Welcome to
Celebrating Life In Recovery.
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I'm Cheri your host and we
are going to talk with Jennifer
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today, Jennifer
were going to talk about
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never feeling good enough.
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So come join us, if that
is your issue you're going
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to have a blast.
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You know I would like to
start this program a little bit
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different way is that last
Sabbath I was at church and
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I got to hang out
with my favorite pastors.
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That is John Lomacang, he is
amazing, he's so funny and he
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always has these
brilliant things to say.
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But he started the sermon
talking about the anatomy of
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a fall, and I thought
that was interesting title.
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The anatomy of a fall
was a study that he had on
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demolitions, like when
some body comes in and they are
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going to blow up a building.
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They have to take a coliseum
down or they have to take
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a stadium down or they
have to take an office building
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down that is 18
or 20 stories high.
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You knows strategically
they have to set charges in
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different parts of the
building to take it down in
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a way that is controlled.
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So it is not just a
chaotic thing, you just don't go
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and nuke it, you know.
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I would think you would
put some dynamite in different
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parts and blow it up,
but you don't because usually
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there's buildings on either
side and so you really have
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to have it fall a certain way.
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In fact on some buildings
there is a natural lean in the
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building and they will
take advantage of that lean and
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set charges so that the
entire building goes down in the
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way of that lean.
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And by the time they
are done it is amazing,
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all you have is this
little pile of rubble.
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You could have 18 stories,
but you have this little pile of
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rubble and it looks
like, are you kidding me.
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At one time you watched
video of a sports stadium going
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down and it went down
almost like an orchestra thing,
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it went down like in a spiral.
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Starting from the outside
all the way to the inside it
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fell and again in a
little pile of rubble.
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In our recovery, I want
you to think about this,
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throughout your life the
devil sets charges up and it
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is a strategic thing, he
knows where your weaknesses are.
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He knows where you're
going to lean and he knows what
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our natural
tendencies are going to be.
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He sets the charge right
there and at the best time those
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charges are off
and you are down.
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The people around you
aren't even going to be touched.
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They're not even going to notice
what happened to that guy?
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This was not an overnight
thing, this was something that
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happened throughout your
life and what God is saying,
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I love what God is
saying, don't let that happen.
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Jump into a relationship
with Me and I will be your
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strength, to those weak
spots, I will strengthen
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those weak spots and when
that charge goes off, nothing.
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It will not even affect you
because I will take that spot.
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I will take that hit for
you and you will be safe.
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So what we are going to
talk about today is not just one
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event, not just one part
of an addiction, not just one
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part of sadness or
injury or whatever.
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We're going to talk about
the strategy in this person's
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life that brought her to a
place where she almost fell.
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But luckily, she
didn't and I love that.
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So Jill I want to say
welcome to the program.
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I'm glad you are here because
knowing a little bit about
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your story, but not all of it.
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So I'm going to ask you
and we are going to talk about
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even from the beginning, long
before the stuff you dealt with
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that is so obvious to everybody.
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We are going to talk about what
you think started it or maybe
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even kicked in those
weak areas of your life?
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Oh boy, that is
such a big question.
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I know, can you shrink
it down just a little bit?
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Yeah, where were
you born? - okay!
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Is that little
enough? All right, all right.
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Ohio, Cleveland, Ohio at
the time were in the Cuyahoga
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River was so polluted
that it caught on fire.
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Wow, wow, so you and I have
known each other for a while.
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I don't know any part of
your growing up other than you
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went through that whole
hippie thing. - yeah I did,
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but that was later. Okay.
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So I would say I was
raised in a real idyllic home,
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at least outwardly speaking.
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You know it looks good,
my parents stayed married and
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that is rare anymore
and there was enough money,
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we weren't in poverty, we
were educated, we went through
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the public school system.
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We went to church, nice
family boy, girl, boy, girl.
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My mom couldn't get pregnant
for a while so it was perfect
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in many ways we
were evenly spaced.
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Everybody was relatively
healthy and nobody had any
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I would say serious learning
disabilities or anything like
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that so outwardly speaking
we were like the Walton's or
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the Brady Bunch but
without the remarriage factor.
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But in a way that made
it even more difficult.
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Because anybody looking in
just says wow I would like to be
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that family. Well for years
when I was struggling with my
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recovery I was saying
what was wrong with you?
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You had such a better life
than people like Cheri Peters.
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Look at your life and people
with similar testimonies as
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yours and I would say
you have no excuse, you have
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nothing that explains how
you ended up where you ended up.
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So even with all that normalcy,
all that household where
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everyone is fine and all
that stuff, what's the feeling?
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Did you have feelings of
insecurity, were you sad?
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It sounds like with all
that there was something that
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started really early.
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Things are really good as
a little girl, I have to say
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there is a lot to be
said for an intact home.
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You know poverty tends to
be a problem, wealth can be
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a problem because it tends
to separate families, but that
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middle-class lifestyle is a
very good lifestyle in terms
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of the growing up years so
I had a really good childhood.
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I have many good memories
but I would say, here's how
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I would say it, that the
relational skills, the bonding
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skills that my parents
possessed were not sufficient to
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get us through adolescence.
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So now you got a, I'm like what?
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You are, hold on, hold on,
you are a psychotherapist for
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a living now, and so right
now somebody is out there going
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what did she just say? So
turn that into regular language.
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Connect, we didn't connect
on a level or at a depth that
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it was good for childhood
but then when I went through
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adolescence the
attachment didn't hold.
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So family became or my
relationships specifically
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with my parents became
fractured during those years
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when your hormones
start rolling, and boyfriends
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came into the picture.
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Let me just interpret for
her, because she is having
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a hard time telling it.
- Wrong? - No not wrong?
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But even what is interesting
is with families like that
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everything seems to be
going well or whatever and it's
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like all of a sudden I
actually need to know where your
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heart is and that your heart is
towards me and you're connected
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to me and all that stuff
is real and we know how to do
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that and it has
to be more tangible.
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At that time you find out
that maybe people were not as
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comfortable with loving each
other and maybe we weren't as
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connected as we thought we were.
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I don't know where it started,
or why it started, or why
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it is happening but
right now I just feel like
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I'm floundering, I don't
know who I am. I don't know
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how to connect anymore.
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Yes, So specifically like my
dad and I, my dad is a strong
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personality, in fact I have
inherited a lot of his traits.
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I'm a lot like him, very
strong leadership tendencies.
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I like to organize
people, to organize things.
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It is a standing joke in
our family when we get ready to
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go on a trip to Florida
and he had to pack the car.
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When he packed the car
every body else knew to just
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stand by and observe silently,
nobody tried to help him
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or anything because he
had a very specific way he was
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doing it and so we would
get in the car and go off.
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My dad was like that, he
was very particular and had
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strong leadership tendencies
but that sometimes translated
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to him being bossy at
controlling of the kids.
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- and you're not doing
it right. - yeah, and that
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yeah and that worked out
fine when I was little for
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the most part, I have some
memories of my dad censuring or
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being harder on me for things
that he could have let go.
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But nothing huge or terrible
or awful, just a feeling
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I would say, a basic
feeling of him not accepting me,
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or wondering if he really
likes me and then I got into
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adolescence and become
very clear he really didn't,
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because of some of
the choices I was making.
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Let me just say, what
do you think about this?
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You are looking at underlying
themes during this whole
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season and sometimes
high expectations and all that
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stuff in households
are very much unspoken.
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When they are unspoken it
makes it to where, for a child
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what you know all the time
is not enough, I'm just not
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enough. - the atmosphere
of, and I would say since
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I've gotten into the
counseling field, I notice that
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a lot of families that
have it outwardly together seem
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to do well that have good
incomes and intact marriages
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and so forth, and
they function pretty well.
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There is often a spirit
of criticism in the family
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where people do
not feel accepted.
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It seems to me that is
even worse in families that are
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outwardly
together, I can't prove that.
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- that's the sense you have.
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I think that was what was
happening when I was growing up
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is the spirit of criticism
was there and me feeling over
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sensitive, a very sensitive
individual and me feeling
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sensitive about that.
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So coming into adolescence
with that problem already in
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place - and the hormones -
and then you meet the guy and
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he thinks you are just
wonderful and you're not really
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well attached to your father,
then you attach to this guy
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and he supplies the place
that an attachment to your
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father would have
supplied and its disastrous
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from there on out.
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You see that as love and
that's what I've been starving
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for. - yes and I remember
coming home one night, it
00:11:02.88\00:11:06.16
was actually funny because
my boyfriend and I, and I had
00:11:06.19\00:11:09.59
been going out with the
same guy for three years and
00:11:09.62\00:11:11.43
we were like
attached at the hip.
00:11:11.46\00:11:13.42
We got into a lot of trouble
together and did a lot of
00:11:13.45\00:11:15.87
things that my parents
didn't know about, involving
00:11:15.90\00:11:18.11
drugs and sex
and all that stuff.
00:11:18.14\00:11:19.99
But this one particular night
we went to a bird sanctuary.
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We were really into nature
and we were into riding our
00:11:24.33\00:11:26.73
bikes because we
didn't have cars yet.
00:11:26.76\00:11:28.14
So we're riding our bike's
and we parked our bikes in the
00:11:28.17\00:11:31.44
bushes and climbed over the
fence of this bird sanctuary.
00:11:31.47\00:11:34.06
We went walking in the
bird sanctuary holding hands,
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I mean it was so innocent,
I was even - how romantic.
00:11:36.65\00:11:40.95
I know it's was great and I was
riding home and I thinking wow,
00:11:40.98\00:11:43.98
we didn't even do anything
terribly sinful tonight.
00:11:44.01\00:11:45.85
We are so innocent here.
00:11:45.88\00:11:47.30
Well amazingly the cops
pulled me over on the way home
00:11:47.33\00:11:51.14
and they had seen our
bicycles in the bushes and
00:11:51.17\00:11:54.14
they pulled him over
to on his way home because
00:11:54.17\00:11:56.08
we went two separate ways.
00:11:56.11\00:11:57.43
So the cop put my bike on
his car and got me in the back
00:11:57.46\00:12:01.30
seat and drove me home
and escorted me to the door
00:12:01.33\00:12:03.45
and told my dad what had
happened and so I sat for half
00:12:03.48\00:12:07.55
an hour while my
dad screamed at me about
00:12:07.58\00:12:10.08
this boy he couldn't stand.
00:12:10.11\00:12:11.55
I don't like him at all
and I don't like it one bit.
00:12:11.58\00:12:14.01
I don't like his long
hair and I know you're up to no
00:12:14.04\00:12:16.23
good, I mean he shouted at
me for half an hour and I just
00:12:16.26\00:12:18.83
stood there like wow. Finally
I screamed and ran out of
00:12:18.86\00:12:22.58
the room you know.
00:12:22.61\00:12:24.35
But that was like the blowing
of the volcano after such
00:12:24.38\00:12:29.29
a low level
percolating for years.
00:12:29.32\00:12:33.81
So finally somebody
said it out loud. - yeah.
00:12:33.84\00:12:36.03
- this right now is
being spoken, I'm screaming and
00:12:36.06\00:12:40.07
dad's screaming - and I
would say it there was a pattern
00:12:40.10\00:12:43.63
in our home of not saying any
thing until it got to a certain
00:12:43.66\00:12:47.18
point and then blowing.
00:12:47.21\00:12:48.97
So was an all or
nothing communication pattern.
00:12:49.00\00:12:51.91
Usually it was attended by a
lot of criticism and put down
00:12:51.94\00:12:56.09
and that type of thing
whereas if we had sat down and
00:12:56.12\00:12:59.26
talked through things.
00:12:59.29\00:13:00.48
I don't really feel quite
right about this boy you're
00:13:00.51\00:13:03.12
dating talk to me about
him, and what is he really like?
00:13:03.15\00:13:05.10
What are you guys
doing when you're together?
00:13:05.13\00:13:07.08
If it could of been
like that it would've been
00:13:07.11\00:13:08.70
a different thing.
00:13:08.73\00:13:09.79
Instead of a lot
like a pressure cooker all
00:13:09.82\00:13:11.53
the time, there was always
pressure and nobody could point
00:13:11.56\00:13:14.56
to it. - exactly, it was
always brewing, it was always
00:13:14.60\00:13:17.57
there and it will
blow once in awhile.
00:13:17.60\00:13:19.25
Then things will calm down
and we would think everything
00:13:19.29\00:13:21.80
was okay now, but
it wasn't okay because
00:13:21.83\00:13:24.54
we weren't communicating.
00:13:24.58\00:13:25.93
I wish that somehow, with
really outward dysfunction
00:13:25.96\00:13:29.80
you can point to it like
crazy, but this is more common
00:13:29.84\00:13:33.64
than the outward dysfunction.
00:13:33.68\00:13:35.31
The family that
argues is more typical.
00:13:35.35\00:13:37.55
- and most people
can't point to it.
00:13:37.59\00:13:39.72
That's right but as a
counselor I work with stuff like
00:13:39.76\00:13:42.46
that all the time where people
are maybe outwardly looking
00:13:42.50\00:13:45.39
okay but they are having
disasters in the relationships
00:13:45.42\00:13:48.37
in the home and trying to
teach them how to communicate.
00:13:48.41\00:13:51.36
How to actually sit down and
talk through an issue without
00:13:51.40\00:13:54.31
blowing their stack.
00:13:54.35\00:13:55.79
Once you learned that it's
amazing, once you learn that
00:13:55.82\00:14:00.11
it's amazing. So during
that time you jumped into drugs,
00:14:00.14\00:14:04.40
alcohol, relationships
and all that stuff.
00:14:04.43\00:14:06.94
It was during the time
that a lot of people were taken
00:14:06.97\00:14:10.95
that jump, the hippie time.
00:14:10.98\00:14:13.87
I'm going to date myself
here but it was during the
00:14:13.91\00:14:16.22
Ashbury hippie
days in the 70s and 80s.
00:14:16.25\00:14:18.52
I could picture you
there - totally, okay.
00:14:18.55\00:14:20.74
People have told me
that, okay so anyway I do bathe
00:14:20.78\00:14:24.65
so just reassuring you, I'm
really into hygiene so I have
00:14:24.69\00:14:28.78
some similarity with hippies
and some dissimilarities.
00:14:28.81\00:14:33.04
So yet was during that time,
I was the kind of kid coming
00:14:33.07\00:14:38.71
into the peer environment
I couldn't be with the kids,
00:14:38.75\00:14:42.88
I couldn't hang with the
kids that were on the sidelines,
00:14:42.91\00:14:47.01
I had to run
with the fast horses.
00:14:47.05\00:14:48.67
I was the kind of kid
that whoever was the coolest,
00:14:48.71\00:14:51.01
whoever was the most outrageous
I had to be friends with
00:14:51.05\00:14:54.37
them, I was drawn
to people like that.
00:14:54.40\00:14:56.79
Do you know why? Do I are
you asking me that? - yes.
00:14:56.82\00:15:00.29
You tell me you know
why? - no do you know why?
00:15:00.33\00:15:02.26
Oh do I know why, - don't
interpret my question she's
00:15:02.29\00:15:05.59
definitely a therapist, I'm
like I just asked a question.
00:15:05.62\00:15:08.89
So I think it's probably
temperament, part of it,
00:15:11.78\00:15:14.52
probably compensating you know.
00:15:14.55\00:15:17.80
Because just listening to
you I'm thinking that as soon as
00:15:17.84\00:15:21.61
you got out and the pressure
was lifted I would have went
00:15:21.65\00:15:25.23
crazy, and it sounds like,
see we never had pressure in my
00:15:25.27\00:15:28.42
home, my dad would be gone
like, you want some of this.
00:15:28.45\00:15:32.24
So is a whole different
thing. - I wish for experiences
00:15:32.28\00:15:36.03
like that where we
would talk about let's try to
00:15:36.06\00:15:38.19
get my mom high.
00:15:38.23\00:15:39.71
Because you're relaxed. -
there's a rumor in my family
00:15:39.74\00:15:42.53
that my mom smoked pot
with her friends and we just all
00:15:42.57\00:15:45.32
cracked up about
that and laugh because
00:15:45.36\00:15:47.43
We would've loved it.
00:15:47.46\00:15:48.98
So when you got out you
just kind of said I'm not going
00:15:49.02\00:15:52.02
to put myself under that
kind of pressure, I'm going to
00:15:52.05\00:15:55.02
do whatever I want to do.
00:15:55.06\00:15:56.58
Here's another factor,
when I was 10 years old we moved
00:15:56.62\00:16:00.52
from a really idyllic sweet,
quaint little town in Ohio
00:16:00.56\00:16:04.43
to a more
Cosmopolitan area in Milwaukee,
00:16:04.46\00:16:08.18
Wisconsin, should I
say what that word means?
00:16:08.22\00:16:11.87
City, citified, it wasn't
urban but it was just a racier
00:16:11.91\00:16:16.98
neighborhood, let's put it
that way and more influences
00:16:17.02\00:16:22.06
from the city and the
kids were way, way more
00:16:22.09\00:16:25.74
sophisticated, and way,
way more edgy and racy than the
00:16:25.78\00:16:29.82
town I came from.
00:16:29.86\00:16:31.19
So I came to school first-day
wearing these little white
00:16:31.23\00:16:34.73
ankle socks and a long
billowing dress and I was 10.
00:16:34.76\00:16:38.13
The girls were all
wearing short skirts and nylon
00:16:38.16\00:16:41.49
stockings and
they were all done up.
00:16:41.53\00:16:45.50
I was immediately
ostracized a nerd.
00:16:45.54\00:16:49.44
So one thing led to another
and again I wanted to run
00:16:49.47\00:16:53.21
with the fast horses and
to make friends with the kids
00:16:53.25\00:16:57.33
that were on the edge so
I fell in with the crowd.
00:16:57.36\00:17:01.27
But they were so mean
and so cruel and at one point
00:17:01.30\00:17:04.25
we were reading, this was
interesting because we were
00:17:04.29\00:17:07.12
reading the book the Lord
Of the Flies, I don't know
00:17:07.15\00:17:09.95
if you know that book.
00:17:09.98\00:17:10.95
It's a book about a bunch of
kids that crash on an island,
00:17:10.96\00:17:13.38
a soccer team are some
that crash on an island and they
00:17:13.42\00:17:16.07
basically turn into animals
and preying upon one another.
00:17:16.11\00:17:18.58
There is one of them like
a good kid, and they are just
00:17:18.62\00:17:20.89
about to kill him when the
book ends and the Coast Guard
00:17:20.93\00:17:23.83
comes, so that it is this
whole book about the animal
00:17:23.87\00:17:26.74
within each of us.
00:17:26.77\00:17:28.40
I'm going through that very
thing on the playground as we
00:17:28.44\00:17:31.94
are reading this book. So
again on with this group of kids
00:17:31.97\00:17:35.49
and they would turn on a
person, it was a very strange
00:17:35.52\00:17:38.45
pattern, but they would pick
one person and turn on them.
00:17:38.48\00:17:41.37
Like they'd have this
kind of feeding frenzy.
00:17:41.41\00:17:43.53
So at one point they turned
on me and decided that they
00:17:43.57\00:17:46.83
were going to abuse me and
they drug me out to the baseball
00:17:46.86\00:17:49.96
diamond and I went through
sexual and physical abuse at
00:17:49.99\00:17:52.70
the hands of a bunch of
girls, it was very bizarre.
00:17:52.74\00:17:55.41
This was with guys watching on.
00:17:55.44\00:17:57.89
It's interesting because
the girl that was the ringleader
00:17:57.92\00:18:00.40
recently contacted me because
one of our mutual friends
00:18:00.43\00:18:03.39
had died and she wanted to
send me some things that were
00:18:03.43\00:18:06.35
hers, all those
feelings came up again.
00:18:06.39\00:18:09.58
The Lord got a hold of
me again to forgive but.
00:18:09.62\00:18:13.31
Did she ever mention
anything? Now she talks to me
00:18:13.34\00:18:16.32
now like we're old friends
and say I got married but it
00:18:16.35\00:18:19.30
didn't work out, had two
sons in running a bed and
00:18:19.33\00:18:21.67
breakfast and blah, blah, blah.
00:18:21.70\00:18:23.37
But I'm like having all these
emotional responses, but it
00:18:23.40\00:18:26.42
was really
terrible, it was terrible.
00:18:26.46\00:18:29.90
You know the common
thing for the last few years is
00:18:29.93\00:18:32.90
bullying, and you're
saying that it has always been
00:18:32.93\00:18:36.03
around. - oh yeah. - I
think people would be surprised
00:18:36.06\00:18:39.12
and how intense it
is and how ugly it is.
00:18:39.16\00:18:43.14
When you are the kid that
is being focused on that it can
00:18:43.17\00:18:47.56
almost destroy you. -
yeah exactly, grass matted
00:18:47.60\00:18:51.66
into my hair, mud all over
my face was red with crying.
00:18:51.69\00:18:55.45
I still remember the
dress I had on and what they did
00:18:55.48\00:18:59.21
every detail of the event.
00:18:59.24\00:19:01.11
So I went through that it
was a severe, I was put on the
00:19:01.14\00:19:06.91
margin socially
because of that and I felt like
00:19:06.95\00:19:09.40
an outcast socially.
00:19:09.44\00:19:10.76
I don't have this real strong
bond at home, I don't have
00:19:10.79\00:19:13.46
the kind of relationship
with my parents were I can go
00:19:13.50\00:19:16.09
home and say this awful
thing happened to me, help me.
00:19:16.13\00:19:19.31
I had that with my kids so
now I can make a comparison and
00:19:19.35\00:19:22.50
say I wish I had that.
00:19:22.53\00:19:24.12
Yeah because what you did
was not talk about it to anyone.
00:19:24.16\00:19:27.50
And there was a reason why,
if you tell your parents they
00:19:27.54\00:19:30.56
do something about it then
you get more attacked by the
00:19:30.59\00:19:33.91
kids so there was a reason
for that but on the other hand
00:19:33.95\00:19:36.76
if the bond had been close
enough I would have told them
00:19:36.80\00:19:39.58
and we would've worked
together towards a solution.
00:19:39.61\00:19:42.95
- Exactly - you know so
I didn't tell my parents
00:19:42.98\00:19:46.25
because I didn't want them
to say my friends were bad.
00:19:46.28\00:19:48.87
I really wanted those
kids to like me and accept me.
00:19:48.90\00:19:51.55
- exactly and you know
Jennifer what I want to say is
00:19:51.59\00:19:54.21
I've known you over
the years and didn't
00:19:54.24\00:19:56.41
know that about you.
00:19:56.44\00:19:57.89
I want to just say I would
like to care for that, just as
00:19:57.93\00:20:01.71
your friend, I don't know
how I'm going to do that other
00:20:01.74\00:20:05.12
then just praying that if
there is anything left from
00:20:05.15\00:20:08.50
that incident that God
brings a place for you.
00:20:08.53\00:20:12.46
Well I tell you I think it
did impact me and I am really
00:20:12.50\00:20:15.33
into cognitive behavior of
real therapy now that I am in
00:20:15.37\00:20:18.17
this mental health
field, I still get triggered.
00:20:18.20\00:20:21.46
I don't have a lot of
fear of it happening a lot,
00:20:21.49\00:20:24.67
I'm pretty confident around
people, but occasionally I get
00:20:24.71\00:20:28.01
around someone who I sense
is just feels they are better
00:20:28.05\00:20:30.94
than me and that I'm
going to get condemned by them.
00:20:30.98\00:20:33.84
I just sense it, and
it all comes back to me.
00:20:33.87\00:20:36.63
Especially if there is
any kind of banding together,
00:20:36.67\00:20:39.44
like if people are
talking to one another about me
00:20:39.47\00:20:42.21
it triggers me
and I go into orbit.
00:20:42.25\00:20:44.49
It is almost overwhelming
and I had to fly to Jesus and
00:20:44.52\00:20:47.57
say all the CBT in the
world is not going to fix it,
00:20:47.60\00:20:50.62
I just need you Jesus
to get me through this.
00:20:50.65\00:20:53.20
I'll stay away from
them at least for now.
00:20:53.24\00:20:55.72
I love what you're say
because a lot of us when we are
00:20:55.76\00:20:58.44
fighting for our recovery,
were turning it over to God
00:20:58.48\00:21:01.16
and doing all that stuff,
but triggers are triggers are
00:21:01.20\00:21:03.85
triggers and we can
end up being that kid
00:21:03.88\00:21:06.49
on the playground, that quick.
00:21:06.53\00:21:08.77
You know sometimes, and I
don't know if this is right but
00:21:08.80\00:21:11.40
I just avoid certain
people because I just know being
00:21:11.43\00:21:14.79
around them, or I avoid
certain situations with certain
00:21:14.83\00:21:17.68
people, not very many it's
not like it's a whole bunch of
00:21:17.72\00:21:20.54
people, but there are
certain people that are toxic
00:21:20.57\00:21:24.46
combination and I just realized
that I can't push it too
00:21:24.49\00:21:28.58
far and I have to
accept my limitations.
00:21:28.62\00:21:30.68
It's incredible important
at this point in your recovery,
00:21:30.71\00:21:33.61
is that you have
the right to do that.
00:21:33.65\00:21:35.28
I used to exactly, used
to be I have to get them to
00:21:35.32\00:21:38.37
accept you, I have to prove
your okay, or a least you have
00:21:38.40\00:21:42.34
to learn how to relax
around them and how to be okay.
00:21:42.37\00:21:45.22
Now I just say, I don't, I
don't have to feel all right
00:21:45.25\00:21:47.61
around them, there might
be something wrong with them.
00:21:47.64\00:21:50.47
I might be picking up on
something, I'm not going to
00:21:50.50\00:21:53.45
condemn them, maybe Lord
hasn't talked to them yet
00:21:53.49\00:21:56.41
about that but I'm
going to accept it,
00:21:56.44\00:21:57.82
it is not working right now.
00:21:57.86\00:21:59.48
- exactly so you
went from that to?
00:21:59.51\00:22:01.69
So I went from that to
then I got more into high school
00:22:01.72\00:22:05.87
and then the boyfriend
came so I had that trauma to my
00:22:05.90\00:22:10.75
very core, my self worth,
my self esteem and then I got
00:22:10.79\00:22:14.97
into high school and this
guy came along and fixed all my
00:22:15.01\00:22:18.45
self esteem problems, because
he thought I was beautiful
00:22:18.49\00:22:21.90
great and
wonderful and fascinating.
00:22:21.94\00:22:24.02
But somebody has to hear
this, somebody has to hear
00:22:24.06\00:22:27.24
this more than you hear
anything else is that when we
00:22:27.27\00:22:31.57
fix our stuff outside of
us, it's always going to bite us
00:22:31.60\00:22:35.86
eventually. - Amen! -
what is really cool is you got
00:22:35.90\00:22:39.62
that Band-Aid - for
the time - for the time.
00:22:39.66\00:22:43.03
But then it created a
worse, a worse wound in the long
00:22:43.06\00:22:46.39
run because when you get
too involved emotionally and
00:22:46.42\00:22:49.71
physically too young
you are not old enough.
00:22:49.75\00:22:52.65
You're in high school and
not committed... it creates,
00:22:52.68\00:22:56.74
it just hurts people. -
and it's not easy to fix, all
00:22:56.78\00:23:00.12
our damage and stuff,
Jesus says let me fix your wound
00:23:00.15\00:23:04.09
and your heart and let Me
stand you up so you are whole
00:23:04.13\00:23:08.03
before you reach out.
00:23:08.07\00:23:09.40
That's what we
miss, that whole step.
00:23:09.44\00:23:11.46
Can I bring in a teeny
bit of theology here? - yeah.
00:23:11.49\00:23:15.19
Okay so in the Garden of
Eden the original sin was the
00:23:15.23\00:23:18.11
apple right? The original
sin or, the original sin or
00:23:18.15\00:23:20.97
the first sin after the fall
was fig leaves, the first thing
00:23:21.00\00:23:25.07
they did was made fig
leaves which is self fixing
00:23:25.11\00:23:27.35
like you're talking about.
00:23:27.39\00:23:28.49
The Bible says that, I
think it's Isaiah 64 where all
00:23:28.53\00:23:32.07
our righteousness, and
He puts it in a plural,
00:23:32.10\00:23:34.26
are filthy
rags, here's my thing.
00:23:34.29\00:23:36.21
I just see this in the mental
health field that people try
00:23:36.25\00:23:39.60
to fix themselves - they
grab a rag - that's right
00:23:39.63\00:23:42.57
and that's literally
menstrual cloth which is really
00:23:42.60\00:23:45.46
shocking, but when people
try to fix themselves the self
00:23:45.50\00:23:50.18
fix is in of themselves is
sinful and sin hurts people.
00:23:50.21\00:23:54.33
So when we engage in a
sinful self fixes we end up
00:23:54.36\00:23:58.08
deepening the wound and
that is exactly what happened.
00:23:58.11\00:24:01.14
But it was in total ignorance
at this point, I wasn't
00:24:01.17\00:24:04.22
a Christian and I didn't
know anything about people or
00:24:04.25\00:24:07.14
how they function, the do's
and don'ts or what was right.
00:24:07.18\00:24:10.61
You just knew I felt better
when I'm in a relationship.
00:24:10.64\00:24:14.04
I feel better when
I'm smoking some weed.
00:24:14.07\00:24:17.39
I feel better when I'm
not having to just think
00:24:17.43\00:24:20.72
about all the stuff.
00:24:20.75\00:24:21.72
And my dad would say, my
dad was someone who's father had
00:24:21.73\00:24:26.12
told him to sow his wild
oats before he got married.
00:24:26.15\00:24:29.00
In other words go around and
have some immoral relationships
00:24:29.03\00:24:32.74
and then get married.
00:24:32.77\00:24:34.12
My dad chose to wait until
he was married, he had that
00:24:34.15\00:24:37.50
much sort of
innate morality in him.
00:24:37.54\00:24:40.95
So he would preach that to
me, my father told me this but
00:24:40.98\00:24:45.57
I waited and so
should you kind of thing.
00:24:45.60\00:24:47.74
Here's a man that I don't have
a really good relationship with
00:24:47.77\00:24:50.35
telling me that I shouldn't
have a relationship with this
00:24:50.38\00:24:53.57
man that I do have a
strong bond with, I just could
00:24:53.60\00:24:57.17
not figure it out.
00:24:57.21\00:24:58.74
It would set you up for
rebellion at all kinds of stuff.
00:24:58.78\00:25:01.90
Because then we have to
start we rebel, start lying,
00:25:01.93\00:25:04.87
start sneaking around and
start doing things then all of
00:25:04.91\00:25:08.08
a sudden we have talked
about those charges being set.
00:25:08.12\00:25:11.24
We are going to go ahead
take a break, but those charges
00:25:11.28\00:25:15.31
are set really early and
for Jennifer's life she learned
00:25:15.35\00:25:18.74
to really early on that there's
not some real connection,
00:25:18.78\00:25:22.14
enough that she could
hold on to that makes her feel
00:25:22.18\00:25:25.41
safe and okay about
herself and finds them in these
00:25:25.45\00:25:28.59
relationships at school
and some charges are set.
00:25:28.63\00:25:32.22
So strategically she's
being set up for the fall.
00:25:32.26\00:25:35.67
But in her life it doesn't
happen so we are going to
00:25:35.71\00:25:39.09
come back and find out why.
00:25:39.13\00:25:40.33
But remember I want you
to think about your life.
00:25:40.37\00:25:43.29
Where was that charge
set in your life? Is it still
00:25:43.33\00:25:46.30
there? And do you have a
protection in your recovery
00:25:46.34\00:25:49.18
because that is the
coolest thing, God says let Me
00:25:49.21\00:25:51.66
protect that area because
I don't want you to fall.
00:25:51.69\00:25:54.11
It is not in His
plan that we fall.
00:25:54.14\00:25:56.54
We'll be right
back stay with us!
00:25:56.57\00:25:58.94