Okay so we were talking
to, welcome back by the way.
00:00:14.86\00:00:19.38
We're talking to Wayne Blakely
about his life and coming
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from a place from where his
mom was very abusive, didn't
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even want a little
boy, wanted a little girl.
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Really had damaged him prior
to even being two and three
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years old and then always
having that confusion about his
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sexuality and in school
was bullied, all that stuff.
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Raised by people that really
loved you, Wayne, you were
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talking about that they really
searched for help for you.
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But we don't talk about
this stuff so there is not a lot
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especially if you stay
within the church so that is
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the struggle they had.
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We ended the last segment
of talking about the way that
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sexual addictions happen
for a lot of us, especially in
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the gay community, is just
by the closeness and moment
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of connection, not just a
sexual connection but that
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moment where you feel
loved and safe and warm.
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Because you are dying for
that, with all this abuse and
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all this craziness, that
moment is worth fighting for
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and you get addicted to that.
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After I had met this
guy who told me I was gay,
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within a year or so I said
to myself I wasn't going to go
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back to church anymore
because I have began to find
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there was another side and
it was the side that of course
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was sensually pleasing to me.
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I decided I was going to try
every drug, every taboo thing
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that was, that I
had been warned about.
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Because I thought, I was already
told homosexuality was wrong,
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but here I was, I never
found any kind of help for it
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and now I was going to accept
myself and so I said let's
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let everything else come in too.
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The drugs, the alcohol,
the the sex, everything.
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This became my lifestyle
and I ended up moving to
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Key West Florida where they
just about give you a line of
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cocaine when you
get off the plane.
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I have never heard
that, so if you are in Florida
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excuse us. It is
only his opinion.
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This was a number of
years ago, but even the police
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were doing it in the
town, and it was a huge bust so
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even the police department.
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It was so well accepted,
it was so off the edge of the
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earth almost, anyone who lived
in Key West, it was 90 miles
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from the mainland so you didn't
stay in touch with reality,
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you partied till
dawn, or well after dawn.
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You did drugs at
work, your bosses did drugs.
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What kind of
work did you get into?
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Well in Key West you only have
hotel-restaurant pretty much
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so I worked as a room
service waiter for a hotel.
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It was a constant party for
two years and when I realized
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that it was taking over my
life, I thought I better get
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out of here
before it ends my life.
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And you knew, you had a
sense that this was really
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- I couldn't
control it. - yeah. -yeah.
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It was the cocaine was, I
kept looking for the childhood
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and all the years that led
up to this were such horrible
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memories for me of pain
that the artificial substances
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for bringing such elation,
and the elation only ends when
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you have to either come down
for it or get caught with it.
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- exactly, I remember
the first time I did drugs
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I thought I'm going
to this rest of my life.
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The first time I didn't
feel like killing myself,
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I took a drug and I didn't care
if you liked me and I didn't
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feel like I wanted to commit
suicide, I didn't feel sad.
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I just thought I
had found the solution.
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It is really hard for somebody
normal to understand that.
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We normally want to feel
like we fit in, we want to feel
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joy, we were created for
that and when everything fights
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against us we finally
find something that works.
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Whether it is drugs, sex,
alcohol, gambling, or whatever
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our addictions is, that
is the draw, that's the hook.
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That Satan's lure. - he
says, I promise you when you
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do this you will
feel good. - right!
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And it's a lie, a lie in
the long run, but it feels true
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at first. - absolutely.
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I finally left Key West and
moved to Seattle, Washington.
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I gave up the drugs, but
hung around the alcohol for
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quite some time and certainly
didn't give up the sex.
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So when you talk about,
for a lot, again, when I was in
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my own addiction, living
on the streets and stuff, is
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that I met a lot of
people in regular gigs, doctors,
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lawyers, pastors, people
in and out of the church that
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had sexual
addictions or drug addictions.
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When I met them it was because
they were playing on that
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edge themselves and so
when you are in the lifestyle
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I don't think a lot of
people realize that you are
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surrounded by some pretty,
what folks would say normal
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men, married men, men
that are carrying off this
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heterosexual life well, so
you seeing all of this and the
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reason I want to bring it
up and have you address that a
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little bit Wayne, is that
adds to your confusion, or adds
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to your disconnect from reality.
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That is true, I wanted
to, I began to, people used to
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say to me you are in
denial and I used to think that
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most heterosexual
men were in denial.
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So I began a service, a
massage service which was worded
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in my ads in a way that one
could know there was probably
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more to it than a
therapeutic massage.
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Inviting heterosexual men,
this is a legit thing on the
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outside, so you can come
here and play around. - right.
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The many, many people I
met were ministers, doctors,
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lawyers, garbage men,
construction men, you name it.
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I listen to it, to
me it was therapeutic.
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They came for the massage
and afterwards there would be
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and immense guilt and I
would sit and talk to them
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afterwards about telling
them that I knew what the
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guilt was like because I
had experienced it myself and
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not to beat
themselves up over it.
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I personally was sitting
there thinking ah hah, I knew,
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I knew all along
that even heterosexual men
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could go this far.
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God reaches in and He
wants to find that little two or
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three-year-old that
just has no idea who they are
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because all of the other
stuff is piled on to you.
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All the other stuff has
totally spun you out of control.
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God just says, let
me find your heart.
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How did that happen?
Well during the time I was in
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Key West, the first AIDS
break came out and they had not
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developed any Aids test at the
time, but they begin to start
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doing some screenings
and I began to pray to God
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that I would be healthy.
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After leaving Key West and
coming to - because you know
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we do reach out to God. -
it's a moment of distraction.
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It's I think I might have
AIDS and oh God you know that
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I always have loved You buddy.
- oh miserable, miserable.
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But you know what I
think is interesting because
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somebody would say that's
like sacrilegious or whatever.
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But there is always that
moment, no matter what the sin
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is, no matter what the
lifestyle is, no matter how deep
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we get into our junk,
there is that moment where
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we look up to God and say, God!
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Yeah I don't think that,
you know a lot of times we have
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been told in our youth that
your angels leave you if you
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go here or there, and I
honestly believe that as long as
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God knows that there
is a spec of hope for you,
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He knew all these years
what was deep in my heart.
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He knew I had
appreciation for His word.
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He knew what I understood
and what I didn't understand.
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So - what if the Bible was true?
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What if that line in the
Bible that says I will never
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leave you or forsake
you? What if that was true?
00:09:02.79\00:09:06.32
- Yeah absolutely! -
you know sometimes, I look
00:09:06.36\00:09:09.61
at the Bible and I
think I don't know why we get
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such Grace, I don't know
why we get such mercy but I love
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what you just said.
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As long as there is any
place, speck of hope within you
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that God says, you know
what? I will be there in the
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darkest of the darkest
times and I will be there in all
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your joy, I am not leaving you.
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Yeah I knew that God, I
believed in Him the whole time.
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I just didn't know what
to do with this aspect of His
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Word and that no one
ever taught me as to what
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I could do about it.
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So I never stopped believing
that He was there, I just
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figured He was
probably pretty unhappy with me.
00:09:45.93\00:09:48.34
I just thought that if at
some point in time there was
00:09:48.37\00:09:52.28
any hope that He
could draw me back somehow.
00:09:52.31\00:09:56.08
After the AIDS epic
hit and I would pray over
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and over every time I
tested, please don't let me test
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positive, if You get me
through this I promise I will
00:10:03.66\00:10:07.40
do something for You.
00:10:07.44\00:10:08.76
I thought that, I was
amazed that He kept answering
00:10:08.79\00:10:14.37
my prayer, because I
kept testing negative.
00:10:14.40\00:10:17.63
And then one day I sat
there and I thought, wow.
00:10:17.67\00:10:24.97
Here I am, I'm healthy and
every last one of my friends
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are dead. - wow! Because
people don't survive in those
00:10:30.60\00:10:36.13
lifestyles very long.
00:10:36.17\00:10:37.97
- and God said can you hear
Me now? - Amen! Audience: Amen!
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So it was, I finally
understood that He had to get me
00:10:45.35\00:10:51.99
to a point where I
could hear Him. - Amen!
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That He could say regardless
of how you has been thought
00:10:55.64\00:10:59.79
of or how you have been
treated, or the leper spots that
00:10:59.82\00:11:03.79
you have had on your body
and in your heart, I love you.
00:11:03.83\00:11:07.77
And I offer you
redemption. - Amen!
00:11:07.80\00:11:15.44
So I began to do a search,
I wondered if the church had
00:11:15.47\00:11:22.18
began to recognize the need,
and if they had done anything
00:11:22.21\00:11:27.87
yet for people who had been,
people who have left the church?
00:11:27.90\00:11:33.53
Who had been somewhere, not
barred but told at the doors
00:11:33.56\00:11:37.17
you are not welcome here,
I mean that still happens.
00:11:37.20\00:11:40.74
So in your heart you knew
that God was inviting you back,
00:11:40.77\00:11:44.83
but you are saying, will
the church let me come back?
00:11:44.86\00:11:51.58
Yeah, yeah and I was led
to an understanding that there
00:11:51.61\00:11:56.37
were people out there
that were reaching out and that
00:11:56.41\00:12:00.82
they were recognizing
that they needed to reach out.
00:12:00.86\00:12:04.77
That God needed to get
through to these individuals.
00:12:04.80\00:12:09.43
Before long I found myself
taking a shower one morning
00:12:09.46\00:12:13.51
and I thought, I've peeked
out it was a Sabbath morning.
00:12:13.55\00:12:17.01
I peeked out of the shower
curtain and looked at the clock
00:12:17.04\00:12:20.04
and it was 20 to 11 and I
thought there is an Adventist
00:12:20.07\00:12:23.03
church right down the
road and I could get there.
00:12:23.06\00:12:28.14
I went and I was blessed,
I sat there and felt very
00:12:28.17\00:12:32.33
out of place, I mean the
whole building didn't cave in
00:12:32.37\00:12:37.44
when I walked in and I
heard God through the Pastor
00:12:37.47\00:12:42.51
speaking to me. - you know
I could imagine that all of
00:12:42.55\00:12:47.36
the Angels just
shouting and dancing around.
00:12:47.40\00:12:50.79
I know that some people
say we don't dance, but I think
00:12:50.83\00:12:54.34
they were dancing,
dancing around and saying,
00:12:54.38\00:12:56.80
he is coming
back, he is coming home.
00:12:56.84\00:12:59.36
Yeah I hadn't told anyone
yet, I was kind of doing it
00:12:59.40\00:13:03.46
on the sly, because my parents
and my family had been praying
00:13:03.49\00:13:07.42
for me for 40 years. - Wow! Wow!
00:13:07.46\00:13:12.07
And so I was, I thought I
better wait and I can't tell
00:13:12.11\00:13:16.79
anyone until I know this
is something that is real
00:13:16.83\00:13:21.48
and this is going to stick.
00:13:21.51\00:13:23.06
Every time I would go home
from church, or every day, not
00:13:23.09\00:13:28.03
just, that's part of
my ministry now is the
00:13:28.06\00:13:31.13
connection it's not just
when you are at church or once
00:13:31.17\00:13:36.19
- it will not sustain you if
it's just once a week experience
00:13:36.22\00:13:40.26
It's constant, and I would
go home and start diving into
00:13:40.30\00:13:45.68
God's word and into religious
books and things that began
00:13:45.71\00:13:51.06
to address our
rejection and our acceptance.
00:13:51.10\00:13:56.52
Let me just, I want to,
you talked about a text that
00:13:56.56\00:14:01.19
I love in the break
on yesterday's program.
00:14:01.22\00:14:07.26
That was 1 Corinthians 6,
can you share that with us?
00:14:07.29\00:14:11.56
Because you are learning a
lot, but share that with us
00:14:11.60\00:14:15.83
and your take on it.
00:14:15.87\00:14:17.20
Yeah I was led to 1 Corinthians
6:9 which for some people
00:14:17.23\00:14:23.46
may or may not be real
familiar, but when I got here it
00:14:23.50\00:14:29.70
was a voice of encouragement
to me because at this
00:14:29.73\00:14:34.18
particular point in God's
Word it says, "do you not know
00:14:34.22\00:14:38.20
"that the wicked will not
inherit the kingdom of God.
00:14:38.24\00:14:42.14
"Do not be deceived,
neither the sexually immoral nor
00:14:42.18\00:14:47.60
"idolaters, nor adulterers,
nor male prostitutes, nor
00:14:47.63\00:14:53.02
"homosexual offenders,
nor thieves, nor the greedy
00:14:53.06\00:14:58.38
"nor drunkards, nor slanderers,
nor swindlers will inherit
00:14:58.41\00:15:01.71
"the kingdom of God." - and
if you stop there wouldn't that
00:15:01.74\00:15:05.00
just kill you, but it goes on.
00:15:05.04\00:15:08.65
And then the saving grace
comes in, because God says,
00:15:08.68\00:15:15.32
"and that is what some of
you were, but if you were washed
00:15:15.35\00:15:20.88
"and sanctified, you are
justified in the name of the
00:15:20.91\00:15:24.96
" Lord Jesus Christ and
by the Spirit of our God."
00:15:25.00\00:15:29.01
Give me a kiss, I love that.
00:15:29.04\00:15:34.17
But on the heels, - but isn't
it like God is so gracious,
00:15:34.21\00:15:38.53
God is so gracious,- I
wept. - of course you did.
00:15:38.56\00:15:41.63
I thought wow if that is
not proof, and if that is not
00:15:41.67\00:15:45.70
also an indication to me
of God saying yeah I know some
00:15:45.73\00:15:48.95
of you were going to have
to go through this rough road,
00:15:48.98\00:15:52.16
this rough experience
that you may not have been
00:15:52.19\00:15:55.24
understood during your
walk and because of that I want
00:15:55.28\00:15:58.85
to assure you that you went
down some roads that weren't
00:15:58.89\00:16:03.62
particularly satisfying
roads, but you did come back.
00:16:03.66\00:16:08.36
I drew you back to Me and
you will be in My kingdom.
00:16:08.39\00:16:11.33
Amen. - and then He
turns around and tells us in
00:16:11.36\00:16:14.26
2 Corinthians
5:17 who we are now.
00:16:14.29\00:16:18.17
Because I went to my Pastor
and said, I got it, I have
00:16:18.20\00:16:23.01
been away for a lot of
years but I have got it now and
00:16:23.05\00:16:27.83
I want to be baptized.
00:16:27.87\00:16:29.58
I then found out who
I was in Jesus Christ in
00:16:29.61\00:16:35.72
2 Corinthians 5:17 it
says, "therefore if anyone is in
00:16:35.75\00:16:40.50
"Christ, he is a new
creation." - I like it.
00:16:40.53\00:16:43.93
"The old is gone
and the new has come."
00:16:43.97\00:16:47.75
So I thought, because
identity is huge to me today
00:16:47.79\00:16:53.89
because when I came back to
Christ I thought, who am I now?
00:16:53.93\00:16:57.77
Because - what do
identify with? - Ah, the
00:16:57.80\00:17:00.27
expectations when you
walk back into the church it
00:17:00.31\00:17:03.77
sometimes it's like, oh,
okay it is wonderful he is
00:17:03.81\00:17:06.49
coming back now he's
going to be a heterosexual.
00:17:06.52\00:17:09.31
Because people don't, it
is really interesting in a
00:17:09.35\00:17:11.86
certain sense because they
don't introduce you anymore
00:17:11.90\00:17:14.32
when they're talking to a
friend, I will be going like
00:17:14.35\00:17:17.21
Rosemary, Wayne just came
into the church, did you know
00:17:17.24\00:17:20.06
he was gay? Do you
know what I mean? Because we
00:17:20.10\00:17:23.38
always have to add that.
You know the gay guy, Wayne?
00:17:23.42\00:17:27.34
So we can't even say we
just got a new member Wayne,
00:17:27.37\00:17:31.63
that everyone wants to
identify us with our sin.
00:17:31.67\00:17:35.89
This is Cheri she
is the heroine addict.
00:17:35.92\00:17:37.84
It still segregates you
if we are allowed to continue
00:17:37.88\00:17:40.75
in that - and God said
that is what some of you were.
00:17:40.78\00:17:43.42
When you read that it is so
clear, He doesn't say that's
00:17:43.45\00:17:46.05
who some of you
are. - right, exactly.
00:17:46.08\00:17:48.91
It is huge. - so in my
walk back I began to speak up
00:17:48.94\00:17:54.58
a bit, in my church because
I began to recognize this.
00:17:54.61\00:17:59.20
I wanted to help others
recognize that all of our sins,
00:17:59.23\00:18:04.33
some of them look a
little treacherous but just as
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treacherous as the sin of
homosexuality is a sin of pride.
00:18:09.43\00:18:13.07
Or gossip. - oh shut up,
it can't be. - it's true.
00:18:13.10\00:18:17.90
I can find it, it
what if the Bible is true?
00:18:17.94\00:18:21.53
It's true but if you haven't
walked out in the world there
00:18:21.57\00:18:25.32
seems to be what considers
to be some safe sins, but no
00:18:25.35\00:18:29.57
sin is safe and so I think
there is a mission that comes
00:18:29.61\00:18:33.79
from those who have been
out and God has led back.
00:18:33.82\00:18:36.74
The mission is that I was
told when I came back you are
00:18:36.77\00:18:42.98
a testimony Wayne, probably
won't be good for 3 to 10
00:18:43.01\00:18:48.06
years. - because they
want to make sure you are safe.
00:18:48.09\00:18:52.75
But you know what I
mean, without Christ none of us
00:18:52.78\00:18:57.48
are safe, you know and
what I have to say is that I am
00:18:57.51\00:19:02.17
sorry anyone has
ever said that to you.
00:19:02.21\00:19:04.13
Do you know what I
mean? Because God is safe.
00:19:04.16\00:19:06.64
He is the only One that is safe.
00:19:06.67\00:19:08.03
Well what God said to me
that day and convinced me of
00:19:08.06\00:19:11.30
and still has me convinced
of today is that my testimony
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was good from the moment
I accepted Him into my life.
00:19:14.57\00:19:17.73
All right. -
audience: Amen, Amen.
00:19:17.77\00:19:19.99
I believe that even if
someone comes back and they are
00:19:20.02\00:19:23.93
only back a brief time
that if the God that is in them,
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the good that is in them which
only can be God, influences
00:19:27.73\00:19:32.11
and affects others to be
brought in to love Christ and
00:19:32.14\00:19:35.61
except Christ as their
Savior, there has been good that
00:19:35.64\00:19:39.08
has come of it.
00:19:39.11\00:19:40.16
No one is safe,
we are all tempted.
00:19:40.20\00:19:42.09
So let's stay right there
because a lot of folks, and I'm
00:19:42.12\00:19:45.37
not talking about the church
right now, because you know
00:19:45.41\00:19:48.41
what? Not that I don't care
about the church, but I care
00:19:48.44\00:19:51.23
about the lost and there
is a lot of people that are
00:19:51.27\00:19:54.20
struggling with these
sexual sins, you know same-sex
00:19:54.23\00:19:58.05
stuff, attractions with
just sexual addiction with the
00:19:58.09\00:20:02.37
relationship addictions,
we don't know how to do any of
00:20:02.40\00:20:07.20
that stuff and we find our
connection, or we think it's
00:20:07.23\00:20:11.99
our connection in
our sexually acting out.
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Do you get tempted? And
what do you do with that
00:20:14.78\00:20:17.27
temptation? - right, yes
and I will tell you what I do.
00:20:17.30\00:20:22.12
This is much like it
would be for an alcoholic.
00:20:22.15\00:20:28.29
Alcoholics would go to
meetings often, some will go to
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a couple of meetings a
day and not feeling safe.
00:20:33.11\00:20:36.88
Particularly if
they don't feel safe.
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The Bible is like that
for me, my connection with God
00:20:38.47\00:20:43.67
is like that and I feel
like it is that way for all sin.
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If I don't have a personal
connection to Christ, I don't
00:20:48.91\00:20:54.32
have protection. - I
loved when you talked about,
00:20:54.35\00:20:57.11
I don't know when it was
but you said sometimes I'm going
00:20:57.15\00:21:00.26
through the airport and
there is eye candy everywhere
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and I get that, but I
have to do what it says in Job.
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I have to avert my eyes, I
literally have to decide at
00:21:08.34\00:21:12.05
that moment, every time
temptations come up, is at that
00:21:12.09\00:21:15.63
moment who am I? - yeah,
your past doesn't disappear.
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It's not like
you can turn it off.
00:21:19.20\00:21:21.05
I wrote a friend shortly
after I got here and I said
00:21:21.09\00:21:24.66
I am so thankful that I
live in the country because
00:21:24.70\00:21:28.36
from the time I have been
rebaptized and been back in
00:21:28.39\00:21:32.02
the church, I live out in
the country and spend a lot
00:21:32.05\00:21:36.67
of time in researching
and reading and writing and
00:21:36.70\00:21:41.25
healing, lots of healing
and then when you step back out
00:21:41.28\00:21:45.20
into mainstream America,
which I did on the way here
00:21:45.23\00:21:48.68
through various airports
and you see all kinds of people
00:21:48.72\00:21:52.13
and there were reminders
immediately of the past.
00:21:52.16\00:21:56.07
The types of people
that would catch my eye,
00:21:56.10\00:21:58.88
the temptation
that would be involved.
00:21:58.91\00:22:01.96
You notice what you like
about individuals in physical
00:22:02.00\00:22:07.04
appearance and so the eye
candy was definitely there.
00:22:07.07\00:22:11.51
Satan was like ah ha, there
it is, there, there, there.
00:22:11.54\00:22:15.40
If you don't plug yourself
immediately in to Christ,
00:22:15.43\00:22:19.65
you are at great danger.
- Amen, when we were talking
00:22:19.69\00:22:23.35
this whole season on you
really doing that personal
00:22:23.38\00:22:26.83
inventory, and really knowing
who you are and that kind
00:22:26.87\00:22:30.28
of thing, the Bible
says daily check yourself.
00:22:30.32\00:22:33.95
Really don't sleep on this
stuff, really take it at the
00:22:33.99\00:22:38.41
end of the night and you
close off in prayer, God is
00:22:38.44\00:22:41.90
there anything today
that I really need to look at?
00:22:41.93\00:22:46.59
Because it will creep in
subtly again and God says
00:22:46.63\00:22:51.80
you know what? I am your
refuge, I'm your rock stand
00:22:51.84\00:22:56.98
here because the
world says it's all fine.
00:22:57.02\00:23:00.52
It is just who you are, it
is all fine and it will say
00:23:00.55\00:23:03.50
that until you're buried.
- right and we are coming to
00:23:03.53\00:23:06.41
that more and more now, in fact
homosexuality is now beginning
00:23:06.45\00:23:12.33
to be looked at and taught
actually even in schools as
00:23:12.36\00:23:16.51
being normal, as
completely normal.
00:23:16.55\00:23:19.62
What has happened, I
recently read here the
00:23:19.65\00:23:22.86
other day about a heterosexual
couple in England who
00:23:22.90\00:23:26.89
had been adopting
children their whole lives.
00:23:26.93\00:23:29.87
They now have been barred
from adopting children because
00:23:29.90\00:23:34.87
they are Christians and
the fear from the laws and what
00:23:34.91\00:23:39.85
is seen in England is
that you might not teach these
00:23:39.89\00:23:44.66
children that if they
are gay that it is okay.
00:23:44.69\00:23:47.76
So you can't now love on
the rest of the kids. Wow!
00:23:47.79\00:23:51.16
It's crazy stuff, we are
going to go ahead and break
00:23:51.20\00:23:54.53
and come back for the close.
00:23:54.57\00:23:55.84
Wayne would you join
me in the close? -yes.
00:23:55.88\00:23:58.26
I want to say I loved having
you on, I love your journey.
00:23:58.30\00:24:02.47
If I can be a part of that
journey in a healthy way at all
00:24:02.50\00:24:06.77
please don't hesitate to
call, come over and hang out at
00:24:06.80\00:24:10.35
our place if you are struggling
with anything, or if you
00:24:10.38\00:24:13.89
just want to share some
of the joys you are going
00:24:13.93\00:24:15.90
through right now,
my house is always open.
00:24:15.94\00:24:18.70
My ministry is always
open to you. - thank you.
00:24:18.73\00:24:21.43
I will pray that you will
not get taken down from this
00:24:21.46\00:24:24.86
point and that you will be
able to bring people into the
00:24:24.89\00:24:27.85
kingdom that are struggling
with this very struggle.
00:24:27.89\00:24:30.60
- absolutely. - we will
be right back, stay with us.
00:24:30.64\00:24:33.32
I love him.
00:24:33.35\00:24:35.86