Welcome to Celebrating
Life In Recovery, my name is
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Cheri Peter's and
recovery is a family affair.
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So were going to talk
to Virna and her family.
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It's going to be so
exciting, come and join us.
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You will have a blast.
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You know what really is
fun, it's amazing to me our
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recovery, it is amazing
that God just reaches in
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and changes everything.
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When recovery becomes a family
affair, it's so incredible to
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watch each journey and be a
part of each journey because
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it is so different.
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Today we are going to
look an entire family who is in
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recovery, not the everyone
family but enough of them.
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You're going to be blessed,
I was when I first heard
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this story, so Virna I
want to first start with you.
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You are the first person
that somebody sent my direction
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that talked about your own
recovery and some of the things
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you were doing in the
community and I was blessed.
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When we met I was
even more blessed.
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I want you to start at the
beginning, just what it was
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like growing up, what it
was like to be in your own skin
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and then we will get
to the issue everybody
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wants to get to.
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Right, well I think from
the beginning I would say we
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immigrated from the
Philippines when I was two and
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half years old and lived
in Southern California for
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20 something
years, but I don't know if
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I ever knew my own skin.
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- oh, that is a big one.
- yeah - even from the time
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you were little? - yeah.
I think from the time I was
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little I was molested by a
relative from the age of four
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until I was about six years old.
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So I didn't know my own skin.
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Sometimes with the molest
we don't even want to be in our
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own skin, for some reason
something I did make me unsafe
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so we take the
blame on ourselves.
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Definitely I think for years I
blamed my own mother. - why mom?
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I felt I was supposed to
be protected by her, by my
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parents, both of my parents.
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I built a wall I think
most of my adolescent years.
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Did they know when you
were little why you build that
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wall or was it I just
built it, you are just now out?
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Well when I came into my
adult years I'd have had these
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fantasies since I could
remember, so these fantasies
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were like my own skin to say.
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I was living my life
through these fantasies.
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- okay let's go back, you go
through the molest, you start
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to pull away from family.
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The fantasies that you
started to develop was a place
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that you could be safe within
your own head and what were
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the fantasies? - Fantasies
of being with the same-sex.
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- okay being with other women?
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- being with other
women romantically.
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- was your molest
with women or men?
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It was by a man. -
okay and so men were unsafe.
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So when you fantasized it,
it was always to be cared for
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and taking care
of by a woman. - yes.
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Let me just say, were you
in a Christian home, were you
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raised in a Christian
home? - yes, we were raised to
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fear God, we were
raised as Roman Catholic.
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In 1985 is when
we baptized into the
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Seventh-day Adventist church.
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- so let me just say so
when you are having these
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fantasies about other
women, whether you are in
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Catholicism or Adventism
or most Protestant churches
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would say that is wrong.
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So what did you do
in your head about that?
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Because were not even, we
don't even say that in a way
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can I help you, we just
make a judgment and it is a
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very harsh one, so as a
kid when that is in your head
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what were you thinking?
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Um, there were something
definitely wrong with me.
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So growing up with that
there was something definitely
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wrong with me and I was
conflicted inside all the time.
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I'm condemned but this is
what I feel, I'm inclined and
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I was already have crushes
on other girls in school.
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Hidden of course so I
kept that. - nobody else knew?
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Nobody else knew - you
didn't share it with anybody?
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- no one - no
friends no family? - no.
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What I want to scream out
loud is that nobody should have
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to be struggling with those
issues by themselves, but we
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are so quiet and locked
down in that area that even if a
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child came to us will be
going like, oh don't go there.
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I don't know how open any
of us are to just say come
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sit-down and process
the molest and process those
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feelings of never fitting
in, or never liking your own
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skin and all that stuff.
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But now you are fantasizing
about other girls in the
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same-sex situations, when
did it finally go from a fantasy
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into acting out? When I moved
up to the bay area in 1992.
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I sought it out. - in
the bay area is everywhere.
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You talking San Francisco.
- oh yeah Castro district.
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- did you move there for
that reason? - mainly yes.
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And mainly for work and to
be independent and move away
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from home. - how
are you? - I was 21.
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And that was the community
were I found a counselor who
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helped me through my issues
and I did find some healing
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around the molest and to
learn to love my parents again.
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Understanding - because by
this time, I just want to say
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by this time you are angry.
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And to me I have to say I
love you because not only are
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you angry your out there but
you are actually speaking up for
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gay rights and you are in
that community, and talk about
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that because you
jumped in with both feet.
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Yeah I dove in and
became a counselor for domestic
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violence victims in the gay
community and was an advocate
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and worked in the HIV
AIDS organizations so I became
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very active in
the gay community.
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If there's a parade through
San Francisco would you be
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there? - oh I
was, yes, I was there.
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- you were the head
and not the tail. - yeah.
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I would like to
be in the parade.
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So to me what was interesting
is that you said I'm this kid
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and I don't even know what
skin I had supposed to be in.
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I don't even know who I
am, I don't fit anywhere in the
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molest really robbed you of
any sense of identity you had
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an now I find my
identity right here and I fit.
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I'm going to be loud about
it, I'm going to be in your
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face. - oh yeah I
was out loud and proud.
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I was in people's faces
in the year 2008 came when
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proposition eight came
along, I was out there.
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- tell people what it is
for those who do not know?
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So proposition eight was an
initiative put out to protect
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marriage, however the other
side of the gay community was
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fighting for marriage
equality, meaning for same-sex
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couples to be able to marry.
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- right and have it recognized.
- have it recognized.
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So you are fighting for
that. - I was fighting for that.
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Of course it was disappointing
and at the same time
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that's when the Lord
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- did you get
married during that time?
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no, I never married another
woman, my ex-partner we were
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registered domestic partners
in the state of California.
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But that is far as
legal as we went to.
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So now you are in the
lifestyle and you are fine.
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Was there any questioning,
anything in your head,
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come up spiritually, what
does God think about this?
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Did it matter to
you? Did you go there at
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all at this time?
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It would come back to me
certain studies we had in
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the 80s, when we had
this process of conversion in
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the Seventh-day
Adventist church and
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I would remember certain things.
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The one particular
message I remembered was the
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sanctuary and that would
come to my mind constantly.
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What about the sanctuary,
that is interesting to me?
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It was something I fell
in love with, it was such a
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beautiful message of we come
to the courtyard and we give
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our offering for our sins,
and the high priest took it on
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from there, you know
Jesus was our high priest.
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I never forgot that message,
I actually even shared it
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with friends. - you
know it is really incredible
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recovery message, so if you
could go from the very beginning
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of that because what is amazing
to me, or does it come back
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later on in your story?
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It comes back later on -
okay when it comes back I want
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you to explain the whole
thing because for somebody that
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is an addict that comes
back to God or comes to God for
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first time there is
some incredible blessings
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in the sanctuary message.
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So you are a little bit
coming back and you are really
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looking at I did learn
this and I didn't know this and
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I do know who God is.
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So that comes in and out in
weaves in an out of this angry
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march, for this angry march
for recognition, for equality,
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for someone to recognize
that I have the right to be.
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Exactly, exactly and then
I was in a relationship for
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eight years with a woman and
we ended up having a daughter
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together and we broke up
with my daughter was only 10
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months old, this was in 2002.
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So someone says two women just
don't have daughter together
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unlike wait a minute you
have to explain that to someone.
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That is really common right now.
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Exactly, we looked at
profiles of anonymous donors and
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we artificially inseminated
at home and had our child at
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home with 2 midwives, so I
delivered my daughter so it was
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a beautiful experience
and I never will forget it.
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I will never forget
it and then we broke up.
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She is an incredible kid?
- and then you broke up and
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she's dealt with a divorce,
not a legal divorce, not
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a legal divorce but she
has had to deal now for all her
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life since she was 10
months old going back and forth
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to two separate homes.
00:10:59.61\00:11:01.70
So what brought you from that
lifestyle, from that lifestyle
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where you are coming back
into a right relationship with
00:11:06.69\00:11:11.82
God and exploring,
not only the gay issue.
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Because when somebody you
talk about major things for
00:11:15.94\00:11:20.11
somebody and they say
ah that's wrong, they don't
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realize it's never
one issue with any of us.
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I had a drug addiction but I
also had lying, manipulation,
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sexual addiction, I didn't
know who it was, I had rejection
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issues, so it's like if
you point to any one issue
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you would miss
my recovery journey.
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So I don't want to point to
any one issue you struggle with
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because I know that you had all
of that from the early abuse.
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What happens is to
become very so focused along the
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journey, so I can't see
anybody's pain but my own.
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I can't see
anybody's anger but my own.
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Exactly, I mean growing up
I couldn't see the pain that
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my mother went through,
as a mother seen her daughter
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go through what she did
when she was really young.
00:12:01.48\00:12:03.66
I was really self
focused, it had to be about me.
00:12:03.69\00:12:07.06
I think having a child, I
legally adopted my daughter and
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that really changed it for
me and I fell into depression
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and at one point I was
suicidal. When I got out of that
00:12:16.76\00:12:23.22
relationship I fell into another
relationship that was outwardly
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more abusive. - incredibly
abusive? - incredibly abusive
00:12:26.26\00:12:29.64
physically, sexually by another
woman and that was really
00:12:29.67\00:12:33.61
rough and I was isolated
and again filling those feelings
00:12:33.64\00:12:37.04
of very depressed and suicidal.
00:12:37.07\00:12:40.70
Sometimes I would look at
the phone and just wish that
00:12:40.73\00:12:42.67
someone would call me
to get me out of this.
00:12:42.70\00:12:44.52
So after that in 2008- so
were you talking to your folks
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at all? Were you talking
to family members about this
00:12:49.23\00:12:52.41
relationship or were you
just holding it yourself?
00:12:52.44\00:12:54.90
I was holding it all in and
wouldn't let them know a lot
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of the details
that was going on.
00:12:57.83\00:12:59.63
As a result of
that second relationship
00:12:59.66\00:13:02.04
I was homeless for a year.
00:13:02.07\00:13:03.83
I slept in my car in
front of a 24-hour Starbucks.
00:13:03.86\00:13:06.56
And when I had my daughter
we would stay with relatives
00:13:06.59\00:13:10.99
and stuff like that, my daughter
didn't know we were homeless.
00:13:11.02\00:13:14.63
And then about 2008 during
the proposition eight with
00:13:14.66\00:13:18.89
the Lord really did
something different to my heart.
00:13:18.92\00:13:22.64
- what did He do? - well I
was in the bathroom and I was
00:13:22.67\00:13:25.51
cleaning and I guess I was
talking to the Lord out loud.
00:13:25.54\00:13:28.87
And Lisa was
visiting me at the time.
00:13:28.90\00:13:30.86
- Lisa is your sister. -
Lisa is my sister and she was
00:13:30.89\00:13:33.61
visiting me and she heard
me talking to myself and I was
00:13:33.64\00:13:37.06
cleaning and saying Lord
this can't be right, why is
00:13:37.09\00:13:42.08
there so much hate in
this world, I am who I am and
00:13:42.11\00:13:45.41
you made me who I am and
for some reason I just started
00:13:45.44\00:13:49.81
remembering all the scriptures
around the sanctuary and
00:13:49.84\00:13:52.66
I started seeing
furniture from the sanctuary.
00:13:52.69\00:13:56.19
Altar of incense. - and
that's in the Old Testament.
00:13:56.22\00:14:00.76
It's in the Old
Testament yah, in Leviticus.
00:14:00.79\00:14:03.33
It actually starts an
Exodus and goes all the way
00:14:03.36\00:14:05.94
through
Leviticus - that's right.
00:14:05.97\00:14:07.50
Leviticus goes into all the
different types of offerings,
00:14:07.53\00:14:11.47
but the measurements,
instructions on how big the
00:14:11.50\00:14:16.49
sanctuary was to be was
given to Moses in Exodus.
00:14:16.52\00:14:19.88
So what is it about that
when you're thinking about that
00:14:19.91\00:14:24.03
and you are in the
backroom what does the sanctuary
00:14:24.06\00:14:27.00
service mean to
you? It is amazing to me.
00:14:27.03\00:14:29.10
I think what I fell in
love with the sanctuary message
00:14:29.13\00:14:32.71
was you come as you are,
you come recognizing - you come
00:14:32.74\00:14:35.96
with your offering. -
you come with your offering
00:14:35.99\00:14:39.05
in with your
offering you are recognizing
00:14:39.08\00:14:41.18
your need of forgiveness.
00:14:41.21\00:14:42.86
- what was your offering
- my offering at that time
00:14:42.89\00:14:45.39
in the bathroom I didn't know.
00:14:45.42\00:14:47.70
I really had no clue, I
didn't know what was happening.
00:14:47.73\00:14:50.48
It happened another
time and I shrugged it off,
00:14:50.51\00:14:53.68
it actually scared me, I didn't
know what to do with that.
00:14:53.71\00:14:57.08
All I remember is that
maybe a couple of weeks later
00:14:57.11\00:15:00.24
I started to have this craving
to go to church, but on one
00:15:00.27\00:15:04.63
condition, like I was having
this conversation in my head
00:15:04.66\00:15:07.91
with God and I'm going to
go but I'm going to go as I am.
00:15:07.94\00:15:11.05
This is who I am, You
love me and I'm going to go.
00:15:11.08\00:15:13.97
I want my daughter
to learn about Jesus and
00:15:14.00\00:15:16.01
that is why I'm going.
00:15:16.04\00:15:17.24
I love our arrogance with
God, and if you don't accept
00:15:17.27\00:15:21.26
this condition
then I'm not going.
00:15:21.29\00:15:23.77
And God is just like oh
I love her, I so love her.
00:15:23.80\00:15:28.69
We have all these conditions
and God heart says, I don't
00:15:28.72\00:15:32.68
care why you come, I just
want you to be safe and to come
00:15:32.71\00:15:35.92
back to Me. - so my
arrogance gets worse. - does it?
00:15:35.95\00:15:39.81
Yeah it gets worse. - I
like shut up. - yes seriously.
00:15:39.84\00:15:43.14
So that started in November,
I'm going every Sabbath and
00:15:43.17\00:15:48.34
every other Sabbath I'm
bringing my daughter with me and
00:15:48.37\00:15:50.16
we are enjoying it, my
daughter is enjoying it but as
00:15:50.19\00:15:53.01
soon as the
service is done I'm out.
00:15:53.04\00:15:54.42
Don't talk to me. No one is
going to know anything about me
00:15:54.45\00:15:58.39
they don't need to
know, I'm here that's it.
00:15:58.42\00:16:02.05
I'm gone when service is done.
00:16:02.08\00:16:04.00
I didn't socialize much,
I always set the back pew so
00:16:04.03\00:16:06.13
there would be a quick exit.
00:16:06.16\00:16:07.80
Around the first Sabbath
in January was communion and
00:16:07.83\00:16:16.58
I'm standing there and I'm
like I'm not going to do this.
00:16:16.61\00:16:20.69
I know what communion is about
and I'm not ready for this.
00:16:20.72\00:16:24.40
- I can even imagine
what you must've been feeling.
00:16:24.43\00:16:26.78
- like here I smoked two
packs a day and I'm a lesbian,
00:16:26.81\00:16:31.09
I can't do this, you
know. - even when you're saying
00:16:31.12\00:16:35.36
that is that I remember
being there as a heroine addict
00:16:35.39\00:16:38.18
and I lie and manipulate
I'm on the street and working
00:16:38.21\00:16:41.51
in the clubs, I sell drugs
and then in the same kind of
00:16:41.54\00:16:44.26
thing as I'm coming to
God, how do you do that?
00:16:44.29\00:16:47.31
How do I do communion
those two basic things were
00:16:47.34\00:16:50.09
people don't know
Communion is explain what it is
00:16:50.12\00:16:52.79
and what did you do?
00:16:52.82\00:16:54.65
Well I knew what communion
was and it is somewhat a mini
00:16:54.68\00:16:58.28
baptism, it's committing
your life and I was not ready
00:16:58.31\00:17:02.78
for that, and as soon as
I was having these thoughts.
00:17:02.81\00:17:05.28
As soon as I had that
thought the Pastor suddenly said
00:17:05.31\00:17:08.83
take a leap of faith
and watch what God will do,
00:17:08.86\00:17:12.07
not you. God, and I went, okay.
00:17:12.10\00:17:18.45
And I got so arrogant and
said okay it's all on You.
00:17:18.48\00:17:21.81
It's all on You, I'll
do it, but it's all on You.
00:17:21.84\00:17:27.57
So I went downstairs and
had my feet washed by the
00:17:27.60\00:17:30.48
Pastor's wife and
came back and left and
00:17:30.51\00:17:33.10
I was feeling really happy.
00:17:33.13\00:17:34.72
I light up a cigarette
when I was about two or three
00:17:34.75\00:17:37.71
blocks away from the
church and went home and waited
00:17:37.74\00:17:40.39
until sundown, my friends
called me and asked me to go
00:17:40.42\00:17:43.52
out - go out clubbing -
go out clubbing to a lesbian
00:17:43.55\00:17:47.84
bar and so I went out with them.
00:17:47.87\00:17:49.89
The topic of conversation
was I was telling them about
00:17:49.92\00:17:54.21
my church, I'm here in the
middle of a lesbian bar and
00:17:54.24\00:17:58.36
I'm telling them about my
church and how great it is
00:17:58.39\00:18:00.53
and that they should
come. - don't you think God,
00:18:00.56\00:18:02.30
He is so, He just says you know
what do you think any of that is
00:18:02.33\00:18:07.31
going to get in
My way, I love you.
00:18:07.35\00:18:09.49
Thank you for today and
you know I'm not going to
00:18:09.52\00:18:13.42
address all the issues
that are involved here.
00:18:13.45\00:18:17.28
The only issue I'm going
to address is we have a Father
00:18:17.31\00:18:20.84
a Heavenly Father
that says I want you home.
00:18:20.88\00:18:23.91
I want you home, I talked
to somebody the other day and
00:18:23.95\00:18:27.78
they were talking about there's
a story in the Bible about
00:18:27.81\00:18:30.87
the prodigal son, and you
could be the prodigal daughter,
00:18:30.90\00:18:33.94
he goes out and spends all
his money and ends up losing
00:18:33.98\00:18:36.83
everything and he ends up
homeless and he comes finally
00:18:36.86\00:18:39.68
back to the father
and he said at least here
00:18:39.71\00:18:41.79
I can work as your servant.
00:18:41.82\00:18:43.90
I can at least get fed and
work in the fields or whatever.
00:18:43.94\00:18:47.71
The father sees him from
far away and runs up to him and
00:18:47.74\00:18:51.48
puts his robe around
him and gives him a ring.
00:18:51.52\00:18:53.91
But this person's take on
it is when he put the rope on
00:18:53.95\00:18:57.41
him is he didn't want people
to continue to look at his
00:18:57.44\00:19:00.87
shame, you know what I mean?
00:19:00.90\00:19:03.13
I want to cover that up,
I don't want anyone to ever
00:19:03.16\00:19:06.73
look at my son my
daughter in their junk.
00:19:06.77\00:19:09.41
I want them to see
that My robe is on them.
00:19:09.45\00:19:12.02
That they are my child, that
they are covered up, they are
00:19:12.06\00:19:16.23
clean and I'm thinking God
Himself says let Me cover you.
00:19:16.27\00:19:19.84
You know your same sex
stuff wasn't the only thing you
00:19:19.88\00:19:23.41
did, because you were
an arrogant little fool.
00:19:23.45\00:19:26.24
You know what I mean?
Because I was too, I know what
00:19:26.27\00:19:30.14
that feels like because in our
arrogance and our anger we are
00:19:30.18\00:19:33.49
like Na-na-na-na and God says
you know what, I want to heal
00:19:33.53\00:19:36.81
all of that. - - oh
and He did and He still is.
00:19:36.84\00:19:40.77
He still is, one of the
things He took away for me that
00:19:40.80\00:19:44.94
I never thought that I
would be able to give up was my
00:19:44.98\00:19:48.72
smoking and He took away
that night when I came home
00:19:48.75\00:19:52.46
from the club. - Wow!
00:19:52.49\00:19:53.93
I had one last cigarette
before went to bed and - I have
00:19:53.97\00:19:57.67
to just say I laugh at
that because we're doing this
00:19:57.71\00:20:01.28
whole program and people
are hearing all the same sex
00:20:01.31\00:20:03.97
stuff and you are saying
one of the things He took away
00:20:04.00\00:20:06.60
that I never thought, and
they are waiting for you to say
00:20:06.63\00:20:09.19
same-sex stuff and you go
smoking, because that is a
00:20:09.22\00:20:12.42
horrible addiction. - it
is, it was and I didn't feel
00:20:12.46\00:20:15.62
I was addicted
I just enjoyed it.
00:20:15.66\00:20:17.20
- even though it's
killing me. - yeah.
00:20:17.23\00:20:20.10
So now you are understanding
that God is bringing you back
00:20:20.13\00:20:25.93
one step at a time and you
go back to the sanctuary thing
00:20:25.96\00:20:31.72
is that you are coming
into the sanctuary with your
00:20:31.76\00:20:35.30
offering and you come up
to the first place in the
00:20:35.34\00:20:38.48
sanctuary is what? The
first place the sanctuary is
00:20:38.52\00:20:41.63
where you give your
offering to be burnt.
00:20:41.66\00:20:45.97
You come to the priest and
bring your offering and the
00:20:46.01\00:20:50.24
priest says, he takes
over and leads that sin all the
00:20:50.27\00:20:54.47
way through the
sanctuary. It's amazing to me.
00:20:54.50\00:20:57.74
But what is amazing in your
story is that you were coming
00:20:57.78\00:21:02.46
to that place in your
journey and you are coming with
00:21:02.50\00:21:06.48
things that most of us don't
even think does God actually
00:21:06.51\00:21:10.46
heal that? Is He
going to let her come in?
00:21:10.49\00:21:15.15
And I'm thinking yes He
is, of course He is. - right.
00:21:15.19\00:21:19.83
Of coarse He is, how
cool are you? How cool is God?
00:21:19.86\00:21:24.94
God is amazing, when He
took my cigarette smoking away
00:21:24.98\00:21:29.71
four hours basically, I
had that one last cigarette and
00:21:29.75\00:21:33.50
I suddenly had a sharp
pain in my throat and was like
00:21:33.54\00:21:37.25
what is going on?
00:21:37.29\00:21:38.66
This is the same cigarettes
I have been smoking all night.
00:21:38.69\00:21:41.70
He was given the evidence,
because one of my prayers when
00:21:41.74\00:21:44.71
I started going to
church was is this real?
00:21:44.74\00:21:47.19
Am I really going to
church now? This is weird.
00:21:47.23\00:21:49.60
- Are You communicating
with me? - Is this really God?
00:21:49.64\00:21:52.72
When I first started going
to church I had opened up my
00:21:52.76\00:21:56.06
closet at and pulled out my
25-year-old Bible and all this
00:21:56.10\00:21:59.44
literature I had that my
mother secretly planted in my
00:21:59.47\00:22:02.78
home for 20 plus
years. - that's funny, because
00:22:02.81\00:22:07.11
I remember you said to me
one time that I would get mad
00:22:07.15\00:22:09.63
at her, she would stick it
under the coffee table in a
00:22:09.67\00:22:12.15
book somewhere or a
magazine and it would fall out.
00:22:12.19\00:22:14.92
I was like don't do this,
don't secretly hide things in
00:22:14.95\00:22:17.73
my house, just give it to
me and I was upset with her
00:22:17.76\00:22:20.47
a couple of times. But I kept
every single thing she gave me.
00:22:20.51\00:22:24.12
I never threw anything
away and when I start going back
00:22:24.16\00:22:28.32
to church it all came
out of the closet. - Amen.
00:22:28.35\00:22:32.63
Amen, I love that and you
came out of the closet with
00:22:32.67\00:22:36.61
all this stuff. - yeah.
00:22:36.64\00:22:39.24
So I would like to have
you talk about, you are really
00:22:39.27\00:22:43.84
addressing all kinds of
issues when you are healing.
00:22:43.88\00:22:48.41
The smoking gave you
evidence that God is God and can
00:22:48.45\00:22:51.98
address those issues,
but now all about the sexual
00:22:52.02\00:22:55.92
issues, your attraction
issues, people say when I come
00:22:55.95\00:22:59.82
into my spirituality am
I still living in the gay
00:22:59.85\00:23:03.23
lifestyle, am I celibate
and not gay, am I healed from
00:23:03.27\00:23:08.29
that? What
happened in your case?
00:23:08.33\00:23:10.38
In my case I think after
He gave me that evidence with
00:23:10.42\00:23:13.92
smoking my prayer
became more serious.
00:23:13.95\00:23:18.62
I think my prayer started to
change and I started to really
00:23:18.66\00:23:22.63
ask the Lord sincerely. -
because what if I am talking
00:23:22.67\00:23:25.94
to God? What if this is
real? - exactly, so I started
00:23:25.98\00:23:29.89
talking to God more seriously
and said is this really
00:23:29.93\00:23:33.39
happening? If this is
really what needs to happen then
00:23:33.43\00:23:38.20
You do it, show me more evidence
show me more what's next.
00:23:38.24\00:23:42.76
In a couple weeks after I
quit smoking He did show me the
00:23:42.79\00:23:46.98
next step and that was
identified with Mary Magdalena
00:23:47.02\00:23:51.87
through You Tube video. It
was a Heritage singer song,
00:23:51.91\00:23:56.84
We Are the Reason and as I
saw this clip from the movie
00:23:56.87\00:24:00.78
The Passion of the Christ,
and Mary Magdalene on the
00:24:00.81\00:24:04.65
ground looking up to Jesus,
I just fell to my knees and had
00:24:04.68\00:24:10.65
that conviction
laid on my heart.
00:24:10.68\00:24:12.47
Conviction was if
Sunday my child, if Sunday is a
00:24:12.50\00:24:18.49
counterfeit to my Sabbath
what would then be a counterfeit
00:24:18.53\00:24:22.71
to my creation? So I
realize then that the life
00:24:22.75\00:24:30.68
I have been living has been
a counterfeit to what He ever
00:24:30.72\00:24:34.81
intended for me and not
only that I just felt His love.
00:24:34.85\00:24:38.91
He didn't say that to
you and in condemnation?
00:24:38.95\00:24:42.49
No! I did not feel
condemned, I felt loved. - Amen.
00:24:42.53\00:24:46.31
That is what I have been
searching for all my life was
00:24:46.34\00:24:50.09
the feeling to be loved.
00:24:50.13\00:24:51.79
I would like to, because
we have your family here.
00:24:51.83\00:24:55.40
We have your mom here,
your sister here so I would like
00:24:55.43\00:24:58.97
to take a break at this
point and I would like to talk
00:24:59.01\00:25:02.28
with your mom about her
journey and what happened to her
00:25:02.31\00:25:05.43
during this time and then
I want to bring you back up
00:25:05.46\00:25:08.54
and talk about what an
incredible God we serve.
00:25:08.57\00:25:12.61
Has that continue to make
a difference in your life?
00:25:12.65\00:25:16.37
Where are you at
in your journey today?
00:25:16.41\00:25:18.62
I just think we're going
to be wowed by that so we are
00:25:18.66\00:25:23.15
going to break, we are a
great talk to Virna's mom and
00:25:23.18\00:25:27.27
I want you to just, I
don't know what your stuff is,
00:25:27.30\00:25:31.32
I don't know what you struggle
with but nothing is too big
00:25:31.35\00:25:35.50
for God and I hear it over
and over and over again and as
00:25:35.54\00:25:39.30
we travel around the
world is the one thing I know is
00:25:39.34\00:25:43.07
that God says, I am
not ashamed of any of you.
00:25:43.11\00:25:46.84
I love you beyond what
you are capable of receiving,
00:25:46.87\00:25:49.99
beyond what you capable of even
knowing and you have to trust
00:25:50.02\00:25:53.69
that and when you trust
that we are going to have a
00:25:53.73\00:25:56.06
great time in our journey back.
00:25:56.09\00:25:58.43
I will cover your shame
and I will cover your stuff and
00:25:58.46\00:26:01.53
I'll cover all the things you
struggle with and at the end of
00:26:01.56\00:26:05.55
the day you will be smiling.
00:26:05.59\00:26:07.55
I love that about God
and we will be right back,
00:26:07.58\00:26:09.39
stay with us.
00:26:09.43\00:26:10.85