00:12:57.51\00:12:58.97
that young guys are taught,
00:12:59.01\00:13:01.04
that ride of passage,
from boyhood to adulthood,
00:13:01.08\00:13:04.58
from young man to man is sex...
00:13:04.61\00:13:07.78
Correct.
00:13:07.82\00:13:09.15
You know, if you are
still a virgin by a certain age,
00:13:09.18\00:13:12.25
you are not a man.
00:13:12.29\00:13:13.62
If you haven't slept
with the whole bunch of girls,
00:13:13.66\00:13:15.72
then you are not a man.
00:13:15.76\00:13:17.86
How troublesome is
that for our society?
00:13:17.89\00:13:21.66
Well, I think our
society has built this up,
00:13:21.70\00:13:24.37
to require us to
be at a certain level,
00:13:24.40\00:13:28.80
not requiring what we
have to sacrifice and give up.
00:13:28.84\00:13:31.94
So what happens when
you have a young person,
00:13:31.97\00:13:34.24
that feels that way,
00:13:34.28\00:13:35.64
and they go out in
this destructive behavior,
00:13:35.68\00:13:37.78
to have sex.
00:13:37.81\00:13:39.15
Not only are they having sex,
00:13:39.18\00:13:41.18
but they are
hurting the next person
00:13:41.22\00:13:42.55
that they are having sex with,
00:13:42.58\00:13:43.92
and they are
creating environment where,
00:13:43.95\00:13:45.85
you look for low self esteem,
00:13:45.89\00:13:47.52
you look for
manipulation and control,
00:13:47.56\00:13:49.82
'cause most of the
times when you are young,
00:13:49.86\00:13:51.39
you don't know what sex is.
00:13:51.43\00:13:53.09
You know, you are just
jumping in, and jumping out,
00:13:53.13\00:13:55.86
and so you are not
doing it out of care,
00:13:55.90\00:13:58.30
you're doing out...
00:13:58.33\00:13:59.67
I need to fulfill this need,
00:13:59.70\00:14:01.04
or I need to make
sure that my boys accept me
00:14:01.07\00:14:03.87
into this fraternity,
00:14:03.91\00:14:05.24
because that's
what it really is.
00:14:05.27\00:14:06.61
We are getting
accepted into a fraternity
00:14:06.64\00:14:08.44
that later on, down the road,
00:14:08.48\00:14:09.81
teaches us in relationship
destructive behavior.
00:14:09.84\00:14:12.78
Sure. Sure. Yeah.
00:14:12.81\00:14:14.25
And as doc pointed out,
it's a lashing out again.
00:14:14.28\00:14:18.32
The lashing out of
making an impulsive decision,
00:14:18.35\00:14:23.73
because I'm
searching for belonging,
00:14:23.76\00:14:27.13
I'm searching for
love in the wrong place.
00:14:27.16\00:14:30.47
I'm searching for a connection,
00:14:30.50\00:14:32.97
a relationship,
00:14:33.00\00:14:34.57
and instead of doing it
as Elder McCracken said,
00:14:34.60\00:14:37.47
the right time
and do the process
00:14:37.51\00:14:39.84
in the right way,
00:14:39.87\00:14:41.31
I skip over the
step of courtship,
00:14:41.34\00:14:44.28
I skip over meeting the family,
I skip over the dating phase,
00:14:44.31\00:14:48.88
I skip over...man,
we need to talk about
00:14:48.92\00:14:51.09
our future together,
00:14:51.12\00:14:52.45
as a young woman or a young man.
00:14:52.49\00:14:54.42
Our education, home
ownership, credit, all that's...
00:14:54.46\00:14:57.49
I skip over all those things
00:14:57.53\00:14:59.79
and seek after sex and love,
00:14:59.83\00:15:02.30
with a risky
behavior of bringing children
00:15:02.33\00:15:04.97
into the world
00:15:05.00\00:15:06.33
before I'm prepared and
then expect everyone else,
00:15:06.37\00:15:11.01
and every other organization,
00:15:11.04\00:15:12.87
everything else to take
care of my wrong decision.
00:15:12.91\00:15:17.78
Okay, well, let
me put it this way,
00:15:17.81\00:15:19.15
let me ask you
guys a few questions,
00:15:19.18\00:15:20.52
you just answer yes or no.
00:15:20.55\00:15:21.88
Help me understand, all right?
00:15:21.92\00:15:23.25
So I can be a
virgin and still be a man?
00:15:23.28\00:15:26.42
Yes. Yes.
00:15:26.45\00:15:27.79
I cannot have a
job and still be a man?
00:15:27.82\00:15:29.96
Who says yes, who says no?
00:15:34.73\00:15:36.06
I say yes... You say yes.
00:15:36.10\00:15:37.43
I say yes,
because if we determined
00:15:37.47\00:15:40.90
whether the
person is a man by a job,
00:15:40.94\00:15:43.47
then we are not
giving him the opportunity
00:15:43.51\00:15:45.14
to gain those particular skills,
00:15:45.17\00:15:47.24
or to gain the
education to get a job.
00:15:47.28\00:15:50.41
But I think it
comes it too though,
00:15:50.45\00:15:52.21
we've been branded
00:15:52.25\00:15:53.68
by what society
says what we are not.
00:15:53.72\00:15:57.39
And society doesn't
tell us what we are first,
00:15:57.42\00:15:59.69
we talk about what we are
not, more than what we are.
00:15:59.72\00:16:02.52
And so what happens is
that we build this mindset up,
00:16:02.56\00:16:06.23
that because I don't have
all these labeling things,
00:16:06.26\00:16:09.26
within the black community.
00:16:09.30\00:16:11.30
We are the
perpetrators a lot of times.
00:16:11.33\00:16:14.40
You know, we that are older,
we already label our young men,
00:16:14.44\00:16:17.87
we are not giving
them a opportunity to say,
00:16:17.91\00:16:19.67
why you don't have
this, or can I help you?
00:16:19.71\00:16:22.31
Yeah, I mean, I think you know,
00:16:22.34\00:16:23.85
for me it was a lot of
older guys in the community,
00:16:23.88\00:16:27.15
who would kinda say,
you haven't had sex yet,
00:16:27.18\00:16:29.65
you haven't done this yet,
00:16:29.68\00:16:31.02
that or the third, it
really wasn't my boys,
00:16:31.05\00:16:32.82
because they were, you
know, same age as me, not doing.
00:16:32.85\00:16:34.76
There was really, the older guys
00:16:34.79\00:16:36.36
were kinda pushing that.
00:16:36.39\00:16:37.73
But guys, let's
transition a minute,
00:16:37.76\00:16:39.09
let me see something here.
00:16:39.13\00:16:40.46
I mean, if the world is
giving us no right example
00:16:40.50\00:16:43.57
of what a man is to be,
then where do I get it from?
00:16:43.60\00:16:47.30
If I'm a young guy and
I'm searching, help me out.
00:16:47.34\00:16:49.50
I know you guys
are all Christians,
00:16:49.54\00:16:51.14
so I'm assuming what you
are gonna say, but help me.
00:16:51.17\00:16:54.11
Well, I think
one of the examples
00:16:54.14\00:16:55.98
in the Bible for me
was the Apostle Paul,
00:16:56.01\00:16:59.01
before he became
the Apostle Paul,
00:16:59.05\00:17:00.85
we understand that
he was well educated,
00:17:00.88\00:17:03.35
but he had a different
perspective about being a man,
00:17:03.39\00:17:06.35
about being in
power and authority.
00:17:06.39\00:17:08.29
So he persecuted the Christians,
00:17:08.32\00:17:10.56
and so but on that
Damascus road journey,
00:17:10.59\00:17:13.60
he met God in a way that
he never met God before...
00:17:13.63\00:17:16.53
Knocked him off his course.
00:17:16.56\00:17:17.90
Knocked him off his course,
00:17:17.93\00:17:19.27
which in during
those times I heard,
00:17:19.30\00:17:20.64
one brother said to me one time,
00:17:20.67\00:17:22.00
that was really critical,
00:17:22.04\00:17:23.44
When you got
knocked off your beaks,
00:17:23.47\00:17:25.37
and so in being that
man, he had to humble himself,
00:17:25.41\00:17:29.31
he had to submit
himself to a higher power,
00:17:29.34\00:17:31.21
something that
was greater than him.
00:17:31.25\00:17:32.85
You know, I think
what the problem is,
00:17:32.88\00:17:34.58
when you really become a man,
00:17:34.62\00:17:35.95
you submit yourself to
someone that's higher than you.
00:17:35.98\00:17:39.42
And God is the creator
God, so when you submit,
00:17:39.45\00:17:41.92
when Paul submitted to
him, his whole life changed.
00:17:41.96\00:17:44.49
He had a total
different perspective
00:17:44.53\00:17:46.63
on what he should be doing,
00:17:46.66\00:17:48.00
and then, he
came into his purpose.
00:17:48.03\00:17:50.13
He started growing in
his purpose as a real man.
00:17:50.17\00:17:52.73
So basically, man,
what you are saying is that,
00:17:52.77\00:17:54.44
a man is someone who
knows how to humble himself,
00:17:54.47\00:17:57.54
who recognizes that really
00:17:57.57\00:17:59.21
he is not in
control of anything,
00:17:59.24\00:18:00.68
and he submits
himself to a higher power.
00:18:00.71\00:18:02.94
That's what you are saying? Yes.
00:18:02.98\00:18:04.31
Absolutely, good. Well, Mike?
00:18:04.35\00:18:05.68
Yeah, one of the things
00:18:05.71\00:18:07.05
that I want to clear
also with doc was that,
00:18:07.08\00:18:09.92
when you look
throughout the entire Bible,
00:18:09.95\00:18:11.72
of all the men in the
Bible, all the men had flaws,
00:18:11.75\00:18:16.86
all the men had issues,
00:18:16.89\00:18:18.66
you know, they had all
kinds of sins and issues
00:18:18.69\00:18:20.53
they were dealing
with, and in those things,
00:18:20.56\00:18:23.16
when you realize your flaws,
00:18:23.20\00:18:25.13
and you realize that there
00:18:25.17\00:18:26.50
is a higher standard to live by,
00:18:26.53\00:18:28.94
then you allow
those flaws to change
00:18:28.97\00:18:31.27
and affect change in your life.
00:18:31.31\00:18:33.31
In our society, our
men live with their flaws
00:18:33.34\00:18:38.05
but do not change.
00:18:38.08\00:18:39.88
They stay in their flaws,
00:18:39.91\00:18:42.28
and when they
stay in their flaws,
00:18:42.32\00:18:43.85
it's very dangerous.
00:18:43.89\00:18:45.35
When you say
that you are flawed,
00:18:45.39\00:18:46.76
that you have no education,
go out and get the education.
00:18:46.79\00:18:50.43
When you say that you
had a baby out of wedlock,
00:18:50.46\00:18:52.99
then do what you need to
do to make sure that you,
00:18:53.03\00:18:55.23
the woman, and the
baby are taken care of.
00:18:55.26\00:18:57.77
But don't stay
there, and just say that,
00:18:57.80\00:19:00.04
I'm gonna stand by my situation
and hope that things change.
00:19:00.07\00:19:03.84
What you're saying
that, really God is the one
00:19:03.87\00:19:06.04
who can help you
out of that situation...
00:19:06.07\00:19:07.58
Out of the situation.
00:19:07.61\00:19:08.94
Because it's your own actions
00:19:08.98\00:19:10.31
that got you in the
predicament that you are in.
00:19:10.35\00:19:12.55
Well, most guys you know,
00:19:12.58\00:19:13.92
they really don't
want to kneel before God.
00:19:13.95\00:19:15.48
And, guys, I mean, feel me
00:19:15.52\00:19:16.85
on this
seriously, seriously man.
00:19:16.89\00:19:18.22
Is like so weak,
guys see it rather,
00:19:18.25\00:19:20.96
as weak to be standing in
church lifting your hands,
00:19:20.99\00:19:24.83
you know,
lovey-dovey with Jesus,
00:19:24.86\00:19:27.16
I mean guys don't
get down with that.
00:19:27.20\00:19:28.90
So director McCracken,
00:19:28.93\00:19:30.80
I mean, how do we
engage a young man
00:19:30.83\00:19:34.54
to fall in love with God
00:19:34.57\00:19:36.57
when everything about church,
00:19:36.60\00:19:38.47
everything about worship,
00:19:38.51\00:19:39.84
seems for lack of a better word,
00:19:39.87\00:19:41.34
I've heard it before,
kinda, you know, sissy and weak.
00:19:41.38\00:19:43.61
How do we engage him?
00:19:43.65\00:19:44.98
He has to, first of all,
black male has to realize
00:19:45.01\00:19:48.72
that he is living in
an hostile environment.
00:19:48.75\00:19:52.49
That hostile environment has
the devil, and it has Christ.
00:19:52.52\00:19:58.26
Once he understands
that he is living in a world
00:19:58.29\00:20:01.83
that is not in favor of
him, then he has to now say,
00:20:01.86\00:20:06.94
I need a higher
power to help me.
00:20:06.97\00:20:09.34
Well, when he realizes
the higher power is available,
00:20:09.37\00:20:13.31
then he can look at
Jesus and the Bible.
00:20:13.34\00:20:15.61
Jesus was homeless.
00:20:15.64\00:20:17.85
People don't realize that...
00:20:17.88\00:20:19.21
Didn't really have a job.
00:20:19.25\00:20:20.58
Jesus didn't have
the kind of clothes
00:20:20.62\00:20:22.25
that we have today or the money.
00:20:22.28\00:20:24.55
He was God, He owned everything.
00:20:24.59\00:20:26.22
So He didn't have
to worry about that.
00:20:26.25\00:20:28.06
But His mission was
to seek and to save.
00:20:28.09\00:20:32.23
When the male realizes
that he is going to be saved,
00:20:32.26\00:20:38.40
he has to seek out Jesus first.
00:20:38.43\00:20:40.54
I can tell you this.
00:20:40.57\00:20:42.24
When I went to
college, I ran out of money.
00:20:42.27\00:20:45.97
And I ran out of
money to the point,
00:20:46.01\00:20:48.08
where I was homeless...
00:20:48.11\00:20:49.51
Wow. I'm a great pathfinder.
00:20:49.54\00:20:51.95
I took my tent,
I took my backpack,
00:20:51.98\00:20:54.72
and I went into the
woods, and I was homeless.
00:20:54.75\00:20:58.42
The young men told me,
00:20:58.45\00:20:59.79
Jay, come over to the
dorm and take your showers.
00:20:59.82\00:21:02.26
So I'd take my showers,
but I'd sleep in the tent,
00:21:02.29\00:21:05.23
and I would go out and
colport and sell books.
00:21:05.26\00:21:08.73
Come back in that tent and...
00:21:08.76\00:21:10.13
I was homeless.
00:21:10.17\00:21:11.50
But I realized that
Jesus was homeless too.
00:21:11.53\00:21:14.30
So hey, if He was
homeless I can be homeless.
00:21:14.34\00:21:16.40
But it still made me a man.
00:21:16.44\00:21:19.21
"Man Up" means I'm still a
man, because God made me a man.
00:21:19.24\00:21:24.38
And of course, I'm
here 35 years later,
00:21:24.41\00:21:26.95
to tell the young men,
00:21:26.98\00:21:28.52
that even though
you are depressed,
00:21:28.55\00:21:31.09
you are in a
society that hates you,
00:21:31.12\00:21:33.49
there was a God who
lived just like you,
00:21:33.52\00:21:36.19
and He wants to save you.
00:21:36.22\00:21:38.59
So looking onto
Jesus, the Bible says,
00:21:38.63\00:21:42.76
the author and the
finisher of our faith.
00:21:42.80\00:21:46.70
Look to Him first.
00:21:46.74\00:21:48.57
That's the first
thing. Number one.
00:21:48.60\00:21:49.97
Look to Him.
00:21:50.01\00:21:51.74
Now He is going to take
your faith to another level,
00:21:51.77\00:21:56.08
and He is gonna
finish your life.
00:21:56.11\00:21:58.31
Wow.
00:21:58.35\00:21:59.68
So God will
handle our lives for us,
00:21:59.71\00:22:02.25
make us into a man,
00:22:02.28\00:22:03.82
make us
successful if we follow Him.
00:22:03.85\00:22:06.55
Follow.
00:22:06.59\00:22:07.92
I really wished
that we could get
00:22:07.96\00:22:09.29
more young black
men to accept that.
00:22:09.32\00:22:13.19
So one of the things
00:22:13.23\00:22:14.56
I want to piggyback
off of doc was that,
00:22:14.60\00:22:16.53
we are all called to a purpose.
00:22:16.56\00:22:18.93
I think the issue
within our black community
00:22:18.97\00:22:20.74
is that our men don't know
00:22:20.77\00:22:22.50
the reason why they are alive...
00:22:22.54\00:22:24.31
Wow.
00:22:24.34\00:22:25.67
What is their
purpose for living?
00:22:25.71\00:22:27.08
Right.
00:22:27.11\00:22:28.44
And how do they
progress towards that purpose.
00:22:28.48\00:22:30.95
In that progression,
there is a need for education.
00:22:30.98\00:22:34.12
A need for proper grooming.
00:22:34.15\00:22:36.25
A need for making sure that you
are making the right decisions
00:22:36.28\00:22:39.59
to progress
towards your purpose.
00:22:39.62\00:22:41.72
When you are not
within your purpose,
00:22:41.76\00:22:44.06
then you act differently,
you make impulsive decisions.
00:22:44.09\00:22:48.43
You do things
that are not conducive
00:22:48.46\00:22:50.87
and positive for the community.
00:22:50.90\00:22:53.30
And so a lot of our black men
00:22:53.34\00:22:54.84
simply just don't
know what their purpose is?
00:22:54.87\00:22:57.51
And when they
realize that their purpose
00:22:57.54\00:22:59.97
really is God
ordained, and divine,
00:23:00.01\00:23:03.95
that God has a purpose for them,
00:23:03.98\00:23:06.82
then what happens is they
begin to live their purpose,
00:23:06.85\00:23:09.72
not under their own fruition,
not under their own guidance,
00:23:09.75\00:23:15.46
but by the
guidance of the Holy Spirit,
00:23:15.49\00:23:17.23
and by the guidance
of God in their lives.
00:23:17.26\00:23:19.96
Allowing the Holy
Spirit to dwell within.
00:23:20.00\00:23:22.26
That's a really
humbling thought, man,
00:23:22.30\00:23:24.43
that God has a
purpose for each of our lives,
00:23:24.47\00:23:28.27
and we are just not here,
you know, breathing in air,
00:23:28.30\00:23:31.91
we are not just existing.
00:23:31.94\00:23:33.48
God allowed us to
be born for a purpose.
00:23:33.51\00:23:36.98
If every man in
the world had that,
00:23:37.01\00:23:38.81
I believe would
have a much better world.
00:23:38.85\00:23:40.68
What do you think? Oh, yes.
00:23:40.72\00:23:42.05
You know, and I also
want to say this too.
00:23:42.08\00:23:44.39
You mentioned Jesus,
you know Jesus, I mean,
00:23:44.42\00:23:47.46
the epitome of a man who
knew what His purpose was.
00:23:47.49\00:23:50.76
Yes, He did.
00:23:50.79\00:23:52.13
I mean following His Father,
00:23:52.16\00:23:53.50
following the
direction of the Spirit,
00:23:53.53\00:23:55.00
doing everything,
00:23:55.03\00:23:56.36
and it allowed Him to
make all the right choices,
00:23:56.40\00:23:58.97
to stay away from bad
people and influences,
00:23:59.00\00:24:01.64
to stay away from relationships.
00:24:01.67\00:24:03.77
Knowing His purpose
helped Him a tremendous deal.
00:24:03.81\00:24:06.51
So I want to ask
you guys right now,
00:24:06.54\00:24:07.94
you guys are, I would consider
00:24:07.98\00:24:09.81
fairly
successful in your careers
00:24:09.84\00:24:12.68
and where you are in life.
00:24:12.71\00:24:14.38
Tell me, just real brief,
how did God make you a man.
00:24:14.42\00:24:18.89
I want to start
with Jason McCracken.
00:24:18.92\00:24:21.42
How did God make you a man?
00:24:21.46\00:24:22.92
Not your society,
not your parents, God.
00:24:22.96\00:24:24.66
I'm gonna give
you an illustration.
00:24:24.69\00:24:26.09
Is that okay? Sure.
00:24:26.13\00:24:27.96
When I was in high school,
00:24:28.00\00:24:29.96
I went to a program
00:24:30.00\00:24:33.23
where we can make
a vase out of clay.
00:24:33.27\00:24:38.17
So my teacher said, "I
want you to go over there
00:24:38.21\00:24:40.04
and pick out a lump of clay."
00:24:40.08\00:24:42.51
So I had to go
and dig the clay out.
00:24:42.54\00:24:44.75
I had it in my hand.
00:24:44.78\00:24:46.11
It was just ugly.
00:24:46.15\00:24:47.98
They gave me a wheel,
00:24:48.02\00:24:49.35
the larger wheel at the bottom
and a smaller wheel up here.
00:24:49.38\00:24:51.49
So I had to take
my feet and kick it.
00:24:51.52\00:24:53.56
She said, "Now
what I want you to do
00:24:53.59\00:24:55.29
is throw that lump of
clay on top of that wheel
00:24:55.32\00:24:58.86
but make sure
you hit the middle."
00:24:58.89\00:25:01.16
So I said, "Okay."
00:25:01.20\00:25:02.53
So boom, I hit it.
00:25:02.56\00:25:03.90
"No" she said, "No, no, no.
00:25:03.93\00:25:05.27
It's wobbling. Take it off."
00:25:05.30\00:25:06.74
So I took a
string and pulled it off.
00:25:06.77\00:25:09.27
And I'll start all over again.
00:25:09.30\00:25:10.74
Put water.
00:25:10.77\00:25:12.11
And then I had to rub it
00:25:12.14\00:25:13.48
and I threw it
right on the middle.
00:25:13.51\00:25:15.84
I hit the middle and then,
00:25:15.88\00:25:17.91
I had to take
my hand, with water
00:25:17.95\00:25:20.65
and tried to make sure it
was perfectly in that middle.
00:25:20.68\00:25:24.85
It took a lot of time...
00:25:24.89\00:25:26.22
It was wobbling
here and there...
00:25:26.25\00:25:28.49
So finally I was under control.
00:25:28.52\00:25:32.46
Then when it was
time to make the vase,
00:25:32.49\00:25:35.06
I dipped my hand
in, and bring it up.
00:25:35.10\00:25:39.07
God makes us like that.
00:25:39.10\00:25:42.70
But when it's
finished, we pull it off.
00:25:42.74\00:25:45.84
We put in a kiln, that's firing,
00:25:45.87\00:25:50.28
that's taking charge now.
00:25:50.31\00:25:52.75
That's molding that man.
00:25:52.78\00:25:56.05
When he comes out of that kiln,
00:25:56.08\00:25:59.25
he is a man.
00:25:59.29\00:26:00.62
But one other step.
00:26:00.66\00:26:02.19
Puts it back in the kiln,
because they have to glaze it.
00:26:02.22\00:26:07.13
That is character.
00:26:07.16\00:26:09.73
When it comes out, it's made.
00:26:09.76\00:26:12.33
So God tests us
00:26:12.37\00:26:13.70
and then He
puts us through fire,
00:26:13.74\00:26:15.07
in order to mould us, drape us.
00:26:15.10\00:26:16.44
Makes us.
00:26:16.47\00:26:17.81
After His wheel. Absolutely.
00:26:17.84\00:26:19.17
So real quick
just a sentence or two,
00:26:19.21\00:26:20.54
because I got to close
the shop in a minute, guys.
00:26:20.58\00:26:22.14
But just tell me real quick,
how did God make you a man?
00:26:22.18\00:26:24.31
God made me a man
00:26:24.35\00:26:25.68
because He taught me
where to draw life from.
00:26:25.71\00:26:27.42
Sure. I drew it from Him.
00:26:27.45\00:26:29.78
Not from the things I
could have in my life,
00:26:29.82\00:26:31.59
not from people,
00:26:31.62\00:26:32.95
the way I drew it from His word.
00:26:32.99\00:26:34.32
Amen.
00:26:34.36\00:26:35.69
That allowed me to
become the man I am today.
00:26:35.72\00:26:37.36
Amen. Real quick, Mike.
00:26:37.39\00:26:38.73
For me, God restores.
00:26:38.76\00:26:40.80
Joel 2:25-27.
00:26:40.83\00:26:42.93
Whenever I make my mistakes,
00:26:42.96\00:26:44.30
whatever issues
life has thrown at me,
00:26:44.33\00:26:46.63
I thank God that when,
what the devil has taken,
00:26:46.67\00:26:49.64
when the locusts have eaten it,
00:26:49.67\00:26:51.27
God says that He
will restore that
00:26:51.31\00:26:53.21
which the locusts have eaten.
00:26:53.24\00:26:54.58
All right. Thank you so much.
00:26:54.61\00:26:55.94
God makes us a man.
00:26:55.98\00:26:57.71
That's powerful.
00:26:57.75\00:26:59.08
I got to close the shop,
guys, I'll see you next time.
00:26:59.11\00:27:00.98
Thank you.
00:27:01.02\00:27:03.28
The world offers many views,
on what manliness is about.
00:27:03.32\00:27:07.09
Physical stature,
riches, sexual prowess,
00:27:07.12\00:27:10.79
being strong, or being fearless,
00:27:10.83\00:27:13.19
but Micah 6:8
00:27:13.23\00:27:14.56
seems to indicate three
requirements for a true man.
00:27:14.60\00:27:17.70
It says, this is
the whole duty of man.
00:27:17.73\00:27:20.34
To do justice,
or have integrity.
00:27:20.37\00:27:22.80
To love mercy, to be
quick and to forgive,
00:27:22.84\00:27:25.54
and have compassion for others,
and to walk humbly with God.
00:27:25.57\00:27:29.64
Or in other words,
00:27:29.68\00:27:31.01
be obedient to the will
of God in all areas of life.
00:27:31.05\00:27:34.55
Whatever the world's
definition of manhood is,
00:27:34.58\00:27:37.65
it will always fall
short of God's ideal.
00:27:37.69\00:27:40.86
Not to mention, that God's
standards have eternal value.
00:27:40.89\00:27:45.29
In all areas of your life,
00:27:45.33\00:27:47.20
seek to find whatever
God's purpose is for your life.
00:27:47.23\00:27:50.70
And then and only then
will you be a true man.
00:27:50.73\00:27:54.60
God wants to make
something great out of you,
00:27:54.64\00:27:57.31
don't waste it by
not following His plan.
00:27:57.34\00:27:59.47